1
00:00:05,921 --> 00:00:13,241
Speaker 1: Apodjay Production. Welcome to the She Rises Podcast. I'm Ashy

2
00:00:13,281 --> 00:00:16,881
Speaker 1: and I'm Tiana. This podcast is about female empowerment.

3
00:00:16,441 --> 00:00:19,200
Speaker 2: And encouraging you to be your biggest, boldest, and most

4
00:00:19,201 --> 00:00:20,800
Speaker 2: authentic version of yourself.

5
00:00:20,961 --> 00:00:23,281
Speaker 1: We help you shed the shame, grow to a new level.

6
00:00:23,321 --> 00:00:26,241
Speaker 1: We're gonna laugh, cry, and talk about the topics everyone

7
00:00:26,281 --> 00:00:27,801
Speaker 1: else is too afraid to talk about.

8
00:00:28,401 --> 00:00:30,761
Speaker 2: Get ready for your next level of self.

9
00:00:31,041 --> 00:00:33,481
Speaker 1: Hello everybody, welcome back to she Rise. Has got another

10
00:00:33,561 --> 00:00:36,161
Speaker 1: week of epic episode and we're so excited to be here.

11
00:00:36,201 --> 00:00:40,001
Speaker 2: As always, we love a good Monday episode because that

12
00:00:40,081 --> 00:00:42,480
Speaker 2: means we are want sharing a share of the week,

13
00:00:42,561 --> 00:00:45,881
Speaker 2: and also we have a big episode coming in few years. Yeah.

14
00:00:46,001 --> 00:00:48,961
Speaker 1: So if you are new here or welcome, Monday is

15
00:00:49,001 --> 00:00:51,201
Speaker 1: normally a bit of a longer episode. Wednesday's a little

16
00:00:51,200 --> 00:00:53,561
Speaker 1: bit shorter, and then Freaky Friday is even shorter again,

17
00:00:53,561 --> 00:00:56,281
Speaker 1: but it's a bit more spicy, unhinged, and not your

18
00:00:56,281 --> 00:00:58,641
Speaker 1: typical self development and empowering episodes.

19
00:00:58,641 --> 00:01:00,161
Speaker 3: It's a whole lot of play that episode.

20
00:01:00,241 --> 00:01:02,081
Speaker 1: We love lots of variety. We know some of you

21
00:01:02,200 --> 00:01:03,841
Speaker 1: love the longer episodes, some of you only have a

22
00:01:03,840 --> 00:01:06,041
Speaker 1: little twenty minute pockets of time to listen to it.

23
00:01:06,081 --> 00:01:09,401
Speaker 1: Today's all about mom life. Tiana's gonna be asking me

24
00:01:09,481 --> 00:01:12,521
Speaker 1: a bunch of questions that she thinks will be really

25
00:01:12,521 --> 00:01:15,161
Speaker 1: helpful to mums and people who are not mothers as well,

26
00:01:15,200 --> 00:01:18,640
Speaker 1: like yourself. Those questions that Tiana asked me regularly. And

27
00:01:18,640 --> 00:01:20,401
Speaker 1: we're like, why don't even do a whole episode on this?

28
00:01:20,560 --> 00:01:22,681
Speaker 3: Yeah, it's awesome. I'm really excited for it, but let's

29
00:01:22,681 --> 00:01:23,640
Speaker 3: start with our share of the weeks.

30
00:01:23,640 --> 00:01:25,520
Speaker 1: What have you got for us? Feel share? Yeah, I've

31
00:01:25,521 --> 00:01:27,681
Speaker 1: got a movie. It's Jennifer Lopez in it. I think

32
00:01:27,721 --> 00:01:30,840
Speaker 1: she is a fantastic actress. I'm really scared I've already

33
00:01:30,840 --> 00:01:33,721
Speaker 1: recommended this. I hope I haven't. But it's called Unstoppable

34
00:01:34,200 --> 00:01:36,921
Speaker 1: and it's about her being a mum and she's got

35
00:01:37,041 --> 00:01:41,281
Speaker 1: multiple children and one of her children has only one leg,

36
00:01:42,000 --> 00:01:44,560
Speaker 1: and they're very poor. They grow up without much money

37
00:01:44,560 --> 00:01:47,641
Speaker 1: and they have an abusive stepfather. But it's just his

38
00:01:47,761 --> 00:01:51,601
Speaker 1: journey to becoming a successful athlete and how he just

39
00:01:51,761 --> 00:01:55,601
Speaker 1: has everything against him for him not to succeed, and

40
00:01:55,681 --> 00:01:58,001
Speaker 1: his determination. It's based on a true story too. They

41
00:01:58,001 --> 00:02:00,681
Speaker 1: literally show all the real people, you know, how they

42
00:02:00,721 --> 00:02:02,880
Speaker 1: obviously have actors in there. They show the real people

43
00:02:02,961 --> 00:02:05,241
Speaker 1: at the end and it's this whole story. It was

44
00:02:05,401 --> 00:02:08,761
Speaker 1: so moving, it was so inspiring. It just made me think, like,

45
00:02:08,881 --> 00:02:10,881
Speaker 1: nothing can hold you back if you really want something.

46
00:02:11,441 --> 00:02:13,921
Speaker 1: I love inspiring sport movies. It's probably one of my

47
00:02:13,960 --> 00:02:16,321
Speaker 1: favorite type of movies to watch. Yeah, so it's on Prime.

48
00:02:16,361 --> 00:02:20,041
Speaker 1: It's called Unstoppable, and Jennifer Lopez plays the main mum character.

49
00:02:20,041 --> 00:02:22,041
Speaker 1: And I forget the main actor's name, but he was

50
00:02:22,161 --> 00:02:24,001
Speaker 1: absolutely incredible. I have to go watch it.

51
00:02:24,240 --> 00:02:26,761
Speaker 2: Please don't go watch it for me today is one

52
00:02:26,881 --> 00:02:29,921
Speaker 2: is just a quote. So it's a Lei la Holmosy quote,

53
00:02:30,121 --> 00:02:33,481
Speaker 2: and it goes the confidence you desire lies in the

54
00:02:33,520 --> 00:02:36,400
Speaker 2: fears that you avoid. And I just wanted to bring

55
00:02:36,401 --> 00:02:39,641
Speaker 2: this forward because it's really interesting. What I notice in

56
00:02:39,881 --> 00:02:43,321
Speaker 2: just clients and even myself sometimes is that we often

57
00:02:43,401 --> 00:02:45,521
Speaker 2: have this like made up timeline in our head of

58
00:02:45,561 --> 00:02:48,240
Speaker 2: when we think we can achieve something or when it

59
00:02:48,281 --> 00:02:51,281
Speaker 2: makes sense to start something or to do something, especially

60
00:02:51,321 --> 00:02:53,561
Speaker 2: when we have the story of like I'm too busy, right,

61
00:02:53,601 --> 00:02:55,681
Speaker 2: I don't have enough time, I can't this, I can't that,

62
00:02:55,721 --> 00:02:58,041
Speaker 2: And we have all these limitations around ourselves and so

63
00:02:58,561 --> 00:03:00,761
Speaker 2: anything that you want to achieve, like the confidence that

64
00:03:00,761 --> 00:03:03,041
Speaker 2: you're wanting from that lies on the other side of

65
00:03:03,041 --> 00:03:06,121
Speaker 2: the fears. So if you're just willing to just jump

66
00:03:06,161 --> 00:03:09,281
Speaker 2: before you are ready and figure things out later, like

67
00:03:09,361 --> 00:03:12,120
Speaker 2: not worrying about those things until you're actually in the moment,

68
00:03:12,641 --> 00:03:14,481
Speaker 2: you will become the person that you want to become

69
00:03:15,001 --> 00:03:17,961
Speaker 2: much quicker if you're willing to jump and then just

70
00:03:17,960 --> 00:03:18,880
Speaker 2: figure things out later.

71
00:03:19,041 --> 00:03:19,721
Speaker 1: Love that, you know.

72
00:03:19,761 --> 00:03:21,721
Speaker 2: So just like whatever it is you feel fearful on

73
00:03:21,800 --> 00:03:24,681
Speaker 2: right now, maybe it's just the fear. Maybe all you

74
00:03:24,721 --> 00:03:26,361
Speaker 2: need to do is just take that one step of

75
00:03:26,401 --> 00:03:28,641
Speaker 2: action that you've been avoiding taking for the last week,

76
00:03:28,800 --> 00:03:32,481
Speaker 2: two weeks, two months, two years, however long it's been.

77
00:03:32,800 --> 00:03:34,841
Speaker 2: If you can just take the action today that you've

78
00:03:34,881 --> 00:03:37,361
Speaker 2: been avoiding, you will feel so much relief on the

79
00:03:37,361 --> 00:03:39,001
Speaker 2: other side of that, and you'll actually be proud of

80
00:03:39,081 --> 00:03:39,921
Speaker 2: yourself on the other side.

81
00:03:39,961 --> 00:03:41,681
Speaker 1: And one hundred percent, I think a lot of people

82
00:03:41,681 --> 00:03:44,961
Speaker 1: will look at successful people and think that they're not scared. Oh,

83
00:03:45,001 --> 00:03:46,841
Speaker 1: it's like, no, they were so fucking scared and they

84
00:03:46,841 --> 00:03:48,161
Speaker 1: felt the fear and they did it anyway.

85
00:03:48,241 --> 00:03:50,441
Speaker 2: Yeah, they're just too busy taking action that the fear

86
00:03:50,481 --> 00:03:52,441
Speaker 2: comes with them. It sits in their handbag, you know,

87
00:03:52,521 --> 00:03:54,961
Speaker 2: or it's on the front seat passenger side with them

88
00:03:55,001 --> 00:03:57,241
Speaker 2: on the journey. But they just do it anyway. And

89
00:03:57,281 --> 00:03:59,081
Speaker 2: if you can get into that habit of just taking

90
00:03:59,121 --> 00:04:01,801
Speaker 2: action regardless, you will get there so much quicker, and

91
00:04:01,801 --> 00:04:04,281
Speaker 2: then you'll look back in hindsight and you'll realize, holy shit,

92
00:04:04,361 --> 00:04:04,961
Speaker 2: I am that person.

93
00:04:06,081 --> 00:04:08,841
Speaker 1: I love that. Yeah, all right, let's get sat on

94
00:04:08,841 --> 00:04:12,201
Speaker 1: these questions. Let's ask away. I love talking about mom life,

95
00:04:12,241 --> 00:04:13,441
Speaker 1: so I'm excited for this one.

96
00:04:13,601 --> 00:04:14,321
Speaker 3: Amazing.

97
00:04:14,481 --> 00:04:16,681
Speaker 2: So I feel like a lot of women look at

98
00:04:16,721 --> 00:04:18,281
Speaker 2: you and see what you do in the way that

99
00:04:18,321 --> 00:04:20,361
Speaker 2: you post as a mum and everything that you do

100
00:04:20,401 --> 00:04:23,441
Speaker 2: in your everyday life and are probably wondering how you

101
00:04:23,481 --> 00:04:26,601
Speaker 2: are able to kind of manage all that you do

102
00:04:26,681 --> 00:04:29,041
Speaker 2: as well as run business, be a mum of two,

103
00:04:29,161 --> 00:04:32,561
Speaker 2: be a loving partner, and show up for social media

104
00:04:32,681 --> 00:04:34,201
Speaker 2: for the last fifteen years.

105
00:04:34,561 --> 00:04:35,321
Speaker 3: How do you do it all?

106
00:04:35,521 --> 00:04:40,081
Speaker 1: Not sure? No, I'm very sure. We were having a

107
00:04:40,081 --> 00:04:42,640
Speaker 1: beautiful conversation about this the other day. You actually asked

108
00:04:42,641 --> 00:04:44,961
Speaker 1: me a more specific question because you were saying, I

109
00:04:45,001 --> 00:04:47,561
Speaker 1: admire how you and Steve really tagged him with each

110
00:04:47,561 --> 00:04:50,080
Speaker 1: other and it looks very fair, and did it change

111
00:04:50,121 --> 00:04:52,801
Speaker 1: from different age groups of different kids, And it's forever changing.

112
00:04:53,481 --> 00:04:56,601
Speaker 1: You have to be really flexible and adaptable to your children,

113
00:04:56,761 --> 00:04:59,281
Speaker 1: to their wants and needs as they grow and develop,

114
00:04:59,320 --> 00:05:02,080
Speaker 1: because a newborn baby needs a lot more than what

115
00:05:02,521 --> 00:05:06,721
Speaker 1: a nine year old child needs. Always adapting and changing.

116
00:05:06,761 --> 00:05:09,401
Speaker 1: But from what I learned from kid number one to

117
00:05:09,481 --> 00:05:13,200
Speaker 1: kid number two was the communication with your partner is

118
00:05:13,801 --> 00:05:17,760
Speaker 1: so important. Otherwise you go in with having these expectations

119
00:05:17,801 --> 00:05:19,561
Speaker 1: of how they're going to do things and how they're

120
00:05:19,601 --> 00:05:22,441
Speaker 1: going to show up and compared to what they might

121
00:05:22,440 --> 00:05:24,281
Speaker 1: be thinking might be complete opposite, and you just end

122
00:05:24,361 --> 00:05:27,321
Speaker 1: up clashing and arguing over so many little things. But

123
00:05:27,361 --> 00:05:30,080
Speaker 1: when you communicate what each other needs, what your strengths

124
00:05:30,081 --> 00:05:33,041
Speaker 1: are in parenting and in life, you work so much better.

125
00:05:33,361 --> 00:05:35,481
Speaker 1: And I also love that Steve and I don't see

126
00:05:35,521 --> 00:05:37,641
Speaker 1: it as you're the woman you should be doing this,

127
00:05:37,801 --> 00:05:39,081
Speaker 1: or you're the mom you should be doing that, you're

128
00:05:39,121 --> 00:05:40,960
Speaker 1: the data expect you to do this. It's like we're

129
00:05:40,961 --> 00:05:43,601
Speaker 1: just in this as a team. We both are working parents,

130
00:05:43,961 --> 00:05:46,601
Speaker 1: we both decided to have children, we are both in

131
00:05:46,601 --> 00:05:50,400
Speaker 1: this altogether, and we are such a good team, and

132
00:05:50,440 --> 00:05:52,960
Speaker 1: I think that is the number one thing that helps

133
00:05:53,041 --> 00:05:55,721
Speaker 1: us be really successful in everything that we do in

134
00:05:55,721 --> 00:05:58,561
Speaker 1: our parenting and our relationship and our business. And then

135
00:05:58,601 --> 00:06:00,881
Speaker 1: for me, it's a lot of structure. It is a

136
00:06:00,880 --> 00:06:02,641
Speaker 1: lot of structure, which I know that's not for everyone.

