1 00:00:00,280 --> 00:00:03,880 Speaker 1: This podcast is recorded on gadigal Land Always was, always 2 00:00:03,880 --> 00:00:14,600 Speaker 1: will be Aboriginal Land. Hey Chicks, I'm sal and I'm out. 3 00:00:14,680 --> 00:00:16,400 Speaker 2: This is two Broke Chicks to show that shares life 4 00:00:16,480 --> 00:00:19,040 Speaker 2: lessons and tips to help make you rich in life. 5 00:00:19,400 --> 00:00:23,320 Speaker 2: And today we are sharing zero dollar boundaries you need 6 00:00:23,360 --> 00:00:28,520 Speaker 2: in your twenties or any age and beyond and beyond baby. 7 00:00:29,160 --> 00:00:31,560 Speaker 2: But first, before we get into it, we like to 8 00:00:31,560 --> 00:00:34,919 Speaker 2: start with our obsessions of the week. Oh, these are 9 00:00:35,040 --> 00:00:36,200 Speaker 2: my obsessions. 10 00:00:39,440 --> 00:00:44,320 Speaker 1: My obsession of the week, I've got two h One 11 00:00:45,040 --> 00:00:48,280 Speaker 1: is you know, a little bit more professional. The other 12 00:00:48,640 --> 00:00:51,479 Speaker 1: is just unhinged. Well, would you like the professional or 13 00:00:51,479 --> 00:00:52,680 Speaker 1: the unhinged first? 14 00:00:52,840 --> 00:00:55,760 Speaker 2: Let's go with professional first, because I feel like unhinged 15 00:00:55,840 --> 00:00:57,080 Speaker 2: is gonna end us on a high. 16 00:00:57,200 --> 00:01:01,840 Speaker 1: All right, Molly May's new fashion brand. So Molly May, 17 00:01:02,000 --> 00:01:04,200 Speaker 1: if you don't know who she is, she went on 18 00:01:04,240 --> 00:01:06,920 Speaker 1: Love Island and is probably one of the biggest stars 19 00:01:06,959 --> 00:01:10,240 Speaker 1: to come out of Love Island, if not the biggest star. 20 00:01:10,480 --> 00:01:14,080 Speaker 1: Molly May was the creative director at Pretty Little Thing 21 00:01:14,319 --> 00:01:18,160 Speaker 1: and quit her role, which was apparently like dream roll, 22 00:01:18,200 --> 00:01:21,039 Speaker 1: and apparently she was getting paid back big bucks, and 23 00:01:21,080 --> 00:01:24,640 Speaker 1: so she quit that role to focus on being a mum, 24 00:01:25,160 --> 00:01:27,759 Speaker 1: but in the background, over the last three years, she's 25 00:01:27,840 --> 00:01:31,080 Speaker 1: actually been working on this fashion brand. And so one 26 00:01:31,240 --> 00:01:36,119 Speaker 1: week before launch, like, this is incredible investigative journalism, right, 27 00:01:36,560 --> 00:01:42,600 Speaker 1: this creator on TikTok went deep diving, found the instagram. 28 00:01:42,720 --> 00:01:47,000 Speaker 1: This is pre launch, found the Instagram, found the trademark 29 00:01:47,600 --> 00:01:52,400 Speaker 1: and basically guessed this you would guess or leaked. Yeah, 30 00:01:52,600 --> 00:01:57,000 Speaker 1: brand launch one week beforehand. I have to kind of 31 00:01:57,000 --> 00:02:01,600 Speaker 1: like commend the investigative journalism of like figuring that out 32 00:02:02,080 --> 00:02:06,360 Speaker 1: because it wasn't it wasn't even teased, And I wonder 33 00:02:06,400 --> 00:02:09,040 Speaker 1: what inspired her to go on the search. In saying 34 00:02:09,080 --> 00:02:12,800 Speaker 1: all of that, I am really excited to see what 35 00:02:13,000 --> 00:02:14,720 Speaker 1: this brand is and about. 36 00:02:14,919 --> 00:02:16,639 Speaker 2: I can really see this. 37 00:02:16,600 --> 00:02:20,080 Speaker 1: Brand maybe so it's a combination of her name and 38 00:02:20,120 --> 00:02:23,280 Speaker 1: her daughter's name, which is cute, and it really is 39 00:02:23,320 --> 00:02:27,359 Speaker 1: looking like it's going to be that like lux capsule 40 00:02:27,639 --> 00:02:31,320 Speaker 1: wardrobe vibe. Like it's to me, it's looking like it's 41 00:02:31,360 --> 00:02:36,600 Speaker 1: going to be like Tala esque, Jeff Avenues, Dish esque, 42 00:02:36,600 --> 00:02:41,360 Speaker 1: elevated Staples, Yes, elevated Staples vibe. And I'm really excited. 43 00:02:41,600 --> 00:02:44,160 Speaker 1: So the prices of Molly May's new brand will range 44 00:02:44,160 --> 00:02:46,760 Speaker 1: from thirty five pounds to one hundred and forty pounds. 45 00:02:46,840 --> 00:02:50,520 Speaker 1: That's reasonable, that's very reasonable. That's for drop one, so 46 00:02:50,600 --> 00:02:56,160 Speaker 1: in aud that is approximately seventy dollars to three hundred dollars, 47 00:02:56,840 --> 00:02:59,080 Speaker 1: which that's kind of what you would find on you know, 48 00:02:59,200 --> 00:03:03,800 Speaker 1: sites like yeah, totally the iconic interested to see what 49 00:03:03,840 --> 00:03:05,680 Speaker 1: the international shipping costs will be, but. 50 00:03:06,680 --> 00:03:09,160 Speaker 2: Same also like fabric compositions and quality. 51 00:03:09,280 --> 00:03:12,440 Speaker 1: Yeah, do you want my silly obsessions? 52 00:03:12,480 --> 00:03:15,080 Speaker 2: Yeah? What's the unhinged one? 53 00:03:15,880 --> 00:03:21,840 Speaker 1: Okay, sal already knows it. The fourth of September, Hugh 54 00:03:21,919 --> 00:03:24,880 Speaker 1: Jackman posted the most hinged I'm not gonna say an, 55 00:03:24,919 --> 00:03:27,239 Speaker 1: I'm gonna say hinged trap. 56 00:03:28,600 --> 00:03:29,520 Speaker 2: Can I see the photos? 57 00:03:29,560 --> 00:03:33,480 Speaker 1: Oh my god, yes you may, Sally, could you give 58 00:03:33,520 --> 00:03:36,040 Speaker 1: me give me some descriptions please. 59 00:03:38,560 --> 00:03:44,360 Speaker 2: Oh my god, rippling pectorals, the v the chest hair, 60 00:03:44,600 --> 00:03:48,600 Speaker 2: his shirtless taking a Mirra selfie. Sorry, I've liked out. 61 00:03:49,160 --> 00:03:52,200 Speaker 2: It looks good anyway, he looks good anyway. 62 00:03:52,640 --> 00:03:55,200 Speaker 1: So as soon as I've seen this, I didn't run, 63 00:03:55,560 --> 00:03:59,160 Speaker 1: I didn't sprint. I fucking high jumped to the comments 64 00:04:00,120 --> 00:04:03,640 Speaker 1: A long jumped, and I was like, immediately what are 65 00:04:03,640 --> 00:04:05,600 Speaker 1: people saying? Because I just knew the comments were going 66 00:04:05,640 --> 00:04:06,120 Speaker 1: to be funny. 67 00:04:06,200 --> 00:04:07,080 Speaker 2: Yeah, they're gonna be feral. 68 00:04:07,320 --> 00:04:13,080 Speaker 1: My favorite comment, my favorite comment came from you. It's 69 00:04:13,080 --> 00:04:16,760 Speaker 1: got one hundred and thirteen likes, deserves more and the 70 00:04:16,800 --> 00:04:19,200 Speaker 1: way that I nearly passed away when I read this, 71 00:04:19,279 --> 00:04:20,680 Speaker 1: and I'm going to read it for everyone because I've 72 00:04:20,880 --> 00:04:22,480 Speaker 1: I've not stopped thinking about the whole week. 73 00:04:22,520 --> 00:04:25,880 Speaker 2: It truly is Roman is my obsession. 74 00:04:27,640 --> 00:04:30,840 Speaker 1: You know, there's something about Hugh Jackman that just makes 75 00:04:30,880 --> 00:04:33,239 Speaker 1: me want to drop everything and let him take full 76 00:04:33,279 --> 00:04:37,000 Speaker 1: control of me. I mean, this man played Wolverine for years, 77 00:04:37,040 --> 00:04:39,479 Speaker 1: and I just know he has the strength to pick 78 00:04:39,560 --> 00:04:42,200 Speaker 1: me up and toss me around like I'm a feather pillow. 