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Speaker 1: Apogee Production. Welcome back to another episode of Am I

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Speaker 1: A Bad Mom? Podcast? A little bit different today, Rachel,

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Speaker 1: We've got a guest here.

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Speaker 2: I know it's a few and far between, but I thought,

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Speaker 2: why not, let's just shake this ship up. And you know,

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Speaker 2: that's kind of like parenting, isn't it. You just don't

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Speaker 2: get a choice. You just shake the shit up and

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Speaker 2: hope for the best.

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Speaker 1: So Luke, Welcome, Luke, Am I A Bad Mum?

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Speaker 3: Thanks? Thanks for having me a longtime listener for some cooler.

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Speaker 4: Now people that don't know Luke, or they wouldn't know

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Speaker 4: Luke yet because it's not been on Animei A Bad

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Speaker 4: Mom before. But Luke is Rachel's brother, which also means

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Speaker 4: that he is Gracie and Elsie cool.

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Speaker 3: Correct, correct?

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Speaker 4: And I have no idea what the topic of today's

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Speaker 4: podcast is, but I am very excited to hear it.

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Speaker 2: I thought you'd be excited. I thought it would just

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Speaker 2: literally throw.

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Speaker 1: It in there.

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Speaker 2: And I thought it from an uncle's perspective, I was

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Speaker 2: kind enough to let Uncle Luke parent my children.

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Speaker 1: That did the favor. It was that way round, was

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Speaker 1: it right?

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Speaker 3: Yeah, it was very kind of you. I appreciate it.

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Speaker 3: Thank you so much. I look forward to the.

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Speaker 1: Next opportunity, calmed your kids off.

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Speaker 3: And while someone went gallavounting down in Melbourne for Melbourne Cup.

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Speaker 1: What did we come up with?

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Speaker 2: Am I a bad uncle?

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Speaker 3: For?

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Speaker 1: Hang on, we can play the music.

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Speaker 3: Come, let's go to that one. Am I a bad uncle?

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Speaker 3: Because I underestimate how much insert explicit explicit language work

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Speaker 3: is involved with looking after these kids.

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Speaker 4: Okay, I'm going to get comfortable.

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Speaker 3: And I say this because I was having a conversation

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Speaker 3: as Rachel was coming home on the Wednesday. Now, I

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Speaker 3: didn't do the work. Mum had the girls for the weekend.

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Speaker 3: She's grandma.

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Speaker 4: She let's just let's just set the scene. So Rachel

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Speaker 4: swanned off to Melbourne for the makeup, sorted outfit.

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Speaker 3: Ready, Yeah, she's gonna They left on the Friday and

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Speaker 3: so for the weekend nanny looked after them. God for Nanad.

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Speaker 3: She looked after them. And she would invite me to

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Speaker 3: things like Hey, we're going to go to the Redcliffe

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Speaker 3: Markets on Sunday. When it come I was like, nope,

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Speaker 3: I've got so many other things I can do.

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Speaker 2: I'm also booked in for Monday morning.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, and I know exactly what's going to have in

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Speaker 3: the moment you hop in that car and leave. And

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Speaker 3: I was like, no, no, no, that's fine, you do your thing.

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Speaker 3: I also had stuff booked in for the weekend, so fine,

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Speaker 3: Monday morning, nanny do leave. She's had a big weekend.

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Speaker 3: Monday morning, get up, girls off to school, and so

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Speaker 3: I just have to be able to get home and

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Speaker 3: I'll have them in the afternoon. That first day, granted,

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Speaker 3: I had an event I had to go to, so

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Speaker 3: we had a babysity to come over. So we're not

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Speaker 3: even we're not even there yet.

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Speaker 4: Why did you count that afternoon as part of your duties.

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Speaker 1: You didn't actually take me.

