Speaker 1: Today we're recording on Gadighul country and.
Speaker 2: We'd like to pay our respects to the traditional custodians
Speaker 2: of the Gati.
Speaker 3: Girl people, I know you've got to dig this. It's
Speaker 3: like I've been given like an extra sprinkle of something.
Speaker 1: You've got layers.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I've got layers.
Speaker 1: I was just thinking, I'm like, we're just such beautiful storytellers.
Speaker 3: You're making a lot of sense to that girl. No,
Speaker 3: I'm done.
Speaker 1: I've been too honest to go. We had a big
Speaker 1: week this week, we did.
Speaker 2: I mean, you've been in Sydney for the whole weekend.
Speaker 2: Has it been great for you? Do you?
Speaker 3: Are you enjoying the sunshine? Isn't it beautiful?
Speaker 1: It has been good. I've had a very social weekend,
Speaker 1: meeting me as friends family. It's one of her best
Speaker 1: friend's birthday this weekend, so we spent a lot of
Speaker 1: time celebrating Kate, which was really nice.
Speaker 3: Beautiful. How are you taking to the shire?
Speaker 1: The shire is good. I mean we spent a lot
Speaker 1: of time in Krin.
Speaker 3: Yeah, that's the hub of the shire.
Speaker 1: Oh, okay, that's like the center point right, that's right, Okay,
Speaker 1: She's like the heart of the shire.
Speaker 3: That's where I got it.
Speaker 1: Yeah, it's okay. It kind of does remind me a
Speaker 1: little bit like cot a slow yes, but awkward. I
Speaker 1: actually saw my ex's best friend. I saw him walking
Speaker 1: with another girl, and that's probably like the fourth girl
Speaker 1: I've seen him walking with.
Speaker 2: That is so funny because my best friend Emily, I
Speaker 2: saw her ex walking with this girl. And as soon
Speaker 2: as I saw him with this new girl, because he
Speaker 2: put her through the ringer, let me tell you, like,
Speaker 2: he wasn't a great boyfriend. So I called her and
Speaker 2: I was like, oh my god. I wanted to warn
Speaker 2: the girl, like stay away from this man.
Speaker 1: I kind of wanted to do the same thing because
Speaker 1: I'm my girl and last, but then I was like, no,
Speaker 1: I don't care. I was like kind of wanted him
Speaker 1: to like selfishly go back.
Speaker 3: And tell him, yeah, there you go.
Speaker 1: Is that bad? No, No, that's toxic. I've done a
Speaker 1: lot of therapy to be like better than this.
Speaker 2: Okay, well we're going to get into that. But what
Speaker 2: I want to talk about is before that. How And
Speaker 2: then at the end of last week, we had an
Speaker 2: incredible day here at Nova. We did we got to
Speaker 2: work really closely with the you know, with a group
Speaker 2: of people at Nova, a lot of the bosses actually
Speaker 2: the heads of departments and influential people within this building. Yeah,
Speaker 2: to start the RAP plan process and we.
Speaker 1: Worked with wrapping guys just to clarify.
Speaker 3: It wasn't like like it was more like black rides.
Speaker 1: It was literally like for my people. If you don't
Speaker 1: know what a RAP plan is, it's a reconciliation action
Speaker 1: plan and it was introduced so that organizations, any organization
Speaker 1: really in Australia. It's a plan to best support First
Speaker 1: Nations people in the business and to I guess you know,
Speaker 1: we all talked about closing the gap and it was
Speaker 1: to help with I guess, the closing of the employment gap.
Speaker 1: But there's a lot of other like social emotional wellbeing
Speaker 1: parts to it as well, which you wouldn't think being
Speaker 1: in an organization was necessary, but it is absolutely vital.
Speaker 1: I think working with First Nations people to under best
Speaker 1: understand why and how we work.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I think it's super exciting for Nova and an
Speaker 2: important step for the future of the industry. It's the
Speaker 2: first commercial radio network that is putting a RAP together,
Speaker 2: So kudos to our Nova fam. We've loved working in
Speaker 2: this building and with this incredible company. So there's going
Speaker 2: to be more on this. We're going to actually do
Speaker 2: an episode based on reconciliation action plans, and we're going
Speaker 2: to get you know, experts into to divulge what exactly.
Speaker 3: That looks like.
Speaker 1: Make a rap about our rap.
Speaker 3: Wow, that would be pretty funny.
Speaker 1: I reckon usual our target our targets are I just
Speaker 1: probably chat GP my best friend. Yeah, But like you know,
Speaker 1: I feel like, you know, when organizations talk about rat
Speaker 1: we there was a very different vibe. I feel like
Speaker 1: with Nova. I've been on the co design process previously
Speaker 1: with other organizations connected to the Department of Education on
Speaker 1: charity and not for profits, but this one just felt
Speaker 1: very different. It felt a bit like there was a
Speaker 1: need for it and there was like a willingness and
Speaker 1: I really like that. And I think one of the
Speaker 1: common uh, you know, themes or words that were thrown
Speaker 1: around or slogans I guess was house proud and I
Speaker 1: feel like.
Speaker 3: You actually mentioned that.
Speaker 1: Well. I feel like when you go to work, which
Speaker 1: we you know, we work as freelancers, so it's a
Speaker 1: very different vibe, right because we're being employed by a service,
Speaker 1: but technically we really just work for ourselves, so we're
Speaker 1: being contracted, so we don't have like an organization that
Speaker 1: we go to every single day like we do come
Speaker 1: here every week and our touch.