137
00:06:02,681 --> 00:06:04,361
Speaker 1: I've got friends that and more go with the flow

138
00:06:04,401 --> 00:06:07,281
Speaker 1: with their kids. But for me, being a working parent,

139
00:06:07,521 --> 00:06:10,241
Speaker 1: I do have responsibilities, I do have contracts, I do

140
00:06:10,281 --> 00:06:11,721
Speaker 1: have things that I need to get done by a

141
00:06:11,721 --> 00:06:15,200
Speaker 1: certain time, So having structure in place is really really important.

142
00:06:15,801 --> 00:06:18,201
Speaker 1: Then there's also the options of are your kids going

143
00:06:18,201 --> 00:06:20,641
Speaker 1: to daycare? Do you have family around that can help,

144
00:06:20,681 --> 00:06:22,561
Speaker 1: do you have a babysitter? Do you have a nanny.

145
00:06:22,801 --> 00:06:24,321
Speaker 1: We chose to have a nanny. We didn't want to

146
00:06:24,320 --> 00:06:27,121
Speaker 1: send Tyala to daycare just yet. I think next year

147
00:06:27,161 --> 00:06:29,081
Speaker 1: we probably will to get her ready for school and

148
00:06:29,121 --> 00:06:32,121
Speaker 1: be in more social environments. But creating your village as

149
00:06:32,161 --> 00:06:35,161
Speaker 1: well is really really important. And I know not everyone

150
00:06:35,161 --> 00:06:37,400
Speaker 1: could afford a babysitter or a nanny. And I remember

151
00:06:37,440 --> 00:06:39,561
Speaker 1: back when I had taj I had a really close

152
00:06:39,561 --> 00:06:41,241
Speaker 1: girlfriend that had a baby around the same time, and

153
00:06:41,241 --> 00:06:43,401
Speaker 1: we used to help each other. So I'd be like Okay, today,

154
00:06:43,440 --> 00:06:45,521
Speaker 1: I've got to go to this appointment. You take Taj

155
00:06:45,721 --> 00:06:47,961
Speaker 1: and your baby. In the next day we'd swap. She'd

156
00:06:47,961 --> 00:06:49,921
Speaker 1: go do her appointments, so I'd take her baby and

157
00:06:49,961 --> 00:06:51,961
Speaker 1: we'd have a couple of hours to get our stuff done.

158
00:06:52,001 --> 00:06:53,881
Speaker 1: It was just like creating that village and making it

159
00:06:53,961 --> 00:06:57,760
Speaker 1: work from am to pm. We are quite structured. I

160
00:06:57,761 --> 00:07:00,481
Speaker 1: get up and train quite early. Steve's not a morning person.

161
00:07:00,961 --> 00:07:03,201
Speaker 1: He struggles to get up. I love getting up early.

162
00:07:03,601 --> 00:07:06,481
Speaker 1: That works for us. So I'll get up at quarter

163
00:07:06,481 --> 00:07:09,200
Speaker 1: past four, go and train, come back, make the lunch,

164
00:07:09,201 --> 00:07:11,401
Speaker 1: have a shower, do my makeup, get ready. I'm all

165
00:07:11,441 --> 00:07:14,201
Speaker 1: set to go. He gets up, he has a shower

166
00:07:14,201 --> 00:07:16,081
Speaker 1: and gets ready while I'm hanging with the kids, and

167
00:07:16,121 --> 00:07:18,361
Speaker 1: then a day started. It just works well like that.

168
00:07:18,601 --> 00:07:21,561
Speaker 1: In the afternoon, we'll always communicate who's grabbing Taj, who's

169
00:07:21,601 --> 00:07:23,761
Speaker 1: going home to be with Tala. And then once we're

170
00:07:23,801 --> 00:07:26,001
Speaker 1: all home, we're all family environment. But it's just a

171
00:07:26,001 --> 00:07:29,321
Speaker 1: lot of communication, but we're both all in it together. Yeah,

172
00:07:29,361 --> 00:07:31,521
Speaker 1: So that's in a nutshell, that's beautiful.

173
00:07:31,561 --> 00:07:34,201
Speaker 2: And between you and Steve, do you guys split the

174
00:07:34,241 --> 00:07:36,521
Speaker 2: rolls evenly? Like how do you split them between each

175
00:07:36,561 --> 00:07:38,961
Speaker 2: other or is it that communication that you were talking around.

176
00:07:39,041 --> 00:07:41,681
Speaker 1: Yeah, it's different every day. So sometimes Steve will walking

177
00:07:41,681 --> 00:07:43,281
Speaker 1: the door and I can know from the moment he's

178
00:07:43,281 --> 00:07:46,241
Speaker 1: walked in that he is tapped. Yeah, he's at capacity,

179
00:07:46,281 --> 00:07:48,361
Speaker 1: he's had a hard day. I can feel his energy.

180
00:07:48,681 --> 00:07:50,961
Speaker 1: I've been with this man for seventeen years. I know

181
00:07:51,201 --> 00:07:53,641
Speaker 1: when he's not coping. Yeah, and that's when I will

182
00:07:53,641 --> 00:07:56,281
Speaker 1: do majority of it. There's days I come home and

183
00:07:56,321 --> 00:07:58,521
Speaker 1: I'm like going through something emotional and He'll tell me

184
00:07:58,561 --> 00:07:59,921
Speaker 1: to sit on the couch and he's got the kids

185
00:07:59,961 --> 00:08:02,161
Speaker 1: and he'll take them for a swim, or he'll ask me,

186
00:08:02,241 --> 00:08:03,601
Speaker 1: what do you need today? Did you want to cook?

187
00:08:03,681 --> 00:08:04,921
Speaker 1: Or do you want to take the kids for a swim?

188
00:08:05,121 --> 00:08:08,161
Speaker 1: What feels good for you? So is that communication? Sometimes

189
00:08:08,201 --> 00:08:10,281
Speaker 1: if I'm missing him, like I've been away from work

190
00:08:10,321 --> 00:08:12,161
Speaker 1: and you know, with makes you a lot lately. So

191
00:08:12,561 --> 00:08:14,601
Speaker 1: last night we did the bath time routine. Instead of

192
00:08:14,881 --> 00:08:17,201
Speaker 1: me doing bath and him doing dinner, we both did

193
00:08:17,241 --> 00:08:19,321
Speaker 1: both together. Yeah, it was just we got to find

194
00:08:19,361 --> 00:08:22,281
Speaker 1: more pockets of times that we could be together, connect, talk,

195
00:08:22,641 --> 00:08:24,921
Speaker 1: catch up because we haven't had a lot of time together.

196
00:08:25,281 --> 00:08:28,321
Speaker 1: So is big on communication. There's certain things that I

197
00:08:28,361 --> 00:08:30,481
Speaker 1: love doing, and there's certain things that he loves doing,

198
00:08:30,521 --> 00:08:32,801
Speaker 1: Like he loves going in the pool with Tala. That's

199
00:08:32,961 --> 00:08:35,681
Speaker 1: his bonding quality, one on one time. So normally all

200
00:08:35,681 --> 00:08:38,081
Speaker 1: cooked in a way, he does that. And then for

201
00:08:38,121 --> 00:08:40,201
Speaker 1: the first year in a bit I put her to bed.

202
00:08:40,401 --> 00:08:43,481
Speaker 1: That was my thing selfishly, I just really loved that time.

203
00:08:43,921 --> 00:08:45,641
Speaker 1: And now she demands that we all put it a bed.

204
00:08:46,161 --> 00:08:50,241
Speaker 1: So you've been around naturally, you've seen exactly how it works.

205
00:08:50,321 --> 00:08:51,961
Speaker 1: I will take her in the bedroom, do her nappy,

206
00:08:52,001 --> 00:08:58,001
Speaker 1: get her sleepsack zipped up, Daddy, cuddle Tartar, cuddle Tari,

207
00:08:58,121 --> 00:09:00,721
Speaker 1: cuddles and she'll demand the kissing cuddles and now it's

208
00:09:00,721 --> 00:09:02,601
Speaker 1: a whole family affair, all of us in there reading

209
00:09:02,601 --> 00:09:04,721
Speaker 1: the books, doing the kiss and cuddles, doing the app

210
00:09:04,761 --> 00:09:06,161
Speaker 1: of me, and it's this whole thing we get to

211
00:09:06,161 --> 00:09:08,961
Speaker 1: do together beautiful. So it's forever changing. But we definitely

212
00:09:09,001 --> 00:09:12,601
Speaker 1: do have structure and flexibility within all of that. But

213
00:09:12,641 --> 00:09:15,041
Speaker 1: there's never any tip for Tat which I used to

214
00:09:15,121 --> 00:09:18,601
Speaker 1: do that with Taj. I've done this, I've been up breastfeeding.

215
00:09:18,761 --> 00:09:21,121
Speaker 1: You should be doing this. I feel like I'm doing

216
00:09:21,161 --> 00:09:23,361
Speaker 1: more than you and be like, well, I'm working more

217
00:09:23,361 --> 00:09:24,761
Speaker 1: than you and I've got this on my plate. And

218
00:09:24,801 --> 00:09:28,041
Speaker 1: it was just this constant back and forth trying to

219
00:09:28,481 --> 00:09:32,601
Speaker 1: who's more tired, who's working harder, and yuck. After that,

220
00:09:32,721 --> 00:09:34,721
Speaker 1: I was like, we learned so much of what not

221
00:09:34,841 --> 00:09:37,361
Speaker 1: to do. We were determined to do this differently and

222
00:09:37,401 --> 00:09:39,001
Speaker 1: to do it beautifully and to do it with love

223
00:09:39,081 --> 00:09:42,761
Speaker 1: and respect and open communication. And it's beautiful. I really

224
00:09:42,841 --> 00:09:45,481
Speaker 1: am so proud of how we do it. I really am.

225
00:09:45,601 --> 00:09:48,241
Speaker 2: It's beautiful to watch. I've said this from the beginning

226
00:09:48,321 --> 00:09:50,081
Speaker 2: watching you guys. You guys are such a team, and

227
00:09:50,081 --> 00:09:52,841
Speaker 2: it's so such beautiful evidence as someone who hasn't been

228
00:09:52,841 --> 00:09:55,041
Speaker 2: with somebody for seventeen years and have two children.

229
00:09:54,801 --> 00:09:56,161
Speaker 3: To be able to see that, go wow, it gets

230
00:09:56,241 --> 00:09:56,801
Speaker 3: to be like that.

231
00:09:56,881 --> 00:09:58,561
Speaker 1: And I don't like it when people say like, oh,

232
00:09:58,561 --> 00:10:01,241
Speaker 1: you're so lucky your husband does that. I'm like, yes,

233
00:10:01,321 --> 00:10:03,441
Speaker 1: I feel blessed that I've chosen a partner that is

234
00:10:03,481 --> 00:10:06,481
Speaker 1: really hands on. But it actually took so much conscious, hard,

235
00:10:06,761 --> 00:10:10,601
Speaker 1: difficult conversations and both of us practicing it and working

236
00:10:10,681 --> 00:10:13,681
Speaker 1: as a team and continually communicating. We still have to

237
00:10:13,721 --> 00:10:16,561
Speaker 1: communicate just as well now as what we did when

238
00:10:16,601 --> 00:10:19,201
Speaker 1: we first started this journey. Yeah, it's not luck. It's

239
00:10:19,241 --> 00:10:21,361
Speaker 1: both of us being all in because we want to

240
00:10:21,401 --> 00:10:24,161
Speaker 1: be the best for ourselves and for our kids. So yeah,

241
00:10:24,281 --> 00:10:26,361
Speaker 1: it's really beautiful. I'm really proud of us. I'd love

242
00:10:26,401 --> 00:10:26,601
Speaker 1: to know.

243
00:10:26,721 --> 00:10:28,521
Speaker 2: I'm sure everyone listening we'd love to know, Like, how

244
00:10:28,561 --> 00:10:30,961
Speaker 2: do you and see both manage when you're both feeling

245
00:10:31,001 --> 00:10:32,561
Speaker 2: stretched and both feeling really tired.

246
00:10:32,721 --> 00:10:35,401
Speaker 1: Yeah, that's a good question. There's been a lot of

247
00:10:35,401 --> 00:10:37,601
Speaker 1: that lately, if I'm being really really honest, from my

248
00:10:37,641 --> 00:10:41,441
Speaker 1: brain surgery and then with Rambos passing and trying to

249
00:10:41,481 --> 00:10:44,401
Speaker 1: both keep up with our responsibilities, it's been a lot

250
00:10:44,441 --> 00:10:46,601
Speaker 1: to hold. And if I'm being honest, we've had a

251
00:10:46,641 --> 00:10:49,001
Speaker 1: lot more screen time. We watch a lot more movies

252
00:10:49,041 --> 00:10:50,401
Speaker 1: with the kids because it's at the end of the

253
00:10:50,481 --> 00:10:52,521
Speaker 1: day and I want to see on the couch crying

254
00:10:52,561 --> 00:10:58,121
Speaker 1: most days and he's holding me and emotional now. But yeah,

255
00:10:58,121 --> 00:11:00,441
Speaker 1: it's been hard. So we just watch movies with the

256
00:11:00,521 --> 00:11:02,481
Speaker 1: kids and that's our time to kind of numb out

257
00:11:02,521 --> 00:11:04,241
Speaker 1: and tap out for a moment and just we can

258
00:11:04,241 --> 00:11:06,361
Speaker 1: still be with them cuddling or like having our dinner

259
00:11:06,401 --> 00:11:09,921
Speaker 1: or whatever. And then once again, it's communicating. I will

260
00:11:09,961 --> 00:11:12,081
Speaker 1: literally say to Steve all the time, like, you look

261
00:11:12,201 --> 00:11:14,361
Speaker 1: so tired, Can I book you a massage? Like what

262
00:11:14,401 --> 00:11:16,641
Speaker 1: do you need right now on the weekend? Do you

263
00:11:16,681 --> 00:11:18,521
Speaker 1: want to go do something with someone or do you

264
00:11:18,561 --> 00:11:19,921
Speaker 1: need some time out? Do you want to go down

265
00:11:19,921 --> 00:11:21,721
Speaker 1: to the beach? Because we both recharge when we have

266
00:11:21,801 --> 00:11:24,521
Speaker 1: some solo time. Me more so when I'm with my girlfriends.

