WEBVTT - #2019 WTF is a "Coach?" - Bobby Cappuccio 0:00:00.920 --> 0:00:04.920 I get everyone. It's the Youth Project. Roberts Capuccio is back, 0:00:04.960 --> 0:00:09.240 Tiffany and cook us back, and I'm back, which is 0:00:10.360 --> 0:00:15.560 I don't know good? I guess Hi, TIV, what a delight? Hi? Yeah, 0:00:15.560 --> 0:00:18.200 well you were just marveling at my hair. I'm wearing 0:00:18.200 --> 0:00:18.880 it up today. 0:00:19.800 --> 0:00:24.080 Maybe she's born with it malone that's not here though, 0:00:24.280 --> 0:00:24.880 that's makeup. 0:00:26.079 --> 0:00:28.440 Something Bobby and I do not have to worry about 0:00:28.560 --> 0:00:32.120 is investing any time or energy or attention into what 0:00:32.159 --> 0:00:34.760 we're going to do with our hair on a given day. 0:00:36.280 --> 0:00:37.080 I envy that. 0:00:37.320 --> 0:00:40.239 I envy how much time does it take, because you 0:00:40.280 --> 0:00:43.480 do have a fair shock of hair. How much time 0:00:43.520 --> 0:00:46.640 would you spend per day just organizing your hair? Like 0:00:46.760 --> 0:00:48.400 five minutes twenty minutes. 0:00:48.720 --> 0:00:51.159 Most days, five if I wash it and try and 0:00:51.200 --> 0:00:54.280 get those girls to be somewhat respectable. 0:00:54.400 --> 0:00:55.840 It's just it's the fuck. 0:00:55.880 --> 0:00:56.600 It's annoying. 0:00:57.120 --> 0:00:58.160 It's so annoying. 0:00:58.440 --> 0:01:00.840 I'm not into it. So that's why it's always scooped 0:01:00.840 --> 0:01:02.440 back into a ponytail. 0:01:04.000 --> 0:01:04.240 Yeah. 0:01:04.319 --> 0:01:08.560 I definitely think next to no hair for me anyway, 0:01:08.600 --> 0:01:10.200 not that I have the option. Well I do have 0:01:10.240 --> 0:01:12.560 the option because my hair grows like a fucking weed, 0:01:12.680 --> 0:01:15.080 but it just grows in seventy nine directions, and I 0:01:15.120 --> 0:01:18.160 look like essentially a head the T shirt. 0:01:18.280 --> 0:01:21.759 When you look like Einstein, I do look like. 0:01:21.760 --> 0:01:25.959 I look like Einstein if only I had Einstein's brain. 0:01:26.000 --> 0:01:28.679 Although there's some conjecture that he was the brains of 0:01:28.720 --> 0:01:33.080 the family or was not. Apparently missus Einstein was pretty smart. 0:01:33.840 --> 0:01:37.840 I might have done, might have been much more than 0:01:37.959 --> 0:01:41.800 just a moral or emotional support system. They think that 0:01:41.840 --> 0:01:45.319 she said that often the case. Well, they think that 0:01:45.400 --> 0:01:48.680 she was a genius and may have done. I mean, 0:01:48.720 --> 0:01:50.960 they think, listen to me, I just read some stuff 0:01:51.000 --> 0:01:53.680 about that. So do your own research, make your own decision. 0:01:54.240 --> 0:01:56.760 Speaking of Genie, I Hi, Robert. 0:01:58.520 --> 0:02:00.960 So what I'm getting out this whole converss it really 0:02:01.000 --> 0:02:03.280 doesn't matter how smart you are, you just got to 0:02:03.280 --> 0:02:04.200 have the right hair for it. 0:02:06.040 --> 0:02:10.480 I don't know that that is the takeaway. I don't 0:02:10.520 --> 0:02:14.119 know that that's where I was going, But sure, sure, hey, 0:02:14.639 --> 0:02:17.720 you're going to like today. I think now, listeners, we 0:02:18.280 --> 0:02:21.360 don't plan well. We never get together and plan about 0:02:21.360 --> 0:02:23.280 what we're going to talk about, or rarely do, and 0:02:23.440 --> 0:02:25.480 even when we do, we tend not to do what 0:02:25.520 --> 0:02:28.799 we said we would do Today is no different. Well 0:02:28.800 --> 0:02:32.520 today is a little different in that I've planned and 0:02:32.560 --> 0:02:35.720 those two don't know what we're going to talk about. 0:02:36.160 --> 0:02:39.519 So this was written these ideas I want to run 0:02:39.560 --> 0:02:41.920 by you. I did with you in mind, Bobby, but 0:02:42.000 --> 0:02:47.480 also tif you're a coach too, so feel free to contribute. 