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Speaker 1: Apodjay Production. Welcome to the She Rises Podcast. I'm Ashley

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Speaker 1: and I'm Tiana.

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Speaker 2: This podcast is about female empowerment and encouraging you to

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Speaker 2: be your biggest, boldest, and most authentic version of yourself.

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Speaker 1: We help you shed the shame, grow to a new level.

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Speaker 1: We're gonna laugh, cry, and talk about the topics everyone

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Speaker 1: else is too afraid to talk about.

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Speaker 2: Get ready for your next level of self. Welcome back

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Speaker 2: to another episode She Rises.

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Speaker 1: We're happy to be here.

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Speaker 2: We've got actually in Tiana in the ears this morning,

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Speaker 2: and we want to talk about something that is a

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Speaker 2: little bit controversial.

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Speaker 1: I think, yeah, this a little bit edgy.

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Speaker 2: I think yeah, we want to talk about the unhealthy

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Speaker 2: beliefs about men that we are no longer buying into.

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Speaker 1: We feel a lot of tiktoks and Tiana sometimes just

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Speaker 1: pops the camera up and just asks me the most

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Speaker 1: random question, and it was a really powerful question. I

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Speaker 1: wanted to get nervous when she does this because I'm like,

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Speaker 1: what are you going to come up with? But also

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Speaker 1: we love deep conversations, we like deep questions, we like

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Speaker 1: to go deeper with each other. And she said, what

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Speaker 1: is a belief that you had around men that you

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Speaker 1: don't have anymore. Yes, And I was like, oh, and

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Speaker 1: got me thinking deeply that I think I grew up

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Speaker 1: thinking that all men are the same. All men are

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Speaker 1: going to treat me badly, All men are going to

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Speaker 1: be raging alcoholics, all men are going to be aggressive.

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Speaker 1: I can't trust men. I will never feel safe with men.

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Speaker 1: They won't love me and protect me, Like I just

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Speaker 1: thought it was this thing that was in movies, And

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Speaker 1: I don't have that anymore because I've had so much

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Speaker 1: beautiful evidence of healthy masculine men that have held me,

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Speaker 1: that can be there for me, that can provide for me,

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Speaker 1: that want to protect me, that want to be there

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Speaker 1: for me. And we've just got into this deep conversation

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Speaker 1: about how society and women can just bash on men

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Speaker 1: so easily from just one experience and put them all

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Speaker 1: into a box. But imagine if men did that to you.

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Speaker 1: It's like they've been cheated on. And then they think, oh,

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Speaker 1: all women.

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Speaker 2: Are the same, they put you in that category, or no.

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Speaker 1: We're not all the same. We're all different, and each

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Speaker 1: person has a different upbringing, different triggers and traumas and

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Speaker 1: values and integrity and all those things. We just cannot

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Speaker 1: put agenda into a box and think they're all the same.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, So that was my generalization. Hey, yeah, yeah, I

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Speaker 2: love doing this and when we do that because it's

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Speaker 2: on the spot.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, And I like when we heard raw.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, it is raw, and that's the most potent stuff

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Speaker 2: comes in the most raw moments. I think that's beautiful.

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Speaker 2: So yeah, I definitely had a belief that men only

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Speaker 2: wanted me to have sex with me. Yeah, Like they

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Speaker 2: only wanted me for what they could get from my body.

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Speaker 2: And that was a really strong belief that I had

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Speaker 2: just because of things that I've been through in the

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Speaker 2: past where I created this narrative around men that once

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Speaker 2: they got what they wanted, then they would leave. Oh

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Speaker 2: discard you discard? Yeah. Yeah. So it was like, well,

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Speaker 2: once they get their sexual needs met and they get

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Speaker 2: to use my body for their pleasure, then they would leave,

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Speaker 2: you know. But then that also was my work to do.

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Speaker 1: Did you have evidence of that and doing that to you?

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Speaker 2: I think it came from that relationship I had where

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Speaker 2: we were only ever good if we were having.

