WEBVTT - ANNA'S LEARNINGS ON LOVE BEFORE MARRIAGE 0:00:00.080 --> 0:00:02.640 I feel like our podcast is just me constantly correcting 0:00:02.640 --> 0:00:03.360 your words. 0:00:03.640 --> 0:00:06.680 Yeah, just I don't just can't speak properly? Can I? 0:00:06.720 --> 0:00:09.160 Who would have thought? Might I have a podcast? Then? 0:00:13.480 --> 0:00:14.239 Where's Your Head At? 0:00:14.360 --> 0:00:18.759 Is a podcast that talks all things relationships, breakups, reality TV, 0:00:19.079 --> 0:00:21.280 trending shows, and everything in between. 0:00:21.560 --> 0:00:24.280 This is your new go to destination for laughs, gossip, 0:00:24.440 --> 0:00:26.599 intimate details, advice, and much more. 0:00:31.640 --> 0:00:34.800 Hello, and welcome back to Where's Your Head At? 0:00:35.040 --> 0:00:36.800 Hi, mad Hello Anna? 0:00:36.960 --> 0:00:37.520 How are you going? 0:00:37.920 --> 0:00:40.640 I'm good. We are still away. So this is a 0:00:40.680 --> 0:00:41.880 pre recorded episode. 0:00:42.520 --> 0:00:46.080 We're in Greece. We are I would have just I'll 0:00:46.120 --> 0:00:46.880 be on my way back. 0:00:47.080 --> 0:00:50.640 Okay, I would have just finished our friend moon. And 0:00:50.920 --> 0:00:52.640 this is the first ever our honeymoon. 0:00:52.800 --> 0:00:54.360 What is a friend moon? 0:00:55.080 --> 0:00:59.040 So basically, obviously we're having an international wedding. We're all 0:00:59.080 --> 0:01:03.000 going to be in Greece, and I invited my best 0:01:03.040 --> 0:01:05.560 friends to come on from a moon. It's literally from 0:01:05.640 --> 0:01:08.559 Corfu to mike Itos one hundred and fifty dollars flight. 0:01:08.640 --> 0:01:11.720 So we were like, when on earth will you ever 0:01:11.959 --> 0:01:15.040 be in Mickinos with all of your best friends? And 0:01:15.080 --> 0:01:17.440 it's literally it's so funny because it's been a bucket 0:01:17.440 --> 0:01:20.360 list of mine for the longest time, and I remember 0:01:20.400 --> 0:01:23.440 thinking it's just one of those things that's never gonna happen, 0:01:23.440 --> 0:01:25.360 and that's okay, Like I'm okay with it. 0:01:25.640 --> 0:01:27.039 But then obviously we've had. 0:01:26.880 --> 0:01:30.600 A wedding in Corfu and we're so close, and like 0:01:30.840 --> 0:01:34.440 I think as well, like the wedding, we have obviously 0:01:34.480 --> 0:01:37.240 a few different events, but then after it, everyone's kind 0:01:37.240 --> 0:01:39.200 of doing their own thing. And I kind of floated 0:01:39.200 --> 0:01:42.399 the idea with everyone and was like, however, one feeling 0:01:42.400 --> 0:01:45.080 about going to Mikinos for three days. We can all 0:01:45.280 --> 0:01:48.240 get a big villa together. It'll be really fun. And 0:01:48.320 --> 0:01:52.360 everyone was like, yes, we're totally on board. Obviously you 0:01:52.440 --> 0:01:56.440 can't come, which is totally fine, but my bridesmaids and 0:01:56.520 --> 0:01:59.600 some of Michael's grooms party are going. We have this 0:01:59.760 --> 0:02:04.200 maze house. It's called Villa Aphrodite, so the Villa of Love, 0:02:05.840 --> 0:02:09.920 which is very like, you know, post wedding, it's very fitting. 0:02:10.639 --> 0:02:13.120 So yeah, we're going on a friend moon and then 0:02:13.320 --> 0:02:16.760 from there everyone's going separate ways. So in real time, 0:02:17.040 --> 0:02:18.920 I will be on the first day of my honeymoon. 0:02:18.960 --> 0:02:21.840 From my honeymoon, we're going to Turkey. But when we 0:02:21.880 --> 0:02:22.880 get back, we're going to. 0:02:22.880 --> 0:02:24.400 Do a full recap of all of that. 0:02:25.320 --> 0:02:30.480 So for today, I decided that I was going to 0:02:30.919 --> 0:02:34.200 give everyone a little bit of wisdom, and I'm going 0:02:34.280 --> 0:02:37.720 to do everything I've learned about love before getting married 0:02:37.760 --> 0:02:40.040 and the things I wish I knew sooner. 