1 00:00:05,921 --> 00:00:14,561 Speaker 1: Apologie production saying sorry. Yeah, when was the last time 2 00:00:14,641 --> 00:00:18,521 Speaker 1: you said a genuine, beautiful apology not a half fast 3 00:00:18,721 --> 00:00:24,241 Speaker 1: or so? I was about that, Yeah, so rewind it back. 4 00:00:24,281 --> 00:00:27,721 Speaker 1: For me, I've had to really work on how to 5 00:00:27,801 --> 00:00:31,601 Speaker 1: say beautiful, genuine apologies because growing up I wasn't wrong 6 00:00:31,641 --> 00:00:33,881 Speaker 1: modeled that. And not to blame my parents, but it's 7 00:00:33,921 --> 00:00:36,241 Speaker 1: just factual. I didn't see my parents say sorry to 8 00:00:36,321 --> 00:00:38,601 Speaker 1: each other. I didn't see them saying sorry to me, 9 00:00:38,840 --> 00:00:41,361 Speaker 1: So it was quite uncomfortable when when I first got 10 00:00:41,400 --> 00:00:44,321 Speaker 1: with Steve, Like, saying sorry to him was really awkward 11 00:00:44,400 --> 00:00:46,561 Speaker 1: and I just didn't know how to go about it, 12 00:00:46,561 --> 00:00:47,801 Speaker 1: and I was kind of stuck in my own head. 13 00:00:47,840 --> 00:00:50,440 Speaker 1: Obviously that was a long time ago. Yeah, back in 14 00:00:50,521 --> 00:00:53,960 Speaker 1: my day, sixteen years ago. But yeah, we're having these 15 00:00:53,961 --> 00:00:56,601 Speaker 1: conversations around how important it is to say a genuine 16 00:00:56,641 --> 00:00:59,880 Speaker 1: apology and how much it can bring you closer or 17 00:00:59,921 --> 00:01:01,841 Speaker 1: separate your actions. 18 00:01:01,361 --> 00:01:03,801 Speaker 2: And leave those niggly feelings of being pissed at each 19 00:01:03,801 --> 00:01:07,041 Speaker 2: other rather than actually like getting through a good apology 20 00:01:07,041 --> 00:01:08,560 Speaker 2: and coming out the other end feeling more connected. 21 00:01:08,840 --> 00:01:11,321 Speaker 1: You hold resentment, you really do, and it builds up 22 00:01:11,360 --> 00:01:14,200 Speaker 1: over time as well. Yeah, where you can squash something 23 00:01:14,280 --> 00:01:17,001 Speaker 1: so quickly with a genuine apology, and you think about it, 24 00:01:17,000 --> 00:01:19,681 Speaker 1: most people like they really want to be seen, heard 25 00:01:19,721 --> 00:01:22,961 Speaker 1: and validated. And even if someone's done something really awful 26 00:01:22,961 --> 00:01:25,640 Speaker 1: to you, if they are genuinely sorry, like you can 27 00:01:25,721 --> 00:01:28,360 Speaker 1: forgive them. You can move past things, because we're all humans. 28 00:01:28,441 --> 00:01:30,961 Speaker 1: Humans are messy and we make mistakes. But with a 29 00:01:31,041 --> 00:01:33,041 Speaker 1: genuine apology, it heals. Yeah. 30 00:01:33,161 --> 00:01:36,440 Speaker 2: And it's also about holding yourself accountable and knowing that 31 00:01:36,521 --> 00:01:38,920 Speaker 2: even if you know the way someone's done something isn't 32 00:01:38,961 --> 00:01:40,761 Speaker 2: the way that you would have liked it, that that's 33 00:01:40,801 --> 00:01:43,441 Speaker 2: their way of doing it, yes, and learning to accept 34 00:01:43,481 --> 00:01:45,840 Speaker 2: that and validate that and drop expectations. 