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Speaker 1: Apogee Production.

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Speaker 2: Welcome to the She Rises Podcast. I'm Ashy and I'm Tiana.

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Speaker 3: This podcast is about female empowerment and encouraging you to

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Speaker 3: be your biggest, boldest, and most authentic version of yourself.

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Speaker 2: We help you shed the shame, grow to a new level.

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Speaker 2: We're gonna laugh, cry, and talk about the topics everyone

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Speaker 2: else is too afraid to talk about.

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Speaker 3: Get ready for your next level of self.

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Speaker 2: Hello everybody, Happy Monday. Welcome back to She Rises with

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Speaker 2: Ashley and Tiana. We have a very big episode today,

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Speaker 2: a very vulnerable one one that you, Tiana has been

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Speaker 2: kind of tossing up whether to talk about or not.

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Speaker 2: But we have reasons for why you decided to talk

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Speaker 2: about it. So before we get into any of it,

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Speaker 2: what is your share.

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Speaker 1: Of the week.

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Speaker 3: My share of the week is actually just cards against Humanities.

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Speaker 1: I need to play this name. You're random, But it's

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Speaker 1: so funny.

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Speaker 3: Over the Christmas break, I really got into playing like,

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Speaker 3: you know, flip and things like that with you and

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Speaker 3: my sister and like my brother, and it would honestly

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Speaker 3: just like brought so much presence to the group and

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Speaker 3: I just had so much fun fun. I feel like

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Speaker 3: it's so nice to get like out of your head

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Speaker 3: and out of the seriousness of life and just play

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Speaker 3: like a kid. Again highly recommends very silly. If you

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Speaker 3: have crude humor like me, you will love it.

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Speaker 2: Yes, my Share of the Week is something that I

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Speaker 2: originally got our graphic designer to do for just me

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Speaker 2: and you. Was like a printable calendar with like a

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Speaker 2: goal that you can focus on, and then I just

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Speaker 2: I like to do lists where I can tick things

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Speaker 2: off or cross things off. We do it every single

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Speaker 2: week at work. And then I like having a calendar

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Speaker 2: print it out like every day where I see where

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Speaker 2: I can cross something off. So I remember I did

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Speaker 2: this about two years ago. I did like a full

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Speaker 2: month of no sugar, as what does it prove to

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Speaker 2: myself that I go through a whole month each month?

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Speaker 2: This year, I want to have a new habit that

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Speaker 2: I want to either create or a habit I want

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Speaker 2: to break, and every day just cross it off. So

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Speaker 2: I got our graphic designer to do this beautiful twelve

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Speaker 2: month calendar so the girls can print out and we

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Speaker 2: put it in Rise and Side for all the girls

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Speaker 2: to have for free. But if you're not a part

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Speaker 2: of Rise and Side, we decide to put on our website.

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Speaker 2: Like yeah, box, you just literally download it. It's all

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Speaker 2: beautifully dumb for you, print it out, stick it on

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Speaker 2: your wall, get it laminated whatever.

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Speaker 1: So good.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, it's just on cheer Rises dot com. Anyone could

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Speaker 2: purchase it, and it's just it's really helpful to have

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Speaker 2: that accountability and the satisfaction to tick it off each

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Speaker 2: day and see your progress.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, we love motivating, We love to track things, track age.

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Speaker 1: It really does keep you accountable.

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Speaker 3: Like it is a game changer, because like day to

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Speaker 3: day you kind of just forget. Yeah, it's not in

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Speaker 3: the forefront of your mind, whereas like if you've got

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Speaker 3: the calendar up, it could be on the back of

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Speaker 3: your bedroom door, back of your bathroom door, kitchen fridge,

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Speaker 3: wherever you want, and just like be a constant reminder

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Speaker 3: of like the person you want.

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Speaker 2: To be, because you don't want to see days you've missed. No,

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Speaker 2: I want to see the consistent g yesses.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, but it's so in your face you have to

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Speaker 3: look at it, so it's like, oh my gosh, now,

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Speaker 3: of course I want to be consistent with this exactly.

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Speaker 2: And if you get to in a month and you

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Speaker 2: haven't ticked money off. It's like, Wow, I really need

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Speaker 2: to work on that.

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Speaker 1: And also organized Girl is win the day. Yes they do.

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Speaker 2: Okay, let's get into today's episode. This is gonna be

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Speaker 2: really tough for you. I think you've really hesitated on

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Speaker 2: talking about this for many reasons. It's just hard to

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Speaker 2: be vulnerable. And I know being one of your best friends,

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Speaker 2: Tianna is someone that I didn't know how obviously when

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Speaker 2: you were younger, but nowadays you are someone that has

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Speaker 2: the most self awareness that I've.

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Speaker 1: Ever ever seen in a human.

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Speaker 2: You take full responsibility, sometimes almost too much, where whatever

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Speaker 2: dynamic there is, if there's an into a relationship, there's

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Speaker 2: your parents, there's coworkers, there's friendships. There's two people in

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Speaker 2: a dynamic, and when something breaks down, there's two experiences

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Speaker 2: and there's two truths, you know. So this is a

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Speaker 2: story about your friendship breakdown with your old best friend

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Speaker 2: and another whole group of women, and the betrayal and

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Speaker 2: the heartbreak and all of the lessons. And you're going

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Speaker 2: to tell that story today because there's been a lot

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Speaker 2: from that situation that's shaped you to be who you

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Speaker 2: are today. And I think there's a lot of beauty

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Speaker 2: in that as well as well as a lot of heartbreak. Absolutely,

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Speaker 2: So take us back to the beginning, where did the

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Speaker 2: start and what happened.

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Speaker 3: So there was a friend of mine that I had met,

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Speaker 3: actually she was officially first my life coach. So I

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Speaker 3: met this woman when I was in the darkest probably

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Speaker 3: the hardest point in my life, where the tape had

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Speaker 3: just happened, and there were the other things in my

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Speaker 3: life where I was just basically at rock bottom in

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Speaker 3: my life, and I went saw a psychologist a couple

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Speaker 3: of times, and I just thought like, Okay, this isn't

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Speaker 3: the fit for me. This definitely is not the fit

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Speaker 3: for me. I need someone else. I need somebody else

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Speaker 3: who's going to look at things a different way. Anyway,

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Speaker 3: I jumped on a discovery call with this woman who

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Speaker 3: is actually my ex best friend, and I went through

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Speaker 3: the journey of like working with her from our first session.

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Speaker 3: I literally stayed with her for like three years.

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Speaker 2: Wow.

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Speaker 3: But what actually happened and how we formed our friendship

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Speaker 3: was we worked together for about a year and then

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Speaker 3: I had a bit of a break and throughout that break,

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Speaker 3: we you know, she posted something actually once and it

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Speaker 3: was like does anybody want to come to this dance

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Speaker 3: class with me? And I ended up going to this

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Speaker 3: dance class with her, and that's how we started our friendship.

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Speaker 3: But from the moment that we met, it was like

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Speaker 3: one of those bonds that just like you, just like you,

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Speaker 3: just like you just together. You know, it's like safe,

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Speaker 3: it's beautiful, it's kind, it's loving, it's all of the things.

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Speaker 3: And it was just like one of those like really

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Speaker 3: refreshing friendships. And from that moment we just built this

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Speaker 3: really beautiful bond. And over the next two years we

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Speaker 3: really established I don't know, she was just like my

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Speaker 3: ride or die, Like she was my ride or die friend.

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Speaker 3: And you know, I remember thinking, you know, she really

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Speaker 3: introduced me to a lot of the deeper work that

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Speaker 3: I've done and really helped me heal I believe my

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Speaker 3: relationship with the feminine, you know, with the mother wound,

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Speaker 3: sisterhood wounds and all of that, because prior to her,

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Speaker 3: I didn't really trust women. I didn't really feel safe

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Speaker 3: around them. I thought women were, you know, all out

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Speaker 3: for themselves and you know, all of the things. And

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Speaker 3: it really changed within that dynamic. And so as we

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Speaker 3: started to get closer and closer. We started to set

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Speaker 3: goals together and started to like create a vision of

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Speaker 3: a future of like what our friendship was going to be,

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Speaker 3: like you know, stay together forever and all the things,

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Speaker 3: and you know, as our friendship developed, she actually developed

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Speaker 3: as a coach from a life coach into a business coach,

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Speaker 3: and so her business was really really growing, and so

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Speaker 3: was like her audience and also all of her clients

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Speaker 3: and all of the things. And so she actually met

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Speaker 3: another girlfriend of mine, a previous girlfriend of mine, and

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Speaker 3: she worked with her and then they became really good

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Speaker 3: friends and through them, I became really good friends with

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Speaker 3: her too. So it went from like a two person

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Speaker 3: dynamic to a three person dynamic. And what actually happened

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Speaker 3: was once we made this transition from our hometown into Cronulla,

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Speaker 3: which was where this trio kind of happened.

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Speaker 1: Like our relationships started to change.

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Speaker 3: And it was really interesting because like she was growing

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Speaker 3: in business and they had like a lot of things

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Speaker 3: in common because she was also her business coach, and

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Speaker 3: like I almost had this fear I was going to

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Speaker 3: get pushed out almost and it was really interesting because yeah,

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Speaker 3: they just they had a lot in common. This other

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Speaker 3: woman was obviously working with her, and she was making

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Speaker 3: a lot of progress in her business, growing a lot,

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Speaker 3: And what actually tend to happen was I was kind

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Speaker 3: of like at a standstill in my business at the time,

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Speaker 3: so like I was bouncing between a certain range of

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Speaker 3: income and all that sort of stuff. And we would

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Speaker 3: always make time to go on all these trips. We would,

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Speaker 3: you know, every three months, we'd go on a little

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Speaker 3: stay k and all the girls would get together, and

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Speaker 3: you know, she would come visit from a different state

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Speaker 3: see us, and we would go see her on all

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Speaker 3: of these beautiful things. But as they both started to grow,

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Speaker 3: I kept finding that I was feeling like left behind

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Speaker 3: and like I'm an anxious attachment. So for me, it

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Speaker 3: was like bringing up these wounds that I had never

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Speaker 3: experienced in my life because I was doing shadow work

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Speaker 3: and doing ego work and facing myself in ways I'd

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Speaker 3: never seen before, and I almost didn't have the nervous

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Speaker 3: system regulation to be able to hold all of that.

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Speaker 3: And so what I found started to happen was I

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Speaker 3: had to start saying no to things. I had to

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Speaker 3: start saying with the storecase, the stay case, I had

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Speaker 3: to start saying no because financially, I couldn't spend as

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Speaker 3: much as what they could, or I couldn't go to

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Speaker 3: the more luxury things because I really needed to have

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Speaker 3: self discipline in that time of my life, because I

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Speaker 3: needed to reinvest back into my business. And so it

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Speaker 3: started to be that instead of the three of us,

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Speaker 3: it would go the two of them, and then they

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Speaker 3: would go on holidays and they would go in a state.

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Speaker 3: And then they started to work together too, so I

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Speaker 3: felt like even more pushed out because they were spending

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Speaker 3: time together, working together, working on projects together, and just

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Speaker 3: all of these things happening. And I remember even feeling

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Speaker 3: like when my best friend had chosen this other girl

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Speaker 3: to work with over me, I actually remember having an

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Speaker 3: emotional response come up and being like, I thought that

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Speaker 3: was something we would end up doing together, you know. Anyway,

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Speaker 3: So basically there ended up being like a whole community

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Speaker 3: of women who worked underneath this woman, and like a

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Speaker 3: whole community of coaches in the coaching industry who were

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Speaker 3: all doing their own things in their own niches. But

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Speaker 3: it really opened me up to like this new dynamic

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Speaker 3: of women who were all building really big things and

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Speaker 3: doing really cool things. Anyway, Low and Hold like time

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Speaker 3: kind of went on, and as I noticed that they

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Speaker 3: were kind of like outgrowing me, I would get really

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Speaker 3: anxious and I felt like anything that they did was

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Speaker 3: almost like a personal attack to like push me out.

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Speaker 3: And you know, they would go away together and work

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Speaker 3: and all of these things, and I just like I

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Speaker 3: remember sitting on the lounge in our Cranala house when

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Speaker 3: we lived together, just like feeling so anxious that I

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Speaker 3: was literally having a panic attack because they were away

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Speaker 3: on a holiday and I was so scared of losing

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Speaker 3: her that I thought this other woman would be the

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Speaker 3: reason why I'd lose her. Yeah, you know, it was

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Speaker 3: like the story I created in my head of what

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Speaker 3: was going to happen.

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Speaker 1: Had you voiced any of this to her at the time.

221
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Speaker 3: I mean, to be honest, I voiced a lot of

222
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Speaker 3: stuff to her. She was always a safe soundboard for me.

223
00:09:26,481 --> 00:09:29,681
Speaker 3: Was in the very beginning. There was never not one

224
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Speaker 3: thing that I couldn't bring to her, and she could

225
00:09:31,401 --> 00:09:33,041
Speaker 3: hold you in it, she could hold me in it.

226
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Speaker 3: She hold me in a lot of stuff, and to

227
00:09:34,841 --> 00:09:36,881
Speaker 3: be fair, she probably held me in a lot of

228
00:09:36,881 --> 00:09:39,041
Speaker 3: things that she shouldn't have helped me in, Like things

229
00:09:39,041 --> 00:09:41,241
Speaker 3: that I could have worked on on my own, but

230
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Speaker 3: she was my best friend. She was also my life coach.

231
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Speaker 3: She was also my business coach. We were also living together,

232
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Speaker 3: she was also we were training together. There was not

233
00:09:52,281 --> 00:09:55,281
Speaker 3: one area of our life where we weren't intertwined. We

234
00:09:55,281 --> 00:09:58,721
Speaker 3: were so plugged in anyway. As she started to grow,

235
00:09:58,841 --> 00:10:01,241
Speaker 3: this friendship was triggering me. I was so scared of

236
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Speaker 3: being left behind and you know, just not being a

237
00:10:03,841 --> 00:10:06,721
Speaker 3: part of the group anymore. She also started to grow

238
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Speaker 3: in business too, like significantly. I mean like she was

239
00:10:11,201 --> 00:10:13,521
Speaker 3: doing five hundred thousand dollar months in the house that

240
00:10:13,561 --> 00:10:16,241
Speaker 3: we moved into and originally started on probably like sixty

241
00:10:16,281 --> 00:10:18,321
Speaker 3: k months when we moved in, and so she had

242
00:10:18,401 --> 00:10:20,721
Speaker 3: significant amount of growth in that time. And I think

243
00:10:21,121 --> 00:10:23,201
Speaker 3: I was too young at the time to be able

244
00:10:23,201 --> 00:10:25,521
Speaker 3: to take accountability for my own stuff and the way

245
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Speaker 3: that I would have liked to.

