1 00:00:00,920 --> 00:00:03,680 Speaker 1: Welcome to Start Here, a very special mini series within 2 00:00:03,760 --> 00:00:06,960 Speaker 1: Sugar Mamma's Fireplay that is designed just for you. This 3 00:00:07,120 --> 00:00:09,640 Speaker 1: is your safe space to be able to ask me questions, 4 00:00:09,800 --> 00:00:13,760 Speaker 1: share your financial challenges, and break through any financial fears 5 00:00:13,880 --> 00:00:17,800 Speaker 1: or mental blocks holding you back from simply getting started. 6 00:00:17,960 --> 00:00:21,439 Speaker 1: Whether you're feeling overwhelmed, stuck, or simply unsure of where 7 00:00:21,440 --> 00:00:23,840 Speaker 1: to begin, this is the series that is here to 8 00:00:23,880 --> 00:00:28,080 Speaker 1: help you and provide you with honest, practical and empowering 9 00:00:28,120 --> 00:00:30,639 Speaker 1: financial guidance and help you take the first step towards 10 00:00:30,680 --> 00:00:33,240 Speaker 1: clarity confidence when it comes to all of those very 11 00:00:33,240 --> 00:00:37,120 Speaker 1: exciting financial goals and dreams of yours. Here's how it works. 12 00:00:37,320 --> 00:00:40,360 Speaker 1: Simply send me a dam on Instagram, at Sugar Mama 13 00:00:40,360 --> 00:00:43,279 Speaker 1: TV or even if you like, at Canna Campbell Official. 14 00:00:43,400 --> 00:00:46,760 Speaker 1: Introduce yourself, let me know what you need general advice on. 15 00:00:46,880 --> 00:00:50,040 Speaker 1: Whilst I can't offer you personal investment or strategic advice, 16 00:00:50,120 --> 00:00:52,400 Speaker 1: what I can share with you in each episode of 17 00:00:52,479 --> 00:00:56,000 Speaker 1: Start Here will most definitely inspire you, educate you and 18 00:00:56,080 --> 00:00:59,320 Speaker 1: empower you to start thinking critically, but take the action 19 00:00:59,640 --> 00:01:03,160 Speaker 1: needed so that you can start moving in the right direction. 20 00:01:03,640 --> 00:01:17,800 Speaker 1: All right, let's get started. So today I want to 21 00:01:17,880 --> 00:01:21,479 Speaker 1: respond to a beautiful listener who wrote to me on 22 00:01:21,560 --> 00:01:26,160 Speaker 1: Instagram sharing something incredibly raw and vulnerable. You see, she 23 00:01:26,440 --> 00:01:30,360 Speaker 1: was recently given ten thousand pounds by her father and 24 00:01:30,800 --> 00:01:33,480 Speaker 1: she decided, without him knowing, to spend that money on 25 00:01:33,520 --> 00:01:36,520 Speaker 1: a dating agency. She was simply hoping to find love 26 00:01:36,800 --> 00:01:40,919 Speaker 1: and of course a meaningful relationship. Now, sadly this didn't work, 27 00:01:41,040 --> 00:01:44,280 Speaker 1: and she feels that she may have actually been scammed, 28 00:01:44,400 --> 00:01:47,000 Speaker 1: and she's also recently discovered plenty of other women who 29 00:01:47,080 --> 00:01:51,400 Speaker 1: had the same experience with the same agency. Now, regardless 30 00:01:51,440 --> 00:01:54,880 Speaker 1: of what has happened, she's feeling stuck, she's feeling embarrassed, 31 00:01:55,080 --> 00:01:57,800 Speaker 1: and she's feeling ashamed so much so that she's feeling 32 00:01:57,840 --> 00:02:00,440 Speaker 1: she just cannot seem to be able to move forward 33 00:02:00,520 --> 00:02:03,800 Speaker 1: with her financial journey because of the humiliation that has 34 00:02:03,840 --> 00:02:07,080 Speaker 1: taken such a heavy toll on her and her normal, 35 00:02:07,160 --> 00:02:10,760 Speaker 1: everyday life. So today's episode of Start Here is a 36 00:02:10,760 --> 00:02:14,720 Speaker 1: different one, but it's actually dedicated to her, but also 37 00:02:14,840 --> 00:02:18,079 Speaker 1: to anyone else who's ever made a mistake, trusted the 38 00:02:18,080 --> 00:02:22,280 Speaker 1: wrong person, or felt ashamed of maybe how they spent 39 00:02:22,360 --> 00:02:25,440 Speaker 1: their money and perhaps in their eyes, wasted their money. 40 00:02:25,480 --> 00:02:29,640 Speaker 1: So for everybody listening right now, including this particular listener. 41 00:02:29,760 --> 00:02:33,040 Speaker 1: This is your reminder that you are not alone and 42 00:02:33,080 --> 00:02:37,960 Speaker 1: that healing both financial and emotional is absolutely possible. So 43 00:02:38,160 --> 00:02:42,080 Speaker 1: we're going to start this process right here together, right now, 44 00:02:42,919 --> 00:02:45,079 Speaker 1: all right. So, first of all, what I need you 45 00:02:45,120 --> 00:02:49,480 Speaker 1: to do is to forgive yourself and heal those money 46 00:02:49,480 --> 00:02:52,799 Speaker 1: wounds that you've been holding on and perhaps picking for 47 00:02:52,880 --> 00:02:56,320 Speaker 1: so long. Now. This is probably the most important and 48 00:02:56,360 --> 00:03:00,760 Speaker 1: of course the first step forgiving yourself. Why well, because 49 00:03:00,960 --> 00:03:03,799 Speaker 1: until you do, you're actually dragging the weight of this 50 00:03:03,919 --> 00:03:08,520 Speaker 1: significant experience into every corner of your life. And it's 51 00:03:08,520 --> 