267
00:11:24,521 --> 00:11:26,641
Speaker 1: That's my kind of plug in. Yeah, I feel so

268
00:11:27,441 --> 00:11:29,641
Speaker 1: alive and lit up. So I love my friend timer

269
00:11:29,681 --> 00:11:32,401
Speaker 1: Is he's more solo time. So we're really just checking

270
00:11:32,401 --> 00:11:34,521
Speaker 1: in and making sure each other is getting that time

271
00:11:34,681 --> 00:11:38,921
Speaker 1: amongst everything that we're holding. And that's life, isn't it.

272
00:11:38,921 --> 00:11:42,041
Speaker 1: It's hard sometimes and it's beautiful and it's challenging, and

273
00:11:42,601 --> 00:11:46,361
Speaker 1: it's a ride. Parenting is literally a lifestyle. It's something

274
00:11:46,401 --> 00:11:48,721
Speaker 1: you have to adjust to and I love it so much,

275
00:11:48,841 --> 00:11:51,081
Speaker 1: but yeah, it can be a lot when you're going through.

276
00:11:51,121 --> 00:11:53,721
Speaker 1: Even at the moment when I'm like holding my own

277
00:11:53,761 --> 00:11:58,001
Speaker 1: grief and then also being a mum, also being ashy

278
00:11:58,041 --> 00:12:00,841
Speaker 1: on social media, also my responsibilities at work. There's a

279
00:12:00,841 --> 00:12:03,001
Speaker 1: lot of people and a lot of emotions and a

280
00:12:03,001 --> 00:12:05,641
Speaker 1: lot of things to hold. It's really difficult. But yeah,

281
00:12:05,641 --> 00:12:07,521
Speaker 1: there's a lot of check ins, a lot of communication,

282
00:12:07,601 --> 00:12:09,081
Speaker 1: and just a bit more screen time at the moment.

283
00:12:09,161 --> 00:12:11,561
Speaker 2: Yeah, it's that stacking effect that we were talking about.

284
00:12:11,601 --> 00:12:14,681
Speaker 2: Sometimes things just feel like a heavier season. And that's

285
00:12:14,721 --> 00:12:17,001
Speaker 2: also okay. And obviously, by the sounds of it, you

286
00:12:17,041 --> 00:12:19,121
Speaker 2: and Steve do a really good job learning how to

287
00:12:19,281 --> 00:12:22,121
Speaker 2: like maneuver between the different seasons. But do you think

288
00:12:22,161 --> 00:12:26,161
Speaker 2: that's really important? So important knowing how to bounce between

289
00:12:26,201 --> 00:12:28,481
Speaker 2: the easy seasons and the hard seasons without making it

290
00:12:28,521 --> 00:12:31,361
Speaker 2: mean something about your relationship, about you as a parent.

291
00:12:31,441 --> 00:12:34,841
Speaker 1: Definitely one hundred percent. And not taking things personally as well. Yeah,

292
00:12:34,881 --> 00:12:36,881
Speaker 1: like when one of them's going through something, not taking

293
00:12:36,881 --> 00:12:38,601
Speaker 1: a personally, which I used to do all the time,

294
00:12:39,041 --> 00:12:41,401
Speaker 1: and now I'm more like hyper aware to be like,

295
00:12:41,481 --> 00:12:43,321
Speaker 1: oh I can see what this is. Yeah, I'm not

296
00:12:43,361 --> 00:12:45,521
Speaker 1: going to make something of it. Yeah, that's just how

297
00:12:45,521 --> 00:12:47,401
Speaker 1: he's feeling or how I'm feeling, or where we're at

298
00:12:47,441 --> 00:12:49,521
Speaker 1: right now, and that's okay. Yeah, that gets to be

299
00:12:49,561 --> 00:12:51,001
Speaker 1: there and tomorrow might be really different.

300
00:12:51,081 --> 00:12:53,481
Speaker 2: Yeah, and how about in the moments, because I could

301
00:12:53,481 --> 00:12:55,161
Speaker 2: imagine anyone who's a parent.

302
00:12:55,001 --> 00:12:55,801
Speaker 3: My experience.

303
00:12:55,841 --> 00:12:57,801
Speaker 2: This is like it's all really good and well and

304
00:12:57,801 --> 00:13:00,401
Speaker 2: everything's so smoothly when everyone's feeling good, or maybe just

305
00:13:00,401 --> 00:13:02,761
Speaker 2: one person's feeling good but the other person's feeling tapped at.

306
00:13:02,761 --> 00:13:05,561
Speaker 2: What about when you're like both triggered and both feeling

307
00:13:05,561 --> 00:13:07,521
Speaker 2: tapped out and you've still got a parent, Like, what

308
00:13:07,561 --> 00:13:10,321
Speaker 2: are your kind of go to things to help yourself regulate?

309
00:13:10,401 --> 00:13:11,481
Speaker 3: In those moments, I.

310
00:13:11,441 --> 00:13:14,201
Speaker 1: Go into my logical brain. Then yeah, it's like, okay,

311
00:13:14,321 --> 00:13:16,681
Speaker 1: what do we need to do? What are the necessities? Yeah,

312
00:13:16,721 --> 00:13:19,001
Speaker 1: these kids need to be fed, they need to be bathed,

313
00:13:19,041 --> 00:13:20,881
Speaker 1: and need to be put together. That's what we're focusing

314
00:13:20,921 --> 00:13:22,841
Speaker 1: on right now. Now is not the time to get

315
00:13:22,841 --> 00:13:25,481
Speaker 1: into deep conversations where we're going to get really frustrated

316
00:13:25,481 --> 00:13:28,441
Speaker 1: that we interrupted every three seconds because with one kid,

317
00:13:28,481 --> 00:13:30,881
Speaker 1: two kid, three kids, Like, you don't get a moment's talk.

318
00:13:30,921 --> 00:13:33,601
Speaker 1: I was voice messaging you the other day and like

319
00:13:33,641 --> 00:13:35,641
Speaker 1: I've lost my train of thought about four times. I'm like,

320
00:13:35,641 --> 00:13:38,241
Speaker 1: I'm sorry, babe, I can't talk work right now, like Tyler,

321
00:13:38,441 --> 00:13:41,361
Speaker 1: she needs me. Yes. So it's very logical. These are

322
00:13:41,361 --> 00:13:43,401
Speaker 1: the tasks we need to get done, and we park

323
00:13:43,601 --> 00:13:45,401
Speaker 1: the deep conversations that we need to have all the

324
00:13:45,441 --> 00:13:47,681
Speaker 1: hard conversations we need to have and park up for

325
00:13:47,721 --> 00:13:50,161
Speaker 1: the side, and some things too, like you just need

326
00:13:50,201 --> 00:13:52,321
Speaker 1: to allow them to play out. That actually isn't anything

327
00:13:52,361 --> 00:13:54,841
Speaker 1: that you need to do, like grieving right now, there's

328
00:13:54,881 --> 00:13:57,001
Speaker 1: nothing else I have to do or need to do.

329
00:13:57,201 --> 00:14:00,881
Speaker 1: It's just it's there. Yeah, and I've had to accept

330
00:14:00,881 --> 00:14:03,801
Speaker 1: that that's going to be there for a very very

331
00:14:03,881 --> 00:14:07,041
Speaker 1: long time. This isn't going anywhere. Yeah, Like if someone

332
00:14:07,041 --> 00:14:10,321
Speaker 1: asks me how I am right now, I'm like not good. Yeah,

333
00:14:10,361 --> 00:14:12,201
Speaker 1: and probably not going to be good for a very

334
00:14:12,241 --> 00:14:14,841
Speaker 1: long time. Does that mean that I can't be happy

335
00:14:14,881 --> 00:14:16,961
Speaker 1: and find joy in moments and still enjoy my work

336
00:14:17,081 --> 00:14:20,601
Speaker 1: or celebrate my successes. Definitely not. Yeah, I get to

337
00:14:20,641 --> 00:14:23,481
Speaker 1: hold all of that and everything I've been holding this

338
00:14:23,601 --> 00:14:26,401
Speaker 1: last month has stretched my capacity and is showing me

339
00:14:26,801 --> 00:14:28,761
Speaker 1: how to do that, and I'm really grateful for that.

340
00:14:29,401 --> 00:14:32,401
Speaker 1: But yeah, when it's both of us like not coping,

341
00:14:32,521 --> 00:14:34,881
Speaker 1: it's logical. Get what we need to get done, and

342
00:14:34,921 --> 00:14:38,041
Speaker 1: then decompressed later and put a movie on.

343
00:14:38,241 --> 00:14:39,401
Speaker 3: Yes, it's so good.

344
00:14:39,401 --> 00:14:41,681
Speaker 1: Sometimes you need that. Or go outside, like if we've

345
00:14:41,681 --> 00:14:44,321
Speaker 1: got a new playground in our backyard, it's been amazing.

346
00:14:44,441 --> 00:14:45,681
Speaker 1: We go out and we've got two chairs and the

347
00:14:45,761 --> 00:14:47,281
Speaker 1: kids just play on the playground and we can just

348
00:14:47,321 --> 00:14:49,681
Speaker 1: sit watch the sun go down and they're playing and

349
00:14:49,721 --> 00:14:51,881
Speaker 1: it's the best. We're out the fresh air, they're being active,

350
00:14:51,921 --> 00:14:54,601
Speaker 1: we're still with them, we're present with them. It's beautiful,

351
00:14:54,841 --> 00:14:56,921
Speaker 1: very beautiful. Yeah, i'd love to know.

352
00:14:57,001 --> 00:14:59,201
Speaker 2: I feel like there's lots of judgment around being a

353
00:14:59,241 --> 00:15:01,121
Speaker 2: parent that I've seen, and I'd love to know what

354
00:15:01,161 --> 00:15:04,201
Speaker 2: your opinion is on screen time and what your balance

355
00:15:04,321 --> 00:15:06,001
Speaker 2: is with that when it comes to like allowing the

356
00:15:06,041 --> 00:15:06,921
Speaker 2: kids time on their.

357
00:15:06,761 --> 00:15:11,001
Speaker 1: Screens or it's such a controversial topic and I still

358
00:15:11,041 --> 00:15:13,481
Speaker 1: don't really reckon. I have a super strong opinion on

359
00:15:13,521 --> 00:15:17,201
Speaker 1: what's right or wrong. And every mom that I speak

360
00:15:17,241 --> 00:15:20,841
Speaker 1: to about this, they all have their kind of rules

361
00:15:21,281 --> 00:15:23,041
Speaker 1: with what feels good for them. Yeah. Like I was

362
00:15:23,081 --> 00:15:25,281
Speaker 1: talking about next to the Navy yesterday and she was like, oh,

363
00:15:25,321 --> 00:15:27,281
Speaker 1: when they're sick, more screen time. And she had a

364
00:15:27,321 --> 00:15:29,521
Speaker 1: tough week and then she's like, oh, well, he gets

365
00:15:29,561 --> 00:15:31,321
Speaker 1: it every single morning when he wakes up, he wakes

366
00:15:31,361 --> 00:15:33,161
Speaker 1: up really early. Don't want to waken the baby. So

367
00:15:33,401 --> 00:15:35,801
Speaker 1: you know, from five till six thirty that's his screen time.

368
00:15:36,281 --> 00:15:38,041
Speaker 1: I was like, oh, that's interesting because in our house

369
00:15:38,081 --> 00:15:40,841
Speaker 1: and once again, no right or wrong, there's no screen

370
00:15:40,841 --> 00:15:42,561
Speaker 1: in the morning. It's a hard rule that I have.

371
00:15:42,681 --> 00:15:44,721
Speaker 1: We are getting ready for school, we're being present with

372
00:15:44,761 --> 00:15:47,961
Speaker 1: our food. We're not adding any stimulation before you go

373
00:15:48,001 --> 00:15:50,201
Speaker 1: to school, like that's just my thing. But in the

374
00:15:50,241 --> 00:15:53,201
Speaker 1: evening we love watching funny animals on YouTube. And then

375
00:15:53,241 --> 00:15:56,081
Speaker 1: Taj also connects with his friends on a game at nighttime,

376
00:15:56,161 --> 00:15:58,361
Speaker 1: so he gets forty five minutes, you know, every single

377
00:15:58,441 --> 00:16:00,681
Speaker 1: day to be on his iPad and to watch what

378
00:16:00,761 --> 00:16:02,761
Speaker 1: he wants to watch. We see what he watches and

379
00:16:02,801 --> 00:16:05,001
Speaker 1: we're very onto that and know the games that he played.