79 00:04:42,680 --> 00:04:46,000 Speaker 1: And honestly, I'd be totally fine with that, just casually 80 00:04:46,040 --> 00:04:48,440 Speaker 1: waiting for him to burst through the door, maybe with 81 00:04:48,480 --> 00:04:51,480 Speaker 1: a bit of that gruff logan energy, lifting me up 82 00:04:51,520 --> 00:04:54,160 Speaker 1: like I'm a small grocery bag, and well, who am 83 00:04:54,200 --> 00:04:57,760 Speaker 1: I to arku? I can already imagine it. He walks 84 00:04:57,800 --> 00:05:00,200 Speaker 1: in with that dazzling smile, but there's a gl into 85 00:05:00,320 --> 00:05:03,520 Speaker 1: mischief in his eyes. One second I'm standing there, the 86 00:05:03,560 --> 00:05:06,720 Speaker 1: next time swept off my feet, being dusted around the 87 00:05:06,800 --> 00:05:09,599 Speaker 1: room like a rag doll. There's a lot of wrestling happening. Yeah, 88 00:05:09,600 --> 00:05:10,680 Speaker 1: but hey, it's you. 89 00:05:13,880 --> 00:05:21,480 Speaker 2: Wait, this is my favorite bitch a sidebar. I'm gonna pepper, 90 00:05:21,880 --> 00:05:25,760 Speaker 2: but hey, it's you into my why cap going bit? 91 00:05:27,680 --> 00:05:30,400 Speaker 1: He can do whatever he wants At this point, I'm 92 00:05:30,440 --> 00:05:31,000 Speaker 1: here for it. 93 00:05:31,240 --> 00:05:31,880 Speaker 2: You want me to. 94 00:05:31,839 --> 00:05:34,720 Speaker 1: Hang upside down from the chandelier while you felt out 95 00:05:35,000 --> 00:05:40,560 Speaker 1: the Greatest Showman soundtrack? Big Daddy, your wishes command. 96 00:05:43,440 --> 00:05:44,160 Speaker 2: The best part. 97 00:05:44,480 --> 00:05:47,120 Speaker 1: When it's all said and done, you just know he's 98 00:05:47,120 --> 00:05:49,320 Speaker 1: the type of guy to and you a cup of tea, 99 00:05:49,720 --> 00:05:52,760 Speaker 1: pat you on the head, and say something completely charming 100 00:05:52,800 --> 00:05:56,080 Speaker 1: and wholesome like that was fun mate? Fancy a movie 101 00:05:56,160 --> 00:05:59,160 Speaker 1: night next? Honestly, who could resist? 102 00:05:59,600 --> 00:06:00,200 Speaker 2: Marry me? 103 00:06:00,480 --> 00:06:09,640 Speaker 1: Hugh Jackman? This person has. 104 00:06:09,279 --> 00:06:10,599 Speaker 2: Made my week. 105 00:06:10,960 --> 00:06:14,080 Speaker 1: But hey, do you want me to hang up so 106 00:06:14,279 --> 00:06:16,719 Speaker 1: down from the chandelier while you're bound out the soundtrack 107 00:06:16,800 --> 00:06:20,479 Speaker 1: to The Greatest Showman? Sure, big Daddy, that's my favorite line? 108 00:06:20,560 --> 00:06:22,400 Speaker 2: So good? Do you know it? Also is Another one 109 00:06:22,440 --> 00:06:26,480 Speaker 2: of my favorites is the metaphor or similar to the 110 00:06:26,480 --> 00:06:27,320 Speaker 2: grocery bag. 111 00:06:28,080 --> 00:06:33,119 Speaker 1: Yeah it was not a small grocery bag. I'm here 112 00:06:33,160 --> 00:06:36,840 Speaker 1: hauling the Yeah, like I'm not doing two trips. 113 00:06:36,920 --> 00:06:38,599 Speaker 2: Yeah, like such an interesting visual. 114 00:06:38,839 --> 00:06:42,120 Speaker 1: I want to specify we're not making fun of this person. 115 00:06:42,520 --> 00:06:45,360 Speaker 2: This was the highlight of my fucking week. This is 116 00:06:45,480 --> 00:06:46,479 Speaker 2: like actual poetry. 117 00:06:46,480 --> 00:06:50,200 Speaker 1: And my favorite thing was the support that she just 118 00:06:50,279 --> 00:06:53,000 Speaker 1: got people saying you should write books. 119 00:06:53,080 --> 00:06:54,040 Speaker 2: Yeah it was. 120 00:06:54,200 --> 00:06:57,120 Speaker 1: I'm like, I can't read shit like Akatar than Rag 121 00:06:57,160 --> 00:06:59,760 Speaker 1: on this ship. This is amazing, this is giving fan. 122 00:07:00,240 --> 00:07:04,240 Speaker 1: I just want to know if Hugh Jackman saw this comment. 123 00:07:04,440 --> 00:07:07,440 Speaker 2: I hope so, and if he didn't, but hey, it's 124 00:07:07,800 --> 00:07:10,000 Speaker 2: but hey, it's too anyway. 125 00:07:10,440 --> 00:07:13,200 Speaker 1: Those are my obsessions. 126 00:07:13,360 --> 00:07:17,560 Speaker 2: I love it. My obsession of the week is sober 127 00:07:17,720 --> 00:07:22,840 Speaker 2: wholesome friendship. Last night we went to Archie Brothers in 128 00:07:23,080 --> 00:07:26,680 Speaker 2: Alexandria and had like a cute little arcade game night 129 00:07:26,800 --> 00:07:29,360 Speaker 2: with a group of our friends and all of our partners. 130 00:07:30,080 --> 00:07:32,720 Speaker 2: And it was just so wholesome and fun and such 131 00:07:32,800 --> 00:07:35,840 Speaker 2: like a cute thing to do on a weeknight or 132 00:07:36,120 --> 00:07:39,880 Speaker 2: a weekend that doesn't have to involve drinking or going 133 00:07:39,920 --> 00:07:41,600 Speaker 2: out and being hung over the next day. 134 00:07:41,640 --> 00:07:46,960 Speaker 1: It was so fun and like reasonably priced. We had 135 00:07:47,000 --> 00:07:49,680 Speaker 1: so much fun and we just played like ski ball, yeah, 136 00:07:49,760 --> 00:07:54,160 Speaker 1: ski balls, skea ball, and the cocktails. If you do 137 00:07:54,280 --> 00:07:56,440 Speaker 1: want to have like a baby. They do have mocktails too. 138 00:07:56,880 --> 00:08:01,120 Speaker 1: They're like so extravagant, but like so like four bucks. 139 00:08:01,400 --> 00:08:04,800 Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, it's so fun. Yeah, because I think that 140 00:08:05,000 --> 00:08:08,600 Speaker 2: in our twenties and thirties, just in adulthood in general, 141 00:08:08,640 --> 00:08:11,720 Speaker 2: like a lot of our social activities revolve around alcohol, 142 00:08:12,360 --> 00:08:15,520 Speaker 2: and I just think that it's not necessary and that 143 00:08:15,560 --> 00:08:17,720 Speaker 2: we should make more of an effort to have some 144 00:08:17,760 --> 00:08:19,840 Speaker 2: more sober friend dates because you can make some really 145 00:08:19,840 --> 00:08:23,360 Speaker 2: cool memories and it's also a lot cheaper, so win win. 146 00:08:24,600 --> 00:08:26,880 Speaker 1: I loved it, and the time went really quickly. 147 00:08:27,200 --> 00:08:29,400 Speaker 2: It is so fun. I was like, I don't want 148 00:08:29,440 --> 00:08:33,360 Speaker 2: to go home, all right? Should we get into our 149 00:08:33,360 --> 00:08:40,439 Speaker 2: boundaries that cost zero dollars? Let's kick off with our 150 00:08:40,480 --> 00:08:44,680 Speaker 2: boundaries that cost zero dollars. My first boundary that cost 151 00:08:44,760 --> 00:08:49,679 Speaker 2: zero dollars is loud budgeting. Ooh, I love this. 152 00:08:49,800 --> 00:08:51,560 Speaker 1: Yes, So what is loud budgeting? 153 00:08:51,640 --> 00:08:55,880 Speaker 2: Tell us? I'll credit this to Lucas Battle, who coined 154 00:08:55,880 --> 00:09:00,760 Speaker 2: this term. But loud budgeting is a vocal acknowledgement of 155 00:09:00,840 --> 00:09:06,480 Speaker 2: our financial woes and encourages radical honesty about money. So 156 00:09:06,640 --> 00:09:09,040 Speaker 2: it's basically the opposite of what we usually do with money. 