WEBVTT - Kat John’s brilliant “I’m done with…” list

0:00:00.720 --> 0:00:03.960
<v Speaker 1>Oh, good morning, good afternoon, good day. Hello. I hope

0:00:04.000 --> 0:00:06.080
<v Speaker 1>you are having a healthy day. Yes, this is the

0:00:06.160 --> 0:00:09.000
<v Speaker 1>daily podcast from Body and Soul called Healthyish. Of course,

0:00:09.280 --> 0:00:11.760
<v Speaker 1>I am the host of Felicity. Harley the Joyful Cat

0:00:11.840 --> 0:00:15.600
<v Speaker 1>John joins me today. She is an authenticity coach speaker

0:00:15.840 --> 0:00:18.520
<v Speaker 1>with a new book out called Authentic, and today we're

0:00:18.560 --> 0:00:22.439
<v Speaker 1>focusing on her brilliant I'm Done with list, something she

0:00:22.480 --> 0:00:24.959
<v Speaker 1>writes about in her new book. She's going to explain

0:00:25.000 --> 0:00:27.360
<v Speaker 1>what it is exactly and why you need to do.

0:00:27.960 --> 0:00:30.320
<v Speaker 1>If you do like what you hear on this podcast.

0:00:30.320 --> 0:00:33.080
<v Speaker 1>Listening to extra healthy Ish, where Kat discusses how to

0:00:33.240 --> 0:00:35.880
<v Speaker 1>live your best life, you can catch that one wherever

0:00:35.920 --> 0:00:50.640
<v Speaker 1>you get your podcasts. Kat. Nice to have you back.

0:00:50.680 --> 0:00:52.959
<v Speaker 1>It's been a few years. Dare I say, I know?

0:00:53.440 --> 0:00:54.160
<v Speaker 2>I think it has.

0:00:54.360 --> 0:00:56.800
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, yeah, we should have got you on sooner. But

0:00:56.880 --> 0:00:59.200
<v Speaker 1>now you're here with a new book. Congratulations. How does

0:00:59.200 --> 0:00:59.640
<v Speaker 1>that feel.

0:01:00.960 --> 0:01:03.000
<v Speaker 2>It's as I was saying to you before, it is

0:01:03.080 --> 0:01:06.560
<v Speaker 2>I'm holding two very different well I don't think they're two,

0:01:06.640 --> 0:01:12.560
<v Speaker 2>but the weight of each emotion is one super excited, proud, pumped,

0:01:12.640 --> 0:01:14.440
<v Speaker 2>let's rock, and then the other is I want to

0:01:14.480 --> 0:01:18.320
<v Speaker 2>crawl under a rock and hide. Ah. So that's where

0:01:18.319 --> 0:01:19.520
<v Speaker 2>I'm at at the moment with it.

0:01:20.200 --> 0:01:23.160
<v Speaker 1>There's something. I mean, you're quite vulnerable all over your

0:01:23.200 --> 0:01:25.959
<v Speaker 1>social media anyway and in your podcast, but there's something

0:01:26.080 --> 0:01:28.520
<v Speaker 1>even it's kind of like a next level of vulnerability

0:01:28.520 --> 0:01:30.160
<v Speaker 1>when it comes to a book, isn't it.

0:01:30.680 --> 0:01:34.000
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, definitely, it's a new level. It's yeah, like you said,

0:01:34.080 --> 0:01:37.120
<v Speaker 2>I am vulnerable, i am open, but there's something different

0:01:37.200 --> 0:01:40.600
<v Speaker 2>about you in writing that's permanent that you can't raise

0:01:40.640 --> 0:01:43.679
<v Speaker 2>and and you know, just let's take that down off

0:01:43.680 --> 0:01:44.200
<v Speaker 2>the internet.

0:01:44.240 --> 0:01:46.640
<v Speaker 1>It is there now. There was something that jumped out

0:01:47.000 --> 0:01:48.840
<v Speaker 1>in your book at me, and that was this whole

0:01:48.880 --> 0:01:52.080
<v Speaker 1>idea of an I'm done with list. You have to

0:01:52.160 --> 0:01:56.040
<v Speaker 1>tell us about this. What is it?

