1 00:00:00,320 --> 00:00:03,400 Speaker 1: We'd like to acknowledge the traditional custodians of the land 2 00:00:03,480 --> 00:00:06,840 Speaker 1: on which this podcast was produced, the Galligall people of 3 00:00:06,920 --> 00:00:10,440 Speaker 1: the orination. We pay our respects to Elder's past and present. 4 00:00:11,560 --> 00:00:14,120 Speaker 2: Hi and here, I'm taking a short break, but I'll 5 00:00:14,160 --> 00:00:19,000 Speaker 2: be back with more interviews from January twenty second. Military 6 00:00:19,040 --> 00:00:22,360 Speaker 2: and army personnel are regularly pushed to the limits of 7 00:00:22,400 --> 00:00:26,160 Speaker 2: the human body and mind. From my time in the military, 8 00:00:26,200 --> 00:00:29,240 Speaker 2: I know firsthand what told this can take on your 9 00:00:29,280 --> 00:00:34,640 Speaker 2: physical and mental health. In this special episode, I'm revisiting 10 00:00:34,680 --> 00:00:38,080 Speaker 2: some of these powerful conversations I've had in the last year. 11 00:00:39,240 --> 00:00:43,560 Speaker 2: Today you're here from Oliolaton, Damion, Tomlinson, and Brian Udell, 12 00:00:43,800 --> 00:00:47,200 Speaker 2: who have each had to endure hardships and learned lessons 13 00:00:47,479 --> 00:00:51,920 Speaker 2: as a result. First up, my brother in the ds 14 00:00:52,120 --> 00:00:55,880 Speaker 2: odioloton Oli, spoke to me about his military career and 15 00:00:55,920 --> 00:00:58,600 Speaker 2: the moment he realized that the war he was fighting 16 00:00:59,080 --> 00:01:00,400 Speaker 2: was within himself. 17 00:01:00,600 --> 00:01:02,640 Speaker 3: I just think a big problem with me. I don't 18 00:01:02,680 --> 00:01:04,959 Speaker 3: know if anything ex doing world have satisfied what I 19 00:01:05,000 --> 00:01:07,400 Speaker 3: needed to solve inside, you know, and I need to 20 00:01:07,520 --> 00:01:09,399 Speaker 3: learn that the hard way. I finally left after six 21 00:01:09,480 --> 00:01:10,959 Speaker 3: years said I was never going back to a war 22 00:01:11,040 --> 00:01:12,959 Speaker 3: zone three months later, I'm in the war zone as 23 00:01:12,959 --> 00:01:14,200 Speaker 3: a contractor. 24 00:01:14,200 --> 00:01:18,640 Speaker 2: So you never got back to a war zone and 25 00:01:18,680 --> 00:01:21,919 Speaker 2: then someone comes along and back in that day. Though 26 00:01:22,160 --> 00:01:26,319 Speaker 2: when the year ractif as a private contractor, it was 27 00:01:26,600 --> 00:01:28,520 Speaker 2: you were owning a ridiculous amounts of money. What it 28 00:01:28,600 --> 00:01:30,760 Speaker 2: was about the money, it wasn't really about going into 29 00:01:30,760 --> 00:01:33,440 Speaker 2: and having job satisfaction. Is like I've got the s 30 00:01:33,600 --> 00:01:36,720 Speaker 2: F stamp. Yeah yeah, Now as a private contractor, you're 31 00:01:36,720 --> 00:01:39,360 Speaker 2: getting paid ridiculous amounts of money. You're going from your 32 00:01:39,360 --> 00:01:42,560 Speaker 2: fifty quid a day to your five it was, and 33 00:01:42,600 --> 00:01:44,880 Speaker 2: all of a suddenly living you know, yeah, you just 34 00:01:45,120 --> 00:01:47,480 Speaker 2: living in the process, but you're living like a pop star, right. 35 00:01:47,400 --> 00:01:49,600 Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, one hundred percent, which was was a blessing 36 00:01:49,640 --> 00:01:53,600 Speaker 3: and a curse. 37 00:01:53,840 --> 00:01:54,080 Speaker 2: Yeah. 38 00:01:54,120 --> 00:01:56,520 Speaker 3: Well for me it was like I got out there exactly. 39 00:01:56,600 --> 00:01:59,560 Speaker 3: I now call it fools gold because I've never compromised 40 00:01:59,600 --> 00:02:01,800 Speaker 3: my mental and physical state to do any job. You 41 00:02:01,800 --> 00:02:04,640 Speaker 3: know what I mean, we are the most important project 42 00:02:04,880 --> 00:02:07,200 Speaker 3: is that this fact. So for me out there, you're 43 00:02:07,200 --> 00:02:10,119 Speaker 3: obviously compromising everything, the safety and everything that I don't 44 00:02:10,120 --> 00:02:12,640 Speaker 3: talk about safety because health and safety wasn't something that 45 00:02:12,680 --> 00:02:14,720 Speaker 3: we was a part of our life anyway. But the 46 00:02:14,720 --> 00:02:16,400 Speaker 3: thing is you're out there doing jobs that you would 47 00:02:16,400 --> 00:02:18,400 Speaker 3: never do in the military, you know what I mean, 48 00:02:18,400 --> 00:02:21,360 Speaker 3: and you're like doing You're risking things like you know, 49 00:02:21,520 --> 00:02:23,400 Speaker 3: I've got twelve people, I'm looking there's two of us 50 00:02:23,440 --> 00:02:25,880 Speaker 3: looking after twelve people on a convoy. You will do 51 00:02:25,960 --> 00:02:27,840 Speaker 3: that top cover as well, no top cover, no nothing. 