0:02:47.639 --> 0:02:50.280 So I want to talk to you today about coaching 0:02:50.360 --> 0:02:54.640 specifically and do an entire episode on that and around that. 0:02:56.280 --> 0:02:58.680 But I've got a lot of questions, so I need 0:02:59.480 --> 0:03:01.760 succeed ish now. I know this is going to be 0:03:01.800 --> 0:03:06.440 hard for you. I need pretty succinct one to three 0:03:06.520 --> 0:03:09.480 minute answers because I want to get to at least 0:03:09.680 --> 0:03:13.280 ten to fifteen questions because one of the when I 0:03:13.320 --> 0:03:15.960 was way, I was talking to someone in Queensland and 0:03:16.000 --> 0:03:20.040 they said to me, I don't actually understand coaching, Like 0:03:20.120 --> 0:03:23.400 what does a coach do? How do you get qualified? 0:03:23.760 --> 0:03:26.080 Who do? I like, they wanted a coach and they're like, 0:03:26.120 --> 0:03:29.000 everyone's a coach. It seems like you can become a 0:03:29.080 --> 0:03:31.800 coach in eight minutes. And there are people that are 0:03:31.840 --> 0:03:35.040 coaches that have got degrees and master's degrees and people 0:03:35.080 --> 0:03:38.480 that are coaches that have got no degrees and they 0:03:38.560 --> 0:03:41.200 don't there doesn't seem to be any rhyme or reason 0:03:41.400 --> 0:03:48.200 or logic or governance around coaching. And it's it's my understanding. 0:03:48.360 --> 0:03:52.720 In Australia anyway, TIF you might know, it's pretty much 0:03:52.760 --> 0:03:57.160 an unregulated industry. Am I rights in that like there's 0:03:57.240 --> 0:04:01.480 no like there's no government kind of recognition. 0:04:02.080 --> 0:04:05.960 No, they've got some bodies that you can you can 0:04:06.040 --> 0:04:07.680 get registration with. 0:04:09.960 --> 0:04:13.520 But you know, Bobby, what about in the States is 0:04:13.560 --> 0:04:14.280 it similar? 0:04:15.800 --> 0:04:19.200 The problem with coaching is everything that this person said 0:04:19.279 --> 0:04:23.240 is correct. You can go through the ICF, the International 0:04:23.279 --> 0:04:27.359 Coaching Federation, which is kind of like the facto governing body, 0:04:27.520 --> 0:04:31.480 and it takes an enormous amount of study, rigorous testing 0:04:32.080 --> 0:04:35.200 and hands on application. I mean, even to become like 0:04:35.240 --> 0:04:38.400 a professional coach, you have to submit five hundred hours 0:04:38.760 --> 0:04:43.479 of actual coaching sessions in extraordinary detail. And you can 0:04:43.560 --> 0:04:47.599 elevate the criteria much higher than that when you're applying 0:04:47.640 --> 0:04:50.479 to sit for your masters for the Mastery of Coaching 0:04:50.520 --> 0:04:53.359 Exam the MCC. And then you can go away for 0:04:53.400 --> 0:04:56.600 a weekend and you could get certified in something that 0:04:57.720 --> 0:05:00.720 sounds like coaching, but it might not actually apply any 0:05:00.839 --> 0:05:05.400 empirical based coaching models. Or tools or skills, so it's 0:05:05.480 --> 0:05:08.599 kind of all over the shop. I think the ICF 0:05:08.680 --> 0:05:12.880 does a really phenomenal job at trying to create as 0:05:12.960 --> 0:05:17.480 much standards and guidelines as possible. But then you have 0:05:17.560 --> 0:05:19.120 people that are just like, oh, yeah, I'm just going 0:05:19.160 --> 0:05:22.159 to launch a coaching sirt or I'm gonna call myself 0:05:22.320 --> 0:05:25.480 a coach, but what I do has nothing to do 0:05:25.560 --> 0:05:28.520 with coaching. It's like going to see a physio and 0:05:28.600 --> 0:05:31.120 you turn out like whoa, oh, actually, what you're practicing 0:05:31.160 --> 0:05:33.400 is proctology. Wasn't expecting that. 0:05:34.040 --> 0:05:37.520 Mm yeah, but my sphincter feels much better, even though 0:05:37.520 --> 0:05:39.839 it was my ankle that was the problem. Thanks for 0:05:39.920 --> 0:05:42.240 the uh, thanks for the chop app. 0:05:42.480 --> 0:05:44.560 But that's that's But even with your ankle, you got 0:05:44.600 --> 0:05:47.680 to facilitate the pelvic floor right otherwise you don't have 0:05:47.960 --> 0:05:50.920 like proper spinal mechanics and inhibits the glute that can 0:05:51.000 --> 0:05:54.159 cause excessive adduction to the knee and then you know 0:05:54.200 --> 0:05:56.560 you're not going to be able to control pernation distortion. 