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Speaker 1: Hello, team, I hope you're will so put up your hand.

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Speaker 1: If you're a people pleaser, I can see a few hands.

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Speaker 1: Put your hand back up. If that is not working

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Speaker 1: for you, I see all the same hands. Put up

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Speaker 1: your hand. If that's shit for you, I see all

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Speaker 1: the same hands. We'll do it a bit, or we've

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Speaker 1: all done it. Some of us are chronic people pleases,

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Speaker 1: and there was I know, this seems hard to believe

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Speaker 1: that I would ever be a people pleaser, that you

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Speaker 1: would think, No, you would never have been a people

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Speaker 1: pleaser because you are an outspoken, confrontational, fucking prick. I

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Speaker 1: know I'm not, though, but I can understand why some

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Speaker 1: people might think that. But there were definitely periods, like

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Speaker 1: long periods of my life when I was young and

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Speaker 1: even more insecure. Hard to believe, I know, but even

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Speaker 1: more insecure, more riddled with doubt, more riddled with trap,

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Speaker 1: self esteem, desperate for a version of love, connection, acceptance,

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Speaker 1: be being wanted, being needed, being valued, being respected, belonging

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Speaker 1: to a group, a social grouper, a work group, any

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Speaker 1: fucking group. The fat only child from Latro Valley. Of course,

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Speaker 1: of course I was a people pleaser. Of course I

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Speaker 1: was a people pleaser. I wanted to keep my dad happy.

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Speaker 1: You know what's funny too, is when I want to

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Speaker 1: keep my mum happy, but you it's easier to keep

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Speaker 1: happy my dad. Fucking he fuck batman, trying to get

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Speaker 1: that bloke's approval, love him, still love him, but still

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Speaker 1: to this day, thank god, thank god I got over that.

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Speaker 1: Otherwise I'd still be on the old seeking bloody validation

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Speaker 1: and approval from Rondo. And that's an exhausting one, the

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Speaker 1: people pleasing train that goes nowhere, that just goes around

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Speaker 1: in circles and uphills and downhills, and it's just fucking

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Speaker 1: full of pain. But anyway, so I did that for

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Speaker 1: a very long time, and I looked for approval and

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Speaker 1: validation through trying to keep everyone in my world a

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Speaker 1: little bit in love with me or liking me, or

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Speaker 1: And when I say in love, I don't mean in love.

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Speaker 1: I just meant loving me, like liking me, wanting me

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Speaker 1: to be around. And that insecurity of mind, that disease,

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Speaker 1: I think people pleasing is a disease. It's a disease

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Speaker 1: of the mind and of the emotions. It's a disease

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Speaker 1: of low self esteem and of insecurity and of self doubt,

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Speaker 1: and of perceived in adequacy and perceived unworthiness, not good enough, itis,

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Speaker 1: all fear based stuff. And I had all of that,

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Speaker 1: and so I was always I was always trying to

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Speaker 1: keep everyone happy. I was trying to keep my clients happy.

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Speaker 1: I was trying to keep my family and friends happy.

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Speaker 1: I was the kind of for a very long time,

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Speaker 1: I was captain compliance whatever, whatever people would need or want,

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Speaker 1: I'd be that guy that would accommodate. I remember when

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Speaker 1: I first started, So remember I'm sixty. So when I

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Speaker 1: first started personal training and I started training clients, I

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Speaker 1: set up my first center at twenty six, started working

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Speaker 1: in gyms at eighteen as an instructor, and all that

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Speaker 1: stuff which you know. But I actually started one on

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Speaker 1: one coaching or training personal training in nineteen eighty six,

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Speaker 1: the ripe old age of twenty three, and so I

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Speaker 1: was still a baby. I was a big fucking baby,

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Speaker 1: as in I was physically quite large. But while I

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Speaker 1: was quite developed physically, I was not really super developed

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Speaker 1: emotionally and sociologically and psychologically. Perhaps I was insecure. I

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Speaker 1: never wanted to piss anyone off. I never wanted to

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Speaker 1: rub anyone up the wrong way. I never wanted to

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Speaker 1: be rejected. I never wanted someone to not like me,

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Speaker 1: you know, And even until I would say, this is

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Speaker 1: a really interesting well I think it's interesting. You might not,

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Speaker 1: but this is a really interesting fact or occurrence, regular occurrence,

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Speaker 1: and see if this resonates with you. So me as

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Speaker 1: a speaker, me as an author, as a kind of

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Speaker 1: a mildly public per you know, I'm always getting feedback.