0:01:56.040 --> 0:01:58.960
<v Speaker 2>It's a practice. It's kind of like a stage practice,

0:01:59.240 --> 0:02:02.920
<v Speaker 2>as you would have read where and people listening to

0:02:02.960 --> 0:02:07.080
<v Speaker 2>this will have reached this point once twice multiple times

0:02:07.080 --> 0:02:12.600
<v Speaker 2>in their life where they are fed up, over completely

0:02:13.000 --> 0:02:17.960
<v Speaker 2>done with the way or a way they are in

0:02:18.080 --> 0:02:21.920
<v Speaker 2>relationship with themselves, in relationship with life, in relationship to

0:02:22.040 --> 0:02:26.480
<v Speaker 2>their relationships, in relationship to money, their well being, whatever

0:02:26.520 --> 0:02:29.680
<v Speaker 2>it may be. And it's kind of like they have

0:02:30.639 --> 0:02:37.680
<v Speaker 2>tolerated and worn the ever so slowly wearing a way

0:02:37.960 --> 0:02:43.480
<v Speaker 2>of their confidence, self belief, authentic way, whatever it may be,

0:02:44.080 --> 0:02:47.760
<v Speaker 2>and they just reached this point of, Oh my gosh,

0:02:47.840 --> 0:02:53.560
<v Speaker 2>I cannot, I cannot do this for one more fricking day.

0:02:53.960 --> 0:02:57.560
<v Speaker 2>I cannot, I cannot, I will not. It's like all

0:02:57.720 --> 0:03:02.160
<v Speaker 2>the the mind, the body, the solve, the heart unite

0:03:02.240 --> 0:03:06.720
<v Speaker 2>together and say an almighty no, no, no, no, no,

0:03:06.720 --> 0:03:11.679
<v Speaker 2>no no more. And there's a practice that I did

0:03:11.760 --> 0:03:15.400
<v Speaker 2>last year, which is what are you done with? And

0:03:15.440 --> 0:03:17.640
<v Speaker 2>I wrote down thirty eight things. It was on my birthday,

0:03:17.760 --> 0:03:21.200
<v Speaker 2>thirty eight things. I'm just so, it's just it's it

0:03:21.600 --> 0:03:24.720
<v Speaker 2>where we are putting a goddamn line in the sand.

0:03:24.960 --> 0:03:29.640
<v Speaker 2>And like you said before coming online, it is outrageously cathartic.

0:03:30.520 --> 0:03:32.400
<v Speaker 1>It is, isn't it. Can you share some of the

0:03:32.400 --> 0:03:34.920
<v Speaker 1>things that were on that list that you did?

0:03:35.280 --> 0:03:37.760
<v Speaker 2>Oh yeah, I've got it right in front of it

0:03:37.240 --> 0:03:39.640
<v Speaker 2>was I was like, oh what have I got? What

0:03:39.680 --> 0:03:41.680
<v Speaker 2>have I got? So I've got thirty eight things, So

0:03:41.760 --> 0:03:44.120
<v Speaker 2>let's have a look at some of them. Not letting

0:03:44.120 --> 0:03:48.640
<v Speaker 2>myself watch a show or movie without guilt thinking I

0:03:48.720 --> 0:03:53.680
<v Speaker 2>need to do more, to be more worrying about money,

0:03:53.720 --> 0:03:58.920
<v Speaker 2>when I actually have money, calling myself fat and seeing

0:03:58.920 --> 0:04:02.920
<v Speaker 2>myself through the eyes of being fat, what else being

0:04:02.920 --> 0:04:05.800
<v Speaker 2>tormented by my past? Like there's a lot. Like I said,

0:04:05.800 --> 0:04:07.800
<v Speaker 2>there's thirty eight things here, there's a lot.

