Speaker 1: Hello, team, I hope you're will so put up your hand.
Speaker 1: If you're a people pleaser, I can see a few hands.
Speaker 1: Put your hand back up. If that is not working
Speaker 1: for you, I see all the same hands. Put up
Speaker 1: your hand. If that's shit for you, I see all
Speaker 1: the same hands. We'll do it a bit, or we've
Speaker 1: all done it. Some of us are chronic people pleases,
Speaker 1: and there was I know, this seems hard to believe
Speaker 1: that I would ever be a people pleaser, that you
Speaker 1: would think, No, you would never have been a people
Speaker 1: pleaser because you are an outspoken, confrontational, fucking prick. I
Speaker 1: know I'm not, though, but I can understand why some
Speaker 1: people might think that. But there were definitely periods, like
Speaker 1: long periods of my life when I was young and
Speaker 1: even more insecure. Hard to believe, I know, but even
Speaker 1: more insecure, more riddled with doubt, more riddled with trap,
Speaker 1: self esteem, desperate for a version of love, connection, acceptance,
Speaker 1: be being wanted, being needed, being valued, being respected, belonging
Speaker 1: to a group, a social grouper, a work group, any
Speaker 1: fucking group. The fat only child from Latro Valley. Of course,
Speaker 1: of course I was a people pleaser. Of course I
Speaker 1: was a people pleaser. I wanted to keep my dad happy.
Speaker 1: You know what's funny too, is when I want to
Speaker 1: keep my mum happy, but you it's easier to keep
Speaker 1: happy my dad. Fucking he fuck batman, trying to get
Speaker 1: that bloke's approval, love him, still love him, but still
Speaker 1: to this day, thank god, thank god I got over that.
Speaker 1: Otherwise I'd still be on the old seeking bloody validation
Speaker 1: and approval from Rondo. And that's an exhausting one, the
Speaker 1: people pleasing train that goes nowhere, that just goes around
Speaker 1: in circles and uphills and downhills, and it's just fucking
Speaker 1: full of pain. But anyway, so I did that for
Speaker 1: a very long time, and I looked for approval and
Speaker 1: validation through trying to keep everyone in my world a
Speaker 1: little bit in love with me or liking me, or
Speaker 1: And when I say in love, I don't mean in love.
Speaker 1: I just meant loving me, like liking me, wanting me
Speaker 1: to be around. And that insecurity of mind, that disease,
Speaker 1: I think people pleasing is a disease. It's a disease
Speaker 1: of the mind and of the emotions. It's a disease
Speaker 1: of low self esteem and of insecurity and of self doubt,
Speaker 1: and of perceived in adequacy and perceived unworthiness, not good enough, itis,
Speaker 1: all fear based stuff. And I had all of that,
Speaker 1: and so I was always I was always trying to
Speaker 1: keep everyone happy. I was trying to keep my clients happy.
Speaker 1: I was trying to keep my family and friends happy.
Speaker 1: I was the kind of for a very long time,
Speaker 1: I was captain compliance whatever, whatever people would need or want,
Speaker 1: I'd be that guy that would accommodate. I remember when
Speaker 1: I first started, So remember I'm sixty. So when I
Speaker 1: first started personal training and I started training clients, I
Speaker 1: set up my first center at twenty six, started working
Speaker 1: in gyms at eighteen as an instructor, and all that
Speaker 1: stuff which you know. But I actually started one on
Speaker 1: one coaching or training personal training in nineteen eighty six,
Speaker 1: the ripe old age of twenty three, and so I
Speaker 1: was still a baby. I was a big fucking baby,
Speaker 1: as in I was physically quite large. But while I
Speaker 1: was quite developed physically, I was not really super developed
Speaker 1: emotionally and sociologically and psychologically. Perhaps I was insecure. I
Speaker 1: never wanted to piss anyone off. I never wanted to
Speaker 1: rub anyone up the wrong way. I never wanted to
Speaker 1: be rejected. I never wanted someone to not like me,
Speaker 1: you know, And even until I would say, this is
Speaker 1: a really interesting well I think it's interesting. You might not,
Speaker 1: but this is a really interesting fact or occurrence, regular occurrence,
Speaker 1: and see if this resonates with you. So me as
Speaker 1: a speaker, me as an author, as a kind of
Speaker 1: a mildly public per you know, I'm always getting feedback.