Speaker 2: Points in the industry, you know, for me, it's Nova
Speaker 2: and I V and now Channel seven, which is super exciting.
Speaker 3: Something will be coming very soon. But I can't say, oh.
Speaker 2: My god, so I'll be working one day a week
Speaker 2: at each of these.
Speaker 1: Yes, which is hands and a lot of yeah.
Speaker 2: But I do want to I don't want to go
Speaker 2: too much into this. I just wanted to bring this
Speaker 2: to our audience and say that there's some incredible work
Speaker 2: that's being done behind the scenes when it comes to reconciliation.
Speaker 2: Context context is important. But I want to do an
Speaker 2: episode based on this where we get Stone Crab in
Speaker 2: the organization that NOVA is working with, and we can
Speaker 2: really go into detail about why it's important, the historical context,
Speaker 2: which is super important for people to.
Speaker 1: Understand a little bit on that's right.
Speaker 3: But I do want to talk about change.
Speaker 1: Okay, and I think lots of change happening in your
Speaker 1: life right now.
Speaker 2: But I also think that you know that's this is
Speaker 2: really exciting for the organization in terms of change. But
Speaker 2: I want to talk about personal change, what's happening and
Speaker 2: the evolution of change, and what it takes for someone
Speaker 2: to create change in their life, to make positive change
Speaker 2: in their life, I should say.
Speaker 3: So.
Speaker 2: I know that over the years, you know, I think
Speaker 2: about my twenties as a decade. There's been ebbs and
Speaker 2: flows of.
Speaker 1: You already exit the twenties.
Speaker 3: Girl, I'm out.
Speaker 2: Okay, yeah, girl, I am out. But for the last
Speaker 2: seventy five days of my twenties, right, I'm doing the
Speaker 2: seventy five.
Speaker 1: Hard Challenge very strategic lo.
Speaker 2: So, and it came to me. I was sitting on
Speaker 2: my veranda. I was looking out.
Speaker 3: At the view.
Speaker 2: You know, picture this beautiful blue sky day, me with
Speaker 2: my journal, and I'm writing a note to myself. You know,
Speaker 2: I'm writing about what I want, what I want to
Speaker 2: see in myself change. And then all of a sudden,
Speaker 2: I was thinking about this seventy five hard challenge that
Speaker 2: has been going viral over the last few months.
Speaker 3: And you will not believe it.
Speaker 2: That day was seventy five days from my thirtieth birthday. Yeah,
Speaker 2: isn't that the universe? It's being like ding ding ding ding,
Speaker 2: dpitous so I you know, the next day I started
Speaker 2: and from that point it was seventy five days, you know,
Speaker 2: to the twenty sixth of May.
Speaker 1: And how are you feeling, like, because you're halfway.
Speaker 3: Now, I'm halfway.
Speaker 1: What's what's some revelations that you've had halfway through?
Speaker 2: Like, yeah, yeah, I think interestingly enough, I've done challenges
Speaker 2: in the past that have that have benefited me. I've
Speaker 2: done sobriety for you know, one hundred and twenty days
Speaker 2: last year was the length that I did that for.
Speaker 2: I've done small or you know, short term diets or
Speaker 2: short term gym programs that have created a change, but
Speaker 2: I haven't been to the extreme that seventy five hard is.
Speaker 2: So let me just explain what seventy five hard is
Speaker 2: for the listeners. So seventy five hard is a list
Speaker 2: of things that you need to do every day which
Speaker 2: challenge you emotionally, physically, and mentally, I would even say spiritually,
Speaker 2: Like by the end of the day to read those
Speaker 2: ten pages in the book, I'm like, God, give me strength.
Speaker 2: But there are certain things that you need to tick
Speaker 2: off in the day, and this is the list. So
Speaker 2: you need to do two workouts, one indoor one outdoor.
Speaker 2: You need to drink three seven hundred and fifty million
Speaker 2: liters of water, which is basically four leaders of water.
Speaker 2: You need to read ten pages of a book any book.
Speaker 2: You need to journal, you need to take a progress photo,
Speaker 2: and you need to make sure that you're following a
Speaker 2: healthy diet, so no cheap meals, no fizzy drinks, no sugar,
Speaker 2: no ice cream. So there's a list of things you
Speaker 2: need to do every day and there's an app and
Speaker 2: it really helps me. Accountability really helps me. So when
Speaker 2: I can go in and tick something off, it actually
Speaker 2: is like really beneficial for me. And so this challenge
Speaker 2: I'm halfway through. Some of the challenges that I've found
Speaker 2: within this is the feeling of detoxing. So I haven't
Speaker 2: been to this extreme of a challenge where everything that
Speaker 2: is normal in my life has changed. Sometimes I've done
Speaker 2: the you know, no drinking alcohol for a certain period
Speaker 2: of time or eating healthy. Then there's always been substitutes
Speaker 2: for certain things, and in this challenge, you haven't been
Speaker 2: able to substitute. So it's an extreme challenge and it's
Speaker 2: pretty intense.
Speaker 1: Like it I was going to say, like off the bat,
Speaker 1: I mean I did like sort of like I wouldn't
Speaker 1: say seventy five soft, but I've thought about like incorporating
Speaker 1: some of those things into my daily life. But I
Speaker 1: feel like i've kind of already not the two workouts
Speaker 1: a day, like that's a bit too much for me.
Speaker 1: I think I walk twice a day, so I am
Speaker 1: kind of active twice, and it.
Speaker 3: Can be a walk.