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Speaker 1: Sex, right, that's when you were most connected, We were.

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Speaker 2: Most connected, and that was us having sex was like

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Speaker 2: the glue to our relationship, but there was not really

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Speaker 2: any other aspect of the relationship.

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Speaker 1: So your sexual chemistry was just so strong.

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Speaker 2: It was the glue like MAGNETI Yeah, it was the

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Speaker 2: gluten relationship. We didn't have good communication. We were both

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Speaker 2: so jealous, we were both triggering, we would both play

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Speaker 2: games like. It wasn't a very healthy relationship. But the

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Speaker 2: sexual chemistry was what kelpt us together. And so it

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Speaker 2: was like, oh, well, everything is all good when we

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Speaker 2: sleep together, but then what about every other time? Yeah,

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Speaker 2: if that makes sense.

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Speaker 1: So if you had a big fight, you'd have sex

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Speaker 1: and get all those and doorphins like Okay, we're okay,

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Speaker 1: that's right until tomorrow when something else happened. Yeah, and

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Speaker 1: then the cycle would just repair.

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Speaker 2: It and then we would sleep together again and we

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Speaker 2: would be intimate, and then it would be all good

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Speaker 2: again because we'd get on that high of that energy together.

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Speaker 1: Was there any other men that you felt like they

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Speaker 1: only used you for sex, because though you haven't had

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Speaker 1: one night stands or anything like that, but was there

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Speaker 1: any other man that you're like, oh, there's more evidence

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Speaker 1: that they only want me for this.

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Speaker 2: There was a man I met him quite young, and

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Speaker 2: we were dating for like a couple of months, but

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Speaker 2: it was a lead up, so we were both in

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Speaker 2: relationships prior to that. For about three years, we had

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Speaker 2: a friendship and then the moment that we ended up

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Speaker 2: spending time together, we ended up being intimate like that weekend,

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Speaker 2: and then after that he feeled out. It reinstilled the

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Speaker 2: belief that I had. Yeah. Yeah, So in saying that,

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Speaker 2: it's not a story that I have anymore, because that

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Speaker 2: showed up in every relationship where I had to work

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Speaker 2: through my trust issues with men to be like, oh,

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Speaker 2: I'm actually so much more valuable than just being quotations

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Speaker 2: used for sex. It's not about that. It's so much

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Speaker 2: more or so much deeper, you know. It's about connection

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Speaker 2: and love and intimacy and all of those things. And

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Speaker 2: then I changed my relationship with sex where it went

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Speaker 2: from something that was like I'm an object to know

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Speaker 2: this is like the union almost Yes. Yeah.

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Speaker 1: Do you think that came from you working on your

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Speaker 1: self worth though, knowing that you're worthy and you you

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Speaker 1: are more than just sex, like that was all within you?

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Speaker 2: Yeah, I would say it's when I stopped leading with

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Speaker 2: my sexual energy.

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Speaker 1: True, So I'm kind of inviting them in with that. Yes, right,

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Speaker 1: So that makes sense.

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Speaker 2: Because I didn't know this, but unconsciously that's what I

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Speaker 2: was doing. Yeah, Unconsciously I was leading with that energy

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Speaker 2: because that's all that's what I got attention for. Yes,

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Speaker 2: And then I was like, oh, I got reinforced that

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Speaker 2: every time I showed up in a sexual way, it

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Speaker 2: worked and I got their attention, and so I would

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Speaker 2: lead with that and then I would wonder and get

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Speaker 2: angry why they would objectify me. But it was me

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Speaker 2: who was doing that. So when I stopped leading with

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Speaker 2: that and stopped looking for validation and healed my self

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Speaker 2: worth and looked at that, I was like, oh wow,

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Speaker 2: I'm actually there's so much more to me. There's intelligence

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Speaker 2: and humor and nurturing and a beautiful side to me

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Speaker 2: and then this really spicy side to me. There was

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Speaker 2: so much more to me, and I started to see

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Speaker 2: myself as more valuable for the other parts of who

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Speaker 2: I was, and more so my personality as opposed to

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Speaker 2: my physical appearance or what I could provide.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, does it ever still pop up now when you

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Speaker 1: date or you meet a man and you're like, oh, like,

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Speaker 1: does that story creep back in.