157 00:09:09,120 --> 00:09:12,600 Speaker 2: Which is not talk about it at all and instead 158 00:09:12,760 --> 00:09:15,960 Speaker 2: sharing with your friends and family what you're going through financially, 159 00:09:16,880 --> 00:09:19,160 Speaker 2: both in terms of things that you're struggling with, but 160 00:09:19,280 --> 00:09:22,520 Speaker 2: also your goals and being more open about that and 161 00:09:22,600 --> 00:09:27,040 Speaker 2: actually encouraging communication and conversations with your friends and family 162 00:09:27,200 --> 00:09:31,360 Speaker 2: about your money. So I saw this sort of popping 163 00:09:31,440 --> 00:09:33,320 Speaker 2: up on TikTok and in some articles at the beginning 164 00:09:33,320 --> 00:09:33,679 Speaker 2: of the year. 165 00:09:33,800 --> 00:09:36,040 Speaker 1: Yeah, it was popping off it in like jan and 166 00:09:36,200 --> 00:09:38,560 Speaker 1: Yeah ev and stuff, which makes sense because that's the 167 00:09:38,600 --> 00:09:41,000 Speaker 1: time when a lot of people are talking about their. 168 00:09:40,840 --> 00:09:44,719 Speaker 2: Finances and yeah, motivated to make some change. And I 169 00:09:44,800 --> 00:09:47,400 Speaker 2: was like, this is really cool. I'm actually really inspired. 170 00:09:47,920 --> 00:09:51,520 Speaker 2: So this year I've started loud budgeting with my family 171 00:09:51,520 --> 00:09:54,880 Speaker 2: and friends about my financial goals, which is something that 172 00:09:55,080 --> 00:09:57,720 Speaker 2: I never did before. I never really would speak about 173 00:09:58,320 --> 00:10:00,760 Speaker 2: money or how much I had in SAVI or my 174 00:10:00,920 --> 00:10:03,040 Speaker 2: goal that I want and what I want to achieve. 175 00:10:03,640 --> 00:10:06,839 Speaker 2: I think because you know, I always was well had 176 00:10:06,840 --> 00:10:08,680 Speaker 2: a little bit of shame about it, or you know, 177 00:10:08,720 --> 00:10:10,800 Speaker 2: it's a bit of a taboo topic talking about money. 178 00:10:10,840 --> 00:10:13,320 Speaker 2: It's a bit weird, and also like some of the 179 00:10:13,360 --> 00:10:15,640 Speaker 2: goals that I wanted, I was always like, oh, it's 180 00:10:15,679 --> 00:10:18,600 Speaker 2: just like two out of reach, you know, and had 181 00:10:18,640 --> 00:10:22,000 Speaker 2: probably more of a pessimistic attitude towards it when I 182 00:10:22,080 --> 00:10:27,080 Speaker 2: was younger. But the thing with sharing my loud budgeting 183 00:10:27,120 --> 00:10:29,360 Speaker 2: with my friends and family is that I feel like 184 00:10:29,440 --> 00:10:33,240 Speaker 2: it's made it easier to set boundaries financially with the 185 00:10:33,280 --> 00:10:36,000 Speaker 2: people in my life because I've told them what my 186 00:10:36,080 --> 00:10:39,400 Speaker 2: goals are and what I'm doing to get there. So 187 00:10:39,800 --> 00:10:42,120 Speaker 2: if I have to say I can't go to that 188 00:10:42,520 --> 00:10:45,840 Speaker 2: because I'm saving for this, they already know they have 189 00:10:45,920 --> 00:10:46,559 Speaker 2: the context. 190 00:10:47,080 --> 00:10:50,160 Speaker 1: There's no like pressuring that accompanies it exactly. 191 00:10:50,200 --> 00:10:52,480 Speaker 2: And I also don't have to like skirt around the 192 00:10:52,520 --> 00:10:55,520 Speaker 2: issue or like have a big conversation about it, because yeah, 193 00:10:55,520 --> 00:10:58,440 Speaker 2: they're already across it. And then also with other things, 194 00:10:58,440 --> 00:11:00,160 Speaker 2: which was one of my goals at the beginning of 195 00:11:00,200 --> 00:11:02,600 Speaker 2: the year, was to bring down the costs that I 196 00:11:02,640 --> 00:11:07,520 Speaker 2: spend on presents for people because I love buying gifts. 197 00:11:07,720 --> 00:11:10,199 Speaker 2: But you know, it was really blowing, like blowing out 198 00:11:10,200 --> 00:11:12,960 Speaker 2: my budget and being able to have that conversation with 199 00:11:13,080 --> 00:11:16,040 Speaker 2: people and be like, hey, can we get on the 200 00:11:16,040 --> 00:11:18,720 Speaker 2: same like playing field. Let's maybe set a dollar amount 201 00:11:18,760 --> 00:11:21,400 Speaker 2: on how much we spend on each other for our 202 00:11:21,480 --> 00:11:24,559 Speaker 2: birthdays or like, should we do like a secret stander 203 00:11:24,640 --> 00:11:25,439 Speaker 2: instead this year? 204 00:11:25,600 --> 00:11:30,920 Speaker 1: Should always do that with like in your life every year, 205 00:11:30,960 --> 00:11:36,000 Speaker 1: like for birthdays and Christmas especially that being like what 206 00:11:36,040 --> 00:11:37,040 Speaker 1: are we both spending? 207 00:11:37,400 --> 00:11:39,800 Speaker 2: Yeah? Exactly, And I love this trend. I think that 208 00:11:39,840 --> 00:11:42,679 Speaker 2: it's so cool, Like it completely changes how we talk 209 00:11:42,720 --> 00:11:46,240 Speaker 2: about money and takes away some of that shame and 210 00:11:46,280 --> 00:11:49,840 Speaker 2: taboo around it. So yeah, that's one of my zero 211 00:11:49,880 --> 00:11:50,600 Speaker 2: dollar boundaries. 212 00:11:50,760 --> 00:11:53,360 Speaker 1: Yeah. I think it's also good because you can control 213 00:11:53,440 --> 00:11:56,360 Speaker 1: that boundary there is. You can share as much as 214 00:11:56,360 --> 00:11:58,560 Speaker 1: you want to and as little as you want to. 215 00:11:58,640 --> 00:12:01,079 Speaker 1: It's not saying that you, you know, have to go 216 00:12:01,160 --> 00:12:03,880 Speaker 1: and tell everyone exactly how much you have in savings 217 00:12:04,120 --> 00:12:05,880 Speaker 1: or like what you're earning. That's not what the train 218 00:12:06,080 --> 00:12:10,360 Speaker 1: showing my bank account, no anything, No, that's not what 219 00:12:10,360 --> 00:12:14,439 Speaker 1: it is. It's about like communicating your financial boundaries to 220 00:12:14,640 --> 00:12:17,120 Speaker 1: people and your goals and what you want to be 221 00:12:17,160 --> 00:12:19,199 Speaker 1: spending your money on and what you don't want to 222 00:12:19,200 --> 00:12:22,520 Speaker 1: be spending your money on, so that everyone understands. 223 00:12:22,120 --> 00:12:23,080 Speaker 2: We're all on the same head. 224 00:12:23,160 --> 00:12:25,920 Speaker 1: Yeah, and I love it and I think it's good. Okay, 225 00:12:26,160 --> 00:12:31,000 Speaker 1: my first zero dollar boundary for your twenties or any 226 00:12:31,000 --> 00:12:34,840 Speaker 1: point in life is completely free because it's with yourself. 227 00:12:35,440 --> 00:12:39,400 Speaker 1: But it's with that little naughty voice in your head 228 00:12:39,800 --> 00:12:42,800 Speaker 1: that Saal and I coined after watching Ruful's drag Race, 229 00:12:43,160 --> 00:12:49,200 Speaker 1: the inner saboteur. Ah, yeah, it it's not her. It 230 00:12:49,240 --> 00:12:51,920 Speaker 1: doesn't even deserve that. To me, it looks like, what's 231 00:12:51,960 --> 00:12:53,600 Speaker 1: that child's book? Was it? 232 00:12:53,640 --> 00:12:55,679 Speaker 2: Gruff Grug Grug? 233 00:12:56,200 --> 00:12:57,320 Speaker 1: That's what my own saboteur. 