WEBVTT - #2109 Discomfort as a Path to Comfort - Harps & Tiff 0:00:00.320 --> 0:00:02.680 Oh good a boys and girls, Craig anthey hearpertivity and 0:00:02.680 --> 0:00:06.760 cook the you Project. It's tips back on deck in 0:00:06.960 --> 0:00:11.200 official capacity as a co host TIV high. 0:00:10.920 --> 0:00:13.320 Harps look at usco It only took us twenty five 0:00:13.320 --> 0:00:15.120 minutes to get you sorted with your IT. 0:00:15.520 --> 0:00:19.720 Issues as is pretty well. I've been very good for 0:00:19.760 --> 0:00:22.480 a long time. But I don't even want to bore everybody. 0:00:22.680 --> 0:00:26.000 But I couldn't hear you. I mean, how after two 0:00:26.040 --> 0:00:30.200 thousand and one hundred and something episodes, am I still 0:00:30.240 --> 0:00:35.000 so fucking inept? I blame you and Melissa. I'm not 0:00:35.040 --> 0:00:37.720 sure why. I just do not want to accept response. 0:00:37.760 --> 0:00:39.040 It couldn't possibly be me. 0:00:40.760 --> 0:00:42.839 Blestness, I reckon learned helplessness. 0:00:43.040 --> 0:00:46.400 Oh yeah, there's no doubt I have. Nobody has lower 0:00:46.479 --> 0:00:50.920 expectations of me than me. No worry about that. Like 0:00:52.120 --> 0:00:55.520 when peple go you're pretty smart, I'm like sure, aunt, No, 0:00:55.600 --> 0:00:57.680 I just spend half a day with me here we 0:00:57.680 --> 0:01:00.520 be like, oh, you're actually a fucking idiot. How do 0:01:00.600 --> 0:01:05.320 you get through life? Well, these people that are effectively 0:01:05.360 --> 0:01:07.880 bumper rails that I just bump into and they kind 0:01:07.920 --> 0:01:13.000 of keep me. It's so funny, Like how fucking broad. 0:01:13.080 --> 0:01:15.840 Think about it, how broad is intelligence? And like, you 0:01:15.920 --> 0:01:18.280 go to one room, you're smart, another room, you're fucking more. 0:01:18.360 --> 0:01:22.560 On another room you kind of average. But it's and I 0:01:22.640 --> 0:01:24.800 get which is very bad. I should admit it, but 0:01:24.840 --> 0:01:28.400 it's just true. I get frustrated and I'm like, how 0:01:28.480 --> 0:01:31.440 is this doing this? Like why are you doing this 0:01:31.480 --> 0:01:36.680 to me? World? And the world's like you're doing it's yourself, dumbass. 0:01:38.440 --> 0:01:40.520 Yeah, breast the on button, bro, just. 0:01:41.840 --> 0:01:44.840 Somewhere on headphones, a fucking headphones. So I've got a 0:01:44.840 --> 0:01:47.440 bad I'm in a bad mood everyone. So it's bad. 0:01:48.600 --> 0:01:51.080 You've tipped me over to hangary time like we were. 0:01:51.240 --> 0:01:53.080 We were going to be finishing in six minutes. Now 0:01:53.080 --> 0:01:56.360 are you starting well as well and truly kicked in? 0:01:56.720 --> 0:01:58.800 Well, let's do a seven minute part. I'm not really 0:01:58.880 --> 0:02:02.560 angry everyone, I'm just a all right, I'm angry. I'm 0:02:02.640 --> 0:02:07.720 fucking angry, fucking I'm not. No, I'm not. I wouldn't 0:02:07.720 --> 0:02:09.799 be talking like this if I was. But I'm mildly 0:02:09.880 --> 0:02:15.120 frustrated and that will disappear soon as your day gone. Tip. 0:02:15.160 --> 0:02:17.960 Oh you did a presentation. You killed it? Two hundred 0:02:17.960 --> 0:02:18.680 and fifty kids. 0:02:19.000 --> 0:02:20.600 Yeah, I had a ball. 0:02:21.320 --> 0:02:24.120 Let's let's debrief on that. But don't want to talk 0:02:24.160 --> 0:02:27.720 about one subject that's broadly relevant and I think broadly interesting. 