Speaker 1: Hello, and welcome to Something to Talk About, the Stellar podcast.
Speaker 1: I'm Sarah La Marquin to your host, and every week
Speaker 1: I sit down with some of the biggest names in
Speaker 1: the country because when Australia's celebrities are ready to talk,
Speaker 1: they come to Something to talk about. As a breakfast
Speaker 1: TV presenter on Sunrise, Aduena Bartholomew is used to bringing
Speaker 1: Australians the news each day. But one morning a few
Speaker 1: months ago, she shared some very personal and very confronting
Speaker 1: news live on air when she revealed that she'd been
Speaker 1: diagnosed with chronic Mylloyd leukemia.
Speaker 2: It's not great news, not a panda story. To finish
Speaker 2: the bulletin, I have been diagnosed with cancer. That's a
Speaker 2: shock to say and hard to say, but it's a
Speaker 2: really good come.
Speaker 1: It was an announcement that sparked hundreds of headlines over
Speaker 1: the following days and weeks.
Speaker 2: And so I made it really clear that the reason
Speaker 2: that I was speaking about it publicly was because I
Speaker 2: genuinely thought that it could help people in terms of
Speaker 2: just going to doctor getting a health check, not just women,
Speaker 2: everyone and that was amazing because I didn't just hear
Speaker 2: from people initially when I made the announcement, who were
Speaker 2: you know? Sending good thoughts my way? And then over
Speaker 2: the coming days and weeks heard from so many people
Speaker 2: who had gone to get checked, and that was really gratifying.
Speaker 1: Today, sitting down with me, there's something to talk about. Studio.
Speaker 1: Duena admits that she's still struggling to process the fact
Speaker 1: she has cancer. But as I'm sure she would want
Speaker 1: me to assure you, this is not a morbid conversation.
Speaker 1: It is often raw and emotional, but also hopeful and
Speaker 1: filled with lessons A Duenna's diagnosis has taught her that
Speaker 1: I believe all of us can learn from. She also
Speaker 1: recalls what it was like to break the news to
Speaker 1: her parents and why she chose not to tell her
Speaker 1: young children about her diagnosis, and her advice to anyone
Speaker 1: listening who feels like they are far too busy to
Speaker 1: take care of themselves. And as this truly life changing
Speaker 1: year for a Duena draws to a close, her unexpected
Speaker 1: answer when asked if she would go through it all again,
Speaker 1: Aduena Bartholemey, Welcome back to the Stellar podcast.
Speaker 2: Sarah, thank you for having me back so soon.
Speaker 1: It has been soon. It was actually April of this year.
Speaker 1: That you were last year with me Duena and we
Speaker 1: had an amazing conversation was one of our most popular
Speaker 1: episodes of this year. One of the things that we
Speaker 1: talked about in the course of our conversation was that
Speaker 1: because you'd recently turned forty, you were becoming a lot
Speaker 1: more conscious of your health. And then of course this year, Bam,
Speaker 1: you have had quite the year and a diagnosis, of course,
Speaker 1: of chronic my lloyd leukemia. Eddie. I know it's not
Speaker 1: something that you like really talking about it, but you
Speaker 1: have been very gracious and generous with your story, and
Speaker 1: I know also that you feel very strongly that yours
Speaker 1: is a positive story, and you're very conscious of all
Speaker 1: of the people that watch you every morning and that
Speaker 1: are listening to this and reading this piece, that are
Speaker 1: dealing with their own journeys, much of them, in your words,
Speaker 1: probably a lot more difficult.
Speaker 2: It really feels like a full circle moment to be
Speaker 2: sitting back here and talking to you, Sarah, because it
Speaker 2: was that very conversation and that podcast and the article
Speaker 2: that I wrote for Stella. I actually kind of lied
Speaker 2: to you because you asked me what I was doing
Speaker 2: for my health, and I okay for you a very
Speaker 2: generic answer about you know, I'm going for by cries
Speaker 2: and I'm taking time out and I'm taking some me time.
Speaker 2: And the reality was I wasn't doing really any of that.
Speaker 2: And I wrote this article for Stella, my regular column,
Speaker 2: about a health scare that i'd had I'd found a
Speaker 2: lump in my breast and how I'd gone to get
Speaker 2: it checked out, and how it was all fine, but
Speaker 2: what a great reminder to mums and busy women everywhere
Speaker 2: to keep an eye on their health. And then literally
Speaker 2: you sent it to me to check and I checked
Speaker 2: it over and it was all fine, and it was
Speaker 2: being published that week and I had to call and say,
Speaker 2: you can't publish it because it's not all okay. And
Speaker 2: that was the week that I found out I have leukemia.
Speaker 2: And even now saying it out loud, it's a shock
Speaker 2: to the system, even though I've had months and months
Speaker 2: to process it. Now and as you say it's a
Speaker 2: positive outcome, I will be okay, But it's still cancer.
Speaker 2: And that word sticks and shocks, doesn't it when you
Speaker 2: say it out loud? But yeah, it was very much
Speaker 2: a result of writing that piece for Stella and turning
Speaker 2: that focus on my health, that I've ended up in
Speaker 2: this situation and that it's ended up being a positive
Speaker 2: outcome because I think I caught this particular condition, chronic
Speaker 2: Mylloyd leukemia, within maybe a month or two of having it,
Speaker 2: which puts me in an extremely lucky category when it
Speaker 2: comes to people with leukemia.
