1 00:00:05,921 --> 00:00:13,241 Speaker 1: Apoge Production. Welcome to the She Rises Podcast. I'm Ashley 2 00:00:13,361 --> 00:00:14,081 Speaker 1: and I'm Tiana. 3 00:00:14,401 --> 00:00:17,400 Speaker 2: This podcast is about female empowerment and encouraging you to 4 00:00:17,401 --> 00:00:20,961 Speaker 2: be your biggest, boldest, and most authentic version of yourself. 5 00:00:21,041 --> 00:00:23,360 Speaker 1: We help you shed the shame, grow to a new level. 6 00:00:23,401 --> 00:00:26,320 Speaker 1: We're gonna laugh, cry, and talk about the topics everyone 7 00:00:26,321 --> 00:00:27,881 Speaker 1: else is too afraid to talk about. 8 00:00:28,481 --> 00:00:30,841 Speaker 2: Get ready for your next level of self. 9 00:00:31,641 --> 00:00:33,720 Speaker 1: Hello everybody, Welcome back to She Rises. 10 00:00:33,921 --> 00:00:37,001 Speaker 2: So today's episode is the cost of putting yourself last. 11 00:00:37,081 --> 00:00:39,200 Speaker 2: And I think this is a really important topic just 12 00:00:39,241 --> 00:00:42,040 Speaker 2: for women in general to have because we are so 13 00:00:42,161 --> 00:00:45,281 Speaker 2: prone to be the nurturers, the caretakers, you know, take 14 00:00:45,321 --> 00:00:49,281 Speaker 2: care of the household, and to really nurture everyone else 15 00:00:49,321 --> 00:00:52,921 Speaker 2: except for ourselves. And I think sometimes we don't realize 16 00:00:52,921 --> 00:00:55,560 Speaker 2: when we're in it the impact that it actually has 17 00:00:55,601 --> 00:00:57,200 Speaker 2: on who we are and how we show up and 18 00:00:57,241 --> 00:01:00,401 Speaker 2: how much energy we actually get to pull back into ourselves. Love, 19 00:01:00,481 --> 00:01:02,361 Speaker 2: But so just want to have a conversation around it 20 00:01:02,361 --> 00:01:05,441 Speaker 2: to kind of help you reinstill your self common confidence 21 00:01:05,961 --> 00:01:09,681 Speaker 2: and really noticing how it is being impacted when you're 22 00:01:09,721 --> 00:01:11,041 Speaker 2: making everybody else the priority. 23 00:01:11,601 --> 00:01:13,321 Speaker 1: I love that before you get started though we have 24 00:01:13,360 --> 00:01:15,761 Speaker 1: a share of the week, I'll go first. Mine is 25 00:01:15,801 --> 00:01:18,601 Speaker 1: a new mascara. It's the Maabling sky High, which I 26 00:01:18,601 --> 00:01:20,481 Speaker 1: love this mascara in general. Because this is not sponsored, 27 00:01:20,481 --> 00:01:22,601 Speaker 1: by the way, whenever I talk about products, people think 28 00:01:22,601 --> 00:01:23,920 Speaker 1: I'm getting paid for it. I'm like, no, I just 29 00:01:23,961 --> 00:01:26,961 Speaker 1: love sharing the mascar The brush is very fine, so 30 00:01:27,000 --> 00:01:29,481 Speaker 1: it's not clumpy at all. But it's in a shade 31 00:01:29,521 --> 00:01:32,961 Speaker 1: called Plum Twilight. I have bright green eyes. Anyone with 32 00:01:33,041 --> 00:01:36,041 Speaker 1: blue or green or aqua kind of eyes, you should not. 33 00:01:36,161 --> 00:01:40,080 Speaker 1: You should. Apparently all the makeup gurus I've said that 34 00:01:40,121 --> 00:01:43,361 Speaker 1: you should use a marone or plum or like purple 35 00:01:43,401 --> 00:01:45,681 Speaker 1: shade because it brings out your blue and green eyes 36 00:01:45,721 --> 00:01:48,201 Speaker 1: more cool. It really does, so it's very subtle. I 37 00:01:48,201 --> 00:01:49,281 Speaker 1: don't have it on today. 38 00:01:49,681 --> 00:01:49,761 Speaker 2: Me. 39 00:01:49,881 --> 00:01:54,361 Speaker 1: I'm like, and it's very subtle. And someone's recommended another 40 00:01:54,361 --> 00:01:56,641 Speaker 1: one from the same brand that is a bit brighter 41 00:01:56,681 --> 00:01:58,041 Speaker 1: that I want to try. But yeah, if you've got 42 00:01:58,041 --> 00:02:00,321 Speaker 1: colored eyes, I really like it, Okay, I feel like 43 00:02:00,361 --> 00:02:02,441 Speaker 1: it makes them pop a little bit more. That's that big. Yeah, 44 00:02:02,561 --> 00:02:04,841 Speaker 1: very cool like eyeshadow. I love wearing yinks. 45 00:02:05,761 --> 00:02:08,201 Speaker 2: It does former colors definitely does make your eyes pop. 46 00:02:08,281 --> 00:02:09,601 Speaker 1: Yeah, it makes the green come out more. 47 00:02:09,641 --> 00:02:12,680 Speaker 2: Yeah, I love that. Come relate I brown eyes brown 48 00:02:12,721 --> 00:02:14,401 Speaker 2: ay girl, But I do love that for you light 49 00:02:14,481 --> 00:02:18,441 Speaker 2: eyed girlies. My share of the week is actually chocolate 50 00:02:19,041 --> 00:02:20,161 Speaker 2: because it's coming into Easter. 51 00:02:20,321 --> 00:02:21,201 Speaker 1: I got her onto these. 52 00:02:21,401 --> 00:02:24,121 Speaker 2: Oh my goodness. Okay, look, if you don't mind paying 53 00:02:24,201 --> 00:02:26,641 Speaker 2: thirty more dollars for a bag of chocolate, be sure. 54 00:02:26,881 --> 00:02:28,161 Speaker 1: Yeah, for the whole bag. 55 00:02:28,240 --> 00:02:30,441 Speaker 2: The whole bag, babe. When I saw them, I was like, 56 00:02:30,481 --> 00:02:36,121 Speaker 2: forty dollars fifteen no cross. But to be fair, there's. 57 00:02:35,921 --> 00:02:36,720 Speaker 1: A lot of eggs in there. 58 00:02:36,960 --> 00:02:39,120 Speaker 2: Yes, And it's also loco love. Yeah, it's not righte 59 00:02:39,201 --> 00:02:41,000 Speaker 2: A loco love is like a five dollars of chocolate 60 00:02:41,161 --> 00:02:45,161 Speaker 2: literally more. Yeah, so expensive. So if you're willing to 61 00:02:45,401 --> 00:02:47,961 Speaker 2: fork out the extra money for some chocolate, it is 62 00:02:48,001 --> 00:02:50,961 Speaker 2: so good. So it's the Loco Love cosmic chocolate eggs. 63 00:02:51,081 --> 00:02:54,361 Speaker 2: And they're the salted caramel ones. Oh my god. Actually 64 00:02:54,401 --> 00:02:56,120 Speaker 2: showed me these, Yethersha pulled them to my house. I 65 00:02:56,161 --> 00:02:57,960 Speaker 2: ended up eating the rest of the bag. She loved 66 00:02:57,960 --> 00:02:59,680 Speaker 2: the bag, so I thought I'll do a nice sing 67 00:02:59,721 --> 00:03:02,481 Speaker 2: and give them to her. Also, I've had enough. Oh 68 00:03:02,561 --> 00:03:05,361 Speaker 2: my gosh, they are some of the best chocol that 69 00:03:05,401 --> 00:03:07,761 Speaker 2: I have ever had. When they're like a little bit 70 00:03:07,841 --> 00:03:10,641 Speaker 2: melted because it's like one hundred degrees in my fucking room, 71 00:03:10,721 --> 00:03:15,000 Speaker 2: right sauna, and I don't have air conditioning in my bedroom. 