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Speaker 1: This podcast is recorded on gadigal Land Always was, always

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Speaker 1: will be Aboriginal Land.

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Speaker 2: Hey chicks, I'm.

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Speaker 3: Sal and I'm out and this is too broke Chicks

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Speaker 3: to show that she has life lessons and tips to

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Speaker 3: help make you rich in life. And welcome back to

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Speaker 3: our angel and friend.

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Speaker 2: Alexis back. She's back, baby. How many times have we

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Speaker 2: had you on the pod? Now?

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Speaker 4: I feel like poor yeah, or this is the fourth

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Speaker 4: I don't know this is this is the fourth, but

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Speaker 4: everyone's obsessed with you.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, exactly, So we're going to get Alexis back on.

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Speaker 3: And if you chicks aren't familiar, Alexis hosts the Do

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Speaker 3: Your Fucking Mind podcast and we've had her on the

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Speaker 3: show quite a few times, and today we have you

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Speaker 3: on because we're about to enter our unbothered era.

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Speaker 2: This is the unbothered era. We need bummy. Yeah, yeah,

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Speaker 2: I'll give it today. Yeah, I love it. I can't wait.

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Speaker 3: And as too chronic overthinkers, I think we're like the

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Speaker 3: perfect patience for you, naughty man.

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Speaker 2: How are we giving you like one on one therapy?

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Speaker 3: Yeah, but before we get into the juicy part of

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Speaker 3: the episode, you know, we love to start with a

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Speaker 3: life lesson yes of the week.

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Speaker 2: So would you like to kick yourself?

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Speaker 4: I guess my life lesson of the week is do

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Speaker 4: less to do more. So I find that when I

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Speaker 4: really lean into like really slow afternoons or really slow Sundays,

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Speaker 4: or just like pockets, and it doesn't have to be

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Speaker 4: a full day, but pockets in the week where I

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Speaker 4: do next to nothing but intentional. So I'm not talking

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Speaker 4: about doom scrolling, but intentional rest.

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Speaker 2: Like R and R, I am then.

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Speaker 4: At least fourfold more productive when I actually am working.

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Speaker 4: So it's like, if you're feeling burnt out, it's so counterproductive.

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Speaker 4: You think you're doing more because you have to do more,

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Speaker 4: but you are so much slower in everything that you

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Speaker 4: do because you've just got way too much shit on.

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Speaker 4: You're trying to juggle a thousand things at the same time.

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Speaker 4: So I think, yeah, everyone who's listening a fucking go.

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Speaker 2: It's so good.

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Speaker 1: That ties into my word of the year. My word

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Speaker 1: of the year is less. Yes, yeah, this it's a lot.

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Speaker 5: That less is so much fucking isn't it.

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Speaker 3: Do you have any hacks on how to actually switch off?

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Speaker 4: Well, so one thing, my sister calls it because she's

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Speaker 4: a firefighter, so it's yeah, she's like she's hardcore. She's

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Speaker 4: an absolute weapon. She's like in special rescue. She's hardcore,

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Speaker 4: and she does like twenty four hour shifts, and she

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Speaker 4: does these like scheduled pajama days, so it's a day

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Speaker 4: where you do not get out of your pajamas a

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Speaker 4: whole day.

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Speaker 2: She's like, you could do.

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Speaker 4: A scheduled You're like, I did that.

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Speaker 2: I supposed to be scheduled. You didn't have to.

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Speaker 4: But it's like, as long as you are intending to

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Speaker 4: do not much at all. So she's like, the intention

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Speaker 4: of that day is to make it so lazy that

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Speaker 4: by the time tomorrow rolls around, I cannot.

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Speaker 2: I am leaving it.

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Speaker 4: So she will, And if you don't have a full day,

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Speaker 4: that's fine, you could you could schedule like this afternoon,

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Speaker 4: I'm actually blocking out three hours before, but so like

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Speaker 4: make it way earlier, get into my pajamas earlier, and

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Speaker 4: just read a book or you know, if you enjoy cooking,

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Speaker 4: like slowly cook a meal, watching a rom com, that's

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Speaker 4: what I do. So my way switching off in the

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Speaker 4: afternoon if I've had a really hectic day rom com

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Speaker 4: while like cooking a meal that I really enjoy because

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Speaker 4: I'm not a fan of cooking normally. But if it's

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Speaker 4: like it's for me, it's almost a meditation. It winds,

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Speaker 4: it unwinds.

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Speaker 2: And yeah, yeah, like it's it's something methodical.

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Speaker 4: Yes, because if you if you try to just sit

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Speaker 4: in silence, your mind will be going on going. So

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Speaker 4: you're almost better doing a methodical task that doesn't require

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Speaker 4: high focus and you slowly unwind and you start to

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Speaker 4: really relax.

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Speaker 2: So yeah, either a scheduled.

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Speaker 4: Pajama day or you know, some methodical task that will

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Speaker 4: help you.

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Speaker 2: Unwind and comfort. Movie.

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Speaker 5: But it's the number one rom com.

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Speaker 2: Oh okay, these are like I don't know about number one.

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Speaker 4: But I love French Kiss, I love You've Got Mail,

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Speaker 4: I love Made of Honor.

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Speaker 2: It's complicated. There's just so many, Okay.

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Speaker 1: I would like to have a full circle moment since

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Speaker 1: Alexis is back. Last time Alexis was on the show,

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Speaker 1: we read out the top fifteen most attractive male hobbies.

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Speaker 2: Yeah that's right now.

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Speaker 1: After getting reefed on social media for reading the most attractive,

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Speaker 1: I'd like to read the least yay it if I

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Speaker 1: choose to put this on TikTok men.

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Speaker 2: I didn't write this list.

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Speaker 1: Okay, this was surveyed from another person.

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Speaker 2: It's not personal and you're beautiful.

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Speaker 5: Okay, all right. So from number fifteen.

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Speaker 2: What is that? What is that? It says, Mano sphere.

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Speaker 2: I do a quick google. I'm getting it's like a

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Speaker 2: computer game. Well, okay.

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Speaker 3: The Google suggestions are Manosphere podcast, Manosphere read it Manosphere.

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Speaker 4: Like the male podcast where they're like, I'm a man's microphone.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, this is dark.

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Speaker 3: The Manisphere is a network of online men's communities against

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Speaker 3: the empowerment of women and who promote anti feminists and

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Speaker 3: sexistpl Yeah.

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Speaker 1: That makes sense, and I'm really they're not number one,

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Speaker 1: Oh what the fuck?

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Speaker 2: Okay, that's only number fifteen, all right, okay.

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Speaker 1: Number fourteen, gambling, number thirteen, pawn wow, yeah, number twelve

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Speaker 1: arguing online. Another one funko is that like those funko pops?

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Speaker 2: Surely not sure it's going to be something.

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Speaker 1: Okay, Number ten marijuana, Number nine clubbing, clubbing.

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Speaker 2: I think it's I think that.

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Speaker 4: I mean, if you're going out clubbing all the time

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Speaker 4: and you're like an adult who's got respond to mind

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Speaker 4: a good party, I'm like, I love a spontaneous night out.

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Speaker 5: I love getting a bit drunk with my boyfriend.

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Speaker 3: I'm imagining those guys though, who like go out with

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Speaker 3: the lads and.

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Speaker 1: They like get table absolutely with like the bottle of vodka.

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Speaker 3: Exactly, and then they like, you know, go and ask

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Speaker 3: for a bunch of chicks numbers and don't reply to

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Speaker 3: their girlfriend.

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Speaker 1: Yeah. Well if it's that then yeah, yeah, right, next

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Speaker 1: one's cigars.

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Speaker 2: Okay, don't mind a cigar.

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Speaker 5: I'm like for a special occase.

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Speaker 1: The next one, crypto, this one, I completely disagree with.

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Speaker 2: Makeup. No, that's fine, Yeah, that would be amazing.

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Speaker 5: Put eyeliner on. I actually prefer it.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, great, men in makeup, men in makeup smash Yeah,

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Speaker 3: why not?

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Speaker 5: Then we have anime and then MTG.

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Speaker 3: I don't know what that is, but I'm scared to

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Speaker 3: look at the magic the gathering.

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Speaker 2: Is that a game?

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Speaker 3: Yeah, the trading card game?

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Speaker 2: Oh my god?

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Speaker 5: If that is that they're referring number five.