0:02:40.160 --> 0:02:40.840 Let's jump in. 0:02:43.760 --> 0:02:47.640 Okay, So these are some stuff that Anna has written 0:02:47.680 --> 0:02:51.160 down that she thinks she needs to pass on or 0:02:51.200 --> 0:02:53.720 would like to pass on to our listeners, that she 0:02:53.880 --> 0:02:57.160 has learned on her journey to find the love of 0:02:57.200 --> 0:02:58.200 her life. 0:02:58.919 --> 0:02:59.559 Exactly. 0:03:00.440 --> 0:03:04.200 Okay, Well, the first one is pretty simple and it's 0:03:04.480 --> 0:03:08.640 never date potential. So essentially that basically means that people 0:03:08.680 --> 0:03:11.560 show you who they are, believe what they show you. 0:03:11.800 --> 0:03:16.040 I mean, I think for me, I used to always say, oh, 0:03:16.080 --> 0:03:19.080 he's perfect, but like, you know, if this would just 0:03:19.200 --> 0:03:21.639 change or if that would just change, then like things 0:03:21.639 --> 0:03:25.000 would be amazing. And I think the lesson there is 0:03:25.080 --> 0:03:28.280 like people show you who they are, don't wish them 0:03:28.320 --> 0:03:31.160 to be someone different, and don't say, well, if this 0:03:31.280 --> 0:03:33.120 part of them didn't exist and that part of them 0:03:33.160 --> 0:03:35.400 didn't exist, then everything would be perfect. 0:03:35.520 --> 0:03:38.200 But isn't there a saying or something that should you 0:03:38.280 --> 0:03:40.680 not change for someone you love, or should you change 0:03:40.760 --> 0:03:42.160 some stuff? Like what are you talking about? 0:03:42.200 --> 0:03:45.440 Like is it I think it's about compatibility, Like I 0:03:45.480 --> 0:03:49.280 think in relationships, people are either compatible with each other 0:03:49.840 --> 0:03:50.280 or they're not. 0:03:50.640 --> 0:03:53.560 So what for instance, So say like it's something that 0:03:53.800 --> 0:03:56.000 like it's an actual behavior that they do. 0:03:56.120 --> 0:04:00.600 Or something that you just literally can't agree on, or 0:04:00.640 --> 0:04:03.000 like there's a part of your personalities that just don't 0:04:03.040 --> 0:04:05.760 mesh well, Like with my ex one of my exes, 0:04:06.240 --> 0:04:08.920 we would literally argue until like three in the morning 0:04:09.320 --> 0:04:13.000 because we were both so stubborn and our relationship. I 0:04:13.000 --> 0:04:15.120 would be like, it's so good, but we just like 0:04:15.400 --> 0:04:18.000 are both so stubborn in button heads to the maximum, 0:04:18.040 --> 0:04:20.720 and we argue for hours and hours on end, and 0:04:20.760 --> 0:04:24.600 it was emotionally draining and I was exhausted, and I 0:04:24.640 --> 0:04:28.080 would say things like, if this just didn't happen, then 0:04:28.120 --> 0:04:30.200 it would be a perfect relationship. But the thing is 0:04:30.200 --> 0:04:33.479 is that stuff did happen often, and so it wasn't 0:04:33.520 --> 0:04:34.320 a perfect relationship. 0:04:34.320 --> 0:04:35.880 It was actually a really shit relationship. 0:04:35.920 --> 0:04:39.680 But I just couldn't really see that because I was 0:04:40.440 --> 0:04:43.680 convincing myself that it was perfect if this wasn't in 0:04:43.680 --> 0:04:45.880 the relationship, or if that wasn't in the relationship. 0:04:46.080 --> 0:04:47.119 So that's number one. 0:04:47.279 --> 0:04:47.839 Number one. 0:04:47.960 --> 0:04:51.839 The next one, it's better to be single than dating 0:04:51.880 --> 0:04:54.320 someone who isn't the one for the sake of being 0:04:54.360 --> 0:04:55.320 in a relationship. 