1 00:00:00,080 --> 00:00:03,640 Speaker 1: This podcast is recorded on gadigal Land Always was, always 2 00:00:03,680 --> 00:00:08,960 Speaker 1: will be Aboriginal Land. 3 00:00:11,160 --> 00:00:13,320 Speaker 2: Hey Chicks, I'm out and I'm this is too broat 4 00:00:13,400 --> 00:00:15,239 Speaker 2: Chicks to show that she shares life lessons and tips to 5 00:00:15,280 --> 00:00:18,240 Speaker 2: help make you rich in life. And today it's our 6 00:00:18,400 --> 00:00:21,640 Speaker 2: absolute pleasure to be joined once again by Jemma Sphag, 7 00:00:21,760 --> 00:00:24,200 Speaker 2: the host of the Psychology of Your Twenties podcast and 8 00:00:24,239 --> 00:00:28,560 Speaker 2: also the Marchra podcast and the author of Person in Progress. 9 00:00:28,880 --> 00:00:33,160 Speaker 3: Hey Grels, Welcome to jim I'm taking them into. 10 00:00:34,240 --> 00:00:38,080 Speaker 4: Gemma is in Dallos the podcast. 11 00:00:38,120 --> 00:00:41,479 Speaker 1: Who are new to the law of this podcast. Gemma 12 00:00:41,680 --> 00:00:45,240 Speaker 1: is one of our best friends. We are all obsessed 13 00:00:45,280 --> 00:00:45,760 Speaker 1: with each other. 14 00:00:45,800 --> 00:00:49,199 Speaker 5: We see kumbaya and hold hands basically. 15 00:00:49,600 --> 00:00:52,680 Speaker 1: Guests at your show, your podcast and I was getting 16 00:00:52,920 --> 00:00:54,720 Speaker 1: there spoiler. 17 00:00:55,080 --> 00:00:58,160 Speaker 6: And Jemy is joining us for the group Chat tour 18 00:00:58,720 --> 00:00:59,520 Speaker 6: in every city. 19 00:00:59,600 --> 00:01:01,160 Speaker 5: So she also joined us last year and it was 20 00:01:01,200 --> 00:01:01,800 Speaker 5: such a hit. 21 00:01:01,760 --> 00:01:03,600 Speaker 2: We thought it was about time to have you back on. 22 00:01:03,920 --> 00:01:05,680 Speaker 2: So today we're going to talk about how to feel 23 00:01:05,680 --> 00:01:08,280 Speaker 2: like yourself again, and we're going to run through a 24 00:01:08,280 --> 00:01:11,319 Speaker 2: lot of questions for you. Very excited, but before we 25 00:01:11,360 --> 00:01:13,200 Speaker 2: get started, we always like to start with a life 26 00:01:13,280 --> 00:01:14,039 Speaker 2: lesson of the week. 27 00:01:14,319 --> 00:01:15,520 Speaker 4: No way, I didn't know that. 28 00:01:16,640 --> 00:01:18,920 Speaker 3: So what have you got for us? What did you 29 00:01:18,959 --> 00:01:20,440 Speaker 3: do on the weekend? Well? 30 00:01:20,480 --> 00:01:22,560 Speaker 4: I ran a half marathon on the weekend. 31 00:01:22,880 --> 00:01:24,360 Speaker 3: So maybe in my life did you run at the 32 00:01:24,360 --> 00:01:24,800 Speaker 3: start of the. 33 00:01:24,840 --> 00:01:25,960 Speaker 4: Year three kilometers? 34 00:01:26,240 --> 00:01:26,920 Speaker 3: Take us through that? 35 00:01:26,959 --> 00:01:29,240 Speaker 4: Okay, maybe my life lesson is you can do hard things. 36 00:01:29,400 --> 00:01:30,959 Speaker 3: Yeah, that's a really good fuck and. 37 00:01:31,440 --> 00:01:34,840 Speaker 4: Even when you like reach a wall within yourself, that 38 00:01:34,959 --> 00:01:38,480 Speaker 4: wall can be kicked down like a Taylor Swift music video. 39 00:01:39,040 --> 00:01:42,120 Speaker 4: People know the reference to that love the music video 40 00:01:42,160 --> 00:01:45,640 Speaker 4: that I'm talking about in the comments below. But yeah, 41 00:01:45,680 --> 00:01:47,920 Speaker 4: I really it was really hard. It was really hot 42 00:01:48,040 --> 00:01:51,360 Speaker 4: as well, so like and it was all in the sun. 43 00:01:51,720 --> 00:01:55,160 Speaker 1: What took you to that decision of like, you know, 44 00:01:55,200 --> 00:01:57,720 Speaker 1: at the start of the year being a queen and 45 00:01:57,800 --> 00:01:59,440 Speaker 1: running three k's and then going to, you know what, 46 00:01:59,440 --> 00:02:00,720 Speaker 1: I'm going to run half marathon. 47 00:02:01,000 --> 00:02:03,640 Speaker 4: To be honest, I just really like let myself be excited, 48 00:02:03,680 --> 00:02:06,920 Speaker 4: like just have fun. So I feel like people when 49 00:02:06,960 --> 00:02:08,839 Speaker 4: they start running and like, well I need to run 50 00:02:08,840 --> 00:02:10,440 Speaker 4: this certain amount and I need to run this pace, 51 00:02:10,480 --> 00:02:12,320 Speaker 4: and I need to run this distance. And I was like, 52 00:02:12,360 --> 00:02:14,520 Speaker 4: I'm just gonna run the amount that makes me feel 53 00:02:14,520 --> 00:02:17,000 Speaker 4: good every time I go for a run, and so 54 00:02:17,040 --> 00:02:19,240 Speaker 4: like sometimes I would be like, I can show you 55 00:02:19,240 --> 00:02:21,519 Speaker 4: my Strava, it's like one hundred and fifty meters, and 56 00:02:21,520 --> 00:02:22,880 Speaker 4: then I'd be like, I don't want to do it today. 57 00:02:23,320 --> 00:02:24,600 Speaker 4: And then other times I'd be like, I feel like 58 00:02:24,680 --> 00:02:27,160 Speaker 4: running twelve kilometers, so I'll just okay, like I'll just 59 00:02:27,240 --> 00:02:30,080 Speaker 4: keep running until I don't feel like running anymore. And 60 00:02:30,120 --> 00:02:31,680 Speaker 4: it was like the first time I've done something where 61 00:02:31,720 --> 00:02:34,240 Speaker 4: I haven't needed to be like really good at it immediately. 62 00:02:35,080 --> 00:02:37,320 Speaker 4: And then I ran eighteen k's and I was like, 63 00:02:37,360 --> 00:02:39,600 Speaker 4: I should probably do a half marathon just for fun. 64 00:02:40,080 --> 00:02:43,400 Speaker 4: But there's a big difference between eighteen and twenty one. Really, 65 00:02:43,520 --> 00:02:45,720 Speaker 4: I didn't think that was gonna be I will like again, 66 00:02:45,880 --> 00:02:48,600 Speaker 4: it was boiling hot, so I was like, oh, I 67 00:02:48,680 --> 00:02:52,520 Speaker 4: was dying. And the last like kilometer was up a hill. 68 00:02:52,720 --> 00:02:53,400 Speaker 4: Who does that? 69 00:02:53,760 --> 00:02:57,000 Speaker 2: Yeah that is eually if you make a like a 70 00:02:57,120 --> 00:02:58,880 Speaker 2: race start. 71 00:02:58,800 --> 00:03:00,680 Speaker 4: Yeah, well guess what it was at the start, but 72 00:03:00,720 --> 00:03:04,240 Speaker 4: it was downhill, So I was like, you ran down 73 00:03:04,280 --> 00:03:06,200 Speaker 4: the hill to start the race and up the hill 74 00:03:06,240 --> 00:03:09,200 Speaker 4: to finish, doesn't make any sense. People are like throwing 75 00:03:09,240 --> 00:03:14,040 Speaker 4: out your a man a man you know who planned that, 76 00:03:14,160 --> 00:03:16,080 Speaker 4: a really fit man who was yeh. 77 00:03:16,720 --> 00:03:19,360 Speaker 3: Fine, it's Joe who's sick in the head. 78 00:03:20,000 --> 00:03:23,200 Speaker 5: People that look at that and they go, yeah, hard finisher. 79 00:03:23,000 --> 00:03:24,760 Speaker 3: Yeah not me, not me. 80 00:03:25,600 --> 00:03:27,640 Speaker 5: I've never been that person that like gets the end 81 00:03:27,680 --> 00:03:28,360 Speaker 5: of the gym class and. 82 00:03:28,480 --> 00:03:30,040 Speaker 3: Like, yeah, hard finishes. 