Speaker 1: I want the fairy tale. I want the prince charming.
Speaker 2: She how do I put this? Isn't a fan of
Speaker 2: my kissing style.
Speaker 1: With the boyfriend and girlfriend for about twelve hours. He's
Speaker 1: in a trash bit. He's non recyclable catching them.
Speaker 2: I love being love. I love love. On today's episode
Speaker 2: of Where's Your Head we are discussing catfishing. Stay tuned
Speaker 2: as we talk about online dating, heavy filters, and being
Speaker 2: tricked online.
Speaker 3: Where's Your Head at is a podcast that talks all
Speaker 3: things relationships, breakups, reality TV, trending shows, and everything in between.
Speaker 2: This is your new go to destination for laughs, gossip,
Speaker 2: intimate details, advice, and much more.
Speaker 3: Good morning, Matty, I know how are you going today?
Speaker 3: I'm going really good. I was up so late last
Speaker 3: night because I am absolutely addicted to this new Netflix series.
Speaker 3: It's called The Girlfriend Who Didn't Exist?
Speaker 1: Have you heard of it?
Speaker 2: I actually flicked past that a couple of days ago
Speaker 2: when I was trying to find something to watch on Netflix.
Speaker 2: I didn't click on it. I think I settled for
Speaker 2: some sort.
Speaker 3: Of horror ME highly recommend, like, definitely go watch it.
Speaker 3: If you're listening, go check it out. It was so
Speaker 3: interesting to me. I just like had to finish it
Speaker 3: last night. Like me and Michael, we were fully hooked.
Speaker 2: So I love that when you find a show that, yeah,
Speaker 2: when you're watching it, well, what's it about.
Speaker 3: It's about this guy called Mantaiiteo. He's a college football star.
Speaker 3: He's absolutely loved and he has this amazing girlfriend who
Speaker 3: he's obsessed with, but he's never met her, and not
Speaker 3: no one knows that he hasn't met her. And it
Speaker 3: turns out he's actually been catfish and it takes a
Speaker 3: really dark turn and everyone turns on him, like all
Speaker 3: of the football fans turn on him, and it was
Speaker 3: really sad and super interesting to see.
Speaker 1: Because I watching it, I was.
Speaker 3: Just thinking, like, if he was a girl, I feel
Speaker 3: like you wouldn't have got this level of backlash. So
Speaker 3: it's a really interesting watch. Give it a whirl.
Speaker 2: I'm definitely going to put it on my watch list.
Speaker 2: We're watching Yellow Jackets at the moment, so after that,
Speaker 2: Jen and I will watch that. I'm interested to see
Speaker 2: what it's like. But speaking about getting catfished and all that,
Speaker 2: that triggered a memory that I had actually, so you
Speaker 2: know how I've been well, you know how I was
Speaker 2: talking to Jen for like six years. Yeah Instagram, we're
Speaker 2: on and off chatting.
Speaker 1: But you never met. You just followed each other.
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, we just followed each other. Actually, funnily enough,
Speaker 2: we say how we did not cross paths. There was
Speaker 2: a lot of times that we would have and I'm
Speaker 2: sure we did but didn't know. So weird, so weird.
Speaker 2: But after all that, we finally arranged to meet up
Speaker 2: with each other. And it's funny, you say, it's because
Speaker 2: we actually we had our one year of meeting each
Speaker 2: other a couple while back now, and we went back
Speaker 2: to the same spot and we did the exact same
Speaker 2: thing we did. We went and got app roles and
Speaker 2: walked around the botanical gardens. Again. Yeah, it just had
Speaker 2: like a cute moment together. But I remember when I
Speaker 2: was walking up to her and to get the drinks.
Speaker 2: So you know, the usual thing where the girl or
Speaker 2: the guy sends her the number, you've got their phone number,
Speaker 2: you're calling them, you're trying to see where there are
Speaker 2: there's heaps of people arend.
Speaker 1: I hate that moment.
Speaker 3: It's so awkward, like uncomfortable, like the thirty seconds before
Speaker 3: you actually become face to like come face to face,
Speaker 3: it's so awkward.
Speaker 2: And I've got the better one when you actually spot
Speaker 2: them from a distance and you're walking over to each
Speaker 2: other and you have to just act like, you know,
Speaker 2: like you're comfortable walking and you're like like every step
Speaker 2: and it's really awkward. You look at the look at them.