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Speaker 3: Initially I counted, and I counted it because I was

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Speaker 3: driving to the event. This is me driving if you're watching,

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Speaker 3: I'm driving to the event. And I was like, actually,

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Speaker 3: haven't spoken to Brie about like she does know to

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Speaker 3: be there at three right, like like ringing, and she's like, hey,

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Speaker 3: what's that? And I was like, like, I just want

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Speaker 3: to check. I actually haven't checked in with you on

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Speaker 3: any of this, Like I've just been in Luke mode

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Speaker 3: and just doing my own thing. So she was like,

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Speaker 3: of course, babe, No dramas, I've got it covered, and

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Speaker 3: went okay, cool coo cool.

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Speaker 4: So actually, what could have happened is you were driving

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Speaker 4: to your event and then you put it at some

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Speaker 4: point had cool from the school.

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Speaker 1: I mean like five o'clock, the kids are still here

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Speaker 1: and I'm just stood in the playground.

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Speaker 3: Literally, so zero awareness. And then was like, okay, that's fine. Anyway.

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Speaker 3: I said to her, don't worry, I'll be home at

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Speaker 3: seven thirty. She goes, okay, like seven thirty or like

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Speaker 3: a Rachel seven thirty, and I was like, no, no,

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Speaker 3: like seven, like actual seven thirty, not a Rachel seven thirty,

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Speaker 3: which leads to eleven. So I was like, seven thirty,

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Speaker 3: will be home anyway, Get home. Girls, had a great

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Speaker 3: old night, put them to bed perfect, all right, that's

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Speaker 3: nice and simple, and they know bedtime routine and we're

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Speaker 3: all very good for that. Wake up on Tuesday morning. Yeah,

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Speaker 3: Tuesday morning, first morning for lunchboxes. What an ordeal to

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Speaker 3: get those stupid bloody lunch Like. What I remember, and

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Speaker 3: I'm not that old for people listening to what I

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Speaker 3: remember in my day is it wasn't that hard. Like

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Speaker 3: you either had it or we got a brown paper

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Speaker 3: bag just wrote on the front, like, you know, a

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Speaker 3: pizza square, yeah, something else, a chocolate donut? Five bucks

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Speaker 3: in there, seam mate, go to school. No no, no,

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Speaker 3: you buy these like compartmentalized ones. So you have to

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Speaker 3: feel every body problem with there's some parts to feel.

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Speaker 3: So I'm looking, I'm like, how many things do you

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Speaker 3: want to take? Time?

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Speaker 1: Did they give you anxiety? Like I can't leave one

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Speaker 1: spare well?

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Speaker 3: Also, Rachel's been away for like just shy of a

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Speaker 3: week at this point, so you know, we haven't done

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Speaker 3: the full shop or anything. So I'm like going around

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Speaker 3: with what's left in the cupboard, and then the girls

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Speaker 3: are kind of like.

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Speaker 4: Oh yeah, you'll be amazed at what mums can make

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Speaker 4: out and nothing one music bar left my problem, just

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Speaker 4: cut it in half, put it in.

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Speaker 1: A ziplock bag.

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Speaker 3: It is incredible. Your resourcefulness is incredible. So I end

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Speaker 3: up going and I went, well, obviously I'm gonna have

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Speaker 3: to go to the shops because I haven't got enough

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Speaker 3: stuff here. I think I was missing something at this point,

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Speaker 3: So I went to the shops. Got that fine, get

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Speaker 3: them all packed up, get them out of the thing.

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Speaker 3: But the part that was really standing out for me

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Speaker 3: at this point, and we haven't even got to the

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Speaker 3: part on the Tuesday afternoon where it really came home

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Speaker 3: was I was happy to do it, but I have

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Speaker 3: my own routine of things, and so there's this dichotomy

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Speaker 3: that exists inside of me, which is I you, but

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Speaker 3: God damn, I'm resenting you right now that I have

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Speaker 3: to run around to do this and you've all got

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Speaker 3: these men. I don't want that. I want this, I

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Speaker 3: don't want that. And I was like, you had.