Speaker 1: And if I put up a post and I say something,
Speaker 1: you know, on whatever platform, and twenty five people go yeah,
Speaker 1: and then one person goes, you're a fucking idiot. Which
Speaker 1: out of those twenty six responses, the twenty five positive
Speaker 1: and the one negative, what do you think has more
Speaker 1: impact on me and my emotional system the one or
Speaker 1: the twenty five. Of course it's the fucking one. Because
Speaker 1: I want to keep that dude that doesn't know me,
Speaker 1: that doesn't care about me, that doesn't like me. I
Speaker 1: want him to approve. Not so much these days, but
Speaker 1: for a long time in my life. And if I'm
Speaker 1: being completely transparent and honest here, does it still bother me?
Speaker 1: It doesn't bothers me a little. But it's a one
Speaker 1: or two on the one to ten bothering scale that
Speaker 1: I just invented ten being all the bother I can't sleep,
Speaker 1: I'm anxious. What the fuck? How can I fix this
Speaker 1: to ten? On the ones ten by the scale? My
Speaker 1: current level of bothering or bother with those things tends
Speaker 1: to be very low, and I understand it. I've come
Speaker 1: to accept it, of course, because you have to, because
Speaker 1: it's an ever present reality. It doesn't matter how hard
Speaker 1: you try with people, there will always be people that
Speaker 1: won't like you, won't align with you, will be critical
Speaker 1: of you, and so on and so on. By the way,
Speaker 1: they're not always wrong. I know that's shocking to think,
Speaker 1: but some of the people over the years that have
Speaker 1: been critical of me or highlighted flaws or faults or mistakes,
Speaker 1: some of them were right right of course, of course.
Speaker 1: So we need to be we need to be open
Speaker 1: minded in that way to realize that we're not flawless,
Speaker 1: we're not perfect, we're not always right, of course. But
Speaker 1: now let's go back to this incessant desire that many
Speaker 1: of us have. What is that about? What is that about?
Speaker 1: Where does that come from? That? So let's see what.
Speaker 1: Let me put on my specs, so I love doing
Speaker 1: a little bit of So everything I'm sharing with you
Speaker 1: is not from the internet. It's not from chat GPT.
Speaker 1: It's all my experience and my thoughts and insights. But
Speaker 1: what I'm about to read from you is from chat GPT.
Speaker 1: I wanted to see just what they said, so I
Speaker 1: typed in what's people pleasing? And it said, and this
Speaker 1: is kind of obvious. People pleasing as a behavior pattern.
Speaker 2: I would have said behavioral, but they say behavior behavior
Speaker 2: anyway a behavior pattern where an individual goes to great
Speaker 2: lengths to satisfy others, often at the expense of their
Speaker 2: own needs, desires, or well be I would have said
Speaker 2: and or well beg but anyway or well being.
Speaker 1: I agree with that people pleasers tend to seek validation, approval,
Speaker 1: and acceptance from others. That was me, that's been made
Speaker 1: for a long time. I consistently accommodating others expectations to
Speaker 1: avoid conflict. This behavior can stem from a fear of rejection,
Speaker 1: from low self esteem, or a desire to be liked,
Speaker 1: but over time it can also lead to feelings of resentment, stress,
Speaker 1: and burn out due to the constant suppression of personal
Speaker 1: boundaries and needs. Now I'm going to say I'm not
Speaker 1: mad at that. I think that's like quite comprehensive and
Speaker 1: quite accurate. It's a challenge. It's a challenge for us
Speaker 1: to because we all want to be liked, right, none
Speaker 1: of us don't want to be liked. But I think
Speaker 1: we think that the more accommodating we are, the more
Speaker 1: compliant we are, the more we're saying yep, sure, okay, fine,
Speaker 1: no worries, all right, no problem. Yes, the more we're
Speaker 1: doing that, the more people are going to love us
Speaker 1: and like us. I don't believe that's true, by the way.
Speaker 1: I believe that the more hyper compliant and hyper accommodating
Speaker 1: you are, the less people will respect you, and the
Speaker 1: more people will exploit you. Not all people, but some people.
