Speaker 1: Oh, good morning, good afternoon, good day. Hello. I hope
Speaker 1: you are having a healthy day. Yes, this is the
Speaker 1: daily podcast from Body and Soul called Healthyish. Of course,
Speaker 1: I am the host of Felicity. Harley the Joyful Cat
Speaker 1: John joins me today. She is an authenticity coach speaker
Speaker 1: with a new book out called Authentic, and today we're
Speaker 1: focusing on her brilliant I'm Done with list, something she
Speaker 1: writes about in her new book. She's going to explain
Speaker 1: what it is exactly and why you need to do.
Speaker 1: If you do like what you hear on this podcast.
Speaker 1: Listening to extra healthy Ish, where Kat discusses how to
Speaker 1: live your best life, you can catch that one wherever
Speaker 1: you get your podcasts. Kat. Nice to have you back.
Speaker 1: It's been a few years. Dare I say, I know?
Speaker 2: I think it has.
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, we should have got you on sooner. But
Speaker 1: now you're here with a new book. Congratulations. How does
Speaker 1: that feel.
Speaker 2: It's as I was saying to you before, it is
Speaker 2: I'm holding two very different well I don't think they're two,
Speaker 2: but the weight of each emotion is one super excited, proud, pumped,
Speaker 2: let's rock, and then the other is I want to
Speaker 2: crawl under a rock and hide. Ah. So that's where
Speaker 2: I'm at at the moment with it.
Speaker 1: There's something. I mean, you're quite vulnerable all over your
Speaker 1: social media anyway and in your podcast, but there's something
Speaker 1: even it's kind of like a next level of vulnerability
Speaker 1: when it comes to a book, isn't it.
Speaker 2: Yeah, definitely, it's a new level. It's yeah, like you said,
Speaker 2: I am vulnerable, i am open, but there's something different
Speaker 2: about you in writing that's permanent that you can't raise
Speaker 2: and and you know, just let's take that down off
Speaker 2: the internet.
Speaker 1: It is there now. There was something that jumped out
Speaker 1: in your book at me, and that was this whole
Speaker 1: idea of an I'm done with list. You have to
Speaker 1: tell us about this. What is it?
Speaker 2: It's a practice. It's kind of like a stage practice,
Speaker 2: as you would have read where and people listening to
Speaker 2: this will have reached this point once twice multiple times
Speaker 2: in their life where they are fed up, over completely
Speaker 2: done with the way or a way they are in
Speaker 2: relationship with themselves, in relationship with life, in relationship to
Speaker 2: their relationships, in relationship to money, their well being, whatever
Speaker 2: it may be. And it's kind of like they have
Speaker 2: tolerated and worn the ever so slowly wearing a way
Speaker 2: of their confidence, self belief, authentic way, whatever it may be,
Speaker 2: and they just reached this point of, Oh my gosh,
Speaker 2: I cannot, I cannot do this for one more fricking day.
Speaker 2: I cannot, I cannot, I will not. It's like all
Speaker 2: the the mind, the body, the solve, the heart unite
Speaker 2: together and say an almighty no, no, no, no, no,
Speaker 2: no no more. And there's a practice that I did
Speaker 2: last year, which is what are you done with? And
Speaker 2: I wrote down thirty eight things. It was on my birthday,
Speaker 2: thirty eight things. I'm just so, it's just it's it
Speaker 2: where we are putting a goddamn line in the sand.
Speaker 2: And like you said before coming online, it is outrageously cathartic.
Speaker 1: It is, isn't it. Can you share some of the
Speaker 1: things that were on that list that you did?
Speaker 2: Oh yeah, I've got it right in front of it
Speaker 2: was I was like, oh what have I got? What
Speaker 2: have I got? So I've got thirty eight things, So
Speaker 2: let's have a look at some of them. Not letting
Speaker 2: myself watch a show or movie without guilt thinking I
Speaker 2: need to do more, to be more worrying about money,
Speaker 2: when I actually have money, calling myself fat and seeing
Speaker 2: myself through the eyes of being fat, what else being
Speaker 2: tormented by my past? Like there's a lot. Like I said,
Speaker 2: there's thirty eight things here, there's a lot.
Speaker 1: It's I mean, it's cathartic, but it's also owning your
Speaker 1: thoughts and getting them out. I mean, there is something
Speaker 1: I know you do this, you journal, and that there's
Speaker 1: something about just those thoughts chipping away you, chipping away you,
Speaker 1: and then writing them down, seeing them in front of
Speaker 1: yourself and then thinking wow, like maybe yeah, I'll own
Speaker 1: it and now I can let it go.
Speaker 2: Yeah. It's this absolutely the ownership piece. And it's I'm
Speaker 2: sick of hurting myself. I'm tired of hurting myself and
Speaker 2: treating myself like I don't deserve something beautiful or wonderful
Speaker 2: or that matters or that is my birthright, you know why.
Speaker 2: It's why am I hurting myself? And I think when
Speaker 2: we start to whether we have that language or not,
Speaker 2: when we start to do such a practice, we are
Speaker 2: inviting in softness, compassion, love, respect for the self, and
Speaker 2: then how we relate to those things that we are
Speaker 2: done with. So, whether it be money, whether it be
Speaker 2: like I was talking about before, relationships, et cetera.
