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Speaker 1: Approache Production.

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Speaker 2: Hey guys, Sima here from the Clink. Will we take

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Speaker 2: a short break over the Christmas period. We're going to

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Speaker 2: drop a couple of episodes, some of our favorite of

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Speaker 2: twenty twenty four, so you don't miss out and can

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Speaker 2: continue following the Clink. This episode has been proudly brought

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Speaker 2: to you by our longtime sponsored supporters Sideways Surf. Thank

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Speaker 2: you for all your support for the record.

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Speaker 1: I don't try and make you uncomfortable for the record.

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Speaker 1: You ain't trying world and stuff for your photo record.

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Speaker 1: Laugh on me, going hard to work photo record. Ain't

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Speaker 1: trying to link, No trying to wish stuff.

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Speaker 3: For the record, for the record, for the for the record,

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Speaker 3: for the red record photo record.

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Speaker 1: Don't try and make you uncomfortable.

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Speaker 2: Finally we are back. Season fourteen is up and running again. Firstly,

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Speaker 2: I want to take a moment say thank you to

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Speaker 2: everybody who's been patient this last couple of weeks. Unfortunately,

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Speaker 2: after my double spinal fusion, I've been sent back to

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Speaker 2: hospital for another emergency surgery on my back. And well

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Speaker 2: here I am today, a week out of hospital and

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Speaker 2: bringing you the best true chrime stories of redemption across

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Speaker 2: all platforms. The Clink, it is here and we are

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Speaker 2: back in your ears. How good have you missed me?

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Speaker 2: Big shout out to Sideway Surf and we forgot then?

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Speaker 2: How can I forget that?

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Speaker 4: See?

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Speaker 2: Unfortunately this is what happens after three major operations Sideways.

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Speaker 2: Always fantastic to have them beside us through each season

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Speaker 2: and episode. We can't thank you enough. Without you, we

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Speaker 2: wouldn't be able to continue to do what we do

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Speaker 2: inc Incorporated. Big things come and got some special stuff

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Speaker 2: to talk about very very soon. It hasn't gone anywhere,

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Speaker 2: so for everyone out there chasing merch, you will soon

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Speaker 2: enough know. But today's guest is another a great episode

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Speaker 2: I believe who's doing great things in his daily work.

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Speaker 2: He's giving a lot back, he's educating people, and based

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Speaker 2: off his own lived experience, this man was a full

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Speaker 2: blown ice addic. He was in and out of jail.

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Speaker 2: He had done some really bad things. Then he'd flipped

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Speaker 2: it all around and he's come out the other side.

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Speaker 2: Ben Low, Welcome to the Clink.

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Speaker 4: Thanks for having me, but really fucking stoked to be

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Speaker 4: on here and be able to I guess share my

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Speaker 4: story with your platform, with your guests and hopefully give

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Speaker 4: some value to the people out there that might be

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Speaker 4: struggling with similar to what I was.

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Speaker 2: Firstly, look, thank you very much. It's been a long

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Speaker 2: time in the making. Actually, this one. We've gone back

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Speaker 2: and forth now for some time, actually probably half a year.

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Speaker 2: I would say, if you really added it up, both

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Speaker 2: of us, both in and out of situations in my hospitalizations. Mate,

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Speaker 2: it is what it is. But here we are so

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Speaker 2: that we've been able to align and today our wonderful

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Speaker 2: guests get to hear your story of redemption. And it's

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Speaker 2: a great story. I think.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, but I'm really certain to come on here and

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Speaker 4: talk about it. I mean, obviously, I know there's a

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Speaker 4: lot of people out there that be struggling with exactly

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Speaker 4: what I was, and like I mean, being an ice addict.

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Speaker 4: Like they say, five percent of people that ever smoke

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Speaker 4: guys will ever completely stop. So it's awesome to be

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Speaker 4: in the five percent club. But the thing is that

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Speaker 4: I want to really drive home for your audience and

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Speaker 4: everyone out there, is that if I can do it,

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Speaker 4: anyone fucking can. Like I was the most future of

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Speaker 4: the future. I was addicted to ice heavily for eight years.

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Speaker 4: I couldn't go a day without it. The only time

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Speaker 4: I wasn't high was when I was locked up, which

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Speaker 4: was about four years across that eight year span. That's

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Speaker 4: what I'm trying to say, Like, if I can do it,

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Speaker 4: anyone can because I'm nothing special. If you know what

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Speaker 4: I mean, I'm going to.

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Speaker 2: Be really blunt and very very director as I always

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Speaker 2: and make you look fantastic. I'm not trying to piss

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Speaker 2: in your pocket here, but for a man, I'm in

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Speaker 2: recovery living a very clean and healthy life. You look really,

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Speaker 2: really well, and I guess that's credit to you and

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Speaker 2: your choices in life. The guests out there whom don't

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Speaker 2: know who you are or anything about you, I'd love

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Speaker 2: to take them on a journey back, say to a

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Speaker 2: prayer out your mid teens or you know where you

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Speaker 2: sort of started to find a little bit of Waywood

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Speaker 2: situation in your life and tell us a bit about

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Speaker 2: your background.

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Speaker 4: Well, my brother, let's take all the guys back. So,

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Speaker 4: I mean, growing up for me, man, I had a

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Speaker 4: pretty average childhood. I call it. Parents split up when

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Speaker 4: I was thirteen. That was probably the biggest pivotal moment

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Speaker 4: for me. I had pretty good upbringing, went to good schools,

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Speaker 4: all that sort of stuff, and to be fair, looking

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Speaker 4: at things from the outside looking in, things are probably perfect, right,

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Speaker 4: but there was a lot missing. For me. It was

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Speaker 4: you know, and this is I guess something that I

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Speaker 4: see a lot from people I work with when it

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Speaker 4: comes to addiction, that sort of things. I wasn't getting

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Speaker 4: to love I needed. I was getting pushed into situations.

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Speaker 4: And when we pushed into you buy my parents and

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Speaker 4: at the end of the day, as a kid, we

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Speaker 4: either comply to fire, and for me it was defiance.

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Speaker 4: But up until about the age of thirteen when my

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Speaker 4: parents split up, like things for me were pretty cruisy.

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Speaker 4: From about thirteen, it was just me and mum and

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Speaker 4: my sister. So I was still going through school, going

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Speaker 4: through all that sort of side of things, and you know,

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Speaker 4: to me, it was like almost like that at a bandoness.

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Speaker 4: There was that, you know, I needed to sort of

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Speaker 4: to find father figures in my life, and for a

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Speaker 4: very long time I didn't have those father figures. I

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Speaker 4: didn't have people in my life that I could look

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Speaker 4: up to as a father figure. Because of this, he

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Speaker 4: was in and out, he was in and out. He

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Speaker 4: was never really there consistently.

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Speaker 2: And so when you say so, when you say in

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Speaker 2: and out, in and out, do you mean just in

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Speaker 2: and out of the relationship or in and out of

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Speaker 2: and out.

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Speaker 4: Out of our lives and our lives My parents were

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Speaker 4: stiff's bro complete stiffs. Yep, so complete obviously to what

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Speaker 4: I ended up being. But anyways, yeah, so come well

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Speaker 4: fast for a little bit to about age fifteen, and

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Speaker 4: I just found that I wasn't really fitting in and like,

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Speaker 4: no matter what I did, who I hung around, all

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Speaker 4: that sort of stuff, I just couldn't find my people.

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Speaker 4: You know. I'd hang out with people at school and

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Speaker 4: that sort of stuff, but it just wasn't I wasn't

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Speaker 4: able to latch onto anyone. And then I got introduced

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Speaker 4: to marijuana or smoking pot, and as you know, with

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Speaker 4: anyone obviously that uses drugs, it's like you don't really

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Speaker 4: need to be anyone specially you can fit it with

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Speaker 4: everyone that's doing the drug thing. And so I'd found

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Speaker 4: my people. Now at the time I was fifteen years old,

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Speaker 4: I just moved out of home for the first time.

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Speaker 4: If you asked me back then, I would have told

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Speaker 4: you that I could kicked out. But the end of

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Speaker 4: the day it came down to my parents going, look,

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Speaker 4: you need to fucking tow the line and do the

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Speaker 4: things we want you to do where you can fuck off.

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Speaker 4: So I took their, you know, call their bluff and

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Speaker 4: moved out of home. So fifteen years old, I was

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Speaker 4: living in one of my manager's apartments, in one of

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Speaker 4: his rooms. And I mean, at the age of fifteen,

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Speaker 4: I fucking bellied me out of my own shoelaces, let

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Speaker 4: alone fucking look after myself. But I made it work

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Speaker 4: pretty quickly. I was still going to school at the time,

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Speaker 4: and then I think I must have adopted this from

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Speaker 4: my father. But it was like that lucrative mindset around business.

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Speaker 4: And so the time that I started smoking pot was

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Speaker 4: also the time I started selling it. So first time

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Speaker 4: I bought pot was buying announce and then I broke

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Speaker 4: that down into small amounts and then obviously sold that

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Speaker 4: to you know, the people that wanted to get on

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Speaker 4: with me. And so I had this bit of a

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Speaker 4: I guess thing going on in my life where I

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Speaker 4: was going to school, I was working, and I was

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Speaker 4: also selling drugs and I couldn't do all three. So

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Speaker 4: it was like, well, what's going to go, well, I'm

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Speaker 4: making money when I'm working, I'm selling a lot of

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Speaker 4: pot to the people i'm working with, and I'm making

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Speaker 4: money when i'm selling drugs. So what do you think

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Speaker 4: was the one that I left behind? I quit school?

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Speaker 4: I was like, fuck this, what do I need school for?

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Speaker 4: H And so from there on out, it was just

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Speaker 4: parties and fucking you know, all the bullshit that comes

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Speaker 4: with that, fighting, fucking all the fun stuff, you know,

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Speaker 4: getting into the fucking ruckers out, stealing cars and really

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Speaker 4: just continued from there to just get worse and worse

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Speaker 4: and worse. So yeah, that was pretty much growing up

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Speaker 4: for me. Like I said, like Chieda wasn't that bad,

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Speaker 4: but it was just more so I wasn't getting my

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Speaker 4: needs met, so I got my needs met Elsewhere.

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Speaker 2: Were was the area that you grew up in?

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Speaker 4: Okay? So I grew up in Marcavat, south side of Brisbane.

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Speaker 2: And what was that like for those out there that

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Speaker 2: don't know, I mean, look, is it a sort of

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Speaker 2: sociotic you know, demographic? Is it a higher end or

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Speaker 2: a lower end of sort of lifestyle.

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Speaker 4: I'd say probably mid mid socio economic to be fair.

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Speaker 4: But I mean with the boys that I was hanging

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Speaker 4: out with all fucking punching cones behind the fucking shopping

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Speaker 4: centers and all that sort of stuff, and up to

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Speaker 4: no good, out doing crime, selling drugs, all that sort

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Speaker 4: of stuff. But from what I've heard these days, like

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Speaker 4: a Meerica, a bat has become quite a rough area,

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Speaker 4: like as far as it goes, wouldn't compare it to

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Speaker 4: I don't know if anyone is listening to your podcast,

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Speaker 4: grew up in Brisbane, but wouldn't compare it to the

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Speaker 4: likes of Woodridge or Nawa. But it's still obviously there

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Speaker 4: with I guess the people that you know, we were out

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Speaker 4: trying to cause the ruckist that's what we're doing as kids.

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Speaker 2: And how are you now.

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Speaker 4: Thirty one years old? Bro So. I was in Brisbane

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Speaker 4: from you know, obviously most of my life until probably

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Speaker 4: about ten years ago when I moved down the Gold

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Speaker 4: Coast and that's where like most of my shit took

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Speaker 4: places up in Brisbane. So fast forward then from fifteen

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Speaker 4: through it till about eighteen, I started getting into the

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Speaker 4: heaviest stuff. I started noticing that I could make more

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Speaker 4: money from other drugs and I tried ice for the

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Speaker 4: first time, because there's a you know, a saying that

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Speaker 4: obviously a deal will tell you if you know for

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Speaker 4: your first time, it's like, first one's free, the next

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Speaker 4: one's going to cost you everything you own.

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Speaker 2: Yeah right, I've actually personally heard that one. So that's

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Speaker 2: that's great.

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Speaker 4: So and this is very true. Right the first time

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Speaker 4: I had it, I was like, where the fuck can

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Speaker 4: I get more of this? Who the fuck do I

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Speaker 4: need to rob to get more of this? What do

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Speaker 4: I need to do to fucking do more of this shit?

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Speaker 4: Because the feeling was fucking not comparable to anything I've

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Speaker 4: ever had in being someone that came from I guess

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Speaker 4: childhood where I had really really low self worth. I

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Speaker 4: was trying to use drugs to fit in at the

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Speaker 4: first place and obviously find my place in the community.

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Speaker 4: As soon as I tried ice, I was just like, yeah,

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Speaker 4: this is me because it literally just fucking boosted me

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Speaker 4: from not very confident, like okay these days like you

219
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Speaker 4: probably like I guess, I would come across as quite

220
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Speaker 4: a confident person. I'm no no problem talking to anyone

221
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Speaker 4: all that sort of stuff, But as a kid, I

222
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Speaker 4: was very timid. I was fucking down the side effects yeah,

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Speaker 4: probably still fucking still.

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Speaker 2: Carrying on side effects. You'll always have a personality.

225
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Speaker 4: Yeah, it fucking sounds terrible, right, but the thing is

226
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Speaker 4: had it boom. I talk to any cunt, I'll talk

227
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Speaker 4: to any kind I'll fucking go out talk to any girl.

228
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Speaker 4: I fucking you know. I wasn't much like an aggressive

229
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Speaker 4: person if it came to throwing down, to the throw down, like, yeah,

230
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Speaker 4: I just literally just changed everything for me, right, And

231
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Speaker 4: that's the reason that I got addicted to it. But

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Speaker 4: once again, we also come back to the money side

233
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Speaker 4: of things, right. As I said, when I first tried

234
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Speaker 4: weed for the first time, I bought a lot of weed,

235
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Speaker 4: and I sought a lot of weed. Same with acid,

236
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Speaker 4: bought a ton of assid. That's just cheap as fuck

237
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Speaker 4: good money. Ie. It was like, no different, I can

238
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Speaker 4: buy X amount of that and I can make real

239
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Speaker 4: good cash. It means I have to pay for shit

240
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Speaker 4: and I can feel like this all the time. So

241
00:10:50,081 --> 00:10:51,721
Speaker 4: for me, that was the appeal to it, right, the

242
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Speaker 4: ads they were putting out on TV, the people I

243
00:10:53,801 --> 00:10:56,401
Speaker 4: hadn't really in this thing. I wasn't really immersed in

244
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Speaker 4: the environment as much. I was taking out with a

245
00:10:57,961 --> 00:10:59,801
Speaker 4: heap of ravers like cunts. They used to fucking you know,

246
00:11:00,081 --> 00:11:03,081
Speaker 4: wear stupid pants and fucking eat Vicki's in fucking smoke.

247
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Speaker 4: I just keep going all weekend. So for me, it

248
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Speaker 4: was like I hadn't really seen the downfall of it

249
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Speaker 4: yet when I first tried it.

250
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Speaker 2: You've obviously got on the glass horse, as we call

251
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Speaker 2: it so to speak.

252
00:11:15,201 --> 00:11:16,001
Speaker 4: Wesley snipes.

253
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Speaker 2: Yeah, you've had that first hit. You're chasing your second,

254
00:11:20,281 --> 00:11:22,601
Speaker 2: your third, or fourth. Let's talk about three four weeks

255
00:11:22,641 --> 00:11:24,201
Speaker 2: down the track. Where are you at now?

256
00:11:25,321 --> 00:11:26,921
Speaker 4: So it started off as a weekend thing for me.

257
00:11:27,601 --> 00:11:30,041
Speaker 4: It wasn't like a daily thing, but like I said,

258
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Speaker 4: I was selling it, so I was always having to

259
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Speaker 4: deal with these people. And then after that, I remember

260
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Speaker 4: I was working as a carpet layer. I was working

261
00:11:36,881 --> 00:11:39,961
Speaker 4: for my old boys carpet layers apprentice, and that same

262
00:11:40,041 --> 00:11:41,841
Speaker 4: thought came in my head. I was getting messages and

263
00:11:41,921 --> 00:11:43,921
Speaker 4: times every day, gone, bro, I need to see I

264
00:11:44,001 --> 00:11:45,841
Speaker 4: need to see you, I need to see what the

265
00:11:45,881 --> 00:11:47,241
Speaker 4: fuck am I doing at work. I could make it

266
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Speaker 4: thousands of dollars doing fuck all. So it just became

267
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Speaker 4: a daily thing. It went from being maybe two or

268
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Speaker 4: three days a week to then four or five days

269
00:11:54,281 --> 00:11:56,961
Speaker 4: a week and with the ice, like you go really

270
00:11:57,001 --> 00:11:59,041
Speaker 4: really fucking up, but then you come all the way

271
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Speaker 4: crashing back down, and you need to have more of

272
00:12:01,001 --> 00:12:03,161
Speaker 4: that to keep that doping up and keep you feeling good.

273
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Speaker 4: So it just became about, well, I don't want to

274
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Speaker 4: fucking feel like shit, and my baseline for feeling good

275
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Speaker 4: is when I'm high. So let's say, like, you know,

276
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Speaker 4: three months in, it was okay, I need to have

277
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Speaker 4: this every fucking day, so i'd you know, maybe sleep

278
00:12:16,321 --> 00:12:20,201
Speaker 4: once twice three times a week, you know, eat fucking

279
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Speaker 4: probably four or five times a week.

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Speaker 2: This always blows me. This is this because you're not

281
00:12:24,881 --> 00:12:26,801
Speaker 2: the first guest obviously to come on with a story

282
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Speaker 2: of vice addiction, and some of the experiences that your

283
00:12:31,041 --> 00:12:35,641
Speaker 2: wonderful guests have you know, allowed to be open about.

284
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Speaker 2: Is quite interesting because look, there's no there's no shying

285
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Speaker 2: away from it. I know, it was nothing for me

286
00:12:43,401 --> 00:12:46,521
Speaker 2: to kick on from Friday to Sunday in my club

287
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Speaker 2: days or whatever. Old that was just part and parcel.

288
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Speaker 2: But for me to be a McDonald's straw and you know,

289
00:12:51,841 --> 00:12:54,161
Speaker 2: a lunch bag full of coke and I just sit

290
00:12:54,241 --> 00:12:56,401
Speaker 2: there just sticking to a McDonald's strawer and everything I

291
00:12:56,401 --> 00:12:59,081
Speaker 2: wanted to bump, snort and you know, bottle of opal

292
00:12:59,121 --> 00:13:00,881
Speaker 2: nearer and they used to you know, we used to

293
00:13:00,961 --> 00:13:02,761
Speaker 2: go into church on a Friday night and then it'd

294
00:13:02,761 --> 00:13:07,441
Speaker 2: be super Saturdays and turn into sensational Sundays. And if

295
00:13:07,481 --> 00:13:10,041
Speaker 2: you got caught in the vortex, I kid you not.

296
00:13:10,161 --> 00:13:13,561
Speaker 2: Come Saturday morning, the clubhouse door would be shut, literally

297
00:13:13,641 --> 00:13:16,681
Speaker 2: light locked, and whoever was there was just consumed by

298
00:13:16,681 --> 00:13:19,601
Speaker 2: the vortex. Then the games could just be gone. I

299
00:13:19,681 --> 00:13:22,241
Speaker 2: forget Friday night and everything else. You're just starting to

300
00:13:22,321 --> 00:13:25,161
Speaker 2: kick off. Breakfast was you know, Blacks and Booker and

301
00:13:25,601 --> 00:13:27,961
Speaker 2: I just never got drunk drunk, So for me, it

302
00:13:28,041 --> 00:13:31,441
Speaker 2: was always about sort of I was alert, I was aware.

303
00:13:31,481 --> 00:13:34,641
Speaker 2: I was probably similar to yourself with the ice, but

304
00:13:34,681 --> 00:13:36,801
Speaker 2: that was like me with the coke and the growl.

305
00:13:38,641 --> 00:13:41,601
Speaker 2: But I would be cooked. My point being is, you know,

306
00:13:41,681 --> 00:13:44,081
Speaker 2: come Sunday night, I'd have a steely or whatever I'd

307
00:13:44,081 --> 00:13:47,801
Speaker 2: take to knock myself out. To be absolutely honest with you,

308
00:13:48,561 --> 00:13:50,761
Speaker 2: those that knew me and cared about me would generally

309
00:13:50,761 --> 00:13:53,641
Speaker 2: turn up with some really nice tie or you know,

310
00:13:53,841 --> 00:13:56,361
Speaker 2: something that had something flavor and we knew that I

311
00:13:56,361 --> 00:13:57,921
Speaker 2: would be hanging because I hadn't eaten in two or

312
00:13:57,921 --> 00:14:00,241
Speaker 2: three days. So the bottom line'd be as soon as

313
00:14:00,241 --> 00:14:01,961
Speaker 2: I had three or four milethfuls, I'd be on the nod.

314
00:14:02,561 --> 00:14:05,321
Speaker 2: The body had just shut down and food came gone.

315
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Speaker 2: That's it. I'm done, you know so I can't fathom seven, eight, ten, twelve,

316
00:14:13,721 --> 00:14:14,961
Speaker 2: thirteen plus whatever do.

317
00:14:15,441 --> 00:14:18,681
Speaker 4: Bro double fucking digits rocking up the macas fucking only feited.

318
00:14:18,681 --> 00:14:20,601
Speaker 4: I'm getting this fucking every couple of days McDonald's and

319
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Speaker 4: the drive through when I'm fucking cruiser.

320
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Speaker 2: And I ask individually each guest because I feel that

321
00:14:26,081 --> 00:14:30,041
Speaker 2: you all have something different to offering your experience. How

322
00:14:30,081 --> 00:14:37,401
Speaker 2: do you function completely on zero sleep and just fucking

323
00:14:37,641 --> 00:14:43,241
Speaker 2: hit with toxic fumes? I eat no nutrition. How do

324
00:14:43,281 --> 00:14:44,961
Speaker 2: you do it? Bro? How does one do it?

325
00:14:45,121 --> 00:14:47,041
Speaker 4: I honestly couldn't tell you. I honestly couldn't tell you, Bro.

326
00:14:47,121 --> 00:14:49,001
Speaker 4: This is the thing. The pipe became everything. I was like,

327
00:14:49,001 --> 00:14:50,601
Speaker 4: where can I get more of this? I need more

328
00:14:50,641 --> 00:14:53,241
Speaker 4: of this to function. I can't function without this. But

329
00:14:53,281 --> 00:14:55,561
Speaker 4: it gets to the point where I was literally sleeping.

330
00:14:55,561 --> 00:14:58,921
Speaker 4: I'd literally smoke pipes before I was going to sleep well,

331
00:14:59,161 --> 00:15:01,161
Speaker 4: go to bed, wake up the next day for a

332
00:15:01,161 --> 00:15:04,361
Speaker 4: couple of hours, eat fucking takeaway whatever, bro, Like I

333
00:15:04,401 --> 00:15:06,081
Speaker 4: was eating on ship. It got to the point where

334
00:15:06,081 --> 00:15:09,121
Speaker 4: I actually could eat. It became a normal thing. It

335
00:15:09,161 --> 00:15:10,961
Speaker 4: was that fucking prevalent in my life.

336
00:15:11,121 --> 00:15:14,281
Speaker 2: You were function functioning to a normal human being, functioning.

337
00:15:13,961 --> 00:15:16,681
Speaker 4: Fully, blind fully blind, doing everything I needed to do.

338
00:15:17,001 --> 00:15:19,121
Speaker 4: You know, I wasn't working, bro, I was driving around

339
00:15:19,201 --> 00:15:21,001
Speaker 4: fucking here, there and everywhere, dropping gear of shout the

340
00:15:21,121 --> 00:15:26,041
Speaker 4: fresh life. Yeah, fucking mind you no license at the time,

341
00:15:26,121 --> 00:15:28,401
Speaker 4: fucking driving cars that weren't registering my name, fucking getting

342
00:15:28,401 --> 00:15:30,401
Speaker 4: into chasers and all sorts of stuff, all the fun stuff.

343
00:15:31,001 --> 00:15:33,721
Speaker 4: And that was the life. It was literally just fucking

344
00:15:33,801 --> 00:15:36,281
Speaker 4: from one drop to the next, you know. And I'd

345
00:15:36,321 --> 00:15:38,961
Speaker 4: go home fucking maybe two three days later wherever home

346
00:15:39,081 --> 00:15:41,641
Speaker 4: was at the time, and crash out for maybe a day.

347
00:15:41,841 --> 00:15:44,121
Speaker 4: Wake up, go pick the cash up, start all over again.

348
00:15:44,201 --> 00:15:45,161
Speaker 4: Let's go, keep it going.