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Speaker 2: I mean it definitely did come up with somebody that

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Speaker 2: I recently dated. Yeah, him and I ended up having

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Speaker 2: a fight because I said that all he wanted was sex. Yes,

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Speaker 2: because he every time I didn't give him sex, we'd

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Speaker 2: have a fight. He would get really upset and all

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Speaker 2: the things. And it's not because I believe that belief

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Speaker 2: to be true still, it was just his behavior was

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Speaker 2: really making me think and feel that.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, you know, because he made me feel bad for

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Speaker 1: not giving what he wanted.

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Speaker 2: It was the biggest deal. Yeah, he would have a fight,

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Speaker 2: he would throw a tantrum, it would be a hissy fit,

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Speaker 2: and it was just made me feel really unsafe. I

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Speaker 2: was like, this isn't about me, this is about you.

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Speaker 1: Yes, So you could see the difference.

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Speaker 2: So, yeah, it is. It's tough, you know, because it's

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Speaker 2: when we lump men into one category because of one

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Speaker 2: bad experience we have, it's super damaging for like the

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Speaker 2: rest of men.

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Speaker 1: A hundred plans. Something you brought up recently too, was

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Speaker 1: the new Sabrina Carpenter song. You talk about that because

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Speaker 1: I'd listened to the words and we've seen everyone do

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Speaker 1: the trends like is it slow and like putting down men.

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Speaker 1: But I didn't realize what that song was about until

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Speaker 1: you explained it, and I was like, this is really toxic,

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Speaker 1: and just to be more mindful of what trends you

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Speaker 1: jump on, because they can be really toxic, and you

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Speaker 1: have to put in reverse of how do you feel

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Speaker 1: if men were doing trends about women and putting you

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Speaker 1: into a box like women are doing to men with

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Speaker 1: this song, yes, called Manchild.

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Speaker 2: It's called Manchild by Sabrina Carpenter. And the first time

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Speaker 2: I heard it come out and I started watching women

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Speaker 2: make trends and miming the words. Immediately I had a

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Speaker 2: full body response to it, and I was like, this

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Speaker 2: is so petty, so toxic. It's so petty and it

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Speaker 2: makes me feel sad. And I think what came up

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Speaker 2: for me was like, I actually don't resonate with this. No,

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Speaker 2: Like I don't resonate with speaking to men like that, because,

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Speaker 2: for one, I would never speak to a like that.

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Speaker 2: I wouldn't speak to myself like that. And to then

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Speaker 2: get your brother, dah god, I could never you know.

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Speaker 2: So yeah, when I heard that, I was just like, oh,

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Speaker 2: I can't listen to the song and it's turned me

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Speaker 2: off it since.

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Speaker 1: And it's done. It the tone and their facial expressions,

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Speaker 1: like when she says is it slow, they're like rolling

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Speaker 1: their eyes and like it just is not nice to

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Speaker 1: put men into that box and to put them down,

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Speaker 1: but it is.

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Speaker 2: It's like it's almost like condescending in a way, as

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Speaker 2: if like you're useless.

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Speaker 1: You're useless, you're a man child, you're slow, you're dumb.

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Speaker 2: Like and don't get me wrong, like I've said this

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Speaker 2: to you before, Like I know that there are a

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Speaker 2: lot of things that women cop when it comes to music.

