1 00:00:00,840 --> 00:00:02,520 Speaker 1: Happy Tuesday, guys. 2 00:00:03,200 --> 00:00:05,360 Speaker 2: We've got Blake helping me out with a little bit 3 00:00:05,360 --> 00:00:07,440 Speaker 2: of a dilemma diaries because we haven't done one in 4 00:00:07,560 --> 00:00:10,160 Speaker 2: so long, and I love those ups with you same. 5 00:00:12,640 --> 00:00:15,960 Speaker 2: I feel like I'm someone who tells you what you 6 00:00:16,000 --> 00:00:17,520 Speaker 2: need to hear, not what you want to hear. So 7 00:00:17,560 --> 00:00:21,560 Speaker 2: sometimes it could be a little blunt, but I just 8 00:00:21,560 --> 00:00:23,119 Speaker 2: don't like toying over the truth. 9 00:00:23,320 --> 00:00:27,360 Speaker 3: If I want like a truth overload, I'll hit up Sam. 10 00:00:27,560 --> 00:00:30,040 Speaker 2: Yeah that's what all my friends say. It's like she's 11 00:00:30,080 --> 00:00:32,600 Speaker 2: never going to like sugarcoat it, and I'm like, why 12 00:00:32,640 --> 00:00:35,120 Speaker 2: because I don't want to sugarcoat something for you and 13 00:00:35,159 --> 00:00:38,720 Speaker 2: then you three months down the line be like your 14 00:00:39,000 --> 00:00:40,200 Speaker 2: advice fucked me over. 15 00:00:40,479 --> 00:00:42,920 Speaker 1: Yeah, I will be like I might tell. 16 00:00:42,760 --> 00:00:45,120 Speaker 2: You and you might not like the news now, but 17 00:00:45,200 --> 00:00:47,479 Speaker 2: I promise you in three months you're going to turn 18 00:00:47,479 --> 00:00:48,000 Speaker 2: around and. 19 00:00:47,960 --> 00:00:49,000 Speaker 1: Be like you were right. 20 00:00:49,240 --> 00:00:53,120 Speaker 3: And you do feel like an irresponsible friend when someone 21 00:00:53,240 --> 00:00:55,840 Speaker 3: is telling you that dilemma and you're a bit like, 22 00:00:56,200 --> 00:00:58,639 Speaker 3: oh okay, maybe scope it out or flash it out 23 00:00:58,680 --> 00:01:02,160 Speaker 3: a little bit more, and just like sometimes you should 24 00:01:02,160 --> 00:01:04,880 Speaker 3: as a friend just say this seems like bad news. Yeah, 25 00:01:05,000 --> 00:01:06,800 Speaker 3: get the fund out and you're never scared to give 26 00:01:06,800 --> 00:01:07,400 Speaker 3: that advice. 27 00:01:07,560 --> 00:01:10,280 Speaker 2: No, no, which is sometimes gets me in a little 28 00:01:10,280 --> 00:01:13,640 Speaker 2: bit of trouble, but hates my podcast, so my world. 29 00:01:13,800 --> 00:01:14,160 Speaker 4: To leave it. 30 00:01:14,240 --> 00:01:18,000 Speaker 2: Yeah, my rules, And we're giving you guys the downright 31 00:01:18,080 --> 00:01:21,480 Speaker 2: truth today. Love it or leave it again. Just because 32 00:01:21,480 --> 00:01:23,800 Speaker 2: I'm giving you it. The advice doesn't mean you have 33 00:01:23,840 --> 00:01:25,480 Speaker 2: to act on it. It's just nice to have in 34 00:01:25,480 --> 00:01:28,440 Speaker 2: the back of your mind. And because I'm going in 35 00:01:28,480 --> 00:01:32,360 Speaker 2: with the neutral, I don't know anyone, I'm not biased here. 36 00:01:32,840 --> 00:01:34,920 Speaker 2: Sometimes your friends might not tell you that, so I'm 37 00:01:34,920 --> 00:01:36,160 Speaker 2: gonna tell you it. 38 00:01:36,200 --> 00:01:37,080 Speaker 3: So let's roll in. 39 00:01:37,160 --> 00:01:37,480 Speaker 1: Let's go. 40 00:01:37,920 --> 00:01:40,000 Speaker 3: You know what, before we start, Sam, is there a 41 00:01:40,000 --> 00:01:41,800 Speaker 3: dilemma in your world right now? 42 00:01:42,240 --> 00:01:44,440 Speaker 1: Dating wise and the thing wise? 43 00:01:44,600 --> 00:01:48,480 Speaker 3: So no, I like petty problem, Okay, My life. 44 00:01:48,360 --> 00:01:52,040 Speaker 2: Is very mellow at the moment with like drama, which 45 00:01:52,120 --> 00:01:55,720 Speaker 2: is like really nice because I actually hate drama. 46 00:01:55,800 --> 00:01:58,920 Speaker 1: It spikes my coldsols like way too much. I think. 47 00:01:58,960 --> 00:02:01,360 Speaker 1: The only dilemma in my life right now, which is. 48 00:02:01,320 --> 00:02:04,320 Speaker 2: Like I haven't really spoken about on social media, is 49 00:02:04,920 --> 00:02:07,240 Speaker 2: I got diagnosed with ADHD at the start of the 50 00:02:07,320 --> 00:02:10,160 Speaker 2: year and I've been like trying to figure it out 51 00:02:10,200 --> 00:02:12,560 Speaker 2: since I've come home, and now it's like all the 52 00:02:12,639 --> 00:02:14,760 Speaker 2: circle of all my mental health problems, so like my 53 00:02:14,800 --> 00:02:18,440 Speaker 2: depression of my anxiety and my ADHD isn't working, like 54 00:02:18,480 --> 00:02:21,280 Speaker 2: my mets aren't working because I haven't treated my ADHD. 55 00:02:21,560 --> 00:02:23,520 Speaker 2: So that's like the biggest dilemma in my life right now, 56 00:02:23,560 --> 00:02:25,960 Speaker 2: because I'm like at a holt because I'm trying to 57 00:02:25,960 --> 00:02:28,320 Speaker 2: get on medication for my ADHD, but I need to 58 00:02:28,360 --> 00:02:30,600 Speaker 2: then go get go to a different psychiatrist and everything 59 00:02:30,680 --> 00:02:32,720 Speaker 2: like that. So that is my big dilemma that's taking 60 00:02:32,800 --> 00:02:35,640 Speaker 2: up a lot of my time. And then I watched 61 00:02:35,680 --> 00:02:38,280 Speaker 2: this TikTok the other day and before anyone asks, I 62 00:02:38,360 --> 00:02:41,040 Speaker 2: have been clinically diagnosed with ADHD. 63 00:02:41,200 --> 00:02:43,320 Speaker 1: So I'm not just like making it as like a 64 00:02:43,320 --> 00:02:43,880 Speaker 1: little trend. 65 00:02:43,880 --> 00:02:45,560 Speaker 2: And that's why I haven't really spoken about it on 66 00:02:45,600 --> 00:02:47,280 Speaker 2: social media because I feel like everyone goes like, oh, 67 00:02:47,320 --> 00:02:49,799 Speaker 2: you just say it as a trend. No, it is 68 00:02:50,040 --> 00:02:53,280 Speaker 2: so debilitating in my everyday life. Like if you guys 69 00:02:53,360 --> 00:02:55,840 Speaker 2: understood what went through my brain twenty four to seven, 70 00:02:56,000 --> 00:02:58,320 Speaker 2: Like the only difference between me and a girl in 71 00:02:58,520 --> 00:03:01,079 Speaker 2: a psych word is like I'm out of the sycord. Yeah, 72 00:03:01,160 --> 00:03:02,840 Speaker 2: Like I saw the sticks on the other day, I 73 00:03:02,880 --> 00:03:06,240 Speaker 2: was like, that's so true, Like I'm walkin streets, but 74 00:03:06,639 --> 00:03:08,120 Speaker 2: it's it's harder there. 75 00:03:08,080 --> 00:03:09,919 Speaker 1: So I think. But that's what I've come to a 76 00:03:09,960 --> 00:03:11,160 Speaker 1: revolution of with dating. 77 00:03:11,760 --> 00:03:13,760 Speaker 2: Is the reason I don't like dating is because my 78 00:03:13,840 --> 00:03:17,040 Speaker 2: ADHD brain, if someone asked me to go to dinner 79 00:03:17,320 --> 00:03:20,519 Speaker 2: next Wednesday, I'm like, yes, lock it in, and I 80 00:03:20,560 --> 00:03:23,480 Speaker 2: overcommit myself. I over make plans because like if I'm 81 00:03:23,520 --> 00:03:26,240 Speaker 2: having a like a I'm I all happy and happy Jappian, 82 00:03:26,400 --> 00:03:29,320 Speaker 2: like I'm feeling really good in that moment, I feel 83 00:03:29,320 --> 00:03:32,919 Speaker 2: like I'll feel feeling that good next Wednesday, and I 84 00:03:32,960 --> 00:03:35,640 Speaker 2: like overcommit and I say yes all the plants. Next 85 00:03:35,720 --> 00:03:39,000 Speaker 2: Wednesday rolls around and I've committed to so many plans 86 00:03:39,040 --> 00:03:41,680 Speaker 2: because last week I was feeling so good that then 87 00:03:41,720 --> 00:03:45,240 Speaker 2: I'm tired, I'm overwhelmed, I'm like overstimulated and everything. And 88 00:03:45,240 --> 00:03:46,920 Speaker 2: then I don't want to go on that plan. And 89 00:03:46,960 --> 00:03:48,680 Speaker 2: then I realized I haven't texted the guy in the 90 00:03:48,760 --> 00:03:51,000 Speaker 2: three days because I've just like forgotten about it and 91 00:03:51,040 --> 00:03:53,640 Speaker 2: it's not a priority and it's not gonna make me 92 00:03:53,720 --> 00:03:57,280 Speaker 2: pay for it. So then dating with ADHD is so 93 00:03:57,480 --> 00:04:00,920 Speaker 2: fucking hard, and I get bored quickly, I'm onto the 94 00:04:00,960 --> 00:04:02,960 Speaker 2: next thing, and like, if I'm at dinner with you, 95 00:04:03,320 --> 00:04:05,800 Speaker 2: I'm thinking about a billion and one other things instead 96 00:04:05,800 --> 00:04:07,120 Speaker 2: of like getting to know your favorite color. 97 00:04:07,640 --> 00:04:09,040 Speaker 1: Like I just can't. 98 00:04:08,840 --> 00:04:12,160 Speaker 2: Be fucked with it. Like I'm not speaking to a 99 00:04:12,200 --> 00:04:17,040 Speaker 2: single person. My dam's Sahara desert besides this one man 100 00:04:17,080 --> 00:04:19,120 Speaker 2: asking me to buy me a Diortionell bag. 101 00:04:19,320 --> 00:04:22,720 Speaker 3: Yeah, like flood than yesterday. I'm sure, yeah, I might 102 00:04:22,760 --> 00:04:23,200 Speaker 3: hit him up. 103 00:04:23,200 --> 00:04:28,400 Speaker 2: I'm sorry, Yeah, we'll share it, but like, oh my 104 00:04:28,520 --> 00:04:31,720 Speaker 2: damns are so dry. So it is my hinge hinges 105 00:04:31,960 --> 00:04:35,039 Speaker 2: diabolical at the moment. Finally got it back and it's 106 00:04:35,320 --> 00:04:37,279 Speaker 2: fucked like it's so bad. 107 00:04:37,560 --> 00:04:39,880 Speaker 3: That's one where you can like and send roses. 