Speaker 1: Why is it so hard to get real answers about
Speaker 1: your health? If you've been told that everything looks fine,
Speaker 1: but you know that something is off, we're not imagining it.
Speaker 1: That's why I created Vitality three sixty to help you
Speaker 1: better understand what's going on inside your body so that
Speaker 1: you can take the targeted action needed. With a functional
Speaker 1: health approach plus testing, we go beyond the guesswork to
Speaker 1: uncover the root causes of your symptoms. I've teamed up
Speaker 1: with Doctyesmina, an incredible integrative GP, and together we will
Speaker 1: help you decode your body's signals and answer questions like
Speaker 1: why am I always exhausted? What's really causing my stubborn weight?
Speaker 1: Am I inflamed? Insulin resistant? Or maybe missing key nutrients?
Speaker 1: Because when you understand your body better, you can transform
Speaker 1: your health. Visit v three sixty dot health or check.
Speaker 2: Out the show notes for more.
Speaker 1: This is healthy Heir with Amelia Phillips and welcome to
Speaker 1: one of my mini motivation episodes.
Speaker 2: These are shorter, targeted episodes.
Speaker 1: Where we tackle one specific question or challenge head on.
Speaker 1: So today we are getting very personal and a very
Speaker 1: unique perspective on how a challenging childhood shapes you now.
Speaker 1: I wonder if you would say that your childhood was challenging.
Speaker 1: I've often referred to it as a big tea or
Speaker 1: a little tea trauma. So big ta trauma refers to major,
Speaker 1: often life threatening or deeply distressing events, you know, abuse,
Speaker 1: serious accidents, or loss, and they can really overwhelm the
Speaker 1: nervous system, can leave lasting emotional and physical imprints. But
Speaker 1: then we also have this concept of little tea trauma,
Speaker 1: which are more subtle but cumulative, ongoing stresses like criticism,
Speaker 1: feeling unseen, chronic pressure, or maybe relationship tension in the
Speaker 1: household that over time can really disregulate the body and
Speaker 1: shape how we feel, how we think, how we respond.
Speaker 1: Which to this contrast between big ten little tea trauma,
Speaker 1: because over the years, when I've talked to experts about
Speaker 1: childhood trauma, I've kind of removed myself and thought, well,
Speaker 1: I didn't have any trauma in my childhood, But of
Speaker 1: course I didn't. And when someone explained it to me,
Speaker 1: is that little tea trauma that still really matters? That
Speaker 1: really resonated with me? And this idea that you know,
Speaker 1: both big tea and little tea. Trauma can really shape
Speaker 1: us because the body doesn't just react to what happened,
Speaker 1: but it also reacts to how safe or unsafe we
Speaker 1: felt growing up. So maybe you're sitting here, maybe that
Speaker 1: doesn't resonate with you, but maybe you are a parent
Speaker 1: and you know that your child is going through something
Speaker 1: challenging and you are worried, sick about the long lasting impacts. Well,
Speaker 1: if that's the case, I really want today's episode to
Speaker 1: be a message of hope, because you know, whilst there's
Speaker 1: no doubt that these challenges shape us in a profound way,
Speaker 1: sometimes that profoundness can actually really positive thing. And that's
Speaker 1: why I wanted to speak to Lane Beachley about this.
Speaker 1: I wanted to get that unique perspective from someone who
Speaker 1: has had a very challenging childhood yet went on to
Speaker 1: do absolutely extraordinary things. You know Lane Beachley, she's a
Speaker 1: seven times World surfing champion. She's the only surfer male
Speaker 1: or female to win six consecutive world titles, and she's
Speaker 1: a woman whose impact now reaches far beyond the surf.
