1 00:00:00,800 --> 00:00:04,840 Speaker 1: Five double a nice with Matthew Pantalis Kids living at 2 00:00:04,840 --> 00:00:09,280 Speaker 1: home spine when they're little. At what point should and 3 00:00:09,320 --> 00:00:12,959 Speaker 1: should kids pay you rent? Essentially? Should they help out 4 00:00:13,000 --> 00:00:15,720 Speaker 1: with the power bills or the food budget or whatever else? 5 00:00:16,800 --> 00:00:19,280 Speaker 1: Should you ask them, you know, if they're twenty five 6 00:00:19,280 --> 00:00:21,960 Speaker 1: point thirty and still living at home and not paying 7 00:00:22,000 --> 00:00:26,080 Speaker 1: a cent for water or anything else or rent. Doctor 8 00:00:26,160 --> 00:00:30,080 Speaker 1: Marney Leshman, psychologist on the line, Marny, good evening. Thank 9 00:00:30,120 --> 00:00:30,800 Speaker 1: you for your time. 10 00:00:31,280 --> 00:00:32,640 Speaker 2: It's thank you for having me. 11 00:00:32,720 --> 00:00:34,120 Speaker 1: It's a tricky question, right. 12 00:00:35,720 --> 00:00:38,520 Speaker 2: It's very tricky, isn't it. We have to tread carefully here. 13 00:00:40,360 --> 00:00:43,600 Speaker 1: So what should we be doing? Should kids be contributing? 14 00:00:45,240 --> 00:00:48,000 Speaker 2: Yeah? I really think it needs to start early because 15 00:00:48,040 --> 00:00:50,760 Speaker 2: it'd be quite a shock, wouldn't it, going out and 16 00:00:50,800 --> 00:00:53,520 Speaker 2: being launched out into that adult world and you haven't 17 00:00:53,560 --> 00:00:58,120 Speaker 2: been inoculated somehow paying your way just a little bit. 18 00:00:58,320 --> 00:01:01,840 Speaker 2: So it really should start really early, but definitely by 19 00:01:01,880 --> 00:01:05,280 Speaker 2: the time that kids get to kind of late adolescents, 20 00:01:05,319 --> 00:01:09,679 Speaker 2: and definitely in adulthood if they can, they should be 21 00:01:09,720 --> 00:01:11,160 Speaker 2: contributing for their own good. 22 00:01:11,440 --> 00:01:13,839 Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, well that's right. Just get used to paying, 23 00:01:13,920 --> 00:01:17,000 Speaker 1: because that's what the real world is a lot of parents, 24 00:01:17,000 --> 00:01:21,600 Speaker 1: particularly in kids getting a perhaps their first part time 25 00:01:21,720 --> 00:01:25,960 Speaker 1: job or whatever else at full time even would be saying, well, look, 26 00:01:26,200 --> 00:01:28,360 Speaker 1: you pay me rent, I'll save that money for you, 27 00:01:28,400 --> 00:01:32,000 Speaker 1: and when you need it, it's yours and that's a 28 00:01:32,000 --> 00:01:34,039 Speaker 1: good thing. And you know they get the money back 29 00:01:34,080 --> 00:01:36,240 Speaker 1: at some stage when they eventually move out, I guess, 30 00:01:36,319 --> 00:01:41,200 Speaker 1: but maybe, but the you know, that's a good incentive 31 00:01:41,200 --> 00:01:43,120 Speaker 1: and a good thing to do, I suppose for parents, 32 00:01:43,120 --> 00:01:47,040 Speaker 1: so that the child starts feeling as if it's making 33 00:01:47,280 --> 00:01:51,760 Speaker 1: a contribution and getting a bit of a grip around everything. 34 00:01:52,440 --> 00:01:56,320 Speaker 2: Well exactly exactly, isn't it. It's these little informal moments, 35 00:01:56,360 --> 00:01:59,320 Speaker 2: isn't it, that are teachable moments because we forget sometimes. 