00:03:10,320 Speaker 1: probably starting to make sense to you right now because 52 00:03:10,320 --> 00:03:12,840 Speaker 1: you're probably really feeling us. But think about it for 53 00:03:12,840 --> 00:03:18,799 Speaker 1: a second. This particular trauma incident experience is impacting your 54 00:03:18,840 --> 00:03:22,120 Speaker 1: financial goals, your level of self confidence and self worth, 55 00:03:22,600 --> 00:03:27,680 Speaker 1: your relationships, friendships, family, It's quite possibly infiltrating into your 56 00:03:27,720 --> 00:03:30,800 Speaker 1: career and your work environment, and of course your mental 57 00:03:30,840 --> 00:03:35,920 Speaker 1: health and your outlook towards your future. Shame is a 58 00:03:35,960 --> 00:03:39,120 Speaker 1: lot like a shadow. We think it's not there, but 59 00:03:39,280 --> 00:03:44,200 Speaker 1: it's lurking just behind us, and shadows grow in darkness. However, 60 00:03:44,280 --> 00:03:46,800 Speaker 1: the cool thing about shadows is the moment you step 61 00:03:46,840 --> 00:03:50,040 Speaker 1: into the lightness, and you step in with honesty and 62 00:03:50,080 --> 00:03:55,680 Speaker 1: compassion towards yourself, that shadow quickly fades away. Please know 63 00:03:56,080 --> 00:04:01,160 Speaker 1: you actually made a decision with beautiful, kind, good intentions, 64 00:04:01,400 --> 00:04:04,520 Speaker 1: positive intentions, you hope for the best. You're acting of 65 00:04:04,560 --> 00:04:07,440 Speaker 1: a place of optimism and a desire for connection. Now, 66 00:04:07,520 --> 00:04:10,600 Speaker 1: that is absolutely nothing to be ashamed of. That is, 67 00:04:10,600 --> 00:04:14,120 Speaker 1: in fact, deeply human. So here's what I want you 68 00:04:14,160 --> 00:04:17,640 Speaker 1: to do. I want you to write down every single 69 00:04:17,960 --> 00:04:23,080 Speaker 1: blessing that could possibly come from this particular experience. Now, 70 00:04:23,120 --> 00:04:25,320 Speaker 1: I'm going to recommend that you aim to write down 71 00:04:25,680 --> 00:04:28,760 Speaker 1: seventy five different blessings, and I'll explain why in just 72 00:04:28,800 --> 00:04:31,360 Speaker 1: a second. So to get you started, here's a few 73 00:04:31,400 --> 00:04:36,440 Speaker 1: different ideas. Perhaps you're learning from this particular experience to 74 00:04:36,480 --> 00:04:39,360 Speaker 1: trust your gut and your intuition more. Or perhaps you're 75 00:04:39,440 --> 00:04:42,600 Speaker 1: learning more about yourself about the type of deep, meaningful 76 00:04:42,600 --> 00:04:45,760 Speaker 1: connection that you're looking for in a partner. Or perhaps 77 00:04:46,080 --> 00:04:49,080 Speaker 1: you're realizing that this quite possibly may be the catalyst 78 00:04:49,160 --> 00:04:51,599 Speaker 1: to get you back on track with your finances. Or 79 00:04:51,600 --> 00:04:55,000 Speaker 1: perhaps this is the birth of your own personal transformation. 80 00:04:55,880 --> 00:04:59,159 Speaker 1: There is a lot of power behind this. There are 81 00:04:59,160 --> 00:05:01,440 Speaker 1: a lot of blessings behind this, and if you can 82 00:05:01,480 --> 00:05:04,560 Speaker 1: do this particular exercise, you'll start to look at back 83 00:05:04,640 --> 00:05:08,039 Speaker 1: with a sense of gratitude because you will outgrow this. 84 00:05:08,360 --> 00:05:11,800 Speaker 1: It doesn't define you now. The reason why I recommend 85 00:05:11,839 --> 00:05:15,320 Speaker 1: seventy five is it comes from personal experience. I recently 86 00:05:15,360 --> 00:05:20,479 Speaker 1: did a particular course that focuses around trauma. It's run 87 00:05:20,560 --> 00:05:24,680 Speaker 1: by an amazing mindset coach called Jamie Rider, and it 88 00:05:24,720 --> 00:05:26,720 Speaker 1: took me about six weeks to do this course. I 89 00:05:26,839 --> 00:05:30,640 Speaker 1: probably did ten to twenty minutes every single day, and 90 00:05:30,720 --> 00:05:33,479 Speaker 1: one of the many powerful exercises he gets you to 91 00:05:33,480 --> 00:05:36,880 Speaker 1: do is to take that particular incident or trauma and 92 00:05:36,920 --> 00:05:41,520 Speaker 1: write down seventy five beneficial things that have come from this. Now, 93 00:05:41,560 --> 00:05:46,120 Speaker 1: this was really hard, and it was confronting and uncomfortable, 94 00:05:46,200 --> 00:05:49,560 Speaker 1: and at times I even felt nauseous. However, over the 95 00:05:49,600 --> 00:05:52,480 Speaker 1: course of probably about six days, I eventually got to 96 00:05:52,600 --> 00:05:55,960 Speaker 1: seventy five and it was quite incredible how I felt 97 00:05:56,000 --> 00:05:58,039 Speaker 1: at the end of this period. It no longer owned me, 98 00:05:58,279 --> 00:06:01,000 Speaker 1: it no longer had any connection to me. It's like 99 00:06:01,080 --> 00:06:04,719 Speaker 1: I severed the tie between that particular event and where 100 00:06:04,760 --> 00:06:07,320 Speaker 1: I am today. It was incredibly powerful, but it was 101 00:06:07,480 --> 00:06:09,880 Speaker 1: really hard, and I