1 00:00:01,760 --> 00:00:06,760 Speaker 1: Okoday, thanks for listening. It's Asha here. So the other day, 2 00:00:06,880 --> 00:00:10,600 Speaker 1: like three days ago, it was the tenth anniversary of 3 00:00:10,640 --> 00:00:15,320 Speaker 1: the first date that I went on with Ordrey. Yeah, 4 00:00:15,560 --> 00:00:19,120 Speaker 1: ten years man. A couple of weeks back, I spoke 5 00:00:19,200 --> 00:00:25,480 Speaker 1: on how fundamentally, physically, at a cellular level, I am 6 00:00:25,520 --> 00:00:29,800 Speaker 1: a completely different person to who I was that day 7 00:00:31,520 --> 00:00:36,800 Speaker 1: and it has been quite a wild decade now. I 8 00:00:36,800 --> 00:00:40,920 Speaker 1: did speak the other day about this idea that, look, 9 00:00:40,920 --> 00:00:43,200 Speaker 1: if you've been in a relationship for quite a while, 10 00:00:43,320 --> 00:00:46,240 Speaker 1: this idea might cross your mind from time to time, 11 00:00:46,760 --> 00:00:50,360 Speaker 1: and that idea is I wish things were just how 12 00:00:50,400 --> 00:00:53,000 Speaker 1: they used to be. I wish it was like it 13 00:00:53,280 --> 00:00:57,400 Speaker 1: was moment, man, And I kind of want to talk 14 00:00:57,400 --> 00:01:01,400 Speaker 1: to you about that, because is it rational to expect 15 00:01:01,640 --> 00:01:04,560 Speaker 1: that the relationship would be the same as it was 16 00:01:04,600 --> 00:01:09,880 Speaker 1: when you met. I don't think it is. I'm going 17 00:01:09,920 --> 00:01:11,640 Speaker 1: to get to that, but I do need to play 18 00:01:11,680 --> 00:01:19,560 Speaker 1: some ads, so I'll be a backgrafter this break. Canay. 19 00:01:19,640 --> 00:01:21,800 Speaker 1: Welcome to the show. It's better than yesterday, making it 20 00:01:21,880 --> 00:01:25,000 Speaker 1: better every episode of twenty thirteen. Thanks for being a 21 00:01:25,040 --> 00:01:27,360 Speaker 1: part of it. My name's Osha Ginsburg. I'm a podcaster. 22 00:01:27,520 --> 00:01:30,520 Speaker 1: I'm a best selling author. I'm a TV host, a 23 00:01:30,680 --> 00:01:34,080 Speaker 1: part time DJ that is taking a long time between parts. 24 00:01:34,720 --> 00:01:38,679 Speaker 1: I'm a permanent home to a titanium hip prosthetic. I'm 25 00:01:38,760 --> 00:01:42,480 Speaker 1: the occasional home to a singular contact lens. And I'm 26 00:01:42,480 --> 00:01:44,680 Speaker 1: glad you're here. You want to get in touch with 27 00:01:44,680 --> 00:01:46,600 Speaker 1: me just as a contact form, you can also lead 28 00:01:46,640 --> 00:01:50,160 Speaker 1: me a voicemail at Oshiginsburg dot com. I had my 29 00:01:50,200 --> 00:01:53,800 Speaker 1: tenth anniversary with Audrey the other day. It's three days ago. 30 00:01:54,880 --> 00:01:57,400 Speaker 1: It was the tenth anniversary of my first date. And 31 00:01:57,800 --> 00:02:01,440 Speaker 1: sometimes when people have been together for a while, as 32 00:02:01,480 --> 00:02:03,720 Speaker 1: I was just saying, you know, they can hit a 33 00:02:03,760 --> 00:02:06,600 Speaker 1: flat spot. They can get to a point where the 34 00:02:06,680 --> 00:02:10,120 Speaker 1: amount of things that shit them about the other person, 35 00:02:10,160 --> 00:02:13,160 Speaker 1: there's just the ratio has a bit too high. The 36 00:02:13,240 --> 00:02:15,639 Speaker 1: things that they adore about that person, that does happen, 37 00:02:16,440 --> 00:02:18,679 Speaker 1: and they might you might find just going, oh, I 38 00:02:18,720 --> 00:02:20,560 Speaker 1: wish it was like it was only man, I wish 39 00:02:20,600 --> 00:02:22,400 Speaker 1: it was like it used to be. Why can't it 40 00:02:22,400 --> 00:02:29,880 Speaker 1: be like that? Well, I understand that, and I believe 41 00:02:30,400 --> 00:02:32,960 Speaker 1: I did have that thought, or it might have even 42 00:02:33,639 --> 00:02:35,519 Speaker 1: said that out loud. At one point, I was having 43 00:02:35,520 --> 00:02:38,680 Speaker 1: a conversation with my big brother talking about it, and 44 00:02:38,680 --> 00:02:42,000 Speaker 1: he said to me, you don't have one relationship, you 45 00:02:42,080 --> 00:02:48,560 Speaker 1: have many, many, many different relationships with the same person. 