35 00:01:45,920 --> 00:01:47,681 Speaker 1: Now everyone's going to show up the way that you 36 00:01:47,681 --> 00:01:49,401 Speaker 1: show up, or do things the way you're going to do. 37 00:01:49,961 --> 00:01:52,161 Speaker 1: But yeah, really taking that ownership if you do do 38 00:01:52,201 --> 00:01:54,880 Speaker 1: the wrong thing, say the wrong thing, fuck up, own 39 00:01:54,921 --> 00:01:57,921 Speaker 1: it and be able to apologize genuinely. So I wanted 40 00:01:57,961 --> 00:02:02,601 Speaker 1: to role play with me. Okay, you've done something really awful, 41 00:02:03,041 --> 00:02:06,041 Speaker 1: said something, done something, give me a really shit shitty apology. 42 00:02:06,241 --> 00:02:07,881 Speaker 2: Oh well, I'm sorry I said that. Sorry if that 43 00:02:07,921 --> 00:02:12,721 Speaker 2: offended you, Yeah, and I giving you a really nice one. Oh, babe, 44 00:02:12,721 --> 00:02:14,561 Speaker 2: I'm so sorry. I didn't mean for it to come 45 00:02:14,601 --> 00:02:17,400 Speaker 2: across that way. I understand how you're feeling, but when 46 00:02:17,401 --> 00:02:19,441 Speaker 2: that happened in that moment, I felt really angry. So 47 00:02:19,520 --> 00:02:21,881 Speaker 2: I probably said it in a way that I shouldn't have, 48 00:02:21,921 --> 00:02:23,721 Speaker 2: and I feel really bad about that. So I'm really 49 00:02:23,761 --> 00:02:26,601 Speaker 2: sorry if it made you feel upset in any way, 50 00:02:26,680 --> 00:02:28,240 Speaker 2: Like how can we move through this? What could I 51 00:02:28,281 --> 00:02:30,481 Speaker 2: do better next time? And just tell them how much 52 00:02:30,481 --> 00:02:31,120 Speaker 2: you value them? 53 00:02:31,441 --> 00:02:34,561 Speaker 1: Love that? And if you guys could see the energy 54 00:02:34,601 --> 00:02:37,041 Speaker 1: and her body language behind both the first one was 55 00:02:37,121 --> 00:02:40,121 Speaker 1: like upright and rigid, and like the hands were waving 56 00:02:40,201 --> 00:02:43,641 Speaker 1: and like the nose was scoched up, sussy as fuck. 57 00:02:44,081 --> 00:02:48,081 Speaker 1: I love it when she softened to whole body soften, 58 00:02:48,201 --> 00:02:50,680 Speaker 1: your voice soft and your tone soften. And that's something 59 00:02:50,721 --> 00:02:52,481 Speaker 1: that we should really touch on, is like when you 60 00:02:52,520 --> 00:02:55,641 Speaker 1: are giving an apology, your tone behind it and your 61 00:02:55,721 --> 00:02:58,641 Speaker 1: language behind it and your body language behind it actually 62 00:02:58,680 --> 00:03:00,241 Speaker 1: gonna say a lot more. Yeah. 63 00:03:00,520 --> 00:03:02,441 Speaker 2: You know what I noticed too, is when I was 64 00:03:02,481 --> 00:03:04,721 Speaker 2: doing the role plays really helped us out here. When 65 00:03:04,721 --> 00:03:06,601 Speaker 2: I was the first one, I wasn't looking at you 66 00:03:06,601 --> 00:03:08,881 Speaker 2: in the eye because I even felt uncomfortable doing it. 67 00:03:09,001 --> 00:03:10,680 Speaker 2: But then when I did the genuine apology, I was 68 00:03:10,680 --> 00:03:11,841 Speaker 2: actually speaking from my heart. 69 00:03:11,960 --> 00:03:12,761 Speaker 1: I had eye. 70 00:03:12,520 --> 00:03:15,281 Speaker 2: Contact with you, but the first one I kept looking away. 71 00:03:15,401 --> 00:03:17,841 Speaker 1: And body language is really important and tone, like someone 72 00:03:17,841 --> 00:03:20,241 Speaker 1: could say, oh, I'm really sorry, but if their body 73 00:03:20,321 --> 00:03:23,761 Speaker 1: language is like arms folded, yeah, looking away, like kind 74 00:03:23,761 --> 00:03:25,521 Speaker 1: of like an eye roll or taking a big breath 75 00:03:25,561 --> 00:03:29,800 Speaker 1: or something, what's another example of bad body language or TONEAD. 