Speaker 1: You know, and I know that there are people that
Speaker 1: you and I only hear from finish that sentence correct
Speaker 1: when they want something. You know that. I know that
Speaker 1: there are people that when I see their number, well,
Speaker 1: let's be honest, I've taken a lot of them out,
Speaker 1: so the number is not in and they've gotten the
Speaker 1: old blocker rooney, but fuck it. But there are still
Speaker 1: people that and I don't these are not obviously, there's
Speaker 1: no one that I hate in my By the way,
Speaker 1: I don't hate anyone. I just won't let myself be exploited.
Speaker 1: I'm happy to help people, and I consciously choose to
Speaker 1: help a whole bunch of people because I believe that
Speaker 1: I need to have a purpose and a focus bigger
Speaker 1: than me. And that's cool. But that's not the same
Speaker 1: as somebody taking the pierce and somebody psychologically and emotionally
Speaker 1: exploiting you or me on a constant, consistent, or reoccurring basis.
Speaker 1: You can be kind. You can be kind, you can
Speaker 1: be generous, and you can also say, either literally or metaphorically,
Speaker 1: fuck off. It doesn't need to be one or the other.
Speaker 1: You can be kind, generous, loving, compassionate, have an awareness
Speaker 1: bigger than you without being a people pleaser. We say
Speaker 1: yes quite often out of fear. If I say no,
Speaker 1: what will happen? Well, generally fuck all. It depends, of course,
Speaker 1: lots of variables around that. But we say yes out
Speaker 1: of fear, out of guilts, out of disc umfit. Like
Speaker 1: we we oh, fuck, I want to be comfortable and
Speaker 1: if I say no, it's going to make it awkward.
Speaker 1: It's gonna be oh, it's going to be uncomfortable and yeah,
Speaker 1: but when you say yes and you don't want to
Speaker 1: say yes. Now, I'm not talking about being selfish here,
Speaker 1: I'm talking about being smart socially wise. I'm talking about
Speaker 1: looking after you. When you say yes to something that
Speaker 1: you actually want to say no to. What you're doing
Speaker 1: is you're telling people, in no uncertain terms, hey, you
Speaker 1: can manipulate me. Hey, you can guilt me into pretty
Speaker 1: much fucking anything. And when we say yes because we
Speaker 1: feel guilty, or we feel uncomfortable to say no, or
Speaker 1: because we know that they expect a yes, or because
Speaker 1: we're doing it because we need to belong or we
Speaker 1: want to belong, we want to fit in, we want
Speaker 1: to be okay. So that's coming that's coming from a
Speaker 1: place of weakness, not kindness. Let me say that in
Speaker 1: no uncertain terms, people pleasing is weakness, not kindness. Like
Speaker 1: I said, you can be a compassionate, kind, aware, evolved,
Speaker 1: empathetic human who loves and serves people without being a
Speaker 1: people pleaser, also with a capacity to say no. And
Speaker 1: not only that, not only can you say no when
Speaker 1: they go, oh, how come, you can say because I
Speaker 1: don't want to so when. And I've told this story
Speaker 1: a few times, but years ago I had this this
Speaker 1: friend of mine, and we don't see much much of
Speaker 1: each other anymore, not not for any terrible reason, but literally,
Speaker 1: this dude asked me to go.
Speaker 3: Bowling with where Oh funny bowling? Anyway, he asked me
Speaker 3: to go bowling. I'm like, nah, like, we're going bowling,
Speaker 3: a bunch of us going Friday this night. Do you
Speaker 3: want to come? I go no, nah, thanks. He's like,
Speaker 3: what do you got on? And I go nothing. He goes, oh, well,
Speaker 3: that's hurtful, that's offensive, and I go, no, it's not.
Speaker 3: And I said, I said eventually, after a bunch of
Speaker 3: you know, kind of like him not getting the hint,
Speaker 3: which is cool, I said, look, here's the drill. Your
Speaker 3: question is do I want to go bowling? My honest
Speaker 3: answer is I do not. Nothing about me wants to
Speaker 3: go bowling. I give you another twenty reasons why, but
Speaker 3: I don't want to go bowling. And I don't want
Speaker 3: to say yes to you just to tell you what
Speaker 3: you want to hear. And I fuck up my Friday
Speaker 3: nights and I go somewhere and do a thing that
Speaker 3: I don't have much free time, and Friday night is
Speaker 3: my free time.
Speaker 1: So no, do I like you? Yes? Would I go
Speaker 1: have a coffee with you or a lunch with you
Speaker 1: or something? If I ate lunch, I would? But do
Speaker 1: you want to want to go bowling? Though? And he's like, okay, cool. Now.