72 00:03:15,361 --> 00:03:17,161 Speaker 2: I do in my house, but not in that space. 73 00:03:17,240 --> 00:03:19,001 Speaker 2: And like they obviously got a bit melted, and it 74 00:03:19,161 --> 00:03:21,441 Speaker 2: just like they melt in your mouth and the salted 75 00:03:21,481 --> 00:03:23,881 Speaker 2: caramel like stuff in the middle. 76 00:03:23,601 --> 00:03:25,561 Speaker 1: Of They also have coconut and hazel up, but I'm 77 00:03:25,601 --> 00:03:26,960 Speaker 1: too scared to buy it in case I don't like it, 78 00:03:27,041 --> 00:03:30,120 Speaker 1: especially forty dollars. Tempted to try the coconut. I don't 79 00:03:30,121 --> 00:03:31,601 Speaker 1: know why. There's just something I just want to try. 80 00:03:32,321 --> 00:03:36,201 Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, highly if you love you literally, if you 81 00:03:36,281 --> 00:03:38,401 Speaker 2: love Loco Loves, You've got to try it. 82 00:03:38,481 --> 00:03:41,201 Speaker 1: Yeah, that's the best best chocolate to buy because it's 83 00:03:41,321 --> 00:03:42,481 Speaker 1: is coming up. I know a lot of people that 84 00:03:42,561 --> 00:03:45,241 Speaker 1: can't have gluten or dairy. It has no gluten or dairy. Yeah. 85 00:03:45,401 --> 00:03:46,761 Speaker 1: They all taste like real chocolate. 86 00:03:46,801 --> 00:03:49,761 Speaker 2: Oh it does. It is definitely the sweetest chocolate. Yeah, 87 00:03:50,081 --> 00:03:53,761 Speaker 2: I don't feel like you're aw Yeah, co cow's bitter. 88 00:03:53,801 --> 00:03:54,440 Speaker 1: It's so bitter. 89 00:03:54,641 --> 00:03:55,441 Speaker 2: This is so sweet. 90 00:03:55,521 --> 00:03:59,160 Speaker 1: Yeah, Okay, we really wanted to talk about this too, 91 00:03:59,241 --> 00:04:02,801 Speaker 1: because we are coming up to month four inside Rise 92 00:04:02,841 --> 00:04:05,761 Speaker 1: and Side, and this is all about confidence and this 93 00:04:05,841 --> 00:04:08,881 Speaker 1: is something so important for women to learn and understands. 94 00:04:08,881 --> 00:04:10,801 Speaker 1: We thought to do a podcast episode on it. But 95 00:04:10,801 --> 00:04:13,401 Speaker 1: if you're listening and you're someone that really struggles with 96 00:04:13,401 --> 00:04:15,361 Speaker 1: self confidence, this is what we're doing a month for 97 00:04:15,521 --> 00:04:17,161 Speaker 1: sin come and join us in Rise and Side. But 98 00:04:17,161 --> 00:04:19,041 Speaker 1: all thought we touch on it today and just see 99 00:04:19,041 --> 00:04:20,681 Speaker 1: how you guys love to receive and like learn about 100 00:04:20,721 --> 00:04:21,921 Speaker 1: this content so absolute. 101 00:04:22,641 --> 00:04:28,001 Speaker 2: Look, if you're recovering people pleaser like me, you will 102 00:04:28,121 --> 00:04:32,521 Speaker 2: understand what it feels like to naturally just put people 103 00:04:32,521 --> 00:04:35,281 Speaker 2: above yourself and you don't even mean to you just 104 00:04:35,761 --> 00:04:38,601 Speaker 2: naturalize too. It is that's the hard thing because you 105 00:04:38,721 --> 00:04:40,880 Speaker 2: do know it's from a good place. And also as well, 106 00:04:40,921 --> 00:04:43,001 Speaker 2: like there's that anxiousness that comes out of like you're 107 00:04:43,121 --> 00:04:46,681 Speaker 2: wanting to keep people happy, wanting to keep the peace, 108 00:04:46,801 --> 00:04:50,880 Speaker 2: wanting to belong not lose people, and it all obviously 109 00:04:50,880 --> 00:04:53,440 Speaker 2: does come from a good place, but the cost of 110 00:04:53,521 --> 00:04:57,321 Speaker 2: doing that is almost always detrimental. And I think that's 111 00:04:57,401 --> 00:04:59,440 Speaker 2: the biggest conversation in this is like whether you're a 112 00:04:59,440 --> 00:05:02,801 Speaker 2: people pleaser whether you're recovering people pleaser, whether you're struggling 113 00:05:02,841 --> 00:05:06,681 Speaker 2: with this and maybe you're prioritizing people above yourself. It's 114 00:05:06,880 --> 00:05:10,081 Speaker 2: just recognizing that there's space for you too. And I 115 00:05:10,121 --> 00:05:11,681 Speaker 2: think that's the biggest thing that's kind of helped me 116 00:05:11,721 --> 00:05:15,041 Speaker 2: along the journey, is that when I've realized that I 117 00:05:15,121 --> 00:05:17,801 Speaker 2: don't have to put people above me in order to 118 00:05:17,801 --> 00:05:20,601 Speaker 2: have them in my life, I almost allowed myself to soften. 119 00:05:20,801 --> 00:05:22,080 Speaker 1: Yeah, that's beautiful, you know. 120 00:05:22,201 --> 00:05:24,960 Speaker 2: But the times where I did put people above me naturally, 121 00:05:25,001 --> 00:05:29,080 Speaker 2: without question, it's like I automatically fell into this mindset 122 00:05:29,121 --> 00:05:31,481 Speaker 2: of feeling less than. You know, It's like, well, if 123 00:05:31,521 --> 00:05:35,561 Speaker 2: they're invisibly on the hierarchy above me, that must mean 124 00:05:35,601 --> 00:05:38,320 Speaker 2: that they are more valuable. That must mean that they're 125 00:05:38,761 --> 00:05:42,801 Speaker 2: more important than I am, you know, more knowledgeable, smart, 126 00:05:42,880 --> 00:05:46,400 Speaker 2: more beautiful, more whatever, you know. And immediately it was 127 00:05:46,440 --> 00:05:49,441 Speaker 2: like seeing them as more than me, I was like, oh, 128 00:05:49,440 --> 00:05:52,361 Speaker 2: there's not enough room for me, or like I don't 129 00:05:52,361 --> 00:05:54,361 Speaker 2: want to feel like a burden now because I don't 130 00:05:54,361 --> 00:05:57,241 Speaker 2: know how to actually take up space or prioritize myself 131 00:05:57,281 --> 00:06:00,681 Speaker 2: without it impacting somebody else in a negative way. And 132 00:06:00,681 --> 00:06:03,201 Speaker 2: I think as somebody who does struggle with people pleasing. 