Speaker 1: Apod Shape Production. Welcome back to another episode of Am
Speaker 1: I A Bad Mom? Podcast?
Speaker 2: My brother goes, what are you talking about today? Or
Speaker 2: am I a bad Mama? I was like, should it
Speaker 2: be am I a bad mom? Or should it be
Speaker 2: an am I a good mom?
Speaker 3: Kind of week? He went, I live with you at
Speaker 3: the moment.
Speaker 2: I was like, oh, savage, yeah so much.
Speaker 3: Yeah.
Speaker 1: We talk often about how we need to give each
Speaker 1: other like a bit of grace, you know, like we
Speaker 1: need to give each other a bit more of a
Speaker 1: pad on the back because it's so hard. I was
Speaker 1: even thinking this morning. I was like, without being like
Speaker 1: too you know, woo woo. And like you hear a
Speaker 1: lot about trauma these days, Like there's a lot about trauma,
Speaker 1: and you know, if you delve deep into looking at
Speaker 1: trauma and the way it can show up in your
Speaker 1: body and everything, like every illnesses and all that kind
Speaker 1: of stuff, it's just interesting. I every now and then
Speaker 1: have a little think about the things that I would
Speaker 1: do differently, and I'm like, oh, is that going to
Speaker 1: cause you know, some sort of childhood trauma when they're older?
Speaker 1: Like I'm always thinking about that kind of stuff. And
Speaker 1: then I'm like, what could I have done differently, But
Speaker 1: then at the same time, I'm like, you couldn't have
Speaker 1: done anything differently because you didn't know any different So
Speaker 1: you did what you could at the time in terms of,
Speaker 1: you know, letting babies cry themselves to sleep. And now
Speaker 1: we're hearing about how that's abandonment trauma and you know,
Speaker 1: like all that stuff, and it's like, but we didn't know. Yeah,
Speaker 1: so actually we did our best.
Speaker 2: I think if you want to go extra on that
Speaker 2: extra woo woo, do you believe that each and every
Speaker 2: one of us have already got our paths written for us.
Speaker 3: Like when you talk.
Speaker 2: About woo woo in the universe, right, just going back
Speaker 2: to your trauma piece, the universe is written, right, It's
Speaker 2: already written for us.
Speaker 3: So technically, if they're meant to.
Speaker 2: Have trauma from you leaving them cry in their bed
Speaker 2: for an extra eight minutes when they were children, they're
Speaker 2: going to have that, Like it's already written. That doesn't
Speaker 2: change anything in the significance of how we show up
Speaker 2: on a day to day basis and how we can
Speaker 2: change and grow and evolve as we are as parents now.
Speaker 1: Yeah, but it's.
Speaker 3: Been and done. You can't change that it's all in
Speaker 3: the past, right, Yeah.
Speaker 1: And it's interesting you say that because out there on
Speaker 1: the whiteboard there is written in ideas podcast ideas. Has
Speaker 1: the universe already written your life? And I've wanted to
Speaker 1: do a podcast on that for a while, but I
Speaker 1: just don't know enough about that.
Speaker 3: See, yeah, I don't know either.
Speaker 2: But when I talk about that, I look at it
Speaker 2: and go, yes, each and every one of us from
Speaker 2: our childhood have a piece of trauma, if not seven, ten, twenty,
Speaker 2: depending upon what childhood you've had, like, it does play
Speaker 2: a part in who you are and how you show
Speaker 2: up now as a parent a hundred.
Speaker 1: And it's the lessons that you learn from it.
Speaker 2: But that's the difference is you've got to choose to
Speaker 2: learn the lessons to be able to evolve and become
Speaker 2: the next version of yourself, which then in turn benefits
Speaker 2: the children and benefits the people around you, but most importantly,
Speaker 2: it benefits yourself. So look, if they've got a bit
Speaker 2: of trauma, Katie, don't beat yourself up. They're gonna be okay.
Speaker 2: We are okay, We've had our little.
Speaker 3: Share of you know, in our childhoods. It's all good.
Speaker 1: What we're taking from this is if you lost your
Speaker 1: shit with your kids this morning. Yeah, it's's okay because
Speaker 1: it's all meant to be.
Speaker 3: Yeah.
Speaker 1: Am I bad mum for letting them?
Speaker 3: Just letting them?
Speaker 2: Yeah?
Speaker 1: See, this is a very controversial topic. It's unlike us.
Speaker 1: Not everyone's going to agree with what I've done. But
Speaker 1: let me explain my reasons for it.
Speaker 3: I'm nervous. Why am I nervous?
Speaker 1: I've got teenagers. Actually, when I say controversial, I also
Speaker 1: kind of feel like there's definitely people that will go, oh,
Speaker 1: my goodness, you can't do that. But well, I think
Speaker 1: there's people that say that about everything we do talk.
Speaker 3: About on here. Don't worry about just one topic.