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Speaker 1: And if I put up a post and I say something,

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Speaker 1: you know, on whatever platform, and twenty five people go yeah,

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Speaker 1: and then one person goes, you're a fucking idiot. Which

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Speaker 1: out of those twenty six responses, the twenty five positive

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Speaker 1: and the one negative, what do you think has more

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Speaker 1: impact on me and my emotional system the one or

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Speaker 1: the twenty five. Of course it's the fucking one. Because

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Speaker 1: I want to keep that dude that doesn't know me,

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Speaker 1: that doesn't care about me, that doesn't like me. I

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Speaker 1: want him to approve. Not so much these days, but

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Speaker 1: for a long time in my life. And if I'm

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Speaker 1: being completely transparent and honest here, does it still bother me?

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Speaker 1: It doesn't bothers me a little. But it's a one

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Speaker 1: or two on the one to ten bothering scale that

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Speaker 1: I just invented ten being all the bother I can't sleep,

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Speaker 1: I'm anxious. What the fuck? How can I fix this

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Speaker 1: to ten? On the ones ten by the scale? My

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Speaker 1: current level of bothering or bother with those things tends

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Speaker 1: to be very low, and I understand it. I've come

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Speaker 1: to accept it, of course, because you have to, because

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Speaker 1: it's an ever present reality. It doesn't matter how hard

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Speaker 1: you try with people, there will always be people that

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Speaker 1: won't like you, won't align with you, will be critical

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Speaker 1: of you, and so on and so on. By the way,

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Speaker 1: they're not always wrong. I know that's shocking to think,

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Speaker 1: but some of the people over the years that have

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Speaker 1: been critical of me or highlighted flaws or faults or mistakes,

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Speaker 1: some of them were right right of course, of course.

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Speaker 1: So we need to be we need to be open

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Speaker 1: minded in that way to realize that we're not flawless,

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Speaker 1: we're not perfect, we're not always right, of course. But

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Speaker 1: now let's go back to this incessant desire that many

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Speaker 1: of us have. What is that about? What is that about?

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Speaker 1: Where does that come from? That? So let's see what.

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Speaker 1: Let me put on my specs, so I love doing

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Speaker 1: a little bit of So everything I'm sharing with you

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Speaker 1: is not from the internet. It's not from chat GPT.

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Speaker 1: It's all my experience and my thoughts and insights. But

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Speaker 1: what I'm about to read from you is from chat GPT.

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Speaker 1: I wanted to see just what they said, so I

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Speaker 1: typed in what's people pleasing? And it said, and this

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Speaker 1: is kind of obvious. People pleasing as a behavior pattern.

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Speaker 2: I would have said behavioral, but they say behavior behavior

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Speaker 2: anyway a behavior pattern where an individual goes to great

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Speaker 2: lengths to satisfy others, often at the expense of their

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Speaker 2: own needs, desires, or well be I would have said

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Speaker 2: and or well beg but anyway or well being.

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Speaker 1: I agree with that people pleasers tend to seek validation, approval,

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Speaker 1: and acceptance from others. That was me, that's been made

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Speaker 1: for a long time. I consistently accommodating others expectations to

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Speaker 1: avoid conflict. This behavior can stem from a fear of rejection,

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Speaker 1: from low self esteem, or a desire to be liked,

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Speaker 1: but over time it can also lead to feelings of resentment, stress,

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Speaker 1: and burn out due to the constant suppression of personal

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Speaker 1: boundaries and needs. Now I'm going to say I'm not

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Speaker 1: mad at that. I think that's like quite comprehensive and

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Speaker 1: quite accurate. It's a challenge. It's a challenge for us

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Speaker 1: to because we all want to be liked, right, none

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Speaker 1: of us don't want to be liked. But I think

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Speaker 1: we think that the more accommodating we are, the more

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Speaker 1: compliant we are, the more we're saying yep, sure, okay, fine,

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Speaker 1: no worries, all right, no problem. Yes, the more we're

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Speaker 1: doing that, the more people are going to love us

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Speaker 1: and like us. I don't believe that's true, by the way.

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Speaker 1: I believe that the more hyper compliant and hyper accommodating

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Speaker 1: you are, the less people will respect you, and the

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Speaker 1: more people will exploit you. Not all people, but some people.

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Speaker 1: You know, and I know that there are people that

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Speaker 1: you and I only hear from finish that sentence correct

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Speaker 1: when they want something. You know that. I know that

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Speaker 1: there are people that when I see their number, well,

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Speaker 1: let's be honest, I've taken a lot of them out,

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Speaker 1: so the number is not in and they've gotten the

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Speaker 1: old blocker rooney, but fuck it. But there are still

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Speaker 1: people that and I don't these are not obviously, there's

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Speaker 1: no one that I hate in my By the way,

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Speaker 1: I don't hate anyone. I just won't let myself be exploited.

