WEBVTT - Mini Motivation: Layne Beachley on overcoming childhood challenges

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<v Speaker 1>Why is it so hard to get real answers about

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<v Speaker 1>your health? If you've been told that everything looks fine,

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<v Speaker 1>but you know that something is off, we're not imagining it.

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<v Speaker 1>That's why I created Vitality three sixty to help you

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<v Speaker 1>better understand what's going on inside your body so that

0:00:16.520 --> 0:00:19.680
<v Speaker 1>you can take the targeted action needed. With a functional

0:00:19.680 --> 0:00:23.560
<v Speaker 1>health approach plus testing, we go beyond the guesswork to

0:00:23.680 --> 0:00:26.960
<v Speaker 1>uncover the root causes of your symptoms. I've teamed up

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<v Speaker 1>with Doctyesmina, an incredible integrative GP, and together we will

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<v Speaker 1>help you decode your body's signals and answer questions like

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<v Speaker 1>why am I always exhausted? What's really causing my stubborn weight?

0:00:39.159 --> 0:00:43.520
<v Speaker 1>Am I inflamed? Insulin resistant? Or maybe missing key nutrients?

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<v Speaker 1>Because when you understand your body better, you can transform

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<v Speaker 1>your health. Visit v three sixty dot health or check.

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<v Speaker 2>Out the show notes for more.

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<v Speaker 1>This is healthy Heir with Amelia Phillips and welcome to

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<v Speaker 1>one of my mini motivation episodes.

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<v Speaker 2>These are shorter, targeted episodes.

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<v Speaker 1>Where we tackle one specific question or challenge head on.

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<v Speaker 1>So today we are getting very personal and a very

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<v Speaker 1>unique perspective on how a challenging childhood shapes you now.

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<v Speaker 1>I wonder if you would say that your childhood was challenging.

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<v Speaker 1>I've often referred to it as a big tea or

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<v Speaker 1>a little tea trauma. So big ta trauma refers to major,

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<v Speaker 1>often life threatening or deeply distressing events, you know, abuse,

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<v Speaker 1>serious accidents, or loss, and they can really overwhelm the

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<v Speaker 1>nervous system, can leave lasting emotional and physical imprints. But

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<v Speaker 1>then we also have this concept of little tea trauma,

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<v Speaker 1>which are more subtle but cumulative, ongoing stresses like criticism,

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<v Speaker 1>feeling unseen, chronic pressure, or maybe relationship tension in the

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<v Speaker 1>household that over time can really disregulate the body and

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<v Speaker 1>shape how we feel, how we think, how we respond.

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<v Speaker 1>Which to this contrast between big ten little tea trauma,

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<v Speaker 1>because over the years, when I've talked to experts about

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<v Speaker 1>childhood trauma, I've kind of removed myself and thought, well,

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<v Speaker 1>I didn't have any trauma in my childhood, But of

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<v Speaker 1>course I didn't. And when someone explained it to me,

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<v Speaker 1>is that little tea trauma that still really matters? That

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<v Speaker 1>really resonated with me? And this idea that you know,

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<v Speaker 1>both big tea and little tea. Trauma can really shape

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<v Speaker 1>us because the body doesn't just react to what happened,

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<v Speaker 1>but it also reacts to how safe or unsafe we

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<v Speaker 1>felt growing up. So maybe you're sitting here, maybe that

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<v Speaker 1>doesn't resonate with you, but maybe you are a parent

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<v Speaker 1>and you know that your child is going through something

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<v Speaker 1>challenging and you are worried, sick about the long lasting impacts. Well,

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<v Speaker 1>if that's the case, I really want today's episode to

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<v Speaker 1>be a message of hope, because you know, whilst there's

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<v Speaker 1>no doubt that these challenges shape us in a profound way,

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<v Speaker 1>sometimes that profoundness can actually really positive thing. And that's

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<v Speaker 1>why I wanted to speak to Lane Beachley about this.

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<v Speaker 1>I wanted to get that unique perspective from someone who

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<v Speaker 1>has had a very challenging childhood yet went on to

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<v Speaker 1>do absolutely extraordinary things. You know Lane Beachley, she's a

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<v Speaker 1>seven times World surfing champion. She's the only surfer male

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<v Speaker 1>or female to win six consecutive world titles, and she's

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<v Speaker 1>a woman whose impact now reaches far beyond the surf.

