WEBVTT - Best of Head Game: Military Mindset 0:00:00.320 --> 0:00:03.400 We'd like to acknowledge the traditional custodians of the land 0:00:03.480 --> 0:00:06.840 on which this podcast was produced, the Galligall people of 0:00:06.920 --> 0:00:10.440 the orination. We pay our respects to Elder's past and present. 0:00:11.560 --> 0:00:14.120 Hi and here, I'm taking a short break, but I'll 0:00:14.160 --> 0:00:19.000 be back with more interviews from January twenty second. Military 0:00:19.040 --> 0:00:22.360 and army personnel are regularly pushed to the limits of 0:00:22.400 --> 0:00:26.160 the human body and mind. From my time in the military, 0:00:26.200 --> 0:00:29.240 I know firsthand what told this can take on your 0:00:29.280 --> 0:00:34.640 physical and mental health. In this special episode, I'm revisiting 0:00:34.680 --> 0:00:38.080 some of these powerful conversations I've had in the last year. 0:00:39.240 --> 0:00:43.560 Today you're here from Oliolaton, Damion, Tomlinson, and Brian Udell, 0:00:43.800 --> 0:00:47.200 who have each had to endure hardships and learned lessons 0:00:47.479 --> 0:00:51.920 as a result. First up, my brother in the ds 0:00:52.120 --> 0:00:55.880 odioloton Oli, spoke to me about his military career and 0:00:55.920 --> 0:00:58.600 the moment he realized that the war he was fighting 0:00:59.080 --> 0:01:00.400 was within himself. 0:01:00.600 --> 0:01:02.640 I just think a big problem with me. I don't 0:01:02.680 --> 0:01:04.959 know if anything ex doing world have satisfied what I 0:01:05.000 --> 0:01:07.400 needed to solve inside, you know, and I need to 0:01:07.520 --> 0:01:09.399 learn that the hard way. I finally left after six 0:01:09.480 --> 0:01:10.959 years said I was never going back to a war 0:01:11.040 --> 0:01:12.959 zone three months later, I'm in the war zone as 0:01:12.959 --> 0:01:14.200 a contractor. 0:01:14.200 --> 0:01:18.640 So you never got back to a war zone and 0:01:18.680 --> 0:01:21.919 then someone comes along and back in that day. Though 0:01:22.160 --> 0:01:26.319 when the year ractif as a private contractor, it was 0:01:26.600 --> 0:01:28.520 you were owning a ridiculous amounts of money. What it 0:01:28.600 --> 0:01:30.760 was about the money, it wasn't really about going into 0:01:30.760 --> 0:01:33.440 and having job satisfaction. Is like I've got the s 0:01:33.600 --> 0:01:36.720 F stamp. Yeah yeah, Now as a private contractor, you're 0:01:36.720 --> 0:01:39.360 getting paid ridiculous amounts of money. You're going from your 0:01:39.360 --> 0:01:42.560 fifty quid a day to your five it was, and 0:01:42.600 --> 0:01:44.880 all of a suddenly living you know, yeah, you just 0:01:45.120 --> 0:01:47.480 living in the process, but you're living like a pop star, right. 0:01:47.400 --> 0:01:49.600 Yeah, yeah, one hundred percent, which was was a blessing 0:01:49.640 --> 0:01:53.600 and a curse. 0:01:53.840 --> 0:01:54.080 Yeah. 0:01:54.120 --> 0:01:56.520 Well for me it was like I got out there exactly. 0:01:56.600 --> 0:01:59.560 I now call it fools gold because I've never compromised 0:01:59.600 --> 0:02:01.800 my mental and physical state to do any job. You 0:02:01.800 --> 0:02:04.640 know what I mean, we are the most important project 0:02:04.880 --> 0:02:07.200 is that this fact. So for me out there, you're 0:02:07.200 --> 0:02:10.119 obviously compromising everything, the safety and everything that I don't 0:02:10.120 --> 0:02:12.640 talk about safety because health and safety wasn't something that 0:02:12.680 --> 0:02:14.720 we was a part of our life anyway. But the 0:02:14.720 --> 0:02:16.400 thing is you're out there doing jobs that you would 0:02:16.400 --> 0:02:18.400 never do in the military, you know what I mean, 0:02:18.400 --> 0:02:21.360 and you're like doing You're risking things like you know, 0:02:21.520 --> 0:02:23.400 I've got twelve people, I'm looking there's two of us 0:02:23.440 --> 0:02:25.880 looking after twelve people on a convoy. You will do 0:02:25.960 --> 0:02:27.840 that top cover as well, no top cover, no nothing. 