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Speaker 1: Okay, so now we're in the top four of the

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Speaker 1: top four least attractive male hobbies for is drinking?

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Speaker 5: Okay, I'm going to sell you that is like its sessive.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, you have a beautiful dinner and they know how

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Speaker 2: to choose a wine. That's what They're.

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Speaker 5: Like, let's pair this one, and I'm like, the cheapish rot.

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Speaker 1: Please they have wine anyway.

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Speaker 5: Number three debating don't argue with me?

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Speaker 2: Isn't that also arguing online?

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Speaker 5: So kind of but this is maying in person, so

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Speaker 5: basically shut up.

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Speaker 2: They just want the Basically they just wanted to shut up.

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Speaker 2: Agree with me, agree with me.

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Speaker 1: Number two is cosplay, and then number one is comic books.

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Speaker 4: Oh no, no, I mean, okay, it's not attractive, but

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Speaker 4: I would not have that as number one.

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Speaker 2: No comparison to so many of them.

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Speaker 3: Fifteen number fifteen should be number one. I'm so surprised

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Speaker 3: because people don't know what it is the people who

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Speaker 3: are being served, I think.

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Speaker 5: So I feel like I agreed with the most attractive.

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Speaker 2: Well, yes, because reading was number one, wasn't it. Yeah, right,

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Speaker 2: So we love reading, but we don't like comic books.

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Speaker 2: They're not the same air. It's so judgmental, it's the

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Speaker 2: same thing. But yeah, it's time to get into our

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Speaker 2: unbothered era.

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Speaker 5: Time to get into our unbothered air.

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Speaker 3: Okay, So, starting off, what's the difference between being unbothered

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Speaker 3: and being indifferent and just not giving a fuck about anything.

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Speaker 4: Yes, okay, so I think that firstly you want to

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Speaker 4: look at what does bothered mean? Because to care about something,

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Speaker 4: to have you know, passion behind something is I think

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Speaker 4: the most important thing in life, right Like, if we

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Speaker 4: don't have that, then what is the point. So to

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Speaker 4: care to invest your time, your energy, your emotions into

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Speaker 4: something that is all kind of I think what we

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Speaker 4: strive for end life because the happiest people in the

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Speaker 4: world are the ones that give a shit that the

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Speaker 4: ones that like really put their heart and soul into

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Speaker 4: they invest. The most unhappy people are the ones that

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Speaker 4: are very surface level.

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Speaker 2: And a lot. So that is caring.

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Speaker 4: And I think bothered is things that it's kind of

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Speaker 4: It looks like overthinking, It looks like being irritable, It

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Speaker 4: looks like being embarrassed and revisiting embarrassing moments. It looks

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Speaker 4: like trying to mind read Oh my god, they're maybe

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Speaker 4: thinking these or oh my god, oh or you know,

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Speaker 4: or they're going to want me to say this, or

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Speaker 4: you know, people pleasing it is all these things. It's

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Speaker 4: trying to mold yourself into something because you think you're

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Speaker 4: going to get a better result. So I've got to

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Speaker 4: pretend to be someone else so he likes my message

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Speaker 4: or he replies to me, or all that kind of stuff.

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Speaker 2: So that's bothered. I'm now bothered.

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Speaker 4: And also to add another layer to that, when you're unbothered,

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Speaker 4: it should never negatively impact somebody else.

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Speaker 2: So it shouldn't be like I don't give a fuck,

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Speaker 2: I'm not fuck. It's not not caring.

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Speaker 4: It's I need to be less bothered, so this doesn't

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Speaker 4: affect my mental health. That's how you want to look

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Speaker 4: at being unbothered. Care, care about the people you love,

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Speaker 4: care about your life, passions, put in all your energy

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Speaker 4: into that, but not into the stuff that makes you bothered.

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Speaker 4: You know, because something that's important isn't bothering you. It

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Speaker 4: might be weighing on you, it might be you know,

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Speaker 4: but it shouldn't bother you. So that's how I differentiate

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Speaker 4: the two.

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Speaker 2: I love sad.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, I think it's an important distinction. And you recently

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Speaker 3: did an episode on how to enter our Unbothered era

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Speaker 3: and you had five steps. Yes, so we'll start with

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Speaker 3: step one, which was detach. Can you explain that process

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Speaker 3: of how we attach ourselves to things that bother us,

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Speaker 3: how to identify that and then how to detach.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, so we I think that it's so easy to

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Speaker 4: become attached to something.

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Speaker 2: And the reason we become attached to things, whether.

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Speaker 4: It be through limeerents, like somebody that is not texting

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Speaker 4: us back, and we're attached to that, whether it be

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Speaker 4: something about our identity, whether it be you know, we

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Speaker 4: attach ourselves to the outcome of something so heavily. And

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Speaker 4: the reason for that is because like attracts like. And

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Speaker 4: I say it all the fucking time, but basically, one

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Speaker 4: thought makes it so much easier to think of a

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Speaker 4: similar thought and then a similar feeling thought similar, and

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Speaker 4: that's where we end up spiraling.

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Speaker 2: That's like catastrophic thoughts, that's you know. So that's how it.

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Speaker 4: Becomes really easy to be attached to something. And also

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Speaker 4: it comes down to how much emotion you are putting

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Speaker 4: behind that thing. So when something is emotionally charged, whether

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Speaker 4: it's good or whether it's bad, we get deeper and

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Speaker 4: deeper and deeper into that emotion. So one of the

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Speaker 4: best ways to become less attached when you're looking at

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Speaker 4: a negative emotion like anxiety or fear or you know,

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Speaker 4: fear of the unknown is to name what it is

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Speaker 4: that is causing you this like anguish in your body.

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Speaker 4: So for example, you could be like, you know, you

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Speaker 4: feel a straight away, you feel a change in your body.

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Speaker 4: Always listen to your body first, and you think, okay,

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Speaker 4: I feel a bit heavier. I'm just like, something's clearly wrong.

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Speaker 4: When did this start? And then you think it's when

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Speaker 4: I received that text message. It's when I open my emails,

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Speaker 4: That's when it started. Then you think a kind going

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Speaker 4: to name it was the email that I received from

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Speaker 4: this person. Okay, now I've named it. And it sounds

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Speaker 4: so basic because you're just naming something, but you actually

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Speaker 4: use a different part of the brain when you name something.

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Speaker 4: And it's been tested on all kinds of different fears,

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Speaker 4: Like they've done studies on this stuff.

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Speaker 2: And one of the major studies that actually.

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Speaker 4: Did it on people with like full blown orchnophobia, like

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Speaker 4: fear of spiders. They had a group of people who

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Speaker 4: would go and interact or just.

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Speaker 2: Like get really close to a spider. So one group

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Speaker 2: had to be.

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Speaker 4: Like, just let just just be emotional, just be and

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Speaker 4: so they're like, oh my god, hyperventilating, having a really

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Speaker 4: bad time. The other group just had to name what

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Speaker 4: they were feeling, like, I'm feeling very scared, I'm feeling actually,

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Speaker 4: i'm feeling sweaty, I'm feeling whatever. Then the other group

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Speaker 4: had to be like, I'm all good, it's fine, i

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Speaker 4: feel great, it's all good.

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Speaker 2: Then the next time round, they.

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Speaker 4: Wanted to see how it changed how they approached the

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Speaker 4: spider the next time, like two days later. I can't

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Speaker 4: remember the time frame, but there was like a bit

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Speaker 4: of a wash out period they went and the people

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Speaker 4: that named their fear were able to get a lot

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Speaker 4: closer to that spider. They were able to rationalize their

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Speaker 4: fear so much more. And the reason for that, it's

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Speaker 4: called name it to tainment, And you can do this

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Speaker 4: with any emotion. The reason for that is when we

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Speaker 4: feel an emotional feeling, you're using like the amygdala, the

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Speaker 4: olympic system.

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Speaker 2: It's like part of the mid brain. It's more primitive.

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Speaker 4: It's what causes us to respond in the moment, so

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Speaker 4: we need it. It's important. But then it goes like

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Speaker 4: off the rails for a lot of us, and then

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Speaker 4: when you for most of us, and then when you

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Speaker 4: name it, you're using your prefrontal cortex that's like you're

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Speaker 4: reasoning your forward planning, your executive function. So that causes instantly,

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Speaker 4: it causes these two brain regions to communicate, so you're

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Speaker 4: already in your head without having to talk yourself down

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Speaker 4: off the ledge. Your brain's already doing that for you.