Speaker 2: Don't make your cringe.
Speaker 1: Yeah, making you cringe so bad.
Speaker 2: But when I called her and she's like, I'm outside
Speaker 2: of onot near the training and I'm like, okay, I'm
Speaker 2: walking over now. I'm like, ol, do you want me
Speaker 2: to pick up drinks? We're just chatting on the phone.
Speaker 2: Do you want to pick up drinks? Like, no way,
Speaker 2: we'll get them together, blah blah. And I'm looking and
Speaker 2: there's a girl in front of me on the phone
Speaker 2: and I was like, oh.
Speaker 1: No, he looks totally different.
Speaker 2: It's completely different. So it's the saying but not Jen
Speaker 2: And like like from a distance, it could have been her,
Speaker 2: you know what I mean, But it wasn't.
Speaker 1: It was just because she was brunette.
Speaker 2: Yeah, that was the only thing really, But without standing
Speaker 2: shallow or anything, it just didn't It just wasn't what
Speaker 2: I thought. She portrayed it through her Instagram portrayed herself
Speaker 2: betrayed herself as So I'm walking over and I'm like,
Speaker 2: oh no, I'm like, look, i'm too far here, you
Speaker 2: know me. I'm like, I'm not the mean person. I'll
Speaker 2: go catch up with her. But then as I'm walking closer,
Speaker 2: the girl like steps to the side and I see
Speaker 2: past her and Jen sitting there on her phone, a
Speaker 2: little angel yea, all these glowing lights on her, and
Speaker 2: I'm like, oh, there she is. So I walked over
Speaker 2: and we The rest is history, as they say we are.
Speaker 3: So you thought you got catfish by Jen for like
Speaker 3: that thirty seconds, that awkward thirty seconds before you actually.
Speaker 2: Meet and I was like, fuck if I've been catfish here?
Speaker 2: But fair enough it was Jen, and we had that
Speaker 2: magical date that we now know that wrote my life
Speaker 2: and changed my history forever.
Speaker 1: Magical date.
Speaker 3: Care Well, look, speaking of catfishing, let's jump into our
Speaker 3: episode today.
Speaker 2: Okay, And so for everyone listening and doesn't know what
Speaker 2: a catfish is, do you want to tell them what
Speaker 2: it is?
Speaker 1: Yeah?
Speaker 3: So, basically, catfishing is the act of creating a false
Speaker 3: identity in order to lure people into an online relationship.
Speaker 3: So normally they steal a photo or an identity of
Speaker 3: someone who is more attractive or who they would perceive
Speaker 3: is more attractive than they are, and then use their
Speaker 3: photos to deceive people. So basically, I don't know if
Speaker 3: you've seen the show Catfish, but Niche Shulman in twenty
Speaker 3: ten actually made a documentary called Catfish because he was
Speaker 3: catfish online and he coined the term.
Speaker 2: I actually love the show Catfish. I watch it a
Speaker 2: lot day.
Speaker 1: How good is it?
Speaker 2: It's very good, And some of the things that you
Speaker 2: see on there are absolutely wild. Yeah, I've shook sometimes
Speaker 2: at some of the stuff that you see people. The
Speaker 2: lengths that people have to go to sometimes is extraordinary.
Speaker 2: And then it's own Like, I mean, they're doing the
Speaker 2: wrong thing, but the effort they put in, if they
Speaker 2: put it into something else be successful.
Speaker 1: They could be doing like a full business.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I've seen episodes of that show where these are
Speaker 3: the ones that really shake me. So these like I
Speaker 3: remember there was this one episode where this girl's talking
Speaker 3: to this guy online and like she ends up talking
Speaker 3: to him for like three years and it ends up
Speaker 3: being her ex who wants to get her back, and
Speaker 3: she thinks it's like this new guy, she's been talking
Speaker 3: to him, like literally wasting years of her life talking
Speaker 3: to this guy, and the whole time she's still talking
Speaker 3: to her ex.
Speaker 1: I'm like, how could you do that to someone?
Speaker 2: It's actually a bold move by that guy to get
Speaker 2: his girlfriend backed.
Speaker 3: That's never gonna happen, Like you're not getting her back, mate,
Speaker 3: Like she doesn't want you.
Speaker 1: If she did, she be with you.