0:04:08.160 --> 0:04:11.840
<v Speaker 1>It's I mean, it's cathartic, but it's also owning your

0:04:11.880 --> 0:04:14.280
<v Speaker 1>thoughts and getting them out. I mean, there is something

0:04:14.680 --> 0:04:17.200
<v Speaker 1>I know you do this, you journal, and that there's

0:04:17.200 --> 0:04:20.520
<v Speaker 1>something about just those thoughts chipping away you, chipping away you,

0:04:20.640 --> 0:04:23.279
<v Speaker 1>and then writing them down, seeing them in front of

0:04:23.279 --> 0:04:27.360
<v Speaker 1>yourself and then thinking wow, like maybe yeah, I'll own

0:04:27.400 --> 0:04:28.640
<v Speaker 1>it and now I can let it go.

0:04:29.600 --> 0:04:34.599
<v Speaker 2>Yeah. It's this absolutely the ownership piece. And it's I'm

0:04:35.080 --> 0:04:39.680
<v Speaker 2>sick of hurting myself. I'm tired of hurting myself and

0:04:40.360 --> 0:04:46.600
<v Speaker 2>treating myself like I don't deserve something beautiful or wonderful

0:04:46.760 --> 0:04:50.760
<v Speaker 2>or that matters or that is my birthright, you know why.

0:04:50.880 --> 0:04:53.560
<v Speaker 2>It's why am I hurting myself? And I think when

0:04:53.560 --> 0:04:56.480
<v Speaker 2>we start to whether we have that language or not,

0:04:56.560 --> 0:04:59.800
<v Speaker 2>when we start to do such a practice, we are

0:05:00.080 --> 0:05:05.720
<v Speaker 2>inviting in softness, compassion, love, respect for the self, and

0:05:05.760 --> 0:05:08.080
<v Speaker 2>then how we relate to those things that we are

0:05:08.160 --> 0:05:10.440
<v Speaker 2>done with. So, whether it be money, whether it be

0:05:11.000 --> 0:05:13.520
<v Speaker 2>like I was talking about before, relationships, et cetera.

0:05:13.839 --> 0:05:17.120
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, you also write to you know, leave it a

0:05:17.120 --> 0:05:20.000
<v Speaker 1>few days, perhaps a few weeks, and then come back

0:05:20.040 --> 0:05:23.200
<v Speaker 1>and write a deeply sorry list. What's this about?

0:05:23.360 --> 0:05:26.200
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, yeah, So, I don't know if you've heard of

0:05:26.600 --> 0:05:31.800
<v Speaker 2>so basically this is it's an alteration of the Hawaiian

0:05:31.920 --> 0:05:34.680
<v Speaker 2>prayer hoe op and opono. I don't know if you've

0:05:34.720 --> 0:05:38.800
<v Speaker 2>heard of that before. It's the prayer of I'm sorry,

0:05:39.560 --> 0:05:43.719
<v Speaker 2>please forgive me, thank you, and I love you. And

0:05:43.760 --> 0:05:46.000
<v Speaker 2>I write about it further a little bit later on

0:05:46.120 --> 0:05:49.640
<v Speaker 2>in the book after this, and I practice that prayer.

0:05:49.720 --> 0:05:53.720
<v Speaker 2>It's a beautiful prayer for reconciliation with the self, with life,

0:05:53.839 --> 0:05:58.640
<v Speaker 2>with others. It's stunning, really stunning. And so I did

0:05:59.279 --> 0:06:02.280
<v Speaker 2>an iteration of it. And so I went to each

0:06:02.320 --> 0:06:04.560
<v Speaker 2>of the thirty eight things that I wrote down, and

0:06:04.600 --> 0:06:09.000
<v Speaker 2>I wrote, I'm deeply sorry for each of those things. So,

0:06:09.279 --> 0:06:13.080
<v Speaker 2>you know, for example, I'm you know, I'm done with

0:06:13.279 --> 0:06:15.880
<v Speaker 2>seeing myself as fat. I'm done with seeing myself as

0:06:16.320 --> 0:06:18.560
<v Speaker 2>whatever it may be. And so one of the things,

0:06:18.800 --> 0:06:22.520
<v Speaker 2>I am deeply sorry for speaking unkindly to you and

0:06:22.600 --> 0:06:25.640
<v Speaker 2>about your beautiful body that has carried you through this life.