46 00:02:49,639 --> 00:02:52,680 Speaker 1: And he's right, you know, because say you got married early, 47 00:02:53,160 --> 00:02:56,160 Speaker 1: I don't know, mid twenties or whatever. Like my mate 48 00:02:56,240 --> 00:02:58,680 Speaker 1: who they've just he's had his thirtieth winning anniversary the 49 00:02:58,680 --> 00:03:01,160 Speaker 1: other day. She was twenty four or something like that 50 00:03:01,160 --> 00:03:05,560 Speaker 1: when he got married. He hasn't had one relationship with 51 00:03:05,639 --> 00:03:09,799 Speaker 1: the one person that whole time. He's had many, many, 52 00:03:09,880 --> 00:03:14,040 Speaker 1: many different versions of that relationship, perhaps entirely different relationships 53 00:03:14,639 --> 00:03:18,560 Speaker 1: with not even the same person at the time. And 54 00:03:18,639 --> 00:03:20,960 Speaker 1: that's kind of how it is. I think it's important 55 00:03:21,000 --> 00:03:24,079 Speaker 1: to keep a bit of perspective when you are in 56 00:03:24,120 --> 00:03:26,720 Speaker 1: a relationship that's been going on for a while and 57 00:03:26,760 --> 00:03:29,080 Speaker 1: you're enjoying all the value and the trust and the 58 00:03:29,120 --> 00:03:33,960 Speaker 1: love and the togetherness and the unspokenness and all that 59 00:03:33,960 --> 00:03:37,440 Speaker 1: that can come with what it is to grow alongside 60 00:03:37,560 --> 00:03:41,200 Speaker 1: another person. I thought it might be interesting to count 61 00:03:41,280 --> 00:03:44,920 Speaker 1: the amount of different relationships that I've had in my 62 00:03:45,000 --> 00:03:48,880 Speaker 1: life with my wife. I won't even get close. It's 63 00:03:48,880 --> 00:03:51,760 Speaker 1: probably just like the top line duple brick version. So 64 00:03:52,160 --> 00:03:55,320 Speaker 1: that number one that would be the relationship when we first met, 65 00:03:55,360 --> 00:03:57,800 Speaker 1: and I think we've all had that kind of pants 66 00:03:57,840 --> 00:04:00,680 Speaker 1: or hallway first couple of weeks and months, very exciting. 67 00:04:00,680 --> 00:04:05,240 Speaker 1: There's all you know, everything's firing along there. In my case, 68 00:04:05,240 --> 00:04:07,400 Speaker 1: it took a little bit to get going because of 69 00:04:07,440 --> 00:04:09,400 Speaker 1: the drugs that I was on the end. He's like 70 00:04:09,440 --> 00:04:12,440 Speaker 1: gootics and stuff, but we got it. Then there was 71 00:04:13,280 --> 00:04:16,360 Speaker 1: a version of our relationship where it was long distance. 72 00:04:16,400 --> 00:04:20,279 Speaker 1: I was in another country. I wasn't seeing anyone, I 73 00:04:20,320 --> 00:04:23,320 Speaker 1: wasn't interested in sending anybody. When I was away, I 74 00:04:23,360 --> 00:04:26,360 Speaker 1: was still living in America. She was here and we 75 00:04:26,360 --> 00:04:29,680 Speaker 1: were like that for months. We spoke a lot, we 76 00:04:29,800 --> 00:04:34,039 Speaker 1: face timed a lot, but it was that that kind 77 00:04:34,040 --> 00:04:38,560 Speaker 1: of thing. Then I came back to Australia and I 78 00:04:38,600 --> 00:04:40,400 Speaker 1: was here for about three or four months working, and 79 00:04:40,480 --> 00:04:43,800 Speaker 1: I guess I was like a temporary Resident's when I 80 00:04:43,839 --> 00:04:46,360 Speaker 1: first really got to know Georgia, who's now my twenty 81 00:04:46,440 --> 00:04:48,279 Speaker 1: year old stepdaughter. But she was ten at the time 82 00:04:49,160 --> 00:04:51,880 Speaker 1: and it was during