Speaker 2: One of those exercises outdoors could be a walk. So
Speaker 2: since I'm really sore, I'm like, okay, I'll run for
Speaker 2: twenty five minutes and I'll walk and I'll walk for
Speaker 2: twenty so it's not putting your you know, body through
Speaker 2: the ringer constantly.
Speaker 1: Yeah, which I think is like what people could do
Speaker 1: is like seventy five hard. They could go absolutely hard,
Speaker 1: but it's more about just challenging and like making conscious choices.
Speaker 2: Right, Yeah, And I think you should challenge yourself in
Speaker 2: the sense that like you should push yourself. For instance,
Speaker 2: last night, I went for a run. I didn't get
Speaker 2: that second workout in until nine thirty pm, and I
Speaker 2: went for a run. I got back, but then overnight
Speaker 2: I realized that my foot, my left foot, was injured,
Speaker 2: you know, So I woke up in the middle of
Speaker 2: the night to a really bad sharp pain on my
Speaker 2: left foot. Took some penalult sort of went away. But
Speaker 2: now I'm going to take that into today's workout, you know,
Speaker 2: to be yeah, to be more mindful that I'm pushing
Speaker 2: my body to the limit, and so maybe I should
Speaker 2: just I might go and do push up some squats
Speaker 2: and chin ups at the park instead of going for
Speaker 2: that run. So yeah, there's just different things you can implement.
Speaker 1: To Okay, So what's what are I guess going back
Speaker 1: to the question is like, what are some revelations that
Speaker 1: you've had throughout this challenge like that have like I
Speaker 1: don't know, come come to you, Like what has this
Speaker 1: really pushed you on? Is it the physical challenge or
Speaker 1: is it the emotional or the spiritual?
Speaker 2: You know? What it's really made me understand is that
Speaker 2: I'm not a go with the flow guy. So if
Speaker 2: I go with the flow, the flow is going to
Speaker 2: take me to places that I should not be honestly.
Speaker 2: So well, I just think that what I've realized is
Speaker 2: when I have structure, when I have routine, discipline and
Speaker 2: self accountability, those things really help me with my mental
Speaker 2: health and they help me get closer to where I
Speaker 2: want to be in life, you know, to my personal goals.
Speaker 2: So going with the flow is not for me. And
Speaker 2: I'm halfway through this challenge and having that revelation has
Speaker 2: been such like a a profound moment for me because
Speaker 2: for so many years, I've always felt like things will
Speaker 2: work out, things will work out, just go with the flow.
Speaker 2: And what I'm realizing is that like when you go
Speaker 2: with the flow, you're leaving it up to other people's decisions,
Speaker 2: other people's you know, wants and needs of your life.
Speaker 2: And when you don't go with the flow, when you're
Speaker 2: really proactive in getting shit done, I feel.
Speaker 3: Like you're in the driver's seat of your destiny.
Speaker 2: So you're actually like steering the steering your life, you know.
Speaker 2: So that's one revelation I've had is to not go
Speaker 2: with the flow anymore. The other thing that I've realized
Speaker 2: is that I've never felt what it's like to detox.
Speaker 1: Okay, fully, what is dtox in?
Speaker 2: So I'll talk about the feeling of detox for me.
Speaker 2: I've had some big challenges with the seventy five Hard Challenge,
Speaker 2: to the point where I felt angry and I've had
Speaker 2: these emotions come to the surface that normally I wouldn't
Speaker 2: allow myself to feel. So I don't like the feeling.
Speaker 2: I don't know many people who do, but I don't
Speaker 2: like to feel angry. So I was having the feeling
Speaker 2: of anger, and I was thinking to myself, why do
Speaker 2: I feel like this? This isn't natural for me. And
Speaker 2: it happened like what's smallest things. It could be the
Speaker 2: fact that this I put this coffee cup down and
Speaker 2: it went like that and like it's spilt, and that
Speaker 2: would make make me so angry when in my generally
Speaker 2: in my life, that would not make me angry.
Speaker 3: Or I could read filt milk kind of things.
Speaker 2: The smallest things were getting on my nerves, and I
Speaker 2: was thinking to myself, this is that there's a hormonal
Speaker 2: imbalance in my body currently because I'm detoxing from sugar.
Speaker 2: I think sugar is something that has been a part
Speaker 2: of my life for a long time. Alcohol just all
Speaker 2: these elements that had to go out the door for
Speaker 2: this challenge. They're no longer a part of my world.
Speaker 2: And I think that there was like visceral reaction to this,
Speaker 2: and that's been one of the biggest challenges. Feeling what
Speaker 2: detox feels like yeah, and I can only imagine how
Speaker 2: hard that must be for people who are deep in
Speaker 2: addiction or anything in their life that they feel like
Speaker 2: has a stronghold in their world and then they have
Speaker 2: to sort of fight through that. I've had like the
Speaker 2: smallest glimpse into that, and it's been a struggle for me.
Speaker 1: So because you're you're self aware enough to like, see
Speaker 1: there is something uncomfortable, see it for what it what
Speaker 1: it could be, but naming it and then be like, Okay,
Speaker 1: I need to like challenge myself on that, or I
Speaker 1: need to overcome that, or like I need to or
Speaker 1: just that's huge, or.
Speaker 3: Just yeah, realize what it is, you know.
Speaker 2: So it's just going, Okay, I'm feeling angry, but there's
Speaker 2: nothing really that's happening right now that I should be
Speaker 2: feeling this way. There's no like, no one's making me
Speaker 2: angry like it could. It could be the smallest thing
Speaker 2: that I'm feeling, like these little.
