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Speaker 1: Apogee Production. Welcome to the She Rises Podcast. I'm Ashy

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Speaker 1: and I'm Tiana. This podcast is about female empowerment.

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Speaker 2: And encouraging you to be your biggest, boldest, and most

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Speaker 2: authentic version of yourself.

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Speaker 1: We'd help you shed the shame, grow to a new level.

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Speaker 1: We're gonna laugh, cry, and talk about the topics everyone

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Speaker 1: else is too afraid to talk about.

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Speaker 2: Get ready for your next level of self. Welcome back

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Speaker 2: to another episode of She Rises.

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Speaker 1: Today's episode, I'm really excited to learn.

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Speaker 3: From this Mayor.

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Speaker 1: Oh my gosh.

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Speaker 2: He is a good friend of mine. He is a

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Speaker 2: phenomenal coach and he specializes in purpose, business and relationships.

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Speaker 2: You know, we love relationships.

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Speaker 4: We do.

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Speaker 1: He really goes deep and he talks really fast, So

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Speaker 1: make sure you guys really stay in tune because I've

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Speaker 1: consumed some of his content online. But he is a

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Speaker 1: world of knowledge and wisdom and one of the most

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Speaker 1: passionate people I've ever had.

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Speaker 2: Oh He's a weapon, absolutely so. Lewis Huckstep Welcome to

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Speaker 2: the podcast.

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Speaker 4: Thank you boy.

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Speaker 1: We're really excited to have you on and talk about

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Speaker 1: all things relationships, business and finding your purpose.

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Speaker 4: Wherever you want to get bask.

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Speaker 3: Before we get started.

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Speaker 1: You're on a Monday episode here every month on no

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Speaker 1: so we ask our guests, or we we share a

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Speaker 1: share of the week.

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Speaker 3: So it could be a product, could be a restaurant, cafe.

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Speaker 4: I'm getting into pickleball.

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Speaker 3: Does that compt Oh that's so trending right now, isn't it?

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Speaker 5: Is it more of like a hobby? Is it to

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Speaker 5: get out of the work mindset? Or is it to like?

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Speaker 5: What's it all?

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Speaker 4: I love games. I always like like card games, board games, monopoly. Deal.

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Speaker 4: It's like simple and competitive and my wife's really good

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Speaker 4: at it. We should be too much.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, is it as long as a normal game fifteen minutes?

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Speaker 4: Getting get it? Because I'm anomoally game six hours? You

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Speaker 4: get a commit change my answer a deal.

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Speaker 1: We'll get into it. So we know a little bit

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Speaker 1: about you. Obviously you and Tiana are friends. But for

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Speaker 1: anyone who's never heard of you, in a nutshell, what

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Speaker 1: do you do?

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Speaker 4: So? I help people find their true self, which is

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Speaker 4: purpose values, authentic self, and I've got a couple definitions

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Speaker 4: of that. I help them get clear on the vision

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Speaker 4: they want for their life. So what does the life

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Speaker 4: actually look like? That is inspiring to what does inspired

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Speaker 4: life look like? And then how do you remove all

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Speaker 4: the mental emotional blocks that would stop you from creating

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Speaker 4: that life. Success is eighty percent mindset, twenty percent skill set.

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Speaker 4: So mainly it's the mental emotional who are you, what's

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Speaker 4: your purpose? What do you love? What's stopping you from

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Speaker 4: pursuing it? But also the skills where I take the piss.

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Speaker 4: I'm in spiritual circles. I'm into meditation, into plant medicines

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Speaker 4: and shit. But I'm going to the mates who just

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Speaker 4: meditated and libertator all day and do fucking nothing with

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Speaker 4: their life. They don't take action. And then you've got

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Speaker 4: the other side where it's like hustle, hustle, hustle, where

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Speaker 4: you guys have that doing this and doing business. It's

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Speaker 4: like you need to take action. But if you don't

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Speaker 4: have the other side, you're under fields, you're burnt out,

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Speaker 4: and you're just like chasing the I'll be happy win

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Speaker 4: miles space. It's the mirage you never get to. And

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Speaker 4: I was at for a long time with the gyms,

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Speaker 4: when back when you came down the gym years again,

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Speaker 4: So it's integrating those two worlds. It's like, how do

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Speaker 4: you actually be super happy, super fulfilled, but also take

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Speaker 4: action because you can't pay you landlord with gratitude. Me

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Speaker 4: I integrate those two worlds. So watch your purpose? Who

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Speaker 4: are authentically? What do you love? What do you want?

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Speaker 4: What's the actual plan and skills needed to create that?

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Speaker 4: And then let's address all those mental emotional blocks that

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Speaker 4: would stop you from doing it. Because if you know

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Speaker 4: what to do and you're not what you know, it's

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Speaker 4: something in here. So we want to under that which

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Speaker 4: you'd be into as well.

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Speaker 3: That's a powerful thing. Yeah, it is.

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Speaker 1: Do you find as Most people don't know what the

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Speaker 1: purpose is. So how do you get started of finding

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Speaker 1: your purpose?

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Speaker 4: I got done with as autism and ADHD, so I

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Speaker 4: break things down very granular. So your purpose is an

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Speaker 4: expression of your core wound. So pain is purpose, wounds

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Speaker 4: is wisdom. So what was most painful for you becomes

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Speaker 4: most important to you. Wow, mine was around her misunderstood

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Speaker 4: and rejection. So mine is around healing and raising consciousness.

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Speaker 5: Yeah.

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Speaker 4: So I was traumatized and had my wounds when I

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Speaker 4: was younger. When I was born, I didn't get given

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Speaker 4: like a use is manual to life. It's like who

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Speaker 4: are you? What do you want, how do you get it?

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Speaker 4: Who are you? Authentically? All these things? So for me,

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Speaker 4: it's recognizing what is your purpose, that's the fuel source

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Speaker 4: and the direction it gives you direction, meaning and fulfillment

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Speaker 4: and unlimited motivation to get there or inspiration. The need

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Speaker 4: for motivation is a symptom of an uninspired goal. So

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Speaker 4: when you actually know what you want and you're fulfilled

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Speaker 4: by it, you'll be willing to take action towards it. Yeah,

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Speaker 4: you find your core wound, what did you need back then?

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Speaker 4: And then you articulate into a sentence and then how

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Speaker 4: can you solve problems for others in alignment with that?

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Speaker 4: And how to get paid to do it?

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Speaker 1: I kind of agree with that, and then it's also

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Speaker 1: combining a passion. So for me, my biggest room was

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Speaker 1: feeling alone growing up, so I never want it need

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Speaker 1: on to feel alone. And I also love sport as

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Speaker 1: really competitive love sports. So when it comes to becoming

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Speaker 1: a PT, it was like, wow, I get to help

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Speaker 1: all these women be active and I make sure they

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Speaker 1: never feel alone through their process. And then it's kind

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Speaker 1: of gone off into the podcast and to other avenues,

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Speaker 1: but that's my care rooms for their loans.

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Speaker 5: So good as to your I feel it's mine is unworthiness.

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Speaker 5: And I think that's a lot of what I do

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Speaker 5: within my coaching businesses to help women, yeah, be able

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Speaker 5: to you know, be able to feel worthy, focus on

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Speaker 5: their self worth, their confidence, their self belief, and looking

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Speaker 5: at how they can increase their overall self value in

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Speaker 5: the way that they see themselves because that's something that

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Speaker 5: I lacked when I was younger.

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Speaker 4: And you'll be inspired by. You don't need motivation to

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Speaker 4: do it. You've got to tear in your eye when

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Speaker 4: you perceive it. So when someone comes to you and

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Speaker 4: you're like, oh my god, you've helped me lock myself.

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Speaker 4: I feel so worthy, you'll be like, oh my god,

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Speaker 4: that's so true.

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Speaker 3: So true is as we're crying.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, and so twos come through. I just did a

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Speaker 4: three day event and we do purpose, mission, vision values,

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Speaker 4: and we do limiting beliefs, trauma and all these things

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Speaker 4: over three days. Transformation is my favorite one. It's like

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Speaker 4: when that breakthrough moment where like the healing happens, the

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Speaker 4: transformation happens, and my balancing process is my traumal process.

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Speaker 4: We do it on day two. We start at like

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Speaker 4: midday and you just go to you done, and essentially

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Speaker 4: I'm walking around and it's a process where there's twelve steps,

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Speaker 4: but you can't move on to the next step until

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Speaker 4: I let you move on to the next step to

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Speaker 4: actually up bullshitting yourself. Essentially, like I'll go around and

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Speaker 4: I'll go to a hearse and i'd like ask from

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Speaker 4: the questions and it's like I just picture key words

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Speaker 4: of the locks and the keys, so I just need

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Speaker 4: to say the right words to unlock the combination to

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Speaker 4: get the breakthrough. So I'll let you walk over to

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Speaker 4: this lady and I'll ask the question, looker in the eye,

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Speaker 4: tears comes woe, and then I'll move on to the

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Speaker 4: next one. Then boom, net fluxed, boom, and I'm crying

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Speaker 4: the whole time because I'm so inspired and oh there's there.

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Speaker 4: So it's like four hours of just like ecstasy for me,

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Speaker 4: and like all these people, it's yeah, very inspired.