36 00:01:59,320 --> 00:02:02,040 Speaker 2: I know, particularly when we're great parents, we want to 37 00:02:02,040 --> 00:02:04,160 Speaker 2: make our kids comfortable and we want to love and 38 00:02:04,240 --> 00:02:07,760 Speaker 2: support them. But yes, sometimes when we're not kind of 39 00:02:07,840 --> 00:02:10,320 Speaker 2: mimicking a little bit of what the adult world is 40 00:02:10,360 --> 00:02:13,560 Speaker 2: going to be like, it is a disadvantage for them. 41 00:02:13,680 --> 00:02:16,360 Speaker 2: So we don't want to take away that feeling. You know, 42 00:02:16,400 --> 00:02:19,000 Speaker 2: when you when you're little and you buy your first 43 00:02:19,040 --> 00:02:23,000 Speaker 2: thing from when you saved something, that there's something powerful 44 00:02:23,080 --> 00:02:26,440 Speaker 2: in that and empowering in fact, in that knowing that 45 00:02:26,760 --> 00:02:29,640 Speaker 2: it's actually building your self efficacy. So that's your belief 46 00:02:29,680 --> 00:02:32,440 Speaker 2: and your confidence in your ability to do something, and 47 00:02:32,480 --> 00:02:34,400 Speaker 2: that's what we want to feel like when we're adults. 48 00:02:34,400 --> 00:02:37,240 Speaker 2: So little moments, you know, from when kids start with 49 00:02:37,280 --> 00:02:40,000 Speaker 2: their little kind of part time jobs, until you know, 50 00:02:40,080 --> 00:02:42,560 Speaker 2: even if they're at UNI and they've got kind of 51 00:02:42,560 --> 00:02:44,760 Speaker 2: a bit of a casual job, you know, even if 52 00:02:44,760 --> 00:02:48,800 Speaker 2: it's twenty bucks you know a week something that's still affordable, 53 00:02:50,000 --> 00:02:52,800 Speaker 2: can make a massive difference, and it teaches them that 54 00:02:52,880 --> 00:02:57,440 Speaker 2: kind of financial financial literacy that they actually need. And 55 00:02:57,520 --> 00:02:59,440 Speaker 2: let's face it, if they were living with their mates 56 00:02:59,520 --> 00:03:02,080 Speaker 2: or living in a sharehouse, they'd be forking out a 57 00:03:02,160 --> 00:03:03,000 Speaker 2: whole lot more. 58 00:03:03,240 --> 00:03:08,240 Speaker 1: Okay, you're a psychologist, How should parents go about phrasing? This? 59 00:03:08,480 --> 00:03:08,720 Speaker 1: Is it? 60 00:03:08,800 --> 00:03:09,000 Speaker 2: You know? 61 00:03:09,120 --> 00:03:11,000 Speaker 1: This is for your own good? Is it? You know? 62 00:03:11,040 --> 00:03:12,880 Speaker 1: We still love you, We just want you to help. 63 00:03:13,360 --> 00:03:15,640 Speaker 1: We want you to get used to what words should 64 00:03:15,639 --> 00:03:16,040 Speaker 1: be used. 65 00:03:16,800 --> 00:03:19,560 Speaker 2: Yeah, well, I think it's you know, working in partnership 66 00:03:19,639 --> 00:03:21,480 Speaker 2: with your kids. And I think we all know, don't 67 00:03:21,480 --> 00:03:24,959 Speaker 2: we as parents not to impose or demand things of children. 68 00:03:25,040 --> 00:03:27,160 Speaker 2: We almost have to have a conversation as though it's 69 00:03:27,200 --> 00:03:29,880 Speaker 2: their idea, because they're more likely to do it, and 70 00:03:29,960 --> 00:03:32,880 Speaker 2: even they might come out with an amount that's affordable. 