Speaker 1: Apoday Production. Welcome to the She Rises Podcast.
Speaker 2: I'm Ashi and I'm Tiana.
Speaker 1: This podcast is.
Speaker 2: About female empowerment and encouraging you to be your biggest, boldest,
Speaker 2: and most authentic version of yourself.
Speaker 1: We help you shed the shame, grow to new level.
Speaker 1: We're gonna laugh, cry, and talk about the topics everyone
Speaker 1: else is too afraid to talk about.
Speaker 2: Get ready for your next level of self.
Speaker 1: Hello, good morning, Welcome back to another episode of She
Speaker 1: Rises with Tiana and Ashi. Let's talk about.
Speaker 2: Sex, baby, Let's talk about you and me.
Speaker 1: You guys love when we talk about this, and we
Speaker 1: love talking about it sex and only fans and all
Speaker 1: of it, because what we've found is there's so much
Speaker 1: curiosity and a lot of submissions, a lot of questions
Speaker 1: in our dms, and there's a lot of shame around sex. Yeah,
Speaker 1: and we don't want it to be like that. But
Speaker 1: I had an interesting conversation with my coach the other
Speaker 1: day when we were talking about it. He's like, there's
Speaker 1: it's just two ends of the scale, right. There needs
Speaker 1: to be more conversations around sex being healthy and connecting
Speaker 1: and pleasurable and how we create life. But on one
Speaker 1: end of the scale, it's been glorified and people are
Speaker 1: using it for validation and different things. And then the
Speaker 1: other end of the scale, there's so much shame around it.
Speaker 1: It's like, don't talk about it, that's dirty, that's private.
Speaker 1: The opposites. Yeah, how can we bring this conversation back
Speaker 1: to be healthy, no shame, bring it back to what
Speaker 1: it is, And to me, it's connection, pleasure, fun and
Speaker 1: how we create life. I just don't think that should
Speaker 1: be a taboo topic. So I think the more that
Speaker 1: we have these open discussions and open conversations, the more
Speaker 1: it brings people forward to have those discussions with the
Speaker 1: people around them, with themselves.
Speaker 2: Yeah, it's a really challenging thing, isn't it. There's a
Speaker 2: lot of stigma around the topic of sex, and I
Speaker 2: find that it's.
Speaker 1: Just why, Yeah, I don't understand it.
Speaker 2: It's just it's like become such a shameful thing, I
Speaker 2: think because I mean, at least from what I can see,
Speaker 2: is no one talks about it. No one, like for
Speaker 2: the most part, people don't catch up with their friends
Speaker 2: and talk about their experiences or get care curious or
Speaker 2: ask questions. And you know, I think it comes from
Speaker 2: the way that we're taught when we're younger, Like we're
Speaker 2: not really educated on pleasure and connection and being taught
Speaker 2: in a way where it is so connecting. It's not
Speaker 2: it's the conversation that you don't touch. It's the conversation
Speaker 2: that you don't want to bring up, the awkward, too
Speaker 2: awkward conversation to have with your son or your daughter.
Speaker 2: Like that's how most people not having that conversation conversation.
Speaker 1: And it really highlighted for me, which I spoke about
Speaker 1: in a previous episode, when we had some staff members
Speaker 1: that were really uncomfortable with us launching Loube. Yeah, in
Speaker 1: my mind, I was just so taken back because I
Speaker 1: was like, but what do you mean, Like, doesn't everyone
Speaker 1: use it? Are you raw dogging it the whole time?
Speaker 1: This is something that we all do. It's all pleasurable
Speaker 1: and like you were made from your parents having sex,
Speaker 1: you probably have sex. It shouldn't be a topic that's
Speaker 1: so uncomfortable, but it really is for a lot of people.
Speaker 1: And it really just reminded me that there is so
Speaker 1: much sexual shame and it is still very uncomfortable. But
Speaker 1: I suppose on the podcast and my friendship group and
Speaker 1: my husband and people if my mum, like, it's just
Speaker 1: such an open book. Yeah, it is what it is.
Speaker 1: It's sex, it's fun. Let's talk about different experience. What
Speaker 1: do you like? What do I like? Like, it's just fun. Yeah,
Speaker 1: and I want that to be more normalized. I hope
Speaker 1: my kids grow up with zero shame around sex. It
Speaker 1: is an experience that we all get to have and
Speaker 1: have fun with it, and you can still obviously have
Speaker 1: your boundaries, and I understand there's obviously people that have
Speaker 1: been through different sexual experiences that have really tainted that
Speaker 1: for them. And you know, that's another whole conversation. It's
Speaker 1: just as a generalized topic, yeah, around the sigma around it.
Speaker 1: But yeah, I just think it's important and maybe it
Speaker 1: needs to start more in school. It's like, do we
Speaker 1: bring those healthy conversations to school kids? Why does it
Speaker 1: have to be so uncomfortable and so naughty and so like, Ah,
Speaker 1: we're only going to talk about it briefly for five minutes.