Speaker 1: My intention in that story or in that moment was
Speaker 1: not to hurt his feelings, was not to be unsocial,
Speaker 1: anti social, It was not to reject him. It's just like,
Speaker 1: here's the thing if at some stage we don't say
Speaker 1: to people, no, well, how come well, because I'm fucking
Speaker 1: forty five years old and I don't want to go,
Speaker 1: So that's okay. And by the way, I don't need
Speaker 1: your permission. I don't need to explain. I don't need
Speaker 1: to get uncomfortable, and you don't need to get offended.
Speaker 1: Now you might say, but Craig, I'm part of a couple,
Speaker 1: I have a partner, and there are times I'm saying yes.
Speaker 1: Of course, then you need to make a judgment call
Speaker 1: I don't have a partner, and so this is a
Speaker 1: different thing. So for me in that situation, my intention
Speaker 1: is not to hurt anyone's feelings. My intention is not
Speaker 1: to reject mister bowling. It's not that, it's just that
Speaker 1: I don't want to go, So I'm not going to
Speaker 1: be the people pleaser that tells him, sure, i'll see
Speaker 1: you at seven, just because I'm not courageous enough or
Speaker 1: confident enough or sure of myself enough to say no,
Speaker 1: thank you. Anyway, I appreciate the offer. I hope you
Speaker 1: guys have a great time, but I'm not going fucking bowling.
Speaker 1: And it's okay. This propensity that we have to do
Speaker 1: things that we actually don't want to do. Now, I'm
Speaker 1: not talking about being selfish here. I'm talking about with
Speaker 1: examples like that. Also, when you know, like I don't
Speaker 1: know how many times I was going to say a thousand,
Speaker 1: it might not be a thousand, but it might be.
Speaker 1: But literally hundreds of times in my life I have
Speaker 1: had a version of the same commentation with people, and
Speaker 1: that is booze have a beer, No, thank you, They
Speaker 1: just have a sip. No, I'm good, thank you. Really,
Speaker 1: this is what happens. Well, how would you even know
Speaker 1: if you like it? If you won't have a sip? Well,
Speaker 1: I don't care if I like it or not. I
Speaker 1: don't want to drink alcohol, but thank you, and it escalates,
Speaker 1: and it can for some people, I'm sure, get more
Speaker 1: and more uncomfortable. And I've had confrontations with people where
Speaker 1: they will not fucking stop and I go, okay, listen up, Champ.
Speaker 1: You're not listening. You asked me four times. I said
Speaker 1: no four times. Let me be fucking clear. You can
Speaker 1: drink all the booze and I don't care what you drink.
Speaker 1: You can eat all the joke, you can do whatever
Speaker 1: you want, but I'm not drinking alcohol. Well, please be
Speaker 1: respectful because you are making this a problem now, not me.
Speaker 1: If you had have said, hey, mate, do you want
Speaker 1: to beer? And I go, no, I don't want to beer.
Speaker 1: I don't drink, but thank you, and you went cool,
Speaker 1: no problems, We're good. But you didn't do that. You
Speaker 1: went just have one, and I went the second time, no,
Speaker 1: don't want one, thank you, and you go, mate, just
Speaker 1: try it. You don't know. Third time no, and then
Speaker 1: fourth time. Now you're starting to fuck me off, and
Speaker 1: you created this problem. I'm not going to do something
Speaker 1: that I don't want to do to make you feel
Speaker 1: okay about what you're doing to your body. People pleasing,
Speaker 1: I'm going to say it again, is weakness not kindness.
Speaker 1: There are times when you really need to stand up
Speaker 1: for you and be okay with it. You can say no.
Speaker 1: And if you feel uncomfortable saying no, I'm not talking about,
Speaker 1: you know, something where you're refusing to help somebody who
Speaker 1: needs We're not talking about that. We're talking about people
Speaker 1: trying to manipulate or coerce or take advantage of you
Speaker 1: in a way that doesn't sit with your values or
Speaker 1: your best interest. You know. The thing too, is think
Speaker 1: about this. It's actually in some people's interest and you,
Speaker 1: a person might come to mind, it's in some people's
Speaker 1: interest for you to be a people pleaser because you
Speaker 1: being a people pleaser, especially if they're in your orbit,
Speaker 1: and especially if they have some control, some influence, and
Speaker 1: they have an ability to exploit your ah vulnerability or
Speaker 1: your need to please, then they're going to take advantage
Speaker 1: of That's a fucking great You become a valuable resource
Speaker 1: for them because they can get you to do shit
Speaker 1: that they don't want to do, and they can get
Speaker 1: you to do shit that suits them that also you
Speaker 1: don't want to do, but you're too scared to say no.