Speaker 1: But I think also if we then take ourselves back
Speaker 1: to being teenagers, I reckon there's a lot of people
Speaker 1: that would also have done the same thing. So my
Speaker 1: girls are fifteen turning sixteen in a few months.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 1: Now they've been invited to their first party. Yeah, and
Speaker 1: so they're like, mum, you know, says any party, and
Speaker 1: can we go? I was like, yeah, of course you
Speaker 1: can go. Yeah, it's totally fine. And they said, just
Speaker 1: to let you know, and this is another reason, and
Speaker 1: for what I'm about to tell you, because they're quite
Speaker 1: sensible kids, like I trust them, and they're very open
Speaker 1: with us, like they talk about a lot. They said,
Speaker 1: I just let you know there's going to be alcohol there.
Speaker 1: And I was like okay, And they said, are you
Speaker 1: okay with that? And I was like mm hmm, yeah,
Speaker 1: because I really hope that I've given you the education
Speaker 1: to know what to do in that situation, like you
Speaker 1: don't want to be drinking alcohol and vomiting in the
Speaker 1: gutter and being brought home by a policeman.
Speaker 3: Extreme, Yeah, keep going.
Speaker 1: First of all, they asked me, like what do we do,
Speaker 1: Like should we take something with it? And I was like, yeah, absolutely.
Speaker 1: When you go to someone's house and they've invited you
Speaker 1: over for something, I would always take you know, as
Speaker 1: an adult, I would take you know, bott of wine whatever.
Speaker 3: Yeah.
Speaker 1: And so I said to them, I'm fine with you
Speaker 1: taking Avoka Cruiser each.
Speaker 3: What did they say?
Speaker 1: And they were like okay, yeah, great, And I said,
Speaker 1: and I want you to be sensible around if there's
Speaker 1: other stuff on offer or whatever, then I'm trusting you. Yeah, yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: I'm giving you my support. I'm going to take you
Speaker 1: to this party and I'm going to pick you up
Speaker 1: afterwards and you can take of AKA cruiser. And I
Speaker 1: want the rest of your decisions that evening to be
Speaker 1: sensible ones that I'll be proud of. Yeah, And they
Speaker 1: were like, yeah, okay, we wouldn't want any more than that. Anyway,
Speaker 1: I was like, okay, cool.
Speaker 3: Now.
Speaker 1: The controversial part is it's technically illegal, I.
Speaker 3: Know, underage drinking.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 1: However, my thing is at the moment, my kids are
Speaker 1: opening up to me and they're telling me stuff. So
Speaker 1: they're telling me when their friends are vaping, they're telling
Speaker 1: me when someone's done something with a boy, they're telling
Speaker 1: me when there's alcohol at you know, they could have
Speaker 1: easily said to me, oh yeah, her parents, And I
Speaker 1: do believe the parents are going to be there. I mean,
Speaker 1: I can't imagine you'd ever want fifty teenagers in your house.
Speaker 3: Absolutely not.
Speaker 1: But my thing is that if I say no to
Speaker 1: that stuff now, and obviously there's limits, like I'm not
Speaker 1: going to say yes to bloody bottle of vodka, vockerans
Speaker 1: and cocaine. I'm definitely not going to do that. However,
Speaker 1: my thing is, at the moment they're being very honest
Speaker 1: with me, yeah, And I also know my girls would
Speaker 1: be feeling quite guilty if they were lying to me
Speaker 1: about stuff, because it's just the type of kids they
Speaker 1: are at the moment. Who knows if that will change. Yeah,
Speaker 1: but I'm like, if I'm the parent that says no
Speaker 1: to that, then they're just going to do it anyway
Speaker 1: and start lying about it.
Speaker 2: Yeah, you're trying to weigh up which way is yeah,
Speaker 2: the way to navigate this. There's no best way to
Speaker 2: navigate this.
Speaker 1: And the interesting part is they then said to me
Speaker 1: they're going with a friend, and I said, why don't
Speaker 1: you write her over? You know, you can get ready
Speaker 1: together and get dressed and all that kind of stuff,
Speaker 1: and will drop you and her off. Amelia said to me, Mum,
Speaker 1: will you be able to get a vodka cruzer for
Speaker 1: this other friend? And I said, only if I can
Speaker 1: speak to her mom or dad. I said, I'm not
Speaker 1: just buying alcohol for your friends. For someone else's child,
Speaker 1: I said, does her parents know? So you're asking me
Speaker 1: to buy it? And she wi no, That's why I'm
Speaker 1: asking you to buy it because her mum won't let
Speaker 1: her have one. And I was like, okay, cool, Well,
Speaker 1: I'm absolutely not going to then there's no way. But
Speaker 1: what's interesting is that that friend has asked her to
Speaker 1: ask me to get it, so she's fully intending on
Speaker 1: doing it behind her parents back because they've said no.
Speaker 1: This is my argument. It's like what's right, what's right,
Speaker 1: and what's wrong? You can do I did it anyway.
Speaker 1: I used to lie to my mom all the time.