0:02:27.880 --> 0:02:29.320 So you know that if you get whack, when you 0:02:29.320 --> 0:02:31.600 get whacked, it is probably highly likely you're not coming out. 0:02:32.560 --> 0:02:35.760 So that's happening on a far too regular basis, you 0:02:35.840 --> 0:02:37.080 know what I mean, and you haven't. And for the 0:02:37.120 --> 0:02:39.440 first time I can remember that first attack. I talk 0:02:39.480 --> 0:02:41.040 about it a lot because I learned a lot about 0:02:41.040 --> 0:02:43.600 myself in that, you know, one hundred and forty k's 0:02:43.639 --> 0:02:47.000 one hundred and forty kilometers driving down the road in 0:02:47.000 --> 0:02:50.800 the convoy got whacked by the militia two car attack 0:02:51.000 --> 0:02:53.880 on tours from behind and mate, in that moment, it 0:02:53.960 --> 0:02:58.239 was like, I absolutely shit myself, not literally, but you 0:02:58.280 --> 0:03:00.360 know what I mean. When that attack came in, was like, 0:03:00.840 --> 0:03:03.040 and I'm driving a car and I'm like realizing what's 0:03:03.040 --> 0:03:03.480 going on? 0:03:04.120 --> 0:03:08.840 A big cover. You've got nowhere assets, you've got a weapon, 0:03:08.880 --> 0:03:12.600 a couple of mans, two of you against a whole army. 0:03:12.320 --> 0:03:14.000 Base exactly who don't give? 0:03:14.520 --> 0:03:18.720 Don't give? Who don't And you've got no yea, there's 0:03:18.720 --> 0:03:20.840 no fire and maneuver out there. 0:03:20.680 --> 0:03:22.960 And no no no safety covering, no nothing. And then 0:03:23.000 --> 0:03:26.440 you realize in that moment that how you know, back 0:03:26.440 --> 0:03:28.480 in the day when that happened, when you're in s F, 0:03:28.680 --> 0:03:29.919 you would like, bring it. 0:03:29.880 --> 0:03:34.720 On, yeah, bring it on. Yeah you got. 0:03:36.280 --> 0:03:38.040 You know what I mean, everyone's best weapon system in 0:03:38.080 --> 0:03:41.080 the world, you know what I mean, And you just 0:03:41.200 --> 0:03:43.200 want that to happen. You're gagging for it to happen. 0:03:43.320 --> 0:03:46.080 But in that moment and I started thinking, this is 0:03:46.160 --> 0:03:48.280 you know, I've analyzed this time and time again about 0:03:48.280 --> 0:03:50.600 what happened in that moment, because it was almost like 0:03:51.120 --> 0:03:53.280 I'd stop breathing for a minute, you know what I mean. 0:03:53.400 --> 0:03:55.720 And that's what happens when we get into stressful situations. 0:03:55.720 --> 0:03:58.920 You're you, you start to shallow breathe, yeah, of course. 0:03:59.280 --> 0:04:01.280 And then once you start to do that, Cortersole starts 0:04:01.320 --> 0:04:03.560 to increase chemical reaction, which is the fight or flight 0:04:03.800 --> 0:04:06.480 or freeze. I'm driving a car, it's not the best 0:04:06.520 --> 0:04:08.160 thing to happen. You know what I mean. I start 0:04:08.200 --> 0:04:10.000 thinking about all the things that could go wrong, So 0:04:10.040 --> 0:04:12.760 you then start to build into that fear. Fear is 0:04:12.760 --> 0:04:14.920 a mental and emotional rehearsal for something you don't want 0:04:14.920 --> 0:04:16.839 to happen, you know what I mean. You can't allow 0:04:16.880 --> 0:04:19.360 it to dominate. It's contagious, isn't It doesn't mean to 0:04:19.360 --> 0:04:22.360 turning back on it, but you And in that moment, 0:04:22.400 --> 0:04:24.880 it wasn't until I actually they started shooting at it, 0:04:25.680 --> 0:04:30.039 you know, the intimidating sound of that orchestra