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Speaker 1: Apogee Production. Welcome to the She Rises Podcast. I'm Ashy

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Speaker 1: and I'm Tiana. This podcast is about female empowerment.

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Speaker 2: And encouraging you to be your biggest, boldest, and most

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Speaker 2: authentic version of yourself.

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Speaker 1: We help you shed the shame, grow to new level.

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Speaker 1: We're gonna laugh, cry, and talk about the topics everyone

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Speaker 1: else is too afraid to talk about.

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Speaker 3: Get ready for your next level of self.

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Speaker 1: Hello everybody, Welcome back to She Rises. Welcome back if

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Speaker 1: you're new here. Welcome if you've been here for a while, settling,

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Speaker 1: get comfy. This is an interesting episode, one that Tiana

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Speaker 1: and I have had many conversations about, and it's all

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Speaker 1: about Tiana not wanting.

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Speaker 2: Kids, one that we actually had on the way up

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Speaker 2: to film this episode today.

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Speaker 1: We did.

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Speaker 2: Now.

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Speaker 1: When I first met Tiana, she was all, I don't

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Speaker 1: want kids, And I was like, what do you mean

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Speaker 1: you don't want kids?

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Speaker 3: He's like, yeah, right, yeah.

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Speaker 1: I was just like, no, but just tell me more.

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Speaker 1: I'd love to hear your perspective on why. There was

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Speaker 1: a few different reasons that popped up for you, but like,

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Speaker 1: I just have never been someone that thought I could

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Speaker 1: see myself with kids. But as time's gone on, and

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Speaker 1: you've met someone new and you're I suppose exploring what

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Speaker 1: you want your life to look like, what he's wanting

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Speaker 1: and desiring in life. And I remember you're at my house.

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Speaker 1: Actually is when Tyler opened my bottom draw and pulled

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Speaker 1: my sex toys out. Do you remember she was like,

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Speaker 1: what is what? And then like runs around with them

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Speaker 1: and she's like when she showed Steve, Yeah, I found

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Speaker 1: But also what was in the bottom of my drawer

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Speaker 1: was my ultrasound photos. And I think it was when

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Speaker 1: you left you were like, that's the first time that

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Speaker 1: I was like, oh, I wonder how that would be

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Speaker 1: to have my own ultrasound photos. Yeah, it was also nice.

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Speaker 1: You were like I love the way you and Steve

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Speaker 1: are such a team. And I've just never seen this

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Speaker 1: like dynamic of family where you're all just working together

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Speaker 1: and it's so beautiful and you still have freedom and

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Speaker 1: you still travel and you still allow each other to

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Speaker 1: do the things you want to do, and like, I

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Speaker 1: didn't think that was possible, and I think it kind

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Speaker 1: of helped. I mean, I was speaking on behalf of you,

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Speaker 1: but like, what did that bring up for you?

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Speaker 2: It was really cool, Like it was cool to witness

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Speaker 2: and like what you just said it was I've like

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Speaker 2: I loved the dynamic that you and Steve have and

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Speaker 2: like it's so beautiful to witness you both to move

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Speaker 2: as a team.

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Speaker 1: And I just love that.

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Speaker 2: Like you guys like are both helpful with the kids.

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Speaker 2: You've got each other's backs, you make time for each other.

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Speaker 2: You also make time for yourselves as well, Like like

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Speaker 2: a hobby, you literally will be like, yep, I'm tapped

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Speaker 2: out today, He'll take over and vice versa. And I

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Speaker 2: love witnessing you guys in that and like how yourselves

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Speaker 2: you still are, you know.

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Speaker 3: And I think a huge part for.

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Speaker 2: Me around not wanting to have kids was a fear

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Speaker 2: of losing myself in motherhood, of being like, well, I've

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Speaker 2: witnessed people lose themselves in motherhood and be like wow,

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Speaker 2: like is that what there is for me?

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Speaker 3: Looking forward?

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Speaker 2: Like if I were to have kids, is that all

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Speaker 2: that's going to be for me? Am I just going

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Speaker 2: to be just a mother and not have any other

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Speaker 2: area of my life that's still important to me? And

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Speaker 2: that terrified me because I'm like, am I too selfish

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Speaker 2: to be a mum? Like that's what I would think

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Speaker 2: because I'd be like, like, maybe I don't want to

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Speaker 2: have kids.

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Speaker 1: Maybe I love my life, maybe I love my freedom. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: And I mean I.

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Speaker 2: Come from a family of five kids, Like I'm one

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Speaker 2: of five, so I've always been around big families and

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Speaker 2: I love the concept of a big family. But I

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Speaker 2: was like, am I willing to give up my freedom

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Speaker 2: in order to have that? And when I started having

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Speaker 2: the conversation, predominantly when I was with my last partner,

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Speaker 2: I think he allowed me to explore not wanting to

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Speaker 2: have children because his perspective was like ninety percent I

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Speaker 2: don't want kids, and I think that influenced my perception

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Speaker 2: on wanting to have kids a little bit. So I

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Speaker 2: started having the conversation with my parents like I didn't

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Speaker 2: think I'm gonna have kids, and they were like whoa, wow, whoa,

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Speaker 2: Like slow the brakes, like we don't want you to

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Speaker 2: make any rash decisions, like we don't want you to

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Speaker 2: miss out, and like it's a huge experience in life

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Speaker 2: and all of these beautiful things, you know, but it's

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Speaker 2: just so interesting what you're met with when you choose

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Speaker 2: or that.