76 00:03:29,361 --> 00:03:32,720 Speaker 2: Body language or tone the little emphasizes on words like 77 00:03:32,761 --> 00:03:33,881 Speaker 2: oh sorry. 78 00:03:34,401 --> 00:03:37,721 Speaker 1: Yeah, that kind of tone or like oh what I 79 00:03:37,761 --> 00:03:40,441 Speaker 1: am sorry, but youah blah blah blah blah, putting it 80 00:03:40,521 --> 00:03:43,161 Speaker 1: back on them sorry, And then you're saying, but if 81 00:03:43,161 --> 00:03:45,121 Speaker 1: you didn't do that, you're putting all the blame on them, 82 00:03:45,161 --> 00:03:47,121 Speaker 1: so then they don't feel heard. It's not a proper 83 00:03:47,201 --> 00:03:50,241 Speaker 1: apology you were saying sorry. It is all about you. 84 00:03:50,721 --> 00:03:53,721 Speaker 1: You're owning what you've done. You're honoring that person, and 85 00:03:53,761 --> 00:03:56,081 Speaker 1: you're trying to repair and bring it back together. And 86 00:03:56,121 --> 00:03:57,641 Speaker 1: I think you've got to remember too, when you're in 87 00:03:57,681 --> 00:04:00,121 Speaker 1: an into a relationship or even if this is friendship 88 00:04:00,201 --> 00:04:02,601 Speaker 1: or coworker's like, I remember, you're on the same team. 89 00:04:02,761 --> 00:04:05,720 Speaker 1: It's not you against them, it's you guys against the prob. Yeah. 90 00:04:05,761 --> 00:04:08,121 Speaker 1: Something means Steve always say like if we get heated, 91 00:04:08,161 --> 00:04:10,801 Speaker 1: we're like, hey, this isn't us. We've got a problem 92 00:04:10,841 --> 00:04:13,241 Speaker 1: we're frustrated with, Like let's come together instead of like 93 00:04:13,561 --> 00:04:15,801 Speaker 1: you know, going head to heads. Yeah, sometimes when it 94 00:04:15,841 --> 00:04:18,361 Speaker 1: gets heated and one or two people aren't taking responsibility, 95 00:04:18,361 --> 00:04:19,121 Speaker 1: it can feel like that. 96 00:04:19,321 --> 00:04:22,200 Speaker 2: Yeah, And I feel like too, it's easier in a 97 00:04:22,241 --> 00:04:25,521 Speaker 2: way to keep being rude because for a lot of 98 00:04:25,521 --> 00:04:28,801 Speaker 2: people to express how they're actually feeling and not know 99 00:04:28,841 --> 00:04:31,241 Speaker 2: how the other person is going to react. It's also 100 00:04:31,440 --> 00:04:34,481 Speaker 2: I feel like there's more bravery behind a sincere apology too. 101 00:04:34,961 --> 00:04:36,241 Speaker 1: Definitely not knowing. 102 00:04:36,201 --> 00:04:38,041 Speaker 2: If you want to get shut down, because there's been 103 00:04:38,081 --> 00:04:40,081 Speaker 2: times like I can even reflect on different stories you've 104 00:04:40,121 --> 00:04:42,601 Speaker 2: told me where you've given a sincere, great apology and 105 00:04:42,601 --> 00:04:45,481 Speaker 2: then someone shut you down back, but you have the 106 00:04:45,521 --> 00:04:48,200 Speaker 2: weight off your shoulders because you have done the right 107 00:04:48,281 --> 00:04:49,320 Speaker 2: thing in that moment. 108 00:04:49,961 --> 00:04:51,681 Speaker 1: Another point that's just popped up for me too, is 109 00:04:51,681 --> 00:04:54,080 Speaker 1: when you are going in to say sorry, you have 110 00:04:54,121 --> 00:04:56,841 Speaker 1: to have zero expectations of how that person's going to respond. 