108 00:04:40,320 --> 00:04:43,360 Speaker 1: Yes, oh yeah, yeah, oh wait, Actually you guys will 109 00:04:43,360 --> 00:04:44,360 Speaker 1: find this all funny. 110 00:04:44,760 --> 00:04:48,120 Speaker 2: So I was on hinge. Obviously I'm on hinge. I 111 00:04:48,160 --> 00:04:52,400 Speaker 2: don't really go on it a whole lot. But I 112 00:04:52,440 --> 00:04:55,400 Speaker 2: saw this one guy and he sent me a rose 113 00:04:56,000 --> 00:04:57,120 Speaker 2: HAMI shout out to you. 114 00:04:59,320 --> 00:05:00,000 Speaker 1: He replied. 115 00:05:00,720 --> 00:05:03,880 Speaker 2: One of the things goes we've met before. I've never 116 00:05:03,960 --> 00:05:06,599 Speaker 2: heard a pickup line like the one you used on me, 117 00:05:07,080 --> 00:05:08,320 Speaker 2: And I was like, what the fuck? 118 00:05:08,400 --> 00:05:11,440 Speaker 1: I've never used pickup lines like I don't. And there's 119 00:05:11,480 --> 00:05:12,839 Speaker 1: a it's a going around. 120 00:05:12,560 --> 00:05:14,839 Speaker 2: Thing that I'm like a town bike, right, and everyone's like, 121 00:05:14,839 --> 00:05:15,960 Speaker 2: oh yeah, Sam's town bike. 122 00:05:16,160 --> 00:05:17,200 Speaker 3: I'm a documentedst. 123 00:05:17,560 --> 00:05:20,839 Speaker 2: It's like, honestly, if you could find like five men 124 00:05:20,880 --> 00:05:23,200 Speaker 2: in your vicinity that have slept with me, good fucking luck. 125 00:05:23,279 --> 00:05:25,640 Speaker 2: It's like you may also bite a cure for cancer 126 00:05:25,640 --> 00:05:27,200 Speaker 2: before that anyway. 127 00:05:26,960 --> 00:05:28,400 Speaker 1: I would like. I was like, what the hell? 128 00:05:28,520 --> 00:05:31,240 Speaker 2: Like I did not like, did not recognize this man. 129 00:05:31,400 --> 00:05:33,479 Speaker 2: Like it was like I've never used to pick up 130 00:05:33,520 --> 00:05:36,599 Speaker 2: line either, Like what this is how bad my chat is? 131 00:05:36,640 --> 00:05:36,960 Speaker 3: Guys? 132 00:05:36,960 --> 00:05:39,040 Speaker 2: This is how bad my game is. I go, we'd 133 00:05:39,040 --> 00:05:41,400 Speaker 2: love to know when we met. He goes, do you 134 00:05:41,440 --> 00:05:46,080 Speaker 2: want the long version or the short version? I was like, long, obviously, guys, 135 00:05:46,080 --> 00:05:47,440 Speaker 2: this is what he said. I'll literally play this. 136 00:05:48,800 --> 00:05:49,640 Speaker 3: Yeah, incredible. 137 00:05:50,120 --> 00:05:53,320 Speaker 5: He goes, So it was last summer, was at the 138 00:05:53,360 --> 00:05:58,560 Speaker 5: Serranto Hotel and I was at the bar and you 139 00:05:58,600 --> 00:06:01,279 Speaker 5: taped me on the shoulder and he said, look at 140 00:06:01,279 --> 00:06:05,240 Speaker 5: my toe. And I looked down and I'm like, your 141 00:06:05,760 --> 00:06:07,599 Speaker 5: tonail was half hanging. 142 00:06:07,279 --> 00:06:10,400 Speaker 4: Off your big toe and I was bleeding and I 143 00:06:10,440 --> 00:06:16,359 Speaker 4: looked at you and I was like, okay, And then 144 00:06:16,040 --> 00:06:21,160 Speaker 4: do you go, Oh. 145 00:06:20,600 --> 00:06:23,120 Speaker 2: So everyone's saying that I was sleeping with someone in 146 00:06:23,120 --> 00:06:25,640 Speaker 2: the stareanto of bathrooms. No bro, I was going up 147 00:06:25,680 --> 00:06:28,279 Speaker 2: to people saying, hey, look at my toe. Apparently my 148 00:06:28,320 --> 00:06:31,480 Speaker 2: toenail was hanging half off. Tapped him on the shoulder 149 00:06:31,480 --> 00:06:33,320 Speaker 2: and goes, look at my toe. He looked at my toe, 150 00:06:33,320 --> 00:06:34,159 Speaker 2: and then I walked away. 151 00:06:34,440 --> 00:06:36,760 Speaker 3: What a first impression. I believe this so. 152 00:06:37,000 --> 00:06:40,279 Speaker 2: I like, I honestly I would not put it past myself. 153 00:06:40,320 --> 00:06:43,080 Speaker 2: That is so something I would do. I don't even 154 00:06:43,120 --> 00:06:45,440 Speaker 2: know if I was like wanting to chat to him 155 00:06:45,520 --> 00:06:48,920 Speaker 2: or not, like I must have obviously been drunk, but like, hey, 156 00:06:49,000 --> 00:06:50,799 Speaker 2: look at my toe, and then I just walked away. 157 00:06:51,200 --> 00:06:54,800 Speaker 3: And that's like you were like, I'm leading, yes. 158 00:06:54,240 --> 00:06:57,080 Speaker 2: But I'm obviously memorable enough because he matches me on 159 00:06:57,160 --> 00:06:58,919 Speaker 2: hinge and said that that was the pickup line I 160 00:06:58,960 --> 00:06:59,480 Speaker 2: used on him. 161 00:06:59,560 --> 00:07:01,240 Speaker 1: I don't think if it was necessarily pick up line 162 00:07:01,240 --> 00:07:02,320 Speaker 1: because I walked away after. 163 00:07:02,880 --> 00:07:04,760 Speaker 2: I just think I wanted to show someone my toe, 164 00:07:04,960 --> 00:07:06,040 Speaker 2: which I do quite a bit. 165 00:07:06,520 --> 00:07:10,800 Speaker 3: Interesting. I have a feet phobia, so like that. As 166 00:07:10,800 --> 00:07:13,160 Speaker 3: soon as I heard that, I'm like, yeah, I hate 167 00:07:13,200 --> 00:07:15,200 Speaker 3: fee Brand came up to me and showed me I 168 00:07:15,200 --> 00:07:16,360 Speaker 3: would actually pass out. 169 00:07:16,640 --> 00:07:18,280 Speaker 1: Yeah, I don't know what I was doing that. He's 170 00:07:18,320 --> 00:07:19,080 Speaker 1: so iggy of me. 171 00:07:19,400 --> 00:07:21,560 Speaker 3: But he still came back from more. He came back, 172 00:07:21,880 --> 00:07:22,840 Speaker 3: showed him the half toe. 173 00:07:23,440 --> 00:07:25,600 Speaker 2: Yeah, so maybe we just have to do things out 174 00:07:25,600 --> 00:07:26,960 Speaker 2: a memorable guys on a night out. 175 00:07:27,000 --> 00:07:27,400 Speaker 3: Literally. 176 00:07:27,840 --> 00:07:29,560 Speaker 1: Also, I found a really good way. 177 00:07:29,720 --> 00:07:31,560 Speaker 2: My friend was trying to like speak to this guy 178 00:07:31,560 --> 00:07:33,960 Speaker 2: at Electric on Friday night, and she was trying to 179 00:07:33,960 --> 00:07:35,280 Speaker 2: be like, Sam, how do I speak to him? I 180 00:07:35,280 --> 00:07:36,840 Speaker 2: don't seek to him. I was like, oh, I was 181 00:07:36,880 --> 00:07:38,640 Speaker 2: standing closer to him. So I was like, I'll engage 182 00:07:38,640 --> 00:07:40,960 Speaker 2: in the conversation and then like, try me in A 183 00:07:41,000 --> 00:07:44,120 Speaker 2: great question to ask a guy if you want to 184 00:07:44,160 --> 00:07:47,080 Speaker 2: engage with conversation, what is your favorite golf. 185 00:07:46,800 --> 00:07:47,720 Speaker 1: Course to play golf? 186 00:07:48,840 --> 00:07:49,520 Speaker 3: Checks out? 187 00:07:50,040 --> 00:07:52,120 Speaker 1: Genius? Genius? 188 00:07:52,520 --> 00:07:53,440 Speaker 3: Were they like saying? 189 00:07:53,600 --> 00:07:55,760 Speaker 2: He was like, oh my god, I love this golf 190 00:07:55,800 --> 00:07:56,680 Speaker 2: course in Tasmania. 191 00:07:56,720 --> 00:07:59,080 Speaker 1: And then I go, Lily, do you know have you 192 00:07:59,120 --> 00:08:03,520 Speaker 1: been a tazzi? And then job was done, walked away. 193 00:08:04,200 --> 00:08:06,200 Speaker 3: I would have to like pivot to something else as 194 00:08:06,240 --> 00:08:08,800 Speaker 3: soon as you one course, I'd like, Okay, I don't 195 00:08:08,800 --> 00:08:09,440 Speaker 3: know what you're talking. 196 00:08:09,560 --> 00:08:09,840 Speaker 4: Yeah. 197 00:08:10,320 --> 00:08:11,840 Speaker 2: I was checked out by that, but I think It's 198 00:08:11,840 --> 00:08:14,160 Speaker 2: a good way to engage it, very clever because like 199 00:08:14,240 --> 00:08:16,080 Speaker 2: most men like golf. 200 00:08:15,920 --> 00:08:18,640 Speaker 3: Oh my god, to really sell the dating tips. 201 00:08:18,720 --> 00:08:19,480 Speaker 1: Yeah right there. 202 00:08:19,600 --> 00:08:21,760 Speaker 2: Another one that I thought was really good at Derby 203 00:08:21,800 --> 00:08:24,080 Speaker 2: Day is asking what bets you should place? 204 00:08:24,280 --> 00:08:27,000 Speaker 3: Clever. That got me there too, and like they'll get 205 00:08:27,040 --> 00:08:29,960 Speaker 3: like a little burst of excitement so they know all 206 00:08:30,000 --> 00:08:32,680 Speaker 3: about the horses, jockey and how they bring the past 207 00:08:32,679 --> 00:08:33,760 Speaker 3: three races. 208 00:08:33,760 --> 00:08:36,560 Speaker 1: It dick feel big for a little bit and just 209 00:08:36,600 --> 00:08:37,600 Speaker 1: like you do that. 210 00:08:37,920 --> 00:08:40,520 Speaker 2: Yeah, and then if they win for you, then they've 211 00:08:40,520 --> 00:08:42,480 Speaker 2: got the upper hand. And if they lose for you, 212 00:08:42,559 --> 00:08:45,199 Speaker 2: then you can like kind of like flirt bullying and 213 00:08:45,320 --> 00:08:48,839 Speaker 2: be like, can we lose fifty bucks? Not that I 214 00:08:48,880 --> 00:08:52,560 Speaker 2: support betting you win some you lose more out there. 215 00:08:52,600 --> 00:08:55,360 Speaker 2: But if you want to get in with the guy, 216 00:08:55,480 --> 00:08:58,280 Speaker 2: there you go. They're my two pickup lines. I'll all 217 00:08:58,280 --> 00:09:01,240 Speaker 2: show someone your toe. Yeah, it's memorable. 