Speaker 1: Her journey from an adopted baby to a global icon
Speaker 1: certainly was not a smooth ride. It was forged through grit,
Speaker 1: guts and a deep commitment to personal growth. Lane's lived
Speaker 1: experience with mental health challenges, with injury, with personal loss
Speaker 1: has really become the heartbeat of her message, and I
Speaker 1: love this message. Choice, not chance, determines our destiny. Isn't
Speaker 1: that great? Choice, not chance determines our destiny? So here
Speaker 1: is what Lane had to say about how a challenging
Speaker 1: childhood shapes you. Lane, you were adopted as a baby,
Speaker 1: and very sadly.
Speaker 2: You lost your adoptive.
Speaker 1: Mother to a brain hemorrhage when you were around.
Speaker 2: Seven years old. Is that right?
Speaker 3: Yep?
Speaker 2: Gosh, I have.
Speaker 1: A seven year old and I just cannot imagine the
Speaker 1: impact that my loss would have on her. Actually gets
Speaker 1: me quite emotional when I think about it. Do you
Speaker 1: mind sharing with us how that loss and then being raised.
Speaker 2: By your adoptive father has shaped you.
Speaker 3: I was very fortunate to grow up at a time
Speaker 3: where we had a lot of freedom to play in Rome,
Speaker 3: so there was no mobile phones. We had to come
Speaker 3: home when the street lights came on, and essentially, once
Speaker 3: the sun had risen, you're either at school or you're
Speaker 3: outside playing and no one can contact you or find
Speaker 3: you until someone really needs to. So I had that
Speaker 3: freedom and that individualization, that connection with friends, and that
Speaker 3: has shaped me a lot. Because losing my mother, of
Speaker 3: course was deeply distressing and impactful.
Speaker 4: I also wasn't allowed to go.
Speaker 3: To the funeral, so I never really got to have closure.
Speaker 3: I think, well, they felt that I was too young,
Speaker 3: so that robbed me of the opportunity to process whatever
Speaker 3: it meant for me at that time, which then resulted
Speaker 3: in a lot of nightmares and emotional.
Speaker 4: Breakdowns as a young kid.
Speaker 3: But growing up with my older brother and my dad,
Speaker 3: I feel really set me up for what became the
Speaker 3: most one of the most male dominated sporting careers.
Speaker 4: You could write with.
Speaker 1: Your brother was your brother, your biological brothers or no?
Speaker 1: So he was your adoptive parents' biological son, yes, okay,
Speaker 1: all right? And how much older than you is he?
Speaker 2: Life? Five five years? Okay?
Speaker 1: So you had this kind of as a seven year old,
Speaker 1: you had this teenager or brother in kind of you know,
Speaker 1: teen puberty years, and then it was the two of
Speaker 1: them and you and you didn't have that kind of
Speaker 1: female nurturing role model in that spat. Yeah, okay, so
Speaker 1: very male dominated and what did that bring out in.
Speaker 3: You competition, intensity, focus, drive as a real tomboy. I
Speaker 3: guess it set me up really for my professional surfing
Speaker 3: career essentially, and it helped me just focus my attention
Speaker 3: on really what I wanted to get out of life,
Speaker 3: because growing up without a mother, I really didn't really
Speaker 3: understand what it was going to take from me. I
Speaker 3: didn't really I didn't know any different. So I then lost.
Speaker 3: Then my dad remarried when I was twenty four, or
Speaker 3: he started dating his secretary, which is so classic, isn't
Speaker 3: That they.
Speaker 4: Had another daughter.
Speaker 3: So my dad had my younger sister, Catherine, when I
Speaker 3: was eighteen, and then Christina, who he remarried, died when
Speaker 3: I was thirty from breast cancer. And then I met
Speaker 3: my biological mother when I was about twenty seven, and
Speaker 3: then she died in twenty seventeen in her early sixties
Speaker 3: from my veryan cancer.
Speaker 4: So I essentially I quate motherhood with loss.