of hell, 0:04:30.680 --> 0:04:32.520 of all those AK forty sevens going off, that it 0:04:32.560 --> 0:04:35.479 snapped me out and it was like bang. Nothing more 0:04:35.720 --> 0:04:38.599 was Everything was subconscious from that moment and the training 0:04:38.680 --> 0:04:41.640 kit back in, thank god. And I took a breath 0:04:41.640 --> 0:04:43.200 in that moment, almost like I'm not breathed for the 0:04:43.279 --> 0:04:45.760 last minute and a half or whatever. And in that moment, 0:04:45.920 --> 0:04:50.080 breathing just adding clarity, which which dropped the quartersole. Give 0:04:50.080 --> 0:04:52.320 me a mindset of clarity and not confusion. What do 0:04:52.360 --> 0:04:54.479 I need to focus on? Not the people in front, 0:04:54.880 --> 0:04:56.599 not the things, all the things that could go wrong, 0:04:56.720 --> 0:04:58.839 the people that are shooting at me. Nothing else matters 0:04:58.880 --> 0:05:01.040 apart from that you know, and in that moment that 0:05:01.040 --> 0:05:02.760 that's why I learned so much. And I'll talk about 0:05:02.760 --> 0:05:04.840 that breathe we calibrate delivery. 0:05:04.440 --> 0:05:07.520 Alery that would gives you that calvity of mind exactly. 0:05:07.760 --> 0:05:09.839 Yeah, yeah, and as you know it, and I talked 0:05:09.839 --> 0:05:12.320 about that a lot with people afterwards, and it was like, 0:05:12.520 --> 0:05:14.320 you know, that's the one thing that got me out 0:05:14.360 --> 0:05:18.440 that situation. We got back and it was incredible. Although 0:05:18.440 --> 0:05:20.120 in that you know, I learned so much from that, 0:05:20.320 --> 0:05:22.640 so much from that, And that's the fact that you know, 0:05:22.680 --> 0:05:24.799 and you can use that adapt that in every situation 0:05:24.880 --> 0:05:26.920 because you get to a stressful situation, whether you're asking 0:05:26.920 --> 0:05:28.760 for a pay rise of whatever you're doing, or any 0:05:28.800 --> 0:05:33.160 situation that is uncomfortable. Unless you get control of your faculties, 0:05:33.200 --> 0:05:35.760 you're going to make a decision. The heightened sense of emotion, 0:05:35.839 --> 0:05:37.960 which is then going to create a negative situation that 0:05:38.120 --> 0:05:40.479 you know, you're pushing yourself in your mind just goes, 0:05:40.560 --> 0:05:42.800 get me out whatever wherever you want to take me. 0:05:42.880 --> 0:05:44.800 Get the first thing that pops up, you action it 0:05:44.839 --> 0:05:46.720 and yeah, it's desperate, and. 0:05:46.640 --> 0:05:49.560 It's desperate and it's in the wrong direction, you you know, 0:05:49.600 --> 0:05:52.080 And that's obviously quite an extreme but people could. Yeah, 0:05:52.200 --> 0:05:54.440 but people, you know, there's a lot of stuff now 0:05:54.440 --> 0:05:57.039 out there about breath work, which is so powerful, you know, 0:05:57.200 --> 0:06:00.000 starting to control your breathing everything else, which is incredible. 0:06:00.279 --> 0:06:03.200 So but that moment taught me so much about that situation, 0:06:03.320 --> 0:06:07.080 about about myself. But the thing is, the negative side 0:06:07.160 --> 0:06:09.599 is that that was the fact that I thought that 0:06:09.720 --> 0:06:11.120 was early on in the days of getting there as 0:06:11.160 --> 0:06:13.160 a contractor, you know what I mean. And then from 0:06:13.160 --> 0:06:15.080 that moment on, I was like, I ain't coming back 0:06:15.080 --> 0:06:17.800 from here. But I kind of giving up by that time. Anyway, 0:06:17.800 --> 0:06:20.240 I was drinking too much a lot, you know. We 0:06:20.279 --> 0:06:23.040 went back to the village, I was drinking. Everyone was drinking. 