83 00:03:30,080 --> 00:03:31,799 Speaker 1: So you smash it at the end, you feel really 84 00:03:31,880 --> 00:03:39,560 Speaker 1: fucked illing time at the start, yeah, over, and then 85 00:03:40,320 --> 00:03:41,560 Speaker 1: make it easy the rest. 86 00:03:41,440 --> 00:03:41,960 Speaker 3: Of the way. 87 00:03:42,240 --> 00:03:44,760 Speaker 4: And it was easy at all. It wasn't like we 88 00:03:44,840 --> 00:03:48,800 Speaker 4: needed the extra challenge, like just down it was thirty 89 00:03:48,880 --> 00:03:51,960 Speaker 4: and it was thirty degrees. Oh my god, but I 90 00:03:52,000 --> 00:03:52,600 Speaker 4: had a great one. 91 00:03:53,000 --> 00:03:54,120 Speaker 3: When did my text hit you? 92 00:03:54,400 --> 00:03:56,600 Speaker 4: It was actually really sweet, like halfway. 93 00:03:56,280 --> 00:03:59,360 Speaker 5: That's your life lesson the sale hundred sally hundred. 94 00:04:00,000 --> 00:04:03,120 Speaker 2: Okay, My life lesson of the week is actually a 95 00:04:03,120 --> 00:04:05,840 Speaker 2: little challenge that Chris and I have been doing, and 96 00:04:05,840 --> 00:04:07,480 Speaker 2: you guys have probably seen it on the internet. 97 00:04:07,600 --> 00:04:08,800 Speaker 3: It has a few different. 98 00:04:08,560 --> 00:04:12,560 Speaker 2: Names like dinner rule Lett or Supermarket Rulelette. 99 00:04:12,640 --> 00:04:14,360 Speaker 3: Have you guys seen it? Is this the one where 100 00:04:14,360 --> 00:04:15,480 Speaker 3: you like both turn around? 101 00:04:15,680 --> 00:04:18,520 Speaker 2: Yeah, so there's that version, and then there's also like 102 00:04:18,560 --> 00:04:19,560 Speaker 2: you can do a sciss. 103 00:04:19,279 --> 00:04:25,479 Speaker 3: Of paper rock rock paper scissors. That a camera thing. 104 00:04:27,360 --> 00:04:32,880 Speaker 4: Paper rock, rock paper scissors in the studio. 105 00:04:33,680 --> 00:04:37,400 Speaker 3: Can you let us know the paper grow up again 106 00:04:37,680 --> 00:04:38,360 Speaker 3: in Queensland? 107 00:04:38,480 --> 00:04:39,400 Speaker 4: Rock paper scissors? 108 00:04:39,720 --> 00:04:43,720 Speaker 3: Is it scissors, paper rock or whatever? 109 00:04:44,120 --> 00:04:49,440 Speaker 1: That rock paper scissors. 110 00:04:49,960 --> 00:04:52,360 Speaker 4: I don't know it, but that is but like rock 111 00:04:52,440 --> 00:04:54,599 Speaker 4: paper scissors. And then you do it. 112 00:04:54,720 --> 00:04:57,640 Speaker 3: You aren't saying it with a conviction, you know, So. 113 00:04:57,680 --> 00:05:03,240 Speaker 2: Tell us tell us in the comments which one is correct? 114 00:05:03,240 --> 00:05:04,839 Speaker 3: And also where are you from? Because I need to 115 00:05:04,880 --> 00:05:09,800 Speaker 3: know all a potato scollop a potato scollop? Okay, if 116 00:05:09,800 --> 00:05:11,560 Speaker 3: you want to say potato cake, I want to say 117 00:05:12,600 --> 00:05:13,640 Speaker 3: called it a potato cake. 118 00:05:13,680 --> 00:05:15,640 Speaker 4: It's not a cake that it's not sweet. 119 00:05:15,520 --> 00:05:19,760 Speaker 1: I know, but it's also not fucking rock paper scissors. 120 00:05:20,440 --> 00:05:21,719 Speaker 3: Yeah, okay, where was I? 121 00:05:21,880 --> 00:05:24,720 Speaker 2: So I've been seeing this TRN and Chris and I 122 00:05:24,800 --> 00:05:27,240 Speaker 2: have been doing it to decide what to have for 123 00:05:27,279 --> 00:05:30,640 Speaker 2: dinners during the week. And so you pick like an 124 00:05:30,880 --> 00:05:34,560 Speaker 2: entree aside a maine, a drink, and a dessert, and 125 00:05:34,640 --> 00:05:36,919 Speaker 2: we've been doing like a siss of paper rock, and 126 00:05:36,960 --> 00:05:39,640 Speaker 2: then whoever wins gets to pick each of the things, 127 00:05:39,920 --> 00:05:41,560 Speaker 2: and it's just been a really fun way to mix 128 00:05:41,640 --> 00:05:44,360 Speaker 2: up what we have for dinner. I love that if 129 00:05:44,400 --> 00:05:46,400 Speaker 2: you've been stuck on what to have for dinner or 130 00:05:46,400 --> 00:05:47,839 Speaker 2: you feel like shaking it up a little. 131 00:05:48,120 --> 00:05:50,280 Speaker 3: I feel like that's a fun little game to play. 132 00:05:50,440 --> 00:05:50,960 Speaker 3: What's your life? 133 00:05:50,960 --> 00:05:55,080 Speaker 1: Listen, We're like a recommendation. But recently started watching the 134 00:05:55,120 --> 00:05:56,480 Speaker 1: show ted Lasso. 135 00:05:56,800 --> 00:05:57,640 Speaker 3: Oh yeah, that. 136 00:05:57,680 --> 00:06:00,280 Speaker 4: Was my favorite TV. How can we've not talked this? 137 00:06:00,320 --> 00:06:04,560 Speaker 5: Oh my god, it's amazing. So I'm watching it for 138 00:06:04,640 --> 00:06:05,279 Speaker 5: the first time. 139 00:06:06,680 --> 00:06:11,920 Speaker 1: Season one, and I'm obsessed with it, Like, it's so 140 00:06:11,920 --> 00:06:12,640 Speaker 1: so good. 141 00:06:12,880 --> 00:06:14,920 Speaker 4: You know, the creator of that just came out with 142 00:06:14,960 --> 00:06:16,200 Speaker 4: a romantic drama. 143 00:06:16,560 --> 00:06:17,520 Speaker 3: What what is it? 144 00:06:17,520 --> 00:06:20,440 Speaker 4: It's called All of You. The guy who created it's 145 00:06:20,480 --> 00:06:23,680 Speaker 4: called Brett Goldstein, and he also made this show called Shrinking, 146 00:06:23,680 --> 00:06:26,080 Speaker 4: which you need to watch after you finished last Yeah. 147 00:06:26,120 --> 00:06:27,600 Speaker 4: Everything he makes is amazing. 148 00:06:27,720 --> 00:06:30,279 Speaker 1: Oh my god. Well yeah, if you haven't watched ted Lasso, 149 00:06:30,400 --> 00:06:33,480 Speaker 1: you absolutely need to because it's everything I think about 150 00:06:33,520 --> 00:06:35,920 Speaker 1: during the day. Like when I wake up, I'm like, okay, 151 00:06:36,000 --> 00:06:37,440 Speaker 1: how many hours until ted Lasso time? 152 00:06:38,200 --> 00:06:39,479 Speaker 4: Like made you a happier person? 153 00:06:39,680 --> 00:06:41,880 Speaker 5: Yeah, I'm like I need to have more of that energy. 154 00:06:42,040 --> 00:06:44,320 Speaker 4: Yeah. Rok is the one who created the show. 155 00:06:44,680 --> 00:06:49,400 Speaker 5: No, Yeah, I can't wait to hit Rob with this 156 00:06:49,440 --> 00:06:50,120 Speaker 5: fun fact tonight. 157 00:06:50,200 --> 00:06:52,640 Speaker 3: Yeah yeah, so yeah, that's my life. 158 00:06:52,720 --> 00:06:54,240 Speaker 5: Lesson is to watch that. 159 00:06:55,120 --> 00:06:58,320 Speaker 3: Should we get into the episode, can do It? Gemma, 160 00:06:58,400 --> 00:07:00,680 Speaker 3: you have been on the show couple of times. 161 00:07:00,720 --> 00:07:04,160 Speaker 2: For any of the chicks who aren't acquainted, tell us 162 00:07:04,160 --> 00:07:06,440 Speaker 2: a little bit about yourself, how you started the podcast 163 00:07:06,480 --> 00:07:07,839 Speaker 2: and how you got into psychology. 164 00:07:07,920 --> 00:07:10,000 Speaker 4: Okay, so I studied psychology at ED, but I was 165 00:07:10,000 --> 00:07:12,520 Speaker 4: actually studying politics, economics and philosophy, and I was like, 166 00:07:12,520 --> 00:07:15,920 Speaker 4: I'm going to be a politician, and then I realized 167 00:07:16,000 --> 00:07:19,560 Speaker 4: that was a big mess and I was just like, 168 00:07:19,640 --> 00:07:22,920 Speaker 4: I'm just not made to be criticized, which was now. 169 00:07:23,240 --> 00:07:24,560 Speaker 3: So you launched a podcast. 170 00:07:24,720 --> 00:07:26,320 Speaker 4: I know, silly, but I was just like, I just 171 00:07:26,360 --> 00:07:26,720 Speaker 4: can't do it. 172 00:07:26,920 --> 00:07:28,360 Speaker 3: Let me put myself online. 