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Speaker 1: Coming up on My husband travels for work and when

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Speaker 1: he comes home from an overseas flight, he refuses to

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Speaker 1: just shower.

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Speaker 2: When coming home.

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Speaker 1: What the Relatable podcast is hosted by myself, Addy Clark

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Speaker 1: ak Mommy, and my partner in crime, mister Jake Craig

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Speaker 1: aka Daddy.

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Speaker 3: Yes, and this is a Dilemma's episode Baddies.

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Speaker 1: We have the prompt being sort of not really but

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Speaker 1: it is toxicity.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, I would say, I mean to be fair like that.

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Speaker 3: We have a lot of them that are just like

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Speaker 3: toxicity anyway.

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Speaker 2: Have you ever been toxic in your life? Yeah? Yeah, heah,

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Speaker 2: When was the last time you've been toxic?

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Speaker 3: The last?

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Speaker 2: I don't know.

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Speaker 3: I feel like is toxic a strong word. I'm just

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Speaker 3: trying to think about, Like I've been in a pretty

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Speaker 3: toxic relationship before, where.

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Speaker 2: It was like.

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Speaker 3: Just I would say she was pretty bad, and then

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Speaker 3: I would just like never stick off for myself, and

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Speaker 3: then like, yeah, let stuff like boil up and boil up,

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Speaker 3: and then I just would never say how I feel.

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Speaker 3: And then I would say I've had some definite toxic

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Speaker 3: tendencies that I look back on in the past and

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Speaker 3: think like I could have done some different things.

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Speaker 1: I feel that's relatable, especially in young relationships. You're not

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Speaker 1: proud of it, but you can grow from them, can't you. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: Like I think my second second relationship, I I didn't

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Speaker 1: do the thing where it was like, oh, I don't

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Speaker 1: want to fully make it official because my ex was toxic,

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Speaker 1: but I did. I did like have emphasis on the

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Speaker 1: fact that, like my ex was pretty toxic, and.

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Speaker 2: I think that, like I don't know if I ever held.

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Speaker 3: It against like my second girlfriend, but I think in

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Speaker 3: the back of her head quite off and she was like, oh,

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Speaker 3: I really don't want to be like his ex or

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Speaker 3: else he'll like dump me or something like that.

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Speaker 2: I mean, I assume because like I just remember being.

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Speaker 3: Like yeah, like because I just like told her the

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Speaker 3: ship that exed it and she was like, yeah, that's crazy.

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Speaker 3: And so I think like after that it was like

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Speaker 3: the type of stuff in the past, like you can

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Speaker 3: definitely talk about stuff your exs have done, but I don't.

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Speaker 1: I guess it's interesting too, because you could be the

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Speaker 1: one receiving someone being toxic, yeah, which still gives you trauma,

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Speaker 1: or you can be the one who's being toxic and

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Speaker 1: that also gives you trauma.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, you did it. There's no winning. Yeah, it's weird.

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Speaker 3: I've never been the type to care about someone going

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Speaker 3: out without me, would have been that tired like.

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Speaker 2: I've never I don't think I've ever been.

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Speaker 3: Like proper classic toxic like I reckon, I've probably been

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Speaker 3: unintentionally insecure toxic.

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Speaker 2: I feel like that's the most common. I don't know.

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Speaker 4: I don't know.

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Speaker 1: If I would tell you, I wouldn't classify as I

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Speaker 1: wouldn't classify insecurities as toxic.

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Speaker 2: Oh, no, something.

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Speaker 3: Toxic I did my second girlfriend. I went traveling and

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Speaker 3: I didn't know when I wanted to come home. Just

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Speaker 3: told her, I don't know when I want to come home.

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Speaker 5: That was toxic.

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Speaker 2: Sure we break up, very true. What about you? Any

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Speaker 2: toxic stuff?

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Speaker 4: I'm sure I have. Yeah, Oh one comes to mind.

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Speaker 3: Actually when I was eighteen, breaking up with your girlfriend

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Speaker 3: because you're going to school is Yeah, that's a rough one.

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Speaker 2: You can look back.

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Speaker 4: It's a rough one I feel about.

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Speaker 3: Yeah.

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Speaker 4: It's one of you know when.

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Speaker 1: You do something and like I don't think about it anymore,

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Speaker 1: but like when it didn't you just like if you

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Speaker 1: bring it up, I'm like you just think like I

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Speaker 1: couldn't I go back and just I didn't have the

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Speaker 1: communication skills, not giving myself excuses like I just physically didn't.

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Speaker 1: It's like, I mean, look, your reason for breaking up

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Speaker 1: with her was, I guess, pretty bad. But I also

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Speaker 1: think I'm trying to justify myself, which I shouldn't because

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Speaker 1: it was a bad thing.

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Speaker 2: I needed a reason to do it when I just

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Speaker 2: wanted to do it.

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Speaker 3: I mean, obviously you wanted to do it.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, but I mean, like, I don't know.

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Speaker 3: We always say, if you're going to cheat, at least

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Speaker 3: break up with them. True, and then it sounds like

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Speaker 3: you had intentions of wanting to get to get with

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Speaker 3: some other people.

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Speaker 4: So I guess at least you broke up with it.

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Speaker 2: I don't know. It's a bit rough, but very rough,

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Speaker 2: but yeah, bad is What's something toxic you've done?

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Speaker 3: Actually comment below, genuinely comment below, what some tox if

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Speaker 3: you've done? Like, it doesn't matter anymore, You're forgiven. We

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Speaker 3: forgive you. It's interesting to know everybody has their faults.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, and we all grow, we all learn.

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Speaker 3: I would love to hear some toxic about it, yeah, exactly,

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Speaker 3: and then we'll just like we'll reply to the comments

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Speaker 3: saying we forgive you, we forgive you, forgive it.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, I want like twenty thirty comments. Yeah, I

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Speaker 2: don't know how it would.

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Speaker 3: Be good to get it off your chest.

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Speaker 2: It was so nice to say that.

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Speaker 4: What wall streets.

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Speaker 3: It has, have a little bit of cocaine, going to

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Speaker 3: the toilet master bate and then come out drink like

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Speaker 3: sixteen voga martinis and just.

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Speaker 2: Hum oh oh oh.

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Speaker 1: I feel like the start of this episode has been

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Speaker 1: very bloky.

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Speaker 3: Okay, dilemmas toxic. We'll rate them on toxicity levels and

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Speaker 3: then we'll answer as well, yeah, not all really that toxic.

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Speaker 2: It was kind of like, is someone being toxic on answer? Yeah,

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Speaker 2: I'll try.

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Speaker 3: My dilemma is my best friend is in a toxic

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Speaker 3: relationship and he doesn't see it. He's staying because of

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Speaker 3: the kid, which I respect.

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Speaker 2: I do.

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Speaker 3: However, we've been extremely close slash best friends slash intimate

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Speaker 3: dish conversations for years and when I told him his

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Speaker 3: current relationship was.

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Speaker 2: Toxic, thought this was like the same sex type shit.

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Speaker 3: So when I told him his relationship was toxic and

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Speaker 3: reminded him of all the things he said about his

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Speaker 3: relationship that he knew was hanging on by thread. He

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Speaker 3: got mad at me and put our friendship on pause

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Speaker 3: to save his relationship. Now it's been minimal contact for

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Speaker 3: months between us, hoping we can get our friendship back

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Speaker 3: where it was. How long does it take for a

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Speaker 3: guy to see the partnership he's in is toxic and

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Speaker 3: the best friend pointing it out is not the bad

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Speaker 3: guy and also have him see that the happiness he's

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Speaker 3: wanting so bad is right in front of him.

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Speaker 1: Bady mindset is a little bit skew if girl. Firstly,

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Speaker 1: you guys aren't friends. There's no friendship there.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, you don't want to be friends with you. You just

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Speaker 3: said you'd like you think you're his happiness.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, there's there's a time and a place. There's two

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Speaker 1: dilemmas here. The first one.

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Speaker 3: Is is it crazy to say that the baddie is

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Speaker 3: the toxic one?

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Speaker 1: It is, though, It's bit is tough because her thinking

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Speaker 1: process is skew if because she thinks she's still on

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Speaker 1: the right thing.

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Speaker 2: But she's not.

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Speaker 3: No, she's not. And I'm sorry.

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Speaker 2: But like.

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Speaker 3: From all the information that we have been given, which

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Speaker 3: obviously wasn't that much, but like in all the black

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Speaker 3: and white senses. I kind of respect that he's been like, oh, well,

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Speaker 3: like he I assume he knows that you have feelings

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Speaker 3: for him. Yeah, and in the past maybe he had

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Speaker 3: feelings for you. But I got to respect that he's

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Speaker 3: pushed it away so he can try and, you know,

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Speaker 3: save the relationship with this child's mother.

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Speaker 2: Yeah.

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Speaker 1: Well, there's two dilemmas here. Dilemma one is, if you

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Speaker 1: were just friends, you've said your two cents. He's taken

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Speaker 1: that on board and made a decision. You might not

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Speaker 1: agree with that decision, but you have to accept it. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: but you're not friends and you just want to stay

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Speaker 1: around till he realizes that you're no longer going to

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Speaker 1: be friends and you can get together. Dilemma two is

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Speaker 1: you can't be friends. I think you guys need to

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Speaker 1: cut it off and you need to respect his decision

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Speaker 1: that he's trying to be the father to his kid.

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Speaker 2: I agree.

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Speaker 1: I agree, but you've got an ulterior motive. It's not healthy.