349
00:15:45,801 --> 00:15:48,681
Speaker 2: How are the people in your in your circle? I mean, look,

350
00:15:49,041 --> 00:15:51,201
Speaker 2: let's not bullshit, and we all know once we step

351
00:15:51,241 --> 00:15:54,321
Speaker 2: away from how faking fuck it is.

352
00:15:54,961 --> 00:15:55,601
Speaker 4: But at the.

353
00:15:55,601 --> 00:15:58,121
Speaker 2: Time, you're not sitting there thinking about that. You think that, Yeah,

354
00:15:58,161 --> 00:16:00,361
Speaker 2: he's sweet. We're all good. Les's me five eight, you know,

355
00:16:00,441 --> 00:16:03,041
Speaker 2: and that's me chick, this and that all good? Yeah,

356
00:16:03,881 --> 00:16:07,161
Speaker 2: you know. Were they also to the people in your

357
00:16:07,241 --> 00:16:10,561
Speaker 2: circle all using at the same time, or were you

358
00:16:10,681 --> 00:16:11,001
Speaker 2: just one?

359
00:16:11,601 --> 00:16:13,641
Speaker 4: I didn't know one person that wasn't using drugs. I

360
00:16:13,641 --> 00:16:15,481
Speaker 4: didn't know one person, right. It got to the point,

361
00:16:15,681 --> 00:16:17,601
Speaker 4: so let's just like I guess from where I was eighteen,

362
00:16:17,681 --> 00:16:19,721
Speaker 4: started using. There was a couple of people in my

363
00:16:19,761 --> 00:16:22,841
Speaker 4: life that weren't using that specifically, but they were obviously

364
00:16:22,881 --> 00:16:24,641
Speaker 4: chopping in other stuff and I was fixing them up

365
00:16:24,641 --> 00:16:27,841
Speaker 4: for whatever they needed. But to be fair, my life

366
00:16:28,161 --> 00:16:31,321
Speaker 4: was consumed by drugs in general. Like the only purpose

367
00:16:31,361 --> 00:16:33,241
Speaker 4: I had at this point in time was who needs

368
00:16:33,281 --> 00:16:36,201
Speaker 4: me to fucking get drugs off? And fucking who can

369
00:16:36,241 --> 00:16:38,081
Speaker 4: I go to sell drugs too? It was literally that

370
00:16:38,201 --> 00:16:40,561
Speaker 4: was it. There was nothing more to life than fucking

371
00:16:40,641 --> 00:16:44,281
Speaker 4: dropping off picking up a fucking party. So that was life,

372
00:16:44,401 --> 00:16:46,761
Speaker 4: and everyone around me was using it. I didn't know

373
00:16:46,801 --> 00:16:50,601
Speaker 4: one person that wasn't. And it started doing real crackheage

374
00:16:50,601 --> 00:16:52,441
Speaker 4: shit to fucking you get more and more of it.

375
00:16:52,441 --> 00:16:54,001
Speaker 4: It's not that I wasn't selling enough. It was just

376
00:16:54,121 --> 00:16:56,841
Speaker 4: at fucking what two o'clock in the morning, What else

377
00:16:56,841 --> 00:16:58,681
Speaker 4: do you do? So I was out fucking you know,

378
00:16:58,841 --> 00:17:02,521
Speaker 4: robin houses, fucking stealing cars, robbing cars, like, just just

379
00:17:02,561 --> 00:17:05,080
Speaker 4: doing all the fucking shit. And it wasn't even a

380
00:17:05,080 --> 00:17:07,920
Speaker 4: about needing the money or anything like that. It was

381
00:17:07,961 --> 00:17:09,640
Speaker 4: just about the thrill of it. I was addicted to

382
00:17:09,640 --> 00:17:11,200
Speaker 4: that life style. I was addicted to this shit that

383
00:17:11,241 --> 00:17:12,921
Speaker 4: came with it. I was addicted how powerful it made

384
00:17:12,961 --> 00:17:16,080
Speaker 4: me feel, especially being that you've got people relying on

385
00:17:16,160 --> 00:17:19,600
Speaker 4: you for the drug. Right. It became for the first

386
00:17:19,640 --> 00:17:21,921
Speaker 4: time in my life, I had some sort of importance.

387
00:17:21,961 --> 00:17:23,640
Speaker 2: I had some bit of a power trip sort of

388
00:17:23,681 --> 00:17:27,481
Speaker 2: thing on someone sort of thing driven massively massively.

389
00:17:27,561 --> 00:17:29,521
Speaker 4: It was literally all ego, all ego. Man.

390
00:17:29,721 --> 00:17:34,121
Speaker 2: Yeah, that's interesting, that isn't it. You sort of get

391
00:17:34,160 --> 00:17:37,520
Speaker 2: yourself into this headspace where you know, I guess everything

392
00:17:37,521 --> 00:17:40,321
Speaker 2: outside of your own little bubble doesn't exist because your

393
00:17:40,400 --> 00:17:43,640
Speaker 2: care factor of zero, So there's no no consequence to

394
00:17:43,681 --> 00:17:44,160
Speaker 2: any action.

395
00:17:44,441 --> 00:17:48,441
Speaker 4: Obviously with the eyes especially, everything else goes out the window.

396
00:17:48,481 --> 00:17:50,120
Speaker 4: You're not even talking, like if you were talking to me,

397
00:17:50,201 --> 00:17:52,561
Speaker 4: like we are here and there like now nowadays, like

398
00:17:52,640 --> 00:17:54,440
Speaker 4: having a conversation. It wouldn't even be me you were

399
00:17:54,441 --> 00:17:56,360
Speaker 4: talking to it. It was a drug, of course. It

400
00:17:56,400 --> 00:17:58,400
Speaker 4: was literally the drug. It took everything over, Like I

401
00:17:58,441 --> 00:18:01,001
Speaker 4: had fucking no control over anything, but the drug literally

402
00:18:01,080 --> 00:18:01,801
Speaker 4: ruled my life.

403
00:18:01,880 --> 00:18:04,041
Speaker 2: Did you have any incidences where you may have been

404
00:18:04,080 --> 00:18:06,081
Speaker 2: pulled over by the plea and you know, I had

405
00:18:06,120 --> 00:18:09,360
Speaker 2: to sort of put on that straight face and you know,

406
00:18:09,561 --> 00:18:12,281
Speaker 2: answer questions or bullshit your way out of a situation,

407
00:18:12,521 --> 00:18:15,920
Speaker 2: or you know, how was the interaction to you with

408
00:18:16,041 --> 00:18:18,921
Speaker 2: the law. I guess obviously you had a good run

409
00:18:19,160 --> 00:18:23,720
Speaker 2: prior with your addiction. Yeah, and then bang, welcome to

410
00:18:23,761 --> 00:18:26,240
Speaker 2: the fucking real side of you know how quick it

411
00:18:26,241 --> 00:18:27,321
Speaker 2: can go from high to low.

412
00:18:27,761 --> 00:18:30,041
Speaker 4: So first time, there was heaps of bullshit before it.

413
00:18:30,080 --> 00:18:32,240
Speaker 4: I remember fucking just breaks and fucking all sorts of

414
00:18:32,241 --> 00:18:34,041
Speaker 4: bullshit and slaps on the wrist for this and that.

415
00:18:34,441 --> 00:18:36,721
Speaker 4: I was on probation and parole for all these fucking

416
00:18:36,721 --> 00:18:38,200
Speaker 4: breaks to do when I was a kid. And so

417
00:18:38,681 --> 00:18:40,521
Speaker 4: the thing that got me pinched the first time, and

418
00:18:40,561 --> 00:18:42,600
Speaker 4: I remember I was fucking at the house and we

419
00:18:42,640 --> 00:18:44,761
Speaker 4: got running on by fucking police at whatever time in

420
00:18:44,801 --> 00:18:47,321
Speaker 4: the morning. And it was fucking because I had a

421
00:18:47,360 --> 00:18:49,761
Speaker 4: warrant out for disqualified driving charge. I didn't have a

422
00:18:49,801 --> 00:18:52,041
Speaker 4: license from sixteen years old to move that home, like

423
00:18:52,080 --> 00:18:54,521
Speaker 4: I said, And I'd been driving around and driving around

424
00:18:54,521 --> 00:18:56,640
Speaker 4: and driving around and driving around. When you're fucking smoking

425
00:18:56,681 --> 00:18:58,840
Speaker 4: meth like you don't think about anything else apart from

426
00:18:58,840 --> 00:19:00,361
Speaker 4: like I said, were can you get more of the year?

427
00:19:00,840 --> 00:19:02,600
Speaker 4: Where do I get more of this? Who don't need

428
00:19:02,640 --> 00:19:03,360
Speaker 4: to pick money off off?

429
00:19:03,481 --> 00:19:05,041
Speaker 2: Not enough time in the day to go to Queen

430
00:19:05,080 --> 00:19:09,360
Speaker 2: Seen Transport and get your ls.

431
00:19:07,840 --> 00:19:09,681
Speaker 4: Fucking not at the time of the day to fucking

432
00:19:09,761 --> 00:19:11,681
Speaker 4: rock up the court. Fuck that, you know what I mean?

433
00:19:12,321 --> 00:19:13,080
Speaker 4: There was no chance.

434
00:19:14,681 --> 00:19:15,600
Speaker 2: I was just on a run.

435
00:19:15,640 --> 00:19:18,521
Speaker 4: I couldn't stop. I had no count to do the

436
00:19:18,600 --> 00:19:20,321
Speaker 4: fucking hours with you know, I have to do one

437
00:19:20,360 --> 00:19:22,880
Speaker 4: hundred hours and learn a driver time. I was like, well,

438
00:19:22,880 --> 00:19:24,120
Speaker 4: fuck that drive anyway.

439
00:19:24,721 --> 00:19:25,481
Speaker 2: I'm a good driver.

440
00:19:26,400 --> 00:19:28,920
Speaker 4: I'm fucking great in my own booking ask me, missus

441
00:19:28,921 --> 00:19:33,360
Speaker 4: shall tell you other. So fucking here we are, whatever

442
00:19:33,400 --> 00:19:35,360
Speaker 4: time in the morning, I've got running on by fucking

443
00:19:36,360 --> 00:19:38,481
Speaker 4: suspicious activity. So the names A dobbed his thing because

444
00:19:38,481 --> 00:19:41,001
Speaker 4: we've been doing runs all night, fucking stealing ship from houses,

445
00:19:41,001 --> 00:19:42,561
Speaker 4: bringing it back to the house. And whatever, like two

446
00:19:42,561 --> 00:19:44,321
Speaker 4: o'clock in the morning, back and forth, back and forth,

447
00:19:44,880 --> 00:19:47,001
Speaker 4: and yeah, the grass has come rolling in. So like

448
00:19:47,041 --> 00:19:49,200
Speaker 4: whatever time in the morning, my exit the time she

449
00:19:49,241 --> 00:19:50,840
Speaker 4: was getting ready for work, getting ready to go to

450
00:19:50,921 --> 00:19:52,961
Speaker 4: the bank, and I hear this tap on the door.

451
00:19:53,080 --> 00:19:54,840
Speaker 4: The door was fucking unlocked. The cunts walk in. I

452
00:19:54,921 --> 00:19:57,321
Speaker 4: fucking see like four blokes in my Luna dream. I'm like, cunt,

453
00:19:57,640 --> 00:20:01,761
Speaker 4: I'm fucking humpedy pinched. And yeah, the thing that actually

454
00:20:01,761 --> 00:20:04,121
Speaker 4: got me locked up was a disqualified driving charge, which

455
00:20:04,120 --> 00:20:07,360
Speaker 4: had a warring out for I think fucking for that

456
00:20:07,441 --> 00:20:09,721
Speaker 4: one line of that six months to serve two of it.

457
00:20:11,120 --> 00:20:14,680
Speaker 2: For a disqualified driver first offense, because.

458
00:20:14,400 --> 00:20:16,600
Speaker 4: Of the because of the fucking history that went behind it.

459
00:20:16,640 --> 00:20:19,641
Speaker 2: So are you so on paper you are a real

460
00:20:19,681 --> 00:20:20,241
Speaker 2: ship driver?

461
00:20:21,041 --> 00:20:24,641
Speaker 4: I can't. You're just then on the road. Don't come

462
00:20:24,681 --> 00:20:24,960
Speaker 4: near me.

463
00:20:25,400 --> 00:20:27,281
Speaker 2: I mean, look, I'm not sitting here. And then look,

464
00:20:27,400 --> 00:20:29,240
Speaker 2: this is an in no way shape or form. We

465
00:20:29,281 --> 00:20:32,201
Speaker 2: don't condone or you know, on the clink, and We've

466
00:20:32,241 --> 00:20:33,721
Speaker 2: said these thousands of times. So I'm not going to

467
00:20:33,761 --> 00:20:35,200
Speaker 2: go down that rabbit hole. But you know, if you

468
00:20:35,241 --> 00:20:37,880
Speaker 2: can't find a bit of humor in each person's story

469
00:20:37,921 --> 00:20:40,801
Speaker 2: and the successes off the back of it. Then I'm sorry,

470
00:20:40,961 --> 00:20:44,440
Speaker 2: please change the channel and move on. But look, I

471
00:20:44,521 --> 00:20:46,281
Speaker 2: mean there is you've got. You've got to look at

472
00:20:46,321 --> 00:20:48,761
Speaker 2: the funny side of things. And at the time, here

473
00:20:48,801 --> 00:20:52,160
Speaker 2: you are thinking that you're fucking I don't fang you

474
00:20:52,201 --> 00:20:53,840
Speaker 2: out or whatever the fuck you want to be Ali

475
00:20:53,921 --> 00:20:58,720
Speaker 2: and prost rolling Alboretto or somebody that was a fast

476
00:20:58,840 --> 00:21:03,041
Speaker 2: card driver, and realistically you were fucking useless. The proof

477
00:21:03,160 --> 00:21:04,840
Speaker 2: was in the pudding and you're off to jail because

478
00:21:04,880 --> 00:21:08,641
Speaker 2: I've never known anybody to be done for disqualified driving

479
00:21:09,321 --> 00:21:12,600
Speaker 2: first up with fuck all background and be doing a

480
00:21:12,681 --> 00:21:15,520
Speaker 2: lagging like that's just yeah, I mean it happens.

481
00:21:16,201 --> 00:21:17,721
Speaker 4: There's a couple of pages of it there, brother, there's

482
00:21:17,721 --> 00:21:19,441
Speaker 4: a couple of pages of it. Then it comes down

483
00:21:19,481 --> 00:21:21,401
Speaker 4: to miss skipping court and skipping's court and skipping court

484
00:21:21,441 --> 00:21:23,521
Speaker 4: and skipping courts. The're like, you're not getting bailed, You're

485
00:21:23,521 --> 00:21:24,801
Speaker 4: going to jail later.

486
00:21:25,041 --> 00:21:27,840
Speaker 2: Filtal Peers is also caught up. Yeah, okay, so it

487
00:21:28,001 --> 00:21:31,481
Speaker 2: was a bundle of joy that was actually presented to

488
00:21:31,561 --> 00:21:35,200
Speaker 2: the judge from the DPP. So you're you've been arrested,

489
00:21:35,321 --> 00:21:37,640
Speaker 2: You've been arrested, and obviously you're going before the courts

490
00:21:37,640 --> 00:21:39,561
Speaker 2: for the matters. So your bar refused due to the

491
00:21:39,600 --> 00:21:43,641
Speaker 2: filal peer and the charges whatever charges they've had there

492
00:21:43,761 --> 00:21:47,321
Speaker 2: to present to the court. You're going to jail. Where's

493
00:21:47,321 --> 00:21:49,481
Speaker 2: your head besides up your ass and freaking out? What

494
00:21:49,921 --> 00:21:51,321
Speaker 2: I mean, this is your first time in.

495
00:21:52,120 --> 00:21:54,201
Speaker 4: Man, To be fair, thinking back to it, I wasn't

496
00:21:54,201 --> 00:21:56,001
Speaker 4: even that worried because, like at the time, I was

497
00:21:56,041 --> 00:21:58,201
Speaker 4: also fucking cooked. I had no idea what was really

498
00:21:58,241 --> 00:22:00,160
Speaker 4: going on. Like I couldn't fathom the fact that I

499
00:22:00,201 --> 00:22:02,680
Speaker 4: was actually going to jail. And I get there, like

500
00:22:03,001 --> 00:22:04,961
Speaker 4: and obviously I'm in the watchhouse and the boys like, yeah,

501
00:22:05,041 --> 00:22:06,761
Speaker 4: it's not that fucking bad, bro. To be fair, and

502
00:22:06,801 --> 00:22:08,280
Speaker 4: I'm talking to the junkies, you know what I mean,

503
00:22:08,521 --> 00:22:11,080
Speaker 4: they're like pretty sick. You get fed, you know this,

504
00:22:11,241 --> 00:22:13,801
Speaker 4: start fucking you. Gotta get you.

505
00:22:13,961 --> 00:22:16,041
Speaker 2: I'll get you on. We'll be able to get on together,

506
00:22:16,080 --> 00:22:17,720
Speaker 2: and we'll get some pube and we'll.

507
00:22:17,561 --> 00:22:22,241
Speaker 4: Get get some out. I'll get the account. Yeah, I'll

508
00:22:22,241 --> 00:22:23,840
Speaker 4: get the account. We can get it going.

509
00:22:23,921 --> 00:22:27,321
Speaker 2: You got money in the account, you got the numbers.

510
00:22:27,481 --> 00:22:30,640
Speaker 4: It's all good. Yeah, fucking something to come to business

511
00:22:30,681 --> 00:22:31,001
Speaker 4: and see you.

512
00:22:31,281 --> 00:22:31,481
Speaker 2: Yeah.

513
00:22:33,120 --> 00:22:36,201
Speaker 4: I was just like, right, well me for now, Yes,

514
00:22:36,400 --> 00:22:38,801
Speaker 4: this is me for now, And like the boys were saying, like,

515
00:22:38,880 --> 00:22:40,360
Speaker 4: it's not even that fucking bad. You'll get to the

516
00:22:40,400 --> 00:22:43,681
Speaker 4: workers unit. You'd be sweet, fucking you know, you're all good.

517
00:22:44,481 --> 00:22:46,041
Speaker 2: What about what about the month it takes to get

518
00:22:46,080 --> 00:22:48,160
Speaker 2: your phone number on, to get any money in your account,

519
00:22:48,201 --> 00:22:50,760
Speaker 2: to get any fucking you know, approval for sucking your

520
00:22:50,880 --> 00:22:52,921
Speaker 2: letters or whatever else that you need to come back

521
00:22:52,961 --> 00:22:55,120
Speaker 2: and forth to be able to actually get undies and

522
00:22:55,241 --> 00:22:58,521
Speaker 2: fucking socks at least to purchase. Because in Brisbane you

523
00:22:58,600 --> 00:23:00,761
Speaker 2: get given fucking nothing. You're free ball on the whole

524
00:23:00,801 --> 00:23:05,120
Speaker 2: time you're in fucking wherever you are, you're you get jogs.

525
00:23:04,880 --> 00:23:06,961
Speaker 4: Cat to stealing them in the fucking washing anyway.

526
00:23:06,921 --> 00:23:09,761
Speaker 2: Exactly mate. So I mean, no, it's not fun. There's

527
00:23:09,840 --> 00:23:12,280
Speaker 2: nothing good about it's fucking coming into reception at all.

528
00:23:13,080 --> 00:23:14,761
Speaker 4: It was fucking But to be fair, this is the

529
00:23:14,840 --> 00:23:17,840
Speaker 4: first time I've been sober and probably about six I know,

530
00:23:18,561 --> 00:23:21,120
Speaker 4: because I'm still smoking each taking each a sort of stuff.

531
00:23:21,241 --> 00:23:23,680
Speaker 4: This is probably the first time I've been proper sober

532
00:23:23,801 --> 00:23:27,361
Speaker 4: and not on any kind of substance in probably five years.

533
00:23:27,281 --> 00:23:29,361
Speaker 2: Can I ask you, and I want to. I want

534
00:23:29,400 --> 00:23:31,961
Speaker 2: this honestly because I've, as I said, I grow around

535
00:23:32,041 --> 00:23:34,080
Speaker 2: a lot of people that are knew in addiction. I

536
00:23:34,241 --> 00:23:35,801
Speaker 2: was younger and hanging out with all the bukes. I've

537
00:23:35,840 --> 00:23:39,761
Speaker 2: seen what people hanging out go through. And I've experienced

538
00:23:39,880 --> 00:23:42,721
Speaker 2: very lightly hanging out through the withdrawals of the major

539
00:23:43,041 --> 00:23:46,160
Speaker 2: major surgeries I've had in the last twelve weeks. But

540
00:23:47,400 --> 00:23:50,281
Speaker 2: when you're a full blown attic, it's a totally different perspective.

541
00:23:50,321 --> 00:23:54,041
Speaker 2: And I don't think our guests, our listeners here and

542
00:23:54,120 --> 00:23:56,680
Speaker 2: I've never actually actually asked a guest to be totally

543
00:23:56,761 --> 00:24:00,521
Speaker 2: open about it, talk to us about how fucking bad

544
00:24:00,600 --> 00:24:03,840
Speaker 2: it is, you know, like do you shit yourself, vomit

545
00:24:03,961 --> 00:24:06,001
Speaker 2: spew because I know when you addicted to heroin and

546
00:24:06,041 --> 00:24:10,281
Speaker 2: the opits mean, the stuff that I've seen like people

547
00:24:10,360 --> 00:24:11,441
Speaker 2: go through it was horrendous.

548
00:24:13,321 --> 00:24:15,561
Speaker 4: So with the eyes, I think it's completely different. I've

549
00:24:15,561 --> 00:24:17,160
Speaker 4: seen that as well, obviously with people that I've been

550
00:24:17,201 --> 00:24:18,680
Speaker 4: locked up with and that sort of stuff, and obviously

551
00:24:18,721 --> 00:24:20,321
Speaker 4: also people that I know on the outside that have

552
00:24:20,400 --> 00:24:23,080
Speaker 4: been hanging out from you know, fucking even even like

553
00:24:23,160 --> 00:24:25,761
Speaker 4: the franking that these days a g they're fucking hanging

554
00:24:25,801 --> 00:24:27,761
Speaker 4: out real hard for that ship. But with the ice,

555
00:24:27,921 --> 00:24:31,281
Speaker 4: it was just the agitation. I couldn't keep my eyes open.

556
00:24:31,321 --> 00:24:33,160
Speaker 4: I wanted to sleep all the time. I was angry

557
00:24:33,201 --> 00:24:36,200
Speaker 4: at every motherfucker. And not only that, it was just

558
00:24:36,281 --> 00:24:38,761
Speaker 4: the lack of confidence, going from fucking like I thought

559
00:24:38,761 --> 00:24:40,881
Speaker 4: I was a fucking man to now being like, oh, fuck,

560
00:24:40,880 --> 00:24:43,201
Speaker 4: I'm just a timid little boy again. I realized literally,

561
00:24:43,241 --> 00:24:46,200
Speaker 4: I'm like I am quite literally still just a scared

562
00:24:46,241 --> 00:24:50,521
Speaker 4: little fucking boy. And so it was really just a

563
00:24:50,600 --> 00:24:52,721
Speaker 4: level playing field back for me. Now I was like,

564
00:24:52,840 --> 00:24:55,400
Speaker 4: fucking I'm in the big boys yard. Fucking I'm going

565
00:24:55,481 --> 00:24:57,201
Speaker 4: to keep my head down and fucking do my time.

566
00:24:57,681 --> 00:25:00,441
Speaker 4: But the biggest thing that I found about the hanging

567
00:25:00,521 --> 00:25:02,201
Speaker 4: out was well number one.

568
00:25:02,400 --> 00:25:06,880
Speaker 2: Fucking So for example, right, I'll remember put this in perspective.

569
00:25:07,001 --> 00:25:10,201
Speaker 2: I was eighteen at Long Bay in Sydney, come into

570
00:25:10,241 --> 00:25:13,721
Speaker 2: a yard. It was a very serious sort of jail.

571
00:25:13,801 --> 00:25:16,600
Speaker 2: Will it is still is, you know. I was a

572
00:25:16,640 --> 00:25:21,321
Speaker 2: young kid and off the street addicts were literally getting

573
00:25:21,721 --> 00:25:24,080
Speaker 2: stripped of everything because you wear your own amaxes or

574
00:25:24,160 --> 00:25:26,000
Speaker 2: fucking assets. Back in the day where you could come

575
00:25:26,001 --> 00:25:27,880
Speaker 2: into the jail and keep them on your feet, or

576
00:25:27,921 --> 00:25:29,440
Speaker 2: you could sign them out whatever you wanted to do.