Speaker 1: As you say, duino, canoni imagine words like leukemia, words
Speaker 1: like cancer? They're so confronting. We all know that there's
Speaker 1: arguably very few more emotive words in the English language.
Speaker 1: Can you tell me a little bit about how you
Speaker 1: first felt when you first heard those words, and were
Speaker 1: the words chronic my Lloyd leukemia anything that was even
Speaker 1: something you were aware of, because certainly the awareness that
Speaker 1: you have brought to this, there's actually lots of articles
Speaker 1: out there now about what is this condition? I have
Speaker 1: to I hadn't heard of it prior to your diagnosis.
Speaker 1: What about you?
Speaker 2: I had not heard of it at all. I'd obviously
Speaker 2: heard the word leukemia and that can be a huge
Speaker 2: spectrum of conditions, and thankfully CML is on the end
Speaker 2: that's now a chronic condition as opposed to terminal. But yeah,
Speaker 2: I'll take you back to the doctor's surgery. I have
Speaker 2: a wonderful doctor of female GP, very focused on a
Speaker 2: women's health, and she'd set me off to do all
Speaker 2: his tests and one of them came back slightly irregular
Speaker 2: and she said, you know, do you have an infection?
Speaker 2: Have you been one well? And I said, look, I've
Speaker 2: got you know, a two and a four year old.
Speaker 2: I've always got something floating around my system. And she said,
Speaker 2: maybe just go and do that one test again. And
Speaker 2: it took me about a month to do that, as
Speaker 2: with so many of us, you know, there's other stuff
Speaker 2: going on. So I finally went and then she called
Speaker 2: me that night quite late. I was already asleep. She said,
Speaker 2: are you feeling okay? And I said I'm fine. She said, well,
Speaker 2: maybe you should come in tomorrow. And then the next
Speaker 2: day the doctor surgery called and said when you come
Speaker 2: in you should bring someone with you. And that's never
Speaker 2: a good thing. That's a never good thing to hear.
Speaker 2: And so thankfully my husband, who lives outside of Sydney
Speaker 2: was here at that time and I called him and
Speaker 2: I said, can you come with me? And so we
Speaker 2: were sitting there and she told.
Speaker 3: Me, you have.
Speaker 2: We need to confirm it but we believe that you
Speaker 2: have a condition called chronic my Lloyd leukemia. It was
Speaker 2: like a scene from a movie, you know when you
Speaker 2: see those people sort of take that gasp of air
Speaker 2: that you know, like you when you say it out
Speaker 2: loud for the first time. And I was lucky to
Speaker 2: be able to call a friend of mine who runs
Speaker 2: a cancer charity and ask her advice. And I called
Speaker 2: her and I said I have cancer. And that was
Speaker 2: an incredibly confronting phone call to make, and I called
Speaker 2: her before I called my family, and we drove from
Speaker 2: the doctor straight to tell my parents.
Speaker 3: So yeah, that was the hardest.
Speaker 2: Bit telling people. But we knew very soon after that
Speaker 2: the outcome would.
Speaker 3: Be really good.
Speaker 2: So it was a weird mix of emotions because you
Speaker 2: have cancer, you have something called CML, you're navigating what
Speaker 2: that is and you're trying not to google the symptoms
Speaker 2: and the outcome. But at the same time you know
Speaker 2: that you are extraordinarily lucky. So I think in the
Speaker 2: initial stages, I was fully focused on being very chipper
Speaker 2: about having cancer. And since then, the emotions have definitely
Speaker 2: gone up and down, and I've sort of dealt with it.
Speaker 2: And yeah, I mean I feel okay about it. The
Speaker 2: really interesting thing is for me, I haven't had the
Speaker 2: trauma of something like chemotherapy or even going to hospital,
Speaker 2: to be admit, and I'm so conscious that so many
Speaker 2: people reading this and listening to this have gone through
Speaker 2: that journey and it doesn't necessarily end well. So I
Speaker 2: constantly have everyone who has cancer in my thoughts when
Speaker 2: I say something like this. I didn't have the trauma,
Speaker 2: but I was able to have that extraordinary change of
Speaker 2: perspective that something like this affords you or forces you into,
Speaker 2: I suppose. So that's been a wonderful outcome in that
Speaker 2: you just suddenly become hyper focused on all the things
Speaker 2: that are really actually important in life. And that's been
Speaker 2: a wonderful takeaway from what's been a fairly turbulent few months.
Speaker 1: And that is very much something that I'd love to
Speaker 1: talk to about further today, is about that change of
Speaker 1: perspective and why I did to come back to the
Speaker 1: podcast studio twice within a relatively short time, especially as
Speaker 1: we reach the end of the year and a lot
Speaker 1: of people are reflecting on the year that was and
Speaker 1: the lessons that we've learned, and obviously you have a
Speaker 1: lot to impart there. But before we come to that,
Speaker 1: do you mind if I go back then when you
Speaker 1: and Neil left the doctors after you received your diagnosis,
Speaker 1: and you then went and told your family, your parents.
Speaker 1: It's always very difficult, I imagine for a parent to
Speaker 1: hear their child tell them a diagnosis like that. How
Speaker 1: did they cope?