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Speaker 3: No, that's why I think I'm baddie.

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Speaker 2: I'm sorry, but you're kind of be in the toxic Yeah,

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Speaker 2: you don't want the best for him, like.

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Speaker 3: I mean, I mean, I'm sure, she wants the best

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Speaker 3: for him, but she thinks that she's the best for him. Yeah,

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Speaker 3: she wants the best for herself. Yeah, he's got a kid.

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Speaker 3: And it's kind of funny. It's like using using the

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Speaker 3: word however instead of but is still using the word but.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, poor baddie, you just playing fish in the sea.

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Speaker 3: I mean, look, yeah, maybe you should go on a

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Speaker 3: holiday to.

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Speaker 1: The sea and some fish see yeah yeah, yeah, yeah,

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Speaker 1: that aren't taken and have kids.

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Speaker 2: Where are you from if you're not from the ocean?

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Speaker 2: I recommend it.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, I agree. Next dilemma. If you want to get

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Speaker 1: a dilemma, read bias. There will be a link in

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Speaker 1: the discs scrip and they're completely anonymous and they can be.

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Speaker 2: Whatever you want.

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Speaker 1: My dilemma is I don't know what my ex wants

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Speaker 1: from me. Hi, guys, my ex messaged me out of

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Speaker 1: the blue about three weeks ago with a simple height.

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Speaker 1: I ended things about two and a half months ago

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Speaker 1: prior and cut off all contact with the exception of

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Speaker 1: our regular phone numbers. That's not cutting off contract codag Sorry.

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Speaker 1: We've messaged a few other times in the past three weeks,

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Speaker 1: but I'm generally not sure what he wants from me.

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Speaker 1: He mentioned the idea of catching up in person, but

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Speaker 1: not tried to make any plans yet. He asked me

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Speaker 1: if I'd had any luck on a hinge and if

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Speaker 1: I was still talking to anyone. Yes, I met a guy,

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Speaker 1: but no, I didn't get past the first date. In conversation,

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Speaker 1: he'll make little comments like that's what I like about you,

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Speaker 1: or you're one of a kind. I'm always the one

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Speaker 1: who messages first. If I don't start the conversation, it

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Speaker 1: goes radio silence for days. I still have feelings for

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Speaker 1: him and would honestly get back with him, but I

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Speaker 1: seriously can't get a red Sorry, I seriously can't get

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Speaker 1: a read from him.

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Speaker 4: It would be great to get your cast perspective. Thanks

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Speaker 4: so much. Love the podcast, Jake, She loves the pod.

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Speaker 2: Thank you.

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Speaker 4: We appreciate the support.

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Speaker 3: And yeah, I know, just fucking try and get back

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Speaker 3: with him.

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Speaker 2: Try whatever.

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Speaker 3: What are we doing, abouddies, what are we doing?

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Speaker 1: I cut off all contact except our primary primary.

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Speaker 3: I cut off all contact except for probably one of

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Speaker 3: the best human inventions ever invented, which is every single

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Speaker 3: person's form of main conduct.

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Speaker 2: That's so funny. Yeah, well, I feel like, here we go,

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Speaker 2: here's a dilemma, folks saying like.

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Speaker 3: I'm I'm vegetarian, but I still eat steak.

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Speaker 2: I just cut out all your stuff.

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Speaker 4: Which is fair, Okay, a lot of people.

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Speaker 3: I saw a really good TikTok to this woman, going

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Speaker 3: everyone has this like thing where the most common one is,

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Speaker 3: you know, i'd be a vegetarian or i'd be a vegan,

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Speaker 3: but I just love chicken.

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Speaker 2: I just love bacon.

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Speaker 3: It's like, Okay, be a vegetarian and eat just bacon.

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Speaker 2: You can be a vegetarian and eat bacon.

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Speaker 3: You're just not a vegetarian, but like everything else you

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Speaker 3: don't eat and you just eat bacon.

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Speaker 2: Same thing with everything exactly.

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Speaker 1: And I guess there's a dilemma in So she's broken

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Speaker 1: up with this man and still loves him and realize

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Speaker 1: that she's made a bad decision, so.

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Speaker 2: She broke up with them. Yeah, how why did you

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Speaker 2: break up with them?

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Speaker 1: She didn't say, how can you do you think it's

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Speaker 1: healthy to go back on a decision even if you

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Speaker 1: made it?

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Speaker 4: I don't know.

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Speaker 3: Hard to say, like I've I've broke up with the girl.

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Speaker 3: My first girlfriend broke up with and then go back

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Speaker 3: together with and then broke up with and then and.

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Speaker 2: Got back together with. But I think we broke up twice.

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Speaker 1: I did the same thing, and I feel like, as

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Speaker 1: a young adult, he's never been in a relationship before.

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Speaker 1: You get addicted to the emotions. When you're young, it's.

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Speaker 4: Like high low high low, high low, and.

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Speaker 2: You're chasing the highs and then you've got to experience

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Speaker 2: the highs to get the lows.

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Speaker 3: And then you force the loads to have been breaking.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, But then as we've gotten older, I've realized that

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Speaker 1: love is very mundane and boring, and that's what love

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Speaker 1: really is about you. If you get addicted to the

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Speaker 1: sensation of what love you think it is.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, I don't know. I think, like, who am I

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Speaker 2: to say?

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Speaker 3: If someone was to break up with someone and then

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Speaker 3: five months later they got back together with him and

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Speaker 3: then ended up marrying.

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Speaker 2: Them and having a great life, then obviously it worked out.

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Speaker 2: Like I don't care what you do, go try. That's

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Speaker 2: how you just said bad, no, this bad, he goes.

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Speaker 3: I would love to get back together with him. I

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Speaker 3: still love him.

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Speaker 2: Still go fucking try.

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Speaker 1: Go try. And then also you've got to sleep in

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Speaker 1: the bed you've made. If he doesn't want to get

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Speaker 1: back with.

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Speaker 2: You because you broke up him, just don't let it.

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Speaker 3: Just don't let him bullshit around and stuff.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, you gotta respect his decision.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, and if it's like trying to if he's like, well,

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Speaker 1: you broke up with me, I don't want it, and

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Speaker 1: be like oh yeah yeah, yeah, yeah yeah valid vallos.

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Speaker 3: All right, Dating while living with parents?

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Speaker 2: Oh, listen, a tricky slope to navigate. Will judge if

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Speaker 2: this is toxic? And oh was that last one toxic?

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Speaker 4: Yeah?

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Speaker 2: It was a bit she broke up with him and

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Speaker 2: wants to get back with him. Yeah, you could argue

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Speaker 2: a little bit toxic?

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Speaker 5: All right?

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Speaker 3: Dating while living with parents. Hi, guys, I was listening

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Speaker 3: to your recent EP where you mentioned living at home

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Speaker 3: with parents in this economy. I'm twenty six and still

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Speaker 3: live at home because money, and most of my friends

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Speaker 3: do too, so we're basically all on the same page. However,

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Speaker 3: I just got into I just got onto the dating apps,

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Speaker 3: and the thing that made me hesitate and getting them

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Speaker 3: for so long and still makes me hesitant is the

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Speaker 3: fact that I still live at home. My parents' house

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Speaker 3: is small, so while I have my own bedroom space.

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Speaker 3: We only have one living room, kitchen, bathroom, etc. Tough,

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Speaker 3: so there is still a lot of shared living. Additionally,

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Speaker 3: there is always someone else at home, including my brother,

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Speaker 3: because everyone else in the house either doesn't work, doesn't

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Speaker 3: work much, and or works from home. This is doable

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Speaker 3: for me because I'm saving much more money, but dating

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Speaker 3: feels impossible. You sure can do stuff out movies, dinners, coffees, walks,

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Speaker 3: et cetera, but there's a natural progression of a relationship

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Speaker 3: to the spending time together doing the mundane things with life. Additionally,

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Speaker 3: going out more costs more, which is kind of the

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Speaker 3: reason I'm living at home to save as much as possible.

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Speaker 3: I know there are cheaper dates, but it's not the

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Speaker 3: same as the intimacy of like being able to cook

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Speaker 3: dinner together or watch a movie on the lounge in

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Speaker 3: your own space. A few of my friends have said

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Speaker 3: it's if the guy lives out of home. But number one,

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Speaker 3: it feels a little unfair slash uneven i e. Things

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Speaker 3: like bills might be more spanny for them if you're

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Speaker 3: living at their home too.

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Speaker 2: Uh that a little bit? Yeah, sorry, No, I might

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Speaker 2: have read down a line.

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Speaker 5: I E.

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Speaker 3: Things like bills might be more spenny for them if

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Speaker 3: you're there more and potentially I can't read today, and

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Speaker 3: potentially cognitive load in balance. But mainly number two in

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Speaker 3: this economy, what if there's what if they are living

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Speaker 3: at home too?

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Speaker 2: Oh?

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Speaker 3: What if the boyfriend if you meet a guy's also

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Speaker 3: living at home? Okay, yeah, there is no answer to

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Speaker 3: this one, but I guess I just want more perspectives.

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Speaker 3: Love the pod always fun, listen each week. Okay, sorry,

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Speaker 3: that was a bit of I don't know if that

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Speaker 3: was written PAULI or as I just couldn't read.

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Speaker 2: That is not toxic to start.

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Speaker 4: I don't think this is this.

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Speaker 1: I feel like I have great advice here. I reckon

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Speaker 1: on learning from experience. Cassie, cover your ears. I did

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Speaker 1: see girls before her, and I didn't want to bring

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Speaker 1: them to my house because my parents were here.