173 00:07:28,360 --> 00:07:30,320 Speaker 4: Then I went through a breakup, started The Psychology of 174 00:07:30,360 --> 00:07:33,600 Speaker 4: your Twenties and really didn't have any listeners. Just was 175 00:07:33,640 --> 00:07:36,760 Speaker 4: like hanging out, was putting very personal details about my 176 00:07:36,800 --> 00:07:39,800 Speaker 4: life online, and then suddenly people started listening to it, 177 00:07:40,280 --> 00:07:43,400 Speaker 4: and then I yeah, became my job and I'm obsessed. 178 00:07:43,440 --> 00:07:44,600 Speaker 4: I love podcasts a right. 179 00:07:44,640 --> 00:07:46,520 Speaker 1: So in today's episode, we're talking about how to feel 180 00:07:46,600 --> 00:07:51,160 Speaker 1: like yourself again? Why does it feel like most of 181 00:07:51,240 --> 00:07:53,880 Speaker 1: us in our twenties and beyond, like in our thirties, 182 00:07:53,920 --> 00:07:56,080 Speaker 1: and I feel like you couldn't even put a time 183 00:07:56,120 --> 00:07:59,800 Speaker 1: frame on this, feel like we lose our sense of self. 184 00:08:00,000 --> 00:08:02,360 Speaker 5: Why does this cycle tend to repeat? 185 00:08:02,680 --> 00:08:05,640 Speaker 4: Yeah, I think it happens for a lot of reasons. 186 00:08:06,360 --> 00:08:09,040 Speaker 4: Obviously that's not a great way to start, because you 187 00:08:09,040 --> 00:08:11,560 Speaker 4: probably think, like I want a specific reason, But I 188 00:08:11,560 --> 00:08:14,040 Speaker 4: would say the biggest one comes down to you've just 189 00:08:14,040 --> 00:08:18,400 Speaker 4: become quite passive in your life now. Sometimes that's because 190 00:08:19,120 --> 00:08:21,320 Speaker 4: your life is taken up by something very big and 191 00:08:21,360 --> 00:08:24,760 Speaker 4: stressful and immediate that means you can't focus on the 192 00:08:24,840 --> 00:08:27,760 Speaker 4: everyday practices that reaffirm who you are. But it could 193 00:08:27,760 --> 00:08:32,640 Speaker 4: also just be like you have slowly started replacing making 194 00:08:32,720 --> 00:08:36,880 Speaker 4: art in the evenings with scrolling your phone. You've slowly 195 00:08:37,000 --> 00:08:38,839 Speaker 4: started being like, oh, it's kind of a bit too 196 00:08:38,840 --> 00:08:42,480 Speaker 4: exhausting to see my friends. You've slowly started making your 197 00:08:42,480 --> 00:08:45,600 Speaker 4: Sunday all about chores and not about stuff that might 198 00:08:45,720 --> 00:08:49,360 Speaker 4: enrich you more spiritually or more creatively or more emotionally, 199 00:08:50,040 --> 00:08:53,880 Speaker 4: And like, the world's pretty exhausting right now. Also, as 200 00:08:53,880 --> 00:08:56,000 Speaker 4: you get older as well, it just feels like you 201 00:08:56,040 --> 00:08:59,200 Speaker 4: lose a little bit of everyday joy for life. I 202 00:08:59,200 --> 00:09:02,120 Speaker 4: think everyone goes through a chapter in their life around 203 00:09:02,160 --> 00:09:03,880 Speaker 4: the age of like I would say twenty five to 204 00:09:03,960 --> 00:09:06,760 Speaker 4: thirty two, which is kind of like a long period. 205 00:09:06,760 --> 00:09:09,920 Speaker 4: But at some point in that period where you've really 206 00:09:09,920 --> 00:09:12,920 Speaker 4: become an adult, you will go through this period of 207 00:09:12,920 --> 00:09:14,800 Speaker 4: being like, oh, I really actually don't know who I 208 00:09:14,800 --> 00:09:18,080 Speaker 4: am anymore? Yeah, what do I even like? What are 209 00:09:18,120 --> 00:09:20,960 Speaker 4: my values? What do I care about am I? What 210 00:09:21,000 --> 00:09:23,560 Speaker 4: do I do for fun? Why do I enjoy? I 211 00:09:23,559 --> 00:09:25,640 Speaker 4: think you need to go through that in order to 212 00:09:25,640 --> 00:09:28,120 Speaker 4: come out the other side and be like, ah, I'm 213 00:09:28,120 --> 00:09:29,920 Speaker 4: glad I went through that period of not knowing so 214 00:09:29,960 --> 00:09:30,680 Speaker 4: I could rebuild. 215 00:09:31,640 --> 00:09:33,360 Speaker 3: Do you believe in the Satin Return? 216 00:09:33,520 --> 00:09:36,680 Speaker 4: I literally I am doing an episode on it next week. 217 00:09:36,800 --> 00:09:38,199 Speaker 3: Oh my god, I can't wait to listen. 218 00:09:38,280 --> 00:09:40,320 Speaker 4: I do believe in it from a psychological point of view, 219 00:09:40,880 --> 00:09:44,280 Speaker 4: where it's like, actually it makes sense psychology. Yeah. That 220 00:09:44,360 --> 00:09:46,560 Speaker 4: talks about how you get to this period in your 221 00:09:46,600 --> 00:09:48,840 Speaker 4: life around the age of twenty seven, twenty eight, twenty nine, 222 00:09:49,440 --> 00:09:52,560 Speaker 4: where a life shift, like there is a huge life 223 00:09:52,559 --> 00:09:55,640 Speaker 4: shift where you truly like shift into the next chapter 224 00:09:55,720 --> 00:09:59,400 Speaker 4: of life. You go through all these life changes, all 225 00:09:59,400 --> 00:10:02,319 Speaker 4: the people around you are also going through those life changes. 226 00:10:02,520 --> 00:10:05,200 Speaker 4: The expectations you have for yourself are different. People like 227 00:10:05,280 --> 00:10:08,280 Speaker 4: suddenly break up with their long term partners. People suddenly 228 00:10:08,320 --> 00:10:09,040 Speaker 4: like go back to. 229 00:10:09,000 --> 00:10:12,320 Speaker 1: School, they move consent countries because they quit their job. 230 00:10:13,040 --> 00:10:15,640 Speaker 3: That return is a real, real thing. 231 00:10:15,760 --> 00:10:19,120 Speaker 4: I think it's like as you get approach thirty, it's 232 00:10:19,120 --> 00:10:20,559 Speaker 4: when you really start being like, oh my god, I 233 00:10:20,640 --> 00:10:22,320 Speaker 4: only have a couple of years left of what is 234 00:10:22,360 --> 00:10:25,400 Speaker 4: this like meant to be this fun yeah decade. I 235 00:10:25,440 --> 00:10:27,160 Speaker 4: look at you and I'm like, you're having so much 236 00:10:27,160 --> 00:10:29,280 Speaker 4: fun in your thirties. It makes me very excited to 237 00:10:29,280 --> 00:10:30,240 Speaker 4: be in my thirties. 238 00:10:30,400 --> 00:10:32,439 Speaker 5: Yeah, I forget you're so much younger than now. There's 239 00:10:32,440 --> 00:10:33,120 Speaker 5: a funny story. 240 00:10:33,200 --> 00:10:35,720 Speaker 1: One time Sal and I did a collab with an 241 00:10:35,760 --> 00:10:40,920 Speaker 1: alcohol brand and we had to put an age restriction 242 00:10:41,120 --> 00:10:43,640 Speaker 1: on it and Jim couldn't see it. 243 00:10:43,800 --> 00:10:48,000 Speaker 2: Yeah, Jem we had to put a twenty five plus 244 00:10:48,040 --> 00:10:49,240 Speaker 2: age cap on it. 245 00:10:49,200 --> 00:10:51,760 Speaker 4: Because I was twenty four. Yeah, and Jem I was. 246 00:10:51,760 --> 00:10:54,480 Speaker 2: Like, oh, I think there's something broken on your Instagram 247 00:10:54,520 --> 00:10:57,760 Speaker 2: stories and I was like, what fuck. It was just 248 00:10:57,800 --> 00:11:01,120 Speaker 2: like says there's a story, but it's yeah, And we 249 00:11:01,960 --> 00:11:04,840 Speaker 2: pissed and I was like, wait, how old are like 250 00:11:04,960 --> 00:11:05,400 Speaker 2: twenty four? 251 00:11:05,400 --> 00:11:08,280 Speaker 3: And I was like bad, I digress. 