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Speaker 4: The ability in that moment to just be the fun

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Speaker 4: uncle who gives it about what mum wants in that moment.

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Speaker 1: In the lunch.

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Speaker 3: This is the problem. I'm too much like mamma, What

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Speaker 3: do you worry about? Because I'm like darling, I see

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Speaker 3: how much meat you eat, you need for it. In fact,

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Speaker 3: I don't even want you having this nutri grain. I'd

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Speaker 3: rather be getting you something else. But here we are, right,

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Speaker 3: I'm not your parent. So I was trying to like

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Speaker 3: park anything and just do what does mum and dad do,

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Speaker 3: and let's just get that done. So Tuesday morning, fine

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Speaker 3: out the door. I go out for the day. I've

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Speaker 3: had a busy day kind of shooting around between clients,

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Speaker 3: and then I realized the time two o'clock. Right, Oh

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Speaker 3: my god, I got to get back for this.

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Speaker 1: Not long, is it?

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Speaker 3: It's not long? Right? Driving home, I was like, oh

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Speaker 3: my god, I haven't eaten lunch. I've got to stop

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Speaker 3: and grab some lunch on the way that I can

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Speaker 3: kind of eat while I'm driving because I'm going to

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Speaker 3: run out of time to get back. But before I

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Speaker 3: get back, I've also got to buy afternoon tea because

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Speaker 3: I know I need to get that in to them

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Speaker 3: before I have to drive Gracie to go and get

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Speaker 3: to dance before I come home, get dinner ready whilst

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Speaker 3: I get Elsie ready to then get her to soccer

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Speaker 3: on top.

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Speaker 4: I laugh the way he's saying it, like it's like

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Speaker 4: we don't know all the stuff that you need to.

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Speaker 1: Do every day.

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Speaker 3: You do these things, right, So I'm rushing home my girl.

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Speaker 3: I thought, right, sushi's the wind for these girls. Grab

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Speaker 3: four sushi things only to forget there's four girls who

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Speaker 3: I'm taking to dance. They will walking kids, they don't

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Speaker 3: give a shit. They walk and they're like feed me,

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Speaker 3: like you don't care whose house you're in, Like this

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Speaker 3: is this isn't your parents put something extra in your bag,

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Speaker 3: like they knew you were gonna like you had to

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Speaker 3: be fed anyway. Of course, my darling, no worries. What

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Speaker 3: do we got? Girls, We're gonna split the sushi. Everyone

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Speaker 3: gets a sushi roll each and some music bars. Right,

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Speaker 3: we're gonna do music bars and what else you want

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Speaker 3: you on? Apple? Hey, we got apples here anyway. They

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Speaker 3: were fine with that, but then one didn't like sushi,

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Speaker 3: and I'm like, well, burgers can't be choosing. Just take

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Speaker 3: the chicken out of it, dulan anyway, So eventually get them.

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Speaker 3: We're driving to to dance. They're having a great sing along.

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Speaker 3: Also realized in the car, like I love them, but

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Speaker 3: I don't. I don't know. I can't relate to their

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Speaker 3: conversation like they are just and they're telling these stories

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Speaker 3: and I'm like, where is this going?

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Speaker 1: Like it doesn't matter, it.

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Speaker 3: Doesn't matter, And in my head all I'm doing is

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Speaker 3: I'm watching it, and then I'm thinking of how I

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Speaker 3: see other people do it. So I'm watching and thinking

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Speaker 3: like you know you'd been in there, like hey, girls,

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Speaker 3: like yeah, like what happened? I was like, I'm a

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Speaker 3: cool mom. I'm like I don't know how to engage

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Speaker 3: with you on this, Like I'm so used to dealing

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Speaker 3: with adults and they're in a child and not actual children.

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Speaker 3: But I was like thinking anyway, Gracie was watching me.

