Speaker 1: Oh good a boys and girls, Craig anthey hearpertivity and
Speaker 1: cook the you Project. It's tips back on deck in
Speaker 1: official capacity as a co host TIV high.
Speaker 2: Harps look at usco It only took us twenty five
Speaker 2: minutes to get you sorted with your IT.
Speaker 1: Issues as is pretty well. I've been very good for
Speaker 1: a long time. But I don't even want to bore everybody.
Speaker 1: But I couldn't hear you. I mean, how after two
Speaker 1: thousand and one hundred and something episodes, am I still
Speaker 1: so fucking inept? I blame you and Melissa. I'm not
Speaker 1: sure why. I just do not want to accept response.
Speaker 1: It couldn't possibly be me.
Speaker 3: Blestness, I reckon learned helplessness.
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, there's no doubt I have. Nobody has lower
Speaker 1: expectations of me than me. No worry about that. Like
Speaker 1: when peple go you're pretty smart, I'm like sure, aunt, No,
Speaker 1: I just spend half a day with me here we
Speaker 1: be like, oh, you're actually a fucking idiot. How do
Speaker 1: you get through life? Well, these people that are effectively
Speaker 1: bumper rails that I just bump into and they kind
Speaker 1: of keep me. It's so funny, Like how fucking broad.
Speaker 1: Think about it, how broad is intelligence? And like, you
Speaker 1: go to one room, you're smart, another room, you're fucking more.
Speaker 1: On another room you kind of average. But it's and I
Speaker 1: get which is very bad. I should admit it, but
Speaker 1: it's just true. I get frustrated and I'm like, how
Speaker 1: is this doing this? Like why are you doing this
Speaker 1: to me? World? And the world's like you're doing it's yourself, dumbass.
Speaker 3: Yeah, breast the on button, bro, just.
Speaker 1: Somewhere on headphones, a fucking headphones. So I've got a
Speaker 1: bad I'm in a bad mood everyone. So it's bad.
Speaker 2: You've tipped me over to hangary time like we were.
Speaker 2: We were going to be finishing in six minutes. Now
Speaker 2: are you starting well as well and truly kicked in?
Speaker 1: Well, let's do a seven minute part. I'm not really
Speaker 1: angry everyone, I'm just a all right, I'm angry. I'm
Speaker 1: fucking angry, fucking I'm not. No, I'm not. I wouldn't
Speaker 1: be talking like this if I was. But I'm mildly
Speaker 1: frustrated and that will disappear soon as your day gone. Tip.
Speaker 1: Oh you did a presentation. You killed it? Two hundred
Speaker 1: and fifty kids.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I had a ball.
Speaker 1: Let's let's debrief on that. But don't want to talk
Speaker 1: about one subject that's broadly relevant and I think broadly interesting.
Speaker 1: But let's give us the two minute synopsis. Because you
Speaker 1: and I chatted fifteen times about his fucking presentation. I
Speaker 1: think I knew more about the presentation than you. I
Speaker 1: just like, I just want to walk you through this.
Speaker 1: What do you think of this? I'm like, that's brilliant. Yeah,
Speaker 1: but what about that? Well that's not good? What about so?
Speaker 1: And then I thought, well, I'm done on the coaching. No.
Speaker 1: I got another call this morning. I'm like, of course,
Speaker 1: we need seventeen sessions on the one presentation. You had
Speaker 1: enough content for fucking two days of workshop. To do
Speaker 1: a one hour workshop with two hundred and fifty kids.
Speaker 1: Do they like you? Love you? Hate you? What was
Speaker 1: the response?
Speaker 3: We had a great time. We had a great time.
Speaker 2: I got an unexpected round of applause at the end,
Speaker 2: and I had to stay back and weirdly signed my
Speaker 2: autograph on about twenty to thirty kids arms.
Speaker 3: I thought that was very I was like.
Speaker 2: Can you kids please not go and get these tattooed over?
Speaker 3: Because I don't need your parents calling me about why
Speaker 3: my signature is tattooed into your forearm.
Speaker 1: That'd be great, though, wouldn't it. That'd be great? I
Speaker 1: mean illegal, of course, and absolutely yeah, why.
Speaker 3: Are you writing on my kid?
Speaker 1: Yeah? Yeah? And in two years that people will go,
Speaker 1: who the fuck's that? I don't know. I don't know.
Speaker 1: Why have you got some woman's name on there?
Speaker 3: Yeah?
Speaker 1: No, I don't think unless you're Joe Rogan, and I
Speaker 1: don't think he asked for it. But I'll tell you
Speaker 1: I wouldn't mind guessing, or wouldn't mind finding out how
Speaker 1: many people have got his name? Thousands and thousands, lots
Speaker 1: of dudes. I don't know. I don't have you know,
Speaker 1: I don't. I've got to be careful what I say.
Speaker 1: But I'm not sure about dudes getting dudes names tattooed
Speaker 1: on them. If you're in love, if you're a dude
Speaker 1: in love with a dude, I get it. But if
Speaker 1: you if you like a bloke's podcast, probably no need
Speaker 1: to go get him permanently stained on your skin.
Speaker 2: Imagine what it's like being such an archo. So I
Speaker 2: think musicians would get it. Probably more like such a
Speaker 2: have such meaning and people's lives get your face tattooed
Speaker 2: on their body. There's you would know Tash Sultana.
Speaker 3: She's huge.
Speaker 2: They are huge, and my one of my best mates
Speaker 2: is her uncle. And I like to get like if
Speaker 2: I see photos where people have had her tattooed on them,
Speaker 2: I send them to him and it freaks. He's like,
Speaker 2: it's so weird because that's just my niece.