52 00:02:27,880 --> 00:02:29,320 Speaker 3: So you know that if you get whack, when you 53 00:02:29,320 --> 00:02:31,600 Speaker 3: get whacked, it is probably highly likely you're not coming out. 54 00:02:32,560 --> 00:02:35,760 Speaker 3: So that's happening on a far too regular basis, you 55 00:02:35,840 --> 00:02:37,080 Speaker 3: know what I mean, and you haven't. And for the 56 00:02:37,120 --> 00:02:39,440 Speaker 3: first time I can remember that first attack. I talk 57 00:02:39,480 --> 00:02:41,040 Speaker 3: about it a lot because I learned a lot about 58 00:02:41,040 --> 00:02:43,600 Speaker 3: myself in that, you know, one hundred and forty k's 59 00:02:43,639 --> 00:02:47,000 Speaker 3: one hundred and forty kilometers driving down the road in 60 00:02:47,000 --> 00:02:50,800 Speaker 3: the convoy got whacked by the militia two car attack 61 00:02:51,000 --> 00:02:53,880 Speaker 3: on tours from behind and mate, in that moment, it 62 00:02:53,960 --> 00:02:58,239 Speaker 3: was like, I absolutely shit myself, not literally, but you 63 00:02:58,280 --> 00:03:00,360 Speaker 3: know what I mean. When that attack came in, was like, 64 00:03:00,840 --> 00:03:03,040 Speaker 3: and I'm driving a car and I'm like realizing what's 65 00:03:03,040 --> 00:03:03,480 Speaker 3: going on? 66 00:03:04,120 --> 00:03:08,840 Speaker 2: A big cover. You've got nowhere assets, you've got a weapon, 67 00:03:08,880 --> 00:03:12,600 Speaker 2: a couple of mans, two of you against a whole army. 68 00:03:12,320 --> 00:03:14,000 Speaker 3: Base exactly who don't give? 69 00:03:14,520 --> 00:03:18,720 Speaker 2: Don't give? Who don't And you've got no yea, there's 70 00:03:18,720 --> 00:03:20,840 Speaker 2: no fire and maneuver out there. 71 00:03:20,680 --> 00:03:22,960 Speaker 3: And no no no safety covering, no nothing. And then 72 00:03:23,000 --> 00:03:26,440 Speaker 3: you realize in that moment that how you know, back 73 00:03:26,440 --> 00:03:28,480 Speaker 3: in the day when that happened, when you're in s F, 74 00:03:28,680 --> 00:03:29,919 Speaker 3: you would like, bring it. 75 00:03:29,880 --> 00:03:34,720 Speaker 2: On, yeah, bring it on. Yeah you got. 76 00:03:36,280 --> 00:03:38,040 Speaker 3: You know what I mean, everyone's best weapon system in 77 00:03:38,080 --> 00:03:41,080 Speaker 3: the world, you know what I mean, And you just 78 00:03:41,200 --> 00:03:43,200 Speaker 3: want that to happen. You're gagging for it to happen. 79 00:03:43,320 --> 00:03:46,080 Speaker 3: But in that moment and I started thinking, this is 80 00:03:46,160 --> 00:03:48,280 Speaker 3: you know, I've analyzed this time and time again about 81 00:03:48,280 --> 00:03:50,600 Speaker 3: what happened in that moment, because it was almost like 82 00:03:51,120 --> 00:03:53,280 Speaker 3: I'd stop breathing for a minute, you know what I mean. 83 00:03:53,400 --> 00:03:55,720 Speaker 3: And that's what happens when we get into stressful situations. 84 00:03:55,720 --> 00:03:58,920 Speaker 3: You're you, you start to shallow breathe, yeah, of course. 85 00:03:59,280 --> 00:04:01,280 Speaker 3: And then once you start to do that, Cortersole starts 86 00:04:01,320 --> 00:04:03,560 Speaker 3: to increase chemical reaction, which is the fight or flight 87 00:04:03,800 --> 00:04:06,480 Speaker 3: or freeze. I'm driving a car, it's not the best 88 00:04:06,520 --> 00:04:08,160 Speaker 3: thing to happen. You know what I mean. I start 89 00:04:08,200 --> 00:04:10,000 Speaker 3: thinking about all the things that could go wrong, So 90 00:04:10,040 --> 00:04:12,760 Speaker 3: you then start to build into that fear. Fear is 91 00:04:12,760 --> 00:04:14,920 Speaker 3: a mental and emotional rehearsal for something you don't want 92 00:04:14,920 --> 00:04:16,839 Speaker 3: to happen, you know what I mean. You can't allow 93 00:04:16,880 --> 00:04:19,360 Speaker 3: it to dominate. It's contagious, isn't It doesn't mean to 94 00:04:19,360 --> 00:04:22,360 Speaker 3: turning back on it, but you And in that moment, 95 00:04:22,400 --> 00:04:24,880 Speaker 3: it wasn't until I actually they started shooting at it, 96 00:04:25,680 --> 00:04:30,039 Speaker 3: you know, the intimidating sound of that orchestra of hell, 97 00:04:30,680 --> 00:04:32,520 Speaker 3: of all those AK forty sevens going off, that it 98 00:04:32,560 --> 00:04:35,479 Speaker 3: snapped me out and it was like bang. Nothing more 99 00:04:35,720 --> 00:04:38,599 Speaker 3: was Everything was subconscious from that moment and the training 100 00:04:38,680 --> 00:04:41,640 Speaker 3: kit back in, thank god. And I took a breath 101 00:04:41,640 --> 00:04:43,200 Speaker 3: in that moment, almost like I'm not breathed for the 102 00:04:43,279 --> 00:04:45,760 Speaker 3: last minute and a half or whatever. And in that moment, 103 00:04:45,920 --> 00:04:50,080 Speaker 3: breathing just adding clarity, which which dropped the quartersole. Give 104 00:04:50,080 --> 00:04:52,320 Speaker 3: me a mindset of clarity and not confusion. What do 105 00:04:52,360 --> 00:04:54,479 Speaker 3: I need to focus on? Not the people in front, 106 00:04:54,880 --> 00:04:56,599 Speaker 3: not the things, all the things that could go wrong, 107 00:04:56,720 --> 00:04:58,839 Speaker 3: the people that are shooting at me. Nothing else matters 108 00:04:58,880 --> 00:05:01,040 Speaker 3: apart from that you know, and in that moment that 109 00:05:01,040 --> 00:05:02,760 Speaker 3: that's why I learned so much. And I'll talk about 110 00:05:02,760 --> 00:05:04,840 Speaker 3: that breathe we calibrate delivery. 111 00:05:04,440 --> 00:05:07,520 Speaker 2: Alery that would gives you that calvity of mind exactly. 112 00:05:07,760 --> 00:05:09,839 Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, and as you know it, and I talked 113 00:05:09,839 --> 00:05:12,320 Speaker 3: about that a lot with people afterwards, and it was like, 114 00:05:12,520 --> 00:05:14,320 Speaker 3: you know, that's the one thing that got me out 115 00:05:14,360 --> 00:05:18,440 Speaker 3: that situation. We got back and it was incredible. Although 116 00:05:18,440 --> 00:05:20,120 Speaker 3: in that you know, I learned so much from that, 117 00:05:20,320 --> 00:05:22,640 Speaker 3: so much from that, And that's the fact that you know, 118 00:05:22,680 --> 00:05:24,799 Speaker 3: and you can use that adapt that in every situation 119 00:05:24,880 --> 00:05:26,920 Speaker 3: because you get to a stressful situation, whether you're asking 120 00:05:26,920 --> 00:05:28,760 Speaker 3: for a pay rise of whatever you're doing, or any 121 00:05:28,800 --> 00:05:33,160 Speaker 3: situation that is uncomfortable. Unless you get control of your faculties, 122 00:05:33,200 --> 00:05:35,760 Speaker 3: you're going to make a decision. The heightened sense of emotion, 123 00:05:35,839 --> 00:05:37,960 Speaker 3: which is then going to create a negative situation that 124 00:05:38,120 --> 00:05:40,479 Speaker 3: you know, you're pushing yourself in your mind just goes, 125 00:05:40,560 --> 00:05:42,800 Speaker 3: get me out whatever wherever you want to take me. 126 00:05:42,880 --> 00:05:44,800 Speaker 2: Get the first thing that pops up, you action it 127 00:05:44,839 --> 00:05:46,720 Speaker 2: and yeah, it's desperate, and. 128 00:05:46,640 --> 00:05:49,560 Speaker 3: It's desperate and it's in the wrong direction, you you know, 129 00:05:49,600 --> 00:05:52,080 Speaker 3: And that's obviously quite an extreme but people could. Yeah, 130 00:05:52,200 --> 00:05:54,440 Speaker 3: but people, you know, there's a lot of stuff now 131 00:05:54,440 --> 00:05:57,039 Speaker 3: out there about breath work, which is so powerful, you know, 132 00:05:57,200 --> 00:06:00,000 Speaker 3: starting to control your breathing everything else, which is incredible. 133 00:06:00,279 --> 00:06:03,200 Speaker 3: So but that moment taught me so much about that situation, 134 00:06:03,320 --> 00:06:07,080 Speaker 3: about about myself. But the thing is, the negative side 135 00:06:07,160 --> 00:06:09,599 Speaker 3: is that that was the fact that I thought that 136 00:06:09,720 --> 00:06:11,120 Speaker 3: was early on in the days of getting there as 137 00:06:11,160 --> 00:06:13,160 Speaker 3: a contractor, you know what I mean. And then from 138 00:06:13,160 --> 00:06:15,080 Speaker 3: that moment on, I was like, I ain't coming back 139 00:06:15,080 --> 00:06:17,800 Speaker 3: from here. But I kind of giving up by that time. Anyway, 140 00:06:17,800 --> 00:06:20,240 Speaker 3: I was drinking too much a lot, you know. We 141 00:06:20,279 --> 00:06:23,040 Speaker 3: went back to the village, I was drinking. Everyone was drinking. 