WEBVTT - Chick Chat | Navigating Unwanted Male Attention

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<v Speaker 1>Really it is so time for it.

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<v Speaker 2>Let's go girl. Okay, chickam.

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<v Speaker 1>Do like a little page. All the ladies to Studio one, please,

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<v Speaker 1>all the ladies. Okay, this is how this works. We

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<v Speaker 1>have all the girls assembled here and we're going to

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<v Speaker 1>talk about stuff that we've maybe spoken about off air

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<v Speaker 1>that probably deserves an on air conversation.

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<v Speaker 3>So we've got.

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<v Speaker 1>Producer Zoe here, good morning. Zoe's in her twenties in

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<v Speaker 1>a new relationship, relatively happy, but always a bit of

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<v Speaker 1>a career girl as well, absolutely smashing goals at work.

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<v Speaker 1>And we've got news reader Abby RBF face in your thirties,

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<v Speaker 1>happily single. However, something has happened to you this week

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<v Speaker 1>that probably needs to hit the air waves.

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<v Speaker 3>I reckon.

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<v Speaker 4>This has been happening to me since twenty twenty. A

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<v Speaker 4>guy over in I think he lives it. Well, I've

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<v Speaker 4>done some digging. I'm going to be transparent. I did

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<v Speaker 4>a bit of digging and he lives in Melbourne. He

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<v Speaker 4>has been messaging me on Facebook Messenger since twenty twenty,

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<v Speaker 4>random messages every three six eight months. One time it

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<v Speaker 4>went a year until I had heard from him. And

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<v Speaker 4>it's just like hey, hey, Hey, you going hey, how

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<v Speaker 4>are you? Hey, how are you? And it got to

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<v Speaker 4>the point where I eventually just went, oh, hi, sorry,

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<v Speaker 4>do I know you? And he goes, oh, your dog's

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<v Speaker 4>really cute, and I didn't reply, and then it just

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<v Speaker 4>continuously kept going, and it got to them the point

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<v Speaker 4>that he said, you can reply, I'm not weird or anything.

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<v Speaker 1>Oh no, now you're sounding weird.

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<v Speaker 2>He definitely weird.

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<v Speaker 3>But in this time as well, I did a bit

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<v Speaker 3>of digging.

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<v Speaker 4>As I said, he met a woman, he got engaged,

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<v Speaker 4>he's married. This guy's married, right, and I've spoken to

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<v Speaker 4>other people. Just before I walked in here, Maddie Roe

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<v Speaker 4>stopped me and said, I've been getting messages on Instagram

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<v Speaker 4>from a guy since twenty eighteen, just like random videos

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<v Speaker 4>that he sends me. Number One, it makes me feel

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<v Speaker 4>I'm like, it really pisss me off because as a woman,

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<v Speaker 4>we feel not safe a lot of the time, so

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<v Speaker 4>when you're walking out in the street, you get your

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<v Speaker 4>keys out, all that sort of stuff. And I've got

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<v Speaker 4>a social media account and I understand that. Yes, I'm

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<v Speaker 4>on socials.

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<v Speaker 3>I get that.

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<v Speaker 4>And I'm also in a position where I am have

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<v Speaker 4>a bit of a public profile.

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<v Speaker 3>But the fact that.

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<v Speaker 4>People just continuously think it's okay after not getting a

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<v Speaker 4>reply to message you is just wrong.

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<v Speaker 3>So number one actually gets me, Like I get a.

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<v Speaker 4>Bit teary over this because I just feel like it's

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<v Speaker 4>just not okay.

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<v Speaker 1>Not Also, do you know what people can say just blocking?

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<v Speaker 5>Oh?

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<v Speaker 3>Well that's it.

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<v Speaker 4>And so that's my thing is I've turned notifications off

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<v Speaker 4>on my phone so randomly, all of a sudden, I've

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<v Speaker 4>got six messages and I'm like, oh my god, and

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<v Speaker 4>I'm so I don't know this is an excuse, but

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<v Speaker 4>I'm so busy and I forget to do it. So, yes,

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<v Speaker 4>number one, I should just block in, but I guess

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<v Speaker 4>I want to know I'm wanted attention and how to

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<v Speaker 4>deal with it? Has anyone out there had the same thing?

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<v Speaker 4>How does it make you feel? And also who who's

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<v Speaker 4>behind it? Like have you had a friend's boyfriend messaging you?

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<v Speaker 4>Or have you had your boss messaging you stuff? And

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<v Speaker 4>and what have you done about it?

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<v Speaker 5>Yeah?

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<v Speaker 1>Okay, produce as you ever had it?