that time I was three months 83 00:04:51,920 --> 00:04:54,240 Speaker 1: So there was this version where we're kind of almost 84 00:04:54,279 --> 00:04:58,760 Speaker 1: play acting or not even we're doing a low stakes 85 00:04:58,839 --> 00:05:01,600 Speaker 1: version of cohabitating in a new family unit. So it 86 00:05:01,720 --> 00:05:05,479 Speaker 1: was a third version of things. I left Australia, touched 87 00:05:05,480 --> 00:05:08,680 Speaker 1: the ground, packed a bag, came back, and then we 88 00:05:08,720 --> 00:05:12,719 Speaker 1: moved in. We got an apartment, and then there's the 89 00:05:12,800 --> 00:05:15,000 Speaker 1: I guess the fourth version, where that's the flat pack 90 00:05:15,560 --> 00:05:18,840 Speaker 1: and the new kettle and the biggest hoster and all 91 00:05:18,880 --> 00:05:22,920 Speaker 1: the kinds of we were full homemaker mode and it 92 00:05:23,080 --> 00:05:28,839 Speaker 1: was on and we had this apartment and it was 93 00:05:29,080 --> 00:05:35,200 Speaker 1: instant family, really instant family scenario. We got a dog. 94 00:05:36,040 --> 00:05:38,520 Speaker 1: You know, I did the thing where you say to 95 00:05:38,560 --> 00:05:40,200 Speaker 1: an eleven year old girl what kind of dog do 96 00:05:40,200 --> 00:05:41,640 Speaker 1: you want and they say that's the dog, and saying, 97 00:05:41,640 --> 00:05:43,039 Speaker 1: now you're sure we're going to work it, walk it, 98 00:05:43,080 --> 00:05:47,039 Speaker 1: and she said yes, and here we are. We got 99 00:05:47,040 --> 00:05:50,440 Speaker 1: a dog. And the dog was really interesting because when 100 00:05:50,440 --> 00:05:52,640 Speaker 1: the dog came along, that kind of made four of us. 101 00:05:52,640 --> 00:05:55,160 Speaker 1: We're in this apartment, We've got this little puppy who's 102 00:05:55,200 --> 00:05:58,520 Speaker 1: now this cranky old Frank. But the dog gave us 103 00:05:58,600 --> 00:06:02,039 Speaker 1: all an object of affection that we could focus on 104 00:06:02,160 --> 00:06:04,320 Speaker 1: together and it was actually really nice and really bonding 105 00:06:04,360 --> 00:06:07,080 Speaker 1: and really lovely. So there was that version. Then there 106 00:06:07,120 --> 00:06:09,280 Speaker 1: was a version of the relationship where I had this 107 00:06:09,400 --> 00:06:11,880 Speaker 1: radio job where I was out of town for three days, 108 00:06:11,920 --> 00:06:14,960 Speaker 1: four days a week for a year, two years, And 109 00:06:15,000 --> 00:06:18,400 Speaker 1: that was a whole different way of working together and 110 00:06:18,440 --> 00:06:22,760 Speaker 1: being together and learning how to communicate and be able 111 00:06:22,800 --> 00:06:25,120 Speaker 1: to connect during the brief amount of times that we 112 00:06:25,120 --> 00:06:28,280 Speaker 1: were around and you know, understanding what we were both 113 00:06:28,320 --> 00:06:32,320 Speaker 1: doing it for. Then we got engaged. Oh lost count 114 00:06:32,360 --> 00:06:34,280 Speaker 1: Now I think about seven or eight different versions. And 115 00:06:34,320 --> 00:06:37,320 Speaker 1: so now if you've been engaged, you know, yes, you're 116 00:06:37,320 --> 00:06:39,200 Speaker 1: technically are the same people. You're probably slept in the 117 00:06:39,240 --> 00:06:41,400 Speaker 1: same bed the next night. You're like this exactly the 118 00:06:41,400 --> 00:06:44,599 Speaker 1: same human beings. But now the stakes are higher and 119 00:06:44,640 --> 00:06:47,480 Speaker 1: the relationship changes once you get the ring on it. Man, 120 00:06:47,960 --> 00:06:52,480 Speaker 1: it's wild how different it is. And during that phase, 121 00:06:52,600 --> 00:06:55,200 Speaker 1: like we then we bought an apartment. So now we're 122 00:06:55,240 --> 00:06:58,839 Speaker 1: home owners, all right, So now there's not only emotional 123 00:06:58,839 --> 00:07:01,640 Speaker 1: stakes as financials. So there's eight different Like I said, 124 00:07:01,640 --> 00:07:03,560 Speaker 1: we're in the eighth iteration of what it is to 125 00:07:03,560 --> 00:07:06,560 Speaker 1: be together. Now we get married, now our husband and wife, 126 00:07:06,640 --> 00:07:09,520 Speaker 1: the stakes change again and you know, we're paying a 127 00:07:09,520 --> 00:07:12,520 Speaker 1: mortgage and this is my wife, this is my husband. 