Speaker 1: In p on how to put a condo, mom, there
Speaker 1: was nothing about pleasure, about boundaries, about respecting your body,
Speaker 1: about exploration and yeah, consent, like even the Yoni massage.
Speaker 1: I emailed her the other day too, and might I
Speaker 1: need to book in. Yeah, but she was saying, like,
Speaker 1: you know, she has young girls that come in their
Speaker 1: mum's book, their teenage girls, and so they can learn
Speaker 1: all about the revolver wow, and where their pleasure spots
Speaker 1: are and what feels good for them what doesn't feel good.
Speaker 1: Because if they don't understand their own body and they
Speaker 1: can't communicate that, how is their partners ever meant to
Speaker 1: know either? That makes so much sense, so much power
Speaker 1: in knowing your own body and knowing what feels good
Speaker 1: and knowing what doesn't and knowing what where the edges
Speaker 1: are where you want to be pushed and where you
Speaker 1: don't want to be pushed.
Speaker 2: You know, what's really interesting about this is we only
Speaker 2: teach what we know. So when we think about all
Speaker 2: of the lack of conversations that have been had around sex,
Speaker 2: just goes to show how much shame and lack of
Speaker 2: education that our parents were given and their parents beyond them,
Speaker 2: and how stigmatized it was even for their generations too.
Speaker 2: So I think that's a really interesting conversation of you know,
Speaker 2: it's obviously not bad that we have learnt the way
Speaker 2: that we have, or there's so much shame and judgment
Speaker 2: and stigma around sex and especially shame. But it doesn't
Speaker 2: have to be the way that we continue on moving forward,
Speaker 2: you know. And I think the biggest thing that kind
Speaker 2: of helped me explore this part of myself, my more
Speaker 2: sexual side of my sexual expression, is having gone through
Speaker 2: the sex tape because I had to go through and
Speaker 2: experience so much shame for being a sexually expressed woman
Speaker 2: at seventeen at the time, like that was the most
Speaker 2: terrible thing that I could have ever done in the world.
Speaker 2: You know, I got so you know, shamed for it,
Speaker 2: ridiculed and judge and all those things, as if everyone
Speaker 2: is not doing it themselves exactly and not making intimate
Speaker 2: videos with their partners.
Speaker 1: Yeah, do you know what I mean?
Speaker 2: And so the thing with that, though, when you are
Speaker 2: able to free yourself from the sexual shame, not only
Speaker 2: do you connect with yourself more, you connect with your
Speaker 2: partner more, and you get to love on yourself more.
Speaker 2: You unlock new levels of confidence, pleasure, new levels of
Speaker 2: being able to say no because you feel strong in yourself,
Speaker 2: new levels of pleasure, and so much more, especially in
Speaker 2: a relationship of intimacy. That's what intimacy is is like
Speaker 2: connecting through being together, being one exploring pleasure together.
Speaker 1: We have to be really careful too, because the language
Speaker 1: we use around it to our children, that's going to
Speaker 1: impact them.
Speaker 2: Oh my god.
Speaker 1: So if I am to shame conversations around sex, if
Speaker 1: I shame anything around sex, and then my son and
Speaker 1: my daughter takes that on, do you think they're ever
Speaker 1: going to feel safe to be curious and to explore
Speaker 1: their sexuality. No, they're going to shut it down. They're
Speaker 1: going to stay in this box of what I've told
Speaker 1: them is the right way to be or the good
Speaker 1: way to be, or the right way for the world
Speaker 1: to see them. And they're never going to want to
Speaker 1: step outside those edges because then I won't be loved
Speaker 1: and accepted by mums. If mom doesn't love and accept
Speaker 1: me for exploring that, then no one else will. Yeah,
Speaker 1: of course, So you're always going to shut yourself off
Speaker 1: to new experiences, new partners, new pleasure, new fun. Yeah,
Speaker 1: that's wild to me.
Speaker 2: It is wild.
Speaker 1: But it's so easy for parents and society and like
Speaker 1: your peers to tell you something's dirty or bad or slutty,
Speaker 1: and for you to like hold on to that. But
Speaker 1: I don't think any of it is. And it's like
Speaker 1: you know, only fans for example, it's not something I
Speaker 1: will ever do. Want to have sex on camera, don't
Speaker 1: really want people watching me have sex. Yeah, that's my
Speaker 1: own thing rather than just be Steve and I. Yeah,
Speaker 1: but if someone else wants to do that, you do
Speaker 1: your book if you like that, that's none of my business. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I don't know your body or your background or what
Speaker 1: you enjoy. If you feel free doing that, or you
Speaker 1: enjoy doing that and that's what you choose to earn
Speaker 1: your money, cool, it's none of my business. Yeah, who
Speaker 1: am I to tell you what's right for your body? Yeah,
Speaker 1: that's insanity to me, or like how to live their life.
Speaker 1: When someone judges someone for doing that, I'm like, who
Speaker 1: are you to tell them that's right or wrong? But
Speaker 1: there's plenty of things you do in your life that
Speaker 1: they would never do. Absolutely it doesn't align with them.