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<v Speaker 6>Oh yeah, I'm lucky. Not not so much when I

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<v Speaker 6>was a bit younger, maybe like in high school and

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<v Speaker 6>things like that. Boys just not getting the message. I

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<v Speaker 6>did see someone for a bit, and after telling them

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<v Speaker 6>I wasn't interested, would still rock up to my house

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<v Speaker 6>with coffees and stuff trying to win me over them. Yeah,

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<v Speaker 6>but you know, like different he was. He was just

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<v Speaker 6>really trying, like he wasn't giving off creep even still.

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<v Speaker 1>He needs to have brown Yeah, yeah.

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<v Speaker 3>Just rock up to someone's house.

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<v Speaker 5>Something.

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<v Speaker 3>You're like, I told you enough.

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<v Speaker 2>Give me?

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<v Speaker 6>Did you deal with this much jokes? Yeah, I've had

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<v Speaker 6>it well, even since being married.

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<v Speaker 1>Yeah, yeah, I've had it a bit. And I think

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<v Speaker 1>I think it comes with the territory, do you. I

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<v Speaker 1>shouldn't say that it shouldn't come with the territory, but

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<v Speaker 1>I guess doing this job, Oh yeah, I have messages

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<v Speaker 1>from the same men constantly that I never reply to

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<v Speaker 1>the same thing. I've never felt threatened enough to block them,

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<v Speaker 1>you know what? And also I think is why do

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<v Speaker 1>we feel bad for blocking someone even when it's not

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<v Speaker 1>our fault. Why do you feel like you're in the

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<v Speaker 1>wrong because you go, that's enough.

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<v Speaker 6>It's the same premise of I'll give us a smile

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<v Speaker 6>that we're supposed to be yeah smiling.

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<v Speaker 1>Yeah, I had, I had. I went through a stage

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<v Speaker 1>there where someone had my phone number, and every time

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<v Speaker 1>they would call, it would be a FaceTime of a

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<v Speaker 1>certain part of their genitalia, to the point where I

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<v Speaker 1>went to the police and said, what's going on here?

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<v Speaker 1>Well that was extreme and they were like, oh, there's

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<v Speaker 1>nothing we can do. I'm like, you can't track this

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<v Speaker 1>the guy down and say, stop stop doing calling with you?

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<v Speaker 1>Where's that whistle sound? You always going with the whistle sound?

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<v Speaker 2>I needed it for the first time. It's locked away.

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<v Speaker 7>Can ask a quick question as well, and I'm assuming

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<v Speaker 7>and I'm hoping this is a small population of the

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<v Speaker 7>male species, and I speak on behalf of the male species.

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<v Speaker 2>You expose him? Why can you take a screenshot? Expose it?

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<v Speaker 2>And then if he's engaged, can you get in contact.

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<v Speaker 4>With his is This is a huge thing and a

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<v Speaker 4>lot of people have said why don't you try, like

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<v Speaker 4>you know who she is, although in saying that he

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<v Speaker 4>recently locked his profile, so I used to be able

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<v Speaker 4>to see his profile and now I can't, But it

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<v Speaker 4>wouldn't be hard to find out who she is.

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<v Speaker 3>But that's it.

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<v Speaker 4>When you do get this unwanted attention, do you go

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<v Speaker 4>to the point of I'm going to go and speak

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<v Speaker 4>to the fiance or I'm going to message her, because

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<v Speaker 4>if he's doing it to me, is he doing it

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<v Speaker 4>tote women?

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<v Speaker 3>Yeah, you would assume, so go.

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<v Speaker 2>To his fiance if he's not going to listen.

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<v Speaker 1>Yeah.

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<v Speaker 4>But then on the other side of that, I've seen

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<v Speaker 4>people who do out people on social media and say

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<v Speaker 4>oh look, and then they get hate for it.

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<v Speaker 1>Well, there was a case at Elizabeth not so long ago,

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<v Speaker 1>and there was a guy who that guy chase through

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<v Speaker 1>the Elizabeth shopping center and my heels remember that bolted

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<v Speaker 1>outside of court. So he there was a woman that

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<v Speaker 1>said I was getting all this unwanted attention from him,

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<v Speaker 1>and then there was a massive pylon, so she came out,

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<v Speaker 1>there was a news story on him, and then there

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<v Speaker 1>were literally fifty other women that came out and said

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<v Speaker 1>he's Oh my god, I know him. He's been doing

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<v Speaker 1>that to me as well.