Speaker 1: Yeah. Well, I mean, here's the thing in this little
Speaker 1: zoom room that we're in. It's weird, but someone else
Speaker 1: it's like it's super cool for someone else, it's like, oh,
Speaker 1: that's an interesting expression of one's you know, humanitry. You know,
Speaker 1: it depends, doesn't.
Speaker 3: A lot of people with Craig Harpers.
Speaker 1: No one, nobody. They started at the nose and they
Speaker 1: got from the ribs around to the left shoulder blade
Speaker 1: and they had to fucking stop. They went, I can't
Speaker 1: actually get his whole head. I can only get his schnozz.
Speaker 1: And that's that's going to be. Nobody wants, Hey, what's
Speaker 1: the fucking giant nose on your back? And then just
Speaker 1: a little Harp's head behind it. It's like some kind
Speaker 1: of you know, when people look down those cameras weird
Speaker 1: and their nose is thirteen times bigger, you know, when
Speaker 1: that camera's right in front of their face, and they
Speaker 1: looked down and it looked like that. Also, not that
Speaker 1: anyone was ever thinking about it, but have you seen
Speaker 1: my head get someone's else's head?
Speaker 3: Don't fucking get come on now, come on.
Speaker 1: No, I'm not even being self deprecating. Even I don't
Speaker 1: want my head. Well, I'm glad from an operational point
Speaker 1: of view, I probably wouldn't work so well without a head.
Speaker 1: But yeah, I tried to pick ugly friends my whole life.
Speaker 1: That didn't work. You know a contrast thing.
Speaker 3: Oh your friends right now listening going hey, oh.
Speaker 1: No, I said it didn't work because they're all better
Speaker 1: looking than me, which is annoying. You know what's really annoying.
Speaker 1: And we'll get onto the topic at hand. Thanks for listening. Uh.
Speaker 1: My best mate Vin just a man's man. He's like
Speaker 1: a man's man, like I'm I'm you know, I'm a
Speaker 1: I don't know what I am. I'm a pseudo, but
Speaker 1: you know men that can just fix shit and build
Speaker 1: shit and lift shit. And it's like I'm strong in
Speaker 1: the gym, but put me anywhere else I'm fuckingshedic, like carrying.
Speaker 1: We just moved all Mum and dad shit and Vin
Speaker 1: and the Crab and a few other people did it
Speaker 1: with me. Thank you everyone. He just picks up like
Speaker 1: fucking washing machines over his head like he has no technique.
Speaker 1: He doesn't train. But he's just like a fucking gorilla,
Speaker 1: you know, like thick hands, thick wrist, thick elbows like
Speaker 1: I try to all the time. Him and I are
Speaker 1: the same height. He's one hundred and five kilos. I'm
Speaker 1: eighty kilos. And he's not fat. You go, oh, I
Speaker 1: must be big and chubby. No, he's just a fucking
Speaker 1: gorilla that's lost. He's like a white gorilla in fucking Mafra.
Speaker 1: But he's very handy, you know. So there's that Yeah,
Speaker 1: can you move this fridge. I'll just be over here,
Speaker 1: thank you, Janita hand no good good?
Speaker 3: Yeah. Yeah.
Speaker 2: The dude that goes to the gym every day of
Speaker 2: his life, just calling shots from the corner of the lounge.
Speaker 1: Of course, of course. Yeah, it's all aesthetic. There's nothing
Speaker 1: functional about it. That's not totally true, But I do
Speaker 1: get jealous. So I wanted to talk about let's do
Speaker 1: twenty minutes on this for our listeners who don't need
Speaker 1: any more bullshit, right. I was thinking today about so
Speaker 1: I met with our friend Maddie Lansdowne, who's been on
Speaker 1: the show a lot, this morning, and off the back
Speaker 1: of that, I was thinking about we're talking about, you know,
Speaker 1: building a business, and like he's just you know, he's
Speaker 1: a Newish dad, eleven months old, and he was talking
Speaker 1: about like he just glowing, like never been happy. I
Speaker 1: couldn't understand it. All that, which a lot of people say,
Speaker 1: which is beautiful, but then now a level of responsibility
Speaker 1: and awareness and like life gets put through a different lens,
Speaker 1: like everything is different because because of all those things
Speaker 1: that the parents listening are right. But I was thinking, how,
Speaker 1: you know, in the middle of the mess and the
Speaker 1: mayhem and the extra financial pressure and you know, the
Speaker 1: sleepless nights and yes, he actually gets up a lot.
Speaker 1: And I can tell he does because he's kind of
Speaker 1: just that like that kind of dude. I don't even
Speaker 1: know what that means, but he's very compassionate. He's very
Speaker 1: like yeah, and we're talking about out of discomfort, how
Speaker 1: really beautiful things happen. And I was thinking about how
Speaker 1: choosing discomfort can lead to comfort because you know, it's like, well, firstly,
Speaker 1: nobody wants pain or discomfort or suffering. Nobody wants it,
Speaker 1: but there are so many benefits to it. I'm not
Speaker 1: talking about horrible, you know, or guess sometimes it can be,
Speaker 1: but you know, but that shit that we deal with,
Speaker 1: it's just hard, or the strategic pain and suffering that
Speaker 1: we choose, or discomfort that we choose, And how you're
Speaker 1: doing something that scares you or is uncomfortable or is
Speaker 1: in the moment totally undesirable, but when you keep going
Speaker 1: back to do that hard thing that's kind of necessary
Speaker 1: to get where you want to go. I'm at A.