246
00:10:26,961 --> 00:10:29,081
Speaker 1: So I was really.

247
00:10:29,001 --> 00:10:31,881
Speaker 3: Triggered by her growth and I couldn't hold her in it,

248
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Speaker 3: And it was really it was really sad actually because

249
00:10:35,321 --> 00:10:38,041
Speaker 3: we had such a beautiful friendship. But I felt like

250
00:10:38,121 --> 00:10:42,041
Speaker 3: her gross meant something about me, you know, I always

251
00:10:42,081 --> 00:10:44,921
Speaker 3: compared myself to her, and like the money that she

252
00:10:45,001 --> 00:10:46,881
Speaker 3: was making all the growth that she was having or

253
00:10:46,881 --> 00:10:49,601
Speaker 3: how easy it was perceived that she was making money

254
00:10:49,641 --> 00:10:51,761
Speaker 3: and getting clients and stuff like that, And I was like,

255
00:10:52,161 --> 00:10:54,801
Speaker 3: why aren't I good enough? Why can't I grow like this?

256
00:10:54,921 --> 00:10:57,321
Speaker 3: Like I'm doing all the things, like it's not working.

257
00:10:56,961 --> 00:10:57,601
Speaker 1: And da da dah.

258
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Speaker 3: And obviously there were things that I wasn't doing that

259
00:10:59,761 --> 00:11:02,201
Speaker 3: I thought I was, but it just like it put

260
00:11:02,201 --> 00:11:04,961
Speaker 3: a wedge between us, and I think because of somebody

261
00:11:05,041 --> 00:11:07,561
Speaker 3: who had been doing like shadow work for a significantly

262
00:11:07,641 --> 00:11:10,361
Speaker 3: longer time than me. She could see when I was

263
00:11:10,401 --> 00:11:12,641
Speaker 3: projecting onto her, you know, and she could feel the

264
00:11:12,761 --> 00:11:15,641
Speaker 3: energy behind things. And at the time I was so

265
00:11:15,761 --> 00:11:17,961
Speaker 3: much of a people pleaser that I didn't realize what

266
00:11:18,001 --> 00:11:22,441
Speaker 3: I was doing a paun response like overly like people

267
00:11:22,441 --> 00:11:25,081
Speaker 3: pleasing and overly being celebratory and all the things, but

268
00:11:25,241 --> 00:11:28,641
Speaker 3: deep down having my own experience or feeling resentful, yeah,

269
00:11:28,721 --> 00:11:31,881
Speaker 3: feeling resentful, but like because I would be overly celebratory

270
00:11:31,921 --> 00:11:34,281
Speaker 3: and stuff, but then deep down I'd be having a response.

271
00:11:34,441 --> 00:11:37,001
Speaker 3: She'd be like, are you okay? Like something to come

272
00:11:37,041 --> 00:11:38,961
Speaker 3: up for you? Then, like, you know, she'd be overly

273
00:11:39,041 --> 00:11:42,401
Speaker 3: checking and stuff, and I did. I eventually became like

274
00:11:42,521 --> 00:11:45,601
Speaker 3: resentful towards her because of my own lack of growth

275
00:11:45,681 --> 00:11:48,401
Speaker 3: and how her life represented what it was that I

276
00:11:48,441 --> 00:11:50,721
Speaker 3: wanted for myself but I couldn't get there or I

277
00:11:50,761 --> 00:11:53,321
Speaker 3: felt like I didn't know how, And so that started

278
00:11:53,321 --> 00:11:55,681
Speaker 3: to like come out in our friendship. And I didn't

279
00:11:55,721 --> 00:11:58,321
Speaker 3: realize this at the time, but I was becoming like

280
00:11:58,481 --> 00:12:01,801
Speaker 3: passive aggressive and like having little stabs and little digs

281
00:12:01,801 --> 00:12:03,921
Speaker 3: and things like that. Obviously things that I'm not proud

282
00:12:03,961 --> 00:12:06,201
Speaker 3: of doing and would have never wanted to do to

283
00:12:06,281 --> 00:12:08,521
Speaker 3: somebody that I loved and cared for more than literally

284
00:12:08,561 --> 00:12:11,961
Speaker 3: anyone in the world. But at the time I was

285
00:12:12,001 --> 00:12:14,121
Speaker 3: more in this energy of like I would do it,

286
00:12:14,321 --> 00:12:16,361
Speaker 3: not realize it, and because I couldn't realize it, I

287
00:12:16,361 --> 00:12:18,641
Speaker 3: would apologize for it, but I wouldn't fix the behavior,

288
00:12:19,401 --> 00:12:21,801
Speaker 3: you know what I mean, Yes, And so that's my

289
00:12:22,281 --> 00:12:25,081
Speaker 3: kind of role to play in that. So at this time,

290
00:12:25,121 --> 00:12:27,481
Speaker 3: we were still living together, right, but we were getting

291
00:12:27,481 --> 00:12:29,921
Speaker 3: further and further apart. And that's kind of when everything

292
00:12:29,961 --> 00:12:33,041
Speaker 3: started to change between us and our friendship dynamic, because

293
00:12:33,081 --> 00:12:36,761
Speaker 3: we went from this really safe, grounded close relationship that

294
00:12:36,801 --> 00:12:39,361
Speaker 3: felt like nothing I'd ever experienced in the world to

295
00:12:39,521 --> 00:12:42,241
Speaker 3: this complete opposite thing where I felt her pulling away

296
00:12:42,441 --> 00:12:45,001
Speaker 3: and I felt like she didn't confide in me anymore,

297
00:12:45,081 --> 00:12:46,961
Speaker 3: and we weren't sharing things with each other, and we

298
00:12:47,041 --> 00:12:48,841
Speaker 3: kind of just felt a little bit like passing ships

299
00:12:48,841 --> 00:12:49,601
Speaker 3: in the house.

300
00:12:49,521 --> 00:12:51,721
Speaker 2: She still close with the other girl, though she was

301
00:12:51,721 --> 00:12:53,201
Speaker 2: still close with the other and going to the other

302
00:12:53,201 --> 00:12:53,961
Speaker 2: girl to confide.

303
00:12:54,041 --> 00:12:57,121
Speaker 1: Yes, she obviously ad to see that friendship getting stronger.

304
00:12:57,121 --> 00:13:00,361
Speaker 3: In yours weekend, I could see her leaning on this

305
00:13:00,401 --> 00:13:03,481
Speaker 3: girl more often, flying to interstate to go see her,

306
00:13:03,801 --> 00:13:07,321
Speaker 3: me feeling like being left home kind of thing. Yeah,

307
00:13:07,361 --> 00:13:09,801
Speaker 3: there just came a point where the one thing that

308
00:13:09,841 --> 00:13:12,001
Speaker 3: I do remember is like us having a fight about

309
00:13:12,121 --> 00:13:14,721
Speaker 3: something she'd accused me of doing in the house of

310
00:13:14,801 --> 00:13:18,481
Speaker 3: like borrowing her clothes without asking, or taking her clothes

311
00:13:18,601 --> 00:13:19,401
Speaker 3: or something like that.

312
00:13:20,001 --> 00:13:22,161
Speaker 1: And to my understanding, like we.

313
00:13:22,241 --> 00:13:25,481
Speaker 3: Both reciprocal would just borrow each other's stuff, like she

314
00:13:25,921 --> 00:13:28,521
Speaker 3: would take my stuff from the washing pile and I would,

315
00:13:28,561 --> 00:13:30,881
Speaker 3: you know whatever. Anyway, so she accused me of stealing

316
00:13:30,921 --> 00:13:36,441
Speaker 3: something and I was like I didn't, Yeah, taken back

317
00:13:36,481 --> 00:13:38,761
Speaker 3: because I just felt like really blindsided by it and

318
00:13:38,801 --> 00:13:40,721
Speaker 3: the way that she was treating me with it, because

319
00:13:40,721 --> 00:13:43,121
Speaker 3: she was obviously super triggered and very upset with me

320
00:13:43,201 --> 00:13:46,121
Speaker 3: and choosing being a thief, which basically and like fool

321
00:13:46,121 --> 00:13:47,801
Speaker 3: getting up me, And I'm like, I actually, like I

322
00:13:47,881 --> 00:13:50,521
Speaker 3: don't take your stuff, Like I've borrowed a couple of things,

323
00:13:50,561 --> 00:13:52,281
Speaker 3: but I always ask and I make a point to ask,

324
00:13:52,321 --> 00:13:54,321
Speaker 3: and all this stuff and you know, I borrowed a

325
00:13:54,361 --> 00:13:56,001
Speaker 3: top out of the wash and like, you know, things

326
00:13:56,041 --> 00:13:56,441
Speaker 3: like that.

327
00:13:56,641 --> 00:13:58,281
Speaker 1: So in my head it didn't feel like a big.

328
00:13:58,161 --> 00:14:00,081
Speaker 3: Thing, but obviously for her there was an accumulation of

329
00:14:00,081 --> 00:14:01,561
Speaker 3: things that had led to that moment.

330
00:14:01,761 --> 00:14:03,641
Speaker 1: You know that was kind of like the breaking point,

331
00:14:03,761 --> 00:14:04,281
Speaker 1: I think, so.

332
00:14:04,561 --> 00:14:06,761
Speaker 3: Yeah, And then then we had like a whole few

333
00:14:06,761 --> 00:14:10,241
Speaker 3: hour conversation that day around her being like I need

334
00:14:10,241 --> 00:14:13,321
Speaker 3: you to leave the house, Like I need you to leave. Yeah,

335
00:14:13,361 --> 00:14:15,441
Speaker 3: She's like, I can't live with you anymore. I don't

336
00:14:15,481 --> 00:14:18,321
Speaker 3: want to be friends with you anymore. I don't feel

337
00:14:18,321 --> 00:14:21,481
Speaker 3: safe anymore, like she just you know, She's like, I

338
00:14:21,521 --> 00:14:23,641
Speaker 3: don't feel like you're happy for me. I don't feel

339
00:14:23,641 --> 00:14:25,401
Speaker 3: like you want me to succeed. I don't feel like

340
00:14:25,481 --> 00:14:28,241
Speaker 3: you want any of the things for me, and I

341
00:14:28,361 --> 00:14:30,481
Speaker 3: just like we had a big conversation around how one

342
00:14:30,561 --> 00:14:33,601
Speaker 3: hundred percent. Yeah, about how like I want all of

343
00:14:33,601 --> 00:14:36,761
Speaker 3: those things for her, and also how living with her

344
00:14:36,801 --> 00:14:39,201
Speaker 3: whilst she had this significant amount of growth, and also

345
00:14:39,241 --> 00:14:42,521
Speaker 3: while I felt pushed out from the relationship trio, how

346
00:14:42,521 --> 00:14:45,401
Speaker 3: anxious it made me, how I couldn't feel secure and

347
00:14:45,401 --> 00:14:49,281
Speaker 3: stable in myself because of how insecure I felt, and

348
00:14:49,681 --> 00:14:52,441
Speaker 3: just how all of my triggers that were coming up

349
00:14:52,441 --> 00:14:56,721
Speaker 3: for me were so activating for me that I couldn't

350
00:14:56,761 --> 00:14:59,441
Speaker 3: be my true self and so even when I wanted

351
00:14:59,481 --> 00:15:00,841
Speaker 3: to be, I couldn't show up in the way that

352
00:15:00,881 --> 00:15:03,361
Speaker 3: I wanted. I couldn't be a safe person. I couldn't be,

353
00:15:03,961 --> 00:15:05,961
Speaker 3: you know, a grounded person that she could come to

354
00:15:05,961 --> 00:15:07,801
Speaker 3: to share things with or feel like she could share

355
00:15:07,841 --> 00:15:10,241
Speaker 3: things with because I'd be having my own experience behind it.

356
00:15:10,841 --> 00:15:11,921
Speaker 1: So did you move out that day?

357
00:15:12,041 --> 00:15:12,121
Speaker 2: No?

358
00:15:12,201 --> 00:15:13,761
Speaker 3: I didn't move out that day. I stayed for antother

359
00:15:13,801 --> 00:15:14,601
Speaker 3: two weeks after that.

360
00:15:15,041 --> 00:15:16,121
Speaker 1: You had to find a new place.

361
00:15:16,241 --> 00:15:18,481
Speaker 3: I had to find a new place, and basically I

362
00:15:18,641 --> 00:15:20,521
Speaker 3: just we ended up having this conversation and I said,

363
00:15:20,561 --> 00:15:22,481
Speaker 3: look like I wish that I had taken space from

364
00:15:22,521 --> 00:15:24,721
Speaker 3: this friendship before, but I didn't know how because I

365
00:15:24,721 --> 00:15:27,001
Speaker 3: didn't want to. Yeah, I think sure, I was feeling

366
00:15:27,041 --> 00:15:30,241
Speaker 3: so triggered babe that, like I literally every little thing

367
00:15:30,281 --> 00:15:31,921
Speaker 3: that she would do will trigger me for some reason.

368
00:15:31,961 --> 00:15:33,881
Speaker 3: And it was obviously all my own stuff, but it

369
00:15:33,961 --> 00:15:36,561
Speaker 3: was like she was kind of copying that, you know,

370
00:15:36,721 --> 00:15:40,761
Speaker 3: she was like the projection that she was copying the projections. Yeah,

371
00:15:41,121 --> 00:15:43,241
Speaker 3: And that was something that was really hard to sit

372
00:15:43,321 --> 00:15:44,961
Speaker 3: with because I loved her so much and I never

373
00:15:44,961 --> 00:15:47,841
Speaker 3: wanted to cause her any discomfort or anything like that.

374
00:15:48,801 --> 00:15:50,721
Speaker 3: But as a result of that, I said to her, like,

375
00:15:50,761 --> 00:15:52,641
Speaker 3: I wish I had left sooner.

376
00:15:52,641 --> 00:15:53,281
Speaker 1: And she said that to me.

377
00:15:53,321 --> 00:15:55,241
Speaker 3: She goes, twan, I wish you had just taken space

378
00:15:55,281 --> 00:15:57,641
Speaker 3: when you needed it, Like all we could have preserved

379
00:15:57,641 --> 00:16:00,001
Speaker 3: our friendship if you had just said to me, like

380
00:16:00,561 --> 00:16:02,801
Speaker 3: this is really taking over. I need some space to

381
00:16:02,801 --> 00:16:04,361
Speaker 3: deal with what's coming up for me, and I'll come

382
00:16:04,361 --> 00:16:07,041
Speaker 3: back when I'm ready. Yeah, And then she said to me, like,

383
00:16:07,521 --> 00:16:09,161
Speaker 3: you need to go to the other person, which is

384
00:16:09,161 --> 00:16:11,361
Speaker 3: the other girlfriend, and you need to tell her that

385
00:16:11,401 --> 00:16:12,401
Speaker 3: you're going to walk away.