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Speaker 1: You voice you don't want to have kids, and it's

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Speaker 1: understandable the fear of losing yourself because it's a common

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Speaker 1: conversation on social media, and you work with women, so

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Speaker 1: you obviously hear a lot of women that have lost

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Speaker 1: themselves and don't do anything to look after themselves anymore,

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Speaker 1: and the kids come first, and all of that can

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Speaker 1: be true. But I've really loved challenging you on this

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Speaker 1: conversation of like, you get to have it all, yeah,

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Speaker 1: and yes it's harder, Yes there's moments, and yes your

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Speaker 1: children are a priority of course naturally. However, I kind

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Speaker 1: of wanted to do it a little bit differently to

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Speaker 1: a lot of people. I wanted to still have my career.

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Speaker 1: I wanted to still have fun with my girlfriends. I

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Speaker 1: wanted to still go on date night. I wanted to

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Speaker 1: still travel overseas. I wanted to still be able to

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Speaker 1: have the freedom to go to the gym when I

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Speaker 1: want to go to the gym. I wanted to do

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Speaker 1: all of that whilst I was a mum, and I

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Speaker 1: was like, why can't I do that? I can do that,

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Speaker 1: And it was something Steve wanted as well. He still

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Speaker 1: wanted to play golf, he still wanted to run his business.

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Speaker 1: He went to Bangkok last week for a massive marketing

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Speaker 1: conference for a week, and I was like, fuck, yeah,

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Speaker 1: go you know, and I've got the kids and we've

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Speaker 1: got each other. Every thing that I've wanted to keep

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Speaker 1: in my life I have. And yes there's been harder moments,

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Speaker 1: and yes there's sacrifices and then you know, these things

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Speaker 1: you've got to put in place. But I really loved

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Speaker 1: having this conversation with you because I was like, if

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Speaker 1: you don't want to have kids, great, that's so fine.

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Speaker 1: Everyone's different. There's no judgment around that, and good on you.

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Speaker 1: You know, plenty of people don't want to have kids.

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Speaker 1: I can see why. It's a big commitment, and you're

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Speaker 1: responsible for keeping these little humans alive for the rest

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Speaker 1: of your life. Yeah, but it also was like, you

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Speaker 1: can have children and you can still be Tiana. You

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Speaker 1: can still do your coaching, you can still do the podcast,

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Speaker 1: you can still go on holidays, you can still be

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Speaker 1: fit and healthy, you can still go and like you

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Speaker 1: can still get to do all of it. Yeah, it's

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Speaker 1: been really cool to now see you like maybe actually

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Speaker 1: I would like.

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Speaker 3: To do that, not yet, but yeah, no, not yet.

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Speaker 1: It's kind of shifted a BESI and it's funny.

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Speaker 3: I remember you'd always be like, yeah, I don't think

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Speaker 3: that's true for you.

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Speaker 1: Pretending I'm being with you, but I definitely not those

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Speaker 1: comments you.

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Speaker 2: Did you have and you've always been like, of course,

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Speaker 2: like if that's what feels true for you, like only

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Speaker 2: you are gonna know what that feels like. But then

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Speaker 2: also like after a few times I mentioned and you're like,

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Speaker 2: I just don't feel like that's true for you. I'd

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Speaker 2: feel like you're gonna want that. And it's interesting because

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Speaker 2: it has shifted slightly and now that I'm like seeing

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Speaker 2: someone new and he's just an incredible human, I've just

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Speaker 2: felt so safe with him for so many different reasons,

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Speaker 2: so beautiful, and I've never really had that like oh

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Speaker 2: maybe you know, or like looking for different things of

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Speaker 2: being like oh I could experience that and I would

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Speaker 2: be happy to do that, or like I would feel

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Speaker 2: safe to guys having this conversation with you in the car,

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Speaker 2: being like if it did go the way that like

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Speaker 2: it might potentially go, like I know that he would

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Speaker 2: have my back in the delivery room.

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Speaker 3: You know, And I never want to love it.

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Speaker 2: I just never wanted to be with somebody who was

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Speaker 2: like fearful of those things, or like I don't want

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Speaker 2: to look at that, or like oh that's kind of gross,

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Speaker 2: like that doesn't make a woman feel safe. No, And

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Speaker 2: I realized that I get to have those things and

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Speaker 2: if I do want to experience that, I can and

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Speaker 2: it would get to be beautiful, you know. And you

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Speaker 2: really have challenged me on that of like getting to

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Speaker 2: have it all and not only seeing it for other

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Speaker 2: people but having it for myself.

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Speaker 3: You know.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, just being like it doesn't always have to

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Speaker 2: be evidence of everybody else having it all, but it's

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Speaker 2: like I get to have that too, yeah, Or the

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Speaker 2: question is why don't I get to have it all?

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Speaker 1: TiO, Yes, that's the question. Isn't it so cool? And

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Speaker 1: it's so exciting? Like, regardless of whatever you choose, it'll

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Speaker 1: be perfect for you. You'll have either direction you take.

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Speaker 1: You'll have a beautiful life. I know. If you don't

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Speaker 1: have kids, you'll have a beautiful relationship and amazing friendships.

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Speaker 1: You've got an incredible family, you're making such a big

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Speaker 1: impact on women's lives. Great, But if you have kids

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Speaker 1: as well, I think all of that will still exist.

