WEBVTT - #2003 The Escalating Shouting Match - Harps 0:00:00.480 --> 0:00:02.480 You know, Yang, it's harp, So I hope you're great. 0:00:03.560 --> 0:00:07.040 I'm not exactly sure how this is going to go. 0:00:07.120 --> 0:00:11.080 It's a solo, of course, you not's solo. I've been 0:00:11.119 --> 0:00:14.400 paying attention as all of you, I guess, or most 0:00:14.440 --> 0:00:16.120 of you, to what's going on in the world, what's 0:00:16.160 --> 0:00:19.400 going on on social media. I try not to get 0:00:19.760 --> 0:00:22.919 too involved in things that I can't influence, but I 0:00:22.960 --> 0:00:26.079 want to be informed and I want to pay attention, 0:00:28.160 --> 0:00:33.120 and for me because I'm a curious cat around you know, 0:00:33.240 --> 0:00:37.480 human behavior and communication and the mind and the subconscious, 0:00:37.560 --> 0:00:41.960 and you know what appears to be going on on 0:00:42.000 --> 0:00:45.040 the surface, the external, physical, threat dimensional world what we 0:00:45.080 --> 0:00:48.040 would call, you know, kind of the objective situation or 0:00:48.080 --> 0:00:53.080 objective reality, and then how we interpret that what's happening 0:00:53.120 --> 0:00:56.880 on a I guess more of a subjective level for 0:00:57.040 --> 0:00:59.560 me or you, the individual in the middle of that 0:00:59.760 --> 0:01:02.080 ma grow that thing that's going on with the government 0:01:02.160 --> 0:01:04.920 or the weather, or global warming, or this argument or 0:01:04.920 --> 0:01:08.720 that argument, or this screaming match these people, this group, 0:01:08.840 --> 0:01:13.440 that group. Everyone's fucking right, everyone's angry, everyone's screaming at 0:01:13.440 --> 0:01:15.959 each other. Everybody's in the middle of a fucking global 0:01:16.080 --> 0:01:18.880 or a personal or a you know, some kind of 0:01:18.880 --> 0:01:24.319 political or religious shouting match, and uh yeah, it makes me, 0:01:25.360 --> 0:01:27.840 it makes me, does it make me sad? It makes 0:01:27.880 --> 0:01:30.080 me a little sad. But I guess I'm more curious. 0:01:30.120 --> 0:01:33.399 And I don't want to talk today about politics or 0:01:34.120 --> 0:01:36.520 religion or I don't want to talk about you know, 0:01:36.560 --> 0:01:40.600 particular issues or topics that seem to trigger people and 0:01:40.680 --> 0:01:45.319 seem to be you know, the focus of contention and 0:01:45.360 --> 0:01:50.560 debate and argument and even fucking hate. Right, I want 0:01:50.600 --> 0:01:52.600 to talk about what's underneath that. I want to talk 0:01:52.600 --> 0:01:55.080 about what drives us to scream at each other, what 0:01:55.200 --> 0:01:58.800 drives us, what drives the hate, what drives the intolerance? What? 0:02:00.040 --> 0:02:03.360 Why do we? And when I say things like why 0:02:03.400 --> 0:02:05.720 do we? I may not be talking about you, so 0:02:06.440 --> 0:02:11.840 I'm speaking I'm speaking broadly, and I'm trying to speak representatively, 0:02:11.880 --> 0:02:13.960 and of course I'll get things wrong. But why do 0:02:14.080 --> 0:02:18.120 we need to be right? Why do we? Why are 0:02:18.120 --> 0:02:21.200 we so hesitant to listen to somebody who doesn't think 0:02:21.280 --> 0:02:23.440 like us, or talk like us, or believe like us, 0:02:23.960 --> 0:02:27.080 or live like us? Because you know these are these 0:02:27.120 --> 0:02:30.960 are and by the way, listening to or perhaps considering 0:02:31.040 --> 0:02:35.000 another perspective or another person or another you know, a 0:02:35.360 --> 0:02:38.640 paradigm that you don't live in. This doesn't mean that 0:02:38.680 --> 0:02:43.359 we're being disloyal or this doesn't mean that where we're compromising. 0:02:44.080 --> 0:02:48.000 For me, it's very much just about understanding or what 0:02:48.040 --> 0:02:50.000 do I think and what do I mean? And where 0:02:50.080 --> 0:02:52.320 is my intention and my ideas and where is my 0:02:53.040 --> 0:02:56.480 where is this emotion, where's this defensiveness, where is this 0:02:56.639 --> 0:02:59.880 need to be right in me coming from? But also 0:03:00.000 --> 0:03:03.720 so what is their version like what you know that 0:03:03.800 --> 0:03:06.920 seek first to understand, like what drives them? Why do 0:03:07.000 --> 0:03:09.680 they think the way they do? What do they think? Firstly? 