WEBVTT - ADHD, Hormones, and Figuring It All Out | Meredith Carder - 926 0:00:01.680 --> 0:00:07.480 She said, it's now never I got fighting in my blood. 0:00:09.039 --> 0:00:12.520 I'm tiff. This is Roll with the Punches and we're 0:00:12.520 --> 0:00:17.119 turning life's hardest hits into wins. Nobody wants to go 0:00:17.200 --> 0:00:20.599 to court, and don't. My friends at test Art Family 0:00:20.680 --> 0:00:25.160 Lawyers know that they offer all forms of alternative dispute resolution. 0:00:25.720 --> 0:00:29.240 Their team of Melbourne family lawyers have extensive experience in 0:00:29.360 --> 0:00:32.960 all areas of family law to facto and same sex couples, 0:00:33.159 --> 0:00:37.280 custody and children, family violence and intervention orders, property settlements 0:00:37.360 --> 0:00:41.720 and financial agreements. Test Art is in your corner, so 0:00:41.840 --> 0:00:45.440 reach out to Mark and the team at www dot 0:00:45.800 --> 0:00:54.880 test Artfamilylawyers dot com dot au. Meredithcarter, Welcome to Roll 0:00:54.880 --> 0:00:55.600 with the Punches. 0:00:56.400 --> 0:00:58.080 I'm so excited for a conversation. 0:00:58.960 --> 0:01:01.360 Me too, mate, So good to have you on though. 0:01:01.880 --> 0:01:04.240 Would you like to give a little intro to myself 0:01:04.280 --> 0:01:07.280 and the listeners as to how you describe who you 0:01:07.319 --> 0:01:07.959 are and what you do? 0:01:08.959 --> 0:01:11.559 Sure? My name is Meredith Carter. I think you dressed 0:01:11.560 --> 0:01:18.360 just said that, But i am an ADHD coach, creator, writer, speaker. 0:01:19.280 --> 0:01:22.880 I've been working in this space for about six years now. 0:01:24.200 --> 0:01:29.720 I started creating ADHD content a few years after my 0:01:29.840 --> 0:01:36.200 diagnosis and after really wanting to dive into the coaching 0:01:36.240 --> 0:01:40.560 world around ADHD and have spent the last couple of 0:01:40.600 --> 0:01:44.160 years just exploring that field and learning everything I could 0:01:44.240 --> 0:01:46.959 about the ADHD bring love it. 0:01:47.000 --> 0:01:50.560 What was your experience like going through the diagnosis process 0:01:50.600 --> 0:01:52.240 and all of that six years ago. 0:01:53.720 --> 0:01:59.520 It was quite interesting At this time. I'd already kind 0:01:59.520 --> 0:02:03.680 of self identified several years before that, so I've sort 0:02:03.720 --> 0:02:07.320 of known I likely had ADHD for almost a decade now. 0:02:07.760 --> 0:02:11.720 My daughter was diagnosed with ADHD, and during that process, 0:02:11.760 --> 0:02:14.680 that's when the light bulbs really started going off for me. 0:02:15.960 --> 0:02:20.080 But because I struggled so much with executive functions like 0:02:20.240 --> 0:02:25.280 planning and prioritizing, it just didn't feel that important to 0:02:25.520 --> 0:02:27.880 go through the process. And then when I decided to 0:02:27.919 --> 0:02:31.400 do it, I had a really hard time following through. 0:02:31.560 --> 0:02:35.320 Like I would identify some providers I wanted to work 0:02:35.360 --> 0:02:38.639 with for the assessment, I would leave messages, not get 0:02:38.639 --> 0:02:41.519 phone calls back, and then six months later I would 0:02:41.560 --> 0:02:43.280 be like, Oh, I really want to get on this again. 0:02:43.760 --> 0:02:47.280 So it took a while to really complete the process. 0:02:47.840 --> 0:02:50.920 Once I did get the appointment scheduled and go through 0:02:50.960 --> 0:02:55.400 that piece, I actually had a pretty good experience. I 0:02:55.480 --> 0:02:58.160 was a little bit terrified because I'd heard so many 0:02:58.200 --> 0:03:03.239 horror stories about called women not being believed that their 0:03:03.280 --> 0:03:07.120 struggles were as intense as they were. I've always been 0:03:07.880 --> 0:03:11.200 really good at masking my struggles and covering them up 0:03:11.240 --> 0:03:13.560 and appearing like I'm functioning, just flying to the world. 