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Speaker 3: He's like, do you know what face you, Paul while

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Speaker 3: you drive Uncle Luke like this with your lips furst.

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Speaker 3: I was like, what, just look at the road anyway,

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Speaker 3: So get them there, come back, go get dinner, buy

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Speaker 3: some stuff, bring that back Elsie. All good. Realize we're

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Speaker 3: twenty minutes late now timing for what we needed to

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Speaker 3: so I had to quickly whip that around. But I'm

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Speaker 3: preparing dinner for that, go to soccer. And it's these

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Speaker 3: things where a part of me was And I have

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Speaker 3: to say this because this isn't about me, and this

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Speaker 3: is not a story where it's like, oh, it's about

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Speaker 3: knowing that I don't have kids, right, and I love

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Speaker 3: these children, but because I have another world, and I

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Speaker 3: was happy to do it, but I'm so used to

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Speaker 3: my other world. You're in this dichotomy and I've heard

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Speaker 3: parents talk about this before, like friends of mine with kids,

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Speaker 3: where it's like there's parts of you that resent the

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Speaker 3: moment where you're frustrated because no one's listening. They're not

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Speaker 3: doing it as sore told. It's taking longer than it should.

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Speaker 2: Yep.

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Speaker 3: Like I'm literally like, guys, you have three minutes until

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Speaker 3: we have to be in the car, and you've just

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Speaker 3: decided to go, Like what are you thinking? Like why

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Speaker 3: are you thinking that? I was like, no, no, no, no,

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Speaker 3: no d'ling, no move move, let's go.

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Speaker 1: Everyone listening right now, including us, wants to be a

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Speaker 1: part of your world, right.

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Speaker 3: I love my world, just FYI, But I was in

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Speaker 3: this diaconomy. I was going, I'm quietly resenting this moment

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Speaker 3: but trying to be present but equally. Then, like, I

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Speaker 3: get to the soccer field and I have these moments

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Speaker 3: and I said it trye the other day because I

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Speaker 3: don't talk about this, but have these moments where I

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Speaker 3: stand there. I watched the girls when they're doing something

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Speaker 3: and I just get really quiet and emotional and I'll

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Speaker 3: stand there and I'll look and I'll just get all

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Speaker 3: teary on my own. I'll admit that because I just

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Speaker 3: love them. And I looked a him, I'm like, look

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Speaker 3: at it. She's growing. It's just so beautiful. She's growing

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Speaker 3: to such a beautiful girl, you know, both the girls are.

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Speaker 3: But then afterwards, I hankle it. Yeah, get away, I'm

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Speaker 3: not going to high five. You don't high five losers.

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Speaker 3: I'm like, oh god, why was I just crying out

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Speaker 3: this kid? Yeah, and then rush to get home. I

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Speaker 3: was like, right home, you in the shower, I'm going

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Speaker 3: to get dinner ready, Grace, you will be home soon.

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Speaker 3: Whip hope in the chicken. It's off awesome, that's not

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Speaker 3: on my watch. Yeah, thanks, cheers that. So then go down. Hey, Elsie,

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Speaker 3: I'm going to go the shops. Yeah, I'll come with you.

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Speaker 3: I know you can't just be in the house on

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Speaker 3: your own. So now you've got but all these intricacies

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Speaker 3: of things. Anyway, I need to say each night. Now,

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Speaker 3: the first night was fine. This had to get to bed.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, hangar for a second.

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Speaker 4: So Monday was the night you had your event on,

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Speaker 4: you had babysitter.

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Speaker 1: So this was Tuesday. Just day one, just day one, okay, wild.

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Speaker 3: I was like, why so many things happening at the

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Speaker 3: one time, and like they just bring things to you,

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Speaker 3: like I think it was Wednesday morning. I'm feeling a

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Speaker 3: bit frustrated, and they're just like, ok, Luke, Trevor's killed

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Speaker 3: a rat and I'm like, oh, hat, Trevor. Why why

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Speaker 3: are you existing?