0:03:09.720 --> 0:03:13.280 Where does that come from? And then things like is 0:03:13.320 --> 0:03:17.200 there any chance? Is there any chance that I'm wrong 0:03:17.360 --> 0:03:20.600 or a bit wrong? And I think one of the 0:03:21.040 --> 0:03:24.000 one of the ever present challenges around all of the 0:03:24.040 --> 0:03:28.240 stuff that's going on at the moment is that so 0:03:28.400 --> 0:03:33.800 many of us don't even want to consider the fact 0:03:34.240 --> 0:03:38.280 that we could be wrong. We could be unequivocally wrong 0:03:38.360 --> 0:03:41.800 about something. I would suggest, not all things, but some things. 0:03:42.880 --> 0:03:45.760 And so when we sit down to talk to somebody, 0:03:45.840 --> 0:03:47.440 or when we find ourselves in the middle of a 0:03:47.480 --> 0:03:50.760 situation or a circumstance where we're around other people who 0:03:50.760 --> 0:03:52.720 disagree with us, or they don't share our thought or 0:03:52.720 --> 0:03:57.120 philosophy or ideology or religion or lifestyle or habits or 0:03:57.160 --> 0:04:00.920 whatever it is, we can find ourselves in a an 0:04:00.960 --> 0:04:05.040 emotional and social and psychological situation where, rather than just 0:04:05.120 --> 0:04:08.040 being us in the middle of that, we now feel 0:04:08.040 --> 0:04:12.200 compelled to defend something, or to share a certain message, 0:04:12.280 --> 0:04:16.160 or to convince somebody else of something, or to criticize 0:04:16.160 --> 0:04:18.800 somebody of what they think because it doesn't align with 0:04:18.839 --> 0:04:23.120 what we think. Rather than just being just going you know, 0:04:23.240 --> 0:04:25.280 you think A and I think be and that's all right. 0:04:26.360 --> 0:04:28.640 You know you eat this way, that way, you worship 0:04:28.720 --> 0:04:31.280 this way, I worship that way. You believe in this God, 0:04:31.320 --> 0:04:33.720 I believe in that God. I'm not trying to convince you. 0:04:34.160 --> 0:04:38.760 And also me saying me acknowledging that somebody else believes 0:04:38.760 --> 0:04:41.800 something that is diametrically opposed to what I believe. Firstly, 0:04:41.880 --> 0:04:44.200 I can't change that person, neither do I want to 0:04:44.279 --> 0:04:47.840 change that person, but I would perhaps even if I 0:04:47.920 --> 0:04:52.640 think that that person is really doing some dark, bad shit, right, 0:04:53.440 --> 0:04:57.520 I still want to understand where that comes from. Me 0:04:57.760 --> 0:05:01.320 understanding you, understanding that doesn't not mean that you agree, 0:05:01.400 --> 0:05:03.560 or that you align, or that you endorse. You know 0:05:03.640 --> 0:05:08.400 that seek first to understand. We can't overcome or we 0:05:08.440 --> 0:05:11.839 can't really you know, the bad shit that happens in 0:05:11.880 --> 0:05:13.599 the world, How do we deal with that if we 0:05:13.640 --> 0:05:16.800 don't understand that. But I think we get scared to 0:05:16.839 --> 0:05:20.159 try to understand things, because I think part of us 0:05:20.200 --> 0:05:25.120 feels that, oh, on some level, if I understand this person, 0:05:25.600 --> 0:05:30.320 I'm supporting or I'm opening myself up to something evil 0:05:30.440 --> 0:05:33.720 or bad or and I would just rather live over 0:05:33.760 --> 0:05:35.440 here with all the people that think what I think 0:05:35.480 --> 0:05:38.599 and talk like I talk, and have the same kind 0:05:38.600 --> 0:05:42.279 of ideology and habits and practices and behaviors and rules 0:05:42.279 --> 0:05:44.560 and rituals, because over here I'm safe and we know 0:05:44.640 --> 0:05:46.360 that we're on the right team, and over there is 0:05:46.400 --> 0:05:51.320 the wrong team, So fuck them. Whereas I'm more interested in, Yeah, 0:05:51.720 --> 0:05:54.680 I don't agree with them, I don't align with