0:03:13.760 --> 0:03:17.720 So I had a lot of anxiety around would these 0:03:17.760 --> 0:03:20.919 providers really listen to me? But I did. I did 0:03:20.960 --> 0:03:24.400 find a pretty informed provider and was able to get 0:03:24.440 --> 0:03:26.239 those answers. 0:03:26.520 --> 0:03:31.079 And what was your outcome? What was what were you seeking? 0:03:31.160 --> 0:03:33.679 What was the path for you? 0:03:33.680 --> 0:03:36.800 You know, at that point, I had already been studying 0:03:36.920 --> 0:03:40.920 ADHD and really diving into the information so that I 0:03:40.960 --> 0:03:43.640 could help my daughter. I think at that point I 0:03:43.720 --> 0:03:46.880 was already interested in becoming an ADHD coach. I had 0:03:46.920 --> 0:03:50.800 worked with a coach, I had been kind of implementing 0:03:50.840 --> 0:03:53.880 the strategies and tips I was learning about already in 0:03:53.920 --> 0:03:56.960 my life and in my daughter's life. But I really 0:03:57.000 --> 0:04:01.400 felt like I needed that professional opinion if I was 0:04:01.440 --> 0:04:04.240 going to be working with people with ADHD. I also 0:04:04.520 --> 0:04:07.360 know that there's so many other things that can look 0:04:07.440 --> 0:04:11.400 like ADHD, so I wanted to rule those out to 0:04:11.440 --> 0:04:15.320 make sure I was attacking the difficulties I was having 0:04:15.320 --> 0:04:16.680 from the right angles. 0:04:17.600 --> 0:04:19.080 What are some of those things? 0:04:19.800 --> 0:04:23.839 You know, it's very common for women with ADHD to 0:04:23.960 --> 0:04:31.480 be struggling also with anxiety or depression. Oftentimes symptoms of 0:04:31.560 --> 0:04:35.960 trauma can look like ADHD symptoms, and oftentimes you're dealing 0:04:35.960 --> 0:04:38.719 with more than just ADHD. It can be an intersection 0:04:38.800 --> 0:04:40.120 of a lot of those things. 0:04:40.760 --> 0:04:42.800 How do we know? How do we know what the 0:04:42.960 --> 0:04:43.800 origin is? 0:04:44.680 --> 0:04:48.279 I think that's where working with a skilled provider is 0:04:48.360 --> 0:04:52.640 really important, because they're going to be able to not 0:04:52.720 --> 0:04:54.840 just look at one or two symptoms, but look at 0:04:54.920 --> 0:05:00.000 the collection of symptoms and hear your input and understand 0:05:00.040 --> 0:05:05.400 and from a clinical perspective how it's impacting you, and hopefully, 0:05:05.560 --> 0:05:09.360 if they are an informed provider, be able to also 0:05:10.320 --> 0:05:13.560 roll out or confirm what else is going on. 0:05:16.040 --> 0:05:20.559 Do you think it's changed over the six years? Well, 0:05:20.600 --> 0:05:23.120 what has changed? I should say I. 0:05:23.120 --> 0:05:27.720 Think a lot has changed. There really was this kind 0:05:27.760 --> 0:05:31.520 of space and time around the time of the pandemic 0:05:31.800 --> 0:05:36.159 where people were spending a lot more time on their phones. 0:05:37.320 --> 0:05:40.599 People that had been working in the ADHD space already, 0:05:40.680 --> 0:05:45.600 and advocacy and coaching began sharing information online in new ways. 0:05:46.520 --> 0:05:49.560 You saw people getting on Instagram and TikTok that probably 0:05:49.600 --> 0:05:52.680 wouldn't have earlier, Like me, I'm one of those people. 0:05:53.520 --> 0:05:56.359 I would have probably built like coaching practice in a 0:05:56.440 --> 0:06:00.760 more traditional way with more of a local focus, had 0:06:00.760 --> 0:06:05.640 the pandemic not happened. But people started just all of 0:06:05.680 --> 0:06:09.640 a sudden understanding more about ADHD. They were seeing themselves 0:06:09.680 --> 0:06:14.000 in this type of content, uh, and they were seeking answers. 0:06:14.440 --> 0:06:18.159 I think during that time it was also a time 0:06:18.200 --> 0:06:21.600 where people that had kind of learned how to accommodate 0:06:21.640 --> 0:06:25.240 themselves and learned a lot of coping strategies, whether they 0:06:25.240 --> 0:06:27.560 were the best coping strategies they could have learned or not, 0:06:28.560 --> 0:06:31.000 a lot of those things fell apart during the pandemic 0:06:31.240 --> 0:06:34.599 because you just didn't have access to them. So a 0:06:34.640 --> 0:06:37.719 lot of people were struggling even more than they were before. 