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<v Speaker 1>Her journey from an adopted baby to a global icon

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<v Speaker 1>certainly was not a smooth ride. It was forged through grit,

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<v Speaker 1>guts and a deep commitment to personal growth. Lane's lived

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<v Speaker 1>experience with mental health challenges, with injury, with personal loss

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<v Speaker 1>has really become the heartbeat of her message, and I

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<v Speaker 1>love this message. Choice, not chance, determines our destiny. Isn't

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<v Speaker 1>that great? Choice, not chance determines our destiny? So here

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<v Speaker 1>is what Lane had to say about how a challenging

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<v Speaker 1>childhood shapes you. Lane, you were adopted as a baby,

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<v Speaker 1>and very sadly.

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<v Speaker 2>You lost your adoptive.

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<v Speaker 1>Mother to a brain hemorrhage when you were around.

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<v Speaker 2>Seven years old. Is that right?

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<v Speaker 3>Yep?

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<v Speaker 2>Gosh, I have.

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<v Speaker 1>A seven year old and I just cannot imagine the

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<v Speaker 1>impact that my loss would have on her. Actually gets

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<v Speaker 1>me quite emotional when I think about it. Do you

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<v Speaker 1>mind sharing with us how that loss and then being raised.

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<v Speaker 2>By your adoptive father has shaped you.

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<v Speaker 3>I was very fortunate to grow up at a time

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<v Speaker 3>where we had a lot of freedom to play in Rome,

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<v Speaker 3>so there was no mobile phones. We had to come

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<v Speaker 3>home when the street lights came on, and essentially, once

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<v Speaker 3>the sun had risen, you're either at school or you're

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<v Speaker 3>outside playing and no one can contact you or find

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<v Speaker 3>you until someone really needs to. So I had that

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<v Speaker 3>freedom and that individualization, that connection with friends, and that

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<v Speaker 3>has shaped me a lot. Because losing my mother, of

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<v Speaker 3>course was deeply distressing and impactful.

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<v Speaker 4>I also wasn't allowed to go.

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<v Speaker 3>To the funeral, so I never really got to have closure.

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<v Speaker 3>I think, well, they felt that I was too young,

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<v Speaker 3>so that robbed me of the opportunity to process whatever

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<v Speaker 3>it meant for me at that time, which then resulted

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<v Speaker 3>in a lot of nightmares and emotional.

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<v Speaker 4>Breakdowns as a young kid.

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<v Speaker 3>But growing up with my older brother and my dad,

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<v Speaker 3>I feel really set me up for what became the

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<v Speaker 3>most one of the most male dominated sporting careers.

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<v Speaker 4>You could write with.

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<v Speaker 1>Your brother was your brother, your biological brothers or no?

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<v Speaker 1>So he was your adoptive parents' biological son, yes, okay,

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<v Speaker 1>all right? And how much older than you is he?

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<v Speaker 2>Life? Five five years? Okay?

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<v Speaker 1>So you had this kind of as a seven year old,

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<v Speaker 1>you had this teenager or brother in kind of you know,

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<v Speaker 1>teen puberty years, and then it was the two of

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<v Speaker 1>them and you and you didn't have that kind of

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<v Speaker 1>female nurturing role model in that spat. Yeah, okay, so

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<v Speaker 1>very male dominated and what did that bring out in.

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<v Speaker 3>You competition, intensity, focus, drive as a real tomboy. I

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<v Speaker 3>guess it set me up really for my professional surfing

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<v Speaker 3>career essentially, and it helped me just focus my attention

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<v Speaker 3>on really what I wanted to get out of life,

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<v Speaker 3>because growing up without a mother, I really didn't really

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<v Speaker 3>understand what it was going to take from me. I

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<v Speaker 3>didn't really I didn't know any different. So I then lost.

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<v Speaker 3>Then my dad remarried when I was twenty four, or

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<v Speaker 3>he started dating his secretary, which is so classic, isn't

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<v Speaker 3>That they.

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<v Speaker 4>Had another daughter.

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<v Speaker 3>So my dad had my younger sister, Catherine, when I

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<v Speaker 3>was eighteen, and then Christina, who he remarried, died when

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<v Speaker 3>I was thirty from breast cancer. And then I met

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<v Speaker 3>my biological mother when I was about twenty seven, and

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<v Speaker 3>then she died in twenty seventeen in her early sixties

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<v Speaker 3>from my veryan cancer.