128 00:07:12,560 --> 00:07:15,040 Speaker 1: And then and then after a couple of months, we're 129 00:07:15,040 --> 00:07:17,120 Speaker 1: in now I'm counting on two hands now, and they're 130 00:07:17,120 --> 00:07:20,520 Speaker 1: in the tenth version of things now worthy recently married 131 00:07:21,080 --> 00:07:23,400 Speaker 1: slightly older, because I was, what how old are I? 132 00:07:23,440 --> 00:07:27,560 Speaker 1: Those point it was like forty three, forty two, slightly 133 00:07:27,600 --> 00:07:33,920 Speaker 1: older married guy and we're not conceiving and we've been 134 00:07:33,920 --> 00:07:36,720 Speaker 1: married for a while now, right, and people look kind 135 00:07:36,760 --> 00:07:39,680 Speaker 1: of looking going gez oo, I can see you're not 136 00:07:39,720 --> 00:07:43,200 Speaker 1: drinking that, Lorry, so were no, it's not that, okay, 137 00:07:43,360 --> 00:07:47,320 Speaker 1: you know, I'm just driving. So now we're that, and 138 00:07:47,360 --> 00:07:50,440 Speaker 1: it was you know, that's a whole different way of 139 00:07:50,440 --> 00:07:52,440 Speaker 1: trying to operate if you've ever been in that space. 140 00:07:52,480 --> 00:07:57,320 Speaker 1: It has its moments man all while managing the journey 141 00:07:57,320 --> 00:08:03,840 Speaker 1: of a very powerful teenage daughter who's now incredibly impressive 142 00:08:03,880 --> 00:08:07,320 Speaker 1: young woman. And you know, we're all in an apartment together. 143 00:08:07,360 --> 00:08:11,480 Speaker 1: And so our relationship between me and Audrey was always 144 00:08:11,560 --> 00:08:13,920 Speaker 1: going to be the second most important relationship to Audrey 145 00:08:14,000 --> 00:08:17,000 Speaker 1: because it was Audrey and Georgia first, always, And so 146 00:08:17,080 --> 00:08:19,320 Speaker 1: now as Georgia starts to take up more and more, 147 00:08:20,120 --> 00:08:22,760 Speaker 1: are not even space like she's commanding space, like she's 148 00:08:22,840 --> 00:08:24,920 Speaker 1: commanding more and more space in their relationship because she's 149 00:08:24,920 --> 00:08:27,880 Speaker 1: becoming more and more of an adult physically, emotionally, she's 150 00:08:27,920 --> 00:08:32,720 Speaker 1: able to expand into the world that we all inhibit 151 00:08:32,920 --> 00:08:35,320 Speaker 1: together more and more, and you make space for that. 152 00:08:35,440 --> 00:08:38,920 Speaker 1: You have to allow this extra energy into the relationship 153 00:08:38,920 --> 00:08:43,360 Speaker 1: between you. And then we feel pregnant, and that's a 154 00:08:43,400 --> 00:08:48,360 Speaker 1: whole other thing. And then wolf arrives and then my god, 155 00:08:48,559 --> 00:08:53,720 Speaker 1: I think I'm going to Yeah. Man, then we had 156 00:08:53,760 --> 00:08:56,000 Speaker 1: to reinvent the whole thing again because at one point 157 00:08:56,120 --> 00:08:59,000 Speaker 1: I'm doing then the first year of Wolfe's arrival, it 158 00:08:59,080 --> 00:09:01,240 Speaker 1: was COVID, it was low down and doing four separate 159 00:09:01,280 --> 00:09:04,599 Speaker 1: TV shows, Audrey's stuck in the house. I'm able to 160 00:09:04,640 --> 00:09:07,280 Speaker 1: go out and work. Everything was real different. It was 161 00:09:07,520 --> 00:09:10,920 Speaker 1: super weird, hard to do. We didn't see each other much. 162 00:09:10,960 --> 00:09:13,280 Speaker 