0:02:27.800 --> 0:02:30.239 But let's give us the two minute synopsis. Because you 0:02:30.280 --> 0:02:34.320 and I chatted fifteen times about his fucking presentation. I 0:02:34.360 --> 0:02:37.519 think I knew more about the presentation than you. I 0:02:37.680 --> 0:02:39.280 just like, I just want to walk you through this. 0:02:39.320 --> 0:02:41.160 What do you think of this? I'm like, that's brilliant. Yeah, 0:02:41.160 --> 0:02:43.960 but what about that? Well that's not good? What about so? 0:02:44.080 --> 0:02:46.320 And then I thought, well, I'm done on the coaching. No. 0:02:46.480 --> 0:02:48.839 I got another call this morning. I'm like, of course, 0:02:48.880 --> 0:02:52.600 we need seventeen sessions on the one presentation. You had 0:02:52.720 --> 0:02:56.360 enough content for fucking two days of workshop. To do 0:02:56.440 --> 0:02:59.760 a one hour workshop with two hundred and fifty kids. 0:03:00.800 --> 0:03:02.919 Do they like you? Love you? Hate you? What was 0:03:02.960 --> 0:03:03.560 the response? 0:03:03.720 --> 0:03:05.840 We had a great time. We had a great time. 0:03:06.240 --> 0:03:08.920 I got an unexpected round of applause at the end, 0:03:08.919 --> 0:03:12.600 and I had to stay back and weirdly signed my 0:03:12.680 --> 0:03:16.280 autograph on about twenty to thirty kids arms. 0:03:16.320 --> 0:03:17.400 I thought that was very I was like. 0:03:17.360 --> 0:03:19.840 Can you kids please not go and get these tattooed over? 0:03:19.880 --> 0:03:22.560 Because I don't need your parents calling me about why 0:03:22.600 --> 0:03:25.040 my signature is tattooed into your forearm. 0:03:25.440 --> 0:03:27.960 That'd be great, though, wouldn't it. That'd be great? I 0:03:27.960 --> 0:03:32.280 mean illegal, of course, and absolutely yeah, why. 0:03:32.160 --> 0:03:33.320 Are you writing on my kid? 0:03:33.760 --> 0:03:35.840 Yeah? Yeah? And in two years that people will go, 0:03:35.880 --> 0:03:38.040 who the fuck's that? I don't know. I don't know. 0:03:38.560 --> 0:03:40.680 Why have you got some woman's name on there? 0:03:41.760 --> 0:03:42.480 Yeah? 0:03:42.680 --> 0:03:46.760 No, I don't think unless you're Joe Rogan, and I 0:03:46.800 --> 0:03:48.760 don't think he asked for it. But I'll tell you 0:03:48.840 --> 0:03:52.520 I wouldn't mind guessing, or wouldn't mind finding out how 0:03:52.520 --> 0:03:56.080 many people have got his name? Thousands and thousands, lots 0:03:56.120 --> 0:03:58.640 of dudes. I don't know. I don't have you know, 0:03:58.840 --> 0:04:01.200 I don't. I've got to be careful what I say. 0:04:01.200 --> 0:04:04.520 But I'm not sure about dudes getting dudes names tattooed 0:04:04.560 --> 0:04:06.320 on them. If you're in love, if you're a dude 0:04:06.360 --> 0:04:08.280 in love with a dude, I get it. But if 0:04:08.280 --> 0:04:11.560 you if you like a bloke's podcast, probably no need 0:04:11.640 --> 0:04:15.400 to go get him permanently stained on your skin. 0:04:15.680 --> 0:04:18.480 Imagine what it's like being such an archo. So I 0:04:18.520 --> 0:04:21.200 think musicians would get it. Probably more like such a 0:04:21.640 --> 0:04:24.880 have such meaning and people's lives get your face tattooed 0:04:24.920 --> 0:04:28.159 on their body. There's you would know Tash Sultana. 0:04:28.360 --> 0:04:29.120 She's huge. 0:04:29.480 --> 0:04:32.960 They are huge, and my one of my best mates 0:04:33.000 --> 0:04:36.320 is her uncle. And I like to get like if 0:04:36.320 --> 0:04:39.400 I see photos where people have had her tattooed on them, 0:04:39.440 --> 0:04:41.440 I send them to him and it freaks. He's like, 0:04:41.880 --> 0:04:44.159 it's so weird because that's just my niece. 0:04:44.760 --> 0:04:49.040 Yeah. Well, I mean, here's the thing in this little 0:04:49.080 --> 0:04:51.920 zoom room that we're in. It's weird, but someone else 0:04:51.960 --> 0:04:54.960 it's like it's super cool for someone else, it's like, oh, 0:04:55.160 --> 0:05:01.159 that's an interesting expression of one's you know, humanitry. You know, 0:05:01.200 --> 0:05:02.320 it depends, doesn't. 0:05:02.480 --> 0:05:04.520 A lot of people with Craig Harpers. 0:05:04.760 --> 0:05:09.800 No one, nobody. They started at the nose and they 0:05:09.800 --> 0:05:12.239 got from the ribs around to the left shoulder blade 0:05:12.240 --> 0:05:15.000 and they had to fucking stop. They went, I can't 0:05:15.000 --> 0:05:17.480 actually get his whole head. I can only get his schnozz. 