380
00:16:05,521 --> 00:16:08,281
Speaker 1: But that's something that he does get to use. But

381
00:16:08,401 --> 00:16:10,841
Speaker 1: there's strong boundaries around how much he gets to use

382
00:16:10,961 --> 00:16:13,801
Speaker 1: and what he uses it for. But then when they're sick,

383
00:16:13,961 --> 00:16:17,441
Speaker 1: that goes out the window. Tyler touch wood wood around,

384
00:16:17,601 --> 00:16:20,681
Speaker 1: Oh my god, there's no wood. She hasn't been sick much,

385
00:16:20,721 --> 00:16:23,241
Speaker 1: but there was about six months ago she got hand,

386
00:16:23,241 --> 00:16:25,201
Speaker 1: foot in mouth and a very mild case of a

387
00:16:25,321 --> 00:16:27,561
Speaker 1: like literally had none on her feet. She had a

388
00:16:27,561 --> 00:16:29,761
Speaker 1: couple in her mouth, and I think one little sore

389
00:16:29,761 --> 00:16:32,761
Speaker 1: on her finger, but she was like you wouldn't even

390
00:16:32,801 --> 00:16:35,801
Speaker 1: recognize her, so miserable. She just wanted to lay in

391
00:16:35,881 --> 00:16:40,001
Speaker 1: my arms and was so lethargic and tired. We watched

392
00:16:40,241 --> 00:16:43,881
Speaker 1: that much cartoons and I was like, had this little

393
00:16:43,921 --> 00:16:46,721
Speaker 1: glimpse of like mum good of awe. I shouldn't really

394
00:16:46,761 --> 00:16:48,721
Speaker 1: allowing her to have this much screen But I was like, actually,

395
00:16:48,721 --> 00:16:50,961
Speaker 1: she just needs to rest. Can't take her out anywhere

396
00:16:51,001 --> 00:16:54,321
Speaker 1: because she's contagious starters, but she doesn't have energy to

397
00:16:54,321 --> 00:16:56,521
Speaker 1: go play, you know. So we watched a lot of

398
00:16:56,521 --> 00:16:58,001
Speaker 1: movies and a lot of screen time and for three

399
00:16:58,081 --> 00:16:59,801
Speaker 1: days straight, that's what we did. Yeah, and I don't

400
00:16:59,801 --> 00:17:01,801
Speaker 1: have any guilt around that. Yeah, you know, and if

401
00:17:01,841 --> 00:17:04,241
Speaker 1: Taji is sick as well, we definitely allow a bit

402
00:17:04,281 --> 00:17:07,841
Speaker 1: more on school holidays when I'm juggling kids and work,

403
00:17:08,201 --> 00:17:09,801
Speaker 1: they use it a little bit more because sometimes I

404
00:17:09,840 --> 00:17:11,321
Speaker 1: have to have a meeting at home where I've got

405
00:17:11,360 --> 00:17:13,641
Speaker 1: things I've got to do, you know, So I utilize

406
00:17:13,640 --> 00:17:15,960
Speaker 1: it when I need to. However, I can see that

407
00:17:16,041 --> 00:17:18,880
Speaker 1: it can really affect their concentration and their behavior if

408
00:17:18,921 --> 00:17:21,120
Speaker 1: they have too much of it. I have a strong

409
00:17:21,241 --> 00:17:23,561
Speaker 1: rule on there's no social media I've said he's not

410
00:17:23,600 --> 00:17:26,200
Speaker 1: allowed any social media till he's sixteen. Ye ask me

411
00:17:26,241 --> 00:17:27,801
Speaker 1: again when he's a teenager. I'm sure it's going to

412
00:17:27,801 --> 00:17:31,041
Speaker 1: be very difficult, but he has agreed when he turns sixteen,

413
00:17:31,080 --> 00:17:33,200
Speaker 1: that's when we will open that discussion back up. And

414
00:17:33,241 --> 00:17:36,360
Speaker 1: at the moment he's okay with that, I'm very open

415
00:17:36,400 --> 00:17:39,521
Speaker 1: with him about pedophiles sexual assault. He could literally tell

416
00:17:39,561 --> 00:17:42,961
Speaker 1: you what sexual assault means now, how scary the internet

417
00:17:43,041 --> 00:17:45,761
Speaker 1: is for them, how pedophiles groom young children online. We

418
00:17:45,880 --> 00:17:48,401
Speaker 1: have very open dialogue with all of that. I think

419
00:17:48,441 --> 00:17:51,640
Speaker 1: it's really important to inform. So when he shows me

420
00:17:51,681 --> 00:17:53,521
Speaker 1: something on YouTube, I'm like, no, I'm not okay with

421
00:17:53,561 --> 00:17:55,281
Speaker 1: you watching that. Or if he wants to put a

422
00:17:55,321 --> 00:17:57,241
Speaker 1: new game on, I'm like, no, that has chat rooms,

423
00:17:57,241 --> 00:17:59,721
Speaker 1: we're not okay with that. So a lot of education.

424
00:18:00,360 --> 00:18:02,480
Speaker 1: So I don't think there's any right or wrong, but

425
00:18:02,521 --> 00:18:05,721
Speaker 1: I think we have a nice, healthy balance and there's

426
00:18:05,840 --> 00:18:09,400
Speaker 1: flexibility within that. One more rule that we have is

427
00:18:09,721 --> 00:18:11,880
Speaker 1: no shorts even on YouTube. You know how they have

428
00:18:11,921 --> 00:18:13,761
Speaker 1: the shorts option. Yeah, he's not allowed to do that

429
00:18:13,840 --> 00:18:17,561
Speaker 1: because I truly believe that that will affect their concentration levels.

430
00:18:18,080 --> 00:18:20,200
Speaker 1: And I want him to be able to sit and

431
00:18:20,241 --> 00:18:23,160
Speaker 1: be able to consume, you know, electure in his classroom

432
00:18:23,321 --> 00:18:26,440
Speaker 1: or a movie, or just be able to be more still.

433
00:18:26,441 --> 00:18:29,080
Speaker 1: And I think kids that are watching that their attention span,

434
00:18:29,241 --> 00:18:31,201
Speaker 1: like they just can't sit still for a long period

435
00:18:31,201 --> 00:18:33,600
Speaker 1: of time, and if they have too much, I believe

436
00:18:33,600 --> 00:18:36,961
Speaker 1: their behavior is affected. Yeah, so I think every kid's

437
00:18:36,961 --> 00:18:37,681
Speaker 1: so different too.

438
00:18:37,840 --> 00:18:41,360
Speaker 2: Yeah, I can see the benefit in teaching your kids

439
00:18:41,360 --> 00:18:44,801
Speaker 2: in TAJE, especially why something might not be good for them,

440
00:18:44,840 --> 00:18:46,880
Speaker 2: and then almost getting him to make an informed decision

441
00:18:46,921 --> 00:18:48,640
Speaker 2: on his own. It's like teaching him how to make

442
00:18:48,721 --> 00:18:51,681
Speaker 2: decisions for himself and how to learn when he has information,

443
00:18:51,961 --> 00:18:53,481
Speaker 2: how to make a choice that's going to be good

444
00:18:53,481 --> 00:18:54,880
Speaker 2: and beneficial for him in the future.

445
00:18:55,160 --> 00:18:56,200
Speaker 1: One hundred percent.

446
00:18:56,521 --> 00:18:59,720
Speaker 2: So you mentioned something earlier before around feeling like you

447
00:18:59,801 --> 00:19:01,880
Speaker 2: had like an inkling of mum guilt come up. I

448
00:19:01,880 --> 00:19:04,720
Speaker 2: would love to know how you actually manage mum guilt.

449
00:19:05,241 --> 00:19:06,840
Speaker 2: When does it come up for you? How do you

450
00:19:06,880 --> 00:19:07,321
Speaker 2: manage it?

451
00:19:07,880 --> 00:19:10,041
Speaker 1: Tell us all. Yeah, it's a tricky one. I think

452
00:19:10,080 --> 00:19:12,920
Speaker 1: most mums do experience it, and it's fucking horrible when

453
00:19:12,921 --> 00:19:16,761
Speaker 1: you're experiencing it. So for me, mum guilt comes up

454
00:19:16,880 --> 00:19:20,041
Speaker 1: if I've worked too much or I've just been away

455
00:19:20,080 --> 00:19:22,841
Speaker 1: from them too much. So this last month is perfect example,

456
00:19:22,880 --> 00:19:25,120
Speaker 1: which I know I've touched on already, But I was

457
00:19:25,281 --> 00:19:27,241
Speaker 1: in for brain surgery and I was in the hospital

458
00:19:27,281 --> 00:19:29,361
Speaker 1: for four days and then I was meant to come

459
00:19:29,360 --> 00:19:31,961
Speaker 1: home and kind of be in bed rest for another week.

460
00:19:32,360 --> 00:19:34,961
Speaker 1: Rainbow passed the night that I came home from hospital,

461
00:19:35,360 --> 00:19:37,840
Speaker 1: and Megsie told me the next day, and I pretty

462
00:19:37,880 --> 00:19:40,080
Speaker 1: much was at her house all day every day up

463
00:19:40,160 --> 00:19:42,840
Speaker 1: until the evening until she went to bed most days

464
00:19:43,241 --> 00:19:45,961
Speaker 1: to support her. So I really wasn't around my kids much.

465
00:19:46,360 --> 00:19:48,681
Speaker 1: And then I just noticed Tala started to cry when

466
00:19:48,721 --> 00:19:50,480
Speaker 1: I was leaving in the morning, and that was a

467
00:19:50,521 --> 00:19:52,840
Speaker 1: guilt for me that I haven't been there for her much.

468
00:19:53,441 --> 00:19:55,360
Speaker 1: And then it was a Then my work had kind

469
00:19:55,360 --> 00:19:57,001
Speaker 1: of caught up with me, and I had the Sydney

470
00:19:57,041 --> 00:19:59,200
Speaker 1: trip booked, and we've got this up here because you

471
00:19:59,241 --> 00:20:01,481
Speaker 1: said let's cancel the Sydney trip, like go with your kids.

472
00:20:01,521 --> 00:20:03,281
Speaker 1: I was like, well, this is I'm in a contract,

473
00:20:03,281 --> 00:20:05,521
Speaker 1: this is a responsibility, this is an opportunity, this is

474
00:20:05,521 --> 00:20:08,961
Speaker 1: something I still want to do, And that's life. Sometimes

475
00:20:09,241 --> 00:20:11,441
Speaker 1: we do miss out and it is just a season,

476
00:20:12,201 --> 00:20:15,121
Speaker 1: and I have the moments of guilt and it's more

477
00:20:15,201 --> 00:20:17,920
Speaker 1: just like I fucking miss them. So I just try

478
00:20:18,041 --> 00:20:20,400
Speaker 1: in the moment, how do I manage it? I just

479
00:20:20,441 --> 00:20:22,720
Speaker 1: try to accept that this is the busiest season and

480
00:20:22,801 --> 00:20:25,481
Speaker 1: these were unpredictable things. I had to have brain surgery.

481
00:20:25,840 --> 00:20:27,600
Speaker 1: I chose to be there with my best friend. I

482
00:20:27,600 --> 00:20:30,481
Speaker 1: don't regret that at all. Yes, that sucked Fatala if

483
00:20:30,481 --> 00:20:32,241
Speaker 1: she missed me, but I know she's also in safe

484
00:20:32,241 --> 00:20:34,561
Speaker 1: hands with her father, who absolutely loves her and make

485
00:20:34,600 --> 00:20:36,840
Speaker 1: sure she has the best time when I'm not there.

486
00:20:37,441 --> 00:20:39,240
Speaker 1: So I just try to remind myself that it's a

487
00:20:39,241 --> 00:20:41,840
Speaker 1: busy season, this is life sometimes, and you're doing the

488
00:20:41,840 --> 00:20:43,961
Speaker 1: best you can with what you have. And then when

489
00:20:44,001 --> 00:20:46,561
Speaker 1: I'm home, I feel like if I've carried in that

490
00:20:46,600 --> 00:20:49,120
Speaker 1: guilt or I'm really missing them, I'm even more conscious,

491
00:20:49,160 --> 00:20:52,801
Speaker 1: I'm even more present, I'm even more just with them,

492
00:20:53,041 --> 00:20:56,441
Speaker 1: and I really appreciate that time with them. But being

493
00:20:56,481 --> 00:20:59,240
Speaker 1: a bully to myself and beating myself up about it,

494
00:20:59,321 --> 00:21:01,321
Speaker 1: what is that going to achieve? So I think over

495
00:21:01,360 --> 00:21:04,041
Speaker 1: the years that the mum Guild has popped in, I

496
00:21:04,160 --> 00:21:06,561
Speaker 1: really trained myself to just be kind to myself. Because

497
00:21:06,600 --> 00:21:08,681
Speaker 1: if my best friend came to me and said, oh

498
00:21:08,681 --> 00:21:10,840
Speaker 1: my gosh, I feel so guilty that I've been working

499
00:21:10,921 --> 00:21:14,160
Speaker 1: so much, I would be like, Okay, I can hear you.

500
00:21:14,160 --> 00:21:17,001
Speaker 1: You're working because you have to earn a living. If

501
00:21:17,041 --> 00:21:19,840
Speaker 1: you don't work, how do you pay your bills? Yeah,

502
00:21:20,001 --> 00:21:21,840
Speaker 1: you can't just not work, Like, that's just not how

503
00:21:21,880 --> 00:21:24,920
Speaker 1: life works. You know, I understand how you feel, but like,

504
00:21:24,961 --> 00:21:25,881
Speaker 1: be kind to yourself.

505
00:21:25,921 --> 00:21:26,121
Speaker 2: Girl.

506
00:21:26,281 --> 00:21:27,801
Speaker 1: You're doing what you need to do, and you're doing

507
00:21:27,801 --> 00:21:29,441
Speaker 1: the best you can with what you have. And yes,

508
00:21:29,441 --> 00:21:31,640
Speaker 1: it might be you know, a busier week where you

509
00:21:31,681 --> 00:21:33,600
Speaker 1: got home later and you missed a couple of bath times.

510
00:21:33,761 --> 00:21:36,361
Speaker 1: These are conversations I regularly have with my girlfriends. Got

511
00:21:36,360 --> 00:21:38,481
Speaker 1: one girlfriend who leaves at eight, doesn't get home till six,

512
00:21:38,481 --> 00:21:39,801
Speaker 1: and she sees her kids for like an hour in

513
00:21:39,840 --> 00:21:43,120
Speaker 1: the morning, half an hour at night, and she hates it. Yeah, like,

514
00:21:43,160 --> 00:21:44,960
Speaker 1: you're doing the best with what you can right now

515
00:21:45,120 --> 00:21:48,600
Speaker 1: with the situation that you're in, you know, beating yourself up,

516
00:21:48,640 --> 00:21:50,121
Speaker 1: like you wouldn't be your best friend up, so why

517
00:21:50,160 --> 00:21:53,281
Speaker 1: beat yourself up about it? And doesn't achieve or change anything.

518
00:21:53,561 --> 00:21:56,640
Speaker 1: But sometimes guilt is that little like you know when

519
00:21:56,681 --> 00:21:58,960
Speaker 1: you get a text message like ding ding. Sometimes if

520
00:21:59,001 --> 00:22:01,281
Speaker 1: I get guilt, I'm like ding ding, Okay, what's happening

521
00:22:01,281 --> 00:22:03,640
Speaker 1: for me? This doesn't feel good? Okay, I'm not going

522
00:22:03,681 --> 00:22:05,240
Speaker 1: to do this again? Or how can I change this?