Speaker 2: The best on Catfish, I reckon is so funny is
Speaker 2: where they like do the whole revere on their reveal
Speaker 2: that's not who they think it is, and then they
Speaker 2: still go like, well do you want to like do
Speaker 2: you still want to be together? And no, feel like
Speaker 2: I'm still me, Like you're still talking to me, but
Speaker 2: like yeah, it's just complete deceit and lie yeah, like yeah.
Speaker 3: We get it, like you're still talking to that person.
Speaker 3: But at the end of the day, like you've built
Speaker 3: a whole relationship on the biggest liball, which is who
Speaker 3: you are, So like, no, it's not going to work out.
Speaker 1: Sorry, see later.
Speaker 2: Next Well, have you been catfish Donna by anyone?
Speaker 3: Oh? Like mildly catfish where I feel like there's been
Speaker 3: a couple of heavy filters put on, but I actually
Speaker 3: have a catfishing story and I was the catfish.
Speaker 2: Oh this is hilarious. Please tell everyone about this. This
Speaker 2: is absolutely hilarious. Guys, You've got to hear this.
Speaker 3: I actually like it's so embarrassing, but like it's the truth,
Speaker 3: and like, you know.
Speaker 2: First of all, why would Ana macavoid pretend to be
Speaker 2: someone out? Please explain why, because it's hilarious.
Speaker 3: So basically, me and Josh, my ex boyfriend, had just
Speaker 3: broken up, so.
Speaker 2: It's recent as well. It's like some young ages.
Speaker 3: I wasn't like nineteen, I was twenty nine. So basically
Speaker 3: Josh and I, my ex boyfriend, had broken up. We
Speaker 3: had obviously won a very popular TV show in Australia together.
Speaker 3: So I coming out of that relationship felt like I
Speaker 3: wanted to join some dating apps naturally, but I didn't
Speaker 3: want people to know that it was me because we
Speaker 3: had only been broken up for two weeks. So I
Speaker 3: kind of wanted to just like go on the dating
Speaker 3: apps to see what was out there and be able
Speaker 3: to like remind myself of all the beautiful men there
Speaker 3: was in the world to make myself feel better through
Speaker 3: my heartbreak.
Speaker 1: And so.
Speaker 3: I saw this picture of someone who I followed on Instagram,
Speaker 3: was like a really far away picture, like hard to
Speaker 3: really recognize the person. I screenshot in it and used
Speaker 3: that as my profile picture.
Speaker 2: What name did you go with?
Speaker 1: I think I went with Bear.
Speaker 2: Oh it sounds so fake.
Speaker 3: So anyway, I had my fake profile set up just
Speaker 3: the one photo, just the one photo, so it didn't
Speaker 3: even look real, like I wasn't trying that hard and
Speaker 3: I'm not wrong.
Speaker 2: It was a photo of a girl in like a
Speaker 2: like a field of daisies.
Speaker 1: No, it was.
Speaker 3: It was like at a beach, but they were like
Speaker 3: very far away, so you can see mainly ocean and
Speaker 3: then like a small like little stick figure and in
Speaker 3: the distance.
Speaker 2: So fake. If did you get any matches before, we've no,
Speaker 2: there is no one of their swipes for that no way.
Speaker 3: So this was on the app Bumble, So basically for
Speaker 3: about three days I was kind of like, oh, kick guy,
Speaker 3: Like what way do you swipe left? Right?
Speaker 1: Left? For yes?
Speaker 2: No, right is yet right? Right?
Speaker 3: Okay, okay, so I'm like swiping right for people I'm like, yeah,
Speaker 3: hot hot. I was like, okay, like not to worry, Anna,
Speaker 3: like there are other men out there on the planet.
Speaker 3: And in your area, in my area close by, and
Speaker 3: you know, like it was making me feel better about
Speaker 3: the breakup. Anyway, on the fourth day, my account with
Speaker 3: my mobile number which I haven't changed since, and my
Speaker 3: email was blocked. Someone had reported me as a catfish.
Speaker 3: And since that moment, I've never been allowed back on Bumble,
Speaker 3: like I've been banned. And then like I remember like
Speaker 3: when I was ready to like start dating, and like
Speaker 3: was kind of like, okay, if people see my face
Speaker 3: on dating apps, like I don't care anymore.
Speaker 1: I think it was like two months later.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I tried to get back onto Bumbler as myself,
Speaker 3: and they just weren't having a bar of me.