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Speaker 1: Plus you'll have the joy of a little mini human

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Speaker 1: that's half you and half the person you love.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, it's cool as well, Like I don't get me wrong,

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Speaker 2: Like there's definitely a part of me that's like, oh

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Speaker 2: maybe if I were to just build my career and

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Speaker 2: have like people that I manage and I get to

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Speaker 2: look after and have this nurturing part of me with

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Speaker 2: my clients, I get that like need met right.

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Speaker 3: And it's like looking from more of like a logical.

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Speaker 2: Sin, Yeah that makes sense though, being like, well, I

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Speaker 2: have all the people to take care of and nurture and.

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Speaker 1: It's contribution, right, which is a high value for contribution.

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Speaker 2: I guess in a way, I was always like, oh

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Speaker 2: maybe I would be fulfilled if I just had that.

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Speaker 1: You know, maybe you would and maybe I would, or

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Speaker 1: maybe I'll have five oh my gosh. Yeah.

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Speaker 2: So it's a really interesting conversation and it's just funny

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Speaker 2: for the short period where I was like I'm not

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Speaker 2: having kids and I was like openly having that conversation

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Speaker 2: people like you don't want kids.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, there is that reaction a lot, which I don't

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Speaker 1: think would feel good for someone that really has decided

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Speaker 1: that I want kids. I think people feel judged for

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Speaker 1: that yeah, and I hope I never came across as

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Speaker 1: judge it because it wasn't. I just no, not at all.

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Speaker 1: I felt a hesitation when you were saying it. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: that's why I pulled you up and been like, I'm

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Speaker 1: not sure if that's one hundred percent tury for you.

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Speaker 2: Yeah.

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Speaker 1: I think it was influenced.

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Speaker 3: I know it comes from a good place you're sharing.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, and there's probably a bit of fear there, which

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Speaker 1: I totally understand so much fear. I was fearful of

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Speaker 1: having a second, like having my first.

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Speaker 2: Well, it's oh my god, I could imagine. I could

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Speaker 2: imagine there so many things that change when you get

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Speaker 2: thing changes. Yeah, I don't even really have context and

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Speaker 2: what that looks like.

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Speaker 3: I can only assume.

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Speaker 1: No one can say you yeah, they so what I've

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Speaker 1: seen it. You can hear it, but like until you

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Speaker 1: actually go through it, like everything changes. I feel like

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Speaker 1: for my first I've spoken so openly about this before,

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Speaker 1: so anyone that's an OGE listener, you'd know. I really

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Speaker 1: struggled with my first child. And our relationship wasn't that strong.

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Speaker 1: We weren't great at communicating, we were very dysregulated, our

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Speaker 1: careers were on paper so successful financially, everything was going amazing,

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Speaker 1: but we weren't happy, and we weren't navigating parenthood. Well,

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Speaker 1: I wasn't coping. I was full in survival mode. I

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Speaker 1: probably on reflection, had post center depression, Like I really

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Speaker 1: wasn't coping. But then it was so cool. We had

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Speaker 1: obviously a big age gap, bigger than what we wanted.

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Speaker 1: But it took a long time to conceive for Tala.

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Speaker 1: But like everything's changed this time with Tala, but the better.

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Speaker 1: She's only enriched our life with more joy, more play,

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Speaker 1: more laughter, more memories, Like everything is better with her.

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Speaker 1: It wasn't that with Taj. I was in a different season,

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Speaker 1: a different place. I've gone to events before where we've

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Speaker 1: had like shame circles. Have you ever done that before,

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Speaker 1: where you're like you hop in a circle and you're

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Speaker 1: at an event with a very safe space, and you

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Speaker 1: share what you're shameful about or what you feel guilt about,

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Speaker 1: and you kind of burn it away. And something I

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Speaker 1: always carry is I wish Taj got This version of

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Speaker 1: me is a mom that Tarla got because I'm so

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Speaker 1: much more regulated now and I just feel like she

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Speaker 1: gets like a more advanced version. Kids changed everything, but

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Speaker 1: changed it for the better. And I think when people

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Speaker 1: say kids change things, you think for the worst. You

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Speaker 1: lose your sleep, you lose your body, you lose your

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Speaker 1: date nights, you lose your freedom, you lose your finances.

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Speaker 1: Like everything is hard, and like, yes, sometimes it is,

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Speaker 1: but it's amplified with so much more love and joy

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Speaker 1: and laughter. And it's like your perspective on that. But yeah,

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Speaker 1: I learned so much through the first time I went

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Speaker 1: through it, and I was so determined to do things

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Speaker 1: so differently with her, and we did and it's just

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Speaker 1: been so beautiful and time has flown by. Like I

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Speaker 1: feel like most nights when we sit on the couch

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Speaker 1: and Tyler's just running around and Tag is playing with

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Speaker 1: her and we're just like sitting as a family, it's

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Speaker 1: just like this overwhelming sense of gratitude for like our

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Speaker 1: family and what these kids have brought to us, and

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Speaker 1: they just like, oh god, it it's so hard to explain,

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Speaker 1: like just so much happiness and so much connection and

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Speaker 1: so much love, and its strengthened Steve and I because

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Speaker 1: it's forced us to get so much better at our communication,

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Speaker 1: so much better at prioritizing our date nights, so much

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Speaker 1: better at making sure that we're supporting each other in

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Speaker 1: our dreams and our missions and our purposes, and we

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Speaker 1: get to do all of that. We're so much more

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Speaker 1: conscious and aware of all of that, which is because

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Speaker 1: of kids. So I don't think you lose anything from

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Speaker 1: having kids. I think you've got so much more to gain, which.