0:05:18.360 --> 0:05:22.560 And that's that's going to be. Nobody wants, Hey, what's 0:05:22.560 --> 0:05:24.880 the fucking giant nose on your back? And then just 0:05:24.920 --> 0:05:28.640 a little Harp's head behind it. It's like some kind 0:05:28.640 --> 0:05:31.040 of you know, when people look down those cameras weird 0:05:31.240 --> 0:05:34.479 and their nose is thirteen times bigger, you know, when 0:05:34.480 --> 0:05:36.560 that camera's right in front of their face, and they 0:05:36.600 --> 0:05:41.080 looked down and it looked like that. Also, not that 0:05:41.160 --> 0:05:43.480 anyone was ever thinking about it, but have you seen 0:05:43.520 --> 0:05:45.920 my head get someone's else's head? 0:05:46.160 --> 0:05:48.640 Don't fucking get come on now, come on. 0:05:48.720 --> 0:05:52.120 No, I'm not even being self deprecating. Even I don't 0:05:52.120 --> 0:05:55.479 want my head. Well, I'm glad from an operational point 0:05:55.520 --> 0:05:57.760 of view, I probably wouldn't work so well without a head. 0:05:58.760 --> 0:06:02.680 But yeah, I tried to pick ugly friends my whole life. 0:06:02.720 --> 0:06:04.880 That didn't work. You know a contrast thing. 0:06:05.240 --> 0:06:08.960 Oh your friends right now listening going hey, oh. 0:06:09.120 --> 0:06:10.920 No, I said it didn't work because they're all better 0:06:10.920 --> 0:06:14.279 looking than me, which is annoying. You know what's really annoying. 0:06:14.279 --> 0:06:17.480 And we'll get onto the topic at hand. Thanks for listening. Uh. 0:06:18.400 --> 0:06:22.080 My best mate Vin just a man's man. He's like 0:06:22.640 --> 0:06:25.720 a man's man, like I'm I'm you know, I'm a 0:06:25.960 --> 0:06:28.960 I don't know what I am. I'm a pseudo, but 0:06:29.040 --> 0:06:31.080 you know men that can just fix shit and build 0:06:31.120 --> 0:06:33.800 shit and lift shit. And it's like I'm strong in 0:06:33.800 --> 0:06:37.800 the gym, but put me anywhere else I'm fuckingshedic, like carrying. 0:06:38.560 --> 0:06:40.520 We just moved all Mum and dad shit and Vin 0:06:40.520 --> 0:06:42.760 and the Crab and a few other people did it 0:06:42.800 --> 0:06:45.919 with me. Thank you everyone. He just picks up like 0:06:46.000 --> 0:06:50.280 fucking washing machines over his head like he has no technique. 0:06:50.800 --> 0:06:53.880 He doesn't train. But he's just like a fucking gorilla, 0:06:54.440 --> 0:06:58.520 you know, like thick hands, thick wrist, thick elbows like 0:06:59.480 --> 0:07:01.440 I try to all the time. Him and I are 0:07:01.480 --> 0:07:04.400 the same height. He's one hundred and five kilos. I'm 0:07:04.400 --> 0:07:07.480 eighty kilos. And he's not fat. You go, oh, I 0:07:07.560 --> 0:07:10.280 must be big and chubby. No, he's just a fucking 0:07:10.400 --> 0:07:14.480 gorilla that's lost. He's like a white gorilla in fucking Mafra. 0:07:17.800 --> 0:07:21.560 But he's very handy, you know. So there's that Yeah, 0:07:21.640 --> 0:07:24.280 can you move this fridge. I'll just be over here, 0:07:24.400 --> 0:07:27.000 thank you, Janita hand no good good? 0:07:27.440 --> 0:07:27.920 Yeah. Yeah. 0:07:27.960 --> 0:07:29.520 The dude that goes to the gym every day of 0:07:29.560 --> 0:07:32.480 his life, just calling shots from the corner of the lounge. 0:07:32.920 --> 0:07:36.080 Of course, of course. Yeah, it's all aesthetic. There's nothing 0:07:36.120 --> 0:07:40.880 functional about it. That's not totally true, But I do 0:07:40.920 --> 0:07:44.520 get jealous. So I wanted to talk about let's do 0:07:44.560 --> 0:07:47.480 twenty minutes on this for our listeners who don't need 0:07:47.480 --> 0:07:51.480 any more bullshit, right. I was thinking today about so 0:07:51.520 --> 0:07:53.680 I met with our friend Maddie Lansdowne, who's been on 0:07:53.720 --> 0:07:56.840 the show a lot, this morning, and off the back 0:07:56.880 --> 0:07:59.840 of that, I was thinking about we're talking about, you know, 0:08:00.240 --> 0:08:03.640 building a business, and like he's just you know, he's 0:08:03.680 --> 0:08:05.880 a Newish dad, eleven months old, and he was talking 0:08:05.880 --> 0:08:09.840 about like he just glowing, like never been happy. I 0:08:09.840 --> 0:08:12.240 couldn't understand it. All that, which a lot of people say, 0:08:12.840 --> 0:08:17.440 which is beautiful, but then now a level of responsibility 0:08:17.480 --> 0:08:21.280 and awareness and like life gets put through a different lens, 0:08:21.320 --> 0:08:24.920 like everything is different because because of all those things 0:08:24.920 --> 0:08:28.720 that the parents listening are right. But I was thinking, how, 0:08:29.040 --> 0:08:30.200 you know, in the middle of the mess and the 0:08:30.240 --> 0:08:34.640 mayhem and the extra financial pressure and you know, the 0:08:34.679 --> 0:08:37.480 sleepless nights and yes, he actually gets up a lot. 0:08:38.280 --> 0:08:40.040 And I can tell he does because he's kind of 0:08:40.160 --> 0:08:43.000 just that like that kind of dude. I don't even 0:08:43.040 --> 0:08:45.440 know what that means, but he's very compassionate. He's very 0:08:45.640 --> 0:08:50.440 like yeah, and we're talking about out of discomfort, how 0:08:50.760 --> 0:08:54.600 really beautiful things happen. And I was thinking about how 0:08:55.920 --> 0:09:01.640 choosing discomfort can lead to comfort because you know, it's like, well, firstly, 0:09:01.720 --> 0:09:05.480 nobody wants pain or discomfort or suffering. Nobody wants it, 0:09:06.280 --> 0:09:08.320 but there are so many benefits to it. I'm not 0:09:08.400 --> 0:09:12.680 talking about horrible, you know, or guess sometimes it can be, 0:09:12.720 --> 0:09:15.840 but you know, but that shit that we deal with, 0:09:15.920 --> 0:09:20.199 it's just hard, or the strategic pain and suffering that 0:09:20.240 --> 0:09:24.720 we choose, or discomfort that we choose, And how you're 0:09:24.760 --> 0:09:28.200 doing something that scares you or is uncomfortable or is 0:09:28.400 --> 0:09:32.760 in the moment totally undesirable, but when you keep going 0:09:32.840 --> 0:09:36.240 back to do that hard thing that's kind of necessary 0:09:36.280 --> 0:09:38.040 to get where you want to go. I'm at A. 0:09:38.200 --> 0:09:40.520 I want to be at D, but to get to D, 0:09:40.640 --> 0:09:44.120 I've got to do all this shit that's unfamiliar, unwanted, uncertain, uncomfortable, 0:09:44.160 --> 0:09:48.080 all the uns But then eventually the thing that you 0:09:48.160 --> 0:09:50.440 used to find hard is not hard anymore. It's easy. 0:09:50.480 --> 0:09:52.480 And not only is it easy, it's now comfortable and 0:09:52.559 --> 0:09:55.400 maybe it's even kind of enjoyable. And I was thinking 0:09:55.440 --> 0:09:59.000 about so many different examples of things that have gone 0:09:59.040 --> 0:10:02.400 in my life where I first hated it and I 0:10:02.520 --> 0:10:04.240 wasn't good at it. I was bad at it, but 0:10:04.280 --> 0:10:07.560 I knew that, you know, I guess a simple level 0:10:07.600 --> 0:10:11.000 is building a business, you know. And in nineteen ninety 0:10:11.080 --> 0:10:15.960 I opened my first business with staff and you know, 0:10:16.040 --> 0:10:20.520 structures and processes and clients and rent and landlords and 0:10:21.000 --> 0:10:24.640 you know kind of regulations and rules and counsel and 0:10:24.720 --> 0:10:28.720 government and bills. And in the middle, like literally three 0:10:28.720 --> 0:10:30.640 months in, I'm like, I should have just stayed in 0:10:30.720 --> 0:10:34.320 someone else's gym, paid them a couple hundred bucks a week, 0:10:34.360 --> 0:10:37.440 and just run my business here because my entire kind 0:10:37.480 --> 0:10:40.400 of bills were two hundred bucks a week. And now 0:10:40.440 --> 0:10:42.800 I've got this And then eventually, like you figure it 0:10:42.840 --> 0:10:45.080 out a bit, and you start to so the guy 0:10:45.120 --> 0:10:47.560 