133 00:06:03,361 --> 00:06:06,081 Speaker 2: That's a really hard concept to deal with. Is like 134 00:06:06,201 --> 00:06:07,881 Speaker 2: I'm going to put myself first and make somebody else 135 00:06:07,921 --> 00:06:11,681 Speaker 2: feel uncomfortable. That feels like a foreign concept because you're like, well, 136 00:06:11,681 --> 00:06:13,801 Speaker 2: why would I do that? Well, my goal is to 137 00:06:13,801 --> 00:06:17,601 Speaker 2: make sure that everyone around me is pleased, happy, safe, content, 138 00:06:18,241 --> 00:06:21,041 Speaker 2: gets their needs met. Why would I put myself first 139 00:06:21,081 --> 00:06:22,801 Speaker 2: if that means making somebody else uncomfortable. 140 00:06:23,880 --> 00:06:26,080 Speaker 1: But now you've learned all that, why do you put 141 00:06:26,081 --> 00:06:26,801 Speaker 1: yourself first? 142 00:06:27,521 --> 00:06:29,440 Speaker 2: Because I know that being selfish isn't a bad thing, 143 00:06:29,841 --> 00:06:33,121 Speaker 2: and I don't see quote unquote selfishness as something that 144 00:06:33,161 --> 00:06:35,041 Speaker 2: is negative. I see it as something that is positive. 145 00:06:35,201 --> 00:06:39,321 Speaker 2: Because the more that I've learned to prioritize myself, the 146 00:06:39,361 --> 00:06:42,321 Speaker 2: more I realize I can prioritize everybody else more. Yeah, 147 00:06:42,880 --> 00:06:45,200 Speaker 2: you know, it's like the more that I pour into myself, 148 00:06:45,641 --> 00:06:48,161 Speaker 2: the more capacity I have, the more patience I have, 149 00:06:48,521 --> 00:06:51,321 Speaker 2: the more confidence I have, the more self belief I have, 150 00:06:51,801 --> 00:06:54,401 Speaker 2: the easier boundaries are to set all of the things. 151 00:06:54,841 --> 00:06:58,761 Speaker 2: Because it starts with me, like I envision, like you know, 152 00:06:58,801 --> 00:07:00,601 Speaker 2: obviously you can't see my hands right now, but it's 153 00:07:00,641 --> 00:07:03,241 Speaker 2: like a triangle, Like I'm at the top of the triangle, 154 00:07:03,561 --> 00:07:05,001 Speaker 2: and if I'm not at the top of the triangle, 155 00:07:05,440 --> 00:07:07,601 Speaker 2: I'm at the bottom. And if I'm at the bottom, 156 00:07:08,121 --> 00:07:10,521 Speaker 2: no one is getting the best of me. Everyone is 157 00:07:10,561 --> 00:07:14,921 Speaker 2: getting the version of me who is impatient and resentful. Like, 158 00:07:15,081 --> 00:07:17,241 Speaker 2: the biggest thing I dealt with when I people pleased 159 00:07:17,361 --> 00:07:21,041 Speaker 2: was resentment, because I just I blamed everybody else for 160 00:07:21,201 --> 00:07:22,481 Speaker 2: my actions. 161 00:07:22,081 --> 00:07:23,681 Speaker 1: For not voicing what you needed, for. 162 00:07:23,561 --> 00:07:27,600 Speaker 2: Not voicing it, and for almost assuming that everybody else 163 00:07:27,801 --> 00:07:30,201 Speaker 2: was a reminder reader. How can they not know what 164 00:07:30,281 --> 00:07:32,841 Speaker 2: I need? How can they not see it that I'm upset? 165 00:07:33,041 --> 00:07:36,321 Speaker 2: How can they not consider me, you know, and not 166 00:07:36,401 --> 00:07:39,041 Speaker 2: realizing that I'm the only person who can advocate for 167 00:07:39,081 --> 00:07:41,160 Speaker 2: what it is that I want, whether it's a past 168 00:07:41,201 --> 00:07:43,841 Speaker 2: relationship where I didn't speak up, or a past friendship 169 00:07:43,881 --> 00:07:45,961 Speaker 2: where I just was the cool friend and didn't want 170 00:07:45,961 --> 00:07:48,521 Speaker 2: to rock the boat or have an opinion too strong, 171 00:07:48,721 --> 00:07:49,241 Speaker 2: or and you. 172 00:07:49,161 --> 00:07:51,721 Speaker 1: Want them to think, she's, oh, she's so cool, go 173 00:07:51,801 --> 00:07:52,441 Speaker 1: with the flow. 174 00:07:52,921 --> 00:07:54,921 Speaker 2: But like, as a result of doing that, you become 175 00:07:54,961 --> 00:07:57,521 Speaker 2: the person who is not go with the flow, because 176 00:07:57,561 --> 00:07:58,921 Speaker 2: you become resentful. 177 00:07:58,881 --> 00:07:59,881 Speaker 1: You do your daggers. 178 00:08:00,041 --> 00:08:03,081 Speaker 2: You're like passive aggressive stabs. You know, you're saying things 179 00:08:03,121 --> 00:08:05,081 Speaker 2: like to try to hint the truth of what you 180 00:08:05,241 --> 00:08:07,201 Speaker 2: really want to say because you're scared of the truth. 181 00:08:07,721 --> 00:08:10,201 Speaker 2: And it's like that is what creates lack of safety 182 00:08:10,201 --> 00:08:11,401 Speaker 2: in the friendship and dynamic. 183 00:08:12,121 --> 00:08:14,881 Speaker 1: There's people that do people pleasing, like yourself, and then 184 00:08:14,921 --> 00:08:17,921 Speaker 1: there's people who are fully, fully selfish, don't consider anyone else. 185 00:08:18,161 --> 00:08:19,961 Speaker 1: I feel like I'm in between, So I feel like 186 00:08:20,001 --> 00:08:22,681 Speaker 1: I don't over people please, But I also I know 187 00:08:22,721 --> 00:08:23,961 Speaker 1: what I want and I want what i want and 188 00:08:24,001 --> 00:08:25,441 Speaker 1: I'm going to get what i want. Yeah, So the 189 00:08:25,441 --> 00:08:27,321 Speaker 1: way I kind of would attack things and I still 190 00:08:27,321 --> 00:08:28,521 Speaker 1: do it to this day, is like, I hear what 191 00:08:28,561 --> 00:08:30,441 Speaker 1: you want. I want this. I'm not budging on that. 192 00:08:30,481 --> 00:08:31,841 Speaker 1: I don't expect you to budget it. How do we 193 00:08:31,841 --> 00:08:34,401 