would you know. Initially, when I started, 102 00:06:09,920 --> 00:06:12,080 Speaker 1: I could write down I think four or five, but 103 00:06:12,120 --> 00:06:14,120 Speaker 1: then I got stuck. So I didn't give up. I 104 00:06:14,240 --> 00:06:17,120 Speaker 1: just put it down safely and came back to it 105 00:06:17,240 --> 00:06:19,279 Speaker 1: the next morning after a good night's sleep at a 106 00:06:19,279 --> 00:06:22,680 Speaker 1: fresh perspective, and it was quite incredible what happened. I 107 00:06:22,680 --> 00:06:24,719 Speaker 1: would hit blocks, but then all of a sudden, I'd 108 00:06:24,760 --> 00:06:27,040 Speaker 1: have a shift and a powerful breakthrough, and then all 109 00:06:27,080 --> 00:06:30,359 Speaker 1: of a sudden, like seven amazing blessings would come out. Yes, 110 00:06:30,560 --> 00:06:33,839 Speaker 1: whilst some of the blessings are similar, I could still 111 00:06:33,880 --> 00:06:38,039 Speaker 1: see the different meaning message or was the wisdom behind 112 00:06:38,200 --> 00:06:41,520 Speaker 1: each blessing, each element of gratitude that I was able 113 00:06:41,560 --> 00:06:45,960 Speaker 1: to discover from that particular trauma. I highly recommend doing this. 114 00:06:46,040 --> 00:06:49,120 Speaker 1: Don't rush it, take as many days or weeks as 115 00:06:49,120 --> 00:06:51,400 Speaker 1: you need, but just promise me this you'll regularly come 116 00:06:51,440 --> 00:06:54,360 Speaker 1: back to it and build upon this list. And writing 117 00:06:54,400 --> 00:06:57,560 Speaker 1: it down pen to paper is an incredibly beautiful connection 118 00:06:57,720 --> 00:07:02,240 Speaker 1: that's really cathartic but also in credibly liberating. So I said, 119 00:07:02,320 --> 00:07:06,360 Speaker 1: this mistake most definitely doesn't define you. How you choose 120 00:07:06,400 --> 00:07:10,120 Speaker 1: to respond definitely will. So please take this seriously and 121 00:07:10,240 --> 00:07:12,520 Speaker 1: give this a good go even though it may be 122 00:07:12,720 --> 00:07:15,640 Speaker 1: very hard, but harder it is bigger and better. The 123 00:07:15,720 --> 00:07:18,040 Speaker 1: blessing is by the end of this when you hit 124 00:07:18,120 --> 00:07:20,800 Speaker 1: number seventy five. Also, what I want to do you 125 00:07:20,840 --> 00:07:24,960 Speaker 1: to do in forgiving yourself is every time you catch 126 00:07:25,000 --> 00:07:29,640 Speaker 1: yourself blaming yourself, feeling ashamed, wallowing in self pity, feeling 127 00:07:29,680 --> 00:07:32,360 Speaker 1: like a victim, can you snap out of it and 128 00:07:32,680 --> 00:07:35,239 Speaker 1: ask yourself this one simple question. And this is something 129 00:07:35,440 --> 00:07:37,840 Speaker 1: I do myself because I'm guilty. I say to myself this, 130 00:07:38,080 --> 00:07:42,120 Speaker 1: how does this serve me? Now? Normally common sense prevails 131 00:07:42,160 --> 00:07:44,760 Speaker 1: and rides up inside me no matter how emotional I'm feeling, 132 00:07:44,800 --> 00:07:47,480 Speaker 1: and I'll often say it doesn't. Actually it hinders me. 133 00:07:47,560 --> 00:07:50,200 Speaker 1: It holds me back, It keeps me feeling crap about myself, 134 00:07:50,320 --> 00:07:52,440 Speaker 1: and then I just go, well, then let it go, 135 00:07:53,000 --> 00:07:55,520 Speaker 1: move on. That's not to say you're sweeping things under 136 00:07:55,520 --> 00:07:58,920 Speaker 1: the mat, but you're learning to outgrow this because as 137 00:07:58,920 --> 00:08:01,800 Speaker 1: you know, it doesn't define you. It's how you respond 138 00:08:02,000 --> 00:08:05,720 Speaker 1: and move forward with accountability, but also gaining the blessing 139 00:08:05,800 --> 00:08:08,800 Speaker 1: and the wisdom and the message behind what happened to you. 140 00:08:08,880 --> 00:08:10,360 Speaker 1: The next thing I want you to do is go 141 00:08:10,400 --> 00:08:14,640 Speaker 1: and share this experience with somebody safe. Speaking to someone 142 00:08:14,840 --> 00:08:18,119 Speaker 1: that you trust, that you perhaps maybe you admire, someone 143 00:08:18,120 --> 00:08:20,520 Speaker 1: that is close to you, someone that's actually going to 144 00:08:20,600 --> 00:08:24,120 Speaker 1: just sit and listen without any judgment, and of course 145 00:08:24,160 --> 00:08:26,360 Speaker 1: someone who loves you unconditioning, and this's going to hold 146 00:08:26,480 --> 00:08:29,840 Speaker 1: that safe space for you is incredibly important. A problem 147 00:08:29,880 --> 00:08:32,839 Speaker 1: shared is a problem halved. Now. I know this is 148 00:08:32,880 --> 00:08:37,720 Speaker 1: going to sound hard, but can I gently suggest that 149 00:08:37,760 --> 00:08:40,160 Speaker 1: you actually go and talk to your dad about this 150 00:08:40,480 --> 00:08:42,640 Speaker 1: what you did with the money and what happened. You 151 00:08:42,720 --> 00:08:44,440 Speaker 1: need to remember that he was the one who actually 152 00:08:44,520 --> 00:08:46,920 Speaker 1: gave you the money in the first place, so he 153 