who's terrible at the leadership figures it out a little bit, 0:10:47.600 --> 0:10:50.240 and the guy who can't doesn't know what a fucking 0:10:50.360 --> 0:10:52.760 ledger is, you know, he figures that out. Doesn't know 0:10:52.800 --> 0:10:55.000 how to have a conversation with an accountant because he 0:10:55.040 --> 0:10:58.520 doesn't even know the right fucking questions, you know, or 0:10:58.559 --> 0:11:02.640 a lawyer about the the the contract that's signing that 0:11:02.679 --> 0:11:05.520 you're signing or the least that you're signing and all 0:11:05.520 --> 0:11:08.360 of these things. And eventually you learn and you develop 0:11:08.400 --> 0:11:11.680 and the thing that was hard becomes easy. I guess 0:11:11.679 --> 0:11:14.160 the analogy that we've used many times is the hill 0:11:14.240 --> 0:11:16.480 and you. The hill stays the same, but you change, 0:11:17.080 --> 0:11:19.640 and then the hard things becomes the easy thing, not 0:11:19.720 --> 0:11:23.040 because it did anything, but you did everything, and as 0:11:23.080 --> 0:11:26.400 a result, your experience of that thing is now joyful. 0:11:26.600 --> 0:11:28.959 And you were telling me you've just started playing the 0:11:29.040 --> 0:11:33.480 guitar and you're like serious ish about getting good at it, 0:11:34.720 --> 0:11:36.720 and you're telling me about how much your fingers hurt. 0:11:36.760 --> 0:11:39.360 I go, yeah, here's the cool thing. They'll hurt like fuck, 0:11:39.760 --> 0:11:41.599 and then you might even have to not play for 0:11:41.640 --> 0:11:43.920 a day or two because it's almost like they're damaged. 0:11:44.520 --> 0:11:46.680 Then you'll get a few callouses, then you'll keep playing. 0:11:46.720 --> 0:11:50.400 Then in six months you'll have much more skill, much 0:11:50.440 --> 0:11:53.640 more understanding of the music. You'll be much better. It'll 0:11:53.679 --> 0:11:57.920 sound much better, and you'll have fingertips that like fucking steel, 0:11:58.080 --> 0:12:02.200 so there's no pain anymore. To get there. Where there's 0:12:02.240 --> 0:12:04.560 no pain, there's just every time you pick up your guitar, 0:12:04.600 --> 0:12:07.320 you're not going, fuck, this hurts my fingers. You're not 0:12:07.360 --> 0:12:10.040 thinking about that because you're like, I'm not bad at this, 0:12:10.200 --> 0:12:13.680 like compared to where I was six months ago. Now 0:12:13.920 --> 0:12:17.000 this is not just comfortable, but this is joyful. But 0:12:17.120 --> 0:12:21.640 originally it's painful. You're shit at it. It sounds fucking horrible. 0:12:22.280 --> 0:12:26.640 You're feeling competent, but it's the same, you know, starting 0:12:26.679 --> 0:12:30.760 your podcast, starting my podcast corporate speaking. You know, I 0:12:30.800 --> 0:12:34.720 did five hundred I reckon that were somewhere between complete 0:12:34.720 --> 0:12:38.240 shit and not five hundred, probably one hundred. There was 0:12:38.280 --> 0:12:41.480 somewhere between pretty shit and average. But how do you 0:12:41.520 --> 0:12:43.600 get good will? You get good at by first being 0:12:43.679 --> 0:12:48.160 not good? You get good bye, you know, being the 0:12:48.160 --> 0:12:51.280 white belt, you know, being the worst in the room. Well, 0:12:51.360 --> 0:12:53.480 the bit of that is like the best in the 0:12:53.559 --> 0:12:57.760 room can't become there's not another rung for him or 0:12:57.800 --> 0:13:00.840 her to go up, you know. But for me, I 0:13:00.880 --> 0:13:03.760 can only go up like I can you know, improve 0:13:03.840 --> 0:13:07.960 skill and knowledge and understanding and confidence and technique and 0:13:08.000 --> 0:13:10.880 fitness and adaptability. You know, but you have to go 0:13:11.480 --> 0:13:16.160 You have to choose discomfort first, you know, with everything, 0:13:16.559 --> 0:13:22.400 like think about like the well worn story on this show, 0:13:22.400 --> 0:13:25.360 but doing six hundred podcasts where