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Speaker 4: It starts to reason. So it doesn't it doesn't eliminate

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Speaker 4: the stimulus. The spider is still there, the person still

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Speaker 4: hasn't messaged you back, but your brain stops catastrophsing. Yeah,

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Speaker 4: I'm still aware that this thing is there, but I'm

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Speaker 4: so much more capable for dealing with it right now instantly,

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Speaker 4: like takes the edge off. There's going to be a

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Speaker 4: population of people out there because I did a TikTok

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Speaker 4: on this and so many people like, wow, it's worked

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Speaker 4: straight away, This has worked for me, And there's like

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Speaker 4: a couple of like this doesn't work for me.

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Speaker 2: It's like, this is general advice. There might be one

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Speaker 2: or two people that need to try.

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Speaker 4: It a few tu difference, but for the general population,

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Speaker 4: that is one of the best ways to detach yourself

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Speaker 4: from an emotional investment in something that feels really negative.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, also like things like that, it does take work.

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Speaker 1: It does take effort, and it does depend on the

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Speaker 1: thing that you're dealing with. It's like a big time

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Speaker 1: you know, it's not a way to be like if

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Speaker 1: you're stressed.

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Speaker 2: And like, no, don't be stressed.

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Speaker 1: Yeah. It's like when someone's sad and they're like, no,

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Speaker 1: be sad, and it's like no, it's not going to

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Speaker 1: work like that.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, And we're not saying you're going to cure the problem.

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Speaker 4: If I'm feeling heartbroken and I'm having a really really

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Speaker 4: bad time, I can just be like, look, I'm feeling

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Speaker 4: really anxious because and I can just explain what's going

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Speaker 4: on to myself.

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Speaker 2: That doesn't remove the heartbreaking.

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Speaker 1: Is it just you know, yeah, it seem sort of

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Speaker 1: cognitive diffusion. Yes, yeah. So it's like you're naming the

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Speaker 1: feeling exactly and the emotion rather than that it being

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Speaker 1: a fact exactly. Yeah.

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Speaker 4: So you're just yeah, and you're like kind of talking

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Speaker 4: yourself through what it is that you're experiencing, and you're

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Speaker 4: just really, what you're aiming to do is to.

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Speaker 2: Get the brain regions communicating better.

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Speaker 4: And when they communicate better than you, you self soothe

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Speaker 4: a whole lot better.

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Speaker 1: And I also find it so interesting that the denial

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Speaker 1: group wasn't the best I know, because it's you can

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Speaker 1: so often think that if you know positive affirmations, but

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Speaker 1: it's like not acknowledging it and just burying it. Yes,

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Speaker 1: wasn't actually the best method.

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Speaker 4: I think a lot of people think, oh, well, I've

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Speaker 4: got to think positive thoughts all the time.

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Speaker 2: I got to think good thoughts. But it's not.

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Speaker 4: It's I need to know what I'm feeling so I

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Speaker 4: can actually process it better. Like and this is me

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Speaker 4: going on a tangent, but there's other studies that we've

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Speaker 4: done that people that cry when they need to cry

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Speaker 4: are a lot happier than people that try and hold

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Speaker 4: back tears.

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Speaker 5: Crying so happy.

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Speaker 2: It's actually really therapeutic. It's like a tactical cry.

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Speaker 4: If you can cry when you actually so, it's not

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Speaker 4: saying I'll put it on a sad song and force

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Speaker 4: yourself to cry. That's not at all it and it

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Speaker 4: doesn't recommend that you do that. But if you're like,

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Speaker 4: oh my god, I need to grunte to cry, because

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Speaker 4: it's sure like neurochemicals that gets released in your tears

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Speaker 4: that make you feel better. So it's never about avoiding

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Speaker 4: your emotions. It's feel it, but don't exacerbate it and

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Speaker 4: don't force yourself to spiral.

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Speaker 1: Oh my god, I feel like a tactical cry in

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Speaker 1: your late twenties and thirties is like a tactical bomb.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, tactical cry is the new tactical bomb. Yeah, that's

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Speaker 2: your lesson.

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Speaker 1: What if you're.

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Speaker 5: Vomiting and crying?

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Speaker 1: Okay, So let's move on to step two, which is

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Speaker 1: the pause. So how can you identify the triggers?

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Speaker 2: The pause is a great thing.

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Speaker 4: So the pause is literally for anything that requires a

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Speaker 4: bit of thought or emotion behind it.

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Speaker 2: And I'll get into that in one second.

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Speaker 4: Give yourself a pause that's long enough to take a

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Speaker 4: deep breath.

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Speaker 2: Okay.

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Speaker 4: So, for example, if you're someone with social anxiety and

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Speaker 4: someone invites you out and you're a people pleaser, and

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Speaker 4: you say, oh yeah, yeah, yep, and then you're like,

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Speaker 4: how do I cancel later? How do I This is

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Speaker 4: where you take a breath. Doesn't even have to be

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Speaker 4: that obvious.

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Speaker 2: You don't have to be like you just quietly go pause,

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Speaker 2: and then you say can I get back to you

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Speaker 2: on that?

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Speaker 4: You've already just made your life so much because when

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Speaker 4: you pause, you stop going you go.

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Speaker 2: From reactive to proactive.

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Speaker 4: You give yourself that moment your brain thing switches on,

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Speaker 4: it switches, something changes, and you think, I've got that

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Speaker 4: one moment to become self aware enough that I'm not

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Speaker 4: going to be reactive anymore. I had that moment to

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Speaker 4: remove the reactivity, and now I can say, and you

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Speaker 4: can prep yourself for these things.

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Speaker 2: I'll get back to you on that. I have to

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Speaker 2: check my diary.

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Speaker 4: And then when you're in your own comfortable space, you think,

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Speaker 4: am I actually do I actually want to be at

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Speaker 4: this event? And if I do, how can I prepare

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Speaker 4: myself so I feel safe going to this event without

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Speaker 4: having like a full mental breakdown when I'm there.

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Speaker 2: Or another thing would be if I'm really.

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Speaker 4: Angry and someone says something to me and I snap

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Speaker 4: and say something hopeful and then I've got demons take

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Speaker 4: a pause and just say I need to talk about

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Speaker 4: this at another time, or like I need a moment.

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Speaker 2: I just need a moment.

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Speaker 4: Like I always say to people, if you're having an

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Speaker 4: argument with your partner, the healthiest thing you can do

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Speaker 4: is like, can we just have five and come back,

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Speaker 4: Because by the time.

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Speaker 2: You come back, you are not screaming at each other. Yeah,

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Speaker 2: and you communicate so much better because people are.

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Speaker 4: Like, but I want it now in the moment, it's like, no,

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Speaker 4: I'm giving you the worst version of myself right now.

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Speaker 2: This is just not helpful.

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Speaker 4: So the same God, there's so many times where you're

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Speaker 4: basically when you think, if I'm reacting, if I'm going

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Speaker 4: to react, take a breath. And the other reason why

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Speaker 4: it's important to and ideally take a big breath if

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Speaker 4: possible is this the sigh. When you take a sigh

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Speaker 4: and the best so dogs teach us a lot about this.

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Speaker 4: So dogs, if you observe a dog just before they're

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Speaker 4: going to go to sleep, they will.

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Speaker 2: Circle, SoC socle, lie down, huge sign, I do yes.

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Speaker 5: And when you've got a dog and you go big.

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Speaker 4: S And so dogs when they want to drift into

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Speaker 4: a different state, either date, relaxation, or sleep, they'll do

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Speaker 4: a big sign because they're like telling their brain I'm

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Speaker 4: changing states. What happens is you basically go into reactivity.

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Speaker 2: You know you're changing.

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Speaker 4: You know your nervous system is always telling you, do

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Speaker 4: I need to be on high alert or can I relax?

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Speaker 4: So if you're on high alert, you're not digesting properly.

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Speaker 4: That's why stress causes a lot of digestive issues. When

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Speaker 4: you're you know, you're like your heart is racing, you

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Speaker 4: don't feel that good. If you are anxious and stressed,

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Speaker 4: you are not doing a deep breath, so your body

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Speaker 4: knows that, so you trick your body. A deep sigh

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Speaker 4: makes your body think, well, I mustn't be under threat

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Speaker 4: if I can take a nice, long, deep breath, so

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Speaker 4: you instantly switch into rest and relaxation mode. You tell

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Speaker 4: your brain has a switch, and you think, oh, well,

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Speaker 4: I must be okay because.