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Speaker 2: You've got a big ass house, dude.

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Speaker 1: I just have got it because this is a fucking mansion.

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Speaker 1: I have my own bathroom and now my own living room.

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Speaker 1: I didn't have my own I didn't.

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Speaker 2: You have your own floor? What he has a wing?

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Speaker 1: I didn't have my own living room when my brother

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Speaker 1: lived here. My brother moved out. But yeah, so I'm

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Speaker 1: fucking living like a beast now. But what I learned

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Speaker 1: was I didn't want to bring anyone here. But if

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Speaker 1: they are the right person, you want them to have

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Speaker 1: a relationship with your parents. They're your fucking parents. Chuck

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Speaker 1: yourself in the deep end. You're like, look, I live

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Speaker 1: at fucking home. Come meet my parents right now and

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Speaker 1: get them to have a related keep get him to

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Speaker 1: have a relationship, Get him to knock on my fucking door.

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Speaker 2: Talk to my dad for fifteen minutes while I'm getting ready,

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Speaker 2: so hard to my mom if you don't want to

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Speaker 2: do that, And then if you don't want to do that,

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Speaker 2: you can't fucking date me.

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Speaker 1: And then and then for the long run, if he

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Speaker 1: hears the right one, the relationship has started off on

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Speaker 1: the front foot because.

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Speaker 2: They're your parents. They're gonna be there no matter what.

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Speaker 2: Who cares. Are you ashamed of them? They think they're

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Speaker 2: gonna they're gonna say some weird shit their parents.

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Speaker 1: They're going to embarrass you and show some weird photo

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Speaker 1: of you when you're a kid and shipping naked and

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Speaker 1: be like, mom, shut up, yep.

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Speaker 3: But deep end, look, I mean I don't disagree, Like

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Speaker 3: just I think that you're making a choice to live

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Speaker 3: at home. Your reason for living at home is the

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Speaker 3: same bunch of money. If you want a date, then

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Speaker 3: you have to own that you live at home. Like,

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Speaker 3: I don't know if you I don't think you should

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Speaker 3: let it stop you.

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Speaker 2: No, never do I.

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Speaker 3: And if you think that to date you need to

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Speaker 3: be living out of home, then don't date because you're

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Speaker 3: choosing to live at home.

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Speaker 4: Yeah.

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Speaker 1: And in the confusing ring role, she took us on,

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Speaker 1: or you took us on, she was going on about

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Speaker 1: like not fair. Say, for example, you're living at home

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Speaker 1: and then you want the person you're seeing to be

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Speaker 1: living out at home. Well, that's a bit of a

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Speaker 1: toxic mindset there.

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Speaker 2: Who kid as a fuck?

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Speaker 1: Yeah, if he's doing the same thing, that's honorable too.

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Speaker 1: He's saving for his future.

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Speaker 4: Yeah.

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Speaker 3: I mean so that the house being small and there

390
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Speaker 3: only being one and one living room and you have

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Speaker 3: your own room, I guess you're trying to look like

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Speaker 3: class half full here.

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Speaker 2: You at least could hang out in there.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, but you just got to get them, sorry, You

395
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Speaker 1: just got to make the most of what you've got,

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Speaker 1: sleep there and then go out and get breakfast, go

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Speaker 1: for a walk.

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Speaker 3: But that's again defeating the purpose.

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Speaker 2: So eat and then go for a walk AND's free.

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Speaker 2: It's long you want to I should.

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Speaker 1: The only dilemma with your parents is not being able

402
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Speaker 1: to sleep together because your bed's with your parents' house.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, I also feel like sleep and then leave. Yeah,

404
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Speaker 3: I don't know if there's too much of a dilemma here.

405
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Speaker 2: No, I think how old was she shouldn't say twenty six?

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Speaker 2: Twenty six?

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Speaker 1: Way, it's like, to be fair, if you haven't had

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Speaker 1: a relationship before, it is very daunting. Yeah, yeah, yeah,

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Speaker 1: and like I have learned from it. And like I said,

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Speaker 1: I was like, oh no, don't meant my parents. I remember,

411
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Speaker 1: because my level is the bottom level. I could sneak

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Speaker 1: people around the back.

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Speaker 5: My level.

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Speaker 1: And then they didn't have to meet my parents, because

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Speaker 1: that's what I did. But in hindsight, I should have

416
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Speaker 1: been like, no, you can meet my parents.

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Speaker 5: In the morning.

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Speaker 2: I mean, yeah, why not?

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Speaker 3: Yeah, Like, good way to find out what the person's

420
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Speaker 3: intentions are, because they might be like, oh no, no.

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Speaker 1: No, it's I guess it's tough though, we're thinking she

422
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Speaker 1: wants to date someone for the future. Yeah, she must

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Speaker 1: want to sleep with some people, because why not where

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Speaker 1: I would say, if you want to do that, car.

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Speaker 4: Car, hotel, money.

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Speaker 3: Here's the thing though, was like I think that if

427
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Speaker 3: you're gonna complain about one thing, you can't then also

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Speaker 3: complain about the solution.

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Speaker 2: True, So you don't want to bring a boy home, right,

430
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Speaker 2: let's say.

431
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Speaker 3: I mean, I don't know if she doesn't want it

432
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Speaker 3: or not, Like maybe she's fine with it, but like,

433
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Speaker 3: let's say she doesn't want to bring a boy home.

434
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Speaker 3: So the solution would be, Okay, you either have to

435
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Speaker 3: do it like she said, you have to go out

436
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Speaker 3: and get food together, you have to go out to

437
00:20:10,640 --> 00:20:13,600
Speaker 3: the movies on dates, you have to maybe get a hotel.

438
00:20:14,160 --> 00:20:16,679
Speaker 3: Like those are the solutions to the problem. So you

439
00:20:16,720 --> 00:20:18,080
Speaker 3: can't complain about the solutions.

440
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Speaker 1: Yeah, and I guess too though, like after you're saying

441
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Speaker 1: that there's going to be three or four dates outside

442
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Speaker 1: your house to start to see.

443
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Speaker 2: You don't make a change, You make a choice another

444
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Speaker 2: baddies sign off right there? Yeah, Okay, I like it.

445
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Speaker 2: Good advice.

446
00:20:34,200 --> 00:20:37,000
Speaker 3: So toxic levels are probably at it like a two.

447
00:20:37,160 --> 00:20:38,080
Speaker 2: Yeah, that was very low.

448
00:20:38,160 --> 00:20:40,080
Speaker 1: I think that was more of just the conversation yeah,

449
00:20:42,080 --> 00:20:43,879
Speaker 1: this one's very formal too.

450
00:20:43,800 --> 00:20:44,600
Speaker 2: Mummy and Daddy.

451
00:20:45,840 --> 00:20:50,080
Speaker 1: I think I'm leading my ex on without meaning to. Okay,

452
00:20:50,119 --> 00:20:53,200
Speaker 1: So I have had a very hard time not talking.

453
00:20:52,880 --> 00:20:55,000
Speaker 2: To my ex. We have been ex'es for.

454
00:20:54,960 --> 00:20:58,080
Speaker 1: Around seven years now, and I feel like I'm being

455
00:20:58,240 --> 00:21:01,280
Speaker 1: very toxic towards him. I really enjoy him as a

456
00:21:01,320 --> 00:21:03,480
Speaker 1: friend and I don't want to lose that. But he

457
00:21:03,520 --> 00:21:05,639
Speaker 1: gets very very attached if I talk to him for

458
00:21:05,680 --> 00:21:06,040
Speaker 1: too long.

459
00:21:06,359 --> 00:21:06,600
Speaker 5: E g.

460
00:21:06,840 --> 00:21:09,200
Speaker 1: Replies to all my stories, telling me I am so beautiful,

461
00:21:09,359 --> 00:21:13,000
Speaker 1: calls me a heap, sends me excess, and talks naughty.

462
00:21:13,359 --> 00:21:15,320
Speaker 5: Ooh, must be nice.

463
00:21:15,440 --> 00:21:18,480
Speaker 1: I have told him numerous times that I don't want anything,

464
00:21:18,560 --> 00:21:21,159
Speaker 1: but he insists he wants to meet up with me

465
00:21:21,240 --> 00:21:24,520
Speaker 1: again soon. He seems to have grown and to really

466
00:21:24,560 --> 00:21:26,719
Speaker 1: listen and understand me as a person. I don't know

467
00:21:26,760 --> 00:21:29,720
Speaker 1: how to keep being just friends with him like this,

468
00:21:30,119 --> 00:21:32,280
Speaker 1: but I also don't want to lose him because he

469
00:21:32,359 --> 00:21:33,920
Speaker 1: listens when no one else will.

470
00:21:34,720 --> 00:21:35,200
Speaker 2: I don't know.

471
00:21:35,200 --> 00:21:37,680
Speaker 1: Should I stop talking to him altogether or keep trying

472
00:21:37,680 --> 00:21:39,800
Speaker 1: to be friends with him, knowing I may be leading

473
00:21:39,880 --> 00:21:42,320
Speaker 1: him on if he's keeping if he keeps thinking I'm

474
00:21:42,359 --> 00:21:45,000
Speaker 1: talking to him to date, ps, he's in the army,

475
00:21:45,200 --> 00:21:46,280
Speaker 1: red flag, red flag.

476
00:21:46,840 --> 00:21:50,360
Speaker 2: Love your work, baddie. She read it like a letter.

