1 00:00:05,921 --> 00:00:07,281 Speaker 1: Apochie Production. 2 00:00:10,641 --> 00:00:11,521 Speaker 2: I eas your advice. 3 00:00:12,241 --> 00:00:13,441 Speaker 1: Are you okay? What happened? 4 00:00:14,041 --> 00:00:15,401 Speaker 2: Promise it won't be too much. 5 00:00:16,121 --> 00:00:16,681 Speaker 1: Bring it in. 6 00:00:18,001 --> 00:00:26,320 Speaker 2: Welcome to our Bestie segment. This is the place for you. 7 00:00:27,521 --> 00:00:29,881 Speaker 2: Good morning, good afternoon, good evening. We are bringing the 8 00:00:29,961 --> 00:00:32,561 Speaker 2: drama today. Welcome to the Best Advice Segment. 9 00:00:33,241 --> 00:00:34,800 Speaker 1: It does feel like a big episode. 10 00:00:35,081 --> 00:00:36,801 Speaker 2: I just read the name of the episode and I 11 00:00:36,841 --> 00:00:38,801 Speaker 2: was like, all right, let's go, We're gonna go home today. 12 00:00:38,840 --> 00:00:41,561 Speaker 2: What's the title? So the title is the what if 13 00:00:41,601 --> 00:00:44,120 Speaker 2: that won't leave you alone? And then in brackets do 14 00:00:44,200 --> 00:00:45,321 Speaker 2: I want another man? Oh? 15 00:00:45,601 --> 00:00:45,961 Speaker 1: Okay? 16 00:00:46,120 --> 00:00:48,961 Speaker 2: So ashually, please take it away for today's best. The 17 00:00:49,001 --> 00:00:50,161 Speaker 2: Advice segment. 18 00:00:50,001 --> 00:00:52,841 Speaker 1: As always completely anonymous. We have no idea who's written in, 19 00:00:53,361 --> 00:00:55,841 Speaker 1: but thank you for writing in. The more context the better, 20 00:00:55,961 --> 00:00:57,801 Speaker 1: so hopefully there's lots of details so we can help 21 00:00:57,840 --> 00:01:00,681 Speaker 1: you out a lot. All Right, I'm feeling so lost 22 00:01:00,721 --> 00:01:02,521 Speaker 1: at the moment. I'm getting married this year to my 23 00:01:02,561 --> 00:01:05,561 Speaker 1: partner who I love so so much. I've been together 24 00:01:05,601 --> 00:01:08,521 Speaker 1: for six years. I'm twenty five. For context, our life 25 00:01:08,561 --> 00:01:11,321 Speaker 1: is great and I adore him. However, I have a 26 00:01:11,360 --> 00:01:13,560 Speaker 1: really good friend who has been one of my best 27 00:01:13,560 --> 00:01:16,560 Speaker 1: mates since twenty eighteen, such a close friend, and we've 28 00:01:16,560 --> 00:01:20,080 Speaker 1: always been platonic. I'm starting to feel like maybe that 29 00:01:20,121 --> 00:01:22,200 Speaker 1: it's just because we've never been single. At the same time, 30 00:01:23,041 --> 00:01:25,360 Speaker 1: he is also in a long term relationship at the moment, 31 00:01:25,360 --> 00:01:28,921 Speaker 1: and I love his girlfriend, but there is something between us, 32 00:01:28,961 --> 00:01:31,161 Speaker 1: and I think there always has been. He asked me 33 00:01:31,200 --> 00:01:32,921 Speaker 1: a while ago if I've ever thought about it, and 34 00:01:32,961 --> 00:01:34,880 Speaker 1: I said I did at the start, but life's different now. 35 00:01:35,401 --> 00:01:37,761 Speaker 1: But the truth is, I still think about what could 36 00:01:37,801 --> 00:01:40,041 Speaker 1: have been every single day. What is wrong with me? 37 00:01:40,321 --> 00:01:40,640 Speaker 2: Help? 38 00:01:41,360 --> 00:01:43,081 Speaker 1: Is this just because he is so close to me 39 00:01:43,121 --> 00:01:45,161 Speaker 1: and I love him so much, and I'm confused, Like, 40 00:01:45,200 --> 00:01:46,841 Speaker 1: how do I love two people so much at the 41 00:01:46,881 --> 00:01:50,401 Speaker 1: same time? I feel so conflicted inside with my wedding 42 00:01:50,441 --> 00:01:52,121 Speaker 1: coming up. I just feel like I have this question 43 00:01:52,161 --> 00:01:54,081 Speaker 1: mark hanging there, but it doesn't even have anything to 44 00:01:54,081 --> 00:01:56,521 Speaker 1: do with me not loving my current fiance. I feel 45 00:01:56,521 --> 00:01:58,841 Speaker 1: like an idiot. Any advice so welcome. 