Speaker 2: Yeah, Actually watching dad find out was probably harder than
Speaker 2: watching mum, because you know, I think dads are often
Speaker 2: quite stoic, aren't they. So yeah, it was really emotional.
Speaker 2: I think the biggest thing for me is I didn't
Speaker 2: have to tell my kids, so I was able to
Speaker 2: explain to Mum and Dad the nuts and bolts and
Speaker 2: the practicalities of it and what would happen the treatment
Speaker 2: and all of those things straight up, and that I
Speaker 2: had to have a biopsy to confirm it and all
Speaker 2: the kind of yeah, just the practicalities of it. And
Speaker 2: they're fairly pragmatic people, and so we were able to
Speaker 2: have it. You know, it was really emotional discussion, but
Speaker 2: also they could see that it wasn't the end of
Speaker 2: the world and that I was going to be okay.
Speaker 2: And then because my kids are two and four, I
Speaker 2: never had to have the conversation with them, which is
Speaker 2: such a huge relief. So for them, there's no physical difference.
Speaker 2: They don't you know, I'm actually probably feeling better than
Speaker 2: I was previously, not as tired, and taking care of
Speaker 2: myself better. So for them, there's only a plus side
Speaker 2: because I'm around more and probably more present than I
Speaker 2: was before as well deliberately and so thankfully I didn't
Speaker 2: have to I didn't have to tell them, but because
Speaker 2: I knew that I wanted to share it publicly, I
Speaker 2: wanted to make sure that I spoke to everyone in
Speaker 2: my life before they found out via the TV. So
Speaker 2: that was probably a challenging few weeks. Just calling people
Speaker 2: and catching up with people. Joyous in some ways because
Speaker 2: it's just nice to see people and nice to see
Speaker 2: how people care, but that was challenging to say it
Speaker 2: out loud, and then you know, I have to explain
Speaker 2: the process. And I've never understood what it's like to
Speaker 2: be in people's thoughts and prayers, but now I do.
Speaker 2: It's a pretty powerful thing.
Speaker 1: What is it like to be in people's thoughts and prayers?
Speaker 2: It's really beautiful, you know, it's really just it was
Speaker 2: just so lovely. I heard from thousands of people, thousands,
Speaker 2: and I tried to get back to everyone. People were
Speaker 2: just so kind, so kind in sharing their own stories,
Speaker 2: so gracious in sharing their own battles, the way that
Speaker 2: their lives had changed. It was really beautiful, and I
Speaker 2: heard from people all over the world. It was quite unbelievable.
Speaker 2: But you know the power of that is it's hard
Speaker 2: to quantify what that means to someone, and anyone who's
Speaker 2: gone through a health battle like that, or have a
Speaker 2: family member that have gone through something similar will understand.
Speaker 2: It's just it's wondrous, really. And what was also amazing
Speaker 2: is that the reason I wanted to speak so publicly
Speaker 2: about it was because I just felt that it could
Speaker 2: really help people, because I had no symptoms and no
Speaker 2: indication that I was sick, And so I made it
Speaker 2: really clear that the reason that I was speaking about
Speaker 2: it publicly was because I genuinely thought that could help
Speaker 2: people in terms of just going to doctor getting a
Speaker 2: health check, not just women, everyone, And that was amazing
Speaker 2: because I didn't just hear from people initially when I
Speaker 2: made the announcement, who were you know, sending good thoughts
Speaker 2: my way? And then over the coming days and weeks
Speaker 2: heard from so many people who had gone to get checked,
Speaker 2: and that was really gratifying and amazing, and not just check,
Speaker 2: people who had made amazing life changes, had quit their jobs,
Speaker 2: had moved, had made these kind of incredible life changes
Speaker 2: because they just realized, as I have, that life's so
Speaker 2: short and so precious, and that was unexpected and amazing.
Speaker 1: I was thinking, just how absolutely amazing because somebody like
Speaker 1: you that is being beamed into people's living rooms and
Speaker 1: has been for a long time on Sunrise and on
Speaker 1: social media, and you know, you might wear something and everyone's.
Speaker 2: Like, where'd you get that from?
Speaker 1: When you talk about something, or you took your kids somewhere,
Speaker 1: and everyone wants to know everything, and then to share
Speaker 1: something that's so raw and vulnerable and to have that
Speaker 1: have such an influence and an impact. I mean, Eddie,
Speaker 1: that's truly life changing stuff.
Speaker 2: Yeah, it was phenomenal. In fact, I'll read to you
Speaker 2: a text that I received from a friend of mine
Speaker 2: just this week, and she said, I wanted to wait
Speaker 2: until I had the results to tell you because of you,
Speaker 2: I went and had every overdue scan, screen and test,
Speaker 2: and because of you, all were fine except breast. They
Speaker 2: found a lump on my chest wall impossible to feel,
Speaker 2: but lit up like a balloon on the mammogram. And
Speaker 2: because of you, yesterday I sat in a room in
Speaker 2: a robe with a dozen other women.
Speaker 3: Who had also received a callback.
Speaker 2: I had more exams, three D mammograms, ultrasound, and because
Speaker 2: of you, I was called in the office of the nurse,
Speaker 2: not the oncologist, and I'm one of the lucky ones.