477
00:21:50,359 --> 00:21:52,000
Speaker 2: I like that, write it like a letter about h

478
00:21:52,119 --> 00:21:52,520
Speaker 2: that's cool.

479
00:21:52,960 --> 00:21:56,880
Speaker 3: Um, so I'm going to say, yes, you are being

480
00:21:56,880 --> 00:21:57,560
Speaker 3: the toxic one.

481
00:21:58,240 --> 00:22:01,720
Speaker 2: Yeah. Wait, he's in the army, red flagged.

482
00:22:01,840 --> 00:22:04,720
Speaker 3: You know what's interesting about this army comment is that

483
00:22:05,440 --> 00:22:08,800
Speaker 3: within the last maybe fifteen to twenty dilemmas that are

484
00:22:08,800 --> 00:22:12,200
Speaker 3: in the most recent ones put in, I saw at

485
00:22:12,320 --> 00:22:15,280
Speaker 3: least like five to six saying something about an army man,

486
00:22:15,720 --> 00:22:17,400
Speaker 3: what's with this influx of army dudes?

487
00:22:17,400 --> 00:22:18,840
Speaker 2: And why are army dudes of red flag?

488
00:22:19,920 --> 00:22:24,879
Speaker 1: They're stereooting our country, stereotypically extremely toxic.

489
00:22:25,240 --> 00:22:28,119
Speaker 2: Really, yeah, army dudes are a stereotyp the type of

490
00:22:28,119 --> 00:22:28,920
Speaker 2: person to go on the army.

491
00:22:28,960 --> 00:22:29,960
Speaker 5: Yeah, stereotypically.

492
00:22:30,400 --> 00:22:31,000
Speaker 3: I didn't know that.

493
00:22:31,000 --> 00:22:35,240
Speaker 2: That's interesting. Yeah, dude, it's toxic. Yeay. Zach Bryan was

494
00:22:35,280 --> 00:22:35,760
Speaker 2: in the army.

495
00:22:36,000 --> 00:22:38,280
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, that's kind of That's actually a good example

496
00:22:38,440 --> 00:22:40,400
Speaker 1: what type of because the type of person to want

497
00:22:40,440 --> 00:22:43,000
Speaker 1: to do said job has to be a little bit

498
00:22:43,840 --> 00:22:46,680
Speaker 1: I don't know, full of themselves not the right word,

499
00:22:46,720 --> 00:22:48,359
Speaker 1: because there are very good people who are in there.

500
00:22:48,200 --> 00:22:49,320
Speaker 2: And need self efficacy.

501
00:22:49,480 --> 00:22:51,800
Speaker 1: Yeah, and I think there's a line that's blurred, especially

502
00:22:51,840 --> 00:22:53,760
Speaker 1: with young men in there a lot of the time,

503
00:22:53,800 --> 00:22:55,760
Speaker 1: and then he'll learn a little bit like I feel

504
00:22:55,760 --> 00:22:56,679
Speaker 1: like they're owed something.

505
00:22:56,840 --> 00:22:58,160
Speaker 2: Yeah, not all of them, don't get me wrong.

506
00:22:58,160 --> 00:23:01,080
Speaker 1: Here's definitely some really good people with them, but I

507
00:23:01,160 --> 00:23:03,199
Speaker 1: think there is a little bit of a stigma there. So,

508
00:23:03,400 --> 00:23:06,520
Speaker 1: but toxicity level is actually very high. I'm giving this

509
00:23:06,560 --> 00:23:14,040
Speaker 1: one like a fucking eight. So you said one line

510
00:23:14,160 --> 00:23:18,119
Speaker 1: which was really really bad. You want to keep You

511
00:23:18,119 --> 00:23:20,560
Speaker 1: don't want to lose him because he listens when no

512
00:23:20,640 --> 00:23:21,640
Speaker 1: one else will.

513
00:23:21,760 --> 00:23:23,080
Speaker 2: You're selfish.

514
00:23:23,560 --> 00:23:27,960
Speaker 1: Ah, she's a baddie, so it's hard to hear, but like, yeah,

515
00:23:28,000 --> 00:23:30,160
Speaker 1: it's selfish and you can't you're.

516
00:23:30,040 --> 00:23:30,640
Speaker 2: Leading him on.

517
00:23:30,680 --> 00:23:33,560
Speaker 1: He obviously knows that you are a baddie and thinks

518
00:23:33,560 --> 00:23:35,399
Speaker 1: the other chance because you keep talking to him and

519
00:23:35,440 --> 00:23:38,240
Speaker 1: you just like that he's around, and it's not fair

520
00:23:38,280 --> 00:23:39,200
Speaker 1: on him.

521
00:23:39,840 --> 00:23:43,679
Speaker 2: Being selfish girl. Yeah, and being toxic. There's there's there's

522
00:23:43,880 --> 00:23:47,560
Speaker 2: right now. Also, she said, I'm unintentionally being toxic.

523
00:23:49,440 --> 00:23:52,119
Speaker 1: I want to show some empathy. It's nice to feel wanted,

524
00:23:54,119 --> 00:23:57,680
Speaker 1: but you have a decision to make right now. There's

525
00:23:57,720 --> 00:24:01,280
Speaker 1: two doors, baddie, close your eyes. There's two doors. One

526
00:24:01,359 --> 00:24:04,840
Speaker 1: door is an army man with his arms wide open

527
00:24:05,359 --> 00:24:07,720
Speaker 1: and he's willing to take you. You can go through

528
00:24:07,760 --> 00:24:10,160
Speaker 1: that door and the door will close forever. The other

529
00:24:10,400 --> 00:24:14,159
Speaker 1: door is no army man and no one there. Your independence.

530
00:24:14,200 --> 00:24:18,000
Speaker 1: You've got to find yourself when you go to evin years.

531
00:24:20,560 --> 00:24:22,720
Speaker 2: Seven years, just remember that. Yeah, yeah, yeah, it's a

532
00:24:22,720 --> 00:24:23,160
Speaker 2: long time.

533
00:24:24,040 --> 00:24:26,320
Speaker 1: So go through either door. You make the decision. But

534
00:24:26,600 --> 00:24:29,800
Speaker 1: as soon as you walk through said door, it closes

535
00:24:29,840 --> 00:24:31,160
Speaker 1: and you can't go back through the other one.

536
00:24:31,880 --> 00:24:32,600
Speaker 2: You're to the dude.

537
00:24:32,640 --> 00:24:34,600
Speaker 1: Even if he is even if he does have technic

538
00:24:34,720 --> 00:24:37,560
Speaker 1: toxic tendencies in any way that we don't know about,

539
00:24:37,720 --> 00:24:39,280
Speaker 1: he's still but he's still a human being at the

540
00:24:39,359 --> 00:24:39,840
Speaker 1: end of the day.

541
00:24:40,240 --> 00:24:43,119
Speaker 2: I tell you what always happens here, though. There becomes

542
00:24:43,119 --> 00:24:43,640
Speaker 2: a point.

543
00:24:43,480 --> 00:24:46,440
Speaker 1: In time where oh, there's no one else out there. Look,

544
00:24:46,640 --> 00:24:48,760
Speaker 1: army man's just over there. Most just go and you settle.

545
00:24:48,880 --> 00:24:51,399
Speaker 1: You don't want to settle because you're not with him

546
00:24:51,440 --> 00:24:53,920
Speaker 1: for a reason. Obviously, it's a good points, good point

547
00:24:54,080 --> 00:24:55,560
Speaker 1: you need to go, you know what to do?

548
00:24:55,640 --> 00:24:58,480
Speaker 3: You know what, I'm very disappointed in you.

549
00:25:00,160 --> 00:25:09,520
Speaker 5: That he's not happy.

550
00:25:10,040 --> 00:25:13,480
Speaker 3: I'm still friends with my ex sister in law. Ex

551
00:25:13,520 --> 00:25:17,000
Speaker 3: sister in law, Okay, hey, guys, love the pod. I

552
00:25:17,040 --> 00:25:19,960
Speaker 3: listen every week. Currently in grad school, so no money

553
00:25:20,000 --> 00:25:22,160
Speaker 3: ha ha, but once I get a job, we'll.

554
00:25:22,000 --> 00:25:23,360
Speaker 2: Definitely subscribe to Patreon.

555
00:25:24,200 --> 00:25:24,440
Speaker 5: Slow.

556
00:25:25,920 --> 00:25:29,120
Speaker 3: Here's the dilemma. I was with my ex from twenty

557
00:25:29,200 --> 00:25:32,240
Speaker 3: nineteen to twenty twenty. It was a toxic and abusive

558
00:25:32,280 --> 00:25:36,480
Speaker 3: relationship that ended horribly. However, through the relationship, I became

559
00:25:36,640 --> 00:25:41,240
Speaker 3: very good friends with his brother's girlfriend. We'll call her Tea,

560
00:25:41,960 --> 00:25:46,240
Speaker 3: his brother will call him Jay, and girlfriend also had

561
00:25:46,240 --> 00:25:49,880
Speaker 3: a child at that time. After we break up, Tea

562
00:25:50,000 --> 00:25:52,880
Speaker 3: tells me she still wants to be friends and wants

563
00:25:52,920 --> 00:25:57,120
Speaker 3: me in her life and her kid's life. Jay apologized

564
00:25:57,160 --> 00:25:59,280
Speaker 3: to me for how his brother treated me and also

565
00:25:59,359 --> 00:26:02,359
Speaker 3: became a good friend to me. We remain friends. So

566
00:26:02,520 --> 00:26:05,080
Speaker 3: we remained friends, and I went to her kid's birthday

567
00:26:05,119 --> 00:26:10,400
Speaker 3: parties and their eventual wedding while friends with T ANDJ.