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Speaker 2: Is cool perspective to have as well. And also having

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Speaker 2: compassion for you know, the younger version of Ashy who

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Speaker 2: had Taj when you guys were younger and we're figuring

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Speaker 2: out how to be parents for the first time. Like

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Speaker 2: you said, no one can prepare you for what it's

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Speaker 2: like to be a parent, and like compassion that you

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Speaker 2: were figuring it out along the way.

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Speaker 1: I totally understand that, and I give that advice and

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Speaker 1: I like totally believe it. But it's the one thing

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Speaker 1: that I just really struggle with myself. I just look

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Speaker 1: back and I'm like, if it was just me involved,

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Speaker 1: i'd move through it quick of it. Because it's him

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Speaker 1: involved that I felt like, not that he suffered in

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Speaker 1: any way, And he's the most beautiful kid, Like he's

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Speaker 1: so caring and intelligent and just aware and like he's

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Speaker 1: turned out amazing. But I just wonder if I was

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Speaker 1: who I was now back then, would that help him

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Speaker 1: in his future? You know, because we do things as

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Speaker 1: humans as parents that are going to impact our kids,

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Speaker 1: especially from year zero to seven. That's where all of

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Speaker 1: their beliefs about the world and their selves. Like it's

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Speaker 1: those seven years are so important in print stage. And

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Speaker 1: I'm like, where if I fucked him up because I

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Speaker 1: was anxious and stressed and not coping and so disregulated,

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Speaker 1: like as if my little baby didn't feel when mummy

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Speaker 1: was anxious.

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Speaker 3: Hmm.

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Speaker 1: You know, I was suicidal at a point. I wouldn't

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Speaker 1: get out of bed for days when I was going

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Speaker 1: through all that online trolling. Like how did the impact

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Speaker 1: him me not being able to show up for him? Yeah,

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Speaker 1: because I was like not even wanting to be there.

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Speaker 1: You know. It's always like there for me. And every

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Speaker 1: time I do an event and there's a shame circle,

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Speaker 1: it's the same thing that comes up when I run

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Speaker 1: the Ultimate Girl's Day Out with Levi and we do

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Speaker 1: a burning ceremony, It's the same thing that comes up

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Speaker 1: for me. It's like I just want to let go

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Speaker 1: of the guilt and the shame that I felt of

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Speaker 1: like not being the mom I am.

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Speaker 2: Now, I wonder what it would look like for you

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Speaker 2: if you just didn't have to punish yourself that any

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Speaker 2: if you weren't punishing yourself anymore, how would you show

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Speaker 2: up for Taja?

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Speaker 3: Now?

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Speaker 1: I don't know? And then I start to use that

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Speaker 1: language of like, oh, I shouldn't feel guilty because I

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Speaker 1: know better. I know that I was doing the best

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Speaker 1: that I could. You know, I know that younger actually

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Speaker 1: did what she could with the tools that she had.

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Speaker 1: You and I know I was so stretched, and even

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Speaker 1: our business it was so heavily reliant on me back then,

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Speaker 1: like the algorithm and the way things were, like it

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Speaker 1: was so reliant on me showing up online that even

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Speaker 1: when I was like in my deepest, darkest times, like

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Speaker 1: I still had to get up and sell. I still

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Speaker 1: had to get out and promote and still had to

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Speaker 1: do this and film videos. I remember like two months

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Speaker 1: after giving birth to Taj, we were like ready to

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Speaker 1: bring out an ABS program and I was like still postpartum,

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Speaker 1: like looking pregnant, and I had to do a video

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Speaker 1: selling an APPS program, and I was like, oh my gosh,

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Speaker 1: I just want to like go and rest and be

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Speaker 1: with my baby. You know, it was just a lot.

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Speaker 1: It was a really hard season. But I don't know

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Speaker 1: how it would show up differently. I need to explore that.

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Speaker 1: I need to mushroom ceremony.

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Speaker 3: We're on it.

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Speaker 2: What would our lives look like if we just let

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Speaker 2: go of the story that were holding onto the struggle story?

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Speaker 1: Well, how is it serving me to hang on to

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Speaker 1: that story? It must be serving me in a way,

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Speaker 1: otherwise I would let it go.

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Speaker 2: This is a beautiful piece of evidence that healing is

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Speaker 2: not linear. It's not it's like nine years later, you know,

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Speaker 2: like there are layers to it, and like if we

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Speaker 2: can be okay that this is forever work, we will

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Speaker 2: be okay when it comes up every time.

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Speaker 3: And it's like every time you feel a little bit

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Speaker 3: of it, you heal a little part of your work.

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Speaker 2: So true, that's just the deeper work here for you

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Speaker 2: is to just like constantly coming back into like forgiving

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Speaker 2: yourself and reminding yourself that you don't need to punish

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Speaker 2: yourself for that.

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Speaker 1: It's like even mum guilt, Like I feel like I'm

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Speaker 1: very good at managing it. I don't feel it often

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Speaker 1: because I think guilty is when you feel like what

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Speaker 1: you're doing is wrong, yeah, or shameful. And I don't

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Speaker 1: feel that often, Like I don't feel guilty for going

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Speaker 1: date nights, going on holidays, or go to the gym.

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Speaker 1: Like I don't feel guilty for that because it makes

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Speaker 1: me a better mum. Yeah, because a lot of mums

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Speaker 1: really suffer with that. But this is the one thing

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Speaker 1: that just creeps back up. It's like, I'm still here, Yeah,

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Speaker 1: you could have done better me. Yeah, what are you doing? Yeah,

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Speaker 1: but it's not serving me. So I will report back

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Speaker 1: to you guys and go to talk to Taylor about that,

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Speaker 1: and we'll do a mushroom ceremony and see what comes up.