Speaker 1: I want to be at D, but to get to D,
Speaker 1: I've got to do all this shit that's unfamiliar, unwanted, uncertain, uncomfortable,
Speaker 1: all the uns But then eventually the thing that you
Speaker 1: used to find hard is not hard anymore. It's easy.
Speaker 1: And not only is it easy, it's now comfortable and
Speaker 1: maybe it's even kind of enjoyable. And I was thinking
Speaker 1: about so many different examples of things that have gone
Speaker 1: in my life where I first hated it and I
Speaker 1: wasn't good at it. I was bad at it, but
Speaker 1: I knew that, you know, I guess a simple level
Speaker 1: is building a business, you know. And in nineteen ninety
Speaker 1: I opened my first business with staff and you know,
Speaker 1: structures and processes and clients and rent and landlords and
Speaker 1: you know kind of regulations and rules and counsel and
Speaker 1: government and bills. And in the middle, like literally three
Speaker 1: months in, I'm like, I should have just stayed in
Speaker 1: someone else's gym, paid them a couple hundred bucks a week,
Speaker 1: and just run my business here because my entire kind
Speaker 1: of bills were two hundred bucks a week. And now
Speaker 1: I've got this And then eventually, like you figure it
Speaker 1: out a bit, and you start to so the guy
Speaker 1: who's terrible at the leadership figures it out a little bit,
Speaker 1: and the guy who can't doesn't know what a fucking
Speaker 1: ledger is, you know, he figures that out. Doesn't know
Speaker 1: how to have a conversation with an accountant because he
Speaker 1: doesn't even know the right fucking questions, you know, or
Speaker 1: a lawyer about the the the contract that's signing that
Speaker 1: you're signing or the least that you're signing and all
Speaker 1: of these things. And eventually you learn and you develop
Speaker 1: and the thing that was hard becomes easy. I guess
Speaker 1: the analogy that we've used many times is the hill
Speaker 1: and you. The hill stays the same, but you change,
Speaker 1: and then the hard things becomes the easy thing, not
Speaker 1: because it did anything, but you did everything, and as
Speaker 1: a result, your experience of that thing is now joyful.
Speaker 1: And you were telling me you've just started playing the
Speaker 1: guitar and you're like serious ish about getting good at it,
Speaker 1: and you're telling me about how much your fingers hurt.
Speaker 1: I go, yeah, here's the cool thing. They'll hurt like fuck,
Speaker 1: and then you might even have to not play for
Speaker 1: a day or two because it's almost like they're damaged.
Speaker 1: Then you'll get a few callouses, then you'll keep playing.
Speaker 1: Then in six months you'll have much more skill, much
Speaker 1: more understanding of the music. You'll be much better. It'll
Speaker 1: sound much better, and you'll have fingertips that like fucking steel,
Speaker 1: so there's no pain anymore. To get there. Where there's
Speaker 1: no pain, there's just every time you pick up your guitar,
Speaker 1: you're not going, fuck, this hurts my fingers. You're not
Speaker 1: thinking about that because you're like, I'm not bad at this,
Speaker 1: like compared to where I was six months ago. Now
Speaker 1: this is not just comfortable, but this is joyful. But
Speaker 1: originally it's painful. You're shit at it. It sounds fucking horrible.
Speaker 1: You're feeling competent, but it's the same, you know, starting
Speaker 1: your podcast, starting my podcast corporate speaking. You know, I
Speaker 1: did five hundred I reckon that were somewhere between complete
Speaker 1: shit and not five hundred, probably one hundred. There was
Speaker 1: somewhere between pretty shit and average. But how do you
Speaker 1: get good will? You get good at by first being
Speaker 1: not good? You get good bye, you know, being the
Speaker 1: white belt, you know, being the worst in the room. Well,
Speaker 1: the bit of that is like the best in the
Speaker 1: room can't become there's not another rung for him or
Speaker 1: her to go up, you know. But for me, I
Speaker 1: can only go up like I can you know, improve
Speaker 1: skill and knowledge and understanding and confidence and technique and
Speaker 1: fitness and adaptability. You know, but you have to go
Speaker 1: You have to choose discomfort first, you know, with everything,
Speaker 1: like think about like the well worn story on this show,
Speaker 1: but doing six hundred podcasts where you're losing money, but
Speaker 1: you're losing money but developing skill and knowledge and understanding
Speaker 1: and like awareness around what makes an okay or a
Speaker 1: good or a pretty good or a very good. And
Speaker 1: you're doing it yourself. You're getting the time on the
Speaker 1: clock and you're getting you're getting the practice, and you're
Speaker 1: meeting and talking to different people, and you're learning how
Speaker 1: to head in the direction of mastery. But unless you go, oh,
Speaker 1: this is going to be painful for a while, whether
Speaker 1: that's physical, mental, or emotional or financial pain, there's just
Speaker 1: going to be pain. And I can't afford it. Like,
Speaker 1: nobody that does something for the first time is excellent,
Speaker 1: even if they've got a lot of talent. So I
Speaker 1: just think this idea of like it's a little bit
Speaker 1: popular to pooh pooh comfort because we want to be
Speaker 1: fucking resilient. Mahuck. We all want comfort, but what we
Speaker 1: need are challenges and we need to know. Yeah, sure,
Speaker 1: but you also want that time where oh this is fun,
Speaker 1: this is comfortable. You know, life is not about constantly
Speaker 1: pushing yourself up that hill but also swings and roundabouts.