Speaker 1: Things it's angry or is it irrited? Like are you
Speaker 1: feeling irritable?
Speaker 2: Okay, but like for instance, the other day, my fridge
Speaker 2: stopped working, right that fucked me off, But I went
Speaker 2: to move the fridge. I'm not like an aggressive person,
Speaker 2: and I yanked the fridge and I broke the cord.
Speaker 2: But that's because the frustration of this this feeling. It
Speaker 2: was like, I'm strong, so I had to get the
Speaker 2: fucking fridge repairman to come out, you know, four hundred
Speaker 2: dollars later fixing the cord and that I broke. But
Speaker 2: I've had that feeling in different areas of my life recently,
Speaker 2: and I can tell that it's from this challenge.
Speaker 3: And I'm just getting finished.
Speaker 1: Sugar cravings. Give me the fucking.
Speaker 3: Kick, Give me the fucking kickut.
Speaker 1: But sorry, that's what I'm like.
Speaker 2: Fuck, but I mean, but I am enjoying it. I'm
Speaker 2: really enjoying it. And I'm through that moment now. So
Speaker 2: I haven't been getting angry the last few days. Good,
Speaker 2: and I've realized what that was. I'm looking forward to
Speaker 2: the second half of this challenge and then the day
Speaker 2: that I finish May twenty six, I.
Speaker 3: Actually fly to Europe. Hell yeah, that evening. Now, what
Speaker 3: I'm going to do.
Speaker 2: I'm gonna eat whatever the fuck I want on that
Speaker 2: plane to Europe.
Speaker 1: Then you were flooding your body with like all the
Speaker 1: shit that you've deprived yourself off for like seventy five days.
Speaker 1: That's not gonna be a good scenario. I can tell
Speaker 1: you now because I'm straight.
Speaker 2: Into Rome, Babe, I'm flying into Rome. I'm going to
Speaker 2: get off that plane.
Speaker 3: Exactly pasta pizza.
Speaker 1: Oh I reckon, I reckon? Is yourself in no, because.
Speaker 3: Like is the reward for putting yourself through. It's not
Speaker 3: going to be yourself.
Speaker 2: It's not going to be consistent thing in my European holiday,
Speaker 2: I'm going to be like eating, like eating crazy and
Speaker 2: drinking and doing all these things. It's more the fact
Speaker 2: that like when I get off that plane and I
Speaker 2: get step into Rome, one of my favorite things in
Speaker 2: the world is a.
Speaker 3: Good pasta dish. Yes, I'm going to eat that pasta.
Speaker 1: But like I know, like I have been on those
Speaker 1: restrictive sort of things. This is in no way supporting
Speaker 1: like this is a healthy choice, because it like really
Speaker 1: fucked me up. When I was like eighteen, I was
Speaker 1: doing that like that IFBB pro like body like no
Speaker 1: one really knows this about me, but like yeah, and
Speaker 1: I was just literally eating chicken, rice broccoli like every day. Yeah,
Speaker 1: and it's not And then when I did the calm
Speaker 1: and like, like I just just I honed into all
Speaker 1: of this stuff. I felt so fucking sick and like
Speaker 1: I feel like it's just sort of created this yo
Speaker 1: yo for so many years. So just be like, I
Speaker 1: don't know, I think like I support the seventy five hard,
Speaker 1: but I support like having a balance of like reaping
Speaker 1: the rewards but not overdoing it. It was like, fuck,
Speaker 1: you will, Yeah, your body will just not be ready,
Speaker 1: especially if you've like you're not deprived, but you've you know,
Speaker 1: you're having these like cravings but you're not giving it,
Speaker 1: Like they're still going to be there for a while.
Speaker 3: Yeah you know.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I don't know. I don't know too much about
Speaker 1: my body and science. Like I do like my own body,
Speaker 1: but I just worry, like sometimes that creates such a
Speaker 1: bad cycle.
Speaker 3: Yeah.
Speaker 2: Well, the thing is what I want to make sure
Speaker 2: that people who are listening this isn't for everyone.
Speaker 3: I don't want to recommend anything.
Speaker 2: This is something that you're doing for your I know
Speaker 2: about myself is that if I want to make change
Speaker 2: in my life for me personally, I need to make
Speaker 2: you know, big decisions for big change. And I think
Speaker 2: that like I was looking for something I was on
Speaker 2: the search for a challenge to put myself through. And
Speaker 2: I don't think that it's for everyone. I don't think
Speaker 2: that everyone needs to do it. And I don't think
Speaker 2: that Like, if you love ice cream and chocolate and
Speaker 2: fizzy drink, go and eat it like I.
Speaker 1: Can eat it.
Speaker 2: You know, do what you need to do to make
Speaker 2: you happy. One of the best things in the world.
Speaker 2: One of the most joyous things is having a meal.
Speaker 3: So you do, you boo.
Speaker 1: I think it's hugely courageous for you to do this one.
Speaker 1: Like I think it's like you said, it's not for everyone,
Speaker 1: but one. It takes commitment, and you have committed. Ye committed.
Speaker 3: I'm in it.
Speaker 1: Yeah. Yeah, you're halfway through, so I have to adnore
Speaker 1: acknowledge Like that is courageous. The self awareness that I've
Speaker 1: seen from you. But just in this short period of time,
Speaker 1: I reckon has like excelled massively. Like I think you're
Speaker 1: looking at yourself. You're not picking yourself apart, which I
Speaker 1: think is the best thing. I think you're you're looking
Speaker 1: at yourself. You're noticing some patterns of behavior and you're
Speaker 1: changing it.