Speaker 1: We're different humans. Yeah, we have different values and we
Speaker 1: make different choices. Why can't we just accept and let
Speaker 1: them do their thing?
Speaker 2: And this is the interesting thing, Like everyone around sex
Speaker 2: has a completely different perspective. Yeah, they have different limits,
Speaker 2: different levels of exploration, different levels of shame obviously based
Speaker 2: on personal experiences and you know, whatever they might have
Speaker 2: gone through, or maybe they might be completely open and
Speaker 2: they're just like free reign and free world and that
Speaker 2: feels comfortable for them based on what they know. So
Speaker 2: that's where I find people get challenged with connecting with
Speaker 2: other people over it, Yeah, because it's like where does
Speaker 2: this person lie? What limits does this person have? And
Speaker 2: is what I'm doing okay? And vice versa. So it's
Speaker 2: like this unspoken conversation. But at least what I've learned
Speaker 2: in like my friendships and even especially now the ones
Speaker 2: that I do feel more open with, you just able
Speaker 2: to just connect over something that is so natural and
Speaker 2: so human, so true, because it's like, yeah, we all
Speaker 2: go to the toilet, we all sleep, peas and shits
Speaker 2: and all the things, you know what I mean, Like,
Speaker 2: why is that such a stigmatized thing when it's something
Speaker 2: that literally every single person is doing and enjoys and
Speaker 2: enjoys and loves. It's a huge part of the human experience,
Speaker 2: it really is. And so when you can start opening
Speaker 2: up those conversations obviously in a safe place, if you're
Speaker 2: comfortable with the course, you'll start to notice that, Like,
Speaker 2: you can have open conversations without that immense feeling of
Speaker 2: like shame or guilt or whatever, and you can just
Speaker 2: explore the curiosity, even if it's just in conversations.
Speaker 1: Definitely, I think some people listening might be like, well,
Speaker 1: you know, we're not like you. We don't want to
Speaker 1: talk about our sex life upon of thousands of people. Cool,
Speaker 1: you don't have to do. What I'm more encouraging is
Speaker 1: if a sex conversation comes up with your partner or
Speaker 1: your girlfriends, just notice your body response. Because a lot
Speaker 1: of people's body responses like, yeah, oh my god, what's
Speaker 1: talking about that? She just so she did that? Oh
Speaker 1: my god, I would never do that. Yeah, So judgments
Speaker 1: and projections start coming out. That's where your sexual shame is.
Speaker 1: That's where you can look at. That's where you can
Speaker 1: see why it might be blocking you from other experiences
Speaker 1: or just being able to fully truly express your authentic self.
Speaker 1: And it doesn't just show up in the bedroom. It
Speaker 1: shows up in lots of areas of your life. It
Speaker 1: really does. When I was growing up in my early teens,
Speaker 1: I had some quote unquote selettier friends that like to
Speaker 1: explore and sleep around and give blow jobs at parties
Speaker 1: and all the things. And I saw how much they
Speaker 1: got shamed and ridiculed. They were the sluts, they were
Speaker 1: the dirty ones. They were just like hate it on.
Speaker 1: So I witnessed that and I was like, oh, I
Speaker 1: don't want to be a slut. So I just like
Speaker 1: didn't sleep around growing up. I've only been with like
Speaker 1: partners that I've been in a relationship with, and that's
Speaker 1: fine and all good or whatever. But then I look
Speaker 1: at my friends that have slipt around, and I don't
Speaker 1: think that's slutty. I'm like, good on you. You're trying
Speaker 1: different people, you're connecting, or maybe it's just fun for you.
Speaker 2: You know, it's like their personal experience and any of
Speaker 2: the way that feels concruent to live with them. There's
Speaker 2: nothing wrong.
Speaker 1: No, there's nothing wrong with it. And I'm like, good
Speaker 1: on you. That's really cool, And I'm glad I've been
Speaker 1: able to connect with other women that are so free
Speaker 1: in their sexual energy and their sexual expression, because then
Speaker 1: it's just really changed my perspective. And I've seen how
Speaker 1: much I've shamed myself over the years, and because I
Speaker 1: was shamed with myself, I shamed everyone else doing it
Speaker 1: as well. Wasn't until I met different people that were
Speaker 1: so open with it and like free flowing and explained
Speaker 1: it differently. I was like, Wow, sex can just be sex, Yeah,
Speaker 1: just pleasurable, enjoyable, a natural thing that we all get
Speaker 1: to do, you know. And then it just looks different
Speaker 1: for everyone is bad or wrong. It just like is
Speaker 1: their experience and that's beautiful for them.
Speaker 3: Yeah.
Speaker 1: We've been having conversations recently Japan about you being single. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I said to her one day, I was like, would
Speaker 1: you ever consider having a Fuckbudy? I mean, I've been
Speaker 1: in a relationship for seventeen years. I have no idea
Speaker 1: how usess work. I won't even know how to flirt anymore,
Speaker 1: to be honest, But in my head, I'm like, if
Speaker 1: you're single and you're not in a relationship or looking
Speaker 1: for a relationship, that probably would be something I think
Speaker 1: I would explore because it's like, you still have desires.