386
00:16:12,161 --> 00:16:13,681
Speaker 1: From the friendship. She told you to do.

387
00:16:13,761 --> 00:16:15,281
Speaker 3: She told me to do that. She's like, you need

388
00:16:15,321 --> 00:16:16,921
Speaker 3: to tell her that you need to take space from

389
00:16:16,921 --> 00:16:18,761
Speaker 3: her because obviously you don't want the best for her,

390
00:16:19,401 --> 00:16:20,961
Speaker 3: and like you obviously didn't want the best for me,

391
00:16:21,001 --> 00:16:23,361
Speaker 3: which is why you're behaving this way and all the things.

392
00:16:23,361 --> 00:16:24,921
Speaker 3: And I said, no, it's not the case, Like I

393
00:16:24,961 --> 00:16:27,121
Speaker 3: do want the best for both of you, but I

394
00:16:27,161 --> 00:16:28,921
Speaker 3: also don't want to feel left out, and I also

395
00:16:29,241 --> 00:16:31,201
Speaker 3: feel loved. But I also said to him, like, I

396
00:16:31,201 --> 00:16:32,841
Speaker 3: feel like she's taking away my best friend.

397
00:16:33,601 --> 00:16:34,561
Speaker 1: You know, she said that.

398
00:16:35,521 --> 00:16:38,001
Speaker 3: I mean, she like she was very like compassionate. She's

399
00:16:38,001 --> 00:16:40,721
Speaker 3: a very compassionate, understanding person. But I think at that

400
00:16:40,761 --> 00:16:42,801
Speaker 3: point she had kind of lost the compassion for me

401
00:16:42,881 --> 00:16:45,281
Speaker 3: and was kind of just like gone too far gone.

402
00:16:45,481 --> 00:16:47,921
Speaker 1: So you left the house, You went to the other girlfriend.

403
00:16:48,001 --> 00:16:51,441
Speaker 3: I went I called the other girlfriend immediately after that conversation.

404
00:16:50,961 --> 00:16:52,921
Speaker 2: And before you went there to talk to her, did

405
00:16:52,961 --> 00:16:54,841
Speaker 2: you think she's gonna want to be still with your

406
00:16:54,841 --> 00:16:56,801
Speaker 2: friend or do you think she was like where was

407
00:16:56,841 --> 00:16:57,641
Speaker 2: your headspace at?

408
00:16:57,801 --> 00:17:02,041
Speaker 3: I mean, I thought that she would appreciate me taking accountability, yeap,

409
00:17:02,161 --> 00:17:04,001
Speaker 3: because that's very much the head space I was in.

410
00:17:04,080 --> 00:17:04,281
Speaker 1: Okay.

411
00:17:04,361 --> 00:17:07,601
Speaker 3: I was like, Okay, I take accountability for everything, then

412
00:17:07,840 --> 00:17:09,001
Speaker 3: they'll appreciate me more.

413
00:17:09,080 --> 00:17:10,080
Speaker 1: I'll be a safe person.

414
00:17:10,201 --> 00:17:12,400
Speaker 3: Okay, and then I had the conversation with her and

415
00:17:12,441 --> 00:17:13,720
Speaker 3: just said, like I think I'm going to take some

416
00:17:13,840 --> 00:17:15,801
Speaker 3: space from this friendship, like I feel like I need to.

417
00:17:15,961 --> 00:17:17,521
Speaker 3: This is what happened, this is what happened with me

418
00:17:17,521 --> 00:17:19,280
Speaker 3: in this person, and kind of gave her a bit

419
00:17:19,281 --> 00:17:21,641
Speaker 3: of a rundown, and she said, totally appreciate you having

420
00:17:21,640 --> 00:17:23,440
Speaker 3: this conversation with me, but I don't want to continue

421
00:17:23,441 --> 00:17:24,120
Speaker 3: a friendship with you.

422
00:17:25,481 --> 00:17:26,321
Speaker 1: Yeah.

423
00:17:26,481 --> 00:17:28,240
Speaker 3: It was just like obviously, she's like, this person has

424
00:17:28,241 --> 00:17:30,841
Speaker 3: confided in me, and based on the way that you

425
00:17:30,921 --> 00:17:32,561
Speaker 3: are and that you're behaving, I just don't want to.

426
00:17:32,481 --> 00:17:35,921
Speaker 1: Have a friendship with you. Yeah, straight up, straight up.

427
00:17:36,281 --> 00:17:38,080
Speaker 1: I have heard the story before as well, but yeah,

428
00:17:38,080 --> 00:17:40,360
Speaker 1: I'm just hearing it again. I'm just like, fuck yeah,

429
00:17:40,441 --> 00:17:41,721
Speaker 1: imagine how hard that would be.

430
00:17:41,801 --> 00:17:43,360
Speaker 3: And then so I tried to get out of the

431
00:17:43,400 --> 00:17:45,001
Speaker 3: house as soon as I could because I didn't feel

432
00:17:45,001 --> 00:17:47,840
Speaker 3: welcome anymore. And then it was literally just like we

433
00:17:47,840 --> 00:17:50,001
Speaker 3: wouldn't say really anything to each other as we would.

434
00:17:49,801 --> 00:17:51,441
Speaker 1: Pass like passing ship, passing ship.

435
00:17:51,561 --> 00:17:53,720
Speaker 3: Yeah. Yeah, it was a little bit of discomfort, a

436
00:17:53,721 --> 00:17:55,840
Speaker 3: little bit of like little bits and bobs. But then

437
00:17:55,880 --> 00:17:58,360
Speaker 3: she started to like go away so whilst I was

438
00:17:58,360 --> 00:18:00,161
Speaker 3: there for the last little period of time, she would

439
00:18:00,160 --> 00:18:02,081
Speaker 3: do stay case up in Sydney and stuff.

440
00:18:01,761 --> 00:18:03,720
Speaker 1: And leave the house and whatever.

441
00:18:05,080 --> 00:18:07,041
Speaker 3: And then after that was a really hard time because

442
00:18:07,041 --> 00:18:09,080
Speaker 3: I moved out on my own and obviously I stopp

443
00:18:09,080 --> 00:18:11,120
Speaker 3: being friends with them. But what happened after that was

444
00:18:11,160 --> 00:18:14,801
Speaker 3: like a onslaught of just like women kind of like

445
00:18:14,840 --> 00:18:18,561
Speaker 3: abandoning me, which was like the whole friendship group that

446
00:18:18,600 --> 00:18:21,001
Speaker 3: I thought that I had of these women, who was

447
00:18:21,041 --> 00:18:24,561
Speaker 3: like a band of community kind of followed suit of

448
00:18:24,600 --> 00:18:27,201
Speaker 3: these two women and took her sar and took their

449
00:18:27,201 --> 00:18:28,761
Speaker 3: side and kind of all just like cut me out.

450
00:18:29,041 --> 00:18:31,001
Speaker 3: So it was kind of like one by one as well.

451
00:18:31,041 --> 00:18:33,001
Speaker 3: It was like, you know, one day I was talking

452
00:18:33,001 --> 00:18:34,721
Speaker 3: with this girl and then she all of a sudden

453
00:18:34,761 --> 00:18:36,520
Speaker 3: messaged me and was like, Tiana, I just like want

454
00:18:36,561 --> 00:18:37,880
Speaker 3: to let you know I don't have the capacity for

455
00:18:37,921 --> 00:18:40,240
Speaker 3: any more friendships in my life right now. And then

456
00:18:40,241 --> 00:18:41,921
Speaker 3: I would talk to the other girl and then all

457
00:18:41,921 --> 00:18:43,440
Speaker 3: of a sudden she would ghost me and then not

458
00:18:43,481 --> 00:18:45,521
Speaker 3: talk to me. And then then another one be like,

459
00:18:45,681 --> 00:18:48,120
Speaker 3: look like, you know, I work with this person, and

460
00:18:48,160 --> 00:18:50,121
Speaker 3: obviously I'm going to go over here, kind of thing,

461
00:18:50,201 --> 00:18:51,960
Speaker 3: and so it was like this, one by one, they

462
00:18:51,961 --> 00:18:54,120
Speaker 3: all started to just like drop like flies. And it

463
00:18:54,160 --> 00:18:58,200
Speaker 3: was so scary because like, obviously this person that I

464
00:18:58,241 --> 00:19:00,160
Speaker 3: was friends with, like she had her own experience and

465
00:19:00,160 --> 00:19:02,520
Speaker 3: all of this, Like to have somebody who was triggered

466
00:19:02,521 --> 00:19:04,521
Speaker 3: by your growth is a hard thing to experience, and

467
00:19:04,561 --> 00:19:06,200
Speaker 3: I've been on the receiving end of that too, so

468
00:19:06,201 --> 00:19:09,400
Speaker 3: it's hard to face. And I don't blame her for

469
00:19:09,481 --> 00:19:12,321
Speaker 3: the way that the friendship ended or anything, but the

470
00:19:12,360 --> 00:19:14,721
Speaker 3: way that everything unfolded after that felt like a lot

471
00:19:14,761 --> 00:19:18,160
Speaker 3: of grief. Like I remember feeling so moving out on

472
00:19:18,201 --> 00:19:20,440
Speaker 3: my own, being surrounded by all these women, and then

473
00:19:20,481 --> 00:19:22,641
Speaker 3: all of a sudden having no one, like I lived

474
00:19:22,681 --> 00:19:25,801
Speaker 3: in Cronulla by myself, stayed there for another eight months

475
00:19:25,801 --> 00:19:28,640
Speaker 3: on top of that in my own apartment, and just

476
00:19:28,681 --> 00:19:31,120
Speaker 3: not having anybody, not having anybody to talk to, rely

477
00:19:31,241 --> 00:19:32,360
Speaker 3: on or anything like that.

478
00:19:32,761 --> 00:19:34,641
Speaker 1: I just felt so alone.

479
00:19:34,681 --> 00:19:37,401
Speaker 3: And I also remember feeling really betrayed in that time too,

480
00:19:37,441 --> 00:19:40,521
Speaker 3: because I felt from what I had heard. I started

481
00:19:40,521 --> 00:19:42,680
Speaker 3: to hear things of what these two women were saying

482
00:19:42,681 --> 00:19:45,760
Speaker 3: about me to the other women and how they was

483
00:19:45,801 --> 00:19:49,521
Speaker 3: like curating this narrative of like who I am and

484
00:19:49,640 --> 00:19:51,801
Speaker 3: what I was doing, and like lies that were shared

485
00:19:51,801 --> 00:19:54,160
Speaker 3: about me, And that was a really disheartening thing because

486
00:19:54,600 --> 00:19:57,761
Speaker 3: whilst I know what she experienced from me wouldn't have

487
00:19:57,761 --> 00:20:00,960
Speaker 3: felt nice to receive. I'm also not a bad person, yes,

488
00:20:01,160 --> 00:20:02,960
Speaker 3: and I was having a human moment and all I

489
00:20:02,961 --> 00:20:06,321
Speaker 3: needed was space. And I think what really upset me

490
00:20:06,441 --> 00:20:08,360
Speaker 3: was like I was such a good friend to her

491
00:20:08,481 --> 00:20:09,960
Speaker 3: in terms of like how I shut up for her,

492
00:20:10,041 --> 00:20:12,281
Speaker 3: and I really did celebrate her in every winter. I

493
00:20:12,321 --> 00:20:15,880
Speaker 3: was there for every milestone, every moment. I treated her

494
00:20:15,961 --> 00:20:18,161
Speaker 3: children like they were my own. I lived with them,

495
00:20:18,360 --> 00:20:20,840
Speaker 3: like I literally was like a second mom to those kids.

496
00:20:21,201 --> 00:20:23,360
Speaker 3: And it felt heartbreaking because I didn't just lose her.

497
00:20:23,441 --> 00:20:26,640
Speaker 3: I lost her her two children, like even her co parent,

498
00:20:26,801 --> 00:20:29,240
Speaker 3: even you know, her mom, like all of like the

499
00:20:29,241 --> 00:20:31,920
Speaker 3: family dynamic and unit that I had around her. It

500
00:20:31,961 --> 00:20:33,681
Speaker 3: was like I lost all those people at once time,

501
00:20:33,681 --> 00:20:36,041
Speaker 3: oh so hard, and it just like it was a

502
00:20:36,041 --> 00:20:39,001
Speaker 3: really heartbreaking thing because I also knew that it was

503
00:20:39,041 --> 00:20:41,640
Speaker 3: a result of obviously there's two to tanger and everything.

504
00:20:41,681 --> 00:20:42,041
Speaker 1: Always.

505
00:20:42,281 --> 00:20:46,281
Speaker 3: Yeah, I really blamed myself for every little thing, whereas

506
00:20:46,321 --> 00:20:48,200
Speaker 3: now I can see that it obviously takes two to

507
00:20:48,241 --> 00:20:50,840
Speaker 3: tanger and there's you know, everyone plays a role. So

508
00:20:50,880 --> 00:20:52,841
Speaker 3: I'm definitely more conscious of that now, But at the time,

509
00:20:52,880 --> 00:20:55,001
Speaker 3: I really shamed myself for it, and I made myself

510
00:20:55,041 --> 00:20:56,920
Speaker 3: the bad guy, and I was like, you're a fucking obviously,

511
00:20:56,921 --> 00:20:59,080
Speaker 3: if all these women hate you, like, there's a reason

512
00:20:59,160 --> 00:21:00,321
Speaker 3: for it, you know.

513
00:21:01,640 --> 00:21:01,840
Speaker 2: Yeah.

514
00:21:01,840 --> 00:21:03,640
Speaker 1: And I think part of the reason why I didn't.

515
00:21:03,400 --> 00:21:05,960
Speaker 3: Want to share it is because I felt like I

516
00:21:06,001 --> 00:21:07,720
Speaker 3: held a lot of shame around the way that I

517
00:21:07,761 --> 00:21:09,880
Speaker 3: behaved in that time. And obviously people made up their

518
00:21:09,921 --> 00:21:12,201
Speaker 3: own narratives and stuff based on the lies that were

519
00:21:12,201 --> 00:21:14,400
Speaker 3: being shared about me, But I just felt like it

520
00:21:14,481 --> 00:21:16,240
Speaker 3: was so close to home that I never wanted to

521
00:21:16,281 --> 00:21:18,440
Speaker 3: like talk about it or to like give it fuel

522
00:21:18,561 --> 00:21:19,041
Speaker 3: or anything.

523
00:21:19,321 --> 00:21:20,801
Speaker 1: What were the lies being spread aback?