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Speaker 5: So I was sommutable. Oh my gosh. I would love

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Speaker 5: to know your own experience. And you know, obviously you're

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Speaker 5: helping people with you know everything that you're doing relationships,

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Speaker 5: business and finding your purpose, and you speak a lot

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Speaker 5: on trauma as well, so I would love to know,

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Speaker 5: like what was like a defining moment for you in

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Speaker 5: your journey where you were like, holy shit, I need

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Speaker 5: to go on this journey and this is hugely significant

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Speaker 5: for me.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, it's the main one that comes up. I share

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Speaker 4: it on in my book. I was the very like

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Speaker 4: I'll be happy when achiever like a chief achieve. Chief

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Speaker 4: got the three gems by twenty two, and it was

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Speaker 4: always like I need more, I need more, I need more,

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Speaker 4: And it was because I was not enough and I

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Speaker 4: thought external circumstances will fill internal points. It doesn't work

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Speaker 4: our way as you guys. So I hit a breaking point.

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Speaker 4: So I had three gems, but it was like built

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Speaker 4: on sands, like there was no real assistance processes, leadership,

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Speaker 4: like I was the business like if I took one

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Speaker 4: day off, it was all everything from yeah, everything crumbled.

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Speaker 4: So I remember we hear like a breaking point and

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Speaker 4: I had the three and I had a business partner

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Speaker 4: with two of them, and one of the business partners

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Speaker 4: he was like, let's sell one of them. And I'm like, yeah, fuck,

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Speaker 4: I'm done too, let's sell it. So we went through

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Speaker 4: the like twelve months founded by I went through the

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Speaker 4: contracts and then there's like to us twelve months to

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Speaker 4: get the signature, like sold, it's fourteen day of cooling

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Speaker 4: off period. He pulls out on two days left. No,

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Speaker 4: and like this is like my lifeline, Like I'm living

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Speaker 4: off four hours of fleet and like I used to

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Speaker 4: take trains and put on Instagram show how hard I

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Speaker 4: was working. It's the Brenvach to the belt. And I

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Speaker 4: was just like stress, anxious, overwhelmed, unhappy. Relationship was on

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Speaker 4: the rocks, like and it was like that was the

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Speaker 4: straw that broke the camel's back. I just remember the

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Speaker 4: phone call with the guy, and it's funny because he

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Speaker 4: actually paid him to mentor me later, so he's actually

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Speaker 4: a good friend of mine. He just got me and

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Speaker 4: just said this deal's fucked, this business is fucked. We're

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Speaker 4: pulling out, and I just dropped to the ground cry

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Speaker 4: and I'm like I don't know what to do. One

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Speaker 4: of my mentors, Ages Ago, said, life gives you a

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Speaker 4: feather if you don't listen to rock, if you don't

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Speaker 4: listen to bus. So that was the buster wake me up.

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Speaker 4: I was already doing self development, like Tony Robins, Cohen

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Speaker 4: Ray Seminars books podcast and all that stuff, but it

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Speaker 4: was just life will give you the stimulus or the

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Speaker 4: catalysts for you to wake up. And that was the

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Speaker 4: big one for me. I ended up literally giving that

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Speaker 4: business away and so his game to my business partner,

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Speaker 4: I said, I don't want this had fifty percent of it.

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Speaker 4: So that was about two hundred grand of the business

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Speaker 4: that I don't want to take it. I can't handle it.

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Speaker 4: And from there then we went through COVID with two gyms.

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Speaker 4: That was fun in a nutshell as well, but during

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Speaker 4: that it was like really deeper levels of work, like

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Speaker 4: I've done the NLP in my mindset stuff, but not

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Speaker 4: the real deep purpose heally liberating stuff. Gone to DeMartini,

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Speaker 4: dro to Spenzer, Peter Crone, plant medicine, breath work, and

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Speaker 4: just went really really deep into it. And yeah, then

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Speaker 4: I sold the second gym at the end of COVID

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Speaker 4: and then I had one left. I hide myself out

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Speaker 4: of it and I was making two three grand a

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Speaker 4: week for an hour worth work because I do a

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Speaker 4: team there, and then I had all this time to Okay,

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Speaker 4: what do I do now? It's like seven years of

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Speaker 4: like head down, pump up, grind thrown Bryan Crime. I

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Speaker 4: was like, I want to give this back to others,

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Speaker 4: And that was four years ago now, so I've been

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Speaker 4: doing it for four years down it's crazy.

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Speaker 1: Then we takes a big breakdown to have a breakthrough

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Speaker 1: like that. The hustle, it's quite addictive for a lot

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Speaker 1: of people, and it obviously meets a lot of human needs.

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Speaker 4: How did you.

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Speaker 3: Break through even though you had all this time?

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Speaker 5: Now?

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Speaker 1: Was it temptation to go back into doing something and

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Speaker 1: hustling or you're like, I just cannot do that life anymore.

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Speaker 4: Like if you listen to the breadcrumbs of inspiration, it

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Speaker 4: leads you to your purpose. So it's like if I

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Speaker 4: got everyone listening to bring into their hearts and say,

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Speaker 4: what is it that you're truly here to do? Like

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Speaker 4: you'll have a whisper. You just got to listen to it.

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Speaker 4: So you're a parent, yeah, I got to go to

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Speaker 4: your So kids are so in touch with their intuition,

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Speaker 4: they're so embodied with them. But then we get diditioned

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Speaker 4: out of it and we have all pertorma, all that

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Speaker 4: stuff we pick up. If everyone actually listens to their truth,

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Speaker 4: they know what it is. We just need to peel

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Speaker 4: back all that bullshit, trauma, limitations and projections of who

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Speaker 4: you think you have to be, got to be, must be,

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Speaker 4: to be enough, Get rid of that, who are you authentically?

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Speaker 4: And then how do you do that?

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Speaker 5: So much outside noise?

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Speaker 1: Hey yeah, yeah, it's a lot of inner work too

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Speaker 1: that I think a lot of people are really scared of.

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Speaker 1: Do you get a lot of people that come to, oh,

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Speaker 1: I want to work, if you'll want to change, then

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Speaker 1: when it gets down to actually having to peel back

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Speaker 1: those layers, like, oh.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, it takes courage to do work. It's the ego

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Speaker 4: I define as your human identity. So it's not good,

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Speaker 4: not bad. It's like when people say that's your ego,

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Speaker 4: that's their ego saying that so so jurios everything. Think

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Speaker 4: of the programming on these phones. It's like there's programming

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Speaker 4: on those phones to operate without any programming it. It's

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Speaker 4: got nothing there. But if you download a virus, that's

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Speaker 4: the limitations. So you will remove the limitations. Like kids,

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Speaker 4: I always say, when a child is born, what parts

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Speaker 4: of the baby is worthy of love? What's your inswer that?

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Speaker 4: All of that, But then we go through trauma and

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Speaker 4: limitations and we learn some parts of us aren't lovable.

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Speaker 4: That's the unheal part. That's trauma. You may have heard

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Speaker 4: this self growth or healing is learning to love all

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Speaker 4: parts of who you are. So essentially it's learning to

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Speaker 4: find those parts you shame yourself for things, you get

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Speaker 4: triggered by the things you project onto others, integrate heel

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Speaker 4: thos that's your authentic self, and then again give that

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Speaker 4: back to others and get page to do it. That's

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Speaker 4: essentially dream.

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Speaker 5: What do you think of some misconceptions that people have

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Speaker 5: around potentially doing this work and looking at this sort

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Speaker 5: of avenue, Like, what are the misconceptions you think people

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Speaker 5: might have.

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Speaker 4: One of them is that they're broken. Firstly, there's something

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Speaker 4: wrong with you. It's like you're just removing the things

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Speaker 4: that aren't you. So it's like the statue of David.

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Speaker 4: You may have heard that quote. So Michaelims made the

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Speaker 4: statue David. Someone asked him, how do you make such

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Speaker 4: a bitful statue? He said, it was easy. David was

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Speaker 4: always in the statue. I just removed everything that wasn't hit. Yeah,

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Speaker 4: So it's again finding the parts of the viruses or

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Speaker 4: the trauma, the persona's the wounds which are on top

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Speaker 4: of your authentic self. You're in a child, removing that

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Speaker 4: and you're left with you, so you're broken. Some people

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Speaker 4: will think it won't work for them, which kind of

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Speaker 4: ties into that they're broken. Yeah, some people think it

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Speaker 4: takes a long time. Now, Yeah, there's a disclaimer on that.

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Speaker 4: You can have instantaneous transformation in moments. I've had people

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Speaker 4: that have come to me done therapy or talk therapy

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Speaker 4: for forty five years. We do one process and we

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Speaker 4: heal that particular thing, but I believe healings never finished.

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Speaker 4: There's always more to do. So I believe transformation if

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Speaker 4: you do the right tool, from the right coach and

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Speaker 4: the right healer who are you working with, you can

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Speaker 4: have instantaneous transformation from having the breakthrough moment. But there's

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Speaker 4: always more layers to find. So I think that's very common.

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Speaker 4: Like people think I need to do therapy for twenty

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Speaker 4: years to overcome something I had declined. She was sexually

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Speaker 4: assaulted from her dad for five years, so from the

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Speaker 4: age of five to nine, and she got this beautiful testimony.