46 00:01:59,081 --> 00:02:02,321 Speaker 2: Oh shit, Oh that's tough. 47 00:02:03,401 --> 00:02:05,521 Speaker 1: I don't think I've ever been in this situation. I 48 00:02:05,521 --> 00:02:09,081 Speaker 1: can't even imagine loving two people at the same time. 49 00:02:09,081 --> 00:02:10,481 Speaker 1: I believe you could, though for sure. 50 00:02:10,961 --> 00:02:12,681 Speaker 2: I mean I haven't. Love doesn't have a cap I 51 00:02:12,681 --> 00:02:14,721 Speaker 2: haven't loved two people at the same time. I definitely 52 00:02:14,800 --> 00:02:17,121 Speaker 2: liked two people at the same time and felt conflicted 53 00:02:17,161 --> 00:02:19,841 Speaker 2: with like who I wanted to be with more. Yeah, 54 00:02:19,960 --> 00:02:22,361 Speaker 2: I've definitely experienced that. I think it's really conflicting. I 55 00:02:22,401 --> 00:02:24,761 Speaker 2: really believe if you pour effort and time into building 56 00:02:24,800 --> 00:02:27,001 Speaker 2: a relationship with somebody, you're going to in some way 57 00:02:27,401 --> 00:02:29,601 Speaker 2: grow feelings, you know what I mean. Like different story 58 00:02:29,601 --> 00:02:30,561 Speaker 2: with the friends like that. 59 00:02:31,561 --> 00:02:33,121 Speaker 1: Like, I've had plenty of male friends that have always 60 00:02:33,161 --> 00:02:36,601 Speaker 1: just been anything there. Yeah, But if there's something there, 61 00:02:36,641 --> 00:02:38,641 Speaker 1: then is there something there. 62 00:02:38,641 --> 00:02:41,601 Speaker 2: That's hard one? It's a really tough I actually feel 63 00:02:41,721 --> 00:02:43,441 Speaker 2: like stumped because I'm just like, oh, I'm trying to 64 00:02:43,441 --> 00:02:47,240 Speaker 2: put myself into shoes. Because the timeline seems to be 65 00:02:47,281 --> 00:02:48,800 Speaker 2: that you got with your partner around the time that 66 00:02:48,841 --> 00:02:52,800 Speaker 2: you became friends with this man. Yeah two eighteen. That 67 00:02:52,921 --> 00:02:55,001 Speaker 2: was seven years, so you've been together the sixty they 68 00:02:55,001 --> 00:02:56,601 Speaker 2: were friends before you. Yeah. 69 00:02:56,680 --> 00:03:00,081 Speaker 1: So I don't know personally, if I had feelings for 70 00:03:00,121 --> 00:03:01,800 Speaker 1: another man, I wouldn't be going through with the wedding, 71 00:03:01,921 --> 00:03:03,881 Speaker 1: yeah at the end of the day, and I think 72 00:03:03,881 --> 00:03:06,121 Speaker 1: I would. I really your fear being in the situation 73 00:03:06,161 --> 00:03:08,001 Speaker 1: because you can imagine, like, you don't want to leave 74 00:03:08,001 --> 00:03:11,201 Speaker 1: your fiance or blow up this relationship because you love 75 00:03:11,281 --> 00:03:13,761 Speaker 1: him and adore him. But I also don't think it's 76 00:03:13,800 --> 00:03:16,441 Speaker 1: fair on your fiance if you're not all in. You've like, 77 00:03:16,481 --> 00:03:19,400 Speaker 1: imagine yourself put yourself in his shoes. Yeah, he was 78 00:03:19,481 --> 00:03:21,841 Speaker 1: writing into us and yet this girl that it was 79 00:03:21,881 --> 00:03:24,161 