1 00:00:05,921 --> 00:00:07,281 Speaker 1: Apolgie production. 2 00:00:13,601 --> 00:00:16,801 Speaker 2: She rises Twelve Days of Christmas. 3 00:00:16,841 --> 00:00:20,081 Speaker 1: Hello everybody, welcome back to Twelve Days of Christmas. 4 00:00:20,241 --> 00:00:20,721 Speaker 3: Day four. 5 00:00:20,921 --> 00:00:23,520 Speaker 1: Oh my goodness, going so far it is type you 6 00:00:23,521 --> 00:00:26,801 Speaker 1: guys are absolutely loving it. Today's is all about confidence 7 00:00:26,881 --> 00:00:29,001 Speaker 1: and faking it and not being able to sit in 8 00:00:29,041 --> 00:00:30,681 Speaker 1: your own thoughts and in silence. 9 00:00:31,001 --> 00:00:32,121 Speaker 3: It's going to go deep into that. 10 00:00:32,040 --> 00:00:36,161 Speaker 2: Today, absolutely, And where is your insecurity disguised as confidence? 11 00:00:37,840 --> 00:00:40,160 Speaker 2: There have been many times in my life where I 12 00:00:40,281 --> 00:00:42,321 Speaker 2: have pretended to be more confident than what I actually 13 00:00:42,400 --> 00:00:44,881 Speaker 2: felt me true, like Josue, I was an anxious mess. 14 00:00:44,961 --> 00:00:45,880 Speaker 3: Thank it to you make it? 15 00:00:46,361 --> 00:00:50,120 Speaker 2: Yeah, absolutely spiraling mentally while sitting in the back of 16 00:00:50,161 --> 00:00:52,880 Speaker 2: a social setting, or you know, while it's like confident, 17 00:00:52,881 --> 00:00:55,681 Speaker 2: I'm in my head thinking and having a conversation with myself. 18 00:00:56,161 --> 00:00:59,401 Speaker 2: This especially used to play out in my first relationship 19 00:00:59,481 --> 00:01:01,761 Speaker 2: with my ex Matt. We were together for like three 20 00:01:01,761 --> 00:01:04,321 Speaker 2: to four years, and I remember it got to a 21 00:01:04,361 --> 00:01:06,041 Speaker 2: point in our relation and where we had just spent 22 00:01:06,200 --> 00:01:08,761 Speaker 2: so much time together. We were working together, we were 23 00:01:08,761 --> 00:01:10,360 Speaker 2: going to the gym together, he was staying at my 24 00:01:10,360 --> 00:01:13,000 Speaker 2: house all the time or vice versa, and so we 25 00:01:13,121 --> 00:01:15,840 Speaker 2: just like always were with each other Obviously, I don't 26 00:01:15,840 --> 00:01:18,200 Speaker 2: think this happens with everybody, but with him and I especially, 27 00:01:18,280 --> 00:01:19,801 Speaker 2: I got to the point where we would go for 28 00:01:19,840 --> 00:01:23,121 Speaker 2: a romantic dinner and we would just sit there and 29 00:01:23,200 --> 00:01:24,481 Speaker 2: like not say anything to each other. 30 00:01:24,521 --> 00:01:26,321 Speaker 1: I suppose when you're with each other all the time, 31 00:01:26,360 --> 00:01:27,881 Speaker 1: you might run out of things to talk about. 32 00:01:27,721 --> 00:01:32,121 Speaker 2: Something not us, but yeah, that's true, not us. But 33 00:01:32,401 --> 00:01:35,481 Speaker 2: with him it was we didn't have that necessarily like 34 00:01:35,521 --> 00:01:41,401 Speaker 2: that friendship aspect. It was more romantic intimacy, like the chemistry. 35 00:01:41,481 --> 00:01:43,720 Speaker 2: It was more of that in that relationship than anything. 36 00:01:43,761 --> 00:01:45,761 Speaker 2: And so I think when we were in dynamics or 37 00:01:45,881 --> 00:01:48,561 Speaker 2: environments where it was just romantic, just us two connecting, 38 00:01:49,241 --> 00:01:51,241 Speaker 2: it was a little bit off, felt a little bit off. 39 00:01:51,241 --> 00:01:53,600 Speaker 2: So I'd be sitting there in front of him thinking 40 00:01:53,641 --> 00:01:55,921 Speaker 2: in my head, how do I feel the space right now? 41 00:01:56,241 --> 00:01:58,801 Speaker 2: Like I couldn't just sit in silence with him because 42 00:01:58,801 --> 00:02:00,800 Speaker 2: it just felt so uncomfortable. I thought like, oh my god, 43 00:02:00,801 --> 00:02:02,601 Speaker 2: if I'm not talking, or if I'm not doing or 44 00:02:02,641 --> 00:02:04,681 Speaker 2: if I'm not entertaining enough, like maybe he'll leave me. 45 00:02:05,281 --> 00:02:05,961 Speaker 3: Yeah, you know. 46 00:02:06,161 --> 00:02:08,201 Speaker 2: And so it was like this insecurity that I had 47 00:02:08,201 --> 00:02:11,201 Speaker 2: that I masked as confidence with always having a topic 48 00:02:11,241 --> 00:02:13,721 Speaker 2: to talk about. Yeah, and always feeling like I could 49 00:02:13,761 --> 00:02:15,881 Speaker 2: feel the space so easily because I could talk about 50 00:02:15,921 --> 00:02:18,441 Speaker 2: anything and talk underwater. But it was like fueled from 51 00:02:18,481 --> 00:02:19,761 Speaker 2: a place of insecurity. 52 00:02:20,281 --> 00:02:20,521 Speaker 3: Yeah. 53 00:02:20,561 --> 00:02:23,081 Speaker 2: And so that was a really confronting time in my life. 54 00:02:23,121 --> 00:02:25,601 Speaker 2: And I also recognized it's not because of him. It 55 00:02:25,641 --> 00:02:27,881 Speaker 2: actually I had more to do with myself than anything, 56 00:02:27,960 --> 00:02:30,321 Speaker 2: because at the time I wasn't a very secure version 57 00:02:30,361 --> 00:02:32,761 Speaker 2: of myself, and I was also in a relationship that 58 00:02:33,041 --> 00:02:35,921 Speaker 2: brought out insecurity in me. You know, I was constantly 59 00:02:35,921 --> 00:02:39,121 Speaker 2: feeling jealous all the time, constantly worrying about what he 60 00:02:39,201 --> 00:02:40,961 Speaker 2: was doing and all that. Like, I definitely wasn't the 61 00:02:40,960 --> 00:02:42,041 Speaker 2: best partner in that relationship. 