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Speaker 1: By the way, I haven't done mushrooms yet, but it's

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Speaker 1: something I'm really excited to do. That'd be a cool podcast.

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Speaker 3: That would be a very cool podcast.

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Speaker 1: I'm so keen for it.

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Speaker 3: I'm going to take Ashy through your journey.

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Speaker 1: Yes, I'm so excited. I've done ayahuasca. You haven't died.

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Speaker 3: I haven't done.

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Speaker 2: I actually booked to do Ayahuascar. I did, and then

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Speaker 2: I pulled out because I was just in the trenches.

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Speaker 1: And everyone pulled out I just didn't go ahead.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, it just was just wasn't the right night.

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Speaker 1: It's gotta be the right time.

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Speaker 3: I feel like it.

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Speaker 2: If it is meant to happen, it will, yes, and

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Speaker 2: if not, then it just won't help and it won't

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Speaker 2: work out.

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Speaker 1: But it's on the horizon. We're both like ayahuasca ready

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Speaker 1: and mushroom ready. It's just finding the right time. So

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Speaker 1: I will put back to you guys. But those two

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Speaker 1: years ago, yeah, oh, so back to where you're out

396
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Speaker 1: with kids, so you're feeling like it's a maybe.

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Speaker 2: Now I feel definitely more open to me. I feel

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Speaker 2: more open to the idea. My sister's son, Luca, he's

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Speaker 2: so cute. Every time I look at him, I'm just like,

400
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Speaker 2: you're freaking adorable, like an.

401
00:17:00,761 --> 00:17:04,241
Speaker 1: The window this morning, like banging waving by so cute.

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Speaker 2: And I just I've always with other people's children mostly,

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Speaker 2: I mean like I love them, I adore them, but

404
00:17:09,441 --> 00:17:10,880
Speaker 2: I'm happy to kind of give you yes.

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00:17:10,921 --> 00:17:11,921
Speaker 3: Whereas with my.

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Speaker 2: Sister's son, because I've lived with him now, I've created

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Speaker 2: this bond with him that I'm like, I wonder what

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Speaker 2: that would be like for myself, And I've never had that.

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Speaker 1: Before in my life. It's incredible.

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Speaker 2: So it's just interesting to see how I shift and change.

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Speaker 2: And also now that I have evidence of like potentially

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Speaker 2: a long term, really beautiful, safe partner who's like your person,

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Speaker 2: very provider, like takes care of me, like yeah, my

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Speaker 2: person like and he's.

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Speaker 3: Just an incredible man.

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Speaker 1: And I'm like, Okay, cool.

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Speaker 2: Now that I have evidence of that, I'm like, now

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Speaker 2: I have somebody that I might want to do that with.

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Speaker 1: And he shares the same values and he values freedom

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Speaker 1: and travel and date nights and intimacy and all the

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Speaker 1: things that you really value. Like you guys have already

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Speaker 1: had those conversations around like how that would look if

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Speaker 1: you guys went down that path, which is so cool

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Speaker 1: because they're important conversations to have. Some partners are like, no,

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Speaker 1: we would never get a babysitter or nanny. That's your

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Speaker 1: job as a mom. Yeah, I know a mom that

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Speaker 1: their partner it's more all around their culture, but they

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Speaker 1: don't get help him, like the mom is there to

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Speaker 1: be with the kids until they leave home, you know.

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Speaker 1: So it's important conversations to have on how you would

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Speaker 1: raise children, what feels good for you both.

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Speaker 2: It's good to know as while being on the same

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Speaker 2: page with those things and having those conversations early to

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Speaker 2: understand the person that it is that you're dating and

435
00:18:18,640 --> 00:18:21,360
Speaker 2: that you're seeing. And also when I mentioned, like, you know,

436
00:18:21,561 --> 00:18:24,321
Speaker 2: very provide energy, Like the biggest thing that he provides

437
00:18:24,321 --> 00:18:27,840
Speaker 2: for me is like emotional safety, Like he has actually

438
00:18:27,921 --> 00:18:30,360
Speaker 2: said to me before, like, you don't need to be

439
00:18:30,441 --> 00:18:33,041
Speaker 2: anyone else than who you are, Like I don't want

440
00:18:33,321 --> 00:18:35,120
Speaker 2: anything else, Like I just want you to know that

441
00:18:35,160 --> 00:18:36,400
Speaker 2: you can be all of who you are here. And

442
00:18:36,400 --> 00:18:38,761
Speaker 2: I actually love that version of you. And it's just

443
00:18:38,840 --> 00:18:41,161
Speaker 2: so like he sees me in so many different ways

444
00:18:41,840 --> 00:18:44,721
Speaker 2: that for us both we've had conversations what's the most

445
00:18:44,721 --> 00:18:47,761
Speaker 2: important thing to a relationship, and we both said safety safety,

446
00:18:47,880 --> 00:18:50,481
Speaker 2: you know, And I've never actually had like I've had

447
00:18:50,561 --> 00:18:54,561
Speaker 2: like conscious partners, yes, but he actually is like more

448
00:18:54,600 --> 00:18:58,521
Speaker 2: emotionally intelligent than I am. It's cool to be led

449
00:18:58,681 --> 00:19:01,761
Speaker 2: in that instead of leading somebody else, because I've always

450
00:19:01,761 --> 00:19:04,480
Speaker 2: done that in my relationships. I've always led my partner

451
00:19:04,521 --> 00:19:06,640
Speaker 2: in that stuff, whereas I feel like he kind of

452
00:19:06,721 --> 00:19:09,200
Speaker 2: leads me. And it feels really nice to be in

453
00:19:09,281 --> 00:19:10,801
Speaker 2: a different dynamic like that with him.