71 00:03:32,960 --> 00:03:36,480 Speaker 2: So the more honest you are, the more I guess 72 00:03:36,560 --> 00:03:39,720 Speaker 2: transparent you are, the more you kind of give them 73 00:03:39,760 --> 00:03:42,560 Speaker 2: the why. And it might be that it's actually because 74 00:03:42,560 --> 00:03:45,960 Speaker 2: a lot of adults, you know, parents, they don't have 75 00:03:46,080 --> 00:03:48,800 Speaker 2: their own house, they don't have paid off their mortgage, 76 00:03:48,840 --> 00:03:52,520 Speaker 2: so sometimes they actually need the financial contribution. We're not 77 00:03:52,560 --> 00:03:55,480 Speaker 2: all mortgage free as parents. So I think the more 78 00:03:55,520 --> 00:03:58,680 Speaker 2: you give them the why and get them involved in 79 00:03:58,680 --> 00:04:02,040 Speaker 2: the conversation and what they can contribute, that's a nice 80 00:04:02,080 --> 00:04:05,120 Speaker 2: feeling for them, and they're probably more likely to actually, 81 00:04:05,280 --> 00:04:06,240 Speaker 2: you know, come on board. 82 00:04:06,480 --> 00:04:09,280 Speaker 1: Yeah, absolutely, all right, So do you think kids might 83 00:04:09,400 --> 00:04:10,920 Speaker 1: might look at it as being, oh, you want me 84 00:04:10,960 --> 00:04:12,960 Speaker 1: to go, don't you, So it's time for me to leave, 85 00:04:14,480 --> 00:04:17,360 Speaker 1: which which may or may not be the. 86 00:04:18,680 --> 00:04:22,200 Speaker 2: Exactly exactly. But yeah, sometimes we're met with resistance, aren't 87 00:04:22,200 --> 00:04:24,760 Speaker 2: we with these things. But the more you explain rather 88 00:04:24,800 --> 00:04:30,040 Speaker 2: than just impose, the more likely the kids will understand 89 00:04:30,240 --> 00:04:32,840 Speaker 2: and you know, contribute as much as they possibly can. 90 00:04:33,000 --> 00:04:35,800 Speaker 2: But yeah, sometimes you will get pushed back because you know, 91 00:04:35,880 --> 00:04:37,039 Speaker 2: especially when they're teenagers. 92 00:04:37,240 --> 00:04:39,919 Speaker 1: Oh yeah, how do you handle that pushback? What do 93 00:04:39,920 --> 00:04:41,560 Speaker 1: you say to that this is for your own good? 94 00:04:41,760 --> 00:04:43,479 Speaker 1: And then it becomes heated and what do you know 95 00:04:43,520 --> 00:04:44,400 Speaker 1: about my own good? 96 00:04:45,080 --> 00:04:47,279 Speaker 2: Well, yeah, don't use for your own good. I think 97 00:04:47,279 --> 00:04:51,720 Speaker 2: that's probably the top two. Yeah, but it is. It's 98 00:04:51,760 --> 00:04:55,360 Speaker 2: asking for their opinions and you know, and getting out 99 00:04:55,400 --> 00:04:58,279 Speaker 2: the numbers, get out the figures, get out the Excel 100 00:04:58,400 --> 00:05:01,240 Speaker 2: spreadsheets and see if you can, and you know, you 101 00:05:01,279 --> 00:05:03,400 Speaker 2: see what they what numbers they come up with. He 102 00:05:03,560 --> 00:05:04,600 Speaker 2: was quite surprised. 103 00:05:04,680 --> 00:05:06,599 Speaker 1: Well, they'll probably have to explain how to get to 104 00:05:06,640 --> 00:05:08,280 Speaker 1: the Excel bridge. 105 00:05:09,800 --> 00:05:10,359 Speaker 2: Do that. 106 00:05:11,640 --> 00:05:13,279 Speaker 1: I mean, if you said word, I can go with 107 00:05:13,360 --> 00:05:15,280 Speaker 1: that Excel so damn confusing. 108 00:05:16,880 --> 00:05:21,159 Speaker 2: Exactly. We probably can ask chat cheap my income from 109 00:05:21,200 --> 00:05:23,440 Speaker 2: you know, kmart and this is what you can afford? 110 00:05:23,560 --> 00:05:26,880 Speaker 1: Yeah, exactly, exactly right, good on your money. Thank you. 111 00:05:27,000 --> 00:05:29,159 Speaker 1: It's an interesting discussion. Appreciate your time. 112 00:05:29,800 --> 00:05:30,160 Speaker 2: Thank you. 113 00:05:30,279 --> 00:05:34,440 Speaker 1: Doctor Marney Liishman, psychologist on parents being the new landlords.