Speaker 1: both win together? What did it mean that? How can 194 00:08:34,401 --> 00:08:36,201 Speaker 1: I do that? Yes, we both want what we want 195 00:08:36,241 --> 00:08:38,841 Speaker 1: and valid It's like a Taylor Swifts song. It's called 196 00:08:38,841 --> 00:08:40,441 Speaker 1: wish list and some of them I'm not going to 197 00:08:40,481 --> 00:08:42,281 Speaker 1: sing you guys don't want to hear this thing, but 198 00:08:42,321 --> 00:08:48,001 Speaker 1: it's like, oh, not forget that. But yeah, I think 199 00:08:48,001 --> 00:08:49,441 Speaker 1: that's the best way to attack it because if you're 200 00:08:49,441 --> 00:08:51,721 Speaker 1: never abandoning what you need, but you're a knowledging what 201 00:08:51,761 --> 00:08:52,881 Speaker 1: they need, and then you come up with a plan 202 00:08:52,961 --> 00:08:54,881 Speaker 1: together to make sure that both needs getting met. Yes, 203 00:08:54,881 --> 00:08:57,561 Speaker 1: there's always a solution. I like that, And it's sometimes 204 00:08:57,561 --> 00:09:00,001 Speaker 1: compromise and that's okay too, But if you're both having 205 00:09:00,001 --> 00:09:02,521 Speaker 1: the open conversation about it, there's no chance of resentment. 206 00:09:03,001 --> 00:09:04,441 Speaker 1: It's like maybe I get what I want this time 207 00:09:04,481 --> 00:09:06,281 Speaker 1: you go, or you want time see. 208 00:09:06,321 --> 00:09:08,641 Speaker 2: I think that's where my mind goes, is like, oh, 209 00:09:08,721 --> 00:09:10,521 Speaker 2: there are some things where I'm willing to compromise on 210 00:09:10,521 --> 00:09:11,881 Speaker 2: where I'm like, oh, you know what, that's so cool, 211 00:09:11,921 --> 00:09:13,081 Speaker 2: like I want you to have that. And then there's 212 00:09:13,081 --> 00:09:15,681 Speaker 2: some things where I'm like not a chance, Like I 213 00:09:15,721 --> 00:09:16,801 Speaker 2: want that thing that. 214 00:09:16,761 --> 00:09:18,641 Speaker 1: Means it's really important to you. So me, you came 215 00:09:18,721 --> 00:09:22,001 Speaker 1: up in a head to head situation and you were like, absolutely, 216 00:09:22,041 --> 00:09:25,601 Speaker 1: I'm not willing to budge addresses. For example, Yes, go 217 00:09:25,601 --> 00:09:27,881 Speaker 1: back to the TikTok Awards, guys, Yeah, there's an orange dress, 218 00:09:27,921 --> 00:09:29,441 Speaker 1: there's a pink dress. I'd have my eye on this 219 00:09:29,481 --> 00:09:32,681 Speaker 1: orange dress for a very long time. And Tianna suggests 220 00:09:32,681 --> 00:09:34,001 Speaker 1: that we do rocks as of paper when they come 221 00:09:34,081 --> 00:09:36,361 Speaker 1: I was like cool, and then you decided, oh shit, 222 00:09:36,401 --> 00:09:38,561 Speaker 1: maybe you like the orange dress. For me, it wasn't 223 00:09:38,561 --> 00:09:40,281 Speaker 1: worth you being upsets. So I was like old, just 224 00:09:40,361 --> 00:09:41,801 Speaker 1: had the pink dress. Yeah, And I went back and 225 00:09:41,841 --> 00:09:43,881 Speaker 1: forth like there is some things that you're not willing 226 00:09:43,881 --> 00:09:46,001 Speaker 1: to budge on, But then there is sometimes where I'm like, oh, 227 00:09:46,001 --> 00:09:48,321 Speaker 1: it's not that important. Yeah that both dresses. Yes, So 228 00:09:48,401 --> 00:09:50,081 Speaker 1: I think everyone should put their foot down and what's 229 00:09:50,081 --> 00:09:51,961 Speaker 1: important to them. Then I ask your stuff, like is 230 00:09:51,961 --> 00:09:54,921 Speaker 1: it worth upsetting this person? Do I really care about it? Yeah? 231 00:09:54,921 --> 00:09:58,521 Speaker 1: Am I just being a stubborn motherfucker? Yeah? Yeah, yea. 232 00:09:59,401 --> 00:10:01,241 Speaker 2: And there are sometimes that comes up in work too. 233 00:10:01,441 --> 00:10:01,641 Speaker 1: Yeah. 234 00:10:01,761 --> 00:10:03,401 Speaker 2: But there are things like where I'm just like, oh no, 235 00:10:03,521 --> 00:10:05,161 Speaker 2: that's so cool, like love it? How to give it? Like, 236 00:10:05,161 --> 00:10:06,681 Speaker 2: oh you know what, I want to change this or 237 00:10:06,681 --> 00:10:08,841 Speaker 2: fix this? Can I take lead on this? Or vice 238 00:10:08,961 --> 00:10:11,361 Speaker 2: versa when I'm like, yeah, you know something recently popped 239 00:10:11,401 --> 00:10:13,201 Speaker 2: up and just like oh, I prove them, and I'm like, oh, 240 00:10:13,201 --> 00:10:15,001 Speaker 2: can I just tweak this thing? Would be really good 241 00:10:15,041 --> 00:10:16,521 Speaker 2: and you're like, yeah, no worries, go for it for it. 242 00:10:16,681 --> 00:10:16,881 Speaker 1: You know. 243 00:10:17,121 --> 00:10:19,721 Speaker 2: It's just like learning that in between this kind of 244 00:10:19,761 --> 00:10:22,321 Speaker 2: period and I think as well. What I've recently learned, 245 00:10:22,641 --> 00:10:27,161 Speaker 2: I'm quite a brat in relationships. I'd build a swallow. 246 00:10:28,441 --> 00:10:29,441 Speaker 1: I thought I was personal. 247 00:10:29,561 --> 00:10:32,161 Speaker 2: I am quite a brat. No, I just realized that 248 00:10:32,201 --> 00:10:34,721 Speaker 2: I like what I like and like having been able 249 00:10:34,761 --> 00:10:39,001 Speaker 2: to go from like severe people pleaserre to like being 250 00:10:39,041 --> 00:10:42,161 Speaker 2: bratty and being okay putting my foot down for things 251 00:10:42,201 --> 00:10:45,281 Speaker 2: that I want, and like being okay, like not making 252 00:10:45,321 --> 00:10:48,401 Speaker 2: that wrong, just being like okay, cool, and again changing 253 00:10:48,441 --> 00:10:51,761 Speaker 2: the narrative of selfishness. Why does it have to be 254 00:10:51,841 --> 00:10:54,201 Speaker 2: a negative thing? And I think that's the problem. You 255 00:10:54,241 --> 00:10:58,401 Speaker 2: mentioned this before. When we perceive somebody as selfish, we go, oh, 256 00:10:58,561 --> 00:11:01,201 Speaker 2: judge them, Oh my god, like how rude. They're