0:04:55.680 --> 0:04:56.440 I agree with that. 0:04:56.800 --> 0:04:58.720 Have you ever dated someone just because you didn't want 0:04:58.720 --> 0:05:02.159 to be alone. I don't think I've ever been in 0:05:02.160 --> 0:05:04.000 a relationship with someone. 0:05:04.080 --> 0:05:05.440 I was going to say a relationship, but. 0:05:05.440 --> 0:05:08.320 I've definitely like dated people for longer just because I 0:05:08.360 --> 0:05:08.800 was lonely. 0:05:12.120 --> 0:05:13.240 You want to go on dates with them and have 0:05:13.320 --> 0:05:16.080 sex with someone, Yeah, dude, I feel like I be 0:05:16.080 --> 0:05:17.640 now in the dating game for Asia. It's like some 0:05:17.680 --> 0:05:18.440 what people do. 0:05:18.960 --> 0:05:19.800 Of course they do. 0:05:20.640 --> 0:05:21.279 It's cruel. 0:05:21.680 --> 0:05:24.680 Yes, I used to do that with being there. 0:05:25.640 --> 0:05:25.960 True. 0:05:26.320 --> 0:05:28.000 But what I'm saying is is like I feel like 0:05:28.040 --> 0:05:31.039 sometimes people get stuck into relationships just because they don't 0:05:31.040 --> 0:05:34.039 want to be alone. It's like the winter relationship, you know, 0:05:34.120 --> 0:05:36.359 people like get into a relationship. 0:05:35.760 --> 0:05:37.680 In may or they're scared to leave. 0:05:37.839 --> 0:05:39.599 Or they're scared to leave. Absolutely. 0:05:39.800 --> 0:05:43.880 Next one, being agreeable so people like you never works. 0:05:44.000 --> 0:05:47.599 If someone disrespects you, set a boundary. If they're mean 0:05:47.680 --> 0:05:49.560 to you, do not ignore it. 0:05:50.360 --> 0:05:50.760 True. 0:05:51.240 --> 0:05:52.280 I think that's a big one. 0:05:52.360 --> 0:05:54.640 I think like there's so many times, and I feel 0:05:54.640 --> 0:05:56.719 like as women as well, like there's so many times 0:05:56.839 --> 0:06:00.480 where you're just agreeable because you don't want to start 0:06:00.520 --> 0:06:03.279 conflict or you don't want to rock the boat. 0:06:03.640 --> 0:06:06.240 Isn't there a like argument though, Like you've got to 0:06:06.240 --> 0:06:08.880 pick your fights. So, like imagine just some of the 0:06:08.960 --> 0:06:11.039 stuff that I just really people get angry about, Like 0:06:11.120 --> 0:06:12.520 why I pick a fight for it? 0:06:13.400 --> 0:06:14.800 I don't think it's picking a fight. 0:06:14.880 --> 0:06:18.080 I think if someone's blatantly disrespecting you, they're picking a fight, 0:06:18.240 --> 0:06:20.400 and you need to be like this isn't okay. 0:06:20.680 --> 0:06:23.560 That would be a healthy relationship, respecting each other's boundaries. 0:06:24.080 --> 0:06:25.160 Yeah exactly. 0:06:25.480 --> 0:06:27.760 But it's like if it's a healthy relationship if someone's 0:06:27.800 --> 0:06:30.440 respecting your boundaries though, so you wouldn't have an argument 0:06:30.480 --> 0:06:30.880 that way. 0:06:31.080 --> 0:06:33.440 So the point is is if someone's being mean to you, 0:06:34.240 --> 0:06:37.680 don't just ignore it just to be like agreeing with it. 0:06:37.800 --> 0:06:39.800 I was talking about happy wife, happy life, so it 0:06:39.880 --> 0:06:42.040 was in like, I mean, if you get frustrated if 0:06:42.080 --> 0:06:44.520 someone leaves their clothes on the ground or something like that. 0:06:45.480 --> 0:06:45.840 Different. 0:06:45.880 --> 0:06:48.360 I think we're talking in this scenario about like if 0:06:48.360 --> 0:06:52.080 someone's being blatantly mean to you, don't ignore it if. 0:06:51.920 --> 0:06:54.200 Someone's like, what happens if they're having an off day? 0:06:54.320 --> 0:06:57.120 If someone's having an off day, like it's it's obviously 0:06:57.440 --> 0:06:59.840 acceptable for people to have off days. But you still 0:07:00.160 --> 0:07:04.040 never be the target of someone's like and I anger 0:07:04.240 --> 0:07:06.920 or frustration, and you can say that to them, like, 0:07:07.240 --> 0:07:11.440 it's not like I'm never like take things out on Michael. 