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Speaker 4: I posted it recently actually, and she'd done talk therapy

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Speaker 4: for thirty years and it had not been healed and

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Speaker 4: she did one process, my balancing process, and she got

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Speaker 4: to the point of gratitude and love for her dad.

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Speaker 4: Now that's hard to comprehend when people hear this. So DeMartini,

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Speaker 4: he's my biggest se mentor, doctor John de Martini. He says,

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Speaker 4: anything outside of loving gratitude is a lot side of perception.

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Speaker 4: So it's like life happens for you, not too. How

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Speaker 4: do you say that when you go through those types

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Speaker 4: of things, you do a process where you don't just

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Speaker 4: get it in your head, you get in your heart

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Speaker 4: and you actually feel it and you're left with nothing

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Speaker 4: but tears of love. So to tell most people that

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Speaker 4: without going through it themselves, it's hard to comprehend that

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Speaker 4: she did thirty years, didn't crack it. One session got

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Speaker 4: it done.

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Speaker 5: Also, getting a body on board is there's a sematic connection.

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Speaker 4: There's five bodies to heal through mental That's what NLP

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Speaker 4: talk therapy, Every cognitive stuff that's mental body, physical body

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Speaker 4: is sematics. So if you've ever heard the issues are

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Speaker 4: in the tissues where you store trauma or emotion in

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Speaker 4: your physical tissues, bodywork or sematic work will help with

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Speaker 4: that emotional body. I think is what you're referring to

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Speaker 4: is the nervous system, and your emotions goes. You have

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Speaker 4: suppressed emotions. That's where like a breath work or a

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Speaker 4: screen or a rage or something like that can actually

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Speaker 4: release that. You've got the energetic body. That's the one

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Speaker 4: I'm most unfamiliar with. That's where like reiki healing, sound

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Speaker 4: healing comes into But I worked with the reiki healer

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Speaker 4: for six months just to try it because I don't

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Speaker 4: know what the fuck it was. I'm not very much

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Speaker 4: like beliefs, perceptions and practical stuff. I'm like, what the

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Speaker 4: fuck is recking it? I still can't tell you what

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Speaker 4: reco healing is. And then the fifth is the spiritual body.

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Speaker 4: So that's your level of connectedness to presence, to the

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Speaker 4: present moment, to God, source, universe, whatever you believe in,

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Speaker 4: and how aligned and present and connected you are with that.

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Speaker 4: So you just want to identify which body is most

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Speaker 4: blocked for you or needs the most addressing for you.

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Speaker 4: No ulternate martial art. Only the ulternate martial artist who

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Speaker 4: knows every martial art and uses the right one at

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Speaker 4: the right time to get the right result. I've had

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Speaker 4: people like say this tool is better than this tool.

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Speaker 4: I say, bullshit, right time, right place, So true. So

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Speaker 4: I'm a breathwork facilitate and have heard breath work people

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Speaker 4: say breathworks the best thing ever, like maybe at the

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Speaker 4: right time. So anything that's pre cognitive, you've got no

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Speaker 4: memories of it. So you were three months old and

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Speaker 4: your mum was stressed and you took on her stress.

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Speaker 4: So you have suppress emotions in your nervous system with

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Speaker 4: no memory of it. So that's where NLP is going

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Speaker 4: to do nothing or d Martin is going to do

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Speaker 4: nothing because you've got nothing there, but your nervous system

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Speaker 4: knows it. If you've read the book the Body keeps

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Speaker 4: the score, This will Fouandercock. Your body's going to have

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Speaker 4: that emotion in you. So that's where like a breath

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Speaker 4: work where it actually knocks out your conscious mind and

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Speaker 4: it just expresses anything that's in there is perfect for that. Yeah,

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Speaker 4: right to a right place. If you're holding how everything

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Speaker 4: looks like an al So yeah, it's just having all

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Speaker 4: the tools. A bit of a quest I on in

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Speaker 4: my journey is to become the ulterate martial artist. So

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Speaker 4: anyone comes to me with anything, I can like figure

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Speaker 4: out what it is. Then I have the right tool,

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Speaker 4: pull it out, use it and get a breakthrough.

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Speaker 3: Move on consistently expanding your tool.

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Speaker 4: I aim to add two tools each year. So I

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Speaker 4: want to do internal family systems. If you've heard of that, IFS,

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Speaker 4: and I want to do psych K. I'm not sure

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Speaker 4: if you've.

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Speaker 2: Heard of that.

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Speaker 4: So Bruce Lipton's talks about it, so he says it's good,

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Speaker 4: So why not? So why not add to it? First?

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Speaker 4: I go try it to receive it, to say okay,

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Speaker 4: because some things don't work as well, some things work

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Speaker 4: really well, but I don't see myself doing it. Reiki

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Speaker 4: healing is a good example of that. I had great

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Speaker 4: breakthroughs with Reikie. But I'm like, I don't think I'm

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Speaker 4: going to be a reiki. I just don't feel like

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Speaker 4: that's what. That's not me. Like client medicine. I'm not

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Speaker 4: becoming a fucking sharman. I do it often. And I

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Speaker 4: also I think you have to be born into that

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Speaker 4: lineage to become a sharman.

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Speaker 5: I think I'm going to charm it to that you

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Speaker 5: just decide one day.

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Speaker 4: I don't think you can do that that. Yeah, So

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Speaker 4: for me, I go and try tools and I'm like, Okay,

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Speaker 4: this was really meaningful to me. This actually gave me

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Speaker 4: a shift. And if it's aligned with what I'm into,

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Speaker 4: it's like, let's go get certified in that so I

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Speaker 4: can add to the tiket.

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Speaker 3: That's cool.

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Speaker 1: I'd love to talk more about relationships because I know

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Speaker 1: that you work. So do you work mainly with couples?

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Speaker 1: And what would you say are the main issues that

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Speaker 1: are arising in our generation?

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Speaker 4: Send me to eighty percent of my clients with women.

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Speaker 4: And the reason being, I think is I use the

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Speaker 4: word healing a lot, and that's why I don't have

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Speaker 4: anything to heal. I don't call myself a relationship coach.

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Speaker 4: I call myself a transformation coach. And my work is

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Speaker 4: magnified in relationships. So lifes and mirror if you've heard that.

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Speaker 4: So when you get triggered or you judge someone, you

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Speaker 4: project onto someone, it's something within you that they're mirroring

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Speaker 4: back to you. Where does that happen the most relationships?

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Speaker 4: So like you guys, I've met you once a couple

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Speaker 4: of times indirectly yourself, but you guys don't see me

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Speaker 4: when the dog's piste on the carpet. You haven't seen

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Speaker 4: me when we've had financial pressure. You haven't seen me

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Speaker 4: when I have a fucking sled properly, like you've seen

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Speaker 4: some sides to me. I try to be authentic. If

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Speaker 4: you answer ask a question, I'll give you my own answer,

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Speaker 4: But you're not going to see the full spectrum of me,

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Speaker 4: all parts of me. Who gets to see that, My

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Speaker 4: wife gets the say do so just by proximity. Your

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Speaker 4: relationships mirror you more than anything else. So true. So

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Speaker 4: the things that I say you need for a conscious,

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Speaker 4: healthy relationship. Number one, ownership of your own shit. So

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Speaker 4: whenever you get triggered, it's not your partner, they're the

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Speaker 4: mirror to you. It's actually you're just playing their part

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Speaker 4: to marry you. I talk about triggers versus boundaries, which

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Speaker 4: are come to you later. But first of all, responsibility

431
00:16:10,241 --> 00:16:11,361
Speaker 4: of your own stuff. If you want to be in

432
00:16:11,401 --> 00:16:14,681
Speaker 4: a conscious relationship and both partners don't have that, or

433
00:16:14,721 --> 00:16:16,681
Speaker 4: one does and one doesn't, it's not gonna work because

434
00:16:16,721 --> 00:16:19,241
Speaker 4: one person will grow here, integrate, work on themselves. The

435
00:16:19,241 --> 00:16:20,761
Speaker 4: other partner is going to play victim and say it's

436
00:16:20,761 --> 00:16:22,681
Speaker 4: your fold, it's your fault, it's your fault. That doesn't

437
00:16:22,721 --> 00:16:25,641
Speaker 4: last forever. It eventually will fizzle out. Second point is

438
00:16:25,681 --> 00:16:28,641
Speaker 4: you actually have real alignment with the vision of your relationship.

439
00:16:28,721 --> 00:16:30,521
Speaker 4: What type of relationship do you want, what of sex,

440
00:16:30,521 --> 00:16:33,841
Speaker 4: what type of communication, finances, travel, etc. What's the vision

441
00:16:34,321 --> 00:16:37,321
Speaker 4: and what's your actual non negotiables? And I categorize non

442
00:16:37,321 --> 00:16:40,041
Speaker 4: negotiables as I would leave this person if they didn't

443
00:16:40,041 --> 00:16:41,561
Speaker 4: have it. You've got to be super black and white.