Speaker 3: Yeah, And I think.
Speaker 1: That like that is like, that is growth, that is evolving.
Speaker 1: That is evolution. You're only gonna get better. But I
Speaker 1: also worry, like, sometimes you are very hard on yourself.
Speaker 1: I am, And you're like, if I don't do this,
Speaker 1: I am a failure. Yeah, but I don't want you
Speaker 1: to believe that.
Speaker 2: Well, you know what, I'll be honest with you. I
Speaker 2: I am hard on myself. But I've had so many
Speaker 2: people in my life say to me when I wanted
Speaker 2: to make change. I've had people come at me with
Speaker 2: the soft approach, which works for some people, which is
Speaker 2: that don't be too hard on yourself, don't be.
Speaker 3: Too hard on it.
Speaker 2: You want that you that for me to create change.
Speaker 2: And I'm talking to me personally, not for everyone. I
Speaker 2: need to be hard on myself because the first thing
Speaker 2: when someone says to me, don't be hard on yourself,
Speaker 2: my mind can go to making excuses for bad behavior.
Speaker 2: Don't be too hard on yourself. You know you can
Speaker 2: do this. You're allowed to do this. Why wouldn't you.
Speaker 2: It's just living your life. Go and have fun. Don't
Speaker 2: be too hard on yourself. I have told myself that
Speaker 2: for so long, and I know that that doesn't work
Speaker 2: for me. So that's the whole idea of not going
Speaker 2: with the flow. I need structure, routine, discipline, and that's
Speaker 2: not for everyone, but for me to be at my best,
Speaker 2: I need that. And also what I would say.
Speaker 1: But you're creating it yourself, regardless of what people are saying.
Speaker 1: You're doing as well.
Speaker 3: I don't think if I, if we flip this, it
Speaker 3: would work for you. I don't think the.
Speaker 2: Strong you know, No, no, no, no, I don't think
Speaker 2: it would.
Speaker 3: No, you're more you know, you're more go with the flow.
Speaker 1: Person, Absolutely not go with the flow. Sure, I don't
Speaker 1: know where you got that from. Really, when have I
Speaker 1: ever been go with the floor? Oh? With you? Yeah?
Speaker 3: No?
Speaker 2: No, no, just like in your own world, Like in your
Speaker 2: own life, would you say you're more of like structured
Speaker 2: discipline us regimented?
Speaker 1: Okay, regimented to the fucking ta okay.
Speaker 3: But the thing is I would think you're not.
Speaker 1: It's so funny because there's this trend happening now and
Speaker 1: it's like type A and Type B. Have you seen it? Okay?
Speaker 1: So it like there's a Type A girlfriend and there's
Speaker 1: a Type B boyfriend or whatever, and the Type A,
Speaker 1: which is me and I assume. Maybe I would say
Speaker 1: Danny's probably more of a type is that like cat
Speaker 1: similar to but it's like Type A is like we
Speaker 1: need to be here on time. We like I've already
Speaker 1: ordered us something done, like it's very regimented and very
Speaker 1: well not necessarily because like type B is like this
Speaker 1: really fun like I'm going to be late to the
Speaker 1: fucking airport. I like like run on schedule, like to
Speaker 1: the last minute. Yeah I oh okay, So the opposite okay, yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: that's so funny because I wouldn't talk about that the opposite.
Speaker 1: That's crazy. But yeah, i'd say me is probably more
Speaker 1: of a type BE. She would hate that because she
Speaker 1: was like, well, Type B don't contribute to anything, and
Speaker 1: I'm like, you're just the vibes. But it was a joke,
Speaker 1: but like she she does, but it unpacks like uh yeah,
Speaker 1: I guess for me. When she was reading one of them,
Speaker 1: she was like, this is you to the tea where
Speaker 1: it's like I need to be leaving at a certain time,
Speaker 1: I need to be at this And you would say
Speaker 1: I'm always late, but I'm actually not, Like that's the
Speaker 1: fucking thing.
Speaker 3: Like not always.
Speaker 2: I wouldn't say always but I think punctuality. I don't
Speaker 2: know if that's your strong if that's your strong.
Speaker 1: Suit, but a lot of other people would say it is.
Speaker 2: It is.
Speaker 3: Why would what.
Speaker 1: Because I've been late to things that we've done together,
Speaker 1: but other people. I have it when I'm putting a
Speaker 1: reliance on other people because in my own fucking mind,
Speaker 1: I know what I need to do. But it's everyone
Speaker 1: else that kind of like fucks me up sometimes and
Speaker 1: I get frustrated at that because I'm not in control.
Speaker 3: Not in control exactly.
Speaker 2: Okay, are you the type of person that when you're
Speaker 2: leaving the house you say to your partner, So your
Speaker 2: type of partner, hey, we have to leave it twelve
Speaker 2: thirty and yes, okay, great, because I do that to Denny.
Speaker 1: And she doesn't even look at her phone when she's
Speaker 1: getting ready, and I'm like, so what I do now?
Speaker 1: And this is now? Because you know, when you're in
Speaker 1: that early stages, it's fine, you know, like you're figuring
Speaker 1: each other arout and it's like okay, But now I'm like,
Speaker 1: I know, I say look, let's get ready, and I
Speaker 1: get ready in like thirty seconds, like I'm fucking quick
Speaker 1: at Shiit same and then I sit and just like
Speaker 1: plot around. I've tidy things and I play to her,
Speaker 1: Hey babe, just then you know you've got twenty minutes
Speaker 1: and then we have to go, And so I put
Speaker 1: a time.