Speaker 1: Just yeah, just think what isn't mean you're dead, Like
Speaker 1: you still have desired you enjoy sex? Yeah, And you
Speaker 1: were instant like, oh no, no, that's not what I
Speaker 1: would do, And I was, oh.
Speaker 2: Explain, like, tell me more about it. Yeah, and it's
Speaker 2: so interesting. I was having this other conversation with another
Speaker 2: girl friend of mine as well, and she's quite open
Speaker 2: and she's very sexually expressed and so just free. And
Speaker 2: I really admire her for it because she just is
Speaker 2: who she is and she fucking owns it and she
Speaker 2: doesn't shame myself for it, and she just.
Speaker 1: Look casual and she tells you, oh casual, she's Oh
Speaker 1: my god, I love her for it. Yeah, it's so
Speaker 1: inspiring actually, like she's just literally like, yeah, it's lot
Speaker 1: with her. Yeah I did that. It was beautiful.
Speaker 2: Yeah, it was amazing and it's so connecting.
Speaker 1: What did you have for dinner? Yeah?
Speaker 2: And like do you want to get for a walk?
Speaker 1: You know? And I just it was a really cool
Speaker 1: conversation to have, like you have almost rules on what
Speaker 1: you're allowed to do. It's because I think we're now
Speaker 1: discussing the rules and how you want to be and
Speaker 1: what feels good for you, but then also your values. Yes,
Speaker 1: and when your body feels safe, I'll let you elaborate more.
Speaker 1: But it's such a cool conversation because I can really
Speaker 1: see both sides of it now.
Speaker 2: Yeah, So it was a really interesting conversation to have
Speaker 2: because I really notice these rules and things that I
Speaker 2: have on myself and just from conditioning as well of like, oh, okay,
Speaker 2: I'm allowed to do this. I'm not allowed to do this.
Speaker 2: I shouldn't want that, you know. And now I'm in
Speaker 2: just like a beautiful place now that i'm single as well,
Speaker 2: where I'm like, okay, would I want to explore having
Speaker 2: somebody that I get to spend time with and be
Speaker 2: intimate with and all those things. But then when we
Speaker 2: had a conversation about it and you were like, do
Speaker 2: you want to fuck buddy, I was like, to be honest,
Speaker 2: I don't really like for me personally, I need to
Speaker 2: connect with somebody. I need the emotional connection, I need
Speaker 2: the intellectual stimulation. I need all of those things. And
Speaker 2: I've had a one night stand once in my life.
Speaker 2: I was probably fresh eighteen, and I never did it again.
Speaker 2: It just didn't feel good for me, you know. But
Speaker 2: no judgment to anybody who does it. If that feels
Speaker 2: good for you, and that's how you get pleasure, fucking
Speaker 2: go feel life. I love that all you. But for me,
Speaker 2: and even now in this season in my life, I'm like, ooh,
Speaker 2: is that something that I would want to explore.
Speaker 1: You know, it's cool. I just asked you that question
Speaker 1: the other day too. I was like, you said, you know,
Speaker 1: when I was younger, it had that experience, and SAI,
Speaker 1: when you're younger, it was a hard no after that, Yeah,
Speaker 1: does it look different now as a twenty seven year
Speaker 1: old woman. I think you'd come to the conclusion that
Speaker 1: it doesn't because you still re quiet that connection.
Speaker 2: I feel like it still is the same for me, because,
Speaker 2: like what you were talking about with the value side
Speaker 2: of things, it's like, well, for me, I value connection,
Speaker 2: and I value intimacy, and I value being with one person.
Speaker 2: So for me, I'm like, well, I wouldn't feel good
Speaker 2: wanting to go bounce, like you know, from a different
Speaker 2: personal have a fuck buddy or something like that. But
Speaker 2: again not saying that it's wrong, I just forgot it
Speaker 2: just for you. Yeah, get emotionally attached, and that's what
Speaker 2: you're talking about, Like you're like, Okay, what do you
Speaker 2: do this? Yeah, what if one person starts like in
Speaker 2: the other and the other doesn't, Yeah, to cut that
Speaker 2: off and yeah, hurt their feelings and then they're in
Speaker 2: love with you or you're in love with them, and
Speaker 2: you both can't have what you want. And then so
Speaker 2: that fun sex isn't so fun any no, because someone's
Speaker 2: got an emotionally hurt now their emotions involves here. And
Speaker 2: then I was talking to my other girlfriend about it
Speaker 2: and she's like, yeah, you just like, you know, separate
Speaker 2: your emotion from it, be really clear about what you
Speaker 2: want in the beginning, and then that way, like you know,
Speaker 2: you know that you're not going to be in a
Speaker 2: relationship with him. And I'm like, but how do you
Speaker 2: not fall for them?
Speaker 3: Yeah?
Speaker 1: Because for you sex is love and connections. Yeah, I
Speaker 1: start to grow.