62 00:02:42,081 --> 00:02:42,960 Speaker 3: I'll tell you that right now. 63 00:02:43,441 --> 00:02:47,001 Speaker 2: But this behavior and this need to like feel silence 64 00:02:47,121 --> 00:02:49,401 Speaker 2: or to prove my worth or to prove that I 65 00:02:49,481 --> 00:02:53,361 Speaker 2: was interesting enough to stay with was bizarre to think 66 00:02:53,401 --> 00:02:55,761 Speaker 2: that it, you know, a nineteen years. 67 00:02:55,520 --> 00:02:57,801 Speaker 3: Old It's sad, isn't it? And a poor reflection. 68 00:02:57,881 --> 00:02:59,641 Speaker 1: Now, if you were to go into a relationship now, 69 00:03:00,041 --> 00:03:01,921 Speaker 1: would you be okay to sit in silence or do 70 00:03:01,921 --> 00:03:03,961 Speaker 1: you still feel like you need to feel that like 71 00:03:04,001 --> 00:03:05,041 Speaker 1: gaps that something's wrong. 72 00:03:05,041 --> 00:03:05,921 Speaker 3: I feel sitting in silence. 73 00:03:06,001 --> 00:03:08,321 Speaker 2: No. Absolutely, I feel like it's different now because I've 74 00:03:08,361 --> 00:03:11,921 Speaker 2: met myself on a much deeper levels. When I am 75 00:03:12,001 --> 00:03:14,560 Speaker 2: by myself, actually enjoy being by myself, like I enjoy 76 00:03:14,641 --> 00:03:17,201 Speaker 2: my own time. I enjoy sitting and quiet. 77 00:03:17,321 --> 00:03:19,440 Speaker 3: I'm the first difference to being quiet with someone you love. 78 00:03:19,680 --> 00:03:21,761 Speaker 2: But I think it leaks into yeah, you know what 79 00:03:21,761 --> 00:03:23,921 Speaker 2: I mean. So like me, whereas when I was nineteen, 80 00:03:24,161 --> 00:03:26,761 Speaker 2: could not sit in silence, could not be by myself, 81 00:03:26,881 --> 00:03:29,841 Speaker 2: hated being alone. I was so terrified of because I 82 00:03:29,841 --> 00:03:32,481 Speaker 2: was terrified of my own thoughts, whereas like now, I'm 83 00:03:32,481 --> 00:03:33,921 Speaker 2: not scared of what's going to come up in my 84 00:03:34,001 --> 00:03:37,801 Speaker 2: head for the most part, For the most thoughts are real, 85 00:03:37,921 --> 00:03:40,961 Speaker 2: they are real. And so when I am with loved ones, 86 00:03:41,001 --> 00:03:43,361 Speaker 2: I'm like, oh, this feels so nice. Yeah, it's like thing, 87 00:03:43,561 --> 00:03:45,521 Speaker 2: It's like, oh, we don't have to be on. We 88 00:03:45,561 --> 00:03:47,361 Speaker 2: can just be with each other and it doesn't have 89 00:03:47,401 --> 00:03:49,841 Speaker 2: to be on and lit up and high vibe all 90 00:03:49,881 --> 00:03:52,041 Speaker 2: the time. It's like, no, we can just enjoy this silence. 91 00:03:52,401 --> 00:03:55,801 Speaker 2: It feels really nice. And so now I don't really 92 00:03:55,881 --> 00:03:58,401 Speaker 2: kind of get that head noise. But because I also 93 00:03:58,481 --> 00:04:00,801 Speaker 2: have secure relationships and people in my life. 94 00:04:00,921 --> 00:04:03,401 Speaker 1: It's a cool reflection, isn't it. I've definitely done that, 95 00:04:03,441 --> 00:04:06,161 Speaker 1: and I still guilty do that now. If I'm going 96 00:04:06,201 --> 00:04:07,681 Speaker 1: to meet someone for an interview and I put them 97 00:04:07,681 --> 00:04:10,761 Speaker 1: on a pedestal, yeah, as really smart or really intelligent, 98 00:04:10,841 --> 00:04:12,561 Speaker 1: or they know so much about a topic, and I 99 00:04:12,601 --> 00:04:16,201 Speaker 1: feel like I have nothing to contribute, Yeah, I'll avoid them. Yeah, 100 00:04:16,241 --> 00:04:19,041 Speaker 1: And it's sad because it ruins opportunities and connection and 101 00:04:19,561 --> 00:04:21,681 Speaker 1: they just want to chat, you know. But I definitely 102 00:04:21,681 --> 00:04:24,841 Speaker 1: have fear around if I can't contribute and add to 103 00:04:24,880 --> 00:04:26,561 Speaker 1: the conversation, that they're going to be bored with me 104 00:04:27,041 --> 00:04:29,001 Speaker 1: or not want to interview me, or I don't know, 105 00:04:29,041 --> 00:04:29,761 Speaker 1: I get way in my. 106 00:04:29,681 --> 00:04:30,681 Speaker 3: Head about it. Yeah. 107 00:04:30,761 --> 00:04:32,841 Speaker 1: Yeah, it's scary. But with loved ones, I don't feel 108 00:04:32,880 --> 00:04:33,521 Speaker 1: like that anymore. 