0:05:56.800 --> 0:06:00.359 So also while you're doing that, you can check my state. 0:06:00.440 --> 0:06:02.359 Thanks for coming, no extra cost. 0:06:03.120 --> 0:06:06.919 It's still no excuse for sexual assault at the physio office. 0:06:07.200 --> 0:06:09.400 So it just won't be very clear. I don't condone that. 0:06:09.920 --> 0:06:13.839 I really wish you didn't open that door, Bobby Capucco, 0:06:14.040 --> 0:06:19.880 but maybe he didn't open it. 0:06:17.920 --> 0:06:19.200 Was it me that opened that well. 0:06:20.560 --> 0:06:25.279 But it's kind of the same as personal training, Like 0:06:25.320 --> 0:06:27.440 in Australia, it's it's I don't know about the state 0:06:27.480 --> 0:06:30.360 and I know, but like when you go ICF right 0:06:31.160 --> 0:06:33.200 like they are a credible I'm not saying they're not. 0:06:33.200 --> 0:06:35.480 There a credible organization and you've got to meet all 0:06:35.480 --> 0:06:38.760 these criteria and it seems to be, you know, well structured, 0:06:38.800 --> 0:06:41.160 the contents, the coaching is good, the requirements of high 0:06:41.160 --> 0:06:43.320 bah bah I've never heard of them. That doesn't mean 0:06:43.360 --> 0:06:46.440 they're not amazing TIF. If you heard of ICF, yeah 0:06:46.480 --> 0:06:49.600 yeah I have. Yeah, Okay, So and I would say 0:06:49.760 --> 0:06:52.000 maybe maybe not. I would say the majority of our 0:06:52.200 --> 0:06:54.960 listeners haven't heard of that. Maybe they have my beyond 0:06:55.040 --> 0:06:57.800 on the dumb one but or the one in the dark. 0:06:58.360 --> 0:07:01.279 But I think that's the thing is like even in Australia, 0:07:01.440 --> 0:07:07.560 personal training is an unregulated industry in that there's no 0:07:07.880 --> 0:07:12.520 government mandates or rules or criteria that need. 0:07:12.480 --> 0:07:13.280 To be met. 0:07:14.760 --> 0:07:17.400 In order to get insurance, which is an issue, then 0:07:17.440 --> 0:07:20.680 you need a certificate three or four with an RTO 0:07:21.200 --> 0:07:26.520 registered training organization. But in terms of you to call 0:07:26.600 --> 0:07:30.760 yourself a personal trainer and to go out and train people, 0:07:31.160 --> 0:07:34.640 I don't think there's any legal requirements around that. But anyway, 0:07:35.080 --> 0:07:37.360 so let's jump back into coaching. So I want to 0:07:37.440 --> 0:07:40.600 ask you, So let's start with that. What is the 0:07:40.680 --> 0:07:45.120 biggest misconception that people know? Let's do that too. What 0:07:45.320 --> 0:07:48.160 is the role of a coach in the context of 0:07:48.280 --> 0:07:52.080 high performance coaching or business coaching? The stuff that you do? 0:07:53.120 --> 0:07:55.320 What is the role like what are you meant to 0:07:55.400 --> 0:07:57.480 be doing or what's the job description? 0:08:00.200 --> 0:08:05.040 Well, a coach should use empirical based behavioral science tools 0:08:05.800 --> 0:08:09.360 to help people to extract what it is their motivations 0:08:09.400 --> 0:08:12.920 are and resolve levels of ambivalence. In other words, what 0:08:13.040 --> 0:08:17.800 are the conflicts that are blocking you from doing what 0:08:17.920 --> 0:08:19.680 you want to do or being who you most want 0:08:19.720 --> 0:08:22.680 to be. A coach is not there to It's easier 0:08:22.800 --> 0:08:25.680 to talk about what a coach doesn't do. A coach 0:08:25.760 --> 0:08:27.720 is not there to motivate you. Coach is not there 0:08:27.800 --> 0:08:30.160 to inspire you. Although when you're talking about things that 0:08:30.200 --> 0:08:33.160 are aligned with your values and your ambitions and why. 0:08:33.679 --> 0:08:37.160 Those conversations can be highly motivating, but it's a matter 0:08:37.240 --> 0:08:42.280 of what you're discovering, not what the coach is illuminating. 