00:08:46,960 --> 00:08:50,480 Speaker 1: clearly loves you, He clearly cares for you, He clearly 154 00:08:50,559 --> 00:08:53,640 Speaker 1: wants you to be happy. But I also understand and 155 00:08:53,679 --> 00:08:58,760 Speaker 1: completely relate to that fear of disappointing someone, especially someone 156 00:08:58,760 --> 00:09:03,160 Speaker 1: that you love, be very overwhelming. But I'll tell you this, 157 00:09:03,880 --> 00:09:07,240 Speaker 1: hiding the truth from your dad is probably going to 158 00:09:07,240 --> 00:09:12,160 Speaker 1: create more distance, a lot more pain inside, and so 159 00:09:12,280 --> 00:09:16,439 Speaker 1: much more pressure on yourself. Aren't you done with all 160 00:09:16,480 --> 00:09:20,800 Speaker 1: this torturing of yourself? Perhaps we now need to step 161 00:09:20,880 --> 00:09:25,680 Speaker 1: up and do things differently and act in a healthier, happier, 162 00:09:26,240 --> 00:09:29,959 Speaker 1: more responsible adult way, because at the end of the day, 163 00:09:30,000 --> 00:09:34,360 Speaker 1: when we share our shame, which takes courage, but it 164 00:09:34,440 --> 00:09:38,000 Speaker 1: actually removes the power, It removes the power of that 165 00:09:38,040 --> 00:09:42,199 Speaker 1: particular incident, and it is actually the vulnerability that creates 166 00:09:42,240 --> 00:09:47,400 Speaker 1: the connection, not judgment. Now, your dad actually may surprise 167 00:09:47,480 --> 00:09:51,640 Speaker 1: you with his understanding, his compassion, and yes, of course 168 00:09:51,640 --> 00:09:54,679 Speaker 1: there's going to be some difficult conversations ahead about you know, 169 00:09:54,840 --> 00:09:56,960 Speaker 1: about that money, but at the end of the day, 170 00:09:57,280 --> 00:09:59,480 Speaker 1: what it's going to bring you is a huge sense 171 00:09:59,520 --> 00:10:02,920 Speaker 1: of relief, a massive weight off your shoulders. You're going 172 00:10:02,960 --> 00:10:06,520 Speaker 1: to feel way more accountable, and you actually are creating 173 00:10:06,520 --> 00:10:10,440 Speaker 1: the space now to move forward with transparency and to 174 00:10:10,480 --> 00:10:14,520 Speaker 1: start to be proactive. Now, if you are terrified of 175 00:10:14,559 --> 00:10:19,040 Speaker 1: any particular backlash or negative reaction from your dad, can 176 00:10:19,080 --> 00:10:23,160 Speaker 1: I also suggest that you take up some responsibility, show 177 00:10:23,160 --> 00:10:26,760 Speaker 1: that you are accountable. You get it. You made a 178 00:10:26,760 --> 00:10:29,719 Speaker 1: decision in good faith, but it didn't work out. And 179 00:10:30,080 --> 00:10:33,040 Speaker 1: what you are trying to do is rectify this situation 180 00:10:33,400 --> 00:10:36,160 Speaker 1: by rebuilding this and you can perhaps can share with 181 00:10:36,240 --> 00:10:38,720 Speaker 1: him what you've already done, the fact that you've reached 182 00:10:38,760 --> 00:10:41,560 Speaker 1: out for help, You've reached out to me. Can accountable 183 00:10:41,600 --> 00:10:43,520 Speaker 1: a financial planner. You can say to your dad, I've 184 00:10:43,559 --> 00:10:46,920 Speaker 1: spoken to a financial planner about this. That is admirable. 185 00:10:47,480 --> 00:10:50,160 Speaker 1: That is going to create a huge amount of respect, 186 00:10:50,559 --> 00:10:53,080 Speaker 1: and there will be a sense of relief, perhaps for 187 00:10:53,120 --> 00:10:56,440 Speaker 1: your father, knowing that all right, you're aware of what's 188 00:10:56,480 --> 00:10:58,920 Speaker 1: going on and you put the wheels in motion to 189 00:10:59,000 --> 00:11:01,719 Speaker 1: help move forward. That we learn from all of our 190 00:11:01,760 --> 00:11:04,040 Speaker 1: mistakes that we all make and no one is immune 191 00:11:04,040 --> 00:11:07,800 Speaker 1: from and just a natural part of life. So please 192 00:11:07,960 --> 00:11:12,000 Speaker 1: consider opening up and sharing your story, ideally with your 193 00:11:12,040 --> 00:11:15,120 Speaker 1: dad or someone else that you respect at a Byron 194 00:11:15,280 --> 00:11:17,280 Speaker 1: feel safe. The next thing I want you to do, 195 00:11:17,480 --> 00:11:20,319 Speaker 1: and this is really important because I do not want 196 00:11:20,320 --> 00:11:23,360 Speaker 1: you to stay in a place of pain, torture and suffering, 197 00:11:23,720 --> 00:11:27,080 Speaker 1: and that is to draw a line in the sand 198 00:11:27,600 --> 00:11:33,840 Speaker 1: right now, today, all right, today is your moment, in 199 00:11:33,880 --> 00:11:36,520 Speaker 1: this split second as you're listening to this episode, because 200 00:11:36,559 --> 00:11:39,000 Speaker 1: it marks the start of your comeback and there is 201 00:11:39,160 --> 00:11:44,160 Speaker 1: absolutely no turning back. Now. I want you to stand 202 00:11:44,200 --> 00:11:46,439 Speaker 1: in front of a mirror or say this out loud 203 00:11:46,520 --> 00:11:48,520 Speaker 1: wherever you are, if you're in the car and the shower, 204 00:11:48,800 --> 00:11:50,880 Speaker 1: sitting on a train, it doesn't matter where you are. 205 00:11:50,920 --> 00:11:54,880 Speaker 1: But Pete after me, this no longer defines me. I 206 00:11:54,880 --> 00:11:57,959 Speaker 1: am learning, I'm healing, and i am rebuilding, and I'm 207 00:11:58,000 --> 00:12:01,280 Speaker 1: going to come back even better than before. Go and 208 00:12:01,320 --> 00:12:03,599 Speaker 1: write this down, and write it down somewhere where you 209 00:12:03,640 --> 00:12:06,119 Speaker 1: can read it every day in the mirror of your bathroom. 