Speaker 2: It was just a cyst, but because of you, I
Speaker 2: feel very grateful to be well and relieved, and I
Speaker 2: hope you're feeling as good as me today.
Speaker 1: Ah, that's amazing, which is just, you know, so unbelievable,
Speaker 1: so moving, isn't.
Speaker 3: It really lovely?
Speaker 1: Because, as you say, Edwena, in the time where you
Speaker 1: received your diagnosis and then you're having all of these conversations,
Speaker 1: never easy to say anything out loud, whatever it is,
Speaker 1: whether it's telling your loved ones, your friends, your colleagues.
Speaker 1: And then obviously this mass out pouring from people all
Speaker 1: over Australia in the world followed when you went public
Speaker 1: with your diagnosis on Sunrise, which was the first week
Speaker 1: of September and was time just ahead of Blood cancer
Speaker 1: Awareness Month. So everything that you've just talked about was
Speaker 1: part of why you decided to speak out. That must
Speaker 1: also be gratifying because I rewatched you speaking about it
Speaker 1: again last night ahead of us sitting down, and I
Speaker 1: did watch it obviously, I knew it was going to happen,
Speaker 1: and I did watch it live on air that morning,
Speaker 1: and I remember thinking at the time, my heart went
Speaker 1: out to you, like everyone would have, whether they know
Speaker 1: you or not, and you, genuinely, you just handled yourself
Speaker 1: so incredibly beautifully. It was so eloquent, and it was
Speaker 1: such a moving moment. You must have felt incredibly well,
Speaker 1: you will tell me how you feel. But that must
Speaker 1: have been extremely confronting, because having to tell one person
Speaker 1: a couple of people is difficult enough. Having to go
Speaker 1: and share that story with the country, it's not easy.
Speaker 2: It actually felt like a relief to have it out there.
Speaker 3: Obviously, in the lead up.
Speaker 2: To that, I was going to specialist appointments in and
Speaker 2: out of hospitals for specialist visits and having to get
Speaker 2: blood tests and all this sort of thing, and I
Speaker 2: really wanted to do it on my own terms and
Speaker 2: share that news, and I wanted to do it in
Speaker 2: a time that suited me. So I'd known for about
Speaker 2: a month and a half by the time I made
Speaker 2: that announcement, and even in the studio that morning, I
Speaker 2: tried to make sure that everyone knew before they heard
Speaker 2: it on TV, because there's just nothing worse when you're
Speaker 2: standing in the room with someone and they're sharing something
Speaker 2: so personal and you're finding out in that way. And
Speaker 2: I wanted to do it, particularly during that time because
Speaker 2: I'd already booked to go away and spend a week
Speaker 2: just at a health retreat, and I knew that I
Speaker 2: had time after that book to spend with my family,
Speaker 2: So yeah, it felt like a huge relief, and I'd
Speaker 2: spend a bit of time afterwards, just over the weekend
Speaker 2: writing back to as many people as I could, and
Speaker 2: then I just stopped. And then it was really nice
Speaker 2: to spend some time with his friends and family, and
Speaker 2: Seven's been so gracious about it. I took some time
Speaker 2: off there then, and then I've only gone back to
Speaker 2: working three or four days a week, which has been
Speaker 2: a huge relief because now it's moved from being an
Speaker 2: issue about the initial diagnosis to just taking care of
Speaker 2: myself genuinely this time, not just lying.
Speaker 3: To you about it.
Speaker 2: So yeah, that's the focus for me now is well
Speaker 2: being and making sure that you know, I sleep enough
Speaker 2: and eat well and you know, really really do take
Speaker 2: care of myself. So yeah, it felt like a real
Speaker 2: weight off my shoulders to actually say it out loud,
Speaker 2: and you know, knowing I had the support of all
Speaker 2: my colleagues there and all my friends at home and
Speaker 2: family as well.
Speaker 1: So yeah, it felt good actually, And as you say,
Speaker 1: I can see why it would have been a relief,
Speaker 1: because the last thing you want is anyone finding out
Speaker 1: about a way where that's completely out of your control
Speaker 1: and you feel on top of everything that you're managing
Speaker 1: at that time that you then have to be worried
Speaker 1: about that.
Speaker 2: But went to the Logis the week before, and obviously
Speaker 2: I knew then, and naturally everyone says, oh, how are
Speaker 2: you you're well, and I said, oh, yeah, really well, thanks,
Speaker 2: And I just felt so fraudulent the whole time. And
Speaker 2: there were friends that I saw there who were quite close,
Speaker 2: but obviously, you know, that's not the environment to tell
Speaker 2: anyone that kind of news, and so yeah, compared to
Speaker 2: feeling that way where you're kind of keeping a secret,
Speaker 2: and it didn't feel very genuine to actually just having
Speaker 2: it out there and it's you know, it's not something
Speaker 2: that has to define you, obviously, but it's nice. And
Speaker 2: I heard from a friend of mine she had exactly
Speaker 2: the same diagnosis, almost exactly the same week, and so
Speaker 2: we're going through the same thing together. So just weird,
Speaker 2: weird instances like that of you know, friends, strangers, lots
Speaker 2: of people reaching out, sharing advice.
Speaker 3: But she called me afterwards. I called her afterwards.
Speaker 2: And I can't believe this, you know what happened, and
Speaker 2: we went through it, and she said hearing it from
Speaker 2: you made me feel a lot better about what was
Speaker 2: happening to me. So that was also a lovely, nice,
Speaker 2: kind of side effect of it all.