109 00:04:33,681 --> 00:04:35,761 Speaker 2: I think when I have safe relationships, it doesn't come 110 00:04:35,801 --> 00:04:37,641 Speaker 2: up as much. Yes, which are like when I think 111 00:04:37,681 --> 00:04:39,200 Speaker 2: of the people who like in my life and I 112 00:04:39,241 --> 00:04:40,601 Speaker 2: know I can lean on, and I'm just like, oh, 113 00:04:40,601 --> 00:04:42,361 Speaker 2: I can be myself, Like, of course I'm going to 114 00:04:42,440 --> 00:04:45,961 Speaker 2: feel safe in that dynamic. But whether if I'm seeing 115 00:04:46,001 --> 00:04:47,760 Speaker 2: somebody new or have a new partner in my life, 116 00:04:47,761 --> 00:04:48,520 Speaker 2: do I feel that way. 117 00:04:48,561 --> 00:04:51,561 Speaker 1: I don't know in a relationship, Yeah, I wonder if 118 00:04:51,561 --> 00:04:53,200 Speaker 1: it's a new part, if you will feel like you 119 00:04:53,281 --> 00:04:54,281 Speaker 1: need to feel the space. 120 00:04:54,561 --> 00:04:56,400 Speaker 2: I definitely felt like I needed to fill space with 121 00:04:56,440 --> 00:04:57,441 Speaker 2: my last relationship. 122 00:04:57,561 --> 00:04:59,641 Speaker 3: Yeah, But I also was. 123 00:04:59,841 --> 00:05:02,601 Speaker 2: Quite anxious in that relationship as well. I was more 124 00:05:02,641 --> 00:05:05,161 Speaker 2: anxious than what I am on my baseline. Yeah, And 125 00:05:05,201 --> 00:05:07,161 Speaker 2: so I wonder if that was the accumulation of the 126 00:05:07,201 --> 00:05:10,200 Speaker 2: negative headspace and the negative self talk, yeah, feeling like oh. 127 00:05:10,001 --> 00:05:11,841 Speaker 3: Oh my god, like is he having a good time? 128 00:05:11,921 --> 00:05:12,281 Speaker 3: Is he not? 129 00:05:12,440 --> 00:05:15,281 Speaker 1: Like yeah, I remember when we were at an event 130 00:05:15,320 --> 00:05:18,320 Speaker 1: in Brisbane, Yeah, and you saw someone that you had 131 00:05:18,481 --> 00:05:21,121 Speaker 1: been with before and his partner was there, and I 132 00:05:21,161 --> 00:05:24,281 Speaker 1: noticed you go into this over like I was like, what. 133 00:05:24,361 --> 00:05:25,081 Speaker 3: Is she doing? 134 00:05:25,121 --> 00:05:28,640 Speaker 1: But afterwards I understand. So Tiana went into this like 135 00:05:28,681 --> 00:05:32,841 Speaker 1: almost over talking really fast, really nervous, like over commensating, 136 00:05:32,880 --> 00:05:35,601 Speaker 1: like complimenting her life, your dress, and like it was 137 00:05:35,641 --> 00:05:37,401 Speaker 1: a lot. Yeah. And then afterwards when you told me, 138 00:05:37,440 --> 00:05:39,961 Speaker 1: oh my gosh, I used to date her partner. I 139 00:05:39,961 --> 00:05:41,721 Speaker 1: don't want her to feel uncomfortable, and I don't know 140 00:05:41,761 --> 00:05:43,320 Speaker 1: if she knows about us, And I just got anxious 141 00:05:43,320 --> 00:05:45,880 Speaker 1: and I want to make sure she's okay, it's so interesting. 142 00:05:45,921 --> 00:05:47,961 Speaker 1: How and I would I've done similar things too, Like 143 00:05:48,121 --> 00:05:50,161 Speaker 1: new people I meet, I want to impress. 144 00:05:49,801 --> 00:05:52,121 Speaker 2: Them, Yeah, mask on right, Absolutely I do. 145 00:05:52,241 --> 00:05:54,440 Speaker 3: That is the nice girl, the funny girl, you want 146 00:05:54,481 --> 00:05:55,080 Speaker 3: the cool girl. 147 00:05:55,201 --> 00:05:55,401 Speaker 2: Yeah. 148 00:05:55,440 --> 00:05:56,801 Speaker 1: You want them to walk away and be like, oh 149 00:05:56,801 --> 00:05:58,601 Speaker 1: my god, she was the best vibe. Yes, if you're 150 00:05:58,601 --> 00:06:00,081 Speaker 1: in a low vibe, you amp it up because you 151 00:06:00,081 --> 00:06:01,241 Speaker 1: don't want them thinking that of you. 152 00:06:01,440 --> 00:06:01,681 Speaker 3: Yeah. 153 00:06:01,681 --> 00:06:04,200 Speaker 2: Absolutely, I want them to leave feeling good. Yeah, feeling 154 00:06:04,201 --> 00:06:06,681 Speaker 2: good and feeling like it's first impression, accept it, or 155 00:06:06,721 --> 00:06:08,961 Speaker 2: like I was welcomed into the conversation, because I never 156 00:06:09,001 --> 00:06:10,801 Speaker 2: want abody to feel like, oh, she didn't talk to me, 157 00:06:10,880 --> 00:06:12,601 Speaker 2: or she was rude or whatever. 158 00:06:12,320 --> 00:06:14,121 Speaker 1: Make an assumption that your snobby or that you think 159 00:06:14,121 --> 00:06:15,440 Speaker 1: you're too cold to yeah, when you could have just 160 00:06:15,440 --> 00:06:16,281 Speaker 1: been having a bad day. 161 00:06:16,361 --> 00:06:18,441 Speaker 2: And also I didn't realize that I did that until 162 00:06:18,481 --> 00:06:20,521 Speaker 2: you called me out on that. And because in that moment, 163 00:06:20,521 --> 00:06:21,961 Speaker 2: I was like, oh my gosh, I have to make 164 00:06:22,001 --> 00:06:24,521 Speaker 2: sure she knows that I'm including her in the conversation 165 00:06:25,761 --> 00:06:28,041 Speaker 2: on her partner, because I don't really beautiful I ever 166 00:06:28,121 --> 00:06:30,161 Speaker 2: want to make anyone feel that way. For sure, women 167 00:06:30,281 --> 00:06:32,921 Speaker 2: because she already has like a very strong demeanor. Yes, 168 00:06:33,081 --> 00:06:35,481 Speaker 2: And I was like, oh, okay, Like I did, I 169 00:06:35,481 --> 00:06:36,961 Speaker 2: went into proving. I was like, I have to prove 170 00:06:37,001 --> 00:06:38,081 Speaker 2: that I'm not here to steal your man. 171 00:06:38,241 --> 00:06:40,600 Speaker 1: Yeah. No, and it's from a beautiful place. I think 172 00:06:40,921 --> 00:06:43,041 