Speaker 1: And you know whether or not it's that or even
Speaker 1: I think the work of the real work of developing
Speaker 1: the self and understanding the self that is you, the
Speaker 1: self that is me, and realizing I don't know much,
Speaker 1: like I don't know much, or even in conversations where
Speaker 1: you've got to pull your head in and go, oh,
Speaker 1: it's wrong, or I'm in a conversation with somebody and
Speaker 1: I just can't keep up. I don't know what they're
Speaker 1: talking about. I don't understand this language. With this my
Speaker 1: knowledge as a one and their's as a nine. But
Speaker 1: just sitting in that and going cool, Well, maybe I'll
Speaker 1: just listen, and maybe I won't try to keep up.
Speaker 1: Maybe I won't try to demonstrate any level of competence
Speaker 1: or proficiency because right now where I am, I'm not
Speaker 1: and that's uncomfortable because I'm insecure and I've got an
Speaker 1: ego and I want you know, all that shit. So yeah,
Speaker 1: I think the path to comfort, ironically is through discomfort
Speaker 1: most of the time.
Speaker 2: Like I always talk, I always think about That was
Speaker 2: the first lesson that landed with me when I did
Speaker 2: that first boxing fight. That was I remember standing in
Speaker 2: front of the ring and looking and going, oh, this
Speaker 2: ratio of at that time was twelve weeks of discomfort
Speaker 2: of getting punched in the face of being anxious and
Speaker 2: uncertain and imposter syndrome and bleeding and hurting and walking
Speaker 2: in the gym and knowing that I was, in no
Speaker 2: uncertain terms the test person in that training camp and
Speaker 2: turning up anyway, like all of that was sacrifice and pain.
Speaker 2: And at the end of the day it was like
Speaker 2: this four to six minute experience and I kind of went, oh,
Speaker 2: it takes that much sacrifice and pain to get this
Speaker 2: much in inverted Comma's glory. What's what meaning did that
Speaker 2: have to me? And why is it worth it? So
Speaker 2: because if you don't have an understanding of what it
Speaker 2: means to you, there's no way anyone's doing that. And
Speaker 2: sometimes we chase the wrong thing or we don't understand
Speaker 2: the meaning.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I reckon glory. A better term is outcome.
Speaker 2: Yeah, you know, so, I said. I raised my hand
Speaker 2: to do that because I wanted people. I wanted outside
Speaker 2: external validation. I wanted people to I wanted to show off.
Speaker 2: I wanted to win. I want to be like, I'll
Speaker 2: do something you won't do. I'm not scared. And then
Speaker 2: I got in the middle of this experience and went,
Speaker 2: I'm not scared of all this. I didn't that I
Speaker 2: didn't think I was scared of but I'm scared of
Speaker 2: a whole lot of stuff that's present in here. And
Speaker 2: then I started going, oh, there's value in this, this
Speaker 2: is changing me. There's a lot to learn here. I
Speaker 2: was a bit confused as to why I wanted to
Speaker 2: keep stepping back into this hard, horrible place. It was
Speaker 2: the first sport that I didn't feel good at that
Speaker 2: I went, I'm going to do this again. Even though
Speaker 2: most of my emotions most of the time were negative
Speaker 2: feelings in me they were there were fear and anxiety
Speaker 2: and hurt.
Speaker 1: Yeah. I think also a big part of it is
Speaker 1: like when we set out to achieve a goal, it's
Speaker 1: about I'm going to do this, have that, get that,
Speaker 1: achieve that, earn that own that acquire that. Like it's
Speaker 1: always about some external thing. And how many times do
Speaker 1: people get the external thing? Like, they get it, they
Speaker 1: get the trophy, they get the hand raised, they get
Speaker 1: the business, they get the bank balanced, they get the
Speaker 1: shit hot body, they get whatever it is, and none
Speaker 1: of those things are bad achievements. But then how many
Speaker 1: people go, oh, god, I'm good now. No, there's always
Speaker 1: that It's almost like a letdown because I thought when
Speaker 1: I did this, then I would feel like that or
Speaker 1: I would get that, and or this would be the
Speaker 1: emotional and psychological consequence of doing that, achieving that, earning that,
Speaker 1: owning that. It's like, yeah, but you're still going to
Speaker 1: be insecure even with your new jacked body. I know,
Speaker 1: I've seen that. I've never met anyone who's got in
Speaker 1: great shape and everything else because of that has just
Speaker 1: been tickety boo, like never, there's always And it doesn't
Speaker 1: mean getting in shape is bad. It doesn't mean earn
Speaker 1: hundred grand a year is bad. It's amazing if that's
Speaker 1: a goal of yours, you know. Like, but I think
Speaker 1: the mist or the overlooked part of this is not
Speaker 1: what am I achieving or raising my hand to or
Speaker 1: how great am I at this or podcasting or how
Speaker 1: much skill have I developed or how proficient am I?
Speaker 1: But it's rather who am I becoming in this? Like
Speaker 1: what is the me that exists in twenty twenty six
Speaker 1: versus you know, twenty sixteen verse two thousand and six.
Speaker 1: And it's like, we think we want something that people
Speaker 1: can see, you know. It's look what I did, and
Speaker 1: I think what we need is something that people can't see.
Speaker 1: You know. It's that oh that just that so many
Speaker 1: times I've sat down with people and we talk about
Speaker 1: what they want to do be create change, and we
Speaker 1: dig and we dig and then they go this, and
Speaker 1: then I go, yeah, but beyond that, and they go this.
Speaker 1: Then I go, but why, and then they go this.