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Speaker 2: If you actually were danger, because if.

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Speaker 4: It was actually made at danger, you couldn't stop and

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Speaker 4: have a big side. You were actually responding to the

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Speaker 4: d You're like, oh well, I'm about to be hit

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Speaker 4: bike a big side.

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Speaker 2: Like you wouldn't. You're like, I need to actually respond

441
00:19:54,040 --> 00:19:54,240
Speaker 2: right now.

442
00:19:54,720 --> 00:19:57,239
Speaker 4: So when you're able to do the big site, it's

443
00:19:57,240 --> 00:19:59,960
Speaker 4: almost like you're intercepting what's happening. So that's why, when

444
00:20:00,040 --> 00:20:02,720
Speaker 4: ever possible, in this pause time, you're like, change my state,

445
00:20:03,240 --> 00:20:07,320
Speaker 4: change my state before I react, big breath, let it

446
00:20:07,359 --> 00:20:09,679
Speaker 4: all out, and instantly you're able to be like, I

447
00:20:09,720 --> 00:20:11,439
Speaker 4: can't give you the answer right now, or just I

448
00:20:11,480 --> 00:20:13,880
Speaker 4: need a moment, or you know, I'm not gonna say

449
00:20:13,880 --> 00:20:16,119
Speaker 4: that hateful thing. I can just say what I actually

450
00:20:16,160 --> 00:20:20,200
Speaker 4: mean without lashing out. There's so many moments where you think, wow,

451
00:20:20,280 --> 00:20:21,520
Speaker 4: the way I reacted to that.

452
00:20:21,960 --> 00:20:23,479
Speaker 2: I'm actually now less bothered.

453
00:20:24,000 --> 00:20:25,840
Speaker 4: But if I reacted in a way that was that

454
00:20:25,960 --> 00:20:28,960
Speaker 4: was lashing out, not only have you probably hurt someone

455
00:20:29,000 --> 00:20:33,239
Speaker 4: with what you've said, but then you've also got demons

456
00:20:32,920 --> 00:20:36,040
Speaker 4: for weeks to come being like now I'm a psycho.

457
00:20:37,359 --> 00:20:39,359
Speaker 5: Like I didn't want to react that way, and that's

458
00:20:39,520 --> 00:20:40,119
Speaker 5: bothering you.

459
00:20:40,240 --> 00:20:41,399
Speaker 2: Then you're bothered, you know.

460
00:20:41,520 --> 00:20:43,879
Speaker 4: So I think it's so important if you can master

461
00:20:43,960 --> 00:20:46,400
Speaker 4: the pause, it will change your life and you become

462
00:20:46,440 --> 00:20:48,800
Speaker 4: a much more relaxed person because that then becomes automatic.

463
00:20:49,040 --> 00:20:50,280
Speaker 2: It's like it's.

464
00:20:50,200 --> 00:20:52,560
Speaker 4: Kind of forced at the start, but then the more

465
00:20:52,680 --> 00:20:54,480
Speaker 4: you do it, your body just uses that as the

466
00:20:54,600 --> 00:20:56,600
Speaker 4: automatic reply every time.

467
00:20:57,800 --> 00:21:00,879
Speaker 1: I really love that analogy, not even an analogy, but

468
00:21:01,040 --> 00:21:02,400
Speaker 1: that example.

469
00:21:02,040 --> 00:21:08,320
Speaker 4: Of the dogs, and now when you see a dog doing.

470
00:21:07,280 --> 00:21:10,320
Speaker 1: It's so I feel like even just visualizing that makes

471
00:21:10,400 --> 00:21:14,160
Speaker 1: it so helpful. It's like when you're like spiraling your baby,

472
00:21:14,240 --> 00:21:15,920
Speaker 1: like no, think of a dogs, like.

473
00:21:15,880 --> 00:21:18,600
Speaker 4: Think of the dog trying to fall asleep, huge sigh,

474
00:21:18,840 --> 00:21:19,520
Speaker 4: and then they're.

475
00:21:19,320 --> 00:21:22,320
Speaker 2: Off to I love that. It's like a magic trick.

476
00:21:22,880 --> 00:21:25,920
Speaker 3: Yeah it is, because like why can't our brains tell

477
00:21:25,920 --> 00:21:29,640
Speaker 3: the difference between I've received an email and I'm getting

478
00:21:29,720 --> 00:21:30,280
Speaker 3: chased down.

479
00:21:30,160 --> 00:21:32,520
Speaker 2: By a bear? Like why those responses are the same.

480
00:21:32,600 --> 00:21:35,479
Speaker 3: But I love that in having that in your tool kit,

481
00:21:37,280 --> 00:21:40,360
Speaker 3: let's go onto step three self talk. So how does

482
00:21:40,400 --> 00:21:44,280
Speaker 3: the way that we speak to ourselves impact our emotions

483
00:21:44,320 --> 00:21:45,679
Speaker 3: and how we respond to things?

484
00:21:46,040 --> 00:21:47,120
Speaker 2: Yeah, so massively.

485
00:21:47,200 --> 00:21:50,440
Speaker 4: So kind of similar to what I was talking about

486
00:21:50,440 --> 00:21:52,800
Speaker 4: with you know, getting different brain regions to communicate with

487
00:21:52,840 --> 00:21:54,159
Speaker 4: each other, and it helps talk you down at the

488
00:21:54,200 --> 00:21:58,840
Speaker 4: ledge like name entertainment. Self talk overall makes you feel

489
00:21:59,000 --> 00:22:01,520
Speaker 4: a whole lot more more in control of your emotions.

490
00:22:01,560 --> 00:22:04,240
Speaker 4: That's kind of the basis of this whole unbothered thing

491
00:22:04,400 --> 00:22:07,280
Speaker 4: is I want to be in control of my emotions,

492
00:22:07,280 --> 00:22:09,440
Speaker 4: and I don't want my emotions to be in control

493
00:22:09,440 --> 00:22:12,320
Speaker 4: of me. It's not about not feeling emotions. You still

494
00:22:12,320 --> 00:22:14,679
Speaker 4: should feel the entire spectrum of emotions that there is.

495
00:22:14,720 --> 00:22:16,840
Speaker 4: Like I still get anxious, I still get hurt, I

496
00:22:16,880 --> 00:22:18,800
Speaker 4: still get embarrassed, I still you know, because I think

497
00:22:18,840 --> 00:22:21,000
Speaker 4: people think, well, how do you never It's like, I

498
00:22:21,040 --> 00:22:23,879
Speaker 4: feel everything you feel. But I guess the thing that

499
00:22:23,960 --> 00:22:27,919
Speaker 4: I like to claim is that I can intercept it

500
00:22:28,280 --> 00:22:31,480
Speaker 4: relatively quickly. Yeah, you know so, And that is in

501
00:22:31,560 --> 00:22:34,919
Speaker 4: how you talk to yourself. So, for example, you have

502
00:22:34,960 --> 00:22:38,280
Speaker 4: a thought about yourself or about a situation, and you

503
00:22:38,320 --> 00:22:41,800
Speaker 4: want to look at how you are wording that thought

504
00:22:42,280 --> 00:22:46,440
Speaker 4: and if the wording is really universal. Like, for example,

505
00:22:46,520 --> 00:22:48,680
Speaker 4: let's say you embarrass yourself.

506
00:22:48,400 --> 00:22:49,080
Speaker 2: In front of someone.

507
00:22:49,119 --> 00:22:52,440
Speaker 4: You like, I'm a failure, I'm an idiot, I'm so stupid,

508
00:22:52,480 --> 00:22:54,240
Speaker 4: I'm so this, I'm sorry, and then you start and

509
00:22:54,280 --> 00:22:56,479
Speaker 4: then you feel really bad. And even if you're not

510
00:22:56,880 --> 00:22:58,879
Speaker 4: speaking the words, because some people say, oh but I

511
00:22:58,920 --> 00:23:01,919
Speaker 4: don't think in words, but you're feeling it. You're feeling shame,

512
00:23:02,280 --> 00:23:04,920
Speaker 4: you feel embarrassment, you feel like you don't want to

513
00:23:04,920 --> 00:23:06,720
Speaker 4: be seen in public. You feel but we all know

514
00:23:06,840 --> 00:23:10,840
Speaker 4: that feeling. But we're being very catastrophic here. So what

515
00:23:10,880 --> 00:23:14,080
Speaker 4: you have to do is then name again, name the thing,

516
00:23:14,119 --> 00:23:17,719
Speaker 4: but replace it with a statement. And when you replace

517
00:23:17,720 --> 00:23:19,920
Speaker 4: it with a statement like I'm all for affirmations, I'm

518
00:23:20,200 --> 00:23:21,240
Speaker 4: big on affirmations.