0:08:42.640 --> 0:08:43.320 So to speak. 0:08:44.320 --> 0:08:47.640 Coaches are not mentors, they're not consultants, they're not advisors. 0:08:47.679 --> 0:08:49.920 They're not there to tell you what to do. So 0:08:50.000 --> 0:08:52.360 if it's like, Okay, well the advice I got from 0:08:52.400 --> 0:08:55.800 my coach was you weren't talking to a coach. Now 0:08:56.320 --> 0:08:59.280 that doesn't say that's not to say that a coach 0:08:59.440 --> 0:09:04.559 can never insert advice, but you have to be very clear, like, Okay, 0:09:05.240 --> 0:09:08.960 if we're in a coaching session, Craig, here's what I'm observing. 0:09:09.040 --> 0:09:12.199 Do I have your permission to pause the coaching session? 0:09:12.679 --> 0:09:14.360 And you got to be really clear that at this 0:09:14.520 --> 0:09:19.920 point we're not coaching. So what coaches do is they 0:09:20.040 --> 0:09:22.920 draw out of you insights, They draw out of you 0:09:23.640 --> 0:09:29.319 tools and resources that you already possess. With the presupposition 0:09:29.520 --> 0:09:33.240 that you are the greatest expert on yourself. Nobody knows 0:09:33.400 --> 0:09:37.200 you or anything related to your life, your wants, your needs, 0:09:37.280 --> 0:09:41.480 your abilities better than you do. And it's just holding 0:09:41.600 --> 0:09:44.880 up a mirror and allowing you to explore and examine 0:09:45.840 --> 0:09:49.199 the intrinsic resources that you possess, so you can be 0:09:49.360 --> 0:09:52.800 more resourceful in bridging gaps between where you are, where 0:09:52.880 --> 0:09:55.120 you want to be, who you are, and who what 0:09:55.280 --> 0:09:58.520 you ultimately want to become. That's kind of like the 0:09:58.600 --> 0:10:03.160 scope of practice of They create that environment where you 0:10:03.320 --> 0:10:09.959 can really immersively explore yourself, your motivations, your behaviors, and 0:10:10.040 --> 0:10:14.000 ways that you normally wouldn't. I mean, we spend so 0:10:14.120 --> 0:10:18.199 much time looking at the world through our filter. What 0:10:18.320 --> 0:10:20.480 a coach does is help you step back and look 0:10:20.760 --> 0:10:24.000 at your filter for a change, and that can be 0:10:24.160 --> 0:10:25.280 extremely productive. 0:10:25.960 --> 0:10:30.360 That's a fucking great answer. Thank you. That actually enlightens me. 0:10:30.480 --> 0:10:30.920 That's good. 0:10:32.240 --> 0:10:33.439 So who. 0:10:34.800 --> 0:10:37.720 Let's not go with everyone, but who should and maybe 0:10:37.840 --> 0:10:42.120 who should not think about using a coach? Like what 0:10:42.360 --> 0:10:44.280 needs to be going on and what might be going 0:10:44.360 --> 0:10:46.800 on for me where I would start to think about, 0:10:46.960 --> 0:10:49.160 let's say we can afford it. Let's put aside the 0:10:49.240 --> 0:10:53.880 money issue, but just in general terms, who might think 0:10:53.920 --> 0:10:55.000 about using a coach? 0:10:57.520 --> 0:11:02.480 So again, let's start with who shouldn't. If you're having 0:11:02.720 --> 0:11:08.360 trouble with emotional or behavioral regulation, or let's say you've 0:11:08.400 --> 0:11:12.959 had an experience or a series of experiences like in 0:11:13.120 --> 0:11:19.760 complex PTSD, and it's causing you to struggle in day 0:11:19.800 --> 0:11:22.920 to day functioning. You don't want to seek out a coach. 