218 00:09:00,880 --> 00:09:04,200 Speaker 3: Which has work. It has worked, so we've got a voice. 219 00:09:04,280 --> 00:09:07,520 Speaker 2: Think outside the box, ladies. 220 00:09:09,440 --> 00:09:11,400 Speaker 1: But anyway, we're rolling in with the dilemmas. 221 00:09:11,800 --> 00:09:13,440 Speaker 3: Hit me, let's jump in. 222 00:09:13,800 --> 00:09:15,760 Speaker 1: Blake's going to read them because I've got dislicks here. 223 00:09:15,960 --> 00:09:18,920 Speaker 3: Amazing. I was actually wondering, Yeah, I can't read out 224 00:09:19,000 --> 00:09:22,599 Speaker 3: that submission number one, Hey girl, I love the podcast. 225 00:09:22,760 --> 00:09:25,160 Speaker 3: I'm really unsure what to do here and would love 226 00:09:25,240 --> 00:09:28,120 Speaker 3: your advice. I met this guy through my best friend 227 00:09:28,120 --> 00:09:30,000 Speaker 3: at the start of this year, and we'll seeing each 228 00:09:30,040 --> 00:09:33,400 Speaker 3: other until the end of August. We're never officially dating, 229 00:09:33,480 --> 00:09:35,880 Speaker 3: but we're glued to each other, and neither of us 230 00:09:35,880 --> 00:09:39,400 Speaker 3: slept or talked to anyone else in this period. By coincidence, 231 00:09:39,679 --> 00:09:41,600 Speaker 3: I very much thought he was going to be my 232 00:09:41,720 --> 00:09:44,400 Speaker 3: next boyfriend, and I was so happy because he was 233 00:09:44,440 --> 00:09:47,120 Speaker 3: so sweet and funny, basically a male version of me, 234 00:09:47,280 --> 00:09:50,280 Speaker 3: which was really refreshing, as I had been in an 235 00:09:50,400 --> 00:09:54,000 Speaker 3: extremely toxic and controlling relationship that lasted for two years 236 00:09:54,160 --> 00:09:57,840 Speaker 3: ending last year. However, at the end of August he 237 00:09:58,000 --> 00:10:00,719 Speaker 3: ended up. He ended things with me because there was 238 00:10:00,760 --> 00:10:04,400 Speaker 3: a two hour distance. He was studying to get into 239 00:10:04,440 --> 00:10:07,600 Speaker 3: med school and also had to get heart surgery. I 240 00:10:07,640 --> 00:10:12,680 Speaker 3: was absolutely heartbroken, but understood his side completely. Fast forward 241 00:10:12,720 --> 00:10:15,160 Speaker 3: to the start of October. I had a rough couple 242 00:10:15,200 --> 00:10:17,920 Speaker 3: of months dealing with the breakup, and unfortunately my grandma 243 00:10:18,000 --> 00:10:19,360 Speaker 3: passed away in this time as well. 244 00:10:19,559 --> 00:10:21,560 Speaker 1: Oh I'm so sorry, girl. Got it rough. 245 00:10:21,920 --> 00:10:25,240 Speaker 3: One random Sunday. I was deathly hungover and was thinking 246 00:10:25,240 --> 00:10:28,360 Speaker 3: about how sad I was that he hadn't messaged me 247 00:10:28,440 --> 00:10:28,959 Speaker 3: in a while. 248 00:10:29,160 --> 00:10:30,600 Speaker 1: The loneliness on a Sunday. 249 00:10:30,679 --> 00:10:35,080 Speaker 2: Honestly, I could write a fucking talk about this. I 250 00:10:35,160 --> 00:10:39,000 Speaker 2: love being single until Sunday rolls around. Even Vogue goes 251 00:10:39,200 --> 00:10:41,559 Speaker 2: boyfriends are overrated until a Sunday. 252 00:10:42,320 --> 00:10:45,920 Speaker 3: All right, we'll revisit this on Monday, no joke. Two 253 00:10:45,920 --> 00:10:48,800 Speaker 3: hours later, he messaged me with his beautiful message about 254 00:10:48,840 --> 00:10:51,640 Speaker 3: how he was sorry my grandma had passed. I thanked 255 00:10:51,720 --> 00:10:54,120 Speaker 3: him and proceeded to ask how he was going, and 256 00:10:54,160 --> 00:10:56,280 Speaker 3: he opened up to me about how he felt really 257 00:10:56,320 --> 00:10:59,320 Speaker 3: isolated and was wondering if he could call. We called 258 00:10:59,320 --> 00:11:01,640 Speaker 3: that night for three hours until one am, and he 259 00:11:01,720 --> 00:11:04,840 Speaker 3: opened up immensely about a number of things. I told 260 00:11:04,920 --> 00:11:06,600 Speaker 3: him the next day that if he wanted to catch 261 00:11:06,640 --> 00:11:09,360 Speaker 3: up before his heart surgery, I'd be open to it. 262 00:11:09,720 --> 00:11:11,760 Speaker 3: As friends. We ended up seeing each other a week 263 00:11:11,840 --> 00:11:13,839 Speaker 3: later and unexpectedly slept together. 264 00:11:14,120 --> 00:11:17,760 Speaker 1: No, friends don't do that any I don't sleep with 265 00:11:17,920 --> 00:11:18,600 Speaker 1: my friends. 266 00:11:19,600 --> 00:11:25,320 Speaker 3: No, he's extremely respectful, and then I got my hopes 267 00:11:25,440 --> 00:11:27,440 Speaker 3: up that he might want to be with me in 268 00:11:27,440 --> 00:11:30,959 Speaker 3: the future. We talked so much every day, a number 269 00:11:31,000 --> 00:11:33,240 Speaker 3: one on each other's best friend's list, which I know 270 00:11:33,320 --> 00:11:35,680 Speaker 3: doesn't matter, but it kind of means something I don't know, 271 00:11:36,120 --> 00:11:38,520 Speaker 3: and we call a lot. I'm struggling with depression and 272 00:11:38,600 --> 00:11:41,400 Speaker 3: anxiety and tend to overthink a lot, especially when it 273 00:11:41,440 --> 00:11:44,240 Speaker 3: comes to relationships because of my past with them. The 274 00:11:44,280 --> 00:11:48,320 Speaker 3: other day, we had a chat where he basically said, now, situationally, 275 00:11:48,400 --> 00:11:50,720 Speaker 3: things are still the same and we can't be together. 276 00:11:51,280 --> 00:11:53,640 Speaker 3: I was so hurt, but in a way I expected 277 00:11:53,679 --> 00:11:56,520 Speaker 3: it and blamed myself for getting my hopes up. I 278 00:11:56,559 --> 00:11:58,959 Speaker 3: then asked why he slept with me when he didn't 279 00:11:58,960 --> 00:12:02,160 Speaker 3: want anything romantic with me. He apologized and said it 280 00:12:02,200 --> 00:12:04,520 Speaker 3: was really selfish and irresponsible of him, and that he 281 00:12:04,600 --> 00:12:07,840 Speaker 3: regretted it not because he didn't enjoy it, but because 282 00:12:07,880 --> 00:12:10,480 Speaker 3: he can see how that would have hurt me. I 283 00:12:10,520 --> 00:12:14,280 Speaker 3: accept his very emotionally mature I know, my God. I 284 00:12:14,320 --> 00:12:17,040 Speaker 3: accept his apology, but I'm so so hurt by it. 285 00:12:17,200 --> 00:12:19,199 Speaker 3: I do not sleep around, so having sex with someone 286 00:12:19,400 --> 00:12:22,520 Speaker 3: is usually pretty big for me. Basically, I'm really unsure 287 00:12:22,520 --> 00:12:24,640 Speaker 3: whether I should stay in contact with him. He's one 288 00:12:24,640 --> 00:12:26,960 Speaker 3: of my best friends and we have so much fun. Together, 289 00:12:27,160 --> 00:12:28,680 Speaker 3: but I really don't know if it's best for my 290 00:12:28,720 --> 00:12:31,400 Speaker 3: mental health. I don't want to leave him while he's 291 00:12:31,480 --> 00:12:34,679 Speaker 3: recovering from his heart surgery, but I really am struggling 292 00:12:34,720 --> 00:12:37,360 Speaker 3: myself and feel like I may have to. I am 293 00:12:37,400 --> 00:12:40,000 Speaker 3: just so sick of feeling so hurt by guys, and 294 00:12:40,080 --> 00:12:42,360 Speaker 3: I hate the feeling of giving more than I receive. 295 00:12:43,920 --> 00:12:47,160 Speaker 2: Wow, Wow, you're going through a lot. Firtively, you're going 296 00:12:47,200 --> 00:12:50,240 Speaker 2: through a lot yourself. But like, yes, this man's just 297 00:12:50,320 --> 00:12:53,160 Speaker 2: had heart surgery, but you need to stop putting his 298 00:12:53,760 --> 00:12:57,719 Speaker 2: situation and his feelings before yours, because at that it's 299 00:12:57,760 --> 00:12:59,959 Speaker 2: an expense of your health. And like your mental health, 300 00:13:00,240 --> 00:13:03,319 Speaker 2: your depression and your anxiety. You've just lost your grandma, 301 00:13:03,440 --> 00:13:05,559 Speaker 2: like you've gone through a toxic relationship. 302 00:13:06,080 --> 00:13:08,680 Speaker 1: And I don't agree with the saying. 303 00:13:09,280 --> 00:13:11,960 Speaker 2: I think it's like people are in two minds about it, 304 00:13:12,000 --> 00:13:14,920 Speaker 2: being like there is never the wrong time for the 305 00:13:14,960 --> 00:13:17,480 Speaker 2: right person. Like everyone goes like do you know that saying? 306 00:13:17,960 --> 00:13:20,160 Speaker 2: Is that the right saying of Like if they wanted to, 307 00:13:20,280 --> 00:13:24,080 Speaker 2: they would, and like, yeah, there's never a wrong time. 308 00:13:24,280 --> 00:13:29,320 Speaker 2: I completely disagree. If my perfect man was stood in 309 00:13:29,360 --> 00:13:33,360 Speaker 2: front of me right now, I still wouldn't be able 310 00:13:33,440 --> 00:13:36,439 Speaker 2: to be in the committed relationship with him. I wouldn't 311 00:13:36,480 --> 00:13:39,839 Speaker 2: be able to give everything that I should be giving 312 00:13:39,880 --> 00:13:43,199 Speaker 2: in a relationship, and he wouldn't be treated the way 313 00:13:43,240 --> 00:13:46,400 Speaker 2: that I want to be treating my partner. And no 314 00:13:46,440 --> 00:13:49,120 Speaker 2: matter what, if he's the right person, it would then 315 00:13:49,200 --> 00:13:52,480 Speaker 2: be at the expense of my health, my well being 316 00:13:52,559 --> 00:13:55,280 Speaker 2: and everything like that. And that's where he's kind of at. 317 00:13:55,520 --> 00:13:58,079 Speaker 2: You might be the right person for him, but right 318 00:13:58,120 --> 00:14:01,200 Speaker 2: now in this situation, it is not the right time 319 00:14:01,240 --> 00:14:04,040 Speaker 2: for him. He's got a massive heart surgery. He's just 320 00:14:04,080 --> 00:14:06,880 Speaker 2: had a massive heart surgery. He's studying medicine, which is 321 00:14:06,880 --> 00:14:08,559 Speaker 2: so time consuming. 