252 00:11:08,800 --> 00:11:10,760 Speaker 2: That's good to know, though, because I do think that 253 00:11:11,000 --> 00:11:14,480 Speaker 2: this feeling can feel quite isolating, and feeling like you 254 00:11:14,520 --> 00:11:17,920 Speaker 2: have a disconnect from yourself can actually be a really 255 00:11:17,960 --> 00:11:21,440 Speaker 2: shocking feeling. But it creeps up on you, like it's 256 00:11:21,480 --> 00:11:23,760 Speaker 2: not something that you necessarily wake up one day and 257 00:11:23,800 --> 00:11:25,120 Speaker 2: you're like, I've lost myself. 258 00:11:25,200 --> 00:11:27,240 Speaker 3: Like it kind of builds over time. 259 00:11:27,400 --> 00:11:29,720 Speaker 2: So what are the red flags that people can look 260 00:11:29,760 --> 00:11:31,720 Speaker 2: out for that it may be a sign that they 261 00:11:31,800 --> 00:11:33,320 Speaker 2: have lost that sense of themselves. 262 00:11:33,360 --> 00:11:35,600 Speaker 4: I think apathy if people even think, like the opposite 263 00:11:35,640 --> 00:11:38,280 Speaker 4: of loving your life is hating your life. No, no, no, 264 00:11:38,320 --> 00:11:41,520 Speaker 4: it's feeling indifferent. It's being like, oh I just really 265 00:11:41,679 --> 00:11:46,600 Speaker 4: don't care. I don't care. Oh yeah, work sucks whatever, 266 00:11:47,400 --> 00:11:50,880 Speaker 4: Oh cool, don't have any plans tonight? Whatever. You just 267 00:11:50,880 --> 00:11:53,320 Speaker 4: don't care. That's the sign. And then I think eventually 268 00:11:53,400 --> 00:11:55,360 Speaker 4: you do get to like the hate stage where you're like, 269 00:11:55,679 --> 00:11:58,200 Speaker 4: oh my god, I'm in a pit of misery. The 270 00:11:58,280 --> 00:12:01,240 Speaker 4: indifferent stage is like actually, just if not more important 271 00:12:01,280 --> 00:12:08,479 Speaker 4: to identify. So like apathy, indifference, boredom, a lack of newness, 272 00:12:08,600 --> 00:12:11,640 Speaker 4: or novelty or creativity when it comes to your life. 273 00:12:12,080 --> 00:12:14,320 Speaker 4: And I'm not meaning like you're not, you know, doing 274 00:12:14,360 --> 00:12:17,319 Speaker 4: something creative. I'm meaning like you're not actively seeking out 275 00:12:17,360 --> 00:12:23,080 Speaker 4: new experiences. I think also a sense of isolation and withdrawing, 276 00:12:24,040 --> 00:12:26,880 Speaker 4: so you don't really again make plans, you don't really 277 00:12:27,040 --> 00:12:31,960 Speaker 4: want to be around people, and just this sense of 278 00:12:33,880 --> 00:12:38,000 Speaker 4: emptiness of just like if someone sat you down and 279 00:12:38,040 --> 00:12:43,000 Speaker 4: said who are you? Will you really don't tell me 280 00:12:43,040 --> 00:12:45,720 Speaker 4: your job, don't tell me your relationships? Who are you? 281 00:12:46,440 --> 00:12:48,640 Speaker 4: Would you know how to answer that question? And if 282 00:12:48,679 --> 00:12:51,800 Speaker 4: you are not like enthusiastically like yeah, I have this 283 00:12:51,960 --> 00:12:55,040 Speaker 4: and this and this, you can be enthusiastic and you 284 00:12:55,080 --> 00:12:58,240 Speaker 4: should be enthusiastic about literally the thing that matters the 285 00:12:58,280 --> 00:13:00,520 Speaker 4: most in your life, which is your life. So that's 286 00:13:00,520 --> 00:13:04,000 Speaker 4: probably a sign that you've kind of fallen away from 287 00:13:04,000 --> 00:13:04,640 Speaker 4: yourself a bit. 288 00:13:05,000 --> 00:13:07,080 Speaker 1: That's a good way to look at it, and I 289 00:13:07,080 --> 00:13:09,480 Speaker 1: think a really helpful way for people to kind of 290 00:13:09,520 --> 00:13:13,040 Speaker 1: identify whether or not that is something that they're dealing with. 291 00:13:13,320 --> 00:13:16,480 Speaker 1: You said something interesting then about you know, if someone 292 00:13:16,600 --> 00:13:19,200 Speaker 1: was to ask you who you are, how would you 293 00:13:19,240 --> 00:13:21,319 Speaker 1: answer that that has nothing to do with your job? 294 00:13:21,400 --> 00:13:25,959 Speaker 1: And nothing to do with relationships. Would one way of 295 00:13:26,000 --> 00:13:28,640 Speaker 1: being able to answer that question feel strongly about that. 296 00:13:28,720 --> 00:13:32,280 Speaker 1: You talk a lot about values and identity. How do 297 00:13:32,320 --> 00:13:35,520 Speaker 1: you figure out your values when you have no idea 298 00:13:35,920 --> 00:13:37,240 Speaker 1: what you feel strongly about. 299 00:13:37,320 --> 00:13:40,199 Speaker 4: There's like a couple of like really famous value exercises 300 00:13:40,280 --> 00:13:42,120 Speaker 4: that you could do, like right now. I was in 301 00:13:42,160 --> 00:13:43,800 Speaker 4: Bali recently, and I know that's going to make me 302 00:13:43,840 --> 00:13:48,640 Speaker 4: sound like such like a wellness influencer. When I was there, 303 00:13:48,760 --> 00:13:51,120 Speaker 4: there were these cards that I found that had all 304 00:13:51,120 --> 00:13:56,120 Speaker 4: these different values written on them, like generosity, intelligence, compassion, humor. 305 00:13:56,720 --> 00:13:59,400 Speaker 4: I like chose the twenty that I liked the most, 306 00:14:00,000 --> 00:14:03,520 Speaker 4: and then through elimination I found ten and then I 307 00:14:03,600 --> 00:14:06,040 Speaker 4: like whittled that down to five. And that's a very 308 00:14:06,040 --> 00:14:11,120 Speaker 4: famous exercise that like therapists, psychologists, career advisors will ask 309 00:14:11,200 --> 00:14:13,000 Speaker 4: you to do, and you can do something similar online. 310 00:14:13,040 --> 00:14:16,040 Speaker 4: You can find this, Oh, I can't remember, I could 311 00:14:16,040 --> 00:14:19,400 Speaker 4: probably find the picture, but it was like generosity was 312 00:14:19,440 --> 00:14:23,080 Speaker 4: definitely one of them. Curiosity, That's the only two I 313 00:14:23,120 --> 00:14:25,000 Speaker 4: can remember, So you probably have to do it again. 314 00:14:25,120 --> 00:14:27,080 Speaker 1: No, but that obviously shows you that those are two 315 00:14:27,160 --> 00:14:30,400 Speaker 1: values that are. 316 00:14:29,760 --> 00:14:33,000 Speaker 4: And I think like creativity and enthusiasm. Actually I remember 317 00:14:33,040 --> 00:14:34,800 Speaker 4: those being another two. You can say, oh, I really 318 00:14:34,880 --> 00:14:36,880 Speaker 4: value this thing, but if you're not acting on it, 319 00:14:36,960 --> 00:14:39,480 Speaker 4: do you really as having this discussion with a friend 320 00:14:39,520 --> 00:14:41,760 Speaker 4: the other day, it's like, you can say all you 321 00:14:41,800 --> 00:14:43,240 Speaker 4: want about who you are as a person. You can 322 00:14:43,280 --> 00:14:44,760 Speaker 4: say you're a nice person, but if you don't do 323 00:14:44,840 --> 00:14:47,480 Speaker 4: nice things, you're not a nice person. You can say 324 00:14:47,480 --> 00:14:49,280 Speaker 4: all you want, I'm a creative person, but if you 325 00:14:49,520 --> 00:14:53,520 Speaker 4: don't act on your creativity, you're not. You're like personhood 326 00:14:53,560 --> 00:14:56,040 Speaker 4: is a verb, not just a series of words. So 327 00:14:56,760 --> 00:14:59,000 Speaker 4: once you have like the five values that you feel 328 00:14:59,000 --> 00:15:01,800 Speaker 4: are most important to you, the second part of this 329 00:15:01,840 --> 00:15:04,520 Speaker 4: exercise is that once every day, you choose one of 330 00:15:04,520 --> 00:15:07,880 Speaker 4: those values and you do something that lives that value. 