Speaker 2: And then also connection. But she's like, yeah, but you
Speaker 2: don't see them for anything else. And I'm like how
Speaker 2: do you do that? And I don't understand how you
Speaker 2: do that because I've never had a one night stand.
Speaker 2: But when I'm kissing Steve and making love with him,
Speaker 2: that's love. So when you're doing that with a stranger
Speaker 2: or someone you don't really know, do you still kiss
Speaker 2: the same as still really intimate and you're into each
Speaker 2: other and then like see, yeah, off you go about
Speaker 2: your day. Yeah that feels foreign to me or or
Speaker 2: is it like less intimate and then more yeah, just
Speaker 2: a fuck yeah, not love making. He's a different energy.
Speaker 2: I don't think you could love. Can you love make
Speaker 2: with somebody?
Speaker 1: Who needed to ask her? I need to call her, honestly,
Speaker 1: dullah love? Oh my god? Would she? I don't know.
Speaker 1: Let's try it. That's so cool.
Speaker 2: Hi, we've got you live on the air, babe.
Speaker 1: Like I did not expect this to much the morning.
Speaker 1: So good.
Speaker 2: Okay, we want to ask you a question. Yes, So
Speaker 2: we wanted to know if you think it's possible to
Speaker 2: not be let's say, one night stand or something like that.
Speaker 2: Do you think it's possible to love make or have
Speaker 2: like true intimacy with somebody that you're not emotionally connected with. Yeah,
Speaker 2: I definitely think it's possible.
Speaker 4: Yeah, for sure. I feel like when you're with somebody,
Speaker 4: if you still have like a connection in a lustful,
Speaker 4: sensual way, like I still feel like it can be,
Speaker 4: you know, just as connected as if it were with
Speaker 4: your partner that you.
Speaker 3: Are in love with, you know, you feel safe.
Speaker 2: And I definitely think it's possible.
Speaker 1: Because I feel like when I'm making love with Steve
Speaker 1: and we're looking at each other's eyes and like we're
Speaker 1: holding each other and there's just so much love pouring
Speaker 1: out energetically and physically and spiritually. It's just this depth
Speaker 1: of connection. Like I can't imagine being with someone that
Speaker 1: I don't know and still looking at like do you
Speaker 1: still look in the eye? Do you still kissed them pasionately?
Speaker 1: And then you're okay, so yeah, thanks for a great time,
Speaker 1: Like how does that work? Yeah, I don't know.
Speaker 3: I think you have to be fully like comfortable and
Speaker 3: vulnerable in that space still, you know, like, obviously it's
Speaker 3: not the same as if it were your husbands that
Speaker 3: you have children with, Like it's never going to be
Speaker 3: that same exact feeling.
Speaker 4: But I still think you can get that level of
Speaker 4: connection with somebody if yeah, if you both have an
Speaker 4: understanding and respect for each other and you know, are
Speaker 4: friends with benefits situation where you are actual friends but
Speaker 4: you both know that it's not going to be like
Speaker 4: a relationship, but you can still enjoy each other's company.
Speaker 4: And I don't know from personal experience, I've had a
Speaker 4: friends with benefits situation and the sex was incredible and
Speaker 4: passionate and it was amazing, and I did feel connected
Speaker 4: on a deeper level and it was nice because, like
Speaker 4: you know, after we were done, we just hang out, have.
Speaker 3: A cuddle, and then I go home. And I didn't
Speaker 3: feel like I needed to overthink anything or overanalyze anything
Speaker 3: or question how he felt about me and all these
Speaker 3: things great. I had an amazing that of sex and
Speaker 3: now I can go home and chill out.
Speaker 1: You know. I love that. And then there's like there's
Speaker 1: also no strings attached to you both know where you're at.
Speaker 1: You're just enjoying each other's body and you're You're like,
Speaker 1: you're a woman that love sex, so you get to
Speaker 1: enjoy that.
Speaker 2: Yeah, And do you think it? Do you think that
Speaker 2: you can like do it? You hear that, ladies, So
Speaker 2: do you think that it's possible to be able to
Speaker 2: have that same level of like intimacy and connection and
Speaker 2: like more passion even if you aren't spending like super
Speaker 2: quality time with that person? You know, because obviously, like
Speaker 2: would you have to have boundaries around that? Do you
Speaker 2: have to do you know what I mean? Like do
Speaker 2: you spend time with them or is it just like
Speaker 2: an in and out kind of thing.
Speaker 4: I Mean, I can't speak for everyone, but I've had
Speaker 4: probably two situations where it has been a friend of
Speaker 4: benefits thing where we know that there's no future and
Speaker 4: like there's just an understanding of that, but we still
Speaker 4: enjoyed each other's company and listen to music, had a
Speaker 4: good time, had great sex. Like I never felt like
Speaker 4: either of us were annoying each other. We're just friends
Speaker 4: and still had deep conversations at certain times, but then.
Speaker 3: It was like, you know, good morning, kay, and I
Speaker 3: was like, oh, I'm.
Speaker 1: Just going to get on with my day. Thank you
Speaker 1: for a great time, you know.