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<v Speaker 7>Thirteen twenty four ten. Yeah, situations like this. Have you

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<v Speaker 7>been in there and how do you deal with this

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<v Speaker 7>unwonted attention? When I suppose there's different elements that you're

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<v Speaker 7>thinking from a female perspective.

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<v Speaker 1>Have you received it online? Who was it, why did

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<v Speaker 1>it make you feel uncomfortable? How did you deal with that?

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<v Speaker 1>Thirteen twenty four ten, Let's go to Leah. Good morning, Leah,

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<v Speaker 1>good morning.

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<v Speaker 8>How are you good?

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<v Speaker 3>Good?

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<v Speaker 1>I'm so sorry if this has happened to you.

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<v Speaker 8>Yes, So, about five years ago, there was a guy

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<v Speaker 8>who was messaging me. I was only about seventeen, so

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<v Speaker 8>at the time I thought he was being nice, so

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<v Speaker 8>I gave him my address. He came over one time.

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<v Speaker 8>He was really, really creepy, and then I told him

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<v Speaker 8>I didn't want to see him again. And he would

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<v Speaker 8>always message me. I wouldn't reply, and then he would

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<v Speaker 8>just drop off like food stopping at my door because

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<v Speaker 8>he told me that I didn't eat well, so he

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<v Speaker 8>would just drop food at my door even though I

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<v Speaker 8>hadn't replied. I hadn't replied four weeks and he would

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<v Speaker 8>always dropped food to my door. Also my side. My

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<v Speaker 8>bedroom window didn't lock, but he would put flowers and things.

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<v Speaker 8>He opened my window and just like to throw them in.

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<v Speaker 8>Oh my god. And I had not responded to him.

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<v Speaker 8>And then I found out that he had a wife

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<v Speaker 8>and a son for context as well, where he was

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<v Speaker 8>about thirty seven and I was seventeen.

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<v Speaker 3>Did you know he was thirty seven? Sorry? When he

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<v Speaker 3>was messaging you at the.

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<v Speaker 8>Start, No no, no.

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<v Speaker 1>And so how did you how did it all end up?

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<v Speaker 2>Leah.

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<v Speaker 8>So I told his wife, his wife left him and

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<v Speaker 8>divorced him, and then the weird so I was getting

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<v Speaker 8>really creepy messages from him, like he would write poems

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<v Speaker 8>about me, he would make memes about me, like lovely things.

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<v Speaker 8>It was really really strange. And then when I told

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<v Speaker 8>his wife, he turned into just straight abuse. He said

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<v Speaker 8>it was my fault that they divorced, it was my

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<v Speaker 8>fault that he'd left it that she left him. And

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<v Speaker 8>that went on for a couple of months as well.

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<v Speaker 8>I blocked him. He would still make little accounts just

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<v Speaker 8>to message me.

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<v Speaker 3>Oh my god. That's I was about five.

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<v Speaker 8>Years ago now, and I think he's probably a lonely

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<v Speaker 8>man now.

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<v Speaker 4>Yeah, and it's definitely not your fault. It's his fault

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<v Speaker 4>for doing the wrong thing and chasing someone twenty years

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<v Speaker 4>younger than him, a teenager.

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<v Speaker 8>Yeah, I was, actually I was still a minor at

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<v Speaker 8>that point.

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<v Speaker 3>Yeah, exactly.

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<v Speaker 8>Yeah.

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<v Speaker 1>Bor rout Ley, thank you so much for your call

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<v Speaker 1>this morning. Let's go to Ali. Ali. I'll jump in

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<v Speaker 1>here and say you were one of the victims of

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<v Speaker 1>this guy out of Elizabeth. Let's not mention his names

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<v Speaker 1>because I'm not sure if it's still before the court.

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<v Speaker 1>But this happened to you with him?

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<v Speaker 9>Yeah, actually I was. He messaged me over the past

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<v Speaker 9>or five years. I never responded to any of them,

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<v Speaker 9>but yeah, he just kept going. He found there a

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<v Speaker 9>dating side about five or six years ago and then

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<v Speaker 9>searched my Facebook for me and just kept mexaging me constantly.

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<v Speaker 4>I had a guy recently who I matched with him,

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<v Speaker 4>and then I sort of looked at his profile went oh,

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<v Speaker 4>probably not for me. I unmatched him, and he found

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<v Speaker 4>me on Facebook and said why do you want to

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<v Speaker 4>match me?

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<v Speaker 1>Four?

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<v Speaker 3>Like, I wanted to talk to.

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<v Speaker 1>You, so Ali, have you heard from him recently or

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<v Speaker 1>has it all stopped?

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<v Speaker 8>No?

