WEBVTT - #131 Perfectly Imperfect: Inside the chaotic & comedic mind of Millie Ford 0:00:00.080 --> 0:00:03.000 I'm I Boris and this is straight talk. You're getting 0:00:03.000 --> 0:00:06.640 all this on? Yeah, we are. Millly Ford welcome straight talk. 0:00:06.800 --> 0:00:09.160 Thank you for having me, Mily Forward. 0:00:09.000 --> 0:00:12.600 The Singerly Forward, the actress about massive success in your TikTok? 0:00:13.200 --> 0:00:15.400 Do you think people relate to you because we are 0:00:15.520 --> 0:00:16.599 seek to death or perfection? 0:00:16.920 --> 0:00:20.279 One hundred and fifty percent. It's like, I am so 0:00:20.400 --> 0:00:23.560 chaotic and scatter brained, but it also gives me the 0:00:23.600 --> 0:00:28.560 ability to find humor in chaos and be relatable for people. 0:00:28.880 --> 0:00:32.120 I'm not living a perfect life and we need people 0:00:32.320 --> 0:00:35.720 to show the realities of life. Just be yourself. 0:00:36.479 --> 0:00:37.360 Can we talk about it? 0:00:37.440 --> 0:00:39.159 Yeah, I've only talked about to my family friends. It 0:00:39.200 --> 0:00:42.559 could be first So oh my gosh. We're getting very 0:00:42.600 --> 0:00:45.720 deep and it's like ten minutes in, like. 0:00:45.680 --> 0:00:49.080 We just to start. Lily Ford, welcome straight talk. 0:00:49.240 --> 0:00:50.360 Thank you for having me. 0:00:50.920 --> 0:00:53.000 You look great, Thank you. Can I just comment on 0:00:53.000 --> 0:00:53.320 your shoes? 0:00:53.400 --> 0:00:53.559 Yeah? 0:00:53.800 --> 0:00:55.600 Yeah, And we just talk for about five minutes. We 0:00:55.680 --> 0:00:57.200 might have got it on film, but we just talked 0:00:57.200 --> 0:00:59.720 about I've got to talk issues more imporn. I want 0:00:59.680 --> 0:01:00.480 to talk your socks. 0:01:00.480 --> 0:01:03.040 Okay, good because that was the one comment I made 0:01:03.040 --> 0:01:04.000 to myself coming in here. 0:01:04.240 --> 0:01:06.480 Here it is, I said. 0:01:06.760 --> 0:01:08.560 I also didn't tell my legs. I didn't think my 0:01:08.600 --> 0:01:10.199 feet were going to be shown on here. 0:01:11.000 --> 0:01:15.800 It's okay, but they're they're great, just like Chanel. That's 0:01:15.800 --> 0:01:16.640 the Chanelle. 0:01:16.319 --> 0:01:18.480 Signs Chanel, and they're pearls. 0:01:18.560 --> 0:01:21.520 They look awesome, they look nice and relaxing, comfortable, but 0:01:21.600 --> 0:01:24.240 they do stand out. I had to say something about it, right, 0:01:24.880 --> 0:01:29.720 So Millie tell me. I want to go backwards, but 0:01:29.880 --> 0:01:32.000 my stuff and where we are today? Right? What are 0:01:32.000 --> 0:01:35.360 you doing right now? So what's your main game day day? 0:01:36.560 --> 0:01:38.080 I heard you when you're coming and you said, look 0:01:38.720 --> 0:01:42.160 one man man, because you because we expect you walking 0:01:42.200 --> 0:01:46.000 with a big entourage and make up specialists, hairstylists, blah blah. 0:01:46.280 --> 0:01:48.120 So you're one man man. What are you doing? What's 0:01:48.120 --> 0:01:48.800 your deal for me? 0:01:49.640 --> 0:01:51.440 I think people in my life would argue that it's 0:01:51.560 --> 0:01:55.240 time that I did actually expand my team of one. 0:01:56.680 --> 0:01:58.960 And I'm not going to lie. This is all you 0:01:59.040 --> 0:02:01.520 need to know about me. I put out a PA 0:02:02.760 --> 0:02:05.240 call out on my story Instagram story like in August 0:02:05.320 --> 0:02:10.079 last year, and I still haven't selected my PA, so 0:02:10.160 --> 0:02:10.679 I had to do it. 0:02:10.760 --> 0:02:11.639 Did you get any response? 