444
00:16:41,601 --> 00:16:45,401
Speaker 4: So for me, self growth, intimacy, good communication, I want kids,

445
00:16:45,441 --> 00:16:48,001
Speaker 4: and health. They're my main ones. I say three to

446
00:16:48,081 --> 00:16:50,841
Speaker 4: seven because I've been on other podcasts about relationships and

447
00:16:50,881 --> 00:16:54,721
Speaker 4: you hear these people have like one hundred checklists, this tall,

448
00:16:54,721 --> 00:16:57,601
Speaker 4: this colorize, this income, all this shit. For me, that's

449
00:16:57,641 --> 00:17:01,321
Speaker 4: over compensation from hurts. So that's a trauma response versus like,

450
00:17:01,361 --> 00:17:03,481
Speaker 4: what are your actual non negotiables? No one's perfect. Everyone

451
00:17:03,521 --> 00:17:06,840
Speaker 4: has downsides. And then third is you learn how to

452
00:17:06,961 --> 00:17:10,120
Speaker 4: support and challenge each other towards the vision. That includes

453
00:17:10,160 --> 00:17:12,680
Speaker 4: holding space and mean, empathetic and loving and supporting, and

454
00:17:12,681 --> 00:17:15,120
Speaker 4: it's accountability sometimes kick them up the ass. My wife,

455
00:17:15,160 --> 00:17:17,321
Speaker 4: There's been times where I've had some wounds and shame

456
00:17:17,360 --> 00:17:18,881
Speaker 4: come up, and I've literally just cried my eyes out

457
00:17:18,880 --> 00:17:20,321
Speaker 4: in front of her, and she's just held space and

458
00:17:20,360 --> 00:17:23,041
Speaker 4: loved and supported me, and she's been time. So she said,

459
00:17:23,041 --> 00:17:24,561
Speaker 4: be a fucking man of your word and step up.

460
00:17:24,640 --> 00:17:27,521
Speaker 4: And I've said fuck you in the moment, but ego

461
00:17:27,561 --> 00:17:29,561
Speaker 4: comes up fucking you. But I'm like, you know what,

462
00:17:29,640 --> 00:17:31,160
Speaker 4: You're right, I said that and I didn't follow through it.

463
00:17:31,160 --> 00:17:32,961
Speaker 4: Thank you for the accountability. So it's learning how do

464
00:17:33,001 --> 00:17:35,561
Speaker 4: you do that in a healthy way to move towards

465
00:17:35,561 --> 00:17:37,561
Speaker 4: said vision, Because if you're not a line and you

466
00:17:37,561 --> 00:17:39,400
Speaker 4: try to hold your partner accountable to be someone, they

467
00:17:39,481 --> 00:17:42,321
Speaker 4: don't want to be conflict. So they're the three pieces

468
00:17:42,360 --> 00:17:44,640
Speaker 4: I recommend. And then it's like, how do you actually

469
00:17:44,880 --> 00:17:48,080
Speaker 4: identify triggers, identify the wounds, support each other to heal

470
00:17:48,120 --> 00:17:50,080
Speaker 4: through it. That's a more detailed conversation.

471
00:17:50,241 --> 00:17:52,480
Speaker 5: You know, when people are like sabotaging their relationships or

472
00:17:52,521 --> 00:17:55,360
Speaker 5: even subtizing business and purpose wherever the area, because usually

473
00:17:55,360 --> 00:17:56,761
Speaker 5: if they do it in one area, they'll do it

474
00:17:56,761 --> 00:17:59,001
Speaker 5: in most right, So you know, what do you think

475
00:17:59,001 --> 00:18:01,081
Speaker 5: of like the main common things that people would do

476
00:18:01,281 --> 00:18:03,721
Speaker 5: or behave in a way that would sabotage the exact

477
00:18:03,761 --> 00:18:05,521
Speaker 5: thing that they're trying to work towards subtache.

478
00:18:05,521 --> 00:18:07,481
Speaker 4: When it comes down to four pieces, so number one

479
00:18:07,561 --> 00:18:09,120
Speaker 4: is they're not being themselves, so they're trying to be

480
00:18:09,201 --> 00:18:11,080
Speaker 4: number two or someone else. That's where values and purpose

481
00:18:11,120 --> 00:18:12,960
Speaker 4: come into it. So whenever you hear the words you

482
00:18:13,001 --> 00:18:14,561
Speaker 4: have to, you ought to, you got too, you should,

483
00:18:14,561 --> 00:18:17,160
Speaker 4: you must, you're supposed to, or a variation of those words,

484
00:18:17,360 --> 00:18:20,401
Speaker 4: someone's projecting onto the other person. So if I said

485
00:18:20,640 --> 00:18:23,521
Speaker 4: you should get sausage dogs, you should play video games,

486
00:18:23,600 --> 00:18:25,440
Speaker 4: you should do things that you don't want to do,

487
00:18:25,761 --> 00:18:27,481
Speaker 4: and you listen to it, you'll feel like shit. And

488
00:18:27,521 --> 00:18:30,121
Speaker 4: I would sabotage those goals because they're not my goals.

489
00:18:30,321 --> 00:18:32,400
Speaker 4: So again, know yourself, be authentic, know your values, know

490
00:18:32,400 --> 00:18:34,680
Speaker 4: your purpose. That's the first piece. Second is limiting millions.

491
00:18:34,681 --> 00:18:36,521
Speaker 4: I'm not enough, I'm too much, I'm ugly, I'm bad

492
00:18:36,521 --> 00:18:38,640
Speaker 4: with money, I can't do this. Whatever beliefs you have,

493
00:18:38,681 --> 00:18:41,801
Speaker 4: you make it right. So the ego human identity. Your

494
00:18:41,801 --> 00:18:44,081
Speaker 4: ego has two main traits. Number one, it makes itself right.

495
00:18:44,201 --> 00:18:46,321
Speaker 4: That's where whatever it believes, it makes it true. If

496
00:18:46,360 --> 00:18:47,960
Speaker 4: you believe you can or you believe you can't, you're up.

497
00:18:48,120 --> 00:18:48,321
Speaker 5: Yeah.

498
00:18:48,521 --> 00:18:50,880
Speaker 4: And Second, it avoids pain, So that's why you mentioned

499
00:18:50,880 --> 00:18:53,640
Speaker 4: about like people avoiding the work because it's fucking painful.

500
00:18:53,640 --> 00:18:55,681
Speaker 4: We want to hide from emotions for some reason. Third

501
00:18:55,721 --> 00:18:58,001
Speaker 4: is trauma that gets a little bit deeper, but essentially,

502
00:18:58,001 --> 00:19:00,681
Speaker 4: whatever trauma you have, you get triggered by it when

503
00:19:00,721 --> 00:19:03,720
Speaker 4: something reminds you of it, and you'll also unconsciously protect

504
00:19:03,761 --> 00:19:06,281
Speaker 4: yourself from it. Use rejection because it's a common one,

505
00:19:06,441 --> 00:19:08,641
Speaker 4: So so you've got a wound around a rejection. Say,

506
00:19:08,640 --> 00:19:11,160
Speaker 4: for example, you want to start posting content, but you

507
00:19:11,201 --> 00:19:12,961
Speaker 4: don't want to get rejected, you won't post your content,

508
00:19:13,160 --> 00:19:15,561
Speaker 4: so you're protecting yourself from experience in the trauma. Again.

509
00:19:16,041 --> 00:19:18,360
Speaker 4: The last piece is practical, so it's like you just

510
00:19:18,400 --> 00:19:19,920
Speaker 4: don't know what the fuck you're doing. If you go

511
00:19:19,961 --> 00:19:21,561
Speaker 4: to someone who's never done business and you say go

512
00:19:21,561 --> 00:19:24,041
Speaker 4: build a business, you're like, yeah, what did I start?

513
00:19:24,041 --> 00:19:25,400
Speaker 4: So that's where the skills come into it. This is

514
00:19:25,400 --> 00:19:28,680
Speaker 4: where first three pieces are mainly mental, emotional, psychological. Then

515
00:19:28,721 --> 00:19:31,521
Speaker 4: it's actual tactics. Okay, you want to make all this money,

516
00:19:31,521 --> 00:19:32,921
Speaker 4: but you don't know how to market, or you don't

517
00:19:32,921 --> 00:19:34,001
Speaker 4: know how to sell, or you don't know how to

518
00:19:34,001 --> 00:19:37,041
Speaker 4: productize or whatever the thing is. So sabotage for me

519
00:19:37,241 --> 00:19:39,041
Speaker 4: has fallen into one of those four. I haven't found

520
00:19:39,041 --> 00:19:41,161
Speaker 4: it something that doesn't fit into that which would cause it.

521
00:19:41,241 --> 00:19:43,680
Speaker 4: So depending which one is causing it, that's what's causing

522
00:19:43,681 --> 00:19:47,960
Speaker 4: the sabotage. Identify it. I talk about symptoms versus root causes.

523
00:19:48,241 --> 00:19:50,640
Speaker 4: So have you had the theory of constraints before? No?