Speaker 1: And after the break, Duena reflects on what twenty twenty
Speaker 1: four has taught her, an answer that brought us both
Speaker 1: to tears. Did many of your immediate colleagues know? Because
Speaker 1: it didn't get out and obviously I knew, and so
Speaker 1: did my deputy editor, Nicholas No. And you're always holding
Speaker 1: your breath when somebody's you know, got a timeline in
Speaker 1: terms of working through something really big in their life,
Speaker 1: whether it's really happy news or challenging news, and it
Speaker 1: didn't get out there at all. It's I would argue,
Speaker 1: that's a real mark of you and the value and
Speaker 1: the respect that people have for you.
Speaker 2: Hopefully, but also you have to be a real asshole
Speaker 2: and print that one.
Speaker 1: This is true, but the industry is not devoid of assholes.
Speaker 2: I'm just going to say this is true. This is true.
Speaker 2: I yeah, a lot of people knew, and I had
Speaker 2: already had to drop down days of work in the
Speaker 2: lead up to that announcement, and that's I'm very unusual
Speaker 2: for me to take a sick day. And so after
Speaker 2: about three or four weeks, I started to get kind
Speaker 2: of texts when my name wasn't appearing on rosters saying like, okay,
Speaker 2: how's everything going. So there plenty of people were asking questions,
Speaker 2: and I was just honest with anyone if they asked.
Speaker 2: So yeah, by the time I made the announcement, I'm
Speaker 2: not very good at keeping secrets generally speaking, and so
Speaker 2: a lot of people knew. But it didn't bother me,
Speaker 2: you know, As I said, I was really keen to
Speaker 2: make the announcement on my terms. But I think when
Speaker 2: something like this happens, it really does put so much
Speaker 2: in perspective, and you know, I wouldn't have been the
Speaker 2: end of the world if that happened. I would have
Speaker 2: been a bit pissed off, But like you know, in
Speaker 2: the scheme of things, it doesn't really matter.
Speaker 3: There's been a lot of that.
Speaker 1: I imagine, perspective has been a word that's late.
Speaker 3: It's a big thing.
Speaker 2: So I would love to look.
Speaker 1: You know, bring us back then to the present day,
Speaker 1: and thank you so much for talking us all through that,
Speaker 1: because I'm sure it's never an easy thing to relive
Speaker 1: some of those, you know, really confronting moments along the way.
Speaker 1: But Eddie, the people that saw you talk about it,
Speaker 1: that follow your story, that follow you would obviously just
Speaker 1: love to know how are you going, what's the day
Speaker 1: to day like for you? What's the prognosis looking like?
Speaker 2: I'm really well and I genuinely can say that now.
Speaker 2: So my test results have been fantastic. I've responded really
Speaker 2: well to the medication. So day to day, I have
Speaker 2: my alarm goes off twice a day, so once at
Speaker 2: three o'clock to get up and once at eight pm
Speaker 2: to take my medication. So it's a tablet cost me
Speaker 2: about thirty dollars per prescription, so extraordinary that we live
Speaker 2: in this country with access to that kind of health care.
Speaker 2: Just get it from my local pharmacy and I just
Speaker 2: have to take it at the same time every day,
Speaker 2: and I'll have to take it for a couple of
Speaker 2: years at least. But my initial test results have been
Speaker 2: absolutely fantastic. So my white blood cell count is almost
Speaker 2: back to normal, and there's another indicator that's looking really
Speaker 2: good as well. I had to have a bone marrow biopsy,
Speaker 2: which was fairly uncomfortable. They give you that painkiller they
Speaker 2: give to athletes on the side of the side.
Speaker 3: Of the field.
Speaker 2: That's good stuff that really works, so that wasn't too bad.
Speaker 2: And I actually I was lying having the biopsy at
Speaker 2: Saint Vincent's Hospital and I.
Speaker 3: Said to the doctor, I just feel so lucky.
Speaker 2: I feel so lucky that I caught it so early,
Speaker 2: that I'm here so quickly, that we have access to
Speaker 2: this kind of healthcare. And he said, oh, we don't
Speaker 2: get that vibe in here very often. So I have,
Speaker 2: I think perspective, and I think mine said has been.
Speaker 3: A big part of.
Speaker 2: The whole process from the get go, making sure that
Speaker 2: I felt really confident about the care receiving, and yeah,
Speaker 2: I guess optimistic about the outcome because it is really good.
Speaker 2: People can live with this their entire lives, and because
Speaker 2: I caught it so early, I could be rid of
Speaker 2: it in a few years. That's not to say you
Speaker 2: might get something else down the track, or you know,
Speaker 2: something else might develop entirely unrelated, but there's no increased
Speaker 2: chance of that happening. So yeah, I just feel that
Speaker 2: ever since this happened, I suddenly have just taken care
Speaker 2: of myself. So I'm all the freeese, you know, gluten free,
Speaker 2: coffee free, alcohol free, sugar free, mostly you know, slight
Speaker 2: dip during Halloween. So just exercising, I'm taking time out
Speaker 2: for myself. I'm reading books. I'm much more sounds so cliche,
Speaker 2: but much more present with even with my kids. I
Speaker 2: liken it too, having an old school camera and moving
Speaker 2: the focus and suddenly everything is a bit sharper.