you're losing money, but 0:13:25.760 --> 0:13:29.120 you're losing money but developing skill and knowledge and understanding 0:13:29.160 --> 0:13:31.880 and like awareness around what makes an okay or a 0:13:31.880 --> 0:13:33.960 good or a pretty good or a very good. And 0:13:34.000 --> 0:13:37.240 you're doing it yourself. You're getting the time on the 0:13:37.280 --> 0:13:39.960 clock and you're getting you're getting the practice, and you're 0:13:40.080 --> 0:13:43.400 meeting and talking to different people, and you're learning how 0:13:43.440 --> 0:13:49.960 to head in the direction of mastery. But unless you go, oh, 0:13:50.400 --> 0:13:52.640 this is going to be painful for a while, whether 0:13:52.679 --> 0:13:56.160 that's physical, mental, or emotional or financial pain, there's just 0:13:56.240 --> 0:13:58.080 going to be pain. And I can't afford it. Like, 0:13:58.160 --> 0:14:01.720 nobody that does something for the first time is excellent, 0:14:02.640 --> 0:14:05.000 even if they've got a lot of talent. So I 0:14:05.080 --> 0:14:08.720 just think this idea of like it's a little bit 0:14:08.760 --> 0:14:13.080 popular to pooh pooh comfort because we want to be 0:14:13.120 --> 0:14:16.360 fucking resilient. Mahuck. We all want comfort, but what we 0:14:16.440 --> 0:14:19.600 need are challenges and we need to know. Yeah, sure, 0:14:20.240 --> 0:14:23.360 but you also want that time where oh this is fun, 0:14:23.400 --> 0:14:26.840 this is comfortable. You know, life is not about constantly 0:14:26.880 --> 0:14:30.200 pushing yourself up that hill but also swings and roundabouts. 0:14:30.960 --> 0:14:34.120 And you know whether or not it's that or even 0:14:34.200 --> 0:14:37.160 I think the work of the real work of developing 0:14:37.200 --> 0:14:40.240 the self and understanding the self that is you, the 0:14:40.320 --> 0:14:44.760 self that is me, and realizing I don't know much, 0:14:45.560 --> 0:14:48.480 like I don't know much, or even in conversations where 0:14:48.480 --> 0:14:50.240 you've got to pull your head in and go, oh, 0:14:50.280 --> 0:14:54.440 it's wrong, or I'm in a conversation with somebody and 0:14:54.520 --> 0:14:57.680 I just can't keep up. I don't know what they're 0:14:57.720 --> 0:15:01.160 talking about. I don't understand this language. With this my 0:15:01.280 --> 0:15:03.120 knowledge as a one and their's as a nine. But 0:15:03.240 --> 0:15:05.800 just sitting in that and going cool, Well, maybe I'll 0:15:05.840 --> 0:15:07.840 just listen, and maybe I won't try to keep up. 0:15:07.920 --> 0:15:11.880 Maybe I won't try to demonstrate any level of competence 0:15:12.000 --> 0:15:15.000 or proficiency because right now where I am, I'm not 0:15:15.160 --> 0:15:17.800 and that's uncomfortable because I'm insecure and I've got an 0:15:17.840 --> 0:15:21.600 ego and I want you know, all that shit. So yeah, 0:15:21.600 --> 0:15:26.400 I think the path to comfort, ironically is through discomfort 0:15:26.520 --> 0:15:27.360 most of the time. 0:15:30.400 --> 0:15:33.760 Like I always talk, I always think about That was 0:15:33.800 --> 0:15:38.960 the first lesson that landed with me when I did 0:15:38.960 --> 0:15:41.600 that first boxing fight. That was I remember standing in 0:15:41.600 --> 0:15:44.400 front of the ring and looking and going, oh, this 0:15:44.600 --> 0:15:48.640 ratio of at that time was twelve weeks of discomfort 0:15:48.680 --> 0:15:51.880 of getting punched in the face of being anxious and 0:15:52.040 --> 0:15:57.000 uncertain and imposter syndrome and bleeding and hurting and walking 0:15:57.000 --> 0:15:58.560 in the gym and knowing that I was, in no 0:15:58.720 --> 0:16:02.200 uncertain terms the test person in that training camp and 0:16:02.280 --> 0:16:06.360 turning up anyway, like all of that was sacrifice and pain. 0:16:07.400 --> 0:16:09.680 And at the end of the day it was like 0:16:09.760 --> 0:16:13.960 this four to six minute experience and I kind of went, oh, 0:16:14.320 --> 0:16:18.320 it takes that much sacrifice and pain to get this 0:16:18.560 --> 0:16:23.000 much in inverted Comma's glory. What's what meaning did that 0:16:23.080 --> 0:16:24.760 have to me? And why is it worth it? So 0:16:25.360 --> 0:16:28.120 because if you don't have an understanding of what it 0:16:28.320 --> 0:16:32.920 means to you, there's no way anyone's doing that. And 0:16:32.960 --> 0:16:35.080 sometimes we chase the wrong thing or we don't understand 0:16:35.080 --> 0:16:35.560 the meaning. 