WEBVTT - REWIND - I Felt Used

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<v Speaker 1>Approject production, you know, lucky like a sati. I like,

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<v Speaker 1>I'm anti it now, but I was. I was. I

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<v Speaker 1>was wanted for a knife attack, which I fight against

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<v Speaker 1>now with my charity. But I was. I tried to

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<v Speaker 1>stab someone they called the old Bill and me I

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<v Speaker 1>was wanted for that. They found me in I went

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<v Speaker 1>on a missing person so a danger person's think where

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<v Speaker 1>they were going to go on TV and say have

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<v Speaker 1>you seen this guy? But I was in a petrol

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<v Speaker 1>station in York with with this girl and a guy

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<v Speaker 1>held the door open and as he turned round he

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<v Speaker 1>see us, and I hope he watches this year. I

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<v Speaker 1>really hope he watches this. He opened the door for

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<v Speaker 1>me and he turned around, took one look at me,

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<v Speaker 1>and let go of the door. And it smacked me. Yeah,

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<v Speaker 1>because I don't know he didn't like, well I looked

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<v Speaker 1>or whatever, but he wasn't holding the door open for me,

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<v Speaker 1>but he was holding it and then he released it

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<v Speaker 1>after he looked at me, and it smacked me. Yeah,

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<v Speaker 1>and I said, I said wait for me outside. I

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<v Speaker 1>played for the petrol. Yeah. I was in this car.

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<v Speaker 1>So I was. I was a lump then I was

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<v Speaker 1>I was absolutely massive. I was a unit and I

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<v Speaker 1>was in this tiny little Pergo two six quite in

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<v Speaker 1>his car. But this guy outside he gets in his car.

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<v Speaker 1>He had an alpha a male, a purple out for

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<v Speaker 1>a male. And he gets in his car and as

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<v Speaker 1>I've gone walking towards him, he goes like this, locks

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<v Speaker 1>his car and smiles, Yeah, like he's safe in his car,

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<v Speaker 1>like cocky. I started smashing. I started punching the windows.

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<v Speaker 1>I kicked the door in. He didn't know what was

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<v Speaker 1>going and I'm trying to handle. He started driving off. Yeah,

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<v Speaker 1>and I'm hanging onto the car. Yeah, he's driving off.

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<v Speaker 1>He's literally not waiting for no traffic. Mate. I'm telling

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<v Speaker 1>here it is stupid, stupid, Yeah, because I put so

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<v Speaker 1>many people in danger that day because he just drove

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<v Speaker 1>out in the traffic. I fell off the car and

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<v Speaker 1>as I'm screaming at this guy, I turned around and

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<v Speaker 1>when I turned around, there's a cop There's a cop

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<v Speaker 1>cart sitting there, and the cops were standing there and

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<v Speaker 1>they went, what's going on? I went I turned around

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<v Speaker 1>and been like to get in the cards chase him.

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<v Speaker 1>And as I've turned around, the cops are standing they go,

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<v Speaker 1>what's going on? I was like, uh, and I wanted

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<v Speaker 1>and I'm stating there like nothing. They go, we just

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<v Speaker 1>see you keep that car. I said, no, you didn't,

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<v Speaker 1>So you did? I said no. I said he closed

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<v Speaker 1>his door when I was leaning on it, and he

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<v Speaker 1>had my jacket in his car and he took me

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<v Speaker 1>with him. They were like really, I went yeah, and

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<v Speaker 1>then he didn't know that I was attached to his car.

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<v Speaker 1>I don't think, but he's drive off now. And they

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<v Speaker 1>took it. They took it. They went into the petrol

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<v Speaker 1>station and they said, is that guy? Do you know

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<v Speaker 1>this guys? I said again, I was in the petrol station.

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<v Speaker 1>I was fine, yeah, And they went in they said, no,

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<v Speaker 1>he's fine. And so now I'm thinking I'm getting nicked.

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<v Speaker 1>I'm getting took from York back to Ipswich. Right, so

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<v Speaker 1>I'm kicking off out of this coppers because it's authority

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<v Speaker 1>and I'm like, mate, what's your problem? Like, let's just

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<v Speaker 1>what's that? Go? Calm down? What can we do? Calm

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<v Speaker 1>me down? So let me go. He said what's your name?

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<v Speaker 1>And I went Paul Read? He went, yeah, Paul Read.

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<v Speaker 1>It's because the Read was my stepdad's name, the durable guy.

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<v Speaker 2>Yeah.