142 00:06:23,320 --> 00:06:25,240 Speaker 3: When the tools went down, everyone was drinking, but I 143 00:06:25,320 --> 00:06:26,839 Speaker 3: think I was drinking more, you know. I was like, 144 00:06:27,480 --> 00:06:29,400 Speaker 3: I made sure in my room I had a stash, 145 00:06:29,440 --> 00:06:31,360 Speaker 3: so I knocked myself out, you know what I mean. 146 00:06:31,400 --> 00:06:33,159 Speaker 3: I used to sleep with a pistol under my pillow, 147 00:06:33,279 --> 00:06:34,640 Speaker 3: not knowing if the door was going to be bashed 148 00:06:34,640 --> 00:06:36,160 Speaker 3: in by the militia. And I lived like that for 149 00:06:36,160 --> 00:06:39,400 Speaker 3: four years. Started taking Valley in the day after just 150 00:06:39,440 --> 00:06:43,520 Speaker 3: to handle the anxiety of the hangovers and this living 151 00:06:43,560 --> 00:06:46,479 Speaker 3: in back Dad in the Red Zone, and it was 152 00:06:46,520 --> 00:06:48,840 Speaker 3: it was a horrible It was absolutely horrible. I look 153 00:06:48,880 --> 00:06:51,600 Speaker 3: back now and that really did cay me in mentally. 154 00:06:51,760 --> 00:06:53,280 Speaker 3: You know, I had to get out of there. Four 155 00:06:53,320 --> 00:06:55,599 Speaker 3: years later, I just said, I plucked up the courage 156 00:06:55,640 --> 00:06:57,640 Speaker 3: to leave. And it's so hard when you're being paid 157 00:06:57,640 --> 00:06:58,960 Speaker 3: that much money, you know what I mean. And that's 158 00:06:58,960 --> 00:07:01,080 Speaker 3: why I call it fool's gold now, yeah, because we're 159 00:07:01,120 --> 00:07:03,479 Speaker 3: quite happy to compromise everything for the dollar. 160 00:07:12,360 --> 00:07:16,680 Speaker 2: In two thousand and nine, Commando Damon Tomlinson was serving 161 00:07:16,720 --> 00:07:21,360 Speaker 2: in Afghanistan when one night changed everything. He was working 162 00:07:21,440 --> 00:07:24,840 Speaker 2: a night patrol when his unit drove over a Taliban 163 00:07:25,000 --> 00:07:29,320 Speaker 2: ied Damien lost both of his legs in the explosion 164 00:07:29,560 --> 00:07:33,840 Speaker 2: and was left fighting for his life. He was determined 165 00:07:33,880 --> 00:07:36,640 Speaker 2: to reclaim his life on his own terms, and he 166 00:07:36,680 --> 00:07:39,400 Speaker 2: spoke to me about the mindset that enabled him to 167 00:07:39,440 --> 00:07:39,800 Speaker 2: do so. 168 00:07:40,560 --> 00:07:44,280 Speaker 4: I'm making progress. If it hurts, you know what I mean, 169 00:07:45,200 --> 00:07:47,760 Speaker 4: it's and then you've got doctors who are just used 170 00:07:47,800 --> 00:07:50,640 Speaker 4: to dealing with punters who go in with a sawnee 171 00:07:50,680 --> 00:07:53,120 Speaker 4: or whatever. And then I'm like, I don't really care 172 00:07:53,200 --> 00:07:55,360 Speaker 4: what what you guys have got to do. I'm going 173 00:07:55,440 --> 00:07:57,920 Speaker 4: to be doing this. You're either going to be someone 174 00:07:57,960 --> 00:07:59,920 Speaker 4: who's on the journey with me to do this, or 175 00:08:00,240 --> 00:08:02,520 Speaker 4: I'm going to find someone who is you know what 176 00:08:02,560 --> 00:08:06,400 Speaker 4: I mean like and that. So I never really looked 177 00:08:06,440 --> 00:08:08,760 Speaker 4: at a lot of the because to me, I was 178 00:08:08,800 --> 00:08:13,040 Speaker 4: still me, you know. But I definitely knew that everyone 179 00:08:13,040 --> 00:08:17,080 Speaker 4: on that night saw something though were never going to unsee. 180 00:08:17,200 --> 00:08:21,760 Speaker 4: And apparently the time where every now and then because 181 00:08:22,280 --> 00:08:25,200 Speaker 4: they had moved to white light to save me. You know, 182 00:08:25,240 --> 00:08:27,559 Speaker 4: they've done everything they could turn the caves and stuff 183 00:08:27,600 --> 00:08:30,120 Speaker 4: like that, but the village because you can hear what 184 00:08:30,120 --> 00:08:32,840 Speaker 4: they're saying on their icon radios. There was a huge, 185 00:08:33,360 --> 00:08:35,320 Speaker 4: huge conference, like there was way more of them than 186 00:08:35,360 --> 00:08:38,559 Speaker 4: we originally thought. But we're basically saying, let's light them up. 187 00:08:39,280 --> 00:08:42,680 Speaker 4: So everyone's posturing and getting ready. If one shot got fired, 188 00:08:42,720 --> 00:08:44,439 Speaker 4: the US chopper wouldn't have got me out and I'd 189 00:08:44,480 --> 00:08:47,920 Speaker 4: be dead wall at the minute of the troops in 190 00:08:47,960 --> 00:08:52,200 Speaker 4: contact would have happened, that rings through. I'm a flag 191 00:08:52,240 --> 00:08:53,520 Speaker 4: on my parents' mantlepiece. 