0:06:23.320 --> 0:06:25.240 When the tools went down, everyone was drinking, but I 0:06:25.320 --> 0:06:26.839 think I was drinking more, you know. I was like, 0:06:27.480 --> 0:06:29.400 I made sure in my room I had a stash, 0:06:29.440 --> 0:06:31.360 so I knocked myself out, you know what I mean. 0:06:31.400 --> 0:06:33.159 I used to sleep with a pistol under my pillow, 0:06:33.279 --> 0:06:34.640 not knowing if the door was going to be bashed 0:06:34.640 --> 0:06:36.160 in by the militia. And I lived like that for 0:06:36.160 --> 0:06:39.400 four years. Started taking Valley in the day after just 0:06:39.440 --> 0:06:43.520 to handle the anxiety of the hangovers and this living 0:06:43.560 --> 0:06:46.479 in back Dad in the Red Zone, and it was 0:06:46.520 --> 0:06:48.840 it was a horrible It was absolutely horrible. I look 0:06:48.880 --> 0:06:51.600 back now and that really did cay me in mentally. 0:06:51.760 --> 0:06:53.280 You know, I had to get out of there. Four 0:06:53.320 --> 0:06:55.599 years later, I just said, I plucked up the courage 0:06:55.640 --> 0:06:57.640 to leave. And it's so hard when you're being paid 0:06:57.640 --> 0:06:58.960 that much money, you know what I mean. And that's 0:06:58.960 --> 0:07:01.080 why I call it fool's gold now, yeah, because we're 0:07:01.120 --> 0:07:03.479 quite happy to compromise everything for the dollar. 0:07:12.360 --> 0:07:16.680 In two thousand and nine, Commando Damon Tomlinson was serving 0:07:16.720 --> 0:07:21.360 in Afghanistan when one night changed everything. He was working 0:07:21.440 --> 0:07:24.840 a night patrol when his unit drove over a Taliban 0:07:25.000 --> 0:07:29.320 ied Damien lost both of his legs in the explosion 0:07:29.560 --> 0:07:33.840 and was left fighting for his life. He was determined 0:07:33.880 --> 0:07:36.640 to reclaim his life on his own terms, and he 0:07:36.680 --> 0:07:39.400 spoke to me about the mindset that enabled him to 0:07:39.440 --> 0:07:39.800 do so. 0:07:40.560 --> 0:07:44.280 I'm making progress. If it hurts, you know what I mean, 0:07:45.200 --> 0:07:47.760 it's and then you've got doctors who are just used 0:07:47.800 --> 0:07:50.640 to dealing with punters who go in with a sawnee 0:07:50.680 --> 0:07:53.120 or whatever. And then I'm like, I don't really care 0:07:53.200 --> 0:07:55.360 what what you guys have got to do. I'm going 0:07:55.440 --> 0:07:57.920 to be doing this. You're either going to be someone 0:07:57.960 --> 0:07:59.920 who's on the journey with me to do this, or 0:08:00.240 --> 0:08:02.520 I'm going to find someone who is you know what 0:08:02.560 --> 0:08:06.400 I mean like and that. So I never really looked 0:08:06.440 --> 0:08:08.760 at a lot of the because to me, I was 0:08:08.800 --> 0:08:13.040 still me, you know. But I definitely knew that everyone 0:08:13.040 --> 0:08:17.080 on that night saw something though were never going to unsee. 0:08:17.200 --> 0:08:21.760 And apparently the time where every now and then because 0:08:22.280 --> 0:08:25.200 they had moved to white light to save me. You know, 0:08:25.240 --> 0:08:27.559 they've done everything they could turn the caves and stuff 0:08:27.600 --> 0:08:30.120 like that, but the village because you can hear what 0:08:30.120 --> 0:08:32.840 they're saying on their icon radios. There was a huge, 0:08:33.360 --> 0:08:35.320 huge conference, like there was way more of them than 0:08:35.360 --> 0:08:38.559 we originally thought. But we're basically saying, let's light them up. 0:08:39.280 --> 0:08:42.680 So everyone's posturing and getting ready. If one shot got fired, 0:08:42.720 --> 0:08:44.439 the US chopper wouldn't have got me out and I'd 0:08:44.480 --> 0:08:47.920 be dead wall at the minute of the troops in 0:08:47.960 --> 0:08:52.200 contact would have happened, that rings through. I'm a flag 0:08:52.240 --> 0:08:53.520 on my parents' mantlepiece. 