Speaker 1: most women would really appreciate that, because if you just 173 00:06:43,081 --> 00:06:45,601 Speaker 1: engage in conversation with him, she's gonna be like, who 174 00:06:45,601 --> 00:06:47,200 Speaker 1: the fuck was that? Why was she not talking to me? 175 00:06:47,521 --> 00:06:48,321 Speaker 1: Have you been with her? Like? 176 00:06:48,320 --> 00:06:49,601 Speaker 3: Why would she have a problem with me? 177 00:06:49,681 --> 00:06:52,161 Speaker 2: And I guess in the back of my head, I think, Okay, 178 00:06:52,201 --> 00:06:54,281 Speaker 2: if I were in a relationship and I saw somebody 179 00:06:54,320 --> 00:06:55,960 Speaker 2: that I had previously slept with, I would tell my 180 00:06:56,041 --> 00:06:58,801 Speaker 2: partner at a courtesy yes, to be like, just so 181 00:06:58,921 --> 00:07:01,841 Speaker 2: you know, you're not gonna make besties with the person. 182 00:07:02,041 --> 00:07:04,400 Speaker 2: This is a person of my past. And so in 183 00:07:04,440 --> 00:07:06,481 Speaker 2: my head I was thinking, they're gonna have a conversation 184 00:07:06,481 --> 00:07:08,001 Speaker 2: about me later. I need to make sure that this 185 00:07:08,081 --> 00:07:08,601 Speaker 2: is not awkward. 186 00:07:08,601 --> 00:07:09,921 Speaker 1: And she's like she can be like, oh, at least 187 00:07:09,921 --> 00:07:11,921 Speaker 1: she was nice and respectful to Yeah, she's not a threat. 188 00:07:11,961 --> 00:07:13,601 Speaker 2: She's not Yeah, she's not a threat, or she's not 189 00:07:13,641 --> 00:07:15,281 Speaker 2: here to do anything shady or anything. 190 00:07:15,361 --> 00:07:16,561 Speaker 3: Yeah, So it's just cool. 191 00:07:16,601 --> 00:07:18,921 Speaker 1: I hope when we are sharing these personal stories that 192 00:07:19,001 --> 00:07:21,841 Speaker 1: it helps you reflect and go, oh, I can see 193 00:07:21,841 --> 00:07:24,241 Speaker 1: where I do that. Maybe I don't have to do that. 194 00:07:24,321 --> 00:07:26,081 Speaker 1: Maybe I can just be myself, or maybe I can 195 00:07:26,121 --> 00:07:28,041 Speaker 1: be honest and we like, fuck, I'm normally a high 196 00:07:28,121 --> 00:07:29,201 Speaker 1: vibe here, but I'm just having. 197 00:07:29,001 --> 00:07:29,521 Speaker 3: A shit day. 198 00:07:29,601 --> 00:07:29,761 Speaker 2: You know. 199 00:07:29,761 --> 00:07:30,521 Speaker 3: Who I do this with? 200 00:07:30,601 --> 00:07:34,641 Speaker 2: Actually, people I find to have more reserved demeanor. Yeah, 201 00:07:34,681 --> 00:07:37,641 Speaker 2: you know when people are like more reserved, me too open. 202 00:07:37,761 --> 00:07:38,081 Speaker 3: I do that. 203 00:07:38,281 --> 00:07:39,441 Speaker 2: It's like I feel like with you and I, we 204 00:07:39,441 --> 00:07:41,801 Speaker 2: were like we met each other in the openness. Yeah, 205 00:07:41,801 --> 00:07:43,081 Speaker 2: like hey, and You're like hey, and I was like 206 00:07:43,121 --> 00:07:44,921 Speaker 2: and then we just kind of built from there. Whereas 207 00:07:44,921 --> 00:07:46,601 Speaker 2: like somebody who's a little bit more quiet or a 208 00:07:46,641 --> 00:07:49,001 Speaker 2: little bit more reserved keeps to themselves a little bit 209 00:07:49,041 --> 00:07:51,001 Speaker 2: more and they're not as like you feel like. 210 00:07:50,921 --> 00:07:53,041 Speaker 1: You need to almost take up more yeah, to make 211 00:07:53,081 --> 00:07:55,761 Speaker 1: them feel comfortable, like they don't have to overcompensate a bit. 212 00:07:55,801 --> 00:07:57,521 Speaker 2: Yeah, almost like I feel like I have to try 213 00:07:57,521 --> 00:08:00,081 Speaker 2: a little bit harder to get their approval. Yes, you know, 214 00:08:00,321 --> 00:08:01,841 Speaker 2: there's been a couple of people just to get them 215 00:08:01,841 --> 00:08:04,201 Speaker 2: to talk. Yeah, yeah, I mean like, oh no, I'm 216 00:08:04,201 --> 00:08:06,401 Speaker 2: coolant to be friends. 217 00:08:06,601 --> 00:08:09,681 Speaker 1: Yeah, it's so interesting, isn't it. 218 00:08:09,961 --> 00:08:11,241 Speaker 3: They're reflection of all of this. 219 00:08:11,961 --> 00:08:13,881 Speaker 2: I think it comes up with different people for sure, 220 00:08:14,001 --> 00:08:16,601 Speaker 2: but yeah, anyway, I'm banging on about all the times 221 00:08:16,681 --> 00:08:18,280 Speaker 2: it has come up, but it loved the personal story. 222 00:08:18,361 --> 00:08:20,681 Speaker 2: It's cool. It's cool to reflect on because you know, 223 00:08:20,721 --> 00:08:23,361 Speaker 2: I think your level of confidence interchanges with different people. 224 00:08:23,961 --> 00:08:25,841 Speaker 2: How you feel in yourself and how you feel with 225 00:08:25,881 --> 00:08:29,401 Speaker 2: other people's sometimes dependent on how safe that person feels. Yes, 226 00:08:29,481 --> 00:08:33,401 Speaker 2: because naturally you are yourself, but how much of yourself 227 00:08:33,441 --> 00:08:36,041 Speaker 2: are you with new people or people you don't trust 228 00:08:36,201 --> 00:08:39,121 Speaker 2: or don't yet know how to trust. So it's a 229 00:08:39,121 --> 00:08:39,921 Speaker 2: really interesting thing. 