0:06:37.920 --> 0:06:40.120 It was kind of the straw that broke the camel's 0:06:40.160 --> 0:06:41.920 back for a lot of people. So there was more 0:06:41.960 --> 0:06:48.200 demand for information, and you know, coaches and professionals met 0:06:48.200 --> 0:06:50.839 that demand. And during that time there's also been a 0:06:50.839 --> 0:06:56.000 lot of advocacy asking providers to to sharpen their skills 0:06:56.040 --> 0:07:00.680 around ADHD. There's not a lot of ADHD education that 0:07:00.839 --> 0:07:05.760 happens when someone is getting a degree to work with 0:07:06.040 --> 0:07:10.360 mental health, so oftentimes that means a provider has to 0:07:10.400 --> 0:07:13.040 seek that out on their own. And as providers, we're 0:07:13.040 --> 0:07:15.600 seeing more and more people coming in asking about ADHD 0:07:15.680 --> 0:07:18.160 a lot more strengthen their education as well. 0:07:19.280 --> 0:07:22.880 Sweet weed, isn't it? It is? 0:07:23.080 --> 0:07:27.560 Oftentimes I tect to clients and I don't want to 0:07:27.600 --> 0:07:30.920 scare anyone off from like ever seeking a professional opinion. 0:07:31.080 --> 0:07:34.200 But if they are lucky enough to have a skilled 0:07:34.200 --> 0:07:37.880 provider in their area that's like a specialist around ADHD, 0:07:38.560 --> 0:07:41.880 oftentimes they'll just seek answers from like their general practitioner 0:07:42.240 --> 0:07:46.080 or someone that's more of a generalist, and they'll say 0:07:46.120 --> 0:07:49.640 things like I felt like I knew more about ADHD 0:07:50.080 --> 0:07:55.200 than my doctor did. And that's really frustrating to hear, 0:07:55.400 --> 0:07:59.480 because it can be really tough to get answers and 0:07:59.520 --> 0:08:02.440 seek that and have the courage to ask for that 0:08:02.560 --> 0:08:08.360 professional opinion and then realize that perhaps that provider's information 0:08:08.520 --> 0:08:11.680 is outdated or just really not very deep. 0:08:13.720 --> 0:08:19.160 If people are seeking a diagnosis or some support and 0:08:19.200 --> 0:08:22.680 they're right at the beginning stage, what do you think, 0:08:23.000 --> 0:08:25.680 what are the red flags or the green flags in 0:08:25.760 --> 0:08:28.960 terms of finding good support, good understanding. How do we 0:08:29.080 --> 0:08:33.240 know that the person we're seeing is treating us no 0:08:33.280 --> 0:08:38.319 matter what their qualifications, without a lens of their own bias. 0:08:39.480 --> 0:08:43.160 Yeah, some of the rad flags I would say it 0:08:43.160 --> 0:08:46.000 would be if your provider says something like how did 0:08:46.080 --> 0:08:49.400 you know learn about ADHD? Or what makes you think 0:08:49.400 --> 0:08:51.480 you have ADHD? And if you share like I learned 0:08:51.520 --> 0:08:53.880 about it online or something like that, and they dismiss 0:08:53.920 --> 0:08:57.280 you right away. There is a lot of information out 0:08:57.280 --> 0:08:59.240 there on the internet that's not quite accurate, So I 0:08:59.320 --> 0:09:04.040 understand then, but it really shouldn't matter to a provider 0:09:04.160 --> 0:09:06.680 why you're in their office. Their job is to help 0:09:06.720 --> 0:09:09.760 you discern if this is it, not to you know, 0:09:10.160 --> 0:09:13.599 kind of belittle you for how you came to these questions. 