so cold, 257 00:11:01,281 --> 00:11:05,361 Speaker 2: they're so inconsiderate, like they only think of themselves. And 258 00:11:05,401 --> 00:11:09,961 Speaker 2: then so when we see stepping into ourselves and prioritizing ourselves, 259 00:11:10,401 --> 00:11:14,081 Speaker 2: we then go, oh shit, if I am quote unquote selfish, 260 00:11:14,521 --> 00:11:16,041 Speaker 2: other people are going to point the finger at me 261 00:11:16,081 --> 00:11:20,081 Speaker 2: and go they're so cold, they're so inconsiderate, they're so heartless, 262 00:11:20,241 --> 00:11:22,681 Speaker 2: and we get so scared of being perceived as that 263 00:11:23,081 --> 00:11:24,361 Speaker 2: they were, like, oh my god, I don't want to 264 00:11:24,401 --> 00:11:26,601 Speaker 2: do that. At all, and I think that's where we 265 00:11:26,641 --> 00:11:28,441 Speaker 2: get it wrong and where I know I've gotten it 266 00:11:28,481 --> 00:11:31,841 Speaker 2: wrong in the past. Was my association with being selfish 267 00:11:31,841 --> 00:11:34,321 Speaker 2: and prioritizing myself meant that I was going to be 268 00:11:34,401 --> 00:11:38,481 Speaker 2: a cold bitch, cold hearted, inconsiderate, and somebody who didn't 269 00:11:38,521 --> 00:11:40,401 Speaker 2: care about other people's needs, when in actual fact that's 270 00:11:40,401 --> 00:11:43,201 Speaker 2: not true, at all, true, at all, not true. So 271 00:11:43,401 --> 00:11:45,881 Speaker 2: changing the association. I want you to think about the 272 00:11:45,961 --> 00:11:49,281 Speaker 2: association that you have with the word selfishness. Write down 273 00:11:49,281 --> 00:11:51,761 Speaker 2: the top three words that come with that word. Is 274 00:11:51,801 --> 00:11:54,041 Speaker 2: it all negative? And if it is, it's going to 275 00:11:54,081 --> 00:11:57,441 Speaker 2: tell you your relationship with that and how either easy 276 00:11:57,601 --> 00:11:59,721 Speaker 2: or hard it's going to be for you to step 277 00:11:59,761 --> 00:12:01,721 Speaker 2: into that even if it benefits you. 278 00:12:02,441 --> 00:12:04,841 Speaker 1: When you coach your clients, because I know you're a 279 00:12:04,841 --> 00:12:07,681 Speaker 1: self worth and confidence coach. If a girl comes in 280 00:12:07,721 --> 00:12:11,201 Speaker 1: and just says, oh my gosh, I have zero self confidence. 281 00:12:11,241 --> 00:12:13,201 Speaker 1: I can't walk into a room, I can't speacome from 282 00:12:13,241 --> 00:12:15,921 Speaker 1: my relationship, I can't look at myself in the mirror. 283 00:12:16,241 --> 00:12:18,401 Speaker 1: I hate myself. I've got no confidence whatsoever. Like I 284 00:12:18,401 --> 00:12:20,201 Speaker 1: don't even know if you can help me. What's the 285 00:12:20,241 --> 00:12:22,321 Speaker 1: first thing that you would say to her, we need 286 00:12:22,361 --> 00:12:24,441 Speaker 1: to build your self trust and how do I do that? 287 00:12:25,281 --> 00:12:27,561 Speaker 1: Keep your promises to yourself? Love this, I love why 288 00:12:27,681 --> 00:12:28,121 Speaker 1: you teach that. 289 00:12:28,361 --> 00:12:28,601 Speaker 2: Yeah. 290 00:12:28,681 --> 00:12:29,801 Speaker 1: Yeah, So the. 291 00:12:29,761 --> 00:12:31,561 Speaker 2: Biggest thing that I see, and this is something that 292 00:12:31,601 --> 00:12:33,561 Speaker 2: I do literally with every single client, Like I don't 293 00:12:33,561 --> 00:12:35,641 Speaker 2: care what journey they're on, whether they're a big business owner, 294 00:12:35,681 --> 00:12:39,041 Speaker 2: whether they're you know, somebody who's mum and has three children, 295 00:12:39,041 --> 00:12:40,921 Speaker 2: has been married for fifteen years, doesn't matter where they 296 00:12:40,921 --> 00:12:43,761 Speaker 2: are in their journey. The biggest thing that women struggle 297 00:12:43,801 --> 00:12:46,401 Speaker 2: with at every single level, I believe is that they 298 00:12:46,481 --> 00:12:49,321 Speaker 2: don't trust themselves enough. And when it comes to confidence, 299 00:12:49,401 --> 00:12:53,321 Speaker 2: I really think confidence is a mirror reflection of their 300 00:12:53,401 --> 00:12:57,441 Speaker 2: level of self trust and how convicted they are in 301 00:12:57,481 --> 00:13:00,961 Speaker 2: who they say they are. And without that conviction, the 302 00:13:01,041 --> 00:13:05,121 Speaker 2: foundation is wobbly. The foundation can crumble really easily. The 303 00:13:05,121 --> 00:13:07,961 Speaker 2: moment someone pushes you and you know, test that theory, 304 00:13:08,161 --> 00:13:11,121 Speaker 2: you crumble. And so in order to do that, in 305 00:13:11,201 --> 00:13:13,281 Speaker 2: order to build confidence as a whole, I feel like 306 00:13:13,281 --> 00:13:16,801 Speaker 2: you need to have these stabilize like inside yourself. And 307 00:13:16,881 --> 00:13:20,081 Speaker 2: the more that I get my clients to get clear 308 00:13:20,121 --> 00:13:22,281 Speaker 2: on their goals, get clear on like just small personal 309 00:13:22,281 --> 00:13:25,241 Speaker 2: goals that they've been trying to achieve and overcome, and 310 00:13:25,281 --> 00:13:27,641 Speaker 2: I get them to break it down really easy, really small, 311 00:13:28,001 --> 00:13:30,321 Speaker 2: and we actively work on in the first seven days 312 00:13:30,321 --> 00:13:33,801 Speaker 2: of us working together achieving that goal and building that 313 00:13:33,841 --> 00:13:37,441 Speaker 2: self trust back up. Because they've previously said how much 314 00:13:37,481 --> 00:13:38,841 Speaker 2: they're going to follow through, and they did a lot 315 00:13:38,841 --> 00:13:40,601 Speaker 2: of talking, a lot of this, and not a lot 316 00:13:40,601 --> 00:13:43,041 Speaker 2: of following through. The moment they get through the seventh 317 00:13:43,081 --> 00:13:45,841 Speaker 2: day of following through, they're like, oh shit, I feel good. Yeah, 318 00:13:45,881 --> 00:13:47,961 Speaker 2: I feel amazing, got evidence I can do this. I 