230 00:08:39,961 --> 00:08:42,121 Speaker 1: I even say Steve do it because he's quite reserved 231 00:08:42,241 --> 00:08:45,921 Speaker 1: and he's definitely introverted. He's not super social. So I 232 00:08:46,081 --> 00:08:48,361 Speaker 1: notice if there's someone new that comes in, he's like, 233 00:08:48,881 --> 00:08:50,481 Speaker 1: overdoes it? And I'm like that was the beginning to 234 00:08:50,561 --> 00:08:52,801 Speaker 1: feel He's like, yeah, I'm fucking drying. Ah, But he 235 00:08:52,841 --> 00:08:55,241 Speaker 1: feels like if he doesn't that people think he's cold 236 00:08:55,361 --> 00:08:59,201 Speaker 1: or not friendly or not welcoming. And even in the workspace, 237 00:08:59,241 --> 00:09:01,121 Speaker 1: I think he turns on a little bit because he 238 00:09:01,121 --> 00:09:03,841 Speaker 1: doesn't want anyone to feel like he's not enjoying them 239 00:09:03,881 --> 00:09:05,961 Speaker 1: or they're not doing a great job. But yeah, his 240 00:09:06,041 --> 00:09:10,001 Speaker 1: personality is just naturally more gentle and more quiet. So 241 00:09:10,041 --> 00:09:11,801 Speaker 1: I noticed that in him, and I think that's why 242 00:09:11,841 --> 00:09:14,441 Speaker 1: he also doesn't love a lot of social outings. It's 243 00:09:14,521 --> 00:09:15,321 Speaker 1: quite draining for him. 244 00:09:15,321 --> 00:09:16,201 Speaker 2: Feels like you have to put it off. 245 00:09:16,241 --> 00:09:17,201 Speaker 3: It feels like it has to put it on. 246 00:09:17,281 --> 00:09:18,721 Speaker 1: It's around me, he knows it can just be in 247 00:09:19,041 --> 00:09:20,921 Speaker 1: full self and we can be in complete silence, just 248 00:09:20,921 --> 00:09:23,321 Speaker 1: cuddling and it's a nice time. Yes, doesn't have to 249 00:09:23,361 --> 00:09:25,601 Speaker 1: be anyone or do anything, and we're just enjoying each 250 00:09:25,601 --> 00:09:26,161 Speaker 1: other's company. 251 00:09:26,281 --> 00:09:28,321 Speaker 3: Yeah. Yeah, it's interesting. The closer you are with them, 252 00:09:28,361 --> 00:09:30,281 Speaker 3: the safer you are. Yeah, do that absolutely. 253 00:09:30,321 --> 00:09:32,561 Speaker 2: So it's like, how do we get that energy of 254 00:09:32,601 --> 00:09:35,201 Speaker 2: feeling comfortable or feeling confident in ourselves enough to be 255 00:09:35,361 --> 00:09:38,161 Speaker 2: all of who we are, regardless of how close we are. 256 00:09:38,081 --> 00:09:38,641 Speaker 3: With that person? 257 00:09:38,761 --> 00:09:41,561 Speaker 1: Yes, you know, and if people assume something of you, 258 00:09:41,681 --> 00:09:43,681 Speaker 1: let them, Yes, that'd let them. Theory if they want 259 00:09:43,721 --> 00:09:45,721 Speaker 1: to assume that you're a bitch because you didn't say 260 00:09:45,841 --> 00:09:48,081 Speaker 1: X y Z, or you weren't super high vibe and bubbly, 261 00:09:48,161 --> 00:09:49,961 Speaker 1: like let them think that of you. It's not your 262 00:09:50,001 --> 00:09:53,401 Speaker 1: responsibility to manage their emotions or their thoughts about you. 263 00:09:53,401 --> 00:09:55,081 Speaker 1: You hope you meet people that are open to just 264 00:09:55,201 --> 00:09:56,641 Speaker 1: get to know the real you, and if they're not, 265 00:09:56,641 --> 00:09:57,881 Speaker 1: they're not your people and you're. 266 00:09:57,721 --> 00:09:59,681 Speaker 2: So right to it. Or it is about controlling the 267 00:09:59,681 --> 00:10:02,281 Speaker 2: way that people perceive us you are, you're manipulating. Yeah, 268 00:10:02,281 --> 00:10:04,041 Speaker 2: when I think about times, i'd be hard to do that. 269 00:10:04,081 --> 00:10:05,841 Speaker 2: It's like, I want this person to like me, so 270 00:10:05,921 --> 00:10:07,521 Speaker 2: I'm going to behave this way because I think that 271 00:10:07,521 --> 00:10:09,681 Speaker 2: that's what we'll get this person to like me. Yeah, 272 00:10:09,681 --> 00:10:10,761 Speaker 2: but that's not being authentic. 273 00:10:11,041 --> 00:10:13,841 Speaker 3: You're wearing a mask. Yeah, yeah, it is. It's manipulation. 274 00:10:14,041 --> 00:10:15,881 Speaker 3: It is. It's manipulation, for sure. 275 00:10:16,961 --> 00:10:20,201 Speaker 2: Manipulation last as confidence. Literally and everyone does it. 276 00:10:20,201 --> 00:10:20,761 Speaker 3: We all do it. 277 00:10:20,801 --> 00:10:23,041 Speaker 1: But we're also not sitting here saying we're perfecting him now. 278 00:10:23,041 --> 00:10:24,601 Speaker 1: So I literally will tell you I still do it 279 00:10:24,641 --> 00:10:27,121 Speaker 1: with people that I'm intimidated by or very very smart 280 00:10:27,121 --> 00:10:29,441 Speaker 1: because I'm feeling like my smartness isn't up to their 281 00:10:29,561 --> 00:10:31,921 Speaker 1: smartness and I'm not going to have any to contribute. Yeah, 282 00:10:32,161 --> 00:10:34,201 Speaker 1: leave I was a huge one for me with that Yeah, 283 00:10:34,281 --> 00:10:36,521 Speaker 1: we worked together for fifteen years and we're like brother 284 00:10:36,561 --> 00:10:39,521 Speaker 1: and sister now super super close. But I felt like 285 00:10:39,641 --> 