0:09:14.440 --> 0:09:19.480 I would also struggle with a provider that didn't ask 0:09:19.600 --> 0:09:23.320 questions about how your symptoms might show up in other 0:09:23.480 --> 0:09:26.920 areas of life, in different life stages for you. So 0:09:27.320 --> 0:09:31.680 most ADHD people that work in the field will be 0:09:31.760 --> 0:09:37.720 looking for evidence that it existed in childhood. So if 0:09:37.760 --> 0:09:41.120 their questions around that piece are how did you do 0:09:41.240 --> 0:09:42.920 in school? And if you said I did pretty good 0:09:42.920 --> 0:09:44.920 in school, and they're like, well, if you can't have ADHD, 0:09:45.440 --> 0:09:50.160 that would be a red flag because role it's you know, 0:09:50.440 --> 0:09:53.320 kind of the stereotype is the child that can't focus 0:09:53.320 --> 0:09:55.360 at school, that's falling out of their chair, that's getting 0:09:55.360 --> 0:09:58.040 in trouble all the time. It doesn't always present that 0:09:58.080 --> 0:10:01.200 way for everyone. A lot of people, it eachd have 0:10:01.400 --> 0:10:04.280 really curious brains. So if you were the kid that 0:10:04.360 --> 0:10:08.960 was interested in school, you might have done well. So 0:10:09.120 --> 0:10:11.840 well those doctors that aren't seeing nuance when they ask 0:10:11.920 --> 0:10:14.160 those questions, I think that would be a red flag 0:10:14.200 --> 0:10:14.640 as well. 0:10:15.960 --> 0:10:19.200 It's so interesting. I think maybe three years ago I 0:10:19.360 --> 0:10:24.320 had a diagnosis and same questions, you know, like thinking 0:10:24.360 --> 0:10:29.600 back to childhood and you know, when you only have 0:10:29.760 --> 0:10:34.360 your own childhood to judge, like you and you don't like, 0:10:34.400 --> 0:10:38.040 we don't have a benchmark of what's good behavior, what's distracted. 0:10:38.200 --> 0:10:41.079 Like I was just a lively kid and I looked 0:10:41.080 --> 0:10:43.960 back it was like, ah, I edit, all right, but 0:10:44.000 --> 0:10:46.440 I'm just doing a course at the moment, And Jesus, 0:10:46.440 --> 0:10:50.040 it's funny to go with a new understanding and self 0:10:50.040 --> 0:10:53.560 awareness to look at how I deal with the stuff. 0:10:53.600 --> 0:10:56.520 I the stuff are comfortable in learning and the stuff 0:10:56.559 --> 0:10:59.800 that challenges me a bit. And I'm like, it's really 0:10:59.840 --> 0:11:02.559 funny because I see the moments where I'm like, there 0:11:02.559 --> 0:11:06.320 were some there were some subjects where I would just 0:11:06.840 --> 0:11:11.080 annoyingly annihilate it and almost to the annoyance of the teachers, 0:11:11.080 --> 0:11:13.520 because they're like, you distract everybody, and you shouldn't even 0:11:13.520 --> 0:11:15.920 deserve to name in this subject you're annoying. You should 0:11:15.920 --> 0:11:19.240 be like I'm sitting I'm sat outside on a desk 0:11:19.440 --> 0:11:22.680 half of the lesson every time. And then there were 0:11:23.000 --> 0:11:26.680 there were subjects where I just because of whatever the 0:11:26.760 --> 0:11:28.800 reason why it be the teacher or the environment or 0:11:28.800 --> 0:11:32.080 the people and the distractions or just the lack of interest, 0:11:32.520 --> 0:11:34.680 I just didn't learn a thing and I would just 0:11:34.679 --> 0:11:37.360 get disruptive and sent out. So it was like, yeah, 0:11:37.480 --> 0:11:41.920 oh yeah, I'm a good student. I was like, yeah, maybe, 0:11:42.559 --> 0:11:44.760 or maybe it's complicated. 0:11:44.880 --> 0:11:48.079 Right. Oftentimes they think if you are looking at a 0:11:48.120 --> 0:11:51.160 students ripport cord and they have all ease and then 0:11:51.360 --> 0:11:55.120 like one D or F or even a C and 0:11:55.400 --> 0:12:00.920 it's consistently as across a certain subject, or if you 0:12:01.000 --> 0:12:04.240 see like really strange patterns that don't match up I 0:12:04.320 --> 0:12:08.800 think sometimes that's worth exploring because our brains with ADHD 0:12:08.920 --> 0:12:10.719 can get hyper focused on the things we want to 0:12:10.800 --> 0:12:12.679 learn about. So if we have a teacher that creates 0:12:12.720 --> 0:12:17.400 the right environment that's interesting, that brings some challenge into 0:12:17.440 --> 0:12:21.760 the learning, we likely will do. Okay. If we have 0:12:22.040 --> 0:12:25.160 a subject or a teacher or an environment that's not working, 0:12:25.360 --> 0:12:27.200 then it's going to be really really hard for our 0:12:27.240 --> 0:12:29.760 brains to engage. So I