568
00:26:10,880 --> 00:26:14,919
Speaker 3: I would overhear sorry, I would hear over the years

569
00:26:14,960 --> 00:26:17,840
Speaker 3: that my ex was annoyed that I was still friends

570
00:26:17,880 --> 00:26:21,080
Speaker 3: with them, and it pissed him off. He eventually got

571
00:26:21,080 --> 00:26:24,240
Speaker 3: a new girlfriend and I was still single. At one point,

572
00:26:24,280 --> 00:26:26,360
Speaker 3: he even told me he was still in love with

573
00:26:26,400 --> 00:26:31,119
Speaker 3: me while with his new girlfriend wild behavior. At T

574
00:26:31,320 --> 00:26:34,399
Speaker 3: Andj's wedding, I confronted him and told him he needed

575
00:26:34,400 --> 00:26:37,200
Speaker 3: to grow up and suck it up about being about

576
00:26:37,240 --> 00:26:40,600
Speaker 3: me being at events for T and J and their kids.

577
00:26:41,359 --> 00:26:44,080
Speaker 3: He said that was impossible for him because I reminded

578
00:26:44,119 --> 00:26:46,560
Speaker 3: him of a period of too much pain in his life,

579
00:26:46,600 --> 00:26:49,040
Speaker 3: and he'll never be able to get over me. I

580
00:26:49,119 --> 00:26:52,280
Speaker 3: have gotten married and T was a bridesmaid in my

581
00:26:52,400 --> 00:26:57,359
Speaker 3: wedding and her daughter's my Flower Girls. My husband does

582
00:26:57,400 --> 00:27:00,200
Speaker 3: not care that I'm still friends with T ANDJ. Bye

583
00:27:00,280 --> 00:27:02,920
Speaker 3: the connection to my ex. To clarify, I have had

584
00:27:02,960 --> 00:27:07,360
Speaker 3: no contact with him outside of these events for years now.

585
00:27:07,760 --> 00:27:11,200
Speaker 3: He is refusing to go to his sister's daughter's birthday

586
00:27:11,240 --> 00:27:14,520
Speaker 3: parties and events if he thinks I will be there.

587
00:27:15,119 --> 00:27:18,159
Speaker 3: I can see it affects the older girl when her

588
00:27:18,240 --> 00:27:22,600
Speaker 3: uncle doesn't come, but she is also happy that I'm there.

589
00:27:23,200 --> 00:27:25,480
Speaker 3: T and J have both said my ex is being

590
00:27:25,520 --> 00:27:28,159
Speaker 3: immature and needs to get over it, and he is

591
00:27:28,240 --> 00:27:31,760
Speaker 3: choosing to isolate himself. They want to remain my friend.

592
00:27:32,160 --> 00:27:34,280
Speaker 3: My dilemma is am I in the wrong for still

593
00:27:34,280 --> 00:27:37,280
Speaker 3: being friends with them, for the drama it's causing. Or

594
00:27:37,320 --> 00:27:39,840
Speaker 3: does my ex need to grow up? Could use some

595
00:27:40,000 --> 00:27:42,600
Speaker 3: outside advice slash opinion. Sorry this was long.

596
00:27:42,680 --> 00:27:43,080
Speaker 5: Thank you.

597
00:27:43,800 --> 00:27:47,359
Speaker 1: Damn it's actually really really that's actually really tough. You

598
00:27:47,400 --> 00:27:53,320
Speaker 1: know who the toxic one is? Who Jay's sister for

599
00:27:53,440 --> 00:27:55,360
Speaker 1: continuing to be friends.

600
00:27:55,000 --> 00:27:58,359
Speaker 3: With No, no, no, the boyfriend's sister Jay is his brother.

601
00:27:58,520 --> 00:28:03,719
Speaker 2: Oh okay, sorry, the brothers. So the boyfriend's brother's wife.

602
00:28:03,960 --> 00:28:06,960
Speaker 4: Yeah, yeah, sorry, yeah it is.

603
00:28:07,080 --> 00:28:09,199
Speaker 2: It's it's because it's it's because it's family.

604
00:28:09,760 --> 00:28:13,320
Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, it's I'm trying to think here, like this

605
00:28:13,359 --> 00:28:18,760
Speaker 3: would be right, This would be like if my let's

606
00:28:18,880 --> 00:28:22,160
Speaker 3: just say, okay, no, you're you're close to your brothers.

607
00:28:22,240 --> 00:28:27,119
Speaker 3: I just would be like if your brother's wife just

608
00:28:27,240 --> 00:28:30,360
Speaker 3: wanted to stay friends with Cassie after you guys broke up,

609
00:28:30,600 --> 00:28:33,760
Speaker 3: and she just like and Cassie was at all of

610
00:28:33,800 --> 00:28:37,399
Speaker 3: the all of your nieces and nephew's events at your wedding,

611
00:28:38,080 --> 00:28:39,960
Speaker 3: I actually would be pissed.

612
00:28:41,240 --> 00:28:41,680
Speaker 5: I wouldn't.

613
00:28:41,800 --> 00:28:43,120
Speaker 2: But he's the thing is I actually.

614
00:28:42,840 --> 00:28:44,640
Speaker 3: Wouldn't be pissed at my ex girlfriend.

615
00:28:44,800 --> 00:28:46,920
Speaker 1: No, no, no, no, it's not that he's the dilemma, I

616
00:28:46,920 --> 00:28:49,320
Speaker 1: would be pissed at my brother and his wife.

617
00:28:49,400 --> 00:28:53,400
Speaker 3: Yeah, that's I don't know where we're going with this,

618
00:28:53,480 --> 00:28:54,040
Speaker 3: but I'm.

619
00:28:53,840 --> 00:28:56,880
Speaker 2: Not gonna lie. I semi sympathize.

620
00:28:56,920 --> 00:28:58,760
Speaker 3: I don't like the way he's handling it, right, but

621
00:28:58,800 --> 00:29:03,920
Speaker 3: I semi sympathize with with old mate, even though he

622
00:29:04,120 --> 00:29:06,000
Speaker 3: but like fuck him because he was toxic and abusive

623
00:29:06,040 --> 00:29:11,320
Speaker 3: and shit like fucking for that. But but yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

624
00:29:11,200 --> 00:29:12,800
Speaker 2: Yeah, But he's a question as well.

625
00:29:12,800 --> 00:29:15,640
Speaker 3: It was like, I guess for the first couple of years,

626
00:29:15,640 --> 00:29:18,880
Speaker 3: I'm livid, but then like, at what point do you

627
00:29:18,960 --> 00:29:21,000
Speaker 3: just be like whatever, like he is.

628
00:29:21,240 --> 00:29:22,800
Speaker 2: I think that's Karen on a bit.

629
00:29:23,160 --> 00:29:28,160
Speaker 3: I think that for the first two years that your

630
00:29:28,240 --> 00:29:32,120
Speaker 3: friend T and Jay, your ex boyfriend's brother, they were

631
00:29:32,160 --> 00:29:34,160
Speaker 3: sort of the ones that, like Sam, you were at

632
00:29:34,200 --> 00:29:37,120
Speaker 3: fault for actually bringing you into this, Like you're not

633
00:29:37,200 --> 00:29:39,640
Speaker 3: the reason there's drama. They are the reason there's drama.

634
00:29:39,800 --> 00:29:42,160
Speaker 3: And let's be real, your boyfriend being a fucking assholes

635
00:29:42,160 --> 00:29:44,360
Speaker 3: also the reason there's drama. But like you know, besides

636
00:29:44,360 --> 00:29:48,080
Speaker 3: the fact, but like year three onwards, your ex boyfriend

637
00:29:48,120 --> 00:29:49,960
Speaker 3: just needs to stop being a fucking dickhead.

638
00:29:50,040 --> 00:29:52,480
Speaker 2: Yeah, he three is plenty of like a year, yeah,

639
00:29:52,600 --> 00:29:53,840
Speaker 2: even after a year.

640
00:29:53,720 --> 00:29:56,360
Speaker 3: For real, like you know what I mean.

641
00:29:56,920 --> 00:29:58,960
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, yeah, it is what it is. It's hard,

642
00:29:59,040 --> 00:30:00,000
Speaker 2: like it's just.

643
00:30:01,920 --> 00:30:05,280
Speaker 3: Yeah, like I sympathize for everyone in this situation of

644
00:30:05,320 --> 00:30:06,920
Speaker 3: for me and honest with you, because T can be

645
00:30:06,960 --> 00:30:07,440
Speaker 3: friends with T.

646
00:30:07,560 --> 00:30:09,600
Speaker 2: Wants to be friends. Yeah, yeah, exactly.

647
00:30:10,280 --> 00:30:12,400
Speaker 3: So I think that where I'm getting with this though,

648
00:30:12,600 --> 00:30:16,680
Speaker 3: is as of this point in time, your ex boyfriend

649
00:30:16,720 --> 00:30:18,320
Speaker 3: is a toxic one and he needs to get over it.

650
00:30:18,880 --> 00:30:20,360
Speaker 2: So I think keep doing what you doing. I don't

651
00:30:20,400 --> 00:30:20,800
Speaker 2: give a fuck.

652
00:30:20,880 --> 00:30:22,920
Speaker 1: I agree with that conclusion. I would be pissed for

653
00:30:22,960 --> 00:30:25,640
Speaker 1: the first year, but with the circumstances.