524
00:19:50,840 --> 00:19:54,840
Speaker 4: Alex Pomosi you him listen late. So he uses it

525
00:19:54,840 --> 00:19:56,761
Speaker 4: for business, but I'll give it a different analogy. So

526
00:19:56,801 --> 00:19:59,081
Speaker 4: he says, the theory of constraints is a business will

527
00:19:59,160 --> 00:20:01,521
Speaker 4: rise or grow to its lowest constraint. So so your

528
00:20:01,600 --> 00:20:03,920
Speaker 4: marketing is a ten out of ten, your sales ability

529
00:20:03,921 --> 00:20:05,200
Speaker 4: is a ten out of ten, but you're probably to

530
00:20:05,281 --> 00:20:07,321
Speaker 4: one out of ten. That's the constraint, and most people

531
00:20:07,321 --> 00:20:09,241
Speaker 4: in that circumstance try to get more leads and sales.

532
00:20:09,281 --> 00:20:11,521
Speaker 4: It's like, that's not the problem. You're selling something that's shit,

533
00:20:11,801 --> 00:20:13,960
Speaker 4: So fix that. That's your constraint, and then when you

534
00:20:13,961 --> 00:20:15,961
Speaker 4: fix that, then it will rise to the next constraint.

535
00:20:15,961 --> 00:20:19,160
Speaker 4: Maybe fulfillment, customer service, customer experience, or something else is

536
00:20:19,201 --> 00:20:21,880
Speaker 4: the next constraint. So how I use it for a

537
00:20:21,961 --> 00:20:24,561
Speaker 4: human though, is a human's life will rise to its

538
00:20:24,561 --> 00:20:26,761
Speaker 4: lowest constraint. It will be a skill. You don't know

539
00:20:26,801 --> 00:20:28,001
Speaker 4: what skill. You don't know what to do, you don't

540
00:20:28,041 --> 00:20:29,681
Speaker 4: know how to set boundaries, you don't how to communicate,

541
00:20:29,681 --> 00:20:31,600
Speaker 4: you don't know how to be a leader, etcetera. Or

542
00:20:31,640 --> 00:20:35,480
Speaker 4: there's something mentally or emotionally within you that's sabotaging you

543
00:20:35,521 --> 00:20:37,761
Speaker 4: from actually doing it. That's where you probably have some

544
00:20:37,840 --> 00:20:39,561
Speaker 4: friends who know what to do, but they don't do

545
00:20:39,600 --> 00:20:41,360
Speaker 4: what they know. They know what to do, they've got

546
00:20:41,360 --> 00:20:42,840
Speaker 4: the skills, but they've got some belief that they are

547
00:20:42,880 --> 00:20:45,481
Speaker 4: too much, that they're fucking stupid, they're not whatever, or

548
00:20:45,521 --> 00:20:47,281
Speaker 4: they've got some trauma that they haven't addressed yet and

549
00:20:47,281 --> 00:20:49,521
Speaker 4: they're trying to protect themselves from it. So again, what's

550
00:20:49,561 --> 00:20:52,121
Speaker 4: the constraint that's essentially what I do for clients. What's

551
00:20:52,160 --> 00:20:54,641
Speaker 4: the resistance that's keeping you stuck? What's the root cause

552
00:20:54,681 --> 00:20:56,200
Speaker 4: of it? Let's address it, then you'll rise to the

553
00:20:56,241 --> 00:20:57,961
Speaker 4: next one, repeat, repeat, repeat.

554
00:20:58,521 --> 00:20:59,041
Speaker 5: So cool.

555
00:20:59,400 --> 00:21:03,641
Speaker 3: So far that I do touch something on before is standards.

556
00:21:03,201 --> 00:21:04,881
Speaker 4: Versus boundary Y trigger is best.

557
00:21:04,880 --> 00:21:07,400
Speaker 3: Bad triggers are the first boundaries. I'd love to expand

558
00:21:07,400 --> 00:21:07,920
Speaker 3: on that a little bit.

559
00:21:08,281 --> 00:21:10,681
Speaker 4: A trigger is an activation, So there's sympathetic triggers that's

560
00:21:10,721 --> 00:21:14,200
Speaker 4: like more anger, frustration, stress like activation, think of like

561
00:21:14,281 --> 00:21:17,521
Speaker 4: stress response. But you also have the parasympathetic triggers, which

562
00:21:17,561 --> 00:21:20,840
Speaker 4: is like disassociation, so like you switch off or you freeze.

563
00:21:21,001 --> 00:21:24,361
Speaker 4: So essentially it's an activation out of homeostasis. So you've

564
00:21:24,360 --> 00:21:26,520
Speaker 4: got your window of tolerance. So it's like your neutral connection.

565
00:21:26,681 --> 00:21:28,400
Speaker 4: Feel safe to thank for each other, be silly being

566
00:21:28,561 --> 00:21:30,920
Speaker 4: a child. Whenever you're knocked out of balance, you're in

567
00:21:30,961 --> 00:21:33,721
Speaker 4: a triggered response. Something's triggered you. A boundary is a

568
00:21:33,761 --> 00:21:36,081
Speaker 4: standard you hold people too. So I use a silly example.

569
00:21:36,120 --> 00:21:37,881
Speaker 4: When I'm at home in my office, which I never leave.

570
00:21:37,961 --> 00:21:40,880
Speaker 4: Whenever my door is closed, a boundary for me and

571
00:21:40,961 --> 00:21:43,200
Speaker 4: my wife is don't come in. So I'm with clients,

572
00:21:43,201 --> 00:21:45,481
Speaker 4: someone's crying, I'm working, I'm in flow. Don't fucking knock

573
00:21:45,481 --> 00:21:47,920
Speaker 4: them out of float. Let me work. Say she barges

574
00:21:47,961 --> 00:21:49,880
Speaker 4: into the office. If I turned around and I snapped

575
00:21:49,880 --> 00:21:51,240
Speaker 4: at her and said get the fuck out, and I

576
00:21:51,441 --> 00:21:53,761
Speaker 4: got triggered, that's me. So what is it that she's

577
00:21:53,801 --> 00:21:56,280
Speaker 4: doing that's revealing something within me I haven't worked on,

578
00:21:56,640 --> 00:21:58,961
Speaker 4: Because why can't I say, hey, my love is everything? Okay,

579
00:21:59,041 --> 00:22:01,080
Speaker 4: anything urgent happened, no worries. I'll be free in thirty minutes.

580
00:22:01,080 --> 00:22:01,600
Speaker 4: I'll get back to you.

581
00:22:01,600 --> 00:22:04,081
Speaker 3: That what foils you to be angry though? That she's

582
00:22:04,120 --> 00:22:06,321
Speaker 3: of course it's a trigger, still a trigger, triggar.

583
00:22:06,360 --> 00:22:08,961
Speaker 4: Why can't you say my love is everything? Okay? Yeah? True?

584
00:22:09,001 --> 00:22:11,481
Speaker 4: Because it's still a boundary. Yeah, So it's how again,

585
00:22:11,521 --> 00:22:12,641
Speaker 4: how do you respond to it?

586
00:22:12,721 --> 00:22:12,801
Speaker 5: So?

587
00:22:12,840 --> 00:22:14,921
Speaker 4: What's your reaction to it? If you're getting snapped at it?

588
00:22:14,961 --> 00:22:16,961
Speaker 4: So just don't judge your answers. So if your parents

589
00:22:17,001 --> 00:22:18,840
Speaker 4: will partners watch this. They love you so much, don't

590
00:22:18,921 --> 00:22:21,640
Speaker 4: judge your answers. Think of Dad Hoover played father figure

591
00:22:21,681 --> 00:22:23,640
Speaker 4: for you. In one word answers, So, trauma is a

592
00:22:23,640 --> 00:22:26,041
Speaker 4: trait or a behavior. They did something or didn't do

593
00:22:26,080 --> 00:22:28,480
Speaker 4: something that was bad or painful for you. Okay, in

594
00:22:28,521 --> 00:22:30,920
Speaker 4: a one word answer, what's the one thing you dislike

595
00:22:31,001 --> 00:22:31,681
Speaker 4: most about Dad?

596
00:22:32,001 --> 00:22:32,521
Speaker 3: Dismissive?

597
00:22:32,600 --> 00:22:36,001
Speaker 4: Beautiful yours? Anger? So when someone dismisses you, it triggers you.

598
00:22:36,041 --> 00:22:38,880
Speaker 4: When someone's angry towards you, it triggers you. Now you

599
00:22:38,921 --> 00:22:43,001
Speaker 4: really then have coping mechanisms to overcompensate, protect and hide

600
00:22:43,001 --> 00:22:45,921
Speaker 4: that part of you. What's the opposite of dismissive being heard?

601
00:22:46,001 --> 00:22:47,361
Speaker 4: So you're trying to make everyone feel heard?

602
00:22:47,880 --> 00:22:50,880
Speaker 3: Oh my god, yes, sort of anger softness.

603
00:22:50,961 --> 00:22:52,840
Speaker 4: You try to be soft for people and make people

604
00:22:52,840 --> 00:22:54,321
Speaker 4: feel soft and welcome and.

605
00:22:54,321 --> 00:22:57,001
Speaker 3: Say probably, yeah, was green of people pleasing comes.

606
00:22:56,801 --> 00:22:59,561
Speaker 4: Into that about people pleasing is a coping mechanism. So

607
00:22:59,840 --> 00:23:05,561
Speaker 4: the most common ones for people pleasing is anger, rejection, dismissed, unheard, unloved, unseen.