111 00:04:56,880 --> 00:04:59,161 Speaker 1: You're not going in there to get anything back. No, 112 00:04:59,561 --> 00:05:01,281 Speaker 1: if you are it's almost like you're trying to do 113 00:05:01,361 --> 00:05:04,441 Speaker 1: a business deal like contract or something. You're genuinely going 114 00:05:04,481 --> 00:05:05,760 Speaker 1: in to say sorry. That is it. 115 00:05:05,921 --> 00:05:06,961 Speaker 2: You're clearing your own heart. 116 00:05:07,201 --> 00:05:11,441 Speaker 1: Yeah, regardless of their response. 117 00:05:11,121 --> 00:05:13,440 Speaker 2: How they react is on them. How they respond is 118 00:05:13,481 --> 00:05:14,041 Speaker 2: on them. 119 00:05:13,880 --> 00:05:16,361 Speaker 1: And it's their experience, their feelings and their own stuff 120 00:05:16,401 --> 00:05:16,921 Speaker 1: to deal with. 121 00:05:17,081 --> 00:05:19,241 Speaker 2: Yeah, and their capacity. They might not have the capacity 122 00:05:19,281 --> 00:05:21,801 Speaker 2: that you do or the self awareness that you do. Exactly, 123 00:05:21,801 --> 00:05:24,361 Speaker 2: I'm how to give a sincere apology. 124 00:05:23,880 --> 00:05:27,200 Speaker 1: And some people can't meet you where they haven't met themselves. Yes, No, 125 00:05:28,041 --> 00:05:30,561 Speaker 1: I'm really really good at saying sorry, guitar. If I 126 00:05:30,801 --> 00:05:34,201 Speaker 1: lose my cool or raise my voice, I'm very quick 127 00:05:34,201 --> 00:05:36,760 Speaker 1: to repair. And I think that's really important too, Like 128 00:05:36,841 --> 00:05:38,760 Speaker 1: you can't expect yourself to be perfect all the time. 129 00:05:38,880 --> 00:05:41,001 Speaker 1: You're gonna make mistakes, You're gonna upset people, You're gonna 130 00:05:41,001 --> 00:05:43,641 Speaker 1: say things in the heat of the moment, or say 131 00:05:43,641 --> 00:05:45,921 Speaker 1: things that could have been worded differently. It's just once 132 00:05:45,921 --> 00:05:48,521 Speaker 1: again part of the human experience. We are messy. Humans 133 00:05:48,561 --> 00:05:53,080 Speaker 1: are messy. But the repair with kids I think super important, 134 00:05:53,081 --> 00:05:55,801 Speaker 1: not only to role model them to normalize saying sorry, 135 00:05:55,801 --> 00:05:57,880 Speaker 1: but also just to bring that connection back in. 136 00:05:57,921 --> 00:05:59,921 Speaker 2: Yeah, and that validation to them. And I feel like 137 00:06:00,001 --> 00:06:03,281 Speaker 2: when we were growing up, you never saw people apologizing 138 00:06:03,281 --> 00:06:04,961 Speaker 2: to kids. It was like, that's the way we doing 139 00:06:04,961 --> 00:06:06,561 Speaker 2: the house, that's that's. 140 00:06:06,401 --> 00:06:09,041 Speaker 1: Final, where I'm right, you're wrong. I feel like it. 141 00:06:09,041 --> 00:06:11,841 Speaker 2: Must feel so beautiful for them that like their mum 142 00:06:11,841 --> 00:06:12,520 Speaker 2: and dad come up to them. 143 00:06:12,521 --> 00:06:14,681 Speaker 1: But I imagine so imaginous. 144 00:06:14,841 --> 00:06:16,841 Speaker 2: But I feel like that's a majority of the populations. 145 00:06:17,481 --> 00:06:19,201 Speaker 1: This is no judgment. I love talking about this, but 146 00:06:19,201 --> 00:06:21,641 Speaker 1: there's no judgment against our parents because they were not right. 