519
00:23:21,400 --> 00:23:24,160
Speaker 2: However, you've got to do them right for them to work.

520
00:23:24,240 --> 00:23:28,159
Speaker 4: And if you're in a really low vibration state, like

521
00:23:28,359 --> 00:23:32,000
Speaker 4: I'm a failure to then say everybody loves me does

522
00:23:32,119 --> 00:23:34,680
Speaker 4: not feel real and then you're like shit.

523
00:23:35,040 --> 00:23:36,000
Speaker 2: And so what I.

524
00:23:35,920 --> 00:23:38,679
Speaker 4: Say is like, what is a thought that's a bit

525
00:23:38,720 --> 00:23:41,320
Speaker 4: more empowering than that. So you could say, if you think,

526
00:23:41,400 --> 00:23:43,359
Speaker 4: oh my god, I'm so embarrassed, I'm such a failure,

527
00:23:43,359 --> 00:23:46,160
Speaker 4: I'm this and that, just say I embarrass myself one

528
00:23:46,200 --> 00:23:49,359
Speaker 4: time I provide so much laughter to my friends, or

529
00:23:49,359 --> 00:23:51,320
Speaker 4: I provide so much value to my friends.

530
00:23:51,359 --> 00:23:51,520
Speaker 3: You know.

531
00:23:52,040 --> 00:23:53,639
Speaker 4: You know, I can think of one example where I

532
00:23:53,640 --> 00:23:56,080
Speaker 4: embarrass myself, but I can think of three really great

533
00:23:56,080 --> 00:23:58,600
Speaker 4: examples where I've excelled socially, like I just pulled my

534
00:23:58,600 --> 00:24:00,520
Speaker 4: friend out of her heartbreak yesterday, or I just, you know,

535
00:24:00,880 --> 00:24:02,679
Speaker 4: was that shoulder to cry on for somebody else, Or

536
00:24:02,720 --> 00:24:05,320
Speaker 4: I made these people laugh or I you know, So

537
00:24:05,440 --> 00:24:08,160
Speaker 4: that you start to counter and that's with yourself talk.

538
00:24:08,280 --> 00:24:12,280
Speaker 4: So then the more you do that, the easier it

539
00:24:12,440 --> 00:24:17,080
Speaker 4: is to counteract thought. It takes practice, just like any

540
00:24:17,200 --> 00:24:20,520
Speaker 4: you know, growing a muscle or whatever, but eventually that

541
00:24:20,600 --> 00:24:23,760
Speaker 4: actually becomes automatic in the brain. So if we're someone

542
00:24:23,800 --> 00:24:26,040
Speaker 4: that instantly thinks the worst and starts to spiral and

543
00:24:26,040 --> 00:24:27,479
Speaker 4: the only way we snap out of it is by

544
00:24:27,520 --> 00:24:28,400
Speaker 4: being distracted.

545
00:24:28,960 --> 00:24:31,560
Speaker 2: Then you've never fixed the problem. So you want to

546
00:24:31,560 --> 00:24:32,439
Speaker 2: be like, I don't want.

547
00:24:32,320 --> 00:24:34,760
Speaker 4: To wait for a distraction for me to start feeling

548
00:24:34,760 --> 00:24:37,000
Speaker 4: better about myself. I want to be the one who

549
00:24:37,040 --> 00:24:38,800
Speaker 4: can pull myself out of this. I want to be

550
00:24:38,840 --> 00:24:41,320
Speaker 4: able to rely on myself to pull myself out of

551
00:24:41,359 --> 00:24:44,440
Speaker 4: this really like low feeling thought, and the same thing

552
00:24:44,440 --> 00:24:46,240
Speaker 4: goes for like, oh I failed that exam, Now I

553
00:24:46,280 --> 00:24:49,000
Speaker 4: feel like a failure. You can think I failed one thing,

554
00:24:49,200 --> 00:24:51,280
Speaker 4: but here's three things that have really succeeded at. He's

555
00:24:51,280 --> 00:24:52,760
Speaker 4: three things that are pretty good at And then when

556
00:24:52,760 --> 00:24:54,880
Speaker 4: you go to that next step, then you think it's

557
00:24:54,920 --> 00:24:56,679
Speaker 4: possible for me to get better at that.

558
00:24:56,800 --> 00:24:58,959
Speaker 2: It's possible. What would it take for me to actually

559
00:24:58,960 --> 00:24:59,439
Speaker 2: be good at this?

560
00:25:00,000 --> 00:25:01,959
Speaker 4: When you go from this like low vibration to think

561
00:25:02,200 --> 00:25:04,080
Speaker 4: I could do that, this could be possible.

562
00:25:04,080 --> 00:25:06,840
Speaker 2: This you know, same like when you're embarrassed. It's like

563
00:25:07,160 --> 00:25:08,600
Speaker 2: embarrassing things happen to people.

564
00:25:08,359 --> 00:25:10,000
Speaker 4: All the time, and I've there's been things that have

565
00:25:10,000 --> 00:25:11,520
Speaker 4: happened to my friends that have been so embarrassing that

566
00:25:11,520 --> 00:25:14,359
Speaker 4: I've been laughing my head off that I now can't recall,

567
00:25:14,840 --> 00:25:16,840
Speaker 4: and it's like in stitches laughing and now I'm.

568
00:25:16,680 --> 00:25:20,000
Speaker 5: Like, I could remember that, but I'm that friend I don't.

569
00:25:21,760 --> 00:25:22,719
Speaker 2: Being hilarious.

570
00:25:23,000 --> 00:25:27,399
Speaker 4: So it's like, really, just like you've got to you

571
00:25:27,920 --> 00:25:30,400
Speaker 4: need to kind of minimize it, because we're very good

572
00:25:30,440 --> 00:25:33,919
Speaker 4: at grabbing one isolated event and magnifying at times one

573
00:25:34,000 --> 00:25:36,000
Speaker 4: hundred and thinking that everyone else perceives it the way

574
00:25:36,000 --> 00:25:38,680
Speaker 4: we perceive it. It's never the case. It's never the case.

575
00:25:38,800 --> 00:25:40,920
Speaker 4: Even if people laugh at you, it's still never the case,

576
00:25:41,000 --> 00:25:42,640
Speaker 4: you know, because they've got their own shit. They might

577
00:25:42,680 --> 00:25:44,879
Speaker 4: have laughed, but now they're thinking about something else. You

578
00:25:44,880 --> 00:25:46,880
Speaker 4: can't let that determine how you're going to behave around

579
00:25:46,920 --> 00:25:49,439
Speaker 4: that same person again in the future and things like that.

580
00:25:49,520 --> 00:25:52,080
Speaker 2: So that's what I mean by how you talk to yourself.

581
00:25:52,920 --> 00:25:54,919
Speaker 4: You're just basically thinking of how can I counter this

582
00:25:55,000 --> 00:25:56,760
Speaker 4: with a more empowering thoughts.

583
00:25:56,920 --> 00:26:01,600
Speaker 1: Okay, we've got two more steps, So the emotional toolkit.

584
00:26:02,080 --> 00:26:03,560
Speaker 5: What is an emotional toolkit?

585
00:26:03,720 --> 00:26:06,760
Speaker 4: So an emotional toolkit is something that you can refer

586
00:26:06,880 --> 00:26:09,000
Speaker 4: back to that will always lift your mood and make

587
00:26:09,040 --> 00:26:14,440
Speaker 4: you feel either funny like me, Yeah, like a menu,

588
00:26:14,760 --> 00:26:17,920
Speaker 4: but even easier than a dopamine menu because you don't

589
00:26:17,960 --> 00:26:22,640
Speaker 4: even have to be doing things. So I have, for example,

590
00:26:23,000 --> 00:26:24,480
Speaker 4: so I got a list of funny things.

591
00:26:25,400 --> 00:26:27,560
Speaker 2: So that's one thing that I could go to.