Speaker 1: And when we get down through the seventy two levels
Speaker 1: of what they think they want, what they want is
Speaker 1: to be calm. What they want is not to be
Speaker 1: anxious anymore. What they want is some self esteem and
Speaker 1: self worth. What they want is love and connection. And
Speaker 1: we think that that thing will be a con that
Speaker 1: external thing will automatically be a byproduct or a conduit
Speaker 1: to that internal thing. You know, when I got in
Speaker 1: really good shape, when I was a kid from being
Speaker 1: really out of shape, I think I worried more about
Speaker 1: my body then, because then I was more insecure and
Speaker 1: more egotistical and more worried about losing it, like oh fuck,
Speaker 1: and I'd get a bit I just can't say what
Speaker 1: I was going to say, but I'd gain a bit
Speaker 1: of fat, and I'd be a fucking neurotic. You know.
Speaker 1: I'm like so so vapid, so fucking insecure, so all
Speaker 1: about getting my identity through things. And while like, you've
Speaker 1: done some really good things and you and I can,
Speaker 1: well I can look at them objectively because I'm not
Speaker 1: you and I didn't do it, but I can look
Speaker 1: at those things, and I'm super proud of you. You've
Speaker 1: done over a thousand podcasts on your own show, which
Speaker 1: is amazing. You've got kids who want to fucking your
Speaker 1: autograph on their arm, and that's all good, but it's
Speaker 1: kind of bullshit, do you know what I mean? It's
Speaker 1: it's good, it's a good achievement, but I want to
Speaker 1: know in the middle of that who you are and
Speaker 1: who you're becoming and who you are for them. And
Speaker 1: it's the same with me. I think I know that
Speaker 1: I can get on the stage and be amusing and
Speaker 1: funny and reel out some shit that makes me sound
Speaker 1: smart and read the room and all of those practical
Speaker 1: skills that you develop and that talent that you develop,
Speaker 1: and it's not that it's disingenuous, but it's like, okay,
Speaker 1: but what's the point? You know? The point is primarily,
Speaker 1: I guess to help people and maybe inspire and coach
Speaker 1: and all of that. But then you know, then so
Speaker 1: many people that I know have been successful from the
Speaker 1: outside looking in, it's all shiny and amazing. It's all
Speaker 1: razzle dazzle. And look at them and look at what
Speaker 1: they're earning, and look at where they look at their
Speaker 1: numbers on body social media, or they're singing on this show,
Speaker 1: or they're and all of those things are good too.
Speaker 1: But when they're away from all of that, so many
Speaker 1: people are broken. Like the shininess the outside looking in
Speaker 1: is amazing, but the inside out experiences dogshit, which is
Speaker 1: why we can not always but we can see people
Speaker 1: who are in inverted commas successful according to our culture.
Speaker 1: Oh wow, they're killing it. They're crushing it, are disproportionately
Speaker 1: sad because you figure out that getting stuff and owning
Speaker 1: stuff and having a brand and having people think this
Speaker 1: or that of you, it doesn't fill that hole, you know,
Speaker 1: and it doesn't. But I think just we've digressed a
Speaker 1: little bit. But I just think that ability to go
Speaker 1: like a really small example. So I've got a hand
Speaker 1: in a thing tonight for one of my papers. It
Speaker 1: gets submitted tomorrow to a journal. And I started at
Speaker 1: about eleven o'clock just looking at there's paper that my
Speaker 1: academic team, which is you know, Melissa, who's my research
Speaker 1: assistant and Chris and loosing my supervisors, and we've all
Speaker 1: written this paper like I'm I'm the lead researcher allegedly,
Speaker 1: but you know, but so I had to sit down
Speaker 1: with this this paper and that's you know, it's twenty
Speaker 1: nine pages, which doesn't sound much, but to read one
Speaker 1: page of this paper, one page and to really digest it,
Speaker 1: understand it, even though it's my paper. Just to go
Speaker 1: through every letter of every word of every sentence of
Speaker 1: every paragraph to make sure there are no mistakes, it
Speaker 1: took me nearly five hours, five hours. Three pages of
Speaker 1: that is references. So twenty six pages took me nearly
Speaker 1: five hours. And you're just you're sitting in in your
Speaker 1: little space with no distractions, no noise, no I put
Speaker 1: my phone in the other room, I turn it on
Speaker 1: silent because you you know, and it's like this is
Speaker 1: fucking horrible, but it's like, oh, yeah, but this is
Speaker 1: what I need to do, or this is what I
Speaker 1: choose to do, and not everything that I want to
Speaker 1: do that's going to create an outcome will be fun
Speaker 1: or painless or easy. In fact, most of those things
Speaker 1: that are really worthwhile, at least for a period of
Speaker 1: time will suck, and I was feeling sorry for myself.
Speaker 1: I was trying to figure out how I could do
Speaker 1: it quicker. How could I use chat GPT to help here?
Speaker 1: But no, dude, you've got to read every word and
Speaker 1: every day you've got to go. Is that apostrophe necessary?
Speaker 1: Is this space is? Does that make sense? Is it
Speaker 1: like everything? And that's just one little thing. And it's
Speaker 1: that I had a bit of a pity party for myself.
Speaker 1: And then because the first page took an hour.
Speaker 3: Tip I'd stab myself in the eye with.
Speaker 1: A people took an hour. And then I'm like, all right,
Speaker 1: fucking idiot, go and get a cup of tea and regroup.
Speaker 1: And I genuinely is feeling sorry for myself. And so
Speaker 1: now I had to tell everyone in the world because
Speaker 1: I need someone to know see I'm still doing it.
Speaker 1: I still need recognition. Hey, everyone, guess what I did?
Speaker 1: You know? It's like, you know, but it's that I
Speaker 1: don't know that willingness to you know, if you really
Speaker 1: want to develop and learn and grow, if you really
Speaker 1: want to be successful, whatever that means for you. By
Speaker 1: the way, doing all those external things that are great
Speaker 1: is great. It's great, But you are not an outcome.