0:02:11.760 --> 0:02:14.280 I got hundreds and I looked at that and I thought, 0:02:14.320 --> 0:02:16.520 I can't do that. So I put it to the side, 0:02:16.600 --> 0:02:18.079 and I was like, by the time it came around 0:02:18.120 --> 0:02:19.560 to this year, I was like, most of those people 0:02:19.560 --> 0:02:22.239 would have jobs. So I did it again, and so 0:02:22.360 --> 0:02:25.239 I did another call out three weeks ago, and I've 0:02:25.360 --> 0:02:28.160 managed to go through them, but I haven't actually contacted 0:02:28.200 --> 0:02:33.040 them because for some reason, I've like resisted bringing someone 0:02:33.160 --> 0:02:36.840 on even though I know it's the best. It's okay, 0:02:36.960 --> 0:02:39.079 I know what it is. I've worked backwards as to why. 0:02:39.800 --> 0:02:43.919 It's because so I work from home, I'm so nervous 0:02:43.919 --> 0:02:47.120 about having someone in and amongst my private space and 0:02:47.720 --> 0:02:51.720 losing like freedom almost and so I'm like hanging on 0:02:51.840 --> 0:02:54.320 to dear life to this last bit of freedom because 0:02:54.360 --> 0:02:56.240 they come and work at my place. It's very hands 0:02:56.320 --> 0:03:01.040 on job, and so I'm like, I know I'm procrastinating it, 0:03:01.680 --> 0:03:03.880 and it just scares me to think that, like I'll 0:03:03.919 --> 0:03:06.400 have a stranger in my house. That's the main thing, 0:03:06.520 --> 0:03:09.400 which is such a weird reason. But I love my 0:03:09.520 --> 0:03:11.799 privacy and I think I'm just kind of like in 0:03:11.880 --> 0:03:13.160 my head about it. But I'm at a point where 0:03:13.160 --> 0:03:19.040 I'm so aware that I need to like put in 0:03:19.720 --> 0:03:23.639 like you know, spend money to make more money, like 0:03:23.880 --> 0:03:26.079 pay someone to come and help build my life out 0:03:26.120 --> 0:03:27.799 more because like I can't do it all alone. That's 0:03:27.840 --> 0:03:28.359 what I'm learning. 0:03:29.120 --> 0:03:30.799 It's sort of the admin role. 0:03:31.160 --> 0:03:34.880 It's an admin role, which is what I need the most. 0:03:35.000 --> 0:03:37.240 Another thing that I'm learning is like, you know, you 0:03:37.280 --> 0:03:38.840 don't have to be good at everything, which that's not 0:03:38.920 --> 0:03:42.640 my forte. I literally cannot do admin work to save 0:03:42.720 --> 0:03:47.200 my life, Like I am horrible, and I always This 0:03:47.320 --> 0:03:51.160 is something I always tricked myself into, is like I 0:03:51.280 --> 0:03:53.240 put a list together of things that I wanted them 0:03:53.280 --> 0:03:54.400 to do for me, and I was like, I could 0:03:54.440 --> 0:03:56.600 do that. I could do that. Oh really, you could 0:03:56.640 --> 0:03:58.960 just do that. Just okay, scribble that up. You could 0:03:59.000 --> 0:04:01.440 just do that, scribble out. And I realized it wasn't 0:04:01.440 --> 0:04:03.600 about whether I was capable of doing it. It was 0:04:03.680 --> 0:04:06.240 actually like, so I could free up my time and 0:04:06.360 --> 0:04:08.240 had more capacity to do other things that I do 0:04:08.480 --> 0:04:11.920 enjoy and that are the crux of who I am 0:04:12.040 --> 0:04:12.680 and my business. 0:04:12.760 --> 0:04:15.840 So if you're if you're if you're paying someone I 0:04:15.880 --> 0:04:18.440 don't know, fifty bucks an hour whatever whatever it is 0:04:18.839 --> 0:04:23.120 to do admin, arguably you be earning for your talent 0:04:23.240 --> 0:04:25.680 more than fifty bucks an hour. So wouldn't be better 0:04:25.680 --> 0:04:28.599 if you just spend fifty hours a week earning whatever 0:04:28.640 --> 0:04:31.440 you're going to per out for yourself, then having to 0:04:31.480 --> 0:04:33.320 be doing these ad ministry jobs you get someone else 0:04:33.320 --> 0:04:34.320 to do it fifty bucks an hour. 0:04:34.320 --> 0:04:40.000 I meanthomatically one hundred percent. The logic is there. However, 0:04:40.279 --> 0:04:42.680 my brain doesn't work the same way, and so it 0:04:42.800 --> 0:04:47.159 takes me like a long time to grasp but I'm 0:04:47.279 --> 0:04:52.520 way better off doing that. I also have ADHD and OCD, 0:04:53.440 --> 0:04:59.720 so I very real, for real, like diagnosed clinically, but 0:05:00.040 --> 0:05:01.960 I literally it's the way my brain works. 