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<v Speaker 4>So I essentially I quate motherhood with loss.

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<v Speaker 3>And it's always until I was writing my books and

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<v Speaker 3>processing these emotions, I didn't understand why I was so

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<v Speaker 3>fearful to connect with women. And it was all bit

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<v Speaker 3>because of that feeling of losing someone if I opened

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<v Speaker 3>my heart up to them, so majority of them, the

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<v Speaker 3>nurturing people in my life have actually been men. You know,

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<v Speaker 3>my husband is a very grounded, nurturing soul. My ex

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<v Speaker 3>boyfriend Ken was a very nurturing soul. I've never really

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<v Speaker 3>trusted in allowing myself to be open to nurturing by women,

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<v Speaker 3>and I'm just starting to understand that. You know, I'm

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<v Speaker 3>still starting to open myself.

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<v Speaker 2>Up to did you miss your mum?

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<v Speaker 3>Yes?

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<v Speaker 4>Terribly?

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<v Speaker 1>Absolutely in what context? And I know it seems that

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<v Speaker 1>the world's most obvious question. I'm trying to feel like

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<v Speaker 1>as a seven to thirteen year old in those years

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<v Speaker 1>posts you know she's in your life and then she's

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<v Speaker 1>not not. Could you talk to you dal like, could

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<v Speaker 1>you have a teary moment, say oh Dad, I'm really

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<v Speaker 1>missing mum today and he gives you a big hug

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<v Speaker 1>and let's look at the photo album? Or or is

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<v Speaker 1>it something you had to kind of keep close and

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<v Speaker 1>not tell anyone.

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<v Speaker 3>Yeah, my dad grew up in an emotional, tough love environment,

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<v Speaker 3>so he doesn't really have the capacity to hold the

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<v Speaker 3>space for those kind of conversations. And I feel that

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<v Speaker 3>the first word that came to mind when you asked

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<v Speaker 3>me around the context of how I missed it. With

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<v Speaker 3>safety is having that safe space to retreat to, and

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<v Speaker 3>so essentially the ocean became that place for me.

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<v Speaker 4>It's really it's yeah, it's mother ocean for me. That's

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<v Speaker 4>where I feel.

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<v Speaker 3>It's for me, it's immersing myself back in the womb.

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<v Speaker 3>It's where I feel safe and held and nurtured and

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<v Speaker 3>supported and free. So when after losing mam as a

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<v Speaker 3>seven year old, I know I retreated to the ocean,

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<v Speaker 3>and now to this day, you know, if something traumatic

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<v Speaker 3>or painful occurs, the first thing I want to do

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<v Speaker 3>is under the ocean and just be held there.

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<v Speaker 1>Why is it so hard to get real answers about

0:09:36.240 --> 0:09:39.600
<v Speaker 1>your health? If you've been told that everything looks fine,

0:09:39.800 --> 0:09:42.720
<v Speaker 1>but you know that something is off, we're not imagining it.

0:09:42.880 --> 0:09:46.080
<v Speaker 1>That's why I created Vitality three point sixty to help

0:09:46.120 --> 0:09:49.360
<v Speaker 1>you better understand what's going on inside your body so

0:09:49.400 --> 0:09:52.200
<v Speaker 1>that you can take the targeted action needed. With a

0:09:52.240 --> 0:09:56.360
<v Speaker 1>functional health approach plus testing, we go beyond the guesswork

0:09:56.480 --> 0:09:59.800
<v Speaker 1>to uncover the root causes of your symptoms. I've teamed

0:09:59.880 --> 0:10:03.760
<v Speaker 1>up with doctor Asmina, an incredible integrative GP and together

0:10:03.800 --> 0:10:06.920
<v Speaker 1>we will help you decode your body's signals and answer

0:10:07.000 --> 0:10:11.040
<v Speaker 1>questions like why am I always exhausted? What's really causing

0:10:11.040 --> 0:10:15.160
<v Speaker 1>my stubborn weight? Am I inflamed? Insulin resistant? Or maybe

0:10:15.200 --> 0:10:18.600
<v Speaker 1>missing key nutrients? Because when you understand your body better,