Speaker 3: And it's always until I was writing my books and
Speaker 3: processing these emotions, I didn't understand why I was so
Speaker 3: fearful to connect with women. And it was all bit
Speaker 3: because of that feeling of losing someone if I opened
Speaker 3: my heart up to them, so majority of them, the
Speaker 3: nurturing people in my life have actually been men. You know,
Speaker 3: my husband is a very grounded, nurturing soul. My ex
Speaker 3: boyfriend Ken was a very nurturing soul. I've never really
Speaker 3: trusted in allowing myself to be open to nurturing by women,
Speaker 3: and I'm just starting to understand that. You know, I'm
Speaker 3: still starting to open myself.
Speaker 2: Up to did you miss your mum?
Speaker 3: Yes?
Speaker 4: Terribly?
Speaker 1: Absolutely in what context? And I know it seems that
Speaker 1: the world's most obvious question. I'm trying to feel like
Speaker 1: as a seven to thirteen year old in those years
Speaker 1: posts you know she's in your life and then she's
Speaker 1: not not. Could you talk to you dal like, could
Speaker 1: you have a teary moment, say oh Dad, I'm really
Speaker 1: missing mum today and he gives you a big hug
Speaker 1: and let's look at the photo album? Or or is
Speaker 1: it something you had to kind of keep close and
Speaker 1: not tell anyone.
Speaker 3: Yeah, my dad grew up in an emotional, tough love environment,
Speaker 3: so he doesn't really have the capacity to hold the
Speaker 3: space for those kind of conversations. And I feel that
Speaker 3: the first word that came to mind when you asked
Speaker 3: me around the context of how I missed it. With
Speaker 3: safety is having that safe space to retreat to, and
Speaker 3: so essentially the ocean became that place for me.
Speaker 4: It's really it's yeah, it's mother ocean for me. That's
Speaker 4: where I feel.
Speaker 3: It's for me, it's immersing myself back in the womb.
Speaker 3: It's where I feel safe and held and nurtured and
Speaker 3: supported and free. So when after losing mam as a
Speaker 3: seven year old, I know I retreated to the ocean,
Speaker 3: and now to this day, you know, if something traumatic
Speaker 3: or painful occurs, the first thing I want to do
Speaker 3: is under the ocean and just be held there.
Speaker 1: Why is it so hard to get real answers about
Speaker 1: your health? If you've been told that everything looks fine,
Speaker 1: but you know that something is off, we're not imagining it.
Speaker 1: That's why I created Vitality three point sixty to help
Speaker 1: you better understand what's going on inside your body so
Speaker 1: that you can take the targeted action needed. With a
Speaker 1: functional health approach plus testing, we go beyond the guesswork
Speaker 1: to uncover the root causes of your symptoms. I've teamed
Speaker 1: up with doctor Asmina, an incredible integrative GP and together
Speaker 1: we will help you decode your body's signals and answer
Speaker 1: questions like why am I always exhausted? What's really causing
Speaker 1: my stubborn weight? Am I inflamed? Insulin resistant? Or maybe
Speaker 1: missing key nutrients? Because when you understand your body better,
Speaker 1: you can transform your health. Visit V three sixty dot
Speaker 1: health or check out the show notes for more. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I can totally understand that. Like, it just breaks my
Speaker 1: heart to think that this little girl didn't you know,
Speaker 1: have someone to scoop her up and make her feel better. Okay, yeah,
Speaker 1: I've obviously done the work, my friend, and I think
Speaker 1: this is the real exploration in this conversation is how
Speaker 1: a challenging childhood shapes you.
Speaker 2: Because you've spoken to our.
Speaker 1: Other conversation together around choice, and you know, for a
Speaker 1: lot of people, they you know, have a choice in
Speaker 1: their circumstances of a challenging childhood. But you know your
Speaker 1: point around choice, not chance, determines our destiny.
Speaker 2: And so I guess I want to ask you.