192 00:08:53,720 --> 00:08:55,480 Speaker 2: And what did you manage to keep? Then? What did 193 00:08:55,520 --> 00:08:57,560 Speaker 2: you lose? And what did you manage to keep? Because 194 00:08:57,760 --> 00:08:59,760 Speaker 2: I was looking pretty grim at one moment that you're 195 00:08:59,760 --> 00:09:00,760 Speaker 2: going to these arms. 196 00:09:00,960 --> 00:09:04,760 Speaker 4: Yeah. So when my parents found out, the word was 197 00:09:04,880 --> 00:09:09,640 Speaker 4: he's really low single digit percentage chance of living and 198 00:09:09,679 --> 00:09:11,520 Speaker 4: if he does, it's going to be a triple ampeteue 199 00:09:13,480 --> 00:09:16,040 Speaker 4: like And at that stage, I was in at Camp Bastion, 200 00:09:16,200 --> 00:09:19,840 Speaker 4: which is the UK base, with the trauma team, under 201 00:09:19,840 --> 00:09:22,720 Speaker 4: a space blanket and if I couldn't hold my body heat, 202 00:09:22,840 --> 00:09:27,599 Speaker 4: I was I was gone. So that was that was 203 00:09:27,640 --> 00:09:30,319 Speaker 4: when they found out. And I mean, it's so disjointed 204 00:09:31,480 --> 00:09:33,560 Speaker 4: when you get back, but to me, I woke up 205 00:09:33,559 --> 00:09:34,319 Speaker 4: and I was still meet. 206 00:09:34,559 --> 00:09:37,120 Speaker 2: You seem to have tackled it with a super positive mindset. 207 00:09:37,120 --> 00:09:39,400 Speaker 2: Do you think if you hadn't, do you think there's 208 00:09:39,559 --> 00:09:42,000 Speaker 2: any gray areas herel do you think you go to 209 00:09:42,120 --> 00:09:44,400 Speaker 2: you stoop to the lowest of the lows where you 210 00:09:44,400 --> 00:09:46,680 Speaker 2: don't want to be here anymore? And did that mindset 211 00:09:46,720 --> 00:09:47,600 Speaker 2: ever take charge? 212 00:09:47,679 --> 00:09:50,760 Speaker 4: I got to dark places through it. Yeah, I definitely did, 213 00:09:51,080 --> 00:09:56,000 Speaker 4: but not in the initial phases for me were like, 214 00:09:56,080 --> 00:09:57,920 Speaker 4: I remember having this comment with my dad because he's 215 00:09:57,920 --> 00:10:01,000 Speaker 4: always said, you've never used your brain. It's disappointing. He 216 00:10:01,040 --> 00:10:02,920 Speaker 4: walked in with his great big grin on his face. 217 00:10:02,960 --> 00:10:05,000 Speaker 4: I'm like smiling on him. We're having a laugh like 218 00:10:05,679 --> 00:10:07,319 Speaker 4: in a hospital, and he goes, well, you got to 219 00:10:07,360 --> 00:10:08,280 Speaker 4: use your brain now, don't you. 220 00:10:09,800 --> 00:10:11,520 Speaker 2: Good old dad, you got me TV. 221 00:10:12,320 --> 00:10:14,720 Speaker 4: I'm gonna now, and then you know he's sort of 222 00:10:14,720 --> 00:10:16,440 Speaker 4: mapping out or up. We've got to change, We've got 223 00:10:16,480 --> 00:10:19,880 Speaker 4: to do different things. But to me, the most important 224 00:10:19,920 --> 00:10:23,480 Speaker 4: thing was there's a group of guys who have gone 225 00:10:23,559 --> 00:10:27,160 Speaker 4: through something that I can't imagine seeing, let alone it 226 00:10:27,240 --> 00:10:30,959 Speaker 4: being something you care about, and they have somehow kept 227 00:10:31,000 --> 00:10:33,040 Speaker 4: me alive. So the mess that I could see, I 228 00:10:33,080 --> 00:10:35,600 Speaker 4: saw was the result of people's effort on the ground, 229 00:10:36,400 --> 00:10:38,199 Speaker 4: you know, which I still see it as that it's 230 00:10:38,200 --> 00:10:40,200 Speaker 4: what it is. So I've got to try and do 231 00:10:40,280 --> 00:10:43,319 Speaker 4: something that then has them know how good of a 232 00:10:43,440 --> 00:10:46,640 Speaker 4: job they've done. So to me, I then had a 233 00:10:46,640 --> 00:10:50,680 Speaker 4: finite timeline of when they were flying home and I 234 00:10:50,720 --> 00:10:53,480 Speaker 4: had to be up walking standing in a pair of 235 00:10:53,520 --> 00:10:56,839 Speaker 4: jeans so you couldn't see prosthetic legs, and it didn't 236 00:10:56,840 --> 00:10:58,480 Speaker 4: matter what it took. And then like there were bits 237 00:10:58,480 --> 00:11:01,280 Speaker 4: where like it it hurts a lot. 238 00:11:01,360 --> 00:11:04,080 Speaker 2: That was your goal, that was your next objective, that 239 00:11:04,120 --> 00:11:07,199 Speaker 2: was your next mission, which again we talk about purposes 240 00:11:07,280 --> 00:11:09,800 Speaker 2: like and you've done everything that you can to make 241 00:11:09,800 --> 00:11:10,680 Speaker 2: sure that you've done that. 242 00:11:10,880 --> 00:11:13,520 Speaker 4: Yeah, And I mean I was like, by all accounts, 243 00:11:13,559 --> 00:11:15,640 Speaker 