0:11:23.400 --> 0:11:25.199 You want to seek out a therapist. You want to 0:11:25.240 --> 0:11:28.800 seek out someone who is medically trained to deal with 0:11:28.960 --> 0:11:33.240 mental health. So let's just start there. Who should seek 0:11:33.240 --> 0:11:37.559 out a coach Anyone who has either been trying to 0:11:37.760 --> 0:11:43.400 move towards something but is frustrated with continual stumbling blocks, 0:11:44.120 --> 0:11:47.679 or you're always getting ready to get ready you move forward, 0:11:47.760 --> 0:11:50.000 take two steps back. Or someone who's just looking to 0:11:50.160 --> 0:11:54.760 improve their level of insight and performance around an area 0:11:54.840 --> 0:11:57.439 of life or work that's important to you, then you 0:11:57.480 --> 0:11:58.520 would seek out a coach. 0:12:00.520 --> 0:12:04.520 One of the questions that I've been asked, literally I 0:12:04.600 --> 0:12:06.679 was going to say thousands, I would say probably a 0:12:06.760 --> 0:12:10.600 thousand times over the years, maybe more by people who 0:12:10.679 --> 0:12:13.800 don't live near me, but people who want a trainer, 0:12:13.920 --> 0:12:17.000 because you know, like, how do I find a good trainer? 0:12:17.720 --> 0:12:21.120 And it's like, how do I find somebody that's going 0:12:21.200 --> 0:12:23.720 to be good for me, somebody that's got skills, knowledge, 0:12:24.400 --> 0:12:28.800 you know, empathy, awareness, you know, and actually gives a 0:12:28.880 --> 0:12:33.280 fuck about me. So my answer is, especially when it's 0:12:33.440 --> 0:12:37.640 like in I think, like many industries, there are good 0:12:37.720 --> 0:12:40.640 personal trainers. Remember a personal trainer as a kind of 0:12:40.760 --> 0:12:44.120 coach anyway, But like there are really great trainers, there 0:12:44.120 --> 0:12:46.000 are ten out of ten trainers, there are one out 0:12:46.040 --> 0:12:48.679 of ten trainers, just like there are ten out of ten, 0:12:49.400 --> 0:12:51.800 you know, bricklayers and one out of ten bricklayers. So 0:12:51.920 --> 0:12:55.120 it's we're not throwing trainers or coaches under the bus. 0:12:55.240 --> 0:12:59.400 But for me, my advice is generally either by recommendation. 0:12:59.800 --> 0:13:02.920 So if there's a trainer that's three or four people, 0:13:03.040 --> 0:13:05.760 tell you she or he is fucking amazing, and it's 0:13:05.800 --> 0:13:08.319 probably worth at least rolling the dice making a phone 0:13:08.360 --> 0:13:12.679 call or trying to get a booking or secondly, you know, 0:13:12.960 --> 0:13:15.560 just just go to a GM or a PT center 0:13:15.679 --> 0:13:18.079 and book one session and just say I want to 0:13:18.120 --> 0:13:20.959 do a trial session. And I think the average person 0:13:21.080 --> 0:13:26.240 will know, even if you're not, you know, super knowledgeable 0:13:26.320 --> 0:13:29.120 in terms of exercise programming and all the other stuff, 0:13:29.280 --> 0:13:31.880 I think you will know within an hour whether or 0:13:31.920 --> 0:13:34.160 not that person and you might be a good fit. 0:13:35.440 --> 0:13:38.760 So my question is the same for this kind of coaching, Bobby, 0:13:38.840 --> 0:13:41.920 how do we find a person that might be good 0:13:42.000 --> 0:13:45.120 with US and for us, well. 0:13:45.040 --> 0:13:48.199 I agree. If you hear multiple recommendations that working with 0:13:48.320 --> 0:13:52.199 someone has been extremely productive and it's been a good 0:13:52.240 --> 0:13:55.280 interpersonal and dynamic, you don't want to ignore that. You 0:13:55.400 --> 0:13:58.800 can also, I mean, there's the Institute of Coaching, right 0:13:59.000 --> 0:14:04.679 the IOC. There is the ICF website. There's also the 0:14:05.080 --> 0:14:09.880 National Board Certified Health and Wellness Coaches, so they have 0:14:10.040 --> 0:14:13.439 a directory on their site. And at least you know 0:14:13.720 --> 0:14:17.760 that people have gone through a level of rigorous testing 0:14:18.679 --> 0:14:22.320 to make sure that they can demonstrate the ability to 0:14:22.440 --> 0:14:26.760 not only understand the empirical models and theory, but actually 0:14:26.840 --> 0:14:29.680 apply those models. And I am very distracted and very 0:14:29.840 --> 0:14:33.720 jealous by whatever's going on with Tiffany's camera. That's like amazing. 