234 00:12:57,520 --> 00:12:58,200 Speaker 2: That's not him. 235 00:12:58,440 --> 00:13:01,280 Speaker 1: Yeah, but he's a little fuzzy ball and it's in 236 00:13:01,320 --> 00:13:02,760 Speaker 1: my head and it says, nasty thing. 237 00:13:02,840 --> 00:13:06,800 Speaker 2: Hey looks like my brother. We buy him Grug books 238 00:13:06,840 --> 00:13:08,880 Speaker 2: like every year, and he's about to have a baby 239 00:13:08,920 --> 00:13:11,800 Speaker 2: and we've already bought like ten Grug books to be like, 240 00:13:12,440 --> 00:13:16,960 Speaker 2: is your father baby? You are baby? You are baby Grugging. 241 00:13:17,080 --> 00:13:21,240 Speaker 1: So basically it's this tool and this boundary on how 242 00:13:21,280 --> 00:13:26,240 Speaker 1: to set boundaries, essentially with that naughty little voice in 243 00:13:26,240 --> 00:13:30,960 Speaker 1: your head that kind of takes over the wheel. And 244 00:13:31,640 --> 00:13:34,120 Speaker 1: I think we all have a habit of allowing our 245 00:13:34,200 --> 00:13:37,840 Speaker 1: thoughts to become reality, or our anxieties to become reality, 246 00:13:37,920 --> 00:13:42,680 Speaker 1: or our fears to become reality, when in reality they 247 00:13:42,720 --> 00:13:47,080 Speaker 1: are just thoughts. And for me, that has been something 248 00:13:47,200 --> 00:13:51,640 Speaker 1: that I have always really struggled with, my thoughts running 249 00:13:51,679 --> 00:13:54,719 Speaker 1: away quicker than like I can grab them. Like if 250 00:13:54,760 --> 00:13:58,120 Speaker 1: something kind of hooks my brain and that thought process, 251 00:13:58,280 --> 00:14:02,280 Speaker 1: whether it is good or bad, that thought can take 252 00:14:02,360 --> 00:14:05,320 Speaker 1: over a little bit, and I really really struggle to 253 00:14:05,440 --> 00:14:07,480 Speaker 1: pull myself out of it and be like, this is 254 00:14:07,679 --> 00:14:10,840 Speaker 1: just a thought, this isn't reality. So an example of 255 00:14:10,880 --> 00:14:13,920 Speaker 1: this is when you think everyone hates you because you know, 256 00:14:14,000 --> 00:14:15,960 Speaker 1: maybe you got really drunk last night and you wake 257 00:14:16,000 --> 00:14:18,440 Speaker 1: up the next morning and you're like I have no friends, 258 00:14:18,800 --> 00:14:21,120 Speaker 1: like I was the worst last night or something like that, 259 00:14:21,360 --> 00:14:25,320 Speaker 1: or any reality of being like, oh, like I'm bad 260 00:14:25,360 --> 00:14:27,720 Speaker 1: at my job, like I don't know what I'm doing, 261 00:14:27,960 --> 00:14:31,560 Speaker 1: or just all those moments where that little grug like 262 00:14:31,760 --> 00:14:34,680 Speaker 1: pops its head up and has the thought, and then 263 00:14:34,720 --> 00:14:38,360 Speaker 1: that thought becomes a reality. And there's this tool that 264 00:14:38,400 --> 00:14:40,440 Speaker 1: you can put in place as a boundary, which I've 265 00:14:40,440 --> 00:14:46,840 Speaker 1: recently been taught about, and it's called cognitive diffusion, and 266 00:14:46,880 --> 00:14:50,240 Speaker 1: it's something that I'm putting in place and it definitely helps. 267 00:14:50,240 --> 00:14:52,520 Speaker 1: I'm not gonna say like it's completely changed my life 268 00:14:52,520 --> 00:14:56,400 Speaker 1: and I never have moments where I'm like ya, but 269 00:14:56,760 --> 00:15:01,359 Speaker 1: it does, It does really really help. So cognitive diffusion 270 00:15:01,720 --> 00:15:04,120 Speaker 1: is for those moments where you have a tendency to 271 00:15:04,360 --> 00:15:08,320 Speaker 1: over identify with our thoughts and we amplify them in 272 00:15:08,400 --> 00:15:11,560 Speaker 1: our minds to the status of facts or the truth. 273 00:15:12,200 --> 00:15:14,560 Speaker 1: And when we become used to our thoughts in this way, 274 00:15:14,600 --> 00:15:18,760 Speaker 1: the thoughts themselves can become over controlling, preventing us from 275 00:15:18,760 --> 00:15:22,800 Speaker 1: seeing other options. So it's like putting blinders on and 276 00:15:23,080 --> 00:15:26,280 Speaker 1: not seeing that you know, maybe that's not actually what's happening, 277 00:15:26,320 --> 00:15:28,840 Speaker 1: maybe because you, you know, forgot to do that one 278 00:15:28,880 --> 00:15:32,040 Speaker 1: thing at work. You're not completely terrible at your job, 279 00:15:32,160 --> 00:15:35,240 Speaker 1: Like that's not the case, Like it's it allows you 280 00:15:35,280 --> 00:15:37,720 Speaker 1: to kind of see the big picture. Yeah, And so 281 00:15:39,320 --> 00:15:42,320 Speaker 1: learning to take a step back from your thoughts is 282 00:15:42,360 --> 00:15:46,760 Speaker 1: what is called cognitive diffusion. So it's looking at thoughts 283 00:15:47,000 --> 00:15:51,440 Speaker 1: rather than from them, noticing thoughts rather than getting caught 284 00:15:51,520 --> 00:15:55,200 Speaker 1: up or buying into the thought, and letting thoughts come 285 00:15:55,280 --> 00:15:59,000 Speaker 1: and go rather than holding onto them. So one of 286 00:15:59,000 --> 00:16:03,520 Speaker 1: the ways that you can do this is out loud 287 00:16:03,600 --> 00:16:08,320 Speaker 1: saying I'm having the thought that so rather than being like, 288 00:16:08,440 --> 00:16:10,400 Speaker 1: I'm bad at my job. If we're going to use 289 00:16:10,440 --> 00:16:13,720 Speaker 1: that example, right, you would say I'm having the thought 290 00:16:13,720 --> 00:16:16,960 Speaker 1: that I'm bad at my job, or if you're feeling anxious, 291 00:16:17,080 --> 00:16:19,880 Speaker 1: you could also say I'm having the feeling that I'm 292 00:16:19,920 --> 00:16:24,400 Speaker 1: anxious like and it kind of allows you to separate 293 00:16:24,880 --> 00:16:29,080 Speaker 1: you and your soul from the feeling of from the thought, 294 00:16:29,560 --> 00:16:32,640 Speaker 1: so it doesn't become like all consuming. There are some 295 00:16:32,760 --> 00:16:35,840 Speaker 1: other things that you can do that are super like 296 00:16:35,960 --> 00:16:40,880 Speaker 1: cute and helpful. But you can imagine yourself like you're 297 00:16:41,000 --> 00:16:44,000 Speaker 1: driving a bus and you can treat difficult thoughts like 298 00:16:44,040 --> 00:16:47,040 Speaker 1: their passengers on the bus, so like they come on 299 00:16:47,080 --> 00:16:49,840 Speaker 1: the bus, they sit on the bus, and they get 300 00:16:49,840 --> 00:16:50,760 Speaker 1: off the bus. 301 00:16:50,680 --> 00:16:53,600 Speaker 2: You out, get off ticket. 302 00:16:53,760 --> 00:16:58,280 Speaker 1: Yeah what you didn't scan your open car for you? Yeah, exactly. 