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<v Speaker 1>So whilst he's talking to me, he's doing a check

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<v Speaker 1>on Paul Rigid. Yeah, and there's like nothing. Yeah, there's

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<v Speaker 1>like nothing for me. So they go all mate off

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<v Speaker 1>you go. I was like yeah, it was like yeah.

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<v Speaker 1>I was like no mate, had a good day. And

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<v Speaker 1>they've gone YouTube like no more of that, and I

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<v Speaker 1>was like, I don't know what we're talking about getting

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<v Speaker 1>a car? And I got off what that was? Me done?

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<v Speaker 1>What I was getting what I was getting took back?

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<v Speaker 1>Do you do you?

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<v Speaker 2>I get a persona of coppers in England that I

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<v Speaker 2>want to sound like in a bad way, but are

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<v Speaker 2>they all fucking dumb?

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<v Speaker 1>Yeah, Like they're all dumb or they've got that small

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<v Speaker 1>person mentality where they were bullied so they feel like

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<v Speaker 1>they have to lay that authority down and everybody to

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<v Speaker 1>be a you know, because.

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<v Speaker 2>Are here, there's probably any everywhere over the world. Everyone

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<v Speaker 2>laughs at the fucking English coppers because they don't carry

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<v Speaker 2>a fucking gun. They carry they still carry their fucking

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<v Speaker 2>stupid hats on their fucking head. They've still all they

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<v Speaker 2>have is the fucking battern and they just get given

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<v Speaker 2>it every fucking day by people, you know what I mean?

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<v Speaker 2>And I don't know it's.

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<v Speaker 1>Like, as as irritating as the police are here, we're

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<v Speaker 1>pretty gifted because, like you say, they haven't got guns,

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<v Speaker 1>they haven't got they haven't got anything. I'm telling you, man,

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<v Speaker 1>I've come across some street of coppers in my time

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<v Speaker 1>where I've been banned the rights and they just let

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<v Speaker 1>me go because I've been too aggressive for him. Do

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<v Speaker 1>you know what I mean? They can't manage it. But

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<v Speaker 1>my face went out on the the police data base

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<v Speaker 1>and I want to miss it once a person and yeah,

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<v Speaker 1>I come up as a missing person. So because I

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<v Speaker 1>come up as a missing person and an urgent person

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<v Speaker 1>to to get off the street because I'd run away

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<v Speaker 1>from a mental institution, I was schizphrenic. Right, Well, you

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<v Speaker 1>put up as dangers. Yeah, so I was a danger

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<v Speaker 1>to the public. That's what it was. It was danger

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<v Speaker 1>to the public. Do not approach, just call the police,

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<v Speaker 1>which again I'm not proud of now. But then it

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<v Speaker 1>was awesome because I was like, it was the mentality

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<v Speaker 1>that I wanted everyone to see me to be because

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<v Speaker 1>I thought that I had respect from everybody. And it

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<v Speaker 1>wasn't that there's no respect on the street. There's nothing.

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<v Speaker 1>It's lonely. You're lonely. As much as you feel like

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<v Speaker 1>you're a part of something big, you ain't. You're nothing.

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<v Speaker 1>You're just a person that is willing to do. We're

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<v Speaker 1>a little bit more than the next person, and people

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<v Speaker 1>will love you for that, and they'll use you for that,

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<v Speaker 1>and then they'll throw you away. Nobody nothing, You are

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<v Speaker 1>nothing at all, And they put me out on the APB.

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<v Speaker 1>I'll come up as like this person, they found me,

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<v Speaker 1>So I didn't go on the forty eight hour missing TVF.

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<v Speaker 1>We're looking for this person, please find them. So now

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<v Speaker 1>they found me in York, I've had to leave York.

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<v Speaker 1>I've gone back to Manchester. I'm living in Manchester on

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<v Speaker 1>Moss Side, which was wild wild. Moss Side is a

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<v Speaker 1>is a is a place mate, So I'm over there.

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<v Speaker 2>I actually, I actually when I was when I got

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<v Speaker 2>got my driver's license and I was seventeen years old,

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<v Speaker 2>my fucking mate dared me to drive to Manchester and

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<v Speaker 2>go through Moss Side and I remember fucking fucking night

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<v Speaker 2>we got up there, and I swear I just didn't

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<v Speaker 2>think I was gonna like it's like, I don't know

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<v Speaker 2>if you've ever been to Liverpool, and there's a there's

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<v Speaker 2>a place exactly like it called Granby Street, and the

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<v Speaker 2>fucking it's the same thing. And he dared me to

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<v Speaker 2>do the same thing there, and I fucking stored my car,

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<v Speaker 2>you know what I mean? It's just like, what the fuck?