454
00:19:10,921 --> 00:19:13,440
Speaker 1: I love that for you, it's really exciting. It's like,

455
00:19:13,481 --> 00:19:15,681
Speaker 1: on the way up here, we were talking about genders

456
00:19:16,080 --> 00:19:17,881
Speaker 1: and I was sad to Tiana how I always wanted

457
00:19:17,880 --> 00:19:19,400
Speaker 1: to be a boy. But I'm just like, really, you

458
00:19:19,561 --> 00:19:20,161
Speaker 1: do want girl?

459
00:19:20,201 --> 00:19:22,120
Speaker 3: I was like, no, I was surprised by that.

460
00:19:22,321 --> 00:19:25,120
Speaker 1: Yeah, everyone is really surprised. I think we assume most

461
00:19:25,120 --> 00:19:27,480
Speaker 1: girls want to have a little girl. And obviously I

462
00:19:27,521 --> 00:19:29,361
Speaker 1: love my little girl. She is my everything and I'm

463
00:19:29,400 --> 00:19:31,041
Speaker 1: so grateful and it was meant to be her and

464
00:19:31,080 --> 00:19:33,360
Speaker 1: I could not imagine anyone else. She is the light

465
00:19:33,441 --> 00:19:36,281
Speaker 1: of my life. But yeah, growing up, I'd always just

466
00:19:36,321 --> 00:19:38,321
Speaker 1: been more drawn to little boys, and I always said

467
00:19:38,321 --> 00:19:39,760
Speaker 1: to my mum, like, I'm going to be a mom

468
00:19:39,801 --> 00:19:41,561
Speaker 1: of two boys. I heard a footy. My house's be

469
00:19:41,561 --> 00:19:43,160
Speaker 1: full of with this boy energy, and I'm just so

470
00:19:43,201 --> 00:19:45,561
Speaker 1: excited for that. I was shocked she came out a

471
00:19:45,600 --> 00:19:47,321
Speaker 1: girl and be honest, but I said to you, what

472
00:19:47,441 --> 00:19:48,960
Speaker 1: gender do you think you would like? And You're like, well,

473
00:19:48,961 --> 00:19:51,921
Speaker 1: I've never thought about that. I don't know. I was like, wow,

474
00:19:52,241 --> 00:19:54,440
Speaker 1: it's crazy, you've never I'm guessing you don't have a

475
00:19:54,521 --> 00:19:57,001
Speaker 1: names list in your phone. I've had many.

476
00:19:57,241 --> 00:20:00,481
Speaker 2: Oh yeah, I just thought like there would be times

477
00:20:00,521 --> 00:20:02,001
Speaker 2: where I'd be like, oh, maybe I want kids, and

478
00:20:02,041 --> 00:20:04,281
Speaker 2: then I'd look and then i'd have a little list,

479
00:20:04,441 --> 00:20:06,961
Speaker 2: and then I changed phones and it would get Yeah,

480
00:20:07,001 --> 00:20:08,720
Speaker 2: you know what I mean, Like I'm not set on anything,

481
00:20:08,801 --> 00:20:12,881
Speaker 2: and I don't know. I fear having a girl will

482
00:20:12,961 --> 00:20:15,881
Speaker 2: be really triggering. Obviously it's a beautiful experience, right because

483
00:20:15,880 --> 00:20:17,840
Speaker 2: you'd get to learn and grow. But I'm like, imagine

484
00:20:17,880 --> 00:20:19,481
Speaker 2: being triggered by your daughter all the time because it's

485
00:20:19,481 --> 00:20:23,160
Speaker 2: obviously she's reflecting things back to you about yourself, Whereas

486
00:20:23,201 --> 00:20:25,281
Speaker 2: I feel like, I don't know, but I assume with

487
00:20:25,400 --> 00:20:27,761
Speaker 2: a boy, it's like you're not being triggered because you're

488
00:20:27,761 --> 00:20:28,841
Speaker 2: not being reflected yourself.

489
00:20:28,840 --> 00:20:32,640
Speaker 1: Factor, I don't know much as women, we are more emotional. Yeah,

490
00:20:32,681 --> 00:20:35,321
Speaker 1: I feel like we've got more layers and we express

491
00:20:35,360 --> 00:20:38,241
Speaker 1: a lot more. So there's just a lot more. Then

492
00:20:39,001 --> 00:20:41,961
Speaker 1: I feel like men and boys are just more simple. Yeah,

493
00:20:42,120 --> 00:20:45,600
Speaker 1: straight to the point it's like it's chill. Yeah. I

494
00:20:45,640 --> 00:20:47,960
Speaker 1: was scared of that as well, Say when they get

495
00:20:48,001 --> 00:20:50,080
Speaker 1: to teenage ys, when Taj goes to a party and

496
00:20:50,120 --> 00:20:52,081
Speaker 1: he's in jeans and a shirt, it's like, oh see

497
00:20:52,120 --> 00:20:53,840
Speaker 1: you later, have a good time. You're not really worried

498
00:20:53,840 --> 00:20:57,921
Speaker 1: about sexual assault or them getting pregnant, or what they're wearing,

499
00:20:58,681 --> 00:21:00,640
Speaker 1: how much makeup they have on, they're gonna go a

500
00:21:00,681 --> 00:21:03,160
Speaker 1: You're worried about them getting in a fight, probably or

501
00:21:03,201 --> 00:21:06,360
Speaker 1: getting too drunk. Maybe with a girl. It's the intrusive

502
00:21:06,441 --> 00:21:09,401
Speaker 1: thoughts that I already get about my two year old

503
00:21:09,441 --> 00:21:13,840
Speaker 1: becoming a teenager. It's so scary. Having a girl is

504
00:21:14,120 --> 00:21:14,921
Speaker 1: really scary.