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Speaker 2: Its hoes and thoughts. Yeah, like all this like really

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Speaker 2: derogatory language, But do you really want to be a

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Speaker 2: part of that. You know, it might be like a

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Speaker 2: really light, humorous joke when you're minding it on TikTok,

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Speaker 2: but people will associate you with believing those things. And

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Speaker 2: to me, when I hear that, I'm like, that's not

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Speaker 2: something that I want to teach my subconscious mind to

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Speaker 2: think about men, you know, especially when you've tried and

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Speaker 2: actively trying to get away from unhealthy beliefs about men

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Speaker 2: and then you listen to songs like that, you're just

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Speaker 2: re instilling that belief you know, and it's like, could

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Speaker 2: you imagine if your partner or your future husband or

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Speaker 2: future whoever was listening to songs like that about you

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Speaker 2: or about women, it would be like, get away from me.

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Speaker 2: I never want my future whoever to be thinking those

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Speaker 2: things about me, let alone you doing that to them. Yeah,

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Speaker 2: I just think it's really toxic.

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Speaker 1: It is, And we love men. Men are so beautiful.

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Speaker 1: They lead the way, they hold the space, They keep

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Speaker 1: us grounded, they're stable, they're incredible. I could not live

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Speaker 1: without safe masculine, you know. And when we don't have

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Speaker 1: safe masculine in our life, then we operate from our masculine,

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Speaker 1: which steps us right out of our core energy. For

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Speaker 1: most of the mother's generalization just speaking masculine and feminine,

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Speaker 1: we step into our masculine and we feel like we

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Speaker 1: have to hold everything and control everything, and we're not

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Speaker 1: feminine and flowy, and that doesn't feel good for us,

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Speaker 1: and it leads to burnout. It leads to exhaustion and resentment,

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Speaker 1: and we then blame the men. But then we're allowing it.

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Speaker 1: Because we're not allowing them to lead and be in

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Speaker 1: their healthy masculine, you're putting them down and you're putting

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Speaker 1: them into a box and it starts with us too.

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Speaker 2: And imagine how much that would make men feel shameful. Yeah,

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Speaker 2: Like I actually think that about myself now. Yeah, you know,

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Speaker 2: instead of inviting a man to step up to that

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Speaker 2: role and step up to the plate to support you

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Speaker 2: in that way, that it starts with you. And like

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Speaker 2: how you go what you believe about men, how you

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Speaker 2: see them, how you view them. And then if you

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Speaker 2: know that there are some things that are off, like

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Speaker 2: deep rooted beliefs, right, men are all the same, they

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Speaker 2: only want me for one thing. Then on committal, disloyal,

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Speaker 2: like all of these things. That's something that you get

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Speaker 2: to look at with in you.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, it's a choice. Yeah, and to day, do you

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Speaker 1: want to truly believe that for the rest of your

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Speaker 1: life if you actually take ten seconds to take a

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Speaker 1: big breath and ask yourself if that's the truth? Every

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Speaker 1: single man is a cheatah, is a lie, is disloyal.

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Speaker 1: It's not the truth, like you know it's not. But yeah,

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Speaker 1: it's a really interesting topic. It's sparked up a lot

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Speaker 1: of conversation. It was such a great question.

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Speaker 2: It is so good though, because I feel like, especially

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Speaker 2: with what's being shared on social media A lot of

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Speaker 2: dating advice. Yeah, just anything to do with the opposite sex.

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Speaker 2: I feel like comes from a wounded place. Yeah, you know,

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Speaker 2: because everyone's obviously sharing their experience, and with that comes

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Speaker 2: a little bit of ego. If they've been hurt, they're

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Speaker 2: just going to say one thing and post a video

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Speaker 2: about it and then be like, oh, this is the

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Speaker 2: right way based on their own personal experience. But all

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Speaker 2: it has to take is like them to have had

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Speaker 2: one bad experience with a man to be like, don't

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Speaker 2: do this. He doesn't have good intentions with you. He

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Speaker 2: wants to use you. You know, you just got to

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Speaker 2: be a black cat, be nonchalant, don't care about you know,

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Speaker 2: actually caring about that person. I just don't think it's

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Speaker 2: a healthy way of being in a healthy way of

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Speaker 2: thinking of men in general, because whether you're in a

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Speaker 2: relationship or not, if you are in a relationship or

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Speaker 2: you have these beliefs, you are always going to assume

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Speaker 2: that your partner is that. Yeah, you're going to assume

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Speaker 2: the worst of them, because if something happens, you're automatically

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Speaker 2: going to go to worst case scenario.