Speaker 3: But it was just like it both like understanding and
Speaker 3: respect that we both had for each other, and we
Speaker 3: still enjoyed each other's company and it was passionate and
Speaker 3: it was it still meant something, you know. It's just
Speaker 3: I wasn't the type of like I still am a
Speaker 3: human being. Were all sexual beings, we'll want to have sex.
Speaker 3: I mean, I having sex, but I don't want to
Speaker 3: sleep with you know, a thousand people when I and
Speaker 3: that's just hurt me personally. Like even if you are
Speaker 3: doing that, love that as well, full support, but you know,
Speaker 3: I was like, I still want to be able to
Speaker 3: have passionate sex with somebody that is you know that
Speaker 3: I'm comfortable with respects me and I respect them. Yeah,
Speaker 3: you know, I didn't want a relationship at the time
Speaker 3: with that person.
Speaker 2: Oh I love that. Yeah, thank you so much, babe.
Speaker 1: Thank you.
Speaker 2: We appreciate you.
Speaker 1: We'd love you.
Speaker 2: I'll talk to you later, okay, right, we'll do We'll be
Speaker 2: calling you for more questions. Love me, babe, Bye bye.
Speaker 2: It's a hard thing to know when you haven't had
Speaker 2: a lot of one night stands, you know, whether you
Speaker 2: can have love making with them or is it just
Speaker 2: like disconnected and you're just there for the physical act
Speaker 2: and the art of pleasure.
Speaker 3: Yeah.
Speaker 1: So I think if you win in with that intention
Speaker 1: that it's just pleasurable, could be really good.
Speaker 2: I just don't know how you can emotionally detach like that.
Speaker 2: For me, I'm just like I need the emotional connection.
Speaker 2: I need to be connected to them. They need to
Speaker 2: make me laugh, We need to have good band to
Speaker 2: have deep conversations, and then that way my body opens.
Speaker 2: Whereas like, if I don't have that, I'm like, don't
Speaker 2: fucking touch me.
Speaker 1: Yeah, you know, sure, And it would be hard if
Speaker 1: you caught feelings for them and then they reject you
Speaker 1: and like, oh, we can't do this anymore.
Speaker 2: And then you have to cut it off and then
Speaker 2: you lose that yeah abandonment we're in hello yeah.
Speaker 1: Or vice versa. If they started to fall for you, you'd
Speaker 1: be like, you, how to cut this off?
Speaker 3: Now?
Speaker 1: I can't keep bleeding you on because I don't want
Speaker 1: anything further. Rat, I just wanted to have fun with you.
Speaker 2: But the thing that I wonder about is if you're
Speaker 2: not actively spending time with them and having the deep
Speaker 2: conversations with them, but you're only in it for the
Speaker 2: physical art of the act, then would you not build
Speaker 2: emotion for them? Would you not catch feelings for them?
Speaker 1: I think you could care about them, but I don't
Speaker 1: think you'd always fall in love with them. Yeah. So
Speaker 1: I think some people are just you could be physically
Speaker 1: attracted to but not want to pursue a relationship and
Speaker 1: get married to them. Yeah.
Speaker 2: I don't know, like find them attractive, you think that
Speaker 2: they're a great person, you're sexually there's chemistry.
Speaker 1: I think you definitely could just enjoy the act of
Speaker 1: sex with someone without falling for them, because it's different.
Speaker 1: But friendships, you meet so many friends and you love
Speaker 1: them for who they are, and they've got different attributes
Speaker 1: and you have different fun with different people for different reasons.
Speaker 2: It's a good point.
Speaker 1: You don't meet to go and think, oh, I have
Speaker 1: to marry him. You just enjoy different things about him,
Speaker 1: Like you just enjoy his cock.
Speaker 2: Sorry, we were just having this conversation the other day.
Speaker 2: I love said cock and not dick.
Speaker 1: Like. I've had a girlfriend who is with this guy,
Speaker 1: and she knew she was never going to marry him,
Speaker 1: but she just could not get away from him because
Speaker 1: the sex was so good.
Speaker 3: Wow.
Speaker 1: Their sexual chemistry was just like magnetic. They could not
Speaker 1: get enough of each other. But she was like, oh
Speaker 1: everything else about him, like I would never want him
Speaker 1: to be the father of my children. Yeah, I don't
Speaker 1: want a life with him, Like I don't even want
Speaker 1: a relationship with him. I'm almost like embarrassed to say
Speaker 1: how much I have sex with him. But the sex
Speaker 1: is so good. But she was emotionally not not into him,
Speaker 1: but the sex was just that good she couldn't keep
Speaker 1: away from him. Wow. In my head, that's why I
Speaker 1: imagine for you, like, if you're not wanting to be
Speaker 1: in a relationship but you love sex, then that can
Speaker 1: be an option. But also everyone's so different, you know.
Speaker 2: But then I think What gets me is like the
Speaker 2: you know, having to get to know someone, what.
Speaker 1: If the sex isn't good?
Speaker 2: Yeah, and then energy, it's a lot of energy out.
Speaker 2: I'm like, I already have a lot of energy out.