was that kid too, where 0:12:30.320 --> 0:12:33.199 all a's and then math was always a disaster. I 0:12:33.760 --> 0:12:36.920 really really struggled until I got to college actually and 0:12:37.040 --> 0:12:40.679 took a class on statistics, and in that class I 0:12:40.760 --> 0:12:43.040 did great because I could. I found it kind of 0:12:43.160 --> 0:12:46.600 interesting to see patterns and it was so much more 0:12:46.640 --> 0:12:48.520 applied to real life that I was like, Okay, I 0:12:48.559 --> 0:12:51.520 get why I'm learning this now. So sometimes it's not 0:12:51.720 --> 0:12:55.440 even just like a pattern across a subject matter. Sometimes 0:12:55.480 --> 0:12:57.319 it really has to do with how it's applied and 0:12:57.400 --> 0:13:00.320 how our brains can make sense of the information. Yeah. 0:13:00.480 --> 0:13:06.840 Yeah, And what's your take on natural versus medicated management? 0:13:08.120 --> 0:13:11.959 You know, I think it's really individual. I do think 0:13:12.240 --> 0:13:15.640 medication for a lot of people can be life changing. 0:13:17.480 --> 0:13:20.280 The thing about ADG medication and I'm not adopted, so 0:13:20.360 --> 0:13:25.520 please don't ever take this as medical advice. But ADG medication, 0:13:25.679 --> 0:13:31.640 especially stimulant medication or specifically stimulant medication, is something that's 0:13:31.720 --> 0:13:35.160 like in and out of your system within a certain 0:13:35.160 --> 0:13:37.640 amount of hours, so it's not going to build in 0:13:37.760 --> 0:13:40.959 your system in the same way maybe an SSRI would. 0:13:41.640 --> 0:13:46.800 So that being said, you can try ADHD medication, and 0:13:46.880 --> 0:13:49.040 if the side effects aren't working for you or you're 0:13:49.080 --> 0:13:51.360 not getting the results you want, it's very easy to 0:13:51.520 --> 0:13:57.040 discontinue using it. So it is I think for some people, 0:13:57.240 --> 0:13:59.760 just kind of knowing, Okay, I'm going to try this, 0:14:00.000 --> 0:14:02.920 I don't have to commit to this forever or for 0:14:03.000 --> 0:14:06.160 a very long period of time can be helpful. There's 0:14:06.200 --> 0:14:08.720 also a lot of research that there's certain age ranges 0:14:09.160 --> 0:14:11.760 in children as well, where if it can help them 0:14:11.880 --> 0:14:15.600 kind of really like remoedal the pathways in their brain 0:14:15.840 --> 0:14:19.040 and calm their brain down enough that they can kind 0:14:19.080 --> 0:14:23.480 of you get some you know, increased to learning and 0:14:23.640 --> 0:14:26.560 reduce impacts later in life. So I really think it's 0:14:26.600 --> 0:14:30.440 worth investigating. That. Being said, sometimes there's side effects that 0:14:30.480 --> 0:14:33.400 don't work for people. Sometimes people have other health conditions 0:14:33.480 --> 0:14:36.160 that don't make them a good candidate. I think the 0:14:36.240 --> 0:14:40.320 statistics around eighty percent of people with ADHD find benefit 0:14:40.400 --> 0:14:42.960 from medication, but that means there's twenty percent of people 0:14:43.000 --> 0:14:46.800 that are not going to be able to have that 0:14:46.920 --> 0:14:50.720 same benefit or are not candidates. So keeping that in mind, 0:14:50.840 --> 0:14:54.640 I do think that even if you're taking medication, you 0:14:55.080 --> 0:14:57.640 still need to build different skills, and you still need 0:14:57.760 --> 0:15:01.520 strategies and support in a common to truly feel like 0:15:01.560 --> 0:15:02.680 you're thriving with ADHD. 0:15:04.200 --> 0:15:05.680 What do some of those look like? 0:15:06.600 --> 0:15:08.880 You know, there are so many things that we could 0:15:08.960 --> 0:15:11.640 talk about here, but a lot of it has to 0:15:11.760 --> 0:15:15.800 do with shaping your environment in a way that is 0:15:16.760 --> 0:15:19.280 better suited to your brain. So a lot of the 0:15:20.280 --> 0:15:24.840 productivity hacks and things that people use for neurotypical people 0:15:24.960 --> 0:15:30.440 don't always work