147 00:06:22,401 --> 00:06:24,281 Speaker 1: They didn't have the skills, they didn't have the knowledge, 148 00:06:24,281 --> 00:06:26,520 Speaker 1: they don't have podcasts to listen to and people to 149 00:06:26,561 --> 00:06:28,841 Speaker 1: coach them through. We know better, so we can do better, 150 00:06:28,841 --> 00:06:31,241 Speaker 1: and then we're breaking those cycles for our children as well. 151 00:06:31,601 --> 00:06:33,760 Speaker 1: So it's so normal now for me to say sorry 152 00:06:33,761 --> 00:06:35,880 Speaker 1: into like for stories to be in our household, that 153 00:06:35,880 --> 00:06:37,761 Speaker 1: when Taj grows up, that's just going to be normal. 154 00:06:37,801 --> 00:06:39,241 Speaker 1: If he does the wrong thing or says the wrong thing, 155 00:06:39,281 --> 00:06:42,081 Speaker 1: I upset someone, I'm hoping he will. That's just natural 156 00:06:42,081 --> 00:06:45,361 Speaker 1: for him. So when I lose my temper or raise 157 00:06:45,440 --> 00:06:48,241 Speaker 1: my voice or just say something that came out wrong, 158 00:06:48,521 --> 00:06:51,001 Speaker 1: I'll get down on Targe's levels. I'll always lower myself 159 00:06:51,001 --> 00:06:53,281 Speaker 1: to his eye contact, look him in the eye, hold 160 00:06:53,320 --> 00:06:56,320 Speaker 1: his shoulders, and be like, I'm so sorry. That was 161 00:06:56,401 --> 00:06:59,121 Speaker 1: not your fault. I'll always take full ownership for it. 162 00:06:59,320 --> 00:07:01,481 Speaker 1: Not your fault that mummy yelled I should have taken 163 00:07:01,481 --> 00:07:03,641 Speaker 1: big breaths. I'm feeling really, really tired, and that's not 164 00:07:03,681 --> 00:07:05,961 Speaker 1: an excuse. But next time when I feel like this, 165 00:07:06,281 --> 00:07:07,760 Speaker 1: I'm going to take some time out and go do 166 00:07:07,841 --> 00:07:09,441 Speaker 1: some breathing, or I'm going to make sure they look 167 00:07:09,481 --> 00:07:11,681 Speaker 1: after myself a little bit better. But that is not 168 00:07:11,761 --> 00:07:13,401 Speaker 1: on you. And I'm really sorry that you know you 169 00:07:13,481 --> 00:07:15,721 Speaker 1: felt that. Yeah, And most of the time it's like 170 00:07:15,761 --> 00:07:19,081 Speaker 1: it's okay. I'm like, no, I'm genuine latime, are you okay? 171 00:07:19,681 --> 00:07:22,641 Speaker 1: It's so like forgiving, aren't they know? And then with 172 00:07:22,721 --> 00:07:24,881 Speaker 1: Steve it's the same thing. I feel like the times, 173 00:07:25,281 --> 00:07:28,401 Speaker 1: I definitely still sometimes catch myself giving shitty apologies, Like 174 00:07:28,481 --> 00:07:31,961 Speaker 1: an example, when I'm really tired and I've snapped at 175 00:07:32,001 --> 00:07:33,641 Speaker 1: them for something and I'll just be like, oh, sorry, babe, 176 00:07:33,681 --> 00:07:35,921 Speaker 1: I'm just like I'm on my period, I'm really tired. Yeah, 177 00:07:36,001 --> 00:07:37,961 Speaker 1: I was like, no, that's an apology. Ash and I'll 178 00:07:38,001 --> 00:07:41,561 Speaker 1: catch myself and I'm like, go back five minutes later, yeah, 179 00:07:41,601 --> 00:07:46,201 Speaker 1: maybe ten, He'll say twenty later, and I'll snuggle in 180 00:07:46,321 --> 00:07:49,401 Speaker 1: and get close, like bring that physical connection and be like, babe, 181 00:07:49,561 --> 00:07:52,081 Speaker 1: I'm really sorry, Like, yeah, I shouldn't have raised my 182 00:07:52,121 --> 00:07:54,241 Speaker 1: voice at you. I am on my period, I'm really tired, 183 00:07:54,241 --> 00:07:56,361 Speaker 1: but I need to remove myself from the situation and 184 00:07:56,441 --> 00:07:58,801 Speaker 1: just go, like take a moment or communicate with you 185 00:07:58,841 --> 00:08:01,641 Speaker 1: how I'm feeling better. Yeah, so I'm really really sorry. 