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Speaker 1: I'm happy to help people, and I consciously choose to

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Speaker 1: help a whole bunch of people because I believe that

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Speaker 1: I need to have a purpose and a focus bigger

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Speaker 1: than me. And that's cool. But that's not the same

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Speaker 1: as somebody taking the pierce and somebody psychologically and emotionally

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Speaker 1: exploiting you or me on a constant, consistent, or reoccurring basis.

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Speaker 1: You can be kind. You can be kind, you can

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Speaker 1: be generous, and you can also say, either literally or metaphorically,

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Speaker 1: fuck off. It doesn't need to be one or the other.

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Speaker 1: You can be kind, generous, loving, compassionate, have an awareness

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Speaker 1: bigger than you without being a people pleaser. We say

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Speaker 1: yes quite often out of fear. If I say no,

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Speaker 1: what will happen? Well, generally fuck all. It depends, of course,

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Speaker 1: lots of variables around that. But we say yes out

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Speaker 1: of fear, out of guilts, out of disc umfit. Like

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Speaker 1: we we oh, fuck, I want to be comfortable and

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Speaker 1: if I say no, it's going to make it awkward.

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Speaker 1: It's gonna be oh, it's going to be uncomfortable and yeah,

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Speaker 1: but when you say yes and you don't want to

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Speaker 1: say yes. Now, I'm not talking about being selfish here,

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Speaker 1: I'm talking about being smart socially wise. I'm talking about

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Speaker 1: looking after you. When you say yes to something that

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Speaker 1: you actually want to say no to. What you're doing

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Speaker 1: is you're telling people, in no uncertain terms, hey, you

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Speaker 1: can manipulate me. Hey, you can guilt me into pretty

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Speaker 1: much fucking anything. And when we say yes because we

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Speaker 1: feel guilty, or we feel uncomfortable to say no, or

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Speaker 1: because we know that they expect a yes, or because

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Speaker 1: we're doing it because we need to belong or we

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Speaker 1: want to belong, we want to fit in, we want

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Speaker 1: to be okay. So that's coming that's coming from a

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Speaker 1: place of weakness, not kindness. Let me say that in

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Speaker 1: no uncertain terms, people pleasing is weakness, not kindness. Like

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Speaker 1: I said, you can be a compassionate, kind, aware, evolved,

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Speaker 1: empathetic human who loves and serves people without being a

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Speaker 1: people pleaser, also with a capacity to say no. And

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Speaker 1: not only that, not only can you say no when

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Speaker 1: they go, oh, how come, you can say because I

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Speaker 1: don't want to so when. And I've told this story

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Speaker 1: a few times, but years ago I had this this

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Speaker 1: friend of mine, and we don't see much much of

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Speaker 1: each other anymore, not not for any terrible reason, but literally,

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Speaker 1: this dude asked me to go.

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Speaker 3: Bowling with where Oh funny bowling? Anyway, he asked me

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Speaker 3: to go bowling. I'm like, nah, like, we're going bowling,

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Speaker 3: a bunch of us going Friday this night. Do you

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Speaker 3: want to come? I go no, nah, thanks. He's like,

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Speaker 3: what do you got on? And I go nothing. He goes, oh, well,

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Speaker 3: that's hurtful, that's offensive, and I go, no, it's not.

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Speaker 3: And I said, I said eventually, after a bunch of

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Speaker 3: you know, kind of like him not getting the hint,

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Speaker 3: which is cool, I said, look, here's the drill. Your

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Speaker 3: question is do I want to go bowling? My honest

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Speaker 3: answer is I do not. Nothing about me wants to

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Speaker 3: go bowling. I give you another twenty reasons why, but

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Speaker 3: I don't want to go bowling. And I don't want

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Speaker 3: to say yes to you just to tell you what

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Speaker 3: you want to hear. And I fuck up my Friday

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Speaker 3: nights and I go somewhere and do a thing that

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Speaker 3: I don't have much free time, and Friday night is

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Speaker 3: my free time.

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Speaker 1: So no, do I like you? Yes? Would I go

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Speaker 1: have a coffee with you or a lunch with you

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Speaker 1: or something? If I ate lunch, I would? But do

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Speaker 1: you want to want to go bowling? Though? And he's like, okay, cool. Now.

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Speaker 1: My intention in that story or in that moment was

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Speaker 1: not to hurt his feelings, was not to be unsocial,

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Speaker 1: anti social, It was not to reject him. It's just like,

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Speaker 1: here's the thing if at some stage we don't say

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Speaker 1: to people, no, well, how come well, because I'm fucking

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Speaker 1: forty five years old and I don't want to go,

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Speaker 1: So that's okay. And by the way, I don't need

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Speaker 1: your permission. I don't need to explain. I don't need

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Speaker 1: to get uncomfortable, and you don't need to get offended.