524
00:21:20,880 --> 00:21:23,840
Speaker 3: Well, I got told that this woman who was my

525
00:21:23,921 --> 00:21:27,840
Speaker 3: old best friend was talking about me at her business

526
00:21:27,880 --> 00:21:30,681
Speaker 3: retreats to the other women and to other coaches, who

527
00:21:30,681 --> 00:21:33,721
Speaker 3: obviously were all talking about it at the time. They

528
00:21:33,721 --> 00:21:37,000
Speaker 3: were talking about how I was stealing from her and

529
00:21:37,041 --> 00:21:39,521
Speaker 3: that I would take money from her that I would

530
00:21:39,561 --> 00:21:41,721
Speaker 3: ask for for the cleaner, which is not true because

531
00:21:41,681 --> 00:21:44,360
Speaker 3: we would always both be there. That I would pocket

532
00:21:44,400 --> 00:21:46,680
Speaker 3: cash from her that was supposed to go to the cleaner,

533
00:21:47,281 --> 00:21:49,080
Speaker 3: which is like, so far fetch because we were both

534
00:21:49,120 --> 00:21:50,760
Speaker 3: just transferred to the cleaner, which is funny.

535
00:21:51,041 --> 00:21:51,760
Speaker 1: Yeah, Okay.

536
00:21:51,961 --> 00:21:53,961
Speaker 3: Then there was this other thing that like I tried

537
00:21:54,001 --> 00:21:56,200
Speaker 3: to steal the man that she was with, which I

538
00:21:56,241 --> 00:21:58,080
Speaker 3: didn't know that she was dating somebody at the time

539
00:21:58,120 --> 00:21:59,360
Speaker 3: that I was about to move out.

540
00:21:59,561 --> 00:22:00,680
Speaker 1: Yeah, I did have an inkling.

541
00:22:00,921 --> 00:22:03,120
Speaker 3: She ended up getting a present and she put on

542
00:22:03,120 --> 00:22:05,361
Speaker 3: her story and it was like a coat or something thing,

543
00:22:05,400 --> 00:22:07,960
Speaker 3: and she was like receiving No. I thought that was

544
00:22:08,001 --> 00:22:10,521
Speaker 3: really strange. I was like, oh, that's odd, like receiving

545
00:22:10,521 --> 00:22:12,921
Speaker 3: it normally. She just like I bought this for myself. Yeah,

546
00:22:12,961 --> 00:22:15,160
Speaker 3: I did think that. But other than that, like I

547
00:22:15,201 --> 00:22:16,840
Speaker 3: didn't even know that she was seeing anybody, and apparently

548
00:22:16,880 --> 00:22:19,120
Speaker 3: I tried to take a man. Oh and I was

549
00:22:19,160 --> 00:22:21,160
Speaker 3: just like so like hurt by it too, because like,

550
00:22:21,801 --> 00:22:23,840
Speaker 3: oh yeah. And then obviously there were things that like

551
00:22:23,921 --> 00:22:26,120
Speaker 3: I had been through in my past, things that I

552
00:22:26,120 --> 00:22:28,321
Speaker 3: had shared with her own confidence that I had done,

553
00:22:28,521 --> 00:22:30,801
Speaker 3: or you know, old ways that I used to be.

554
00:22:31,400 --> 00:22:33,200
Speaker 3: And then she would say to the girls, like, you

555
00:22:33,241 --> 00:22:35,561
Speaker 3: don't trust Tianna because she did this and this in

556
00:22:35,600 --> 00:22:38,240
Speaker 3: her past, and like this is who she is and

557
00:22:38,281 --> 00:22:38,961
Speaker 3: stuff like that.

558
00:22:39,001 --> 00:22:40,640
Speaker 1: Make those women scared to every get closer.

559
00:22:40,721 --> 00:22:43,481
Speaker 3: Yeah, make it like she's used worthy and then I

560
00:22:43,600 --> 00:22:45,721
Speaker 3: betrayed her, and then I will betray them, and that

561
00:22:45,801 --> 00:22:47,480
Speaker 3: I've done it in the past, so I'll do it again,

562
00:22:47,681 --> 00:22:51,521
Speaker 3: which is like ironic, right, because I would never share

563
00:22:51,521 --> 00:22:53,041
Speaker 3: her fucking secrets.

564
00:22:52,600 --> 00:22:55,761
Speaker 1: Like that, or not to retreat of women.

565
00:22:55,521 --> 00:22:57,200
Speaker 3: But even things that she's done in the past that

566
00:22:57,241 --> 00:23:00,160
Speaker 3: she's not proud of that she's overcome now, Yeah, do

567
00:23:00,160 --> 00:23:01,801
Speaker 3: you know what I mean, Like I never want to

568
00:23:01,880 --> 00:23:04,921
Speaker 3: use that against somebody, And like I felt just betrayed

569
00:23:04,921 --> 00:23:06,321
Speaker 3: and the fact that she had done that to me

570
00:23:06,360 --> 00:23:09,521
Speaker 3: and like said those things, you know. And I think

571
00:23:09,561 --> 00:23:12,680
Speaker 3: what also really hurt was like we were still living

572
00:23:12,681 --> 00:23:16,041
Speaker 3: together and she created this offer for her business coaching

573
00:23:16,400 --> 00:23:18,641
Speaker 3: and it was like about her life and like her

574
00:23:18,681 --> 00:23:23,201
Speaker 3: diary and stuff, and she put in there like everyone

575
00:23:23,241 --> 00:23:26,041
Speaker 3: in her life except for me, and so obviously this

576
00:23:26,120 --> 00:23:28,721
Speaker 3: was really fresh. Nobody had known that we were having

577
00:23:28,761 --> 00:23:31,921
Speaker 3: a fight or whatever, and then put in there throughout

578
00:23:31,961 --> 00:23:34,200
Speaker 3: that I heard from other women and other coaches that

579
00:23:34,281 --> 00:23:36,440
Speaker 3: she was being Like I got really betrayed by somebody

580
00:23:36,441 --> 00:23:38,120
Speaker 3: that I love and this and that blah blah. Ever,

581
00:23:39,321 --> 00:23:41,801
Speaker 3: everyone just assumed it was me and like started pointing fingers,

582
00:23:41,840 --> 00:23:44,160
Speaker 3: and I'm like over here, like, how did I betray you? Like?

583
00:23:44,201 --> 00:23:46,281
Speaker 3: What have I done other than have my own experience

584
00:23:46,360 --> 00:23:49,120
Speaker 3: and like obviously not treat you that well in terms

585
00:23:49,120 --> 00:23:52,801
Speaker 3: of like the passive aggressiveness and stuff I fully own, yeah.

586
00:23:52,521 --> 00:23:52,681
Speaker 2: But.

587
00:23:54,201 --> 00:23:56,281
Speaker 3: In terms of betrayal and like, I never did anything

588
00:23:56,281 --> 00:23:59,001
Speaker 3: to betray her because I loved her so much. You know,

589
00:23:59,721 --> 00:24:01,441
Speaker 3: I may not have been safe for her at the time,

590
00:24:01,441 --> 00:24:05,001
Speaker 3: which I totally get. In terms of betrayal, I never

591
00:24:05,080 --> 00:24:07,281
Speaker 3: cross that line, never did anything like that. I loved

592
00:24:07,281 --> 00:24:10,001
Speaker 3: her family like it was my own, you know, things

593
00:24:10,041 --> 00:24:10,321
Speaker 3: like that.

594
00:24:10,481 --> 00:24:13,880
Speaker 1: It must be so freaking heartbreaking. Yeah, it was really hard.

595
00:24:13,921 --> 00:24:16,281
Speaker 1: Actually it was really hard. It still is.

596
00:24:16,360 --> 00:24:20,160
Speaker 3: I still get sad about it now, just because of

597
00:24:20,201 --> 00:24:22,561
Speaker 3: how important she was in my life. And I don't

598
00:24:22,561 --> 00:24:23,801
Speaker 3: know how else to say it other than I just

599
00:24:23,840 --> 00:24:24,721
Speaker 3: like loved her so much.

600
00:24:24,761 --> 00:24:27,161
Speaker 2: Such a big chat for your life, too huge? How

601
00:24:27,201 --> 00:24:29,041
Speaker 2: old were you like nineteen or something like now?

602
00:24:29,120 --> 00:24:32,561
Speaker 3: No, No, I was like twenty twenty three, twenty two,

603
00:24:32,640 --> 00:24:33,681
Speaker 3: twenty three maybe.

604
00:24:33,561 --> 00:24:35,600
Speaker 1: Yeah, still figuring out who you are?

605
00:24:35,640 --> 00:24:38,480
Speaker 3: And yeah, still bad, but also like I know, she

606
00:24:38,561 --> 00:24:40,360
Speaker 3: only wanted the best for me, so she only ever

607
00:24:40,441 --> 00:24:42,280
Speaker 3: like held me to a really high standard. But at

608
00:24:42,281 --> 00:24:44,120
Speaker 3: the time, I just don't think I was ready to

609
00:24:44,120 --> 00:24:45,120
Speaker 3: meet her at that level.

610
00:24:45,600 --> 00:24:47,400
Speaker 1: You know, It's like what she was expecting of me.

611
00:24:47,481 --> 00:24:49,561
Speaker 3: I was trying to jump and reach, but I felt

612
00:24:49,600 --> 00:24:51,521
Speaker 3: like I just like I couldn't get there ready because

613
00:24:51,521 --> 00:24:54,721
Speaker 3: I was having my own experience. So during that eight

614
00:24:54,761 --> 00:24:57,920
Speaker 3: months that I stayed in Cronulla, I ended up hiring

615
00:24:58,001 --> 00:24:59,921
Speaker 3: one of the coaches that she was working with.

616
00:24:59,921 --> 00:25:00,840
Speaker 1: Just to paint the picture.

617
00:25:00,880 --> 00:25:03,481
Speaker 2: So you were going through it, and that's what you

618
00:25:03,521 --> 00:25:05,640
Speaker 2: want to do, is high help to help support that

619
00:25:05,721 --> 00:25:06,921
Speaker 2: journey because you felt so lonely.

620
00:25:07,041 --> 00:25:09,160
Speaker 3: I honestly thought that, like I wasn't going to survive

621
00:25:09,241 --> 00:25:10,601
Speaker 3: if I didn't do that, because I.

622
00:25:10,600 --> 00:25:12,080
Speaker 1: Was so heart broken too.

623
00:25:12,321 --> 00:25:14,441
Speaker 3: It was honestly like I don't know how to explain

624
00:25:15,041 --> 00:25:17,001
Speaker 3: the heartbreak and the grief that I felt from like

625
00:25:17,080 --> 00:25:19,240
Speaker 3: losing her, But I felt like my whole world was

626
00:25:19,241 --> 00:25:21,600
Speaker 3: like ripped underneath me because she was almost like my

627
00:25:21,681 --> 00:25:23,721
Speaker 3: safe person. Yeah, I didn't feel like I had any

628
00:25:23,840 --> 00:25:27,001
Speaker 3: I'm gonna actually cry m I didn't feel like I

629
00:25:27,041 --> 00:25:29,720
Speaker 3: had like any other safe people in my life at

630
00:25:29,721 --> 00:25:31,920
Speaker 3: the time, obviously other than my family, but like I

631
00:25:32,080 --> 00:25:33,960
Speaker 3: distanced myself from my family at the time, so she

632
00:25:34,041 --> 00:25:37,120
Speaker 3: was my person, and like I just always imagined like

633
00:25:37,160 --> 00:25:39,561
Speaker 3: my life like being with her and us like tackling

634
00:25:39,600 --> 00:25:42,160
Speaker 3: life together and stuff. And it was like so disheartening

635
00:25:42,201 --> 00:25:44,041
Speaker 3: that like I'd heard that she'd said all these things

636
00:25:44,041 --> 00:25:46,361
Speaker 3: about me, because like I was never that way to her,

637
00:25:46,921 --> 00:25:49,440
Speaker 3: you know, just like would never betray her in the

638
00:25:49,441 --> 00:25:51,561
Speaker 3: way that she painted me in and the image and

639
00:25:51,600 --> 00:25:53,480
Speaker 3: the light that she painted me in. And that was

640
00:25:53,521 --> 00:25:56,481
Speaker 3: hard to sit with. And also it was really hard

641
00:25:56,521 --> 00:25:58,480
Speaker 3: to sit with the fact that, like I was the

642
00:25:58,481 --> 00:26:01,120
Speaker 3: sole person being blamed for the relationship breakdown and that

643
00:26:01,201 --> 00:26:04,041
Speaker 3: everything was my fault. And I really believed that for

644
00:26:04,080 --> 00:26:06,400
Speaker 3: a really long time. And then I worked with this

645
00:26:06,481 --> 00:26:09,241
Speaker 3: coach who was working underneath her. She was the only

646
00:26:09,281 --> 00:26:12,160
Speaker 3: person who didn't pick sides, right, so you went to

647
00:26:12,160 --> 00:26:13,721
Speaker 3: her knowing that she hadn't picked aside.

648
00:26:13,801 --> 00:26:14,641
Speaker 1: Yeah, I had a relationship.

649
00:26:14,681 --> 00:26:16,921
Speaker 3: She She literally said to me, she was like Tiana,

650
00:26:16,961 --> 00:26:18,920
Speaker 3: like I'm not a sheep. I'm not going to do

651
00:26:18,921 --> 00:26:21,760
Speaker 3: what everybody else is doing. I can see that, Like

652
00:26:21,801 --> 00:26:23,561
Speaker 3: you're not the only one in this and it takes

653
00:26:23,561 --> 00:26:24,640
Speaker 3: two to tango kind of thing.

654
00:26:24,721 --> 00:26:25,801
Speaker 1: She's like, I just want you to know.

655
00:26:25,761 --> 00:26:27,960
Speaker 3: I'm so neutral about this, that's not And then I

656
00:26:28,041 --> 00:26:30,521
Speaker 3: just said, like I literally paid her, like I don't

657
00:26:30,521 --> 00:26:33,080
Speaker 3: even know how much, Like yeah, I just I needed her.

658
00:26:33,080 --> 00:26:35,480
Speaker 3: And I stayed with her for a while, and I

659
00:26:35,640 --> 00:26:39,801
Speaker 3: just every day came in broke down, cried, grieved, got angry,

660
00:26:39,880 --> 00:26:43,281
Speaker 3: got upset, everything that I needed to feel from that dynamic.

661
00:26:43,321 --> 00:26:44,961
Speaker 3: And she would constantly be a Tiana, you need to

662
00:26:44,961 --> 00:26:48,080
Speaker 3: stop taking responsibility. You need to stop overly taking responsibility.