186 00:08:01,921 --> 00:08:04,081 Speaker 2: One that gets me still is like certain things with 187 00:08:04,161 --> 00:08:05,881 Speaker 2: the kids and pairs, and I feel like that can 188 00:08:05,921 --> 00:08:08,161 Speaker 2: be a bit of a hot topic sometimes and like 189 00:08:08,201 --> 00:08:11,201 Speaker 2: curl do something and I'll go, oh, well, I'm sorry, 190 00:08:11,321 --> 00:08:13,081 Speaker 2: but like we should do it this way, like or 191 00:08:13,121 --> 00:08:15,601 Speaker 2: I'm sorry or blah blah blah, and it's like, no, 192 00:08:16,041 --> 00:08:17,961 Speaker 2: that's not the right way to say it. But then 193 00:08:18,161 --> 00:08:20,081 Speaker 2: I think the biggest thing is having the self awareness 194 00:08:20,081 --> 00:08:22,081 Speaker 2: and then looking at it from the bigger picture. Whether 195 00:08:22,161 --> 00:08:24,441 Speaker 2: it takes ten minutes, sometimes it might take a day. 196 00:08:24,641 --> 00:08:27,121 Speaker 2: It might be real heated, and then you go week, okay, yeah, 197 00:08:27,121 --> 00:08:29,041 Speaker 2: I've got to go back now and actually give this 198 00:08:29,081 --> 00:08:30,001 Speaker 2: sincere apology. 199 00:08:30,161 --> 00:08:32,521 Speaker 1: Definitely, yeah, it can take a little while for you 200 00:08:32,601 --> 00:08:34,881 Speaker 1: to even process something. Yeah, it might have been laying 201 00:08:34,921 --> 00:08:35,961 Speaker 1: in bed a week later and. 202 00:08:35,881 --> 00:08:38,561 Speaker 2: Just be like fuck, yeah, wow, I could have actually. 203 00:08:38,241 --> 00:08:40,641 Speaker 1: Said that better. Or sometimes i'll have a conversation with 204 00:08:40,641 --> 00:08:42,481 Speaker 1: a girlfriend or listen to something in a podcast and 205 00:08:42,481 --> 00:08:46,641 Speaker 1: they'll explain something. I'll be like, oh, I remember that conversation. Man, 206 00:08:46,681 --> 00:08:48,921 Speaker 1: I would have done that so differently. So I'll go 207 00:08:48,961 --> 00:08:51,241 Speaker 1: revisit the conversation with Steve and be like, fuck, remember 208 00:08:51,281 --> 00:08:53,361 Speaker 1: when I said that I didn't actually mean it like that. 209 00:08:53,361 --> 00:08:55,881 Speaker 1: That must have been really hurtful. How I feel for 210 00:08:55,961 --> 00:08:58,361 Speaker 1: you and open that up, and then he might be like, yeah, fuck, 211 00:08:58,361 --> 00:09:00,521 Speaker 1: didn't feel good when you said that. I'd be like, yeah, yeah, 212 00:09:00,521 --> 00:09:02,361 Speaker 1: I'm really sorry. I'm going to try really hard to 213 00:09:02,361 --> 00:09:04,441 Speaker 1: word that next time. I've got it more vocabulary now, 214 00:09:04,721 --> 00:09:06,361 Speaker 1: but I'm really sorry if that hurt is not what 215 00:09:06,401 --> 00:09:09,801 Speaker 1: I meant. And then even if someone comes to you, 216 00:09:10,081 --> 00:09:12,321 Speaker 1: let's say, for example, you came to me instead you know, 217 00:09:12,481 --> 00:09:15,481 Speaker 1: really upset me when you did X y Z. Even 218 00:09:15,561 --> 00:09:18,681 Speaker 1: if I didn't have any bad intentions, it's still an 219 00:09:18,721 --> 00:09:20,961 Speaker 1: opportunity for me to repair. Yeah, And it's still an 220 00:09:20,961 --> 00:09:23,721 Speaker 1: opportunity for me to connect and build that trust with 221 00:09:23,761 --> 00:09:26,561 Speaker 1: you and say wow, Wow, I'm really sorry that you 222 00:09:26,601 --> 00:09:28,641 Speaker 1: felt like that. That was not my intention at all, 223 00:09:28,681 --> 00:09:31,801 Speaker 1: and I'll be really mindful next time to word that differently. Yeah, 224 00:09:31,841 --> 00:09:33,721 Speaker 1: it's just the language and the tone that you're using 225 00:09:33,721 --> 00:09:35,681 Speaker 1: and the eye contact, the body language making them feel 226 00:09:35,721 --> 00:09:37,761 Speaker 1: safe that they can't come to you to express how 227 00:09:37,801 --> 00:09:39,321 Speaker 1: they're feeling, even if it's got nothing to do with 228 00:09:39,361 --> 00:09:41,521 Speaker 1: you or you didn't mean to. Yeah, but it's such 229 00:09:41,601 --> 00:09:44,281 Speaker 1: an important life skill that all of us need. Yeah, 230 00:09:44,521 --> 00:09:47,241 Speaker 1: everyone wants to be seeing her and validated. Yeah, if 231 00:09:47,241 --> 00:09:49,361 Speaker 1: you want to see more apologies and more people treating 232 00:09:49,401 --> 00:09:51,201 Speaker 1: you like this, be the change. You've got to do 233 00:09:51,281 --> 00:09:51,521 Speaker 1: that too. 234 00:09:51,721 --> 00:09:54,201 Speaker 2: They'll marry you. When she did that to me, she 235 00:09:54,241 --> 00:09:55,801 Speaker 2: came to me and said, sorry, I probably. 236 00:09:55,601 --> 00:09:58,881 Speaker 1: Owe a good apology for that. Yeah, it's cool when 237 00:09:58,881 --> 00:10:01,681 Speaker 1: you take time to do things like meditate, slow down, 238 00:10:01,721 --> 00:10:04,001 Speaker 1: and journal, because things like this can come up, pop up, 239 00:10:04,121 --> 00:10:05,761 Speaker 1: and a lot of time you might even carrying a 240 00:10:05,801 --> 00:10:08,601 Speaker 1: bit of shame and embarrassment around something you've said or done, 241 00:10:08,921 --> 00:10:10,801 Speaker 1: even if it's years later. I saw something and now 242 00:10:10,841 --> 00:10:12,481 Speaker 1: grow and go for them. Actually, and it was a 243 00:10:12,521 --> 00:10:15,601 Speaker 1: girl basically saying that she had a falling out with 244 00:10:15,601 --> 00:10:18,961 Speaker 1: her friends a long time ago, and now she'd like 245 00:10:19,041 --> 00:10:21,001 Speaker 1: to go back and say sorry, but it's been so long, 246 00:10:21,041 --> 00:10:22,561 Speaker 1: and a lot of the advice was, now, I don't 247 00:10:22,561 --> 00:10:24,721 Speaker 1: go back there, don't say anything, and she's got to 248 00:10:24,761 --> 00:10:26,281 Speaker 1: do what feels good for her. But I was like, 249 00:10:26,561 --> 00:10:28,521 Speaker 1: on reflection thinking about it, I was like, I think 250 00:10:28,561 --> 00:10:30,561 Speaker 1: that would be really nice if she just popped them 251 00:10:30,561 --> 00:10:33,121 Speaker 1: a message. There's no expectations for them to write back. 252 00:10:33,121 --> 00:10:35,161 Speaker 1: They probably won't, but for you to just be like, hey, 253 00:10:35,401 --> 00:10:38,521 Speaker 1: seven years ago when our friendship blah blah blah, whatever happened, 254 00:10:39,281 --> 00:10:41,201 Speaker 1: I'm really sorry for the way that I showed up. 255 00:10:41,481 --> 00:10:43,041 Speaker 1: I did the best I could with what I had, 256 00:10:43,081 --> 00:10:44,561 Speaker 1: but I know better now and I wouldn't do it 257 00:10:44,601 --> 00:10:46,321 Speaker 1: like that. I wouldn't need to know like I. 258 00:10:46,241 --> 00:10:48,521 Speaker 2: See you, and even for them to know playing on 259 00:10:48,601 --> 00:10:52,361 Speaker 2: their mind, yeah, you know, like so healing so beautiful. 