them, 0:05:54.839 --> 0:05:59.159 I don't like what they do, perhaps, but nonetheless I'm 0:05:59.279 --> 0:06:01.479 curious about out why they are the way they are. 0:06:01.600 --> 0:06:04.160 I'm curious about why I am the way that I am. 0:06:04.640 --> 0:06:08.160 And by the way, in this conversation about this topic, 0:06:08.320 --> 0:06:11.960 about is there any chance that I'm wrong. Have I 0:06:12.080 --> 0:06:15.040 been wrong about things in my life before? Have I 0:06:15.760 --> 0:06:20.479 had opinions and beliefs and ideas that prove to be incorrect? Now? 0:06:20.520 --> 0:06:24.440 The answer for all of us is yes. And so 0:06:24.600 --> 0:06:28.040 when we go through life looking through this filter of 0:06:28.360 --> 0:06:31.000 I am right, or through this window or this lens 0:06:31.040 --> 0:06:34.000 of everything that I do and think and believe is correct, 0:06:34.600 --> 0:06:38.520 then we are automatically shutting ourselves down from any unlearning 0:06:38.640 --> 0:06:43.960 or new learning. And I don't know that this. I 0:06:43.960 --> 0:06:46.480 don't know if it's a trend, if it's just something. 0:06:47.040 --> 0:06:49.680 I don't know what it is, but I maybe I 0:06:49.800 --> 0:06:53.279 just haven't paid enough attention. Maybe the fact that social 0:06:53.320 --> 0:06:56.200 media and the access that we have to so much 0:06:56.240 --> 0:07:00.640 information now has never been bigger, you know, like we've 0:07:00.680 --> 0:07:03.719 never had so much exposure and access to so many 0:07:03.800 --> 0:07:06.599 different people's thoughts and ideas. And then I guess part 0:07:06.640 --> 0:07:09.039 of that is we've never had so much online hate 0:07:09.040 --> 0:07:12.400 and dissension and you know, and people back and forth, 0:07:12.440 --> 0:07:16.360 and I think, why even do some people like why 0:07:16.400 --> 0:07:18.800 does and I'm not saying he or she shouldn't, but 0:07:18.840 --> 0:07:22.240 why does this person from wherever jump online and then 0:07:23.000 --> 0:07:26.440 spend an hour or two hours screaming about this particular 0:07:26.520 --> 0:07:30.560 issue and going back and forwards and arguing and fighting 0:07:30.600 --> 0:07:35.520 with people they don't know. And while on a behavioral 0:07:35.760 --> 0:07:39.000 like an like a human behavior level and a psychologyt 0:07:39.080 --> 0:07:43.120 I kind of get it. But then I think, like 0:07:43.200 --> 0:07:46.720 this and not producing anything healthy or helpful for you? 0:07:47.640 --> 0:07:50.600 Does this? You know what need is this meeting in you? 0:07:50.680 --> 0:07:55.680 Because it's not a good need in my opinion. So 0:07:55.840 --> 0:07:58.480 let's and again this is going to be very informal 0:07:58.520 --> 0:08:00.680 as it already is. I I don't know that I'm 0:08:00.720 --> 0:08:03.119 going to have any solutions for you. I don't think 0:08:03.280 --> 0:08:05.600 ever that on this show my job is to give 0:08:05.600 --> 0:08:11.200 you solutions or instruction per se. You know that this 0:08:11.360 --> 0:08:13.640 is literally me thinking out loud. I'd love to have 0:08:13.680 --> 0:08:15.720 this conversation with a bunch of people around me, but 0:08:15.760 --> 0:08:19.320 it's just me. So I wrote this thing that I 0:08:19.320 --> 0:08:20.720 want to read to you, and then off the back 0:08:20.760 --> 0:08:27.200 of that, I want to explore a few questions. And sometimes, 0:08:27.400 --> 0:08:29.400 like I've said to you before, sometimes I write things 0:08:29.400 --> 0:08:31.320 and I go oh, and it's going to become like 0:08:31.480 --> 0:08:33.520 it's going to be like two three sentences about an 0:08:33.559 --> 0:08:35.360 idea and I think, think, yeah, that'll make a good 0:08:35.360 --> 0:08:39.559 whiteboard post or that'll, that'll, that'll open a door to 0:08:39.679 --> 0:08:43.240 some thinking on ig or Instagram or whatever it is. 0:08:44.120 --> 0:08:46.240 And then it becomes a paragraph, and then it becomes 0:08:46.280 --> 0:08:48.280 two paragraphs, and then I'm like, well, what the fuck 0:08:48.320 --> 0:08:50.280 do I do