1: But we're still trying to be a family. And that's 163 00:09:13,320 --> 00:09:15,720 Speaker 1: like when I say new relationship, it means essentially that 164 00:09:15,760 --> 00:09:17,920 Speaker 1: the rules or the wave of operating that made the 165 00:09:17,960 --> 00:09:20,600 Speaker 1: previous version of it work don't work anymore. So you 166 00:09:20,640 --> 00:09:24,080 Speaker 1: have to reinvent it every single time. Then g finished 167 00:09:24,080 --> 00:09:26,240 Speaker 1: the school, and now she's more of an adult, and 168 00:09:27,080 --> 00:09:29,320 Speaker 1: there's more and more of this. You know, now you 169 00:09:29,400 --> 00:09:31,880 Speaker 1: have three adults living in a house, and if you've 170 00:09:31,880 --> 00:09:34,920 Speaker 1: got older kids. You know, it's no longer the two 171 00:09:34,960 --> 00:09:38,400 Speaker 1: of you running the show. There's now more people to 172 00:09:38,800 --> 00:09:41,640 Speaker 1: accommodate in the living space and all this kind of stuff. 173 00:09:41,679 --> 00:09:44,920 Speaker 1: And you had the rules that we had previously no 174 00:09:45,000 --> 00:09:47,520 Speaker 1: longer reply. The same goes for when I had the 175 00:09:47,520 --> 00:09:51,560 Speaker 1: first hip surgery and then the isolation of COVID, and 176 00:09:51,600 --> 00:09:56,199 Speaker 1: then managing the second hip surgery. Now Wolf's a lot older, 177 00:09:56,880 --> 00:10:00,560 Speaker 1: they're starting daycare, and he's out of the house for 178 00:10:00,600 --> 00:10:02,800 Speaker 1: most of the day a couple of days a week. 179 00:10:03,080 --> 00:10:05,640 Speaker 1: George is at UNI most of the day. I'm at work. 180 00:10:06,480 --> 00:10:09,079 Speaker 1: Audrey's kind of back on the tools a little bit 181 00:10:09,080 --> 00:10:12,000 Speaker 1: more than she was. You know, when she and I 182 00:10:12,120 --> 00:10:15,480 Speaker 1: were both working all the time. We're both real busy people. 183 00:10:16,040 --> 00:10:19,000 Speaker 1: And then now in this situation where you know I'm 184 00:10:19,000 --> 00:10:21,720 Speaker 1: around the house when I'm doing podcasting stuff, and then 185 00:10:21,840 --> 00:10:23,840 Speaker 1: you know she's around the house as well, but I 186 00:10:23,880 --> 00:10:26,760 Speaker 1: can't hang out because I'm working. You've got to figure 187 00:10:26,800 --> 00:10:30,240 Speaker 1: it out, You've got to figure out how it works right. 188 00:10:30,320 --> 00:10:35,400 Speaker 1: And now we're here, which is again entirely different, and 189 00:10:35,440 --> 00:10:36,800 Speaker 1: I do want to talk a little bit about that, 190 00:10:36,920 --> 00:10:38,839 Speaker 1: but I'm going to play some ads I'll be back 191 00:10:38,880 --> 00:10:46,160 Speaker 1: after this quick break, So thanks for coming on this 192 00:10:46,240 --> 00:10:49,440 Speaker 1: adventure with me. As I recount the different relationships I've 193 00:10:49,440 --> 00:10:51,960 Speaker 1: had with the same woman over the ten years that 194 00:10:52,000 --> 00:10:56,120 Speaker 1: I have been with my wife, Audrey, and I'm sure 195 00:10:56,120 --> 00:10:59,480 Speaker 1: you can relate. I'm sure you're as I talk about it, 196 00:10:59,520 --> 00:11:01,840 Speaker 1: you are think thinking about your own long term relationship 197 00:11:01,880 --> 00:11:06,000 Speaker 1: and the delineating moments being where the rules or the 198 00:11:06,160 --> 00:11:10,760 Speaker 1: terms of engagement no longer really serve the situation that 199 00:11:10,800 --> 00:11:13,600 Speaker 1: you're in. And that how it shifts from like when 200 00:11:13,600 --> 00:11:15,240 Speaker 1: the kids are little to when the kids go to school, 201 00:11:15,240 --> 00:11:17,200 Speaker 1: and then when the kids leave school, or you know, 202 00:11:17,200 --> 00:11:19,199 Speaker 1: when money, you get sick, or