319 00:13:48,001 --> 00:13:49,601 Speaker 2: am trusting mysel Oh my gosh, I now I have 320 00:13:49,641 --> 00:13:52,241 Speaker 2: belief in myself. And the moment they have belief in themselves, 321 00:13:52,521 --> 00:13:54,921 Speaker 2: they then kick it up next gear and take it 322 00:13:54,961 --> 00:13:57,321 Speaker 2: into the next level. And I think that as a 323 00:13:57,321 --> 00:14:01,281 Speaker 2: foundation of self trust, it changes their emotional state. It 324 00:14:01,361 --> 00:14:03,641 Speaker 2: allows them to go, oh shit, all of these things 325 00:14:03,681 --> 00:14:07,161 Speaker 2: that I'm telling myself about myself an't actually true. It's 326 00:14:07,201 --> 00:14:09,121 Speaker 2: just a result of behavior that I've been choosing up 327 00:14:09,201 --> 00:14:11,841 Speaker 2: until this moment. So the moment they change their behavior, 328 00:14:11,881 --> 00:14:14,001 Speaker 2: they get a different emotional outcome. When they get a 329 00:14:14,041 --> 00:14:17,401 Speaker 2: different emotional outcome, they start to feel emotionally lighter and 330 00:14:17,441 --> 00:14:19,441 Speaker 2: I think that is such a pivotal thing. It's such 331 00:14:19,441 --> 00:14:23,121 Speaker 2: an easy, small, simple thing, but it doesn't feel like 332 00:14:23,161 --> 00:14:26,041 Speaker 2: the most obvious thing when you're in the emotional storm. 333 00:14:26,361 --> 00:14:28,241 Speaker 1: Yeah, people think you either have confidence, so you don't 334 00:14:28,241 --> 00:14:29,721 Speaker 1: have it, But it's actually built from doing the things 335 00:14:29,721 --> 00:14:30,921 Speaker 1: that you say you're gonna do it. That's right. 336 00:14:31,041 --> 00:14:33,521 Speaker 2: Yeah, I really do believe that. And I think there's 337 00:14:33,561 --> 00:14:35,801 Speaker 2: a different level between like confidence and who you are 338 00:14:35,881 --> 00:14:38,761 Speaker 2: versus confidence in how you look and you perceive yourself. 339 00:14:38,761 --> 00:14:41,241 Speaker 2: That's a different facet, you know. But I really do 340 00:14:41,321 --> 00:14:43,601 Speaker 2: think like this is the core, is the most important 341 00:14:43,681 --> 00:14:46,441 Speaker 2: level of confidence, and then everything off of that is 342 00:14:46,441 --> 00:14:49,721 Speaker 2: almost like a subcategory that you can then address once 343 00:14:49,761 --> 00:14:53,481 Speaker 2: you feel like you trust yourself and you believe in 344 00:14:53,521 --> 00:14:56,761 Speaker 2: yourself and you trust your level of integrity and your 345 00:14:56,801 --> 00:14:59,281 Speaker 2: decisions that you make in life, because through that, you 346 00:14:59,281 --> 00:15:02,761 Speaker 2: can then go, I already have compassion for myself. Now 347 00:15:02,801 --> 00:15:04,601 Speaker 2: I can change the way that I speak to myself. 348 00:15:05,161 --> 00:15:07,161 Speaker 2: That I can change the way that I interpret myself 349 00:15:07,201 --> 00:15:08,841 Speaker 2: when I look in the mirror and the stories that 350 00:15:08,881 --> 00:15:11,361 Speaker 2: I convince myself of, and you can unravel and unpack 351 00:15:11,401 --> 00:15:11,761 Speaker 2: from there. 352 00:15:11,961 --> 00:15:12,681 Speaker 1: That's really cool. 353 00:15:12,761 --> 00:15:14,961 Speaker 2: Yeah, I just I love that you brought that up, 354 00:15:15,281 --> 00:15:17,921 Speaker 2: because it really ties into the conversation we're having of 355 00:15:17,961 --> 00:15:20,201 Speaker 2: like the cost of putting yourself last. Like when you're 356 00:15:20,281 --> 00:15:23,761 Speaker 2: learning how to build trust with yourself, you're building a 357 00:15:23,761 --> 00:15:27,881 Speaker 2: foundation with yourself that becomes the standard, yes, how you 358 00:15:27,921 --> 00:15:30,521 Speaker 2: behave with other people you know, and like when you 359 00:15:30,601 --> 00:15:33,361 Speaker 2: have riple effect, the ripple effect, when you have a 360 00:15:33,401 --> 00:15:37,361 Speaker 2: good level of context of what good looks like in 361 00:15:37,401 --> 00:15:40,961 Speaker 2: a relationship, but it comes from yourself, you can then 362 00:15:41,081 --> 00:15:42,921 Speaker 2: know what to expect when you call people in. 363 00:15:42,961 --> 00:15:43,681 Speaker 1: There's a new standard. 364 00:15:43,721 --> 00:15:46,321 Speaker 2: There's a new standard. So like say, for example, if 365 00:15:46,361 --> 00:15:47,881 Speaker 2: you say that you're going to go to the gym, 366 00:15:47,921 --> 00:15:49,961 Speaker 2: and then you are consistent with your food and your 367 00:15:50,001 --> 00:15:52,321 Speaker 2: meal prepping on a Sunday and you're making sure that 368 00:15:52,361 --> 00:15:55,521 Speaker 2: you're eating at your set times and you follow through. 369 00:15:55,641 --> 00:15:58,161 Speaker 2: Like cool, Like I can trust myself, I can lean 370 00:15:58,201 --> 00:16:00,441 Speaker 2: on myself, I can rely on myself. And then when 371 00:16:00,441 --> 00:16:02,201 Speaker 2: it comes to somebody else doing that, you're going to 372 00:16:02,281 --> 00:16:04,681 Speaker 2: look for those things and go I need somebody who 373 00:16:04,721 --> 00:16:07,801 Speaker 2: I can rely on too, who also follows through, who 374 00:16:07,881 --> 00:16:10,761 Speaker 2: also does all those things for themselves too. And I 375 00:16:10,841 --> 00:16:15,281 Speaker 2: just think, like who you are with yourself is going 376 00:16:15,321 --> 00:16:18,401 Speaker 2: to be your baseline for who you attract or who 377 00:16:18,441 --> 00:16:22,081 Speaker 2: you let in at least. So if you treat yourself 378 00:16:22,081 --> 00:16:23,641 Speaker 2: like shit, you're going to attract people who treat you 379 00:16:23,681 --> 00:16:25,521 Speaker 2: like shit. If you talk to yourself really nasty, you're 380 00:16:25,521 --> 00:16:27,881 Speaker 2: going to attract people who do that. If you you know, 381 00:16:28,081 --> 00:16:28,801 Speaker 2: that's that sort of. 382 00:16:28,721 --> 00:16:31,281 Speaker 1: Thing I say, manifesting like you don't attract what you want, 383 00:16:31,321 --> 00:16:32,281 Speaker 1: you attract what you are. 384 00:16:32,561 --> 00:16:36,561 Speaker 2: Oh absolutely, yeah, absolutely, I so so agree with that. 385 00:16:36,641 --> 00:16:37,721 Speaker 1: Well, because if. 386 00:16:37,601 --> 00:16:39,561 Speaker 2: You will allow it from somebody else, that means that 387 00:16:39,601 --> 00:16:43,241 Speaker 2: you already allow it right now. Something about that behavior 388 00:16:43,321 --> 00:16:46,761 Speaker 2: doesn't signal red flags for you. Yes, but this is normal. 