Speaker 1: so close with and had feelings for. Would you want 80 00:03:24,201 --> 00:03:26,561 Speaker 1: to know? Would you want him to marry you anyway? No, 81 00:03:26,601 --> 00:03:27,560 Speaker 1: I'd want to know. 82 00:03:28,960 --> 00:03:31,561 Speaker 2: If you feel like there's unfinished business, please go pursue 83 00:03:31,601 --> 00:03:34,961 Speaker 2: that me. Don't waste my time in my life. 84 00:03:35,201 --> 00:03:38,361 Speaker 1: Literally, there's an answer, right, you are to put yourself 85 00:03:38,401 --> 00:03:40,481 Speaker 1: in the reverse shoes, So true and see how you 86 00:03:40,521 --> 00:03:42,761 Speaker 1: would feel, and it gives you the clarity straight away. 87 00:03:43,841 --> 00:03:46,521 Speaker 1: I wouldn't want to marry someone if they were questioning 88 00:03:46,681 --> 00:03:49,681 Speaker 1: having feelings of someone else. I want them to be 89 00:03:49,801 --> 00:03:52,321 Speaker 1: so fucking sure that there is no one else except 90 00:03:52,321 --> 00:03:55,561 Speaker 1: for me and if there's ever any doubt. Yeah, that's 91 00:03:55,561 --> 00:03:58,041 Speaker 1: a big conversation to have. You give them the opportunity 92 00:03:58,081 --> 00:03:59,921 Speaker 1: to decide if they want to stay with you or not. 93 00:04:00,201 --> 00:04:03,001 Speaker 2: And that's fair, that's respect, that's definitely respect. Yeah, I 94 00:04:03,081 --> 00:04:04,521 Speaker 2: think as well it can be one of those things 95 00:04:04,561 --> 00:04:07,001 Speaker 2: where maybe you just have such a beautiful relationship with 96 00:04:07,121 --> 00:04:09,761 Speaker 2: him that you're questioning if there's something more, but they 97 00:04:09,841 --> 00:04:12,241 Speaker 2: might not be. Yeah, where it's just like maybe because 98 00:04:12,281 --> 00:04:15,281 Speaker 2: you feel safe, and you obviously adore this person, and 99 00:04:15,321 --> 00:04:18,361 Speaker 2: you've been friends, so you obviously emotionally support each other, 100 00:04:18,801 --> 00:04:20,321 Speaker 2: so maybe there's a part of you that's like, oh, 101 00:04:20,401 --> 00:04:22,881 Speaker 2: but maybe this feels like the start of a relationship, 102 00:04:23,161 --> 00:04:26,001 Speaker 2: But it's just like that questioning, or maybe your intuition 103 00:04:26,121 --> 00:04:28,880 Speaker 2: knows that you actually do feel some kind of interest 104 00:04:28,961 --> 00:04:30,561 Speaker 2: for that person, then that's a different story. 105 00:04:31,161 --> 00:04:33,721 Speaker 1: I wonder if too, you could ask yourself, is there 106 00:04:33,761 --> 00:04:36,281 Speaker 1: something missing in your current relationship? Doesn't mean you can 107 00:04:36,320 --> 00:04:39,001 Speaker 1: still love him, but sometimes if we're not getting a 108 00:04:39,081 --> 00:04:41,761 Speaker 1: need met in a relationship, we go elsewhere for it, 109 00:04:41,801 --> 00:04:43,001 Speaker 1: for sure. I think with a lot of girls they 110 00:04:43,001 --> 00:04:45,041 Speaker 1: go to their girlfriends for it too, or they go 111 00:04:45,081 --> 00:04:46,960 Speaker 1: to themselves. And for men, maybe it's like they go 112 00:04:47,001 --> 00:04:48,601 Speaker 1: to pawn or people go to food, or they go 113 00:04:48,641 --> 00:04:50,601 Speaker 1: to social media scrolling like we numb out and find 114 00:04:50,641 --> 00:04:52,841 Speaker 1: it distraction or find something else to meet that need, 115 00:04:53,161 --> 00:04:56,241 Speaker 1: whether it's connection or entertainment or something. Is