592
00:26:27,720 --> 00:26:30,640
Speaker 4: I've got a particular playlist that I have that it's

593
00:26:30,920 --> 00:26:33,520
Speaker 4: literally to turn my mood around. That for me is

594
00:26:34,040 --> 00:26:35,960
Speaker 4: you've got to really curate that playlist. It kind of

595
00:26:36,080 --> 00:26:38,080
Speaker 4: any sad lyrics, it kind of any it's got to

596
00:26:38,119 --> 00:26:41,200
Speaker 4: be an empowering playlist. If any song that could pick

597
00:26:41,240 --> 00:26:42,800
Speaker 4: any song out of that playlist and be like, no,

598
00:26:42,880 --> 00:26:43,640
Speaker 4: I'm in a better mood.

599
00:26:43,840 --> 00:26:44,880
Speaker 5: What kind of song's on it?

600
00:26:44,960 --> 00:26:47,720
Speaker 4: Oh, there's all sorts of things. I've got like reggaeton

601
00:26:47,800 --> 00:26:51,680
Speaker 4: in there. I've got a lot of like nineties music

602
00:26:51,720 --> 00:26:56,080
Speaker 4: that's been remade into house all music classics. It's just

603
00:26:56,200 --> 00:26:57,840
Speaker 4: empowering banger after banger.

604
00:26:58,119 --> 00:26:59,920
Speaker 2: Love it. So that is another one.

605
00:27:00,040 --> 00:27:02,560
Speaker 4: Another one is like I've got a whole bunch of

606
00:27:02,680 --> 00:27:06,480
Speaker 4: screenshots from people that have written to me with the podcast.

607
00:27:06,680 --> 00:27:08,960
Speaker 4: So if I'm ever like or if I'm ever feeling

608
00:27:09,000 --> 00:27:14,119
Speaker 4: like a little bit like lacking in like inspiration for

609
00:27:14,160 --> 00:27:16,040
Speaker 4: the podcast, if I just read a few.

610
00:27:15,920 --> 00:27:18,359
Speaker 2: Of those, I'm like, oh my god, I'm so inspired.

611
00:27:18,400 --> 00:27:18,560
Speaker 3: You know.

612
00:27:18,760 --> 00:27:21,720
Speaker 4: So when you're needing that inspiration, then I think that's

613
00:27:21,760 --> 00:27:26,919
Speaker 4: where you kind of lean towards the screenshots, the music,

614
00:27:27,280 --> 00:27:29,720
Speaker 4: the funny thing. So you've got like, depending on your mood,

615
00:27:29,800 --> 00:27:31,639
Speaker 4: sometimes you're like, oh, reading funny things isn't going to

616
00:27:31,640 --> 00:27:33,919
Speaker 4: turn my mood around, but a playlist will, or you know,

617
00:27:34,359 --> 00:27:38,960
Speaker 4: things like that I think will always very very.

618
00:27:38,840 --> 00:27:41,880
Speaker 2: Quickly switch your mood. A good example of.

619
00:27:41,840 --> 00:27:44,320
Speaker 4: This is this this guy did like a TikTok and

620
00:27:44,320 --> 00:27:46,879
Speaker 4: he said, every time I'm like crying or sad, I

621
00:27:47,000 --> 00:27:49,960
Speaker 4: put on what was it, party rock anthem. He's like,

622
00:27:50,000 --> 00:27:54,879
Speaker 4: you cannot cry, he cannot cry. You try, you try

623
00:27:55,000 --> 00:27:59,960
Speaker 4: to cry, I think flops.

624
00:27:59,560 --> 00:28:01,480
Speaker 2: Back to like an old video of him crying in

625
00:28:01,520 --> 00:28:01,800
Speaker 2: the car.

626
00:28:02,640 --> 00:28:06,840
Speaker 4: These tiny, tiny kind of interceptions really change it for me.

627
00:28:07,320 --> 00:28:10,560
Speaker 4: We are suckers to like almost wallowing in our pain.

628
00:28:10,800 --> 00:28:12,000
Speaker 4: So a lot of the time we'll be feeling so

629
00:28:12,240 --> 00:28:12,920
Speaker 4: just like, no, I need to.

630
00:28:12,840 --> 00:28:14,760
Speaker 2: Feel sad on you know.

631
00:28:14,800 --> 00:28:17,240
Speaker 4: It's like, but if you're serious about you know, let's

632
00:28:17,359 --> 00:28:18,160
Speaker 4: let's turn it around.

633
00:28:18,240 --> 00:28:18,919
Speaker 2: Let's switch it up.

634
00:28:18,920 --> 00:28:20,439
Speaker 4: I want I don't want this to affect me how

635
00:28:20,480 --> 00:28:23,640
Speaker 4: much I put on party rock anthems, try to.

636
00:28:23,640 --> 00:28:25,600
Speaker 2: Cry, I love that, I feel like.

637
00:28:25,640 --> 00:28:28,040
Speaker 3: That kind of leads on to step five, which is

638
00:28:28,160 --> 00:28:31,399
Speaker 3: the micro joy moments. Yes, can you explain what that

639
00:28:31,600 --> 00:28:34,399
Speaker 3: is and the psychology behind a micro joy moment?

640
00:28:34,600 --> 00:28:38,600
Speaker 4: Definitely, So we I think, get so like caught up

641
00:28:38,640 --> 00:28:41,400
Speaker 4: in I will be happy when this thing happens, and

642
00:28:41,440 --> 00:28:42,520
Speaker 4: I'll be happy when I'm in.

643
00:28:42,440 --> 00:28:43,920
Speaker 2: A relationship and when this.

644
00:28:44,040 --> 00:28:46,960
Speaker 4: So we've got these big markers of what we deem

645
00:28:47,040 --> 00:28:50,680
Speaker 4: to be success emotionally and career wise and all these things.

646
00:28:51,120 --> 00:28:53,880
Speaker 4: But if you're trying to work towards all of these

647
00:28:53,880 --> 00:28:56,920
Speaker 4: things while at the same time spiraling being really bothered

648
00:28:57,120 --> 00:29:00,560
Speaker 4: about things all the time, then it's almost count productive

649
00:29:00,600 --> 00:29:03,320
Speaker 4: to you achieving anything. Like I was kind of saying before,

650
00:29:03,360 --> 00:29:06,600
Speaker 4: like do less to do more. It's kind of even emotionally,

651
00:29:06,680 --> 00:29:09,720
Speaker 4: if everything is in the future, everything's like that will

652
00:29:09,720 --> 00:29:14,360
Speaker 4: happen when when this? Then we're not actually ever enjoying

653
00:29:15,000 --> 00:29:18,320
Speaker 4: the present. And sometimes you never want to look back

654
00:29:18,320 --> 00:29:20,320
Speaker 4: and be like, oh my god, they were such good days.

655
00:29:20,360 --> 00:29:24,040
Speaker 2: Why was I not thrilled back then? So happy back then?

656
00:29:24,440 --> 00:29:27,800
Speaker 4: So basically you want to wake up and almost prime

657
00:29:27,840 --> 00:29:29,680
Speaker 4: yourself so you're more aware of these moments, but you

658
00:29:29,680 --> 00:29:33,560
Speaker 4: want to wake up and think it's my It's like,

659
00:29:33,920 --> 00:29:36,720
Speaker 4: it's at the top of my list to find joyful

660
00:29:36,720 --> 00:29:40,160
Speaker 4: moments today. So like little joyful moments, because when you've

661
00:29:40,200 --> 00:29:42,800
Speaker 4: primed yourself to look for them, then when they happen,

662
00:29:42,920 --> 00:29:45,680
Speaker 4: you don't brush over them thinking, oh, like you lean in.

663
00:29:45,800 --> 00:29:48,440
Speaker 4: For example, when I get home, and this is something

664
00:29:48,440 --> 00:29:51,160
Speaker 4: that I've really leant into lately. I get home, I'll

665
00:29:51,200 --> 00:29:53,080
Speaker 4: put everything down and I'll sit on the floor and

666
00:29:53,120 --> 00:29:55,440
Speaker 4: I'll have at least five minutes if my dog and

667
00:29:55,520 --> 00:29:56,080
Speaker 4: I don't.

668
00:29:55,840 --> 00:29:58,080
Speaker 2: Listen to anything, and I'm like squeezing. He's just a

669
00:29:58,080 --> 00:29:59,360
Speaker 2: beautiful angel. I love him so much.