for ADHD brains. So thinking about what 0:15:30.720 --> 0:15:34.640 motivates an ADHD and there's a few things that are 0:15:34.760 --> 0:15:37.440 commonly known to you to help motivate an ADHD, and 0:15:37.520 --> 0:15:47.880 that's urgency, challenge, creativity, What am I missing? There's a 0:15:47.960 --> 0:15:52.840 couple more interest and novelty. So thinking about those factors 0:15:53.000 --> 0:15:55.880 and thinking about, Okay, I'm going to create an environment 0:15:56.360 --> 0:15:59.560 that has those things in it. Knowing how your brain 0:15:59.640 --> 0:16:03.320 works is really really helpful. So oftentimes, like people will 0:16:03.320 --> 0:16:05.760 get an ADHD diagnosis and be like, Okay, I'm gonna 0:16:05.760 --> 0:16:09.320 try this medication, and maybe it does help them initiate 0:16:09.480 --> 0:16:13.160 tasks or feel like they can focus better, it's not 0:16:13.280 --> 0:16:18.680 going to necessarily help them build the skills to really 0:16:18.960 --> 0:16:21.360 deal with some of the other symptoms that medication doesn't address. 0:16:21.600 --> 0:16:24.440 So that's really important to have that, like understanding about 0:16:24.480 --> 0:16:25.440 how your brain is wired. 0:16:26.280 --> 0:16:31.080 Yeah, and did you yourself like you do ADHD coaching mail? 0:16:31.200 --> 0:16:34.560 Is that something that you sought out and experienced yourself 0:16:34.600 --> 0:16:35.480 from the other side? 0:16:36.560 --> 0:16:40.560 Yes, yeah, I had. I had been really trying to 0:16:40.920 --> 0:16:43.040 read a lot. I love to read, but I was 0:16:43.080 --> 0:16:45.240 struggling because a lot of the books I was finding 0:16:45.360 --> 0:16:48.200 were just talking about how to manage ADHD in children. 0:16:49.400 --> 0:16:51.760 I wasn't finding a lot that was written from like 0:16:51.880 --> 0:16:55.920 the lived experience of someone with ADHD. So I actually 0:16:55.960 --> 0:17:02.480 have found some courses through the add Coaching Academy ADKA 0:17:02.720 --> 0:17:04.879 is the academic used for that, and I had enrolled 0:17:04.880 --> 0:17:07.760 in a course more to just learn about ADHD than 0:17:07.840 --> 0:17:10.200 to get into coaching. But as soon as I took 0:17:10.280 --> 0:17:12.800 that first course. I think I really didn't even know 0:17:12.920 --> 0:17:15.280 what ADHD coaching was when I signed up for that, 0:17:15.520 --> 0:17:18.840 but I was like, oh my gosh, this is really fascinating, 0:17:19.200 --> 0:17:21.680 and I decided to work with a coach one on 0:17:21.840 --> 0:17:26.840 one during that time, and after that experience, it was 0:17:26.920 --> 0:17:29.280 pretty life changing for me. I decided to continue with 0:17:29.400 --> 0:17:32.080 the courses I already had worked in employee coaching at 0:17:32.080 --> 0:17:35.119 the time and training and development. So it was so 0:17:35.280 --> 0:17:38.680 awesome to be able to find a way to apply 0:17:38.760 --> 0:17:41.399 the skills I already had with coaching to something that 0:17:41.560 --> 0:17:43.480 felt so life changing for me. 0:17:44.680 --> 0:17:48.520 Yeah, yeah, do fund You probably don't because people come 0:17:48.600 --> 0:17:53.479 to you. So I'm thinking about on D, Like, when 0:17:53.560 --> 0:17:58.680 I think of an IDHD coach, I'm like one where 0:17:58.680 --> 0:18:00.280 I'm not doing things. I don't want to be what 0:18:00.359 --> 0:18:02.879 to do, don't. I don't want someone to boss me 0:18:02.920 --> 0:18:04.680 around and tell me stuff I already know that I'm 0:18:04.720 --> 0:18:07.320 just not doing. Okay, do'll we get over that home. 0:18:08.080 --> 0:18:09.840 Yeah? A lot of us really don't like being told 0:18:09.920 --> 0:18:13.080 what to do. That is so true, And an ADHD 0:18:13.240 --> 0:18:16.200 coach isn't really there to tell you what to do. 0:18:17.000 --> 0:18:21.560 They're there to ask you powerful questions that help you 0:18:21.760 --> 0:18:25.520 identify what strategies are going to work for you best. 0:18:26.200 --> 0:18:33.080 And you know, most