in my case, when 203 00:11:19,200 --> 00:11:20,880 Speaker 1: I was in capast that and I couldn't move and 204 00:11:20,880 --> 00:11:23,600 Speaker 1: I'm on crutches and all those kind of shit. The 205 00:11:23,720 --> 00:11:27,240 Speaker 1: rules and the things that worked inside the relationship, you 206 00:11:27,280 --> 00:11:28,840 Speaker 1: have to reinvent them. You have to figure out new 207 00:11:28,880 --> 00:11:32,160 Speaker 1: ways of doing it and the futility of going on. 208 00:11:32,160 --> 00:11:34,320 Speaker 1: Why can't I just be like it was, because it's 209 00:11:34,360 --> 00:11:37,440 Speaker 1: never going to be like it was. And now Audrey 210 00:11:37,440 --> 00:11:40,079 Speaker 1: and I are here and it's ten years later, and 211 00:11:41,040 --> 00:11:43,880 Speaker 1: she met me. I had one TV job. I didn't 212 00:11:43,920 --> 00:11:48,120 Speaker 1: even have a radio job, I had this podcast, and 213 00:11:48,200 --> 00:11:52,120 Speaker 1: now I don't have a TV job, I don't have 214 00:11:52,160 --> 00:11:57,199 Speaker 1: a radio job, but I still have this podcast. And 215 00:11:58,040 --> 00:11:59,800 Speaker 1: one of the things that has always applied that one 216 00:11:59,800 --> 00:12:02,680 Speaker 1: of the commonality is one of the ways of being 217 00:12:02,720 --> 00:12:06,160 Speaker 1: together that has stood the test of time. And one 218 00:12:06,160 --> 00:12:10,920 Speaker 1: of those things that never shifts is her support of me, both, 219 00:12:11,320 --> 00:12:14,920 Speaker 1: you know, when it came to getting better mentally and physically, 220 00:12:14,960 --> 00:12:19,240 Speaker 1: but also around work. And she's very aware of the 221 00:12:19,440 --> 00:12:23,360 Speaker 1: seasonal nature of the business we'rein and she just said, look, 222 00:12:23,360 --> 00:12:26,000 Speaker 1: as long as we're healthy, we're okay. And I can 223 00:12:26,040 --> 00:12:30,480 Speaker 1: be reluctant to invest capital in this particular venture, and 224 00:12:30,480 --> 00:12:32,959 Speaker 1: she's like, look, you should go for that. And she's 225 00:12:33,000 --> 00:12:36,160 Speaker 1: a very smart business woman and her support. She takes 226 00:12:36,160 --> 00:12:39,120 Speaker 1: swings that I other worse wouldn't take, and these things 227 00:12:39,160 --> 00:12:42,600 Speaker 1: are just incredible, right. Her support's amazing. There's no way 228 00:12:42,640 --> 00:12:45,240 Speaker 1: I'd be here sitting here tooking to you if it 229 00:12:45,320 --> 00:12:49,560 Speaker 1: wasn't for her support. And it's important to remember that 230 00:12:49,600 --> 00:12:52,200 Speaker 1: at every point as you shift and move through life, 231 00:12:52,200 --> 00:12:56,160 Speaker 1: as you get older, that you'll you'll have to change 232 00:12:56,280 --> 00:12:57,760 Speaker 1: the way that you relate to each other and you'll 233 00:12:57,960 --> 00:13:01,320 Speaker 1: have to change what is okay, what works, what doesn't 234 00:13:01,320 --> 00:13:04,280 Speaker 1: work in the way you relate to each other. As 235 00:13:04,320 --> 00:13:05,840 Speaker 1: long as you're still going in the same direction, it 236 00:13:05,840 --> 00:13:09,280 Speaker 1: should work out. And I'm not alone in thinking that 237 00:13:09,320 --> 00:13:12,600 Speaker 1: from time to time, Right, I remember when g would 238 00:13:12,640 --> 00:13:14,200 Speaker 1: go and when she was little, she'd go and stay 239 00:13:14,200 --> 00:13:16,120 Speaker 1: with her grandparents and ordering and I would slip away 240 00:13:16,160 --> 00:13:19,520 Speaker 1: to buy them for the weekend. Like, yeah, those weekends 241 00:13:19,520 --> 00:13:23,080 Speaker 1: were lovely. But there's no point being sad or upset 242 00:13:23,200 --> 00:13:25,280 Speaker 1: or wishing that things could be like that again, because 243 00:13:25,320 --> 00:13:30,280 