210 00:12:06,240 --> 00:12:09,000 Speaker 1: Perhaps make it your screen saver on your phone. Want 211 00:12:09,040 --> 00:12:11,880 Speaker 1: you to read this morning and night, because, my friend, 212 00:12:12,200 --> 00:12:16,199 Speaker 1: this is your pivot point. You are not behind. In fact, 213 00:12:16,360 --> 00:12:20,480 Speaker 1: you are right on time, and you have absolutely everything 214 00:12:20,840 --> 00:12:24,440 Speaker 1: within you in order to be able to move forward, 215 00:12:24,800 --> 00:12:29,000 Speaker 1: onwards and upwards. Trust me on this. Also, I want 216 00:12:29,000 --> 00:12:33,960 Speaker 1: you to please know we all have financial scars, including myself. 217 00:12:34,000 --> 00:12:36,560 Speaker 1: There are plenty of things I've stuffed up, wasted money on, 218 00:12:36,760 --> 00:12:39,880 Speaker 1: blown money on, and I get annoyed and frustrated. But 219 00:12:40,160 --> 00:12:42,720 Speaker 1: if I stay in that place, how does it serve me? 220 00:12:42,960 --> 00:12:45,240 Speaker 1: It doesn't. I just learn my lesson, make sure I 221 00:12:45,280 --> 00:12:47,560 Speaker 1: don't repeat myself, and move on, and also try and 222 00:12:47,640 --> 00:12:49,319 Speaker 1: share that experience with other people so that they don't 223 00:12:49,320 --> 00:12:51,520 Speaker 1: make the same mistake I have. So your story is 224 00:12:51,559 --> 00:12:54,120 Speaker 1: already impacting people out there right now, just as they 225 00:12:54,160 --> 00:12:56,360 Speaker 1: listen to what happened to you. But please also know 226 00:12:56,480 --> 00:12:59,720 Speaker 1: that when it comes to financial scars. They're actually really 227 00:12:59,800 --> 00:13:03,040 Speaker 1: cool because when you see a scar, it's sign of healing, 228 00:13:03,240 --> 00:13:08,200 Speaker 1: that wound has recovered. It's allowed mother nature to kick 229 00:13:08,240 --> 00:13:11,240 Speaker 1: in and work its magic and get you better again. 230 00:13:11,600 --> 00:13:16,400 Speaker 1: Scars are a sign of you moving forward and getting better, 231 00:13:16,720 --> 00:13:19,840 Speaker 1: happier and healthier again. And if you want, and if 232 00:13:19,920 --> 00:13:22,400 Speaker 1: you let it, I should say, this can be your 233 00:13:22,440 --> 00:13:25,199 Speaker 1: moment where you begin a new chapter, a new chapter 234 00:13:25,320 --> 00:13:29,120 Speaker 1: that this time is actually grounded in wisdom, so much 235 00:13:29,160 --> 00:13:33,680 Speaker 1: more strength, and where you are in front making conscious 236 00:13:33,760 --> 00:13:37,840 Speaker 1: choices every single day. All right, Now that we have 237 00:13:37,920 --> 00:13:41,240 Speaker 1: drawn that line in the sand, let's get practical. We're 238 00:13:41,240 --> 00:13:42,760 Speaker 1: going to do a budget and we are going to 239 00:13:42,800 --> 00:13:45,280 Speaker 1: rebuild your savings. So what I want you to do 240 00:13:45,360 --> 00:13:48,840 Speaker 1: is open up a fresh budgeting spreadsheet or notebook. I 241 00:13:48,880 --> 00:13:51,080 Speaker 1: want you to have a look at your income and 242 00:13:51,160 --> 00:13:54,600 Speaker 1: your expenses and get really clear on where you stand financially, 243 00:13:54,640 --> 00:13:56,640 Speaker 1: because we're going to create a plan to start rebuilding 244 00:13:56,640 --> 00:13:59,640 Speaker 1: your savings. Now. I highly recommend that you have your 245 00:13:59,679 --> 00:14:02,600 Speaker 1: states that is, either your credit card statements or your 246 00:14:02,679 --> 00:14:06,320 Speaker 1: bank statements or both, so that you can cross reference everything. 247 00:14:06,400 --> 00:14:08,880 Speaker 1: There are no expenses to get missed in this new 248 00:14:08,920 --> 00:14:11,679 Speaker 1: budget of yours. Also, if you think of the word 249 00:14:11,800 --> 00:14:15,560 Speaker 1: budget as being about a punishment, please stop that immediately. 