663
00:26:48,080 --> 00:26:51,001
Speaker 3: And it was her constantly reminding me that, like I'm

664
00:26:51,041 --> 00:26:54,200
Speaker 3: not always that fault for everything that happened, or your fault,

665
00:26:54,241 --> 00:26:56,321
Speaker 3: And as I would give her more context, she would,

666
00:26:56,681 --> 00:26:59,041
Speaker 3: you know, give me a different perspective and offer more

667
00:26:59,041 --> 00:27:01,441
Speaker 3: of a perspective and how the other person actually had

668
00:27:01,441 --> 00:27:04,041
Speaker 3: a part to play and just allowed me to like

669
00:27:04,120 --> 00:27:08,680
Speaker 3: learn how to like really of myself through feeling like

670
00:27:08,801 --> 00:27:10,481
Speaker 3: everyone around me had abandoned me.

671
00:27:10,561 --> 00:27:11,680
Speaker 1: Which was my biggest fear.

672
00:27:12,400 --> 00:27:14,600
Speaker 3: The biggest fear that I had in that relationship dynamic

673
00:27:14,600 --> 00:27:16,600
Speaker 3: when the third person came in was that this person's

674
00:27:16,600 --> 00:27:19,200
Speaker 3: going to abandon me because everyone always does, and it

675
00:27:19,281 --> 00:27:22,281
Speaker 3: reaffirmed that deep fear that I had because I didn't

676
00:27:22,281 --> 00:27:25,000
Speaker 3: feel strong enough to overcome the fear, and then everyone

677
00:27:25,080 --> 00:27:27,360
Speaker 3: abandoned me all at once. But it was also like

678
00:27:27,481 --> 00:27:30,801
Speaker 3: such a pivotal moment for me, because if that hadn't happened,

679
00:27:30,840 --> 00:27:32,281
Speaker 3: I don't think I would have grown up in the

680
00:27:32,281 --> 00:27:33,761
Speaker 3: way that I did after.

681
00:27:33,801 --> 00:27:35,721
Speaker 1: Like, you're grateful for it now, but it's still okay

682
00:27:35,761 --> 00:27:36,601
Speaker 1: to acknowledge that was.

683
00:27:38,561 --> 00:27:40,841
Speaker 3: Like it was equally the best thing that has ever

684
00:27:40,880 --> 00:27:43,521
Speaker 3: happened to me and equally one of the fucking most

685
00:27:43,880 --> 00:27:46,441
Speaker 3: uncomfortable sad hart I've ever been through.

686
00:27:46,561 --> 00:27:48,561
Speaker 2: It's always the way, isn't it. Like the hardest times,

687
00:27:48,561 --> 00:27:50,880
Speaker 2: that's what grows to the most. You don't want to

688
00:27:50,880 --> 00:27:51,321
Speaker 2: go through it again.

689
00:27:51,360 --> 00:27:53,480
Speaker 1: You don't wish upon your worst enemy, But I'm grateful

690
00:27:53,521 --> 00:27:54,641
Speaker 1: for the lessons you got out of it.

691
00:27:54,481 --> 00:27:57,761
Speaker 3: I never want anyone to feel isolated, because that shit

692
00:27:57,961 --> 00:28:00,921
Speaker 3: feels like high school fucking behavior worse, and like as

693
00:28:00,961 --> 00:28:02,601
Speaker 3: grown adults, it feels so much worse.

694
00:28:02,600 --> 00:28:03,721
Speaker 1: It doesn't matter what age you watch.

695
00:28:03,840 --> 00:28:05,840
Speaker 3: Fucking sucks if you're in school, if you're in your

696
00:28:05,840 --> 00:28:07,360
Speaker 3: mid twenties, thirty forties, fifty sixties.

697
00:28:07,400 --> 00:28:08,600
Speaker 1: It doesn't matter what age you were at.

698
00:28:09,041 --> 00:28:12,521
Speaker 3: That feeling of being isolated by multiple women in one

699
00:28:12,600 --> 00:28:14,920
Speaker 3: go is the scariest fucking thing you've ever felt in

700
00:28:14,961 --> 00:28:18,400
Speaker 3: your life. But I think, like what really helped me

701
00:28:18,441 --> 00:28:20,561
Speaker 3: in that time was just like remembering who I am

702
00:28:21,241 --> 00:28:23,360
Speaker 3: and remembering that, like the things that were coming up

703
00:28:23,400 --> 00:28:24,400
Speaker 3: for me was my work to do.

704
00:28:24,801 --> 00:28:25,961
Speaker 1: And this is why I think.

705
00:28:25,801 --> 00:28:28,321
Speaker 3: That like now as a coach, I really can stay

706
00:28:28,360 --> 00:28:30,680
Speaker 3: neutral when any of my clients bring anything to me

707
00:28:30,801 --> 00:28:32,960
Speaker 3: because it doesn't matter what the fuck you've done, It

708
00:28:32,961 --> 00:28:35,521
Speaker 3: doesn't matter who you are, how you've previously shown up.

709
00:28:35,761 --> 00:28:38,241
Speaker 3: You were not inherently wrong for the way that you've

710
00:28:38,241 --> 00:28:40,401
Speaker 3: shown up. It's just it was your lesson to learn. Yes,

711
00:28:40,641 --> 00:28:42,761
Speaker 3: that was my lesson. My lesson to learn was that

712
00:28:43,001 --> 00:28:45,841
Speaker 3: I can be passive aggressive if I don't communicate. And

713
00:28:45,881 --> 00:28:48,200
Speaker 3: that's what was happening in the relationship, is that I

714
00:28:48,401 --> 00:28:51,561
Speaker 3: wasn't communicating what I needed, what I really wanted, what

715
00:28:51,681 --> 00:28:54,641
Speaker 3: I really thought, my opinions when something bothered me, I

716
00:28:54,681 --> 00:28:57,081
Speaker 3: never voiced any of that. Yeah, And because I didn't

717
00:28:57,121 --> 00:29:00,201
Speaker 3: voice that, I was becoming more passive, aggressive and unproductive.

718
00:29:00,281 --> 00:29:02,521
Speaker 3: That's right, And so even though I was, you know,

719
00:29:02,561 --> 00:29:04,440
Speaker 3: triggered and stuff because of her growth, it wasn't actually

720
00:29:04,521 --> 00:29:06,921
Speaker 3: because of that that was sure highlighting to me what

721
00:29:06,961 --> 00:29:09,401
Speaker 3: I wanted, was highlighting to me what I really craved

722
00:29:09,441 --> 00:29:11,241
Speaker 3: and desired out of life. And yes, I was fucking

723
00:29:11,281 --> 00:29:14,681
Speaker 3: frustrated about it because of my own behavior, but also

724
00:29:14,921 --> 00:29:17,760
Speaker 3: it was because I was people pleasing and I was

725
00:29:18,041 --> 00:29:20,281
Speaker 3: going into falling into the fauna response, and I was

726
00:29:20,321 --> 00:29:23,641
Speaker 3: showing up in a really anxious way because any little

727
00:29:23,641 --> 00:29:25,201
Speaker 3: thing that I thought that I would do would mean

728
00:29:25,201 --> 00:29:27,881
Speaker 3: that would result in this person leaving. And so as

729
00:29:27,921 --> 00:29:31,361
Speaker 3: a result of that, I squished down everything that I wanted, needed,

730
00:29:31,401 --> 00:29:34,521
Speaker 3: felt everything like that, and tried to be almost like

731
00:29:34,561 --> 00:29:36,321
Speaker 3: the person that I thought she wanted me to be

732
00:29:36,601 --> 00:29:40,361
Speaker 3: for her approval. And because of that, I started to

733
00:29:40,441 --> 00:29:42,801
Speaker 3: slip up all of the little little things that I

734
00:29:42,841 --> 00:29:44,761
Speaker 3: really wanted to say a way I really wanted to say,

735
00:29:44,801 --> 00:29:47,121
Speaker 3: because I wasn't being authentic to myself and the modest

736
00:29:47,681 --> 00:29:50,001
Speaker 3: And that was one of the biggest lessons that I

737
00:29:50,081 --> 00:29:52,241
Speaker 3: learned in all of this is that when you are

738
00:29:52,321 --> 00:29:55,361
Speaker 3: not authentic or congruent to who you actually are and

739
00:29:55,401 --> 00:29:58,681
Speaker 3: what you truly think you were going to be somebody

740
00:29:58,681 --> 00:30:00,321
Speaker 3: that you're not. You're going to show up in a

741
00:30:00,321 --> 00:30:03,081
Speaker 3: way that you're not proud of. You're going to do

742
00:30:03,161 --> 00:30:05,561
Speaker 3: things and say things that feel out of character for you,

743
00:30:05,641 --> 00:30:07,841
Speaker 3: that don't feel good for you because you're trying to

744
00:30:07,841 --> 00:30:09,041
Speaker 3: pretend to be someone that you're not.

745
00:30:09,161 --> 00:30:12,761
Speaker 1: Correct sort of cracks in the relationship, and.

746
00:30:12,761 --> 00:30:16,081
Speaker 3: So I think, you know, obviously time went on, and

747
00:30:16,361 --> 00:30:18,161
Speaker 3: you know, I kind of created and forged my own

748
00:30:18,201 --> 00:30:21,521
Speaker 3: life and moved to the Gold Coast, and ever since

749
00:30:21,561 --> 00:30:23,521
Speaker 3: moving to the Gold Coast, and like years have gone by,

750
00:30:23,641 --> 00:30:28,001
Speaker 3: I truly believe everyone in their own timeline. And what

751
00:30:28,081 --> 00:30:31,761
Speaker 3: happened in this dynamic was that all of these women

752
00:30:31,841 --> 00:30:34,280
Speaker 3: who kind of like what felt like abandoned me at

753
00:30:34,281 --> 00:30:35,960
Speaker 3: the time and obviously just did what was best for

754
00:30:35,961 --> 00:30:38,041
Speaker 3: them at time, which is fine, like everyone was benefiting them,

755
00:30:38,081 --> 00:30:41,361
Speaker 3: what was benefiting were obviously going with the person that

756
00:30:41,441 --> 00:30:43,520
Speaker 3: was helping them grow their businesses. Like, yes, they were

757
00:30:43,521 --> 00:30:45,081
Speaker 3: going to choose that. I don't blame it sounds like

758
00:30:45,281 --> 00:30:49,081
Speaker 3: like a Queen Bee situation. People wanted to be around her.

759
00:30:49,161 --> 00:30:52,761
Speaker 3: She was very much this likeial, yes, very influential, very

760
00:30:52,761 --> 00:30:54,561
Speaker 3: like pioneer of the coaching and could.

761
00:30:54,401 --> 00:30:55,761
Speaker 1: Help them and like drawn to that.

762
00:30:55,801 --> 00:30:59,041
Speaker 3: Absolutely everyone wanted to be around that, and so it

763
00:30:59,081 --> 00:31:01,440
Speaker 3: was everyone was trying to buy her approval. Everyone was

764
00:31:01,481 --> 00:31:03,201
Speaker 3: trying to get her approval, and if you were in

765
00:31:03,241 --> 00:31:05,401
Speaker 3: with the group, then you were cool and like it

766
00:31:05,441 --> 00:31:06,441
Speaker 3: really was like that.

767
00:31:06,601 --> 00:31:08,761
Speaker 1: It was really interesting to see the way.

768
00:31:08,561 --> 00:31:10,881
Speaker 3: That these women would behave And I think because I

769
00:31:10,961 --> 00:31:14,041
Speaker 3: was friends with her before she had become I was

770
00:31:14,081 --> 00:31:15,720
Speaker 3: there because I loved her and I wanted to be

771
00:31:15,801 --> 00:31:17,601
Speaker 3: her friend, not what she could give you, No, And

772
00:31:17,681 --> 00:31:20,921
Speaker 3: then everyone was like coming. It just changed, everything changed,

773
00:31:21,321 --> 00:31:25,121
Speaker 3: So everyone started to I noticed the girls started to

774
00:31:25,161 --> 00:31:27,841
Speaker 3: come back and message me, and like one by one.

775
00:31:27,961 --> 00:31:29,521
Speaker 3: This has probably been like a year and a half

776
00:31:29,521 --> 00:31:32,761
Speaker 3: to two years after this experience happened. I'd get a

777
00:31:32,801 --> 00:31:34,481
Speaker 3: message out of the blue, Hey, Tea, can I talk

778
00:31:34,561 --> 00:31:37,281
Speaker 3: to you? Hey, I just want to say I'm so

779
00:31:37,321 --> 00:31:39,401
Speaker 3: sorry for the way that I behaved all those years ago.

780
00:31:39,481 --> 00:31:42,121
Speaker 3: You didn't deserve that, and I am no longer in

781
00:31:42,161 --> 00:31:44,960
Speaker 3: contact with X y Z. And this is what happened

782
00:31:44,961 --> 00:31:47,961
Speaker 3: with me with this person now in your support Hey, yeah,

783
00:31:48,001 --> 00:31:50,161
Speaker 3: And it was like I'm sorry that I behaved that

784
00:31:50,161 --> 00:31:51,961
Speaker 3: way and didn't give you the benefit of the doubt

785
00:31:52,041 --> 00:31:54,441
Speaker 3: it's nice. And then it was like three months later

786
00:31:54,561 --> 00:31:57,161
Speaker 3: another one on hey, tea, I'm so sorry for the

787
00:31:57,161 --> 00:31:58,881
Speaker 3: way that I behaved all those years ago. You didn't

788
00:31:58,921 --> 00:32:01,401
Speaker 3: deserve that. Another one later, Like, I swear to god,

789
00:32:01,401 --> 00:32:02,001
Speaker 3: there would have been at.

790
00:32:02,001 --> 00:32:04,281
Speaker 1: Least see quite a few. Hey. It was like every time.

791
00:32:04,081 --> 00:32:06,401
Speaker 3: I'd get round, I'd literally like, actually, look.

792
00:32:06,321 --> 00:32:07,681
Speaker 1: Baby, I'm one of those coaches.

793
00:32:07,681 --> 00:32:10,761
Speaker 3: They're literally messaging me apologizing for what they've done or

794
00:32:10,801 --> 00:32:13,401
Speaker 3: like how they treated me, or you know, can now

795
00:32:13,441 --> 00:32:17,121
Speaker 3: see clearly yes, that I didn't deserve that, or that

796
00:32:17,161 --> 00:32:18,681
Speaker 3: the way that I was kind of like pushed out

797
00:32:18,681 --> 00:32:20,201
Speaker 3: of that group was like quite unfair.

798
00:32:20,361 --> 00:32:22,201
Speaker 2: And how did that make you feel getting those messages?

799
00:32:22,201 --> 00:32:24,161
Speaker 2: Were you kind of like, oh my gosh, like I'm

800
00:32:24,201 --> 00:32:25,801
Speaker 2: so glad. Did you want to reconnect with them, did

801
00:32:25,841 --> 00:32:27,401
Speaker 2: you forgive them or did you be like, wow, it's

802
00:32:27,441 --> 00:32:29,720
Speaker 2: taking your years, but thank you, but no thank you,

803
00:32:29,841 --> 00:32:32,041
Speaker 2: or like what going through your mind when you received those.