Speaker 3: Yeah stand so do I yeah?
Speaker 1: And that that is like an hour before we need
Speaker 1: to be there, like or like forty five. I work backward.
Speaker 1: I work backwards. I'm like, okay, we need to be
Speaker 1: at this time. Okay, so we need to be leaving,
Speaker 1: Like I'm going to give it like forty minutes to
Speaker 1: like whoever wherever we going, Like if it's a podcast,
Speaker 1: it's an hour away. So like I'm working backwards, right,
Speaker 1: and I give her like I get ready so as
Speaker 1: soon as I fucking can, and then just allow her
Speaker 1: to have the space and time to do what if
Speaker 1: she needs to do?
Speaker 3: Does she make it on time?
Speaker 1: She still plots around, I must admit she's like, oh, still.
Speaker 2: Haven't they like all the take you know, Like, for instance,
Speaker 2: this is a scenario with Danny. We'll be eating breakfast.
Speaker 2: I'll finish my breakfast, I'll brush my teeth, and I'll
Speaker 2: come out. He's still sitting at the breakfast table. All right, Well, babe,
Speaker 2: we're gonna leave at nine thirty, so that's like in
Speaker 2: seventeen minutes because just in case there's traffic, we have
Speaker 2: to be there.
Speaker 3: Blah blah blah.
Speaker 2: He will get in the shower and have a long
Speaker 2: hour shower, like he's got half an hour, you know,
Speaker 2: So then knock on the shower door, Hey babe, just
Speaker 2: so you know, we've got about ten minutes, and then
Speaker 2: we're going to go, and then we're going to go.
Speaker 2: And then that last two minutes he's scrambling. I'm like,
Speaker 2: you had all the time. You had all the time.
Speaker 2: So I'm type A when it comes to my relationship. Actually,
Speaker 2: I'm type A pretty much a lot. Yeah, I know
Speaker 2: where punctuality comes into it for me, and it comes
Speaker 2: into it from my childhood. I've worked to this and
Speaker 2: I already want to get into therapy because therapy has
Speaker 2: helped me change a lot as well. But one thing
Speaker 2: back in therapy. I am back in therapy, whew, and
Speaker 2: with a new therapist, I really enjoy Okay, very practical.
Speaker 2: She writes the whole time. It's like she's that medium
Speaker 2: who's seeing things on the other side.
Speaker 3: I love her. She's like, yep, and what was their
Speaker 3: names like she's got She's gonna.
Speaker 2: Have a fucking novel by the time I'm done along with it,
Speaker 2: have all those pieces of paper, and so anyway, I
Speaker 2: wanted to talk about punctuality only because in therapy I
Speaker 2: came had a realization that when I was younger, I
Speaker 2: was so scared of people not turning up because my
Speaker 2: mum never turned up. Even my dad when we moved
Speaker 2: it moved with him, was never punctual. I was always left,
Speaker 2: So was left at school waiting until the sun, you know,
Speaker 2: was going down for her to pick me up, or
Speaker 2: left in you know, the refuges and she'd be out
Speaker 2: all day. So like there was a lot of the
Speaker 2: times that I was just left as a kid and
Speaker 2: waiting and waiting and waiting, and she would say, I'll
Speaker 2: be here at this time.
Speaker 3: She just wasn't.
Speaker 2: So I think that that's in a work that I
Speaker 2: have to work on it and knowing that not everyone
Speaker 2: is gonna be on time in my life and that
Speaker 2: it's okay, But it is something that I know that
Speaker 2: is a personal trigger for me.
Speaker 1: You know it is for me as well, which is crazy.
Speaker 1: And every time I have been late, I have honestly
Speaker 1: felt anxious the whole day, Like it's it's triggered me
Speaker 1: so much that if it's a morning thing, it's triggered
Speaker 1: me that much that it takes me a while to
Speaker 1: actually come back and like recover from that. I know
Speaker 1: it sounds so small, and so they are, and like
Speaker 1: I'd rather be early so then I have like the
Speaker 1: minute to myself to actually just decompress, like today, like
Speaker 1: I just had a spad minute to get a coffee, sit,
Speaker 1: do my emails and then I was like, Okay, I'm ready.
Speaker 3: To go like that, you know, black fellow time. Yeah,
Speaker 3: it's but it actually is a thing.
Speaker 1: Frustrates me.
Speaker 2: It frustrates me as well. But it actually is a thing.
Speaker 2: It is the opposite of of who we are inherently
Speaker 2: as people to be so rigid and structured. Even though
Speaker 2: I say to you, I can't go with the flow.
Speaker 2: Our culture is very much go with the flow.
Speaker 1: And a lot of other cultures are as well. So
Speaker 1: like mem and and I we were with her parents
Speaker 1: and her dad and her Samum was talking about how
Speaker 1: like her family is very go with the flow, and
Speaker 1: I was like, yeah, my family like that as well,
Speaker 1: but I just cannot.
Speaker 3: The opposite and I think it's because the guy with
Speaker 3: the flow didn't work for me as a young person,
Speaker 3: so I've seeked out this structure and routine, which you know.