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<v Speaker 9>Not since the whole court case thing, thankfully.

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<v Speaker 1>And was it a case where you saw him on

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<v Speaker 1>the news and went, oh my god.

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<v Speaker 5>Yeah.

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<v Speaker 9>My sister in law actually tagged me and she's like,

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<v Speaker 9>oh my god, is this the guy that has been

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<v Speaker 9>messaging you? And I was like, yes, that's hum.

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<v Speaker 1>Yeah, well we well, thank you so much for your call.

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<v Speaker 1>To Neil. Oh gosh, these calls never end. They to

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<v Speaker 1>Neil what happened.

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<v Speaker 5>So I used to work in a store as a

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<v Speaker 5>cashier and I had a customer comes through and I

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<v Speaker 5>made small talk, was really friendly, as you are with customers.

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<v Speaker 5>And then he started coming back frequently and never purchasing things.

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<v Speaker 5>And on Valentine's Day he brought me flowers and he'd

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<v Speaker 5>bring me cups of coffee and stuff like that, always

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<v Speaker 5>just sort of checking in on me. It was. It

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<v Speaker 5>was really weird. And then one day I went to work,

0:09:42.040 --> 0:09:43.920
<v Speaker 5>had lunch break, came back and I was like he

0:09:44.000 --> 0:09:45.520
<v Speaker 5>was there, and he said, oh, you've just been at

0:09:45.520 --> 0:09:47.320
<v Speaker 5>home having some lunch, sitting out in the sun.

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<v Speaker 9>Basically, yeah, it was very very storckery.

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<v Speaker 3>Yeah it was well, and how's how's it all ended up?

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<v Speaker 1>Neil?

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<v Speaker 5>So he kind of would just keep coming in, and

0:10:00.440 --> 0:10:03.480
<v Speaker 5>you know, me being it was a big power dynamic.

0:10:03.520 --> 0:10:05.240
<v Speaker 5>I guess he's the custom to me having to be

0:10:05.360 --> 0:10:08.160
<v Speaker 5>kind to him. So I basically just said, look, I've

0:10:08.160 --> 0:10:10.000
<v Speaker 5>got a partner, and I did. My partner worked in

0:10:10.000 --> 0:10:11.960
<v Speaker 5>the store as well, and I said, my boyfriend's just

0:10:12.040 --> 0:10:14.520
<v Speaker 5>over there, like, yeah, you know, we probably don't appreciate

0:10:14.520 --> 0:10:16.560
<v Speaker 5>you coming in anymore. And I just woort of had

0:10:16.559 --> 0:10:18.800
<v Speaker 5>to leave it at that without offending him too much.

0:10:18.800 --> 0:10:20.640
<v Speaker 5>And that's the thing we women do. We don't want

0:10:20.679 --> 0:10:21.240
<v Speaker 5>to offend me.

0:10:21.960 --> 0:10:26.000
<v Speaker 1>I know, even though you've been mortified and offended to Neil,

0:10:26.000 --> 0:10:27.959
<v Speaker 1>you did absolutely the right thing and you didn't do

0:10:28.000 --> 0:10:29.319
<v Speaker 1>anything wrong. And I would say that to all the

0:10:29.360 --> 0:10:31.280
<v Speaker 1>women out there who were feeling that way. Thank you

0:10:31.440 --> 0:10:33.280
<v Speaker 1>for sharing your stories this morning. I think we should

0:10:33.280 --> 0:10:36.080
<v Speaker 1>give everyone an Earth Clay voucher. Yeah that we've spoken

0:10:36.120 --> 0:10:38.760
<v Speaker 1>to You're welcome. Oh my god.

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<v Speaker 4>I think the last thing I want to say is

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<v Speaker 4>that if you're and look, I get that it happens.

0:10:42.360 --> 0:10:45.080
<v Speaker 4>It's men and women, but especially men. If you're out

0:10:45.080 --> 0:10:47.800
<v Speaker 4>there and you're messaging someone repeatedly on social media, or

0:10:47.840 --> 0:10:51.360
<v Speaker 4>they've told you that they're not interested, please stop because

0:10:51.360 --> 0:10:54.559
<v Speaker 4>you don't understand how it makes us feel. It's unsafe

0:10:54.840 --> 0:10:56.760
<v Speaker 4>and they're obviously not interested. To just move on.

0:10:57.520 --> 0:10:59.600
<v Speaker 2>It's really Ali's well, thank you so much getting involved

0:11:00.040 --> 0:11:01.520
<v Speaker 2>be session. It's very very bride story.

0:11:01.600 --> 0:11:02.520
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, yeah, absolutely