0:10:18.840 --> 0:10:21.920
<v Speaker 1>you can transform your health. Visit V three sixty dot

0:10:22.040 --> 0:10:33.400
<v Speaker 1>health or check out the show notes for more. Yeah,

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<v Speaker 1>I can totally understand that. Like, it just breaks my

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<v Speaker 1>heart to think that this little girl didn't you know,

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<v Speaker 1>have someone to scoop her up and make her feel better. Okay, yeah,

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<v Speaker 1>I've obviously done the work, my friend, and I think

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<v Speaker 1>this is the real exploration in this conversation is how

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<v Speaker 1>a challenging childhood shapes you.

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<v Speaker 2>Because you've spoken to our.

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<v Speaker 1>Other conversation together around choice, and you know, for a

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<v Speaker 1>lot of people, they you know, have a choice in

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<v Speaker 1>their circumstances of a challenging childhood. But you know your

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<v Speaker 1>point around choice, not chance, determines our destiny.

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<v Speaker 2>And so I guess I want to ask you.

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<v Speaker 1>You know you have been on such a lifelong quest

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<v Speaker 1>of self improvement, commitment to growth. Of all these lessons

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<v Speaker 1>you've learned, which learnings do you feel like has made

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<v Speaker 1>the biggest impact on you and as you say, you

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<v Speaker 1>know I've turned out okay.

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<v Speaker 2>Well, some of those lessons.

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<v Speaker 3>I'm still learning. I'm still growing. I mean, I've got

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<v Speaker 3>a book full of them behind me. But well, I'd

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<v Speaker 3>say the greatest one is about self love. I was,

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<v Speaker 3>you know, I grew up at a time where I

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<v Speaker 3>didn't trust in love, and that goes all the way

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<v Speaker 3>back to being told well, well, identifying as an adoptee.

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<v Speaker 3>You know, there's a common theme that runs through adoptees,

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<v Speaker 3>and that's a fear of rejection. And how that plays

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<v Speaker 3>out in my life is I either behave in a

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<v Speaker 3>way that gives people reason to reject me, or I

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<v Speaker 3>reject them first. Either way, fear is ruling the show.

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<v Speaker 3>Love has been sent into the back seat, and that

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<v Speaker 3>dominated my.

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<v Speaker 4>Life for a very long time.

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<v Speaker 3>And when I became aware of my fear of rejection,

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<v Speaker 3>it doesn't mean I no longer have it. It just

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<v Speaker 3>means I no longer allow my life to be governed

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<v Speaker 3>by it. And I know when it shows up when

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<v Speaker 3>I'm triggered, or when I'm compromising my values or I'm

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<v Speaker 3>not being true to myself.

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<v Speaker 4>I just know that I'm in that fear state.

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<v Speaker 3>I mean that survival mode. It is like I'm under attack.

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<v Speaker 3>You know someone's about to reject me.

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<v Speaker 1>Yeah, I imagine it would take this sting out of

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<v Speaker 1>it for you when you've got that self awareness and

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<v Speaker 1>that it does that self compassion and understanding, you like, oh,

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<v Speaker 1>I'm feeling those feelings. But instead of responding in rage

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<v Speaker 1>mode or whatever, however, responding through feart I can imagine

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<v Speaker 1>it takes the sting out of it.

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<v Speaker 3>Well, it takes the sting out of it, but it

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<v Speaker 3>also helps things maintain perspective because you know, you talk

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<v Speaker 3>a bit about responsible ability, and responsibility doesn't mean you

0:13:02.240 --> 0:13:04.960
<v Speaker 3>are responsible. It means what you are responsible for is

0:13:04.960 --> 0:13:09.160
<v Speaker 3>your ability to respond. And when you're reacting, you're no

0:13:09.240 --> 0:13:12.559
<v Speaker 3>longer responding. You are triggered, you are in fear, you're

0:13:12.600 --> 0:13:15.880
<v Speaker 3>in freeestvitle flight, and that's normal, that's human. That's an

0:13:15.880 --> 0:13:18.120
<v Speaker 3>inherited trait that we've got from our ancestors to keep

0:13:18.160 --> 0:13:20.439
<v Speaker 3>ourselves safe, because that's what we're seeking all the time.