654
00:30:25,240 --> 00:30:27,560
Speaker 2: At hand, I would agree with that, And yeah, just

655
00:30:27,640 --> 00:30:28,360
Speaker 2: keep doing your thing.

656
00:30:29,360 --> 00:30:31,240
Speaker 1: It's happened. It's happened, so deal with it. And like

657
00:30:31,520 --> 00:30:36,440
Speaker 1: obviously it's been so long fucking time to get over it. Also, yeah,

658
00:30:36,440 --> 00:30:37,240
Speaker 1: he's been a little.

659
00:30:37,040 --> 00:30:39,240
Speaker 3: Bit of a sook, Yeah, especially because you haven't spoken

660
00:30:39,280 --> 00:30:41,720
Speaker 3: to him since T and Jay's wedding, where you just

661
00:30:41,720 --> 00:30:43,200
Speaker 3: said stop in a fucking.

662
00:30:42,880 --> 00:30:44,240
Speaker 2: Dickhead mindset shift.

663
00:30:44,320 --> 00:30:48,719
Speaker 1: She was devoted because the two kids, the nieces and nephews,

664
00:30:48,720 --> 00:30:49,800
Speaker 1: don't get to see their uncle.

665
00:30:50,000 --> 00:30:52,240
Speaker 2: Oh Yeah. Now she feels like no, no, no, no, but

666
00:30:52,480 --> 00:30:53,360
Speaker 2: mindset shift.

667
00:30:53,800 --> 00:30:57,240
Speaker 1: Good that he's not there because he's he's a toxic, abusive.

668
00:30:56,880 --> 00:30:59,120
Speaker 2: Man, fucking valid.

669
00:30:59,120 --> 00:31:01,560
Speaker 1: Don't want that role model their lives doing. Yeah, cut

670
00:31:01,600 --> 00:31:03,920
Speaker 1: them out. You've actually done really good by them.

671
00:31:04,520 --> 00:31:07,160
Speaker 3: You're doing a service for the children.

672
00:31:07,280 --> 00:31:16,680
Speaker 2: Yeah, go, Baddie exactly. I like that. That's a good point.

673
00:31:16,840 --> 00:31:20,320
Speaker 1: All right, Baddi's interjecting, as you know, and if you

674
00:31:20,360 --> 00:31:22,600
Speaker 1: don't go back and listen. We just recently run a

675
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Speaker 1: campaign the Baddest Baddie Yes, and the two winners have

676
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677
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678
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Speaker 3: They get four adreads, so here they are. Okay, we

679
00:31:32,720 --> 00:31:37,280
Speaker 3: talk about relationships, dilemmas, and hot fantasy novels, but something

680
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681
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Speaker 3: Baddie Sarah is doing just that. She's written a book

682
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683
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684
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Speaker 3: tough and some easy strategies to help you through even better.

685
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Speaker 1: It's more of a journal than a book because you

686
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Speaker 1: get to write through it and customize it to match you.

687
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688
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689
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690
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691
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692
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693
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694
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700
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702
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703
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704
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705
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706
00:33:05,160 --> 00:33:07,040
Speaker 1: more about the conditions and.

707
00:33:07,040 --> 00:33:09,400
Speaker 2: Baddies These baddies doing cool stuff.

708
00:33:09,480 --> 00:33:12,360
Speaker 1: Support him if you want to and stay bad alrighty

709
00:33:12,920 --> 00:33:16,440
Speaker 1: title to stay or not to stay at least question

710
00:33:16,520 --> 00:33:20,080
Speaker 1: mark ex Actually actually not, I don't think it's that toxic.

711
00:33:21,200 --> 00:33:22,880
Speaker 1: My boyfriend and I have been in a long term

712
00:33:22,920 --> 00:33:25,240
Speaker 1: relationship coming on two plus years.

713
00:33:25,320 --> 00:33:26,840
Speaker 2: Everything has been going.

714
00:33:26,560 --> 00:33:30,760
Speaker 1: Well so far, but we have reached a fork in

715
00:33:30,880 --> 00:33:35,200
Speaker 1: the road for our own personal reasons. We may be

716
00:33:35,360 --> 00:33:37,920
Speaker 1: going separate ways at the end of this year. He

717
00:33:38,080 --> 00:33:40,160
Speaker 1: is staying in the state for his career, and I'm

718
00:33:40,200 --> 00:33:43,280
Speaker 1: moving into state to be closer with family. I've always

719
00:33:43,280 --> 00:33:46,240
Speaker 1: been a family over everything. Gau and I have always

720
00:33:46,240 --> 00:33:49,000
Speaker 1: wanted to go back. I think he knew that. I

721
00:33:49,000 --> 00:33:51,920
Speaker 1: had hoped we would maybe figure out something and maybe

722
00:33:51,920 --> 00:33:54,440
Speaker 1: we would still be together, but it doesn't feel possible

723
00:33:54,520 --> 00:33:58,040
Speaker 1: right now. I completely understand and respect his reason for

724
00:33:58,160 --> 00:34:01,680
Speaker 1: not moving with me. His best career prospects are here,

725
00:34:02,200 --> 00:34:06,160
Speaker 1: so it makes sense logically, but emotionally I am struggling

726
00:34:06,160 --> 00:34:09,880
Speaker 1: to understand or process that he's chosen career over me.

727
00:34:10,280 --> 00:34:12,759
Speaker 1: I had always factored him into my future plans and

728
00:34:12,840 --> 00:34:15,320
Speaker 1: hence was always freaking out about this and when the

729
00:34:15,400 --> 00:34:17,680
Speaker 1: day would come, He, on the other hand, seems so

730
00:34:17,760 --> 00:34:19,759
Speaker 1: calm about it, to the point I wonder if this

731
00:34:19,960 --> 00:34:22,400
Speaker 1: was his plan all along and maybe he has already

732
00:34:22,440 --> 00:34:26,120
Speaker 1: prepped himself for the hurt. I feel a bit blindsided

733
00:34:26,120 --> 00:34:28,800
Speaker 1: by it all. Now my dilemma is whether to stay

734
00:34:28,880 --> 00:34:31,360
Speaker 1: together knowing we would end things at the end of

735
00:34:31,400 --> 00:34:34,280
Speaker 1: the year so at least we can continue making memories,

736
00:34:34,320 --> 00:34:36,920
Speaker 1: et cetera together, or should we end things now if

737
00:34:37,000 --> 00:34:39,839
Speaker 1: we know is not likely to progress. Would it save

738
00:34:39,920 --> 00:34:42,239
Speaker 1: the hurt or would I be left wondering if I

739
00:34:42,360 --> 00:34:43,879
Speaker 1: ended things and gave up too soon?

740
00:34:43,960 --> 00:34:45,400
Speaker 2: By the way, love you guys.

741
00:34:47,040 --> 00:34:50,520
Speaker 3: Ah, yeah, wow.

742
00:34:52,960 --> 00:34:53,600
Speaker 2: I reckon.

743
00:34:55,040 --> 00:34:56,719
Speaker 3: If you're hell being on going home and he's help

744
00:34:56,719 --> 00:34:58,239
Speaker 3: being on staying in that state and you don't want

745
00:34:58,280 --> 00:35:00,319
Speaker 3: to do long distance, gotta break up now?

746
00:35:01,520 --> 00:35:06,839
Speaker 1: Yeah, I also feel this might maybe make you feel

747
00:35:06,880 --> 00:35:10,720
Speaker 1: a little bit better. So you think he has mentally

748
00:35:10,719 --> 00:35:15,800
Speaker 1: prepared for this and he doesn't feel hurt. I would

749
00:35:15,840 --> 00:35:19,160
Speaker 1: say that's how he copes. He doesn't want to see

750
00:35:19,440 --> 00:35:22,080
Speaker 1: that he's hurting, doesn't.

751
00:35:21,840 --> 00:35:22,600
Speaker 2: Want you to see it.

752
00:35:22,880 --> 00:35:25,399
Speaker 1: Yeah, so you don't have to jump to conclusions there.

753
00:35:25,440 --> 00:35:28,920
Speaker 1: He might not know how to convey that he's actually hurting,

754
00:35:28,920 --> 00:35:30,480
Speaker 1: and that's his way of coping. He doesn't want to

755
00:35:30,480 --> 00:35:34,120
Speaker 1: see anyone around him knowing that he's hurting. But yeah,

756
00:35:34,200 --> 00:35:36,040
Speaker 1: I agree with JK. I just sit down and have

757
00:35:36,080 --> 00:35:39,600
Speaker 1: a conversation black and white. Do you see us coming

758
00:35:39,640 --> 00:35:42,520
Speaker 1: to a solution within a year? And if he says no,

759
00:35:42,880 --> 00:35:44,239
Speaker 1: ask to put him on the spot, maybe give him

760
00:35:44,239 --> 00:35:45,480
Speaker 1: three days to think, because it is quite a big

761
00:35:45,520 --> 00:35:47,239
Speaker 1: decision and you still love each other.

762
00:35:47,239 --> 00:35:52,439
Speaker 2: Apparently, I don't know. I mean, I guess it should

763
00:35:52,480 --> 00:35:54,920
Speaker 2: be yes or no, shouldn't it? I agree. I think

764
00:35:54,920 --> 00:35:55,719
Speaker 2: it's a tough one.

765
00:35:55,760 --> 00:35:58,719
Speaker 3: I think it's tough to hear that he wants to

766
00:35:58,719 --> 00:36:00,400
Speaker 3: put his career over being with you.