250 00:14:15,600 --> 00:14:19,680 Speaker 1: That's just silly and ridiculous. Budgets are about empowerment Because 251 00:14:19,840 --> 00:14:21,760 Speaker 1: every dollar that we're going to be able to save 252 00:14:21,840 --> 00:14:26,480 Speaker 1: right now going forward says I am in control, I 253 00:14:26,520 --> 00:14:30,200 Speaker 1: am getting back on track again, and I am already 254 00:14:30,240 --> 00:14:34,720 Speaker 1: on my way to being bigger and better than ever before. Now, 255 00:14:34,760 --> 00:14:36,680 Speaker 1: as you're going through each expense, I want you to 256 00:14:36,760 --> 00:14:40,160 Speaker 1: question the value of it, and every single dollar, or 257 00:14:40,320 --> 00:14:43,120 Speaker 1: your case, actually in every single pound, I want you 258 00:14:43,200 --> 00:14:46,280 Speaker 1: to make sure that that savings is redirected to a 259 00:14:46,400 --> 00:14:51,440 Speaker 1: separate savings account. Also, for any particular regular savings that 260 00:14:51,440 --> 00:14:55,240 Speaker 1: you're able to scrap, such as a monthly subscription or 261 00:14:55,280 --> 00:14:58,760 Speaker 1: a fortnightly membership, I want you to replace those with 262 00:14:58,880 --> 00:15:02,520 Speaker 1: an automated savings plan. So, for example, say you have 263 00:15:02,720 --> 00:15:05,240 Speaker 1: a subscription on your phone for say thirty dollars per month, 264 00:15:05,240 --> 00:15:07,240 Speaker 1: and you decide to cancel it because it doesn't it 265 00:15:07,240 --> 00:15:09,200 Speaker 1: doesn't help you in any way anymore. I want you 266 00:15:09,240 --> 00:15:12,600 Speaker 1: to then create an automatic savings plan of that exact 267 00:15:12,720 --> 00:15:15,240 Speaker 1: amount per month so that we don't run into the 268 00:15:15,280 --> 00:15:20,320 Speaker 1: trap of that newfound savings being absorbed or redirected somewhere 269 00:15:20,320 --> 00:15:23,200 Speaker 1: where it shouldn't be. This is about rebuilding you now. 270 00:15:23,360 --> 00:15:26,720 Speaker 1: So make sure you question every single expense and you 271 00:15:26,760 --> 00:15:29,800 Speaker 1: look at every single opportunity to save money with all 272 00:15:29,960 --> 00:15:33,480 Speaker 1: new savings, both ad hoc and irregular, going into a 273 00:15:33,640 --> 00:15:38,440 Speaker 1: separate savings account. I promise you this. It becomes exciting 274 00:15:38,440 --> 00:15:42,080 Speaker 1: and addictive because as your bank balance grows pound by 275 00:15:42,120 --> 00:15:45,240 Speaker 1: pound or dollar by dollar, I promise you the shame 276 00:15:45,320 --> 00:15:47,920 Speaker 1: that you have been caring for so long until now 277 00:15:48,360 --> 00:15:53,600 Speaker 1: will start to shrink and absolutely vanish. Because progress is 278 00:15:53,640 --> 00:15:58,520 Speaker 1: what's going to rebuild your confidence again. And every time 279 00:15:58,600 --> 00:16:02,520 Speaker 1: you find a new opportunity to save money or earn money, 280 00:16:02,720 --> 00:16:05,080 Speaker 1: I want you to send out a little prayer of 281 00:16:05,160 --> 00:16:09,120 Speaker 1: gratitude and appreciation because what we appreciate appreciates, and what 282 00:16:09,200 --> 00:16:11,840 Speaker 1: I also recommend you do on this topic of budgeting 283 00:16:11,840 --> 00:16:14,240 Speaker 1: and rebuilding your savings is look at it every single day, 284 00:16:14,440 --> 00:16:17,400 Speaker 1: not to rub salt in the wound and to punish yourself, 285 00:16:17,520 --> 00:16:20,760 Speaker 1: but instead to actually find a source of ideas, inspiration 286 00:16:20,880 --> 00:16:24,320 Speaker 1: and motivation to keep going. As I said, progress builds 287 00:16:24,360 --> 00:16:27,359 Speaker 1: your confidence, you will want to build it. It will gamify 288 00:16:27,520 --> 00:16:29,840 Speaker 1: your finances again and give you a great project to 289 00:16:29,920 --> 00:16:33,240 Speaker 1: sink your teeth in. Now, the next thing I want 290 00:16:33,320 --> 00:16:35,760 Speaker 1: us to do is to set a special goal with 291 00:16:35,840 --> 00:16:39,040 Speaker 1: that special savings account by a set date. You see, 292 00:16:39,480 --> 00:16:41,440 Speaker 1: the idea I have for you as part of this 293 00:16:41,520 --> 00:16:44,520 Speaker 1: start Here series is a beautiful idea. It's a special 294 00:16:44,520 --> 00:16:46,760 Speaker 1: one because you're a special person and you're a very 295 00:16:46,760 --> 00:16:49,120 Speaker 1: brave person. So what we're going to do is actually 296 00:16:49,120 --> 00:16:53,240 Speaker 1: transform this story into an empowering one. I want you 297 00:16:53,280 --> 00:16:56,120 Speaker 1: to make it your mission to save that ten thousand 298 00:16:56,240 --> 00:16:59,960 Speaker 1: pounds back. So that special savings account that I meant 299 00:17:00,320 --> 00:17:02,840 Speaker 1: in the previous step, I want you to nickname it 300 00:17:02,960 --> 00:17:06,400 Speaker 1: something meaningful to you. It might be my rebirth account, 301 00:17:06,520 --> 00:17:08,600 Speaker 1: or it might be my ten thousand pound to come 302 00:17:08,640 --> 00:17:10,959 Speaker 1: back account. I don't care what it is. Just make 303 00:17:11,000 --> 00:17:14,159 Speaker 1: sure you include the word ten thousand pounds and a 304 00:17:14,240 --> 00:17:16,879 Speaker 1: key word or a sign or something meaningful to you 305 00:17:17,200 --> 00:17:19,440 Speaker 1: that will excite you about wanting to get back on 306 00:17:19,480 --> 00:17:22,400 Speaker 1: track it that's something empowers you. And I also want 307 00:17:22,400 --> 00:17:24,439 Speaker 1: you to come up with