608
00:23:05,961 --> 00:23:08,601
Speaker 4: So it's like, this was painful, I don't want right now,

609
00:23:09,561 --> 00:23:12,801
Speaker 4: that's me. So because you've had that pain, you don't

610
00:23:12,801 --> 00:23:14,561
Speaker 4: want to do it to others. So you try to

611
00:23:14,561 --> 00:23:17,360
Speaker 4: be the opposite, but it becomes a disowned or unloved

612
00:23:17,360 --> 00:23:18,921
Speaker 4: part of who you are. You don't love the part

613
00:23:18,921 --> 00:23:20,801
Speaker 4: of you who dismisses others. You do it, and your

614
00:23:20,801 --> 00:23:22,321
Speaker 4: ego will come up and say, I don't do that, Yes,

615
00:23:22,400 --> 00:23:22,840
Speaker 4: you fucking do.

616
00:23:23,001 --> 00:23:23,241
Speaker 5: Yeah.

617
00:23:23,880 --> 00:23:25,841
Speaker 3: I carries so much shame, so when you.

618
00:23:25,801 --> 00:23:26,880
Speaker 4: Do it, you'll shame yourself for it.

619
00:23:26,921 --> 00:23:27,081
Speaker 3: Yeah.

620
00:23:27,120 --> 00:23:28,761
Speaker 4: What if you're shame yourself for is a part of

621
00:23:28,801 --> 00:23:31,201
Speaker 4: you you haven't learned to love yet. Because the lop

622
00:23:31,201 --> 00:23:33,801
Speaker 4: side perception, you think dismissive is bad you think anger

623
00:23:33,880 --> 00:23:36,600
Speaker 4: is bad. It's not. All events are neutral until a

624
00:23:36,721 --> 00:23:40,241
Speaker 4: human filters it into polarization. So life is not good

625
00:23:40,321 --> 00:23:42,440
Speaker 4: nor bad. Thinking just makes it so. Yes, it's that.

626
00:23:42,761 --> 00:23:44,321
Speaker 4: Have you seen the movie Bruce All Mighty?

627
00:23:44,521 --> 00:23:46,480
Speaker 5: Yes, but I don't fully revenge heard of it.

628
00:23:46,561 --> 00:23:48,521
Speaker 4: Like Morgan Freeman plays God and he goes up to

629
00:23:48,561 --> 00:23:51,041
Speaker 4: this woman and she's complaining about life, and I'm changing

630
00:23:51,041 --> 00:23:52,401
Speaker 4: the words to get the message to the land harder

631
00:23:52,400 --> 00:23:53,721
Speaker 4: by the sagig what he says. He says. You know,

632
00:23:53,761 --> 00:23:55,561
Speaker 4: when you wish for strength, you don't get given strength.

633
00:23:55,681 --> 00:23:57,600
Speaker 4: You have given problems and challenges that make you strong.

634
00:23:58,281 --> 00:24:00,161
Speaker 4: When you wish for love, you often don't get love.

635
00:24:00,241 --> 00:24:02,360
Speaker 4: You get people mean, unloving towards you to teach how

636
00:24:02,400 --> 00:24:05,001
Speaker 4: to love yourself. I think you said Dad was angriage

637
00:24:05,080 --> 00:24:07,120
Speaker 4: towards you. Yeah, that has gifted you with some of

638
00:24:07,120 --> 00:24:08,880
Speaker 4: the gifts of who you are today, but you don't

639
00:24:08,921 --> 00:24:11,241
Speaker 4: fully get it. You can intellectually start to think about it,

640
00:24:11,241 --> 00:24:13,281
Speaker 4: and that makes sense when you get in your heart

641
00:24:13,400 --> 00:24:14,920
Speaker 4: that you are the mother, you are the gift, you

642
00:24:14,961 --> 00:24:17,001
Speaker 4: are the leader, you are the person you've impacted and

643
00:24:17,001 --> 00:24:19,801
Speaker 4: all the people you've impacted because he was angry towards you,

644
00:24:19,801 --> 00:24:22,521
Speaker 4: you'd be left with nothing but gratitude for him. Yeah.

645
00:24:22,561 --> 00:24:24,801
Speaker 3: Well, I feel like I'm bouncing and out of it.

646
00:24:24,840 --> 00:24:26,880
Speaker 3: Sometimes I have all that gratitude, and logically I'm.

647
00:24:26,721 --> 00:24:30,081
Speaker 1: Like, yes, so grateful for that's intellectualizing, and if I yell,

648
00:24:30,120 --> 00:24:32,241
Speaker 1: I'm like this, Yeah, that's where people that do a

649
00:24:32,281 --> 00:24:33,921
Speaker 1: lot of nerp beliefs work.

650
00:24:33,961 --> 00:24:36,160
Speaker 4: You can get really stuck in here, so you can

651
00:24:36,160 --> 00:24:38,240
Speaker 4: intellectualize it all the fuck you want, but if it's

652
00:24:38,241 --> 00:24:40,721
Speaker 4: still triggering you, it's still there. That's why I say

653
00:24:40,721 --> 00:24:43,081
Speaker 4: I don't believe anyone's fully healed, because I've never met

654
00:24:43,120 --> 00:24:44,160
Speaker 4: someone who's never triggered.

655
00:24:44,241 --> 00:24:45,080
Speaker 3: Yeah, have you never?

656
00:24:45,321 --> 00:24:45,920
Speaker 4: You never triggered?

657
00:24:46,521 --> 00:24:49,001
Speaker 3: Triggered all the time, triggered four times this morning.

658
00:24:49,840 --> 00:24:52,120
Speaker 4: So this is the game that I would love for you, ladies,

659
00:24:52,160 --> 00:24:54,401
Speaker 4: and for the world to start doing. You've probably heard

660
00:24:54,441 --> 00:24:58,240
Speaker 4: Licen mirror. Yes, your perception is a projection. So whenever

661
00:24:58,241 --> 00:25:00,880
Speaker 4: you get triggered or whenever you judge someone, it is

662
00:25:00,961 --> 00:25:03,321
Speaker 4: something within you. It's a part of you that you're

663
00:25:03,360 --> 00:25:05,641
Speaker 4: seen in them that you don't like, that you think

664
00:25:05,721 --> 00:25:07,360
Speaker 4: is bad, because all parts of the baby is worthy

665
00:25:07,400 --> 00:25:09,520
Speaker 4: of love, right, You don't love the angry part of you.

666
00:25:09,521 --> 00:25:11,840
Speaker 4: You don't love the dismissive part of you. So think

667
00:25:11,840 --> 00:25:12,961
Speaker 4: of someone you don't like. You don't have to know

668
00:25:13,120 --> 00:25:15,161
Speaker 4: the person, and don't use parents because his parents from them.

669
00:25:15,281 --> 00:25:17,840
Speaker 4: Tell me where something comes to mine? And one word,

670
00:25:17,880 --> 00:25:19,400
Speaker 4: what's the one thing you dislike most about that? But

671
00:25:19,441 --> 00:25:22,201
Speaker 4: manipula it is find the one word behavior or trait.

672
00:25:22,481 --> 00:25:24,041
Speaker 4: What are they doing or who are they being that

673
00:25:24,080 --> 00:25:25,960
Speaker 4: you don't like? And this is where you attract your

674
00:25:26,001 --> 00:25:28,160
Speaker 4: trauma into your life. So you'll attract people that dismiss

675
00:25:28,160 --> 00:25:30,961
Speaker 4: you and manipulate you. My mast relationship, God, this is

676
00:25:31,001 --> 00:25:32,761
Speaker 4: where the relationship content. I like ma from it because

677
00:25:32,761 --> 00:25:35,080
Speaker 4: people are like, oh my god. Fuck yeah. So you

678
00:25:35,120 --> 00:25:36,921
Speaker 4: will attract your unhill trauma into relationship.

679
00:25:37,001 --> 00:25:38,360
Speaker 5: Oh my god, it was the thing they bothered me

680
00:25:38,400 --> 00:25:38,721
Speaker 5: the most.

681
00:25:39,001 --> 00:25:41,961
Speaker 4: She heard all the da I'm going to generalize because

682
00:25:42,001 --> 00:25:44,200
Speaker 4: this is not always true, but it's very common, very common.

683
00:25:44,561 --> 00:25:47,521
Speaker 4: Women will attract their dad into their relationship, and then

684
00:25:47,561 --> 00:25:50,041
Speaker 4: men will attract their mother. Not all the time, because

685
00:25:50,041 --> 00:25:52,281
Speaker 4: different dynamics. You will just attract the unhealed parts. So

686
00:25:52,321 --> 00:25:55,080
Speaker 4: you attract anger into your life. You attract dismissive and manipulation,

687
00:25:55,880 --> 00:25:57,321
Speaker 4: and you just keep it coming aware of it. What

688
00:25:57,360 --> 00:25:59,401
Speaker 4: do you run away from? You run into its way?