303 00:16:58,640 --> 00:17:02,320 Speaker 1: Another one can be carrying cards and writing the thoughts 304 00:17:02,360 --> 00:17:06,040 Speaker 1: down on cards and throwing them away. You can type 305 00:17:06,080 --> 00:17:08,520 Speaker 1: it out on a computer screen and then this one, 306 00:17:08,520 --> 00:17:10,280 Speaker 1: I really like you type it out on a computer 307 00:17:10,320 --> 00:17:14,119 Speaker 1: screen and play with it by changing the font and 308 00:17:14,160 --> 00:17:17,640 Speaker 1: the color and I don't know, grab some clip art 309 00:17:17,720 --> 00:17:20,920 Speaker 1: if you want, copy and paste that comment about Hugh 310 00:17:21,000 --> 00:17:24,400 Speaker 1: Jackman in there. But it kind of makes it smaller, 311 00:17:24,920 --> 00:17:26,800 Speaker 1: you know. It allows you to have a little bit 312 00:17:26,800 --> 00:17:28,320 Speaker 1: more control over the thought. Because look at you, you're 313 00:17:28,400 --> 00:17:30,760 Speaker 1: changing the color of it, you're changing the font, put 314 00:17:30,800 --> 00:17:35,119 Speaker 1: it in comic sands, yeah, and then delete it. And 315 00:17:35,119 --> 00:17:37,480 Speaker 1: then the last one is to not only say it 316 00:17:37,480 --> 00:17:40,760 Speaker 1: out loud, but say it out loud slowly, and the 317 00:17:40,840 --> 00:17:43,880 Speaker 1: slower you say it, the more you realize how small 318 00:17:44,119 --> 00:17:48,320 Speaker 1: and it like unnecessary it is, and the more control 319 00:17:48,400 --> 00:17:51,879 Speaker 1: you have over it. So I think that was like 320 00:17:51,920 --> 00:17:55,000 Speaker 1: one of the biggest and most important boundaries that I've 321 00:17:55,000 --> 00:17:57,840 Speaker 1: been learning in my twenties, because the older we get, 322 00:17:58,280 --> 00:18:01,879 Speaker 1: the more we have to worry about, the more we 323 00:18:02,040 --> 00:18:06,639 Speaker 1: question our self identity and what the fuck we're doing 324 00:18:06,680 --> 00:18:09,320 Speaker 1: and whether or not, like like what do you want 325 00:18:09,359 --> 00:18:12,200 Speaker 1: to do in life and all that kind of stuff. 326 00:18:12,240 --> 00:18:15,640 Speaker 1: And it's so easy to question yourself and so easy 327 00:18:15,800 --> 00:18:18,600 Speaker 1: for that grug and in a saboteur to come up 328 00:18:18,680 --> 00:18:21,359 Speaker 1: and be like you're a failure, and you're like, I 329 00:18:21,400 --> 00:18:24,520 Speaker 1: have a failure. Grug is right, but Greg is not right. 330 00:18:24,560 --> 00:18:26,399 Speaker 1: Greg is on a bus and you've got to tell 331 00:18:26,440 --> 00:18:29,080 Speaker 1: them to get off. Sometimes we have this goal to 332 00:18:29,160 --> 00:18:31,840 Speaker 1: be self aware that I don't know when we realize 333 00:18:31,840 --> 00:18:35,240 Speaker 1: when it turns into self judgment, and that is something 334 00:18:35,320 --> 00:18:38,560 Speaker 1: that you need to realize are you being self aware 335 00:18:38,720 --> 00:18:41,680 Speaker 1: or are you just judging yourself? One is helpful, one 336 00:18:41,760 --> 00:18:44,760 Speaker 1: is not. So that was a little tool that I. 337 00:18:44,680 --> 00:18:47,399 Speaker 2: Was like, I like debt, Yeah, that's great. Yeah, by 338 00:18:47,520 --> 00:18:52,480 Speaker 2: grug My next zero wall, my next zero dollar boundary 339 00:18:53,600 --> 00:18:57,040 Speaker 2: for your twenties or any age is how to combat 340 00:18:57,320 --> 00:19:03,120 Speaker 2: over responsibility. A little while ago I read a book 341 00:19:03,200 --> 00:19:07,240 Speaker 2: called Difficult People by doctor Rebecca Ray who is a 342 00:19:07,280 --> 00:19:12,240 Speaker 2: clinical psychologist, and I guess the book covers lots of 343 00:19:12,240 --> 00:19:14,920 Speaker 2: different things on how to deal with like different types 344 00:19:14,920 --> 00:19:17,120 Speaker 2: of difficult people in your life, how to deal with conflict, 345 00:19:17,119 --> 00:19:20,439 Speaker 2: stuff like that. But in part three of the book, 346 00:19:20,600 --> 00:19:25,080 Speaker 2: titled Boundary Basics, she talks about how to react to 347 00:19:25,240 --> 00:19:31,040 Speaker 2: conflict and how we use different types of self protection methods. 348 00:19:31,320 --> 00:19:33,439 Speaker 2: I guess when we're dealing with conflict, but how that 349 00:19:33,480 --> 00:19:39,880 Speaker 2: can impact our boundaries, including avoidance, having no boundaries at all, 350 00:19:40,440 --> 00:19:46,000 Speaker 2: and over responsibility. And over responsibility was one of these 351 00:19:46,080 --> 00:19:50,959 Speaker 2: self protection methods that I really saw myself in and 352 00:19:51,119 --> 00:19:54,080 Speaker 2: related to and realized that I needed to change in 353 00:19:54,240 --> 00:19:57,399 Speaker 2: order to restore some boundaries that I'd been missing in 354 00:19:57,440 --> 00:20:02,040 Speaker 2: my life. So in the book, she describes that overresponsibility 355 00:20:02,080 --> 00:20:05,960 Speaker 2: can look like apologizing for things that you shouldn't only 356 00:20:06,000 --> 00:20:10,600 Speaker 2: feeling comfortable if you're in control of a situation, or 357 00:20:10,800 --> 00:20:13,680 Speaker 2: feeling like you have to take responsibility to fix other 358 00:20:13,720 --> 00:20:18,800 Speaker 2: people's emotions or always be available to other people when 359 00:20:18,800 --> 00:20:24,240 Speaker 2: they're going through a crisis. So that kind of sounds 360 00:20:24,280 --> 00:20:25,960 Speaker 2: like you're being a good person or being a good 361 00:20:25,960 --> 00:20:28,000 Speaker 2: friend being available, And I think that there is a 362 00:20:28,040 --> 00:20:32,920 Speaker 2: line there, But over responsibility can act as a cushion 363 00:20:33,119 --> 00:20:37,560 Speaker 2: to avoid setting boundaries or you know, having to have 364 00:20:37,600 --> 00:20:41,240 Speaker 2: a difficult conversation with someone or feeling like you're letting 365 00:20:41,320 --> 00:20:45,240 Speaker 2: somebody down, all of which you know can be really difficult. 366 00:20:45,400 --> 00:20:49,600 Speaker 2: It can also function to avoid taking responsibility for your 367 00:20:49,640 --> 00:20:52,680 Speaker 2: own needs because you're too busy taking care of other people's, 368 00:20:53,359 --> 00:20:55,280 Speaker 2: Like oh no, like I can't deal with what I'm 369 00:20:55,320 --> 00:20:57,679 Speaker 2: going through because you know, I'm dealing with so and 370 00:20:57,720 --> 00:20:58,840 Speaker 2: so's problems, or I. 371 00:20:59,480 --> 00:21:01,560 Speaker 1: Feel like those problems are bigger than the things that 372 00:21:01,600 --> 00:21:03,080 Speaker 1: like you've got to deal with. 373 00:21:03,119 --> 00:21:05,440 Speaker 2: Exactly, yeah, yeah, and you use that as a little 374 00:21:05,440 --> 00:21:08,840 Speaker 2: bit of a crutch to avoid actually dealing with your problems. 375 00:21:09,320 --> 00:21:11,520 Speaker 2: In this section of the book, for each of those 376 00:21:11,560 --> 00:21:15,560 Speaker 2: self protection methods, raties, self talk, scripts, that can be 377 00:21:15,640 --> 00:21:19,000 Speaker 2: useful to change these patterns. So things that you can 378 00:21:19,040 --> 00:21:22,600 Speaker 2: say in your head to ground you and remind you, 379 00:21:23,200 --> 00:21:25,639 Speaker 2: or even things that you can say in conversations to 380 00:21:25,800 --> 00:21:28,520 Speaker 2: these people to try and deal with the conflict or 381 00:21:28,520 --> 00:21:32,879 Speaker 2: whatever the issue is. So for over responsibility, these are 382 00:21:32,920 --> 00:21:35,280 Speaker 2: some of the self talk scripts that can be used 383 00:21:35,320 --> 00:21:39,600 Speaker 2: to change these patterns that I've found useful. Number One, 384 00:21:40,160 --> 00:21:44,680 Speaker 2: I'm not obligated to fix other people's feelings. Number two, 385 00:21:45,520 --> 00:21:48,919 Speaker 2: by being the solution to other people's problems, I'm stopping 386 00:21:49,000 --> 00:21:50,640 Speaker 2: them from learning from themselves. 