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Speaker 1: They're never going to feel like they're winning, succeeding in

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Speaker 1: the relationship that was going to feel like they're failing. Literally,

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Speaker 1: why would you want your man to feel like that?

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Speaker 2: Yeah, and for you to unconsciously think that about your

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Speaker 2: partner too, Oh well, you know, I might trust him,

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Speaker 2: but if something happens then yes, oh of course.

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Speaker 1: It almost like waiting for it to happen. You're just

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Speaker 1: manifesting it. You're bleeding it's going.

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Speaker 2: To happen, waiting for the drop. Yeah.

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Speaker 1: I don't know if I'm going to pay for this,

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Speaker 1: but I think men get left behind. I don't think

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Speaker 1: men get thought about enough. I'll use an example I

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Speaker 1: was thinking about the other day. I had an old

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Speaker 1: friend that went through, you know, a couple of miscarriages

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Speaker 1: and for a woman, absolutely awful experience. I haven't been

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Speaker 1: through it myself, but I've had a lot of girlfriends

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Speaker 1: go through it. I speak to a lot of women

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Speaker 1: online and I can't even begin to imagine the pain

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Speaker 1: of going through a miscarriage. Like, honestly, my heart goes

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Speaker 1: out to every woman that goes through that. The emotional,

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Speaker 1: the physical, the grief, It's a forever thing. When do

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Speaker 1: we stop in to check how the men are doing

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Speaker 1: in that situation. Yes, they don't have the physical they.

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Speaker 2: Go through something. And I remember this old girlfriend.

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Speaker 1: I remember her saying something that she was almost reseentful

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Speaker 1: that he was having a hard time. She was like, well,

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Speaker 1: I'm the one that had to physically go through this,

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Speaker 1: he should be fine. I remember not knowing how far

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Speaker 1: to push, but I wanted to help her see that

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Speaker 1: he still was having an emotional experience. He's still watching

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Speaker 1: you go through all that pain. He's still sitting on

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Speaker 1: the sideline feeling so helpless. He's failed, like he can't

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Speaker 1: do anything to help you, whilst he's also experiencing the

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Speaker 1: grief of the loss of his child as well. I

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Speaker 1: just think they get left behind. And I've actually looked

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Speaker 1: up some stats which is really heavy, but I think

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Speaker 1: it's really important that men are three times more likely

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Speaker 1: to die from suicide compared to females.

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Speaker 2: Wow.

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Speaker 1: Just huge.

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Speaker 2: Yeah.

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Speaker 1: Over three thousand suicides in Australia approximately every single year. Wow,

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Speaker 1: and guess what, seventy five percent of them are men.

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Speaker 1: It's the eleventh leading cause of death for men.

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Speaker 2: Wow.

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Speaker 1: That's the hot as fucked arts. Really, over seventy five

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Speaker 1: percent of suicides are men. It goes to show how

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Speaker 1: much more support, love, appreciation, respect, how much more we

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Speaker 1: need to create these safe containers for men to come

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Speaker 1: and talk and put their hand up and say that

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Speaker 1: they're not okay. I think they get left behind.

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Speaker 2: Yeah.

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Speaker 1: I might copyte for that because women go through a

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Speaker 1: lot as well, but I don't know. I want to

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Speaker 1: kind of be a voice for men and say that

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Speaker 1: they don't have to hold all of it. That's why

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Speaker 1: this conversation is putting them all into a box. It's like,

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Speaker 1: it's not fair. It's not fair. It's actually really disgusting as.