689
00:25:59,441 --> 00:26:01,441
Speaker 4: Do you push a beach ball underneath water? It's popping

690
00:26:01,481 --> 00:26:03,400
Speaker 4: up somewhere else. What you run away from, you're running

691
00:26:03,441 --> 00:26:07,080
Speaker 4: into the ironhill pass, the triggers, the projections, the parts

692
00:26:07,080 --> 00:26:10,401
Speaker 4: of you that were painful, which makes sense because we're humans, painful,

693
00:26:10,521 --> 00:26:12,640
Speaker 4: highly emotional minments that happen. We take a snap shot.

694
00:26:12,921 --> 00:26:15,680
Speaker 4: That's a perception. So now that's bad. So now if

695
00:26:15,721 --> 00:26:18,761
Speaker 4: I say, don't look for a yellow bus, what do

696
00:26:18,761 --> 00:26:19,080
Speaker 4: you think of it?

697
00:26:19,801 --> 00:26:20,281
Speaker 5: Everywhere?

698
00:26:20,321 --> 00:26:22,200
Speaker 4: So you're living your life. I don't like anger. I

699
00:26:22,201 --> 00:26:24,360
Speaker 4: don't like anger. I don't like anger. I don't like anger.

700
00:26:24,561 --> 00:26:26,521
Speaker 4: You're looking about anger. I don't like manipulation. I don't

701
00:26:26,521 --> 00:26:28,600
Speaker 4: like manipulations. So I don't want it. So you're looking for it. Yeah,

702
00:26:28,640 --> 00:26:30,400
Speaker 4: you're trying to run away from it, but in doing so,

703
00:26:30,521 --> 00:26:33,241
Speaker 4: running into it. And until you integrate it or heal it,

704
00:26:33,281 --> 00:26:36,840
Speaker 4: you'll keep doing it. Then you can start doing the process,

705
00:26:37,041 --> 00:26:39,441
Speaker 4: and start integrating, you get less triggered, you're more authentic,

706
00:26:39,481 --> 00:26:42,000
Speaker 4: you love yourself more. Those constraints that you're normally hit

707
00:26:42,041 --> 00:26:44,400
Speaker 4: will go away. An example of that. My loving brother.

708
00:26:44,921 --> 00:26:48,041
Speaker 4: He called me jan firstus hit having New Years? What's

709
00:26:48,041 --> 00:26:49,641
Speaker 4: your goals a year? What is twenty tweenty five? Flok

710
00:26:49,721 --> 00:26:51,121
Speaker 4: like for you? He's like, I want to start a business.

711
00:26:51,241 --> 00:26:53,400
Speaker 4: I want to heal myself more work myself like beautiful

712
00:26:53,441 --> 00:26:54,561
Speaker 4: anwers and he's like, oh, and I want to start

713
00:26:54,561 --> 00:26:56,360
Speaker 4: posting content. I obviously post a lot of content. So

714
00:26:56,400 --> 00:26:58,001
Speaker 4: I'm like, that's awesome. I said, when are you gonna

715
00:26:58,001 --> 00:27:00,640
Speaker 4: start posting? And it got treated? You know, what are

716
00:27:00,640 --> 00:27:03,760
Speaker 4: you protecting yourself from by not posting? Judgment? He got

717
00:27:03,761 --> 00:27:06,281
Speaker 4: bullied as a kid. Yeah, So again that's the threshold.

718
00:27:06,321 --> 00:27:08,120
Speaker 4: That's the glass ceiling that people run into. If you

719
00:27:08,120 --> 00:27:09,360
Speaker 4: say you get in your own way. This is what

720
00:27:09,400 --> 00:27:11,321
Speaker 4: it means. So once you heal these things, you would

721
00:27:11,321 --> 00:27:12,761
Speaker 4: just be able to be more of who you are.

722
00:27:13,640 --> 00:27:14,761
Speaker 3: So there's a lord of ownship.

723
00:27:14,801 --> 00:27:15,041
Speaker 5: Hay.

724
00:27:15,561 --> 00:27:17,400
Speaker 1: Is that interesting? With the partner things? I feel like

725
00:27:17,400 --> 00:27:19,801
Speaker 1: with my husband, he's the opposite of angry. Did I

726
00:27:19,880 --> 00:27:21,920
Speaker 1: unconsciously attract that because I'm avoiding anger.

727
00:27:22,241 --> 00:27:24,080
Speaker 4: Once you heal, the trait doesn't go away, you just

728
00:27:24,080 --> 00:27:27,120
Speaker 4: stop looking for it. So I use erratic Actually, so

729
00:27:27,241 --> 00:27:28,961
Speaker 4: my first process I did it on my dad. Dad

730
00:27:28,961 --> 00:27:30,960
Speaker 4: was erratic. There's a story I shared my book. My

731
00:27:31,521 --> 00:27:34,400
Speaker 4: brother and him had this like really aggressive swearing fight

732
00:27:34,481 --> 00:27:36,361
Speaker 4: throughout the house. I think I was like ten years old.

733
00:27:36,360 --> 00:27:38,080
Speaker 4: I think so my brother would be about twelve years old.

734
00:27:38,160 --> 00:27:40,201
Speaker 4: My brother runs down the hallway, locks himself in his room,

735
00:27:40,281 --> 00:27:42,600
Speaker 4: and my room's like right next to his room, and

736
00:27:42,721 --> 00:27:44,961
Speaker 4: I'm like anxious as and freaking out. Dad comeplay with

737
00:27:45,080 --> 00:27:47,121
Speaker 4: smashes on his door, and he actually breaks the door

738
00:27:47,160 --> 00:27:49,241
Speaker 4: down to get into my brother, and I'm disassociated, so

739
00:27:49,241 --> 00:27:51,200
Speaker 4: I can't actually remember what happened after that. So that

740
00:27:51,281 --> 00:27:53,120
Speaker 4: was a raddick. That was the trait anger ratic kind

741
00:27:53,120 --> 00:27:55,481
Speaker 4: of friends of each old. I do this process on it.

742
00:27:55,521 --> 00:27:58,481
Speaker 4: Heart opens, tears, gratitude, blah blah blah blah. And then

743
00:27:58,721 --> 00:28:01,640
Speaker 4: from that moment one I stopped feeling scared around my dad.

744
00:28:01,681 --> 00:28:03,280
Speaker 4: So I actually drove my dad to the airport two

745
00:28:03,360 --> 00:28:05,360
Speaker 4: days later from that process, and I would always feel

746
00:28:05,400 --> 00:28:08,200
Speaker 4: anxious around my dad. Resistance, the resistance you avoid in

747
00:28:08,201 --> 00:28:10,160
Speaker 4: life is what keeps you stuck. So wherever you have

748
00:28:10,201 --> 00:28:13,080
Speaker 4: emotional resistance, there's something for you to work on there. Georgia,

749
00:28:13,201 --> 00:28:14,920
Speaker 4: my wife, we did a process a lying that was

750
00:28:14,921 --> 00:28:17,120
Speaker 4: one from her dad. So because that was painful, she's

751
00:28:17,160 --> 00:28:20,001
Speaker 4: always looking for my lies. Everyone fucking lies. You lie,

752
00:28:20,041 --> 00:28:22,080
Speaker 4: you like everyone lies. Simply did the process and in

753
00:28:22,120 --> 00:28:23,921
Speaker 4: school because she didn't realize it, because she's like, oh,

754
00:28:23,921 --> 00:28:26,041
Speaker 4: she's had that belief unbroken. Nothing works with me topic.

755
00:28:26,281 --> 00:28:29,201
Speaker 4: So we do that process online and then three four

756
00:28:29,201 --> 00:28:30,920
Speaker 4: months later something another trigger of hers popped up, and

757
00:28:30,921 --> 00:28:32,561
Speaker 4: I'm like, let's sell process on it when we're ready.

758
00:28:32,640 --> 00:28:34,200
Speaker 4: Don't do processes in the moment, by the way, like

759
00:28:34,201 --> 00:28:34,961
Speaker 4: get through it when you're.

760
00:28:34,880 --> 00:28:35,761
Speaker 3: Triggered in I don't read.

761
00:28:36,281 --> 00:28:38,761
Speaker 4: So I talk about maintenance tools and progress tools. Maintenance

762
00:28:38,841 --> 00:28:40,521
Speaker 4: is what you do in the moment to maintain yourself

763
00:28:40,561 --> 00:28:44,321
Speaker 4: in the moment. Breath work, grounding, soothing, reframing can help

764
00:28:44,361 --> 00:28:46,480
Speaker 4: with that. I've got like eight tools are used, and

765
00:28:46,521 --> 00:28:49,361
Speaker 4: then progress tools is integrating what came up so you

766
00:28:49,361 --> 00:28:52,081
Speaker 4: don't have to then regulate yourself every two seconds anyways.

767
00:28:52,161 --> 00:28:54,001
Speaker 4: So we regulate through it and she's like, but this

768
00:28:54,041 --> 00:28:56,361
Speaker 4: shit never worked for me. I'm like, babe, what's the

769
00:28:56,401 --> 00:28:58,481
Speaker 4: last process we did? And it was lying? I said,

770
00:28:58,561 --> 00:29:00,801
Speaker 4: have you noticed different? I just like I haven't been

771
00:29:00,801 --> 00:29:03,041
Speaker 4: triggered by line Since we did that, the trait won't

772
00:29:03,281 --> 00:29:05,801
Speaker 4: go away. You'll stop being resistant to You're stop judging

773
00:29:05,841 --> 00:29:07,280
Speaker 4: yourself for it, stop shaming yourself for it, and you'

774
00:29:07,281 --> 00:29:09,321
Speaker 4: stop getting triggered by it because you're not looking for it.