Speaker 1: You are not a bank balance, you are not a job.
Speaker 1: You are not a brand on you know, Instagram, You're
Speaker 1: none of that. Like that tells us about you, but
Speaker 1: it doesn't tell us who you are. Just tells us
Speaker 1: what you do, tells us where your energy is, where
Speaker 1: your skills are, and they're all good things. But this
Speaker 1: idea that when I get that, then I'll be different
Speaker 1: and better and good so often just not true. It's
Speaker 1: just not true. And that's that, you know, that reflection
Speaker 1: of like ll that awareness that like, I I'll shut
Speaker 1: up after this. But I don't know how many people
Speaker 1: I helped get in shape. Thousands, I don't know anywhere
Speaker 1: near exactly, but you know a lot. And the people
Speaker 1: who were then truly satisfied for a long term, it's
Speaker 1: hardly any because then they're like, oh what about this?
Speaker 1: And you know, they hold up their arm and there's
Speaker 1: like half a millimeter of loose skin or something, or
Speaker 1: you know what I mean. No matter where they got,
Speaker 1: it wasn't enough because it's not about that thing. But
Speaker 1: we think it's about the thing. And then you get
Speaker 1: to the thing. You've done it. You've dicked the box.
Speaker 1: You're there, you are where you wanted to be, but
Speaker 1: you don't have the feeling or the experience or the
Speaker 1: state that you thought you would. So instead of realizing, oh,
Speaker 1: it wasn't about that, we go no, two more kilos.
Speaker 2: We've baked stories up about everything, Like you just when
Speaker 2: you were talking about that, I'm thinking, imagine, so many
Speaker 2: people have the particularly like you have the potential to
Speaker 2: do this PhD, but you need to have the will
Speaker 2: and understand your meaning in order to sit for five
Speaker 2: hours and do that. I probably have the potential to
Speaker 2: do a PhD, but I definitely I don't have. There's
Speaker 2: no meaning in it for me, and there's certainly no
Speaker 2: will to do. I listen to you say that, and
Speaker 2: I'm like, there's no way. Like maybe my brain has
Speaker 2: the capacity to do that type of work, but I don't.
Speaker 3: Want to sit still and do that.
Speaker 2: That makes me, you know, And we have a problem
Speaker 2: saying it's not a priority or I'm not willing to
Speaker 2: do that work. We make up stories and excuses and
Speaker 2: then we believe them.
Speaker 1: Yeah, but also I mean this, truly, I don't think
Speaker 1: doing a PhD compared to many I think being a
Speaker 1: parent is harder than doing a PhD. Like I think
Speaker 1: being a mum dad's good, but let's be honest, mum's
Speaker 1: fucking amazing. Go the dads, single dads, that's hard. But
Speaker 1: like watching parents deal with oh sometimes thirty years, I'm like, fuck,
Speaker 1: that's infinitely harder than doing a PhD. You know. It's
Speaker 1: like yeah, people are like, oh, that's so wow. Wow,
Speaker 1: I'm like really not wow. And also if you had
Speaker 1: to ask me when I was thirty, I couldn't have
Speaker 1: done it because I just didn't like it didn't mean
Speaker 1: anything to me. I was busy dicking other boxes, doing
Speaker 1: other things, you know. And then someday you maybe maybe
Speaker 1: get to a point where you go, you know, maybe
Speaker 1: I could do this, or what if I did it?
Speaker 1: Why would I do it? You know? What are my reasons?
Speaker 1: You know? And you know, so it's there's no right
Speaker 1: or wrong in terms of global choices. Oh everyone should
Speaker 1: do this or everyone should do that. No, you need
Speaker 1: to figure out what it is that you want to do.
Speaker 1: And then, as I did a solo episode the other
Speaker 1: day about digging into the why, like what's your reason?
Speaker 1: It's all well and good to go, yeah, and then
Speaker 1: and then what like, the idea for me to finish
Speaker 1: this and then just do nothing or not do nothing,
Speaker 1: but do no more research or study, I'm like, scares
Speaker 1: me a bit and excites me a bit. So my
Speaker 1: next challenge is to not fucking do any of this
Speaker 1: and just try to find purpose and joy in you know,
Speaker 1: other stuff, which I already do. So yeah, it's that
Speaker 1: I think, what is the hard thing that I need
Speaker 1: to do that I don't want to do that will
Speaker 1: help produce the existence or the reality or the outcome
Speaker 1: that I really need, not even want? Like, what do
Speaker 1: I actually need not want? Because I want lots of
Speaker 1: stuff that probably wouldn't make my life better, you know.
Speaker 1: And but that kind of.
Speaker 2: Reverse engineer that how do you figure out what you need?
Speaker 1: Well, I think what most of the things. So let's
Speaker 1: just stick glued all of our listeners who which is
Speaker 1: not all of our listeners, but the vast majority of
Speaker 1: our listeners who are not wanting for anything practically. You know,
Speaker 1: it's not like and I know this is not global,
Speaker 1: but I would think the majority of our listeners have
Speaker 1: a bed, they're relatively safe, they have some way to
Speaker 1: get around, they have food, they have at least one
Speaker 1: or two people who love them, but I totally acknowledge
Speaker 1: that's not everyone. But I think beyond that, like just
Speaker 1: you know Maslow's hierarchy of needs. Have you heard of that? Yeah,
Speaker 1: which is kind of all the shit that we just
Speaker 1: need for survival. But then above that, it's like my
Speaker 1: needs are really emotional and psychological, like really, it's like
Speaker 1: I want to be connected, I want to be loved.