0:07:11.520 --> 0:07:13.000 But he won't accept it. 0:07:13.080 --> 0:07:16.720 He'll be like, Babe, you'll be a bit mean and like, 0:07:17.120 --> 0:07:18.800 you know, talk me through it, and then we have 0:07:18.840 --> 0:07:22.320 a really healthy conversation and we move past it. You know, 0:07:22.720 --> 0:07:25.360 next one that I wish I knew sooner. I feel 0:07:25.360 --> 0:07:29.280 like this one is so important. Don't take rejection personally 0:07:29.360 --> 0:07:33.000 because ninety nine point nine percent of the people you 0:07:33.160 --> 0:07:34.960 date it won't work out with. 0:07:35.560 --> 0:07:38.720 I learned, and I agree with that, I reckon. I 0:07:38.800 --> 0:07:41.840 learned that through modeling. You know, when you went overseas 0:07:41.840 --> 0:07:44.720 and you'd go to modeling castings. I remember Milan in London, Like, 0:07:45.040 --> 0:07:47.920 your agents would send you to a casting and you'd 0:07:47.960 --> 0:07:50.920 get rejected over and over again. Yeah, but then what 0:07:51.080 --> 0:07:53.240 made me understand it was it made me feel better 0:07:53.440 --> 0:07:57.560 was they're cattle calling, like they're sending you to different castings. 0:07:57.560 --> 0:08:00.559 But people, the people casting the brand and are looking, 0:08:00.600 --> 0:08:04.160 for instance, the color green and you're purple. You're not 0:08:04.200 --> 0:08:06.040 what they want. Yeah, do you know? So that goes 0:08:06.040 --> 0:08:10.600 the same in dating. Someone's looking for maybe moron or blue, 0:08:11.120 --> 0:08:12.120 but you're orange. 0:08:12.760 --> 0:08:16.520 I love this analogy. It does make sense. 0:08:16.560 --> 0:08:19.640 And that's the thing is like, you can date someone 0:08:19.880 --> 0:08:22.040 and there's nothing wrong with you, but you, guys, just 0:08:22.480 --> 0:08:25.000 like when you meet the love of your life, there's 0:08:25.080 --> 0:08:29.600 sparks and there's feelings, and it's more than just you know, 0:08:30.160 --> 0:08:32.680 if you're a nice person or if you're good looking, 0:08:32.720 --> 0:08:33.439 it's more than that. 0:08:33.559 --> 0:08:35.560 And I think that's what you need to remember. It's 0:08:35.600 --> 0:08:36.280 not personal. 0:08:36.440 --> 0:08:38.760 And we've been on plenty of dates where they've just 0:08:38.960 --> 0:08:42.319 been flops and you haven't felt anything. And we're both 0:08:42.640 --> 0:08:45.240 now or you're married, I'm engaged because the first date 0:08:45.559 --> 0:08:46.600 was obviously amazing. 0:08:46.760 --> 0:08:51.880 How God the first day? Okay, Matte, you're ready. 0:08:52.160 --> 0:08:56.480 Always dating is like doing a research project. You begin 0:08:56.520 --> 0:08:58.960 to find the things that you love and you must have, 0:08:59.400 --> 0:09:02.040 the things that you're an absolute deal breaker, and the 0:09:02.080 --> 0:09:05.040 things that you're willing to compromise on. So the more 0:09:05.120 --> 0:09:08.160 dates you go on the more you kind of learn, 0:09:08.520 --> 0:09:11.600 and your research project continues and you get more pieces 0:09:11.640 --> 0:09:14.320 to the puzzle, until finally you're like, you know what, 0:09:14.559 --> 0:09:16.920 I thought that this was a must for me. I'm 0:09:16.960 --> 0:09:20.280 willing to compromise on it, but this person needs to 0:09:20.320 --> 0:09:20.920 make me last. 0:09:21.080 --> 0:09:23.480 I see people post like tiktoks and then like, I've 0:09:23.480 --> 0:09:25.400 been on X amount of dates I've been doing this. 0:09:25.440 --> 0:09:27.760 I can't find the person. Take it as like you said, 0:09:27.800 --> 0:09:31.640 research and learning curves that you're learning from every single day, 0:09:31.679 --> 0:09:32.839 and you're taking something. 