Speaker 1: they're not. And we're no longer those people. What I 244 00:13:30,360 --> 00:13:33,480 Speaker 1: want out of a weekend away isn't what I wanted 245 00:13:33,520 --> 00:13:36,439 Speaker 1: out of a weekend away back then. It's different. Now 246 00:13:37,000 --> 00:13:40,800 Speaker 1: what I want and what Audrey wants is different. We're 247 00:13:40,800 --> 00:13:43,200 Speaker 1: no longer that. Our life is no longer that we 248 00:13:43,240 --> 00:13:45,920 Speaker 1: have moved away from from those sort of things. The 249 00:13:45,960 --> 00:13:49,960 Speaker 1: way our current relationship works, that wouldn't really work with 250 00:13:50,040 --> 00:13:53,680 Speaker 1: the way that we are with you know, the kids 251 00:13:53,720 --> 00:13:58,920 Speaker 1: and the dogs and everything. Look, I've had relationships not 252 00:13:59,000 --> 00:14:01,640 Speaker 1: go well. You've had relationships that have not gone well. 253 00:14:01,840 --> 00:14:06,800 Speaker 1: Some of them have stopped at various stages of consequence. 254 00:14:08,000 --> 00:14:10,880 Speaker 1: I'm sure some of them of your relationships and mine 255 00:14:10,880 --> 00:14:13,560 Speaker 1: have lasted I don't know anywhere from hours to years, 256 00:14:14,559 --> 00:14:17,520 Speaker 1: and certainly as they go for longer the consequences of 257 00:14:17,520 --> 00:14:23,280 Speaker 1: them ending higher. But it's emotionally, physically financially, I've been divorced. 258 00:14:23,440 --> 00:14:25,920 Speaker 1: You've been divorced. Maybe not, you've had a breakup, but 259 00:14:26,560 --> 00:14:29,080 Speaker 1: you get it right. And I think, if there's one 260 00:14:29,080 --> 00:14:31,800 Speaker 1: thing that I've learned over ten years, and this being 261 00:14:32,840 --> 00:14:35,920 Speaker 1: the second time being married and approaching it very differently, 262 00:14:35,960 --> 00:14:39,080 Speaker 1: this time, I wake up every day and I choose this, 263 00:14:39,720 --> 00:14:44,400 Speaker 1: and I'm glad to It's not always glorious. I'm not 264 00:14:44,440 --> 00:14:46,520 Speaker 1: going to lie. It's got its ups and downs. Every 265 00:14:46,560 --> 00:14:49,400 Speaker 1: relationship does. Anyone that says to you they never disagree 266 00:14:49,480 --> 00:14:52,080 Speaker 1: or they never argue is not telling you everything. I'm 267 00:14:52,160 --> 00:14:56,920 Speaker 1: telling you that for nothing. Sometimes I'm so frustrated. I 268 00:14:56,960 --> 00:15:03,400 Speaker 1: find new levels of downregulation that I did not know exist. Well. Conversely, 269 00:15:03,640 --> 00:15:05,920 Speaker 1: I make a joke sometimes when I speak on stage, 270 00:15:06,160 --> 00:15:08,560 Speaker 1: I don't really live with complex mental illness. My wife 271 00:15:08,560 --> 00:15:11,400 Speaker 1: does because she's her in Georgia. The are the ones 272 00:15:11,400 --> 00:15:13,800 Speaker 1: I have to actually deal with, this brain of mind 273 00:15:13,800 --> 00:15:18,560 Speaker 1: that can sometimes forget things and do odd stuff but 274 00:15:18,640 --> 00:15:20,440 Speaker 1: I know what's true, no matter what is that ten 275 00:15:20,480 --> 00:15:25,560 Speaker 1: years ago I was nuts, alone and lonely, and sitting 276 00:15:25,560 --> 00:15:27,160 Speaker 1: here talking to you right now, I'm more sane than 277 00:15:27,160 --> 00:15:28,920 Speaker 1: I've ever been. I live in a house as a 278 00:15:28,960 --> 00:15:32,479 Speaker 1: full family of people and dogs, and everyone is asleep upstairs. 