670
00:29:59,520 --> 00:30:04,640
Speaker 4: Bus I'm obsessed out can confirm you guys, he loves

671
00:30:04,680 --> 00:30:07,280
Speaker 4: you guys so much. But yeah, it's like that, and

672
00:30:07,760 --> 00:30:10,040
Speaker 4: I'm so happy after that interaction.

673
00:30:10,120 --> 00:30:11,760
Speaker 2: I'm like, I could literally get home pat him on

674
00:30:11,800 --> 00:30:12,080
Speaker 2: the head.

675
00:30:12,080 --> 00:30:15,000
Speaker 4: I'm busy, but it's like that moment or it's a

676
00:30:15,000 --> 00:30:18,200
Speaker 4: moment of Okay, I have this. I love sweet treats,

677
00:30:18,200 --> 00:30:20,880
Speaker 4: and I'm trying to veer away from sweet treats just

678
00:30:20,920 --> 00:30:24,400
Speaker 4: a little bit. So I the other day my sister

679
00:30:24,440 --> 00:30:26,320
Speaker 4: and I were trying to do I've already failed, so

680
00:30:26,320 --> 00:30:28,360
Speaker 4: don't worry, but I'm starting again the seventy five hard.

681
00:30:28,640 --> 00:30:30,760
Speaker 4: But I was trying to admind the diet that I

682
00:30:30,800 --> 00:30:32,520
Speaker 4: set for myself. I'm like, I'm happy with what I eat.

683
00:30:32,560 --> 00:30:34,000
Speaker 4: I'm not going to really do it, but I will

684
00:30:34,040 --> 00:30:36,760
Speaker 4: cut out sweet treats because that's the mental challenge for me. Yeah,

685
00:30:37,280 --> 00:30:39,320
Speaker 4: and I really wanted to sweet treats. So I just

686
00:30:39,680 --> 00:30:42,080
Speaker 4: went home, opened the frege and I inhaled like thirty

687
00:30:42,080 --> 00:30:46,800
Speaker 4: olives and it was so beautiful that moment. I'm like,

688
00:30:46,840 --> 00:30:49,640
Speaker 4: this is a joyful moment, Like I just love olives

689
00:30:49,640 --> 00:30:51,920
Speaker 4: so much.

690
00:30:52,600 --> 00:30:54,800
Speaker 2: You know, when a meal arrives, don't be on your phone.

691
00:30:54,800 --> 00:30:56,320
Speaker 4: If you're at a restaurant and a meal arrives, this

692
00:30:56,440 --> 00:30:59,960
Speaker 4: is like, savor the moment when you get your cough,

693
00:31:00,240 --> 00:31:05,720
Speaker 4: don't be distracted, smell it, hold it. And these moments

694
00:31:05,720 --> 00:31:08,640
Speaker 4: of like joy, these moments where you're like I could

695
00:31:08,680 --> 00:31:10,760
Speaker 4: be leaning into these tiny moments throughout the day, and

696
00:31:10,760 --> 00:31:12,440
Speaker 4: before I know it, I've had a really happy day

697
00:31:12,440 --> 00:31:14,920
Speaker 4: and nothing major happened. But it's just because I was

698
00:31:14,920 --> 00:31:16,880
Speaker 4: so present in those little things that I live for.

699
00:31:16,960 --> 00:31:19,640
Speaker 4: But when they're happening, I'm not present, you know, So

700
00:31:19,720 --> 00:31:21,960
Speaker 4: that's the main thing. And then when you are like that.

701
00:31:22,240 --> 00:31:23,160
Speaker 2: Your mood is lifted.

702
00:31:23,240 --> 00:31:25,080
Speaker 4: You can also a tin and more dope that when

703
00:31:25,120 --> 00:31:28,200
Speaker 4: something not that good happens, you are more unbothered because

704
00:31:28,200 --> 00:31:29,280
Speaker 4: you're in a better state.

705
00:31:29,960 --> 00:31:33,280
Speaker 2: Your overall state is better because you're more appreciated, more resilient.

706
00:31:33,680 --> 00:31:36,280
Speaker 5: Yeah, you're resilient. And then negative things happening.

707
00:31:36,480 --> 00:31:39,840
Speaker 4: And when you're happy, you are proactive and not reactive,

708
00:31:39,880 --> 00:31:41,320
Speaker 4: You're able to deal with things better.

709
00:31:41,360 --> 00:31:42,680
Speaker 2: You can pacify yourself better.

710
00:31:42,680 --> 00:31:44,960
Speaker 4: Like we were talking about all these tools that we

711
00:31:45,040 --> 00:31:47,800
Speaker 4: spoke about, you can like intercept them so much easier

712
00:31:47,840 --> 00:31:49,160
Speaker 4: when you're in a better mood overall.

713
00:31:49,560 --> 00:31:52,760
Speaker 1: I find it also helpful because like I'm sure a

714
00:31:52,760 --> 00:31:54,280
Speaker 1: lot of the chicks can relate to this as well.

715
00:31:54,320 --> 00:31:56,200
Speaker 1: Like my brain just goes like a million miles an hour,

716
00:31:56,240 --> 00:31:58,560
Speaker 1: and being present isn't always.

717
00:31:58,640 --> 00:31:59,760
Speaker 2: The easiest task.

718
00:32:00,280 --> 00:32:02,280
Speaker 1: That even if it's five minutes at the end of

719
00:32:02,320 --> 00:32:05,680
Speaker 1: the day and going, Okay, what was my highlights this day?

720
00:32:05,880 --> 00:32:07,840
Speaker 1: Like every night, Robin, I will be like, what was

721
00:32:07,840 --> 00:32:10,000
Speaker 1: your highlight of the day? His is always coming home

722
00:32:10,400 --> 00:32:11,520
Speaker 1: and you have to pick.

723
00:32:11,360 --> 00:32:13,720
Speaker 4: Something yes, yes, yes, that's my hat.

724
00:32:13,600 --> 00:32:16,520
Speaker 5: Aright, and I'm like you silk well.

725
00:32:16,560 --> 00:32:18,600
Speaker 4: So another thing you can do if you're like, well,

726
00:32:18,600 --> 00:32:21,720
Speaker 4: how can I is make the statement in your head

727
00:32:21,760 --> 00:32:23,520
Speaker 4: of how amazing is it that?

728
00:32:24,000 --> 00:32:24,959
Speaker 2: Oh like that so?

729
00:32:25,000 --> 00:32:26,480
Speaker 4: And you can use this like a thousand times in

730
00:32:26,520 --> 00:32:28,360
Speaker 4: your day. So, for example, the other day, because I'm

731
00:32:28,360 --> 00:32:30,240
Speaker 4: trying to use that more often. The other day, I

732
00:32:30,240 --> 00:32:32,800
Speaker 4: grabbed with this book that I started reading, and I

733
00:32:32,920 --> 00:32:33,520
Speaker 4: such a good book.

734
00:32:33,520 --> 00:32:36,480
Speaker 2: It's called The Paris Apartment. It's like mystery horror, very cool.

735
00:32:37,040 --> 00:32:39,040
Speaker 4: And I sit down on my couch, I'd like tidy

736
00:32:39,120 --> 00:32:40,840
Speaker 4: the place, and I sit down, and before I did anything,

737
00:32:40,880 --> 00:32:41,440
Speaker 4: I thought.

738
00:32:41,240 --> 00:32:44,480
Speaker 2: How amazing is it that I'm about.

739
00:32:44,240 --> 00:32:46,719
Speaker 4: To And it's like that moment, That moment is what

740
00:32:46,760 --> 00:32:48,520
Speaker 4: you live for. It's like, how amazing is it that

741
00:32:48,560 --> 00:32:50,440
Speaker 4: I can just walk to my own grocery store?

742
00:32:50,560 --> 00:32:51,280
Speaker 2: This is pretty cool?

743
00:32:51,280 --> 00:32:53,000
Speaker 4: Like I live, I really love where I live. I

744
00:32:53,040 --> 00:32:55,440
Speaker 4: really love Oh, you have a great interaction with your neighbor.

745
00:32:55,440 --> 00:32:56,840
Speaker 4: How amazing is it that I live in a building

746
00:32:56,840 --> 00:32:59,080
Speaker 4: where I actually like the people around it. Like, so

747
00:32:59,120 --> 00:33:00,760
Speaker 4: you just like if you say how amazing is it?