0:05:02.040 --> 0:05:03.800 It's so warped. 0:05:04.279 --> 0:05:06.839 And like I know the logic. I know that that's 0:05:07.160 --> 0:05:09.880 what I'm thinking is irrational, but for some reason I 0:05:10.000 --> 0:05:12.280 still resist it because it feels unnatural to me. 0:05:12.480 --> 0:05:14.200 Do you feel like you need to control everything? Is 0:05:14.520 --> 0:05:14.960 a part of it. 0:05:15.160 --> 0:05:18.240 So that's part of it. There is a control tendency. 0:05:18.400 --> 0:05:20.599 I think in the past, when I've worked with people, 0:05:21.120 --> 0:05:23.400 they haven't done the job as well, not as in 0:05:23.520 --> 0:05:25.640 working for me, but they've in a team, they haven't 0:05:25.640 --> 0:05:28.400 done the job as well, or I've ended up doing 0:05:28.440 --> 0:05:32.120 it anyway, and so in the past it's been a 0:05:32.279 --> 0:05:36.480 bad decision for whatever reason, and now and I'm like, 0:05:36.560 --> 0:05:38.600 oh my gosh, like I need to actually find someone 0:05:38.720 --> 0:05:40.680 who's going to do the job. Well what if I 0:05:40.720 --> 0:05:43.440 can't find someone? And it's just been this lengthy back 0:05:43.480 --> 0:05:44.840 and forth and I'm just like an overthinker. 0:05:44.839 --> 0:05:47.720 Anyway, I was going to say, is one of the 0:05:47.760 --> 0:05:54.400 hallmarks of ADHD and perhaps obsessing as well, But is 0:05:54.760 --> 0:05:57.239 it overthinking? In other words, not overthinking? 0:05:57.320 --> 0:05:58.640 I hate it's called ruminating. 0:05:58.760 --> 0:06:03.840 Yeah, yeah, ruminating ruminate or thinking about every single possibility 0:06:04.000 --> 0:06:07.960 that could occur. And when you think about everything single possibility, 0:06:08.160 --> 0:06:09.720 you'll never get to a more because there's so many 0:06:09.760 --> 0:06:11.560 of them, and then you can't make sense of them, 0:06:11.800 --> 0:06:12.799 and then you don't do anything. 0:06:13.279 --> 0:06:16.400 Yep. It's like totally a control thing. So it's actually, 0:06:16.520 --> 0:06:19.839 this is a great segue into chatting about the OCD stuff, 0:06:19.839 --> 0:06:22.600 which I didn't realize it hard. But one of the 0:06:22.640 --> 0:06:24.920 parts of it is the ruminating. So you get these 0:06:24.960 --> 0:06:27.800 obsessions with something and then you have to perform a 0:06:27.839 --> 0:06:30.920 compulsion to neutralize yourself to make you feel better. And 0:06:30.960 --> 0:06:34.120 there's a whole range of these like it could be anything, 0:06:34.680 --> 0:06:37.600 but you perform the compulsion to neutralize it, to make 0:06:37.600 --> 0:06:40.160 yourself feel better than you can continue on. But it's 0:06:40.200 --> 0:06:44.040 all like pretty irrational stuff. So for example, for me, 0:06:44.520 --> 0:06:48.920 I have this weird thing where I actually laugh because 0:06:49.000 --> 0:06:51.080 it sounds so dumb when you say it out loud. 0:06:51.839 --> 0:06:55.159 I have this weird thing where if I think about 0:06:55.279 --> 0:07:00.480 every possible outcome that could potentially happen, I feel like 0:07:00.520 --> 0:07:02.880 I've beaten it to the punch. So I've thought about it, 0:07:02.960 --> 0:07:05.440 so I've ruled it out. So if I think of 0:07:05.600 --> 0:07:08.720 every bad thing that could potentially happen, it's not going 0:07:08.760 --> 0:07:12.520 to happen, because for some reason that has worked in 0:07:12.560 --> 0:07:15.520 the past. So I think about I like to be prepared. 