322 00:14:08,080 --> 00:14:10,640 Speaker 1: That if you were to date him. 323 00:14:10,520 --> 00:14:13,080 Speaker 2: You wouldn't be a priority in his life, which is 324 00:14:13,120 --> 00:14:17,480 Speaker 2: then why the relationship would end up being over because 325 00:14:17,679 --> 00:14:20,800 Speaker 2: he's studying medicine that is a massive, massive degree that 326 00:14:22,000 --> 00:14:24,520 Speaker 2: balancing a new relationship and new girlfriend with a two 327 00:14:24,560 --> 00:14:28,840 Speaker 2: hour time difference like it wouldn't work. But he also 328 00:14:29,000 --> 00:14:31,880 Speaker 2: hasn't had the feeling of losing you because you speak 329 00:14:31,920 --> 00:14:35,160 Speaker 2: to him every day that you're also by speaking to 330 00:14:35,240 --> 00:14:37,640 Speaker 2: him every day, and like he's expressed that he can't 331 00:14:37,640 --> 00:14:39,200 Speaker 2: be there in the way that he should be for 332 00:14:39,240 --> 00:14:42,120 Speaker 2: you and that this relationship isn't the right thing for him. 333 00:14:42,760 --> 00:14:46,360 Speaker 2: You also staying around isn't ever going to make him 334 00:14:46,480 --> 00:14:49,200 Speaker 2: realize that you're not going to be in his life 335 00:14:49,200 --> 00:14:52,200 Speaker 2: in this situation. He's he's gone, I can't be your 336 00:14:52,200 --> 00:14:54,840 Speaker 2: boyfriend right now, I can't date you right now, But 337 00:14:54,880 --> 00:14:56,120 Speaker 2: then I'm still going to speak. 338 00:14:55,920 --> 00:14:57,200 Speaker 1: To you every single day. He's got the best of 339 00:14:57,240 --> 00:14:57,800 Speaker 1: the both worlds. 340 00:14:57,800 --> 00:15:00,040 Speaker 2: He's having his caking and eating it too, don't I 341 00:15:00,120 --> 00:15:03,680 Speaker 2: think he's being disrespectful necessarily to you because you're also 342 00:15:03,760 --> 00:15:06,560 Speaker 2: allowing that, But like he's never going to have to 343 00:15:06,600 --> 00:15:09,120 Speaker 2: work hard for you to either one get you back 344 00:15:09,360 --> 00:15:13,400 Speaker 2: or realize what he's missing out on because you're right 345 00:15:13,440 --> 00:15:15,760 Speaker 2: there and they're picking up from when he needs and 346 00:15:15,840 --> 00:15:18,320 Speaker 2: obviously because you do really like him and I completely 347 00:15:18,360 --> 00:15:21,400 Speaker 2: understand that. But what's meant for you will not pass you, 348 00:15:21,520 --> 00:15:24,240 Speaker 2: and you're obviously going through a lot right now. I 349 00:15:24,280 --> 00:15:26,400 Speaker 2: think you need to focus on your own mental health, 350 00:15:27,040 --> 00:15:30,240 Speaker 2: Like stop putting him and how he feels before that, 351 00:15:30,640 --> 00:15:33,160 Speaker 2: because at the end of the day, you're putting a 352 00:15:33,200 --> 00:15:37,480 Speaker 2: lot of your validation and how you're maybe feeling into 353 00:15:37,520 --> 00:15:41,440 Speaker 2: like him replying you guys talking you guys calling and 354 00:15:41,520 --> 00:15:44,280 Speaker 2: because you're so used to that, like it's an addiction. 355 00:15:45,120 --> 00:15:47,680 Speaker 2: The only way you're getting that dopamine he is from 356 00:15:47,760 --> 00:15:51,400 Speaker 2: him and texting him and him calling him, telling you 357 00:15:51,440 --> 00:15:54,320 Speaker 2: about your day, you telling that. I can guarantee you 358 00:15:54,400 --> 00:15:56,800 Speaker 2: have someone in your life or someone that will come 359 00:15:56,800 --> 00:16:00,280 Speaker 2: in your life that will mask that or be there 360 00:16:00,320 --> 00:16:01,400 Speaker 2: for the same way that he is. 361 00:16:01,440 --> 00:16:02,120 Speaker 1: He's not the. 362 00:16:02,080 --> 00:16:05,320 Speaker 2: Bee's knees be all and or Yeah, you just both 363 00:16:05,320 --> 00:16:07,000 Speaker 2: of you aren't in the place right now to give 364 00:16:07,040 --> 00:16:09,960 Speaker 2: you what you need. But you're holding onto what could be. 365 00:16:10,560 --> 00:16:14,080 Speaker 2: But right now that's not what is showing you in 366 00:16:14,160 --> 00:16:17,720 Speaker 2: present day. Yeah, so it's so hard to remove yourself 367 00:16:17,720 --> 00:16:20,440 Speaker 2: from that, but you need to give it twenty one 368 00:16:20,520 --> 00:16:22,840 Speaker 2: days twenty one days of no contact. 369 00:16:22,880 --> 00:16:24,360 Speaker 1: It takes three weeks to build a habit. 370 00:16:24,840 --> 00:16:27,120 Speaker 2: And like, right now it's just a habit of you 371 00:16:27,200 --> 00:16:30,479 Speaker 2: speaking to him, not necessarily because you've got this undeniable 372 00:16:30,480 --> 00:16:32,440 Speaker 2: connection that you'll never find with anybody else. 373 00:16:32,480 --> 00:16:33,720 Speaker 1: And he's the love of your life. 374 00:16:34,000 --> 00:16:37,640 Speaker 3: No, like you're in the middle of too. Like both 375 00:16:37,680 --> 00:16:39,280 Speaker 3: of you are in the middle of so many big 376 00:16:39,360 --> 00:16:42,880 Speaker 3: life events. This sounds a bit strategic to say, but 377 00:16:42,960 --> 00:16:45,720 Speaker 3: I don't think either of you are going anywhere, Like 378 00:16:45,800 --> 00:16:48,760 Speaker 3: it still sounds like they're very stuck in their situations. 379 00:16:49,040 --> 00:16:51,320 Speaker 3: That's okay. I have so many friends, so we're like 380 00:16:51,640 --> 00:16:54,040 Speaker 3: both at the same time or at different times, going 381 00:16:54,080 --> 00:16:55,960 Speaker 3: through different things. So it's just a bit of like 382 00:16:56,000 --> 00:16:57,880 Speaker 3: we'll pick this up in a few months or like 383 00:16:58,280 --> 00:17:00,600 Speaker 3: we'll chat you know, at this later day. Yeah, I 384 00:17:00,600 --> 00:17:03,200 Speaker 3: think it's fine to supark things. And if the concern 385 00:17:03,400 --> 00:17:08,639 Speaker 3: is around him feeling isolated after the surgery, I don't 386 00:17:08,680 --> 00:17:10,080 Speaker 3: think you're solely responsible. 387 00:17:10,200 --> 00:17:13,760 Speaker 2: No, you know his mother and again like, yes, he's 388 00:17:13,800 --> 00:17:15,879 Speaker 2: going through a really really big time, but he would 389 00:17:15,880 --> 00:17:18,600 Speaker 2: be going through that really really big time even if 390 00:17:18,640 --> 00:17:22,120 Speaker 2: you weren't there. It's not your responsibility to look after 391 00:17:22,200 --> 00:17:25,480 Speaker 2: someone and to be there for someone you're not dating him. Yeah, 392 00:17:25,520 --> 00:17:28,160 Speaker 2: if you were his girlfriend, then you felt if you're 393 00:17:28,160 --> 00:17:30,800 Speaker 2: about this situation, then you're like, I don't know whether 394 00:17:30,840 --> 00:17:32,199 Speaker 2: that guy I want to break up with him, but 395 00:17:32,280 --> 00:17:34,040 Speaker 2: he's going through this really hard time. I'd be like, 396 00:17:34,240 --> 00:17:37,320 Speaker 2: hold off. He's going through enough right now. His heart's 397 00:17:37,320 --> 00:17:40,320 Speaker 2: already hurting physically. You don't need to break it. But 398 00:17:40,480 --> 00:17:42,800 Speaker 2: he has called this off with you that you don't 399 00:17:42,920 --> 00:17:45,399 Speaker 2: then shouldn't feel a responsibility to be there for him. 400 00:17:45,280 --> 00:17:46,720 Speaker 1: Because he's called it off. 401 00:17:46,880 --> 00:17:49,359 Speaker 2: Yeah, he wanted that, So then don't feel like you 402 00:17:49,400 --> 00:17:51,080 Speaker 2: still need to be around you don't. 403 00:17:51,600 --> 00:17:55,280 Speaker 3: And it's a hard dynamic when the guy doesn't want 404 00:17:55,280 --> 00:17:58,879 Speaker 3: a relationship, but it's still fine to see the girls. 405 00:17:58,880 --> 00:18:00,720 Speaker 3: So it's and the onus is on the gal to 406 00:18:00,840 --> 00:18:04,720 Speaker 3: kind of manage her feelings and manage how she reacts 407 00:18:04,760 --> 00:18:08,240 Speaker 3: after having sex. Like, I don't think anything will change 408 00:18:08,320 --> 00:18:10,320 Speaker 3: for him if you keep spending time with him. 409 00:18:10,400 --> 00:18:11,359 Speaker 1: Yeah, because he's got it. 410 00:18:11,359 --> 00:18:16,200 Speaker 2: He's compartmentalized already in his head. You haven't compartmentalized it, 411 00:18:16,240 --> 00:18:19,359 Speaker 2: which is so okay, and that's so normal. But because 412 00:18:19,400 --> 00:18:21,560 Speaker 2: he's the one who's kind of put in the boundaries 413 00:18:22,160 --> 00:18:25,280 Speaker 2: and then you have openly willing to go ahead and 414 00:18:25,320 --> 00:18:30,480 Speaker 2: overstep your own boundaries, that's not his fault, yeah, you know, 415 00:18:30,680 --> 00:18:33,760 Speaker 2: because he has put in those boundaries. So as hard 416 00:18:33,800 --> 00:18:35,680 Speaker 2: as it is, you have to just kind of stick 417 00:18:35,720 --> 00:18:38,520 Speaker 2: to your own word and like hold yourself to it, 418 00:18:38,560 --> 00:18:41,720 Speaker 2: which is so fucking hard. But like, yeah, it's hard, 419 00:18:41,920 --> 00:18:44,560 Speaker 2: But at the same time, like I have this person 420 00:18:44,800 --> 00:18:49,080 Speaker 2: in my life. I think they're amazing and I could 421 00:18:49,160 --> 00:18:51,960 Speaker 2: really see us being together maybe. 