Speaker 1: Yeah, that's the conclusion we came to the other day
Speaker 1: for you. Yeah, I was like, who else the time?
Speaker 1: Just my Vibebrader.
Speaker 2: Honestly, I've been using that girl every but.
Speaker 1: This is us just talking raw about it, have answers,
Speaker 1: and there's no wronger rit, you know.
Speaker 2: What else is interesting? Tell me what's you know how
Speaker 2: we talk about You guys are gonna laugh when we
Speaker 2: talk about funny flutters.
Speaker 1: Yes, funny flatters. We heard this, Oh my eyebrow lady.
Speaker 1: She told me she had them, and I just had
Speaker 1: not heard that in years, And I told you, yeah,
Speaker 1: she brought it in to the conversation.
Speaker 2: Who just thought it was so funny and it's so
Speaker 2: true that if you've ever experienced it, you know that
Speaker 2: feeling that you kind of get in your pussy when
Speaker 2: like you're really turned on by someone or you're really attracted,
Speaker 2: or they say something and it just hits the right
Speaker 2: spot and you're like, oh, that was a bit cheeky.
Speaker 2: It's like fun and playful. Does that happen when you're
Speaker 2: wanting to just sleep with somebody?
Speaker 1: I would think so surely. Yeah, you're going in with
Speaker 1: intention to have sex, Yeah, to be turned on and
Speaker 1: have fun.
Speaker 2: See, I feel like I would need that feeling.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I don't know I would do it without that.
Speaker 2: No, Like, there are men that I find attractive, but
Speaker 2: I don't have that feeling with do you know what
Speaker 2: I mean?
Speaker 1: So that I'm like, Dan, there was a conversation around
Speaker 1: listening to your intuition, yes, because you would say, oh,
Speaker 1: I've met this guy, da da da, Oh, but x
Speaker 1: y Z doesn't feel good for me. That's a red flag.
Speaker 1: I'm like, well, there's your answer. Yeah, you know what
Speaker 1: to do here. Yeah, you know it's not worth your
Speaker 1: energy out for sure. Your time's precious. Yeah, your gut's
Speaker 1: already giving you the red flag. It's on.
Speaker 2: And it's just because somebody shows you interest doesn't mean
Speaker 2: you automatically have to show interest back.
Speaker 3: Yeah.
Speaker 2: I think that's just a cool little thing to kind
Speaker 2: of pay attention to. Definitely, I remember saying to you
Speaker 2: just being like, oh, I just don't have the energy
Speaker 2: to entertain this or do this or have the want
Speaker 2: to continue talking or.
Speaker 1: I think, and it could be a generalization, but I
Speaker 1: think when you meet someone, you will want to go
Speaker 1: on that date. If you don't want to, I think
Speaker 1: it's a big intuition. It's a big gut saying no. Yeah,
Speaker 1: if your body's not a fool, yes, I think. Listen
Speaker 1: to that. So interesting. They've gone really off topic.
Speaker 2: I really have you know, it's actually funny. Yes, Laila
Speaker 2: Halmosi talks about dating like it's a numbers game, as
Speaker 2: if it's business. But she's the only person that I've
Speaker 2: heard talk about it like this, And I actually respect
Speaker 2: her so much for it because she talks about dating
Speaker 2: as in like, of course, you're not going to meet
Speaker 2: the person that you meant to be with or the
Speaker 2: love of your life or you know, someone that you
Speaker 2: actually gel with if you aren't going on dates. Yeah,
Speaker 2: And I just found it so interesting because for her,
Speaker 2: for a year and a half before she met Alex
Speaker 2: which is her now husband, she went on a date
Speaker 2: every single week for a year and a half. Wow,
Speaker 2: And like respect to her for doing it. It's a
Speaker 2: lot of energy. I don't think I could do that.
Speaker 1: A lot of small talk.
Speaker 2: And she said on her lunch breaks she was on
Speaker 2: dating apps and stuff like going on dates and talking
Speaker 2: to people. And she's like, of course, because it's a
Speaker 2: numbers game, you think I'm gonna find Like my personal.
Speaker 1: Said that, you know, Yeah, he gave it the advice
Speaker 1: to someone that was really against dating apps. Can't remember
Speaker 1: her it was, but he basically said, like, if you're
Speaker 1: not on there, everyone else is your turn sets behind.
Speaker 1: This is spodern day dating. Yeah, wow, very Yes you
Speaker 1: can meet people organically for sure, but most people are
Speaker 1: on there. Yes, and yes there's a lot of fucking
Speaker 1: around on there. I'm sure I've never been on there,
Speaker 1: but from what I've heard from friends, there's a lot
Speaker 1: of fucking around and sifting through the potential candidates.
Speaker 2: Sounds exhausting, but.
Speaker 1: Yeah, if you're not on there, then note eves in
Speaker 1: the population is so they're putting theirselves out there, they're
Speaker 1: more likely going to meet someone. And most people I
Speaker 1: know have met on dating sites. Even I met on
Speaker 1: Facebook my mum and her partner over ten years now,
Speaker 1: I bet on a dating app. Steve sent you a
Speaker 1: screenshot the other day.