Speaker 3: That's how it feels.
Speaker 1: It's a great analogy, And I did want to go
Speaker 1: back to what you were talking about about the change
Speaker 1: in perspective and what you've learned, but without that really
Speaker 1: as you sort of characterized it, particularly traumatic part that
Speaker 1: can sometimes come with that shift in perspective and that
Speaker 1: life changing experience. I imagine some of those tangible things
Speaker 1: that you've talked about being a bit kinder to yourself,
Speaker 1: changes to your lifestyle a part of that.
Speaker 3: What else have.
Speaker 1: Been the things that you have learned about yourself and
Speaker 1: the changes that you've made as part of this.
Speaker 2: I mean, most days I forget I have cancer, and
Speaker 2: then some days it really smacks you in the face.
Speaker 2: I recently had pneumonia, and I don't normally get sick,
Speaker 2: says she who's got cancer. But I don't normally get
Speaker 2: sick on a day to day basis, and I was
Speaker 2: wiped out for days. And I think until that point,
Speaker 2: I'd been really hyper focused on life just continuing as
Speaker 2: normal and this wasn't going to change me. And then
Speaker 2: I realized, well, it has changed me innately, both physically
Speaker 2: and mentally. And that was a real adjustment. I think
Speaker 2: because I was so focused on being really positive about it,
Speaker 2: I just had to allow myself to be really sad
Speaker 2: about it for a bit and that kind of really helped.
Speaker 3: Actually, I just.
Speaker 2: I just yeah, I think it just makes you realize
Speaker 2: that everything is about my husband, my kids, and me
Speaker 2: in a beautifully selfish way, and everything in our lives
Speaker 2: now revolves around those important building blocks of our little
Speaker 2: lives and other things don't really matter. Yeah, Like it's
Speaker 2: like when you have kids and you don't care that
Speaker 2: much about seed the light anymore because you kind of
Speaker 2: like accept your body. And this is a similar process.
Speaker 2: You know, like your body is just doing the best
Speaker 2: it possibly can to support you, and you just got
Speaker 2: to do the best you can to support it, and
Speaker 2: everything else kind of melts away a little bit, if
Speaker 2: that makes sense. It really does, And I think it's
Speaker 2: that clarity, isn't It can come from that where it's
Speaker 2: boiled down in an instant to what really matters, because
Speaker 2: we often intellectually understand that, but it's hard to inhabit.
Speaker 1: That space on a regular basis. You mentioned earlier with
Speaker 1: your daughter Molly and your son Thomas that you were
Speaker 1: very lucky and that you didn't have to tell them
Speaker 1: the specifics of your diagnosis. How are they managing through
Speaker 1: this because obviously they've grown up with you being in
Speaker 1: the spotlight and they know that. I imagine, you know,
Speaker 1: when you're out in the shops or walking around, people
Speaker 1: are like talking to you, like they know you, have
Speaker 1: there been any interactions that they've witnessed since you went
Speaker 1: public with the diagnosis that have looked a bit different,
Speaker 1: or that they've asked any questions.
Speaker 2: I don't think they know it all. I've been really
Speaker 2: careful not to mention the word cancer around them. I
Speaker 2: don't talk about my treatment. I don't talk about being
Speaker 2: sick or going to the doctor or going to hospital,
Speaker 2: because obviously they know those words. So I'm just very
Speaker 2: conscious of not having that conversation in the house within
Speaker 2: earshot of them. And I think people are very people
Speaker 2: are very decent and very lovely when we're out and about.
Speaker 2: If they ask not asking for specifics, they're just sort
Speaker 2: of saying, you know, hope you're okay and are you well.
Speaker 2: And it's been lovely to have that almost cushioned environment
Speaker 2: because when I'm with them, i mentioned before, you can
Speaker 2: easily forget you have cancer because it's just going on
Speaker 2: in the background and your body. And so when I'm
Speaker 2: with them, it's just this beautiful little world that belongs
Speaker 2: to toddlers, completely oblivious to what's going on everywhere else
Speaker 2: around you. So you know, they wouldn't have any idea
Speaker 2: at all, and that's a really, really beautiful thing. I mean,
Speaker 2: I don't think they have much idea, to be honest,
Speaker 2: that I even work on TV because you don't have
Speaker 2: a TV at home. We only watch TV on a laptop,
Speaker 2: and so they don't watch me on TV. They don't
Speaker 2: know that I work in TV. So I just think
Speaker 2: they think people are friendly when they come up and
Speaker 2: say hi. I don't think they have any comprehension of
Speaker 2: what I do for a living or what's going on
Speaker 2: in our From a wider perspective.
Speaker 1: I love this generational shift of this kids growing up.
Speaker 1: So many of our kids that don't even have a TV. Yeah,
Speaker 1: it's already such a retro concept. They're still watching them,
Speaker 1: but yeah.
Speaker 2: We've seen everything TV in the lound room.