with this? It's too long for a post, 0:08:50.320 --> 0:08:54.760 it's too short for a podcast. So I want to 0:08:54.760 --> 0:08:56.800 read what I've written to you. Maybe that's the best 0:08:56.800 --> 0:08:59.360 way to disseminate this. And then I want to talk 0:08:59.400 --> 0:09:05.440 off the back of it. So that I've got two 0:09:05.440 --> 0:09:10.839 titles I couldn't decide, so title one is the Escalating 0:09:10.880 --> 0:09:15.800 Shouting Match and title to or maybe the subtitle is 0:09:15.880 --> 0:09:21.480 the illusion of open mindedness? Why is meaningful discussion between 0:09:21.559 --> 0:09:26.440 people with different views? So rare? Ten people gather in 0:09:26.480 --> 0:09:30.079 a room to discuss a certain matter. Each person has 0:09:30.080 --> 0:09:34.679 a different view and belief about the focus of the conversation. 0:09:36.880 --> 0:09:39.360 Each person believes that they are correct and by default, 0:09:39.760 --> 0:09:43.920 that everyone else in the room is incorrect. They all 0:09:43.960 --> 0:09:47.959 consider themselves to be open minded. They are not. Every 0:09:47.960 --> 0:09:53.319 individual sees themselves as logical and reasonable, while ironically living 0:09:53.320 --> 0:09:57.120 in an ideological echo chamber of thought and belief and 0:09:57.120 --> 0:10:01.560 behavior and ritual. Each person resonates with people who think 0:10:01.679 --> 0:10:05.160 like them, reject people who do not think like them, 0:10:05.800 --> 0:10:09.079 and each person belongs to a thought cult without even 0:10:09.080 --> 0:10:12.480 knowing it, a cult for which the cost of membership 0:10:12.520 --> 0:10:20.760 is agreement, an alignment, and conformity. A cult where independent thinking, 0:10:21.480 --> 0:10:25.880 so not agreeing with the group independent thinking is a sin. 0:10:26.040 --> 0:10:32.520 Disloyalty and disagreement with the group ensure excommunication. An unwavering 0:10:33.040 --> 0:10:38.600 groupthink is the price of salvation. When people disagree with 0:10:38.640 --> 0:10:42.600 these all knowing individuals, they are defensive, They are emotional, reactive, 0:10:42.640 --> 0:10:48.800 and sometimes aggressive. Naturally, every person in the room considers 0:10:48.840 --> 0:10:53.640 the other nine people to be misinformed or ignorant, or 0:10:53.679 --> 0:10:56.280 at the very least part of the problem. Questions like 0:10:57.320 --> 0:11:01.560 what if I'm wrong that? What if I'm the one 0:11:01.600 --> 0:11:05.800 that's wrong? They never even enter their consciousness because they 0:11:05.840 --> 0:11:10.680 already know, in inverted commas, they already know that their 0:11:10.720 --> 0:11:16.760 truth is the truth. And when you already know that 0:11:16.840 --> 0:11:20.559 your truth is the truth, well then nothing else really 0:11:20.600 --> 0:11:24.000 matters in that conversation because you're righteous, they are not. 0:11:26.480 --> 0:11:31.040 And so why am I writing this? Well, I'm writing 0:11:31.080 --> 0:11:35.640 this because all of us are in that room. We 0:11:35.679 --> 0:11:37.520 don't want to acknowledge that or think that, but we're 0:11:37.559 --> 0:11:39.840 all in that room, and if not all the time, 0:11:39.920 --> 0:11:44.040 of course, not all the time, but definitely sometimes, and 0:11:44.080 --> 0:11:47.360 of course me too, of course Craig Harper as well. 0:11:47.679 --> 0:11:50.480 Of Course I think I'm right when I'm wrong. Of Course, 0:11:50.600 --> 0:11:53.559 many times in my life I've been arrogant and righteous 0:11:54.120 --> 0:11:57.640 and self righteous of course because I'm human, because I'm flawed, 0:11:58.800 --> 0:12:02.400 and I think I think we need to be able 0:12:02.480 --> 0:12:04.599 to be okay with that to go I'm wrong, I 0:12:04.679 --> 0:12:10.040 fucked up, I got something wrong. And the interesting thing is, ironically, 0:12:10.160 --> 0:12:14.000 often when we hear things like this, like this message, 0:12:14.000 --> 0:12:16.000 we kind of not our head, you know, we're not 0:12:16.080 --> 0:12:19.600 our heads. We understand the message