577
00:25:29,521 --> 00:25:32,321
Speaker 2: In that respect. Blokes would come in there and not

578
00:25:32,400 --> 00:25:34,521
Speaker 2: give a fuck. Next minute, you know, they're literally curled

579
00:25:34,600 --> 00:25:36,680
Speaker 2: up in a ball and Blakeswall just taking their shoes

580
00:25:36,721 --> 00:25:39,240
Speaker 2: off them, whatever else they want off them, because they

581
00:25:39,321 --> 00:25:43,360
Speaker 2: physically could not function due to the hanging out, and

582
00:25:43,400 --> 00:25:46,481
Speaker 2: there was no assistance from the jail. There was no help.

583
00:25:47,201 --> 00:25:48,881
Speaker 2: There was no anything other than you know, you're lucky

584
00:25:48,880 --> 00:25:49,681
Speaker 2: if you've got a penantole.

585
00:25:50,681 --> 00:25:53,200
Speaker 4: Yeah, with the eyes, bro. It was honestly nothing like that.

586
00:25:53,481 --> 00:25:56,001
Speaker 2: You weren't on the program, you wouldn't, you wouldn't sort

587
00:25:56,001 --> 00:25:58,400
Speaker 2: of get any assistance. But for an iadic I've never

588
00:25:58,521 --> 00:26:02,241
Speaker 2: ever understood or known other than the factor being in

589
00:26:02,281 --> 00:26:05,321
Speaker 2: a watchhouse and watching people just sleep sleep, and I

590
00:26:05,441 --> 00:26:09,521
Speaker 2: mean sleep for days and days. I just don't five

591
00:26:09,561 --> 00:26:12,441
Speaker 2: hours in a night. It's probably not healthy, but that's

592
00:26:12,521 --> 00:26:15,160
Speaker 2: me and I'm mate, that's just my brain's going. You know,

593
00:26:16,201 --> 00:26:18,281
Speaker 2: you guys, you're a special fucking breed.

594
00:26:20,241 --> 00:26:22,360
Speaker 4: Brother to tell you what, it gave me an appreciation

595
00:26:22,441 --> 00:26:24,721
Speaker 4: for sleep, because like I said, fucking probably that it'd

596
00:26:24,761 --> 00:26:26,080
Speaker 4: be fucking once twice a week.

597
00:26:26,561 --> 00:26:28,041
Speaker 2: Boring, but you've got no one to talk to when

598
00:26:28,080 --> 00:26:29,521
Speaker 2: you've got no one in the slots and you're just

599
00:26:29,721 --> 00:26:33,160
Speaker 2: fucking sleepers looking at the walls. I was.

600
00:26:33,681 --> 00:26:35,761
Speaker 4: I was happy to be in the fucking messile. You know.

601
00:26:35,840 --> 00:26:37,640
Speaker 4: Obviously in the watchhouse you got like your little cellars,

602
00:26:37,640 --> 00:26:40,321
Speaker 4: You've got like you got the open cot and you

603
00:26:40,360 --> 00:26:42,721
Speaker 4: can watch the TV. But I'm curled up. I'm curled

604
00:26:42,801 --> 00:26:45,280
Speaker 4: up with my fucking blanket, just watching fucking prices. Right

605
00:26:45,360 --> 00:26:47,600
Speaker 4: for fucking days, it is up against the wall, just

606
00:26:50,001 --> 00:26:51,801
Speaker 4: trying to fucking just get some sleep. Because man, at

607
00:26:51,801 --> 00:26:53,880
Speaker 4: the end of the day, like I said, just body

608
00:26:54,001 --> 00:26:56,600
Speaker 4: was just trying to recover. It was just clucking for nutrients,

609
00:26:56,921 --> 00:26:59,840
Speaker 4: clucking for some fucking sleep. And you know, if anyone

610
00:26:59,880 --> 00:27:02,561
Speaker 4: tried to fucking you know, even like they talk to you,

611
00:27:02,840 --> 00:27:05,001
Speaker 4: you're giving them one word andss like I could not function.

612
00:27:05,481 --> 00:27:07,001
Speaker 4: There's no chance I got to have a conversation with

613
00:27:07,120 --> 00:27:08,881
Speaker 4: people because I was just fucking angry and I wanted

614
00:27:08,921 --> 00:27:09,481
Speaker 4: to sleep.

615
00:27:09,961 --> 00:27:12,961
Speaker 2: And mentally actually like in I mean, I'll get what

616
00:27:13,041 --> 00:27:15,600
Speaker 2: you just said in reference to, you know, feeling angry,

617
00:27:16,120 --> 00:27:18,721
Speaker 2: But if you had to have a conversation for whatever reason,

618
00:27:18,801 --> 00:27:21,801
Speaker 2: with a lawyer or somebody who might be looking for you,

619
00:27:22,840 --> 00:27:24,801
Speaker 2: just wanted to get the information, you know, for your

620
00:27:25,001 --> 00:27:26,561
Speaker 2: reception or something. You know, when you come through and

621
00:27:26,600 --> 00:27:29,920
Speaker 2: you give your details and shit, how did you function

622
00:27:30,321 --> 00:27:33,360
Speaker 2: with being able to sort of coheer that you know

623
00:27:33,400 --> 00:27:34,400
Speaker 2: what I mean through your brain?

624
00:27:35,360 --> 00:27:38,440
Speaker 4: Brother, there's no chances having a coherent conversation. Like the

625
00:27:38,521 --> 00:27:40,600
Speaker 4: words are just fucking not stringing together. And to be fair,

626
00:27:41,160 --> 00:27:43,441
Speaker 4: I'll cook myself that fucking bad that I still feel

627
00:27:43,441 --> 00:27:45,041
Speaker 4: like there's times now when I have a lisp or

628
00:27:45,080 --> 00:27:47,721
Speaker 4: I can't articulate the words that I want to say,

629
00:27:47,880 --> 00:27:50,801
Speaker 4: like long term fucking the effects. Look, this is the thing,

630
00:27:50,880 --> 00:27:53,160
Speaker 4: like you said, man, like as far as it goes Toads,

631
00:27:53,201 --> 00:27:54,561
Speaker 4: I think I'll come off pretty good. Like I've got

632
00:27:54,600 --> 00:27:58,160
Speaker 4: one missing tooth. Lucking your cousins and Dennist fictiqued's not

633
00:27:58,281 --> 00:28:01,120
Speaker 4: pretty good. Brother, I'm pretty fucking I'm pretty alright with us.

634
00:28:01,201 --> 00:28:02,640
Speaker 2: You want to do something with the clink, I'm like,

635
00:28:02,761 --> 00:28:03,600
Speaker 2: fucking I can do with.

636
00:28:03,600 --> 00:28:07,600
Speaker 4: A nice clean and scpe Dave and get a sponsorship

637
00:28:07,600 --> 00:28:08,001
Speaker 4: deal going.

638
00:28:08,241 --> 00:28:09,840
Speaker 2: I'll run a few hours for him. Let him know.

639
00:28:10,880 --> 00:28:12,561
Speaker 4: But the thing is, like I've got off. As far

640
00:28:12,600 --> 00:28:14,921
Speaker 4: as the physical side of things go, not too bad.

641
00:28:14,961 --> 00:28:17,281
Speaker 4: But fucking mentally, bro I know, there's still fucking a

642
00:28:17,321 --> 00:28:19,120
Speaker 4: lot of shit going on there where I'll just fried

643
00:28:19,201 --> 00:28:22,561
Speaker 4: my brain to the point of dehydration and being able

644
00:28:22,600 --> 00:28:25,521
Speaker 4: to function. And I literally, even to this day, I

645
00:28:25,640 --> 00:28:28,801
Speaker 4: still can't articulate words specifically, and I fucking you know,

646
00:28:29,080 --> 00:28:31,161
Speaker 4: just struggling to get those words out. So you can

647
00:28:31,201 --> 00:28:33,160
Speaker 4: imagine going back, like, you know, what is it now

648
00:28:33,241 --> 00:28:35,640
Speaker 4: that I've been cleaned, like eight years, seven years, eight

649
00:28:35,721 --> 00:28:38,241
Speaker 4: years I think seven years now, going back seven years ago,

650
00:28:38,401 --> 00:28:40,121
Speaker 4: even just getting out for the last time, Broan, just

651
00:28:40,201 --> 00:28:42,001
Speaker 4: while still swinging off the glass barbie for a while.

652
00:28:42,041 --> 00:28:45,241
Speaker 4: But when I stopped, I was trying to just have

653
00:28:45,321 --> 00:28:48,001
Speaker 4: a conversation with a normal human being, and I didn't

654
00:28:48,041 --> 00:28:48,361
Speaker 4: know how.

655
00:28:48,241 --> 00:28:50,041
Speaker 2: To How did you get with your study? Because I

656
00:28:50,081 --> 00:28:52,601
Speaker 2: mean we will get into that part of the conversation obviously,

657
00:28:52,761 --> 00:28:58,681
Speaker 2: But you know, you're in a place now that is fantastic,

658
00:28:58,961 --> 00:29:02,041
Speaker 2: to say the least, but it's a place of education

659
00:29:02,161 --> 00:29:05,841
Speaker 2: where you're constantly upgrading yourself and your skills in your mindset.

660
00:29:06,561 --> 00:29:11,001
Speaker 2: You know, you're giving a lot of support and helping others.

661
00:29:11,041 --> 00:29:13,200
Speaker 2: You're doing a lot of dialogue. You're doing, you know,

662
00:29:13,401 --> 00:29:16,961
Speaker 2: these things I struggle with at times, just with patients

663
00:29:17,001 --> 00:29:20,361
Speaker 2: and perseverance and being able to just you know, just

664
00:29:20,441 --> 00:29:22,801
Speaker 2: to tune out of everything else in the brain noise

665
00:29:22,841 --> 00:29:24,441
Speaker 2: and be able to switch off and say, Okay, I'm

666
00:29:24,481 --> 00:29:27,121
Speaker 2: gonna just study or I'm going to pay attention to this.

667
00:29:27,241 --> 00:29:29,401
Speaker 2: I'll last a day or two and then the brain's like, fuck,

668
00:29:29,441 --> 00:29:32,001
Speaker 2: it's all too much, got too much going on. That's

669
00:29:32,041 --> 00:29:34,641
Speaker 2: everyday life for me, with what's going on in my life.

670
00:29:34,801 --> 00:29:38,401
Speaker 2: You know, how how did you find that shift?

671
00:29:39,041 --> 00:29:39,281
Speaker 4: For you?

672
00:29:39,681 --> 00:29:41,761
Speaker 2: When you speak and I'm only asking just purely off

673
00:29:41,801 --> 00:29:44,681
Speaker 2: what you just said in reference to you know, mentally

674
00:29:44,761 --> 00:29:46,801
Speaker 2: how it's sort of it's got your long term a

675
00:29:46,841 --> 00:29:47,681
Speaker 2: bit and smarios.

676
00:29:48,761 --> 00:29:50,601
Speaker 4: Well, like I said, so even when I got out

677
00:29:50,681 --> 00:29:53,521
Speaker 4: and was still smoking for a while, So I guess

678
00:29:53,601 --> 00:29:55,521
Speaker 4: give you a backstory around that, Like there was a

679
00:29:55,561 --> 00:29:57,681
Speaker 4: fucking heap of shit that happened between that point in

680
00:29:57,761 --> 00:29:59,361
Speaker 4: time where I first went to jail and then came

681
00:29:59,441 --> 00:30:02,081
Speaker 4: to jail. The last one went to jail that let's

682
00:30:02,121 --> 00:30:04,161
Speaker 4: call it's like I said, almost eight years there, so

683
00:30:05,121 --> 00:30:11,401
Speaker 4: caught six years and for me, like getting out and

684
00:30:11,521 --> 00:30:13,041
Speaker 4: I was like, I can't. I need to do something different,

685
00:30:13,081 --> 00:30:14,961
Speaker 4: I need to do something here. So I started out

686
00:30:15,001 --> 00:30:17,681
Speaker 4: as a PT and even with being a PT, like

687
00:30:19,081 --> 00:30:22,281
Speaker 4: I couldn't have a conversation with a stiff. I couldn't.

688
00:30:22,641 --> 00:30:24,081
Speaker 4: I didn't know how to fuck, and I didn't have

689
00:30:24,081 --> 00:30:25,721
Speaker 4: anything in common with these cuts. So they're talking about

690
00:30:25,721 --> 00:30:27,681
Speaker 4: basketball and football and all sorts of stuff in the line.

691
00:30:27,721 --> 00:30:30,121
Speaker 4: It was fucking swinging off the glass barbie and fucking

692
00:30:30,161 --> 00:30:32,921
Speaker 4: doing our bags, jumping downers and count stacks, Like, how

693
00:30:33,001 --> 00:30:35,440
Speaker 4: the fuck can I have anything to connect with with

694
00:30:35,561 --> 00:30:38,041
Speaker 4: these people? And so it was a learning process. I

695
00:30:38,121 --> 00:30:40,000
Speaker 4: was a fucking very orges human being for a very

696
00:30:40,041 --> 00:30:41,641
Speaker 4: long time when I got off the gear, a very

697
00:30:41,761 --> 00:30:44,521
Speaker 4: orgy human being. I didn't know how to have a conversation,

698
00:30:44,681 --> 00:30:47,321
Speaker 4: didn't know how to fucking, you know, like even interact

699
00:30:47,401 --> 00:30:50,041
Speaker 4: in a fucking public setting. Because the closest thing to

700
00:30:50,081 --> 00:30:52,161
Speaker 4: a public setting, how was the pokey room fucking prior

701
00:30:52,241 --> 00:30:54,041
Speaker 4: to that, you know what I mean? But you're sitting

702
00:30:54,081 --> 00:30:57,001
Speaker 4: there slapping away while I'm fucking flicking gear. So it

703
00:30:57,121 --> 00:30:58,761
Speaker 4: was it was a big learning curve. But the thing is,

704
00:30:58,801 --> 00:30:59,961
Speaker 4: at the end of the day, I think back to

705
00:31:00,041 --> 00:31:02,281
Speaker 4: that now to where I am as well, like these days,

706
00:31:02,361 --> 00:31:04,881
Speaker 4: like it's taken fucking six or seven years to get there,

707
00:31:05,721 --> 00:31:05,841
Speaker 4: you know.

708
00:31:06,001 --> 00:31:07,520
Speaker 2: Yeah, but this is part of what you said at

709
00:31:07,561 --> 00:31:09,561
Speaker 2: the start. You know, if anyone can do it, you

710
00:31:09,681 --> 00:31:11,401
Speaker 2: can do it. If any if you can do it,

711
00:31:11,441 --> 00:31:13,961
Speaker 2: anyone can do it. Sorry, And you know this is

712
00:31:14,041 --> 00:31:18,321
Speaker 2: relevant to what and who you are today. So I'm

713
00:31:18,761 --> 00:31:21,401
Speaker 2: thank you for being so open about this, especially you know,

714
00:31:21,481 --> 00:31:25,401
Speaker 2: for our listeners, because it does actually give you know,

715
00:31:25,641 --> 00:31:28,321
Speaker 2: in the back end of this story today to why

716
00:31:28,441 --> 00:31:30,401
Speaker 2: you are where you are and how you got there,

717
00:31:30,441 --> 00:31:32,881
Speaker 2: you know, and it hasn't been an easy road. It's

718
00:31:32,961 --> 00:31:35,480
Speaker 2: not just you know one time, all right, you might

719
00:31:35,561 --> 00:31:37,721
Speaker 2: not have done twenty years jail and been you know,

720
00:31:37,841 --> 00:31:40,721
Speaker 2: the most notorious fucking criminal in the world, but what

721
00:31:40,881 --> 00:31:45,681
Speaker 2: you've gone through is fucking some serious ship and it's

722
00:31:45,801 --> 00:31:48,921
Speaker 2: not good, you know. And like you said, five percent,

723
00:31:49,561 --> 00:31:53,480
Speaker 2: you know you you're a success in recovery. But you're

724
00:31:53,521 --> 00:31:57,001
Speaker 2: a success, yeah, I guess at the end of the day.

725
00:31:57,161 --> 00:32:00,481
Speaker 4: Like thinking back, okay, like if we go back to

726
00:32:00,561 --> 00:32:02,241
Speaker 4: that that six year or seven year period where I

727
00:32:02,321 --> 00:32:03,961
Speaker 4: was in and out of jail and I was smoking eyes,

728
00:32:04,081 --> 00:32:07,921
Speaker 4: like always looking over my shoulder, always looking over my shoulder.

729
00:32:07,961 --> 00:32:10,001
Speaker 4: I've been shot at, I've had guns pulled on me.

730
00:32:10,081 --> 00:32:12,521
Speaker 4: I've fucking been almost stabbed, I've been jumped, I've been robbed,

731
00:32:12,521 --> 00:32:13,761
Speaker 4: I've been fucked over by friends.

732
00:32:13,801 --> 00:32:17,041
Speaker 2: I've can I ask why, Like when I say why,

733
00:32:17,121 --> 00:32:20,401
Speaker 2: I mean from you shitgowing people because you're an addict

734
00:32:20,481 --> 00:32:23,001
Speaker 2: and you know things, or people just want to rob

735
00:32:23,041 --> 00:32:25,280
Speaker 2: you because you had gear or was it bed that's

736
00:32:25,281 --> 00:32:26,921
Speaker 2: the jail blues or why.

737
00:32:27,841 --> 00:32:29,001
Speaker 4: I see this is the thing. I did my jar

738
00:32:29,041 --> 00:32:30,561
Speaker 4: pretty easy, man. I fuck to be fair like I

739
00:32:30,601 --> 00:32:33,081
Speaker 4: did my jar real easy. Like Queensland prisons are fucking

740
00:32:33,201 --> 00:32:36,561
Speaker 4: really they're a kindergarten. It's for the first time going

741
00:32:36,561 --> 00:32:38,161
Speaker 4: to Jarl of course, I was a bit fucking apprehensive,

742
00:32:38,161 --> 00:32:41,081
Speaker 4: a bit scared first time being that environment, but it

743
00:32:41,401 --> 00:32:43,561
Speaker 4: literally is an adult kindergarten and Queensland, like I said,

744
00:32:43,561 --> 00:32:45,720
Speaker 4: there's some hard men in there, definitely some hard men,

745
00:32:45,801 --> 00:32:47,961
Speaker 4: but you're surrounded by junkies and thieves and people that

746
00:32:48,001 --> 00:32:50,041
Speaker 4: just literally want to score gear. But that's that's literally

747
00:32:50,201 --> 00:32:52,681
Speaker 4: the quality of the people you're surrounded by. I did

748
00:32:52,721 --> 00:32:55,000
Speaker 4: my jar pretty easy. I am the first time going

749
00:32:55,001 --> 00:32:56,281
Speaker 4: to jar. I was only there for a couple of months,

750
00:32:56,321 --> 00:32:59,001
Speaker 4: like I said, and I stayed my entire time in

751
00:32:59,121 --> 00:33:01,881
Speaker 4: the reception or the first time is when either have

752
00:33:01,961 --> 00:33:03,801
Speaker 4: like a little wing where you go. I think at

753
00:33:03,801 --> 00:33:07,361
Speaker 4: the time it was maybe c A, no, that's that's

754
00:33:07,481 --> 00:33:07,921
Speaker 4: Arthur Gory.

755
00:33:08,241 --> 00:33:10,081
Speaker 2: It was fuck.

756
00:33:10,081 --> 00:33:12,001
Speaker 4: I couldn't even tell you. But anyway, BCC, it was

757
00:33:12,041 --> 00:33:13,481
Speaker 4: this wing where I was literally just a bunch of

758
00:33:13,521 --> 00:33:15,441
Speaker 4: cunts in there for the first time. And to be fair,

759
00:33:15,521 --> 00:33:16,841
Speaker 4: bro it was a bunch of spastics. I was one

760
00:33:16,841 --> 00:33:18,161
Speaker 4: of those bastics to put my hand up, but I

761
00:33:18,161 --> 00:33:19,801
Speaker 4: had no fucking idea what was going on. And there

762
00:33:19,881 --> 00:33:21,761
Speaker 4: was some cunts in there that had done juby and whatnot.

763
00:33:21,841 --> 00:33:25,881
Speaker 4: But it was for me. It was the first time

764
00:33:26,001 --> 00:33:27,921
Speaker 4: that I'd been like, okay, cool, I want to feel

765
00:33:28,201 --> 00:33:30,121
Speaker 4: a little bit better. So I started doing push ups,

766
00:33:30,201 --> 00:33:31,921
Speaker 4: pull up, sit up, so training with the boys and

767
00:33:31,961 --> 00:33:33,161
Speaker 4: that sort of stuff. And it was the first time

768
00:33:33,161 --> 00:33:34,961
Speaker 4: I'd trained or fucking lifted a weight of any kind,

769
00:33:35,201 --> 00:33:37,641
Speaker 4: like I said, like in jail, there's no weights in Queensland.

770
00:33:38,681 --> 00:33:40,761
Speaker 4: But the first time I started to actually do any

771
00:33:40,841 --> 00:33:43,520
Speaker 4: kind of workout since I was a kid. So that's

772
00:33:43,561 --> 00:33:44,921
Speaker 4: what Jaba came for me. I was like, I'm just

773
00:33:44,921 --> 00:33:46,280
Speaker 4: gonna train, I'm gonna hang out with the boys, I'm

774
00:33:46,281 --> 00:33:47,960
Speaker 4: gonna eat food. I was eating three meals a day,

775
00:33:47,961 --> 00:33:50,481
Speaker 4: I was sleeping. I've got routine. I was making my

776
00:33:50,521 --> 00:33:51,961
Speaker 4: fucking bed every day, because you have to. Like, I

777
00:33:52,041 --> 00:33:55,561
Speaker 4: started to get this routine back and then got out.

778
00:33:56,361 --> 00:33:58,241
Speaker 4: Got out first time after jail, I thought I was

779
00:33:58,281 --> 00:34:00,401
Speaker 4: a fucking man because I've done about fucking five minutes jail.

780
00:34:00,401 --> 00:34:01,641
Speaker 4: I was like, fuck, I'm a bit of a bit

781
00:34:01,681 --> 00:34:03,321
Speaker 4: of a bad caun't now you know. I got a

782
00:34:03,361 --> 00:34:05,761
Speaker 4: bit of an ego about me and fucking Boom kept

783
00:34:05,801 --> 00:34:07,401
Speaker 4: doing the same ship. But the thing is that I meant,

784
00:34:08,201 --> 00:34:09,641
Speaker 4: that's the biggest thing that I got out of jail

785
00:34:09,681 --> 00:34:11,921
Speaker 4: at this point in time was now I had new customers.

786
00:34:11,961 --> 00:34:13,481
Speaker 4: I had people I can get my gear off cheaper.

787
00:34:13,521 --> 00:34:16,081
Speaker 4: I had a fucking new network. Because there's no real ability,

788
00:34:16,321 --> 00:34:19,121
Speaker 4: no rehabilitation in jail whatsoever. There is no rehability.

789
00:34:19,281 --> 00:34:24,521
Speaker 2: It's work purely as school to network and and hone

790
00:34:24,601 --> 00:34:27,641
Speaker 2: and better. You're fucking already if you call yourself a

791
00:34:27,721 --> 00:34:34,121
Speaker 2: criminal or criminal skill sets. If there's no worth in jail.

792
00:34:34,681 --> 00:34:36,480
Speaker 2: When I say it worth. I mean, I'm talking about

793
00:34:36,521 --> 00:34:39,041
Speaker 2: individual because you know you can't speak like that, but

794
00:34:39,721 --> 00:34:42,161
Speaker 2: no worth of what you get out of there unless

795
00:34:42,201 --> 00:34:43,921
Speaker 2: you want to continue a life of crime. And even then,

796
00:34:43,961 --> 00:34:45,721
Speaker 2: half of it's just fucking shit talk.

797
00:34:46,881 --> 00:34:48,361
Speaker 4: Well, you got all these new mates, right, all these

798
00:34:48,401 --> 00:34:50,201
Speaker 4: new mates that are fucking sick cuns when they're clean.

799
00:34:50,681 --> 00:34:52,761
Speaker 4: But then you get back out and you start playing

800
00:34:52,841 --> 00:34:54,641
Speaker 4: up and all of a sudden, fucking all the shit

801
00:34:54,681 --> 00:34:56,361
Speaker 4: starts hitting the fan. You know, you've got consider your

802
00:34:56,361 --> 00:34:58,721
Speaker 4: money because fucking all that are all good at first,

803
00:34:58,761 --> 00:35:00,561
Speaker 4: and then they start chopping into the gear again, and

804
00:35:01,041 --> 00:35:02,961
Speaker 4: it just became this noble effect. And at the time

805
00:35:02,961 --> 00:35:04,681
Speaker 4: I was still living in Brisbane, I was driving out

806
00:35:04,681 --> 00:35:06,121
Speaker 4: the gold I was meeting up with a heap of

807
00:35:06,121 --> 00:35:09,201
Speaker 4: the boys that have been locked up with and yeah,

808
00:35:09,321 --> 00:35:10,881
Speaker 4: fucking it was just back and forth, back and forth,

809
00:35:10,921 --> 00:35:13,361
Speaker 4: back and forth, and same same thing. Like I was

810
00:35:13,481 --> 00:35:15,641
Speaker 4: just in and out of jail. So, like I said,

811
00:35:15,641 --> 00:35:18,161
Speaker 4: I got locked up I think tall six times. The

812
00:35:18,241 --> 00:35:20,121
Speaker 4: next time I got locked up was for about six months,

813
00:35:20,161 --> 00:35:22,521
Speaker 4: went to Woodford, did the fucking tour up there. This

814
00:35:22,641 --> 00:35:25,841
Speaker 4: is the first time light what was Woodford like Woodford?