523
00:22:05,321 --> 00:22:06,681
Speaker 1: Or what can I do better so that I don't

524
00:22:06,681 --> 00:22:09,281
Speaker 1: have to feel this for a long time? Yes, So

525
00:22:09,360 --> 00:22:12,200
Speaker 1: now inquiry. It's self inquiry, and it's knowing you have

526
00:22:12,321 --> 00:22:14,761
Speaker 1: choice to change. It's like, Okay, I've had this busy

527
00:22:14,801 --> 00:22:17,641
Speaker 1: season and now I'm starting to try and get back

528
00:22:17,640 --> 00:22:20,441
Speaker 1: into a normal routine. I'm still visiting, makes it a lot, obviously,

529
00:22:20,561 --> 00:22:22,680
Speaker 1: and I'm still doing my work, but I'm trying to

530
00:22:22,681 --> 00:22:25,001
Speaker 1: find a new rhythm that feels good for me and

531
00:22:25,041 --> 00:22:27,720
Speaker 1: feels good for Tala and for Steve and supports everyone

532
00:22:27,761 --> 00:22:28,641
Speaker 1: as well as myself.

533
00:22:28,840 --> 00:22:30,840
Speaker 3: Question any more kids?

534
00:22:31,001 --> 00:22:31,520
Speaker 1: Yes? Or no?

535
00:22:31,600 --> 00:22:33,521
Speaker 3: And why no?

536
00:22:33,521 --> 00:22:36,160
Speaker 1: No? I mean I've always thought I would have two boys.

537
00:22:36,201 --> 00:22:39,321
Speaker 1: So there's this like tiny little part of me that

538
00:22:39,400 --> 00:22:41,240
Speaker 1: feels like there's still a little boy there for me.

539
00:22:41,321 --> 00:22:43,160
Speaker 1: I just always joined to being a mom of two boys.

540
00:22:43,521 --> 00:22:45,321
Speaker 1: And my mum said to me a little while ago,

541
00:22:45,360 --> 00:22:48,321
Speaker 1: she said, maybe you'll adopt or maybe you know, one

542
00:22:48,360 --> 00:22:50,561
Speaker 1: of TAJA's friends will need a home because his home

543
00:22:50,640 --> 00:22:53,120
Speaker 1: is broken, and you'll take them in. But I feel

544
00:22:53,120 --> 00:22:56,600
Speaker 1: like there's a boy energy somewhere around me. I'm not sure,

545
00:22:56,721 --> 00:23:00,160
Speaker 1: but for me, I think I'm done. Steve is forty five.

546
00:23:00,360 --> 00:23:03,840
Speaker 1: I'm thirty six. If we were younger, I would have

547
00:23:03,921 --> 00:23:07,241
Speaker 1: another big age gap, definitely go a third. But yeah,

548
00:23:07,281 --> 00:23:10,281
Speaker 1: with Steve's age, his dad passed when he was fifty two,

549
00:23:10,481 --> 00:23:13,041
Speaker 1: I think, and both of us didn't have dads at

550
00:23:13,080 --> 00:23:14,840
Speaker 1: our weddings. Both of us didn't have dads for all

551
00:23:14,880 --> 00:23:17,000
Speaker 1: of our important days. And Steve's like, I just want

552
00:23:17,041 --> 00:23:18,561
Speaker 1: to be around for all of my kids things and

553
00:23:18,640 --> 00:23:20,200
Speaker 1: I have them too late. I'm worried I won't be

554
00:23:20,201 --> 00:23:22,480
Speaker 1: able to walk my daughter down the aisle. You know what,

555
00:23:22,521 --> 00:23:23,960
Speaker 1: if I don't live a long life, I want to

556
00:23:23,961 --> 00:23:26,521
Speaker 1: be there for all those important days for them. Yeah.

557
00:23:26,561 --> 00:23:29,441
Speaker 1: I just really love our dynamic. I really love our lifestyle.

558
00:23:29,481 --> 00:23:32,480
Speaker 1: I really got one of each gender. They're both healthy,

559
00:23:32,561 --> 00:23:36,161
Speaker 1: they're both happy. I just really love what we've got. Yeah,

560
00:23:36,201 --> 00:23:38,721
Speaker 1: I don't feel like anything's missing. Not that I felt

561
00:23:38,721 --> 00:23:40,561
Speaker 1: that with Taj either, but when I had Tala, I

562
00:23:40,600 --> 00:23:44,001
Speaker 1: just felt this sense of we are complete. Yeah, there's

563
00:23:44,041 --> 00:23:46,481
Speaker 1: little moments where I'm like, oh, one more would be nice,

564
00:23:46,521 --> 00:23:49,081
Speaker 1: but not enough to have another child. Yeah, Like i'd

565
00:23:49,120 --> 00:23:51,561
Speaker 1: be happy if Steve got the snip. Yeah he's refusing,

566
00:23:51,640 --> 00:23:55,400
Speaker 1: but I work on it. And I love being an

567
00:23:55,441 --> 00:23:57,481
Speaker 1: auntie too as well, Like I love all my friends'

568
00:23:57,521 --> 00:23:59,801
Speaker 1: kids as well. And I feel like with two, I

569
00:23:59,840 --> 00:24:02,160
Speaker 1: have a really nice balance of being able to live

570
00:24:02,201 --> 00:24:05,681
Speaker 1: out my passions, spend time with my girlfriends on trips,

571
00:24:06,120 --> 00:24:08,401
Speaker 1: have date nights, spend quality time with my kids, give

572
00:24:08,441 --> 00:24:12,120
Speaker 1: them a great life. Yeah, I feel like I really

573
00:24:12,160 --> 00:24:14,680
Speaker 1: have it all. Yeah. I love that I really have

574
00:24:14,761 --> 00:24:15,001
Speaker 1: it all.

575
00:24:15,441 --> 00:24:17,521
Speaker 2: It's such a beautiful thing because you've got time to

576
00:24:17,521 --> 00:24:18,920
Speaker 2: be able to allocate for all of the things that

577
00:24:18,961 --> 00:24:21,561
Speaker 2: you love and prioritize that you value out of your life.

578
00:24:21,761 --> 00:24:23,321
Speaker 1: And I feel even with two, And I don't know

579
00:24:23,321 --> 00:24:26,121
Speaker 1: if any other mums relate, but I feel since I've

580
00:24:26,120 --> 00:24:30,600
Speaker 1: had Tala, it's harder to give Tarj as much quality

581
00:24:30,640 --> 00:24:32,241
Speaker 1: time as what I gave from the first five and

582
00:24:32,241 --> 00:24:34,480
Speaker 1: a half years when it was just him. I was

583
00:24:34,521 --> 00:24:35,961
Speaker 1: so used to being able to give him all of

584
00:24:36,041 --> 00:24:39,520
Speaker 1: my energy. As you know, she's quite allowed energy. She

585
00:24:39,640 --> 00:24:42,801
Speaker 1: requires a lot more attention, a lot more of me,

586
00:24:43,400 --> 00:24:46,600
Speaker 1: And because she's younger, he is more self sufficient and

587
00:24:46,681 --> 00:24:49,680
Speaker 1: independent and naturally has gone to her, especially when I

588
00:24:49,721 --> 00:24:52,680
Speaker 1: was breastfeeding whatever. So I feel like having a third

589
00:24:53,360 --> 00:24:55,680
Speaker 1: I don't know how I would give the quality of

590
00:24:55,721 --> 00:24:57,960
Speaker 1: time that I want to give my children that I

591
00:24:58,001 --> 00:25:00,721
Speaker 1: feel like my kids need. Yes, I look at moms

592
00:25:00,721 --> 00:25:02,440
Speaker 1: that have five, like your mom has had five. I

593
00:25:02,521 --> 00:25:04,480
Speaker 1: got plenty of friends that have three, and they fucking

594
00:25:04,681 --> 00:25:08,121
Speaker 1: nail for me personally, I think, I don't know. Maybe

595
00:25:08,120 --> 00:25:10,400
Speaker 1: I wouldn't be as patient and I would feel guilty

596
00:25:10,400 --> 00:25:12,120
Speaker 1: that I couldn't give them what I think they need.

597
00:25:12,640 --> 00:25:14,840
Speaker 1: I love what I've got going on right now. I

598
00:25:14,880 --> 00:25:16,721
Speaker 1: love that so good.

599
00:25:17,321 --> 00:25:19,600
Speaker 2: I'd be curious to know some topics that you don't

600
00:25:19,640 --> 00:25:24,801
Speaker 2: talk about online and why, like vaccinations, circumcision and all

601
00:25:24,921 --> 00:25:28,160
Speaker 2: the really taboo topics in motherhood that people just tend

602
00:25:28,160 --> 00:25:29,080
Speaker 2: to stray away from.

603
00:25:29,201 --> 00:25:34,400
Speaker 1: Likely you talk about vaccinations and circumcision online, you're asking

604
00:25:34,400 --> 00:25:35,120
Speaker 1: for a death sentence.

605
00:25:35,160 --> 00:25:36,881
Speaker 3: Oh shit, am I asking for a death sentence?

606
00:25:37,360 --> 00:25:39,960
Speaker 1: I mean, I'll give you my perspective. I don't have

607
00:25:40,001 --> 00:25:43,160
Speaker 1: a strong opinion on any of it. Yeah, I have

608
00:25:43,281 --> 00:25:46,840
Speaker 1: done a lot of study into both, with circumcision or

609
00:25:46,880 --> 00:25:50,880
Speaker 1: not getting circumcised, vaccinations, not getting vaccinations. I've got friends

610
00:25:50,921 --> 00:25:52,960
Speaker 1: that do it, I've got friends that don't. I am

611
00:25:53,001 --> 00:25:55,481
Speaker 1: honestly hand in my heart, whatever feels good for you.

612
00:25:55,961 --> 00:25:58,080
Speaker 1: And then I've had friends that haven't got vaccinated and

613
00:25:58,120 --> 00:25:59,840
Speaker 1: then the kids have gotten sick and they've carried guilty

614
00:25:59,840 --> 00:26:01,600
Speaker 1: around that and thought, what if I did get them vaccinated,

615
00:26:01,600 --> 00:26:04,241
Speaker 1: would that not being the case. I had another girlfriend

616
00:26:04,321 --> 00:26:08,441
Speaker 1: who her sister got vaccinated when she was younger developed

617
00:26:08,561 --> 00:26:11,080
Speaker 1: having fits and seizures, and they said it was from

618
00:26:11,080 --> 00:26:14,321
Speaker 1: the vaccinations. So their next child they didn't get vaccinated.

619
00:26:14,321 --> 00:26:17,600
Speaker 1: They've been perfectly fine. Yes, you can look up online

620
00:26:17,721 --> 00:26:20,801
Speaker 1: for everything that is four vaccinations and feel so good

621
00:26:20,801 --> 00:26:23,360
Speaker 1: with your decision. You can look up the other way

622
00:26:23,481 --> 00:26:25,801
Speaker 1: and it's everything of why not to get your kids vaccinated,

623
00:26:26,080 --> 00:26:28,200
Speaker 1: and you could feel good on that decision. There is

624
00:26:28,281 --> 00:26:31,281
Speaker 1: literally pros and cons and studies done on both. So

625
00:26:31,400 --> 00:26:34,161
Speaker 1: whatever feels good for you and your family, I respect

626
00:26:34,160 --> 00:26:36,000
Speaker 1: what you want to do. Yeah, let's just have that

627
00:26:36,001 --> 00:26:38,200
Speaker 1: for each other. And you're going to make a decision

628
00:26:38,241 --> 00:26:41,041
Speaker 1: based on your beliefs, based on your study, your research,

629
00:26:41,441 --> 00:26:42,361
Speaker 1: and then circumcision.

630
00:26:42,600 --> 00:26:44,720
Speaker 3: Yeah, it's a whole other canalorms.

631
00:26:44,840 --> 00:26:47,001
Speaker 1: It's a whole of the can of worms. Once again,

632
00:26:47,041 --> 00:26:49,961
Speaker 1: I did research pros and cons to both ye and

633
00:26:50,041 --> 00:26:52,920
Speaker 1: it was really eye opening. And once again, whatever feels

634
00:26:52,961 --> 00:26:54,920
Speaker 1: right for you. Yeah, I'm not going to tell you

635
00:26:54,961 --> 00:26:57,281
Speaker 1: what's the right thing to do for your child's penis. Yeah,

636
00:26:57,600 --> 00:27:00,280
Speaker 1: it's not my place. I had a girlfriend once, an

637
00:27:00,281 --> 00:27:02,961
Speaker 1: old high school girlfriend, and she was getting you're infections

638
00:27:03,001 --> 00:27:05,760
Speaker 1: all the time, and her partner was not circumcised, and

639
00:27:05,801 --> 00:27:07,880
Speaker 1: the doctor taught him how to clean his penis properly,

640
00:27:07,921 --> 00:27:09,441
Speaker 1: and he was doing it properly, and it just never

641
00:27:09,481 --> 00:27:12,200
Speaker 1: went away. They kind of said it wasn't because of that.

642
00:27:12,281 --> 00:27:14,041
Speaker 1: They went to this new doctor and she was like,

643
00:27:14,241 --> 00:27:17,360
Speaker 1: I guarantee if you get circumcised, you run affectuals to

644
00:27:17,400 --> 00:27:19,401
Speaker 1: go away. So we did it when I got circumcised.

645
00:27:19,400 --> 00:27:22,440
Speaker 1: She's never had one sense. Well, because it's just more bacteria.

646
00:27:22,521 --> 00:27:25,241
Speaker 1: It's harder to clean it to clean. But then, yeah,

647
00:27:25,241 --> 00:27:27,640
Speaker 1: I understand there's once again, different cultures that believe in

648
00:27:27,681 --> 00:27:29,041
Speaker 1: doing it, that don't believe in doing it.

649
00:27:29,120 --> 00:27:30,921
Speaker 3: Yes, everyone to their own, each.

650
00:27:30,761 --> 00:27:33,000
Speaker 1: To their own. It's not my place to insert my

651
00:27:33,041 --> 00:27:35,240
Speaker 1: opinion and tell you what to do with your genitals.

652
00:27:35,321 --> 00:27:36,641
Speaker 2: Yeah, it's not one of those things as well, where

653
00:27:36,640 --> 00:27:39,001
Speaker 2: it's like one size fits all. It's like everyone has

654
00:27:39,041 --> 00:27:41,561
Speaker 2: their own seat of beliefs there instead of you. Even

655
00:27:41,600 --> 00:27:44,960
Speaker 2: religions and things like that, but yeah, that are unique

656
00:27:45,041 --> 00:27:47,760
Speaker 2: to a specific set of beliefs and behaviors of what

657
00:27:47,801 --> 00:27:50,520
Speaker 2: they do and how they behave, and like that's okay.