0:07:15.840 --> 0:07:17.400 You don't want to be caught on a week, Yeah, So. 0:07:17.480 --> 0:07:20.160 You think of every single thing that could happen, so 0:07:20.200 --> 0:07:24.560 I'm like prepared for any scenario. And also I think 0:07:24.600 --> 0:07:26.480 of the bad stuff because like there's no way that 0:07:26.520 --> 0:07:28.440 I'm going to predict something bad's going to happen to me. 0:07:28.560 --> 0:07:30.760 So if I think of all the bad stuff that's gone, 0:07:30.880 --> 0:07:33.320 it's this weird way. And so I do this to 0:07:33.440 --> 0:07:36.000 myself by city. It's just the way my brain works, 0:07:36.080 --> 0:07:39.760 and like it's obviously we chatted before. It's like anxiety 0:07:40.240 --> 0:07:43.720 based and all driven. And that's the that's actually the 0:07:43.800 --> 0:07:46.840 interesting thing the commons de dominated with ADHD and OCD 0:07:46.960 --> 0:07:49.400 that a lot of people don't know is it's anxiety driven. 0:07:50.040 --> 0:07:53.280 And yeah, it literally comes from this, like this worry 0:07:53.560 --> 0:07:57.360 about not being able to do something or controlling something. 0:07:57.640 --> 0:07:58.720 So you ruminate on everything. 0:07:59.400 --> 0:08:02.000 And so how does ZOD express itself? Then? So what 0:08:02.360 --> 0:08:04.840 does it mean for you? Does it mean you paced 0:08:04.920 --> 0:08:06.800 up and down or you're washing your hands or like 0:08:07.480 --> 0:08:09.960 or you just can't stop thinking about something? 0:08:10.200 --> 0:08:13.000 Okay, Yeah, so there's a lot of time wasted. So 0:08:13.160 --> 0:08:15.800 I'm now medicated for it, which has changed my life. 0:08:15.920 --> 0:08:19.080 So the medication that I started taking so last year 0:08:19.120 --> 0:08:21.120 I hit, oh my gosh, we're getting very deep and 0:08:21.200 --> 0:08:24.800 it's like ten minutes in, like we should just start 0:08:25.000 --> 0:08:27.000 extend that a little bit to like the middle. What 0:08:27.120 --> 0:08:29.160 I was gonna say was last year I was having 0:08:29.200 --> 0:08:31.920 a really really tough year, probably about this time last 0:08:32.000 --> 0:08:36.160 year actually, and I finally had a really dear friend 0:08:36.200 --> 0:08:40.600 of mine chat with me about potentially going to see 0:08:40.600 --> 0:08:43.880 a doctor because we were kind of like, oh, we 0:08:43.960 --> 0:08:45.199 think that you might have had HD. 0:08:46.400 --> 0:08:48.199 Maybe really just just last year. 0:08:48.440 --> 0:08:51.559 Yeah, last year. My friend, my literally my cousin, my 0:08:51.679 --> 0:08:55.839 best friend. She knows me so well, and she's just like, 0:08:56.040 --> 0:08:59.599 your mind races faster than anybody I've ever met, Like 0:08:59.840 --> 0:09:02.880 it is so fast, and you're just there's so much 0:09:02.960 --> 0:09:05.520 going on, and like she can keep up with it. 0:09:06.040 --> 0:09:09.120 But like, I'm very like fast paced in the way 0:09:09.160 --> 0:09:12.319 that I think that it's kind of like a stream 0:09:12.360 --> 0:09:14.559 of consciousness. Sometimes I'm not actually thinking ahead of what 0:09:14.640 --> 0:09:17.679 I'm saying, and she's just like, let's just go go 0:09:17.760 --> 0:09:19.319 to the doctor and the chat about it. And then 0:09:19.360 --> 0:09:21.599 she referred me to a psych. That all happened. But 0:09:21.679 --> 0:09:23.800 then when I was at the psych, she was like, actually, 0:09:23.800 --> 0:09:25.839 I want't you do this questionnaire for OCD as well, 0:09:26.360 --> 0:09:29.360 And that came out like one hundred percent really strong. 