and maybe we even 0:12:19.640 --> 0:12:24.400 agree with it all the while knowing that it's not 0:12:24.480 --> 0:12:28.760 about us. So that was what I wrote, That's what 0:12:28.800 --> 0:12:31.240 I wanted to share. And I just feel like that 0:12:31.600 --> 0:12:33.240 I don't know what the answer is, by the way, 0:12:33.240 --> 0:12:35.720 but I definitely know the answer is not loud to screaming, 0:12:35.800 --> 0:12:39.719 more screaming, more disconnection, more hate. You don't understand if 0:12:39.720 --> 0:12:41.880 we don't stand up for this, and if we don't 0:12:44.800 --> 0:12:46.920 you know, even when we go back to the thing 0:12:46.960 --> 0:12:51.640 about and this is about thinking. This example I'm about 0:12:51.640 --> 0:12:54.040 share is about thinking, and it's not about religion or 0:12:54.120 --> 0:12:57.199 faith or belief. It's about belief, but it's not about 0:12:57.200 --> 0:13:01.439 religion per se. You know, when we consider that there 0:13:01.480 --> 0:13:05.640 are over four thousand, give or take religions in the world, 0:13:06.000 --> 0:13:11.440 four thousand and about twelve major religions, and when you 0:13:11.520 --> 0:13:17.360 think that nearly every religion teaches something this which is 0:13:17.360 --> 0:13:20.800 at odds with all the other religions. Yes, there's similarity 0:13:20.840 --> 0:13:25.800 and there's crossover, but on a level, most religions believe 0:13:25.880 --> 0:13:32.000 that they are for one of them more more theological explanation, 0:13:32.320 --> 0:13:34.360 that they're correct, that they're right, that they are the 0:13:34.400 --> 0:13:36.600 conduit to God, that they are the one true church, 0:13:36.679 --> 0:13:40.600 that their doctrine, that their scriptures, that they're teaching, that 0:13:40.640 --> 0:13:44.440 their book is the right book. Right. But in the 0:13:44.480 --> 0:13:47.240 middle of that belief, I am right. We are right. 0:13:47.320 --> 0:13:49.959 This is the one true church. Our theology is only 0:13:50.000 --> 0:13:53.280 we have a hotline to God. And this here's what's 0:13:53.280 --> 0:13:55.920 wrong with that religion. Here's what's wrong with this religion. 0:13:55.960 --> 0:13:58.680 Here's what's and here's what's right without right with ours, 0:13:58.720 --> 0:14:01.600 I should say, and again, it's not about religion. It's 0:14:01.600 --> 0:14:06.560 about this idea that we cannot be wrong. We can't 0:14:06.600 --> 0:14:11.760 be wrong, because when you think about belonging to a group, 0:14:12.120 --> 0:14:16.360 any group that thinks, any group that has a doctrine 0:14:16.480 --> 0:14:20.640 or a teaching or ideas or beliefs or values which 0:14:20.720 --> 0:14:26.240 are the basis of that group, then you can't question 0:14:26.480 --> 0:14:31.480 any of those things ever, because to question those ideas, 0:14:31.560 --> 0:14:36.320 to question that thinking, to question that doctrine, to question 0:14:36.440 --> 0:14:41.200 that operating system that everybody inhabits, is to question the 0:14:41.280 --> 0:14:44.800 group itself. And therefore you will be an outcast and 0:14:44.840 --> 0:14:48.000 a reject. And we don't want to be rejected or outcast. 0:14:48.040 --> 0:14:51.760 We want to fucking belong, So we tell ourselves, don't think, 0:14:52.040 --> 0:14:57.280 just believe. When I was in church, one particular church, 0:14:57.320 --> 0:15:00.400 when I was young, I was literally told, if not 0:15:00.440 --> 0:15:03.960 those exact words, basically those words, don't think, just believe. 0:15:05.400 --> 0:15:10.560 This is not about you your I was actively discouraged 0:15:10.600 --> 0:15:16.960 from questioning. I was actively discouraged from thinking for myself. 