804
00:32:32,081 --> 00:32:34,601
Speaker 3: I think when I first got those, the first message

805
00:32:34,641 --> 00:32:35,241
Speaker 3: I ever got.

806
00:32:35,121 --> 00:32:35,561
Speaker 1: I cried.

807
00:32:36,121 --> 00:32:39,361
Speaker 3: I remember, yeah, yeah right, because I just remember thinking

808
00:32:39,441 --> 00:32:43,241
Speaker 3: like relief almost yeah, like fuck, I'm not crazy, yeacause

809
00:32:43,241 --> 00:32:45,241
Speaker 3: I remember at the end of the friendship. Like I

810
00:32:45,321 --> 00:32:48,641
Speaker 3: remember seeing all these traits about my best friend and

811
00:32:48,721 --> 00:32:50,681
Speaker 3: like love her for it and just who she was

812
00:32:50,681 --> 00:32:52,761
Speaker 3: as a person, but I saw all these things about

813
00:32:52,761 --> 00:32:55,361
Speaker 3: her that I didn't previously see, and like, not that

814
00:32:55,401 --> 00:32:57,480
Speaker 3: I judged her for it, but I remember questioning a

815
00:32:57,481 --> 00:32:59,921
Speaker 3: lot of things, being like, oh, that doesn't see all

816
00:32:59,961 --> 00:33:02,161
Speaker 3: that behave, Oh that doesn't sit well. Oh actually no

817
00:33:02,241 --> 00:33:04,841
Speaker 3: that's not right, and like little things like that, And

818
00:33:05,241 --> 00:33:07,641
Speaker 3: it made me feel like I was going fucking crazy

819
00:33:07,681 --> 00:33:10,361
Speaker 3: because of what she blamed me for. Even face to face,

820
00:33:10,401 --> 00:33:12,200
Speaker 3: I literally felt like I was being gas lit in

821
00:33:12,241 --> 00:33:14,361
Speaker 3: the moment to like saying that I was lying and

822
00:33:14,361 --> 00:33:16,121
Speaker 3: stealing and cheating and all of these things, and I

823
00:33:16,161 --> 00:33:17,681
Speaker 3: was like, I fucking haven't been doing those things. What

824
00:33:17,681 --> 00:33:20,041
Speaker 3: are you talking about? She like literally yelled at me once,

825
00:33:20,121 --> 00:33:21,841
Speaker 3: like when we were having that conversation, being like, yeah,

826
00:33:21,881 --> 00:33:24,561
Speaker 3: you fucking did, like and I'm like, I don't know what.

827
00:33:24,601 --> 00:33:25,321
Speaker 1: Is happening right now.

828
00:33:25,441 --> 00:33:28,601
Speaker 3: Yeah, you know, obviously her experience my experience very different,

829
00:33:28,641 --> 00:33:29,241
Speaker 3: and that's okay.

830
00:33:29,281 --> 00:33:29,841
Speaker 1: They get to be.

831
00:33:30,761 --> 00:33:32,881
Speaker 3: But I think it just made me feel not crazy.

832
00:33:33,121 --> 00:33:35,121
Speaker 3: It made me feel like, fuck, my experience is actually

833
00:33:35,121 --> 00:33:36,960
Speaker 3: real and all of those things that I was questioning

834
00:33:36,961 --> 00:33:38,961
Speaker 3: in the beginning, like I was right to question because

835
00:33:38,961 --> 00:33:41,041
Speaker 3: it was my intuition was screaming at me. And it

836
00:33:41,161 --> 00:33:43,521
Speaker 3: just made me feel like fuck, Like maybe I don't

837
00:33:43,601 --> 00:33:46,121
Speaker 3: have to beraate myself or punish myself anymore for this

838
00:33:46,241 --> 00:33:49,761
Speaker 3: experience of feeling like every single one of them betrayed

839
00:33:49,761 --> 00:33:52,041
Speaker 3: me and you know, abandoned me basically and just like

840
00:33:52,121 --> 00:33:54,081
Speaker 3: left me out for dead because they didn't think I

841
00:33:54,121 --> 00:33:56,041
Speaker 3: was a good person. It was just because they did

842
00:33:56,081 --> 00:33:57,681
Speaker 3: what was right for them in the moment.

843
00:33:57,601 --> 00:34:00,241
Speaker 1: And they'd heard things and chose to believe that's right.

844
00:34:00,361 --> 00:34:02,281
Speaker 3: And then when there was one of the girls who

845
00:34:02,881 --> 00:34:04,521
Speaker 3: you know, I'd moved to the Gold Coast, she saw

846
00:34:04,561 --> 00:34:06,601
Speaker 3: that I moved to the Gold Coast, she also moved

847
00:34:06,601 --> 00:34:08,801
Speaker 3: to the Goal Coast, and she messaged me and voice

848
00:34:08,801 --> 00:34:10,561
Speaker 3: messaged me one day, Hey Tea, Like, I hope you're

849
00:34:10,561 --> 00:34:12,321
Speaker 3: doing so well. I've seen you on social media, have

850
00:34:12,321 --> 00:34:13,921
Speaker 3: been following you for a while, Like it looks like

851
00:34:13,961 --> 00:34:16,321
Speaker 3: you're thriving and living such a happy life and all

852
00:34:16,361 --> 00:34:19,001
Speaker 3: the things. I don't know how you'd feel about this,

853
00:34:19,041 --> 00:34:21,201
Speaker 3: but I'd really love to meet up with you in person,

854
00:34:21,401 --> 00:34:23,681
Speaker 3: and like, apologize to you face to face for the

855
00:34:23,681 --> 00:34:26,841
Speaker 3: way that I behaved. And we ended up meeting up,

856
00:34:26,921 --> 00:34:29,401
Speaker 3: catching up, sitting down, and she told me all about

857
00:34:29,761 --> 00:34:31,960
Speaker 3: the things that were told to her, what was said

858
00:34:31,961 --> 00:34:34,481
Speaker 3: about me, the lies that were going around, the reason

859
00:34:34,521 --> 00:34:36,961
Speaker 3: why she decided to unfriend me and kind of like

860
00:34:37,201 --> 00:34:37,601
Speaker 3: leave me.

861
00:34:38,201 --> 00:34:40,081
Speaker 1: She got to hear all that all those years later.

862
00:34:40,001 --> 00:34:42,401
Speaker 3: It made me I cried, Like I just cried because

863
00:34:42,441 --> 00:34:46,241
Speaker 3: I just I cried because I was sad because one

864
00:34:46,281 --> 00:34:48,081
Speaker 3: somebody else was now going through the same thing that

865
00:34:48,121 --> 00:34:51,481
Speaker 3: I was going through, because she had also stopped talking

866
00:34:51,521 --> 00:34:54,041
Speaker 3: that person too and experienced the same thing basically like

867
00:34:54,081 --> 00:34:56,081
Speaker 3: pushed out of the group and theok for anymore and

868
00:34:56,121 --> 00:34:58,521
Speaker 3: blocked her and things, and so it was like she

869
00:34:58,561 --> 00:35:00,241
Speaker 3: was having her own experience of it and kind of

870
00:35:00,241 --> 00:35:02,601
Speaker 3: wanted to come to me for comfort, you.

871
00:35:02,521 --> 00:35:04,361
Speaker 1: Know, did you want to comfort her in that?

872
00:35:05,081 --> 00:35:09,081
Speaker 3: I had compassion for her, And I really appreciate that

873
00:35:09,121 --> 00:35:12,321
Speaker 3: she came and apologized face to face and wanted to

874
00:35:12,361 --> 00:35:15,401
Speaker 3: share why explain why share her story what she thinks

875
00:35:15,481 --> 00:35:19,001
Speaker 3: now and what she sees now with this awareness, Like

876
00:35:19,041 --> 00:35:21,081
Speaker 3: I really appreciated thought that was really brave of her

877
00:35:21,081 --> 00:35:23,521
Speaker 3: to do. Did it make me want to be her friend. No,

878
00:35:24,001 --> 00:35:25,161
Speaker 3: did it make me want.

879
00:35:24,961 --> 00:35:27,681
Speaker 1: To pay class is broken? Well, I don't think that.

880
00:35:27,681 --> 00:35:29,361
Speaker 3: At the time, I was like over the level of

881
00:35:29,361 --> 00:35:31,761
Speaker 3: betrayal to me. I feel like, now, if you're not

882
00:35:31,761 --> 00:35:33,561
Speaker 3: willing to give me the benefit of the doubt, you

883
00:35:33,561 --> 00:35:35,881
Speaker 3: don't deserve a place in my life, you know, because

884
00:35:35,921 --> 00:35:38,001
Speaker 3: all of them made an assumption about me, didn't give

885
00:35:38,001 --> 00:35:39,841
Speaker 3: me the opportunity to share my side of the story

886
00:35:39,921 --> 00:35:43,001
Speaker 3: or to even defend myself in some way, and just

887
00:35:43,281 --> 00:35:44,881
Speaker 3: made an assumption that I was a cheat, a lion,

888
00:35:44,921 --> 00:35:46,361
Speaker 3: stole money off her and that was it, and I

889
00:35:46,361 --> 00:35:48,401
Speaker 3: wanted to check her man, which none of those things

890
00:35:48,441 --> 00:35:51,401
Speaker 3: were true. So for me, that was like, I actually

891
00:35:51,441 --> 00:35:53,201
Speaker 3: don't think I can trust you. I don't want you

892
00:35:53,241 --> 00:35:55,601
Speaker 3: in my space. So even though all of those girls

893
00:35:55,601 --> 00:35:58,081
Speaker 3: had come back in some way and wanted to make

894
00:35:58,121 --> 00:36:00,081
Speaker 3: friends and make happy and all the things, I'm like, yeah,

895
00:36:00,081 --> 00:36:02,281
Speaker 3: that's fine, I'll still be respectful, but like, I'm not

896
00:36:02,281 --> 00:36:03,441
Speaker 3: giving you a place in my life.

897
00:36:03,521 --> 00:36:05,201
Speaker 1: Yeah you were, like I really appreciate it, but there's

898
00:36:05,201 --> 00:36:06,041
Speaker 1: still no room for you here.

899
00:36:06,081 --> 00:36:07,721
Speaker 3: There's no room for you here. Like I'm a different

900
00:36:07,801 --> 00:36:09,801
Speaker 3: version of myself. I actually don't want to connect with

901
00:36:09,921 --> 00:36:11,641
Speaker 3: you now, like we're not aligned.

902
00:36:11,841 --> 00:36:13,321
Speaker 1: Yeah we weren't, you know what I mean.

903
00:36:13,361 --> 00:36:15,801
Speaker 3: And obviously we weren't aligned back then, and so it

904
00:36:15,841 --> 00:36:18,281
Speaker 3: was just like, I appreciate it. It helped heal a

905
00:36:18,321 --> 00:36:20,481
Speaker 3: part of the wound that I had still, but it

906
00:36:20,521 --> 00:36:22,121
Speaker 3: also was like, I'm leaving you in the past with

907
00:36:22,161 --> 00:36:22,801
Speaker 3: everything else.

908
00:36:22,681 --> 00:36:23,921
Speaker 1: That's such up as close to me.

909
00:36:24,121 --> 00:36:26,681
Speaker 3: I even remember one of the coaches buying a ticket

910
00:36:26,681 --> 00:36:29,361
Speaker 3: to one of our events and I gave her a refund,

911
00:36:29,801 --> 00:36:32,641
Speaker 3: and I said, Hey, I appreciate everything that you've done

912
00:36:32,641 --> 00:36:34,721
Speaker 3: and all the things. I don't think I've still fully

913
00:36:34,921 --> 00:36:36,961
Speaker 3: overcome all of this and the hurt that I felt

914
00:36:36,961 --> 00:36:39,081
Speaker 3: way back when I'm going to give you a refund.

915
00:36:39,121 --> 00:36:40,561
Speaker 3: I just don't want to bring anything up from my

916
00:36:40,641 --> 00:36:43,241
Speaker 3: past whilst I'm leading a room of fifty women with

917
00:36:43,321 --> 00:36:45,401
Speaker 3: my best friend and business partner. Yeah, you know, it's

918
00:36:45,401 --> 00:36:46,961
Speaker 3: just not what I want to bring into this this

919
00:36:47,041 --> 00:36:49,521
Speaker 3: time of my life. Yeah, that was a decision I

920
00:36:49,641 --> 00:36:51,401
Speaker 3: made based on how I was still feeling about it.

921
00:36:51,641 --> 00:36:51,881
Speaker 2: Yeah.

922
00:36:51,921 --> 00:36:53,881
Speaker 1: I think you really honored yourself at that moment. Yeah

923
00:36:53,921 --> 00:36:56,761
Speaker 1: I did. Yeah, it's really being abandoned by women, like

924
00:36:56,761 --> 00:36:58,601
Speaker 1: you said, it's probably one of the scariest thing that

925
00:36:58,641 --> 00:37:00,001
Speaker 1: you go through as a girl.

926
00:37:00,361 --> 00:37:02,481
Speaker 3: Percent And I think, yeah, like what I mentioned before,

927
00:37:02,521 --> 00:37:04,321
Speaker 3: Like part of the reason why I didn't want to

928
00:37:04,321 --> 00:37:05,841
Speaker 3: bring it forward is because there was a part of

929
00:37:05,881 --> 00:37:08,041
Speaker 3: me that was still shameful for how I behaved in

930
00:37:08,081 --> 00:37:11,001
Speaker 3: the dynamic. Like, obviously there are things like to hear

931
00:37:11,041 --> 00:37:12,841
Speaker 3: that you are the reason that you've broke down your

932
00:37:12,921 --> 00:37:16,281
Speaker 3: friendship with your best friend. It's fucking gut wrenching. It's

933
00:37:16,321 --> 00:37:19,161
Speaker 3: gut wrenching. And also everyone had already made up an

934
00:37:19,161 --> 00:37:21,721
Speaker 3: opinion about me. I didn't want to give people fuel

935
00:37:21,761 --> 00:37:23,521
Speaker 3: to the fire as to why they would shot on me.

936
00:37:23,561 --> 00:37:24,401
Speaker 1: More more reason.

937
00:37:24,481 --> 00:37:27,321
Speaker 3: Yeah, Like the reality is, like I take responsibility and

938
00:37:27,441 --> 00:37:31,121
Speaker 3: have over the last however many years it's been to

939
00:37:31,161 --> 00:37:34,041
Speaker 3: not be that person to heal the wounds that were

940
00:37:34,081 --> 00:37:35,761
Speaker 3: coming up for me in that time, and I'm a

941
00:37:35,761 --> 00:37:37,321
Speaker 3: better person for it, you know.