there something 116 00:04:56,281 --> 00:04:58,561 Speaker 1: missing in your current relationship that you get from this 117 00:04:58,681 --> 00:05:00,641 Speaker 1: other man that you're not getting, and is that conversation 118 00:05:00,721 --> 00:05:03,001 Speaker 1: to bring him to your fiance? Hey, I'm realizing I 119 00:05:03,041 --> 00:05:04,921 Speaker 1: need more of this from you. Yeah, can you meet me? 120 00:05:05,361 --> 00:05:07,841 Speaker 2: I love that because maybe there's a part of you 121 00:05:07,880 --> 00:05:11,001 Speaker 2: that's wanting what you get from this other dynamic, but 122 00:05:11,121 --> 00:05:13,121 Speaker 2: maybe you don't necessarily want it from him, you just 123 00:05:13,161 --> 00:05:16,041 Speaker 2: want it more. Yeah, intimate relationship, could. 124 00:05:15,841 --> 00:05:19,441 Speaker 1: We get the closeness? Could be flirting, it could be excitement. 125 00:05:19,001 --> 00:05:23,121 Speaker 2: Playfulness, variety, whatever it is. Yeah, that's an interesting question. 126 00:05:22,921 --> 00:05:26,601 Speaker 1: Actually deeper conversation. Sometimes I think people stay in relationships 127 00:05:26,641 --> 00:05:28,200 Speaker 1: because they love them, but I think a lot of 128 00:05:28,241 --> 00:05:31,281 Speaker 1: couples are fucking bored out of their brains, and like 129 00:05:31,440 --> 00:05:33,401 Speaker 1: the thought of someone new or something that gives a 130 00:05:33,440 --> 00:05:34,921 Speaker 1: bit of variety can be exciting. 131 00:05:35,041 --> 00:05:35,521 Speaker 2: For sure. 132 00:05:35,801 --> 00:05:38,721 Speaker 1: I know that unsagittarian. I love variety. I crave it 133 00:05:38,841 --> 00:05:41,921 Speaker 1: so much, and that something seems very aware of so 134 00:05:42,161 --> 00:05:44,161 Speaker 1: tries to create a lot of freedom and variety in 135 00:05:44,241 --> 00:05:47,561 Speaker 1: our life, whether that's through dates, through how sexual we 136 00:05:47,601 --> 00:05:49,801 Speaker 1: are together, to me having freedom to go with girlfriends 137 00:05:49,801 --> 00:05:52,041 Speaker 1: and do different things. Like it's something I've communicated I 138 00:05:52,081 --> 00:05:52,881 Speaker 1: need that. 139 00:05:52,880 --> 00:05:54,841 Speaker 2: Makes sense, and it's such a valid thing for just 140 00:05:54,961 --> 00:05:58,200 Speaker 2: humans in general to want and desire because definitely we 141 00:05:58,241 --> 00:06:01,561 Speaker 2: don't like to feel restricted down or anything like that. 142 00:06:01,601 --> 00:06:04,121 Speaker 2: And like the reality is, long term, you have to 143 00:06:04,121 --> 00:06:06,921 Speaker 2: continuously keep that spark alive otherwise you just get pulled 144 00:06:06,961 --> 00:06:10,320 Speaker 2: into the mundane of life. Yes, maybe it is more comfortable. Yeah, 145 00:06:10,361 --> 00:06:13,161 Speaker 2: maybe it's excitement and stuff. You've been together for six years, 146 00:06:13,681 --> 00:06:15,481 Speaker 2: you're probably at that point where you're like, oh, things 147 00:06:15,481 --> 00:06:18,200 Speaker 2: feel a bit monotonous, and you know it, is it 148 00:06:18,241 --> 00:06:21,641 Speaker 2: looking like bringing more spark, more play, more life into 149 00:06:21,641 --> 00:06:25,241 Speaker 2: your relationship again, and like bringing back the flirting and yeah, 150 00:06:25,241 --> 00:06:27,801 Speaker 2: anything that you feel like, maybe isn't there anymore like 151 00:06:27,841 --> 00:06:28,721 Speaker 2: what it was in the beginning? 