0:08:53.720 --> 0:08:55.480 And what did you manage to keep? Then? What did 0:08:55.520 --> 0:08:57.560 you lose? And what did you manage to keep? Because 0:08:57.760 --> 0:08:59.760 I was looking pretty grim at one moment that you're 0:08:59.760 --> 0:09:00.760 going to these arms. 0:09:00.960 --> 0:09:04.760 Yeah. So when my parents found out, the word was 0:09:04.880 --> 0:09:09.640 he's really low single digit percentage chance of living and 0:09:09.679 --> 0:09:11.520 if he does, it's going to be a triple ampeteue 0:09:13.480 --> 0:09:16.040 like And at that stage, I was in at Camp Bastion, 0:09:16.200 --> 0:09:19.840 which is the UK base, with the trauma team, under 0:09:19.840 --> 0:09:22.720 a space blanket and if I couldn't hold my body heat, 0:09:22.840 --> 0:09:27.599 I was I was gone. So that was that was 0:09:27.640 --> 0:09:30.319 when they found out. And I mean, it's so disjointed 0:09:31.480 --> 0:09:33.560 when you get back, but to me, I woke up 0:09:33.559 --> 0:09:34.319 and I was still meet. 0:09:34.559 --> 0:09:37.120 You seem to have tackled it with a super positive mindset. 0:09:37.120 --> 0:09:39.400 Do you think if you hadn't, do you think there's 0:09:39.559 --> 0:09:42.000 any gray areas herel do you think you go to 0:09:42.120 --> 0:09:44.400 you stoop to the lowest of the lows where you 0:09:44.400 --> 0:09:46.680 don't want to be here anymore? And did that mindset 0:09:46.720 --> 0:09:47.600 ever take charge? 0:09:47.679 --> 0:09:50.760 I got to dark places through it. Yeah, I definitely did, 0:09:51.080 --> 0:09:56.000 but not in the initial phases for me were like, 0:09:56.080 --> 0:09:57.920 I remember having this comment with my dad because he's 0:09:57.920 --> 0:10:01.000 always said, you've never used your brain. It's disappointing. He 0:10:01.040 --> 0:10:02.920 walked in with his great big grin on his face. 0:10:02.960 --> 0:10:05.000 I'm like smiling on him. We're having a laugh like 0:10:05.679 --> 0:10:07.319 in a hospital, and he goes, well, you got to 0:10:07.360 --> 0:10:08.280 use your brain now, don't you. 0:10:09.800 --> 0:10:11.520 Good old dad, you got me TV. 0:10:12.320 --> 0:10:14.720 I'm gonna now, and then you know he's sort of 0:10:14.720 --> 0:10:16.440 mapping out or up. We've got to change, We've got 0:10:16.480 --> 0:10:19.880 to do different things. But to me, the most important 0:10:19.920 --> 0:10:23.480 thing was there's a group of guys who have gone 0:10:23.559 --> 0:10:27.160 through something that I can't imagine seeing, let alone it 0:10:27.240 --> 0:10:30.959 being something you care about, and they have somehow kept 0:10:31.000 --> 0:10:33.040 me alive. So the mess that I could see, I 0:10:33.080 --> 0:10:35.600 saw was the result of people's effort on the ground, 0:10:36.400 --> 0:10:38.199 you know, which I still see it as that it's 0:10:38.200 --> 0:10:40.200 what it is. So I've got to try and do 0:10:40.280 --> 0:10:43.319 something that then has them know how good of a 0:10:43.440 --> 0:10:46.640 job they've done. So to me, I then had a 0:10:46.640 --> 0:10:50.680 finite timeline of when they were flying home and I 0:10:50.720 --> 0:10:53.480 had to be up walking standing in a pair of 0:10:53.520 --> 0:10:56.839 jeans so you couldn't see prosthetic legs, and it didn't 0:10:56.840 --> 0:10:58.480 matter what it took. And then like there were bits 0:10:58.480 --> 0:11:01.280 where like it it hurts a lot. 0:11:01.360 --> 0:11:04.080 That was your goal, that was your next objective, that 0:11:04.120 --> 0:11:07.199 was your next mission, which again we talk about purposes 0:11:07.280 --> 0:11:09.800 like and you've done everything that you can to make 0:11:09.800 --> 0:11:10.680 sure that you've done that. 0:11:10.880 --> 0:11:13.520 Yeah, And I mean I was like, by all