Speaker 1: A bit of a segue then, but also still on
Speaker 1: the topic of parenthood. When you and I spoke Eddie
Speaker 1: in April, we spoke about the mother guilt quote unquote
Speaker 1: tropes that haunts working mothers, and you had some amazing
Speaker 1: comments that just went absolutely everywhere at the time. Just
Speaker 1: to recap, you said, you know what, I just don't
Speaker 1: give a shit about mother's guilt. People ask me about
Speaker 1: the juggle all the time, and I just say I
Speaker 1: get a lot from my work. I love my work,
Speaker 1: and talked a little bit about you know, providing you
Speaker 1: just said. I just don't buy into it. I know
Speaker 1: I'm raising two amazing kids because they're funny, they're delightful,
Speaker 1: they're well mannered most of the time. They don't always
Speaker 1: eat their vegetables. But we try that whole guilt thing.
Speaker 1: It's rubbish. Why do you think those comments struck such
Speaker 1: a cord.
Speaker 3: I'm not sure.
Speaker 2: Maybe people don't hear them enough. Maybe people need to
Speaker 2: hear them. And again, I mean when that article was
Speaker 2: published and the podcast went out, I again heard from
Speaker 2: so many mums who in the same boat. So yeah,
Speaker 2: I think it just validated what a lot of people
Speaker 2: were already feeling. I think the most challenging thing for
Speaker 2: me over the last few months has been I've just
Speaker 2: I have been really tired, and so, you know, have
Speaker 2: I always been my best parenting self? Maybe not, because
Speaker 2: I've just been you know, like the titus is so
Speaker 2: extreme that I get a bit grumpy. So yeah, I
Speaker 2: probably need a reminder of those words myself sometimes. But
Speaker 2: what I've actually tried to do over the last month
Speaker 2: and a bit is take to take it one step further.
Speaker 2: I don't know. This is privilege is to take time
Speaker 2: out just by myself, so not with my husband, not
Speaker 2: with friends, just with me. And that's been wonderful for
Speaker 2: my mental health, just to have the time to read
Speaker 2: a book or just think about things, to go for
Speaker 2: walks by myself. And I know not everyone's in a
Speaker 2: position where they can do that, but that's been a
Speaker 2: great part of this process, was realizing how important that
Speaker 2: space is as well, and how I'm a better parent
Speaker 2: when I have that space to myself, just to have
Speaker 2: some quiet and be in my own thoughts and return
Speaker 2: to the family as a better version of myself. So
Speaker 2: I guess that's an extrapolation of that mum guilt. I've
Speaker 2: tried to just set aside that time every couple of
Speaker 2: months to, yeah, just just be alone.
Speaker 1: And do you think that's something that you'll hopefully take
Speaker 1: with you of these sort of some of these realizations
Speaker 1: and shifts in perspective that you've experienced over the last
Speaker 1: few months. I suppose you are throwing forward to the
Speaker 1: things that will be part, hopefully of your new perspective
Speaker 1: on life forever.
Speaker 2: I think so I think Julia Baird writes a lot
Speaker 2: about searching for are and the ore hunters, so there's
Speaker 2: that element of it. You're definitely on the lookout for
Speaker 2: beauty and that hyper focus that I spoke about earlier,
Speaker 2: that turning life into sharp focus. So it really shines
Speaker 2: a light on how you treat yourself. And clearly the
Speaker 2: twenty four to seven go go go approach that I
Speaker 2: had to life for the last forty years had to shift. Look,
Speaker 2: there could have been gentler ways to find that out,
Speaker 2: but this has definitely been a huge takeaway for me
Speaker 2: that life cannot continue like that anymore. So then what
Speaker 2: does that look like? And I've had to say to work,
Speaker 2: I can't now go back to work five days a
Speaker 2: week at three am in the morning. It's not something
Speaker 2: that I can do. And to their credit, Channel seven
Speaker 2: have been phenomenal about that, understanding that for my family
Speaker 2: and for me and for my health, that's just not
Speaker 2: something I can do right now, and it might be
Speaker 2: something I can do in the future, but having to
Speaker 2: set really clear parameters around that is not something I've
Speaker 2: ever done before. It's like I finally grewsome balls after
Speaker 2: twenty years of working where I just said, right, Okay,
Speaker 2: these are the non negotiables in my life, and I
Speaker 2: will not compromise on my family, on myself, on my marriage,
Speaker 2: and on my life and my health. And that's it.
Speaker 2: And that has been powerful, and.
Speaker 1: It's very powerful. And I'm just sitting here nodding along
Speaker 1: in the most profound way, and I'm sure everyone is.
Speaker 1: And also, as you said, would be nice if we
Speaker 1: could have these realizations without.
Speaker 2: Maybe in a gent way, universe, what do you think?
Speaker 2: Do you know what though, it does feel like a
Speaker 2: gentle chance to have that realization, and I don't think
Speaker 2: you get it twice. And it could have been a
Speaker 2: lot different. I could have gone into that doctor's office
Speaker 2: that day and they could have said you have four
Speaker 2: weeks to live, or you have a few months to live,
Speaker 2: or go home and sort out your affairs, because this
Speaker 2: is the end. And I know there would be people
Speaker 2: listening to this today that that was the case for
Speaker 2: them or their family member. And coming so close to that,
Speaker 2: coming so close to that.
Speaker 3: Harsh dose of.
Speaker 2: Mortality and walking a line close to death makes you
Speaker 2: feel more alive, I think. And that wasn't the case
Speaker 2: for me. It wasn't the worst case scenario. It's the
Speaker 2: best case scenario. So how do I make the best
Speaker 2: life out of that possible? And what a gift that is.