Speaker 2: I was just like did you not message them or
Speaker 2: email them off your account and say, hey, my numbers blocked.
Speaker 2: I'm ready to get back in there, let me on.
Speaker 1: I tried, but I'm just fully blocked. Like there's nothing
Speaker 1: you can do once you're blocked.
Speaker 3: On a dating app, like you don't want to go there,
Speaker 3: like it's really hard. So then obviously I had to
Speaker 3: move to the other dating apps, which was like Hinge
Speaker 3: and Tinder.
Speaker 1: But then the story continues just when you think it's over.
Speaker 3: So I remember, like I think it was like six
Speaker 3: months later, my manager messaged me and she was like, hey,
Speaker 3: Bumble wants to work with you.
Speaker 1: So the dating app Bumble wants to.
Speaker 3: Work with you, Like they think you're great, they know
Speaker 3: that you're like out there dating again, and they just
Speaker 3: kind of like want you to promote like this part
Speaker 3: of their app.
Speaker 1: And I'll like, yes, sweet cool.
Speaker 3: Literally didn't even think of what had happened anyway. Then
Speaker 3: I redownload loaded it realized that I had been blocked
Speaker 3: still and was like fuck, So I had to tell
Speaker 3: my manager this story, Like it was so long that
Speaker 3: I had to voice note her and I was like,
Speaker 3: so it was awkward, but and then she like literally
Speaker 3: sent me a voice note laughing, being like, oh my god, Anna,
Speaker 3: only you would do this. This is so wild. So
Speaker 3: she's like, I'm gonna have to tell Bumble what happened.
Speaker 3: Crickets didn't hear back from them. They were like, we
Speaker 3: don't want a catfish to promote our apps. See you later.
Speaker 2: Funny because at the time your ex Josh and myself
Speaker 2: actually were on dating apps and then everyone was like
Speaker 2: posting them yeah articles, So it's pretty smart that you
Speaker 2: actually did that. Because relationships used our own self and
Speaker 2: posted it.
Speaker 3: And yeah, there was articles being like, oh, I can't
Speaker 3: believe they're in dating apps so soon, and I was like, sorry.
Speaker 2: But Beth is over here doing a thing.
Speaker 1: A little old bed in the house in the distance,
Speaker 1: look like the thing is is.
Speaker 3: I wasn't actually going on there as a catfish to
Speaker 3: like trick people. I just wanted to like remind myself
Speaker 3: that there was other guys out there that I wasn't
Speaker 3: going to die of heartbreak, and like, you know, it's
Speaker 3: good to move on. So anyway, I'm a catfish. I
Speaker 3: hold my hands up. I did it once, I got
Speaker 3: banned from a dating app, and I promised to never
Speaker 3: do it again.
Speaker 1: Hard.
Speaker 2: So what's the lesson here for everyone?
Speaker 1: Just yourself.
Speaker 3: If you're breaking up with someone, don't be afraid for
Speaker 3: people to see you on the apps too soon? Oh?
Speaker 1: Actually, do I agree with that? I don't know. I
Speaker 1: don't know, Like, okay, that's a good question.
Speaker 3: Like when is it too soon after a breakup to
Speaker 3: be seen on a dating app?
Speaker 2: Depends on the sotance the breakup. If like they cheated
Speaker 2: on you, they broke up with you, your heart broken?
Speaker 2: I reckon jump straight on. But if like it was, no,
Speaker 2: it's too hard, isn't it, Because then it's.
Speaker 3: Hard because then it's like kind of like showing that
Speaker 3: you have a lack of respect for that person. If
Speaker 3: you're like jumping straight on like two months in, I reckon,
Speaker 3: is fine anything earlier than that and people see you,
Speaker 3: which they will.
Speaker 2: I reckon. It goes to like dating in general, when
Speaker 2: is too soon to move on, then like be seen
Speaker 2: visually moving on.
Speaker 3: Well, like I think that when you're in a relationship,
Speaker 3: like officially boyfriend and girlfriend with someone, I think two months,
Speaker 3: you think two months, I think two months, And I
Speaker 3: think if you are like jumping on the dating apps earlier,
Speaker 3: then it's seen as disrespectful.
Speaker 1: So like, look, what would you.
Speaker 2: Say to someone that says they need to get with
Speaker 2: other people to move on. That's their version of moving on.
Speaker 1: Head out to the club, baby.