coaching is more inquiry based versus directive, 0:18:33.920 --> 0:18:36.760 and the difference between kind of just a general life 0:18:36.760 --> 0:18:39.120 coach and ADHD coaches. They're going to be looking at 0:18:39.160 --> 0:18:42.359 that all through like an ADHD lens. So they're going 0:18:42.480 --> 0:18:47.200 to help you understand the root of your resistance or 0:18:47.480 --> 0:18:51.159 your struggles and be sprinkling in that like kind of 0:18:51.200 --> 0:18:54.719 psycho education into the coaching process and help you develop 0:18:55.080 --> 0:18:59.360 strategies that make sense for you personally and for ADHD. 0:18:59.720 --> 0:19:03.920 So really, a trained ADHD coach isn't going to spend 0:19:03.960 --> 0:19:06.680 a whole section being our session being like, Okay, here's 0:19:06.680 --> 0:19:08.639 what you're gonna do, like they're that would be more 0:19:08.680 --> 0:19:12.400 like mentorship, that you'd be able to find those tips 0:19:12.440 --> 0:19:14.840 and tricks like they're in my book, they're they're out there, 0:19:14.880 --> 0:19:17.840 they're everywhere, and they can be super helpful. But a 0:19:17.920 --> 0:19:22.439 coach should guide you and help you find personalized strategies 0:19:22.600 --> 0:19:25.000 versus saying, hey, this is how you do it. And 0:19:25.080 --> 0:19:27.760 it works so much better than just having someone direct 0:19:27.880 --> 0:19:29.520 you and tell you what to do, because then you've 0:19:29.520 --> 0:19:31.720 bought into it and you kind of come to the 0:19:31.800 --> 0:19:32.600 best fit for you. 0:19:33.640 --> 0:19:37.119 Yeah, and what are people when people do come to you, 0:19:37.800 --> 0:19:39.879 what are I asking for? What do they do? They 0:19:40.000 --> 0:19:42.320 have goals? Or are they just going this is I'm 0:19:42.640 --> 0:19:44.680 not coping with myself. 0:19:45.720 --> 0:19:48.280 You know. When I first started coaching, I was very 0:19:48.400 --> 0:19:53.000 much like just doing like the generalist thing. So clients 0:19:53.040 --> 0:19:56.560 were coming to me with all kinds of focuses they 0:19:56.640 --> 0:19:59.720 wanted to to really explore. Some of them were looking 0:19:59.800 --> 0:20:02.480 to make career changes. I had a lot of clients 0:20:02.600 --> 0:20:05.920 that wanted to help with all of the decision making 0:20:06.240 --> 0:20:10.159 and really like landing on a new kind of focus 0:20:10.400 --> 0:20:14.280 or career for that would make better sense for how 0:20:14.359 --> 0:20:16.520 their brain is wired. So a lot of times it's 0:20:16.600 --> 0:20:21.240 that sometimes people are focused on a specific goal. These days, 0:20:21.400 --> 0:20:23.359 I don't do a ton of one on one coaching, 0:20:23.480 --> 0:20:28.040 but when I do, it's typically solopreneurs, small business owners 0:20:28.119 --> 0:20:30.719 that are trying to build their business in a way 0:20:30.800 --> 0:20:33.879 that makes sense for their brain because they've been there 0:20:33.960 --> 0:20:37.080 before and they've had experience burnout or they're feeling really 0:20:37.240 --> 0:20:41.520 stuck and they can't really find ways to structure their 0:20:41.600 --> 0:20:45.080 business without really having some intense struggles. 0:20:47.119 --> 0:20:50.800 Yeah, I don't have to business kids what are the differences? 0:20:52.240 --> 0:20:55.000 You know, it really is so hard to answer that question, 0:20:55.280 --> 0:20:59.679 because if you know somebody with ADHD, you know one 0:20:59.720 --> 0:21:03.440 person with ADHD, it can looks so differently across the 0:21:03.520 --> 0:21:10.280 lifespan and just from person to person. But to generalize things, oftentimes, 0:21:10.359 --> 0:21:15.720 something that's noticed is that as childhood progresses, and you 0:21:15.800 --> 0:21:20.159 know that child grows into like the teen years, college beyond, 0:21:21.000 --> 0:21:25.760 they might see a decrease in impulsivity. Impulsivity can sometimes 0:21:25.840 --> 0:21:32.200 soften a little bit. Oftentimes too, we start to get 0:21:32.240 --> 0:21:35.800 better at covering up our behaviors. We call that masking. 