0:09:29.520 --> 0:09:32.640 And basically when I figured that out, I looked back 0:09:32.679 --> 0:09:34.680 and I was like, oh my god, there's so many 0:09:34.760 --> 0:09:39.800 things that I did that I didn't realize were kind 0:09:39.840 --> 0:09:44.079 of symptoms of OCD. So, for example, the ruminating is 0:09:44.120 --> 0:09:47.160 one of them. But when I said it about the 0:09:47.320 --> 0:09:51.120 time wasting thing, so much time is wasted because you 0:09:51.240 --> 0:09:53.719 need to go and check things or you have to 0:09:53.800 --> 0:09:56.679 do certain systems in your head, or like patterns in 0:09:56.760 --> 0:10:01.320 your head, or like, for example, I had a really 0:10:01.360 --> 0:10:06.120 weird one where I felt like the light switch wasn't 0:10:06.160 --> 0:10:08.160 off perfectly, so I had to flick it off like 0:10:08.320 --> 0:10:10.120 a certain number of times to make it sure it 0:10:10.160 --> 0:10:15.160 felt right. Or checking things like I know that I've 0:10:15.200 --> 0:10:17.200 put my keys in my bag, like see it happen, 0:10:17.559 --> 0:10:19.839 but as I like two seconds later, I go to 0:10:19.920 --> 0:10:21.640 the door and I'm like, did I actually put them 0:10:21.679 --> 0:10:24.880 in there? Oh, I'll just check, And then I'm like, yep, 0:10:24.920 --> 0:10:27.120 but did I actually do it? Okay, check again? Like 0:10:27.240 --> 0:10:29.360 it is just those tiny things. It's not even that's 0:10:29.400 --> 0:10:33.319 like a very simple, simple example of it. But other 0:10:33.400 --> 0:10:36.640 things would be like perfectionism is a big one, so 0:10:37.920 --> 0:10:40.480 and not in the sense of just like everyone thinks 0:10:40.520 --> 0:10:42.360 it's like clean, like everyone's like, oh my gosh, it's 0:10:42.360 --> 0:10:44.760 all about being like washing your hands, and that is 0:10:44.960 --> 0:10:47.440 one form of it, but that doesn't happen to everybody, 0:10:47.920 --> 0:10:51.240 but perfectionism is one. So for example, I would like, 0:10:52.120 --> 0:10:55.079 I feel like there was times when I actually a 0:10:55.120 --> 0:10:56.880 lot of people ask me to I'm doing my content, 0:10:56.960 --> 0:11:00.880 and like social media, I would do things billion times, 0:11:01.280 --> 0:11:04.880 like to get it perfect and waste so much time 0:11:05.080 --> 0:11:08.880 on this tiny detail that probably didn't matter to everybody else, 0:11:08.960 --> 0:11:11.480 but for me, I actually physically couldn't move on, Like 0:11:11.600 --> 0:11:15.240 I literally you're stuck. You like know that you shouldn't 0:11:15.240 --> 0:11:16.559 go back, but you kind of give in and you're like, 0:11:16.600 --> 0:11:18.560 I'm just going to do it. So you just waste 0:11:18.880 --> 0:11:19.680 so much time. 0:11:19.800 --> 0:11:22.160 It causes you so much more inefficiency. 0:11:22.400 --> 0:11:27.280 It's inefficient, and it's it causes you more anxiety just 0:11:27.360 --> 0:11:32.200 from like overthinking everything. So there's those kinds of ways. 0:11:32.440 --> 0:11:37.040 And then I had some like extremely dark intrusive thoughts. 0:11:37.760 --> 0:11:41.160 And which means what what do you mean? What do 0:11:41.200 --> 0:11:41.679 you mean by that? 0:11:41.920 --> 0:11:46.600 Really dark as in things involving death and like violence? 0:11:48.080 --> 0:11:49.400 And I actually had to move out of my like 0:11:50.200 --> 0:11:53.040 place two hourses ago because it was just getting too much. 0:11:53.640 --> 0:11:57.960 And it's so weird because you don't want to hurt anybody, 0:11:58.840 --> 0:12:00.199 you know, no one wants to hurt you, but you 0:12:00.360 --> 0:12:02.880 can't get this thought out of your head once it 0:12:03.000 --> 0:12:04.520 jumps in, and you're like, why did I think of that? 0:12:04.640 --> 0:12:07.800 That was so weird, and like, oh, what's wrong with me? Wait? What? 0:12:08.440 --> 0:12:10.319 Oh my gosh, oh, like you know, or you'll just 0:12:10.360 --> 0:12:12.120 be sitting like you're literally I'll be like lying in 0:12:12.200 --> 0:12:14.079 bed and I'll be like, oh my god, I just 0:12:14.200 --> 0:12:15.520 can't get this thought out of my head, and like 0:12:15.600 --> 0:12:19.079 I'm just checking things like locked and like you get 0:12:19.280 --> 0:12:22.040 so worked up. And then I wasn't sleeping for so long, 0:12:22.200 --> 0:12:25.599 and then it was just this whole thing and I 0:12:25.720 --> 0:12:27.400 just thought I was going like a bit, I was 0:12:27.520 --> 0:12:29.680 just exaggerating. I thought I was just over the top. 0:12:30.440 --> 0:12:31.880 This is last year, this is last year. 0:12:32.000 --> 0:12:33.480 And then when I went and found out and then 0:12:33.520 --> 0:12:36.520 I went on these meds and they were therefore anxiety, 0:12:36.600 --> 0:12:39.640 and that has basically oh my god, when I so, 0:12:39.920 --> 0:12:44.240 I was basically like a literal troll in my bed 0:12:44.360 --> 0:12:48.120 for two months, just like adjusting to it. You're adjusting 0:12:48.160 --> 0:12:52.160 the chemical worry, yes, yes, the there so the serotonin 0:12:53.760 --> 0:12:58.480 update one, yeah, uptake inhibitors whatever, ye that one. So 0:12:58.679 --> 0:13:01.079 I have those and they obviously changed the chemicals of 0:13:01.120 --> 0:13:04.120 my brain. But then I hire over the first day 0:13:04.920 --> 0:13:07.439 then it started to kick in. I started crying because 0:13:07.440 --> 0:13:09.439 I was like, wait, this is what it's like to 0:13:09.559 --> 0:13:11.320 not have a little voice in your head that's telling 0:13:11.360 --> 0:13:13.439 you everything's going to go wrong all the time. It's 0:13:13.480 --> 0:13:16.200 like tunnel vision. I was like, oh my god, wait 0:13:16.720 --> 0:13:19.160 what this like. I did not realized how bad my 0:13:19.200 --> 0:13:20.959 anxiety was. I thought that I was like, oh, yeah, 0:13:20.960 --> 0:13:23.959 I've got mild anxiety, but it was so debilitating. I 0:13:24.120 --> 0:13:28.079 wasn't getting anything done. And I ended up booking a 0:13:28.080 --> 0:13:30.199 trip to Europe two weeks before I went, and I 0:13:30.240 --> 0:13:32.440 went on my own, something I would never have done 0:13:32.960 --> 0:13:36.120 had I not like kind of gone through this process. 0:13:36.720 --> 0:13:38.760 And it changed my life. And I think it's like, 0:13:38.840 --> 0:13:41.600 you know, obviously touching on meds, it's not for everybody. 0:13:41.640 --> 0:13:44.559 I totally get that. For me, it has worked so 0:13:44.800 --> 0:13:47.599 well to help me get to a place where I 0:13:47.679 --> 0:13:49.880 want to be, where I don't have to take them anymore. 0:13:51.040 --> 0:13:53.840 But it's just oh and so that was for the OCDA, 0:13:53.960 --> 0:13:58.240 and then afterwards I had to start taking the stimulants 0:13:58.280 --> 0:14:00.000 which is for my ADHD. 0:14:00.160 --> 0:14:04.160 Which just sounds odden stimular, but it helps you focus 0:14:04.640 --> 0:14:10.280 on on a task. I have some experience with family 0:14:10.360 --> 0:14:13.240 members in relation to this. You know, it's funny because 0:14:14.640 --> 0:14:18.040 sometimes we get a bit weird about I don't want 0:14:18.040 --> 0:14:19.840 to talk about it, you know, and people might think 0:14:19.880 --> 0:14:24.040 of something when I'm crazy or whatever, and to me, 0:14:24.080 --> 0:14:25.880 I don't really give a shit. Like I remember years 0:14:25.920 --> 0:14:30.200 ago when I was under a bit of pressure, Like 0:14:30.360 --> 0:14:35.920 many years ago, for about two years, I started watching 0:14:36.200 --> 0:14:40.040 looking at number plates, and I become obsessed with number plates, 0:14:40.600 --> 0:14:43.360 other people's on plates. And then I started to take 0:14:43.360 --> 0:14:46.320 the view that the number plate was I could interpret 0:14:46.320 --> 0:14:48.760 the number plate, and the number plate was actually had 0:14:48.800 --> 0:14:52.120 