Speaker 2: Okay, Well, I guess like just be respectful in that
Speaker 2: way and clear to like that it gets back to
Speaker 2: your partner that that's how you're moving on.
Speaker 3: Yeah, the worst thing when you break up with someone
Speaker 3: is hearing that they've moved on really quickly. I'm like, look,
Speaker 3: we're all gonna do it when my heartbroken. We like,
Speaker 3: you know, we want to get under us to get over,
Speaker 3: as we always say. Okay, Matt, I just admitted to
Speaker 3: you that I was a catfish for three days before
Speaker 3: I got blocked from a dating app. But why do
Speaker 3: people generally catfish? Because I feel like my reason was
Speaker 3: kind of a unique one.
Speaker 2: Okay, So I think the main reason would be poor
Speaker 2: self esteem. Yeah, they don't have enough confidence in themselves
Speaker 2: and who they are as a person. Maybe the way
Speaker 2: they look, maybe the way they come across and talking,
Speaker 2: so they have to hide behind a mask to be
Speaker 2: someone and be more themselves.
Speaker 3: Yeah, And like a lot of the time I reckon
Speaker 3: like someone who is a catfish can be way more introverted,
Speaker 3: So they're not confident in meeting people. And so I
Speaker 3: feel like maybe, yeah, as you said, they don't feel
Speaker 3: good enough, so they think that they need to be
Speaker 3: someone else in order to be loved or liked, And
Speaker 3: I think that's really heartbreaking.
Speaker 2: Yeah, that is they're almost playing a character to someone
Speaker 2: and that's where they feel more comfortable.
Speaker 1: Yeah.
Speaker 3: Another reason why people catfish is actually revenge. We touched
Speaker 3: on it before. I saw an episode of Catfish and
Speaker 3: it was an ex boyfriend who was dumped and he
Speaker 3: you know, was really heartbroken, and instead of letting his
Speaker 3: ex move on, he was like.
Speaker 1: No, I'm going to be the guy who you've always wanted,
Speaker 1: and he knows.
Speaker 3: The sick thing about this is when you're someone's ex,
Speaker 3: you know exactly what they want and the fact that
Speaker 3: he was able to give her that as someone else,
Speaker 3: that's pretty shit.
Speaker 2: Okay. So the other reason is to explore their sexuality.
Speaker 2: So they might come from a conservative family, or they
Speaker 2: might have a partner and they want to see what's
Speaker 2: out there and really what they're inner feelings are feeling.
Speaker 3: Yeah, sometimes people aren't like out of the closet yet
Speaker 3: and they're kind of like wanting to experiment to kind
Speaker 3: of find themselves in a way without fully outing themselves.
Speaker 2: And alerting their friends and family. Yeah, okay. Is it
Speaker 2: catfishing or false advertising to use a heavy filter and
Speaker 2: editing your photos.
Speaker 3: Well, look, a catfish is usually a completely different person,
Speaker 3: So that's very specific to people who are misleading or
Speaker 3: being deceptive towards people, whereas false advertising is just when
Speaker 3: you're altering your own appearance using heavy filters and then
Speaker 3: obviously putting them on a dating profile, and you know,
Speaker 3: someone might be thinking they're getting a ten out of
Speaker 3: ten and it could be a six out of ten.
Speaker 3: But that's the fun of dating, right, Like it's kind
Speaker 3: of like a pick and mix.
Speaker 1: You don't know what you're going to get.
Speaker 2: Yeah, especially in this day and age, when you're coming
Speaker 2: across like photos on social media, in that you're not
Speaker 2: actually meeting them out and then you're meeting them, it
Speaker 2: is like you don't know what you're going to get
Speaker 2: when you.
Speaker 3: Get like I want to come in like in defense
Speaker 3: of people who are seen to be false advertising. I
Speaker 3: feel like we live in this age where social media
Speaker 3: is so heavily filtered. And yes, there are like specific
Speaker 3: areas of it that are getting better, but like the
Speaker 3: majority of people on social media have a lot of
Speaker 3: work done. They're using heavy filters, and I feel like
Speaker 3: as a single person, when you're putting yourself out there
Speaker 3: on a dating app, you must feel a lot of
Speaker 3: pressure because guys see this array of women on social
Speaker 3: media that look perfect, like perfect bums with a BBL,
Speaker 3: perfect boobs, perfect noses, perfect everything. Everything is sculpted to precision,
Speaker 3: and I think like people must feel like, shit, if
Speaker 3: I want to get a date on this dating app,
Speaker 3: I'm gonna have to use a few filters. I'm gonna
Speaker 3: have to try and entice people in. But the thing
Speaker 3: about dating apps is it's like a visual thing. So
Speaker 3: like you have to like entireome with your photo.