a date not to have 308 00:17:24,520 --> 00:17:26,840 Speaker 1: this ten thousand pounds saved up in eighteen months time 309 00:17:26,880 --> 00:17:28,879 Speaker 1: or two years from now, but at actual date in 310 00:17:28,920 --> 00:17:32,320 Speaker 1: the diary, for example, the fifteenth of February twenty twenty 311 00:17:32,359 --> 00:17:35,520 Speaker 1: six or the eighteenth of December twenty twenty five. It 312 00:17:35,520 --> 00:17:37,560 Speaker 1: doesn't matter when it is, but just give it a date. 313 00:17:37,800 --> 00:17:40,320 Speaker 1: And I want you to remind yourself of this. Make 314 00:17:40,359 --> 00:17:42,359 Speaker 1: sure you write this goal down, but that it is 315 00:17:42,400 --> 00:17:45,960 Speaker 1: a focus, determined, imprinted goal of yours that you think 316 00:17:46,000 --> 00:17:48,320 Speaker 1: about before you go to bed at night and wake 317 00:17:48,440 --> 00:17:50,760 Speaker 1: up in the morning. I also want you to track it. 318 00:17:50,800 --> 00:17:53,919 Speaker 1: So check your bank account, your savings, your budget every 319 00:17:53,960 --> 00:17:56,520 Speaker 1: single day, do a list of brainstorming ideas to help 320 00:17:56,560 --> 00:17:58,199 Speaker 1: you come up with money. And every time you do that, 321 00:17:58,240 --> 00:18:01,800 Speaker 1: as I said, show gratitude and get excited. Now you 322 00:18:01,880 --> 00:18:04,600 Speaker 1: might be thinking, well, hang on, Canna, why ten thousand 323 00:18:04,640 --> 00:18:07,200 Speaker 1: pounds and what's the point because I didn't actually say 324 00:18:07,200 --> 00:18:08,879 Speaker 1: that in the first place, that ten thousand pounds was 325 00:18:08,880 --> 00:18:11,560 Speaker 1: actually given to me. Well, here's the thing, Because you 326 00:18:11,600 --> 00:18:15,080 Speaker 1: are actually going to be reclaiming the exact amount that 327 00:18:15,119 --> 00:18:18,600 Speaker 1: caused you so much pain. You're actually going to be 328 00:18:18,640 --> 00:18:23,120 Speaker 1: rebuilding yourself with power and purpose. And when you hit 329 00:18:23,320 --> 00:18:26,520 Speaker 1: that numbery that ten thousand pounds, which you will most 330 00:18:26,600 --> 00:18:30,679 Speaker 1: certainly achieve, you get to celebrate with an immense sense 331 00:18:30,840 --> 00:18:35,480 Speaker 1: of victory, pride, and joy. This will be your full 332 00:18:35,760 --> 00:18:41,520 Speaker 1: circle moment and you get the valuable, priceless gift of closure. Now, 333 00:18:41,680 --> 00:18:43,359 Speaker 1: once you have done this, I want you to do 334 00:18:43,440 --> 00:18:48,159 Speaker 1: something very special with that ten thousand pounds, which brings 335 00:18:48,200 --> 00:18:51,960 Speaker 1: me to my next point. I want you to invest 336 00:18:52,080 --> 00:18:55,560 Speaker 1: in yourself. I want you to invest time discovering you 337 00:18:55,880 --> 00:19:01,040 Speaker 1: and discovering your own, unique, kind, wonderful gift. I don't 338 00:19:01,040 --> 00:19:03,800 Speaker 1: want this experience to harden you, to make you tough, 339 00:19:03,960 --> 00:19:06,920 Speaker 1: to make you mean, or just you know, a rock 340 00:19:06,960 --> 00:19:09,919 Speaker 1: hard bitch. That's not you, and it doesn't need to 341 00:19:09,960 --> 00:19:12,360 Speaker 1: be you. Just because we get burnt, we get damaged, 342 00:19:12,400 --> 00:19:14,840 Speaker 1: we get hurt, it doesn't mean that we need to 343 00:19:14,880 --> 00:19:17,760 Speaker 1: be tough. Instead, what we're going to do is let 344 00:19:17,800 --> 00:19:21,719 Speaker 1: it reform us, reshape us, but reshape us into something 345 00:19:22,040 --> 00:19:26,680 Speaker 1: even better, even more beautiful, even more empowering and liberating, 346 00:19:26,720 --> 00:19:30,280 Speaker 1: so that we can actually grow from this. So we're 347 00:19:30,320 --> 00:19:34,280 Speaker 1: going to turn this lesson into something almost sacred. You're 348 00:19:34,280 --> 00:19:37,320 Speaker 1: going to start investing in you now. That might mean 349 00:19:37,640 --> 00:19:40,960 Speaker 1: building emergency money for yourself, or perhaps it might mean 350 00:19:41,000 --> 00:19:43,440 Speaker 1: that this ten thousand pounds is the kickstart of your 351 00:19:43,480 --> 00:19:46,400 Speaker 1: deposit to buy your own home, or perhaps this ten 352 00:19:46,480 --> 00:19:50,160 Speaker 1: thousand pounds is actually going to represent your birth towards 353 00:19:50,200 --> 00:19:54,560 Speaker 1: your journey of financial independence through investing, Or perhaps it's 354 00:19:54,600 --> 00:19:58,280 Speaker 1: something more deeper and more meaningful special to you. Perhaps 355 00:19:58,359 --> 00:20:02,040 Speaker 1: it's about taking a course or joining a community, or 356 00:20:02,440 --> 00:20:05,680 Speaker 1: maybe getting some professional therapy, if that's something that you 357 00:20:05,840 --> 00:20:08,480 Speaker 1: need to keep going with this learn about yourself. Or 358 00:20:08,560 --> 00:20:12,639 Speaker 1: perhaps it's just simply