0:09:32.600 --> 0:09:36.400 Away absolutely, and like, learn from each scenario, even if 0:09:36.440 --> 0:09:39.440 you go on the worst date of your life, what 0:09:39.679 --> 0:09:43.240 is the takeaway from it? Okay, next one, Enjoy the 0:09:43.280 --> 0:09:46.280 era of your life that you're in it. Don't wish 0:09:46.360 --> 0:09:49.000 any part away. So one of my friends was like, 0:09:49.600 --> 0:09:51.920 it's so amazing that you're getting married. I just want 0:09:51.960 --> 0:09:55.640 to get married now. It's like so fun. I've been 0:09:55.640 --> 0:09:58.080 planning my wedding even though I have a boyfriend. And 0:09:58.120 --> 0:10:00.880 I was like, you know what, I love that, and like, yeah, 0:10:00.880 --> 0:10:03.920 it's so exciting. Like my wedding era has been my 0:10:04.040 --> 0:10:05.600 most exciting era of my life. 0:10:05.679 --> 0:10:08.880 It's been so fun. But also a lot. 0:10:08.720 --> 0:10:12.000 Of people who are in relationships, Go, I wish I 0:10:12.080 --> 0:10:13.760 was single if single was so fun. 0:10:13.800 --> 0:10:14.920 I loved being single. 0:10:14.960 --> 0:10:17.520 And it's like each era that you're in is such 0:10:17.520 --> 0:10:21.360 a special time for its own different reasons, and like 0:10:21.480 --> 0:10:23.959 each era brings positives and negatives. 0:10:24.080 --> 0:10:26.319 Right, It's like the grass is greener on the other 0:10:26.360 --> 0:10:28.960 Side's sort of analogy. It's not. It's just enjoy where 0:10:28.960 --> 0:10:29.360 you're at. 0:10:29.640 --> 0:10:32.200 Like, if you're single right now, this could be the 0:10:32.280 --> 0:10:34.920 last time in your whole life that you're single, because 0:10:35.000 --> 0:10:36.800 tomorrow you could meet the love of your life and 0:10:36.840 --> 0:10:38.200 you will never be single again. 0:10:38.520 --> 0:10:40.760 Just enjoy where you're at. Enjoy the moment, be present. 0:10:40.920 --> 0:10:44.680 Okay, this one's a big one, and I started to 0:10:44.720 --> 0:10:47.440 do this a lot more in my mid twenties, and 0:10:47.480 --> 0:10:50.600 that is to listen to your gut always. 0:10:51.120 --> 0:10:53.199 Yeah, women's intuition as well, but. 0:10:53.440 --> 0:10:56.360 Yeah, women's intuition, but also that gut feeling which we 0:10:56.480 --> 0:11:00.160 all have. I feel like, if your gut feels drop 0:11:00.360 --> 0:11:03.200 and you feel stressed, and you have tummy pains and 0:11:03.240 --> 0:11:06.880 you just feel generally unwell, your body is screaming at 0:11:06.920 --> 0:11:11.040 you to run, listen to that feeling because your gut 0:11:11.040 --> 0:11:11.600 doesn't lie. 0:11:11.960 --> 0:11:14.120 Oh yeah, I agree. You got to listen to your gut. 0:11:14.160 --> 0:11:18.000 Women's intubition, and no one knows you like you know yourself. 0:11:18.040 --> 0:11:21.400 So listen to what your inner thoughts are and take 0:11:21.440 --> 0:11:22.040 them on board. 0:11:22.280 --> 0:11:26.680 So interestingly, Matt, I just looked up the science behind 0:11:26.679 --> 0:11:28.800 a gut feeling, and it says that your gut is 0:11:28.840 --> 0:11:32.319 lined with around five hundred million neurons. That's nearly five 0:11:32.400 --> 0:11:36.679 times more than in your spinal cord that makes up 0:11:36.720 --> 0:11:41.000 the electric nervous system, also called your second brain. 0:11:42.200 --> 0:11:44.600 I don't think my gut is my brain, but I 0:11:44.640 --> 0:11:45.319 know what you're saying. 0:11:45.679 --> 0:11:48.640 It's like a second brain. There's so many neurons in there. 