0:15:18.520 --> 0:15:23.360 I was I was actively discouraged from any kind of 0:15:23.520 --> 0:15:30.440 doubt or disagreement or hesitation. Well why would that be. Well, 0:15:30.480 --> 0:15:32.720 if you've got a young dude in the church who's 0:15:32.840 --> 0:15:37.000 questioning and thinking for himself, I'm not talking about rebelling 0:15:37.120 --> 0:15:39.760 or being trying to actively be a problem. I'm just 0:15:39.800 --> 0:15:42.800 talking about, Hey, you said this, that doesn't resonate with me, 0:15:42.880 --> 0:15:45.560 that doesn't make sense to me, that seems illogical to me. 0:15:45.640 --> 0:15:48.240 And by the way, you teach this, but do that. 0:15:48.440 --> 0:15:51.280 So I am seeing inconsistencies. So is it what you 0:15:51.400 --> 0:15:53.720 say or is it what you do? Because what you 0:15:53.840 --> 0:15:56.640 are doing does not fucking reflect what you are saying. 0:15:56.680 --> 0:16:00.040 In fact, the doctrine, the ideas that we're teaching in 0:16:00.080 --> 0:16:02.360 this place, or that we're sharing in this group doesn't 0:16:02.400 --> 0:16:04.960 have to be a church. But in this group, these ideas, 0:16:05.000 --> 0:16:09.480 these principles, these kind of tenets that we essentially build 0:16:09.520 --> 0:16:12.760 our identity on. I'm seeing lots of people who don't 0:16:12.760 --> 0:16:15.480 do that. Can I ask about that? No, you fucking 0:16:15.520 --> 0:16:19.920 can't shut that down again? Right, So, within these groups, 0:16:20.000 --> 0:16:27.080 these conflicting groups, these differing thought cults, there is no openness, 0:16:27.120 --> 0:16:31.160 There is no room for communication, There is no kind 0:16:31.160 --> 0:16:33.080 of hey, look, this is what we've thought for a 0:16:33.120 --> 0:16:37.760 long time. But maybe we're flawed, maybe our culture or 0:16:37.800 --> 0:16:40.520 maybe our ideas, or maybe our theology, or maybe this 0:16:40.680 --> 0:16:45.680 or that, maybe we got it wrong. Whoever says that, whoever, 0:16:45.720 --> 0:16:50.480 even in politics, think about how often whatever the group 0:16:50.680 --> 0:16:53.280 that you are in, whatever the political group that you're in, 0:16:53.920 --> 0:16:56.880 whatever the group thinks, whatever their message is, whatever their 0:16:56.920 --> 0:17:00.440 policy is, whatever their mandate is, whatever their kind of 0:17:00.560 --> 0:17:03.560 ideology is. If you're in that group, it doesn't matter 0:17:03.600 --> 0:17:08.880 what you actually think. It doesn't matter what you actually think. 0:17:08.920 --> 0:17:14.040 You are proactively or you are actively discouraged, in fact, 0:17:14.119 --> 0:17:17.680 if not, cast out of the group unless you say 0:17:17.720 --> 0:17:20.720 what you need to say for the group, because it 0:17:20.760 --> 0:17:22.840 ain't about you, It ain't about you thinking, it ain't 0:17:22.840 --> 0:17:26.920 about you being critical in your analysis of things. No, 0:17:27.240 --> 0:17:30.240 you are fucking discouraged. And this is the problem that 0:17:31.760 --> 0:17:33.920 this is part of the problem is that we want 0:17:33.960 --> 0:17:37.440 to live in these fucking echo chambers because the echo 0:17:37.640 --> 0:17:42.280 chamber is familiar. When I'm in the echo chamber, I'm 0:17:42.320 --> 0:17:44.560 around people who do like me, think like me, talk 0:17:44.680 --> 0:17:47.399 like me, behave like me, and it's so comfortable because 0:17:47.440 --> 0:17:49.199 we just happen to be in the right group. Well, 0:17:49.240 --> 0:17:51.399 guess what, boys and girls, do you fucking not not 0:17:51.480 --> 0:17:56.600 all the time? You're not And I dare say, unless 0:17:56.760 --> 0:17:59.760 all of you are statistical anomalies, which I really doubt, 0:17:59.840 --> 0:18:02.560 is that some of you right now and the group 0:18:02.640 --> 0:18:05.960 could just be a five person group, a social group. 0:18:06.040 --> 0:18:09.920 I'm not talking about big change the world groups necessarily. 