331 00:15:08,360 --> 00:15:12,040 Speaker 4: So if your value for me, like it's generosity, it's like, Okay, 332 00:15:12,600 --> 00:15:16,200 Speaker 4: today I'm going to really practice my generosity and I'm 333 00:15:16,200 --> 00:15:18,240 Speaker 4: going to donate how but much money I want to 334 00:15:18,280 --> 00:15:21,360 Speaker 4: this charity. And maybe the next time you find someone 335 00:15:21,360 --> 00:15:23,640 Speaker 4: who really needs a meal, or someone outside the grocery 336 00:15:23,640 --> 00:15:27,000 Speaker 4: store who can really do with like whatever groceries they want, 337 00:15:27,160 --> 00:15:30,040 Speaker 4: and you just practice that, or you off to give 338 00:15:30,040 --> 00:15:34,360 Speaker 4: a friend a lift, or like small acts build personhood. 339 00:15:34,880 --> 00:15:37,600 Speaker 4: That's like a very simple way I think of describing it. 340 00:15:37,960 --> 00:15:40,800 Speaker 3: I love that, and that is a very easy exercise. 341 00:15:41,920 --> 00:15:44,200 Speaker 5: You can probably go online and probably. 342 00:15:43,880 --> 00:15:46,560 Speaker 4: You'll find that buy the cards as well. Yeah, or 343 00:15:46,600 --> 00:15:49,000 Speaker 4: you can just do it like they have a big list. 344 00:15:49,640 --> 00:15:51,480 Speaker 4: I don't know what it's called. I can't remember, but it's. 345 00:15:53,480 --> 00:15:56,480 Speaker 3: Lincoln in the show notes n I love that, so sweet. 346 00:15:56,760 --> 00:15:58,520 Speaker 3: There's such a beautiful girl. 347 00:15:58,200 --> 00:16:01,440 Speaker 4: You should do it together before when we're on tour. 348 00:16:01,600 --> 00:16:04,000 Speaker 3: Oh yes, that would be so really cool. That would 349 00:16:04,040 --> 00:16:04,720 Speaker 3: be really cool. 350 00:16:05,160 --> 00:16:08,160 Speaker 2: It seems like everyone in their twenties and their thirties 351 00:16:08,200 --> 00:16:11,360 Speaker 2: and beyond has this moment of who the fuck am I? 352 00:16:12,160 --> 00:16:15,840 Speaker 2: How does the identity inventory help you get your sparkle back? 353 00:16:16,080 --> 00:16:19,360 Speaker 4: Your identity inventory is basically like if I had to 354 00:16:19,720 --> 00:16:22,360 Speaker 4: make a bunch of buckets and a bunch of things 355 00:16:22,360 --> 00:16:25,720 Speaker 4: that described me, like what would be most important? So 356 00:16:26,960 --> 00:16:30,480 Speaker 4: it's essentially again kind of like making words or like 357 00:16:30,560 --> 00:16:32,920 Speaker 4: choosing words that describe you and then living them. But 358 00:16:33,000 --> 00:16:35,440 Speaker 4: a lot of people, especially in your twenties and thirties, again, 359 00:16:35,520 --> 00:16:38,400 Speaker 4: it's like, my identity inventory is what I do for work. 360 00:16:39,240 --> 00:16:42,840 Speaker 4: My identity inventory is who I was five years ago, 361 00:16:43,320 --> 00:16:45,880 Speaker 4: and I'm not those things anymore. So what you really 362 00:16:45,880 --> 00:16:48,960 Speaker 4: need to do is again give yourself these different hats, 363 00:16:49,280 --> 00:16:51,200 Speaker 4: like who am I in this context? Who am I 364 00:16:51,200 --> 00:16:54,040 Speaker 4: in that context? How do I live that version of me? 365 00:16:54,200 --> 00:16:55,920 Speaker 3: You were describing it? How for yourself? 366 00:16:55,960 --> 00:16:58,680 Speaker 2: You would say that you are a podcaster, But you'd 367 00:16:58,720 --> 00:17:01,840 Speaker 2: also say that you're a sister and a friend, and 368 00:17:01,840 --> 00:17:05,320 Speaker 2: that it is kind of different to that value side 369 00:17:05,359 --> 00:17:07,520 Speaker 2: because you are sort of talking about the things that 370 00:17:07,560 --> 00:17:09,840 Speaker 2: you do in day to day life. And you could 371 00:17:09,920 --> 00:17:12,399 Speaker 2: say I'm a painter or you could say I'm a runner, 372 00:17:12,680 --> 00:17:15,720 Speaker 2: and you could put those things that are like actions 373 00:17:15,720 --> 00:17:19,800 Speaker 2: and hobbies and things aside from your values. But I 374 00:17:19,840 --> 00:17:21,879 Speaker 2: think the interesting thing in the way those things should 375 00:17:21,880 --> 00:17:24,240 Speaker 2: intersect is that you should be able to like marry 376 00:17:24,280 --> 00:17:27,200 Speaker 2: up those values, right. 377 00:17:28,080 --> 00:17:30,400 Speaker 4: And I think also I said this again in the episode, 378 00:17:30,560 --> 00:17:33,080 Speaker 4: was you can call yourself a runner, or you can 379 00:17:33,119 --> 00:17:36,080 Speaker 4: call yourself a hiker. You can call yourself a podcaster 380 00:17:36,160 --> 00:17:38,520 Speaker 4: even if you've only done one episode, even if you 381 00:17:38,840 --> 00:17:41,240 Speaker 4: only hiked last weekend. What's the difference between me and 382 00:17:41,280 --> 00:17:42,800 Speaker 4: a runner? If I run all the time, I'm a 383 00:17:42,840 --> 00:17:45,480 Speaker 4: runner because I run, I'm a painter. Because I paint 384 00:17:45,800 --> 00:17:46,920 Speaker 4: mother to cat. 385 00:17:46,880 --> 00:17:51,360 Speaker 1: Mother cats, muddy books, friends, play. 386 00:17:51,600 --> 00:17:53,880 Speaker 4: Reader, movie writer, yeah. 387 00:17:54,680 --> 00:17:56,800 Speaker 3: Entrepreneur, all of the above. 388 00:17:57,680 --> 00:17:59,600 Speaker 4: When you really go into it, you can be like, whoa, 389 00:17:59,640 --> 00:18:02,440 Speaker 4: I'm a lot. Yeah, yeah, I would really invite people 390 00:18:02,440 --> 00:18:05,000 Speaker 4: to do this, and you will be like, wow, I'm 391 00:18:05,040 --> 00:18:07,840 Speaker 4: like so much more multifaceted. And maybe that's just like 392 00:18:07,880 --> 00:18:10,000 Speaker 4: the coming home to like who you really are that 393 00:18:10,080 --> 00:18:11,960 Speaker 4: you kind of just forget because you don't think about 394 00:18:12,000 --> 00:18:15,560 Speaker 4: it that much and think about who you really are. 395 00:18:15,920 --> 00:18:18,040 Speaker 4: I would say ninety nine percent of the day we 396 00:18:18,080 --> 00:18:20,840 Speaker 4: are not actively thinking about our identity. We're just thinking 397 00:18:20,840 --> 00:18:23,840 Speaker 4: about what's on our grocery list and like who annoyed 398 00:18:23,920 --> 00:18:25,920 Speaker 4: us in traffic, and like what we need to do next. 399 00:18:26,160 --> 00:18:28,040 Speaker 1: So we just don't spend enough time in our heads 400 00:18:28,040 --> 00:18:30,760 Speaker 1: in a way that's like being present in our identity. 401 00:18:30,840 --> 00:18:32,919 Speaker 1: It's like we're like going through the motions of everything 402 00:18:32,920 --> 00:18:36,240 Speaker 1: that's external rather than like actually experiencing how we feel 403 00:18:36,280 --> 00:18:37,080 Speaker 1: in certain moments. 404 00:18:37,520 --> 00:18:39,480 Speaker 3: And you have mentioned that weekends. 405 00:18:39,080 --> 00:18:42,720 Speaker 1: Are a great place to start to find yourself again 406 00:18:42,920 --> 00:18:45,520 Speaker 1: beyond the usual like life admin and. 407 00:18:45,520 --> 00:18:47,159 Speaker 3: Like casual coffee catch up. 408 00:18:47,560 --> 00:18:50,240 Speaker 1: What are some tips for like a weekend rebrand to 409 00:18:50,280 --> 00:18:51,520 Speaker 1: help get your spark about. 