Speaker 1: I used to tell her I was having a sleepover
Speaker 1: at someone's house. I'd get the train to the city
Speaker 1: and go to a nightclub with a fake idea, Like
Speaker 1: my mom had no idea. But that's because she didn't
Speaker 1: allow a certain it was.
Speaker 3: Just a definite no. Yeah, yeah.
Speaker 2: I think it's a super hard one. There's no right
Speaker 2: or wrong answer. You'll have pushback on either side of
Speaker 2: the decision. I am exactly like you. I learnt the
Speaker 2: very hard way because I don't think it was just
Speaker 2: even a conversation with my mum. It wasn't even brought
Speaker 2: up right because I also knew that the answer would
Speaker 2: be a clear no yeah, kind of like that other
Speaker 2: side of going why would I lure her in and go, hey.
Speaker 3: This is what I'm thinking of doing. What are your thoughts?
Speaker 2: And she would have been like over my dead body.
Speaker 2: You know, that's exactly the mom that she was, So
Speaker 2: that would be in definite no.
Speaker 3: But did that stop me. Absolutely not.
Speaker 2: I had my fair share of those experiences underage.
Speaker 3: I don't know. I don't think there's a right or wrong.
Speaker 2: I think the education piece that you set as a
Speaker 2: tone with your children from get go about alcohol is
Speaker 2: really important.
Speaker 1: Yeah. So I've definitely had the conversation around the dangers
Speaker 1: of alcohol, which they've done at school as well, Like
Speaker 1: they're aware the dangers of alcohol, the keeping yourself safe,
Speaker 1: you know. I've even talked to them about you know,
Speaker 1: those sickly sweet like Alco pops and how you don't
Speaker 1: even feel like you're drinking and the next minute it
Speaker 1: hits you, and that you should have it super slowly.
Speaker 1: And also the like the reason why there's an agent
Speaker 1: limit on alcohol is because it's really not good for
Speaker 1: your child brain that's still developing.
Speaker 3: Yeah, to have it.
Speaker 1: So I think one is a problem.
Speaker 3: Not really do.
Speaker 1: I think that I'm pretty confident that the education around
Speaker 1: it is understood and I do have a trust for them.
Speaker 3: Yeah.
Speaker 2: I think the other part is that it was always
Speaker 2: an open conversation when we were more of the older
Speaker 2: side of the underage, so like seventeen or whatever, and
Speaker 2: the house parties that we would go to, the parents
Speaker 2: knew we were drinking. So it was just around that
Speaker 2: whole understanding of like your body size, the capacity in
Speaker 2: which it can contain, like in terms of alcohol, and
Speaker 2: sort of what the side effects are and how they
Speaker 2: can affect you. And I think you've laid with the conversation. Well,
Speaker 2: it's one of those real hard ones where you go,
Speaker 2: would you rather them behind your back doing it or
Speaker 2: in front of your face? Yeah, because either way I
Speaker 2: believe that they will experiment and try it. So you're
Speaker 2: opting for the first one to be upfront, honest and
Speaker 2: in front of you.
Speaker 3: Yeah. Right, Yep. It's a tough one.
Speaker 1: Because I imagine there'd be people listening going, oh my god,
Speaker 1: what are you doing? Absolutely not. Well, I get that
Speaker 1: to you in it.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 1: Well it's the same as before you have children and
Speaker 1: you go, I'm never going to have my child sitting
Speaker 1: on an iPad at dinner in a restaurant. The next
Speaker 1: with it, Yeah, it changes.
Speaker 3: This is the thing though.
Speaker 2: We can hold judgment from the start, right from the
Speaker 2: get go. Oh, I never do that, and then you're
Speaker 2: in the thick of it and you're going, oh, fuck,
Speaker 2: this is really affected the way that I thought I
Speaker 2: would show up as a parent, or you know along
Speaker 2: the lines. Something's sort of change. Now you're navigating two
Speaker 2: near sixteen year old girls, then education is the key.
Speaker 2: I don't think that you can ever stop it. They've
Speaker 2: got to make the decision whether they do want to
Speaker 2: experiment with it or they don't.
Speaker 3: We can't stop that either.
Speaker 2: We can continue to influence them and teach them the
Speaker 2: side effects.
Speaker 3: Like I'm like that with drugs.
Speaker 2: I'm heavy on the chat about drugs because I do
Speaker 2: not condemn them at all.
Speaker 1: Yeah. I mean, look, it's going to be a totally
Speaker 1: different story if they come to me one day and
Speaker 1: say we want to just try some heroin at this party.
Speaker 3: Of probably well the answer to this one will be no.
Speaker 3: But yeah, hard one.
Speaker 2: To navigate that great topic because I think it's so relevant,
Speaker 2: especially for all of the mums and dads navigating teenagers
Speaker 2: right now. Yeah, tough one.
Speaker 1: Thank God, who would have thought you were there already
Speaker 1: if only I was having just one vocka crew were
Speaker 1: at a party at sixteen
Speaker 3: And not coming home in a police car,