Speaker 2: Oh my god, so Steve sent me this thing and
Speaker 2: he was like, he's like, I found.
Speaker 1: You a keeper, Steve on the Hunts.
Speaker 2: So it's like Martin thirty seven. Mind you, he's got
Speaker 2: like the bull piercing in his nose. You know, I
Speaker 2: don't know what it's called.
Speaker 1: Beard full big beard.
Speaker 2: Stretches in his ears, and he goes about me, five
Speaker 2: foot eight, straight man, less than a mile away. I'm
Speaker 2: a single father of three. They are my world. If
Speaker 2: you don't have what it takes to help me raise
Speaker 2: my kids, then move aside. Let a real woman step up.
Speaker 2: If you want me alone, you have to pay for
Speaker 2: the babysitter, must help pay for beard and hair care.
Speaker 2: Being this beautiful isn't cheap. Wing face. Must have your
Speaker 2: own car, preferably a seven seater, must cook clean, be submissive,
Speaker 2: and no taller than five to seven, no heavier than
Speaker 2: one hundred kilos. Must be fit and have your own
Speaker 2: source of income and your own teeth.
Speaker 1: What the actual fuck? I wish good show you. I'm
Speaker 1: already out. I'm fie, so I wouldn't have I wouldn't
Speaker 1: even have a chance to do. I'm five six, but
Speaker 1: I don't know, so sounds like catch Steve. You're doing
Speaker 1: amazing Tiana really appreciates the effort.
Speaker 2: As you can tell, it's really fun being single guys.
Speaker 1: Yes, a small pool of good guys.
Speaker 2: Yes, the pool definitely gets smaller when you will require
Speaker 2: more and you have higher standards and all that sort
Speaker 2: of stuff. But it's also good because the ones that
Speaker 2: you do meet actually end up being really good.
Speaker 1: Human That's right. Yeah, you've got high standards. You're a
Speaker 1: twelve babe. No, to wrap up this conversation, let's talk
Speaker 1: about sex more, let's normalize it more. Let's not let's
Speaker 1: take away the stigma and the shame. And it all
Speaker 1: starts with like when even when you listen to us
Speaker 1: talking about it, like what comes up for you? Write
Speaker 1: it down, journal, sit with it? Why is that uncomfortable?
Speaker 1: Why does that feel dirty for you? Where has that
Speaker 1: been labeled? Who's told you that? Where did that come from? Then?
Speaker 1: Have they been told something? Something's happened along your life
Speaker 1: journey that has then conditioned and shaped you to think
Speaker 1: that way? But is it the actual truth? And does
Speaker 1: it have to be your truth?
Speaker 3: No?
Speaker 1: You get to create your own life. You get to
Speaker 1: have your own views and values around this topic.
Speaker 2: Oh, I love it, I love it and I think
Speaker 2: one thing as well, like, wherever you are on the
Speaker 2: scale of sex, however comfortable you feel or don't feel
Speaker 2: with it. Maybe you've never had an orgasm before, or
Speaker 2: maybe you love sex and your pleasure is your absolute birthright,
Speaker 2: and you know that no matter where you are. If
Speaker 2: you are deciding that you want to explore sex, even
Speaker 2: if it's just on your own, and you want to
Speaker 2: explore pleasure, be willing to like push through the resistance
Speaker 2: of your mind, right, because pleasure is a body act.
Speaker 1: Right.
Speaker 2: If you're in your head, you are not present, and
Speaker 2: for women, it's very much a body game. So you
Speaker 2: need to drop out of your head and into your body.
Speaker 2: And if you have moments of resistance, breathing through it
Speaker 2: and allowing yourself to just continue on doing what you're
Speaker 2: doing and just explore with curiosity, like there is no judgment.
Speaker 2: Your experience with yourself doesn't have to be the externalized
Speaker 2: judgment that people have. It gets to be a safe space.
Speaker 2: But only you can create that.
Speaker 1: And if you're uncomfortable with that too. I loved what
Speaker 1: really helped me. It sounds so simple, but a moody room, music,
Speaker 1: candles and like a nice night or something someone just
Speaker 1: drops you into the mood, drops you into the space
Speaker 1: that you just feel relaxing. If you just in your
Speaker 1: normal environment it's bright lights and you're looking at it,
Speaker 1: it just feels a bit more uncomfortable. Like yeah, Like,
Speaker 1: I also like make it a beautiful environment where you
Speaker 1: can just relax and take some breath and take nice
Speaker 1: and slow, like carve out the space and time to
Speaker 1: be able to explore that with yourself.
Speaker 3: Yeah.
Speaker 1: Beautiful.
Speaker 2: Yeah, create it like you would as if you were
Speaker 2: doing it for your partner. Literally, you think you deserve
Speaker 2: the same treatment, and when you treat it like that,
Speaker 2: you'll have a much better experience.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I love that. Well cool, all right, guys, thanks
Speaker 1: for joining us. Bye bye,