Speaker 1: Well it helps you have control with your life totally
Speaker 1: because a lot of things I think in your early childhood. Personally,
Speaker 1: for me, this is not just as my experience is
Speaker 1: that I wasn't in control a lot of things when
Speaker 1: I was younger, so I tried to do that now,
Speaker 1: like routine and structure have helped you get to where
Speaker 1: you out have. Really, I think in my early childhood
Speaker 1: a lot of things were not in my control and
Speaker 1: the biggest growth and learning and pivotal moments were you know,
Speaker 1: huge trauma moments. But in those moments it helped me
Speaker 1: have a perspective that was like, okay, we'll press reset,
Speaker 1: Like we can press reset here in a sense, it's like.
Speaker 3: How many times do you think you've done that in
Speaker 3: your life? Press reset?
Speaker 1: Quite a few times? I think moving away from my
Speaker 1: family when my mum died and like choosing to live,
Speaker 1: we're not really choosing. I didn't really have anyone else
Speaker 1: to go to, Like this is a sad reality, and
Speaker 1: I think I often am quite dismissive of some things
Speaker 1: in my life because I'm just so desensitized as you
Speaker 1: would know life, and I think, like I need to
Speaker 1: not do that sometimes, but it just helps me like
Speaker 1: not be so consumed. Yeah, I don't want to live
Speaker 1: in it. I'm really happy with where I am. But
Speaker 1: Mim like was obviously trying to unpack a little bit
Speaker 1: about my life, and she wants the best better I
Speaker 1: understand me, and I get that, and I have to
Speaker 1: explain things to her and provide context because sometimes I
Speaker 1: could just be like so blase about it and she's like,
Speaker 1: where does that come from? In this relationship, I've like
Speaker 1: honestly felt the most calm I've felt in a relationship,
Speaker 1: like the most secure, and it's so crazy, Like normally
Speaker 1: I'd probably be a little bit more leaning towards the
Speaker 1: anxious attachment kind of style, but in this relationship, like
Speaker 1: love Mim, and she acknowledges this, but she's probably more
Speaker 1: of that anxious attachment where I'm the secure one, which
Speaker 1: is so different to what I'm used to. But it's
Speaker 1: because I love her so much and that I want
Speaker 1: it to work, and I see so much potential in
Speaker 1: our relationship and I want to try and be like
Speaker 1: the rock and like the ground for her, which I've
Speaker 1: always been for everyone else, but I've never been with
Speaker 1: someone that makes me feel so secure in that as well. Wow,
Speaker 1: so she's also like pretty secure in herself, like you know,
Speaker 1: I like, and it's so nice. There's a nice little balance.
Speaker 1: But what I've noticed is that in moments like I
Speaker 1: try to control the environment, but I have really taken
Speaker 1: my pedal, my foot off the pedal in some things.
Speaker 1: So like I will have an idea of like, yeah,
Speaker 1: we need like we need to do like I guess Perth.
Speaker 1: We're going to Perth this week. She's meeting my family
Speaker 1: Friday afternoon.
Speaker 3: This is out. You would have already gone.
Speaker 1: Yeah, exactly, but I'm just you know, and I feel
Speaker 1: like in my head, I like already know what my
Speaker 1: family going to be. Like, I've got to try and
Speaker 1: control the situation where she won't have like an uncomfortable
Speaker 1: experience whatever.
Speaker 3: Family.
Speaker 1: No, we're house sitting, which is good away from everyone,
Speaker 1: but like in my head, I'm like, okay, you know,
Speaker 1: and I'm like no, no, no, no, I can't. I've got
Speaker 1: to let her figure it out. Let them, yes, let
Speaker 1: them and like, I think that's been a big growth
Speaker 1: for a moment. Is like taking my foot off the
Speaker 1: pedal at different points and not trying to control every
Speaker 1: single environment and just letting it unfold how it should.
Speaker 1: And it's been the best thing I know.
Speaker 3: My therapist said to me once, stop manipulating the world.
Speaker 1: But it's a control thing.
Speaker 3: It's a control thing. You want to be able to
Speaker 3: feel secure and safe.
Speaker 1: And that's fine. It's it's okay to control the environment
Speaker 1: to make you feel safe. And I think that's probably
Speaker 1: one thing that I really talk about that calmness, is
Speaker 1: that I feel very safe in this relationship. I feel
Speaker 1: very seen and it's so fucking crazy because I have
Speaker 1: not felt like this in such a long time. It's insane.
Speaker 1: Like I literally like shake my head every day. I'm
Speaker 1: like how the fuck? Like was I doing it wrong
Speaker 1: all this time? But I was like, I've just met
Speaker 1: a great person who makes me feel that, like you
Speaker 1: know what I mean?
Speaker 3: And I yeah.
Speaker 1: But I guess I was talking about those pivotal growth
Speaker 1: moments is that I've had to make really big decisions
Speaker 1: in those moments and I didn't know they were going
Speaker 1: to be growth moments or like pivotal moments. I was
Speaker 1: just making decisions, but those decisions were I guess, like
Speaker 1: in survival mode. And I think my thing is that
Speaker 1: I'm not in survival mode anymore. Yeah, I'm making decisions
Speaker 1: based off joy and not surviving. Isn't that crazy? Like
Speaker 1: I'm like, let's do that because it's fun, And I'm like, no,
Speaker 1: let's not do that because I need the paycheck, you
Speaker 1: know what I mean. Like it's it's actually so cool,
Speaker 1: Like I'm like, what are so what are we going
Speaker 1: to do today? We don't have a plan. And I've
Speaker 1: actually realize that I am helping also mim help heal
Speaker 1: her relationship with her family because I crave family so
Speaker 1: much because I love my family and I'm not away
Speaker 1: from them that I'm like, oh, let's go hang out
Speaker 1: with your family, and she's like, I don't. I don't
Speaker 1: do that, but like let's do it. And I'm like, okay,
Speaker 1: well she used to do it and she is getting better,
Speaker 1: Like she's.