accounts, 0:11:13.559 --> 0:11:15.640 I was probably one of the worst patients in the 0:11:15.800 --> 0:11:19.280 history of north Shore Private Hospital because I was just 0:11:19.280 --> 0:11:21.880 done compromising with it. You know, if I didn't think 0:11:21.920 --> 0:11:24.360 and right or wrong, didn't think that someone was aligned 0:11:24.360 --> 0:11:27.160 with my goals, I would like remove them from the 0:11:27.200 --> 0:11:29.920 process or ignore their advice. You know, I just go 0:11:29.960 --> 0:11:31.800 all right, I've been through enough to know where I'm 0:11:31.800 --> 0:11:34.280 going with this, Like, I know my limits. You don't, 0:11:34.400 --> 0:11:37.960 like there's a picture of me like five weeks after 0:11:38.800 --> 0:11:42.080 on a prosthetic that you're not really supposed to wait 0:11:42.120 --> 0:11:44.520 bear through. But I was like, I'm going down the 0:11:44.520 --> 0:11:46.480 hall on this because we've got so I'm on one 0:11:46.520 --> 0:11:49.640 of those walkers pushing it along with the thing, like 0:11:49.679 --> 0:11:51.840 and there's just concerned face drack. 0:11:51.600 --> 0:11:53.439 In his prosthetic leg along. Yeah. 0:11:53.480 --> 0:11:55.520 Well, and I'm just like, okay, cool, Well, this is 0:11:55.520 --> 0:11:57.400 what we've got to do this. I'm still played it 0:11:57.559 --> 0:12:00.280 at the time, like there's a lot of stuff I'm 0:12:00.320 --> 0:12:02.400 wrong with it, but I was like, I'm not gonna 0:12:02.440 --> 0:12:05.080 heal laying down and they're like you just you just 0:12:05.120 --> 0:12:07.120 you gotta rest, you gotta rest. And I'm like, everyone 0:12:07.200 --> 0:12:10.720 tells me to rest, like go home, you rest, Like 0:12:10.800 --> 0:12:12.000 get it up. I've got stuff to do. 0:12:20.600 --> 0:12:24.400 My final guest today is Captain Brian Yudell. In the 0:12:24.440 --> 0:12:27.920 middle of the Atlantic Ocean. Brian was fighting for his life. 0:12:28.720 --> 0:12:31.559 He just survived the highest speed ejection from a US 0:12:31.600 --> 0:12:36.320 fighter aircraft at nearly thirteen hundred kilometers per hour. Just 0:12:36.440 --> 0:12:39.240 as he started to think I'm going to die out 0:12:39.280 --> 0:12:42.040 here tonight, his resilient mindset took over. 0:12:42.440 --> 0:12:45.600 My grandmother was an incredibly strong woman, and she always 0:12:45.600 --> 0:12:48.040 taught me that we don't get to choose the day 0:12:48.080 --> 0:12:50.480 we're going to have. We get to choose how we're 0:12:50.480 --> 0:12:53.040 going to deal with it, and we should be prepared 0:12:53.040 --> 0:12:56.720 for whatever the day brings physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. 0:12:57.200 --> 0:12:59.360 And she says, if you're in a prop and a 0:12:59.400 --> 0:13:02.800 situation that you have no control over and you need help, 0:13:03.160 --> 0:13:05.320 you pray for what you need, not for what you want. 0:13:05.840 --> 0:13:07.600 And so I put my head down on the raft 0:13:07.600 --> 0:13:10.000 and I say, God, I can't die to I I've 0:13:10.040 --> 0:13:12.760 got too much to do. I've got My wife was 0:13:12.760 --> 0:13:15.560 four months pregnant with our first child, And I thought 0:13:15.600 --> 0:13:17.800 to myself, how selfish of it would be for me 0:13:18.360 --> 0:13:20.360 to not be there and for her to get that 0:13:20.440 --> 0:13:22.319 knock on the door. I did not want her to 0:13:22.360 --> 0:13:23.400 get that knock on the door. 0:13:23.559 --> 0:13:26.320 Your wife was four months pregnant at this time? 0:13:26.640 --> 0:13:27.160 Exactly? 