Speaker 1: You know you have been on such a lifelong quest
Speaker 1: of self improvement, commitment to growth. Of all these lessons
Speaker 1: you've learned, which learnings do you feel like has made
Speaker 1: the biggest impact on you and as you say, you
Speaker 1: know I've turned out okay.
Speaker 2: Well, some of those lessons.
Speaker 3: I'm still learning. I'm still growing. I mean, I've got
Speaker 3: a book full of them behind me. But well, I'd
Speaker 3: say the greatest one is about self love. I was,
Speaker 3: you know, I grew up at a time where I
Speaker 3: didn't trust in love, and that goes all the way
Speaker 3: back to being told well, well, identifying as an adoptee.
Speaker 3: You know, there's a common theme that runs through adoptees,
Speaker 3: and that's a fear of rejection. And how that plays
Speaker 3: out in my life is I either behave in a
Speaker 3: way that gives people reason to reject me, or I
Speaker 3: reject them first. Either way, fear is ruling the show.
Speaker 3: Love has been sent into the back seat, and that
Speaker 3: dominated my.
Speaker 4: Life for a very long time.
Speaker 3: And when I became aware of my fear of rejection,
Speaker 3: it doesn't mean I no longer have it. It just
Speaker 3: means I no longer allow my life to be governed
Speaker 3: by it. And I know when it shows up when
Speaker 3: I'm triggered, or when I'm compromising my values or I'm
Speaker 3: not being true to myself.
Speaker 4: I just know that I'm in that fear state.
Speaker 3: I mean that survival mode. It is like I'm under attack.
Speaker 3: You know someone's about to reject me.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I imagine it would take this sting out of
Speaker 1: it for you when you've got that self awareness and
Speaker 1: that it does that self compassion and understanding, you like, oh,
Speaker 1: I'm feeling those feelings. But instead of responding in rage
Speaker 1: mode or whatever, however, responding through feart I can imagine
Speaker 1: it takes the sting out of it.
Speaker 3: Well, it takes the sting out of it, but it
Speaker 3: also helps things maintain perspective because you know, you talk
Speaker 3: a bit about responsible ability, and responsibility doesn't mean you
Speaker 3: are responsible. It means what you are responsible for is
Speaker 3: your ability to respond. And when you're reacting, you're no
Speaker 3: longer responding. You are triggered, you are in fear, you're
Speaker 3: in freeestvitle flight, and that's normal, that's human. That's an
Speaker 3: inherited trait that we've got from our ancestors to keep
Speaker 3: ourselves safe, because that's what we're seeking all the time.
Speaker 3: I just know that when I'm in that state, I'm
Speaker 3: now in my fear base, and that's not how I
Speaker 3: get the best out of myself. Now I'm a seven
Speaker 3: times world champion. I'm the only athlete in the world
Speaker 3: in surfing to a one six in a row, five
Speaker 3: to one in fear, two or one in love. And
Speaker 3: the difference between five in fear and two in love
Speaker 3: is outcome versus process. I was in love with the
Speaker 3: process in one and seven they're my love baseball titles.
Speaker 3: I was in love with the process of being a
Speaker 3: better surf for a better human being. The growth, the challenge,
Speaker 3: the setbacks, all of that, none of it defined me.
Speaker 3: It just supported my evolution as a human being. Then
Speaker 3: I became outcome focus. Now every result defined me.
Speaker 1: Every action, every fast to your worthiness goes back to
Speaker 1: that challenge of trying to prove your worthiness, which we
Speaker 1: know is just a never ending mountain that you'll never
Speaker 1: reach the top. I find it really interesting that of
Speaker 1: all the lessons that you've learned, like you say, your
Speaker 1: book is full of them self, love is what really
Speaker 1: when you look back now, is what's really defined you
Speaker 1: in these years and what's really helped and shaped you
Speaker 1: and the journey that you've had to get there, which
Speaker 1: has been a big one by the sounds of things.
Speaker 4: Yep, and it's constantly evolving.