815
00:35:26,161 --> 00:35:28,721
Speaker 4: Same again, man, But you've got to be compared to BCC,

816
00:35:28,881 --> 00:35:30,761
Speaker 4: there's not so many spastics. There's some hard men up there,

817
00:35:30,801 --> 00:35:32,841
Speaker 4: you know what I mean. And now I was actually

818
00:35:32,881 --> 00:35:35,721
Speaker 4: starting to get into the blocks. I was in the

819
00:35:35,801 --> 00:35:40,841
Speaker 4: top blocker in like and seventeen and sixteen, and like

820
00:35:40,921 --> 00:35:42,681
Speaker 4: there was some bad cunts in there, bro, you know

821
00:35:42,681 --> 00:35:44,161
Speaker 4: what I mean. This is for me, This is when

822
00:35:44,201 --> 00:35:46,441
Speaker 4: the real fear kicked in. Like I was waking up, okay,

823
00:35:46,561 --> 00:35:48,281
Speaker 4: wondering like am I gonna get stabbed? Am I gonna

824
00:35:48,281 --> 00:35:50,281
Speaker 4: get fucking jumped? Like? Is there someone I pissed off

825
00:35:50,321 --> 00:35:52,401
Speaker 4: that I fucked someone's girl? Like who knows? You know

826
00:35:52,401 --> 00:35:54,001
Speaker 4: what I mean? And the thing is, even if you

827
00:35:54,001 --> 00:35:56,361
Speaker 4: didn't fuck someone's girl, you still think, you know, like

828
00:35:56,921 --> 00:35:58,921
Speaker 4: you've seen can'ts get jumped over? Fuck if you done jail,

829
00:35:58,961 --> 00:36:01,081
Speaker 4: you've seen can't get jumped over fucking milk, you know.

830
00:36:01,041 --> 00:36:03,481
Speaker 2: What I mean? Mate? And the problem is the amount

831
00:36:03,521 --> 00:36:05,921
Speaker 2: of bullshit that gets talked. And then the days is one.

832
00:36:06,081 --> 00:36:08,801
Speaker 2: You know, no one's got paperwork on anyone. Now everyone's

833
00:36:08,801 --> 00:36:11,241
Speaker 2: a fucking dog just to get him bashed and shit.

834
00:36:11,081 --> 00:36:12,601
Speaker 4: Come unless you got gear. If you got gear, it

835
00:36:12,601 --> 00:36:13,440
Speaker 4: doesn't matter if you're a dog.

836
00:36:14,081 --> 00:36:17,361
Speaker 2: Oh you're sweet, you're sweet, produced and you're sweet, you're sweet.

837
00:36:17,401 --> 00:36:19,601
Speaker 2: You're all good. But the good bloke that's fucking done

838
00:36:19,641 --> 00:36:21,841
Speaker 2: nothing wrong, that just had a fucking running with Johnny

839
00:36:21,881 --> 00:36:24,881
Speaker 2: down the next fucking couple of cells, he's just turning

840
00:36:24,921 --> 00:36:27,961
Speaker 2: to his mates, putree, he's fucking that good something. So

841
00:36:28,081 --> 00:36:31,241
Speaker 2: he says he's fucking do this, done that man. And

842
00:36:31,281 --> 00:36:34,521
Speaker 2: it's you know, poor bastards getting shangl or jumped, you know,

843
00:36:34,681 --> 00:36:36,441
Speaker 2: like for no reason at all. But I'll mate, it's

844
00:36:36,481 --> 00:36:39,721
Speaker 2: sucking a killie fiddler or a woman basher. You know,

845
00:36:39,921 --> 00:36:43,361
Speaker 2: he's just next door to them. Blake's getting fucking getting

846
00:36:43,401 --> 00:36:45,881
Speaker 2: all the gear and leading everybody's problems.

847
00:36:45,961 --> 00:36:48,001
Speaker 4: Yeah, and that's the thing, Like, this is the environment

848
00:36:48,041 --> 00:36:49,681
Speaker 4: you're in is you literally don't know what's going to

849
00:36:49,721 --> 00:36:51,801
Speaker 4: go on every day you're waking up. You're in a

850
00:36:51,841 --> 00:36:54,641
Speaker 4: high stress environment. You're surrounded by some bad cunts, you know,

851
00:36:54,681 --> 00:36:56,161
Speaker 4: and obviously there's a there's a count in there that

852
00:36:56,201 --> 00:36:57,681
Speaker 4: are like me, just trying to keep the head down

853
00:36:57,721 --> 00:36:59,361
Speaker 4: and do that time. But there's also people in there

854
00:36:59,401 --> 00:37:01,481
Speaker 4: there's fucking trying to cause dramma. I feel like they

855
00:37:01,601 --> 00:37:03,441
Speaker 4: have to prove something, you know what I mean. They

856
00:37:03,481 --> 00:37:06,361
Speaker 4: literally have this feeling that they have to be the

857
00:37:06,441 --> 00:37:09,481
Speaker 4: man in jail, you know, because that's that's literally what

858
00:37:09,481 --> 00:37:12,801
Speaker 4: I've got is fucking you know that that's their life,

859
00:37:13,241 --> 00:37:15,241
Speaker 4: that's their life. So this is the next time I

860
00:37:15,281 --> 00:37:17,161
Speaker 4: went in there, got the same thing again. I got

861
00:37:17,201 --> 00:37:18,721
Speaker 4: cleaned for a little bit, you know, I was cleaning

862
00:37:18,721 --> 00:37:20,601
Speaker 4: for a couple of months back, working with the old

863
00:37:20,641 --> 00:37:22,681
Speaker 4: boy at the carpet shop, and before you know it,

864
00:37:22,761 --> 00:37:24,321
Speaker 4: I was fucking back on the pipe. You know. It

865
00:37:24,401 --> 00:37:27,561
Speaker 4: was just that the same constant cycle, same kinds of cycle,

866
00:37:27,601 --> 00:37:29,881
Speaker 4: and this time I fucking started turning it up a

867
00:37:29,881 --> 00:37:31,721
Speaker 4: little bit more. You know, I was selling a lot

868
00:37:31,761 --> 00:37:34,241
Speaker 4: more gear. I was fucking you know, getting involved style

869
00:37:34,281 --> 00:37:36,681
Speaker 4: on cars and you know, all sorts of stuff like that.

870
00:37:37,401 --> 00:37:39,480
Speaker 4: At one point, fucking we were involved with some boys

871
00:37:39,561 --> 00:37:42,641
Speaker 4: that are clubbies and end up getting carjacked over a

872
00:37:42,721 --> 00:37:45,321
Speaker 4: fucking deal that went wrong and all sorts of shit.

873
00:37:45,401 --> 00:37:47,241
Speaker 4: So there was just really literally in that sort of

874
00:37:47,281 --> 00:37:50,281
Speaker 4: stress environment all the time, you know, outside inside it

875
00:37:50,361 --> 00:37:52,440
Speaker 4: was just high stressed the entire time through this whole

876
00:37:52,441 --> 00:37:56,041
Speaker 4: period of my life, and it always came back down

877
00:37:56,161 --> 00:37:58,201
Speaker 4: to what I wanted to make money, you know. I

878
00:37:58,321 --> 00:37:59,841
Speaker 4: wanted to feel like I was somebody. I wanted to

879
00:37:59,841 --> 00:38:01,801
Speaker 4: feel like I fit in and the only way that

880
00:38:01,801 --> 00:38:03,481
Speaker 4: I knew to do that was by selling drugs and

881
00:38:03,601 --> 00:38:06,321
Speaker 4: you know, making money like that, you know, and obviously

882
00:38:06,441 --> 00:38:07,801
Speaker 4: all the other bullsh that comes with that. You know,

883
00:38:07,841 --> 00:38:12,041
Speaker 4: I got into the fantasy, you know, fucking girls this that.

884
00:38:12,281 --> 00:38:13,961
Speaker 4: You know, you've got one girl this week and another

885
00:38:14,001 --> 00:38:16,841
Speaker 4: girl next week, and fucking just driving around like I was,

886
00:38:17,281 --> 00:38:19,921
Speaker 4: starting in probably Merland by down south and my way

887
00:38:19,961 --> 00:38:22,401
Speaker 4: back up the coast to Gold Coast and the Brisbane

888
00:38:22,441 --> 00:38:25,321
Speaker 4: and the Hole and then all skank to it and

889
00:38:25,361 --> 00:38:27,721
Speaker 4: then all the way up to fucking the Sunny Coast.

890
00:38:27,761 --> 00:38:29,441
Speaker 4: You know. It was just a run that was going on. Everything.

891
00:38:29,481 --> 00:38:31,041
Speaker 2: Oh you even went up there and had a bit

892
00:38:31,041 --> 00:38:32,641
Speaker 2: of a tickle, look at you, boy.

893
00:38:32,881 --> 00:38:34,761
Speaker 4: It was fucking yeah. That was just it. That was

894
00:38:34,801 --> 00:38:35,561
Speaker 4: That was a day to day.

895
00:38:35,441 --> 00:38:39,201
Speaker 2: Phone book full of strippers, numbers and fucking just skanks

896
00:38:39,201 --> 00:38:42,681
Speaker 2: from the Gay sunshelling care and Brizzy.

897
00:38:43,881 --> 00:38:45,281
Speaker 4: A cop for a rock up thing. You know. It

898
00:38:45,361 --> 00:38:49,961
Speaker 4: was putrid thinking back, such a shit environment. At the

899
00:38:50,001 --> 00:38:51,401
Speaker 4: time you think about it, I was like, I'm the

900
00:38:51,441 --> 00:38:55,041
Speaker 4: fucking man like a man. Yeah, that was that was

901
00:38:55,121 --> 00:38:57,681
Speaker 4: the level. I thought, like, all I need to be

902
00:38:57,801 --> 00:39:00,161
Speaker 4: successful in life is to sell more drugs and get

903
00:39:00,201 --> 00:39:02,881
Speaker 4: more bitches. That was what it came down to. And

904
00:39:03,481 --> 00:39:05,561
Speaker 4: looking back now I think about it, I'm like, fucking

905
00:39:05,681 --> 00:39:09,121
Speaker 4: Holy can't you make me sick? Yeah? You made me

906
00:39:09,201 --> 00:39:11,361
Speaker 4: think that was what life was all about, you know.

907
00:39:11,481 --> 00:39:14,801
Speaker 4: And and then there was a point, so I got

908
00:39:14,841 --> 00:39:16,761
Speaker 4: locked up again, got back out. I think the longest

909
00:39:16,801 --> 00:39:19,921
Speaker 4: I did was a year and a half, just under

910
00:39:19,921 --> 00:39:21,081
Speaker 4: a year and a half. And this is for a

911
00:39:21,121 --> 00:39:22,801
Speaker 4: time where I was on parole still, like I'd been

912
00:39:22,841 --> 00:39:24,481
Speaker 4: on an order since I was sixteen years old. By

913
00:39:24,521 --> 00:39:26,121
Speaker 4: this time, I was about twenty two to twenty three.

914
00:39:26,641 --> 00:39:29,761
Speaker 4: I was living south side of Brisbane, Bayside. So I

915
00:39:29,881 --> 00:39:31,960
Speaker 4: burked out living with a made of mine and started

916
00:39:32,001 --> 00:39:34,681
Speaker 4: seeing this bird from the Gold Coast and I was

917
00:39:34,721 --> 00:39:36,601
Speaker 4: going to score some gear. So she was pretty fucking

918
00:39:36,641 --> 00:39:38,081
Speaker 4: hooked up down there as well. She knew heaps of

919
00:39:38,081 --> 00:39:39,681
Speaker 4: cunts that needed gear. I was like, perfect, come with me,

920
00:39:40,081 --> 00:39:42,161
Speaker 4: we fucking worked together, let's do this. And she had

921
00:39:42,161 --> 00:39:43,641
Speaker 4: just gotten out not long ago as well. She had

922
00:39:43,641 --> 00:39:44,841
Speaker 4: a bit of time for stealing cars and being a

923
00:39:44,881 --> 00:39:48,281
Speaker 4: little bad bitch and so fucking I was like, fuck, perfect,

924
00:39:48,361 --> 00:39:50,361
Speaker 4: right up, my only let's go. And so she was

925
00:39:50,361 --> 00:39:52,721
Speaker 4: pretty much living with me up in Brisbane and I

926
00:39:52,801 --> 00:39:54,281
Speaker 4: was going to get a couple of hours one night

927
00:39:54,721 --> 00:39:56,201
Speaker 4: and I was going over to I don't know if

928
00:39:56,201 --> 00:39:58,161
Speaker 4: you know the Brisbane, but there's a place called Salisbury.

929
00:39:58,201 --> 00:40:00,561
Speaker 4: It's like South Brisbane. Yeah. So I'd gone to get

930
00:40:00,601 --> 00:40:03,241
Speaker 4: some gear, jumped into old Mats car and like I said,

931
00:40:03,321 --> 00:40:05,401
Speaker 4: no license. I'm driving rental cars at the time, just

932
00:40:05,481 --> 00:40:08,201
Speaker 4: fucking going week to week getting different cars. And I've

933
00:40:08,521 --> 00:40:10,641
Speaker 4: pulled up it's like maybe ten o'clock at night and

934
00:40:10,641 --> 00:40:11,801
Speaker 4: I wuld love goes in it. She goes, I've got

935
00:40:11,801 --> 00:40:13,601
Speaker 4: a bad feeling about this man, don't go tonight. And

936
00:40:13,681 --> 00:40:15,361
Speaker 4: I'm like, nah, fuck it. She's right. We've got fucking

937
00:40:15,401 --> 00:40:18,041
Speaker 4: constanty to gear. So I've rocked up. At the time,

938
00:40:18,081 --> 00:40:20,121
Speaker 4: I think it was about seven and a half grand

939
00:40:20,161 --> 00:40:22,681
Speaker 4: and I was for five, so I had fifteen grand

940
00:40:22,681 --> 00:40:25,440
Speaker 4: in my pants, brought up jumping the car with all mate,

941
00:40:25,441 --> 00:40:26,681
Speaker 4: We've done a block to so I can have a

942
00:40:26,721 --> 00:40:28,921
Speaker 4: look at the gear and whatnot. And anyway, he's done

943
00:40:28,961 --> 00:40:31,881
Speaker 4: a block and this area of Salisbury's pretty well known

944
00:40:31,961 --> 00:40:33,721
Speaker 4: for fucking just being like like a bit of a

945
00:40:33,721 --> 00:40:36,641
Speaker 4: shit area. So before we know it, coughs behind us

946
00:40:36,641 --> 00:40:38,321
Speaker 4: and old mate. I'm in the car, I'm in the

947
00:40:38,361 --> 00:40:40,321
Speaker 4: back seat. He's got his mate in the front. He's

948
00:40:40,361 --> 00:40:44,121
Speaker 4: in the front driving, and cops roll up behind us

949
00:40:44,161 --> 00:40:45,761
Speaker 4: and he fucking puts the legs on like he's going

950
00:40:45,801 --> 00:40:48,121
Speaker 4: to take off. I'm like, sweet, all good, and he's like, actually, fuck,

951
00:40:48,201 --> 00:40:49,641
Speaker 4: this is my car. I can't do that. Just like

952
00:40:49,721 --> 00:40:52,521
Speaker 4: had a little fucking brain fight moment. Pulls over and

953
00:40:52,601 --> 00:40:54,001
Speaker 4: I was like, you just put the chase on Caunt

954
00:40:54,001 --> 00:40:55,361
Speaker 4: and your pull. No, We've got gear in the car,

955
00:40:55,401 --> 00:40:58,041
Speaker 4: We've got fucking money in the car. I'm on parole.

956
00:40:59,041 --> 00:41:01,841
Speaker 4: And he's like, fuck with dak that and me not

957
00:41:01,921 --> 00:41:03,601
Speaker 4: even think I'm like a sweet back it all good,

958
00:41:03,641 --> 00:41:05,601
Speaker 4: And to be fair, let's just have a thing about this, right,

959
00:41:05,641 --> 00:41:07,481
Speaker 4: You've got two ounces of last, which is a big

960
00:41:07,561 --> 00:41:10,481
Speaker 4: fucking bag of year. You've got fucking you know, a

961
00:41:10,521 --> 00:41:13,561
Speaker 4: fair trunk of cash fifteen grand, and you've got me

962
00:41:13,681 --> 00:41:16,121
Speaker 4: that's about fifty something kilos, fucking dripping wet, wearing these

963
00:41:16,161 --> 00:41:17,841
Speaker 4: fucking jean shorts, and I've fucking.

964
00:41:17,921 --> 00:41:21,801
Speaker 2: Got pulled out the car as cheeks, aren't that fucking brood?

965
00:41:21,881 --> 00:41:23,881
Speaker 4: Luck? Good luck. I've got down in front of my hands,

966
00:41:23,881 --> 00:41:26,361
Speaker 4: my cheek and much deep and I'm definitely not hung

967
00:41:26,481 --> 00:41:29,161
Speaker 4: like a fucking horse, that's for sure. So fucking I've

968
00:41:29,201 --> 00:41:31,241
Speaker 4: got this bulge in the front of my fucking pants

969
00:41:31,281 --> 00:41:33,681
Speaker 4: and the cops just look at me, fucking beady eyed,

970
00:41:33,761 --> 00:41:36,041
Speaker 4: fucking pinned like a motherfucker. I haven't slept for days.

971
00:41:36,561 --> 00:41:39,801
Speaker 4: Fucking I was probably glistening off, yeah, glistening off the

972
00:41:40,121 --> 00:41:43,321
Speaker 4: police torch, sweating my cant out at fucking two o'clock

973
00:41:43,361 --> 00:41:46,161
Speaker 4: in the morning. They're like, right, mate, what down your pants?

974
00:41:46,241 --> 00:41:48,561
Speaker 2: Just going to seven eleven for a slip, Just wanted

975
00:41:48,601 --> 00:41:49,601
Speaker 2: to go for a quick snack.

976
00:41:50,081 --> 00:41:53,841
Speaker 4: Haven't it in a week anyways? And the cups down

977
00:41:53,881 --> 00:41:55,401
Speaker 4: your pants? I'm like nothing, what are you talking about?

978
00:41:55,481 --> 00:41:57,841
Speaker 4: He's like, fucking whatever, dickhead. He's like, under your pants.

979
00:41:57,841 --> 00:41:59,081
Speaker 4: I'm like, if you want that, I'm done. You're doing.

980
00:41:59,161 --> 00:42:01,561
Speaker 4: You're undoing for me. He's under my pants, pulled the

981
00:42:01,601 --> 00:42:03,401
Speaker 4: fucking thing back and board das. He's just big bag

982
00:42:03,441 --> 00:42:06,001
Speaker 4: of gear. He's like, right, and you'll coming with us.

983
00:42:06,681 --> 00:42:09,721
Speaker 4: Fuck here we go. So anyways, he's got his left hand,

984
00:42:10,081 --> 00:42:12,281
Speaker 4: right hand on my left shoulder walking me here, right

985
00:42:12,321 --> 00:42:13,921
Speaker 4: hand on my yeah, right hand my left shoulder of

986
00:42:13,921 --> 00:42:15,161
Speaker 4: walking me over to the police guy. He's got the

987
00:42:15,161 --> 00:42:18,041
Speaker 4: bag of gear on the bonnet. Anyways, he opens the

988
00:42:18,081 --> 00:42:19,641
Speaker 4: back door of the police car with he's left hand.

989
00:42:19,681 --> 00:42:21,881
Speaker 4: I'm thinking, this is my only chance, can't I'm on parole.

990
00:42:21,961 --> 00:42:23,961
Speaker 4: I'm not fucking going to jail. And I fucking albowed

991
00:42:24,001 --> 00:42:25,561
Speaker 4: this cunt that hard and the ice il fuck him

992
00:42:25,601 --> 00:42:27,481
Speaker 4: up pretty good, and then just stepped the car, took

993
00:42:27,521 --> 00:42:30,081
Speaker 4: off across the street and fucking started hitting fences. Bro.

994
00:42:30,201 --> 00:42:32,361
Speaker 4: I was fucking hitting fences hard, and I felt this

995
00:42:32,441 --> 00:42:34,681
Speaker 4: cunt behind me. Bro, he was on my fucking heels,

996
00:42:35,001 --> 00:42:36,721
Speaker 4: and I was like, motherfucker, there's one thing I can do.

997
00:42:36,801 --> 00:42:38,881
Speaker 4: It is hit fucking fences. And I was over those counts.

998
00:42:39,001 --> 00:42:41,841
Speaker 4: That's made tomorrow. And I see him going fucking call

999
00:42:41,921 --> 00:42:43,881
Speaker 4: the squadron, right. I hear the boys fucking that down.

1000
00:42:43,921 --> 00:42:45,361
Speaker 4: Obviously in CUF still like yeah.

1001
00:42:45,281 --> 00:42:49,041
Speaker 2: Go cut go. I would have been kicking the fuckhead, but.

1002
00:42:49,721 --> 00:42:51,721
Speaker 4: Fucking being the cocksucker that I was back then, I

1003
00:42:52,041 --> 00:42:55,121
Speaker 4: already given my details. I already given my fucking id, right,

1004
00:42:55,521 --> 00:42:58,161
Speaker 4: So I'm fucking I'm harps, I'm harps, right, But I'm like,

1005
00:42:58,241 --> 00:43:00,001
Speaker 4: fucking I know this area pretty well, man. And I

1006
00:43:00,121 --> 00:43:02,121
Speaker 4: was hitting fences for what felt like half an hour.

1007
00:43:02,361 --> 00:43:04,881
Speaker 4: But when that adrenaline is fucking pumping and you were

1008
00:43:04,921 --> 00:43:08,001
Speaker 4: fucking on foot on the chase with the fucking popo

1009
00:43:08,161 --> 00:43:10,361
Speaker 4: behind you, I was just like, this filth is not

1010
00:43:10,441 --> 00:43:12,481
Speaker 4: getting me, bro. And I was hiding under houses what

1011
00:43:12,601 --> 00:43:14,081
Speaker 4: it felt like half an hour, but it was literally

1012
00:43:14,121 --> 00:43:17,121
Speaker 4: like two three minutes. And because I grew up in

1013
00:43:17,161 --> 00:43:20,081
Speaker 4: the area, I fucking ended up jumping fences, going back

1014
00:43:20,081 --> 00:43:21,441
Speaker 4: to sort of where I thought my car was, and

1015
00:43:21,481 --> 00:43:23,401
Speaker 4: I still had the Khaki in my pocket, jumped in

1016
00:43:23,401 --> 00:43:26,041
Speaker 4: the rentle I've gone home, and I could hear fucking

1017
00:43:26,081 --> 00:43:28,601
Speaker 4: cops fucking peeling off. I could hear shit going on

1018
00:43:28,641 --> 00:43:30,521
Speaker 4: all around me. I'm like, by this point in time,

1019
00:43:30,641 --> 00:43:32,321
Speaker 4: I hung out for a little bit. I'm like, I'm

1020
00:43:32,361 --> 00:43:34,001
Speaker 4: going to cruise out of here. Make sure I'm all sweet,

1021
00:43:34,321 --> 00:43:37,161
Speaker 4: cruise out of you, all sweet. And anyways, obviously the

1022
00:43:37,201 --> 00:43:38,801
Speaker 4: boy's got a fucking a slap on the wrists because

1023
00:43:38,801 --> 00:43:40,601
Speaker 4: they fucking I think they got to fail to stop.

1024
00:43:40,721 --> 00:43:42,721
Speaker 4: That was that was the offense. But they were fucking

1025
00:43:42,761 --> 00:43:45,081
Speaker 4: pressing them for hours, trying to get, you know, more

1026
00:43:45,121 --> 00:43:47,361
Speaker 4: details about me, what we're doing, this, that and the other.

1027
00:43:48,561 --> 00:43:51,321
Speaker 4: But anyways, getting they end up getting let go as well.

1028
00:43:51,761 --> 00:43:53,721
Speaker 2: Fucking did you grab your bag a year as your

1029
00:43:54,281 --> 00:43:54,921
Speaker 2: side stepped in?

1030
00:43:55,001 --> 00:43:58,761
Speaker 4: Wouldn't that be nice? And hindsight hindsight. I started the cash,

1031
00:43:58,801 --> 00:43:59,480
Speaker 4: I still had the cash.