00:10:42,281 Speaker 1: for the first half our working relationship and friendship, we 286 00:10:42,281 --> 00:10:44,881 Speaker 1: could never really connect because I put him on such 287 00:10:44,921 --> 00:10:47,761 Speaker 1: a pedestal. Yeah, that I would avoid conversations with him 288 00:10:47,761 --> 00:10:49,481 Speaker 1: because I thought I was so fucking dumb, and I 289 00:10:49,481 --> 00:10:52,361 Speaker 1: thought he was looking at me, like, You're so fucking dumb. 290 00:10:53,001 --> 00:10:55,921 Speaker 1: In our working relationship, he was the brains. He was 291 00:10:56,121 --> 00:10:59,041 Speaker 1: the natch path, the nutritionists, the qualified personal trainer of 292 00:10:59,281 --> 00:11:01,521 Speaker 1: fifteen years, and I was this new person just come 293 00:11:01,561 --> 00:11:04,521 Speaker 1: in and just got qualified. But we all had our strengths, 294 00:11:04,521 --> 00:11:07,721 Speaker 1: but just like this energy, and it was I don't know, 295 00:11:07,841 --> 00:11:10,881 Speaker 1: just working in myself and being more comfortable within myself 296 00:11:10,921 --> 00:11:13,121 Speaker 1: and also seeing what I brought to the table. Once 297 00:11:13,161 --> 00:11:15,281 Speaker 1: those walls went down, I just like treated him like 298 00:11:15,321 --> 00:11:16,601 Speaker 1: a normal fucking human being. 299 00:11:17,041 --> 00:11:17,881 Speaker 3: We got so close. 300 00:11:18,081 --> 00:11:20,361 Speaker 1: They have the banter and talk, and I could also 301 00:11:20,441 --> 00:11:23,281 Speaker 1: like compliment and lift him up without putting myself down. 302 00:11:24,041 --> 00:11:27,241 Speaker 1: And it's a really really cool thing to realize. It 303 00:11:27,241 --> 00:11:31,241 Speaker 1: was really impact in connection. Yeah, absolutely, Yeah, everyone can feel. 304 00:11:31,081 --> 00:11:33,441 Speaker 2: And also cool when you are able to drop that 305 00:11:33,521 --> 00:11:35,921 Speaker 2: perception of like them on a pedestal, so it's like, oh, 306 00:11:35,921 --> 00:11:36,881 Speaker 2: this is just another human. 307 00:11:37,001 --> 00:11:38,001 Speaker 3: He's just another human. 308 00:11:38,081 --> 00:11:39,681 Speaker 2: It's just another human. And then you can actually connect 309 00:11:39,721 --> 00:11:40,921 Speaker 2: on the level you want to connect on. 310 00:11:40,921 --> 00:11:43,161 Speaker 1: And everyone's got their strength and their weaknesses, and you 311 00:11:43,161 --> 00:11:45,161 Speaker 1: can help lead each other and guide each other and 312 00:11:45,161 --> 00:11:46,761 Speaker 1: be there for each other in whatever that is. 313 00:11:46,641 --> 00:11:48,801 Speaker 2: Absolutely and like it's yours has shown up in that area, 314 00:11:48,801 --> 00:11:50,961 Speaker 2: I'm like might have shown up in intimate relationships, yes, 315 00:11:51,121 --> 00:11:54,121 Speaker 2: where some maybe some relationships I feel super confident because 316 00:11:54,121 --> 00:11:56,121 Speaker 2: they're secure and it's a great relationship. But then in 317 00:11:56,201 --> 00:11:59,561 Speaker 2: other ones where I don't feel fully safe or it's 318 00:11:59,601 --> 00:12:01,921 Speaker 2: not maybe a right fit or whatever. But then in 319 00:12:01,961 --> 00:12:04,241 Speaker 2: those moments, wounds are coming up for me of like 320 00:12:04,441 --> 00:12:07,121 Speaker 2: this person is superior than me, and it's shout up. 321 00:12:07,121 --> 00:12:09,121 Speaker 2: In business, You've pulled me up on this many times 322 00:12:09,121 --> 00:12:12,281 Speaker 2: of me pedestaling men that I've been with or men 323 00:12:12,321 --> 00:12:15,201 Speaker 2: that I've dated because they're really great business men. And 324 00:12:15,201 --> 00:12:17,681 Speaker 2: then I would like squash my business ideas because like, 325 00:12:17,681 --> 00:12:19,961 Speaker 2: but they know more, but they've been in this for longer, 326 00:12:20,001 --> 00:12:22,321 Speaker 2: they've had more experience than me. And then I immediately 327 00:12:22,361 --> 00:12:25,401 Speaker 2: make the man like the pedestal and like better than me, 328 00:12:25,481 --> 00:12:26,841 Speaker 2: and then I'm like, oh my gosh, where's. 329 00:12:26,561 --> 00:12:27,081 Speaker 3: My self worth? 330 00:12:27,121 --> 00:12:29,881 Speaker 2: Gone, Yes, definitely, it's definitely shown up. 331 00:12:30,081 --> 00:12:31,921 Speaker 3: It has zero I has shown up in business view 332 00:12:31,961 --> 00:12:32,521 Speaker 3: with that sense. 