Speaker 1: I want to be I want to be of value.
Speaker 1: I want to feel like I have a purpose bigger
Speaker 1: than me. It's like we were talking just before, and
Speaker 1: one of the things that makes me periodically stressed but
Speaker 1: more often happy is when people go out of their
Speaker 1: way to come and see me, to talk to me,
Speaker 1: including flying from other states to sit with me for
Speaker 1: one hour, which I wouldn't recommend to anybody, but people
Speaker 1: want to do it. And just realizing how great that
Speaker 1: people want to sit with me and talk to me
Speaker 1: and they value me in that way and they respect
Speaker 1: me in that way, and like that's a blessing. Like,
Speaker 1: you know, I would rather people think I'm a genuine
Speaker 1: person than I'm fucking hot or super talented or I
Speaker 1: couldn't like that appealed to me once, but it's so
Speaker 1: vacuous it just doesn't lead to For me, it doesn't
Speaker 1: lead to anything spiritually, emotionally or psychologically nourishing. It doesn't
Speaker 1: feed me.
Speaker 2: You know.
Speaker 1: My ego is this voracious, fucking, insatiable, fucking you know
Speaker 1: thing that just wants all this shits. But I'm I
Speaker 1: think I'm at a point I'm still a work in progress,
Speaker 1: but just where I recognize that, I'm like, oh, well
Speaker 1: that's still there, you know. But it's then how you
Speaker 1: self regulate, you know, when I'm feeling insecure or inadequate
Speaker 1: or pretty fucking amazing, or like I think I'm the shit,
Speaker 1: or it's just having the awareness in that moment of
Speaker 1: and while there's also we can think highly of ourselves
Speaker 1: without being arrogant or egotistical. I think we need self love.
Speaker 1: I think we need to go you know what, as
Speaker 1: much as I can be, I think I'm doing okay,
Speaker 1: you know. So it's all about self awareness, not self loathing.
Speaker 1: But that for me, it's like I've said this probably
Speaker 1: ten times in eight years on the show. But if
Speaker 1: I got offered tonight to talk to ten thousand people
Speaker 1: in a room for no dollars or one hundred people
Speaker 1: in a room for ten thousand dollars, I would hand
Speaker 1: on hard choose the free gig because for me, being
Speaker 1: able to reach ten thousand people impact ten thousand people
Speaker 1: in real time, face to face, in a three dimensional
Speaker 1: kind of real life. I can see, touch, feel humans,
Speaker 1: I can hug someone, I can laugh with someone, I
Speaker 1: can cry with someone. So that fuels my spiritual, emotional
Speaker 1: and psychological bank balance way more than a few more
Speaker 1: dollars in the bank or a lot more dollars in
Speaker 1: the bank, because you get to you get to a
Speaker 1: point some of us where many of us maybe not everyone,
Speaker 1: of course, but you get to a point. And I
Speaker 1: don't mean about owning heaps of shit, but you go,
Speaker 1: how much money do I need, like need, not want?
Speaker 1: And how much stuff do I need not want? And
Speaker 1: one of my goals this year and I hate being
Speaker 1: a person who sets goals for the years, but fuck it,
Speaker 1: here I am hands in the air, is just to
Speaker 1: basically get rid of everything that I don't use or
Speaker 1: really want and I just have so much. You know,
Speaker 1: He's an example, and then I'll shut up. So last
Speaker 1: night I thought I'm going to get did I tell
Speaker 1: you this the guitar story. Anyway, I'm going to take
Speaker 1: my I've got a mate on guitar, which is a
Speaker 1: beautiful guitar, and it's kind of people who play guitar
Speaker 1: hold them in relatively high regard there. They're just nice guitars, right,
Speaker 1: and then it just gets not used nearly enough. And
Speaker 1: I bumped into a guy that I know who fixes guitars,
Speaker 1: three strings guitars, kind of gives them a tune and service.
Speaker 1: I'll give him a shout out. His name's Ron Lees.
Speaker 1: He's in Hampton Street. He's got a music store. He's
Speaker 1: a beautiful human being. If your kids or you need
Speaker 1: lessons or I'm just giving him a plug because he's
Speaker 1: just rock solid human right and being in music his
Speaker 1: whole life. Anyway, So I bumped into him the other day.
Speaker 1: I said, mate, I've got to bring my guitar up
Speaker 1: because it's fucking sitting in the corner of my bedroom
Speaker 1: on a guitar stand, crying because it gets no attention
Speaker 1: and it just needs new strings, needs a bit of love.
Speaker 1: And anyway, because I haven't taken it anywhere for ten years,
Speaker 1: five years, I'm like, I better go find my case.
Speaker 1: So I go to this wardrobe or this closet that
Speaker 1: I never open, and there was three cases in there.
Speaker 1: I'm like, why the fuck have I got three cases? Anyway?
Speaker 1: So I get out the one on the top. I
Speaker 1: take it in and it doesn't quite It fits in,
Speaker 1: but it's a little bit too snug, right, and I go, well,
Speaker 1: maybe maybe i'll get the next one on the pile
Speaker 1: because that seems a little bigger. So I got the
Speaker 1: next one. I'm like, fuck, this case is heavy. Had
Speaker 1: another guitar in it, right, had a Fender. Do you
Speaker 1: know what a Fender guitar is? So the fucking burger
Speaker 1: with a lot a Fender acoustic, which are not very common,
Speaker 1: And I'm like, I forgot I had this. And then
Speaker 1: I went, well, I can't put it in here, and
Speaker 1: maybe i'll put it in the bottom one. I pulled
Speaker 1: that out. There was another guitar in there, So I
Speaker 1: had two guitars I didn't know about. That's how much
Speaker 1: shit I have, right, And so I'm getting all of
Speaker 1: them fixed and I'm going to give at least one
Speaker 1: of them away. And they're all beautiful guitars, right, Yeah.