422 00:18:51,600 --> 00:18:55,240 Speaker 1: One day, but right now not at all. 423 00:18:55,359 --> 00:18:57,919 Speaker 2: And I'm like, if we were to try now, I 424 00:18:57,920 --> 00:19:00,680 Speaker 2: can just tell it would be over very very quickly, 425 00:19:01,040 --> 00:19:03,639 Speaker 2: because neither of us are in the right headspace. And 426 00:19:03,720 --> 00:19:06,480 Speaker 2: I'm the one who's then put in that boundary, and 427 00:19:06,560 --> 00:19:09,600 Speaker 2: if they choose to continue to try to push it, 428 00:19:10,000 --> 00:19:12,040 Speaker 2: I'm like, I've put up that boundary. 429 00:19:12,080 --> 00:19:13,400 Speaker 1: I've let you know where I'm at. 430 00:19:13,440 --> 00:19:15,600 Speaker 2: If you still want to continue to walk over that, 431 00:19:16,080 --> 00:19:19,840 Speaker 2: then don't use it against me. If I end up 432 00:19:19,880 --> 00:19:22,359 Speaker 2: hurting you, or if I don't reply to your text, 433 00:19:22,480 --> 00:19:25,280 Speaker 2: or if I don't want to see you, don't then 434 00:19:25,359 --> 00:19:27,800 Speaker 2: be like, oh that's so mean, YadA, YadA, YadA, because 435 00:19:27,960 --> 00:19:30,880 Speaker 2: I've told you where I'm at. If you're then continuing 436 00:19:30,880 --> 00:19:33,840 Speaker 2: to push aside that and think it doesn't matter, that's 437 00:19:33,840 --> 00:19:34,240 Speaker 2: on you. 438 00:19:34,520 --> 00:19:36,000 Speaker 3: Yeah you know what I mean. 439 00:19:36,040 --> 00:19:37,520 Speaker 1: I do makes sense? 440 00:19:37,920 --> 00:19:40,600 Speaker 3: Yeah, And it's just like, I think the only part 441 00:19:40,640 --> 00:19:43,119 Speaker 3: we're holding on too, because if this was another submission 442 00:19:43,359 --> 00:19:48,600 Speaker 3: and the guy wasn't so respectful and communicative about the boundaries, 443 00:19:48,600 --> 00:19:50,520 Speaker 3: I'd be saying, get rid of this man. But like, 444 00:19:50,600 --> 00:19:53,080 Speaker 3: it seems like there's potentially something good there, so you 445 00:19:53,080 --> 00:19:55,399 Speaker 3: don't want to jeopardize that because you want to. 446 00:19:55,400 --> 00:19:59,000 Speaker 2: He seems so respectful. I just don't think it's your time. Yeah, 447 00:19:59,000 --> 00:20:02,880 Speaker 2: and maybe he's just a lesson. Maybe you've just had 448 00:20:02,880 --> 00:20:05,120 Speaker 2: a really good experience with a guy and he's amazing 449 00:20:05,200 --> 00:20:07,800 Speaker 2: and everything like that, and you know the quality so 450 00:20:07,920 --> 00:20:10,840 Speaker 2: he has and he presents you want in your next partner. Yeah, 451 00:20:10,880 --> 00:20:13,560 Speaker 2: he could just be teaching you something. Not everything has 452 00:20:13,600 --> 00:20:15,879 Speaker 2: to have like a long life. 453 00:20:16,119 --> 00:20:19,080 Speaker 3: No, So I know that's like really open and but 454 00:20:19,119 --> 00:20:21,520 Speaker 3: I'd hold some space if it were to happen in 455 00:20:21,520 --> 00:20:24,000 Speaker 3: the future, but like absolutely be your priority right now. 456 00:20:24,080 --> 00:20:26,320 Speaker 1: Yeah, I definitely think cut back on the communication. 457 00:20:26,440 --> 00:20:28,320 Speaker 3: Yeah, start and he'll still be around. 458 00:20:28,680 --> 00:20:30,359 Speaker 1: Yeah. He seems like a lovely guy. 459 00:20:30,400 --> 00:20:33,960 Speaker 3: He does. We don't shoot ourselves in the foot there. 460 00:20:34,160 --> 00:20:36,760 Speaker 1: Yeah, let us know how it goes. Love a follow up? 461 00:20:41,160 --> 00:20:45,320 Speaker 3: All right? Submission number two. Hi, I need help. Hey. 462 00:20:45,640 --> 00:20:48,080 Speaker 3: I was living with my boyfriend, his brother, and his 463 00:20:48,119 --> 00:20:48,880 Speaker 3: brother's girlfriend. 464 00:20:48,880 --> 00:20:49,560 Speaker 1: I'm so sorry. 465 00:20:50,119 --> 00:20:52,840 Speaker 3: Literally I moved out two weeks ago due to an 466 00:20:52,920 --> 00:20:56,320 Speaker 3: argument with my boyfriend's brother and his girlfriend, not liking 467 00:20:56,359 --> 00:20:58,960 Speaker 3: how they live and for my boyfriend and my relationship 468 00:20:59,080 --> 00:21:02,800 Speaker 3: as we were becoming like roommates rather than housemaids. Now, 469 00:21:02,800 --> 00:21:06,240 Speaker 3: my boyfriend's brother and his girlfriend, well, sorry, I'm so sorry. 470 00:21:06,720 --> 00:21:11,120 Speaker 2: This girl had a fight with the boyfriend's brother and 471 00:21:11,200 --> 00:21:15,960 Speaker 2: his girlfriend. Yeah, and she didn't doesn't like where her boyfriends. 472 00:21:15,560 --> 00:21:18,160 Speaker 3: She doesn't like how they're living their habits, and now 473 00:21:18,200 --> 00:21:22,680 Speaker 3: she's feeling like her boyfriend's her roommate rather than a boyfriend. Okay, Now, 474 00:21:22,880 --> 00:21:25,320 Speaker 3: my boyfriend's brother and his girlfriend want me to keep 475 00:21:25,359 --> 00:21:27,400 Speaker 3: paying at least one hundred to one hundred and fifty 476 00:21:27,440 --> 00:21:30,040 Speaker 3: dollars in RAND because I will be sleeping over for 477 00:21:30,160 --> 00:21:34,400 Speaker 3: my boyfriend. I personally don't agree with paying RAND as 478 00:21:34,680 --> 00:21:36,359 Speaker 3: the most I will be saying. There will be two 479 00:21:36,520 --> 00:21:40,080 Speaker 3: nights a week max. When we all moved in, we 480 00:21:40,200 --> 00:21:43,200 Speaker 3: had someone staying with us for three weeks five nights 481 00:21:43,240 --> 00:21:45,080 Speaker 3: a week, and he was paying one hundred dollars. So 482 00:21:45,119 --> 00:21:47,320 Speaker 3: I don't think I should be paying the same if 483 00:21:47,359 --> 00:21:49,640 Speaker 3: I'm not living there and they won't take me off 484 00:21:49,680 --> 00:21:51,960 Speaker 3: the lease. I've never lived out of home, so I 485 00:21:52,000 --> 00:21:54,680 Speaker 3: don't know if this is an expectation with everyone who 486 00:21:54,720 --> 00:21:56,639 Speaker 3: moves out, or if I'm in the right and should 487 00:21:56,640 --> 00:21:58,800 Speaker 3: not be paying RAND. I hope this makes sense. 488 00:21:58,960 --> 00:22:02,280 Speaker 2: Okay, I've had very very similar situation, and this is 489 00:22:02,320 --> 00:22:05,679 Speaker 2: how we came to the conclusion. Okay, well, actually the 490 00:22:05,720 --> 00:22:07,880 Speaker 2: conclusion that we ended up doing is I just moved 491 00:22:07,880 --> 00:22:09,560 Speaker 2: out with my ex boyfriend and we didn't live with 492 00:22:09,600 --> 00:22:12,600 Speaker 2: the group. But I was kind of going to do 493 00:22:12,640 --> 00:22:14,160 Speaker 2: the same thing with my ex. 494 00:22:14,280 --> 00:22:15,320 Speaker 1: I was going to move out with. 495 00:22:15,520 --> 00:22:17,240 Speaker 2: It was going to be him and I and then 496 00:22:17,600 --> 00:22:19,240 Speaker 2: his mate and his girlfriends, so there's going to be 497 00:22:19,280 --> 00:22:23,080 Speaker 2: two couples in the house. And originally it was just 498 00:22:23,160 --> 00:22:25,400 Speaker 2: going to be the two boys lived together, but both 499 00:22:25,440 --> 00:22:27,400 Speaker 2: of them had girlfriends, and we were like, well, we're 500 00:22:27,440 --> 00:22:29,840 Speaker 2: going to be over here quite a bit, Like we 501 00:22:29,840 --> 00:22:32,240 Speaker 2: probably should contribute one hundred to one hundred and fifty 502 00:22:32,280 --> 00:22:34,600 Speaker 2: dollars a rent a week if you're staying in there, 503 00:22:34,680 --> 00:22:37,199 Speaker 2: because we kind of had the mindset of like, if 504 00:22:37,240 --> 00:22:39,720 Speaker 2: these two boys are going to be living out of home, 505 00:22:40,080 --> 00:22:41,639 Speaker 2: we're going to be there quite a bit, we probably 506 00:22:41,640 --> 00:22:44,600 Speaker 2: should contribute more money to the rent so then they 507 00:22:44,640 --> 00:22:47,719 Speaker 2: can get a bigger space. And then all of this 508 00:22:47,760 --> 00:22:50,160 Speaker 2: stuff kind of came up. So I can completely understand 509 00:22:50,160 --> 00:22:53,359 Speaker 2: where your mind is at with this, and like they're 510 00:22:53,800 --> 00:22:56,760 Speaker 2: sayings behind it and everything like that. My rule of 511 00:22:56,800 --> 00:23:00,239 Speaker 2: thumb would be, if you're staying more than two it's 512 00:23:00,280 --> 00:23:00,840 Speaker 2: a week. 513 00:23:01,000 --> 00:23:02,240 Speaker 1: If you're strictly. 514 00:23:01,880 --> 00:23:03,840 Speaker 2: Saying that, you're probably only going to be staying there 515 00:23:03,840 --> 00:23:05,000 Speaker 2: on the weekends, which. 