387 00:21:50,920 --> 00:21:52,480 Speaker 1: That's a great one. 388 00:21:52,920 --> 00:21:57,280 Speaker 2: Number Three, I can support others without taking responsibility for 389 00:21:57,359 --> 00:22:03,679 Speaker 2: their happiness. So look, this is an ongoing process and 390 00:22:03,760 --> 00:22:07,919 Speaker 2: boundary that I'm trying to implement in my life. And 391 00:22:08,320 --> 00:22:12,320 Speaker 2: sometimes it's easier than others, but I have found it's 392 00:22:12,359 --> 00:22:17,399 Speaker 2: really helpful just to try and put a boundary in place, 393 00:22:17,520 --> 00:22:20,960 Speaker 2: because otherwise you burn yourself out. And I think, for 394 00:22:21,040 --> 00:22:23,199 Speaker 2: me personally, like that's what I've been doing, and i 395 00:22:23,200 --> 00:22:27,680 Speaker 2: haven't been putting my feelings first, or you know, I've 396 00:22:27,760 --> 00:22:30,080 Speaker 2: definitely been like avoiding like dealing with some things for 397 00:22:30,160 --> 00:22:34,560 Speaker 2: myself personally. So yeah, read that book as well. That's 398 00:22:34,800 --> 00:22:37,359 Speaker 2: an extra little wreck if you feel like you do 399 00:22:37,400 --> 00:22:41,040 Speaker 2: struggle with dealing with conflict or setting boundaries in your life. 400 00:22:41,160 --> 00:22:43,520 Speaker 2: But yeah, those self talk scripts are really good zero 401 00:22:43,520 --> 00:22:46,320 Speaker 2: dollar boundaries to put in place and good reminders I 402 00:22:46,320 --> 00:22:48,560 Speaker 2: think to have in your back pocket during those moments 403 00:22:48,600 --> 00:22:49,920 Speaker 2: when like emotions are running high. 404 00:22:50,200 --> 00:22:53,439 Speaker 1: Yeah, I think as well, because sometimes it's hard to 405 00:22:53,520 --> 00:22:56,119 Speaker 1: realize the people in your life that you need to 406 00:22:56,119 --> 00:22:58,760 Speaker 1: set those boundaries with. Yeah, but if you're coming away 407 00:22:58,760 --> 00:23:01,679 Speaker 1: from a situation drain or a relationship drained, or it 408 00:23:01,720 --> 00:23:04,240 Speaker 1: feels like a lot of work, you've got to pull 409 00:23:04,280 --> 00:23:07,200 Speaker 1: a lot of the weight in that, then like, that's 410 00:23:07,240 --> 00:23:11,080 Speaker 1: probably a situation where those would be really really helpful, 411 00:23:11,480 --> 00:23:13,439 Speaker 1: But it takes it can also take a while to 412 00:23:13,480 --> 00:23:16,600 Speaker 1: kind of realize what those situations are totally and also 413 00:23:16,600 --> 00:23:19,960 Speaker 1: getting over the hump of feeling bad about doing that. Yeah, 414 00:23:20,400 --> 00:23:23,280 Speaker 1: is tricky, but that's so helpful. I love those. I 415 00:23:23,320 --> 00:23:26,240 Speaker 1: love the one that's like, if I'm constantly the solution, 416 00:23:26,440 --> 00:23:27,520 Speaker 1: this person's never going to. 417 00:23:27,520 --> 00:23:29,879 Speaker 2: Find it on their own exactly. That is such like 418 00:23:29,920 --> 00:23:30,480 Speaker 2: a little. 419 00:23:30,320 --> 00:23:33,919 Speaker 1: Key in the lock statement that you're like, oh, I 420 00:23:34,000 --> 00:23:34,400 Speaker 1: get it. 421 00:23:34,520 --> 00:23:36,800 Speaker 2: You feel like you're helping someone, but really you're enabling. 422 00:23:37,000 --> 00:23:42,199 Speaker 1: Yes, exactly, I love that. Okay, My final boundary, this 423 00:23:42,280 --> 00:23:47,440 Speaker 1: one's a little quickie. My final one is a boundary 424 00:23:47,600 --> 00:23:51,840 Speaker 1: that I have been seeing set by a lot of 425 00:23:51,880 --> 00:23:55,720 Speaker 1: women and people in their twenties at the moment, and 426 00:23:55,760 --> 00:23:59,399 Speaker 1: it's a bit of a trend on socials and something 427 00:23:59,440 --> 00:24:03,040 Speaker 1: that I think is worth talking about. But setting a 428 00:24:03,160 --> 00:24:08,399 Speaker 1: boundary with your single life, but more importantly, like setting 429 00:24:08,520 --> 00:24:12,160 Speaker 1: a standard. So there was his story from a girl 430 00:24:12,200 --> 00:24:16,919 Speaker 1: online about a hinge date she was going on and 431 00:24:17,280 --> 00:24:22,159 Speaker 1: how this guy just wanted her to come over. And 432 00:24:22,800 --> 00:24:25,879 Speaker 1: this is said by sharing like a voice note that 433 00:24:25,920 --> 00:24:29,440 Speaker 1: he sent her of how dinners and dates feel forced 434 00:24:30,200 --> 00:24:32,600 Speaker 1: and how like he just doesn't really believe in that, 435 00:24:32,800 --> 00:24:35,399 Speaker 1: and so like sure, like, why don't you pick a 436 00:24:35,440 --> 00:24:37,760 Speaker 1: place and then we can meet there and then if 437 00:24:37,800 --> 00:24:43,120 Speaker 1: you feel comfortable, we can go back to mine. I'm 438 00:24:43,160 --> 00:24:46,720 Speaker 1: sure this person is not like an evil person or 439 00:24:46,760 --> 00:24:50,240 Speaker 1: malicious or anything like that, but what I think, Like one, 440 00:24:50,320 --> 00:24:51,760 Speaker 1: it was kind of fun. It was funny to laugh 441 00:24:51,760 --> 00:24:55,040 Speaker 1: at the voice note and her like lip syncing to it. Yeah, 442 00:24:55,160 --> 00:24:58,119 Speaker 1: that's great, I know, it's so funny. And then like 443 00:24:58,280 --> 00:25:00,600 Speaker 1: more like since that, more have come out and I 444 00:25:00,640 --> 00:25:03,959 Speaker 1: think it's such a good lesson and reminder that like 445 00:25:04,520 --> 00:25:09,320 Speaker 1: with dating and with relationships, there are boundaries, there are standards, 446 00:25:09,440 --> 00:25:12,040 Speaker 1: and as someone who was single for a really long time, 447 00:25:12,680 --> 00:25:15,719 Speaker 1: it does slip because you're like, am I being too picky? 