Speaker 3: I just like i'd known that before I bought my
Speaker 3: guitar this week.
Speaker 1: Yeah, well well yeah, these also would have if he
Speaker 1: is one of them is Actually it's probably the least
Speaker 1: of the group, but it's still a nice guitar. It's
Speaker 1: called at Takamini and it's a twelve string. It's so beautiful.
Speaker 2: Wow.
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, anyway, I'm digressing. But yeah, so you know,
Speaker 1: just that what do we really need? Like most of
Speaker 1: us don't need more stuff. That's not say acquiring stuff.
Speaker 1: As one of my mates just bought a new boat.
Speaker 1: It's like a pig in shit, you know. But for
Speaker 1: me that has zero interest. But for him, and I'm
Speaker 1: happy for him. It gives him joy and it gives
Speaker 1: him family joy, his family joy. And so there's no
Speaker 1: there's no Debbie Downer on ownership, right, I think it's
Speaker 1: But it's just like, what's my reason with everything? Why
Speaker 1: do I do this? You know, I bought a fancy
Speaker 1: car a year ago, I would say a year and
Speaker 1: a half ago. I would say, I drove it seven times,
Speaker 1: this fancy car in the garage and my way less
Speaker 1: fancy car in the driveway, which is worth a dollar
Speaker 1: eighty nine. I drive every day, right because I don't
Speaker 1: like I don't care what people think or otherwise I
Speaker 1: would drive the fancy car. And then last week or
Speaker 1: the week before, Tommy Jacket shout out to Tommy. Tommy goes,
Speaker 1: can I buy your car? The one that you never drive?
Speaker 1: I'm like, yes, let's figure out the price, and he
Speaker 1: bought it. I'm like, okay, and now it's gone. I
Speaker 1: don't even fucking miss it. I don't even miss it.
Speaker 1: You know, it's so dumb, but we all buy into that.
Speaker 1: Have you got a lot of shit to throw out
Speaker 1: at your joint? Like, of all the stuff that you have,
Speaker 1: how much of it don't you use?
Speaker 3: Yeah? So, like I've got a lot of clothes, clothes
Speaker 3: I never wear.
Speaker 2: I've got two wardrobes or two Erry Mouse and two
Speaker 2: big wardrobes and their chocolate block, and I never have
Speaker 2: clothes to wear. And I never wear the clothes I have.
Speaker 1: What is that about?
Speaker 3: Only forty pairs of shoes? I don't wear them.
Speaker 1: So, as you know, we just moved on. And Mary recently,
Speaker 1: and Mary who's eighty six and probably ain't going to
Speaker 1: be going out a lot, right, but she'll go out
Speaker 1: here and there. And but so we moved the initial move.
Speaker 1: We got all the stuff that they needed needed, and
Speaker 1: I would say there was six to eight pairs of
Speaker 1: shoes for Mumm and she's like, I want you to
Speaker 1: bring that suitcase or there's two suitcases. And I looked
Speaker 1: in the two suitcases back at House one. I'm not lying.
Speaker 1: There was maybe sixty pairs of shoes.
Speaker 3: It's my mum too.
Speaker 1: I'm like, Mary, there's sixty pairs of shoes. I want them.
Speaker 1: I'm like, that's great. You're never going to wear them
Speaker 1: because you haven't worn them in the last ten years.
Speaker 1: You never know, she says.
Speaker 3: I'm like, I'm with that. I totally understand.
Speaker 1: You're with that.
Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, you do never know?
Speaker 1: Well you do? Now, Well what do I know. I'm
Speaker 1: just a dude with about five pairs of shoes and
Speaker 1: one pair of thongs, So don't fucking listen to me.
Speaker 1: I know nothing, all right. Well, I don't know if
Speaker 1: anyone got anything out of that, but I know that
Speaker 1: you're hungry, and I don't want to get in between
Speaker 1: you and food. So it seems like a prudent decision
Speaker 1: that and also you and Scott, I feel like it's
Speaker 1: wise that we should wind this up so you enjoy
Speaker 1: your dinner. And Scott in that order. Oh there's so
Speaker 1: many great things I could say right now, fuck and great.
Speaker 1: I won't say any of them, of course, we don't
Speaker 1: want to be.
Speaker 3: I am very hungry and I am very lucky. He's
Speaker 3: a chef, you are?
Speaker 1: That is good? That is he cooking as we speak?
Speaker 2: Ye?
Speaker 1: Is he cheffing his the last off?
Speaker 3: Yeah?
Speaker 1: Do you know what's for dinner?
Speaker 3: No? You never tell you all ask him?
Speaker 1: Can you ask? Oh? You won't tell you it? Just
Speaker 1: played it up, really, yep, I know a Scott.
Speaker 3: Yeah you do.
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, Any Scott's out there that want to move
Speaker 1: in and just feed me. You've got to be a dude,
Speaker 1: because I'm no good with girls, so so you've got
Speaker 1: to be a dude, preferably a mute with.
Speaker 3: Kitchen skills, not having mine.
Speaker 1: All right, All right, well I think we're done. I'm
Speaker 1: sorry everyone yet to listen to all that. But anyway,
Speaker 1: it's a bit of a bit of a chat. We'll
Speaker 1: see you next time and hopefully it be better. Thanks TIV,
Speaker 1: Thanks Hav