260 00:10:52,561 --> 00:10:54,961 Speaker 1: And thing is, you don't know someone's background, you don't 261 00:10:55,001 --> 00:10:56,921 Speaker 1: know their trauma. It's something that you might not be 262 00:10:56,961 --> 00:10:59,401 Speaker 1: phased on, might be extremely traumatic from an event that's 263 00:10:59,401 --> 00:11:01,761 Speaker 1: happened to them. Yep, they don't know how to handle it. 264 00:11:01,801 --> 00:11:04,041 Speaker 1: So I still don't judge them for how they're responding 265 00:11:04,121 --> 00:11:06,841 Speaker 1: or reacting because you don't know what that feels like 266 00:11:06,881 --> 00:11:07,201 Speaker 1: for them. 267 00:11:07,361 --> 00:11:10,121 Speaker 2: Yeah, and so on apology to for a really reactive person, 268 00:11:10,161 --> 00:11:12,241 Speaker 2: it might not be something that can happen face to face. 269 00:11:12,801 --> 00:11:15,321 Speaker 2: For someone who's super reactive and might be writing them 270 00:11:15,361 --> 00:11:18,641 Speaker 2: an email, writing them a letter, writing a text message, 271 00:11:18,761 --> 00:11:20,801 Speaker 2: voice notes so then they can hear it in your 272 00:11:20,841 --> 00:11:23,841 Speaker 2: sincerety in your voice still, But if someone's super reacted to, 273 00:11:23,881 --> 00:11:26,481 Speaker 2: it's kind of you can still get off your own chest. 274 00:11:27,401 --> 00:11:29,241 Speaker 1: Yeah, it's so true. Different people are going to have 275 00:11:29,281 --> 00:11:32,601 Speaker 1: different ways that they like to have conversations and feel 276 00:11:32,681 --> 00:11:35,641 Speaker 1: heard and feel safe, and even some people just find 277 00:11:35,721 --> 00:11:39,761 Speaker 1: face to face conversations really confronting totally, So prefer a 278 00:11:39,841 --> 00:11:41,721 Speaker 1: voice note where they can take their time to think 279 00:11:41,721 --> 00:11:43,121 Speaker 1: about what they're going to say and make sure they 280 00:11:43,161 --> 00:11:45,241 Speaker 1: are wording it right. And that's not a bad thing either. 281 00:11:45,481 --> 00:11:46,921 Speaker 1: That's what they need to do to be able to 282 00:11:47,001 --> 00:11:49,481 Speaker 1: voice something in a nicer way. Good on them for 283 00:11:49,801 --> 00:11:51,601 Speaker 1: having the self awareness to be like, I can't do 284 00:11:51,641 --> 00:11:54,201 Speaker 1: face to face right now, but this is important to me. 285 00:11:54,961 --> 00:11:58,441 Speaker 1: Every human is just so different. Hey, Yeah, like even 286 00:11:58,481 --> 00:12:00,641 Speaker 1: talking about this, you just think about every person you. 287 00:12:00,641 --> 00:12:03,201 Speaker 2: Know, different things that have happened in their life, the 288 00:12:03,241 --> 00:12:04,401 Speaker 2: different quotes they've got 289 00:12:05,121 --> 00:12:06,801 Speaker 1: Things that have shaped them to be who they are 290 00:12:07,001 --> 00:12:09,241 Speaker 1: and how they respond and the capacity they have to 291 00:12:09,241 --> 00:12:13,721 Speaker 1: be able to hold