4: I was probably one of the worst patients in the 244 00:11:15,800 --> 00:11:19,280 Speaker 4: history of north Shore Private Hospital because I was just 245 00:11:19,280 --> 00:11:21,880 Speaker 4: done compromising with it. You know, if I didn't think 246 00:11:21,920 --> 00:11:24,360 Speaker 4: and right or wrong, didn't think that someone was aligned 247 00:11:24,360 --> 00:11:27,160 Speaker 4: with my goals, I would like remove them from the 248 00:11:27,200 --> 00:11:29,920 Speaker 4: process or ignore their advice. You know, I just go 249 00:11:29,960 --> 00:11:31,800 Speaker 4: all right, I've been through enough to know where I'm 250 00:11:31,800 --> 00:11:34,280 Speaker 4: going with this, Like, I know my limits. You don't, 251 00:11:34,400 --> 00:11:37,960 Speaker 4: like there's a picture of me like five weeks after 252 00:11:38,800 --> 00:11:42,080 Speaker 4: on a prosthetic that you're not really supposed to wait 253 00:11:42,120 --> 00:11:44,520 Speaker 4: bear through. But I was like, I'm going down the 254 00:11:44,520 --> 00:11:46,480 Speaker 4: hall on this because we've got so I'm on one 255 00:11:46,520 --> 00:11:49,640 Speaker 4: of those walkers pushing it along with the thing, like 256 00:11:49,679 --> 00:11:51,840 Speaker 4: and there's just concerned face drack. 257 00:11:51,600 --> 00:11:53,439 Speaker 2: In his prosthetic leg along. Yeah. 258 00:11:53,480 --> 00:11:55,520 Speaker 4: Well, and I'm just like, okay, cool, Well, this is 259 00:11:55,520 --> 00:11:57,400 Speaker 4: what we've got to do this. I'm still played it 260 00:11:57,559 --> 00:12:00,280 Speaker 4: at the time, like there's a lot of stuff I'm 261 00:12:00,320 --> 00:12:02,400 Speaker 4: wrong with it, but I was like, I'm not gonna 262 00:12:02,440 --> 00:12:05,080 Speaker 4: heal laying down and they're like you just you just 263 00:12:05,120 --> 00:12:07,120 Speaker 4: you gotta rest, you gotta rest. And I'm like, everyone 264 00:12:07,200 --> 00:12:10,720 Speaker 4: tells me to rest, like go home, you rest, Like 265 00:12:10,800 --> 00:12:12,000 Speaker 4: get it up. I've got stuff to do. 266 00:12:20,600 --> 00:12:24,400 Speaker 2: My final guest today is Captain Brian Yudell. In the 267 00:12:24,440 --> 00:12:27,920 Speaker 2: middle of the Atlantic Ocean. Brian was fighting for his life. 268 00:12:28,720 --> 00:12:31,559 Speaker 2: He just survived the highest speed ejection from a US 269 00:12:31,600 --> 00:12:36,320 Speaker 2: fighter aircraft at nearly thirteen hundred kilometers per hour. Just 270 00:12:36,440 --> 00:12:39,240 Speaker 2: as he started to think I'm going to die out 271 00:12:39,280 --> 00:12:42,040 Speaker 2: here tonight, his resilient mindset took over. 272 00:12:42,440 --> 00:12:45,600 Speaker 5: My grandmother was an incredibly strong woman, and she always 273 00:12:45,600 --> 00:12:48,040 Speaker 5: taught me that we don't get to choose the day 274 00:12:48,080 --> 00:12:50,480 Speaker 5: we're going to have. We get to choose how we're 275 00:12:50,480 --> 00:12:53,040 Speaker 5: going to deal with it, and we should be prepared 276 00:12:53,040 --> 00:12:56,720 Speaker 5: for whatever the day brings physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. 277 00:12:57,200 --> 00:12:59,360 Speaker 5: And she says, if you're in a prop and a 278 00:12:59,400 --> 00:13:02,800 Speaker 5: situation that you have no control over and you need help, 279 00:13:03,160 --> 00:13:05,320 Speaker 5: you pray for what you need, not for what you want. 280 00:13:05,840 --> 00:13:07,600 Speaker 5: And so I put my head down on the raft 281 00:13:07,600 --> 00:13:10,000 Speaker 5: and I say, God, I can't die to I I've 282 00:13:10,040 --> 00:13:12,760 Speaker 5: got too much to do. I've got My wife was 283 00:13:12,760 --> 00:13:15,560 Speaker 5: four months pregnant with our first child, And I thought 284 00:13:15,600 --> 00:13:17,800 Speaker 5: to myself, how selfish of it would be for me 285 00:13:18,360 --> 00:13:20,360 Speaker 5: to not be there and for her to get that 286 00:13:20,440 --> 00:13:22,319 Speaker 5: knock on the door. I did not want her to 287 00:13:22,360 --> 00:13:23,400 Speaker 5: get that knock on the door. 288 00:13:23,559 --> 00:13:26,320 Speaker 2: Your wife was four months pregnant at this time? 289 00:13:26,640 --> 00:13:27,160 Speaker 5: Exactly? 