a mathematical sequence in it, and then I could and 0:14:52.360 --> 0:14:55.880 that and that those sequences were telling me something that 0:14:55.960 --> 0:14:57.960 I should be doing or should not be doing. And 0:14:59.120 --> 0:15:00.480 start off as a bit it was a bit bit 0:15:00.520 --> 0:15:02.520 of a weird thing. I was sort of joking with myself, 0:15:02.600 --> 0:15:05.040 and over period time I became obsessed with it and 0:15:05.120 --> 0:15:08.160 I had to go see somebody about it, and it 0:15:08.320 --> 0:15:12.920 was just my response to stress and pressure. But my 0:15:13.120 --> 0:15:16.360 response is that I'm an obsessive person as well. I 0:15:16.440 --> 0:15:19.520 get that, like with work of business or anything anything 0:15:19.800 --> 0:15:24.240 I'm interested in. And I had to take some medication 0:15:24.360 --> 0:15:26.520 on me out too. And people should talk about it more. 0:15:27.080 --> 0:15:29.200 I mean, you're a young woman, but it's great that 0:15:29.280 --> 0:15:31.440 you're prepared to talk about it. Maybe your generation is 0:15:31.480 --> 0:15:34.240 more like that. My generation is definitely like that to 0:15:34.680 --> 0:15:36.400 be prepared to talk about these sort of things in 0:15:36.440 --> 0:15:39.760 a public sense. Now, I don't care. But the only 0:15:39.880 --> 0:15:42.440 solution to these things is actually someone tapping on the 0:15:42.480 --> 0:15:45.720 shoulder telling you, hey, Mark, that's a bit weird. You 0:15:45.800 --> 0:15:48.800 know what you're doing. Because it was one of my 0:15:48.880 --> 0:15:52.160 sons saw me staring at it, and then I started 0:15:52.200 --> 0:15:55.600 talking about it, and then and in the end I 0:15:55.640 --> 0:15:57.920 got myself, you know, I fixed it up. I still 0:15:57.960 --> 0:15:59.440 get it every now and then I can get it 0:15:59.480 --> 0:16:01.480 a little bit. I can still go back to none places. 0:16:01.520 --> 0:16:03.720 I can remember none plates. Yeah, they see a stick 0:16:03.760 --> 0:16:04.280 in my memory. 0:16:04.480 --> 0:16:07.160 Yeah, interesting, and I think about them for days yep. 0:16:07.400 --> 0:16:10.440 And then I started seeing patterns. So weird anyways, we think, 0:16:10.520 --> 0:16:12.360 But it's not about mess about you. But I just 0:16:12.400 --> 0:16:14.880 wanted why I want to say that is because people 0:16:14.920 --> 0:16:17.080 and me, people think more. Mark doesn't. You know. It 0:16:17.120 --> 0:16:19.240 doesn't have many dramas, but we all do it. We 0:16:19.320 --> 0:16:21.000 all have dramas, and we're all going to be prepared 0:16:21.000 --> 0:16:24.520 to talk about it. Has have you really, at any 0:16:24.600 --> 0:16:29.400 stage openly discussed this with massive audiences? Have you just 0:16:29.640 --> 0:16:31.120 openly discussed with the audiences? 0:16:31.560 --> 0:16:33.920 So I do. I have touched on it. So I 0:16:34.560 --> 0:16:37.880 spoke about it when it was happening. I mentioned that 0:16:38.360 --> 0:16:41.040 because I had this new lease on life, I was like, 0:16:41.120 --> 0:16:44.400 oh my god, like I'm living again, Like it was 0:16:44.480 --> 0:16:47.200 so weird. I was like grieving in a way this 0:16:47.440 --> 0:16:50.560 time that i'd lost because I don't know. I look 0:16:50.600 --> 0:16:52.720 back and I was like, oh, had I known this 0:16:52.880 --> 0:16:55.280 like five years ago, who knows where I could have 0:16:55.320 --> 0:16:57.200 been by now, Like that's how I took it. But 0:16:57.240 --> 0:16:59.040 I was like, no, it's better that it's happened now. 0:16:59.320 --> 0:17:02.120 I wouldn't change anything about because I didn't have any 0:17:02.160 --> 0:17:05.040 of this throughout lockdown, and I think that's obviously when 0:17:05.080 --> 0:17:08.520 I started, and that's how I was so like I 