775
00:29:09,401 --> 00:29:10,961
Speaker 4: You're not like, where's the anger? Where's the anger? I

776
00:29:11,001 --> 00:29:13,121
Speaker 4: don't like anger. It's not there anymore.

777
00:29:13,361 --> 00:29:16,161
Speaker 5: Does that mean you'll also not be unconsciously trying to

778
00:29:16,201 --> 00:29:18,081
Speaker 5: squash it when it comes up, So you'll actually be

779
00:29:18,201 --> 00:29:20,001
Speaker 5: able to just like be that expression in the moment

780
00:29:20,081 --> 00:29:21,761
Speaker 5: and then not feel like, oh shit, I have to

781
00:29:21,801 --> 00:29:22,841
Speaker 5: hide this from the first end of.

782
00:29:22,961 --> 00:29:24,881
Speaker 4: It before you integrate. It's an unloved part of who

783
00:29:24,881 --> 00:29:26,841
Speaker 4: you are, so you try to suppress it, just spot on.

784
00:29:27,041 --> 00:29:28,801
Speaker 4: So once you then learn to integrate, oh my god,

785
00:29:28,841 --> 00:29:30,041
Speaker 4: it's a part of who I am. I do it

786
00:29:30,041 --> 00:29:31,841
Speaker 4: in all areas in my life. People have seen me

787
00:29:31,921 --> 00:29:33,841
Speaker 4: do it. There's all these benefits that come along with it.

788
00:29:33,881 --> 00:29:35,280
Speaker 4: So it's not a bad trait. It's just a part

789
00:29:35,321 --> 00:29:37,841
Speaker 4: of being a human. Have your kids been angry before? Perfect?

790
00:29:37,881 --> 00:29:39,681
Speaker 4: So it's part of being a human. That baby analogue

791
00:29:39,761 --> 00:29:42,081
Speaker 4: is so good. Every part of the baby is lovable.

792
00:29:42,081 --> 00:29:44,121
Speaker 4: But yet we don't love every part of ourselves interesting.

793
00:29:44,321 --> 00:29:46,240
Speaker 4: So yes, once you learn to love it, you're okay

794
00:29:46,321 --> 00:29:48,841
Speaker 4: being it. Again, there's preference. Do I prefer to be

795
00:29:48,881 --> 00:29:51,801
Speaker 4: honest and dishonest? Of course I do, But I'm okay

796
00:29:51,961 --> 00:29:54,481
Speaker 4: being dishonest. Is there a polite way and right time

797
00:29:54,521 --> 00:29:56,921
Speaker 4: to light with your kids? But whatever, And that's why

798
00:29:57,001 --> 00:29:59,161
Speaker 4: it's appropriate to it because it's not a bad trait.

799
00:29:59,241 --> 00:30:01,401
Speaker 4: But again, the only problem you had is you think

800
00:30:01,441 --> 00:30:03,241
Speaker 4: you have a problem because I'm not saying don't be loving,

801
00:30:03,241 --> 00:30:04,561
Speaker 4: because you said anger and you said the opolight like

802
00:30:04,561 --> 00:30:06,561
Speaker 4: loving or caring. So I'm not saying don't be this.

803
00:30:06,801 --> 00:30:09,361
Speaker 4: But if you're doing it because you're over compensating, that's

804
00:30:09,401 --> 00:30:12,241
Speaker 4: the problem because you have resistance to it. Reverve the resistance,

805
00:30:12,281 --> 00:30:14,361
Speaker 4: then free choice. Maybe it's like, fuck, I feel i've

806
00:30:14,361 --> 00:30:16,401
Speaker 4: been angry in the bedrooms. It's not going to be

807
00:30:16,401 --> 00:30:18,841
Speaker 4: angry in the bedroom sometimes. Fuck yeah. But if you

808
00:30:18,841 --> 00:30:21,440
Speaker 4: think it's bad, and this actually side note, because you

809
00:30:21,441 --> 00:30:24,281
Speaker 4: mentioned sex and relationships, the more healing you do, the

810
00:30:24,281 --> 00:30:27,081
Speaker 4: better your sex becomes. Because if you think of relationships

811
00:30:27,081 --> 00:30:29,561
Speaker 4: being the ultimate mirror, sex in the bedroom is like

812
00:30:29,721 --> 00:30:33,001
Speaker 4: amplifies that even more. You're literally giving everything about you

813
00:30:33,201 --> 00:30:35,720
Speaker 4: to be received or rejected, So any parts of you

814
00:30:35,761 --> 00:30:37,281
Speaker 4: that you think about, you're trying to hide that in

815
00:30:37,281 --> 00:30:37,761
Speaker 4: the bedroom.

816
00:30:37,961 --> 00:30:40,161
Speaker 5: I feel like when you do this work, you realized

817
00:30:40,241 --> 00:30:42,601
Speaker 5: in the scope, like how little you actually know. It's

818
00:30:42,601 --> 00:30:44,561
Speaker 5: like the more that you en oh my god, the

819
00:30:44,601 --> 00:30:45,960
Speaker 5: more that you open up, you're like, holy shit, I

820
00:30:46,041 --> 00:30:46,440
Speaker 5: know nothing.

821
00:30:46,481 --> 00:30:48,321
Speaker 1: Well, they're holding in on what you've learned and what

822
00:30:48,321 --> 00:30:52,121
Speaker 1: you're wanting to teach your audience, but you realize is so.

823
00:30:51,241 --> 00:30:53,561
Speaker 5: So much more. There's so much more to expand. It's

824
00:30:53,601 --> 00:30:55,561
Speaker 5: always like what you're saying, there's always something to learn

825
00:30:55,561 --> 00:30:56,761
Speaker 5: and grow and heal with.

826
00:30:56,881 --> 00:30:58,401
Speaker 3: In one way, there's another thing.

827
00:30:58,561 --> 00:31:01,441
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, so cool that it's exciting but also really

828
00:31:01,441 --> 00:31:02,480
Speaker 1: scary and uncomfortable.

829
00:31:02,561 --> 00:31:04,441
Speaker 3: I could build myself getting emotional.

830
00:31:04,361 --> 00:31:06,921
Speaker 4: And that's resistance is the sign there's something there.

831
00:31:07,001 --> 00:31:07,561
Speaker 3: I'd love to know.

832
00:31:07,641 --> 00:31:10,401
Speaker 5: If there was one piece of advice based on everything

833
00:31:10,401 --> 00:31:11,720
Speaker 5: that you know, and you could only leave them with

834
00:31:11,841 --> 00:31:14,081
Speaker 5: one thing before you do or you die, what would

835
00:31:14,081 --> 00:31:14,361
Speaker 5: I eat?

836
00:31:14,481 --> 00:31:15,761
Speaker 4: I have two, but if I had to pick one,

837
00:31:15,801 --> 00:31:16,601
Speaker 4: it would follow too.

838
00:31:16,681 --> 00:31:17,201
Speaker 3: We'll give you two.

839
00:31:17,241 --> 00:31:19,041
Speaker 4: Follow what inspires you. It will lead you to your

840
00:31:19,041 --> 00:31:21,681
Speaker 4: purpose and vision. So just follow that don't listen to

841
00:31:21,721 --> 00:31:23,801
Speaker 4: the projections have to got to you should mask what

842
00:31:23,961 --> 00:31:27,440
Speaker 4: actually inspires you authentically follow that breadcrumb trail. And the

843
00:31:27,481 --> 00:31:29,441
Speaker 4: second part is be aware of your projecting and triggers.

844
00:31:29,521 --> 00:31:31,561
Speaker 4: They're showing the parts of you haven't worked on, So

845
00:31:31,761 --> 00:31:34,041
Speaker 4: work on that to allow you to pursue the breadcrumbs

846
00:31:34,241 --> 00:31:35,561
Speaker 4: even further efficiently.

847
00:31:36,041 --> 00:31:38,401
Speaker 3: So important, good, thank you so much.

848
00:31:38,441 --> 00:31:41,361
Speaker 1: And you do one day courses, three day courses, book

849
00:31:41,441 --> 00:31:43,481
Speaker 1: and one on one coaching and where can they find

850
00:31:43,521 --> 00:31:43,960
Speaker 1: your booking?

851
00:31:44,281 --> 00:31:47,520
Speaker 4: Lewis accept across social Media's Instagram where I'm most active personally.

852
00:31:47,761 --> 00:31:49,961
Speaker 1: Believe all your details in the show up yellow, anyone

853
00:31:50,001 --> 00:31:50,561
Speaker 1: can access to you.

854
00:31:50,681 --> 00:31:53,761
Speaker 5: But thank you so much for coming. We're Impredius's been amazing.

855
00:31:54,161 --> 00:31:55,081
Speaker 3: We'll see you on Men's Day.

856
00:31:55,081 --> 00:32:02,961
Speaker 1: Thank you.

857
00:31:55,521 --> 00:31:55,641
Speaker 5: Wh