152 00:06:28,841 --> 00:06:30,241 Speaker 1: And is there a side of you that you're giving 153 00:06:30,241 --> 00:06:32,001 Speaker 1: your friend that you're not giving your partner as well? 154 00:06:32,041 --> 00:06:34,801 Speaker 1: Like are you playing a role? Yeah something to look at. 155 00:06:34,841 --> 00:06:38,121 Speaker 2: Oh I like that. Oh it's a hard one, especially 156 00:06:38,121 --> 00:06:40,640 Speaker 2: because you've got a wedding coming up. That feels like pressure. 157 00:06:40,721 --> 00:06:42,441 Speaker 1: Now there's pressure exactly because you're on a. 158 00:06:42,361 --> 00:06:44,241 Speaker 2: Time a timeline. It's like, oh my god, I've got 159 00:06:44,281 --> 00:06:46,281 Speaker 2: to make a decision now. Yeah, but like you don't 160 00:06:46,320 --> 00:06:48,841 Speaker 2: want to make a decision from that place because you're 161 00:06:48,880 --> 00:06:52,200 Speaker 2: feeling disregulated, you want to make a grounder decision of 162 00:06:52,320 --> 00:06:55,161 Speaker 2: what's right for you. And then also maybe is it 163 00:06:55,241 --> 00:06:59,001 Speaker 2: a question of is there something underlying and it's something 164 00:06:59,001 --> 00:07:01,761 Speaker 2: you've always wanted to explore, Because then if that is 165 00:07:01,801 --> 00:07:03,841 Speaker 2: the case, like what you said, like if the roles 166 00:07:03,841 --> 00:07:06,001 Speaker 2: were reverse, you'd want to know. Yeah, what would you 167 00:07:06,041 --> 00:07:09,841 Speaker 2: do me? Yeah? If I truly felt like I was 168 00:07:09,881 --> 00:07:12,641 Speaker 2: desiring somebody else, I don't think that I could go 169 00:07:12,681 --> 00:07:15,761 Speaker 2: through with the wedding, Yeah, because I feel sick. I 170 00:07:15,801 --> 00:07:17,641 Speaker 2: think for me, I mean, I don't know if this 171 00:07:17,761 --> 00:07:20,281 Speaker 2: is just the Gemini in me, but like I'm constantly 172 00:07:20,281 --> 00:07:23,321 Speaker 2: going back and forth in my head about two different ways. 173 00:07:23,761 --> 00:07:26,521 Speaker 2: So like for me, I think if I had question, 174 00:07:27,481 --> 00:07:30,161 Speaker 2: I would always question yeah, and that would eat me alive. 175 00:07:31,081 --> 00:07:33,241 Speaker 2: And then it'd make me feel guilty and make you 176 00:07:33,361 --> 00:07:35,641 Speaker 2: feel like I'm doing something wrong. Yeah, like I'm not 177 00:07:35,681 --> 00:07:37,641 Speaker 2: a loyal partner and all of those things I just 178 00:07:37,681 --> 00:07:38,481 Speaker 2: don't think are worth it. 179 00:07:38,921 --> 00:07:41,521 Speaker 1: You know, we would love an update. I really feel 180 00:07:41,601 --> 00:07:43,481 Speaker 1: for you, I'm the same. I don't think I could 181 00:07:43,481 --> 00:07:44,721 Speaker 1: go through with it. I think it would eat me alive. 182 00:07:44,721 --> 00:07:46,601 Speaker 1: I would feel sick. I would feel bad, like just 183 00:07:46,641 --> 00:07:48,641 Speaker 1: I feel like going home to my fiance, I would 184 00:07:48,641 --> 00:07:49,721 Speaker 1: look at him and feel guilt. 185 00:07:50,001 --> 00:07:50,921 Speaker 2: I don't think I could. 