Speaker 2: Like, you know, I can resonate with that. Paul I
Speaker 2: did that with his family. But what I will say
Speaker 2: to that is that was one of the most appealing
Speaker 2: parts of our relationship. The family unit and reflecting on
Speaker 2: that that that actually.
Speaker 3: Was a major part as to why I stayed.
Speaker 2: Wow.
Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, because I.
Speaker 2: Enjoyed the family unit and the stability and the community.
Speaker 2: So just not that that's what you're doing, but being
Speaker 2: aware of that is important. But I want to know
Speaker 2: how it goes when she goes back to your family.
Speaker 2: So let's touch on that in the next like how
Speaker 2: that trip went.
Speaker 3: We'd love to know more.
Speaker 2: Maybe we can get mem on and tell us about
Speaker 2: her Perth experience.
Speaker 1: I know she'll come on, she'll be like, I'm gonna unload.
Speaker 2: Well, I think that's probably a good place to wrap
Speaker 2: because we've been Jana for a little while now, but
Speaker 2: I'm looking forward to hearing about your Perth trip.
Speaker 1: I have to just finish this off by saying like
Speaker 1: it takes a lot of Like like I said before,
Speaker 1: it takes a lot of courage to want to grow
Speaker 1: in stepping out and being uncomfortable. And I think you know,
Speaker 1: we've spoken about self awareness, which I think is really
Speaker 1: beautiful to have that a lot of people don't have
Speaker 1: that self awareness, and I think that kind of having
Speaker 1: an understanding of not just yourself, but I guess also
Speaker 1: how other people work and how other people contribute to
Speaker 1: your life is huge perspective, Like I think that's the
Speaker 1: best thing. But I think the best thing I think
Speaker 1: for what you've said, because I've learned so much about
Speaker 1: having a challenge and like you know, what come comes
Speaker 1: through is that you are continuing to strive or to choose.
Speaker 1: I think choice is huge to not limit or reduce yourself,
Speaker 1: And I think that's the best thing is that you are.
Speaker 1: And I always draw inspiration from you at some points
Speaker 1: because sometimes I can get stuck in a cycle and
Speaker 1: I'm like, I'm quite content, I'm happy because nothing is
Speaker 1: like sparking off and going bah, and I'm like, okay
Speaker 1: to just chill for a moment, right because if I
Speaker 1: start changing things, that's when I'm like not comfortable, and
Speaker 1: like I'm okay with that. There's been moments when I've
Speaker 1: been okay with that, and you know that. But I
Speaker 1: think it's like both of us are always like pushing
Speaker 1: to grow and evolve because we refuse to let us
Speaker 1: let ourselves be small and small, like not like science wise,
Speaker 1: I mean small as in like limit ourselves to a
Speaker 1: life that we think that we don't deserve, or like deserve.
Speaker 1: You know, you know what I'm saying.
Speaker 3: I understand what you're saying. Our whole lives, we've always
Speaker 3: pushed for.
Speaker 1: A better way, and I just encourage other people to
Speaker 1: do that. Like I think, I get really confused, I
Speaker 1: guess a bit perplexed about how people can just stay
Speaker 1: in the same city and do the same thing. But
Speaker 1: if they're happy and content, I have to accept that
Speaker 1: and respect that obviously. But I'm like, there is such
Speaker 1: a bigger world out there, and there's so many people
Speaker 1: to me, and there's so many things to learn. Why
Speaker 1: would you not want to enjoy that?
Speaker 2: Yeah, everything is possible as well, you know, Like I
Speaker 2: think sometimes you can be so wrapped up in your world,
Speaker 2: but when you have new experiences that bring on growth,
Speaker 2: like you really open up your world. So I would
Speaker 2: encourage people to take on a challenge, any challenge that
Speaker 2: that may be. It might be that every morning when
Speaker 2: you get up that you journal. It might be that
Speaker 2: you go for a walk, it might be that you know.
Speaker 1: I think also like people think that you have to
Speaker 1: have like some sort of mental health condition or some
Speaker 1: sort of trauma to go see a therapist. But I
Speaker 1: really encourage like going and speaking to someone biased. Yeah,
Speaker 1: like it might take your way, might take you a
Speaker 1: while to like find a therapist, but like, I just
Speaker 1: think therapy is just really helpful to just like talking
Speaker 1: and just like verbalizing shit. Yeah, because when do you
Speaker 1: ever really unload and verbal other than in your relationship
Speaker 1: or like to your family, like, but to someone who's
Speaker 1: like unbiased.
Speaker 3: Yeah you know.
Speaker 1: Yeah. Anyways, that's my little tip and trick.
Speaker 2: But take it into your weak mob. But that's all
Speaker 2: we have time for today. Yeah, if you love what
Speaker 2: you hear, leave us.
Speaker 3: A little writing in a little review.
Speaker 2: We always love to hear from you, so I want
Speaker 2: to just whenever we receive your messages online or on socials,
Speaker 2: Like I've received a lot lately about the pod and
Speaker 2: I love it, So keep them coming. Jump in the DMS.
Speaker 2: I'm always up for a chat. My handle is at
Speaker 2: It's Mattie Mills Brooks is at brook dot blurton and.
Speaker 1: We'll see you next week. Bye bye