658
00:27:50,721 --> 00:27:53,640
Speaker 1: How can you tell someone to get circumcised or to

659
00:27:53,681 --> 00:27:57,240
Speaker 1: not get circumcised if their religion believes that is the

660
00:27:57,281 --> 00:27:58,961
Speaker 1: right thing to do or their culture that's what they've

661
00:27:58,961 --> 00:28:01,840
Speaker 1: done for centuries. Who are you to come and say

662
00:28:02,120 --> 00:28:04,721
Speaker 1: do this or don't do that. Yeah, that's my blow

663
00:28:04,801 --> 00:28:07,041
Speaker 1: to me. I would never think that's okay. Yeah, I

664
00:28:07,120 --> 00:28:09,761
Speaker 1: totally respect religions and cultures and what they do is

665
00:28:09,761 --> 00:28:12,361
Speaker 1: what they do, you know. Yeah, So that's my opinion

666
00:28:12,360 --> 00:28:12,561
Speaker 1: on it.

667
00:28:12,840 --> 00:28:13,321
Speaker 3: I love it.

668
00:28:13,640 --> 00:28:14,120
Speaker 1: I love it.

669
00:28:14,521 --> 00:28:18,041
Speaker 2: My question for you is what important values that you

670
00:28:18,080 --> 00:28:20,001
Speaker 2: and Steve both want to teach the kids as they're

671
00:28:20,001 --> 00:28:20,961
Speaker 2: growing up now.

672
00:28:21,721 --> 00:28:25,120
Speaker 1: Good question. Kindness is probably the main one that I

673
00:28:25,441 --> 00:28:28,640
Speaker 1: talk about often. I just think it's always a choice.

674
00:28:29,241 --> 00:28:34,001
Speaker 1: A really value kind considerate people, and considerations. One I've

675
00:28:34,001 --> 00:28:35,961
Speaker 1: more learned since meeting you, because it's such a high

676
00:28:36,041 --> 00:28:40,001
Speaker 1: value of yours. It's to always consider. You can still

677
00:28:40,001 --> 00:28:42,121
Speaker 1: have your own boundaries and make your own decisions, but

678
00:28:42,641 --> 00:28:45,041
Speaker 1: I think it's really beautiful to consider those around that

679
00:28:45,121 --> 00:28:47,721
Speaker 1: you love, how it might impact them, how it may

680
00:28:47,761 --> 00:28:53,001
Speaker 1: make them feel. Kindness, respect, honesty, and good work ethic.

681
00:28:54,161 --> 00:28:56,601
Speaker 1: I think good work ethic has served me so much.

682
00:28:57,201 --> 00:28:59,401
Speaker 1: I didn't grow up with much, and I'm so grateful

683
00:28:59,401 --> 00:29:01,480
Speaker 1: for it. I used to get so jealous of my friends.

684
00:29:01,481 --> 00:29:03,321
Speaker 1: It could just take money out of their parents' wallets,

685
00:29:03,401 --> 00:29:05,281
Speaker 1: or they go the movies and the parents with throw

686
00:29:05,281 --> 00:29:06,281
Speaker 1: them a yellow fifty dollars.

687
00:29:06,321 --> 00:29:06,361
Speaker 2: No.

688
00:29:06,681 --> 00:29:08,561
Speaker 1: Yeah, I had to work from when I was thirteen

689
00:29:08,641 --> 00:29:11,480
Speaker 1: years old, and I'm so grateful. I did so grateful

690
00:29:11,481 --> 00:29:13,281
Speaker 1: my parents pushed me to work and earn my own money.

691
00:29:13,321 --> 00:29:16,240
Speaker 1: It's like, really serve me. My mum's always reckon. I

692
00:29:16,281 --> 00:29:18,561
Speaker 1: just had that within me, like good work ethic and

693
00:29:19,001 --> 00:29:21,200
Speaker 1: very driven. Yeah. Yeah, I really want my kids to

694
00:29:21,201 --> 00:29:23,200
Speaker 1: have good work ethic and be able to work by

695
00:29:23,281 --> 00:29:26,761
Speaker 1: themselves and also within a team. Yeah, it's important distinction

696
00:29:26,841 --> 00:29:31,401
Speaker 1: that kindness, respect, honesty, good work ethic. Yeah, probably top

697
00:29:31,401 --> 00:29:34,161
Speaker 1: there's lots of them, but yeah, yeah were my top ones.

698
00:29:34,201 --> 00:29:35,121
Speaker 1: I love that. It's funny.

699
00:29:35,161 --> 00:29:37,521
Speaker 2: I remember having a conversation and we were sitting on

700
00:29:37,561 --> 00:29:39,641
Speaker 2: your lounge and Taj was there and he wanted something

701
00:29:39,881 --> 00:29:40,921
Speaker 2: and you were like, all right, no worries.

702
00:29:40,961 --> 00:29:42,241
Speaker 3: Well, in order to have that, you have to work

703
00:29:42,241 --> 00:29:42,480
Speaker 3: for it.

704
00:29:42,521 --> 00:29:43,440
Speaker 2: So what we're going to do is we're going to

705
00:29:43,481 --> 00:29:45,081
Speaker 2: write out a list of chores that you can do,

706
00:29:45,161 --> 00:29:46,801
Speaker 2: then we can accumulate the money so that you can

707
00:29:46,841 --> 00:29:47,921
Speaker 2: then go and buy that thing. Yeah.

708
00:29:48,001 --> 00:29:49,281
Speaker 3: And it was just really cool to see.

709
00:29:49,081 --> 00:29:51,401
Speaker 2: Because it was just such a healthy conversation. There was

710
00:29:51,441 --> 00:29:52,921
Speaker 2: no pressure, there was no nothing. It was just like,

711
00:29:52,961 --> 00:29:54,240
Speaker 2: in order to have that, this is what we do,

712
00:29:54,321 --> 00:29:55,241
Speaker 2: and we work for those things.

713
00:29:55,241 --> 00:29:56,801
Speaker 1: Mom and Daddy can't just buy that for you. We

714
00:29:56,841 --> 00:29:58,441
Speaker 1: have to go out and earn that as well. Money

715
00:29:58,481 --> 00:29:59,361
Speaker 1: isn't grow on trees.

716
00:29:59,481 --> 00:30:02,041
Speaker 2: Yeah, And teaching in the value of money, yeah, exactly,

717
00:30:02,041 --> 00:30:04,761
Speaker 2: and responsibility and all of those things that come underneath

718
00:30:05,081 --> 00:30:06,281
Speaker 2: a good work ethic.

719
00:30:06,361 --> 00:30:08,601
Speaker 1: We had to actually pull ourselves up because he asked

720
00:30:08,601 --> 00:30:11,761
Speaker 1: to borrow money to buy something, and we were like, cool,

721
00:30:11,841 --> 00:30:14,240
Speaker 1: you can learn the art of like paying back and

722
00:30:14,281 --> 00:30:16,521
Speaker 1: earning it. But then he wanted to borrow again, and

723
00:30:16,561 --> 00:30:19,081
Speaker 1: Steve was like, oh, hang on, no, you don't go

724
00:30:19,121 --> 00:30:21,561
Speaker 1: into debt all the time. If you want something, you

725
00:30:21,641 --> 00:30:24,441
Speaker 1: earn it. So he stopped lending him money and doing

726
00:30:24,441 --> 00:30:26,561
Speaker 1: that borrowing thing because it started to become a frequent thing.

727
00:30:27,001 --> 00:30:28,841
Speaker 1: I was proud that he was honoring his word to

728
00:30:28,841 --> 00:30:30,321
Speaker 1: pay back because my mum said that was something I

729
00:30:30,361 --> 00:30:33,001
Speaker 1: was really good at. My brother's not so much is

730
00:30:33,041 --> 00:30:34,881
Speaker 1: borrowing money. I would pay it back as soon as

731
00:30:34,921 --> 00:30:36,480
Speaker 1: I had it, as my brothers would kind of like

732
00:30:36,801 --> 00:30:38,921
Speaker 1: stretch it out and hope she forgot about it, and

733
00:30:39,201 --> 00:30:41,881
Speaker 1: that really upset my mum. And so I wanted him

734
00:30:41,881 --> 00:30:43,561
Speaker 1: to know that if he ever borrows anything, that he

735
00:30:43,601 --> 00:30:45,241
Speaker 1: needs to pay that back as soon as he can.

736
00:30:45,681 --> 00:30:47,241
Speaker 1: But then Steve was like, yeah, I don't want to

737
00:30:47,241 --> 00:30:49,281
Speaker 1: teach him that you can just get what you want

738
00:30:49,321 --> 00:30:50,281
Speaker 1: and then pay it back later.

739
00:30:50,441 --> 00:30:50,641
Speaker 3: Yeah.

740
00:30:50,681 --> 00:30:52,321
Speaker 1: So now it's like, if you want something, you've got

741
00:30:52,361 --> 00:30:53,401
Speaker 1: to earn that first. Oh.

742
00:30:53,441 --> 00:30:54,281
Speaker 3: I like that.

743
00:30:54,401 --> 00:30:55,281
Speaker 1: It was cool to go through that.

744
00:30:55,321 --> 00:30:57,681
Speaker 2: I mean just like removing the element of the borrowing

745
00:30:57,761 --> 00:30:59,521
Speaker 2: and going instead of just doing this funny you just

746
00:30:59,521 --> 00:31:02,240
Speaker 2: focus on making more, yeah, or earning it so that

747
00:31:02,321 --> 00:31:04,081
Speaker 2: you don't have to dip into that side of things.

748
00:31:04,161 --> 00:31:07,321
Speaker 1: Yea, I want him to learn to work hard, but

749
00:31:07,361 --> 00:31:09,401
Speaker 1: I also don't want him to have the same belief

750
00:31:09,441 --> 00:31:11,760
Speaker 1: that I had that you have to go through bloods

751
00:31:11,921 --> 00:31:14,161
Speaker 1: and tears to earn a dollar. Yeah, I want him

752
00:31:14,161 --> 00:31:17,361
Speaker 1: to be in the belief that manifestation and being in

753
00:31:17,641 --> 00:31:20,200
Speaker 1: a frequency to be able to attract and hold a

754
00:31:20,201 --> 00:31:23,521
Speaker 1: certain level of finances and not be limited. So that's

755
00:31:23,561 --> 00:31:25,561
Speaker 1: what I'm kind of like trying to navigate now, is

756
00:31:25,641 --> 00:31:28,121
Speaker 1: I want him to know how to work hard, and

757
00:31:28,161 --> 00:31:30,441
Speaker 1: you do have to work hard and be disciplined and

758
00:31:31,241 --> 00:31:34,001
Speaker 1: be determined to get what you want. Like I from

759
00:31:34,001 --> 00:31:36,641
Speaker 1: my work now, it's very playful, it's very fun. It's

760
00:31:37,001 --> 00:31:39,801
Speaker 1: easy for me to make money being me doing what

761
00:31:39,841 --> 00:31:41,881
Speaker 1: I love. It really is, and I'm so grateful to

762
00:31:41,921 --> 00:31:44,321
Speaker 1: be here now, but it took a long time to

763
00:31:44,361 --> 00:31:46,321
Speaker 1: get there. Yeah, So I kind of want him to

764
00:31:46,361 --> 00:31:49,641
Speaker 1: go along a similar journey without as much pain stress.

765
00:31:50,561 --> 00:31:52,241
Speaker 1: I don't know, it's hard to explain, but then pain

766
00:31:52,241 --> 00:31:54,240
Speaker 1: and stress has served me as well. I'm trying to

767
00:31:54,281 --> 00:31:57,281
Speaker 1: navigate that and how to teach that. Yeah, Yeah, how.

768
00:31:57,161 --> 00:31:58,401
Speaker 3: Do you coat yourself when you're trigated?

769
00:31:58,481 --> 00:32:02,001
Speaker 2: By one of the kids. How do you behave do

770
00:32:02,041 --> 00:32:04,081
Speaker 2: you blame the kids, do you take responsibility or comes

771
00:32:04,161 --> 00:32:05,961
Speaker 2: up for you in the moment? Process out of it?

772
00:32:06,561 --> 00:32:08,761
Speaker 1: A bit of all of it? Yeah, yeah, once again,

773
00:32:08,841 --> 00:32:11,801
Speaker 1: not perfect. Yeah, but I feel like for the most part,

774
00:32:12,041 --> 00:32:14,001
Speaker 1: if I ever react in a way that I'm not

775
00:32:14,041 --> 00:32:16,721
Speaker 1: proud of, Like say, if I argue back or raise

776
00:32:16,761 --> 00:32:19,961
Speaker 1: my voice slightly, I'm very quick to recover. Now I'll

777
00:32:20,001 --> 00:32:23,361
Speaker 1: straight away be like, oh, okay, Mommy didn't mean to yell. Yeah,

778
00:32:23,401 --> 00:32:25,161
Speaker 1: I'm gonna take a breath. I'm really sorry. That was

779
00:32:25,201 --> 00:32:27,601
Speaker 1: not your fault. Give me a moment and let's talk

780
00:32:27,601 --> 00:32:30,201
Speaker 1: about it. Like I'm very quick to recover now when

781
00:32:30,201 --> 00:32:33,641
Speaker 1: I'm triggered breathing or take big breaths, or I'll look

782
00:32:33,641 --> 00:32:36,521
Speaker 1: at Steve and literally like mouth to him, I'm struggling,

783
00:32:36,561 --> 00:32:39,041
Speaker 1: I'm tapped, and he'll see that and he'll take them

784
00:32:39,081 --> 00:32:40,561
Speaker 1: from me so I can go and have a minute.