410 00:18:52,400 --> 00:18:56,040 Speaker 4: I love this idea of micro adventures. Have I spoken 411 00:18:56,040 --> 00:18:59,200 Speaker 4: about this on the podcast on your podcast before Good 412 00:18:59,480 --> 00:19:03,000 Speaker 4: because it's like my favorite thing. There's an amazing creator 413 00:19:03,400 --> 00:19:05,520 Speaker 4: who and I cannot remember her name obviously I'm in 414 00:19:05,520 --> 00:19:08,560 Speaker 4: a forgetful mood, but she has this series where she 415 00:19:08,640 --> 00:19:11,800 Speaker 4: does micro adventures and I'm so inspired by it and 416 00:19:11,880 --> 00:19:14,720 Speaker 4: I've started doing them. And a micro adventure it isn't like, oh, 417 00:19:14,720 --> 00:19:16,000 Speaker 4: I need to take the whole weekend off and get 418 00:19:16,040 --> 00:19:19,040 Speaker 4: an Airbnb and spend a bunch of money. It's like, Okay, 419 00:19:19,080 --> 00:19:22,360 Speaker 4: I'm gonna go strawberry picking this weekend. A micro adventure 420 00:19:22,440 --> 00:19:24,880 Speaker 4: is like I'm going to go to the farmer's markets. 421 00:19:25,520 --> 00:19:29,119 Speaker 4: I'm gonna go and try out a restaurant that I've 422 00:19:29,160 --> 00:19:31,920 Speaker 4: drove driven past every single week that I've never gone into. 423 00:19:32,400 --> 00:19:34,360 Speaker 4: I did that the other week and it wasn't very good. 424 00:19:34,880 --> 00:19:36,080 Speaker 4: I went and I tried. 425 00:19:36,200 --> 00:19:38,119 Speaker 3: Well, now you know now I never have and you 426 00:19:38,160 --> 00:19:39,160 Speaker 3: still had the adventure. 427 00:19:39,720 --> 00:19:42,240 Speaker 4: Yeah, I did. And it's just like doing little things that, 428 00:19:42,760 --> 00:19:46,119 Speaker 4: especially in your own city where you live. I just 429 00:19:46,200 --> 00:19:52,199 Speaker 4: like super super random, super small, not necessarily like something 430 00:19:52,200 --> 00:19:54,080 Speaker 4: that you would put on a postcard, but just like 431 00:19:54,240 --> 00:19:56,960 Speaker 4: something really really fun that's like a micro adventure that 432 00:19:57,200 --> 00:19:59,359 Speaker 4: allows you to see your life differently and see yourself 433 00:19:59,359 --> 00:20:00,480 Speaker 4: differently within life. 434 00:20:00,480 --> 00:20:03,919 Speaker 2: What about people who feel a lot of pressure to 435 00:20:04,520 --> 00:20:09,200 Speaker 2: have an identity that's influenced by societal expectations or guilt 436 00:20:09,359 --> 00:20:11,840 Speaker 2: or pressure from other people in their lives. How can you, 437 00:20:12,960 --> 00:20:16,000 Speaker 2: I guess, separate yourself from that and actually prioritize what 438 00:20:16,040 --> 00:20:16,520 Speaker 2: you want to do. 439 00:20:17,320 --> 00:20:20,840 Speaker 4: Yeah, So there's this process that people talk about called individuation, 440 00:20:21,160 --> 00:20:25,480 Speaker 4: which happens again early adulthood specifically, and it's where you 441 00:20:25,560 --> 00:20:31,640 Speaker 4: basically go through this deep friction, painful, uncomfortable period having 442 00:20:31,680 --> 00:20:36,160 Speaker 4: to decide who am I, independent from family, from my schooling, 443 00:20:36,320 --> 00:20:40,040 Speaker 4: from my environment, and often means shedding a lot of relationships, 444 00:20:40,040 --> 00:20:42,800 Speaker 4: disappointing a lot of people. But the idea is that 445 00:20:42,840 --> 00:20:45,840 Speaker 4: you have to move through this period in order to 446 00:20:45,840 --> 00:20:49,560 Speaker 4: come at the other side as an individual. It's like 447 00:20:49,600 --> 00:20:52,760 Speaker 4: the shift from going from child to adult, an adult 448 00:20:53,400 --> 00:20:58,480 Speaker 4: again to individual, adult to person someone who enjoys themselves 449 00:20:58,520 --> 00:21:02,439 Speaker 4: and understands themselves. So, if you're feeling a lot of 450 00:21:02,480 --> 00:21:05,240 Speaker 4: conformity towards a certain identity to do with your family, 451 00:21:05,440 --> 00:21:08,200 Speaker 4: to do with something that you promised yourself five years 452 00:21:08,240 --> 00:21:11,639 Speaker 4: ago that you don't necessarily feel aligned to anymore. Just 453 00:21:11,720 --> 00:21:13,680 Speaker 4: remember that, like at any age, you can and you 454 00:21:13,720 --> 00:21:18,000 Speaker 4: should change. It will be painful. But I don't think 455 00:21:18,000 --> 00:21:20,919 Speaker 4: I've ever met anyone who's gone through a period of 456 00:21:21,320 --> 00:21:26,120 Speaker 4: perhaps disappointing people for the betterment of themselves and regretted it. Obviously, 457 00:21:26,160 --> 00:21:28,760 Speaker 4: you can disappoint people around you because you do bad things, 458 00:21:29,000 --> 00:21:32,880 Speaker 4: or you neglect yourself, or you know you do something terrible. 459 00:21:32,920 --> 00:21:36,040 Speaker 4: But I don't think I've ever spoken to someone who said, 460 00:21:36,160 --> 00:21:38,560 Speaker 4: I quit being this person because I knew it was 461 00:21:38,600 --> 00:21:42,479 Speaker 4: best for me, and I regret that. Or I let 462 00:21:42,560 --> 00:21:45,600 Speaker 4: my parents down because I was honoring something that I 463 00:21:45,640 --> 00:21:48,400 Speaker 4: deeply needed to try, and I regret that. Like, no 464 00:21:48,440 --> 00:21:51,720 Speaker 4: one regrets doing what's best for them, what's best of them, 465 00:21:51,760 --> 00:21:53,760 Speaker 4: based on like a really deep gut instinct. It is 466 00:21:53,800 --> 00:21:56,240 Speaker 4: a choice. Like you can choose to ignore that instinct, 467 00:21:56,280 --> 00:21:59,320 Speaker 4: and that's totally your decision, but it is a decision. 468 00:21:59,359 --> 00:22:01,439 Speaker 4: You did make a choice to do that. Yeah, Like, 469 00:22:02,200 --> 00:22:04,600 Speaker 4: just because people expect certain things from you and I 470 00:22:04,720 --> 00:22:07,560 Speaker 4: know the pressure is very very loud, doesn't mean you 471 00:22:07,600 --> 00:22:11,119 Speaker 4: can't push back against it, and if you choose not to, 472 00:22:12,119 --> 00:22:13,879 Speaker 4: you have to be aware of what the consequences of 473 00:22:13,960 --> 00:22:16,040 Speaker 4: that might be. And you can still choose to do that, 474 00:22:16,200 --> 00:22:18,040 Speaker 4: but I do think you can't then turn around and 475 00:22:18,080 --> 00:22:20,040 Speaker 4: be like point the finger at someone and be like, 476 00:22:20,119 --> 00:22:22,560 Speaker 4: you're the reason my life is bad. You're the reason 477 00:22:22,560 --> 00:22:24,920 Speaker 4: my life is crap. Like, No, you chose to live 478 00:22:24,960 --> 00:22:28,080 Speaker 4: into their expectations for you in many ways. 479 00:22:28,280 --> 00:22:30,520 Speaker 3: What's the self absorption paradox? 