0:11:48.800 --> 0:11:51.040 Think about like feel like the energy or can feel 0:11:51.080 --> 0:11:52.160 like a gut feeling? 0:11:52.280 --> 0:11:55.360 Yeah, it knows like when something's off you feel it 0:11:55.360 --> 0:11:55.880 in your guard. 0:11:56.080 --> 0:11:56.760 It's not just. 0:11:56.720 --> 0:11:58.440 Like that, like when you walk in somewhere and you're like, 0:11:58.440 --> 0:11:59.319 oh it feels. 0:11:59.080 --> 0:12:01.640 A bit, feel a bit, or or if you talk 0:12:01.720 --> 0:12:04.280 to someone at like you know, let's just say someone 0:12:04.320 --> 0:12:06.120 at a supermarket and they give you a really bad 0:12:06.200 --> 0:12:09.920 vibe and your gut goes alert. Yeah, this is a 0:12:10.000 --> 0:12:13.000 dangerous person or this isn't a safe place for me, 0:12:13.440 --> 0:12:15.680 Like I don't want to be around this person. 0:12:15.960 --> 0:12:17.440 Or say someone you even know, and you go, oh, 0:12:17.800 --> 0:12:19.040 I feel like you feel off. 0:12:19.320 --> 0:12:24.480 Yeah, Okay. The next one is if someone is gonna 0:12:24.520 --> 0:12:26.960 cheat on you, they're gonna cheat, don't disrupt your own 0:12:26.960 --> 0:12:28.400 peace by trying to catch them out. 0:12:28.440 --> 0:12:30.199 So when I was younger, I agree with that. 0:12:30.679 --> 0:12:36.000 I literally would constantly check my boyfriend's phones or like 0:12:36.320 --> 0:12:38.200 if they would go to sleep, I would like wake 0:12:38.280 --> 0:12:39.679 up in the middle of the night and like go 0:12:39.760 --> 0:12:41.840 through their phones to see if I could find anything. 0:12:41.840 --> 0:12:44.120 And I always would find something that would piss me. 0:12:44.120 --> 0:12:47.600 Off or like, you know what would it be just something. 0:12:47.880 --> 0:12:50.800 So it could be like, you know, a snapchat photo 0:12:51.040 --> 0:12:56.640 or like whatever it was. But anyway, I would literally 0:12:57.040 --> 0:12:59.480 not be at peace because I would be thinking about 0:12:59.480 --> 0:13:01.319 when I'm gonna look at their phone next, and I 0:13:01.360 --> 0:13:05.480 would be constantly like seeing things. For one relationship, I 0:13:05.559 --> 0:13:09.600 had my ex's Instagram and I would be like constantly 0:13:09.640 --> 0:13:12.960 refreshing it seeing if anyone messaged. My brain would just 0:13:13.000 --> 0:13:15.240 be so focused on all of that that I had 0:13:15.280 --> 0:13:18.600 no peace. I was constantly stressed and constantly looking for 0:13:18.720 --> 0:13:23.840 danger and constantly looking for something wrong. And I think 0:13:24.480 --> 0:13:27.760 something that I've learned in specifically this relationship with Michael 0:13:27.760 --> 0:13:31.199 and in my thirties, is that I value my own piece. 0:13:31.280 --> 0:13:33.040 If someone is if Michael's going to cheat on me, 0:13:33.120 --> 0:13:35.640 he is literally gonna cheat on me. It doesn't matter 0:13:35.640 --> 0:13:39.080 how overbearing or how much I look at his phone. 0:13:39.200 --> 0:13:41.920 If there's a will, there's a fucking way, and I 0:13:41.960 --> 0:13:46.120 think I will trust until the death and if something happens, 0:13:46.360 --> 0:13:48.640 then it's shame on him, not shame on me. But 0:13:48.720 --> 0:13:51.120 at least I've been in peace the whole relationship. 0:13:51.200 --> 0:13:53.480 And some people say that being possessive and all that 0:13:53.480 --> 0:13:55.440 sort of stuff even pushes people to do that. 0:13:55.559 --> 0:13:56.880 Because they don't feel like they. 0:13:56.760 --> 0:14:00.440 Have freedom, And yeah, I've heard that as well. 0:14:00.679 --> 0:14:03.880 I think as well, like looking back on past relationships, 0:14:04.120 --> 0:14:06.640 when you think someone's cheating on you or you're trying 0:14:06.640 --> 0:14:09.040 to catch them out, it kind of corrupts your image 0:14:09.080 --> 0:14:12.920 of them because you don't have the trust. You're constantly 0:14:13.000 --> 0:14:16.160 like viewing them as like a threatening person or they're 0:14:16.160 --> 0:14:19.480 going to do something wrong, or you're looking for something. 