Speaker 1: Here's the thing. If people are being self interested and selfish,
Speaker 1: and they're coercing and manipulating you, and you say no,
Speaker 1: you can't use or manipulate or exploit me, and they
Speaker 1: get fucked off because of that. Guess what they are
Speaker 1: not a friend. That's not a friend. That's not love,
Speaker 1: that's not kindness, that's not friendship. That's coercion, that's manipulation,
Speaker 1: that's a self interested fuck That's right. I said it
Speaker 1: taking advantage of you. You do not need these people
Speaker 1: in your life that are going to use and abuse
Speaker 1: and manipulate you. Will it be hard. I'm not saying
Speaker 1: fucking do a social clean out tomorrow. I'm not saying
Speaker 1: create chaos in the next day or two. I'm saying
Speaker 1: about what I am saying, And if it doesn't make
Speaker 1: sense to you or it seems wrong, ignore me, ignore me.
Speaker 1: But if what I'm saying makes sense and it rings
Speaker 1: true and it resonates, maybe maybe it's time for you
Speaker 1: to step up a little bit. People that use and
Speaker 1: abuse you they are they are ungrateful. They have an
Speaker 1: ungrateful and insatiable appetite for your compliance. And if you
Speaker 1: let them, they will make you a character in their story.
Speaker 1: They will make you a character in their story. You
Speaker 1: won't be writing your own story, in living out your
Speaker 1: own dreams and goals and aspirations, because you're going to
Speaker 1: be too fucking busy trying to fit in with them
Speaker 1: to you know, help perpetuate what they want, what they need.
Speaker 1: And you know what, doesn't matter how hard you work
Speaker 1: at trying to be the people pleaser, they won't appreciate you.
Speaker 1: They won't be grateful for you. And the moment that
Speaker 1: you are not this pawn in their game, this character
Speaker 1: in the story, the moment that you say no. Not
Speaker 1: for everyone. Some people might have a bit of a
Speaker 1: fucking epiphany or a light bulb moment and go, shit,
Speaker 1: maybe I have been using you and maybe, hopefully, hopefully
Speaker 1: they're better than that, and you can go, hey, here's
Speaker 1: the deal, I feel like this, and they might have
Speaker 1: an epiphany and they might say sorry. But there's also
Speaker 1: a big chance that they'll get fucked off at you
Speaker 1: because you're not doing what they want now. And when
Speaker 1: you're doing what they want, when you're trying to keep
Speaker 1: them happy, meet their needs and play a role in
Speaker 1: their bloody story, then you're super valuable and you're worth
Speaker 1: keeping around. But If you're not any value anymore, if
Speaker 1: you're not any service anymore, then why the fuck would
Speaker 1: I keep you around. It's not about being selfish. In fact,
Speaker 1: it's about being kind to your capitalists self, the self
Speaker 1: that is you. It's about you loving you. And what
Speaker 1: will happen is if you are perpetually the people pleaser,
Speaker 1: a couple of things will happen. They will people will
Speaker 1: some people will exploit you, use abuse, manipulate, coerce, and
Speaker 1: control you for as long as possible until you know
Speaker 1: use or value anymore. That's gonna happen. If you allow
Speaker 1: that and to you'll be fucking exhausted. You'll be frustrated,
Speaker 1: you'll be resentful because you might spend years trying to
Speaker 1: make this person happy that's never truly happy, because if
Speaker 1: they're happy and satisfied, then they lose the grip on you.
Speaker 1: And if you feel truly valued in all of that,
Speaker 1: then then they're losing. There's been there's been many people
Speaker 1: in my life, and this is there's no sow of
Speaker 1: grapes here. I don't feel sorry for me because also,
Speaker 1: by the way, there's been beautiful, amazing, generous, gorgeous people
Speaker 1: in my life. And there still are, right, but they've
Speaker 1: been There've been people over the years that I only
Speaker 1: hear from them when they want something. And I spoke
Speaker 1: about that before and you've experienced that too, And it's okay.