Speaker 2: Put your best foot forward, put your best.
Speaker 3: Foot forward, and then you kind of like charm them
Speaker 3: with your chat. But that secondary, like you have to
Speaker 3: first try and like get their attention because they're like, look,
Speaker 3: I'm one in like two hundred girls that this guy's
Speaker 3: gonna swipe through today. I want to like stand out
Speaker 3: from the rest. How am I gonna do that?
Speaker 2: I get that. And I'm just saying though that, like
Speaker 2: be confident in yourself. What you have might not be
Speaker 2: what one guy likes, but I can bet you that,
Speaker 2: like there's a bunch of other guys out there that
Speaker 2: will think you're attractive the way you are.
Speaker 3: Yeah, And there's definitely a line between like a little
Speaker 3: bit of a filter as opposed to like a full
Speaker 3: makeup transformation in post.
Speaker 2: Edits, everyone chuck, everyone chuck the virus up.
Speaker 3: Yeah, we all know those people who like you see
Speaker 3: them on social media and they just don't look like
Speaker 3: the same person, Like they're just like filter on, filter
Speaker 3: on filter, Like how many filters?
Speaker 1: It's too much? Like you know what I mean, if
Speaker 1: you're doing more than one filter, we can tell.
Speaker 2: Well, I've made an effort to put up stories without
Speaker 2: a filter on, even if I don't feel comfortable in
Speaker 2: how I look, because I want to express other people.
Speaker 2: This is how I am at the time, and this
Speaker 2: is how I look.
Speaker 1: Yeah, and I think you are really good at that.
Speaker 3: I would never have put up like a non filtered
Speaker 3: image or like video like a year ago, and you've
Speaker 3: always done it and like encouraged me to do it
Speaker 3: and like I do it a lot now as well.
Speaker 1: But like that's interesting.
Speaker 3: Do guys actually like, if you're a guy who does
Speaker 3: post videos on social media of you chatty, do you
Speaker 3: get self conscious about the way you look?
Speaker 2: I mean, naturally, you're only human, and like you said,
Speaker 2: you're in this space where people are judging you. There's
Speaker 2: thousands of people that are looking at this and you
Speaker 2: know they're judging you, and sometimes they have the nerve
Speaker 2: to message you, like I have the I have the
Speaker 2: nerve for pointing out to you. So yeah, of course
Speaker 2: you do like I'll I'll put up a video before
Speaker 2: and like I'll be filming it and'll be like, ah,
Speaker 2: like there's a little blemish there or something. But then
Speaker 2: I think to myself, that's who I am, that's how
Speaker 2: I am today, Like own it, Matthew, Like I'm trying
Speaker 2: to be more than just like that.
Speaker 3: Yeah, it's interesting hearing that because I think, like, as
Speaker 3: a girl, you think it's just like a girl problem.
Speaker 1: We don't think that. Guys get in.
Speaker 2: The trust me. We do. I've got a lot of
Speaker 2: mates that will send me their photos before they gram
Speaker 2: it and ask me to run filters on it and that.
Speaker 1: You're kidding.
Speaker 3: I do so guys like fully, and they're just got
Speaker 3: they're just average guys.
Speaker 2: My mates don't even have a following or they just
Speaker 2: want to look good for the literally send me photos
Speaker 2: and they'll be like, hey, Mak, can you filter this?
Speaker 1: And look, I think that's what it's about. On dating apps.
Speaker 1: We all just want to put our best foot forward.
Speaker 3: And like you know, if you're single as well, like
Speaker 3: you're not going to put out like a shitty photo,
Speaker 3: like you want people to look at it who you
Speaker 3: could be a potential prospect and be like, oh, they're
Speaker 3: not bad.
Speaker 2: Yeah, but I guess the one that loves you for
Speaker 2: you will come across because eventually they're going to see
Speaker 2: you without that makeup and without that fil Yeah.