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Speaker 1: Now you might say, but Craig, I'm part of a couple,

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Speaker 1: I have a partner, and there are times I'm saying yes.

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Speaker 1: Of course, then you need to make a judgment call

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Speaker 1: I don't have a partner, and so this is a

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Speaker 1: different thing. So for me in that situation, my intention

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Speaker 1: is not to hurt anyone's feelings. My intention is not

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Speaker 1: to reject mister bowling. It's not that, it's just that

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Speaker 1: I don't want to go, So I'm not going to

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Speaker 1: be the people pleaser that tells him, sure, i'll see

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Speaker 1: you at seven, just because I'm not courageous enough or

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Speaker 1: confident enough or sure of myself enough to say no,

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Speaker 1: thank you. Anyway, I appreciate the offer. I hope you

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Speaker 1: guys have a great time, but I'm not going fucking bowling.

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Speaker 1: And it's okay. This propensity that we have to do

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Speaker 1: things that we actually don't want to do. Now, I'm

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Speaker 1: not talking about being selfish here. I'm talking about with

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Speaker 1: examples like that. Also, when you know, like I don't

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Speaker 1: know how many times I was going to say a thousand,

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Speaker 1: it might not be a thousand, but it might be.

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Speaker 1: But literally hundreds of times in my life I have

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Speaker 1: had a version of the same commentation with people, and

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Speaker 1: that is booze have a beer, No, thank you, They

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Speaker 1: just have a sip. No, I'm good, thank you. Really,

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Speaker 1: this is what happens. Well, how would you even know

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Speaker 1: if you like it? If you won't have a sip? Well,

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Speaker 1: I don't care if I like it or not. I

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Speaker 1: don't want to drink alcohol, but thank you, and it escalates,

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Speaker 1: and it can for some people, I'm sure, get more

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Speaker 1: and more uncomfortable. And I've had confrontations with people where

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Speaker 1: they will not fucking stop and I go, okay, listen up, Champ.

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Speaker 1: You're not listening. You asked me four times. I said

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Speaker 1: no four times. Let me be fucking clear. You can

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Speaker 1: drink all the booze and I don't care what you drink.

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Speaker 1: You can eat all the joke, you can do whatever

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Speaker 1: you want, but I'm not drinking alcohol. Well, please be

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Speaker 1: respectful because you are making this a problem now, not me.

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Speaker 1: If you had have said, hey, mate, do you want

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Speaker 1: to beer? And I go, no, I don't want to beer.

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Speaker 1: I don't drink, but thank you, and you went cool,

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Speaker 1: no problems, We're good. But you didn't do that. You

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Speaker 1: went just have one, and I went the second time, no,

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Speaker 1: don't want one, thank you, and you go, mate, just

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Speaker 1: try it. You don't know. Third time no, and then

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Speaker 1: fourth time. Now you're starting to fuck me off, and

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Speaker 1: you created this problem. I'm not going to do something

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Speaker 1: that I don't want to do to make you feel

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Speaker 1: okay about what you're doing to your body. People pleasing,

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Speaker 1: I'm going to say it again, is weakness not kindness.

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Speaker 1: There are times when you really need to stand up

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Speaker 1: for you and be okay with it. You can say no.

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Speaker 1: And if you feel uncomfortable saying no, I'm not talking about,

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Speaker 1: you know, something where you're refusing to help somebody who

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Speaker 1: needs We're not talking about that. We're talking about people

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Speaker 1: trying to manipulate or coerce or take advantage of you

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Speaker 1: in a way that doesn't sit with your values or

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Speaker 1: your best interest. You know. The thing too, is think

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Speaker 1: about this. It's actually in some people's interest and you,

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Speaker 1: a person might come to mind, it's in some people's

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Speaker 1: interest for you to be a people pleaser because you

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Speaker 1: being a people pleaser, especially if they're in your orbit,

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Speaker 1: and especially if they have some control, some influence, and

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Speaker 1: they have an ability to exploit your ah vulnerability or

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Speaker 1: your need to please, then they're going to take advantage

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Speaker 1: of That's a fucking great You become a valuable resource

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Speaker 1: for them because they can get you to do shit

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Speaker 1: that they don't want to do, and they can get

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Speaker 1: you to do shit that suits them that also you

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Speaker 1: don't want to do, but you're too scared to say no.