448 00:25:16,400 --> 00:25:19,959 Speaker 1: Am I setting standards that are too high? That it's like, 449 00:25:20,440 --> 00:25:22,240 Speaker 1: maybe I just need to relax and go with the 450 00:25:22,280 --> 00:25:24,560 Speaker 1: flow and do it for the plot, and like, yes, 451 00:25:24,600 --> 00:25:28,320 Speaker 1: those are all good things to recognize, but never ever, ever, 452 00:25:28,400 --> 00:25:31,199 Speaker 1: compromising on your boundaries and your standards in dating is 453 00:25:31,560 --> 00:25:34,439 Speaker 1: how you will find true happiness, not only with yourself, 454 00:25:34,480 --> 00:25:35,920 Speaker 1: but in the person that you're meant to be with, 455 00:25:36,480 --> 00:25:40,160 Speaker 1: because doing that, you're just going to end up compromising 456 00:25:40,160 --> 00:25:42,679 Speaker 1: for something that doesn't even make you happy. Yeah, and 457 00:25:42,760 --> 00:25:46,000 Speaker 1: it is not to your standard, it's not going to be. 458 00:25:46,200 --> 00:25:48,600 Speaker 1: If something isn't to your standard on a first date, 459 00:25:48,920 --> 00:25:50,760 Speaker 1: it's not going to be to your standard in ten 460 00:25:50,840 --> 00:25:54,920 Speaker 1: years time. Yeah. If it's not working on the first date, 461 00:25:55,520 --> 00:25:59,400 Speaker 1: and if something isn't clicking, it's not going to change 462 00:25:59,400 --> 00:26:02,640 Speaker 1: in ten years Because when you first meet someone, that's 463 00:26:02,640 --> 00:26:06,000 Speaker 1: the best version you're getting. They're on their best behavior, 464 00:26:06,359 --> 00:26:09,800 Speaker 1: they're showing you their best self. So if you're already like, 465 00:26:10,520 --> 00:26:14,000 Speaker 1: I feel like I'm my standards, I'm compromising all my standards, 466 00:26:14,000 --> 00:26:17,600 Speaker 1: my boundaries for this person and ain't going to get better. 467 00:26:18,160 --> 00:26:20,280 Speaker 1: And that's also not me saying that they have to 468 00:26:20,280 --> 00:26:23,480 Speaker 1: be the perfect person. When you first date someone, there's 469 00:26:23,520 --> 00:26:27,320 Speaker 1: going to be things that aren't necessarily perfect, and nobody's perfect, 470 00:26:28,040 --> 00:26:33,080 Speaker 1: but it doesn't encroach on your boundaries. Like. That's the thing. 471 00:26:33,160 --> 00:26:35,360 Speaker 1: That's the identifying difference. 472 00:26:35,040 --> 00:26:37,360 Speaker 2: That reminds me of a life lesson that a chick 473 00:26:37,440 --> 00:26:41,040 Speaker 2: sent in recently, And it's that when someone shows you 474 00:26:41,200 --> 00:26:43,520 Speaker 2: their true colors, believe them. 475 00:26:43,640 --> 00:26:45,480 Speaker 1: Yes, yeah, I love that. 476 00:26:46,000 --> 00:26:52,040 Speaker 2: Smash Smash Auto smash, but hey, it's too big, daddy, 477 00:26:52,160 --> 00:26:53,880 Speaker 2: put that shirt. 478 00:26:55,320 --> 00:26:59,800 Speaker 1: A shirt A We cann't make all these shirts out. 479 00:27:00,000 --> 00:27:02,760 Speaker 1: Oh I no, fuck, we just have to make put 480 00:27:02,800 --> 00:27:03,680 Speaker 1: that shit on a shirt? 481 00:27:03,880 --> 00:27:07,080 Speaker 2: We do? Yeah, Please, chick, tell us if you want 482 00:27:07,080 --> 00:27:07,800 Speaker 2: this shirt, if. 483 00:27:07,880 --> 00:27:10,840 Speaker 1: You just want to do you want a put that 484 00:27:10,880 --> 00:27:12,840 Speaker 1: shit on a shirt T shirt? Please let us know 485 00:27:13,080 --> 00:27:14,320 Speaker 1: we could make that as merch. 486 00:27:14,920 --> 00:27:15,440 Speaker 2: We'll do it. 487 00:27:15,640 --> 00:27:19,560 Speaker 1: Just what if we put it on a hat? 488 00:27:22,840 --> 00:27:23,639 Speaker 2: That money? 489 00:27:23,800 --> 00:27:24,000 Speaker 1: Right? 490 00:27:24,320 --> 00:27:30,399 Speaker 2: Okay? Done? Done? 491 00:27:30,600 --> 00:27:30,879 Speaker 1: All right? 492 00:27:30,880 --> 00:27:32,200 Speaker 2: Should we do Advice with the chicks? 493 00:27:32,200 --> 00:27:33,320 Speaker 1: Advice with the chicks. 494 00:27:37,440 --> 00:27:40,080 Speaker 2: Hey girls, I'm so thankful for all of the content 495 00:27:40,119 --> 00:27:43,320 Speaker 2: you do and I'm a huge fan. I'm a foreign 496 00:27:43,400 --> 00:27:45,639 Speaker 2: resident living in Australia and I was wondering if you 497 00:27:45,640 --> 00:27:48,680 Speaker 2: could give me some advice about living with difficult housemates. 498 00:27:49,480 --> 00:27:52,040 Speaker 2: I've been living with different people for over four years 499 00:27:52,080 --> 00:27:55,600 Speaker 2: now and there are definitely challenges along the way. However, 500 00:27:55,720 --> 00:27:58,840 Speaker 2: I found this year particularly really challenging, as my current 501 00:27:58,880 --> 00:28:02,000 Speaker 2: housemate can be difficult to be around. Every time you're 502 00:28:02,040 --> 00:28:05,040 Speaker 2: around her, you feel uncomfortable and seems like there's tension. 503 00:28:05,640 --> 00:28:08,680 Speaker 2: The choice of words she uses are so rude and harsh, 504 00:28:08,800 --> 00:28:12,480 Speaker 2: most of which are always by a messenger. I've done 505 00:28:12,480 --> 00:28:15,480 Speaker 2: my part to adjust to her personality and communicate face 506 00:28:15,520 --> 00:28:17,960 Speaker 2: to face to her. However, she still looks for things 507 00:28:18,000 --> 00:28:21,080 Speaker 2: to complain about. It also seems like she doesn't want 508 00:28:21,080 --> 00:28:23,560 Speaker 2: to live with other people, but also want someone else 509 00:28:23,600 --> 00:28:26,280 Speaker 2: to help her pay rent. I wanted some advice on 510 00:28:26,359 --> 00:28:28,520 Speaker 2: how to navigate through this without having to break the 511 00:28:28,600 --> 00:28:30,800 Speaker 2: lease and take care of my well being. Thank you 512 00:28:30,840 --> 00:28:31,399 Speaker 2: so much. 513 00:28:33,440 --> 00:28:37,200 Speaker 1: Well, that takes out my first tip. I know, because 514 00:28:37,560 --> 00:28:40,120 Speaker 1: it really does affect your mental health. Because your home 515 00:28:40,160 --> 00:28:42,200 Speaker 1: and your house is supposed to be your safe space. 516 00:28:42,520 --> 00:28:45,640 Speaker 1: And the fact that that isn't it means that you 517 00:28:45,680 --> 00:28:48,680 Speaker 1: don't get rest, and rest is like the most important 518 00:28:48,680 --> 00:28:51,280 Speaker 1: thing in life. You'll never be able to achieve anything 519 00:28:51,360 --> 00:28:53,680 Speaker 1: or be productive at anything in life if you don't 520 00:28:53,680 --> 00:28:57,120 Speaker 1: allow yourself to rest. So I can completely understand where 521 00:28:57,200 --> 00:29:02,000 Speaker 1: this chick is feeling, because she's probably exhausted, Like that 522 00:29:02,160 --> 00:29:08,240 Speaker 1: is just the worst. And unfortunately, I think I don't 523 00:29:08,280 --> 00:29:10,280 Speaker 1: know if she's She didn't say that they've had a 524 00:29:10,360 --> 00:29:13,160 Speaker 1: talk about it, did she She said not. 525 00:29:13,360 --> 00:29:16,120 Speaker 2: I don't think, like explicitly she said, I've done my 526 00:29:16,200 --> 00:29:19,640 Speaker 2: part to adjust to her personality and communicate face to face, 527 00:29:20,400 --> 00:29:22,920 Speaker 2: But I'm not sure if they've had like an actual 528 00:29:23,000 --> 00:29:26,680 Speaker 2: conversation about the entire issue, or if it's more like 529 00:29:26,720 --> 00:29:29,440 Speaker 2: she's trying to move comes off of messenger and face 530 00:29:29,480 --> 00:29:30,720 Speaker 2: to face, which I think is much. 531 00:29:31,080 --> 00:29:34,680 Speaker 1: Yeah. I think large, like large and maybe like bullish 532 00:29:34,720 --> 00:29:38,040 Speaker 1: personalities like that it's really really hard to confront them, 533 00:29:38,080 --> 00:29:42,400 Speaker 1: Like it's really scary, yeah, and like I have always 534 00:29:42,400 --> 00:29:46,200 Speaker 1: been like about that because I'm like, I don't want 535 00:29:46,240 --> 00:29:50,000 Speaker 1: you to yell at me. And they and somehow they 536 00:29:50,520 --> 00:29:54,400 Speaker 1: they are able to manipulate conversations and things, and I've 537 00:29:54,440 --> 00:29:57,240 Speaker 1: always been it's scary to be like, I feel like 538 00:29:57,280 --> 00:29:59,920 Speaker 1: I can't keep up with the confrontation. Does that make sense? 