0:13:27.240 --> 0:13:30.080 Did that thought process went through your head? Just as 0:13:30.160 --> 0:13:31.880 I suppose you're going to give up, It's like, I 0:13:31.920 --> 0:13:34.880 can't give up. I've got to stay alive. My wife 0:13:35.080 --> 0:13:37.600 is pregnant, I've got a child on the way. And 0:13:37.800 --> 0:13:41.640 was it that for that ultimately switched things up? 0:13:42.480 --> 0:13:45.640 It'll give you superhuman strength, Yeah, absolutely, because I took 0:13:45.679 --> 0:13:48.000 that raft. I took that raft and I shoved it 0:13:48.040 --> 0:13:50.920 down into the base between my legs like this. I 0:13:50.960 --> 0:13:53.720 threw my shoulder into it like like that, and I 0:13:53.840 --> 0:13:56.400 rode the wave up And when I crested the top 0:13:56.440 --> 0:13:59.520 of the wave and went down the backside, my body 0:13:59.520 --> 0:14:02.079 flipped her into the raft. And I was sitting there perfectly, 0:14:02.880 --> 0:14:06.120 and my leg from the knee down was hanging ninety 0:14:06.160 --> 0:14:09.240 to the right over the side. My foot was turned 0:14:09.240 --> 0:14:12.280 around backwards and folded up underneath me, and this arm 0:14:12.400 --> 0:14:16.640 was bit back like that. And I'm looking at this 0:14:17.080 --> 0:14:19.880 and I'm thinking to myself. You can't live out here 0:14:19.880 --> 0:14:21.280 looking like this. You're going to be out here a 0:14:21.320 --> 0:14:23.200 long time. You can't sit here and be looking at 0:14:23.200 --> 0:14:26.280 yourself like this. So you got to straighten yourself out. 0:14:26.360 --> 0:14:28.200 This is one of those times where it's better to 0:14:28.240 --> 0:14:34.560 look good than to feel good. And so I I 0:14:34.640 --> 0:14:36.680 grabbed my leg and I heaved it in and it 0:14:36.720 --> 0:14:39.080 went from ninety right to ninety left. It's now rustling 0:14:39.080 --> 0:14:41.000 across the top of my other leg, and I'm thinking, oh, 0:14:41.360 --> 0:14:44.920 that doesn't look right either, So I shoved it down 0:14:44.920 --> 0:14:46.720 into the base of the raft. I pulled my foot 0:14:46.760 --> 0:14:48.720 out from underneath me and got it pointed in the 0:14:48.800 --> 0:14:51.640 right direction. Brought my arm around and immobilized it into 0:14:51.640 --> 0:14:56.480 my harness. And now I know I didn't structurally fix anything, 0:14:56.560 --> 0:14:58.320 but I'm if I'm going to be out here, I 0:14:58.400 --> 0:14:59.960 want everything pointed in the right direction. 0:15:00.480 --> 0:15:00.720 Yeah. 0:15:01.040 --> 0:15:04.880 So now I'm starting to go into shock. I'm shaking uncontrollably. 0:15:06.160 --> 0:15:08.760 I know that if I don't stop and treat myself 0:15:08.760 --> 0:15:11.560 for the shock, that I'm going to go unconscious. And 0:15:12.280 --> 0:15:14.880 at that point, I reached down to my g suit pocket. 0:15:14.960 --> 0:15:17.840 We have these pockets on the legs, and I opened 0:15:17.840 --> 0:15:20.200 the zipper where I always kept a water bottle. I 0:15:20.320 --> 0:15:22.640 stuck my hand down into that pocket to retrieve that 0:15:22.680 --> 0:15:24.760 water bottle, and the water bottle had been blown right 0:15:24.800 --> 0:15:27.040 through the bottom of the pocket and was gone. Well, 0:15:27.040 --> 0:15:28.880 I was kept my wallet in the other pocket. I 0:15:28.880 --> 0:15:30.560 wanted to see if it was there, opened the zipper 0:15:30.600 --> 0:15:32.360 and stuck my hand down in there, and my wallet 0:15:32.520 --> 0:15:35.200 was also blown through the bottom of the pocket and 0:15:35.280 --> 0:15:37.400 it was gone. And then I started thinking, crap. I 0:15:37.400 --> 0:15:39.800 got to cancel credit cards, I got to go get 0:15:39.800 --> 0:15:42.640 a new driver's license, so I lost. 0:15:43.000 --> 0:15:45.080 Tell me that that didn't go through your head. 0:15:45.000 --> 0:15:47.680 That is exactly what went through my head. I'm thinking, 0:15:48.040 --> 0:15:50.280 somebody is good, that's the wallet's gonna wash up, and 0:15:50.320 --> 0:15:52.240 somebody is gonna get twenty bucks. And that was a 0:15:52.240 --> 0:15:54.040 lot of money back in the day. 0:15:54.440 --> 0:15:56.000 But Brian, do you think do you think that way 0:15:56.000 --> 0:16:01.000 of thinking just just strats the mind from the bigger issues? 