333 00:12:32,761 --> 00:12:36,121 Speaker 1: But then it's cool because as you've grown, you've then gone, oh, yeah, 334 00:12:36,121 --> 00:12:38,121 Speaker 1: they might do that for their business, but I'm a female, 335 00:12:38,161 --> 00:12:40,761 Speaker 1: I'm feminine, and their business is not my business. Absolutely, 336 00:12:40,761 --> 00:12:42,801 Speaker 1: I'm doing X, y Z. They're in a completely different 337 00:12:42,801 --> 00:12:44,201 Speaker 1: feel to me, So why would I do the same 338 00:12:44,201 --> 00:12:44,521 Speaker 1: as them. 339 00:12:44,561 --> 00:12:47,041 Speaker 2: Well, it's like when I doubted my own ability, I 340 00:12:47,161 --> 00:12:49,241 Speaker 2: was like, oh, but it makes sense to listen to them. 341 00:12:49,521 --> 00:12:51,921 Speaker 2: But now I'm like, I can trust myself my intuition more, 342 00:12:51,961 --> 00:12:54,161 Speaker 2: and I also know more than anybody what I want 343 00:12:54,201 --> 00:12:57,041 Speaker 2: out of business. So yes, their advice, I'm super grateful 344 00:12:57,041 --> 00:12:59,561 Speaker 2: for it always, but whether I take it with a 345 00:12:59,561 --> 00:13:01,121 Speaker 2: grain of salt or not is totally up to me 346 00:13:01,161 --> 00:13:03,121 Speaker 2: of like, Okay, does this actually fit for where I'm 347 00:13:03,161 --> 00:13:05,681 Speaker 2: trying to go, and if not, like, that's okay, I 348 00:13:05,721 --> 00:13:08,801 Speaker 2: respect your opinion. I respect that you want to help me. Yeah, 349 00:13:08,801 --> 00:13:10,601 Speaker 2: but also I don't need to take it. It's God No, 350 00:13:10,881 --> 00:13:12,521 Speaker 2: it's like anything, you can take everything with the grain 351 00:13:12,521 --> 00:13:14,281 Speaker 2: of salt. Yeah, and a lot of time people are 352 00:13:14,641 --> 00:13:17,761 Speaker 2: they're giving advice based on their experiences, their beliefs, what's 353 00:13:17,761 --> 00:13:19,881 Speaker 2: happened to them, what's worked for them, what hasn't worked 354 00:13:19,921 --> 00:13:21,841 Speaker 2: for them, and like, oh, you've got to do this because. 355 00:13:21,601 --> 00:13:23,881 Speaker 1: If you don't, this will happen. Well maybe not maybe 356 00:13:23,881 --> 00:13:25,041 Speaker 1: it happened to you, but something that's. 357 00:13:24,921 --> 00:13:25,561 Speaker 3: Going to happen for me. 358 00:13:25,601 --> 00:13:27,481 Speaker 2: And also based on the assumption that you're going to 359 00:13:27,561 --> 00:13:29,481 Speaker 2: want the same outcome as them, Yes, because that's a 360 00:13:29,521 --> 00:13:31,801 Speaker 2: big thing, isn't it. Yeah, everybody wants the same outcome. No, 361 00:13:32,081 --> 00:13:34,361 Speaker 2: exactly right, even just like the whole point of this 362 00:13:34,401 --> 00:13:36,321 Speaker 2: conversation as well, is like you don't need. 363 00:13:36,241 --> 00:13:36,801 Speaker 3: To be perfect. 364 00:13:36,921 --> 00:13:38,441 Speaker 2: No, you don't need to get it right all of 365 00:13:38,441 --> 00:13:40,601 Speaker 2: the time. Like I think, if there's one thing that 366 00:13:40,641 --> 00:13:43,881 Speaker 2: I've learned is that this is forever work. Always. Whatever 367 00:13:43,921 --> 00:13:46,201 Speaker 2: your wounds are, they are always going to come up. 368 00:13:46,201 --> 00:13:48,321 Speaker 2: You just get better at dealing with them and better 369 00:13:48,361 --> 00:13:50,841 Speaker 2: at handling them when they do come up. And it's 370 00:13:50,841 --> 00:13:53,401 Speaker 2: not wrong that they do, but it's just about like 371 00:13:53,481 --> 00:13:56,321 Speaker 2: how we repair and like how we repair with ourselves 372 00:13:56,721 --> 00:14:00,721 Speaker 2: because confidence is literally just like essentially bravery to be 373 00:14:00,841 --> 00:14:02,641 Speaker 2: all of who you are and to also be able 374 00:14:02,641 --> 00:14:04,561 Speaker 2: to back it with evidence. Yes, you know, like what 375 00:14:04,601 --> 00:14:07,521 Speaker 2: we've both just shared experiences of our own. When we 376 00:14:07,641 --> 00:14:10,721 Speaker 2: have felt more confident in ourselves, it's because we've proven 377 00:14:10,761 --> 00:14:12,681 Speaker 2: to ourselves that we are the person that we say 378 00:14:12,721 --> 00:14:16,041 Speaker 2: that we are. And when you can show yourself that evidence, 379 00:14:16,081 --> 00:14:18,281 Speaker 2: you've got stuff to back yourself in. What you're saying 380 00:14:18,521 --> 00:14:20,321 Speaker 2: doesn't feel like you're lying. You're not trying to be like, 381 00:14:20,321 --> 00:14:22,321 Speaker 2: oh my gosh, I'm this most confident person. It's like, well, 382 00:14:22,361 --> 00:14:24,721 Speaker 2: I'm confident in this area because I put the hard 383 00:14:24,801 --> 00:14:27,201 Speaker 2: yards in, I did the work behind it. Or you know, 384 00:14:27,281 --> 00:14:29,961 Speaker 2: I've been working on loving my body and in the 385 00:14:30,001 --> 00:14:31,961 Speaker 2: gym and things like that for twelve years, So of 386 00:14:32,001 --> 00:14:34,001 Speaker 2: course I'm getting to the point right now. I'm grateful 387 00:14:34,001 --> 00:14:35,881 Speaker 2: for my body and I'm happy with where I am 388 00:14:36,041 --> 00:14:36,441 Speaker 2: right now. 389 00:14:36,601 --> 00:14:39,161 Speaker 1: Growing your confidence and like being able to sit in 390 00:14:39,201 --> 00:14:41,761 Speaker 1: silence and be all of you are. If you're not 391 00:14:41,881 --> 00:14:44,401 Speaker 1: confident that area, you might find too that not only 392 00:14:44,441 --> 00:14:47,801 Speaker 1: do you overgiven conversations and talk faster and not be 393 00:14:47,801 --> 00:14:50,241 Speaker 1: able to sit just in it. I find a lot 394 00:14:50,281 --> 00:14:52,881 Speaker 1: of people keep themselves really busy, and the Christmas period 395 00:14:52,961 --> 00:14:54,561 Speaker 1: is such a perfect time for that, because it is 396 00:14:54,561 --> 00:14:56,601 Speaker 1: so much going on, and it gets to January and 397 00:14:56,641 --> 00:14:59,921 Speaker 1: everyone's so burnt out and tired and feel dead inside 398 00:15:00,161 --> 00:15:02,561 Speaker 1: because you've just been so busy, you've distracted, you haven't 399 00:15:02,601 --> 00:15:03,401 Speaker 1: sat with yourself. 