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Speaker 2: Well, a lot of women. And I know this because

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Speaker 2: I used to do this as well, where we used

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Speaker 2: to go, Oh, but I want the men to go first,

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Speaker 2: like the men should be the one to lead. But

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Speaker 2: when we think about like emotional intelligence and the ability

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Speaker 2: to communicate, women take lead in that. Women are so

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Speaker 2: much more familiar with that. We're taught to do that.

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Speaker 2: We're taught to talk about our feelings. We're taught to

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Speaker 2: communicate with our girlfriends and to have support systems. You know,

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Speaker 2: men don't have that. I don't just because they don't

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Speaker 2: and just because they don't communicate to the degree that

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Speaker 2: us women would doesn't mean that they're not sensitive or

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Speaker 2: they don't need it, yeah, or they don't feel feelings

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Speaker 2: to the depths that we do. Right, And with those stats,

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Speaker 2: it shows that men actually do feel quite deeply, which

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Speaker 2: is why they get to the point of suicide, which

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Speaker 2: is really sad.

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Speaker 1: So it feel so fucking alone.

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Speaker 2: But it's just something that you said to me a

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Speaker 2: little while ago, was like, if one partner could lead

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Speaker 2: the torch and shine the light.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, why would we not?

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Speaker 2: Why would we not do that for them?

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Speaker 1: Yeah, it's a cool conversation that we had.

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Speaker 2: It was a really beautiful conversation, and it was about

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Speaker 2: like a friend who was leading the way, who was

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Speaker 2: more intelli emotionally intelligent, and her partner and being like, Okay, cool,

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Speaker 2: I can shine the light in this area because I

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Speaker 2: know how to. And I think that's a really beautiful

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Speaker 2: conversation to have because we do have the ability to

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Speaker 2: do that. Women are so emotionally intelligent. But what it takes,

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Speaker 2: in my opinion at least, is to drop your ego

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Speaker 2: and to let go of the need to have the

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Speaker 2: men lead you in that area, because he can lead

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Speaker 2: you in other areas. Oh yeah, you know, he's going

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Speaker 2: to provide, he's going to protect, he's going to take

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Speaker 2: care of he's going to make sure you're safe. He's

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Speaker 2: going to teach you things and show you how to

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Speaker 2: do life. There's so many things, But where can you

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Speaker 2: lead in your life and in your relationships so that

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Speaker 2: men can feel safe to come in.

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Speaker 1: Especially if it's a strength of yours. I love that

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Speaker 1: leading the torch because it's like if you were literally

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Speaker 1: stuck in a dark cave and you had a light

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Speaker 1: to shine to lead the way, would you just sit

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Speaker 1: there in darkness hoping that he can find a light?

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Speaker 1: No way, you would step up and say, come out

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Speaker 1: of me, I've got it. Yeah, Like, yeah, you would

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Speaker 1: do that. And even in today's modern society, like there

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Speaker 1: is a lot of stay at home dads and the

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Speaker 1: women are out there making bank, can you know, smashing

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Speaker 1: their careers and doing so well. The men are at

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Speaker 1: home taking care of the kids, they taking care of

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Speaker 1: the household, or they're managing the finance. Like everyone's got

381
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Speaker 1: their strengths and weaknesses. And where you can lead if

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Speaker 1: you feel confident in a way that can help build

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Speaker 1: that safety and that connection and that growth like lead

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Speaker 1: in that area.

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Speaker 2: Why would you not?

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Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, get rid of the old rule book that

387
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Speaker 1: you have that men have to be a certain way

388
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Speaker 1: and find what works for the two of you for sure.

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Speaker 2: Yeah. So what would you say, Let's say, for somebody

390
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Speaker 2: who's listening and they wanted to go, Okay, well, like,

391
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Speaker 2: how do I figure out what my beliefs are about

392
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Speaker 2: men and if they're healthy or unhealthy? Is there any

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Speaker 2: advice that you would give them on how to start

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Speaker 2: on that journey?