0:16:36.160 --> 0:16:39.120 Yeah, I reckon glory. A better term is outcome. 0:16:39.720 --> 0:16:43.360 Yeah, you know, so, I said. I raised my hand 0:16:43.400 --> 0:16:48.640 to do that because I wanted people. I wanted outside 0:16:48.920 --> 0:16:52.160 external validation. I wanted people to I wanted to show off. 0:16:52.200 --> 0:16:53.600 I wanted to win. I want to be like, I'll 0:16:53.600 --> 0:16:55.720 do something you won't do. I'm not scared. And then 0:16:55.760 --> 0:16:57.880 I got in the middle of this experience and went, 0:16:58.840 --> 0:17:01.200 I'm not scared of all this. I didn't that I 0:17:01.240 --> 0:17:02.840 didn't think I was scared of but I'm scared of 0:17:02.840 --> 0:17:05.520 a whole lot of stuff that's present in here. And 0:17:05.560 --> 0:17:08.200 then I started going, oh, there's value in this, this 0:17:08.240 --> 0:17:10.720 is changing me. There's a lot to learn here. I 0:17:10.800 --> 0:17:12.760 was a bit confused as to why I wanted to 0:17:12.840 --> 0:17:15.760 keep stepping back into this hard, horrible place. It was 0:17:15.800 --> 0:17:19.840 the first sport that I didn't feel good at that 0:17:19.920 --> 0:17:22.240 I went, I'm going to do this again. Even though 0:17:22.600 --> 0:17:26.400 most of my emotions most of the time were negative 0:17:26.680 --> 0:17:29.959 feelings in me they were there were fear and anxiety 0:17:30.160 --> 0:17:30.960 and hurt. 0:17:31.640 --> 0:17:34.719 Yeah. I think also a big part of it is 0:17:34.760 --> 0:17:38.520 like when we set out to achieve a goal, it's 0:17:38.520 --> 0:17:40.919 about I'm going to do this, have that, get that, 0:17:41.040 --> 0:17:44.160 achieve that, earn that own that acquire that. Like it's 0:17:44.160 --> 0:17:47.720 always about some external thing. And how many times do 0:17:47.800 --> 0:17:51.520 people get the external thing? Like, they get it, they 0:17:51.520 --> 0:17:53.439 get the trophy, they get the hand raised, they get 0:17:53.480 --> 0:17:55.520 the business, they get the bank balanced, they get the 0:17:57.040 --> 0:17:58.960 shit hot body, they get whatever it is, and none 0:17:59.000 --> 0:18:01.920 of those things are bad achievements. But then how many 0:18:01.920 --> 0:18:05.760 people go, oh, god, I'm good now. No, there's always 0:18:05.840 --> 0:18:09.520 that It's almost like a letdown because I thought when 0:18:09.560 --> 0:18:11.720 I did this, then I would feel like that or 0:18:11.760 --> 0:18:15.240 I would get that, and or this would be the 0:18:15.240 --> 0:18:19.760 emotional and psychological consequence of doing that, achieving that, earning that, 0:18:20.000 --> 0:18:24.159 owning that. It's like, yeah, but you're still going to 0:18:24.160 --> 0:18:27.720 be insecure even with your new jacked body. I know, 0:18:27.800 --> 0:18:30.399 I've seen that. I've never met anyone who's got in 0:18:30.440 --> 0:18:33.840 great shape and everything else because of that has just 0:18:33.880 --> 0:18:37.040 been tickety boo, like never, there's always And it doesn't 0:18:37.080 --> 0:18:40.320 mean getting in shape is bad. It doesn't mean earn 0:18:40.520 --> 0:18:43.760 hundred grand a year is bad. It's amazing if that's 0:18:43.920 --> 0:18:47.360 a goal of yours, you know. Like, but I think 0:18:47.400 --> 0:18:50.440 the mist or the overlooked part of this is not 0:18:50.480 --> 0:18:53.239 what am I achieving or raising my hand to or 0:18:53.920 --> 0:18:56.520 how great am I at this or podcasting or how 0:18:56.600 --> 0:18:59.920 much skill have I developed or how proficient am I? 0:19:00.520 --> 0:19:04.040 But it's rather who am I becoming in this? Like 0:19:04.520 --> 0:19:07.320 what is the me that exists in twenty twenty six 0:19:08.440 --> 0:19:12.440 versus you know, twenty sixteen verse two thousand and six. 0:19:13.080 --> 0:19:17.119 And it's like, we think we want something that people 0:19:17.160 --> 0:19:20.879 can see, you know. It's look what I did, and 0:19:20.960 --> 0:19:24.080 I think what we need is something that people can't see. 0:19:25.040 --> 0:19:30.080 You know. It's that oh that just that so many 0:19:30.119 --> 0:19:31.880 times I've sat down with people and we talk about 0:19:32.080 --> 0:19:34.119 what they want to do be create change, and we 0:19:34.160 --> 0:19:35.720 dig and we dig and then they go this, and 0:19:35.720 --> 0:19:37.399 then I go, yeah, but beyond that, and they go this. 0:19:37.560 --> 0:19:39.080 Then I go, but why, and then they go this. 0:19:39.280 --> 0:19:42.159 And when we get down through the seventy two levels 0:19:42.160 --> 0:19:45.000 of what they think they want, what they want is 0:19:45.520 --> 0:19:47.480 to be calm. What they want is not to be 0:19:47.520 --> 0:19:51.919 anxious anymore. What they want is some self esteem and 0:19:51.960 --> 0:19:55.479 self worth. What they want is love and connection. And 0:19:56.119 --> 0:19:58.879 we think that that thing will be a con that 0:19:59.000 --> 0:20:04.760 external thing will automatically be a byproduct or a conduit 0:20:05.359 --> 0:20:08.240 to that internal thing. You know, when I got in 0:20:08.320 --> 0:20:10.080 really good shape, when I was a kid from being 0:20:10.119 --> 0:20:14.600 really out of shape, I think I worried more about 0:20:14.600 --> 0:20:18.320 my body then, because then I was more insecure and 0:20:18.480 --> 0:20:22.919 more egotistical and more worried about losing it, like oh fuck, 0:20:22.960 --> 0:20:25.840 and I'd get a bit I just can't say what 0:20:25.880 --> 0:20:28.760 I was going to say, but I'd gain a bit 0:20:28.760 --> 0:20:31.760 of fat, and I'd be a fucking neurotic. You know. 0:20:31.880 --> 0:20:36.480 I'm like so so vapid, so fucking insecure, so all 0:20:36.520 --> 0:20:41.080 about getting my identity through things. And while like, you've 0:20:41.080 --> 0:20:43.320 done some really good things and you and I can, 0:20:43.359 --> 0:20:45.399 well I can look at them objectively because I'm not 0:20:45.440 --> 0:20:46.880 you and I didn't do it, but I can look 0:20:46.920 --> 0:20:49.640 at those things, and I'm super proud of you. You've 0:20:49.640 --> 0:20:52.400 done over a thousand podcasts on your own show, which 0:20:52.440 --> 0:20:55.640 is amazing. You've got kids who want to fucking your 0:20:55.680 --> 0:20:59.920 autograph on their arm, and that's all good, but it's 0:21:00.200 --> 0:21:02.240 kind of bullshit, do you know what I mean? It's 0:21:02.640 --> 0:21:05.679 it's good, it's a good achievement, but I want to 0:21:05.680 --> 0:21:07.040 know in the middle of that who you are and 0:21:07.040 --> 0:21:08.720 who you're becoming and who you are for them. And 0:21:08.760 --> 0:21:11.399 it's the same with me. I think I know that 0:21:11.480 --> 0:21:14.040 I can get on the stage and be amusing and 0:21:14.080 --> 0:21:16.960 funny and reel out some shit that makes me sound 0:21:17.000 --> 0:21:20.560 smart and read the room and all of those practical 0:21:20.720 --> 0:21:23.560 skills that you develop and that talent that you develop, 0:21:23.640 --> 0:21:29.520 and it's not that it's disingenuous, but it's like, okay, 0:21:30.960 --> 0:21:34.560 but what's the point? You know? The point is primarily, 0:21:34.600 --> 0:21:37.480 I guess to help people and maybe inspire and coach 0:21:37.480 --> 0:21:41.119 and all of that. But then you know, then so 0:21:41.200 --> 0:21:43.639