0:18:11.000 --> 0:18:13.840 I'm talking about you listen to this show. You listen 0:18:13.880 --> 0:18:17.119 to me because you have a brain. You listen to 0:18:17.160 --> 0:18:20.040 me because you want to think differently, do differently, and 0:18:20.119 --> 0:18:23.400 be differently. You listen to me because there's something that's 0:18:23.480 --> 0:18:27.360 not working, or there's something that's not optimal about your 0:18:27.400 --> 0:18:30.760 social life, or your career, or your body, or your health, 0:18:30.840 --> 0:18:34.480 or your habits or your happiness, your internal world, your 0:18:34.520 --> 0:18:38.119 external world. You're thinking, you're doing your being, you're responding 0:18:38.200 --> 0:18:41.560 your proactive stuff. You react. There's something fucking going on. 0:18:41.720 --> 0:18:45.120 And you know right now. You know when I'm saying this, 0:18:45.480 --> 0:18:47.879 if this relates to you, and if this doesn't relate 0:18:47.920 --> 0:18:50.960 to you, great, and I mean that's sincerely. If it doesn't, 0:18:51.240 --> 0:18:53.520 If all I'm saying is like to you double Dutch 0:18:53.560 --> 0:18:55.800 and it's like, no, this is I'm not like that, Craig, 0:18:55.840 --> 0:18:58.440 this doesn't relate, then I would say jump out, come 0:18:58.480 --> 0:19:01.359 back tomorrow. And I mean that in love. But for 0:19:01.440 --> 0:19:06.200 those of you who know that you are, there are 0:19:06.240 --> 0:19:11.080 things that you are conforming to through guilt or fear 0:19:11.840 --> 0:19:16.160 or some misplaced sense of loyalty, where you are basically 0:19:16.600 --> 0:19:20.320 a character in someone else's story, where you are kind 0:19:20.400 --> 0:19:22.960 of just saying or doing or being what you think 0:19:23.080 --> 0:19:25.639 you need to say or do or be because you 0:19:25.720 --> 0:19:28.040 don't want the drama, you don't want the conflict. But 0:19:28.080 --> 0:19:30.119 what you're also saying is I don't want to be me. 0:19:31.760 --> 0:19:35.320 I don't want to be me because I'm not enough. Well, 0:19:35.520 --> 0:19:38.160 you are enough. And if you're in a group of one, 0:19:38.440 --> 0:19:41.240 fucking great. You're not going to be in a group 0:19:41.240 --> 0:19:42.960 of one for your whole life, but you might be 0:19:42.960 --> 0:19:46.600 in a group of one about a certain thing. I'm 0:19:46.640 --> 0:19:51.760 not suggesting we all live lives of solitude and quiet desperation, 0:19:51.920 --> 0:19:56.439 of course, I'm saying that we don't all need to 0:19:56.520 --> 0:19:59.639 belong to a bunch of different groups to which we 0:19:59.680 --> 0:20:03.720 are scribe and handover essentially the keys to our brain. 0:20:06.200 --> 0:20:13.440 I've spent much of my life gratefully, gratefully being very 0:20:13.600 --> 0:20:20.080 very alone, in the sense that the way that I 0:20:20.119 --> 0:20:23.919 thought or lived or behaved. You know, not that I'm 0:20:24.200 --> 0:20:27.040 the only person, of course, but amongst my peers, amongst 0:20:27.040 --> 0:20:30.160 the people that I knew, I was a group of one, 0:20:30.400 --> 0:20:33.840 often alone, but not lonely. And there's no self pity 0:20:33.840 --> 0:20:35.959 in this because I'm very grateful. My life is amazing, 0:20:35.960 --> 0:20:39.359 and I have beautiful, awesome friends. But you think about 0:20:39.440 --> 0:20:42.159 the guy that, by the way, today turns sixty two, 0:20:42.520 --> 0:20:45.119 go jumbo. But you think about that guy who's sixty 0:20:45.119 --> 0:20:47.160 two who never got married, Well that's weird. What's wrong 0:20:47.200 --> 0:20:49.879 with him? He's broken? Is he gay? Is he straight? 0:20:50.040 --> 0:20:52.480 Is he got lots of emotional and psychological issues? How 0:20:52.480 --> 0:20:54.720 come he didn't what didn't anyone want him? Did someone 0:20:54.760 --> 0:20:56.760 want him? Has he got commitment issues? As he This 0:20:56.800 --> 0:20:59.480 is all of these things. And I get the curiosity. 