0:14:19.840 --> 0:14:21.800 Yeah, that's what I mean. You're twisting stuff they do 0:14:22.040 --> 0:14:23.760 to make it lack as if they are. 0:14:23.920 --> 0:14:25.520 And then you're not communicating with them. 0:14:25.560 --> 0:14:30.400 Also, another point because instead of directly communicating with them, 0:14:30.440 --> 0:14:33.960 you're kind of like sneakily trying to find out information 0:14:34.040 --> 0:14:36.720 instead of just talking to them and setting up boundaries 0:14:36.720 --> 0:14:38.400 so that those boundaries aren't crossed. 0:14:38.640 --> 0:14:39.720 I totally agree with that. 0:14:40.600 --> 0:14:43.720 Okay, next one, it's not what you fight about that 0:14:43.800 --> 0:14:46.680 kills a relationship, it's how you fight with your partner 0:14:46.840 --> 0:14:47.880 and how you recover. 0:14:48.160 --> 0:14:50.840 I agree with this completely. Everything I see on TikTok, 0:14:50.880 --> 0:14:55.359 and that is relationships have conflict. Every relationship has arguments. 0:14:55.640 --> 0:14:58.440 I said before, when you have a guy and a 0:14:58.480 --> 0:15:02.360 girl meet each other, they're two different people one a 0:15:02.400 --> 0:15:04.000 guy and a girl. They're not going to see things 0:15:04.000 --> 0:15:07.280 the same way. They have two different upbringings, so they 0:15:07.280 --> 0:15:09.240 have two different parents that have raised them, so they 0:15:09.240 --> 0:15:11.600 have different point of views, and they have two different 0:15:11.680 --> 0:15:16.640 life experiences which shapes their opinion and their way of 0:15:16.720 --> 0:15:19.080 views on things. So they're not going to agree on everything. 0:15:19.120 --> 0:15:22.120 So like you said, they're going to argue. It's just 0:15:22.200 --> 0:15:25.160 more about how you resolve it. And so they have 0:15:25.200 --> 0:15:27.960 a firm belief on something that's like not right. Do 0:15:27.960 --> 0:15:28.440 you know what I mean? 0:15:28.480 --> 0:15:29.400 I don't agree on and you. 0:15:29.360 --> 0:15:31.120 Don't agree on like that it's just you know what 0:15:31.160 --> 0:15:33.240 I mean, then that's a little bit different. But if 0:15:33.280 --> 0:15:37.560 it's something like fuck, I don't know, like they think 0:15:37.640 --> 0:15:40.760 that chocolate goes in the fridge or fucking you know 0:15:40.760 --> 0:15:42.840 what I mean, or ketchup goes into the pantry or 0:15:42.840 --> 0:15:45.560 something like that, Like, just don't argue about it. It's 0:15:45.600 --> 0:15:49.000 not worth arguing about. It's not worth a screaming match. 0:15:49.160 --> 0:15:56.240 When I look back on past relationships, I definitely think 0:15:56.600 --> 0:16:01.680 that the way you argue with someone is super important, 0:16:01.720 --> 0:16:05.200 and the recovery is so important, Like you need to 0:16:05.240 --> 0:16:08.080 be able to recover within an hour, like depending on 0:16:08.120 --> 0:16:10.720 what it is, of course, but like if it's something 0:16:10.720 --> 0:16:13.640 that's not going to matter in five years time, you 0:16:13.720 --> 0:16:16.760 need to recover quickly because I think the longer you 0:16:16.920 --> 0:16:21.200 let fights go on, it kind of festers and it 0:16:21.280 --> 0:16:24.280 kills the relationship. I trying to believe that, like with 0:16:24.680 --> 0:16:28.920 X's of mine, we would fight for hours on end. 0:16:29.600 --> 0:16:32.840 So when you look back at pass relationships and fights, 0:16:32.880 --> 0:16:37.680 the longer those fights go on, the more resentment builds 0:16:37.760 --> 0:16:39.920 up in the relationship, and it just kills a relationship. 