Speaker 1: I still help people, and even people that I only
Speaker 1: hear from them when they need something, I still help
Speaker 1: some of them and I do what I can, but
Speaker 1: it's not It's not my job to keep everyone in
Speaker 1: the world happy. You know, I've said this before, but
Speaker 1: one of my lectures at UNI said doctor Paul Calleri
Speaker 1: said to me, if you don't want to offend anyone
Speaker 1: or bother anyone, then say nothing, do nothing, be nothing,
Speaker 1: and stand for nothing, you know. And the truth is
Speaker 1: that when you stand for something, when you stand for yourself,
Speaker 1: when you say something, when you go nah, or how
Speaker 1: I don't want to. Yeah, here's the other thing. You're
Speaker 1: not fucking ten years old. You don't need to explain
Speaker 1: to people why you don't want to do something. In
Speaker 1: most situations. If we're talking about a work thing or something,
Speaker 1: that's different. But in terms of your personal sovereignty, you
Speaker 1: your energy, your body, your time, your life, you don't
Speaker 1: need acceptance and approval and validation because you're not ten
Speaker 1: years old. You're not holding up a painting that you
Speaker 1: just did and trying to get approval from people you
Speaker 1: don't need it. I remember when incoming story, incoming story,
Speaker 1: I remember when I I was the young personal trainer
Speaker 1: that I spoke about, and I just started my PT business.
Speaker 1: I was working in. I was working in a commercial gym,
Speaker 1: and then a year or two later, I started my
Speaker 1: own center and I had this brand new what was
Speaker 1: it about, two or three thousand square foot little studio
Speaker 1: which was you know, smallish but big enough for me.
Speaker 1: That was my first one, and I'd spend all the
Speaker 1: money in the world I had on gym equipment, and
Speaker 1: you know, I was in there and it was you know, well,
Speaker 1: it wasn't just me initially, it was me and a
Speaker 1: couple of trainers. There was at this stage, there was
Speaker 1: not even an accreditation or a course that you could
Speaker 1: do to become a qualified, registered, insured personal trainer. This
Speaker 1: is how long ago it was. Anyway, So I had
Speaker 1: this new business, I had rent to pay out landlord
Speaker 1: to keep happy. I had staff that I didn't fucking
Speaker 1: know how to run because I didn't really I wasn't,
Speaker 1: you know, I wasn't an amazing leader. I wasn't an
Speaker 1: amazing business person. I wasn't really amazing at anything. But
Speaker 1: I was pretty good at keeping my clients happy, right,
Speaker 1: And I was desperate to keep my clients happy. And
Speaker 1: that desperation to keep them happy. I think it's good
Speaker 1: to want to keep clients happy, but that can spill
Speaker 1: over from being a healthy pursuit to an unhealthy pursuit
Speaker 1: when I am turning myself inside out, upside down to
Speaker 1: try to keep everyone happy. And now I'm working a
Speaker 1: million hours a week. I'm exhausted, I'm not eating properly,
Speaker 1: I'm not recovering properly, I'm anxious, I'm overthinking, blah blah
Speaker 1: blah blah, and so on and so I remember, so
Speaker 1: I used to start working about five o'clock. Every day.
Speaker 1: I'd be at the gym at five, and if I
Speaker 1: wasn't training someone, at five, I'd be cleaning the gym,
Speaker 1: changing the bog rolls, you know, wiping down the equipment,
Speaker 1: cleaning the mirrors, doing a bit of admin or something.
Speaker 1: But every day, especially in the early years, I was
Speaker 1: there at five am. I was up at four or
Speaker 1: four point thirty, and every night or Nelly. Every night.
Speaker 1: I was there till nine o'clock at night. So these
Speaker 1: were stupidly long days, and so I would be busy.
Speaker 1: I would be training people until about twelve or one,
Speaker 1: pretty much back to back, and then i'd have a
Speaker 1: few hours which were not so chaotic, where I'd do
Speaker 1: other work, or try and get in a workout of
Speaker 1: my own, or try and fucking sleep for seven minutes,
Speaker 1: or eat some food or something. And on a regular basis, somebody. Now,
Speaker 1: let's say I had twelve to four with no PTE appointments,
Speaker 1: right or twelve to three, and one of my clients
Speaker 1: would want to train, it say one right in the middle.