0:17:08.640 --> 0:17:12.480 was actually able to function in that way. But anyway, 0:17:12.520 --> 0:17:15.560 back to the question, I spoke about it once it 0:17:15.640 --> 0:17:18.080 had happened. So this is me like going off and 0:17:18.240 --> 0:17:20.359 challengent again. I spoke about it once it had happened 0:17:20.359 --> 0:17:25.880 to my audience very like, very candidly, like I kind 0:17:25.920 --> 0:17:27.600 of was like, yeah, that's fine, like I can, I 0:17:27.680 --> 0:17:29.720 can say whatever. And I answered a few questions and 0:17:29.760 --> 0:17:34.520 people were pretty interested. And then there's like this part 0:17:34.600 --> 0:17:38.960 of me that also didn't want my content to completely 0:17:39.119 --> 0:17:42.760 change into my ADHD makes me like this, and I 0:17:43.160 --> 0:17:46.600 did this with my oc victim literally and I was like, oh, 0:17:46.760 --> 0:17:48.880 like I don't want to be that person. It's like, oh, sorry, guys, 0:17:48.960 --> 0:17:52.480 my ADHD made me late, Like no, like, I'm not 0:17:52.560 --> 0:17:54.800 going to do that. I'm not going to make my personality. 0:17:54.840 --> 0:17:56.960 So I was pretty firm about that. So, yes, I 0:17:57.040 --> 0:17:59.280 addressed it, and I'm open about it and if people 0:17:59.280 --> 0:18:01.359 ask me about it, I'm very happy to talk about it. 0:18:02.040 --> 0:18:05.560 I spoke about it on a podcast as well, which 0:18:05.640 --> 0:18:08.400 was really helpful for me to kind of like, yeah, 0:18:08.520 --> 0:18:10.879 talk about it openly because it is important, but. 0:18:12.520 --> 0:18:14.600 But it doesn't define you. It's the most No, it 0:18:14.720 --> 0:18:16.480 doesn't define me. How'd you come to terms with that? 0:18:17.160 --> 0:18:20.480 So I just realized that I got to where I 0:18:20.560 --> 0:18:24.200 am today or like I guess last year without any 0:18:24.440 --> 0:18:26.600 without any of that knowledge that I had anything like that. 0:18:26.800 --> 0:18:30.720 So that means that who I was as Millie got 0:18:30.800 --> 0:18:36.080 me there, and that's what makes me me Like, yes, 0:18:36.240 --> 0:18:41.800 I am so chaotic and scatterbrained and disorganized and like, honestly, 0:18:41.840 --> 0:18:43.159 I'm like, why me? 0:18:43.520 --> 0:18:44.040 Why am I? 0:18:44.480 --> 0:18:46.760 Why was I created to be incredibly disorganized? And some 0:18:46.840 --> 0:18:48.960 people at my sister most organized person. I I was 0:18:49.000 --> 0:18:51.679 like that's not fair, Like that's what I'm annoyed about. However, 0:18:52.280 --> 0:18:56.399 it also gives me the ability to find humor in 0:18:56.560 --> 0:18:59.840 chaos and be relatable for people because a lot of 0:19:00.000 --> 0:19:04.280 people can relate. We need people to show the realities 0:19:04.320 --> 0:19:07.000 of life because it's just it's I'm not living a 0:19:07.040 --> 0:19:10.480 perfect life, and I was. It was pretty easy for 0:19:10.560 --> 0:19:12.320 me to be like, Yep, it's not me. It's a 0:19:12.400 --> 0:19:16.240 part of me. I'm working on it, and it's helping 0:19:16.320 --> 0:19:18.840 me set up systems and stuff like getting a PA 0:19:19.560 --> 0:19:22.199 two so I don't have to heavily rely on them 0:19:22.200 --> 0:19:23.040 for the rest of my life. 0:19:24.200 --> 0:19:27.080 But I'm with that comedy in chaos that's not a 0:19:27.160 --> 0:19:29.600 bad term that it's quite a good turn of phrase. 0:19:30.200 --> 0:19:33.000 But what do you mean by comedy and chaos? Do 0:19:33.040 --> 0:19:34.720 you actually think your brain is chaotic? 0:19:34.880 --> 0:19:38.040 Oh my god? Yeah, Like it's actually you know how 0:19:38.080 --> 0:19:39.639 you were saying it. Someone needs to tell you that 0:19:39.680 --> 0:19:43.119 you're weird. I like, my cousin was like, mil I 0:19:43.200 --> 0:19:46.159