516 00:23:04,760 --> 00:23:05,440 Speaker 1: Is what you said. 517 00:23:05,600 --> 00:23:08,600 Speaker 2: So I'll take that as verbatim for you. And I 518 00:23:08,800 --> 00:23:12,440 Speaker 2: don't think you should be contributing to your rent, because 519 00:23:12,520 --> 00:23:15,080 Speaker 2: what one hundred dollars a week, that's fifty bucks a night. 520 00:23:15,240 --> 00:23:17,760 Speaker 2: That's not how much they're paying if they're paying like 521 00:23:17,800 --> 00:23:19,480 Speaker 2: three hundred dollars a week, do you know what I mean? 522 00:23:19,480 --> 00:23:21,040 Speaker 1: So I think that's a bit excessive. 523 00:23:21,080 --> 00:23:23,920 Speaker 2: But I think you should say, Hey, if I'm staying 524 00:23:23,960 --> 00:23:26,840 Speaker 2: at your house every Wednesday, I'm cooking food for you guys, 525 00:23:26,880 --> 00:23:30,399 Speaker 2: I'll buy you your food dinners on me. I'll contribute 526 00:23:30,400 --> 00:23:32,440 Speaker 2: in something like that. And I think you should contribute 527 00:23:32,480 --> 00:23:35,640 Speaker 2: something like that, or even be like, I'll contribute to some. 528 00:23:35,640 --> 00:23:36,400 Speaker 1: Of the water bill. 529 00:23:36,640 --> 00:23:39,359 Speaker 2: I do think in a perspective, when you guys are 530 00:23:39,400 --> 00:23:42,560 Speaker 2: all living out of home and you're popping in and out, 531 00:23:42,960 --> 00:23:47,119 Speaker 2: you should be contributing to something of the house because 532 00:23:47,520 --> 00:23:50,480 Speaker 2: running a house in this economy is very very expensive, 533 00:23:50,560 --> 00:23:53,719 Speaker 2: especially when you're all probably on like low salaries. Like, 534 00:23:54,000 --> 00:23:56,359 Speaker 2: I'm assuming that you're kind of my age. Either you 535 00:23:56,359 --> 00:23:59,000 Speaker 2: don't have a full time job or you're in a 536 00:23:59,040 --> 00:24:04,480 Speaker 2: startup position where you're scraping the barrel, So like I, yeah, 537 00:24:04,520 --> 00:24:07,520 Speaker 2: I can completely understand. I can completely like sympathize with 538 00:24:07,520 --> 00:24:09,760 Speaker 2: the rest of the house being like this girl's popping 539 00:24:09,760 --> 00:24:11,960 Speaker 2: in and out whenever she pleases. She used to live here, 540 00:24:12,000 --> 00:24:14,880 Speaker 2: but now she doesn't. I can completely understand that in 541 00:24:15,000 --> 00:24:18,359 Speaker 2: some way that you should contribute. Do I think directly 542 00:24:18,400 --> 00:24:19,000 Speaker 2: to the rent? 543 00:24:19,560 --> 00:24:19,760 Speaker 1: No. 544 00:24:20,200 --> 00:24:22,640 Speaker 2: In saying that, though, I think if you're staying more 545 00:24:22,680 --> 00:24:25,719 Speaker 2: than two or three nights a week, you definitely should. 546 00:24:26,080 --> 00:24:29,159 Speaker 2: Like when I was going to live at home but 547 00:24:29,240 --> 00:24:32,840 Speaker 2: then stay at my ex's house, I probably would have 548 00:24:32,840 --> 00:24:35,680 Speaker 2: been staying there four or five nights a week. I 549 00:24:35,840 --> 00:24:38,879 Speaker 2: was willing and openly suggested that I would contribute one 550 00:24:38,920 --> 00:24:40,600 Speaker 2: hundred to one hundred and fifty dollars a week in 551 00:24:40,640 --> 00:24:43,880 Speaker 2: rent because I'm staying there, and then I don't feel 552 00:24:43,960 --> 00:24:46,199 Speaker 2: like I'm intruding. I don't feel like I don't have 553 00:24:46,240 --> 00:24:50,320 Speaker 2: a place. There's no resentment involved because I'm contributing to something. 554 00:24:50,720 --> 00:24:56,400 Speaker 2: So I do understand why they do want something. It's 555 00:24:56,560 --> 00:25:01,000 Speaker 2: your space you're a living, breathing person in that space 556 00:25:01,600 --> 00:25:04,440 Speaker 2: and to walk freely around. I do think there would 557 00:25:04,480 --> 00:25:07,320 Speaker 2: be some resentment build up. Two nights a week be 558 00:25:07,480 --> 00:25:10,880 Speaker 2: my guest. I think you should contribute to dinner shah, 559 00:25:10,960 --> 00:25:13,520 Speaker 2: everyone groceries, and you make the big voka pasta for 560 00:25:13,680 --> 00:25:16,000 Speaker 2: one night, and couldtribute in that way because then they're 561 00:25:16,040 --> 00:25:18,520 Speaker 2: kind of like, oh, she's been nice, like she's helping out, 562 00:25:18,960 --> 00:25:20,280 Speaker 2: she's paying her pay. 563 00:25:20,760 --> 00:25:23,439 Speaker 3: Yeah, I think that's fine. And like, as for the 564 00:25:23,480 --> 00:25:26,520 Speaker 3: sanity of being a guest, like I prefer to do 565 00:25:26,600 --> 00:25:29,000 Speaker 3: that so I always have something tangible. I'm like, no, 566 00:25:29,160 --> 00:25:31,680 Speaker 3: I did contribute in that way, so like, I don't 567 00:25:31,720 --> 00:25:34,040 Speaker 3: feel terrible for being here, because it's so easy to 568 00:25:34,040 --> 00:25:37,200 Speaker 3: feel like you're invading someone's space. I think it's complicated 569 00:25:37,240 --> 00:25:40,000 Speaker 3: that she used to live there as well, and it 570 00:25:40,040 --> 00:25:44,080 Speaker 3: seems have only brought up rent since the argument, so 571 00:25:44,200 --> 00:25:47,320 Speaker 3: I don't think the rent is overly reasonable, although I 572 00:25:47,400 --> 00:25:49,840 Speaker 3: do see a world where it is fair, like these 573 00:25:49,840 --> 00:25:52,040 Speaker 3: people could really be living week to week and this 574 00:25:52,119 --> 00:25:53,600 Speaker 3: money really matters to them. 575 00:25:53,840 --> 00:25:57,480 Speaker 2: Yeah, but does because then their rent increases because you've. 576 00:25:57,359 --> 00:26:01,040 Speaker 3: Left, Yeah, And then also like the bills are probably 577 00:26:01,080 --> 00:26:04,720 Speaker 3: more expensive because there's another head in the house as well. 578 00:26:05,000 --> 00:26:08,120 Speaker 3: I don't think the rent is totally fair, but yeah, 579 00:26:08,480 --> 00:26:12,199 Speaker 3: perfectly said in that you should be contributing something. I 580 00:26:12,240 --> 00:26:14,880 Speaker 3: think maybe you're feeling a bit stung because it's come 581 00:26:15,080 --> 00:26:16,119 Speaker 3: just after the argument. 582 00:26:16,359 --> 00:26:16,560 Speaker 1: Yeah. 583 00:26:16,960 --> 00:26:19,720 Speaker 2: I think the way you could probably approach this is 584 00:26:19,760 --> 00:26:22,080 Speaker 2: go like, hey, I don't think paying rent. 585 00:26:21,880 --> 00:26:22,600 Speaker 1: Is all that fair. 586 00:26:22,800 --> 00:26:25,920 Speaker 2: Get chat GPT up, write down what I'm saying, type 587 00:26:25,960 --> 00:26:29,040 Speaker 2: it in your notes, then put into GPT rewrite this 588 00:26:29,520 --> 00:26:34,439 Speaker 2: to my boyfriend's brothers, friends and housemates. So hey, like, 589 00:26:34,480 --> 00:26:36,879 Speaker 2: I really appreciate you bringing this issue up with me, 590 00:26:37,280 --> 00:26:38,960 Speaker 2: as I think I'm only going to be staying there 591 00:26:39,000 --> 00:26:41,359 Speaker 2: one to two nights a week, I would I don't 592 00:26:41,400 --> 00:26:43,480 Speaker 2: think contributing to your rent is. 593 00:26:43,440 --> 00:26:44,200 Speaker 1: All that fair. 594 00:26:44,720 --> 00:26:47,200 Speaker 2: Happy to help out with groceries and dinners for the 595 00:26:47,320 --> 00:26:49,399 Speaker 2: nights that I'm there. I'm even happy to cook you 596 00:26:49,440 --> 00:26:52,040 Speaker 2: guys all dinner or you will take away as my 597 00:26:52,119 --> 00:26:55,360 Speaker 2: way of contributing to the household. But I don't think 598 00:26:55,359 --> 00:26:58,600 Speaker 2: it's necessarily fair that I'm paying rent sing I'm not 599 00:26:58,640 --> 00:27:00,720 Speaker 2: really sure how many times a week got to live there. 600 00:27:01,119 --> 00:27:03,160 Speaker 2: If I end up staying there more nights a week, 601 00:27:03,200 --> 00:27:06,920 Speaker 2: I'm happy to revisit this and possibly think about contributing 602 00:27:06,960 --> 00:27:08,240 Speaker 2: to rent if I end up. 603 00:27:08,119 --> 00:27:09,359 Speaker 1: Staying there a lot more often. 604 00:27:09,600 --> 00:27:12,200 Speaker 2: But I think for the start, let's maybe just see 605 00:27:12,240 --> 00:27:14,680 Speaker 2: if I can contribute to the deal mealks or something 606 00:27:14,680 --> 00:27:14,960 Speaker 2: like that. 607 00:27:15,000 --> 00:27:15,919 Speaker 3: I think that's a night. 608 00:27:15,920 --> 00:27:17,720 Speaker 1: Also want to put it, rewrite that into. 609 00:27:17,600 --> 00:27:20,119 Speaker 2: Chatch ePAT, take out the dashes, a little bit of 610 00:27:20,200 --> 00:27:22,680 Speaker 2: an emoji here and there, sign off with an X, 611 00:27:22,720 --> 00:27:23,280 Speaker 2: and you're good to go. 612 00:27:23,400 --> 00:27:25,639 Speaker 3: Give her some good directions. It sounds sweet. 613 00:27:26,040 --> 00:27:28,000 Speaker 1: Yeah, I hope you're well, guys, and. 614 00:27:28,000 --> 00:27:30,199 Speaker 3: Let us know how this goes very common. 615 00:27:30,359 --> 00:27:32,880 Speaker 1: So it is a very funishing. 