Speaker 1: Well, Lane for a woman listening who has had a
Speaker 1: challenging childhood, what advice would you have to help her
Speaker 1: make beautiful things of her scars and to grow and
Speaker 1: to really have a sense of hope that she's going
Speaker 1: to turn out fine.
Speaker 3: Your past doesn't have to be your future is the
Speaker 3: biggest lesson that I've learned. I don't if we keep
Speaker 3: going back into the past to justify our current situation
Speaker 3: or predict a certain future, then we're robbing ourselves.
Speaker 4: At the present.
Speaker 3: Moment, the only place that you can actually instigate change,
Speaker 3: and that starts.
Speaker 4: With you, be the change you want to see.
Speaker 3: There's a lot of people that are going to tell
Speaker 3: you because of what happened, then is justifying why you
Speaker 3: are here right now? Are you happy in this particular
Speaker 3: moment with yourself.
Speaker 4: There may be a.
Speaker 3: Whole lot of things outside of you that you cannot shift,
Speaker 3: that you cannot change. It may be the parents you
Speaker 3: grew up with, the challenges that you endured, the commission
Speaker 3: housing that you were subjected to.
Speaker 4: The bullying, whatever.
Speaker 3: All those things outside of you, of course are going
Speaker 3: to have an impact on how you feel about.
Speaker 4: Yourself, which you get to choose. How you feel about
Speaker 4: yourself and if you're.
Speaker 3: Basing your feelings and your thoughts on things outside of you,
Speaker 3: then you're a ruddless boat for the rest of your life.
Speaker 3: So you need to start coming back to yourself and
Speaker 3: asking who am I. You set an intention, not a
Speaker 3: to do list, and the intention is simple as having
Speaker 3: an I am mantra I am loved, or I am lovable,
Speaker 3: I am loving, I am whatever you want to be.
Speaker 3: My business partner tests her I am mantra. Her intention
Speaker 3: every day is I am sunshine. Because sunshine always is there.
Speaker 3: It's always showing up. It warms, it grows, it nurtures everything.
Speaker 3: And when she was flat on her back having walked
Speaker 3: out of a spinal ward, having been on her back
Speaker 3: for four months now under psychiatric care of her parents,
Speaker 3: with no money, no job, no identity, no life, she
Speaker 3: had to keep coming back to I am sunshine. I
Speaker 3: am sunshine, and that became her grounding force. So we
Speaker 3: do have the capacity to shift the circumstances of our life,
Speaker 3: but we can't change it outside of ourselves.
Speaker 4: We have to start from within.
Speaker 2: Oh, I love that mantra.
Speaker 1: I think it can be so powerful and something like
Speaker 1: you say, grounding, that can just every day. Just keep
Speaker 1: reiterating that and yes.
Speaker 2: I love it.
Speaker 1: Oh, Lamee Beachley, such a wonderful conversation. Thank you for
Speaker 1: sharing with us today.
Speaker 4: Always happy to have a chat. Thanks Amelia.
Speaker 1: Why is it so hard to get real answers about
Speaker 1: your health? If you've been told that everything looks fine,
Speaker 1: but you know that something is off, you're not imagining it.
Speaker 1: That's why I created Vitality three point sixty to help
Speaker 1: you better understand what's going on inside your body so
Speaker 1: that you can take the targeted action needed. With a
Speaker 1: functional health approach plus testing, we go beyond the guesswork
Speaker 1: to uncover the root causes of your symptoms. I've teamed
Speaker 1: up with Doctyesmina, an incredible integrative GP, and together we
Speaker 1: will help you decode your body's signals and answer questions
Speaker 1: like why am I always exhausted? What's really causing my
Speaker 1: stubborn weight? Am I inflamed? Insulin resistant? Or maybe missing
Speaker 1: key nutrients? Because when you understand your body better, you
Speaker 1: can transform your health. Visit v three sixy dot Health
Speaker 1: or check out the show notes for more