942
00:37:37,521 --> 00:37:40,281
Speaker 2: Yeah, just to bring some humor into it, you snooz,

943
00:37:40,281 --> 00:37:43,161
Speaker 2: you loose motherfuckers. She's my best friend now, and she's

944
00:37:43,201 --> 00:37:44,121
Speaker 2: the best friend in the world.

945
00:37:44,201 --> 00:37:45,961
Speaker 1: So I love you. I got lucky.

946
00:37:46,081 --> 00:37:48,041
Speaker 2: I'm grateful for the whole experience, even though I would

947
00:37:48,041 --> 00:37:50,480
Speaker 2: not wish that upon you or my worst enemy, because

948
00:37:50,601 --> 00:37:54,081
Speaker 2: having women abandoned you, Like you've always said, I fully

949
00:37:54,121 --> 00:37:56,481
Speaker 2: take responsibility for my part on something you've always said

950
00:37:56,561 --> 00:37:59,161
Speaker 2: is I just wish people would have given me two

951
00:37:59,161 --> 00:38:02,000
Speaker 2: minutes out of their time to like hear your side, yeah,

952
00:38:02,121 --> 00:38:04,841
Speaker 2: rather than just hearing one side and to be spread

953
00:38:05,281 --> 00:38:08,241
Speaker 2: retreats and like online marketing and just you see it

954
00:38:08,281 --> 00:38:10,321
Speaker 2: all the time in social media, people like breadcrumb and

955
00:38:10,401 --> 00:38:12,841
Speaker 2: create this narrative and people just jump and believe that

956
00:38:12,881 --> 00:38:16,121
Speaker 2: person without actually going shit, there's another person here and

957
00:38:16,161 --> 00:38:17,881
Speaker 2: their experience is just as real.

958
00:38:18,001 --> 00:38:18,281
Speaker 3: Yeah.

959
00:38:18,401 --> 00:38:20,321
Speaker 2: No one knows that's really happening except the two people

960
00:38:20,321 --> 00:38:21,921
Speaker 2: in that dynamic, and no.

961
00:38:21,841 --> 00:38:22,561
Speaker 1: One would have known.

962
00:38:22,841 --> 00:38:25,401
Speaker 3: And you know, I was being used as online marketing

963
00:38:25,441 --> 00:38:27,681
Speaker 3: for like selling programs and stuff like that our dynamic

964
00:38:27,721 --> 00:38:28,361
Speaker 3: and what had happened.

965
00:38:28,361 --> 00:38:28,841
Speaker 1: And that's fine.

966
00:38:28,881 --> 00:38:31,201
Speaker 3: Everyone can do what they want with their story. That's fine.

967
00:38:31,801 --> 00:38:35,281
Speaker 3: But I think like what was really healing for me

968
00:38:35,961 --> 00:38:38,561
Speaker 3: is that like she ended up reaching out and we

969
00:38:38,601 --> 00:38:41,041
Speaker 3: had a conversation of an email, yeah, and just like

970
00:38:41,121 --> 00:38:42,881
Speaker 3: spoke about I think again it was one of those

971
00:38:42,921 --> 00:38:44,841
Speaker 3: moments where I'm like, fuck, I'm not crazy, like I

972
00:38:44,961 --> 00:38:48,321
Speaker 3: did experience the beautiful friendship and relationship that we had,

973
00:38:48,601 --> 00:38:50,921
Speaker 3: and also this is how it broke down, and this

974
00:38:50,961 --> 00:38:51,761
Speaker 3: is how it felt for her.

975
00:38:52,081 --> 00:38:53,121
Speaker 1: She got to share.

976
00:38:53,401 --> 00:38:55,401
Speaker 3: Yeah, last year, at the beginning of the year, she

977
00:38:55,481 --> 00:38:58,241
Speaker 3: had reached out via email, sent me this really beautiful email.

978
00:38:58,601 --> 00:39:00,521
Speaker 3: Obviously I won't go into it, but what came up

979
00:39:00,561 --> 00:39:03,161
Speaker 3: for her, just what came up for her, and the

980
00:39:03,161 --> 00:39:05,480
Speaker 3: way that she appreciated our friendship and what it meant

981
00:39:05,481 --> 00:39:07,601
Speaker 3: to her and all of the beautiful things, and then.

982
00:39:07,601 --> 00:39:10,881
Speaker 1: Also aship in some of it, some of it.

983
00:39:10,961 --> 00:39:12,801
Speaker 3: Yeah, I definitely would have liked to see more ownership

984
00:39:12,801 --> 00:39:15,641
Speaker 3: from her. Yeah, that's just my honest experience, to be honest,

985
00:39:15,641 --> 00:39:17,081
Speaker 3: because I feel like I can see that there are

986
00:39:17,081 --> 00:39:19,441
Speaker 3: more things so that she's not owning and that's totally fine, Like,

987
00:39:19,481 --> 00:39:21,761
Speaker 3: but it was something. It was something, and you know,

988
00:39:21,801 --> 00:39:23,481
Speaker 3: it's obviously not my place to say that. That's just

989
00:39:23,521 --> 00:39:25,761
Speaker 3: my opinion. Yeah, it doesn't mean that it's right, that's

990
00:39:25,841 --> 00:39:28,201
Speaker 3: just my opinion. Anyway, we went back and forth for

991
00:39:28,241 --> 00:39:30,081
Speaker 3: like a couple of months over email and stuff and

992
00:39:30,121 --> 00:39:32,401
Speaker 3: just kind of worked through things, and she had shared

993
00:39:32,441 --> 00:39:33,881
Speaker 3: to me that she didn't give me the benefit of

994
00:39:33,881 --> 00:39:36,081
Speaker 3: the doubt at the time too, because apparently she was

995
00:39:36,121 --> 00:39:38,601
Speaker 3: hearing things from other girls in the coaching industry that

996
00:39:38,681 --> 00:39:40,881
Speaker 3: were saying things about me, and she was like, the

997
00:39:40,921 --> 00:39:43,681
Speaker 3: things that I was hearing from the other girls that

998
00:39:43,801 --> 00:39:45,960
Speaker 3: you were doing, She's like, me and this other girl

999
00:39:45,961 --> 00:39:47,561
Speaker 3: couldn't believe it, and they.

1000
00:39:47,481 --> 00:39:49,881
Speaker 1: Were like, confirm more of her story. Just made it.

1001
00:39:49,881 --> 00:39:50,521
Speaker 1: It made it work.

1002
00:39:50,961 --> 00:39:52,961
Speaker 3: Yeah, Obviously people were saying that I was saying things

1003
00:39:53,001 --> 00:39:56,121
Speaker 3: about her and this other girl, and so they were like, oh,

1004
00:39:56,161 --> 00:39:57,881
Speaker 3: my fucking god, I can't believe Tiana would do.

1005
00:39:57,801 --> 00:39:59,641
Speaker 1: That, But I thought you were bitching behind them, YAC.

1006
00:39:59,841 --> 00:40:01,960
Speaker 3: And then I told her about what was being said

1007
00:40:01,961 --> 00:40:03,681
Speaker 3: about her, and she's like, I didn't say that. I

1008
00:40:03,721 --> 00:40:05,361
Speaker 3: didn't say this, this and this. But she's like, I

1009
00:40:05,361 --> 00:40:08,321
Speaker 3: could have done better to not assume that what they

1010
00:40:08,361 --> 00:40:10,561
Speaker 3: were saying about you was true. And I was like, well,

1011
00:40:10,721 --> 00:40:12,241
Speaker 3: vice versa. I could have done the same thing, but

1012
00:40:12,281 --> 00:40:14,801
Speaker 3: I didn't because obviously our friendship was so far gone

1013
00:40:14,801 --> 00:40:17,241
Speaker 3: at that point that trust was broken. Yeah, I think

1014
00:40:17,321 --> 00:40:19,521
Speaker 3: having that conversation really kind of closed things up and

1015
00:40:19,561 --> 00:40:21,321
Speaker 3: allowed me to kind of like close that chapter for

1016
00:40:21,401 --> 00:40:25,321
Speaker 3: good and just appreciate what was take accountability for what happened,

1017
00:40:25,641 --> 00:40:28,681
Speaker 3: and also leave everything else that's not mine to be responsible.

1018
00:40:28,161 --> 00:40:32,281
Speaker 2: For beautiful, And anyone that's listening and going through like

1019
00:40:32,321 --> 00:40:35,641
Speaker 2: a big friendship breakdown or they're feeling abandoned or in

1020
00:40:35,681 --> 00:40:38,601
Speaker 2: a similar situation, like do you have any advice for them,

1021
00:40:38,641 --> 00:40:40,921
Speaker 2: or like how to get through or how to communicate,

1022
00:40:41,081 --> 00:40:43,841
Speaker 2: or what would you do differently if you could go

1023
00:40:43,921 --> 00:40:46,841
Speaker 2: back and like coach Young Tiana through that, it's.

1024
00:40:46,681 --> 00:40:48,601
Speaker 1: A good question. That's such a good question.

1025
00:40:49,001 --> 00:40:51,161
Speaker 3: If I could go back and coach Young Tiana on

1026
00:40:51,201 --> 00:40:56,161
Speaker 3: this situation, I would have heard what my loved ones

1027
00:40:56,161 --> 00:40:58,281
Speaker 3: were telling me about what was coming up for them

1028
00:40:58,281 --> 00:41:00,361
Speaker 3: and how my behavior was impacting them, and I would

1029
00:41:00,361 --> 00:41:00,881
Speaker 3: have changed it.

1030
00:41:02,441 --> 00:41:03,641
Speaker 1: But I was.

1031
00:41:03,641 --> 00:41:07,401
Speaker 3: Resistant to taking accountability because I thought that if I

1032
00:41:07,521 --> 00:41:10,281
Speaker 3: took accountability for that, it would make me a bad person. Yes,

1033
00:41:11,161 --> 00:41:13,241
Speaker 3: because I thought you think that abandoned you anyway, then,

1034
00:41:13,281 --> 00:41:14,201
Speaker 3: but that defended me anyway.

1035
00:41:14,201 --> 00:41:15,561
Speaker 1: You're admitting what you're doing is wrong.

1036
00:41:15,681 --> 00:41:17,801
Speaker 3: Yeah, I would have admitted it, but not just admitted

1037
00:41:17,801 --> 00:41:20,041
Speaker 3: it and apologized for the sake of apologizing, because that's

1038
00:41:20,041 --> 00:41:22,081
Speaker 3: what I used to do. I used to apologize for

1039
00:41:22,121 --> 00:41:23,761
Speaker 3: the sake of it and not actually do anything. About

1040
00:41:23,761 --> 00:41:26,601
Speaker 3: it and that's what breaks trust. And so it would

1041
00:41:26,641 --> 00:41:30,561
Speaker 3: be knowing that just because somebody is reflecting something to

1042
00:41:30,601 --> 00:41:33,201
Speaker 3: you doesn't mean that they're saying that you're a bad person.

1043
00:41:33,561 --> 00:41:35,281
Speaker 1: It doesn't mean that they're in loll you. They're inviting

1044
00:41:35,281 --> 00:41:36,721
Speaker 1: you to step up, they're inviting you.

1045
00:41:36,761 --> 00:41:39,081
Speaker 3: They're saying I love you and I want to keep

1046
00:41:39,121 --> 00:41:41,321
Speaker 3: you in my life. Can you please look at this

1047
00:41:41,361 --> 00:41:43,801
Speaker 3: so that we can create a safe relationship.

1048
00:41:43,401 --> 00:41:46,641
Speaker 2: And without saying it, And if you don't, then our

1049
00:41:46,721 --> 00:41:48,921
Speaker 2: relationship's not going to work because I can't tolerate this

1050
00:41:49,001 --> 00:41:51,001
Speaker 2: kind of behavioral passive aggressive epsilt wall.

1051
00:41:51,401 --> 00:41:53,761
Speaker 3: And also knowing that even if you don't identify with

1052
00:41:53,841 --> 00:41:57,881
Speaker 3: something and it hurts to acknowledge and it feels like fuck,

1053
00:41:58,001 --> 00:42:00,001
Speaker 3: that is not me. I don't want to identify with that.

1054
00:42:00,041 --> 00:42:02,601
Speaker 1: I would never do that. Yes, I encourage you to just.

1055
00:42:02,561 --> 00:42:04,960
Speaker 3: Look at it with some curiosity and just be really

1056
00:42:05,121 --> 00:42:07,361
Speaker 3: kind to yourself, like you don't need to judge yourself

1057
00:42:07,361 --> 00:42:10,281
Speaker 3: for it, or to label yourself or anything. Just be

1058
00:42:10,361 --> 00:42:12,321
Speaker 3: willing to see with curiosity.

1059
00:42:12,361 --> 00:42:12,881
Speaker 1: Okay. Cool?

1060
00:42:12,921 --> 00:42:14,401
Speaker 3: Like if this person is saying I'm a little bit

1061
00:42:14,401 --> 00:42:17,361
Speaker 3: passive aggressive when I'm mad, okay, cool, Like where might

1062
00:42:17,401 --> 00:42:19,721
Speaker 3: that show up in my life? Where has that in

1063
00:42:19,761 --> 00:42:22,241
Speaker 3: the past may be shown up for me? Because the

1064
00:42:22,281 --> 00:42:24,401
Speaker 3: more awareness that you can bring to where you show

1065
00:42:24,481 --> 00:42:26,761
Speaker 3: up like that, the less shame that you're going to feel.

1066
00:42:26,801 --> 00:42:28,281
Speaker 1: Yes, so true, because you're not going to be so

1067
00:42:28,361 --> 00:42:29,041
Speaker 1: resistant to it.

1068
00:42:29,081 --> 00:42:30,161
Speaker 3: You're going to be like, oh, fuck, you know what,

1069
00:42:30,201 --> 00:42:32,041
Speaker 3: I've done that twenty times in the past before. And

1070
00:42:32,081 --> 00:42:34,201
Speaker 3: when you start to own it without the shame, it

1071
00:42:34,241 --> 00:42:36,841
Speaker 3: doesn't feel as scary. And that's something I couldn't do

1072
00:42:36,961 --> 00:42:39,321
Speaker 3: back then. I was too young, I was too naive,

1073
00:42:39,441 --> 00:42:42,321
Speaker 3: I was as willing because I was I didn't know

1074
00:42:42,361 --> 00:42:44,161
Speaker 3: how to hold it, babe. My nervous system was cooked.

1075
00:42:44,201 --> 00:42:46,481
Speaker 3: I was having panic attacks every fucking two weeks, like

1076
00:42:46,921 --> 00:42:50,401
Speaker 3: probably more frequently than that. Couldn't breathe, couldn't regulate myself

1077
00:42:50,441 --> 00:42:52,561
Speaker 3: because I was so scared of what I might find

1078
00:42:52,641 --> 00:42:55,481
Speaker 3: within myself that would mean that I was a bad person.