290 00:13:27,240 --> 00:13:30,080 Speaker 2: Did that thought process went through your head? Just as 291 00:13:30,160 --> 00:13:31,880 Speaker 2: I suppose you're going to give up, It's like, I 292 00:13:31,920 --> 00:13:34,880 Speaker 2: can't give up. I've got to stay alive. My wife 293 00:13:35,080 --> 00:13:37,600 Speaker 2: is pregnant, I've got a child on the way. And 294 00:13:37,800 --> 00:13:41,640 Speaker 2: was it that for that ultimately switched things up? 295 00:13:42,480 --> 00:13:45,640 Speaker 5: It'll give you superhuman strength, Yeah, absolutely, because I took 296 00:13:45,679 --> 00:13:48,000 Speaker 5: that raft. I took that raft and I shoved it 297 00:13:48,040 --> 00:13:50,920 Speaker 5: down into the base between my legs like this. I 298 00:13:50,960 --> 00:13:53,720 Speaker 5: threw my shoulder into it like like that, and I 299 00:13:53,840 --> 00:13:56,400 Speaker 5: rode the wave up And when I crested the top 300 00:13:56,440 --> 00:13:59,520 Speaker 5: of the wave and went down the backside, my body 301 00:13:59,520 --> 00:14:02,079 Speaker 5: flipped her into the raft. And I was sitting there perfectly, 302 00:14:02,880 --> 00:14:06,120 Speaker 5: and my leg from the knee down was hanging ninety 303 00:14:06,160 --> 00:14:09,240 Speaker 5: to the right over the side. My foot was turned 304 00:14:09,240 --> 00:14:12,280 Speaker 5: around backwards and folded up underneath me, and this arm 305 00:14:12,400 --> 00:14:16,640 Speaker 5: was bit back like that. And I'm looking at this 306 00:14:17,080 --> 00:14:19,880 Speaker 5: and I'm thinking to myself. You can't live out here 307 00:14:19,880 --> 00:14:21,280 Speaker 5: looking like this. You're going to be out here a 308 00:14:21,320 --> 00:14:23,200 Speaker 5: long time. You can't sit here and be looking at 309 00:14:23,200 --> 00:14:26,280 Speaker 5: yourself like this. So you got to straighten yourself out. 310 00:14:26,360 --> 00:14:28,200 Speaker 5: This is one of those times where it's better to 311 00:14:28,240 --> 00:14:34,560 Speaker 5: look good than to feel good. And so I I 312 00:14:34,640 --> 00:14:36,680 Speaker 5: grabbed my leg and I heaved it in and it 313 00:14:36,720 --> 00:14:39,080 Speaker 5: went from ninety right to ninety left. It's now rustling 314 00:14:39,080 --> 00:14:41,000 Speaker 5: across the top of my other leg, and I'm thinking, oh, 315 00:14:41,360 --> 00:14:44,920 Speaker 5: that doesn't look right either, So I shoved it down 316 00:14:44,920 --> 00:14:46,720 Speaker 5: into the base of the raft. I pulled my foot 317 00:14:46,760 --> 00:14:48,720 Speaker 5: out from underneath me and got it pointed in the 318 00:14:48,800 --> 00:14:51,640 Speaker 5: right direction. Brought my arm around and immobilized it into 319 00:14:51,640 --> 00:14:56,480 Speaker 5: my harness. And now I know I didn't structurally fix anything, 320 00:14:56,560 --> 00:14:58,320 Speaker 5: but I'm if I'm going to be out here, I 321 00:14:58,400 --> 00:14:59,960 Speaker 5: want everything pointed in the right direction. 322 00:15:00,480 --> 00:15:00,720 Speaker 2: Yeah. 323 00:15:01,040 --> 00:15:04,880 Speaker 5: So now I'm starting to go into shock. I'm shaking uncontrollably. 324 00:15:06,160 --> 00:15:08,760 Speaker 5: I know that if I don't stop and treat myself 325 00:15:08,760 --> 00:15:11,560 Speaker 5: for the shock, that I'm going to go unconscious. And 326 00:15:12,280 --> 00:15:14,880 Speaker 5: at that point, I reached down to my g suit pocket. 327 00:15:14,960 --> 00:15:17,840 Speaker 5: We have these pockets on the legs, and I opened 328 00:15:17,840 --> 00:15:20,200 Speaker 5: the zipper where I always kept a water bottle. I 329 00:15:20,320 --> 00:15:22,640 Speaker 5: stuck my hand down into that pocket to retrieve that 330 00:15:22,680 --> 00:15:24,760 Speaker 5: water bottle, and the water bottle had been blown right 331 00:15:24,800 --> 00:15:27,040 Speaker 5: through the bottom of the pocket and was gone. Well, 332 00:15:27,040 --> 00:15:28,880 Speaker 5: I was kept my wallet in the other pocket. I 333 00:15:28,880 --> 00:15:30,560 Speaker 5: wanted to see if it was there, opened the zipper 334 00:15:30,600 --> 00:15:32,360 Speaker 5: and stuck my hand down in there, and my wallet 335 00:15:32,520 --> 00:15:35,200 Speaker 5: was also blown through the bottom of the pocket and 336 00:15:35,280 --> 00:15:37,400 Speaker 5: it was gone. And then I started thinking, crap. I 337 00:15:37,400 --> 00:15:39,800 Speaker 5: got to cancel credit cards, I got to go get 338 00:15:39,800 --> 00:15:42,640 Speaker 5: a new driver's license, so I lost. 339 00:15:43,000 --> 00:15:45,080 Speaker 2: Tell me that that didn't go through your head. 340 00:15:45,000 --> 00:15:47,680 Speaker 5: That is exactly what went through my head. I'm thinking, 341 00:15:48,040 --> 00:15:50,280 Speaker 5: somebody is good, that's the wallet's gonna wash up, and 342 00:15:50,320 --> 00:15:52,240 Speaker 5: somebody is gonna get twenty bucks. And that was a 343 00:15:52,240 --> 00:15:54,040 Speaker 5: lot of money back in the day. 344 00:15:54,440 --> 00:15:56,000 Speaker 2: But Brian, do you think do you think that way 345 00:15:56,000 --> 00:16:01,000 Speaker 2: of thinking just just strats the mind from the bigger issues? 