Speaker 1: Yeah, you also write to you know, leave it a
Speaker 1: few days, perhaps a few weeks, and then come back
Speaker 1: and write a deeply sorry list. What's this about?
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, So, I don't know if you've heard of
Speaker 2: so basically this is it's an alteration of the Hawaiian
Speaker 2: prayer hoe op and opono. I don't know if you've
Speaker 2: heard of that before. It's the prayer of I'm sorry,
Speaker 2: please forgive me, thank you, and I love you. And
Speaker 2: I write about it further a little bit later on
Speaker 2: in the book after this, and I practice that prayer.
Speaker 2: It's a beautiful prayer for reconciliation with the self, with life,
Speaker 2: with others. It's stunning, really stunning. And so I did
Speaker 2: an iteration of it. And so I went to each
Speaker 2: of the thirty eight things that I wrote down, and
Speaker 2: I wrote, I'm deeply sorry for each of those things. So,
Speaker 2: you know, for example, I'm you know, I'm done with
Speaker 2: seeing myself as fat. I'm done with seeing myself as
Speaker 2: whatever it may be. And so one of the things,
Speaker 2: I am deeply sorry for speaking unkindly to you and
Speaker 2: about your beautiful body that has carried you through this life.
Speaker 2: You know, it's getting written, We're getting notches deeper. So
Speaker 2: thirty eight sorries for the thirty eight I'm done with.
Speaker 2: And it's again, it's it's taking in that ownership and
Speaker 2: deep apology because I mean, you think about it. We
Speaker 2: always say to our kids when you've done something wrong
Speaker 2: or when you've offended your sibling, you know, say sorry,
Speaker 2: et cetera. And you know, sometimes you can tell they
Speaker 2: don't mean they're sorry. And I think that we do
Speaker 2: that to ourselves, where we talk about ourselves just so flippantly,
Speaker 2: so flippantly, and then when we reach this level of dumbness,
Speaker 2: there comes this oh my goodness, I cannot believe I
Speaker 2: have treated myself like this. I'm so sorry for that.
Speaker 2: I mean it, am Meana, I'm so sorry for it.
Speaker 2: And so that's the part that then follows the what
Speaker 2: I'm done with?
Speaker 1: And often we say these things to ourselves and unconsciously,
Speaker 1: and we're not like many times a day, and it's
Speaker 1: not until you you know, find that breaking your thinking,
Speaker 1: or you go or you know, you take a bird's
Speaker 1: eye view and think, did I just say that to myself?
Speaker 1: Hang on, what have I been saying to myself about
Speaker 1: my body or about my ability or whatever it may be.
Speaker 1: And so having it in front of you is a
Speaker 1: reminder that if you go back into that cycle again,
Speaker 1: hang on, I've been here. I said, I'm done with.
Speaker 2: This, absolutely absolutely.
Speaker 1: How did it pan out for you afterwards? I mean,
Speaker 1: how are you going with that list?
Speaker 2: You?
Speaker 1: Are you done with all those things? Or do you
Speaker 1: find some of them creeping back? I mean we are
Speaker 1: human after all.
Speaker 2: Yeah, definitely human. It's always a dance, and I think
Speaker 2: that there's an evolution of things. It's not like, oh, okay, cool,
Speaker 2: I'm actually fully done and I'm always and I'm deeply sorry,
Speaker 2: and I've forgiven myself and I love myself, Holly. But
Speaker 2: what I have noticed, so, for example, if we take
Speaker 2: this body piece or appearance piece, because as you would
Speaker 2: have read in my book, I've really struggled with my
Speaker 2: perception of self from happenings from younger years. So for example,
Speaker 2: it's this little tiny shift that I've just noticed. Where
Speaker 2: so before I come up there, it was this maybe
Speaker 2: a few months ago, maybe even three four months ago,
Speaker 2: I turned on zoom to do a coaching client call,
Speaker 2: and before the screen turned on, there was just this
Speaker 2: very quiet, gentle voice that said, be kind to the
Speaker 2: woman who was looking back at you. And I was
Speaker 2: jumping on before my client got on, and that woman
Speaker 2: that was going to be looking back at me was me.
Speaker 2: And that's the first time I've ever had a voice
Speaker 2: or that voice I should say, come for before you know,
Speaker 2: turn on zoom and I'm like, oh god on my head, doesn't.
Speaker 1: Look that good Before i'd.
Speaker 2: Because that is what I would so previously I would
Speaker 2: have unconsciously done it. Then when I have done this practice,
Speaker 2: it's made a lot of these things, like much more
Speaker 2: aware conscious so I can watch it. And then now
Speaker 2: this other part, there's this beautiful part, this wise part
Speaker 2: is speaking before the carnage, and that's what I'm noticing,
Speaker 2: and it's so subtle, but it's so.
Speaker 1: Beautiful, beautiful self compassion. Kat, thank you for joining us
Speaker 1: on healthy Ish Pleasure. Well, friends, you might need some
Speaker 1: guidance on that. I'm done with Lisa, make sure you
Speaker 1: grab Cat's new book. It is called Authentic Coming Home
Speaker 1: to Your True Self, and it is out now. If
Speaker 1: you've got something out of this chat, tell us rate
Speaker 1: and review it, or of course subscribe to this podcast.
Speaker 1: Actually make sure you do that, very important and then
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Speaker 1: next time, Stay Healthy is