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Speaker 2: Right?

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Speaker 3: Why? Today?

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Speaker 1: Why?

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Speaker 3: I'm stressed as it is because I can't get this

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Speaker 3: stupid lunch box right? Anyway? Right?

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Speaker 1: Is back on Friday? Couldn't you have waited with a

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Speaker 1: fucking dead rat?

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Speaker 3: Is this anyways? Tuesday night? I just want to get

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Speaker 3: them to bed. And I've seen Rachel do this right,

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Speaker 3: lights out. It's eight o'clock. Everyone to adults included, everyone

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Speaker 3: to bed, Everyone's out, Mum's done, and I'm like, chill out,

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Speaker 3: bro nuh. I was like that right? Can I right

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Speaker 3: by my darling? You can? Everyone can read you got

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Speaker 3: I've got phone calls to make and like work to finish,

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Speaker 3: like get to bed many Yeah, uncle, Luke, what's up, darling?

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Speaker 2: Yeah?

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Speaker 3: I love you? Go to bed? Okay bye? Anyway, So

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Speaker 3: Wednesday morning, got up, was like, right, I'm prepared, no

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Speaker 3: gym today. I'm just gonna get these lunch boxes done.

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Speaker 3: It'll be fine. But then the night before Gracie said

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Speaker 3: to me, uncle, I think in the morning I would

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Speaker 3: love like a smoothie for breakfast. I'm thinking banana. Like

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Speaker 3: everything we didn't have banana strawberries.

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Speaker 4: Kit, and she specifically picked out the fruits you don't

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Speaker 4: already have in there.

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Speaker 3: I went, okay, that sounds like a fun morning anyway,

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Speaker 3: let's just leave it, thinking she'll forget for sure, like

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Speaker 3: neutral grain for the wind in the morning. Yeah no.

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Speaker 3: But then, not only was I like annoyed, thinking she's

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Speaker 3: gonna ask, I want to not have it, and then

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Speaker 3: I want to be like, you don't need it because

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Speaker 3: I don't want to have to go and get it.

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Speaker 3: But I did. I got up, I went straight to

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Speaker 3: the shops, I bought frozen everything, put it in, didn't

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Speaker 3: tell her I had it just so I'll wait and

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Speaker 3: see Uncle Luke. And even when she asked, I was like,

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Speaker 3: but then I was like, but I was really glad

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Speaker 3: I had it for her too, Like it was this

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Speaker 3: weird and I've watched Rachel do it. I watch you

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Speaker 3: where You'll be like, I get them, the girls, love

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Speaker 3: them and the girls, and she's like, yes, of course

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Speaker 3: I got them, all right, But you get like that

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Speaker 3: it's just weird, like you're asking.

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Speaker 4: I've got what you're asked for, but I also resent

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Speaker 4: you for asking me, even though I know that you wanted.

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Speaker 3: It, and I love getting it for you. What is that?

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Speaker 3: What is that? Anyone out there can answer that, any psychologist.

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Speaker 1: I love you, but I hate you.

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Speaker 4: At the same time, it's like, I love you so much,

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Speaker 4: but fuck I hate you.

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Speaker 2: What is he doing? You just constantly dedicated and giving

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Speaker 2: to them. And it is when you do know your

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Speaker 2: children like that well, and you've been lucky enough to

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Speaker 2: be living with them for a little while now, just

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Speaker 2: circumstance still sort of like momentary where you go, I'm

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Speaker 2: living with them, I'm watching them. You can see their behavior,

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Speaker 2: you can see my behavior as a parent. But at

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Speaker 2: the same time, it's just like that little moment of going,

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Speaker 2: but why wouldn't I Why wouldn't I give you? Of

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Speaker 2: course I know that you will train better for soccer later.