1032
00:43:59,521 --> 00:44:02,601
Speaker 2: I was sweet, Oh right, you're right, you're you're right,

1033
00:44:02,641 --> 00:44:03,161
Speaker 2: You're kicking on.

1034
00:44:03,281 --> 00:44:04,921
Speaker 4: Oh man, I've got parole corner the next day, and

1035
00:44:05,121 --> 00:44:06,561
Speaker 4: just like Ben, you had to come in fro an appointment.

1036
00:44:06,561 --> 00:44:08,641
Speaker 4: I'm like, you can punch it up your fucking cut.

1037
00:44:08,721 --> 00:44:10,921
Speaker 4: I'm going, I'm out of here. I'm o t R.

1038
00:44:11,001 --> 00:44:14,201
Speaker 4: At this point, I'm on the fucking run. So I've

1039
00:44:14,241 --> 00:44:16,041
Speaker 4: moved from that joint down the Gold Coast, the old

1040
00:44:16,081 --> 00:44:18,201
Speaker 4: loves fucking Dad's house, and at this point in time,

1041
00:44:18,201 --> 00:44:19,361
Speaker 4: I was on the run for about six months.

1042
00:44:19,641 --> 00:44:21,561
Speaker 2: So you come straight to the fucking Gold Coast, the

1043
00:44:21,681 --> 00:44:23,641
Speaker 2: fucking sunniest place for the shadiest people.

1044
00:44:23,721 --> 00:44:25,641
Speaker 4: Yeah, yeah, yeah. I did a real big fucking hop

1045
00:44:25,681 --> 00:44:27,121
Speaker 4: skip and a jumping fucking mate down.

1046
00:44:27,681 --> 00:44:29,440
Speaker 2: That's it's a good otr there, brother.

1047
00:44:29,841 --> 00:44:31,641
Speaker 4: Yeah, well it could be worst places, right, It could

1048
00:44:31,681 --> 00:44:33,161
Speaker 4: have been still hanging around in Brisbane.

1049
00:44:33,881 --> 00:44:36,960
Speaker 2: Fuck but you could have hit fucking north or west

1050
00:44:37,081 --> 00:44:37,481
Speaker 2: or something.

1051
00:44:37,561 --> 00:44:40,241
Speaker 4: Nor what's up north, bro, Sunshine Coast, fucking north side

1052
00:44:40,241 --> 00:44:40,681
Speaker 4: of Brisbane?

1053
00:44:40,721 --> 00:44:43,441
Speaker 2: No, Bro, just keep keep going, keep going. You're get

1054
00:44:43,561 --> 00:44:46,521
Speaker 2: lost up there sooner or trust me. So how long

1055
00:44:46,561 --> 00:44:48,961
Speaker 2: were you on the run? And then what was your sentence?

1056
00:44:50,121 --> 00:44:51,961
Speaker 2: It's not a bad run, bro, that's that's a pretty

1057
00:44:51,961 --> 00:44:54,561
Speaker 2: from where you were to be doing what you were doing,

1058
00:44:54,721 --> 00:44:57,960
Speaker 2: and kick on and that's that's a solid crack.

1059
00:44:58,321 --> 00:45:00,161
Speaker 4: Give it a good nudge, brother, Like I said, that's really.

1060
00:45:00,361 --> 00:45:02,041
Speaker 2: Especially when you run around with the habit, you would

1061
00:45:02,041 --> 00:45:03,641
Speaker 2: have been totally red lighted the whole time.

1062
00:45:04,281 --> 00:45:05,921
Speaker 4: The only time I was was two o'clock in the

1063
00:45:05,961 --> 00:45:06,961
Speaker 4: fucking morning, you know what I mean?

1064
00:45:07,161 --> 00:45:09,081
Speaker 2: Like, what was what was what was the moment that

1065
00:45:09,361 --> 00:45:11,401
Speaker 2: it sort of all went ship and you did get pink?

1066
00:45:13,441 --> 00:45:16,321
Speaker 2: That's surely that's got to be a hopeful.

1067
00:45:16,401 --> 00:45:18,440
Speaker 4: It's what Okay, So where like I said, we're staying

1068
00:45:18,441 --> 00:45:21,041
Speaker 4: at my my ex's parents' house, at her dad's house,

1069
00:45:21,161 --> 00:45:22,961
Speaker 4: right and fucking he sort of knew what was going on. Man,

1070
00:45:23,001 --> 00:45:24,801
Speaker 4: he's been around the traps. He's fucking like, right, well,

1071
00:45:25,161 --> 00:45:26,241
Speaker 4: you know, at the end of the day, I would

1072
00:45:26,521 --> 00:45:28,641
Speaker 4: rather be safe than fucking out there fucking running the

1073
00:45:28,681 --> 00:45:31,681
Speaker 4: mark all that sort of stuff. And he was getting

1074
00:45:31,681 --> 00:45:33,001
Speaker 4: a pretty good kick back out of it as well.

1075
00:45:33,881 --> 00:45:37,481
Speaker 4: But anyways, so she'd gone to signing for parole. Get

1076
00:45:37,521 --> 00:45:39,801
Speaker 4: a knock at the door, bomb, bomb bomb, And I

1077
00:45:39,881 --> 00:45:42,401
Speaker 4: was like, fuck, that sounds like a grassy knock. But anyways,

1078
00:45:42,441 --> 00:45:45,641
Speaker 4: I'm expecting a package this day. Who is it? I

1079
00:45:45,721 --> 00:45:47,921
Speaker 4: walk down as I'm walking down the stairs the door

1080
00:45:48,281 --> 00:45:49,641
Speaker 4: and they're like, it's the police, mate.

1081
00:45:50,921 --> 00:45:51,161
Speaker 2: Fuck.

1082
00:45:51,441 --> 00:45:54,401
Speaker 4: And they would have heard me just hitting the legs right,

1083
00:45:55,081 --> 00:45:58,001
Speaker 4: And so where we had the escape route over the

1084
00:45:58,041 --> 00:46:00,081
Speaker 4: back fence into the fucking communal area where there was

1085
00:46:00,121 --> 00:46:01,801
Speaker 4: a pool area. And I was out of there, man,

1086
00:46:02,241 --> 00:46:05,081
Speaker 4: And yes, I heard as I was running up the

1087
00:46:05,161 --> 00:46:07,001
Speaker 4: stairs and over into the fence, I heard the fucking

1088
00:46:07,041 --> 00:46:08,961
Speaker 4: a car screeching. I was like, fuck, these come through

1089
00:46:08,961 --> 00:46:10,480
Speaker 4: in the car trying to find me. And they would

1090
00:46:10,481 --> 00:46:12,641
Speaker 4: have known the area. So all the houses in this

1091
00:46:12,761 --> 00:46:15,441
Speaker 4: area and Pacific Pines back onto this communal pool and

1092
00:46:15,521 --> 00:46:17,161
Speaker 4: there's like no real way in her out, but I'm like,

1093
00:46:17,161 --> 00:46:18,721
Speaker 4: I would just hunt more fences. I'll fucking do what

1094
00:46:18,761 --> 00:46:21,121
Speaker 4: I did last time. I'll be sweet fuck it, and

1095
00:46:21,161 --> 00:46:23,361
Speaker 4: I'm jumping fences. I'm fucking running back and forth. I

1096
00:46:23,441 --> 00:46:25,401
Speaker 4: see them coming up the hill. I'm like fucking junking

1097
00:46:25,481 --> 00:46:27,761
Speaker 4: behind the cars, hiding as fucking much as I can

1098
00:46:27,921 --> 00:46:29,801
Speaker 4: broad daylight. Though last time I was running was fucking

1099
00:46:29,801 --> 00:46:33,921
Speaker 4: obviously nighttime, two o'clock in the morning, and i started

1100
00:46:33,921 --> 00:46:36,561
Speaker 4: getting a bit of a conscious thought and I'm like,

1101
00:46:36,601 --> 00:46:37,921
Speaker 4: all right, what I'm gonna do is I'm gonna go

1102
00:46:37,961 --> 00:46:39,641
Speaker 4: back to the pool area and I'm just going to

1103
00:46:39,681 --> 00:46:42,041
Speaker 4: fucking hang out there and I'll fucking hide. I'm not

1104
00:46:42,121 --> 00:46:43,961
Speaker 4: going to go back to the house, and if they

1105
00:46:44,001 --> 00:46:45,361
Speaker 4: get me, they get me, because I'm like, at this

1106
00:46:45,401 --> 00:46:47,001
Speaker 4: point in time, they're going to keep rocking up here

1107
00:46:47,041 --> 00:46:49,161
Speaker 4: because this is my fucking they know I'm there, They're

1108
00:46:49,201 --> 00:46:51,041
Speaker 4: going to keep coming there and press the fuck out

1109
00:46:51,081 --> 00:46:53,161
Speaker 4: of the girls with a time, pressed the fuck out

1110
00:46:53,161 --> 00:46:54,681
Speaker 4: of her family, and I'm like, that's not fair on them,

1111
00:46:54,721 --> 00:46:57,961
Speaker 4: so I'll go fucking I'll just sit here. And anyway,

1112
00:46:57,961 --> 00:47:00,881
Speaker 4: I was there for about ten fifteen minutes peeking and

1113
00:47:00,961 --> 00:47:03,561
Speaker 4: then I just fucking felt I saw the door sort

1114
00:47:03,601 --> 00:47:05,601
Speaker 4: of crack, like the door behind like in the in

1115
00:47:05,641 --> 00:47:07,681
Speaker 4: the Polaria toilet where I was hiding. I saw the

1116
00:47:07,721 --> 00:47:09,921
Speaker 4: door right cracking. This fucking grassy Poppy's head around the

1117
00:47:09,921 --> 00:47:13,761
Speaker 4: corner and he's like ben Low and I was like, yeah,

1118
00:47:13,761 --> 00:47:15,881
Speaker 4: he's got me. Fuck, he's got me. So a bit

1119
00:47:15,921 --> 00:47:17,881
Speaker 4: of an andy klimax to all the other bullshit that's

1120
00:47:17,881 --> 00:47:20,361
Speaker 4: been happening. But to be fair, to be fair, I

1121
00:47:20,481 --> 00:47:21,121
Speaker 4: was fucking.

1122
00:47:20,881 --> 00:47:23,081
Speaker 2: Glad it happened back in the fucking heads for the elbow.

1123
00:47:23,161 --> 00:47:24,801
Speaker 2: But originally or they let that one slop.

1124
00:47:24,961 --> 00:47:26,841
Speaker 4: Got nothing for that, bro, I've got nothing. Got a

1125
00:47:26,881 --> 00:47:28,121
Speaker 4: fucking slap on the wrist, you know what I mean?

1126
00:47:28,201 --> 00:47:31,561
Speaker 4: Like fucking yes, I got locked up, And like I said,

1127
00:47:31,561 --> 00:47:33,081
Speaker 4: it was just one of those things, like fucking news

1128
00:47:33,201 --> 00:47:35,041
Speaker 4: was the time. I'm like, fun, I'm gonna lose everything here.

1129
00:47:35,121 --> 00:47:36,441
Speaker 4: I have to start fresh. And it was just like

1130
00:47:36,761 --> 00:47:38,801
Speaker 4: this is where it all came crashing down for me

1131
00:47:39,281 --> 00:47:41,081
Speaker 4: because prior to that, I've been locked up for a

1132
00:47:41,121 --> 00:47:42,841
Speaker 4: couple of months here and there. But I was like, Fuck,

1133
00:47:42,881 --> 00:47:45,161
Speaker 4: this isn't even that bad. This isn't even that bad.

1134
00:47:45,681 --> 00:47:47,881
Speaker 4: But this time it was when she really turned for me.

1135
00:47:48,041 --> 00:47:50,081
Speaker 4: So I end up getting a job in the reception winging,

1136
00:47:50,161 --> 00:47:52,721
Speaker 4: fucking just working in there. And the big thing that

1137
00:47:52,801 --> 00:47:54,201
Speaker 4: was a turning point for me was seeing the same

1138
00:47:54,241 --> 00:47:56,361
Speaker 4: cunts come in and out three or four times in

1139
00:47:56,401 --> 00:48:00,401
Speaker 4: a year. If I don't fucking make a change here,

1140
00:48:00,681 --> 00:48:02,761
Speaker 4: this is gonna be me. This is gonna be me.

1141
00:48:02,841 --> 00:48:03,921
Speaker 4: This is what I'm gonna this is gonna be my

1142
00:48:03,961 --> 00:48:05,721
Speaker 4: life because prior to this, I already locked up four

1143
00:48:05,761 --> 00:48:09,841
Speaker 4: times beforehand, you know, four times for what for fuck all?

1144
00:48:10,681 --> 00:48:13,641
Speaker 4: You know, So that was a real turning point for me,

1145
00:48:13,721 --> 00:48:15,761
Speaker 4: and I ended up you know, being in the reception

1146
00:48:15,801 --> 00:48:17,321
Speaker 4: win for about a year, and then I got shangled

1147
00:48:17,361 --> 00:48:20,241
Speaker 4: over to a fucking BCC after I've got sentence. It's

1148
00:48:20,241 --> 00:48:23,561
Speaker 4: been another couple of months there and end up getting out.

1149
00:48:23,601 --> 00:48:25,681
Speaker 4: I think it was like, you know, fifteen months or

1150
00:48:25,681 --> 00:48:28,601
Speaker 4: something like that total. Uh, and then three with the one,

1151
00:48:28,721 --> 00:48:29,761
Speaker 4: so it was three with the one that I ended

1152
00:48:29,801 --> 00:48:33,481
Speaker 4: up getting for the for the charges. I had a

1153
00:48:33,521 --> 00:48:35,161
Speaker 4: fucking very good lawyer at the time. He fucking kicked

1154
00:48:35,161 --> 00:48:37,441
Speaker 4: goals with me or mister Campbell McCallum, fucking do me

1155
00:48:37,481 --> 00:48:37,921
Speaker 4: real well, there.

1156
00:48:38,201 --> 00:48:42,361
Speaker 2: Yes, yes, mister Campbell, so the smooth operator that he is,

1157
00:48:43,801 --> 00:48:51,321
Speaker 2: and yeah, well hey, mister McCallum, there's your bill. Fucking shit,

1158
00:48:52,281 --> 00:48:53,241
Speaker 2: moving forward.

1159
00:48:53,161 --> 00:48:56,041
Speaker 4: Moving forward. So he kicked goal from and obviously costs

1160
00:48:56,121 --> 00:48:58,921
Speaker 4: me an arm and a leg, but fucking ended up

1161
00:48:58,961 --> 00:49:01,281
Speaker 4: working out for me. Got out, had absolutely fucking nothing,

1162
00:49:01,361 --> 00:49:03,161
Speaker 4: had to start again, so you know, I was clean

1163
00:49:03,201 --> 00:49:05,401
Speaker 4: for a little bit, same thing again. I got sick

1164
00:49:05,441 --> 00:49:08,081
Speaker 4: of fucking living off nickel and dime, got back into

1165
00:49:08,081 --> 00:49:10,001
Speaker 4: the game and fucking found myself back down the Gold

1166
00:49:10,041 --> 00:49:13,041
Speaker 4: Coast and doing the same shit. And I got locked

1167
00:49:13,121 --> 00:49:15,281
Speaker 4: up one more time after this, one more time, and

1168
00:49:15,521 --> 00:49:17,801
Speaker 4: this time again getting locked up was for a squalified

1169
00:49:17,881 --> 00:49:21,641
Speaker 4: drive judge squalified driving. Fucking did six months for that one,

1170
00:49:22,001 --> 00:49:23,921
Speaker 4: and that was a turning point for me. Got out

1171
00:49:23,961 --> 00:49:27,161
Speaker 4: of jail and started to study to become a pet

1172
00:49:27,281 --> 00:49:28,801
Speaker 4: because I think is in jail are the only thing

1173
00:49:28,841 --> 00:49:30,401
Speaker 4: that I had, and this is the thing only thing.

1174
00:49:30,441 --> 00:49:33,161
Speaker 4: Anyone has has been a junkie or training can either

1175
00:49:33,201 --> 00:49:34,601
Speaker 4: do one or the other. And so for me it

1176
00:49:34,641 --> 00:49:36,401
Speaker 4: was like, I'm not a junkie. I don't enjoy fucking

1177
00:49:36,441 --> 00:49:37,841
Speaker 4: sabby and what that sort of shit fuck I had

1178
00:49:37,881 --> 00:49:39,241
Speaker 4: a couple of times and I'm like, this is fucking

1179
00:49:39,281 --> 00:49:41,441
Speaker 4: she has spied my cunt up and felt like spastic

1180
00:49:41,481 --> 00:49:44,201
Speaker 4: for a couple of hours, and I was like, no,

1181
00:49:44,801 --> 00:49:46,361
Speaker 4: not for me. So I was trained. I trained the

1182
00:49:46,401 --> 00:49:48,281
Speaker 4: whole way through Dale. I've never trained before my life,

1183
00:49:48,281 --> 00:49:49,721
Speaker 4: and I started with the slide and I started feel

1184
00:49:49,721 --> 00:49:52,081
Speaker 4: good about myself, started to actually have some confidence that

1185
00:49:52,281 --> 00:49:55,561
Speaker 4: wasn't from a fucking foreign substance. So I was like, right, well,

1186
00:49:55,561 --> 00:49:57,921
Speaker 4: if I can use fitness to make me feel better,

1187
00:49:57,961 --> 00:50:00,081
Speaker 4: I can use fitness to help other people feel better too.

1188
00:50:00,161 --> 00:50:01,921
Speaker 4: So I got out study my SIRT three and Sert

1189
00:50:02,001 --> 00:50:04,761
Speaker 4: four in personal training and I end up scoring a

1190
00:50:04,841 --> 00:50:07,441
Speaker 4: job at the gym where I've been training, which is

1191
00:50:07,481 --> 00:50:11,881
Speaker 4: good life at Helen's Well, and anyways, got given a

1192
00:50:11,961 --> 00:50:13,401
Speaker 4: job there within I don't know, a couple of months

1193
00:50:13,441 --> 00:50:15,081
Speaker 4: after finishing my course, and I got told like, if

1194
00:50:15,121 --> 00:50:18,721
Speaker 4: I need to finish my course within the next two weeks,

1195
00:50:18,801 --> 00:50:20,241
Speaker 4: and I still had a couple of months left to

1196
00:50:20,241 --> 00:50:22,521
Speaker 4: finish it because it was a job coming up for me.

1197
00:50:23,601 --> 00:50:25,841
Speaker 4: At the time, I was still smoking gear at the time,

1198
00:50:25,841 --> 00:50:27,241
Speaker 4: I was still fucking getting high all the time, so

1199
00:50:27,281 --> 00:50:28,481
Speaker 4: I was like, fuck, there's no other way that I'm

1200
00:50:28,481 --> 00:50:29,921
Speaker 4: gonna be able to finish this course, apart from if

1201
00:50:29,921 --> 00:50:32,161
Speaker 4: I fucking thry myself a fucking stuff or not study.

1202
00:50:33,041 --> 00:50:35,481
Speaker 4: So I got out still in the gear, still selling gear,

1203
00:50:35,561 --> 00:50:39,481
Speaker 4: still doing all that stuff, and got my job as

1204
00:50:39,481 --> 00:50:43,721
Speaker 4: a PT. Right, So big contradiction there of I guess,

1205
00:50:43,761 --> 00:50:45,801
Speaker 4: you know, trying to fucking promote this health and fitness

1206
00:50:46,761 --> 00:50:48,721
Speaker 4: and then going on the weekend and swinging off the

1207
00:50:48,721 --> 00:50:50,801
Speaker 4: glass barbie again partying with the same people. Because the

1208
00:50:50,841 --> 00:50:52,561
Speaker 4: thing at the end of the day, I got out

1209
00:50:52,801 --> 00:50:55,321
Speaker 4: the same people I've been hanging around beforehand. This is

1210
00:50:55,361 --> 00:50:57,041
Speaker 4: a big thing, Okay. So for me, the big change

1211
00:50:57,041 --> 00:50:58,281
Speaker 4: that I did make, and I'll get to that in

1212
00:50:58,321 --> 00:51:01,361
Speaker 4: a second, was environment. I had to fucking remove myself

1213
00:51:01,361 --> 00:51:03,961
Speaker 4: from absolutely everyone and all the things that got me

1214
00:51:04,001 --> 00:51:07,281
Speaker 4: stuck to where I was before. So I was still smoking,

1215
00:51:07,401 --> 00:51:10,361
Speaker 4: I was started working as a PT. I was playing

1216
00:51:10,441 --> 00:51:13,281
Speaker 4: up fucking here and there and whatnot. And this girl

1217
00:51:13,321 --> 00:51:15,321
Speaker 4: that I've been seeing at the time, and I'm falling pregnant,

1218
00:51:17,041 --> 00:51:19,921
Speaker 4: so she was tied up in all the bullshit as well,

1219
00:51:20,001 --> 00:51:21,521
Speaker 4: so her whole family was all tied up in it

1220
00:51:21,561 --> 00:51:25,960
Speaker 4: as well. And yeah, this is a big turning point

1221
00:51:25,961 --> 00:51:27,881
Speaker 4: for me. It was like really realizing that I'm about

1222
00:51:27,881 --> 00:51:31,281
Speaker 4: to become a father and looking at myself and going,

1223
00:51:31,441 --> 00:51:33,401
Speaker 4: is this the kind of person that I'd like my

1224
00:51:33,481 --> 00:51:36,961
Speaker 4: son to grow up to see, you know? And it

1225
00:51:37,121 --> 00:51:39,441
Speaker 4: was just no brainer for me. It was a split decision,

1226
00:51:39,681 --> 00:51:42,480
Speaker 4: and I ended up leaving my kid's mum while she's

1227
00:51:42,481 --> 00:51:46,201
Speaker 4: pregnant because I knew I could get away from it

1228
00:51:46,201 --> 00:51:46,841
Speaker 4: any other way.

1229
00:51:47,521 --> 00:51:49,601
Speaker 2: And leaving me using if you don't mind me asking

1230
00:51:49,801 --> 00:51:50,481
Speaker 2: while she's pregnant.

1231
00:51:50,521 --> 00:51:54,801
Speaker 4: Not while she's pregnant to my knowledge, but all the

1232
00:51:54,921 --> 00:52:01,641
Speaker 4: environments that she were in was yeah, toxic. Yeah, So

1233
00:52:02,361 --> 00:52:04,761
Speaker 4: I literally just made that choice, and I'm like, I

1234
00:52:04,881 --> 00:52:07,121
Speaker 4: need to make something happen here because if I don't,

1235
00:52:07,161 --> 00:52:08,801
Speaker 4: I'm going to continue to be doing the same thing

1236
00:52:08,841 --> 00:52:11,401
Speaker 4: and end up back in the same place. And that

1237
00:52:11,521 --> 00:52:12,841
Speaker 4: was it for me. So I walked away from that.

1238
00:52:12,881 --> 00:52:14,481
Speaker 4: And I literally when I say walked away from it,

1239
00:52:14,481 --> 00:52:17,201
Speaker 4: I walked away from fucking absolutely everyone I knew. I

1240
00:52:17,321 --> 00:52:19,361
Speaker 4: had no friends, I had no one, I had fucking

1241
00:52:19,401 --> 00:52:20,641
Speaker 4: a little bit of money in my account, and that

1242
00:52:20,761 --> 00:52:23,081
Speaker 4: was it. And then I was working for that feeling.

1243
00:52:23,161 --> 00:52:27,001
Speaker 2: But yeah, great, great, remember that leaving club life. You

1244
00:52:27,041 --> 00:52:29,641
Speaker 2: can spend your a quarter of your life the phone

1245
00:52:29,721 --> 00:52:32,441
Speaker 2: always ringing somewhere to be, someone to hang with, someone

1246
00:52:32,521 --> 00:52:36,841
Speaker 2: to talk to, good times to just absolutely phone never rings.

1247
00:52:36,921 --> 00:52:39,721
Speaker 2: You don't get invited anywhere, knowing fucking you don't just

1248
00:52:39,881 --> 00:52:42,921
Speaker 2: this it's nothing but yeah, yep, And that was got

1249
00:52:43,001 --> 00:52:44,841
Speaker 2: to become comfortable with your own person.

1250
00:52:45,121 --> 00:52:47,201
Speaker 4: That was the company that was, That was the realization

1251
00:52:47,401 --> 00:52:49,321
Speaker 4: was that it's just me. It's always just been me.