Speaker 1: So that meant I couldn't really even leave the gym.
Speaker 1: I couldn't go home and chill out for you know.
Speaker 1: And whenever anyone wanted to train, I would just say yes.
Speaker 1: And I remember being so exhausted. So this one day,
Speaker 1: I won't say his full name, but I had a client.
Speaker 1: His name's David, and David I was very accommodating. He's
Speaker 1: a good client, good guy. But I had I'd been working.
Speaker 1: I think I'd been working from about five to about
Speaker 1: midday with no stops, so seven hours, and then I
Speaker 1: was going to work from four till I think nine
Speaker 1: or ten, so let's say another six hours, so thirteen
Speaker 1: hours for the day. And I had this four hour
Speaker 1: window where I could kind of whatever, catch up, eat,
Speaker 1: maybe try and have a sleep for an hour, chill
Speaker 1: out and anyway. So I had this four hour window.
Speaker 1: And the day before I trained him and he said,
Speaker 1: what have you got tomorrow? And I looked at he
Speaker 1: looked at my diary as well, and I was free
Speaker 1: between twelve and four, so he wanted to train at
Speaker 1: I think it was two o'clock or maybe one thirty,
Speaker 1: which was pretty much bang in the middle of my
Speaker 1: free time. And he goes he looks, He goes, I'll
Speaker 1: do one thirty, and I go, I can't. He's like,
Speaker 1: what do you mean. I go, I can't, and he's
Speaker 1: like oh, And I said to him and I always
Speaker 1: said yes. He goes, oh, I said, I've got other
Speaker 1: stuff to do. It's not in here, but I've got
Speaker 1: stuff to do. It's like, oh, what can you do?
Speaker 1: And I said, well, I could do twelve or I
Speaker 1: could do three, so that would tack on the end
Speaker 1: of my morning or start my afternoon. A bit earlier,
Speaker 1: but it would still give me a three hour break.
Speaker 1: And he went to my fucking amazement, cool, I'll do twelve.
Speaker 1: I went, Okay, see you at twelve. Now I had spent.
Speaker 1: And what was interesting was moving forward, I would still
Speaker 1: be accommodating to people, but if I would, if I
Speaker 1: would put some time aside, or I would make an
Speaker 1: arrangement that worked for me in terms of me maintaining
Speaker 1: my physical, mental, and emotional health, I would not compromise
Speaker 1: on that. And I would even even if if I had,
Speaker 1: say a two hour break in the day and it
Speaker 1: was only two hours and somebody was willing to buy
Speaker 1: one of those hours pay for that. Eventually I got
Speaker 1: to the point where I would say no, because that
Speaker 1: would almost mean out of a sixteen hour day, I
Speaker 1: was working fifteen of the six, which is not tenable,
Speaker 1: not doable. And what was interesting was the moment that
Speaker 1: I started to say no to clients in terms of
Speaker 1: not being the over the top, desperate, insecure please don't
Speaker 1: leave me people pleasing trainer, I just went nah. I
Speaker 1: was still nice, I still pilat, I still provide a
Speaker 1: great service, but I wasn't over the top accommodating, nobody
Speaker 1: complained at all. Nobody, And when I just went if
Speaker 1: i'd say oh, you can't, I go no. Nobody went,
Speaker 1: oh why can't you? And if they did, I'd go yeah,
Speaker 1: because I'm busy, and they'd go, all right, what can
Speaker 1: you do? I'd say I can do that, and nearly
Speaker 1: every time, if they could make it work, they'd go, sure,
Speaker 1: let's do that. So, even in the context of my
Speaker 1: own business, keeping people happy, building my brand, building my business,
Speaker 1: I learned early that being a an over the top
Speaker 1: people pleaser, not only is it not good for you
Speaker 1: for for all the reasons I've spoken about, but I
Speaker 1: also think being a people pleaser reeks of desperation, and
Speaker 1: I actually think it's bad for all the things upset already,
Speaker 1: but I actually think it's bad for business. Yes, you
Speaker 1: want to kind of underpromise and over deliver to a point,
Speaker 1: but you don't want to be that person who seems
Speaker 1: to be desperate for business. All right, So if you're
Speaker 1: a people pleaser, um, you've got something to think about
Speaker 1: and maybe something to do. Love your guts, but not
Speaker 1: in a people please every kind of way. Hah See
Speaker 1: tomorrow