0:14:33.800 --> 0:14:36.480 It's just like moving in and zooming around you. It's 0:14:36.560 --> 0:14:39.080 like perfect. It's like it's a special effects. 0:14:39.640 --> 0:14:43.440 Yeah, the idea, we done. Idea. I'd stay boy to 0:14:43.560 --> 0:14:46.320 be distracted by your zooming in and out camera. 0:14:46.600 --> 0:14:49.800 I love it. It's like it's like Sesame Street. It's 0:14:49.840 --> 0:14:53.960 like there's Tiffany near and Tiffany far in Near Far. 0:14:54.160 --> 0:14:56.520 It's amazing. I'm like, how can I even focus on 0:14:56.600 --> 0:14:59.640 this podcast when there's all this like cool special effects 0:14:59.720 --> 0:14:59.920 going on? 0:15:00.840 --> 0:15:01.640 What is that about? 0:15:01.960 --> 0:15:03.240 I don't know. It's a new setting. 0:15:03.600 --> 0:15:06.440 Let me find out how to turn it off. It 0:15:06.600 --> 0:15:09.520 is kind of distracting because one minute your head's all 0:15:09.600 --> 0:15:13.160 over my screen and then you're far away in the background. 0:15:13.600 --> 0:15:16.040 Auto framing you. I've switched it off. 0:15:16.320 --> 0:15:22.920 Just see Tiffany's eyeball in the screen. Hey, Bobby, all right, 0:15:23.120 --> 0:15:27.080 So somebody says they feel stuck. 0:15:28.280 --> 0:15:30.800 What might be going on? Somebody feels like they're in 0:15:30.840 --> 0:15:33.320 a holding pattern that they can't get out of. It's 0:15:33.400 --> 0:15:38.360 kind of a behavior or emotional or productive groundhole day 0:15:38.360 --> 0:15:41.760 they're not producing. What are some of the things that 0:15:41.840 --> 0:15:45.440 are often happening when someone is in that state of stuckness? 0:15:47.080 --> 0:15:50.080 Okay, And because there's so many possibilities of what it 0:15:50.160 --> 0:15:52.840 could be, and there's just so many variables, I'm going 0:15:52.920 --> 0:15:57.280 to go with my personal perspective on this and what 0:15:57.400 --> 0:16:01.560 I've seen so many times working with clients at all levels. 0:16:01.840 --> 0:16:05.760 A lot of times in my experience, it can come 0:16:05.880 --> 0:16:08.840 down to ambivalence. And what I mean by that is 0:16:09.240 --> 0:16:14.440 you genuinely truly want two things that are either in 0:16:14.680 --> 0:16:18.360 conflict with one another or they're not aligned with one another. 0:16:18.920 --> 0:16:24.320 So like when my wife moved to Brooklyn, she took 0:16:24.400 --> 0:16:27.240 the cat with her, and you know, she was thinking, Okay, 0:16:27.360 --> 0:16:30.640 we got this cat, like should we get another cat 0:16:30.760 --> 0:16:33.200 to keep them company? Or should we get a canary? 0:16:33.600 --> 0:16:35.720 And the answer is another cat because the cat and 0:16:35.800 --> 0:16:39.040 the canary are in conflict. Those two things don't necessarily 0:16:39.200 --> 0:16:42.360 go well together. And that's kind of the same thing 0:16:42.680 --> 0:16:45.720 with certain goals and ambitions. You know, I want to 0:16:45.760 --> 0:16:49.040 have a lot of freedom because I value freedom, but 0:16:49.240 --> 0:16:51.840 I'm also looking to start my own business. Well, good 0:16:51.960 --> 0:16:54.800 luck with any level of personal freedom and personal time. 0:16:55.280 --> 0:16:57.880 So those two things are kind of in conflict with 0:16:58.080 --> 0:17:00.840 each other, and at which will do is help you 0:17:01.480 --> 0:17:03.240 examine that more in depth? 