480 00:22:30,880 --> 00:22:32,240 Speaker 4: Oh? Well, you know what I was gonna talk about 481 00:22:32,240 --> 00:22:34,480 Speaker 4: this before when we were talking about how we need 482 00:22:34,520 --> 00:22:37,959 Speaker 4: to think about ourselves more in terms of our identity. Yeah, 483 00:22:38,000 --> 00:22:40,120 Speaker 4: so there is this thing called the self absorption paradox, 484 00:22:40,119 --> 00:22:42,480 Speaker 4: which is basically like, the more you think about yourself 485 00:22:42,520 --> 00:22:45,600 Speaker 4: and your problems, the less in touch with yourself you become, 486 00:22:46,440 --> 00:22:49,320 Speaker 4: and actually like the more like selfish, but also the 487 00:22:49,359 --> 00:22:52,680 Speaker 4: more just like confused you get. Yeah. So the thing 488 00:22:52,680 --> 00:22:54,439 Speaker 4: that I liked about what we were saying before is like, 489 00:22:54,720 --> 00:22:56,639 Speaker 4: use the time you're going to think about yourself to 490 00:22:56,640 --> 00:22:59,359 Speaker 4: think about yourself in a productive way. Thinking about myself 491 00:22:59,400 --> 00:23:01,639 Speaker 4: through the lens of how other people are thinking about me. Yeah, 492 00:23:01,800 --> 00:23:03,800 Speaker 4: I'm thinking about myself because I hate my outfit and 493 00:23:03,800 --> 00:23:06,080 Speaker 4: I hate what I look like here, and oh did 494 00:23:06,119 --> 00:23:07,800 Speaker 4: I do that right? Did I do that wrong? I 495 00:23:07,880 --> 00:23:09,280 Speaker 4: want our people assume about me. 496 00:23:09,400 --> 00:23:11,439 Speaker 3: From the external validation point of view. 497 00:23:11,560 --> 00:23:13,639 Speaker 4: Don't really think about the things that are wrong in 498 00:23:13,680 --> 00:23:16,359 Speaker 4: your life, like you should think about yourself in terms 499 00:23:16,440 --> 00:23:19,160 Speaker 4: of like, Okay, what are the things that are actually 500 00:23:19,200 --> 00:23:22,480 Speaker 4: bothering me that if I were to think about them 501 00:23:22,560 --> 00:23:26,439 Speaker 4: more in a critical way I could improve upon Versus 502 00:23:26,480 --> 00:23:28,480 Speaker 4: what are things that I have thought about so many 503 00:23:28,560 --> 00:23:31,919 Speaker 4: times over and I'm just doing so because it's reassuring 504 00:23:32,000 --> 00:23:34,359 Speaker 4: to think about them, or because it brings like a 505 00:23:34,400 --> 00:23:37,359 Speaker 4: certain level of comfort. And actually part of like finding 506 00:23:37,359 --> 00:23:38,960 Speaker 4: your way back to yourself, which I talk about in 507 00:23:38,960 --> 00:23:43,480 Speaker 4: that original episode, is finding your way back to yourself 508 00:23:43,480 --> 00:23:47,280 Speaker 4: through others. Sometimes you need to actually just take a 509 00:23:47,320 --> 00:23:50,760 Speaker 4: step away. You've done all those exercises, if you've really 510 00:23:50,760 --> 00:23:54,160 Speaker 4: thought deeply put them into practice first, yes, but then also, 511 00:23:54,320 --> 00:23:56,680 Speaker 4: how could you put them into practice in terms of 512 00:23:56,720 --> 00:23:59,440 Speaker 4: serving others? How could you think about other people a 513 00:23:59,440 --> 00:24:02,560 Speaker 4: little bit more like volunteering, becoming friends with your neighbors, 514 00:24:02,840 --> 00:24:04,960 Speaker 4: doing kind things for your friends, like doing things for 515 00:24:05,000 --> 00:24:08,360 Speaker 4: your community. The most like me I feel is when 516 00:24:08,359 --> 00:24:11,320 Speaker 4: I'm like doing that kind of stuff. Yeah, and I 517 00:24:11,320 --> 00:24:13,720 Speaker 4: know where I was like, go and volunteer, Like it's 518 00:24:13,760 --> 00:24:17,239 Speaker 4: actually really fulfilling and like you really do see the 519 00:24:17,240 --> 00:24:21,160 Speaker 4: best sides of yourself and your humanity, and like it's 520 00:24:21,160 --> 00:24:23,280 Speaker 4: also a self esteem booster. Maybe that's just what you 521 00:24:23,320 --> 00:24:23,760 Speaker 4: really need. 522 00:24:24,240 --> 00:24:27,760 Speaker 1: We were talking about this on an episode on Tuesday, 523 00:24:28,320 --> 00:24:32,120 Speaker 1: and it was like the law of reciprocity. Ye, love, 524 00:24:32,520 --> 00:24:36,879 Speaker 1: how when you do good things for others you get 525 00:24:37,280 --> 00:24:39,720 Speaker 1: the feeling back, not because they've done something for you, 526 00:24:39,800 --> 00:24:41,320 Speaker 1: but the way that it makes you feel to do 527 00:24:41,400 --> 00:24:43,320 Speaker 1: good to others and how like. 528 00:24:43,520 --> 00:24:45,360 Speaker 4: And it makes you like other people more as well. Yeah, 529 00:24:46,040 --> 00:24:47,199 Speaker 4: crazy Franklin ef. 530 00:24:47,480 --> 00:24:49,680 Speaker 5: It took me like seventeen goals to get that word 531 00:24:49,760 --> 00:24:50,200 Speaker 5: right though. 532 00:24:52,160 --> 00:24:54,720 Speaker 1: Every time I said how would you say this, and 533 00:24:54,760 --> 00:25:00,000 Speaker 1: she's like, reciprocity out reportocity, yeah, rechie party. 534 00:25:00,080 --> 00:25:03,440 Speaker 3: Taurus, Yeah that one. Yeah, thank you. I've never heard 535 00:25:03,440 --> 00:25:05,200 Speaker 3: of the Ben Franklin effect before. 536 00:25:05,400 --> 00:25:07,760 Speaker 4: The Ben Franklin effect is like if you do nice 537 00:25:07,800 --> 00:25:11,080 Speaker 4: things for other people, you'll like them more so, like. 538 00:25:11,520 --> 00:25:13,200 Speaker 3: You see the humanity and other people. 539 00:25:13,280 --> 00:25:15,359 Speaker 4: Yeah, it's like, okay, so if someone is like super 540 00:25:15,400 --> 00:25:18,359 Speaker 4: mean to you and like your neighbor, if your neighbor's 541 00:25:18,400 --> 00:25:19,720 Speaker 4: like super mean to you, and then you bring their 542 00:25:19,760 --> 00:25:22,680 Speaker 4: pins in like you like the more and it will 543 00:25:22,720 --> 00:25:25,200 Speaker 4: make you feel I guess maybe it's like an e 544 00:25:25,400 --> 00:25:26,280 Speaker 4: makes you like less. 545 00:25:26,600 --> 00:25:28,400 Speaker 5: I feel like it makes you less angry. 546 00:25:28,720 --> 00:25:31,560 Speaker 4: Yeah, because they all do with that. Yeah, yeah, yeah, 547 00:25:31,640 --> 00:25:33,200 Speaker 4: the rage bait's been getting me recently. 548 00:25:33,320 --> 00:25:35,720 Speaker 5: Oh god, but that's not anyone's fault as well, Like 549 00:25:35,840 --> 00:25:36,680 Speaker 5: new cycle. 550 00:25:36,400 --> 00:25:41,280 Speaker 1: Burnout is so prevalent at the moment, and like it's 551 00:25:41,960 --> 00:25:45,760 Speaker 1: pretty fucking normal for everything that's happening to be angry. Yeah, 552 00:25:45,920 --> 00:25:50,240 Speaker 1: but that's not obviously a healthy state to be sitting with. 553 00:25:50,640 --> 00:25:51,840 Speaker 3: And I feel emotions. 554 00:25:51,880 --> 00:25:54,000 Speaker 4: I feel angry. Iff Like that's how I kind of lost. 555 00:25:53,800 --> 00:25:55,879 Speaker 5: Myself for a little while, where I was just like angry. 556 00:25:56,000 --> 00:25:59,560 Speaker 4: Oh, I was angry, I was irritated, the world felt terrible. 557 00:25:59,600 --> 00:26:01,040 Speaker 4: And then I was like, I need to get off 558 00:26:01,080 --> 00:26:05,080 Speaker 4: my phone and get. 559 00:26:04,280 --> 00:26:10,560 Speaker 1: Being resentful and resenting work, resenting your friends, resenting your partner, 560 00:26:10,840 --> 00:26:16,440 Speaker 1: being resentful is burnout totally, and so doing nice things 561 00:26:16,480 --> 00:26:19,080 Speaker 1: for other people is a really good way to kind 562 00:26:19,080 --> 00:26:21,119 Speaker 1: of maybe go back to the version. 563 00:26:20,840 --> 00:26:23,120 Speaker 3: Of yourself that you like a little bit more. 564 00:26:23,119 --> 00:26:26,360 Speaker 5: Because I absolutely adore myself. 