0:13:20.600 --> 0:13:22.559
<v Speaker 3>I just know that when I'm in that state, I'm

0:13:22.640 --> 0:13:25.120
<v Speaker 3>now in my fear base, and that's not how I

0:13:25.160 --> 0:13:26.960
<v Speaker 3>get the best out of myself. Now I'm a seven

0:13:27.040 --> 0:13:29.040
<v Speaker 3>times world champion. I'm the only athlete in the world

0:13:29.160 --> 0:13:31.480
<v Speaker 3>in surfing to a one six in a row, five

0:13:31.520 --> 0:13:33.640
<v Speaker 3>to one in fear, two or one in love. And

0:13:33.720 --> 0:13:36.600
<v Speaker 3>the difference between five in fear and two in love

0:13:36.720 --> 0:13:39.080
<v Speaker 3>is outcome versus process. I was in love with the

0:13:39.120 --> 0:13:41.840
<v Speaker 3>process in one and seven they're my love baseball titles.

0:13:41.920 --> 0:13:43.520
<v Speaker 3>I was in love with the process of being a

0:13:43.520 --> 0:13:46.400
<v Speaker 3>better surf for a better human being. The growth, the challenge,

0:13:46.440 --> 0:13:48.800
<v Speaker 3>the setbacks, all of that, none of it defined me.

0:13:48.920 --> 0:13:52.040
<v Speaker 3>It just supported my evolution as a human being. Then

0:13:52.080 --> 0:13:56.200
<v Speaker 3>I became outcome focus. Now every result defined me.

0:13:56.480 --> 0:14:00.200
<v Speaker 1>Every action, every fast to your worthiness goes back to

0:14:00.240 --> 0:14:03.080
<v Speaker 1>that challenge of trying to prove your worthiness, which we

0:14:03.200 --> 0:14:06.559
<v Speaker 1>know is just a never ending mountain that you'll never

0:14:06.600 --> 0:14:09.520
<v Speaker 1>reach the top. I find it really interesting that of

0:14:09.559 --> 0:14:11.800
<v Speaker 1>all the lessons that you've learned, like you say, your

0:14:11.800 --> 0:14:15.240
<v Speaker 1>book is full of them self, love is what really

0:14:15.360 --> 0:14:19.040
<v Speaker 1>when you look back now, is what's really defined you

0:14:20.040 --> 0:14:23.160
<v Speaker 1>in these years and what's really helped and shaped you

0:14:23.280 --> 0:14:25.680
<v Speaker 1>and the journey that you've had to get there, which

0:14:25.680 --> 0:14:27.960
<v Speaker 1>has been a big one by the sounds of things.

0:14:27.960 --> 0:14:29.920
<v Speaker 4>Yep, and it's constantly evolving.

0:14:31.040 --> 0:14:34.280
<v Speaker 1>Well, Lane for a woman listening who has had a

0:14:34.360 --> 0:14:38.800
<v Speaker 1>challenging childhood, what advice would you have to help her

0:14:39.320 --> 0:14:43.000
<v Speaker 1>make beautiful things of her scars and to grow and

0:14:43.160 --> 0:14:45.680
<v Speaker 1>to really have a sense of hope that she's going

0:14:45.720 --> 0:14:46.640
<v Speaker 1>to turn out fine.

0:14:46.800 --> 0:14:49.040
<v Speaker 3>Your past doesn't have to be your future is the

0:14:49.080 --> 0:14:52.120
<v Speaker 3>biggest lesson that I've learned. I don't if we keep

0:14:52.200 --> 0:14:55.479
<v Speaker 3>going back into the past to justify our current situation

0:14:55.680 --> 0:14:58.280
<v Speaker 3>or predict a certain future, then we're robbing ourselves.

0:14:58.320 --> 0:14:59.160
<v Speaker 4>At the present.

0:14:58.880 --> 0:15:02.760
<v Speaker 3>Moment, the only place that you can actually instigate change,

0:15:03.120 --> 0:15:04.400
<v Speaker 3>and that starts.

0:15:04.000 --> 0:15:06.240
<v Speaker 4>With you, be the change you want to see.

0:15:06.440 --> 0:15:07.880
<v Speaker 3>There's a lot of people that are going to tell

0:15:07.920 --> 0:15:11.000
<v Speaker 3>you because of what happened, then is justifying why you

0:15:11.080 --> 0:15:13.680
<v Speaker 3>are here right now? Are you happy in this particular

0:15:13.720 --> 0:15:15.640
<v Speaker 3>moment with yourself.