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Speaker 1: Here's the thing. If people are being self interested and selfish,

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Speaker 1: and they're coercing and manipulating you, and you say no,

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Speaker 1: you can't use or manipulate or exploit me, and they

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Speaker 1: get fucked off because of that. Guess what they are

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Speaker 1: not a friend. That's not a friend. That's not love,

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Speaker 1: that's not kindness, that's not friendship. That's coercion, that's manipulation,

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Speaker 1: that's a self interested fuck That's right. I said it

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Speaker 1: taking advantage of you. You do not need these people

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Speaker 1: in your life that are going to use and abuse

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Speaker 1: and manipulate you. Will it be hard. I'm not saying

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Speaker 1: fucking do a social clean out tomorrow. I'm not saying

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Speaker 1: create chaos in the next day or two. I'm saying

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Speaker 1: about what I am saying, And if it doesn't make

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Speaker 1: sense to you or it seems wrong, ignore me, ignore me.

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Speaker 1: But if what I'm saying makes sense and it rings

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Speaker 1: true and it resonates, maybe maybe it's time for you

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Speaker 1: to step up a little bit. People that use and

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Speaker 1: abuse you they are they are ungrateful. They have an

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Speaker 1: ungrateful and insatiable appetite for your compliance. And if you

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Speaker 1: let them, they will make you a character in their story.

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Speaker 1: They will make you a character in their story. You

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Speaker 1: won't be writing your own story, in living out your

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Speaker 1: own dreams and goals and aspirations, because you're going to

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Speaker 1: be too fucking busy trying to fit in with them

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Speaker 1: to you know, help perpetuate what they want, what they need.

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Speaker 1: And you know what, doesn't matter how hard you work

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Speaker 1: at trying to be the people pleaser, they won't appreciate you.

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Speaker 1: They won't be grateful for you. And the moment that

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Speaker 1: you are not this pawn in their game, this character

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Speaker 1: in the story, the moment that you say no. Not

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Speaker 1: for everyone. Some people might have a bit of a

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Speaker 1: fucking epiphany or a light bulb moment and go, shit,

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Speaker 1: maybe I have been using you and maybe, hopefully, hopefully

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Speaker 1: they're better than that, and you can go, hey, here's

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Speaker 1: the deal, I feel like this, and they might have

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Speaker 1: an epiphany and they might say sorry. But there's also

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Speaker 1: a big chance that they'll get fucked off at you

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Speaker 1: because you're not doing what they want now. And when

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Speaker 1: you're doing what they want, when you're trying to keep

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Speaker 1: them happy, meet their needs and play a role in

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Speaker 1: their bloody story, then you're super valuable and you're worth

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Speaker 1: keeping around. But If you're not any value anymore, if

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Speaker 1: you're not any service anymore, then why the fuck would

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Speaker 1: I keep you around. It's not about being selfish. In fact,

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Speaker 1: it's about being kind to your capitalists self, the self

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Speaker 1: that is you. It's about you loving you. And what

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Speaker 1: will happen is if you are perpetually the people pleaser,

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Speaker 1: a couple of things will happen. They will people will

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Speaker 1: some people will exploit you, use abuse, manipulate, coerce, and

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Speaker 1: control you for as long as possible until you know

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00:22:37,920 --> 00:22:41,600
Speaker 1: use or value anymore. That's gonna happen. If you allow

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00:22:41,640 --> 00:22:45,960
Speaker 1: that and to you'll be fucking exhausted. You'll be frustrated,

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Speaker 1: you'll be resentful because you might spend years trying to

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Speaker 1: make this person happy that's never truly happy, because if

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Speaker 1: they're happy and satisfied, then they lose the grip on you.

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Speaker 1: And if you feel truly valued in all of that,

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Speaker 1: then then they're losing. There's been there's been many people

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Speaker 1: in my life, and this is there's no sow of

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Speaker 1: grapes here. I don't feel sorry for me because also,

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Speaker 1: by the way, there's been beautiful, amazing, generous, gorgeous people

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Speaker 1: in my life. And there still are, right, but they've

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Speaker 1: been There've been people over the years that I only

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Speaker 1: hear from them when they want something. And I spoke

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Speaker 1: about that before and you've experienced that too, And it's okay.