0:06:26.480 --> 0:06:29.640
<v Speaker 2>You know, it's getting written, We're getting notches deeper. So

0:06:29.760 --> 0:06:34.039
<v Speaker 2>thirty eight sorries for the thirty eight I'm done with.

0:06:35.880 --> 0:06:40.160
<v Speaker 2>And it's again, it's it's taking in that ownership and

0:06:40.360 --> 0:06:43.520
<v Speaker 2>deep apology because I mean, you think about it. We

0:06:43.560 --> 0:06:46.839
<v Speaker 2>always say to our kids when you've done something wrong

0:06:46.920 --> 0:06:50.560
<v Speaker 2>or when you've offended your sibling, you know, say sorry,

0:06:50.720 --> 0:06:53.440
<v Speaker 2>et cetera. And you know, sometimes you can tell they

0:06:53.440 --> 0:06:57.800
<v Speaker 2>don't mean they're sorry. And I think that we do

0:06:57.920 --> 0:07:01.080
<v Speaker 2>that to ourselves, where we talk about ourselves just so flippantly,

0:07:01.320 --> 0:07:05.039
<v Speaker 2>so flippantly, and then when we reach this level of dumbness,

0:07:05.120 --> 0:07:09.400
<v Speaker 2>there comes this oh my goodness, I cannot believe I

0:07:09.440 --> 0:07:12.080
<v Speaker 2>have treated myself like this. I'm so sorry for that.

0:07:12.480 --> 0:07:15.440
<v Speaker 2>I mean it, am Meana, I'm so sorry for it.

0:07:16.520 --> 0:07:18.760
<v Speaker 2>And so that's the part that then follows the what

0:07:18.800 --> 0:07:19.360
<v Speaker 2>I'm done with?

0:07:20.120 --> 0:07:24.520
<v Speaker 1>And often we say these things to ourselves and unconsciously,

0:07:24.840 --> 0:07:27.560
<v Speaker 1>and we're not like many times a day, and it's

0:07:27.560 --> 0:07:30.160
<v Speaker 1>not until you you know, find that breaking your thinking,

0:07:30.240 --> 0:07:32.800
<v Speaker 1>or you go or you know, you take a bird's

0:07:32.800 --> 0:07:34.600
<v Speaker 1>eye view and think, did I just say that to myself?

0:07:34.640 --> 0:07:37.000
<v Speaker 1>Hang on, what have I been saying to myself about

0:07:37.000 --> 0:07:40.400
<v Speaker 1>my body or about my ability or whatever it may be.

0:07:40.560 --> 0:07:42.760
<v Speaker 1>And so having it in front of you is a

0:07:42.760 --> 0:07:45.840
<v Speaker 1>reminder that if you go back into that cycle again,

0:07:45.920 --> 0:07:48.640
<v Speaker 1>hang on, I've been here. I said, I'm done with.

0:07:48.640 --> 0:07:51.480
<v Speaker 2>This, absolutely absolutely.

0:07:51.520 --> 0:07:53.200
<v Speaker 1>How did it pan out for you afterwards? I mean,

0:07:53.200 --> 0:07:54.360
<v Speaker 1>how are you going with that list?

0:07:54.520 --> 0:07:54.640
<v Speaker 2>You?

0:07:55.200 --> 0:07:56.560
<v Speaker 1>Are you done with all those things? Or do you

0:07:56.600 --> 0:07:58.160
<v Speaker 1>find some of them creeping back? I mean we are

0:07:58.240 --> 0:07:59.200
<v Speaker 1>human after all.

0:08:00.080 --> 0:08:02.920
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, definitely human. It's always a dance, and I think

0:08:02.960 --> 0:08:06.640
<v Speaker 2>that there's an evolution of things. It's not like, oh, okay, cool,

0:08:06.640 --> 0:08:09.400
<v Speaker 2>I'm actually fully done and I'm always and I'm deeply sorry,

0:08:09.400 --> 0:08:12.400
<v Speaker 2>and I've forgiven myself and I love myself, Holly. But

0:08:12.480 --> 0:08:14.400
<v Speaker 2>what I have noticed, so, for example, if we take

0:08:14.400 --> 0:08:17.720
<v Speaker 2>this body piece or appearance piece, because as you would