0:17:04.000 --> 0:17:07.639 Sorry about that. Also, I feel like the idea of 0:17:08.040 --> 0:17:11.359 transformation and growth and development and success is not always 0:17:11.720 --> 0:17:16.520 you know, consistent with what's actually practically required. Like people 0:17:16.640 --> 0:17:19.200 love the theory of success, but not the journey of 0:17:19.280 --> 0:17:21.360 success because one's easy and one's hard. 0:17:23.359 --> 0:17:26.200 Yeah, but you know, we so is raising kids. I mean, 0:17:26.480 --> 0:17:28.640 you know, having a kid and raising a kid I've 0:17:28.720 --> 0:17:33.080 heard is brutally difficult. And what I hear from you know, 0:17:33.440 --> 0:17:36.600 like we're not parents, so we're not experts with this, 0:17:37.359 --> 0:17:40.200 but I always hear, Oh my goodness, I did not 0:17:40.359 --> 0:17:42.560 know how hard it was going to be. I love 0:17:42.680 --> 0:17:45.159 my kids more than I ever thought I could love anyone, 0:17:45.440 --> 0:17:50.120 but I grossly underestimated the difficulty. So people do pursue 0:17:50.240 --> 0:17:53.960 things that are really hard. The question is what is 0:17:54.040 --> 0:17:57.840 it that you think success will give you? Like, what 0:17:57.960 --> 0:18:00.840 are you really going after? Some times, you know, when 0:18:00.880 --> 0:18:05.840 people really examine that, what success in this particular path 0:18:06.000 --> 0:18:08.840 that I think I'm choosing for the right reasons is 0:18:08.880 --> 0:18:11.840 an I don't even want that. It's another path, maybe 0:18:11.920 --> 0:18:15.480 not owning my own business, maybe not having that certain 0:18:15.640 --> 0:18:19.800 income goal and living within my means, earning much less money, 0:18:20.359 --> 0:18:22.879 you know, a year as long as I can, you know, 0:18:23.080 --> 0:18:25.240 take care of all my basic needs, take care of 0:18:25.280 --> 0:18:27.639 the needs of my family. That'll allow me to have 0:18:27.840 --> 0:18:30.520 more time with the people I love. So I think 0:18:30.640 --> 0:18:34.520 in some form, yeah, it's really hard. Do you really 0:18:34.640 --> 0:18:38.280 want what you want? And that's not an accusation, it's 0:18:38.359 --> 0:18:42.159 a curious inquiry, like do you really want what you 0:18:42.320 --> 0:18:42.880 think you want? 0:18:43.000 --> 0:18:48.000 Let's talk about that, right. We know that people are emotional. 0:18:48.160 --> 0:18:50.320 We know that when it comes to creating our best 0:18:50.400 --> 0:18:53.440 life for health, or business or career or financial site 0:18:54.359 --> 0:18:57.000 and making decisions and taking action. We know that a 0:18:57.040 --> 0:19:00.440 lot of us may include it are inconsistent for a 0:19:00.600 --> 0:19:03.040 range of reasons. How do we move from being the 0:19:03.119 --> 0:19:07.639 person who's stopping and starting to be being the person 0:19:07.720 --> 0:19:13.040 who's at least more consistent, more reliable, and more proactive 0:19:13.240 --> 0:19:15.720 in the absence of inspiration. 0:19:17.960 --> 0:19:20.480 Well, I think the first question becomes consistent at what 0:19:21.200 --> 0:19:26.040 do you clearly know what you want and what consistent 0:19:26.160 --> 0:19:29.240 behaviors are going to bridge the gap? And if you 0:19:29.480 --> 0:19:34.680 don't know, maybe consistency isn't your first stap, you know, 0:19:34.760 --> 0:19:37.720 because there's research coming out now. I was having this 0:19:37.840 --> 0:19:45.800 conversation yesterday with and ICF Master coach where being really 0:19:46.040 --> 0:19:51.280 super clear around goal setting and smart goals sometimes is 0:19:51.440 --> 0:19:54.440 not very effective for a lot of people, especially when 0:19:54.720 --> 0:19:59.919 creativity is involved. And what might be a better strateg 0:20:00.400 --> 0:20:04.359 for certain individuals is prototyping. Just go out there and 0:20:04.520 --> 0:20:06.840 test a bunch of stuff. Like you were saying, you know, 0:20:06.920 --> 0:20:08.680 you might need to go down to the gym and 0:20:08.800 --> 0:20:13.200 actually make an appointment and experience a personal training session 0:20:13.680 --> 0:20:15.920 before you get clear about what your next course of 0:20:16.040 --> 0:20:17.560 action is because you don't even know if it's going 0:20:17.600 --> 0:20:20.440 to resonate with you. So if you're interested in stuff, 