0:21:36.240 --> 0:21:38.960 So this happens a lot quicker. It seems like for 0:21:39.080 --> 0:21:45.280 girls than boys. Girls tend to really internalize outside messages 0:21:45.680 --> 0:21:50.639 much earlier, and we're very much socialized differently than boys 0:21:50.680 --> 0:21:55.640 in most cultures, and we have different expectations. So usually 0:21:55.680 --> 0:21:59.399 girls here loud and clearer early on the we're disruptive 0:21:59.600 --> 0:22:02.560 and that we need to fit in differently. So as 0:22:02.640 --> 0:22:06.640 we get older, we kind of develop like these coping mechanisms, 0:22:06.720 --> 0:22:10.200 whether we know we have ADHD or not. Uh So 0:22:11.040 --> 0:22:15.320 you'll see that more as kids grow into adulthood, Like 0:22:15.440 --> 0:22:18.399 it may look like a child has grown out of 0:22:18.440 --> 0:22:22.480 their ADHD. But what has happened oftentimes is that they've 0:22:22.720 --> 0:22:27.240 just gotten better at created workarounds and and masking their symptoms. 0:22:29.040 --> 0:22:35.000 When it comes to supporting as neurotypical people, what what 0:22:35.200 --> 0:22:39.080 can or how can we support or understand or be 0:22:39.320 --> 0:22:41.359 open minded? Like, well, w how do we bridge the 0:22:41.400 --> 0:22:44.879 gap between understanding and dealing with one another helping one another? 0:22:45.880 --> 0:22:47.680 I think that what you just said about being open 0:22:47.720 --> 0:22:53.920 minded is so so key. Oftentimes I talk to family 0:22:54.000 --> 0:22:56.359 members of people with ADHD and say that the number 0:22:56.440 --> 0:22:59.880 one thing they can do is to not assume inten 0:23:00.840 --> 0:23:04.520 So if they see their ADHD kid on the couch, 0:23:04.720 --> 0:23:08.960 avoiding homework and you know, avoiding sometimes even things they 0:23:09.000 --> 0:23:12.520 say they want to do, assuming they're lazy or assuming 0:23:12.560 --> 0:23:18.680 they're irresponsible, all that does is create more overwhelming shame 0:23:19.040 --> 0:23:24.960 for that child or that person. Instead of saying, okay, 0:23:25.040 --> 0:23:26.199 you told me you were going to do this, why 0:23:26.240 --> 0:23:28.560 didn't you do this? In like kind of an attacking way, 0:23:28.680 --> 0:23:30.680 say hey, I can see that maybe you're having a 0:23:30.720 --> 0:23:33.359 hard time starting this. What can I do to help? 0:23:33.600 --> 0:23:35.760 Or do you want to explore what might be going 0:23:35.840 --> 0:23:39.680 on here? So asking questions instead of making assumptions is 0:23:39.800 --> 0:23:44.240 really really helpful. I do think that learning about ADHD, 0:23:44.320 --> 0:23:48.040 if you truly are wanting to support that person in 0:23:48.160 --> 0:23:51.879 your life, the learning should be on both people. Instead 0:23:51.880 --> 0:23:54.720 of waiting for that ADHD person to like tell you 0:23:54.840 --> 0:23:59.399 everything about their condition, seek out some outside resources. It's 0:23:59.440 --> 0:24:01.320 probably going to give you a lot of insight and 0:24:01.760 --> 0:24:04.480 really help your communication with that person. 0:24:05.520 --> 0:24:10.119 Yeah, and when women are idea today, women are in 0:24:10.359 --> 0:24:13.920 that perimenopause and the menopausal stage of life, do you 0:24:14.640 --> 0:24:16.320 what knowledge do you have around that? 0:24:17.240 --> 0:24:19.520 Well, I am gaining a lot of knowledge around that 0:24:19.640 --> 0:24:21.879 these days, because that is the stage of life I 0:24:22.000 --> 0:24:25.920 am in. I am so thankful I was diagnosed before 0:24:25.960 --> 0:24:29.679 I hit this stage because that piece of information has 0:24:29.760 --> 0:24:33.520 been key with how I've kind of looked at the 0:24:33.640 --> 0:24:35.440 changes I was going to make in my life during 0:24:35.520 --> 0:24:40.320 this phase. And it's just also been really helpful understanding that, 0:24:42.080 --> 0:24:44.639