279 00:15:32,960 --> 00:15:36,480 Speaker 1: Recording this quite late at night. I have so much support, 280 00:15:36,760 --> 00:15:40,240 Speaker 1: so much backing from Audrey. I can't quite believe it 281 00:15:40,240 --> 00:15:41,760 Speaker 1: that I would not have achieved the things that I've 282 00:15:41,800 --> 00:15:46,040 Speaker 1: achieved in my career without her. I wouldn't be alive 283 00:15:46,080 --> 00:15:53,360 Speaker 1: without her. Ten years isn't hard, and ten years isn't easy. 284 00:15:53,840 --> 00:15:56,440 Speaker 1: And who I am because of the time that I 285 00:15:56,480 --> 00:16:01,480 Speaker 1: have spent waking up every day and choosing this beautiful 286 00:16:01,480 --> 00:16:04,480 Speaker 1: woman and this great family I have has turned me 287 00:16:04,520 --> 00:16:08,760 Speaker 1: into someone I'm grateful to be. Have I done everything right? Fuck? No, 288 00:16:10,240 --> 00:16:11,840 Speaker 1: did I get out of the things that I prefer 289 00:16:11,880 --> 00:16:14,040 Speaker 1: I hadn't done things I prefer I hadn't said things 290 00:16:14,080 --> 00:16:18,600 Speaker 1: I could have I really miss Yes, of course, And 291 00:16:19,080 --> 00:16:25,160 Speaker 1: humans are flawed, fallible creatures. And if you are lucky 292 00:16:25,280 --> 00:16:29,760 Speaker 1: enough to find another person who's kind enough to understand 293 00:16:30,320 --> 00:16:34,040 Speaker 1: that humans are flawed, fallible creatures and kind of looks 294 00:16:34,040 --> 00:16:36,520 Speaker 1: at you and go, yeah, even though you're flawed, fallible creature, 295 00:16:36,600 --> 00:16:38,600 Speaker 1: I reckon, I can work with what's going on here? 296 00:16:39,040 --> 00:16:45,080 Speaker 1: Why don't you come over here? And you know, if 297 00:16:45,120 --> 00:16:51,480 Speaker 1: you can find someone like that, you are ready in luck. Well, 298 00:16:51,480 --> 00:16:54,240 Speaker 1: I certainly have, and I'm very lucky about it, very 299 00:16:54,280 --> 00:16:58,400 Speaker 1: I feel very lucky, very grateful. I hope that was 300 00:16:58,400 --> 00:17:00,760 Speaker 1: just some value to you. I hope you've some amount 301 00:17:01,080 --> 00:17:05,880 Speaker 1: of reflection upon your own versions of who you are 302 00:17:05,920 --> 00:17:08,040 Speaker 1: and who you've been with the person that you're going 303 00:17:08,080 --> 00:17:13,119 Speaker 1: through life with. And I hope it's helped, you know, 304 00:17:13,200 --> 00:17:15,879 Speaker 1: maybe get the idea of why can't it be like 305 00:17:15,920 --> 00:17:20,080 Speaker 1: it was? Just that? That is? That's like wondering why 306 00:17:20,160 --> 00:17:22,840 Speaker 1: isn't Countdown on TV anymore? When people come to me 307 00:17:22,880 --> 00:17:24,840 Speaker 1: and go, hey, man, why isn't Channa Vie on her anymore? 308 00:17:24,840 --> 00:17:27,280 Speaker 1: It's like dud because YouTube showed up like that's it, 309 00:17:27,280 --> 00:17:31,280 Speaker 1: it's over. It's as silly to think about that. Why 310 00:17:31,320 --> 00:17:33,640 Speaker 1: can't it be like it was? Because I'm not twenty four, 311 00:17:35,560 --> 00:17:42,720 Speaker 1: I'm not forty four? Yeah, happy anniversary, honey. I don't 312 00:17:42,760 --> 00:17:45,680 Speaker 1: know if you're going to listen to this. Sometimes she listens, 313 00:17:45,720 --> 00:17:53,240 Speaker 1: sometimes she doesn't, But if you do. Thank you. This 314 00:17:53,280 --> 00:17:55,719 Speaker 1: episode was brought to you by Andy Mayer on audio 315 00:17:55,760 --> 00:17:58,600 Speaker 1: post production. Beck say Ed on video post production to 316 00:17:58,840 --> 00:18:01,440 Speaker 1: high of the magnificent automat All of Music. My producer 317 00:18:01,480 --> 00:18:04,320 Speaker 1: is Brite Steel. My executive function assistant is Monica Chapman. 318 00:18:04,400 --> 00:18:06,720 Speaker 1: For every episode ever. To get on the mailing list, 319 00:18:07,040 --> 00:18:08,680 Speaker 1: to get in touch or get me to say happy 320 00:18:08,680 --> 00:18:12,919 Speaker 1: anniversary your partner, just go to the contact Formartoshegainsberg dot com. 321 00:18:12,920 --> 00:18:13,679 Speaker 1: Thanks for listening.