767
00:36:00,960 --> 00:36:01,439
Speaker 2: Very tough.

768
00:36:03,800 --> 00:36:08,200
Speaker 3: I think more communicated. Hindsight's a bitch.

769
00:36:08,280 --> 00:36:08,640
Speaker 5: Whatever.

770
00:36:08,719 --> 00:36:12,360
Speaker 3: Yeah, monarchy milk became more communication. You know in the past,

771
00:36:12,360 --> 00:36:15,359
Speaker 3: could have made a bit better now, but maybe not.

772
00:36:15,440 --> 00:36:16,080
Speaker 2: Who knows.

773
00:36:16,200 --> 00:36:17,400
Speaker 5: That's all speculative.

774
00:36:18,880 --> 00:36:21,359
Speaker 2: So I think.

775
00:36:21,120 --> 00:36:24,400
Speaker 3: That if again, you're definitely going home to family and

776
00:36:24,440 --> 00:36:29,279
Speaker 3: he's definitely staying in the city, then I would say

777
00:36:29,280 --> 00:36:31,960
Speaker 3: you need to break up now, why I stay together

778
00:36:32,040 --> 00:36:35,600
Speaker 3: and make more memories when you know you're going to break.

779
00:36:35,480 --> 00:36:37,560
Speaker 1: Up, agreed, and don't let him leave you on and

780
00:36:37,560 --> 00:36:38,960
Speaker 1: be like, oh, maybe I'll see what happens at the

781
00:36:39,040 --> 00:36:39,400
Speaker 1: end of the year.

782
00:36:39,440 --> 00:36:40,120
Speaker 2: Don't let that happen.

783
00:36:40,160 --> 00:36:40,320
Speaker 5: To you.

784
00:36:41,200 --> 00:36:42,239
Speaker 3: Nah, yeah, I don't do that.

785
00:36:42,600 --> 00:36:45,520
Speaker 1: Yeah, I think you need to make make the call now.

786
00:36:45,960 --> 00:36:48,560
Speaker 1: I would say, tell him everything you've told us, how

787
00:36:48,560 --> 00:36:51,880
Speaker 1: you feel, tell him that you're moving and I know

788
00:36:51,840 --> 00:36:53,799
Speaker 1: it is for me, And do you see a world

789
00:36:53,800 --> 00:36:54,600
Speaker 1: where this could work?

790
00:36:54,680 --> 00:36:56,400
Speaker 2: And if he says no, then leave.

791
00:36:56,480 --> 00:37:00,000
Speaker 3: Yeah, and then future relationships if you're in a similar situation.

792
00:37:00,080 --> 00:37:01,879
Speaker 3: And just when you leave family, just say I would

793
00:37:01,880 --> 00:37:03,040
Speaker 3: always like to come back to a family.

794
00:37:03,080 --> 00:37:06,120
Speaker 2: It's actually a big problem. A lot of people do this. Hey.

795
00:37:06,200 --> 00:37:08,799
Speaker 1: So they got into the relationship knowing that this was

796
00:37:08,800 --> 00:37:11,319
Speaker 1: going to happen. Oh really, yeah, she said, we knew

797
00:37:11,360 --> 00:37:13,920
Speaker 1: this was going to happen eventually, and now it's come

798
00:37:14,000 --> 00:37:14,879
Speaker 1: to and a half years later.

799
00:37:14,960 --> 00:37:16,920
Speaker 2: Oh and now they're talking about it. Yeah, you need

800
00:37:16,920 --> 00:37:17,200
Speaker 2: to talk.

801
00:37:17,280 --> 00:37:19,920
Speaker 3: You people that just sweet things under the rug with

802
00:37:20,040 --> 00:37:21,960
Speaker 3: the hopes that it would just work out for them,

803
00:37:22,000 --> 00:37:23,600
Speaker 3: But they've both stayed to the path they said they'd

804
00:37:23,600 --> 00:37:23,960
Speaker 3: stay too.

805
00:37:24,080 --> 00:37:25,560
Speaker 2: Yeah. A big one is kids.

806
00:37:26,120 --> 00:37:27,719
Speaker 1: People were like, oh, you're so perfect, and one of

807
00:37:27,760 --> 00:37:29,040
Speaker 1: them was like, oh, I don't want to have kids,

808
00:37:29,040 --> 00:37:30,360
Speaker 1: and the other one's like I do, I do, I do?

809
00:37:30,440 --> 00:37:32,600
Speaker 1: And then like five years down the track, they're like oh,

810
00:37:32,640 --> 00:37:34,200
Speaker 1: I thought you'd change your mind. I told you five

811
00:37:34,239 --> 00:37:36,480
Speaker 1: years ago that I don't want kids and said, yeah, yeah, damn,

812
00:37:36,560 --> 00:37:38,080
Speaker 1: I thought you were changing fucking hell.

813
00:37:38,120 --> 00:37:39,880
Speaker 3: Or like or like if a man wanted to get

814
00:37:39,920 --> 00:37:41,319
Speaker 3: married one day and then she's like, no, I don't,

815
00:37:41,320 --> 00:37:42,520
Speaker 3: I don't ever want to get married, and one day

816
00:37:42,520 --> 00:37:44,360
Speaker 3: it gets down on one day and she's like, no,

817
00:37:44,400 --> 00:37:44,719
Speaker 3: I told.

818
00:37:44,640 --> 00:37:45,479
Speaker 5: You I don't want to get married.

819
00:37:45,640 --> 00:37:48,239
Speaker 3: It's like he literally just didn't listen to you.

820
00:37:48,360 --> 00:37:48,560
Speaker 2: Yeah.

821
00:37:48,600 --> 00:37:50,040
Speaker 4: I feel like a lot of people do that.

822
00:37:50,080 --> 00:37:51,160
Speaker 2: They hear what they want to hear.

823
00:37:51,320 --> 00:37:53,400
Speaker 1: They think they can change someone's mind, which is a

824
00:37:53,440 --> 00:37:55,359
Speaker 1: very respectful yeah, and you do it.

825
00:37:55,840 --> 00:38:03,279
Speaker 3: You do it subconsciously sometimes, and I disagree.

826
00:38:02,800 --> 00:38:04,719
Speaker 1: You reckon they can they make a conscious decision that

827
00:38:04,719 --> 00:38:07,680
Speaker 1: they're going to change their mind. I think that's toxic,

828
00:38:07,760 --> 00:38:09,880
Speaker 1: level of ten toxicity, right, I think that they make.

829
00:38:09,760 --> 00:38:11,799
Speaker 3: A conscious decision to not talk about.

830
00:38:11,560 --> 00:38:13,920
Speaker 2: It or true true. Yeah, I don't know.

831
00:38:14,000 --> 00:38:15,520
Speaker 1: I also I don't know why you'd want to be

832
00:38:15,520 --> 00:38:17,759
Speaker 1: with someone who, like if if my fabe's on a

833
00:38:17,760 --> 00:38:19,560
Speaker 1: first date and I knew one when I was like,

834
00:38:19,560 --> 00:38:21,000
Speaker 1: oh yeah, in about a year or two, I want

835
00:38:21,040 --> 00:38:23,600
Speaker 1: to move back Inland. Twelve hours away to be in

836
00:38:23,640 --> 00:38:25,120
Speaker 1: my family, and they said, no, I could never do that.

837
00:38:25,480 --> 00:38:26,560
Speaker 4: Well I'm walking away.

838
00:38:27,200 --> 00:38:27,879
Speaker 5: Yeah, no for real.

839
00:38:28,239 --> 00:38:29,960
Speaker 2: Yeah, well this is going to wear because's where I'm going.

840
00:38:30,040 --> 00:38:31,360
Speaker 4: Yeah.

841
00:38:31,600 --> 00:38:33,440
Speaker 3: I did see ononderlamer that I didn't choose and it

842
00:38:33,520 --> 00:38:36,839
Speaker 3: was about about it that she doesn't want children. Yeah,

843
00:38:36,840 --> 00:38:38,600
Speaker 3: which is fine, like it is your choice, your life,

844
00:38:38,600 --> 00:38:43,360
Speaker 3: your choice. And she said that she's a lot of

845
00:38:43,400 --> 00:38:44,960
Speaker 3: people will say things like you know, you'll want them

846
00:38:44,960 --> 00:38:46,360
Speaker 3: when you find the right guy, and she's like, no,

847
00:38:46,400 --> 00:38:46,560
Speaker 3: I just.

848
00:38:46,520 --> 00:38:47,400
Speaker 2: Don't want kids.

849
00:38:48,480 --> 00:38:51,640
Speaker 3: And she said, well, so my question is is like,

850
00:38:51,680 --> 00:38:54,640
Speaker 3: when's the best time to tell someone, And like literally

851
00:38:54,680 --> 00:38:55,600
Speaker 3: on a first date.

852
00:38:55,800 --> 00:38:56,760
Speaker 2: Potentially before.

853
00:38:58,560 --> 00:39:00,719
Speaker 1: I feel like what people would do do with that

854
00:39:00,880 --> 00:39:03,719
Speaker 1: is they have a mindset that they've made up in

855
00:39:03,760 --> 00:39:06,279
Speaker 1: their head, but they're terrible at voicing that. So on

856
00:39:06,320 --> 00:39:08,319
Speaker 1: a first day they're like, oh, look, I don't really

857
00:39:08,320 --> 00:39:10,080
Speaker 1: see kids in my future, and then to the person

858
00:39:10,120 --> 00:39:12,000
Speaker 1: of the date says, oh, they're kind of like unknown

859
00:39:12,000 --> 00:39:12,439
Speaker 1: about kids.