785
00:32:41,201 --> 00:32:44,201
Speaker 1: Or with Tyler if she's very noisy with her tangents

786
00:32:44,281 --> 00:32:46,841
Speaker 1: or big emotions, I will hold her, wrap her legs

787
00:32:46,841 --> 00:32:49,480
Speaker 1: around my waist and put her heart on my heart

788
00:32:49,881 --> 00:32:52,281
Speaker 1: and just like sway and rock with her. So it's

789
00:32:52,361 --> 00:32:54,841
Speaker 1: movement and then I'll be like either stroking her back

790
00:32:54,961 --> 00:32:57,281
Speaker 1: or tapping her back, and I just focus on my

791
00:32:57,361 --> 00:33:02,481
Speaker 1: breath because I can't regulate her until I'm regulated. They're

792
00:33:02,481 --> 00:33:04,721
Speaker 1: not acting out or having big emotions to be a

793
00:33:04,721 --> 00:33:07,921
Speaker 1: little assholes. They are having an emotional experience, and if

794
00:33:07,961 --> 00:33:09,841
Speaker 1: you go in with more energy, it's only going to

795
00:33:10,001 --> 00:33:11,960
Speaker 1: make it bigger. You have to go on with the

796
00:33:12,001 --> 00:33:15,361
Speaker 1: calm to calm the storm down. But parenting, the hardest

797
00:33:15,401 --> 00:33:18,041
Speaker 1: thing is actually staying regulated yourself. It's not your kids,

798
00:33:18,081 --> 00:33:20,641
Speaker 1: it's you. I'd imagine it's you, And that was the

799
00:33:20,721 --> 00:33:22,681
Speaker 1: biggest parenting lesson up I think learned in the last

800
00:33:22,681 --> 00:33:25,321
Speaker 1: couple of years. So that's why I'm so passionate. I

801
00:33:25,361 --> 00:33:28,760
Speaker 1: think day to day about nervous system regulation because the

802
00:33:28,841 --> 00:33:31,921
Speaker 1: more I do to day to stay regulated, the more

803
00:33:31,961 --> 00:33:33,960
Speaker 1: I can help my kids regulate, and the more I

804
00:33:33,961 --> 00:33:37,240
Speaker 1: can stay calm in those moments of triggers. Sometimes I

805
00:33:37,281 --> 00:33:38,881
Speaker 1: just need a lot out of a bit of noise. Sometimes

806
00:33:38,921 --> 00:33:43,521
Speaker 1: I'll just be like, oh, yeah, okay, what's going on YouTube,

807
00:33:43,521 --> 00:33:46,121
Speaker 1: Like why are you fighting? Let's sort it out, Taji,

808
00:33:46,441 --> 00:33:48,121
Speaker 1: you play with that toy taralang and to take you

809
00:33:48,201 --> 00:33:51,081
Speaker 1: outside to pick some flowers. Let's just separate from a moment,

810
00:33:51,161 --> 00:33:53,481
Speaker 1: take some breast, regulate, and then come back together. Yeah.

811
00:33:53,521 --> 00:33:54,961
Speaker 1: But sometimes I feel like a little bit of noise

812
00:33:54,961 --> 00:33:55,361
Speaker 1: helps me.

813
00:33:55,561 --> 00:33:56,801
Speaker 3: Yeah, like that that frustration.

814
00:33:57,001 --> 00:33:58,281
Speaker 1: Yeah, it's just a bit of energy.

815
00:33:58,401 --> 00:34:01,440
Speaker 2: Yes, so it is right, just energy in motion. Try

816
00:34:01,481 --> 00:34:02,841
Speaker 2: to move that energy out of your body.

817
00:34:02,921 --> 00:34:04,960
Speaker 1: Yeah. Sometimes I'll put in a song and just down

818
00:34:05,121 --> 00:34:07,161
Speaker 1: sit out with them. Sometimes they're resistant to it, and

819
00:34:07,161 --> 00:34:09,201
Speaker 1: I'm like, fine, I'm just gonna dance and I'll move

820
00:34:09,241 --> 00:34:11,520
Speaker 1: my body and get myself regulated. Then I can bring

821
00:34:11,601 --> 00:34:16,241
Speaker 1: playfulness to the situation. That's really helpful distraction. Sometimes if

822
00:34:16,281 --> 00:34:19,161
Speaker 1: they're disregulated, I'm feeling disregulated, I'm like, oh my god,

823
00:34:19,241 --> 00:34:21,521
Speaker 1: let's go out and keep the footy outside. I'll get outside,

824
00:34:21,681 --> 00:34:24,321
Speaker 1: moving the body again. It's a lot of movement, actually, yeah, yeah,

825
00:34:24,361 --> 00:34:26,561
Speaker 1: a lot of movement for us works really really well.

826
00:34:27,641 --> 00:34:30,641
Speaker 1: And I try not to ever numb them out or

827
00:34:30,681 --> 00:34:33,601
Speaker 1: distract with food or with TV, because I don't want

828
00:34:33,601 --> 00:34:36,121
Speaker 1: them growing up thinking, oh, I'm just regulated. I'm gonna eat,

829
00:34:36,241 --> 00:34:38,441
Speaker 1: I'm just regulated. I'm gonna numb out with TV. So

830
00:34:38,441 --> 00:34:44,761
Speaker 1: I always try to go to nature, movement, breath, noise, play, connection. Yeah,

831
00:34:44,921 --> 00:34:47,161
Speaker 1: they're probably my main go to and depending on the

832
00:34:47,201 --> 00:34:49,281
Speaker 1: situation as to what tool that I'll pull out.

833
00:34:49,681 --> 00:34:52,161
Speaker 2: Which is beautiful, right, because you're just mirroring with the

834
00:34:52,281 --> 00:34:54,681
Speaker 2: kids what you do for yourself already exactly, just why

835
00:34:54,681 --> 00:34:56,480
Speaker 2: it's so important to be able to anchor yourself first

836
00:34:56,521 --> 00:34:58,281
Speaker 2: and focus on yourself first so that you can then

837
00:34:58,321 --> 00:35:00,761
Speaker 2: be a mirror and a role model for them because

838
00:35:00,801 --> 00:35:02,161
Speaker 2: you automatically go to those.

839
00:35:02,001 --> 00:35:04,161
Speaker 3: Things because you do it for yourself. Yes, how beautiful

840
00:35:04,201 --> 00:35:04,440
Speaker 3: is that?

841
00:35:04,481 --> 00:35:06,641
Speaker 1: But it's interesting because each kid and you were so different.

842
00:35:06,681 --> 00:35:08,361
Speaker 1: So for ages, I would try and get Taj to

843
00:35:08,681 --> 00:35:11,481
Speaker 1: meditate and breathe and he was so resistant. I was

844
00:35:11,481 --> 00:35:14,281
Speaker 1: getting so frustrated, and then I was like, oh my gosh,

845
00:35:14,321 --> 00:35:16,041
Speaker 1: I don't go to breath and meditation straight away. I

846
00:35:16,081 --> 00:35:20,201
Speaker 1: go to movement. Exercise for me has saved my life.

847
00:35:20,481 --> 00:35:22,441
Speaker 1: And when I had this realization one day, I actually

848
00:35:22,521 --> 00:35:24,921
Speaker 1: learned to offer holistic psychologist. She was saying, she does

849
00:35:24,961 --> 00:35:26,801
Speaker 1: the same thing. She's like, I can't go to meditation

850
00:35:26,881 --> 00:35:28,721
Speaker 1: and breath because I'm two worked up. I need to

851
00:35:28,761 --> 00:35:31,001
Speaker 1: physically move this energy out of my body then I

852
00:35:31,001 --> 00:35:32,761
Speaker 1: can take a breath. So she'll go for a crazy

853
00:35:32,761 --> 00:35:35,921
Speaker 1: powerful run or punch a boxing bag. So I tested

854
00:35:36,001 --> 00:35:38,041
Speaker 1: with Tag one day when he was really dysregulated, so

855
00:35:38,081 --> 00:35:39,961
Speaker 1: I'm not going to tell him to breathe or anything.

856
00:35:40,041 --> 00:35:41,801
Speaker 1: I was like, we're gonna go for a walk, pretty

857
00:35:41,801 --> 00:35:43,161
Speaker 1: shoes on. He's like, I don't want to go for

858
00:35:43,201 --> 00:35:45,601
Speaker 1: a walk. No, No, It's like, we're going for a walk.

859
00:35:45,961 --> 00:35:48,121
Speaker 1: I tell you what. A couple of steps out the door,

860
00:35:48,401 --> 00:35:51,441
Speaker 1: it stays completely changed. So we continue walking and then

861
00:35:51,441 --> 00:35:53,721
Speaker 1: I can actually say what was going on back there? Oh,

862
00:35:53,801 --> 00:35:55,841
Speaker 1: it was really frustrating when Tyler took this off me

863
00:35:55,921 --> 00:35:58,121
Speaker 1: and then I felt like you were on her side

864
00:35:58,161 --> 00:36:00,321
Speaker 1: and this happened, and then I just got really frustrated,

865
00:36:00,321 --> 00:36:02,601
Speaker 1: and then I got sad, and then I got overwhelmed,

866
00:36:02,641 --> 00:36:05,241
Speaker 1: and then I started to cry and all this I've

867
00:36:05,241 --> 00:36:07,960
Speaker 1: got to come out. And I was like, cool, okay, yeah,

868
00:36:08,081 --> 00:36:09,841
Speaker 1: how do you feel now? He's like yeah, I feel better.

869
00:36:09,881 --> 00:36:12,321
Speaker 1: I'm like see how walking and like moving your body

870
00:36:12,361 --> 00:36:14,401
Speaker 1: feels really good. Next time you get like that, we're

871
00:36:14,441 --> 00:36:17,881
Speaker 1: going straight outside. Ah, And it was like this, WHOA cool?

872
00:36:18,521 --> 00:36:21,641
Speaker 1: And then when he's regulated, then he's opened during the meditation.

873
00:36:22,121 --> 00:36:24,361
Speaker 1: So each kid's going to be so different. He doesn't

874
00:36:24,401 --> 00:36:26,801
Speaker 1: love cuddles when he's just regulated. Yeah, he needs a

875
00:36:26,801 --> 00:36:29,721
Speaker 1: bit of time by himself sometimes, whereas Tyler wants to

876
00:36:29,761 --> 00:36:32,841
Speaker 1: be wrapped around me heart to heart. I'm taking big

877
00:36:32,881 --> 00:36:34,721
Speaker 1: breaths and I can, like literally you can hear her

878
00:36:34,721 --> 00:36:38,761
Speaker 1: cries go quiet and quiet, and then it's little until

879
00:36:38,761 --> 00:36:41,081
Speaker 1: she stops, and I'll wait till like I can feel

880
00:36:41,121 --> 00:36:43,881
Speaker 1: her heart rates slow down and mine's slowed down, and

881
00:36:43,881 --> 00:36:46,761
Speaker 1: then she's good. Oh. So it's different for each kid

882
00:36:46,801 --> 00:36:49,361
Speaker 1: and for myself, and different for whatever the situation is too.

883
00:36:50,321 --> 00:36:52,440
Speaker 3: So learning, learning, draggling.

884
00:36:52,161 --> 00:36:54,321
Speaker 1: Outing, and as they grow and develop, it's going to

885
00:36:54,441 --> 00:36:56,401
Speaker 1: change for them. So it's just being opened and trying

886
00:36:56,401 --> 00:37:00,361
Speaker 1: to figure it out. But then my tools, oh so good,

887
00:37:00,921 --> 00:37:01,281
Speaker 1: so good.

888
00:37:01,321 --> 00:37:03,321
Speaker 2: It gets me excited for the day that I become mom.

889
00:37:03,561 --> 00:37:05,041
Speaker 1: Yes, you'll be such a good mine.

890
00:37:05,281 --> 00:37:07,841
Speaker 2: Definitely going to be plugging in here into our chat

891
00:37:07,881 --> 00:37:11,321
Speaker 2: with lots of voice messages. Being in a relationship for

892
00:37:11,361 --> 00:37:14,001
Speaker 2: seventeen years, You've got two children now, you also have

893
00:37:14,041 --> 00:37:16,000
Speaker 2: a lot on your workplate. How do you make time

894
00:37:16,041 --> 00:37:17,081
Speaker 2: for sex and intimacy?

895
00:37:17,601 --> 00:37:20,241
Speaker 1: Yeah, good question. Okay, the starters. The first thing that

896
00:37:20,241 --> 00:37:23,361
Speaker 1: comes to my mind is weekends are great for us. Yeah,

897
00:37:23,441 --> 00:37:25,361
Speaker 1: Tyler still has a sleep for two hours. That gives

898
00:37:25,401 --> 00:37:29,361
Speaker 1: us plenty of time for pleasure, intimacy, sex, just being together.

899
00:37:29,401 --> 00:37:31,480
Speaker 1: So the lunch break, you know what happens at twelfth

900
00:37:31,481 --> 00:37:34,201
Speaker 1: third every Saturday and Sunday actually and Steve it in

901
00:37:34,201 --> 00:37:36,881
Speaker 1: the bedroom so good. So that's like twice a week

902
00:37:36,921 --> 00:37:38,561
Speaker 1: that we just know we have locked in with each

903
00:37:38,561 --> 00:37:41,921
Speaker 1: other and we love that and we are not great

904
00:37:41,921 --> 00:37:43,801
Speaker 1: at the moment. We try and book in a date

905
00:37:43,881 --> 00:37:45,801
Speaker 1: night once a week because it's just so important to

906
00:37:45,801 --> 00:37:47,881
Speaker 1: have that time and to be honest, Like last date

907
00:37:47,961 --> 00:37:49,441
Speaker 1: night we went on, we were gone for an hour

908
00:37:49,481 --> 00:37:51,201
Speaker 1: and a half and we got back. His mum was like,

909
00:37:51,241 --> 00:37:53,961
Speaker 1: why do you two never stay up long? It's literally

910
00:37:54,041 --> 00:37:57,241
Speaker 1: quarter past six, Like, because just that quality time, it

911
00:37:57,241 --> 00:37:59,081
Speaker 1: doesn't have to be a lot of time. That quality

912
00:37:59,121 --> 00:38:03,081
Speaker 1: time to just have a couple of uninterrupted conversations and

913
00:38:03,161 --> 00:38:05,521
Speaker 1: debriefs of what's going on in our life feels our

914
00:38:05,561 --> 00:38:09,081
Speaker 1: cup up and feel so connected. The little moments of

915
00:38:09,121 --> 00:38:11,881
Speaker 1: intimacy every single day are really important to me, and

916
00:38:11,921 --> 00:38:14,201
Speaker 1: this is something we've both consciously been working on for

917
00:38:14,241 --> 00:38:17,121
Speaker 1: a while now. It's like those daily physical touches where

918
00:38:17,121 --> 00:38:18,801
Speaker 1: that's wet. Were sitting on the couch and we're cuddling

919
00:38:18,801 --> 00:38:21,681
Speaker 1: the hand on the lap in the kitchen, slappers us

920
00:38:21,881 --> 00:38:24,521
Speaker 1: or you know, for a cuddle behind, or he'll do

921
00:38:24,561 --> 00:38:27,401
Speaker 1: the same for me. I love those little moments of touch.