Speaker 1: And what a gift I wanted to ask about your advice.
Speaker 1: I suppose to people listening. One of the things that
Speaker 1: you first spoke about in the lead up to your
Speaker 1: diagnosis and then of course in the aftermath of your diagnosis,
Speaker 1: was specifically to other women, other working mothers, who often
Speaker 1: will put themselves, as you said, at the bottom of
Speaker 1: the to do list. That became a reality for you.
Speaker 1: As you I said, it was something you were probably
Speaker 1: talking about, maybe like you know, feeb in about little
Speaker 1: and then it really very much obviously became truth writ large.
Speaker 1: If you are listening to this and you're thinking, I know,
Speaker 1: I know I'm overdue thissappointment or that check up, or
Speaker 1: I'm not feeling that good, but I think I'm just
Speaker 1: a bit tired, anything that you'd say to anyone who
Speaker 1: feels like they're at the bottom of the to do list.
Speaker 1: I had absolutely no indication of what was going on
Speaker 1: in my body. I wasn't listening, and if I was,
Speaker 1: I probably wouldn't have done anything about it. I decided
Speaker 1: that I should put my health first, and I should
Speaker 1: get a bunch of tests just because I just turned
Speaker 1: forty and thought, I'll prioritize this, and wouldn't it be
Speaker 1: great to have a baseline of health in case something
Speaker 1: happens in the future.
Speaker 2: And look what happened. So if you've been putting off
Speaker 2: that test or you're so consumed with life and kids,
Speaker 2: and this is for men and for women, don't just go.
Speaker 3: To your doctor get a check.
Speaker 2: It's just a routine blood test, or get the mammogram
Speaker 2: you've been putting off, or the perhapsmeir or whatever it is.
Speaker 2: Because that decision could be what changes your life for
Speaker 2: the better, and if you don't make that decision, it
Speaker 2: could be the decision that changes your life for the worst.
Speaker 2: And I would say to anyone listening to this, just
Speaker 2: write the rules to your own life. And I think
Speaker 2: that's the lesson for mother's guilt. It's the lesson for.
Speaker 3: How you.
Speaker 2: Look to twenty twenty five and what's to come. And
Speaker 2: I know we make news resolutions and.
Speaker 3: Try to make a fresh start.
Speaker 2: Every January one, But write the rules to your own
Speaker 2: life and make them what suits you and stick to them.
Speaker 2: And that's certainly what I'll be doing moving forward.
Speaker 1: Well, my final question was actually going to be about
Speaker 1: the end of the year. It's December now, a lot
Speaker 1: of us are obviously thinking about end of year celebrations,
Speaker 1: reflections in our personal lives, in our family lives, in
Speaker 1: our work lives, and then, as you say, throwing forward
Speaker 1: to New Year's resolutions, when you look back on the
Speaker 1: year that was twenty twenty four, I imagine probably the
Speaker 1: most life changing of your life, and at forty one,
Speaker 1: you've been through quite a lot, a bit, lot of
Speaker 1: highs and a lot of lows, as I suppose most
Speaker 1: of us navigate, would you go through it all again?
Speaker 2: I would go through it again. It's too early to
Speaker 2: say if it's the best thing that's ever happened to me,
Speaker 2: because it's a bit early for that. But this year
Speaker 2: I felt the extraordinary force of love from everyone everyone
Speaker 2: I've ever met. I heard from ex boyfriends, real estate agents,
Speaker 2: my mortgage broker, like everyone I've ever met in My
Speaker 2: phone absolutely lit up.
Speaker 3: So I really felt what it was like to be.
Speaker 2: Loved, and I learned what it is to love.
Speaker 4: So deeply.
Speaker 2: And to realize what is so important to.
Speaker 4: Me, and I would never give that back and that
Speaker 4: will be with me for the rest of my life,
Speaker 4: well beyond New Year's Eve and those resolutions, and well
Speaker 4: beyond twenty twenty five. It has been life changing in
Speaker 4: the best possible way.
Speaker 1: Well, Atuina Bufthalom, you were both in tears, so on
Speaker 1: that note, I have to thank you so much for
Speaker 1: coming in today, for sharing your story, for your grace
Speaker 1: and your empathy and your courage throughout this past year,
Speaker 1: And thank you so much. I know I speak on
Speaker 1: behalf of all of the people that love you and
Speaker 1: all of the millions of people that you've never met
Speaker 1: who have been thinking of you as well, And thank
Speaker 1: you so much for sharing your insights with us today,
Speaker 1: and wish you all the best and we will have
Speaker 1: you back next year.
Speaker 2: Sarah, You've had some extraordinary people in this chair sharing
Speaker 2: their stories this year, so thank you for letting me
Speaker 2: share mine once more.
Speaker 1: Thanks so much, Eddie, And if you'd like to hear
Speaker 1: more from Adwena, we will have a link to her
Speaker 1: episode with me earlier this year in our show notes.
Speaker 1: We'll also have a link to her Instagram page so
Speaker 1: you can find out what she's up to. Thank you
Speaker 1: for your Company Today. If you've enjoyed this episode, then
Speaker 1: make sure you're following us because I'll be back with
Speaker 1: another exclusive guest on Stella's Something to Talk About next
Speaker 1: week