539 00:30:00,080 --> 00:30:01,920 Speaker 2: Yeah? And then afterwards, when you're in the shower and 540 00:30:01,960 --> 00:30:03,000 Speaker 2: you're like, shadow. 541 00:30:03,360 --> 00:30:06,960 Speaker 1: I should have said that, said that boxing. 542 00:30:06,680 --> 00:30:10,800 Speaker 2: With the loof that like fuck, Like when they said that, 543 00:30:10,840 --> 00:30:13,240 Speaker 2: I should have been like no, like yeah, it's always 544 00:30:13,360 --> 00:30:14,040 Speaker 2: after the fact. 545 00:30:14,200 --> 00:30:17,240 Speaker 1: So that's what I mean that I think go. I 546 00:30:17,280 --> 00:30:21,160 Speaker 1: think a conversation and potentially a confrontation needs to happen 547 00:30:21,720 --> 00:30:25,000 Speaker 1: with the point in mind that confrontation isn't for a 548 00:30:25,040 --> 00:30:28,640 Speaker 1: point of argument, it's for a goal of resolution. I 549 00:30:28,680 --> 00:30:32,040 Speaker 1: know this person sounds like it's really difficult to find 550 00:30:32,120 --> 00:30:35,880 Speaker 1: resolution with, but always remember that people do kind of 551 00:30:35,960 --> 00:30:39,360 Speaker 1: take these things and take them back, and they do 552 00:30:39,400 --> 00:30:41,760 Speaker 1: similar in the back of their brain. So I would 553 00:30:41,800 --> 00:30:46,000 Speaker 1: say prepare, like write a list and have your notes, 554 00:30:46,040 --> 00:30:48,360 Speaker 1: and have really think about the things you want to raise, 555 00:30:48,400 --> 00:30:50,320 Speaker 1: because in the moment, when you're feeling a bit anxious, 556 00:30:50,400 --> 00:30:54,200 Speaker 1: you forget everything and then that happened, and then that 557 00:30:54,240 --> 00:30:56,160 Speaker 1: happened and I didn't say that, and you're like damn it, 558 00:30:56,200 --> 00:30:57,840 Speaker 1: and then you end up shadow boxing a loofer in 559 00:30:57,880 --> 00:31:01,360 Speaker 1: the shower, So I would say, really prepare all the things, 560 00:31:01,520 --> 00:31:05,720 Speaker 1: have examples because like someone might say, like she might 561 00:31:05,840 --> 00:31:08,480 Speaker 1: want a little bit more explanation because she might not 562 00:31:08,560 --> 00:31:11,320 Speaker 1: realize that she's doing it. So if she's like I 563 00:31:11,360 --> 00:31:13,120 Speaker 1: didn't do that, or like, can you tell me when 564 00:31:13,160 --> 00:31:15,160 Speaker 1: I did that, make sure you've got examples to show 565 00:31:15,160 --> 00:31:18,040 Speaker 1: her because she might not realize at all, And that 566 00:31:18,080 --> 00:31:20,960 Speaker 1: can really really help in that situation. I know you 567 00:31:20,960 --> 00:31:24,000 Speaker 1: don't want to break the lease. That would be my 568 00:31:24,120 --> 00:31:27,880 Speaker 1: first tip, to be honest, but I think like a 569 00:31:27,960 --> 00:31:32,280 Speaker 1: confrontation for resolution needs to happen that you've prepared for, 570 00:31:33,120 --> 00:31:36,160 Speaker 1: and then that's like the best you can do. I 571 00:31:36,200 --> 00:31:38,920 Speaker 1: don't think you should adjust your personality anymore. I don't 572 00:31:38,920 --> 00:31:41,360 Speaker 1: think you should live any differently. You pay rent, you 573 00:31:41,400 --> 00:31:45,760 Speaker 1: deserve to be there, and if that doesn't work, live 574 00:31:45,800 --> 00:31:46,360 Speaker 1: your life. 575 00:31:46,600 --> 00:31:50,600 Speaker 2: Yeah, stand up for yourself and yeah, don't mold yourself 576 00:31:50,640 --> 00:31:54,240 Speaker 2: to fit into somebody else's standards or make somebody else 577 00:31:54,280 --> 00:31:57,160 Speaker 2: more comfortable when you know that they're not within their 578 00:31:57,240 --> 00:31:59,520 Speaker 2: right to be making you do that. Like you said, 579 00:31:59,520 --> 00:32:03,160 Speaker 2: you're paying rent, it's your space too, and I think, yeah, 580 00:32:03,240 --> 00:32:07,360 Speaker 2: have this conversation and then if things don't improve, Definitely, 581 00:32:08,600 --> 00:32:11,200 Speaker 2: like make the plan to move out as soon as 582 00:32:11,240 --> 00:32:14,400 Speaker 2: you can, don't try and extend it. The thing with 583 00:32:14,520 --> 00:32:17,800 Speaker 2: like housemates as well is that if you don't get along, 584 00:32:18,040 --> 00:32:19,680 Speaker 2: when you move out, you never have to see these 585 00:32:19,720 --> 00:32:23,720 Speaker 2: suckers again. So like that's amazing. And then also, I 586 00:32:23,760 --> 00:32:25,720 Speaker 2: know you don't want to break your lease, but maybe 587 00:32:25,720 --> 00:32:27,800 Speaker 2: I don't know, if you could potentially look at transferring 588 00:32:27,840 --> 00:32:28,200 Speaker 2: your lease. 589 00:32:28,360 --> 00:32:30,600 Speaker 1: Yeah, maybe find someone else to fill the room. 590 00:32:30,720 --> 00:32:33,880 Speaker 2: Yeah, depending how long you have left, like, you never know, 591 00:32:34,280 --> 00:32:36,000 Speaker 2: you might be able to find somebody else who can 592 00:32:36,280 --> 00:32:40,080 Speaker 2: move in. And some people are looking for temporary things 593 00:32:40,240 --> 00:32:42,560 Speaker 2: or they're really desperate to find something really soon, so 594 00:32:42,600 --> 00:32:45,760 Speaker 2: they're like, yep, cool, three months left, that's perfect exactly, 595 00:32:45,840 --> 00:32:49,600 Speaker 2: and they're happy to do that. So those are your options, chick, 596 00:32:49,920 --> 00:32:52,400 Speaker 2: But stand up for yourself. But we're sorry that you're 597 00:32:52,440 --> 00:32:52,920 Speaker 2: going through that. 598 00:32:52,960 --> 00:32:54,120 Speaker 1: And oh it's the worst. 599 00:32:54,200 --> 00:32:57,760 Speaker 2: It's a worse house mate for writing in. Yeah, for 600 00:32:57,960 --> 00:33:01,080 Speaker 2: kind words about the show. We love you, and she 601 00:33:01,200 --> 00:33:04,320 Speaker 2: keeps being made. Just share your address. We'll take care 602 00:33:04,360 --> 00:33:07,800 Speaker 2: of it. I'm Joe and. 603 00:33:07,840 --> 00:33:10,080 Speaker 1: On the bottom of the pyramid your housemats. 604 00:33:13,880 --> 00:33:15,600 Speaker 2: Bye jecks. We absolutely love you. 605 00:33:15,760 --> 00:33:18,960 Speaker 1: Thanks for having us in your ear holes, kisses, smooches, 606 00:33:19,160 --> 00:33:21,400 Speaker 1: kiss things, and thank you to m ik Marye for 607 00:33:21,440 --> 00:33:24,040 Speaker 1: making this episode of Two Broad Chicks happen. Love you big, 608 00:33:24,600 --> 00:33:25,680 Speaker 1: and love you small. 609 00:33:25,640 --> 00:33:37,560 Speaker 2: And finally, always remember, but hey, that's you. Bye Jicks