0:20:59.520 --> 0:21:02.600 I get it. But the guy who never got married, 0:21:02.640 --> 0:21:04.440 and the guy who never drank beer, and the guy 0:21:04.440 --> 0:21:06.560 who never did drugs, and the guy who and again 0:21:06.640 --> 0:21:08.880 this is not me elevating me. I don't necessarily think 0:21:08.880 --> 0:21:12.760 this is good or bad. But you know that I 0:21:12.800 --> 0:21:15.119 was walking this morning. I was up early, and I 0:21:15.160 --> 0:21:18.600 was walking around suburbia and it was dark, and I 0:21:18.640 --> 0:21:22.040 was I walked past this lady who has a dog 0:21:22.080 --> 0:21:25.280 who I see quite regularly, and she's out early walking 0:21:25.320 --> 0:21:27.239 and I'm out early walking. But it was dark, it 0:21:27.280 --> 0:21:30.479 was not yet light. And she always, if not always 0:21:30.480 --> 0:21:33.480 nearly always crosses the street because he's a dude in 0:21:33.520 --> 0:21:36.720 a black coat and it's five thirty am, and I 0:21:36.760 --> 0:21:39.919 could be whatever. Right now, I was thinking how weird 0:21:40.160 --> 0:21:42.760 I must be for some people where I live, because 0:21:42.800 --> 0:21:45.439 I'm always just out and about doing my thing, headphones on, 0:21:46.359 --> 0:21:49.560 you know, black coat on, like an army shorts, just 0:21:49.680 --> 0:21:53.600 navigating suburbia like a to them, like a complete fucking weirdo. 0:21:54.200 --> 0:21:56.439 But in the middle of my group of one, I 0:21:56.480 --> 0:22:00.400 love it. But I but my life connects with lots 0:22:00.400 --> 0:22:02.760 of groups. I have groups of friends, I have groups 0:22:02.760 --> 0:22:06.960 of I have groups of friends that have similar passions 0:22:06.960 --> 0:22:09.600 and ideas to me. And you know my training friends, 0:22:09.640 --> 0:22:12.199 and you know my academic friends and all of that. 0:22:12.520 --> 0:22:17.639 But I don't feel compelled. Firstly, I wouldn't say that 0:22:17.720 --> 0:22:19.760 I'm a member of a group. I would say that 0:22:20.280 --> 0:22:24.240 I belong, you know what's the word. I intersect with 0:22:24.280 --> 0:22:26.239 a lot of other people, right, and we may or 0:22:26.280 --> 0:22:29.080 may not have similar beliefs and ideas, but that's not 0:22:29.160 --> 0:22:34.879 a prerequisite for being in those relationships. So do I 0:22:34.960 --> 0:22:38.359 have friends that I see or people that I know, 0:22:38.560 --> 0:22:40.480 or people that I train with, or people that I 0:22:40.600 --> 0:22:46.639 work with that I disagree with? Like quite diametrically opposed 0:22:46.640 --> 0:22:48.800 on some things. But they're still my friends, or they're 0:22:48.840 --> 0:22:51.120 still my colleagues, or I still like them, I respect them. 0:22:51.560 --> 0:22:55.520 Of course, of course, our job is not to agree, 0:22:55.600 --> 0:22:59.959 Our job is not to align. I believe that our 0:23:00.680 --> 0:23:03.800 biggest challenge is to figure out who we are and 0:23:03.840 --> 0:23:05.959 how we are. What matters to me? What do I believe? 0:23:06.200 --> 0:23:08.879 Not what have I been told to believe, not what's 0:23:08.960 --> 0:23:12.520 expected of me to do or think or believe, but rather, 0:23:12.960 --> 0:23:15.280 what are my values? What is my life about? Who 0:23:15.320 --> 0:23:16.760 the fuck do I want to be? And how do 0:23:16.840 --> 0:23:19.119 I want to be that? And what is that? You know? 0:23:20.680 --> 0:23:23.080 What is that going to look like practically in my life? 0:23:23.160 --> 0:23:25.680 Do I have to agree with everybody? Can I disagree 0:23:25.720 --> 0:23:28.840 with people without there being a problem? What about that? 0:23:28.880 --> 0:23:31.640 What about you and I disagree? But it makes no 0:23:31.680 --> 0:23:34.560 difference to our friendship. You think A, I think B. 0:23:35.080 --> 0:23:37.440 You still love me, I still love you. We're all good. 0:23:37.680 --> 0:23:41.760 Our friendship, our love, our connection, our respect is not 0:23:41.920 --> 0:23:46.320 dependent on alignment or agreement, And in fact, if it 0:23:46.520 --> 0:23:49.439 is dependent on agreement, I would suggest it's not actually 0:23:49.520 --> 0:23:52.760 love or connection or friendship. I would say it's some 0:23:52.880 --> 0:23:59.280 kind of unhealthy fucking strategic alliance, this thing that we have, 0:23:59.800 --> 0:24:02.960 this need that we have to be right or to 0:24:03.000 --> 0:24:05.520 belong to a group that alive, and nobody wants to 0:24:05.520 --> 0:24:08.440 be alone. And I'm not suggesting you be alone. I'm 0:24:08.480 --> 0:24:11.560 suggesting you be you, and you will find that people 0:24:11.720 --> 0:24:14.359