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Speaker 2: If I've given you something with a form of protein

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Speaker 2: and she loved it, I'm gonna say it.

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Speaker 1: Was like, you are my absolute world. I adore you,

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Speaker 1: my whole world. You're also ruining my life. You have

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Speaker 1: those thoughts in the same moment.

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Speaker 3: And I'm close to these girls, I'm obviously not the parent.

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Speaker 3: And I was driving the other day when I was

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Speaker 3: driving them and I looked, and I thought, I wonder

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Speaker 3: what it must feel like to think like you're my

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Speaker 3: flesh and blood, because I love these girls, but they're not,

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Speaker 3: you know, they're just part of a bit of my

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Speaker 3: DNA maybe, but like I'm really trying to get into

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Speaker 3: the mindset of a parent. But all I came out

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Speaker 3: of was it was around, am I bad uncle for

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Speaker 3: resenting and loving you at the same time. Because I

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Speaker 3: have to say I knew it was a tough gig.

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Speaker 3: I can appreciate it must be really hard. I didn't.

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Speaker 2: I didn't understand the therapy, the.

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Speaker 3: Word I'm fantastic with this, Like absolutely, I understand, I

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Speaker 3: hear you, I see you. I have no idea until

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Speaker 3: I was in it, and then I was like, oh

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Speaker 3: my god. And so I was talking to my friend Georgia,

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Speaker 3: and I was like, this is the most thankless, like demanding,

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Speaker 3: like continuous job you've ever had. Oh my my god.

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Speaker 3: I don't actually think I want children, but it's powerful.

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Speaker 3: You know, there's.

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Speaker 4: Nothing I love more than to see people like you,

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Speaker 4: with your great life and your freedom, probably more money

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Speaker 4: in the bank.

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Speaker 1: Off you go, Oh fancy go to off we pop

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Speaker 1: book the tickets.

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Speaker 4: Off you go have a lovely holiday because you don't

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Speaker 4: have kids in time. There is nothing I love more

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Speaker 4: than seeing people like you then have kids.

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Speaker 1: Just gives me the biggest joy.

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Speaker 4: I feel like just sitting back watching it unfold and

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Speaker 4: going there, You've having such a good life.

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Speaker 3: And however, right when I was doing this and one

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Speaker 3: thing I took away, and I have to say this,

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Speaker 3: this whole like judgement. All you want with what I

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Speaker 3: say here, that's fine, this whole free range thing, like

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Speaker 3: just let them do what they want. No structure, routine,

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Speaker 3: order absolutely required. How a parent lets them do whatever

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Speaker 3: at any time. We'll see how it goes. How you

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Speaker 3: live your life is beyond me. I just could not,

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Speaker 3: Like I could not is like yeah, no, everything's ordered,

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Speaker 3: because otherwise this is chaos, like sheer chaos, like wake up,

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Speaker 3: make your bed, go out here, do this, do this

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Speaker 3: on time, look at the time, let's move. I think

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Speaker 3: there is true value in that, and there's value in

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Speaker 3: that as an adult, and I teach adults this. Right

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Speaker 3: when we talk about how to build resilience in your

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Speaker 3: life and how to look at you know, building a

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Speaker 3: culture and an environment that you want to be in,

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Speaker 3: it is around order, It is around understanding what those

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Speaker 3: kind of routines are and the brain needs it to.

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Speaker 3: So the flip side to it from me was going, oh,

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Speaker 3: I can see what type of parano would be. You'd

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Speaker 3: probably be very similar to write I don't drink so,

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Speaker 3: but I understand why exactly.

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Speaker 2: And on that note, I just want to wrap this

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Speaker 2: or up and validate it in the sense of going,

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Speaker 2: you did such an amazing job that I've actually just booked.

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Speaker 3: For two weeks and I can't wait for Nanny D

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Speaker 3: to do that. You're going to have a wonderful two

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Speaker 3: weeks of the children I'll be in watching mm hm