1252
00:52:49,361 --> 00:52:51,561
Speaker 4: It doesn't matter who you've got around you, It's always

1253
00:52:51,601 --> 00:52:54,361
Speaker 4: just been me. And so yeah, it was the fucking

1254
00:52:54,401 --> 00:52:56,481
Speaker 4: loneliest point in my life, but it was also the

1255
00:52:56,521 --> 00:52:58,081
Speaker 4: best thing I ever did because that was the first

1256
00:52:58,121 --> 00:53:00,241
Speaker 4: time that I realized I had to get fucking comfortable

1257
00:53:00,281 --> 00:53:02,401
Speaker 4: with my own company because at the end of the day,

1258
00:53:02,401 --> 00:53:03,961
Speaker 4: it doesn't matter, especially being in jail. I mean, you

1259
00:53:04,001 --> 00:53:06,201
Speaker 4: would have known this as well. All your brothers and

1260
00:53:06,241 --> 00:53:08,361
Speaker 4: the fucking mates and shit fucking seeing they're out there

1261
00:53:08,361 --> 00:53:09,641
Speaker 4: trying to fuck your girl and trying to rob you,

1262
00:53:10,121 --> 00:53:12,201
Speaker 4: fucking making money, go missing out of your fucking stash

1263
00:53:12,241 --> 00:53:14,721
Speaker 4: and ship like they're all fucking they're always looking for themselves.

1264
00:53:14,761 --> 00:53:17,121
Speaker 4: So in that lifestyle for me, there was no friends.

1265
00:53:17,161 --> 00:53:19,401
Speaker 4: There were just fiends. You fucking literally one letter difference.

1266
00:53:19,441 --> 00:53:20,881
Speaker 4: You take the ra away, you've got a fiend from

1267
00:53:20,921 --> 00:53:23,121
Speaker 4: a friend, and that's all it was. I had fucking

1268
00:53:23,601 --> 00:53:26,121
Speaker 4: fiends surround me at all times. I felt important, but

1269
00:53:26,281 --> 00:53:28,321
Speaker 4: really it was just fucking you know it was. It

1270
00:53:28,441 --> 00:53:30,801
Speaker 4: was fleeting. It was all fleeting, and as soon as

1271
00:53:30,881 --> 00:53:33,201
Speaker 4: fucking shit got hard, they all fucking ran. And I

1272
00:53:33,281 --> 00:53:35,161
Speaker 4: know that for anyone out there listening to this podcast

1273
00:53:35,281 --> 00:53:37,161
Speaker 4: that's fucking in that lifestyle, you fucking know exactly what

1274
00:53:37,241 --> 00:53:38,921
Speaker 4: I'm talking about. It is not worth it because it

1275
00:53:38,961 --> 00:53:41,480
Speaker 4: doesn't get any better. It does not get any fucking better.

1276
00:53:42,361 --> 00:53:46,201
Speaker 4: So yeah, I was lonely for all.

1277
00:53:45,601 --> 00:53:48,041
Speaker 2: The day one bullshit talks and all your five eight

1278
00:53:48,201 --> 00:53:50,601
Speaker 2: chit chats and all the best this and that. Yeah,

1279
00:53:51,481 --> 00:53:52,241
Speaker 2: it means nothing.

1280
00:53:52,281 --> 00:53:54,921
Speaker 4: It means absolutely absolutely fucking bananas, mate.

1281
00:53:55,201 --> 00:53:59,520
Speaker 2: So yeah, I'm you got me actually where you said

1282
00:53:59,561 --> 00:54:01,361
Speaker 2: that you come out and you actually sort of said

1283
00:54:01,361 --> 00:54:03,001
Speaker 2: I had an arf and you wanted to study, and

1284
00:54:03,041 --> 00:54:05,401
Speaker 2: that I didn't. I actually didn't ex afect you to

1285
00:54:05,481 --> 00:54:07,161
Speaker 2: sit there and tell me that you were actually hitting

1286
00:54:07,201 --> 00:54:09,601
Speaker 2: the pipe while you were in the middle of all

1287
00:54:09,641 --> 00:54:12,761
Speaker 2: that goodness. I was still it's a bit of a shock.

1288
00:54:13,401 --> 00:54:16,361
Speaker 4: Yeah, I still I still addicted as fuck. And this

1289
00:54:16,481 --> 00:54:18,121
Speaker 4: is a thing like a lot of people that I

1290
00:54:18,161 --> 00:54:19,921
Speaker 4: would have been working with at the time wouldn't know this,

1291
00:54:20,081 --> 00:54:21,681
Speaker 4: but fucking I came real clean with this. I was

1292
00:54:21,721 --> 00:54:23,480
Speaker 4: still trying to hide the past. I was still trying

1293
00:54:23,481 --> 00:54:24,961
Speaker 4: to hide that part of me. I was putting on

1294
00:54:25,041 --> 00:54:26,960
Speaker 4: this front when I was going to work. I wasn't

1295
00:54:27,001 --> 00:54:30,201
Speaker 4: being my authentic self and there was a massive misalignment there.

1296
00:54:30,201 --> 00:54:32,281
Speaker 4: And I felt so fucking lost even in that environment.

1297
00:54:32,401 --> 00:54:34,000
Speaker 4: Like even though I had all the stuff I needed

1298
00:54:34,321 --> 00:54:35,960
Speaker 4: or that I thought I needed and thought I wanted,

1299
00:54:35,961 --> 00:54:37,601
Speaker 4: which was you know, the drugs and money, the girls,

1300
00:54:38,201 --> 00:54:40,321
Speaker 4: I still felt so lost. I had fucking nothing that

1301
00:54:40,481 --> 00:54:42,241
Speaker 4: was at the end of the day. I was still

1302
00:54:42,281 --> 00:54:45,761
Speaker 4: fucking miserable. It came down to, like I said, my son,

1303
00:54:46,001 --> 00:54:47,601
Speaker 4: finding out my son was going to be born, for

1304
00:54:47,721 --> 00:54:51,521
Speaker 4: me to go, well, fuck, like, I need to make

1305
00:54:51,561 --> 00:54:53,761
Speaker 4: a real change here because it otherwise he's going to

1306
00:54:53,801 --> 00:54:55,441
Speaker 4: grow up and he's going to come into this lifestyle

1307
00:54:55,481 --> 00:54:57,681
Speaker 4: and this lifestyle that I'm living I fucking hate. I

1308
00:54:57,801 --> 00:54:58,521
Speaker 4: fucking hated it.

1309
00:54:59,321 --> 00:55:02,481
Speaker 2: You know, Well, I'm going to commend you. I'm going

1310
00:55:02,561 --> 00:55:05,161
Speaker 2: to commend you on your effort because you know what

1311
00:55:05,281 --> 00:55:07,561
Speaker 2: you have created, and let's get into that because I

1312
00:55:07,601 --> 00:55:10,641
Speaker 2: think that, you know, we could talk and go on

1313
00:55:10,721 --> 00:55:14,241
Speaker 2: about our war stories. All You've got some funny ones, mate,

1314
00:55:14,241 --> 00:55:16,161
Speaker 2: I'm sure there's plenty more in your bag of good

1315
00:55:16,801 --> 00:55:18,761
Speaker 2: you know. You know, I really want to get into

1316
00:55:18,801 --> 00:55:21,801
Speaker 2: the redemption side of you know why you're on here today,

1317
00:55:21,921 --> 00:55:24,521
Speaker 2: because it is a really good thing that you're doing,

1318
00:55:24,561 --> 00:55:26,761
Speaker 2: and I think that you deserve the credit for it

1319
00:55:26,881 --> 00:55:28,841
Speaker 2: and a lot of hard work that you've obviously put in.

1320
00:55:28,961 --> 00:55:32,161
Speaker 2: I mean, you just basically just set it straight up then,

1321
00:55:32,281 --> 00:55:34,481
Speaker 2: you know, like to fight an addiction while trying to

1322
00:55:34,561 --> 00:55:39,641
Speaker 2: correct yourself. I respect you for being very honestly. You

1323
00:55:39,681 --> 00:55:42,601
Speaker 2: didn't have to sort of enlighten anybody about that. You know,

1324
00:55:42,721 --> 00:55:45,481
Speaker 2: you sort of said, well that's the turning point of

1325
00:55:45,561 --> 00:55:48,721
Speaker 2: my life, blah blah blah. But if anything, I guess

1326
00:55:48,801 --> 00:55:53,161
Speaker 2: it's it's made you a stronger man more. I guess

1327
00:55:54,081 --> 00:55:56,961
Speaker 2: visually directed man, you know what you want, you know

1328
00:55:57,041 --> 00:55:59,041
Speaker 2: what you don't want. You know, you talk about your son.

1329
00:55:59,041 --> 00:56:00,761
Speaker 2: I see the way you and you see my son,

1330
00:56:01,441 --> 00:56:03,721
Speaker 2: you know, looking in your eyes and to just look

1331
00:56:03,801 --> 00:56:06,121
Speaker 2: there it is again. You know that smile, the heart

1332
00:56:06,241 --> 00:56:06,681
Speaker 2: lighting up.

1333
00:56:06,801 --> 00:56:08,761
Speaker 4: Brother, he saved my life, he fucking hands down and

1334
00:56:08,761 --> 00:56:09,521
Speaker 4: save my life twice.

1335
00:56:09,721 --> 00:56:11,641
Speaker 2: Mate. I've got four of them, and you know what,

1336
00:56:11,921 --> 00:56:13,881
Speaker 2: God bless them because I tell you now, I don't

1337
00:56:13,961 --> 00:56:16,921
Speaker 2: think i'd be alive today or I'll be doing double figures.

1338
00:56:16,961 --> 00:56:19,921
Speaker 2: There's there's no two ways about it, you know, And

1339
00:56:20,001 --> 00:56:21,641
Speaker 2: that's what makes it hard when you get sort of

1340
00:56:21,721 --> 00:56:24,721
Speaker 2: dragged back to the past and go through situations like

1341
00:56:24,841 --> 00:56:27,601
Speaker 2: in my situation, you have fucking nothing to do with

1342
00:56:27,721 --> 00:56:29,201
Speaker 2: me from years and years and years ago, and I've

1343
00:56:29,201 --> 00:56:30,921
Speaker 2: been on bail for three years over something, you know,

1344
00:56:31,081 --> 00:56:35,241
Speaker 2: Like it's it's very hard when you they're living that

1345
00:56:35,361 --> 00:56:36,681
Speaker 2: with you, you know what I mean, and you make

1346
00:56:36,761 --> 00:56:39,440
Speaker 2: that promise to not let them down. And I've done

1347
00:56:39,441 --> 00:56:42,481
Speaker 2: nothing wrong to let anyone down. But at the end

1348
00:56:42,521 --> 00:56:44,041
Speaker 2: of the day, you know, I'm in a position where

1349
00:56:44,041 --> 00:56:46,241
Speaker 2: I've I've got to fight a battle, and this battle

1350
00:56:46,241 --> 00:56:48,401
Speaker 2: has been going on for years to prove my innocence

1351
00:56:48,441 --> 00:56:53,121
Speaker 2: about a situation. So you know, our children are our

1352
00:56:53,201 --> 00:56:57,321
Speaker 2: saving grace and I'm very grateful for mine because my daughter,

1353
00:56:58,481 --> 00:57:02,121
Speaker 2: although you know she was I got pinched when she

1354
00:57:02,361 --> 00:57:05,161
Speaker 2: was very young and my my wife was pregnant with

1355
00:57:05,401 --> 00:57:09,281
Speaker 2: our second and I was sentenced just you know, not

1356
00:57:09,361 --> 00:57:11,681
Speaker 2: long before she was due to give birth and looking

1357
00:57:11,721 --> 00:57:14,921
Speaker 2: at double figures. So it was it was just horrific, horrific.

1358
00:57:15,201 --> 00:57:18,041
Speaker 2: The memories of the courtroom and things. I just that

1359
00:57:18,201 --> 00:57:21,641
Speaker 2: for me was enough to go, this is this is

1360
00:57:21,721 --> 00:57:23,881
Speaker 2: not life. You know, that's life right there. And at

1361
00:57:23,881 --> 00:57:26,441
Speaker 2: the back of the courtroom, I'm breaking someone else's heart

1362
00:57:26,561 --> 00:57:29,641
Speaker 2: and life and taking from my children what they deserve,

1363
00:57:29,721 --> 00:57:33,121
Speaker 2: which is you know, a good dad, and you're doing that.

1364
00:57:33,481 --> 00:57:37,921
Speaker 2: So let's talk about that, because it's it's really uplifting.

1365
00:57:38,241 --> 00:57:40,001
Speaker 4: Yeah, man, So, like I said, turning point for me,

1366
00:57:40,121 --> 00:57:45,601
Speaker 4: definitely have my son. And so he was born second

1367
00:57:45,681 --> 00:57:49,081
Speaker 4: of August. He's five now, so five years ago and

1368
00:57:49,201 --> 00:57:52,801
Speaker 4: at the time I was a cunt. I didn't know

1369
00:57:52,801 --> 00:57:54,281
Speaker 4: who I was. I actually had nothing to do with

1370
00:57:54,401 --> 00:57:56,881
Speaker 4: him for the first six months of his life, right,

1371
00:57:56,921 --> 00:58:00,361
Speaker 4: and that was down to my own shame. But this

1372
00:58:00,481 --> 00:58:02,241
Speaker 4: is where I guess the real journey began because I

1373
00:58:02,321 --> 00:58:04,681
Speaker 4: realized there was a little boy out there fucking growing

1374
00:58:04,761 --> 00:58:06,881
Speaker 4: up father and he deserved to have better than that.

1375
00:58:07,361 --> 00:58:08,801
Speaker 4: And so I realized that there was a lot of

1376
00:58:08,841 --> 00:58:10,521
Speaker 4: work that I had to do because let's just say it, Okay,

1377
00:58:10,561 --> 00:58:12,201
Speaker 4: I got off the pipe, but I started drinking and

1378
00:58:12,281 --> 00:58:14,761
Speaker 4: taking drugs still. I was fucking smart coke every fucking weekend,

1379
00:58:14,841 --> 00:58:16,361
Speaker 4: doing all the fucking the gold coat shit that you

1380
00:58:16,441 --> 00:58:19,361
Speaker 4: do out partying and having fun, you know. And then

1381
00:58:19,961 --> 00:58:21,521
Speaker 4: it just hit me that there was something missing, and

1382
00:58:21,521 --> 00:58:23,241
Speaker 4: I realized there's a little boy out there growing out

1383
00:58:23,241 --> 00:58:24,681
Speaker 4: without his father, and it's really up to me to

1384
00:58:24,721 --> 00:58:26,801
Speaker 4: fucking pull my boots up and fucking do something about it.

1385
00:58:27,601 --> 00:58:30,361
Speaker 4: And so I really went I doubled down in my business,

1386
00:58:30,481 --> 00:58:32,201
Speaker 4: like I wanted to start to be able to provide

1387
00:58:32,241 --> 00:58:34,401
Speaker 4: for him. So as a PTE, I fucking you know,

1388
00:58:35,041 --> 00:58:37,041
Speaker 4: I was still drinking, I was still taking drugs in

1389
00:58:37,041 --> 00:58:38,681
Speaker 4: the weekend, but I wasn't fucking on the pipe. And

1390
00:58:38,761 --> 00:58:40,881
Speaker 4: I started really focusing this business and build this business

1391
00:58:40,881 --> 00:58:42,641
Speaker 4: that I wanted to build because for me, it was

1392
00:58:42,641 --> 00:58:45,281
Speaker 4: about helping people, right, it was about helping people in

1393
00:58:45,401 --> 00:58:47,521
Speaker 4: some way, shape or form. And at this point in time,

1394
00:58:47,561 --> 00:58:49,521
Speaker 4: I sled and come clean about that, you know, the

1395
00:58:49,641 --> 00:58:51,401
Speaker 4: things that I'd done. And this went on for a

1396
00:58:51,441 --> 00:58:54,401
Speaker 4: couple of years as well, until I finally had this

1397
00:58:54,521 --> 00:58:56,161
Speaker 4: thing come up. So back to what you were saying

1398
00:58:56,161 --> 00:58:57,841
Speaker 4: a second ago about you know, things coming out from

1399
00:58:57,841 --> 00:58:59,521
Speaker 4: the past. I got hit with an arm robbery charge

1400
00:58:59,601 --> 00:59:02,681
Speaker 4: from you know, two years prior to when this point

1401
00:59:02,721 --> 00:59:04,401
Speaker 4: in time was, and I just obviously cleaned my life up.

1402
00:59:04,401 --> 00:59:07,561
Speaker 4: Things were going really well and fucking they had pretty

1403
00:59:07,601 --> 00:59:10,121
Speaker 4: much unspeakable evidence of us being able being there and

1404
00:59:10,201 --> 00:59:13,561
Speaker 4: doing it and anyways, long story short, it was like

1405
00:59:13,921 --> 00:59:15,801
Speaker 4: this turning point for me there as well. It was

1406
00:59:15,841 --> 00:59:17,041
Speaker 4: like I could either go back to doing what I've

1407
00:59:17,041 --> 00:59:19,241
Speaker 4: always done, which was going the run and fucking run

1408
00:59:19,281 --> 00:59:21,081
Speaker 4: a mark and you know, do all that. And then

1409
00:59:21,081 --> 00:59:22,841
Speaker 4: I realized that I'm like, there's a little boy out

1410
00:59:22,881 --> 00:59:24,601
Speaker 4: there growing up. You know, he's going to be grown

1411
00:59:24,641 --> 00:59:26,361
Speaker 4: up without this fire if I do that. And so

1412
00:59:26,481 --> 00:59:27,841
Speaker 4: I was like, even if I do go back to

1413
00:59:27,921 --> 00:59:29,441
Speaker 4: jail for this, I need to at least do my

1414
00:59:29,601 --> 00:59:31,161
Speaker 4: best to be the best role model that I can

1415
00:59:31,241 --> 00:59:33,441
Speaker 4: be for him. And that meant working on myself and

1416
00:59:33,521 --> 00:59:34,921
Speaker 4: doing all the things that I needed to do to

1417
00:59:34,961 --> 00:59:38,041
Speaker 4: shop for him as a father. In relation to that,

1418
00:59:38,161 --> 00:59:40,441
Speaker 4: the charges got dropped about two years after them coming up,

1419
00:59:40,681 --> 00:59:44,201
Speaker 4: which was fucking great. Stoke kick goals. Thank you yes

1420
00:59:44,401 --> 00:59:45,761
Speaker 4: on that one. Yeah, it was fucking that was a

1421
00:59:45,801 --> 00:59:48,601
Speaker 4: big thing for me. And then it was about, just

1422
00:59:48,681 --> 00:59:50,081
Speaker 4: like I said, being the fire that I could be

1423
00:59:50,161 --> 00:59:54,441
Speaker 4: for him. And so that meant that I had to

1424
00:59:54,521 --> 00:59:57,201
Speaker 4: shop in every aspect of my life as the best

1425
00:59:57,281 --> 00:59:59,281
Speaker 4: version of myself. So I had to stop drinking, had

1426
00:59:59,321 --> 01:00:01,721
Speaker 4: to stop taking drugs, had to stop being a womanized

1427
01:00:01,761 --> 01:00:03,001
Speaker 4: you know. That was another big thing. Like at the

1428
01:00:03,081 --> 01:00:04,521
Speaker 4: end of the day, I was doing all these things

1429
01:00:04,561 --> 01:00:08,281
Speaker 4: to extern and invalidate myself. And if we look at

1430
01:00:08,321 --> 01:00:10,001
Speaker 4: what addiction is, it really is just a way of

1431
01:00:10,041 --> 01:00:11,881
Speaker 4: external validation. Okay. What it does is it makes you

1432
01:00:11,961 --> 01:00:15,041
Speaker 4: feel more good or less bad. And with every single

1433
01:00:15,081 --> 01:00:16,681
Speaker 4: person that I work with, this is this is the

1434
01:00:16,721 --> 01:00:18,601
Speaker 4: same thing we come we see coming up. It comes

1435
01:00:18,641 --> 01:00:22,921
Speaker 4: back to self worth or a lack thereof right drug use.

1436
01:00:23,041 --> 01:00:24,481
Speaker 4: What do we use it for to fit in, to

1437
01:00:24,601 --> 01:00:27,441
Speaker 4: fucking be cool, to fucking make ourselves feel more good

1438
01:00:27,441 --> 01:00:29,961
Speaker 4: about something, or to numb something it's self worth, feel

1439
01:00:29,961 --> 01:00:33,681
Speaker 4: avoid basically feel a fucking void, exactly right. And then

1440
01:00:34,281 --> 01:00:36,961
Speaker 4: I went from peteing to now stepping into this coaching

1441
01:00:37,041 --> 01:00:39,121
Speaker 4: role that I'm in because p ting was like the

1442
01:00:39,161 --> 01:00:40,481
Speaker 4: sort of gateway for me to get to where I

1443
01:00:40,521 --> 01:00:43,321
Speaker 4: am today. But with the coaching role I'm in now,

1444
01:00:43,441 --> 01:00:46,081
Speaker 4: it's me being able to help people who I used

1445
01:00:46,081 --> 01:00:47,881
Speaker 4: to be because, like I said, at the end of

1446
01:00:47,881 --> 01:00:51,241
Speaker 4: the day, if I can come from where I was,

1447
01:00:51,401 --> 01:00:53,281
Speaker 4: like I said, there was some real putrid moments, some

1448
01:00:53,401 --> 01:00:54,961
Speaker 4: real future moments for me where I was doing some

1449
01:00:55,041 --> 01:00:57,481
Speaker 4: real questionable shit, if I can come from doing that

1450
01:00:57,921 --> 01:01:00,161
Speaker 4: to now being where I am and being someone that

1451
01:01:00,241 --> 01:01:01,801
Speaker 4: my son can actually be proud of, which was that

1452
01:01:02,121 --> 01:01:03,881
Speaker 4: that was the intention, the intention behind all of this

1453
01:01:04,161 --> 01:01:06,241
Speaker 4: was to be one that my son can look up

1454
01:01:06,281 --> 01:01:08,001
Speaker 4: to and actually go, that's my fucking dad and I'm

1455
01:01:08,001 --> 01:01:11,561
Speaker 4: proud of him one hundred you know. And so for

1456
01:01:11,961 --> 01:01:13,441
Speaker 4: me to get to where I was, it didn't happen

1457
01:01:13,521 --> 01:01:15,521
Speaker 4: over fucking night. And it doesn't mean that it was

1458
01:01:15,521 --> 01:01:17,441
Speaker 4: an easy road either. Like there's been fucking trials and

1459
01:01:17,481 --> 01:01:19,281
Speaker 4: tribulations all the way along that last six years, and

1460
01:01:19,321 --> 01:01:21,921
Speaker 4: me actually trying to fucking clean myself up, even down

1461
01:01:21,961 --> 01:01:25,121
Speaker 4: to you know, like fucking breakups, fucking all sorts of stuff,

1462
01:01:25,161 --> 01:01:26,721
Speaker 4: like being involved with the wrong kinds of girls. I

1463
01:01:26,761 --> 01:01:28,401
Speaker 4: was dating a stripper at one point I was dadding

1464
01:01:28,401 --> 01:01:30,801
Speaker 4: another girl who was a full blown narcissist, and all

1465
01:01:30,841 --> 01:01:33,241
Speaker 4: these things were just out of alignment. And now thinking

1466
01:01:33,361 --> 01:01:35,721
Speaker 4: back to us, like all these all were there to

1467
01:01:35,761 --> 01:01:37,801
Speaker 4: teach me a lesson, all these little experiences that happen

1468
01:01:37,841 --> 01:01:40,481
Speaker 4: in my life, and all those little experiences taught me

1469
01:01:40,521 --> 01:01:42,521
Speaker 4: more about myself so that I can use those stories

1470
01:01:42,521 --> 01:01:45,761
Speaker 4: to help other people as well. Yeah. So yep, like

1471
01:01:45,881 --> 01:01:48,761
Speaker 4: you said me, like, I now have this this model

1472
01:01:48,761 --> 01:01:52,481
Speaker 4: where I'm able to actually help to you know, I

1473
01:01:52,561 --> 01:01:55,961
Speaker 4: guess show people that there is another way. And that's

1474
01:01:56,001 --> 01:01:57,681
Speaker 4: what I'm all about now. It's about showing people that

1475
01:01:57,721 --> 01:01:59,561
Speaker 4: no matter where you're out, no matter how broken you are,

1476
01:01:59,641 --> 01:02:02,321
Speaker 4: no matter how far gone you think you are, change

1477
01:02:02,401 --> 01:02:04,001
Speaker 4: is always possible. And even though you might not have

1478
01:02:04,081 --> 01:02:06,921
Speaker 4: had the best role models yourself, it's never too late

1479
01:02:06,961 --> 01:02:08,921
Speaker 4: to become that role model that you wanted for yourself.

1480
01:02:09,361 --> 01:02:12,681
Speaker 2: And that that's so solid too, because you know, you

1481
01:02:12,881 --> 01:02:16,241
Speaker 2: are now somebody that you have a little human who

1482
01:02:17,121 --> 01:02:19,881
Speaker 2: literally looks up to with twinkles in his eyes and

1483
01:02:20,721 --> 01:02:22,641
Speaker 2: a smile on his face, and it's dad.