a holiday, or maybe exploring different 359 00:20:12,760 --> 00:20:16,800 Speaker 1: safer options around finding love and a relationship that's built 360 00:20:16,880 --> 00:20:20,520 Speaker 1: on self worth and clarity. The thing is, by going 361 00:20:20,520 --> 00:20:23,160 Speaker 1: through this and doing the work as uncomfortable and as 362 00:20:23,240 --> 00:20:26,080 Speaker 1: downright confronting that it is, you're going to come out 363 00:20:26,080 --> 00:20:28,040 Speaker 1: of this so much wiser. You're going to come out 364 00:20:28,080 --> 00:20:30,520 Speaker 1: of this so much stronger, and you have a story 365 00:20:31,080 --> 00:20:34,320 Speaker 1: that is going to help someone else who is feeling 366 00:20:34,640 --> 00:20:38,560 Speaker 1: just as alone, embarrassed and ashamed and humiliated as you 367 00:20:38,760 --> 00:20:41,800 Speaker 1: do right now. And I should rephrase that as as 368 00:20:41,840 --> 00:20:45,240 Speaker 1: you did yesterday or a few hours ago before listening 369 00:20:45,240 --> 00:20:48,320 Speaker 1: to this episode, because you're outgrowing this already, So have 370 00:20:48,440 --> 00:20:51,000 Speaker 1: a think about what you want to use that ten 371 00:20:51,040 --> 00:20:54,240 Speaker 1: thousand pounds for. Your father gave it to you unconditionally, 372 00:20:54,240 --> 00:20:56,680 Speaker 1: And of course I'm assuming he doesn't want that money back, 373 00:20:56,840 --> 00:20:58,680 Speaker 1: but I'd love you to do invest it in you. 374 00:20:58,800 --> 00:21:03,080 Speaker 1: I'd love to see you flow, you shine, you outgrow this. 375 00:21:03,359 --> 00:21:06,439 Speaker 1: It doesn't define you. Don't forget that. Now, to the 376 00:21:06,680 --> 00:21:10,120 Speaker 1: listener who wrote in, please know you are most definitely 377 00:21:10,800 --> 00:21:15,359 Speaker 1: not broken. You are so frigging brave and you just 378 00:21:15,400 --> 00:21:19,240 Speaker 1: simply trusted, which is a beautiful thing. You hoped and 379 00:21:19,400 --> 00:21:23,280 Speaker 1: sadly for this particular incident event in your life, it 380 00:21:23,320 --> 00:21:25,639 Speaker 1: didn't turn out the way you imagined, which happens to 381 00:21:25,760 --> 00:21:29,840 Speaker 1: all of us. That is actually not failure, that's just life. 382 00:21:30,080 --> 00:21:33,080 Speaker 1: No one is immune from this. And of course you 383 00:21:33,160 --> 00:21:36,399 Speaker 1: are still allowed to dream, to love, and to believe 384 00:21:36,440 --> 00:21:41,040 Speaker 1: in beautiful things. So don't ever give up. Keep praying, 385 00:21:41,359 --> 00:21:45,320 Speaker 1: keep hoping, keep wishing, keep dreaming, and keep doing because 386 00:21:45,359 --> 00:21:48,439 Speaker 1: you can have these things in your life. But in 387 00:21:48,480 --> 00:21:52,359 Speaker 1: the meantime, promise me this after listening to today's episode, 388 00:21:52,480 --> 00:21:54,560 Speaker 1: promise me that you are not going to stay stuck 389 00:21:54,680 --> 00:21:57,480 Speaker 1: in the past looking in the rear vision mirror, because 390 00:21:57,480 --> 00:22:00,200 Speaker 1: there are a lot of exciting things right in front 391 00:22:00,200 --> 00:22:02,399 Speaker 1: of you at your feet. Now is the time to 392 00:22:02,520 --> 00:22:06,000 Speaker 1: get started, to take that lesson everything that you need 393 00:22:06,040 --> 00:22:09,119 Speaker 1: from that lesson or the wisdom, the messages, the insights 394 00:22:09,160 --> 00:22:12,920 Speaker 1: and the signs, and move forward because the best chapters 395 00:22:13,040 --> 00:22:17,320 Speaker 1: of your life, both financially and personally, are still to come, 396 00:22:17,440 --> 00:22:21,920 Speaker 1: and in fact are actually already happening right now because 397 00:22:22,560 --> 00:22:27,000 Speaker 1: you are getting started today now. A massive thank you 398 00:22:27,040 --> 00:22:31,159 Speaker 1: to everybody for listening today's episode. If this really resonated 399 00:22:31,200 --> 00:22:33,840 Speaker 1: with you, can you please share it with someone who 400 00:22:33,880 --> 00:22:37,000 Speaker 1: may need to hear this As a reminder to everybody, 401 00:22:37,359 --> 00:22:40,320 Speaker 1: we are all worthy of financial freedom, we are all 402 00:22:40,840 --> 00:22:44,800 Speaker 1: capable of emotionally healing when we do the hard, deep 403 00:22:45,000 --> 00:22:48,119 Speaker 1: work required, and we are all worthy of living a 404 00:22:48,200 --> 00:22:53,520 Speaker 1: life that we love and are proud of. This is 405 00:22:53,680 --> 00:22:58,280 Speaker 1: Sugar Mamma's fireplay and a special start Here mini series. 406 00:22:58,680 --> 00:23:00,919 Speaker 1: I am your host Financial Plays Na Canna Campbell. If 407 00:23:00,920 --> 00:23:02,960 Speaker 1: you could leave me a rating and review, that would 408 00:23:03,000 --> 00:23:07,400 Speaker 1: be fantastic. I would greatly appreciate it. Until the next Friday, 409 00:23:07,520 --> 00:23:11,240 Speaker 1: this is start Here for Sugarlong Spy Chaufinow