748
00:33:00,840 --> 00:33:03,160
Speaker 4: That finish the sentence? How many times can you say

749
00:33:03,160 --> 00:33:03,720
Speaker 4: that in your day.

750
00:33:03,800 --> 00:33:07,080
Speaker 5: It's actually quite a bit like that challenge.

751
00:33:07,440 --> 00:33:09,800
Speaker 3: I think that's so important as well, because if you

752
00:33:09,840 --> 00:33:12,160
Speaker 3: don't do that, even when you do achieve those really

753
00:33:12,160 --> 00:33:14,320
Speaker 3: big things that are the future milestones that you were

754
00:33:14,320 --> 00:33:18,880
Speaker 3: talking about before, you can't be grateful for that because

755
00:33:19,120 --> 00:33:22,080
Speaker 3: you're not in the emotional place to really even appreciate

756
00:33:22,080 --> 00:33:23,680
Speaker 3: exactly because you're just burnt out.

757
00:33:24,120 --> 00:33:25,880
Speaker 5: You're not appreciating the small things.

758
00:33:26,320 --> 00:33:28,160
Speaker 4: And you think, when that amazing thing happened, I don't

759
00:33:28,160 --> 00:33:30,719
Speaker 4: think I even was that excited because there was so

760
00:33:30,880 --> 00:33:32,120
Speaker 4: much weighing me down.

761
00:33:32,200 --> 00:33:33,200
Speaker 2: In other ways.

762
00:33:33,280 --> 00:33:36,400
Speaker 4: Yeah, I've experienced the same where like big, big things

763
00:33:36,440 --> 00:33:40,040
Speaker 4: have happened, you know, in my life, and I'm like,

764
00:33:40,160 --> 00:33:41,920
Speaker 4: I just feel like I could have enjoyed it so

765
00:33:42,000 --> 00:33:43,680
Speaker 4: much more, but I was so like stressed and focused

766
00:33:43,720 --> 00:33:44,200
Speaker 4: on that thing.

767
00:33:44,400 --> 00:33:45,720
Speaker 5: You're like done, what's the next?

768
00:33:45,840 --> 00:33:47,760
Speaker 1: Yeah, So you need to sit with that for longer

769
00:33:47,800 --> 00:33:48,840
Speaker 1: and really soak it in.

770
00:33:49,080 --> 00:33:53,200
Speaker 2: Yeah, smag it up, smack it in.

771
00:33:53,320 --> 00:33:56,720
Speaker 3: But to wrap up the episode, we always like to

772
00:33:56,760 --> 00:34:00,200
Speaker 3: ask what's the biggest life lesson? But for this episode,

773
00:34:00,240 --> 00:34:02,440
Speaker 3: what's the biggest life lesson you've picked up in your

774
00:34:02,640 --> 00:34:03,440
Speaker 3: unbothered erar.

775
00:34:03,960 --> 00:34:05,719
Speaker 4: I mean, I kind of already knew this. It's not

776
00:34:05,840 --> 00:34:10,759
Speaker 4: really the biggest life lesson, but I just feel like

777
00:34:11,200 --> 00:34:16,880
Speaker 4: actual happiness is just always in the subtleties. It's always

778
00:34:16,920 --> 00:34:19,799
Speaker 4: in the subtleties, and then when big things happen, it's

779
00:34:19,880 --> 00:34:22,600
Speaker 4: almost like you can laughing, like, look what I've created

780
00:34:23,040 --> 00:34:26,160
Speaker 4: through the subtle, you know, and the more unbothered I've been, Like,

781
00:34:26,200 --> 00:34:30,200
Speaker 4: when you're bothered, when things affect you, you don't appreciate

782
00:34:30,320 --> 00:34:32,759
Speaker 4: the good things that happen. Like if I allowed a

783
00:34:32,880 --> 00:34:35,600
Speaker 4: negative email to bother me, then someone could write me

784
00:34:35,600 --> 00:34:37,359
Speaker 4: something really beautiful and I'll skim over and being like, oh,

785
00:34:37,400 --> 00:34:40,360
Speaker 4: that's nice, you know, instead of being like, Wow, I

786
00:34:40,360 --> 00:34:41,800
Speaker 4: didn't really like that email. I'm going to name it

787
00:34:41,840 --> 00:34:45,160
Speaker 4: entertainment and then I'm going to you know, compartmentalize that.

788
00:34:46,120 --> 00:34:47,560
Speaker 4: And then someone writes something ask to me and I

789
00:34:47,600 --> 00:34:49,840
Speaker 4: can really sit in it and be like, this is

790
00:34:49,840 --> 00:34:51,600
Speaker 4: a happy moment for me. This is so I feel

791
00:34:51,640 --> 00:34:55,480
Speaker 4: like what I've learned is being unbothered really teaches you

792
00:34:55,640 --> 00:34:56,360
Speaker 4: to be.

793
00:34:56,400 --> 00:34:58,799
Speaker 2: So much happier in the moment, like so much more

794
00:34:58,800 --> 00:34:59,560
Speaker 2: present in the moment.

795
00:34:59,560 --> 00:35:02,440
Speaker 4: And it takes training, like it takes, you know, all

796
00:35:02,480 --> 00:35:03,920
Speaker 4: these steps that we were talking about, like.

797
00:35:03,920 --> 00:35:05,760
Speaker 2: Just consistency, because it feels a little.

798
00:35:05,520 --> 00:35:07,840
Speaker 4: Bit overwhelming at the start if it's someone who overthinks.

799
00:35:07,840 --> 00:35:11,160
Speaker 4: But I think that that, yeah, like you'll become just

800
00:35:11,200 --> 00:35:12,880
Speaker 4: an overall happier person being unbothered.

801
00:35:13,040 --> 00:35:13,359
Speaker 2: Love it.

802
00:35:13,400 --> 00:35:18,920
Speaker 3: I feel unbothered right now, right now. But before we

803
00:35:19,000 --> 00:35:22,319
Speaker 3: let you go, where can the chicks find you? And

804
00:35:22,360 --> 00:35:24,760
Speaker 3: because you announced something very exciting.

805
00:35:25,920 --> 00:35:28,200
Speaker 4: So you can find me at my podcast. It's called

806
00:35:28,200 --> 00:35:29,000
Speaker 4: do You Fucking Mind?

807
00:35:29,160 --> 00:35:30,920
Speaker 2: Mindset Hacks for a Bad Ours Life?

808
00:35:32,200 --> 00:35:37,160
Speaker 4: And I am doing a live show too around Australia.

809
00:35:37,200 --> 00:35:38,200
Speaker 2: I'm so excited.

810
00:35:38,320 --> 00:35:40,200
Speaker 4: Except Sydney. Sidney will come later in the year because

811
00:35:40,200 --> 00:35:41,440
Speaker 4: I already did Sydney last year.

812
00:35:41,480 --> 00:35:42,080
Speaker 2: You had your turn.

813
00:35:42,239 --> 00:35:44,520
Speaker 4: But yeah, so it would be Gold Coast, Brisbane, Perth,

814
00:35:44,560 --> 00:35:49,080
Speaker 4: Adelaide and Melbourne. Very excited Melbourn tickets hows are going crazy,

815
00:35:49,080 --> 00:35:53,120
Speaker 4: die hard beans in Melbourne. And you can get tickets

816
00:35:53,160 --> 00:35:58,399
Speaker 4: through my website which is dyfmpod dot com. Yeah yeah,

817
00:35:58,440 --> 00:36:00,359
Speaker 4: and then there's just a page that just as live

818
00:36:00,440 --> 00:36:02,560
Speaker 4: show tickets and then you find your city gorge you

819
00:36:02,600 --> 00:36:03,040
Speaker 4: click through.

820
00:36:06,280 --> 00:36:09,080
Speaker 5: It's always a pleasure, it's always.

821
00:36:08,760 --> 00:36:10,600
Speaker 2: It's so fun. It's the best. I love it.

822
00:36:10,680 --> 00:36:12,399
Speaker 1: And thank you to m o K made for making

823
00:36:12,440 --> 00:36:15,200
Speaker 1: this episode of Two Bread Chicks happen. We love being

824
00:36:15,200 --> 00:36:19,080
Speaker 1: in your ear holes, kisses, cuddles Next Tuesday.

825
00:36:19,160 --> 00:36:29,080
Speaker 2: See Next Tuesday, Chicks. I love you, by by bye