505
00:21:15,160 --> 00:21:17,441
Speaker 2: I just would fear their safety so much, like.

506
00:21:17,400 --> 00:21:19,400
Speaker 1: How much do we fear our safety now the time?

507
00:21:19,521 --> 00:21:20,921
Speaker 3: Literally, we had this conversation all the time.

508
00:21:20,921 --> 00:21:22,321
Speaker 1: We're at the gym the other day and we put

509
00:21:22,360 --> 00:21:23,561
Speaker 1: a complaint into this guy.

510
00:21:23,761 --> 00:21:25,201
Speaker 3: Oh my god, that guy was so bad.

511
00:21:25,321 --> 00:21:28,640
Speaker 1: We've seen him multiple times. This is totally going off conversation,

512
00:21:28,761 --> 00:21:31,001
Speaker 1: but like we were literally doing staff. He'd followed us

513
00:21:31,001 --> 00:21:33,041
Speaker 1: around the gym, to be honest, like each place we

514
00:21:33,080 --> 00:21:35,200
Speaker 1: went to for the different machinery. And then we were

515
00:21:35,241 --> 00:21:36,961
Speaker 1: doing step ups and I was like, we could see

516
00:21:37,041 --> 00:21:40,401
Speaker 1: in the reflection he was standing behind us, not even training,

517
00:21:40,721 --> 00:21:42,921
Speaker 1: not doing anything, staring at us. And we could see

518
00:21:42,921 --> 00:21:45,080
Speaker 1: in the reflection as we're stepping up in like Tiana,

519
00:21:45,441 --> 00:21:47,921
Speaker 1: he's looking at Oh my god, he's smiling, so put

520
00:21:47,961 --> 00:21:49,321
Speaker 1: my weight down. I turned around. I said, can you

521
00:21:49,360 --> 00:21:52,281
Speaker 1: please stop staring at us? Oh? And he's like, oh yeah, yeah.

522
00:21:52,360 --> 00:21:54,640
Speaker 1: I was like, stop looking at us, and then he

523
00:21:54,681 --> 00:21:57,200
Speaker 1: went into whatever he is doing. But it was just

524
00:21:57,201 --> 00:21:59,041
Speaker 1: like we fear our safety all the time in the

525
00:21:59,080 --> 00:22:01,081
Speaker 1: car park in the dark, Like I would even take

526
00:22:01,080 --> 00:22:03,561
Speaker 1: the garbage bin out at night, yeah, like no, it's

527
00:22:03,561 --> 00:22:04,041
Speaker 1: too dark.

528
00:22:04,201 --> 00:22:08,160
Speaker 2: I love walking in, but I don't go terrified. And

529
00:22:08,201 --> 00:22:11,200
Speaker 2: it's not something that I immediately think like that's something I

530
00:22:11,201 --> 00:22:12,920
Speaker 2: have freedom to do, because I'm like, well, I have

531
00:22:14,001 --> 00:22:16,161
Speaker 2: no I come put my headphones in. I can't leave

532
00:22:16,201 --> 00:22:18,321
Speaker 2: my hair all the way out, like I have to

533
00:22:18,360 --> 00:22:20,600
Speaker 2: turn even now in the day, I turned around and

534
00:22:20,600 --> 00:22:22,640
Speaker 2: I look behind me because I'm like always checking.

535
00:22:23,080 --> 00:22:23,601
Speaker 1: What about that.

536
00:22:23,561 --> 00:22:26,041
Speaker 3: Time we went out for dinner and that kid ran out.

537
00:22:25,921 --> 00:22:28,241
Speaker 1: Of the gardens screwing.

538
00:22:28,921 --> 00:22:31,360
Speaker 3: We both screamed that was terrifying.

539
00:22:32,241 --> 00:22:34,961
Speaker 2: We like both were walking and it was getting dark

540
00:22:35,001 --> 00:22:37,240
Speaker 2: and we were just having a conversation.

541
00:22:37,001 --> 00:22:39,120
Speaker 1: Around suthing like this. We were like.

542
00:22:39,521 --> 00:22:41,840
Speaker 2: Something about being scared and being the dark and like

543
00:22:41,921 --> 00:22:44,880
Speaker 2: something to do with danger right for our safety, and

544
00:22:44,921 --> 00:22:47,200
Speaker 2: this kid who didn't look like a kid he was

545
00:22:47,241 --> 00:22:49,240
Speaker 2: taller than both of us, with a bike helmet on

546
00:22:49,961 --> 00:22:52,240
Speaker 2: and a full black outfit, ran out of the bushes

547
00:22:52,241 --> 00:22:54,120
Speaker 2: in front of us, us and in front of us

548
00:22:54,281 --> 00:22:56,561
Speaker 2: like to scare us, and we both like screamed and

549
00:22:56,600 --> 00:22:58,600
Speaker 2: like just freaked freaked out.