0:15:16.080 --> 0:15:16.640
<v Speaker 4>There may be a.

0:15:16.640 --> 0:15:19.240
<v Speaker 3>Whole lot of things outside of you that you cannot shift,

0:15:19.280 --> 0:15:21.640
<v Speaker 3>that you cannot change. It may be the parents you

0:15:21.680 --> 0:15:25.880
<v Speaker 3>grew up with, the challenges that you endured, the commission

0:15:25.920 --> 0:15:28.240
<v Speaker 3>housing that you were subjected to.

0:15:28.240 --> 0:15:29.120
<v Speaker 4>The bullying, whatever.

0:15:29.200 --> 0:15:31.880
<v Speaker 3>All those things outside of you, of course are going

0:15:31.920 --> 0:15:34.280
<v Speaker 3>to have an impact on how you feel about.

0:15:34.000 --> 0:15:36.880
<v Speaker 4>Yourself, which you get to choose. How you feel about

0:15:36.920 --> 0:15:38.240
<v Speaker 4>yourself and if you're.

0:15:38.080 --> 0:15:41.960
<v Speaker 3>Basing your feelings and your thoughts on things outside of you,

0:15:42.240 --> 0:15:44.840
<v Speaker 3>then you're a ruddless boat for the rest of your life.

0:15:44.880 --> 0:15:47.240
<v Speaker 3>So you need to start coming back to yourself and

0:15:47.280 --> 0:15:51.000
<v Speaker 3>asking who am I. You set an intention, not a

0:15:51.040 --> 0:15:53.320
<v Speaker 3>to do list, and the intention is simple as having

0:15:53.360 --> 0:15:57.240
<v Speaker 3>an I am mantra I am loved, or I am lovable,

0:15:57.400 --> 0:16:00.520
<v Speaker 3>I am loving, I am whatever you want to be.

0:16:00.600 --> 0:16:03.640
<v Speaker 3>My business partner tests her I am mantra. Her intention

0:16:03.760 --> 0:16:07.800
<v Speaker 3>every day is I am sunshine. Because sunshine always is there.

0:16:08.000 --> 0:16:11.840
<v Speaker 3>It's always showing up. It warms, it grows, it nurtures everything.

0:16:12.080 --> 0:16:14.920
<v Speaker 3>And when she was flat on her back having walked

0:16:14.920 --> 0:16:16.880
<v Speaker 3>out of a spinal ward, having been on her back

0:16:16.920 --> 0:16:19.960
<v Speaker 3>for four months now under psychiatric care of her parents,

0:16:20.000 --> 0:16:23.120
<v Speaker 3>with no money, no job, no identity, no life, she

0:16:23.280 --> 0:16:26.160
<v Speaker 3>had to keep coming back to I am sunshine. I

0:16:26.200 --> 0:16:28.880
<v Speaker 3>am sunshine, and that became her grounding force. So we

0:16:28.920 --> 0:16:32.200
<v Speaker 3>do have the capacity to shift the circumstances of our life,

0:16:32.200 --> 0:16:33.840
<v Speaker 3>but we can't change it outside of ourselves.

0:16:33.880 --> 0:16:34.880
<v Speaker 4>We have to start from within.

0:16:35.200 --> 0:16:36.960
<v Speaker 2>Oh, I love that mantra.

0:16:38.000 --> 0:16:41.520
<v Speaker 1>I think it can be so powerful and something like

0:16:41.560 --> 0:16:44.760
<v Speaker 1>you say, grounding, that can just every day. Just keep

0:16:44.800 --> 0:16:46.800
<v Speaker 1>reiterating that and yes.

0:16:46.680 --> 0:16:47.200
<v Speaker 2>I love it.

0:16:47.240 --> 0:16:50.640
<v Speaker 1>Oh, Lamee Beachley, such a wonderful conversation. Thank you for

0:16:50.680 --> 0:16:51.720
<v Speaker 1>sharing with us today.

0:16:52.120 --> 0:17:02.920
<v Speaker 4>Always happy to have a chat. Thanks Amelia.

0:17:12.920 --> 0:17:15.399
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