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<v Speaker 2>So I know what you're fucking talking about?

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<v Speaker 1>Yeah, yeah, yeah, it's just madness. But you know who

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<v Speaker 1>you were with everyone there? Do you know what I mean?

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<v Speaker 1>You know where you are with everyone? There is no

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<v Speaker 1>there's no hidden agendas. Everyone is on the same thing,

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<v Speaker 1>which is real dangerous because you've always got people at

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<v Speaker 1>hand to do jobs. So you're just you're never not

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<v Speaker 1>out of trouble. You're always in trouble because if you

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<v Speaker 1>don't stick up for the person in the street, you

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<v Speaker 1>ain't help them in the street, you know what I mean?

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<v Speaker 1>So but did you did you follow suit? O?

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<v Speaker 2>But by being it, by being in that area, did

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<v Speaker 2>you like do you think you know, like with everyone

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<v Speaker 2>else what they were doing, did.

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<v Speaker 1>You follow suit with them? Mate? I didn't listen. I didn't.

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<v Speaker 1>I didn't fall in line with nobody. I didn't fall

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<v Speaker 1>in line with nobody. I I wanted it, I was

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<v Speaker 1>hungry for it. I was bred to be that person.

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<v Speaker 1>So I was always game. It wasn't like do you

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<v Speaker 1>want to come? It was like I'm in, you know.

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<v Speaker 1>I was always I was the game person that was

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<v Speaker 1>ready to go. And that's where I made the biggest

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<v Speaker 1>mistake because I felt like doing more doing doing the

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<v Speaker 1>things that led me to be not so much feared

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<v Speaker 1>but to be unpredictable. Led me to believe that I

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<v Speaker 1>had love where it wasn't because I was looking for

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<v Speaker 1>something that I never had as a child, and that was.

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<v Speaker 2>You felt wanted by everybody else because of the fact

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<v Speaker 2>that they wanted you for who, what you were, like,

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<v Speaker 2>what you could do for them, and so you felt

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<v Speaker 2>wanted because you didn't get that from your mom or

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<v Speaker 2>your father, you know what I mean.

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<v Speaker 1>So it was crazier I was the more people wanted

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<v Speaker 1>me around, you know what I mean. And I thought

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<v Speaker 1>that I was truly I felt like I belonged somewhere

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<v Speaker 1>where I wasn't actually supposed that I wasn't. I didn't

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<v Speaker 1>belong there, you know, because the love from the street

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<v Speaker 1>was the greatest thing ever. When I had nothing, I

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<v Speaker 1>didn't even have my soul, I never had anything. I

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<v Speaker 1>surrendered to everybody around me, and I was willing to die.

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<v Speaker 1>I was willing to go to jail. I was willing

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<v Speaker 1>to give up everything on who I was to be

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<v Speaker 1>a part of this society. Do you know what I mean?

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<v Speaker 1>Mean this family, this unit of just security because ain't

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<v Speaker 1>no one touching us when we're together in a group,

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<v Speaker 1>you know. And again it's not it wasn't gang mentality.

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<v Speaker 1>It was family.

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<v Speaker 2>And now where's where's your where's your where's your proper family?

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<v Speaker 2>When this is going on? Though, when you when you're

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<v Speaker 2>in Manchester with.

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<v Speaker 1>Are they they're doing their own thing. My brothers my

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<v Speaker 1>brother was off doing he'sting because he got into drugs

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<v Speaker 1>pretty heavy and he was off doing his thing. And

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<v Speaker 1>my sisters and my mum they're like super close, so

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<v Speaker 1>it's like them, and then it's like me and my

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<v Speaker 1>brother are the the other. We'd get contacted if something

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<v Speaker 1>was going wrong or they needed some cash or something

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<v Speaker 1>would get I'd get the call for the cash, and

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<v Speaker 1>my brother, my brother and me would get the call

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<v Speaker 1>if if they something someone had said something to the

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<v Speaker 1>family would come back and we'd deal with it and

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<v Speaker 1>then go back and carry on with what we were doing.

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<v Speaker 1>You know, what's the worst thing you've done. Well, I

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<v Speaker 1>haven't really done a lot by law of previction, but

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<v Speaker 1>like the alleged crimes, what I've been alleged to have done,

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<v Speaker 1>you know is.

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<v Speaker 3>Allegedly we'll go with allegedly, Yeah, allegedly.

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<v Speaker 1>Allegedly there was you know, guns and the attempted murder

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<v Speaker 1>thing and which I found not guilty on. And what

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<v Speaker 1>was it like?