1079
00:42:55,521 --> 00:42:57,641
Speaker 3: When I'd spent my whole life convincing myself that I

1080
00:42:57,681 --> 00:42:59,881
Speaker 3: was a good person, that I was kind and nice

1081
00:42:59,881 --> 00:43:02,601
Speaker 3: and thoughtful and considerate and all of these beautiful things,

1082
00:43:03,121 --> 00:43:05,921
Speaker 3: not acknowledging that I'm capable of being everything else too,

1083
00:43:06,521 --> 00:43:09,281
Speaker 3: And when you realize that you're capable of being everything

1084
00:43:09,321 --> 00:43:12,121
Speaker 3: else as well. You kind of become okay when you

1085
00:43:12,161 --> 00:43:13,361
Speaker 3: start to show those things.

1086
00:43:13,481 --> 00:43:15,761
Speaker 1: Yeah, you know, you bring playfulness to it, prayfu. Yeah,

1087
00:43:15,761 --> 00:43:16,321
Speaker 1: that's like we do.

1088
00:43:16,441 --> 00:43:19,001
Speaker 2: We literally like bring our flaws forward or the things

1089
00:43:19,001 --> 00:43:21,281
Speaker 2: that we're ashamed of and will like name it and

1090
00:43:21,441 --> 00:43:22,401
Speaker 2: play with it and.

1091
00:43:22,441 --> 00:43:25,721
Speaker 3: Yeah, me too, and oh yes, And this is why

1092
00:43:25,761 --> 00:43:27,841
Speaker 3: I am the way that I am in terms of communication,

1093
00:43:28,081 --> 00:43:32,041
Speaker 3: because whether it's bringing playfulness to it over communicating problems

1094
00:43:32,081 --> 00:43:35,321
Speaker 3: before they become cracked up, is literally because I have

1095
00:43:35,481 --> 00:43:38,641
Speaker 3: lost somebody that I love so deeply, and if I

1096
00:43:38,681 --> 00:43:40,721
Speaker 3: could do it all again and like have that, like,

1097
00:43:40,801 --> 00:43:43,001
Speaker 3: I would have never wanted that to happen, do you know.

1098
00:43:42,921 --> 00:43:43,241
Speaker 1: What I mean?

1099
00:43:43,881 --> 00:43:46,041
Speaker 3: So I'm like, I will do anything I can now

1100
00:43:46,081 --> 00:43:49,401
Speaker 3: to prevent that happening so that I can keep the people.

1101
00:43:49,161 --> 00:43:50,961
Speaker 1: That I fucking love my life. And if you know

1102
00:43:51,121 --> 00:43:53,281
Speaker 1: that again, it's just my biggest lesson.

1103
00:43:54,161 --> 00:43:56,961
Speaker 3: Preserving your ego is not worth the connection that you

1104
00:43:57,001 --> 00:43:59,960
Speaker 3: will lose if you do. Yeah, your ego will try

1105
00:43:59,961 --> 00:44:02,761
Speaker 3: to protect you from pain, from hurt, from you know,

1106
00:44:02,801 --> 00:44:04,801
Speaker 3: potential betrayal and things, but it will keep you at

1107
00:44:05,121 --> 00:44:06,480
Speaker 3: lengths from people you don't want.

1108
00:44:06,401 --> 00:44:07,161
Speaker 1: To be at arm's length.

1109
00:44:07,681 --> 00:44:10,681
Speaker 3: That preserving that and who you think you are is

1110
00:44:10,721 --> 00:44:12,961
Speaker 3: not worth it over the deep connection that you can

1111
00:44:13,001 --> 00:44:16,881
Speaker 3: have when you are just vulnerable, honest yourself, be all

1112
00:44:16,961 --> 00:44:19,041
Speaker 3: of who you are, own who you are, Own your

1113
00:44:19,081 --> 00:44:22,801
Speaker 3: shit fucking take accountability for it, and move with it, Like,

1114
00:44:22,961 --> 00:44:25,201
Speaker 3: do something with it so that you can prove not

1115
00:44:25,241 --> 00:44:27,521
Speaker 3: only to yourself but to the people in your life

1116
00:44:27,801 --> 00:44:30,561
Speaker 3: that you are reliable, that you're safe, that no matter

1117
00:44:30,601 --> 00:44:32,281
Speaker 3: what comes up for you, you're willing to face it,

1118
00:44:32,361 --> 00:44:35,881
Speaker 3: deal with it, and you move through it with them. Yeah,

1119
00:44:36,041 --> 00:44:38,721
Speaker 3: and row together on the journey. That is like one

1120
00:44:38,761 --> 00:44:40,481
Speaker 3: of my biggest lessons in all of this. And I

1121
00:44:40,681 --> 00:44:42,081
Speaker 3: wish that young Tiana knew that.

1122
00:44:42,361 --> 00:44:44,281
Speaker 2: Yeah, it's such a skill to have to actually like

1123
00:44:44,401 --> 00:44:46,961
Speaker 2: know what your flaws are, oh, and to be able

1124
00:44:46,961 --> 00:44:49,841
Speaker 2: to communicate them, bring playfulness and then work through them.

1125
00:44:50,281 --> 00:44:52,401
Speaker 2: And even when you slip, it's like when you've got

1126
00:44:52,441 --> 00:44:55,961
Speaker 2: that awareness, the slips become less frequent and the recovery

1127
00:44:56,041 --> 00:44:59,601
Speaker 2: is faster and the connection can remain even through the slips.

1128
00:44:59,681 --> 00:44:59,961
Speaker 1: Yeah.

1129
00:44:59,961 --> 00:45:05,801
Speaker 3: Absolutely, Yeah, But yeah, that's my story of both sadness, betrayal, heartbreak,

1130
00:45:05,921 --> 00:45:10,561
Speaker 3: and also like personal accountability and triumph because you know,

1131
00:45:10,601 --> 00:45:12,481
Speaker 3: when I think of who I used to be before

1132
00:45:12,521 --> 00:45:14,401
Speaker 3: this happened, or even in the midst of it and

1133
00:45:14,481 --> 00:45:17,521
Speaker 3: after it, I just like I wasn't the person that

1134
00:45:17,561 --> 00:45:18,121
Speaker 3: I wanted to be.

1135
00:45:18,281 --> 00:45:19,361
Speaker 1: I just did know how to get there.

1136
00:45:19,401 --> 00:45:22,201
Speaker 3: And I truly believe that this dynamic and this you know,

1137
00:45:22,361 --> 00:45:25,241
Speaker 3: experience of mine really shaped the woman that I am

1138
00:45:25,281 --> 00:45:30,041
Speaker 3: in terms of communication, accountability, you know how I show

1139
00:45:30,121 --> 00:45:32,201
Speaker 3: up for my loved ones, and you know, it really

1140
00:45:32,241 --> 00:45:35,521
Speaker 3: taught me to be more selfless in my dynamics, you know,

1141
00:45:35,681 --> 00:45:38,361
Speaker 3: always making sure I'm being curious and asking questions, and

1142
00:45:38,801 --> 00:45:40,881
Speaker 3: you know, just like showing love in the way that

1143
00:45:40,921 --> 00:45:42,561
Speaker 3: I know that I can use.

1144
00:45:42,681 --> 00:45:44,921
Speaker 1: It's so beautifully, I know because I receive it on

1145
00:45:44,961 --> 00:45:47,201
Speaker 1: the day, lucking me.

1146
00:45:47,721 --> 00:45:50,801
Speaker 3: And now I get to beautiful humans like the person

1147
00:45:50,841 --> 00:45:53,161
Speaker 3: I'm looking at, and just like be so grateful and

1148
00:45:53,201 --> 00:45:55,361
Speaker 3: get to show up as a really beautiful person for you,

1149
00:45:55,441 --> 00:45:57,161
Speaker 3: because the way that I am for you, I know

1150
00:45:57,241 --> 00:45:59,401
Speaker 3: you are for me. And I've just whilst all of

1151
00:45:59,401 --> 00:46:02,361
Speaker 3: that happened, I wouldn't be here if I learned for

1152
00:46:02,401 --> 00:46:04,641
Speaker 3: those things, and I wouldn't have met you I wouldn't

1153
00:46:04,641 --> 00:46:06,961
Speaker 3: have been the person that I needed to be to

1154
00:46:07,041 --> 00:46:09,521
Speaker 3: show up in this friendship, and for that I am

1155
00:46:09,641 --> 00:46:14,321
Speaker 3: fucking forever grateful because also that experience helped me have

1156
00:46:14,401 --> 00:46:15,921
Speaker 3: a similar wound to what you do.

1157
00:46:16,321 --> 00:46:19,440
Speaker 2: We've both got some million right similar situations too, him

1158
00:46:19,481 --> 00:46:20,721
Speaker 2: felt through similar things.

1159
00:46:20,801 --> 00:46:24,000
Speaker 3: Yeah, similar situations, similar wounds, which means that we also

1160
00:46:24,081 --> 00:46:30,161
Speaker 3: have an extended amount of compassion, much compassion and judgment, love, understanding,

1161
00:46:30,281 --> 00:46:33,721
Speaker 3: appreciation for both of us because it comes natural to

1162
00:46:33,841 --> 00:46:36,361
Speaker 3: like want to hold each other because all we've ever

1163
00:46:36,441 --> 00:46:38,481
Speaker 3: wanted is someone to hold us in it. Yeah, so

1164
00:46:38,521 --> 00:46:41,561
Speaker 3: it comes very natural to do about each other. We overly,

1165
00:46:41,641 --> 00:46:43,641
Speaker 3: we reassure when we need it, and I really believe

1166
00:46:43,641 --> 00:46:45,761
Speaker 3: that our friendship dynamic has allowed us to become both

1167
00:46:45,841 --> 00:46:49,241
Speaker 3: more secure in our anxious attachment so much so because

1168
00:46:49,241 --> 00:46:50,721
Speaker 3: we've created so much safety here.

1169
00:46:50,841 --> 00:46:53,801
Speaker 2: That only ripples onto our other relationships and friendships as well,

1170
00:46:53,801 --> 00:46:55,561
Speaker 2: which is really beautiful. That's the gift in it all,

1171
00:46:55,641 --> 00:46:58,001
Speaker 2: Like so beautiful, we always say, through all the hardship

1172
00:46:58,041 --> 00:46:59,561
Speaker 2: and all the shit we go through, like it leads

1173
00:46:59,601 --> 00:47:01,161
Speaker 2: you to where you meant to be, And if that

1174
00:47:01,201 --> 00:47:02,841
Speaker 2: all didn't happen, we wouldn't be here today.

1175
00:47:03,001 --> 00:47:05,241
Speaker 1: You know, I'm really grateful for that. Yeah, me too.

1176
00:47:05,521 --> 00:47:06,961
Speaker 3: Yeah, So I'm grateful for all of that because it

1177
00:47:07,001 --> 00:47:08,681
Speaker 3: set me up to be this person and this version

1178
00:47:08,681 --> 00:47:11,241
Speaker 3: of myself to attract you and to have our dynamic

1179
00:47:11,321 --> 00:47:13,361
Speaker 3: and our friendship, and to be the version of myself

1180
00:47:13,361 --> 00:47:15,801
Speaker 3: that I'm proud of. So anyone who is listening, who

1181
00:47:15,881 --> 00:47:19,241
Speaker 3: has ever been through anything like this, who's going through this,

1182
00:47:19,401 --> 00:47:22,521
Speaker 3: who's previously been through this, still holding onto it, just

1183
00:47:22,641 --> 00:47:25,681
Speaker 3: know that there are lessons in that experience that are

1184
00:47:25,721 --> 00:47:27,681
Speaker 3: teaching you how to be a better version of yourself.

1185
00:47:27,961 --> 00:47:30,561
Speaker 3: So when the right people come into your life and stay,

1186
00:47:30,961 --> 00:47:33,000
Speaker 3: you're going to know how to keep them, yes, Because

1187
00:47:33,001 --> 00:47:35,641
Speaker 3: it's one thing to creach it. Yeah, it's one thing

1188
00:47:35,721 --> 00:47:37,801
Speaker 3: to bring people into your life, but it's another thing

1189
00:47:37,841 --> 00:47:40,001
Speaker 3: to keep good people in your life. And that's by

1190
00:47:40,041 --> 00:47:43,721
Speaker 3: being a good person yourself. And so let it teach you,

1191
00:47:43,841 --> 00:47:46,401
Speaker 3: Let it break your heart, let it shatter your heart

1192
00:47:46,401 --> 00:47:49,921
Speaker 3: into a million pieces, but also allow yourself to put

1193
00:47:49,921 --> 00:47:51,801
Speaker 3: your heart back together again so that you can be

1194
00:47:51,921 --> 00:47:54,001
Speaker 3: good and ready for when the people who come in

1195
00:47:54,041 --> 00:47:56,321
Speaker 3: who are going to love you, to truly love on you,

1196
00:47:56,641 --> 00:47:58,121
Speaker 3: and they're going to help heal your heart too.

1197
00:47:58,441 --> 00:48:01,241
Speaker 2: Yeah, that's so beautiful. Done babe, But thank you for sharing.

1198
00:48:01,241 --> 00:48:03,321
Speaker 2: I'm sure so many women listening like, oh my gosh,

1199
00:48:03,401 --> 00:48:05,321
Speaker 2: I've been through this with an old best face or

1200
00:48:05,321 --> 00:48:05,921
Speaker 2: a group of friends.

1201
00:48:05,961 --> 00:48:07,641
Speaker 1: Even in high school. That happens all the time.

1202
00:48:07,761 --> 00:48:10,081
Speaker 2: Like even my nanny says, like at daycare is like

1203
00:48:10,121 --> 00:48:12,161
Speaker 2: little girls are leaving up, little girls out, Like it

1204
00:48:12,201 --> 00:48:13,761
Speaker 2: starts young, and it's just young.

1205
00:48:14,721 --> 00:48:16,361
Speaker 1: It is so scary and isolating.

1206
00:48:16,441 --> 00:48:18,161
Speaker 2: So thank you for being vulnerable and sharing all their

1207
00:48:18,641 --> 00:48:20,081
Speaker 2: ups and downs and the lessons.

1208
00:48:20,201 --> 00:48:21,041
Speaker 1: It's really beautiful.

1209
00:48:21,081 --> 00:48:21,281
Speaker 3: Thank you.

1210
00:48:21,441 --> 00:48:23,201
Speaker 1: I'm very, very proud of you. That's for sure. It's

1211
00:48:23,201 --> 00:48:25,561
Speaker 1: been a journey. Thank you, Love you, love you. We'll

1212
00:48:25,561 --> 00:48:28,081
Speaker 1: see you guys tomorrow. Bye bye.