0:08:17.720 --> 0:08:20.320
<v Speaker 2>have read in my book, I've really struggled with my

0:08:20.480 --> 0:08:25.480
<v Speaker 2>perception of self from happenings from younger years. So for example,

0:08:25.800 --> 0:08:28.880
<v Speaker 2>it's this little tiny shift that I've just noticed. Where

0:08:29.640 --> 0:08:32.520
<v Speaker 2>so before I come up there, it was this maybe

0:08:32.520 --> 0:08:35.679
<v Speaker 2>a few months ago, maybe even three four months ago,

0:08:36.240 --> 0:08:38.320
<v Speaker 2>I turned on zoom to do a coaching client call,

0:08:38.679 --> 0:08:42.600
<v Speaker 2>and before the screen turned on, there was just this

0:08:42.880 --> 0:08:46.360
<v Speaker 2>very quiet, gentle voice that said, be kind to the

0:08:46.440 --> 0:08:49.719
<v Speaker 2>woman who was looking back at you. And I was

0:08:49.800 --> 0:08:52.320
<v Speaker 2>jumping on before my client got on, and that woman

0:08:52.440 --> 0:08:54.200
<v Speaker 2>that was going to be looking back at me was me.

0:08:55.080 --> 0:08:57.600
<v Speaker 2>And that's the first time I've ever had a voice

0:08:57.840 --> 0:09:01.560
<v Speaker 2>or that voice I should say, come for before you know,

0:09:02.040 --> 0:09:04.560
<v Speaker 2>turn on zoom and I'm like, oh god on my head, doesn't.

0:09:04.320 --> 0:09:19.319
<v Speaker 1>Look that good Before i'd.

0:09:15.640 --> 0:09:19.160
<v Speaker 2>Because that is what I would so previously I would

0:09:19.200 --> 0:09:22.640
<v Speaker 2>have unconsciously done it. Then when I have done this practice,

0:09:22.679 --> 0:09:25.320
<v Speaker 2>it's made a lot of these things, like much more

0:09:25.360 --> 0:09:30.320
<v Speaker 2>aware conscious so I can watch it. And then now

0:09:30.440 --> 0:09:34.000
<v Speaker 2>this other part, there's this beautiful part, this wise part

0:09:34.400 --> 0:09:39.880
<v Speaker 2>is speaking before the carnage, and that's what I'm noticing,

0:09:40.400 --> 0:09:43.480
<v Speaker 2>and it's so subtle, but it's so.

0:09:43.320 --> 0:09:47.040
<v Speaker 1>Beautiful, beautiful self compassion. Kat, thank you for joining us

0:09:47.040 --> 0:09:54.680
<v Speaker 1>on healthy Ish Pleasure. Well, friends, you might need some

0:09:54.720 --> 0:09:57.040
<v Speaker 1>guidance on that. I'm done with Lisa, make sure you

0:09:57.080 --> 0:09:59.720
<v Speaker 1>grab Cat's new book. It is called Authentic Coming Home

0:09:59.760 --> 0:10:02.480
<v Speaker 1>to Your True Self, and it is out now. If

0:10:02.520 --> 0:10:04.920
<v Speaker 1>you've got something out of this chat, tell us rate

0:10:05.000 --> 0:10:07.439
<v Speaker 1>and review it, or of course subscribe to this podcast.

0:10:07.559 --> 0:10:10.440
<v Speaker 1>Actually make sure you do that, very important and then

0:10:10.480 --> 0:10:13.439
<v Speaker 1>you'll know exactly when we drop a newp anything else.

0:10:13.679 --> 0:10:15.480
<v Speaker 1>Buddyansoul dot com dot are you as the place to go.

0:10:15.520 --> 0:10:17.080
<v Speaker 1>You ub our print edition which is out in your

0:10:17.120 --> 0:10:19.319
<v Speaker 1>local Sunday paper, and make sure you are following us

0:10:19.400 --> 0:10:23.079
<v Speaker 1>across our social media's. Thanks again for listening and until

0:10:23.080 --> 0:10:24.160
<v Speaker 1>next time, Stay Healthy is