0:16:39.920 --> 0:16:43.200 It's literally the quickest way to ruin your relationship by 0:16:43.280 --> 0:16:47.160 holding onto things, So I think really getting good at 0:16:47.200 --> 0:16:50.920 recovering quickly. Michael and I, out of every relationship I've 0:16:50.960 --> 0:16:54.120 ever been in, we have never had an argument bar 0:16:55.240 --> 0:16:58.880 one that hasn't recovered within thirty minutes. Like there was 0:16:58.960 --> 0:17:01.280 one big one, and I think it took us like 0:17:01.320 --> 0:17:05.080 a couple of days. But other than that, thirty minutes bang, 0:17:05.240 --> 0:17:08.440 like one of us comes over, we say we love 0:17:08.480 --> 0:17:10.440 each other, let's make up, and we're silly and we're 0:17:10.480 --> 0:17:12.800 laughing and we're joking and we're moving on with life. 0:17:12.880 --> 0:17:15.280 The longer we leave things, the worst it's gonna be. 0:17:18.160 --> 0:17:20.080 Sex is not love. 0:17:20.920 --> 0:17:22.399 Yeah, Lust is not love. 0:17:22.760 --> 0:17:25.480 Lust is not love. Sex is not love. 0:17:26.080 --> 0:17:28.760 I think it's like hard, especially when you're younger, like 0:17:28.880 --> 0:17:29.400 you get a. 0:17:29.320 --> 0:17:32.200 Little weird, not confused, and it's. 0:17:31.920 --> 0:17:35.960 Like you know, you have sex with the first like 0:17:36.040 --> 0:17:38.000 love of your life and you're like, oh my god, 0:17:38.760 --> 0:17:43.160 and love. But really, sex is not love and lust 0:17:43.280 --> 0:17:46.119 is not love. And I think love is something that 0:17:46.240 --> 0:17:48.399 grows over time. And I think you really need to 0:17:48.480 --> 0:17:50.679 know the person before you love them. And yes, we 0:17:50.760 --> 0:17:53.200 might feel those feelings of oh my god, I love you, 0:17:53.720 --> 0:17:55.840 but I don't think you can truly love someone until 0:17:56.840 --> 0:17:59.119 you know their morals, you know what they stand for, 0:17:59.640 --> 0:18:01.320 and if you mesh well as well. 0:18:01.720 --> 0:18:03.960 I was thinking while you were saying that, like, well, 0:18:04.280 --> 0:18:07.480 when you're a young boy, like, it's definitely get those 0:18:07.520 --> 0:18:10.520 two mixed stuff. Yeah, it's a young twenty year old 0:18:10.920 --> 0:18:15.200 Rosston love. Yeah. Yeah, you think you love this girl, 0:18:15.280 --> 0:18:17.080 but she just really attracted to her. 0:18:20.119 --> 0:18:20.479 Okay. 0:18:20.520 --> 0:18:22.639 This one's kind of on the same level, and that 0:18:22.800 --> 0:18:25.639 is that you will get over heartbreak. I don't know 0:18:25.680 --> 0:18:29.280 about your first heartbreak, but mine was like horrendous. I 0:18:29.320 --> 0:18:31.359 was like, I'm never getting over this. And I think 0:18:31.400 --> 0:18:36.760 the message on my lessons that I learned before marriage 0:18:36.880 --> 0:18:40.280 is the first heartbreak, it's. 0:18:39.720 --> 0:18:42.520 Only just the beginning of many, many more to come. 0:18:42.680 --> 0:18:44.640 And does it get easier. 0:18:45.080 --> 0:18:47.439 I think it does get easier because I think you 0:18:47.560 --> 0:18:49.280 remember that you got over the first one. 0:18:49.800 --> 0:18:51.800 The first one is still hard. Was your first one hard? 0:18:52.040 --> 0:18:53.920 Yeah? My first one was pretty rude. 0:18:53.680 --> 0:18:59.000 My first one was I genuinely thought like my life 0:18:59.040 --> 0:19:01.720 was over. It's like, what is the point of being 0:19:01.720 --> 0:19:02.360