1484
01:02:23,041 --> 01:02:24,761
Speaker 4: Yeah, you know what you do.

1485
01:02:25,281 --> 01:02:28,801
Speaker 2: It's funny, you know, Like I mean, my kids thank

1486
01:02:28,841 --> 01:02:32,961
Speaker 2: goodness getting older now. My youngest out of four is ten, yeah,

1487
01:02:33,321 --> 01:02:37,401
Speaker 2: you know, my oldest is twenty five, another four weeks

1488
01:02:38,401 --> 01:02:40,401
Speaker 2: and there's the two in between, you know. So for me,

1489
01:02:42,841 --> 01:02:44,881
Speaker 2: I had to make the mistakes to learn to be

1490
01:02:44,961 --> 01:02:48,601
Speaker 2: a dad the first time around, to not make the

1491
01:02:48,681 --> 01:02:52,401
Speaker 2: mistakes with my last three well my three, not my

1492
01:02:52,521 --> 01:02:56,761
Speaker 2: last three. For me, though, you know what hurts is

1493
01:02:57,001 --> 01:02:59,801
Speaker 2: like I guess, like you, you know, you get dragged

1494
01:02:59,801 --> 01:03:02,441
Speaker 2: back in I mean, mine's coming up to fifteen year

1495
01:03:02,521 --> 01:03:08,481
Speaker 2: old charge to do with something you know, and and

1496
01:03:08,801 --> 01:03:12,921
Speaker 2: it's it's it's hard because you make a promise to

1497
01:03:13,001 --> 01:03:14,921
Speaker 2: those little people that you'll be the best you can be,

1498
01:03:15,161 --> 01:03:18,521
Speaker 2: but yet because of who you were, or what you

1499
01:03:18,601 --> 01:03:20,601
Speaker 2: were about or where you might have been, it can

1500
01:03:20,681 --> 01:03:23,521
Speaker 2: drag you back in the situations and circumstances that then

1501
01:03:23,561 --> 01:03:27,681
Speaker 2: affect them. How then do you continue to be the

1502
01:03:27,761 --> 01:03:29,401
Speaker 2: best you can be knowing that in the back of

1503
01:03:29,441 --> 01:03:32,361
Speaker 2: your mind that because of your history, because of who

1504
01:03:32,401 --> 01:03:37,601
Speaker 2: you were, that it could well result in them losing

1505
01:03:37,681 --> 01:03:42,041
Speaker 2: their dad. Yeah, so that's the thing, right' It's it's

1506
01:03:42,321 --> 01:03:44,401
Speaker 2: it's a mental head far it is, and it's constantly

1507
01:03:44,481 --> 01:03:50,241
Speaker 2: that which then extend could lead someone back into addiction self.

1508
01:03:50,641 --> 01:03:55,921
Speaker 2: You know, medication Like for me, I'm not drinking step

1509
01:03:56,121 --> 01:03:58,401
Speaker 2: right away from you know, my bad things like rack

1510
01:03:58,561 --> 01:04:02,761
Speaker 2: that was my thing. Medicated cannabis is something that I've

1511
01:04:02,761 --> 01:04:04,481
Speaker 2: always had for pain in the last couple of years,

1512
01:04:05,081 --> 01:04:06,721
Speaker 2: so I'm not too worried about I've never been a smoke,

1513
01:04:06,801 --> 01:04:08,641
Speaker 2: but you know, like I take the oil or gummies,

1514
01:04:08,841 --> 01:04:13,121
Speaker 2: that's all above. That's just part of my natural medication

1515
01:04:13,561 --> 01:04:17,761
Speaker 2: when needed. And I'm happy with that and they know that.

1516
01:04:17,881 --> 01:04:20,241
Speaker 2: You know what I mean, that's that's that. But you

1517
01:04:20,281 --> 01:04:22,641
Speaker 2: know the drinking and then you know the bits and

1518
01:04:22,761 --> 01:04:26,081
Speaker 2: pieces that end up coming along with that. It's it's

1519
01:04:26,441 --> 01:04:31,361
Speaker 2: something that I've just completely disconnected to. You know, I've

1520
01:04:31,401 --> 01:04:34,361
Speaker 2: just wanted to be fit, healthy, strong, and then you know,

1521
01:04:34,441 --> 01:04:37,721
Speaker 2: you're getting caught up with these major operations, double spinal fusion,

1522
01:04:37,841 --> 01:04:40,881
Speaker 2: you know, like completely dosed on opiates, and you know,

1523
01:04:40,961 --> 01:04:43,841
Speaker 2: but I functionally not able to physically go out and

1524
01:04:43,961 --> 01:04:45,601
Speaker 2: kick a foot year around and do the things that

1525
01:04:45,681 --> 01:04:47,641
Speaker 2: I wanted to do. You know, it's pre season. I

1526
01:04:47,721 --> 01:04:51,481
Speaker 2: should be out there doing things with kids. But the

1527
01:04:51,601 --> 01:04:54,081
Speaker 2: mindset of that is I can only do what I

1528
01:04:54,161 --> 01:04:56,761
Speaker 2: can do, and if I can give it my best.

1529
01:04:56,921 --> 01:04:58,401
Speaker 2: And my nine year old looked up to me. We

1530
01:04:58,481 --> 01:05:01,281
Speaker 2: went for a walk, my son and my two sons

1531
01:05:01,321 --> 01:05:04,121
Speaker 2: and our two dogs the other day and he goes, oh, Dad,

1532
01:05:04,201 --> 01:05:06,681
Speaker 2: you know I I just want to say I just

1533
01:05:06,801 --> 01:05:09,921
Speaker 2: love you, you know. I said, oh, thanks, mate. I said,

1534
01:05:09,961 --> 01:05:12,481
Speaker 2: that's you know, he's a bit a bit like that,

1535
01:05:12,561 --> 01:05:15,401
Speaker 2: this one, the young one's really sort of emotionally affectionate

1536
01:05:15,481 --> 01:05:17,601
Speaker 2: and it's nice. Yeah, but he's the roughest guts one

1537
01:05:17,681 --> 01:05:20,041
Speaker 2: he's gont to worry about. And he said, you know,

1538
01:05:20,921 --> 01:05:23,081
Speaker 2: you know, Dad, the things that you do make us

1539
01:05:23,201 --> 01:05:25,641
Speaker 2: be better? So what do you mean by that? Mate?

1540
01:05:25,641 --> 01:05:28,881
Speaker 2: And he goes, because you're like, you're like, what's the

1541
01:05:28,961 --> 01:05:30,961
Speaker 2: word keishan And he goes, what do you mean? He goes,

1542
01:05:31,001 --> 01:05:32,281
Speaker 2: I want to what's the thing.

1543
01:05:32,241 --> 01:05:33,161
Speaker 4: That that does for us?

1544
01:05:33,201 --> 01:05:39,321
Speaker 2: And he goes, you're inspiration him, inspiring for us? Oh brother,

1545
01:05:39,361 --> 01:05:42,321
Speaker 2: you a melted brah had a tear in my eye

1546
01:05:42,361 --> 01:05:44,441
Speaker 2: and I've ripped my heart and I could think about

1547
01:05:44,641 --> 01:05:47,281
Speaker 2: was if anything happens to me through these matters that

1548
01:05:47,321 --> 01:05:50,041
Speaker 2: I'm fighting and have been fighting, you know that little fella,

1549
01:05:51,521 --> 01:05:52,921
Speaker 2: it'd be so fucking hard.

1550
01:05:53,201 --> 01:05:56,161
Speaker 4: Well, they see everything, right. They see everything like little

1551
01:05:56,241 --> 01:05:57,041
Speaker 4: fucking sponges.

1552
01:05:57,081 --> 01:05:59,681
Speaker 2: Man, Like, this is the thing, Like, you can't hide

1553
01:05:59,881 --> 01:06:01,481
Speaker 2: nothing from them, and nor should you.

1554
01:06:01,761 --> 01:06:05,761
Speaker 4: It's energetical, Like at the deepest level, bro, this is

1555
01:06:05,801 --> 01:06:08,161
Speaker 4: a thing like growing up with my parents, Like I

1556
01:06:08,201 --> 01:06:09,961
Speaker 4: always knew there was something off. They're always fighting and

1557
01:06:09,961 --> 01:06:11,721
Speaker 4: all that sort of stuff. Right, my son, if I

1558
01:06:11,761 --> 01:06:13,641
Speaker 4: wasn't bring him into that environment where I was, even

1559
01:06:13,681 --> 01:06:15,521
Speaker 4: if I wasn't smoking fucking meth in front of him,

1560
01:06:15,681 --> 01:06:17,201
Speaker 4: he would have picked up on that energy, right, he

1561
01:06:17,201 --> 01:06:18,001
Speaker 4: would have picked up on that.

1562
01:06:18,121 --> 01:06:18,321
Speaker 2: Huh.

1563
01:06:18,401 --> 01:06:21,361
Speaker 4: They're fucking sponges. They're so fucking attendant. People think that

1564
01:06:21,761 --> 01:06:24,481
Speaker 4: their kids are fucking idiots. They know and see everything,

1565
01:06:24,561 --> 01:06:26,201
Speaker 4: even though they might not be able to comprehend what's

1566
01:06:26,241 --> 01:06:28,801
Speaker 4: going on, you know, and they take everything on board.

1567
01:06:28,841 --> 01:06:30,281
Speaker 4: I never said to my son, this is a this

1568
01:06:30,401 --> 01:06:34,521
Speaker 4: is a really fucking this is a really fucking pivotal

1569
01:06:34,561 --> 01:06:36,641
Speaker 4: moment for me. And it was something so simple. But

1570
01:06:37,281 --> 01:06:39,081
Speaker 4: We'll brushing my son's teeth the other night, right, And

1571
01:06:39,121 --> 01:06:40,401
Speaker 4: I've never said to him this is where you need

1572
01:06:40,441 --> 01:06:42,841
Speaker 4: to brush your teeth, right, But I always you know,

1573
01:06:43,041 --> 01:06:45,761
Speaker 4: wet the toothbrush first, and then I'll put the toothpaste on,

1574
01:06:46,361 --> 01:06:49,361
Speaker 4: and then i'd fucking wet the toothpaste again, right, And

1575
01:06:49,481 --> 01:06:51,241
Speaker 4: he goes, I can't use that because you didn't wet

1576
01:06:51,241 --> 01:06:56,721
Speaker 4: the toothbrush first, and I was like, God, love it. Right, Well,

1577
01:06:56,801 --> 01:06:59,041
Speaker 4: that just shows like how fucking attendive they are to

1578
01:06:59,081 --> 01:06:59,801
Speaker 4: every little thing.

1579
01:06:59,961 --> 01:07:02,721
Speaker 2: To the absolute point of just stadding a little bit

1580
01:07:02,761 --> 01:07:04,241
Speaker 2: of water, so simple.

1581
01:07:04,601 --> 01:07:07,041
Speaker 4: So if you're fucking, you know, taking them into environments

1582
01:07:07,081 --> 01:07:09,361
Speaker 4: which aren't fucking so safe, like this is a thing

1583
01:07:09,801 --> 01:07:12,961
Speaker 4: becoming a fucking parent. It is a fucking huge responsibility.

1584
01:07:13,041 --> 01:07:15,921
Speaker 4: You have another little human being who is in your care,

1585
01:07:16,601 --> 01:07:18,401
Speaker 4: and how they turn out is really up to you.

1586
01:07:19,041 --> 01:07:21,361
Speaker 4: It really is one and tempers.

1587
01:07:21,441 --> 01:07:24,881
Speaker 2: I think its ownership and I look, I'm big on

1588
01:07:25,041 --> 01:07:27,401
Speaker 2: you know. I asked the question we talk about this

1589
01:07:27,521 --> 01:07:29,761
Speaker 2: is young twelve eleven, I mean, my kids said, and

1590
01:07:29,841 --> 01:07:32,201
Speaker 2: they said, Dad, how is there a kid stealing cars?

1591
01:07:32,281 --> 01:07:35,401
Speaker 2: And bros wild hair and chased? And I try not

1592
01:07:35,481 --> 01:07:37,881
Speaker 2: to get involved in that conversation because I don't want

1593
01:07:37,921 --> 01:07:40,801
Speaker 2: their minds to be consumed by the negativity around what

1594
01:07:40,921 --> 01:07:43,401
Speaker 2: they already see and what they hear. I try to

1595
01:07:43,761 --> 01:07:46,961
Speaker 2: just play it real quick. Look, you know, I'm not

1596
01:07:47,041 --> 01:07:49,521
Speaker 2: too sure. But all I know is you guys aren't

1597
01:07:49,561 --> 01:07:52,161
Speaker 2: going to be like that, you know, because this is why.

1598
01:07:52,681 --> 01:07:55,201
Speaker 2: You know, You've got your school, and you've got your

1599
01:07:55,281 --> 01:07:57,521
Speaker 2: parents that love you, you've got a roof over your head,

1600
01:07:57,561 --> 01:07:59,561
Speaker 2: you've got food on the table. You know, you're involved

1601
01:07:59,601 --> 01:08:02,081
Speaker 2: in sports, and you do a lot of good things.

1602
01:08:02,161 --> 01:08:04,961
Speaker 2: And I try to play it off in that manner

1603
01:08:05,441 --> 01:08:08,681
Speaker 2: that you know, it's an instant positive triggering of the

1604
01:08:08,761 --> 01:08:12,241
Speaker 2: brain to them thinking, well, actually, we are lucky. We

1605
01:08:12,401 --> 01:08:14,201
Speaker 2: do get to do this, you know, we do have

1606
01:08:14,401 --> 01:08:18,040
Speaker 2: these experiences. Why well, Mom and Dad make it happen

1607
01:08:18,161 --> 01:08:22,481
Speaker 2: because they work hard, you know, like, gosh, we just

1608
01:08:22,721 --> 01:08:24,441
Speaker 2: had to come up with the boys regiro for footy

1609
01:08:24,521 --> 01:08:27,561
Speaker 2: this year. And it's seven hundred dolls. Fucking seven hundred

1610
01:08:27,641 --> 01:08:30,401
Speaker 2: dollars for two sons just to play footy on a Saturday.

1611
01:08:30,441 --> 01:08:34,121
Speaker 2: That's without your fuel every week, you know, parent, Yeah,

1612
01:08:34,761 --> 01:08:35,680
Speaker 2: it just keeps adding.

1613
01:08:35,761 --> 01:08:37,841
Speaker 4: My boys starting skill for the first fucking his first

1614
01:08:37,921 --> 01:08:40,361
Speaker 4: days of my prep. Fucking it's just like how I

1615
01:08:40,481 --> 01:08:41,001
Speaker 4: get all.

1616
01:08:40,921 --> 01:08:45,641
Speaker 2: The fantastic day You're gonna a beautiful moment. It is

1617
01:08:45,841 --> 01:08:48,321
Speaker 2: so powerful. And my daughter goes in year eleven and

1618
01:08:49,081 --> 01:08:52,201
Speaker 2: even youngest one. You know, he's come out to day

1619
01:08:52,241 --> 01:08:54,481
Speaker 2: in the school uniform. Look, I look smart, my handsome,

1620
01:08:54,561 --> 01:08:58,840
Speaker 2: you know, the year five year five dad, And I'm thinking.

1621
01:09:00,361 --> 01:09:01,961
Speaker 4: For you five, got to get him the fresh air

1622
01:09:02,001 --> 01:09:06,121
Speaker 4: cuts to fucking pull the girls. Yeah, it's good. So

1623
01:09:06,281 --> 01:09:08,881
Speaker 4: six years on now, you know, I've been clean off

1624
01:09:08,921 --> 01:09:11,321
Speaker 4: the meth for seven years actually, so seven years off

1625
01:09:11,361 --> 01:09:13,161
Speaker 4: the gear. Like I said, there was still a point

1626
01:09:13,161 --> 01:09:14,561
Speaker 4: in time in there when I was partying and whatnot.

1627
01:09:14,601 --> 01:09:17,401
Speaker 4: But you know, for me now it's actually having control

1628
01:09:17,441 --> 01:09:18,641
Speaker 4: of the things that used to have control of me.

1629
01:09:18,761 --> 01:09:20,961
Speaker 4: So I might drink or you know, fucking stort some

1630
01:09:21,041 --> 01:09:23,641
Speaker 4: coke once or twice a year if that. And now

1631
01:09:23,721 --> 01:09:26,800
Speaker 4: I've built this business into Change, which was originally Interfit.

1632
01:09:27,801 --> 01:09:31,521
Speaker 4: Interchange is all about helping men and women who might

1633
01:09:31,561 --> 01:09:33,921
Speaker 4: be struggling similar things to what I was, to realize

1634
01:09:33,961 --> 01:09:35,761
Speaker 4: that change is always possible because if I can come

1635
01:09:35,801 --> 01:09:37,881
Speaker 4: from where I came from, they can fucking turn their

1636
01:09:37,961 --> 01:09:39,801
Speaker 4: lives around no matter what. And it just comes down

1637
01:09:39,841 --> 01:09:41,601
Speaker 4: to the mindset, having the right people around them, and

1638
01:09:41,601 --> 01:09:44,481
Speaker 4: actually been really ready to pull the trigger. So yeah,

1639
01:09:44,801 --> 01:09:46,401
Speaker 4: I mean, I'm working with men and women to help

1640
01:09:46,441 --> 01:09:48,721
Speaker 4: them to overcome their addictions and see that there's more

1641
01:09:48,801 --> 01:09:52,601
Speaker 4: to life. I'm also working with a couple of you know,

1642
01:09:52,881 --> 01:09:56,841
Speaker 4: younger groups of men and women to show them that

1643
01:09:56,921 --> 01:09:58,441
Speaker 4: there's another way as well. So I've done a bit

1644
01:09:58,481 --> 01:10:02,281
Speaker 4: of speaking and also charity work with a group on

1645
01:10:02,321 --> 01:10:05,481
Speaker 4: the Gold Cosier, Good Mob, a bit Bsiness. So I've

1646
01:10:05,481 --> 01:10:07,241
Speaker 4: done a bit of stuff for them and I'm really

1647
01:10:07,361 --> 01:10:10,641
Speaker 4: really passionate about that. And this year for me, it's

1648
01:10:10,681 --> 01:10:13,161
Speaker 4: all about actually building a workshop that I can take

1649
01:10:13,481 --> 01:10:17,201
Speaker 4: to year elevens and twelve to show them awareness around

1650
01:10:17,281 --> 01:10:20,641
Speaker 4: I bring awareness around what I guess the impact device

1651
01:10:20,721 --> 01:10:23,760
Speaker 4: can really be and how they can start to boost

1652
01:10:23,801 --> 01:10:25,521
Speaker 4: their self worth. Because for me, like I said, when

1653
01:10:25,561 --> 01:10:27,161
Speaker 4: it comes to addiction, when it comes to drugs, when

1654
01:10:27,201 --> 01:10:28,201
Speaker 4: it comes to all that sort of stuff, it all

1655
01:10:28,201 --> 01:10:30,321
Speaker 4: comes back to self worth. So I want to build

1656
01:10:30,361 --> 01:10:33,161
Speaker 4: this workshop around self worth to take into schools to

1657
01:10:33,281 --> 01:10:36,001
Speaker 4: get them before it actually causes an issue for them.

1658
01:10:36,041 --> 01:10:39,001
Speaker 4: Because here's the thing, like one day that's going to

1659
01:10:39,041 --> 01:10:41,201
Speaker 4: be my son going through that same path that I walked,

1660
01:10:41,361 --> 01:10:42,881
Speaker 4: and it's going to be that fork in the road

1661
01:10:42,961 --> 01:10:45,521
Speaker 4: and you know, go this way with all the people

1662
01:10:45,601 --> 01:10:47,641
Speaker 4: that are cool, or go this way and do the

1663
01:10:47,721 --> 01:10:51,881
Speaker 4: things that actually work and work well for me. Fucking

1664
01:10:51,921 --> 01:10:54,961
Speaker 4: I've got an amazing partner, fucking which is really cool.

1665
01:10:55,001 --> 01:10:57,321
Speaker 4: Like I've been through the trenches when it comes to women, bro,

1666
01:10:57,481 --> 01:10:59,801
Speaker 4: Like I tell you that, fucking definitely man like one

1667
01:10:59,881 --> 01:11:01,361
Speaker 4: robbed me eleven grand and no one got me for

1668
01:11:01,521 --> 01:11:03,161
Speaker 4: like you know, about ten fucking had to get the

1669
01:11:03,201 --> 01:11:04,761
Speaker 4: glasses out here to get her out of the house,

1670
01:11:05,081 --> 01:11:08,281
Speaker 4: like a pretty wild and by no fault of my

1671
01:11:08,321 --> 01:11:10,321
Speaker 4: own with that one either, Like fucking she was just

1672
01:11:10,361 --> 01:11:12,081
Speaker 4: fucking nuts. It was fucking great. It was a good time,

1673
01:11:12,401 --> 01:11:14,041
Speaker 4: best of times, worse of times, but taught me a

1674
01:11:14,041 --> 01:11:17,081
Speaker 4: lot about myself, that's for sure. And I've got my

1675
01:11:17,121 --> 01:11:20,281
Speaker 4: beautiful little boy, bro, which is fucking unreal. So he's

1676
01:11:20,361 --> 01:11:23,401
Speaker 4: five years old as his first day of school, like

1677
01:11:23,481 --> 01:11:27,961
Speaker 4: I said, tomorrow, and fuck bro, like, I'm getting week on,

1678
01:11:28,001 --> 01:11:29,720
Speaker 4: week off, which is really cool. His mum's a fucking

1679
01:11:29,801 --> 01:11:31,361
Speaker 4: legends as far as it goes to that sort of thing.

1680
01:11:31,441 --> 01:11:32,761
Speaker 4: So I get him whenever I sort of need to

1681
01:11:32,801 --> 01:11:33,761
Speaker 4: have him or want to have him.

1682
01:11:35,001 --> 01:11:37,241
Speaker 2: That takes a lot of pressure off, doesn't it, Having

1683
01:11:37,281 --> 01:11:40,561
Speaker 2: that that co parenting sort of scenario where you're actually good.

1684
01:11:40,801 --> 01:11:42,841
Speaker 4: Yeah, but I'm so fucking lucky, Like I count my

1685
01:11:42,881 --> 01:11:44,601
Speaker 4: blessings every day because I know there's so many men

1686
01:11:44,681 --> 01:11:46,961
Speaker 4: out there that struggle with this. You know, so many

1687
01:11:47,001 --> 01:11:48,561
Speaker 4: men that struggle with this. But at the same time,

1688
01:11:49,041 --> 01:11:51,081
Speaker 4: it wasn't always like that. I fucking was a ship

1689
01:11:51,161 --> 01:11:54,521
Speaker 4: cunt for a very long time, which made her put

1690
01:11:54,521 --> 01:11:56,441
Speaker 4: me in a position where she didn't want to put

1691
01:11:56,481 --> 01:11:59,401
Speaker 4: my son with me by myself, you know. And I

1692
01:11:59,481 --> 01:12:01,001
Speaker 4: know there's probably a lot of people out there that

1693
01:12:01,441 --> 01:12:03,841
Speaker 4: you haven't been in that position, but are still fucking

1694
01:12:03,841 --> 01:12:05,760
Speaker 4: getting taken through the ring when it comes to trying

1695
01:12:05,761 --> 01:12:07,641
Speaker 4: to see their kids and that of stuff. And at

1696
01:12:07,681 --> 01:12:09,201
Speaker 4: the end of the day, like I mean, especially as

1697
01:12:09,241 --> 01:12:10,641
Speaker 4: women out there, they might be doing that to men,

1698
01:12:10,761 --> 01:12:13,201
Speaker 4: Like it's not hurting anyone else but the kid, you know,

1699
01:12:13,561 --> 01:12:15,881
Speaker 4: and and the man as well, it's hurting them. Fuck yeah,

1700
01:12:15,921 --> 01:12:18,321
Speaker 4: but this kid's growing up without a father, like they

1701
01:12:18,361 --> 01:12:21,921
Speaker 4: need a stable environment. I mean, like fucking compared to

1702
01:12:22,001 --> 01:12:23,761
Speaker 4: where I was to where I am today, man, Like

1703
01:12:24,081 --> 01:12:27,001
Speaker 4: my weekends was spent fucking swinging off a fucking meth pipe,

1704
01:12:27,281 --> 01:12:29,441
Speaker 4: fucking hanging out at Stut's houses, just being a fucking

1705
01:12:29,521 --> 01:12:32,441
Speaker 4: real grub fuck getting the cop chasers. Now I'm spending

1706
01:12:32,481 --> 01:12:34,121
Speaker 4: time with my son. I'm fucking down at the beach.

1707
01:12:34,161 --> 01:12:35,841
Speaker 4: I'm fucking jumping out of planes on the regular. So

1708
01:12:35,881 --> 01:12:37,881
Speaker 4: I've got my skull diving license. Like, that's a fucking

1709
01:12:37,961 --> 01:12:39,361
Speaker 4: how good's that's been.