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<v Speaker 2>What was your stock now like that.

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<v Speaker 1>We should have had this conversation?

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<v Speaker 2>What what what was it like? So allegedly you you've

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<v Speaker 2>you've had weapons, right, You've you've seen weapons before. What

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<v Speaker 2>was it like being that to actually see it?

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<v Speaker 1>Powerful? Powerful? I've only need to I only seen this

0:11:10.761 --> 0:11:14.521
<v Speaker 1>stuff in on TV. And as like when I was

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<v Speaker 1>growing up, I was so naive to the world because

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<v Speaker 1>I didn't think anything happened outside the house because I

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<v Speaker 1>was never allowed out of the house. So when I

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<v Speaker 1>started seeing this, you're progressing so fast in the criminal

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<v Speaker 1>underworld that you become somebody but really your nobody. Like

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<v Speaker 1>there's so there's there's so many levels of criminal and

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<v Speaker 1>in them levels you can be in that same So

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<v Speaker 1>me and you could be in the same level of criminal,

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<v Speaker 1>but your version of that criminal could be like your nuts,

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<v Speaker 1>or you'll use a weapon, you'll shoot someone where I

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<v Speaker 1>would kill someone with my hands. You know. It was

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<v Speaker 1>kind of like that. So you can progress in a

0:11:51.561 --> 0:11:55.041
<v Speaker 1>group so much because you don't need to be hard.

0:11:55.121 --> 0:11:56.841
<v Speaker 1>You don't need to be a murderer. You don't need

0:11:56.881 --> 0:11:58.241
<v Speaker 1>to be a tall man, you don't need to be

0:11:58.281 --> 0:12:03.361
<v Speaker 1>a thief. If you're game, you're all the same. Yeah,

0:12:03.401 --> 0:12:05.641
<v Speaker 1>do you know what I mean? Because if you had

0:12:05.641 --> 0:12:10.041
<v Speaker 1>a specific tool you fight in, or your height, your stature,

0:12:10.201 --> 0:12:14.401
<v Speaker 1>your aggression, your your kindness could talk to someone where

0:12:14.441 --> 0:12:16.961
<v Speaker 1>you couldn't get money off of like, you would all

0:12:17.001 --> 0:12:22.601
<v Speaker 1>be that same value. You're just used a different way. Yeah, yeah, yeah,

0:12:22.721 --> 0:12:26.441
<v Speaker 1>And brother, I was used. I was used just as

0:12:26.521 --> 0:12:34.881
<v Speaker 1>much as you were used. And it hurts because but

0:12:34.961 --> 0:12:36.121
<v Speaker 1>what would that what.

0:12:38.201 --> 0:12:40.881
<v Speaker 2>In what way? Do you feel used? Though? Like you

0:12:40.721 --> 0:12:42.721
<v Speaker 2>did you feel used in the way that they've used

0:12:42.761 --> 0:12:44.801
<v Speaker 2>your foot for your ability and for your for your

0:12:45.241 --> 0:12:47.161
<v Speaker 2>what you can do for them? Or do you feel

0:12:47.241 --> 0:12:50.521
<v Speaker 2>used because do you feel like it was a waste

0:12:50.521 --> 0:12:51.721
<v Speaker 2>of years?

0:12:52.121 --> 0:12:55.521
<v Speaker 1>One hundred percent. But at the same time, I can

0:12:55.521 --> 0:12:58.401
<v Speaker 1>say it's a I can say it's a waste of years. Yeah,

0:12:58.681 --> 0:13:00.521
<v Speaker 1>but it's curved me to be who I am today.

0:13:00.681 --> 0:13:02.441
<v Speaker 1>And I'm a great man today, do you know what

0:13:02.481 --> 0:13:04.281
<v Speaker 1>I mean? Like I'm a great I do a lot

0:13:04.321 --> 0:13:08.521
<v Speaker 1>today that that showed that that gives real respect and

0:13:08.601 --> 0:13:11.721
<v Speaker 1>strength to my community rather than take it away. So

0:13:11.961 --> 0:13:14.041
<v Speaker 1>it has curved me to be a better person and

0:13:14.081 --> 0:13:16.481
<v Speaker 1>it you know, without that, I probably wouldn't be who

0:13:16.481 --> 0:13:20.161
<v Speaker 1>I am today. So I can thank that as well

0:13:20.201 --> 0:13:22.361
<v Speaker 1>as I can still regret it. Do you know what

0:13:22.401 --> 0:13:22.721
<v Speaker 1>I mean?