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Speaker 1: I think I would have to ask that question that

396
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Speaker 1: you asked me, Yeah, because I had to sit and

397
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Speaker 1: think there for a second. It came to me, and

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Speaker 1: then I would unpack where that came from and why

399
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Speaker 1: I believe that, So, like what experience? Yes, and I'd

400
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Speaker 1: look at the evidence that I've had from it and

401
00:15:54,881 --> 00:15:56,961
Speaker 1: be like, Okay, that's still valid. That was my experience

402
00:15:57,081 --> 00:15:59,681
Speaker 1: with that particular man. As we were talking, I was

403
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Speaker 1: thinking of all the evidence that it's not true. Yeah.

404
00:16:02,241 --> 00:16:04,601
Speaker 1: So I was thinking of my stepdad and I was like, Oh, yes,

405
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Speaker 1: there's a abuse, there's our cohol, there's yelling, there's no safety,

406
00:16:07,841 --> 00:16:08,761
Speaker 1: there's uncertainty.

407
00:16:08,841 --> 00:16:10,401
Speaker 2: I was scared. That's awful.

408
00:16:11,121 --> 00:16:13,601
Speaker 1: Oh and then there's Steve, and then there's Levi, and

409
00:16:13,641 --> 00:16:16,201
Speaker 1: then there's Brad, and then there's Taylor. And I could

410
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Speaker 1: name like six or seven men that I have in

411
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Speaker 1: my life currently that I know I could turn to

412
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Speaker 1: and be so held, so protected, so taken care of

413
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Speaker 1: in loads of different ways. And I was like, Oh,

414
00:16:26,961 --> 00:16:29,801
Speaker 1: so that old story, it's not true anymore. So I

415
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Speaker 1: would just ask yourself what stories come up for you

416
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Speaker 1: and look for evidence of both and choose where you

417
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Speaker 1: want to lean energy into. It doesn't have to be

418
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Speaker 1: your truth forever. Yeah, it could have been your truth once,

419
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Speaker 1: but doesn't mean it's going to be true forever.

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Speaker 2: Do you truly believe that when you are around certain

421
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Speaker 2: people who have certain believes, that you can take on their.

422
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Speaker 1: Beliefs one hundred percent. We are so easily influenced, especially

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Speaker 1: with social media or people you care about. I know

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Speaker 1: there's been things over the years that friends have said

425
00:16:53,761 --> 00:16:55,801
Speaker 1: and I'm immediately like, oh, my gosh, yes, of course,

426
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Speaker 1: Chama said that that's going to be true. And most

427
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Speaker 1: of the time you are very spot on.

428
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Speaker 2: I learned a lot from you.

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Speaker 1: Oh I don't know about that, but it is important

430
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Speaker 1: to go with it and be like well, is that

431
00:17:05,921 --> 00:17:08,401
Speaker 1: a projection? Is that her truth is that my truth?

432
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Speaker 1: Where does that come from? What do I think about?

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Speaker 1: That could be true?

434
00:17:10,801 --> 00:17:13,400
Speaker 2: But what else could it mean? And like explore all

435
00:17:13,481 --> 00:17:17,120
Speaker 2: the options like questioning and everything. Get curious. Yeah, okay,

436
00:17:17,281 --> 00:17:19,960
Speaker 2: get curious. I like that. Yeah. I remember if there

437
00:17:20,041 --> 00:17:21,801
Speaker 2: was one time where I had a girlfriend of mine

438
00:17:21,880 --> 00:17:25,641
Speaker 2: who had some not so good experiences with men just recently,

439
00:17:25,761 --> 00:17:27,601
Speaker 2: when we had this conversation and she was just like, Oh,

440
00:17:27,681 --> 00:17:29,001
Speaker 2: I just knew it, like all men are the same.