550
00:22:58,840 --> 00:23:01,321
Speaker 1: It was terrifying. Yeah. I remember being at out Tony

551
00:23:01,360 --> 00:23:03,960
Speaker 1: Robbins course and there was like probably five thousand people

552
00:23:04,120 --> 00:23:06,960
Speaker 1: in the room him and he was talking about this

553
00:23:07,041 --> 00:23:10,561
Speaker 1: how important safety is for women, and he said, hands up. Women,

554
00:23:11,160 --> 00:23:14,121
Speaker 1: if you've been scared in the last seven days. Ever

555
00:23:14,201 --> 00:23:16,840
Speaker 1: put the hands up. Men, put your hand up. If

556
00:23:16,880 --> 00:23:18,761
Speaker 1: you felt scared in the last year, no one put

557
00:23:18,761 --> 00:23:21,160
Speaker 1: the hand up. They did not put their hands up. Wow,

558
00:23:21,321 --> 00:23:23,561
Speaker 1: women fear their safety all the time. And having a

559
00:23:23,640 --> 00:23:28,160
Speaker 1: daughter now, I am fucking petrified. And I asked Steve

560
00:23:28,160 --> 00:23:29,680
Speaker 1: to him, like, when's the last year we got scared.

561
00:23:29,681 --> 00:23:32,080
Speaker 1: He's like, I can't even tell you. No, I don't

562
00:23:32,080 --> 00:23:34,841
Speaker 1: get scared. I'm like, god, yeah, And.

563
00:23:34,880 --> 00:23:37,281
Speaker 2: Like women's nervous system are like constantly in the final

564
00:23:37,400 --> 00:23:38,880
Speaker 2: flight because it just like and.

565
00:23:38,801 --> 00:23:40,681
Speaker 1: We'll nurture to take care of our young as well,

566
00:23:41,080 --> 00:23:44,240
Speaker 1: whether that's fur babies or your actual babies. Like if

567
00:23:44,241 --> 00:23:47,160
Speaker 1: Steve's in the house, someone high alert. I am planning

568
00:23:47,201 --> 00:23:49,160
Speaker 1: my escape. I'm planning where my kid's going to be

569
00:23:49,201 --> 00:23:52,920
Speaker 1: hidden in case someone breaks in. Like it's horrible, but

570
00:23:53,041 --> 00:23:53,921
Speaker 1: have kids, It's great.

571
00:23:56,400 --> 00:24:00,001
Speaker 2: Seriously, don't have kids.

572
00:24:00,281 --> 00:24:03,921
Speaker 1: I know the prison cons Yeah. Oh, we just thought

573
00:24:03,921 --> 00:24:05,721
Speaker 1: that'd be a cool conversation talk about because I know

574
00:24:05,761 --> 00:24:07,600
Speaker 1: there's so many women out there that are on the fence,

575
00:24:07,921 --> 00:24:10,201
Speaker 1: aren't sure. Yeah, I think that's the big conversation.

576
00:24:10,441 --> 00:24:11,840
Speaker 3: Is Like I've been on.

577
00:24:11,721 --> 00:24:14,080
Speaker 2: The I don't know train, yeah, and I've been like

578
00:24:14,360 --> 00:24:15,201
Speaker 2: do I want kids?

579
00:24:15,241 --> 00:24:16,120
Speaker 3: Do I not want kids?

580
00:24:16,160 --> 00:24:17,761
Speaker 2: And I've been doing that since I was like eighteen,

581
00:24:18,400 --> 00:24:20,160
Speaker 2: you know, So that's like I've been doing this for

582
00:24:20,201 --> 00:24:23,281
Speaker 2: like almost a decade now, being like is this something

583
00:24:23,321 --> 00:24:26,120
Speaker 2: that I'm gonna want for myself or not? And either

584
00:24:26,160 --> 00:24:29,201
Speaker 2: way so amazing. Yeah, whatever it is that you choose,

585
00:24:29,201 --> 00:24:31,441
Speaker 2: what I choose, beautiful. Ever it is that feels right

586
00:24:31,481 --> 00:24:34,801
Speaker 2: for you is perfect for you. But it's just accessing

587
00:24:34,840 --> 00:24:37,880
Speaker 2: discernment of like whether that decision is coming from you

588
00:24:38,001 --> 00:24:40,961
Speaker 2: or it's being influenced by people around you. And also

589
00:24:41,041 --> 00:24:43,801
Speaker 2: like really sitting with yourself, like have you asked yourself

590
00:24:43,840 --> 00:24:46,000
Speaker 2: the question and listen to your inner guidance of like,

591
00:24:46,681 --> 00:24:48,920
Speaker 2: is this something that I might want? Would I regret

592
00:24:49,001 --> 00:24:51,441
Speaker 2: not having them? Getting clear with yourself yes.

593
00:24:51,640 --> 00:24:53,801
Speaker 1: Thanks so much for joining us. If you love this episode,

594
00:24:53,840 --> 00:24:56,120
Speaker 1: sharing around, don't get to join our Facebook forum. Just

595
00:24:56,160 --> 00:24:59,001
Speaker 1: search sheep rises on Facebook. Come and extend the conversation

596
00:24:59,281 --> 00:25:02,121
Speaker 1: chat with like minded women. It's beautiful and we will

597
00:25:02,160 --> 00:25:11,080
Speaker 1: see you in next episode. Bye bye,