Speaker 3: And I think and I think like that's the key point,
Speaker 3: and that's why we should all be as authentic as
Speaker 3: possible on dating apps. We're not saying don't use any filters,
Speaker 3: but like, there's no point in giving yourself a full
Speaker 3: like face transformation, because they're going to see you eventually
Speaker 3: in real life.
Speaker 1: You can't. You can't roll in with the filter in
Speaker 1: front of you, especially.
Speaker 2: The next morning where you wake up and it's just
Speaker 2: a completely different person.
Speaker 3: Ah.
Speaker 1: But yeah, like you as That's.
Speaker 2: What I'm saying, Like, that's not gonna like you. I
Speaker 2: understand putting your best foot forward. Yeah, but people will
Speaker 2: love you for who you are.
Speaker 1: Yeah.
Speaker 3: Another thing is, like I was talking about being authentic
Speaker 3: on dating apps, it's not just visually. I think you
Speaker 3: can be authentic on dating apps by actually telling people
Speaker 3: your actual intentions. I think a lot of the time
Speaker 3: on dating apps we're like, oh, just looking for something casual,
Speaker 3: like not really sure what I'm looking for. When we
Speaker 3: were like I mean, I can only talk for myself.
Speaker 3: When I know I'm looking for a boyfriend, I'm like, no,
Speaker 3: no boyfriend material.
Speaker 2: I don't know which way I'm going, but so I am.
Speaker 2: Back when I was younger, when I was started off
Speaker 2: on dating apps, I would send just a message to
Speaker 2: him and say, Hey, I'm not looking for a girlfriend
Speaker 2: or anything serious. I'm just here for like to catch
Speaker 2: up and for a good time.
Speaker 1: And I'm what you said that.
Speaker 2: I'd say that to girls. Some girls would be very uh,
Speaker 2: what's the word.
Speaker 1: I would be like block.
Speaker 2: I got a lot of blocks. I got a lot
Speaker 2: of girls like haha. Same Like I would be like.
Speaker 1: The audacity of this motherfucker.
Speaker 2: Well, there's one thing I say to everyone. I am
Speaker 2: not a liar. I'm a lot. You can call me
Speaker 2: whatever you want, but I'm not a liar. I'm not
Speaker 2: here to waste this person's time. Such a thing to say, though,
Speaker 2: That's probably why I never met up with anyone off
Speaker 2: a dating app, because they'd be like, what a dick? Haha,
Speaker 2: so am I, But you're.
Speaker 1: A dick still, So that didn't work out for you.
Speaker 1: One listening, don't use that techno.
Speaker 2: Don't use that technique. Because it definitely didn't work for me.
Speaker 2: I've never met up with anyone off a dating app
Speaker 2: because that would be my strategy.
Speaker 1: Yeah, it's poor strategy, poor strategizing by that.
Speaker 2: Look, I'm just trying to be as transparent as possible.
Speaker 2: All my photos were unedited, and I was telling you
Speaker 2: exactly what I'm there for. So if you want a
Speaker 2: real guy, they missed out.
Speaker 1: Now, I saw some of your modeling shots on your
Speaker 1: dating app.
Speaker 3: I I but once upon a time I was single tuning,
Speaker 3: your face popped up as a potential match and I
Speaker 3: swiped through and I saw some very edited modeling, but
Speaker 3: I said, don't even come to the table.
Speaker 2: I did edit them personally. They were sent to me
Speaker 2: by the photographer, and I was like, yeah, I do
Speaker 2: look good there, so let's give it.
Speaker 3: That doesn't make it unedited, so let's just leave it
Speaker 3: at that. Guys, it's time for wears our head out.
Speaker 3: Let's jump in.
Speaker 2: Okay, So Brad has said I went on a date
Speaker 2: with a girl and she looked completely different than her
Speaker 2: Tinder profile. It was a huge turn off, not because
Speaker 2: of her looks, but because I felt lied to. Am
Speaker 2: I the asshole for ghosting?
Speaker 1: No?
Speaker 2: No, I don't think.
Speaker 1: So, absolutely not.
Speaker 3: I reckon if someone has a profile and they know
Speaker 3: that they look so different.
Speaker 2: No, that is what we've been saying, isn't it.
Speaker 3: They look different on their profile to how they do
Speaker 3: in real life. I think they have to expect a ghosting, right.
Speaker 2: M I agree to what extent? And do they look
Speaker 2: different though? Have like we said, have they got heaps
Speaker 2: of filters on them? Or is it just maybe they
Speaker 2: just looked more natural that day without having a bad
Speaker 2: hair day, or their makeup hadn't blended in properly. I
Speaker 2: don't know what difference did they look.