565 00:26:26,080 --> 00:26:27,840 Speaker 1: When I'm having fun and I'm girly pop and I 566 00:26:27,840 --> 00:26:30,679 Speaker 1: feel sparkly and fun and blah blah blah, Like yeah, 567 00:26:30,720 --> 00:26:32,320 Speaker 1: you know, that's always the better time. 568 00:26:32,600 --> 00:26:35,040 Speaker 4: Also, I don't know anyone whose natural state is to 569 00:26:35,080 --> 00:26:37,359 Speaker 4: be mean. I know people's. 570 00:26:40,280 --> 00:26:43,800 Speaker 2: Living in like discomfort days they've gotten to lost a 571 00:26:43,840 --> 00:26:44,480 Speaker 2: long time ago. 572 00:26:44,800 --> 00:26:45,560 Speaker 4: You can always go that. 573 00:26:46,160 --> 00:26:51,200 Speaker 1: Okay, So after listening to this episode, what's one thing 574 00:26:51,359 --> 00:26:54,159 Speaker 1: every chick should do to feel more like themselves. 575 00:26:54,440 --> 00:26:57,240 Speaker 4: Go and make a playlist of all the songs that 576 00:26:57,280 --> 00:27:00,520 Speaker 4: you think reflect you best and call it like Gemma's 577 00:27:00,560 --> 00:27:04,679 Speaker 4: playlist or Alex's playlist or Sally's playlist. And I'm not 578 00:27:04,720 --> 00:27:06,320 Speaker 4: just all of like songs that hype you up. I'm 579 00:27:06,320 --> 00:27:08,399 Speaker 4: talking like the songs that you listen to where you're like, 580 00:27:08,440 --> 00:27:11,159 Speaker 4: I could have written this song. This deeply describes me. 581 00:27:11,400 --> 00:27:13,560 Speaker 4: If you were going to give a playlist to someone 582 00:27:13,560 --> 00:27:16,360 Speaker 4: else and say, I listening to this playlist, you could 583 00:27:16,440 --> 00:27:19,720 Speaker 4: understand me as a person. You could understand what I've 584 00:27:19,720 --> 00:27:22,560 Speaker 4: been through, maybe some of my life chapters, maybe like 585 00:27:22,920 --> 00:27:28,120 Speaker 4: my personality, my like vibrance. You should make one of those. 586 00:27:28,720 --> 00:27:30,760 Speaker 4: I have one. It's great. And then anytime I feel like. 587 00:27:30,920 --> 00:27:32,000 Speaker 3: What's one song on it? 588 00:27:32,480 --> 00:27:34,640 Speaker 4: One song on it is a really old song called 589 00:27:34,680 --> 00:27:38,879 Speaker 4: Met an Old Friend by Lucinda Williams, and it's really 590 00:27:38,920 --> 00:27:41,560 Speaker 4: like quite a sad song, but it's about like meeting 591 00:27:41,600 --> 00:27:44,200 Speaker 4: an old friend and feeling like both sad and happy 592 00:27:44,200 --> 00:27:45,040 Speaker 4: about that feeling. 593 00:27:45,800 --> 00:27:46,480 Speaker 3: What about you? 594 00:27:49,119 --> 00:27:51,639 Speaker 4: It's really sad. I would not necessarily recommend it. 595 00:27:51,760 --> 00:27:54,920 Speaker 3: No, that sounds like a beautiful song about death as well, So. 596 00:27:55,240 --> 00:27:59,120 Speaker 5: Okay, don't tell the pizes this please in the room. 597 00:28:00,200 --> 00:28:01,240 Speaker 3: What would be online? 598 00:28:01,640 --> 00:28:04,000 Speaker 2: The first thing that popped into my head is It's 599 00:28:04,040 --> 00:28:05,800 Speaker 2: My Life by bon Jovi. 600 00:28:06,119 --> 00:28:07,720 Speaker 3: I feel like that's a good one. 601 00:28:07,480 --> 00:28:09,360 Speaker 4: That would be a very good song for your playlist. 602 00:28:09,480 --> 00:28:12,840 Speaker 2: It's like an instant mood booster, but also like makes 603 00:28:12,840 --> 00:28:15,840 Speaker 2: me feel really nostalgic. Like I can remember one time 604 00:28:15,920 --> 00:28:17,760 Speaker 2: that I was like dancing to it at a bar 605 00:28:17,880 --> 00:28:20,160 Speaker 2: with my sister and I see it like in slow motion, 606 00:28:20,800 --> 00:28:23,400 Speaker 2: and it's like a really visceral memory, and I feel 607 00:28:23,400 --> 00:28:25,320 Speaker 2: like that's something that I'll remember like when I'm an 608 00:28:25,320 --> 00:28:25,919 Speaker 2: old lady. 609 00:28:26,840 --> 00:28:30,920 Speaker 3: Sorry, yeah, what about you? L Oh? 610 00:28:31,119 --> 00:28:34,159 Speaker 1: I feel like this is so lame, but like for 611 00:28:34,359 --> 00:28:39,200 Speaker 1: good from Wicked Oh, because there's like so many people 612 00:28:39,200 --> 00:28:41,239 Speaker 1: in my life that I truly feel like I've been 613 00:28:41,360 --> 00:28:43,080 Speaker 1: changed for good because I knew them. 614 00:28:43,720 --> 00:28:44,400 Speaker 4: What's that song? 615 00:28:44,760 --> 00:28:45,600 Speaker 3: I'm not singing it? 616 00:28:45,920 --> 00:28:46,600 Speaker 4: Yeah, dang it. 617 00:28:49,000 --> 00:28:50,640 Speaker 5: I also think Summer of sixty nine. 618 00:28:50,880 --> 00:28:55,160 Speaker 7: Yeah, yeah, yeah, I've gone my first real six string 619 00:28:55,440 --> 00:29:01,760 Speaker 7: I'll sing that. That song is like, like, yeah, that 620 00:29:01,880 --> 00:29:04,480 Speaker 7: encompasses every emotion that I want to feel every day. 621 00:29:04,520 --> 00:29:05,760 Speaker 4: It feels like I want to I want to be 622 00:29:05,840 --> 00:29:07,040 Speaker 4: like I want to like. 623 00:29:07,120 --> 00:29:11,960 Speaker 1: Nostalgia and happiness and like it's summer, nothing fucking matters. 624 00:29:12,040 --> 00:29:15,040 Speaker 2: That song feels like the gap between Christmas and your year. 625 00:29:15,240 --> 00:29:17,600 Speaker 3: Yes, oh my god, it really does. 626 00:29:17,640 --> 00:29:19,200 Speaker 5: I'm actually gonna listen to that in the currently way. 627 00:29:20,200 --> 00:29:22,400 Speaker 1: Yeah, it took me so long to realize what the 628 00:29:22,440 --> 00:29:25,000 Speaker 1: title the Summer of sixty nine truly meant. 629 00:29:25,240 --> 00:29:26,920 Speaker 4: It's just the summer of sixty nine. 630 00:29:30,320 --> 00:29:35,000 Speaker 3: Having sixty the song was sex position overrated. 631 00:29:36,440 --> 00:29:38,680 Speaker 4: I have to go comfortable. I don't want to plank. 632 00:29:41,080 --> 00:29:43,240 Speaker 2: As always, we want to wrap up by asking you 633 00:29:43,320 --> 00:29:46,040 Speaker 2: what's your biggest life lesson on your journey so far? 634 00:29:46,480 --> 00:29:48,840 Speaker 4: Always like when you feel a calling to do something, 635 00:29:49,200 --> 00:29:52,239 Speaker 4: always just do it. Act on the feeling, act on 636 00:29:52,280 --> 00:29:54,400 Speaker 4: like the gut feeling. If it's really cooling. 637 00:29:57,080 --> 00:30:05,520 Speaker 6: I'm hooked on all right anyway, Thanks a wrap, Thank 638 00:30:05,560 --> 00:30:07,880 Speaker 6: you so much for coming on the show. 639 00:30:08,080 --> 00:30:10,320 Speaker 2: As always, will put all the links to all of 640 00:30:10,320 --> 00:30:12,600 Speaker 2: your socials where people can pick up your book, listen 641 00:30:12,640 --> 00:30:16,000 Speaker 2: to the pod and everything, because I'm sure everybody's obsessed if. 642 00:30:15,840 --> 00:30:16,600 Speaker 3: They weren't already. 643 00:30:16,600 --> 00:30:18,520 Speaker 2: But thank you so much for coming on, and we're 644 00:30:18,600 --> 00:30:21,080 Speaker 2: so excited to go on the group chat. 645 00:30:20,920 --> 00:30:22,440 Speaker 3: Tour with you. 646 00:30:22,480 --> 00:30:25,960 Speaker 2: Get your tickets, chicks, Love you, chicks, Thanks for having 647 00:30:26,040 --> 00:30:29,480 Speaker 2: us in your ear holes. Bye love yea, bye love you, Jim, 648 00:30:29,600 --> 00:30:35,920 Speaker 2: Say bye Jim, Jim, Bye Jimim