389 00:16:46,961 --> 00:16:49,081 Speaker 2: This is my baseline. If someone comes in and goes, oh, 390 00:16:49,121 --> 00:16:52,481 Speaker 2: you look fat, like that shit, You're like, yeah, you 391 00:16:52,521 --> 00:16:54,161 Speaker 2: know what, right, Like I feel a bit heavier that, 392 00:16:54,201 --> 00:16:55,641 Speaker 2: you know, that's as the right, I'm. 393 00:16:55,481 --> 00:16:57,041 Speaker 1: Telling myself to look fat, that's that's right. 394 00:16:57,041 --> 00:16:59,361 Speaker 2: Whereas if a partner came in and literally told me 395 00:16:59,401 --> 00:17:00,041 Speaker 2: that I looked fat, I. 396 00:17:00,681 --> 00:17:02,121 Speaker 1: Excuse me, what the fuck? 397 00:17:02,281 --> 00:17:02,401 Speaker 2: Like? 398 00:17:02,521 --> 00:17:03,081 Speaker 1: Excuse me? 399 00:17:03,241 --> 00:17:05,521 Speaker 2: Yes, not because I believe that about myself, because the 400 00:17:05,600 --> 00:17:07,921 Speaker 2: behavior is so far fetch Just like that ex partner 401 00:17:07,961 --> 00:17:09,881 Speaker 2: of mine who literally told me to fuck off while 402 00:17:09,880 --> 00:17:13,001 Speaker 2: we were dating. Yeah, like the audacity like I would 403 00:17:13,041 --> 00:17:14,840 Speaker 2: because I don't speak to myself like that, and I 404 00:17:14,840 --> 00:17:16,440 Speaker 2: also don't have people in my life who speak to 405 00:17:16,441 --> 00:17:18,120 Speaker 2: me like that. So that was enough for me to 406 00:17:18,160 --> 00:17:22,360 Speaker 2: go like, I'm out. Yeah, I'm out, absolutely fucking not. Anyway, 407 00:17:22,400 --> 00:17:24,041 Speaker 2: that was a bit of a tangent, but no, I 408 00:17:24,080 --> 00:17:27,520 Speaker 2: love that so informative. I just think people look towards 409 00:17:27,600 --> 00:17:32,161 Speaker 2: other people for something that they can cultivate within themselveslves definitely. 410 00:17:32,321 --> 00:17:35,601 Speaker 1: Yeah, why do you think so many women are struggling 411 00:17:35,640 --> 00:17:38,360 Speaker 1: with self confidence these days? Because it's definitely a common, 412 00:17:38,600 --> 00:17:40,481 Speaker 1: very common thing that I see most of your clients 413 00:17:40,521 --> 00:17:43,160 Speaker 1: are struggling with and women we hear from all the time. 414 00:17:43,400 --> 00:17:45,600 Speaker 2: I think it's there's two parts to this, I believe 415 00:17:45,600 --> 00:17:49,840 Speaker 2: at least where we're not being taught the right level 416 00:17:49,961 --> 00:17:53,401 Speaker 2: of like self worth to begin with before we even 417 00:17:53,441 --> 00:17:56,120 Speaker 2: get into relationships. I think there's maybe like a little 418 00:17:56,120 --> 00:17:58,041 Speaker 2: bit of a lack of that of like women not 419 00:17:58,120 --> 00:18:00,600 Speaker 2: being taught like how valuable they are and what they're 420 00:18:00,640 --> 00:18:02,880 Speaker 2: worth and like, you know, being spoken to in a 421 00:18:02,921 --> 00:18:06,520 Speaker 2: really positively affirmed way. I think there's an element of that. 422 00:18:06,600 --> 00:18:09,680 Speaker 2: I'm also not blaming parents, but I do think it 423 00:18:09,721 --> 00:18:12,481 Speaker 2: has something to do with conditioning. And then the next 424 00:18:12,521 --> 00:18:16,521 Speaker 2: part is also it's self inflicted. So like what we allow, 425 00:18:16,761 --> 00:18:19,960 Speaker 2: what we tolerate, and like the experiences in life that 426 00:18:20,041 --> 00:18:22,321 Speaker 2: kind of happen that kind of knock us down, and 427 00:18:22,360 --> 00:18:24,161 Speaker 2: the moment they start to knock us down, it starts 428 00:18:24,160 --> 00:18:27,081 Speaker 2: to impact our level of confidence. I think it stems 429 00:18:27,080 --> 00:18:29,720 Speaker 2: from conditioning and what we're taught. But then I think 430 00:18:29,921 --> 00:18:33,561 Speaker 2: we become a self fulfilling prophecy by impacting our self 431 00:18:33,561 --> 00:18:36,681 Speaker 2: confidence because we break our own trust, we don't become 432 00:18:36,681 --> 00:18:39,881 Speaker 2: a safe person for ourselves, and as a result of that, 433 00:18:40,041 --> 00:18:43,041 Speaker 2: we end up with no confidence. And then that when 434 00:18:43,080 --> 00:18:47,601 Speaker 2: we're in that place, that's when we're tolerating the disrespectful behavior. 435 00:18:47,761 --> 00:18:50,561 Speaker 2: That's when we're with the partner who's emotionally abusive. That's 436 00:18:50,600 --> 00:18:53,281 Speaker 2: when we are with the friends who speak to us 437 00:18:53,321 --> 00:18:55,400 Speaker 2: poorly and you know, make jokes about us even though 438 00:18:55,400 --> 00:18:58,240 Speaker 2: they're probably serious. You know, it's when we start to 439 00:18:58,281 --> 00:19:00,161 Speaker 2: allow and tolerate because we think like, well, I don't 440 00:19:00,160 --> 00:19:02,241 Speaker 2: even your confidence, I don't believe in myself, and then 441 00:19:02,640 --> 00:19:05,200 Speaker 2: you're spiraling, you know, and it just gets you to 442 00:19:05,241 --> 00:19:08,640 Speaker 2: a really sticky situation. So I think there's definitely and 443 00:19:08,840 --> 00:19:11,521 Speaker 2: has been a little bit of a quote unquote pandemic 444 00:19:11,600 --> 00:19:12,880 Speaker 2: of like women's confidence. 