616 00:27:32,840 --> 00:27:36,320 Speaker 2: Because if I if my housemate got a boyfriend and 617 00:27:36,400 --> 00:27:38,680 Speaker 2: he was there five nights a week and he wasn't 618 00:27:38,720 --> 00:27:42,679 Speaker 2: contributing anything, it would be it would boil something up 619 00:27:42,720 --> 00:27:44,399 Speaker 2: inside of me because this is my house. If I 620 00:27:44,400 --> 00:27:46,399 Speaker 2: want to walk if this is Bowby's dream house, I 621 00:27:46,440 --> 00:27:48,359 Speaker 2: want to walk around naked. But then your boyfriend, your 622 00:27:48,359 --> 00:27:50,760 Speaker 2: friend's boyfriend's there, so he's like I have to always 623 00:27:50,760 --> 00:27:52,840 Speaker 2: make sure I'm dressed, or it's like, oh he's got 624 00:27:52,840 --> 00:27:54,840 Speaker 2: his fucking protein shakes in the fucking bridge where I 625 00:27:54,920 --> 00:27:58,360 Speaker 2: want to put my milk, Like those things when they're 626 00:27:58,400 --> 00:28:01,639 Speaker 2: not your boyfriend. Really you really start to tick what 627 00:28:01,640 --> 00:28:03,680 Speaker 2: you're leaving your toiletry bag on my bench? 628 00:28:03,840 --> 00:28:05,640 Speaker 1: No, brother, get it out. 629 00:28:05,760 --> 00:28:06,760 Speaker 3: That's like going in the bin. 630 00:28:06,920 --> 00:28:09,720 Speaker 2: When you live out of home and you're paying everything yourself, 631 00:28:09,800 --> 00:28:11,240 Speaker 2: that stuff really. 632 00:28:10,880 --> 00:28:11,800 Speaker 1: Starts to build up. 633 00:28:12,040 --> 00:28:14,080 Speaker 3: You unfortunately become your parents. Yeah. 634 00:28:14,119 --> 00:28:17,080 Speaker 2: So if like my boyfriend's friend was like contributing to 635 00:28:17,119 --> 00:28:19,360 Speaker 2: like dinner or something I would like, I'd be like, okay, yeah, 636 00:28:19,359 --> 00:28:20,480 Speaker 2: you can leave your toiletries there. 637 00:28:20,600 --> 00:28:22,639 Speaker 3: Yeah, thank you so much for the mettal health. It 638 00:28:22,640 --> 00:28:23,399 Speaker 3: softens the blow. 639 00:28:23,600 --> 00:28:25,920 Speaker 2: Yeah yeah, yeah, yeah, it oftens the blow. Or if 640 00:28:25,920 --> 00:28:27,880 Speaker 2: he shouts a coffee or something like that. My friend 641 00:28:27,880 --> 00:28:30,919 Speaker 2: doesn't have a boyfriend, so it's we're chilling, Lily and 642 00:28:30,960 --> 00:28:32,000 Speaker 2: I all right. 643 00:28:32,080 --> 00:28:36,199 Speaker 3: Submission at number three. Number three, Hey babe, sobabe, of 644 00:28:36,200 --> 00:28:38,920 Speaker 3: my best friends is dating my ex behind my back. 645 00:28:39,120 --> 00:28:39,719 Speaker 1: Oh. 646 00:28:39,880 --> 00:28:42,200 Speaker 3: The way I found out was totally fucked up. She 647 00:28:42,360 --> 00:28:44,840 Speaker 3: lied to me about the whole timeline, even when I 648 00:28:44,880 --> 00:28:48,440 Speaker 3: asked about specifics. We aren't friends anymore, but she remains 649 00:28:48,440 --> 00:28:51,720 Speaker 3: in my friendship group. Boom, I have to see photos 650 00:28:51,720 --> 00:28:53,840 Speaker 3: of my ex with people I care about. I leave 651 00:28:53,840 --> 00:28:56,640 Speaker 3: myself out of situation, so I don't have to be 652 00:28:56,720 --> 00:28:59,440 Speaker 3: near either of them. How do I just accept it 653 00:28:59,480 --> 00:29:01,719 Speaker 3: and move on? I don't care that they're together. It 654 00:29:01,760 --> 00:29:03,880 Speaker 3: says more about her than that does me. But I 655 00:29:03,960 --> 00:29:06,880 Speaker 3: just struggle to understand and accept and let it go, 656 00:29:07,360 --> 00:29:10,520 Speaker 3: especially now that he's around friends of mine and will 657 00:29:10,800 --> 00:29:14,000 Speaker 3: be places where I am. Advice on this little dilemma 658 00:29:14,080 --> 00:29:17,720 Speaker 3: would be fab Wow, this is really hard. 659 00:29:18,320 --> 00:29:20,200 Speaker 2: First of all, I know it's so fucking shit that 660 00:29:20,280 --> 00:29:22,480 Speaker 2: like one of your friends was dating your explosion behind 661 00:29:22,520 --> 00:29:23,479 Speaker 2: your back and everything like that. 662 00:29:23,480 --> 00:29:25,920 Speaker 1: And I obviously don't know timelines, Like I don't know how. 663 00:29:25,920 --> 00:29:28,120 Speaker 2: If there was a crossover period hall long ago you 664 00:29:28,200 --> 00:29:31,000 Speaker 2: dated this guy. I'm just talking about a rule of 665 00:29:31,000 --> 00:29:33,760 Speaker 2: thumb here where I think if you have broken up 666 00:29:33,840 --> 00:29:37,240 Speaker 2: over two years ago, that man not necessarily for your 667 00:29:37,280 --> 00:29:41,360 Speaker 2: immediate friendship group that man has, you have no ownership 668 00:29:41,400 --> 00:29:44,520 Speaker 2: over that man anymore. Like, even if it's not in 669 00:29:44,560 --> 00:29:46,680 Speaker 2: your situation, if it's a friend of a friend or 670 00:29:46,720 --> 00:29:48,600 Speaker 2: you know of them, you're kind of in the same 671 00:29:48,640 --> 00:29:51,520 Speaker 2: social scene, you can't then get mad at that girl 672 00:29:51,600 --> 00:29:53,800 Speaker 2: that he's now dating your ex if it's from over 673 00:29:53,840 --> 00:29:54,520 Speaker 2: two years ago. 674 00:29:55,400 --> 00:29:56,160 Speaker 1: Do you know what I mean? 675 00:29:56,400 --> 00:29:59,560 Speaker 3: Yeah it is, so like I agree, and like these 676 00:29:59,600 --> 00:30:02,440 Speaker 3: some as come up so often it's like what is 677 00:30:02,480 --> 00:30:05,040 Speaker 3: the rule? Like what actually is? Yeah, we can all 678 00:30:05,120 --> 00:30:05,640 Speaker 3: agree on. 679 00:30:05,680 --> 00:30:08,880 Speaker 2: Because like everyone is connected these days, especially in Melbourne. 680 00:30:08,880 --> 00:30:12,160 Speaker 2: Everyone I know, like if you're if I'm interested in 681 00:30:12,200 --> 00:30:14,800 Speaker 2: a guy, I'm going to be upsetting one girl, whether 682 00:30:14,840 --> 00:30:15,640 Speaker 2: I like it or. 683 00:30:15,600 --> 00:30:18,680 Speaker 3: Not, like whether you know about it or yeah exactly. 684 00:30:18,760 --> 00:30:21,000 Speaker 2: So like I just think in a general rule a 685 00:30:21,080 --> 00:30:24,400 Speaker 2: two year thing of like if I knew of someone 686 00:30:25,160 --> 00:30:28,520 Speaker 2: and not in a friendship group, I'm not saying this 687 00:30:28,560 --> 00:30:30,880 Speaker 2: is for you because like she was your friend, so 688 00:30:30,920 --> 00:30:33,120 Speaker 2: I think that's very different. Like I wouldn't go dating 689 00:30:33,600 --> 00:30:36,680 Speaker 2: if I knew the boyfriend when he was dating you. 690 00:30:36,800 --> 00:30:37,760 Speaker 1: I think that's weird. 691 00:30:38,320 --> 00:30:42,360 Speaker 2: But like rule of thumb, even if your friends are friends, 692 00:30:42,600 --> 00:30:44,719 Speaker 2: I don't think it should really matter because like, oh, 693 00:30:44,800 --> 00:30:46,080 Speaker 2: she's just gonna be upsetting everyone. 694 00:30:46,360 --> 00:30:46,920 Speaker 1: Not the point. 695 00:30:47,360 --> 00:30:50,120 Speaker 2: I think it's really hard for you obviously because you're 696 00:30:50,200 --> 00:30:53,800 Speaker 2: seeing it in real life, but like know that this 697 00:30:53,880 --> 00:30:56,240 Speaker 2: man wasn't for you and that he wasn't the person 698 00:30:56,360 --> 00:30:58,560 Speaker 2: for you, and this girl obviously you don't agree with 699 00:30:58,600 --> 00:31:01,360 Speaker 2: her rules, so like yeah, yes it makes you mad, 700 00:31:01,400 --> 00:31:04,120 Speaker 2: and yes, it pisces you off and everything like that. 701 00:31:04,160 --> 00:31:08,600 Speaker 2: But the only person you're annoying is yourself. Like if 702 00:31:08,600 --> 00:31:11,600 Speaker 2: you're having it into your mind every social situation, saying 703 00:31:11,600 --> 00:31:14,840 Speaker 2: you're going to be going and seeing Jack and Betty there, 704 00:31:15,400 --> 00:31:16,840 Speaker 2: and then you've got this all up in your head, 705 00:31:16,840 --> 00:31:19,040 Speaker 2: you've worked your way up about it and everything like that. 706 00:31:19,680 --> 00:31:22,960 Speaker 2: To be so blatantly upfront with you, Jack and Betty 707 00:31:23,000 --> 00:31:25,479 Speaker 2: don't give a fuck, like they do not care, like 708 00:31:25,520 --> 00:31:29,000 Speaker 2: they're not sympathizing with you. They openly did it behind 709 00:31:29,040 --> 00:31:31,920 Speaker 2: your back, Like Betty wasn't sympathizing with you when she 710 00:31:32,000 --> 00:31:34,040 Speaker 2: was talking up with him behind your back, like she 711 00:31:34,200 --> 00:31:37,280 Speaker 2: doesn't give a fuck. So you giving a fuck. The 712 00:31:37,320 --> 00:31:40,240 Speaker 2: only person you're pissing off is yourself. I know it's 713 00:31:40,280 --> 00:31:42,120 Speaker 2: so much easier so than done, just to let go 714 00:31:42,160 --> 00:31:44,440 Speaker 2: and let them do whatever they want, but karma's going 715 00:31:44,520 --> 00:31:48,160 Speaker 2: to hit them in a completely different way. Just relinquish 716 00:31:48,280 --> 00:31:51,239 Speaker 2: all control about it. Just like, go have fun. You 717 00:31:51,280 --> 00:31:52,960 Speaker 2: know that the people if you're going to the same 718 00:31:53,560 --> 00:31:55,680 Speaker 2: social group and Jack and Betty are going to be there. 