1710
01:12:39,801 --> 01:12:43,201
Speaker 2: I did it a year and a half ago or something,

1711
01:12:43,241 --> 01:12:45,001
Speaker 2: I think it was, or just on two years ago,

1712
01:12:45,561 --> 01:12:48,561
Speaker 2: and Bro, I explained it to somebody. I wanted to

1713
01:12:48,601 --> 01:12:50,681
Speaker 2: do it all my life. And I'm up in the

1714
01:12:50,761 --> 01:12:52,521
Speaker 2: plane and it was red light, right, I was first

1715
01:12:52,561 --> 01:12:54,881
Speaker 2: to shoot out the door. It was a great jump.

1716
01:12:55,001 --> 01:12:57,321
Speaker 2: I jumped and I fucking loved it. And I can't

1717
01:12:57,361 --> 01:13:00,121
Speaker 2: explain to people, Like people said, what was the best part,

1718
01:13:00,121 --> 01:13:03,681
Speaker 2: And I said the free fall. That free fall for me,

1719
01:13:04,681 --> 01:13:08,961
Speaker 2: feeling of just nothing. I have nothing, there is nothing here.

1720
01:13:09,161 --> 01:13:11,881
Speaker 2: If I make it great, I hit the ground and

1721
01:13:12,041 --> 01:13:15,041
Speaker 2: it's all good. If I don't, it's guaranteed it's pretty

1722
01:13:15,041 --> 01:13:19,001
Speaker 2: well done and dusted. I'm enjoying right now at this moment,

1723
01:13:19,161 --> 01:13:23,361
Speaker 2: this freedom, this feeling of elation, this feeling of weightlessness.

1724
01:13:23,521 --> 01:13:26,601
Speaker 4: It was just beautiful, fucking liberating, right, it's fucking liberating.

1725
01:13:26,641 --> 01:13:28,921
Speaker 2: Bro. I can't explain it, and I can't wait to

1726
01:13:29,001 --> 01:13:30,561
Speaker 2: do it another thousand times.

1727
01:13:31,001 --> 01:13:32,441
Speaker 4: You got have to get your license, and brother, you

1728
01:13:32,521 --> 01:13:33,361
Speaker 4: have to get your skuy dover them.

1729
01:13:33,481 --> 01:13:36,161
Speaker 2: I will and look, you know, once beyond all this shit,

1730
01:13:36,241 --> 01:13:38,681
Speaker 2: then I can't wait because for me, I think it

1731
01:13:38,881 --> 01:13:41,761
Speaker 2: is just such. It's a therapeutic thing. It's great, it's

1732
01:13:41,801 --> 01:13:45,361
Speaker 2: a rush, it's but it's I don't know, I found it.

1733
01:13:45,481 --> 01:13:48,001
Speaker 4: It puts things in perspective, right, It puts things into perspective,

1734
01:13:48,041 --> 01:13:49,841
Speaker 4: because this is another thing as well. I was actually

1735
01:13:49,841 --> 01:13:52,001
Speaker 4: speaking about this the other day with my partner, like,

1736
01:13:52,361 --> 01:13:54,201
Speaker 4: but we went up to watch that storm that cruise

1737
01:13:54,201 --> 01:13:56,001
Speaker 4: through and actually got stuck in it up Mount Tambourine

1738
01:13:56,001 --> 01:13:58,001
Speaker 4: and we had that tornado. We're stuck in the midst

1739
01:13:58,001 --> 01:14:00,680
Speaker 4: of it. But we're talking about how insignificant as human

1740
01:14:00,721 --> 01:14:03,001
Speaker 4: beings really are, we really are. We think we're all

1741
01:14:03,041 --> 01:14:05,201
Speaker 4: high and mighty, but you realize that when you up

1742
01:14:05,201 --> 01:14:06,441
Speaker 4: in the plane, and I don't know if you would

1743
01:14:06,441 --> 01:14:08,241
Speaker 4: have experienced this, but when I fly up there, you

1744
01:14:08,321 --> 01:14:10,281
Speaker 4: see these little cars and you see these little people,

1745
01:14:10,601 --> 01:14:12,241
Speaker 4: and you're about to jump out and fucking come back

1746
01:14:12,281 --> 01:14:14,121
Speaker 4: down to Earth with them. But you know, like you know,

1747
01:14:14,201 --> 01:14:17,041
Speaker 4: when you're a kid and you had the ant farm. Yes,

1748
01:14:17,121 --> 01:14:19,441
Speaker 4: we're literally just yes, were literally just someone's ant farm.

1749
01:14:19,601 --> 01:14:21,361
Speaker 4: We're literally just there's a higher power than us and

1750
01:14:21,401 --> 01:14:23,121
Speaker 4: we're literally someone's out farm. But here we are thinking

1751
01:14:23,161 --> 01:14:25,881
Speaker 4: we're so fucking high and mighty and important. We're insignificant,

1752
01:14:26,361 --> 01:14:29,281
Speaker 4: you know, just fucking be humble. It's really fucking that hard.

1753
01:14:29,521 --> 01:14:30,961
Speaker 4: And this is a thing like back to where I

1754
01:14:31,081 --> 01:14:32,641
Speaker 4: was like a couple of years, a couple years ago,

1755
01:14:32,681 --> 01:14:34,761
Speaker 4: like you know, eight ten years ago, like I thought

1756
01:14:34,761 --> 01:14:36,720
Speaker 4: I was a fucking man. I thought I was fucking almighty.

1757
01:14:36,761 --> 01:14:39,561
Speaker 4: I thought I was fucking unstoppable. But it was all

1758
01:14:39,561 --> 01:14:41,840
Speaker 4: the drug. And then I had a fucking real reality

1759
01:14:41,921 --> 01:14:44,121
Speaker 4: check with the fucking jail and with a hard couple

1760
01:14:44,161 --> 01:14:47,361
Speaker 4: of real scary and fucking hairy situations where my life

1761
01:14:47,481 --> 01:14:50,361
Speaker 4: was really at risk and it really isn't worth it.

1762
01:14:50,721 --> 01:14:52,601
Speaker 4: It really isn't worth it. And this is the thing,

1763
01:14:52,681 --> 01:14:54,481
Speaker 4: like I know that for people out there that are

1764
01:14:54,481 --> 01:14:57,041
Speaker 4: struggling with this, Like at first, it's fun and games

1765
01:14:57,041 --> 01:14:58,441
Speaker 4: and it might be great to go out and fucking

1766
01:14:58,441 --> 01:15:01,481
Speaker 4: get really highest oupole weekend, but it only goes one way,

1767
01:15:01,521 --> 01:15:04,121
Speaker 4: and that's dead or jail or in it's you know,

1768
01:15:04,441 --> 01:15:08,241
Speaker 4: one of three right, dead, jail or institution, simple.

1769
01:15:07,921 --> 01:15:10,641
Speaker 2: As that, and that is that is the reality. And

1770
01:15:10,761 --> 01:15:13,561
Speaker 2: you know, that is something that I proudly like to

1771
01:15:13,681 --> 01:15:16,801
Speaker 2: continue to share through each of our guests and the

1772
01:15:16,881 --> 01:15:20,641
Speaker 2: stories of redemption because the platform that we've created here

1773
01:15:20,681 --> 01:15:24,121
Speaker 2: in the community of like minded is based around preventing

1774
01:15:24,721 --> 01:15:27,961
Speaker 2: preventing people from ever having to get down these parts

1775
01:15:27,961 --> 01:15:30,481
Speaker 2: that we've experienced. Yeah, okay, we are where we are

1776
01:15:30,601 --> 01:15:34,001
Speaker 2: today from them, But would I want anybody else to

1777
01:15:34,081 --> 01:15:37,201
Speaker 2: have gone down the definitely not. There's a better way,

1778
01:15:37,761 --> 01:15:38,961
Speaker 2: but that's a much better way.

1779
01:15:39,001 --> 01:15:41,201
Speaker 4: That's the human condition, though, isn't it. We can't learn

1780
01:15:41,321 --> 01:15:43,201
Speaker 4: by lessons from other people. We've got to learn the

1781
01:15:43,281 --> 01:15:45,881
Speaker 4: lessons ourselves. But I mean, this is a thing. Even

1782
01:15:45,961 --> 01:15:47,921
Speaker 4: if fucking this podcast that we're doing right now, bro

1783
01:15:48,041 --> 01:15:49,921
Speaker 4: lends with just one person, I think we've done our job,

1784
01:15:50,161 --> 01:15:53,481
Speaker 4: you know what I mean that just one person. If

1785
01:15:53,521 --> 01:15:55,241
Speaker 4: this lends with just one person, which I know will

1786
01:15:55,401 --> 01:15:57,680
Speaker 4: fucking more than one. If this lends with just one person,

1787
01:15:57,721 --> 01:16:00,361
Speaker 4: I'm fucking happy to fucking you know, to hear that

1788
01:16:00,441 --> 01:16:02,241
Speaker 4: that's actually made a difference in their life. I mean, like,

1789
01:16:02,481 --> 01:16:04,161
Speaker 4: this is the thing with what I do now man Like,

1790
01:16:04,441 --> 01:16:06,201
Speaker 4: obviously I do run a business, but anyone that is

1791
01:16:06,201 --> 01:16:07,841
Speaker 4: out there struggling, like feel free to hit me up.

1792
01:16:07,881 --> 01:16:11,001
Speaker 4: I'm into change coaching on Instagram. You can message me

1793
01:16:11,001 --> 01:16:13,481
Speaker 4: anytime and I always reply to everyone that messages me.

1794
01:16:13,561 --> 01:16:15,441
Speaker 4: I have got virtual assistants that work for me. But

1795
01:16:15,761 --> 01:16:18,121
Speaker 4: when you talk, you're talking to me. You're talking to me,

1796
01:16:18,201 --> 01:16:20,561
Speaker 4: and I'm happy to share my stories and talk to

1797
01:16:20,601 --> 01:16:22,881
Speaker 4: people about strategies that I've used that they can put

1798
01:16:22,921 --> 01:16:24,161
Speaker 4: in a place straight away. But at the end of

1799
01:16:24,161 --> 01:16:25,801
Speaker 4: the day, I mean, if you do want to make

1800
01:16:25,841 --> 01:16:27,241
Speaker 4: a change, you need to really want to make that

1801
01:16:27,321 --> 01:16:29,761
Speaker 4: fucking change, because it isn't easy. It's fucking uncomfortable, and

1802
01:16:29,761 --> 01:16:32,161
Speaker 4: it's a fucking hard and lonely road. But I can

1803
01:16:32,241 --> 01:16:34,401
Speaker 4: tell you right now, sitting where I sit now, I'm

1804
01:16:34,481 --> 01:16:36,801
Speaker 4: living my fucking dream life and living my purpose every

1805
01:16:36,841 --> 01:16:39,241
Speaker 4: fucking day, and that's due to the fucking hard work

1806
01:16:39,281 --> 01:16:41,241
Speaker 4: that I did across the last seven eight years. Now.

1807
01:16:41,961 --> 01:16:44,921
Speaker 2: But well, mate, I look like I said to you

1808
01:16:45,081 --> 01:16:47,201
Speaker 2: in the beginning, you know, I think you've got a great,

1809
01:16:47,641 --> 01:16:49,961
Speaker 2: great story, and you know where you've come from to

1810
01:16:50,041 --> 01:16:53,041
Speaker 2: where you are, and hey, you've pushed through adversity and addiction,

1811
01:16:53,241 --> 01:16:56,281
Speaker 2: and you know, like you you know yourself. Obviously you're

1812
01:16:56,361 --> 01:16:59,721
Speaker 2: very very conscious that you are in constant recovery and

1813
01:17:00,121 --> 01:17:03,241
Speaker 2: massively that you need to work on. But I feel

1814
01:17:03,321 --> 01:17:05,361
Speaker 2: that you know you as a person a bit building

1815
01:17:05,561 --> 01:17:08,641
Speaker 2: a stronger you, and each day you're waking up and

1816
01:17:08,841 --> 01:17:10,761
Speaker 2: not going down that road is giving you more and

1817
01:17:10,881 --> 01:17:14,201
Speaker 2: more strength and power within. So how awesome is that?

1818
01:17:14,561 --> 01:17:16,801
Speaker 2: You know? And then you're helping others, which is therapeutic.

1819
01:17:16,881 --> 01:17:19,601
Speaker 2: It's keeping you aligned with what your values are. You know,

1820
01:17:19,761 --> 01:17:22,961
Speaker 2: your son. I want to ask you something, and I

1821
01:17:23,041 --> 01:17:27,361
Speaker 2: do ask each person before we do end our interviews,

1822
01:17:27,441 --> 01:17:31,641
Speaker 2: and you're going to get it. Somebody's out there, ben

1823
01:17:31,761 --> 01:17:35,401
Speaker 2: Low right now in the horrors or just in their

1824
01:17:35,441 --> 01:17:37,841
Speaker 2: peak of where they've got no idea where they want

1825
01:17:37,841 --> 01:17:40,121
Speaker 2: to be. What's your advice, whether it be a word apparent,

1826
01:17:40,201 --> 01:17:42,561
Speaker 2: what's something that's going to connect that you feel was

1827
01:17:42,681 --> 01:17:46,001
Speaker 2: worthy for someone to hear, in short, to give them

1828
01:17:46,041 --> 01:17:47,920
Speaker 2: an opportunity to look at themselves.

1829
01:17:48,361 --> 01:17:50,881
Speaker 4: That's a good question. I really like this one. So

1830
01:17:51,161 --> 01:17:54,441
Speaker 4: if I had to give them one word, it would

1831
01:17:54,481 --> 01:17:59,800
Speaker 4: be probably faith. You know, you've got to have faith

1832
01:17:59,961 --> 01:18:02,041
Speaker 4: that and this is This is actually my word for

1833
01:18:02,121 --> 01:18:04,081
Speaker 4: the year is just having faith and trusting the Knox

1834
01:18:04,121 --> 01:18:05,561
Speaker 4: and trusting the types that you get, because you do

1835
01:18:05,681 --> 01:18:07,601
Speaker 4: get taps from the universe. Like, if anyone's out there

1836
01:18:07,641 --> 01:18:10,361
Speaker 4: struggling with this shit, I can guarantee they would have

1837
01:18:10,401 --> 01:18:13,521
Speaker 4: had those taps from the universe saying hey, maybe pull back,

1838
01:18:13,641 --> 01:18:16,561
Speaker 4: maybe hey, maybe don't put yourself in that situation. But

1839
01:18:17,121 --> 01:18:21,041
Speaker 4: having faith that you have absolutely everything that you need

1840
01:18:21,401 --> 01:18:24,001
Speaker 4: within you already to make the changes you need to make.

1841
01:18:24,161 --> 01:18:26,441
Speaker 4: It just needs to obviously be put in place. You

1842
01:18:26,481 --> 01:18:29,481
Speaker 4: need to pull the fucking trigger. Yeah, if you're struggling

1843
01:18:29,521 --> 01:18:31,241
Speaker 4: with this shit, if you're struggling with ice addiction, if

1844
01:18:31,281 --> 01:18:33,921
Speaker 4: you're struggling with any addiction at all, remember that you're

1845
01:18:33,961 --> 01:18:35,841
Speaker 4: not alone either. Like this is a thing Like I

1846
01:18:35,961 --> 01:18:37,800
Speaker 4: went through this a lot of the time by myself,

1847
01:18:37,881 --> 01:18:39,721
Speaker 4: But there are people out there that are willing to

1848
01:18:39,801 --> 01:18:41,241
Speaker 4: help you that I can give you that one piece

1849
01:18:41,281 --> 01:18:43,721
Speaker 4: of advice, They can give you that helping hand. You know,

1850
01:18:44,361 --> 01:18:46,001
Speaker 4: you are not alone, no matter where you're out, no

1851
01:18:46,041 --> 01:18:47,921
Speaker 4: matter how put did you think you are, Like, if

1852
01:18:48,001 --> 01:18:50,881
Speaker 4: you want to actually make a change, there are people

1853
01:18:50,921 --> 01:18:52,201
Speaker 4: out there that are willing to help you and you

1854
01:18:52,241 --> 01:18:53,241
Speaker 4: don't need to go out alone.

1855
01:18:56,161 --> 01:19:02,881
Speaker 2: Powerful. Yeah, I actually just sat here and played that

1856
01:19:03,001 --> 01:19:04,841
Speaker 2: over again just for the sake because I wanted to

1857
01:19:04,841 --> 01:19:09,241
Speaker 2: hear those were That was actually very powerful, And thank

1858
01:19:09,281 --> 01:19:11,001
Speaker 2: you for that, Ben, and I really hope that that

1859
01:19:11,121 --> 01:19:15,321
Speaker 2: resonates with our listeners out there, because you know, it is, it's, it's,

1860
01:19:15,481 --> 01:19:19,881
Speaker 2: it's it's. It's one thing to say, but to put

1861
01:19:19,921 --> 01:19:25,081
Speaker 2: into actual action and commit is another. But you get

1862
01:19:25,121 --> 01:19:27,561
Speaker 2: the point where you you have to Yeah, you will.

1863
01:19:27,721 --> 01:19:29,321
Speaker 4: You can take a horse to water, right, but you

1864
01:19:29,361 --> 01:19:30,841
Speaker 4: can't make a drink at the end of the day.

1865
01:19:31,001 --> 01:19:32,961
Speaker 4: We can give you all the fucking strategies on me

1866
01:19:33,001 --> 01:19:35,081
Speaker 4: as a coach, I can give my clients and everyone

1867
01:19:35,161 --> 01:19:38,001
Speaker 4: that works with me absolutely everything, but they've got to

1868
01:19:38,041 --> 01:19:40,001
Speaker 4: pull the fucking trigger. You've got to fucking know that,

1869
01:19:40,041 --> 01:19:42,241
Speaker 4: within a shadow of a doubt, that life is going

1870
01:19:42,321 --> 01:19:44,001
Speaker 4: to be better when you do these things, because like

1871
01:19:44,041 --> 01:19:46,561
Speaker 4: I said, it's not going to be comfortable, right, but

1872
01:19:47,001 --> 01:19:51,041
Speaker 4: the pain that you have being where you are needs

1873
01:19:51,081 --> 01:19:54,041
Speaker 4: to be more than the pain of change, right. You

1874
01:19:54,121 --> 01:19:56,121
Speaker 4: need to understand that life is going to get better

1875
01:19:56,201 --> 01:19:57,681
Speaker 4: and see what life's going to look like on the

1876
01:19:57,721 --> 01:19:59,601
Speaker 4: other side. Because until you can get really clear on

1877
01:19:59,641 --> 01:20:01,441
Speaker 4: that and have the faith that you need to know

1878
01:20:01,521 --> 01:20:03,561
Speaker 4: that life is going to get better, you're going to

1879
01:20:03,601 --> 01:20:05,321
Speaker 4: stay stuck because even though you're not happy with you're right,

1880
01:20:05,321 --> 01:20:07,681
Speaker 4: you're comfortable there. Like they say, ninety five percent of

1881
01:20:07,721 --> 01:20:10,041
Speaker 4: who we are is subconscious programming. By the age of thirty,

1882
01:20:10,081 --> 01:20:12,121
Speaker 4: that means that who you are is, you know, produce

1883
01:20:12,161 --> 01:20:14,081
Speaker 4: your computer program. You wake up today, you do the

1884
01:20:14,121 --> 01:20:17,001
Speaker 4: same shit you did yesterday, right. And what happens is

1885
01:20:17,081 --> 01:20:18,681
Speaker 4: a lot of people go, well, fuck, if I want

1886
01:20:18,721 --> 01:20:19,961
Speaker 4: to change, I have to do X, Y and Z,

1887
01:20:20,081 --> 01:20:21,720
Speaker 4: and it looks like it's too much, and it becomes

1888
01:20:21,881 --> 01:20:24,441
Speaker 4: uncomfortable to change. And even though they're not happy where

1889
01:20:24,481 --> 01:20:27,001
Speaker 4: they're at, they're comfortable there. So they push themselves back

1890
01:20:27,161 --> 01:20:29,281
Speaker 4: further and further and further because they're just not taking action.

1891
01:20:29,801 --> 01:20:32,001
Speaker 4: But all it takes is one change, one small change,

1892
01:20:32,401 --> 01:20:35,161
Speaker 4: you know, one percent, not a bikey, but one percent

1893
01:20:35,281 --> 01:20:37,241
Speaker 4: small action that you can take each day to become

1894
01:20:37,281 --> 01:20:39,561
Speaker 4: one percent better tomorrow than you work today. That's something

1895
01:20:39,601 --> 01:20:42,001
Speaker 4: that I preach with absolutely everything and everyone that I

1896
01:20:42,121 --> 01:20:42,361
Speaker 4: work with.

1897
01:20:42,441 --> 01:20:44,881
Speaker 2: I ask my kids every day. Ben Funny, you say

1898
01:20:44,881 --> 01:20:46,680
Speaker 2: that has been something.

1899
01:20:46,561 --> 01:20:50,001
Speaker 4: The Tomic habits James clear Eyes, Yeah, yeah, great, great book.

1900
01:20:50,121 --> 01:20:52,041
Speaker 2: Just be one percent better than you were yesterday.

1901
01:20:52,121 --> 01:20:53,801
Speaker 4: So that's what it takes at the end of the day.

1902
01:20:53,881 --> 01:20:56,001
Speaker 4: Like if there's one piece of advice that probably they

1903
01:20:56,001 --> 01:20:57,601
Speaker 4: should take away from this, it's just what is your

1904
01:20:57,641 --> 01:21:00,641
Speaker 4: one percent? What is the one small thing you can

1905
01:21:00,681 --> 01:21:03,680
Speaker 4: do today to be the better version of yourself tomorrow?

1906
01:21:03,761 --> 01:21:05,921
Speaker 4: Because it compounds, all right, and every day it gets

1907
01:21:05,961 --> 01:21:07,680
Speaker 4: better and better and better. It gets easier and easier

1908
01:21:07,681 --> 01:21:10,241
Speaker 4: and easier. And it's not fucking easy, all right. It's simple,

1909
01:21:11,001 --> 01:21:13,081
Speaker 4: right because we can put it in practice, but it's

1910
01:21:13,081 --> 01:21:14,761
Speaker 4: not easy because if it was easy, every count be

1911
01:21:14,801 --> 01:21:17,201
Speaker 4: doing it, everyone will be off the gear. You just

1912
01:21:17,241 --> 01:21:18,561
Speaker 4: got to know what that one percent is for you,

1913
01:21:18,801 --> 01:21:20,281
Speaker 4: something that you can commit to that's going to help

1914
01:21:20,281 --> 01:21:22,121
Speaker 4: you get to where you want to be, and then

1915
01:21:22,161 --> 01:21:22,720
Speaker 4: pull the trigger.

1916
01:21:23,441 --> 01:21:26,401
Speaker 2: There you have it, guys, Thank you, Ben low the clink.

1917
01:21:26,441 --> 01:21:28,961
Speaker 2: He's back and I hope you enjoyed today. It has

1918
01:21:29,041 --> 01:21:32,001
Speaker 2: been a wonderful moment being able to sit down with

1919
01:21:32,081 --> 01:21:36,521
Speaker 2: Ben Lunharey's stories. Guys, if you're struggling, reach out Ben's

1920
01:21:36,561 --> 01:21:40,081
Speaker 2: details in the episode as you heard, and we will

1921
01:21:40,401 --> 01:21:42,761
Speaker 2: happily guide you through there. If anybody on Instagram wants

1922
01:21:42,841 --> 01:21:47,721
Speaker 2: to contact me the Clink podcast on Instagram. Get over there,

1923
01:21:48,001 --> 01:21:50,481
Speaker 2: follow the page and the shenanigans, the highs, the lows,

1924
01:21:50,521 --> 01:21:52,161
Speaker 2: the ins and the outs from me to you. Have

1925
01:21:52,281 --> 01:21:55,561
Speaker 2: a fantastic afternoon and thanks. You be the best you can.

1926
01:21:56,441 --> 01:22:00,401
Speaker 1: Photo record. Don't try and make you uncomfortable photo record.

1927
01:22:00,521 --> 01:22:03,680
Speaker 1: You try a world and stuff for your photo record.

1928
01:22:03,881 --> 01:22:07,321
Speaker 1: Lab on me going way, Wait for the record. Ain't

1929
01:22:07,321 --> 01:22:08,521
Speaker 1: trying to link, No, trying to wait.

1930
01:22:08,761 --> 01:22:13,161
Speaker 3: Stop for the record for the record. Yeah, for the

1931
01:22:14,521 --> 01:22:19,481
Speaker 3: for the record, for the record, for the record, for

1932
01:22:19,641 --> 01:22:20,081
Speaker 3: the record.

1933
01:22:23,761 --> 01:22:34,401
Speaker 4: M m hmmm mm hmm.