346 00:16:01,080 --> 00:16:03,000 Speaker 2: You know, it keeps you alive on to me, doesn't it, 347 00:16:03,000 --> 00:16:05,480 Speaker 2: because you know you're just trying to keep the mind 348 00:16:05,640 --> 00:16:08,680 Speaker 2: active if you're trying not to, like you said, go 349 00:16:08,800 --> 00:16:11,720 Speaker 2: into shock. So I suppose all these little things that 350 00:16:11,760 --> 00:16:17,280 Speaker 2: you're thinking about a positive distraction from not actually looking 351 00:16:17,320 --> 00:16:21,000 Speaker 2: at the bigger problem, which is you can't move. You're 352 00:16:21,040 --> 00:16:24,480 Speaker 2: now floating in the middle of the Atlantic Ocean with 353 00:16:24,720 --> 00:16:29,840 Speaker 2: one arm ultimately, and God, you're probably not going to 354 00:16:29,880 --> 00:16:30,560 Speaker 2: make it out there. 355 00:16:31,560 --> 00:16:32,680 Speaker 4: I have. 356 00:16:34,720 --> 00:16:42,880 Speaker 5: Had the privilege of meeting and speaking to numerous Vietnam 357 00:16:43,240 --> 00:16:51,280 Speaker 5: POWs and people that have gone through just incredibly insane things, 358 00:16:52,000 --> 00:16:54,960 Speaker 5: and there's one common denominator that I have found in 359 00:16:55,040 --> 00:16:59,320 Speaker 5: all of those people. The events are different, there's a 360 00:16:59,320 --> 00:17:01,680 Speaker 5: lot of similar already between the events, but the one 361 00:17:01,720 --> 00:17:05,520 Speaker 5: common denominator I have found is a sense of humor. 362 00:17:06,880 --> 00:17:07,640 Speaker 2: Of adversity. 363 00:17:07,920 --> 00:17:11,399 Speaker 5: That's exactly right to be able to find humor in 364 00:17:11,440 --> 00:17:14,439 Speaker 5: the darkest places. If you can laugh at yourself and 365 00:17:14,480 --> 00:17:17,760 Speaker 5: the situation that you're in, that's half the battle right there. 366 00:17:18,560 --> 00:17:20,400 Speaker 2: I was hoping you're going to say that, because that's 367 00:17:20,440 --> 00:17:24,040 Speaker 2: one of the War Marine core values is humor in 368 00:17:24,080 --> 00:17:28,280 Speaker 2: the face of adversity. And it's so true. It works. 369 00:17:28,840 --> 00:17:31,679 Speaker 5: Live it, love it, laughing man, Just freaking deal with 370 00:17:31,720 --> 00:17:33,919 Speaker 5: what you got in front of you and and trudge 371 00:17:33,960 --> 00:17:39,640 Speaker 5: on through. And things can always get worse. I mean, 372 00:17:40,280 --> 00:17:42,760 Speaker 5: you know, I picture where you're at, where I'm at 373 00:17:42,880 --> 00:17:45,680 Speaker 5: in the situation that I'm at. But you know what, 374 00:17:45,960 --> 00:17:50,560 Speaker 5: I'm still alive. I'm still bringing in and out. And 375 00:17:50,640 --> 00:17:53,399 Speaker 5: the other thing that I tell people, I said, is 376 00:17:54,520 --> 00:17:57,680 Speaker 5: we all set these goals, right, Well, every goal has 377 00:17:57,720 --> 00:18:01,679 Speaker 5: a set of sub goals. You'd go trying to attack 378 00:18:01,760 --> 00:18:06,160 Speaker 5: this goal. It's overwhelming, but you attack each sub goal, 379 00:18:06,359 --> 00:18:10,000 Speaker 5: and each sub goal that's successful gives you confidence to 380 00:18:10,280 --> 00:18:13,200 Speaker 5: keep going. And that's what that night was all about. 381 00:18:13,240 --> 00:18:16,840 Speaker 2: It was a. 382 00:18:15,280 --> 00:18:19,080 Speaker 5: Little victories exactly. That then leads to the ultimate of 383 00:18:19,440 --> 00:18:20,879 Speaker 5: surviving the situation. 384 00:18:22,480 --> 00:18:25,080 Speaker 2: If you'd like to hear the full interviews with Ollie Olaton, 385 00:18:25,400 --> 00:18:28,879 Speaker 2: Damion Tomlinson, and Brian Newdell, on linked them in the 386 00:18:28,880 --> 00:18:32,000 Speaker 2: show notes. Thanks so much for listening to this episode 387 00:18:32,000 --> 00:18:35,560 Speaker 2: of Headgame. I'll be back January twenty second with more 388 00:18:35,600 --> 00:18:39,680 Speaker 2: powerful stories like the ones you've heard today. Until then, 389 00:18:40,200 --> 00:18:43,280 Speaker 2: I'm at Middleton. Catch you again next time.