719 00:31:55,960 --> 00:31:59,200 Speaker 2: You know you've got Sally and Alex and all your 720 00:31:59,240 --> 00:32:00,720 Speaker 2: other friends and. 721 00:32:00,600 --> 00:32:04,040 Speaker 1: Everyone else there. Just don't fucking worry about them. 722 00:32:04,160 --> 00:32:06,280 Speaker 2: Just do your own thing, have a lot of fun. 723 00:32:06,560 --> 00:32:08,680 Speaker 2: Like so much easier said than done. But like you 724 00:32:08,720 --> 00:32:11,120 Speaker 2: almost have to gaslight yourself in the situation that they 725 00:32:11,200 --> 00:32:14,280 Speaker 2: do not matter what they do, what their actions, has 726 00:32:14,320 --> 00:32:18,200 Speaker 2: no reflection upon you. It's only them and it's just 727 00:32:18,600 --> 00:32:21,280 Speaker 2: none of your business. Like act that they are invisible. 728 00:32:21,360 --> 00:32:24,200 Speaker 2: Don't say hi, Just like do whatever you want. Because 729 00:32:24,240 --> 00:32:27,280 Speaker 2: I know that I go to social group like social things, 730 00:32:27,360 --> 00:32:29,400 Speaker 2: and there are people that I've had run ins with 731 00:32:29,480 --> 00:32:32,160 Speaker 2: before and that I don't necessarily like we don't agree 732 00:32:32,160 --> 00:32:34,400 Speaker 2: on each other. If I have in my head the 733 00:32:34,440 --> 00:32:36,959 Speaker 2: whole time before the event, at the event and everything, 734 00:32:37,040 --> 00:32:39,560 Speaker 2: like oh my god, I wonder what they're thinking. Oh 735 00:32:39,560 --> 00:32:41,680 Speaker 2: my god, I'm so anxious because they're here. I can't 736 00:32:41,720 --> 00:32:43,000 Speaker 2: enjoy myself because they're here. 737 00:32:43,360 --> 00:32:44,560 Speaker 1: What are they doing? What are they thinking? 738 00:32:44,640 --> 00:32:46,880 Speaker 2: And if you're constantly thinking about them, you're having a 739 00:32:46,920 --> 00:32:49,920 Speaker 2: miserable time. But you also have to think in your mind, 740 00:32:50,040 --> 00:32:52,200 Speaker 2: they know you're going to be there, they know that 741 00:32:52,680 --> 00:32:55,000 Speaker 2: they have done something wrong to you. They're going to 742 00:32:55,040 --> 00:32:57,520 Speaker 2: be wondering what they're thinking like you're thinking, and just 743 00:32:57,560 --> 00:32:57,960 Speaker 2: be like. 744 00:32:58,040 --> 00:32:59,360 Speaker 1: They're intimidated by me too. 745 00:32:59,720 --> 00:33:02,520 Speaker 2: They're going to know that I have a problem with them. 746 00:33:03,080 --> 00:33:05,400 Speaker 2: Just don't give it a bar, fake it till you 747 00:33:05,480 --> 00:33:08,400 Speaker 2: make it, and then it's gonna bush off into the 748 00:33:08,640 --> 00:33:11,880 Speaker 2: disappearance and then next second you're actually just Daty's best 749 00:33:11,880 --> 00:33:13,320 Speaker 2: friend look up with his best friend. 750 00:33:14,080 --> 00:33:16,760 Speaker 3: I'm not opposed to that idea either. It feels like 751 00:33:16,800 --> 00:33:18,720 Speaker 3: a bit of a game in those settings because it's 752 00:33:18,720 --> 00:33:20,440 Speaker 3: hard to even get out of your own head, but 753 00:33:20,480 --> 00:33:22,240 Speaker 3: you do have to get into their head as well, 754 00:33:22,680 --> 00:33:25,160 Speaker 3: And unfairly you're a bit of a villain in their 755 00:33:25,280 --> 00:33:27,920 Speaker 3: minds because you're the one person they know has a 756 00:33:28,000 --> 00:33:30,960 Speaker 3: qualm with you. Yeah, and you're probably the one person 757 00:33:30,960 --> 00:33:33,760 Speaker 3: in that room that they're wrong. So like automatically you're 758 00:33:33,760 --> 00:33:35,520 Speaker 3: a bit of a villain in their mind. So I 759 00:33:35,520 --> 00:33:38,600 Speaker 3: think it says so much if you go, that's so unbothered. 760 00:33:38,640 --> 00:33:40,760 Speaker 3: You know, you don't want that friend. You don't want 761 00:33:40,760 --> 00:33:41,280 Speaker 3: that boyfriend. 762 00:33:41,400 --> 00:33:44,200 Speaker 2: Biggest revenge is, yeah, exactly put yourself in their shoes. 763 00:33:44,320 --> 00:33:46,520 Speaker 2: You don't want to be that type of friend. You 764 00:33:46,520 --> 00:33:49,240 Speaker 2: don't want to be that you had that man. You 765 00:33:49,280 --> 00:33:52,080 Speaker 2: don't want that man anymore. So there's no reason for 766 00:33:52,160 --> 00:33:55,400 Speaker 2: you to show any emotion towards that because you're sitting 767 00:33:55,480 --> 00:33:57,720 Speaker 2: you've got the upper hand and just like know that 768 00:33:58,280 --> 00:34:03,640 Speaker 2: and the best revenge silence. Yeah, don't react, don't say anything, 769 00:34:04,040 --> 00:34:07,480 Speaker 2: no side digs, no nothing, Just walk into that party 770 00:34:07,720 --> 00:34:11,439 Speaker 2: with your head held high, smiling, fake it, babe, because 771 00:34:11,440 --> 00:34:14,520 Speaker 2: I'd be faking it. But like let it be just 772 00:34:14,560 --> 00:34:17,799 Speaker 2: like relinquish all control and just be like whatever. Yeah, 773 00:34:17,840 --> 00:34:19,840 Speaker 2: I don't want to be in their position. I'm glad 774 00:34:19,840 --> 00:34:22,040 Speaker 2: that that position's not me. I'm glad I wouldn't treat 775 00:34:22,040 --> 00:34:24,440 Speaker 2: my friend like that. I'm glad I don't understand your 776 00:34:24,480 --> 00:34:27,880 Speaker 2: situation because I would never do that. And then just 777 00:34:28,000 --> 00:34:30,840 Speaker 2: kind of party on. Yeah, pop a tequila shot and 778 00:34:30,840 --> 00:34:32,000 Speaker 2: look up with his best mate. 779 00:34:32,120 --> 00:34:33,880 Speaker 3: I know we've kind of like lectured this one, but 780 00:34:34,000 --> 00:34:37,520 Speaker 3: must I say this listener. She seems so unbothered. She's 781 00:34:37,560 --> 00:34:40,880 Speaker 3: actually like so mature in her feelings. I'm almost a 782 00:34:40,880 --> 00:34:42,800 Speaker 3: bit like girl, you can get a bit more angrier 783 00:34:42,800 --> 00:34:45,760 Speaker 3: than you are as well, which seems backhanded to everything 784 00:34:45,800 --> 00:34:48,000 Speaker 3: love just said. But like coud, I'll see you with 785 00:34:48,000 --> 00:34:50,640 Speaker 3: where you're at at the moment, being super forgiving. You 786 00:34:50,719 --> 00:34:53,160 Speaker 3: want to keep it moving. Not many people do, like 787 00:34:53,200 --> 00:34:55,160 Speaker 3: people actually just want to sit in that anger. So 788 00:34:55,239 --> 00:34:58,040 Speaker 3: well done. I think you've already got like ninety percent 789 00:34:58,080 --> 00:34:58,719 Speaker 3: of the work done. 790 00:34:58,840 --> 00:35:01,399 Speaker 1: Yeah, it's just a bit of exposure therapy. It gets 791 00:35:01,440 --> 00:35:02,240 Speaker 1: easier every. 792 00:35:02,040 --> 00:35:05,400 Speaker 2: Time, badly, but yeah, I'm so glad I like don't 793 00:35:05,400 --> 00:35:05,759 Speaker 2: have that. 794 00:35:06,080 --> 00:35:06,960 Speaker 1: It'd be so annoying. 795 00:35:08,000 --> 00:35:11,080 Speaker 2: But like I'm very good at acting on faced into situations. 796 00:35:11,239 --> 00:35:13,759 Speaker 2: I'm just like okay, yeah, and I always say it's 797 00:35:13,760 --> 00:35:16,239 Speaker 2: a blessing. You don't understand why they do that. Why 798 00:35:16,280 --> 00:35:19,280 Speaker 2: you don't understand that because you would never do it yourself. 799 00:35:19,640 --> 00:35:20,879 Speaker 1: To just be grateful that you. 800 00:35:20,840 --> 00:35:22,760 Speaker 3: Have that perspective. Yeah, and when you find out the truth, 801 00:35:22,760 --> 00:35:24,719 Speaker 3: you're probably like, oh, I did not want to know that. 802 00:35:24,920 --> 00:35:25,840 Speaker 3: Like that's disturbing. 803 00:35:26,200 --> 00:35:28,880 Speaker 1: Yeah, my heart goes out to you, though you're killing it. 804 00:35:29,000 --> 00:35:31,560 Speaker 3: Like I'm not very anxious for you in this setting, 805 00:35:31,760 --> 00:35:34,319 Speaker 3: Like I think you're going to slay the house just 806 00:35:34,360 --> 00:35:37,760 Speaker 3: look up with his best man end a story period. 807 00:35:38,640 --> 00:35:40,640 Speaker 1: That's like so evil villain of me to say that, 808 00:35:40,760 --> 00:35:42,280 Speaker 1: but like I'm just joking. 809 00:35:42,680 --> 00:35:44,520 Speaker 2: All right, guys, Well, thank you so much. We only 810 00:35:44,520 --> 00:35:45,800 Speaker 2: did three dilemmas, but I feel like it was a 811 00:35:45,840 --> 00:35:48,240 Speaker 2: chatty one. These were like once to dissect. 812 00:35:48,000 --> 00:35:50,520 Speaker 3: Yeah, and let us know, like how regularly you want 813 00:35:50,520 --> 00:35:50,959 Speaker 3: the yeah. 814 00:35:51,000 --> 00:35:53,520 Speaker 1: Well, they're so fun to film. I like knowing all 815 00:35:53,520 --> 00:35:54,640 Speaker 1: the drama, and we. 816 00:35:54,600 --> 00:35:57,040 Speaker 3: Like bringing their community in a well, of course. 817 00:35:57,080 --> 00:35:58,759 Speaker 2: And I hope you guys like my pickup lines about 818 00:35:58,760 --> 00:36:02,239 Speaker 2: my toes. Always use them if you want. Don't say 819 00:36:02,239 --> 00:36:03,160 Speaker 2: I don't help you guys out. 820 00:36:03,320 --> 00:36:07,400 Speaker 1: So and I'll see you guys next Tuesday. What of 821 00:36:07,520 --> 00:36:09,719 Speaker 1: wom Bye Little Wom