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Speaker 1: I still help people, and even people that I only

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Speaker 1: hear from them when they need something, I still help

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Speaker 1: some of them and I do what I can, but

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Speaker 1: it's not It's not my job to keep everyone in

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Speaker 1: the world happy. You know, I've said this before, but

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Speaker 1: one of my lectures at UNI said doctor Paul Calleri

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Speaker 1: said to me, if you don't want to offend anyone

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Speaker 1: or bother anyone, then say nothing, do nothing, be nothing,

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Speaker 1: and stand for nothing, you know. And the truth is

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Speaker 1: that when you stand for something, when you stand for yourself,

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Speaker 1: when you say something, when you go nah, or how

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00:24:15,520 --> 00:24:18,480
Speaker 1: I don't want to. Yeah, here's the other thing. You're

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Speaker 1: not fucking ten years old. You don't need to explain

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Speaker 1: to people why you don't want to do something. In

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Speaker 1: most situations. If we're talking about a work thing or something,

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00:24:31,400 --> 00:24:36,000
Speaker 1: that's different. But in terms of your personal sovereignty, you

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00:24:36,000 --> 00:24:41,399
Speaker 1: your energy, your body, your time, your life, you don't

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Speaker 1: need acceptance and approval and validation because you're not ten

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Speaker 1: years old. You're not holding up a painting that you

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Speaker 1: just did and trying to get approval from people you

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Speaker 1: don't need it. I remember when incoming story, incoming story,

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Speaker 1: I remember when I I was the young personal trainer

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Speaker 1: that I spoke about, and I just started my PT business.

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00:25:05,480 --> 00:25:09,880
Speaker 1: I was working in. I was working in a commercial gym,

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Speaker 1: and then a year or two later, I started my

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Speaker 1: own center and I had this brand new what was

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Speaker 1: it about, two or three thousand square foot little studio

380
00:25:23,440 --> 00:25:27,320
Speaker 1: which was you know, smallish but big enough for me.

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Speaker 1: That was my first one, and I'd spend all the

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Speaker 1: money in the world I had on gym equipment, and

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Speaker 1: you know, I was in there and it was you know, well,

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Speaker 1: it wasn't just me initially, it was me and a

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Speaker 1: couple of trainers. There was at this stage, there was

386
00:25:40,160 --> 00:25:42,800
Speaker 1: not even an accreditation or a course that you could

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00:25:42,840 --> 00:25:46,760
Speaker 1: do to become a qualified, registered, insured personal trainer. This

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00:25:46,800 --> 00:25:50,360
Speaker 1: is how long ago it was. Anyway, So I had

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Speaker 1: this new business, I had rent to pay out landlord

390
00:25:52,640 --> 00:25:54,919
Speaker 1: to keep happy. I had staff that I didn't fucking

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Speaker 1: know how to run because I didn't really I wasn't,

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Speaker 1: you know, I wasn't an amazing leader. I wasn't an

393
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Speaker 1: amazing business person. I wasn't really amazing at anything. But

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Speaker 1: I was pretty good at keeping my clients happy, right,

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Speaker 1: And I was desperate to keep my clients happy. And

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00:26:14,600 --> 00:26:17,880
Speaker 1: that desperation to keep them happy. I think it's good

397
00:26:17,920 --> 00:26:20,960
Speaker 1: to want to keep clients happy, but that can spill

398
00:26:21,640 --> 00:26:24,800
Speaker 1: over from being a healthy pursuit to an unhealthy pursuit

399
00:26:25,600 --> 00:26:32,120
Speaker 1: when I am turning myself inside out, upside down to

400
00:26:32,160 --> 00:26:35,560
Speaker 1: try to keep everyone happy. And now I'm working a

401
00:26:35,600 --> 00:26:38,159
Speaker 1: million hours a week. I'm exhausted, I'm not eating properly,

402
00:26:38,160 --> 00:26:41,840
Speaker 1: I'm not recovering properly, I'm anxious, I'm overthinking, blah blah

403
00:26:41,840 --> 00:26:46,800
Speaker 1: blah blah, and so on and so I remember, so

404
00:26:46,840 --> 00:26:49,320
Speaker 1: I used to start working about five o'clock. Every day.

405
00:26:50,520 --> 00:26:52,480
Speaker 1: I'd be at the gym at five, and if I

406
00:26:52,560 --> 00:26:55,160
Speaker 1: wasn't training someone, at five, I'd be cleaning the gym,

407
00:26:55,320 --> 00:26:58,720
Speaker 1: changing the bog rolls, you know, wiping down the equipment,

408
00:26:58,760 --> 00:27:01,639
Speaker 1: cleaning the mirrors, doing a bit of admin or something.

409
00:27:01,680 --> 00:27:03,960
Speaker 1: But every day, especially in the early years, I was

410
00:27:04,000 --> 00:27:05,680
Speaker 1: there at five am. I was up at four or

411
00:27:05,680 --> 00:27:10,000
Speaker 1: four point thirty, and every night or Nelly. Every night.

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00:27:10,040 --> 00:27:12,200
Speaker 1: I was there till nine o'clock at night. So these

413
00:27:12,200 --> 00:27:15,280
Speaker 1: were stupidly long days, and so I would be busy.