186 00:07:50,721 --> 00:07:53,241 Speaker 1: Go through with it, But I before I make any 187 00:07:53,401 --> 00:07:55,961 Speaker 1: big decision, I would definitely ask myself those questions. Am 188 00:07:55,961 --> 00:07:57,921 Speaker 1: I getting something from my friend that I'm not getting 189 00:07:57,921 --> 00:08:00,601 Speaker 1: from my fiance? Is there a need not getting met? 190 00:08:00,641 --> 00:08:02,121 Speaker 1: Am I giving something to my friend that I'm not 191 00:08:02,161 --> 00:08:04,521 Speaker 1: giving to my fiance? Like where is the disconnect? Or 192 00:08:04,561 --> 00:08:06,561 Speaker 1: am I or am I not acknowledging what I need? 193 00:08:06,881 --> 00:08:08,881 Speaker 1: Or is this genuine feelings I have for this man? 194 00:08:09,121 --> 00:08:11,441 Speaker 1: And say you broke up with your fiance and he 195 00:08:11,481 --> 00:08:14,241 Speaker 1: stays with his girlfriend, what does that mean for you too? Yes, 196 00:08:14,881 --> 00:08:17,161 Speaker 1: you're still doing the right things. I don't think you absolutely. 197 00:08:17,201 --> 00:08:18,681 Speaker 1: I don't thin should say with your fiance is like 198 00:08:18,721 --> 00:08:20,441 Speaker 1: a second best option because you wouldn't like that to 199 00:08:20,441 --> 00:08:22,401 Speaker 1: be done to you, know, But I think there's some 200 00:08:22,401 --> 00:08:25,401 Speaker 1: deeper questions to ask before you make the big decision. 201 00:08:25,481 --> 00:08:28,041 Speaker 1: But think fast, because your wedding is coming up. 202 00:08:29,321 --> 00:08:31,241 Speaker 2: Give us an update, let us know love and updatet 203 00:08:31,361 --> 00:08:33,040 Speaker 2: us know where your head's at. What comes up for 204 00:08:33,081 --> 00:08:35,401 Speaker 2: you when you hear us say these thinges and yeah, 205 00:08:35,441 --> 00:08:36,521 Speaker 2: we'd love to hear from you again. 206 00:08:36,601 --> 00:08:38,441 Speaker 1: And please know this is all with love. This is 207 00:08:38,521 --> 00:08:40,441 Speaker 1: just literally us being honest. If Tianna came to me 208 00:08:40,441 --> 00:08:42,841 Speaker 1: with this situation, I would be just as honest with her, 209 00:08:43,081 --> 00:08:48,161 Speaker 1: and vice versa. We've had so many hard conversations about life, relationships, work, money, friendships. 210 00:08:48,481 --> 00:08:50,401 Speaker 1: We're both just like, hey, can I pull you up 211 00:08:50,441 --> 00:08:52,961 Speaker 1: on something? Like, Hey, you've said this, are you going 212 00:08:53,041 --> 00:08:55,041 Speaker 1: to stand with this? Like, yeah, that's what real friends do. 213 00:08:55,121 --> 00:08:56,441 Speaker 1: We want you to know that we are not going 214 00:08:56,481 --> 00:08:57,121 Speaker 1: to sugarcoat it. 215 00:08:57,201 --> 00:08:59,721 Speaker 2: Yes, it's true and it's hard to hear sometimes, but 216 00:09:00,001 --> 00:09:01,721 Speaker 2: at the end of the day, like the people around 217 00:09:01,721 --> 00:09:03,521 Speaker 2: you hold you to a higher stand because if you 218 00:09:04,001 --> 00:09:05,961 Speaker 2: say that you want for your stuff and you know 219 00:09:06,561 --> 00:09:10,681 Speaker 2: there's no point staying in a relationship that feels mediocre, 220 00:09:10,801 --> 00:09:13,001 Speaker 2: you might love them, you might, absolutely, but if you're 221 00:09:13,041 --> 00:09:15,921 Speaker 2: considering somebody else, there's probably either a reason for that 222 00:09:16,041 --> 00:09:18,921 Speaker 2: or there's an underlying desire there, and that's also worth 223 00:09:18,961 --> 00:09:21,041 Speaker 2: exploring too, I think. So it's really good advice. 224 00:09:21,161 --> 00:09:23,201 Speaker 1: Yeah, thanks for listening. Please give u an update. We 225 00:09:23,321 --> 00:09:27,481 Speaker 1: absolutely love that, and we'll see you guys tomorrow. Bye.