Speaker 1: I reckon it's a filter thing. I reckon that they've
Speaker 1: been heavily filtered.
Speaker 3: This guy I thought he was going out with Miranda
Speaker 3: Kerr and rocked up and Miranda wasn't there.
Speaker 2: Sorry bro, But if you think you're finding Miranda Kerr
Speaker 2: on Tinder, the joke's on you.
Speaker 1: Okay.
Speaker 3: The next listener, Lucy has said, I was called out
Speaker 3: for using filters on my Instagram, but I honestly cannot
Speaker 3: post a selfie without a filter because now I'm so
Speaker 3: critical of my faith, Like, without a filter, I'm hideous.
Speaker 1: Can you help me delete? The filters.
Speaker 2: I don't think you're hideous, Lucy. First of all, I've
Speaker 2: not seen Lucy. But everyone's beautiful in their own way.
Speaker 3: It's so true, Like it's so weird because I feel
Speaker 3: like we're in this society where we're so used to
Speaker 3: using film is on our face when we do see
Speaker 3: our face without a filter or a bit like oh,
Speaker 3: especially like there's a lot that goes into it, like
Speaker 3: bad lighting is even worse.
Speaker 1: You're like, oh shit.
Speaker 2: Look if my tip for Lucy is because when I
Speaker 2: weaned myself off the filter, I would post it and yeah,
Speaker 2: I would have anxiety. I would be like, oh, I
Speaker 2: could see all the blemishes. I think I look kideous
Speaker 2: as well. I suggest the best thing to do is
Speaker 2: start slow, post a selfie without a filter, throw your
Speaker 2: phone into the next room, and forget about it.
Speaker 1: I'm already feeling the anxiety from that.
Speaker 2: Put something on and completely forget about it, and it
Speaker 2: would just come naturally, and do it time after time again.
Speaker 2: Practice will make you feel better about it. And look,
Speaker 2: if anyone's messaging you saying you look hideous, fuck them
Speaker 2: and block them.
Speaker 3: Yeah, Like it's always hard, Like I think we all
Speaker 3: feel insecure.
Speaker 1: It doesn't matter how you look.
Speaker 3: Going filter free feels very like you're really putting yourself
Speaker 3: out there. It's kind of like being naked on social
Speaker 3: media in a way. And we're so used to like
Speaker 3: kind of having these filters, and they're kind of like
Speaker 3: they metaphorically like protect us from like all of the
Speaker 3: bad evil like trolls out there. That's kind of how
Speaker 3: it feels like a protection barrier.
Speaker 2: I was seeing someone and I asked. They were like,
Speaker 2: you don't use filters, and the exact same thing I said.
Speaker 2: I was like, I don't want to use them. I'm
Speaker 2: trying to, you know, stay away from them. And they said,
Speaker 2: it feels like a barrier for me between me and
Speaker 2: my audience.
Speaker 1: Yeah, it's like a protection.
Speaker 2: Yeah, so that's very true.
Speaker 3: I feel, yeah, And I think like the moment that
Speaker 3: you get rid of that protection, you can feel very alone,
Speaker 3: very naked, very seen, very rare, very raw, and very
Speaker 3: open to critiques.
Speaker 1: So I wouldn't beat yourself up about it.
Speaker 3: I think that it's something that all of us are
Speaker 3: going through, and I think, as Matt said, just weaning
Speaker 3: yourself off slowly, start doing less and less to photos
Speaker 3: that you post and using a really natural filter as well.
Speaker 1: If you're doing a story, yeah.
Speaker 2: Try a minimum one first. Yeah. Don't go cold turkey.
Speaker 1: Don't don't cold turkey.
Speaker 2: Yeah, wean yourself off slowly.
Speaker 3: Okay, guys, thank you so much for listening. That was
Speaker 3: a fun app. As always, give us a five star review.
Speaker 3: We are a small but growing podcast. We've just hit
Speaker 3: a million listens. We're so excited to have this amazing
Speaker 3: family of Where's your Head Out listeners.
Speaker 2: Until next time. If you see Bess from the distance
Speaker 2: on Bumble, make sure you know her. She's not meant
Speaker 2: to be there.
Speaker 1: Okay, guys, until next time, Bye bye,