414
00:27:15,320 --> 00:27:18,760
Speaker 1: I would be training people until about twelve or one,

415
00:27:18,960 --> 00:27:20,919
Speaker 1: pretty much back to back, and then i'd have a

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00:27:20,960 --> 00:27:23,520
Speaker 1: few hours which were not so chaotic, where I'd do

417
00:27:23,640 --> 00:27:27,359
Speaker 1: other work, or try and get in a workout of

418
00:27:27,359 --> 00:27:29,760
Speaker 1: my own, or try and fucking sleep for seven minutes,

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00:27:29,840 --> 00:27:34,959
Speaker 1: or eat some food or something. And on a regular basis, somebody. Now,

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00:27:35,040 --> 00:27:40,159
Speaker 1: let's say I had twelve to four with no PTE appointments,

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00:27:40,320 --> 00:27:43,159
Speaker 1: right or twelve to three, and one of my clients

422
00:27:43,200 --> 00:27:46,440
Speaker 1: would want to train, it say one right in the middle.

423
00:27:46,520 --> 00:27:48,640
Speaker 1: So that meant I couldn't really even leave the gym.

424
00:27:48,680 --> 00:27:50,520
Speaker 1: I couldn't go home and chill out for you know.

425
00:27:51,080 --> 00:27:54,359
Speaker 1: And whenever anyone wanted to train, I would just say yes.

426
00:27:55,640 --> 00:27:59,320
Speaker 1: And I remember being so exhausted. So this one day,

427
00:28:00,200 --> 00:28:01,960
Speaker 1: I won't say his full name, but I had a client.

428
00:28:02,000 --> 00:28:06,600
Speaker 1: His name's David, and David I was very accommodating. He's

429
00:28:06,600 --> 00:28:10,159
Speaker 1: a good client, good guy. But I had I'd been working.

430
00:28:10,200 --> 00:28:12,800
Speaker 1: I think I'd been working from about five to about

431
00:28:12,840 --> 00:28:15,840
Speaker 1: midday with no stops, so seven hours, and then I

432
00:28:15,880 --> 00:28:18,920
Speaker 1: was going to work from four till I think nine

433
00:28:19,000 --> 00:28:22,280
Speaker 1: or ten, so let's say another six hours, so thirteen

434
00:28:22,320 --> 00:28:24,680
Speaker 1: hours for the day. And I had this four hour

435
00:28:24,800 --> 00:28:31,160
Speaker 1: window where I could kind of whatever, catch up, eat,

436
00:28:31,720 --> 00:28:33,840
Speaker 1: maybe try and have a sleep for an hour, chill

437
00:28:33,880 --> 00:28:36,719
Speaker 1: out and anyway. So I had this four hour window.

438
00:28:37,720 --> 00:28:41,360
Speaker 1: And the day before I trained him and he said,

439
00:28:42,120 --> 00:28:45,360
Speaker 1: what have you got tomorrow? And I looked at he

440
00:28:45,400 --> 00:28:47,880
Speaker 1: looked at my diary as well, and I was free

441
00:28:47,920 --> 00:28:52,160
Speaker 1: between twelve and four, so he wanted to train at

442
00:28:52,240 --> 00:28:56,240
Speaker 1: I think it was two o'clock or maybe one thirty,

443
00:28:56,440 --> 00:28:58,600
Speaker 1: which was pretty much bang in the middle of my

444
00:28:58,680 --> 00:29:01,280
Speaker 1: free time. And he goes he looks, He goes, I'll

445
00:29:01,280 --> 00:29:03,800
Speaker 1: do one thirty, and I go, I can't. He's like,

446
00:29:04,160 --> 00:29:07,480
Speaker 1: what do you mean. I go, I can't, and he's

447
00:29:07,520 --> 00:29:10,840
Speaker 1: like oh, And I said to him and I always

448
00:29:10,920 --> 00:29:13,840
Speaker 1: said yes. He goes, oh, I said, I've got other

449
00:29:13,880 --> 00:29:15,320
Speaker 1: stuff to do. It's not in here, but I've got

450
00:29:15,360 --> 00:29:17,479
Speaker 1: stuff to do. It's like, oh, what can you do?

451
00:29:17,920 --> 00:29:20,640
Speaker 1: And I said, well, I could do twelve or I

452
00:29:20,640 --> 00:29:23,800
Speaker 1: could do three, so that would tack on the end

453
00:29:23,840 --> 00:29:25,880
Speaker 1: of my morning or start my afternoon. A bit earlier,

454
00:29:25,880 --> 00:29:28,200
Speaker 1: but it would still give me a three hour break.