0:20:20.560 --> 0:20:24.879 maybe launching a bunch of experiments and seeing, Okay, is 0:20:24.960 --> 0:20:26.639 this really what I thought it was going to be? 0:20:26.920 --> 0:20:29.280 Is does this resonate with my values? Do this resonate 0:20:29.320 --> 0:20:31.360 with the experiences I want to have? Once you get 0:20:31.440 --> 0:20:33.680 clear or know on certain terms exactly what it is 0:20:33.760 --> 0:20:36.760 that you're looking for, when a goal is far out 0:20:36.960 --> 0:20:41.200 in the future, you know, don't focus on consistent behaviors, 0:20:41.440 --> 0:20:44.320 focus on the why, Like what is it about that 0:20:44.920 --> 0:20:45.760 that excites you? 0:20:45.960 --> 0:20:46.000 Like? 0:20:46.119 --> 0:20:48.119 Who do you want to become at the end of 0:20:48.200 --> 0:20:48.800 this journey? 0:20:49.200 --> 0:20:49.320 You know? 0:20:49.880 --> 0:20:52.120 What do you value most that you're going to get 0:20:52.160 --> 0:20:55.960 to have more of as that goal starts to become 0:20:56.240 --> 0:21:00.119 more proximal in terms of time, So it's not a 0:21:00.280 --> 0:21:04.040 year out, maybe it's like like six months out at 0:21:04.080 --> 0:21:07.360 that point, what are the very specific behaviors Forget the why, 0:21:07.520 --> 0:21:12.040 forget the ambition, forget the inspiration. What are the consistent 0:21:12.119 --> 0:21:15.200 behaviors every single day that you're gonna need to engage 0:21:15.240 --> 0:21:19.240 in to progressively bridge that gap between current reality and 0:21:19.320 --> 0:21:23.399 future ambition. You know, So it's like, Okay, I'm gonna 0:21:23.440 --> 0:21:26.760 consistently have to you know, have the salad and not 0:21:26.920 --> 0:21:30.240 go for the ice cream. I'm gonna consistently have to 0:21:30.880 --> 0:21:33.400 eat certain foods and not eat certain foods. I'm gonna 0:21:33.440 --> 0:21:38.520 consistently have to engage in certain exercise behaviors. What exactly 0:21:38.640 --> 0:21:41.360 does that look like? And then at that point you're 0:21:41.400 --> 0:21:43.440 going to focus on the how I think you know, 0:21:43.560 --> 0:21:46.600 people get way way too caught up and way too 0:21:46.760 --> 0:21:51.480 distracted and discouraged when you don't have a very specific formula, 0:21:52.040 --> 0:21:55.480 because it's like, Okay, what's going to happen inevitably when 0:21:56.880 --> 0:21:59.080 I don't do what I thought I was going to do? 0:21:59.280 --> 0:22:01.960 Because that happens to everyone. How do you interpret that? 0:22:02.200 --> 0:22:04.280 How do you react to that? Because that's where I 0:22:04.320 --> 0:22:06.720 see a lot of people stumbling. It's like, Okay, I'm 0:22:06.720 --> 0:22:09.560 going to do this every single day and then okay, 0:22:09.680 --> 0:22:13.440 well they did it six out of seven days, which 0:22:13.520 --> 0:22:16.600 is fantastic, Like that's a great track record. I mean, 0:22:16.840 --> 0:22:19.399 just you know, talk to anyone who's in sales. How 0:22:19.440 --> 0:22:23.040 would it feel to like sell six out of seven prospects? 0:22:23.320 --> 0:22:26.440 You'd be amazing, You'd be brought up on stage at 0:22:26.480 --> 0:22:31.600 every annual corporate summit. But what's the story you tell yourself, 0:22:32.040 --> 0:22:36.879 and do you have the specificity to where that misstep 0:22:37.119 --> 0:22:39.879 can give you more information than you normally would have 0:22:39.960 --> 0:22:44.280 had without it, allowing you to go further and create 0:22:44.400 --> 0:22:48.040 behaviors and strategies that are even more sustainable. So a 0:22:48.080 --> 0:22:51.240 lot of times it's those missteps that are critical to 0:22:51.359 --> 0:22:55.520 long term success, not antagonistic to it. But if you 0:22:55.600 --> 0:22:59.840 don't have a crystallized plan, well, oh my goodness, that 0:23:00.080 --> 0:23:02.480 that's just a complete failure. I either did it or 0:23:02.520 --> 0:23:05.439