922
00:38:27,401 --> 00:38:30,361
Speaker 1: I feel like it's flirting and it keeps our spark

923
00:38:30,441 --> 00:38:34,441
Speaker 1: and desire for each other quite alive. Recently, since I

924
00:38:34,481 --> 00:38:36,921
Speaker 1: suppose you've been in a relationship and you sharing that

925
00:38:37,001 --> 00:38:40,761
Speaker 1: you're wearing lingerie, I'm like, oh, I forgot about lingerie. Damn.

926
00:38:40,841 --> 00:38:42,521
Speaker 1: If I had a wife, I would love her to

927
00:38:42,521 --> 00:38:44,361
Speaker 1: wear lingerie. Why the fuck am I not doing that?

928
00:38:44,681 --> 00:38:46,201
Speaker 1: Andree is so hot you would send me a photo

929
00:38:46,201 --> 00:38:48,441
Speaker 1: on your lingerie. I'm like, damn, I want to do

930
00:38:48,481 --> 00:38:50,961
Speaker 1: that for Steve. So I started wearing lingerie again, like

931
00:38:50,961 --> 00:38:53,881
Speaker 1: little sexy nineties and putting on music when we're intimate,

932
00:38:54,481 --> 00:38:56,321
Speaker 1: and I feel like it's just made me more excited

933
00:38:56,321 --> 00:39:00,161
Speaker 1: for it again. Sexy text messages is fun. Staycase if

934
00:39:00,201 --> 00:39:03,281
Speaker 1: you can. I feel like for Steve and for me,

935
00:39:03,561 --> 00:39:07,881
Speaker 1: really expressing a appreciation, oh yeah, like for little things

936
00:39:07,881 --> 00:39:09,960
Speaker 1: that they've done, whether it's helping with the kids, whether

937
00:39:10,001 --> 00:39:13,321
Speaker 1: it's how hard he's working, how much he's holding, whether

938
00:39:13,361 --> 00:39:15,521
Speaker 1: he's supporting me when I've been with Megsie, I'm just like,

939
00:39:15,601 --> 00:39:20,441
Speaker 1: I fucking appreciate you so much. I think appreciation goes

940
00:39:20,601 --> 00:39:22,721
Speaker 1: such a long way, and yet when you're in a

941
00:39:22,761 --> 00:39:25,801
Speaker 1: relationship long term, I think people just forget about those

942
00:39:25,841 --> 00:39:29,281
Speaker 1: things that actually have huge impact makes them still feel

943
00:39:29,361 --> 00:39:32,440
Speaker 1: really special and loved. So that's big for me as well.

944
00:39:32,721 --> 00:39:34,881
Speaker 2: Would you say appreciation in the sense of words or

945
00:39:34,921 --> 00:39:36,281
Speaker 2: actions or how does that look like?

946
00:39:36,401 --> 00:39:39,761
Speaker 1: Both? But more words words? Yeah, whether it's through text

947
00:39:40,081 --> 00:39:43,561
Speaker 1: or like verbally just saying yeah, I can see Steve's

948
00:39:43,561 --> 00:39:46,601
Speaker 1: whole body like soften when I say that to him. Yeah,

949
00:39:46,841 --> 00:39:49,241
Speaker 1: he's not a super wordsy man like I wouldn't say

950
00:39:49,281 --> 00:39:51,961
Speaker 1: he expresses a lot. He does, but not to the

951
00:39:52,001 --> 00:39:54,801
Speaker 1: extent of like some people. But I can see how

952
00:39:54,881 --> 00:39:56,361
Speaker 1: much he really loves that.

953
00:39:57,041 --> 00:39:57,961
Speaker 3: Yeah, goes a long way.

954
00:39:58,081 --> 00:39:59,481
Speaker 1: It goes a long way.

955
00:39:59,761 --> 00:40:01,441
Speaker 3: Beautiful. Yeah, oh so good.

956
00:40:01,641 --> 00:40:04,121
Speaker 2: Yeah, And I'd love to know as well, Like, what's

957
00:40:04,241 --> 00:40:06,881
Speaker 2: one lesson that you you wish that somebody had told

958
00:40:06,921 --> 00:40:09,081
Speaker 2: you before becoming a mom that you could pass on.

959
00:40:09,721 --> 00:40:11,561
Speaker 1: I think back to what I was saying at the start,

960
00:40:11,841 --> 00:40:17,401
Speaker 1: just to be so flexible and adaptable. Every season, every child,

961
00:40:17,721 --> 00:40:23,721
Speaker 1: every age, every chapter, everything is forever changing. As much

962
00:40:23,761 --> 00:40:26,641
Speaker 1: as I love structure and I'm a routine mamma through

963
00:40:26,681 --> 00:40:31,321
Speaker 1: and through, you have to be flexible to adapt to them,

964
00:40:31,481 --> 00:40:34,601
Speaker 1: to you, to your relationship because it's forever changing. I

965
00:40:34,641 --> 00:40:37,721
Speaker 1: have changed so much in this last six months, in

966
00:40:37,761 --> 00:40:40,001
Speaker 1: the last year, and the last five years. I look

967
00:40:40,081 --> 00:40:42,601
Speaker 1: back at myself when I was twenty, I'm like, who

968
00:40:42,681 --> 00:40:45,201
Speaker 1: are you like? I don't resonate with her at all. Yes,

969
00:40:45,281 --> 00:40:47,361
Speaker 1: the way she thought, the way she showed up, the

970
00:40:47,361 --> 00:40:50,521
Speaker 1: way she even ate. Everything I did feels like a

971
00:40:50,561 --> 00:40:54,441
Speaker 1: lifetime ago. So just being really flexible, adaptable, and also

972
00:40:54,521 --> 00:40:57,121
Speaker 1: just not to compare. I really hate the comparison and

973
00:40:57,161 --> 00:40:59,041
Speaker 1: I still get caught up in it sometimes. I literally

974
00:40:59,041 --> 00:41:01,481
Speaker 1: it's not in New Years Levi's kids. I did not

975
00:41:01,521 --> 00:41:04,321
Speaker 1: hear them cry. I didn't hear them winge. They ate

976
00:41:04,401 --> 00:41:07,441
Speaker 1: all the dinner wellcave kids. And I went home to Steve.

977
00:41:07,521 --> 00:41:09,361
Speaker 1: I was like, did you notice that? He's like no,

978
00:41:09,441 --> 00:41:11,521
Speaker 1: I didn't notice, And I was like, why does Tala

979
00:41:11,601 --> 00:41:14,361
Speaker 1: win so much? He's like, We're not going there. Yes,

980
00:41:14,441 --> 00:41:17,481
Speaker 1: we're not doing that, babe. Tala is amazing and so sweet,

981
00:41:17,481 --> 00:41:18,601
Speaker 1: and I was like, I know all of that. I

982
00:41:18,681 --> 00:41:20,801
Speaker 1: just was like, she did something more we can do

983
00:41:20,921 --> 00:41:23,001
Speaker 1: to have more well baved kids. And I got in

984
00:41:23,001 --> 00:41:24,841
Speaker 1: this moment quickly. He was like, no, we're not doing that.

985
00:41:25,161 --> 00:41:27,761
Speaker 1: Our kids are perfect the way they are. They're expressing

986
00:41:27,761 --> 00:41:30,241
Speaker 1: how they need to express. They're all different. Maybe they

987
00:41:30,241 --> 00:41:32,201
Speaker 1: were just feeling really good, and maybe Tyler was overwhelmed

988
00:41:32,201 --> 00:41:34,001
Speaker 1: with all the people. You know, she was overwhelmed. There's

989
00:41:34,001 --> 00:41:36,041
Speaker 1: a lot of people there. Yeah, And it quickly like

990
00:41:36,121 --> 00:41:38,321
Speaker 1: snapped me back in. So I think comparison, we all

991
00:41:38,361 --> 00:41:40,481
Speaker 1: do it, but please don't. There is no right or

992
00:41:40,521 --> 00:41:43,161
Speaker 1: wrong for when they have to achieve their milestone. Yes. Yeah,

993
00:41:43,201 --> 00:41:45,361
Speaker 1: I get messages all the time, like even with Tyler,

994
00:41:45,601 --> 00:41:47,681
Speaker 1: Oh my god, she's using a fork. How did you

995
00:41:47,721 --> 00:41:49,601
Speaker 1: teach that? My kid doesn't use folks? I only wants

996
00:41:49,641 --> 00:41:52,161
Speaker 1: to use his hands. I'm like, cool, let him use

997
00:41:52,201 --> 00:41:55,321
Speaker 1: his hands. Yeah, let him experiment and feel the textures

998
00:41:55,321 --> 00:41:57,881
Speaker 1: of the food and play with it and get messy

999
00:41:57,921 --> 00:42:01,201
Speaker 1: and have fun. Make that dinner time a really positive experience.

1000
00:42:01,641 --> 00:42:03,801
Speaker 1: What does it matter if he doesn't use a fork? Yeah,

1001
00:42:03,841 --> 00:42:05,881
Speaker 1: And it's like nappy's Taj was in nappies till he

1002
00:42:05,921 --> 00:42:07,401
Speaker 1: was like three and a half, and I remember copying

1003
00:42:07,601 --> 00:42:10,001
Speaker 1: so much hate online. I'm like, he's not gonna be

1004
00:42:10,041 --> 00:42:12,681
Speaker 1: in nappies when he's ten. He's fine, Like it's okay

1005
00:42:12,681 --> 00:42:14,081
Speaker 1: that he's in nappies a little bit later than what

1006
00:42:14,081 --> 00:42:16,681
Speaker 1: your kid is. Yeah, and like within two days he

1007
00:42:16,721 --> 00:42:18,641
Speaker 1: was tallt trained because there was no pressure. Yeah, he

1008
00:42:18,721 --> 00:42:19,721
Speaker 1: did it when he was ready.

1009
00:42:19,841 --> 00:42:22,601
Speaker 2: Yes, Like not making anything that you're experiencing wrong just

1010
00:42:22,601 --> 00:42:24,241
Speaker 2: because me look different to somebody else.

1011
00:42:24,361 --> 00:42:26,440
Speaker 1: Let them be. I don't know, just go with the flow.

1012
00:42:26,601 --> 00:42:28,480
Speaker 3: Just let them, just let them.

1013
00:42:28,601 --> 00:42:30,761
Speaker 1: Thank you, Mal Roberts. So good.

1014
00:42:30,801 --> 00:42:31,841
Speaker 3: Yeah, thank you so much.

1015
00:42:31,841 --> 00:42:34,121
Speaker 2: Actually, this is an epic even I know, for anyone

1016
00:42:34,121 --> 00:42:37,361
Speaker 2: who's not a mom, for mom's existing mums, all of them,

1017
00:42:37,521 --> 00:42:39,521
Speaker 2: any woman who is listening, and just even for me,

1018
00:42:39,641 --> 00:42:41,281
Speaker 2: like I know we have these conversations all the time.

1019
00:42:41,761 --> 00:42:42,801
Speaker 3: Just it's beautiful to.

1020
00:42:42,721 --> 00:42:45,041
Speaker 2: Hear these things and to just hear your real, raw

1021
00:42:45,081 --> 00:42:47,081
Speaker 2: experience of like how you do manage it, because you

1022
00:42:47,121 --> 00:42:49,521
Speaker 2: do hold a lot and it's very impressive, and it

1023
00:42:49,641 --> 00:42:51,881
Speaker 2: just also it's cool for others to hear that you're

1024
00:42:51,961 --> 00:42:54,601
Speaker 2: still a human and that you have moments that you

1025
00:42:54,681 --> 00:42:56,001
Speaker 2: go through your own challenges as well.

1026
00:42:56,161 --> 00:42:58,440
Speaker 1: Yeah, everyone does. Thank you. It was cool to talk

1027
00:42:58,441 --> 00:43:01,161
Speaker 1: about and I love all these conversations. I think mums

1028
00:43:01,161 --> 00:43:03,041
Speaker 1: are scared to be open about this type of stuff

1029
00:43:03,081 --> 00:43:06,481
Speaker 1: because there is so much judgment. Guarantee this episode will

1030
00:43:06,561 --> 00:43:07,961
Speaker 1: end up in a gossip page. I'll get send a

1031
00:43:07,961 --> 00:43:10,841
Speaker 1: screenshot where someone's bagging out what I said about circus

1032
00:43:10,841 --> 00:43:15,361
Speaker 1: mission or vaccinations or screen time. There will be thousands

1033
00:43:15,361 --> 00:43:17,761
Speaker 1: of people who totally disagree with what I'm saying. There'll

1034
00:43:17,801 --> 00:43:20,161
Speaker 1: also be thousands of women that are like, oh my gosh,

1035
00:43:20,201 --> 00:43:22,041
Speaker 1: thank you for not making me feel so alone. Yes,

1036
00:43:22,081 --> 00:43:24,321
Speaker 1: thank you for normalizing that if I'm sick or my

1037
00:43:24,401 --> 00:43:26,721
Speaker 1: kid's sick, they can watch a cartoon. Yes, thank you

1038
00:43:26,761 --> 00:43:28,681
Speaker 1: for normalizing that it's okay if my kid's a bit

1039
00:43:28,681 --> 00:43:31,881
Speaker 1: slower at talking or whatever. It's a controversial topic, motherhood.

1040
00:43:31,881 --> 00:43:34,241
Speaker 1: But I'm not here to please everyone. I'm here to

1041
00:43:34,241 --> 00:43:36,241
Speaker 1: just share my journey and take what you want from it,

1042
00:43:36,521 --> 00:43:38,601
Speaker 1: leave what you want from it, and I hope it

1043
00:43:38,681 --> 00:43:39,721
Speaker 1: lands for someone.

1044
00:43:39,801 --> 00:43:42,041
Speaker 3: All right, ladies, we will see you on the next episode.

1045
00:43:42,281 --> 00:43:43,480
Speaker 1: Bye.