455
00:29:28,600 --> 00:29:32,520
Speaker 1: And he went to my fucking amazement, cool, I'll do twelve.

456
00:29:32,600 --> 00:29:36,360
Speaker 1: I went, Okay, see you at twelve. Now I had spent.

457
00:29:36,480 --> 00:29:39,840
Speaker 1: And what was interesting was moving forward, I would still

458
00:29:39,840 --> 00:29:43,160
Speaker 1: be accommodating to people, but if I would, if I

459
00:29:43,200 --> 00:29:46,960
Speaker 1: would put some time aside, or I would make an

460
00:29:47,080 --> 00:29:50,200
Speaker 1: arrangement that worked for me in terms of me maintaining

461
00:29:50,200 --> 00:29:53,719
Speaker 1: my physical, mental, and emotional health, I would not compromise

462
00:29:53,760 --> 00:29:56,600
Speaker 1: on that. And I would even even if if I had,

463
00:29:56,640 --> 00:29:58,480
Speaker 1: say a two hour break in the day and it

464
00:29:58,560 --> 00:30:02,920
Speaker 1: was only two hours and somebody was willing to buy

465
00:30:02,960 --> 00:30:07,840
Speaker 1: one of those hours pay for that. Eventually I got

466
00:30:07,840 --> 00:30:11,080
Speaker 1: to the point where I would say no, because that

467
00:30:11,120 --> 00:30:13,840
Speaker 1: would almost mean out of a sixteen hour day, I

468
00:30:13,880 --> 00:30:16,720
Speaker 1: was working fifteen of the six, which is not tenable,

469
00:30:17,040 --> 00:30:19,640
Speaker 1: not doable. And what was interesting was the moment that

470
00:30:19,720 --> 00:30:22,320
Speaker 1: I started to say no to clients in terms of

471
00:30:22,400 --> 00:30:27,320
Speaker 1: not being the over the top, desperate, insecure please don't

472
00:30:27,400 --> 00:30:31,440
Speaker 1: leave me people pleasing trainer, I just went nah. I

473
00:30:31,600 --> 00:30:34,240
Speaker 1: was still nice, I still pilat, I still provide a

474
00:30:34,240 --> 00:30:39,600
Speaker 1: great service, but I wasn't over the top accommodating, nobody

475
00:30:39,640 --> 00:30:44,760
Speaker 1: complained at all. Nobody, And when I just went if

476
00:30:44,800 --> 00:30:48,240
Speaker 1: i'd say oh, you can't, I go no. Nobody went,

477
00:30:48,360 --> 00:30:52,600
Speaker 1: oh why can't you? And if they did, I'd go yeah,

478
00:30:52,680 --> 00:30:55,080
Speaker 1: because I'm busy, and they'd go, all right, what can

479
00:30:55,120 --> 00:30:57,520
Speaker 1: you do? I'd say I can do that, and nearly

480
00:30:57,640 --> 00:31:00,320
Speaker 1: every time, if they could make it work, they'd go, sure,

481
00:31:00,360 --> 00:31:03,760
Speaker 1: let's do that. So, even in the context of my

482
00:31:03,840 --> 00:31:07,600
Speaker 1: own business, keeping people happy, building my brand, building my business,

483
00:31:08,240 --> 00:31:13,120
Speaker 1: I learned early that being a an over the top

484
00:31:13,360 --> 00:31:15,760
Speaker 1: people pleaser, not only is it not good for you

485
00:31:16,240 --> 00:31:18,560
Speaker 1: for for all the reasons I've spoken about, but I

486
00:31:18,600 --> 00:31:23,400
Speaker 1: also think being a people pleaser reeks of desperation, and

487
00:31:23,480 --> 00:31:26,480
Speaker 1: I actually think it's bad for all the things upset already,

488
00:31:26,480 --> 00:31:29,920
Speaker 1: but I actually think it's bad for business. Yes, you

489
00:31:29,960 --> 00:31:32,600
Speaker 1: want to kind of underpromise and over deliver to a point,

490
00:31:33,400 --> 00:31:35,800
Speaker 1: but you don't want to be that person who seems

491
00:31:35,840 --> 00:31:40,719
Speaker 1: to be desperate for business. All right, So if you're

492
00:31:40,760 --> 00:31:45,520
Speaker 1: a people pleaser, um, you've got something to think about

493
00:31:45,720 --> 00:31:50,600
Speaker 1: and maybe something to do. Love your guts, but not

494
00:31:50,640 --> 00:31:54,520
Speaker 1: in a people please every kind of way. Hah See

495
00:31:54,560 --> 00:31:55,000
Speaker 1: tomorrow