400 00:15:03,681 --> 00:15:06,201 Speaker 3: So encourage you over this really busy season. 401 00:15:06,521 --> 00:15:09,081 Speaker 1: Just make sure you're still finding moments of quiet to 402 00:15:09,121 --> 00:15:11,081 Speaker 1: sit with how you're feeling, and ask yourself what's coming 403 00:15:11,161 --> 00:15:14,081 Speaker 1: up for you in the conversations, in the scenarios, at 404 00:15:14,081 --> 00:15:15,801 Speaker 1: the big social events, what comes up for you? 405 00:15:15,841 --> 00:15:18,321 Speaker 3: How do you feel? And just sit with it, yeah, 406 00:15:18,361 --> 00:15:19,081 Speaker 3: so you can move through it. 407 00:15:19,161 --> 00:15:21,241 Speaker 1: Otherwise you're gonna keep running the same patterns in the 408 00:15:21,241 --> 00:15:24,241 Speaker 1: same cycles, and Janu comes around you feel like shit. Yeah, 409 00:15:24,321 --> 00:15:26,001 Speaker 1: because it all comes back to the service. You can 410 00:15:26,041 --> 00:15:27,401 Speaker 1: only push things down for so long. 411 00:15:27,521 --> 00:15:28,601 Speaker 3: That's so true. Yeah. 412 00:15:28,681 --> 00:15:31,521 Speaker 2: Yeah, When you can sit with yourself in that silence, 413 00:15:31,721 --> 00:15:34,441 Speaker 2: you're getting familiar with yourself. Yes, you're getting to know yourself. 414 00:15:34,481 --> 00:15:36,241 Speaker 3: You learn so much about where you're at. 415 00:15:36,321 --> 00:15:38,401 Speaker 2: Oh, my grand god, because it's like, oh wow, there's 416 00:15:38,441 --> 00:15:41,681 Speaker 2: nothing to distract me. No shiny lights, no phones, no Netflix, no, 417 00:15:42,321 --> 00:15:45,321 Speaker 2: you know, constant busy schedule of social outings. You're like, whoa, 418 00:15:45,321 --> 00:15:47,321 Speaker 2: I actually have to sit with what's actually real for 419 00:15:47,401 --> 00:15:49,401 Speaker 2: me right now, what's coming up. And when you stop 420 00:15:49,801 --> 00:15:52,881 Speaker 2: being scared of what sits underneath, you can kind of 421 00:15:52,921 --> 00:15:54,481 Speaker 2: just like sit in the energy of it and not 422 00:15:54,681 --> 00:15:57,001 Speaker 2: need to hide it or shy away from it or 423 00:15:57,041 --> 00:15:57,561 Speaker 2: run from it. 424 00:15:57,721 --> 00:15:59,761 Speaker 1: You know, people say, oh, like I can't meditate, like 425 00:16:00,001 --> 00:16:01,721 Speaker 1: just my thoughts just get too busy, Like it's just 426 00:16:01,761 --> 00:16:03,881 Speaker 1: not for me. If that's how you feel, you need 427 00:16:03,921 --> 00:16:06,441 Speaker 1: it even more. Yeah, if you can't sit for five minutes, 428 00:16:06,481 --> 00:16:07,881 Speaker 1: you need to practice sitting for ten minutes. 429 00:16:08,001 --> 00:16:10,041 Speaker 3: Yeah, like double it. That's a good point. 430 00:16:10,161 --> 00:16:12,961 Speaker 1: It's so true that most you need it more than anyone. 431 00:16:13,001 --> 00:16:15,001 Speaker 1: You should be able to sit with your feelings. And 432 00:16:15,081 --> 00:16:17,441 Speaker 1: meditation isn't about just like oh, don't think, don't think, 433 00:16:17,521 --> 00:16:19,081 Speaker 1: just breathe, breathe, not. 434 00:16:19,081 --> 00:16:19,721 Speaker 3: Gonna have any thoughts. 435 00:16:19,761 --> 00:16:21,521 Speaker 1: I can let the thought be there, bring it up, 436 00:16:21,881 --> 00:16:24,881 Speaker 1: cry about it, breathe through it, evaluate it if you 437 00:16:24,921 --> 00:16:26,681 Speaker 1: need to, and then like breathe out and let it go, 438 00:16:27,281 --> 00:16:29,881 Speaker 1: like let them all arise. That's part of meditation is 439 00:16:29,921 --> 00:16:33,081 Speaker 1: to just like sit with all of yourself. It's okay 440 00:16:33,121 --> 00:16:36,041 Speaker 1: if it feels uncomfortable, feels messy, or feels emotional. 441 00:16:36,121 --> 00:16:36,881 Speaker 3: That's the point of it. 442 00:16:37,641 --> 00:16:40,481 Speaker 1: You're telling your body once you breathe and you get grounded, 443 00:16:40,521 --> 00:16:42,841 Speaker 1: you're telling your body you're safe to feel. You have 444 00:16:42,961 --> 00:16:44,921 Speaker 1: to distract and push it to the side any longer. 445 00:16:45,681 --> 00:16:47,521 Speaker 1: Give your body, your mind, and your heart that opportunity 446 00:16:47,561 --> 00:16:51,401 Speaker 1: to feel at all. Absolutely yeah, right, all right, guys, 447 00:16:51,441 --> 00:16:53,281 Speaker 1: thanks for joining us. I'll see you on the next 448 00:16:53,281 --> 00:16:54,601 Speaker 1: one day five tomorrow. 449 00:16:54,721 --> 00:16:55,441 Speaker 3: Bye.