0:16:01.080 --> 0:16:03.000 You know, it keeps you alive on to me, doesn't it, 0:16:03.000 --> 0:16:05.480 because you know you're just trying to keep the mind 0:16:05.640 --> 0:16:08.680 active if you're trying not to, like you said, go 0:16:08.800 --> 0:16:11.720 into shock. So I suppose all these little things that 0:16:11.760 --> 0:16:17.280 you're thinking about a positive distraction from not actually looking 0:16:17.320 --> 0:16:21.000 at the bigger problem, which is you can't move. You're 0:16:21.040 --> 0:16:24.480 now floating in the middle of the Atlantic Ocean with 0:16:24.720 --> 0:16:29.840 one arm ultimately, and God, you're probably not going to 0:16:29.880 --> 0:16:30.560 make it out there. 0:16:31.560 --> 0:16:32.680 I have. 0:16:34.720 --> 0:16:42.880 Had the privilege of meeting and speaking to numerous Vietnam 0:16:43.240 --> 0:16:51.280 POWs and people that have gone through just incredibly insane things, 0:16:52.000 --> 0:16:54.960 and there's one common denominator that I have found in 0:16:55.040 --> 0:16:59.320 all of those people. The events are different, there's a 0:16:59.320 --> 0:17:01.680 lot of similar already between the events, but the one 0:17:01.720 --> 0:17:05.520 common denominator I have found is a sense of humor. 0:17:06.880 --> 0:17:07.640 Of adversity. 0:17:07.920 --> 0:17:11.399 That's exactly right to be able to find humor in 0:17:11.440 --> 0:17:14.439 the darkest places. If you can laugh at yourself and 0:17:14.480 --> 0:17:17.760 the situation that you're in, that's half the battle right there. 0:17:18.560 --> 0:17:20.400 I was hoping you're going to say that, because that's 0:17:20.440 --> 0:17:24.040 one of the War Marine core values is humor in 0:17:24.080 --> 0:17:28.280 the face of adversity. And it's so true. It works. 0:17:28.840 --> 0:17:31.679 Live it, love it, laughing man, Just freaking deal with 0:17:31.720 --> 0:17:33.919 what you got in front of you and and trudge 0:17:33.960 --> 0:17:39.640 on through. And things can always get worse. I mean, 0:17:40.280 --> 0:17:42.760 you know, I picture where you're at, where I'm at 0:17:42.880 --> 0:17:45.680 in the situation that I'm at. But you know what, 0:17:45.960 --> 0:17:50.560 I'm still alive. I'm still bringing in and out. And 0:17:50.640 --> 0:17:53.399 the other thing that I tell people, I said, is 0:17:54.520 --> 0:17:57.680 we all set these goals, right, Well, every goal has 0:17:57.720 --> 0:18:01.679 a set of sub goals. You'd go trying to attack 0:18:01.760 --> 0:18:06.160 this goal. It's overwhelming, but you attack each sub goal, 0:18:06.359 --> 0:18:10.000 and each sub goal that's successful gives you confidence to 0:18:10.280 --> 0:18:13.200 keep going. And that's what that night was all about. 0:18:13.240 --> 0:18:16.840 It was a. 0:18:15.280 --> 0:18:19.080 Little victories exactly. That then leads to the ultimate of 0:18:19.440 --> 0:18:20.879 surviving the situation. 0:18:22.480 --> 0:18:25.080 If you'd like to hear the full interviews with Ollie Olaton, 0:18:25.400 --> 0:18:28.879 Damion Tomlinson, and Brian Newdell, on linked them in the 0:18:28.880 --> 0:18:32.000 show notes. Thanks so much for listening to this episode 0:18:32.000 --> 0:18:35.560 of Headgame. I'll be back January twenty second with more 0:18:35.600 --> 0:18:39.680 powerful stories like the ones you've heard today. Until then, 0:18:40.200 --> 0:18:43.280 I'm at Middleton. Catch you again next time.