445 00:19:12,921 --> 00:19:13,561 Speaker 1: I think so too. 446 00:19:14,080 --> 00:19:15,801 Speaker 2: But also I think a lot of women are coming 447 00:19:15,840 --> 00:19:18,080 Speaker 2: into that now realizing that it starts with them. 448 00:19:18,441 --> 00:19:21,720 Speaker 1: Definitely, I love that. And yeah, I'm really excited because 449 00:19:21,921 --> 00:19:24,601 Speaker 1: obviously since I've known you, which is well over two 450 00:19:24,681 --> 00:19:26,840 Speaker 1: years now, and this is what you teach your clients, 451 00:19:27,160 --> 00:19:28,720 Speaker 1: I was really excited when you wanted to bring this 452 00:19:28,801 --> 00:19:30,880 Speaker 1: in Rise Inside because I continue to learn from you 453 00:19:30,921 --> 00:19:34,801 Speaker 1: and what you teach in that is so powerful. It's 454 00:19:34,840 --> 00:19:37,160 Speaker 1: so so powerful, and I think it's really important that 455 00:19:37,201 --> 00:19:39,801 Speaker 1: all women actually learn that's about themselves and learn how 456 00:19:39,801 --> 00:19:43,000 Speaker 1: it's impacting their whole life, the decisions they make, how 457 00:19:43,001 --> 00:19:45,360 Speaker 1: they show up in relationships. So I'm really excited for 458 00:19:45,400 --> 00:19:47,161 Speaker 1: everyone else to learn and see how deep you can 459 00:19:47,201 --> 00:19:47,641 Speaker 1: go with this. 460 00:19:47,961 --> 00:19:50,201 Speaker 2: I'm so excited for the women inside Rise and side 461 00:19:50,201 --> 00:19:52,680 Speaker 2: for the Confidence Month because I think there are a 462 00:19:52,681 --> 00:19:54,360 Speaker 2: lot of women are being taught confidence in a really 463 00:19:54,400 --> 00:19:56,761 Speaker 2: surface level way. Yes, and this is the kind of 464 00:19:56,840 --> 00:19:59,881 Speaker 2: confidence work that actually moves you and changes your life. 465 00:19:59,961 --> 00:20:01,640 Speaker 1: If you're just about putting makeup on and putting nice 466 00:20:01,681 --> 00:20:03,200 Speaker 1: dress on, which I think a lot of people think like, oh, 467 00:20:03,241 --> 00:20:05,160 Speaker 1: if you wear nice makeup and wear a cute dress, 468 00:20:05,160 --> 00:20:07,200 Speaker 1: going to be confidence? Like, no, no, this is way 469 00:20:07,241 --> 00:20:08,281 Speaker 1: deeper than that. Go at it. 470 00:20:08,281 --> 00:20:09,840 Speaker 2: It's like, oh, you want to feel pretty in a 471 00:20:09,880 --> 00:20:12,521 Speaker 2: sunflower address for five minutes? That's beautiful too. There's a 472 00:20:12,561 --> 00:20:14,641 Speaker 2: time and a place for everything. But do you want 473 00:20:14,640 --> 00:20:16,441 Speaker 2: to have the kind of confidence that's going to sustain 474 00:20:16,521 --> 00:20:19,241 Speaker 2: you through a breakup after ten years? Do you want 475 00:20:19,241 --> 00:20:21,161 Speaker 2: the kind of confidence that's going to sustain you after 476 00:20:21,201 --> 00:20:24,600 Speaker 2: you change careers or you get made redundant and you know, 477 00:20:24,761 --> 00:20:26,400 Speaker 2: somebody cheats on you, Like how are you going to 478 00:20:26,441 --> 00:20:28,321 Speaker 2: hold it in those moments? And this is the kind 479 00:20:28,321 --> 00:20:30,680 Speaker 2: of work that helps you get there because of the 480 00:20:30,721 --> 00:20:34,161 Speaker 2: foundation you build within yourself and especially with social media, 481 00:20:34,360 --> 00:20:36,201 Speaker 2: Like everyone's like, do you want to be the most 482 00:20:36,241 --> 00:20:38,521 Speaker 2: magnetic person in the room? But they're looking at it 483 00:20:38,561 --> 00:20:41,361 Speaker 2: from the wrong lens. People say like, do you want 484 00:20:41,360 --> 00:20:43,080 Speaker 2: to be the most magnetic person in the room so 485 00:20:43,120 --> 00:20:45,160 Speaker 2: people can stare at you and you can get Brownie 486 00:20:45,201 --> 00:20:48,521 Speaker 2: points for being socially acceptable? Fuck that, It's not about 487 00:20:48,521 --> 00:20:51,161 Speaker 2: that the person who is magnetic and the woman who 488 00:20:51,281 --> 00:20:54,840 Speaker 2: is is the woman who trust herself, believes in herself, 489 00:20:54,921 --> 00:20:57,160 Speaker 2: is convicted in who she is, trusts herself when it 490 00:20:57,201 --> 00:20:59,840 Speaker 2: comes to right and wrong, making decisions for herself, and 491 00:21:00,001 --> 00:21:04,120 Speaker 2: ultimately isn't swayed by outside noise of what people say, think, 492 00:21:04,321 --> 00:21:06,840 Speaker 2: or behave when it comes to her. That is the 493 00:21:06,921 --> 00:21:09,400 Speaker 2: most magnetic woman and that's why she is quote unquote 494 00:21:09,481 --> 00:21:14,521 Speaker 2: unbothered and unbothered and people are magnetized to her. And 495 00:21:14,521 --> 00:21:15,681 Speaker 2: that's what we're gonna teach. 496 00:21:15,561 --> 00:21:19,120 Speaker 1: Mic drop absolutely by drop. So obviously that is month four. 497 00:21:19,201 --> 00:21:20,561 Speaker 1: So to get to month four, you need to go 498 00:21:20,600 --> 00:21:22,640 Speaker 1: through month one, two, three, and four, but just not 499 00:21:22,721 --> 00:21:25,281 Speaker 1: in rise and side. Each month is strategically placed in 500 00:21:25,360 --> 00:21:27,080 Speaker 1: that order because it kind of leaks on from the 501 00:21:27,080 --> 00:21:30,480 Speaker 1: previous month and strengthens. So by the time you have 502 00:21:30,521 --> 00:21:33,080 Speaker 1: done month one, two and three, you're ready for month four. Yeah, 503 00:21:33,080 --> 00:21:34,801 Speaker 1: we don't want you diving straight into that without doing 504 00:21:34,840 --> 00:21:35,721 Speaker 1: the previous. 505 00:21:35,321 --> 00:21:37,441 Speaker 2: Work beforehand, with the work on that nervousis and baby, 506 00:21:37,561 --> 00:21:39,881 Speaker 2: we do thank you for joining. 507 00:21:39,640 --> 00:21:43,041 Speaker 1: Us and we will see you guys on Monday. Bye bye,