860
00:39:12,480 --> 00:39:13,480
Speaker 2: Maybe I can change their mind.

861
00:39:13,600 --> 00:39:16,200
Speaker 1: Yeah, you's got to be confident and assert yourself from

862
00:39:16,239 --> 00:39:16,520
Speaker 1: the start.

863
00:39:16,560 --> 00:39:18,719
Speaker 3: I guess, Yeah, you're just gonna say who you are,

864
00:39:18,760 --> 00:39:19,839
Speaker 3: what you're gonna do with your life.

865
00:39:19,880 --> 00:39:21,439
Speaker 1: And I feel like this is a good learning curve,

866
00:39:21,480 --> 00:39:24,040
Speaker 1: like especially if it doesn't work out, like, be true

867
00:39:24,080 --> 00:39:24,960
Speaker 1: to who you are at the start.

868
00:39:25,200 --> 00:39:27,040
Speaker 2: Don't beat around the bush. Everyone loves the better around

869
00:39:27,040 --> 00:39:29,480
Speaker 2: the bush. I love being around the bush. Yeah it's easy,

870
00:39:29,640 --> 00:39:31,960
Speaker 2: big found have been around the bush. Yeah, get that

871
00:39:32,000 --> 00:39:36,880
Speaker 2: bloody whipper snippery opp al Right, baddies, that's the end

872
00:39:36,880 --> 00:39:37,920
Speaker 2: of dilemmas on Spotify.

873
00:39:37,920 --> 00:39:40,520
Speaker 4: We're going to do way well.

874
00:39:40,520 --> 00:39:43,040
Speaker 2: I got a shorty okay, I got a shorty.

875
00:39:42,719 --> 00:39:46,359
Speaker 1: Bit of Battie for the free episodes before we get

876
00:39:46,360 --> 00:39:49,000
Speaker 1: the Patreon because it's short and kind of funny.

877
00:39:49,600 --> 00:39:50,080
Speaker 4: Quick one.

878
00:39:50,520 --> 00:39:52,680
Speaker 1: My husband travels for work and when he comes home

879
00:39:52,760 --> 00:39:55,839
Speaker 1: from an overseas flight, he refuses to just shower when

880
00:39:55,840 --> 00:39:59,279
Speaker 1: coming home. What he would say, He's going to shower

881
00:39:59,360 --> 00:40:01,319
Speaker 1: the next day after he goes to the gym. I

882
00:40:01,360 --> 00:40:03,879
Speaker 1: find that really gross with germs and travel bug. We've

883
00:40:03,880 --> 00:40:06,040
Speaker 1: had three fights before and he would just shower after

884
00:40:06,120 --> 00:40:09,440
Speaker 1: I express my wage. I can't say rage, rage, but

885
00:40:09,520 --> 00:40:12,600
Speaker 1: after having two kids and a relationship, this is no

886
00:40:12,680 --> 00:40:15,520
Speaker 1: longer something I can take. He seems to not care

887
00:40:15,560 --> 00:40:16,360
Speaker 1: about his cleanliness.

888
00:40:16,480 --> 00:40:17,000
Speaker 2: Is it just me?

889
00:40:17,680 --> 00:40:19,319
Speaker 1: Or I just find it really really gross? Is this

890
00:40:19,400 --> 00:40:22,719
Speaker 1: all men? Why are male gender is so unclean? How

891
00:40:22,719 --> 00:40:24,320
Speaker 1: do I sit down and talk to him about this

892
00:40:24,360 --> 00:40:25,600
Speaker 1: without getting a divorced.

893
00:40:26,920 --> 00:40:27,880
Speaker 3: Ultimatum?

894
00:40:29,040 --> 00:40:30,040
Speaker 4: Yeah, that's pretty chat.

895
00:40:30,120 --> 00:40:32,440
Speaker 3: He doesn't shower after a flight.

896
00:40:32,640 --> 00:40:34,480
Speaker 4: I reckon, that's disgusting. Yeah, that's not on.

897
00:40:35,480 --> 00:40:36,320
Speaker 3: Yeah.

898
00:40:36,400 --> 00:40:38,160
Speaker 2: Yeah. And also that's so easy.

899
00:40:38,200 --> 00:40:40,520
Speaker 1: It's not like you're like asking him, like the most

900
00:40:40,719 --> 00:40:42,759
Speaker 1: hard thing to do ever, I shower. It takes thirty

901
00:40:42,800 --> 00:40:43,600
Speaker 1: seconds if you want to.

902
00:40:43,719 --> 00:40:48,160
Speaker 3: So for me, it's the craziest thing that someone chooses

903
00:40:48,320 --> 00:40:48,960
Speaker 3: to be dirty.

904
00:40:49,000 --> 00:40:50,719
Speaker 1: Don't get in my bed day, I would say, if

905
00:40:50,760 --> 00:40:52,560
Speaker 1: you know, you could say that if you because if

906
00:40:52,560 --> 00:40:54,439
Speaker 1: he's perfect otherwise, be like sure, if you're not gonna shower,

907
00:40:54,440 --> 00:40:55,480
Speaker 1: you can sleep on the fucking couch.

908
00:40:55,640 --> 00:40:56,719
Speaker 2: Yeah, get your own room.

909
00:40:56,800 --> 00:40:58,880
Speaker 3: Yeah, get us a bigger house with your own room.

910
00:40:58,960 --> 00:41:00,759
Speaker 2: Yeah, you can do that. I don't know.

911
00:41:00,880 --> 00:41:02,919
Speaker 1: I used to hate as a kid when people come

912
00:41:02,920 --> 00:41:04,560
Speaker 1: over and sit on my like not sit on my bed,

913
00:41:04,600 --> 00:41:06,279
Speaker 1: like lay on my bed with like their shoes and shit, Like,

914
00:41:06,280 --> 00:41:07,200
Speaker 1: get the fuck off my bed. E.

915
00:41:09,800 --> 00:41:12,000
Speaker 2: That's funny, that's crazy.

916
00:41:12,480 --> 00:41:15,319
Speaker 1: Bo a little quickie there. But as Jake was going

917
00:41:15,360 --> 00:41:18,080
Speaker 1: on to say, Batties. If you want the extended version

918
00:41:18,080 --> 00:41:20,399
Speaker 1: of Dilemmas, there's two more over there. Patreon is where

919
00:41:20,400 --> 00:41:20,839
Speaker 1: it's at Jake.

920
00:41:20,880 --> 00:41:21,520
Speaker 4: For how much?

921
00:41:22,239 --> 00:41:24,560
Speaker 1: Nine and nine a month, you get the extended version

922
00:41:24,600 --> 00:41:26,439
Speaker 1: of Dilemmas, You get the book club early. You also

923
00:41:26,480 --> 00:41:29,560
Speaker 1: get an exclusive episode an hour long every single week

924
00:41:29,600 --> 00:41:32,640
Speaker 1: where the batter community is going absolutely insane.

925
00:41:33,000 --> 00:41:37,000
Speaker 3: Yeah, and guys, if we get to two thousand paid

926
00:41:37,080 --> 00:41:42,000
Speaker 3: Patreon members, Addie is going to let me throw an.

927
00:41:41,800 --> 00:41:43,040
Speaker 2: Egg at his back.

928
00:41:43,480 --> 00:41:47,600
Speaker 1: And if we get to two thousand Patreon members, Jake

929
00:41:47,800 --> 00:41:51,480
Speaker 1: will let me put spiders all over him.

930
00:41:51,760 --> 00:41:55,600
Speaker 2: What's that's like twenty thousand. No, that's like twenty two thousand.

931
00:41:55,800 --> 00:41:57,320
Speaker 4: That's making a lot of money for us, Jake, and

932
00:41:57,400 --> 00:41:57,680
Speaker 4: do it.

933
00:41:58,880 --> 00:42:01,920
Speaker 2: I will, I will. Okay, if we when we get

934
00:42:01,960 --> 00:42:03,479
Speaker 2: to five thousand, all.

935
00:42:03,480 --> 00:42:06,000
Speaker 4: Right, five thousand Patreon members, I.

936
00:42:05,840 --> 00:42:07,879
Speaker 3: Will go to the reptile Park.

937
00:42:07,920 --> 00:42:09,560
Speaker 1: Now I'm gonna I'm gonna get one of those Sparta

938
00:42:09,640 --> 00:42:10,719
Speaker 1: handlers to come to hea.

939
00:42:10,880 --> 00:42:11,759
Speaker 2: Okay, yeah, come here.

940
00:42:11,800 --> 00:42:14,080
Speaker 1: And they got to put like three tranchers over you

941
00:42:14,120 --> 00:42:15,160
Speaker 1: and you can't do anything about it.

942
00:42:15,600 --> 00:42:19,040
Speaker 3: No, no, no, yeah, no three one three one three

943
00:42:19,120 --> 00:42:22,160
Speaker 3: one five one five one no on one.

944
00:42:22,080 --> 00:42:22,920
Speaker 4: Think of the clip you need.

945
00:42:22,960 --> 00:42:24,640
Speaker 2: Three, I'm doing one.

946
00:42:24,680 --> 00:42:27,919
Speaker 4: Five, I'm it is one.

947
00:42:28,040 --> 00:42:30,759
Speaker 1: It all starts on Patreon, will continue this debate over there,

948
00:42:31,000 --> 00:42:42,840
Speaker 1: and we'll settle with three one