441
00:17:29,360 --> 00:17:31,681
Speaker 2: And I remember hearing her say that. I remember thinking

442
00:17:31,761 --> 00:17:34,281
Speaker 2: in my head, Wow, I don't think that. I'm like, wow,

443
00:17:34,360 --> 00:17:36,561
Speaker 2: that's the belief, like that you're only going to create

444
00:17:36,681 --> 00:17:39,321
Speaker 2: more of that. And it's so true, like whatever you believe,

445
00:17:39,360 --> 00:17:41,761
Speaker 2: whether good or bad, you'll find the evidence. Y, you'll

446
00:17:41,801 --> 00:17:44,921
Speaker 2: find the evidence. You'll create that into life because you're

447
00:17:44,961 --> 00:17:47,561
Speaker 2: going to look for how that belief is true. So

448
00:17:47,681 --> 00:17:49,401
Speaker 2: even if you have in front of you a very

449
00:17:49,441 --> 00:17:54,001
Speaker 2: good man, your antennas are up. They're up for him

450
00:17:54,080 --> 00:17:57,920
Speaker 2: being wrong. They're being in alignment with that belief that

451
00:17:57,961 --> 00:17:59,840
Speaker 2: you're telling yourself. So you're going to look for that,

452
00:17:59,880 --> 00:18:01,360
Speaker 2: but you're going to miss all of the good things too,

453
00:18:01,561 --> 00:18:02,001
Speaker 2: so true.

454
00:18:02,001 --> 00:18:04,801
Speaker 1: I had a situation like that too recently, just to

455
00:18:04,840 --> 00:18:06,761
Speaker 1: go friend of mine and her partner was having like

456
00:18:06,801 --> 00:18:08,761
Speaker 1: a lot of problems with drinking and drugs and stuff.

457
00:18:08,840 --> 00:18:11,840
Speaker 1: And this is very against her standards and what she

458
00:18:12,001 --> 00:18:13,761
Speaker 1: ever wanted her life. She doesn't touch any of it.

459
00:18:14,281 --> 00:18:16,880
Speaker 1: And she just made one blanket comment and it was like, oh, well,

460
00:18:17,041 --> 00:18:19,080
Speaker 1: I've got to expect every thirty year old guy does this.

461
00:18:19,801 --> 00:18:22,400
Speaker 1: And I was like, ah, no, no, no, we're not

462
00:18:22,441 --> 00:18:24,921
Speaker 1: going to do that. That's not true. And she was like, yeah,

463
00:18:24,961 --> 00:18:26,240
Speaker 1: it's so normal for all of them to go through

464
00:18:26,281 --> 00:18:28,080
Speaker 1: this phase. I said a lot of them. And yes,

465
00:18:28,160 --> 00:18:31,640
Speaker 1: the Australian culture, it's big on drinking and celebrating and

466
00:18:31,721 --> 00:18:33,561
Speaker 1: to have a good time like have another beer, Like

467
00:18:33,640 --> 00:18:36,160
Speaker 1: that's common here, right. I know plenty of thirty year

468
00:18:36,160 --> 00:18:38,681
Speaker 1: olds that don't do that. Absolutely, there are plenty of them.

469
00:18:39,201 --> 00:18:41,561
Speaker 1: You just haven't met them. You don't have to settle

470
00:18:41,600 --> 00:18:43,721
Speaker 1: for that. That doesn't have to be your normal or

471
00:18:43,801 --> 00:18:46,160
Speaker 1: your story. Yes, yeah, I stopped doing the tracks, and

472
00:18:46,160 --> 00:18:48,161
Speaker 1: then she said she made another comment. We're talking about

473
00:18:48,160 --> 00:18:51,280
Speaker 1: another girlfriend that was single, and she made a comment about, oh,

474
00:18:51,640 --> 00:18:52,960
Speaker 1: all forty year olds are going to have a ton

475
00:18:53,001 --> 00:18:53,441
Speaker 1: of baggage.

476
00:18:54,160 --> 00:18:56,521
Speaker 2: I was like, not true, that's not true. That is

477
00:18:56,600 --> 00:18:57,801
Speaker 2: not true. It's such a belief.

478
00:18:57,961 --> 00:18:59,840
Speaker 1: And what is your belief around baggage?

479
00:19:00,080 --> 00:19:00,601
Speaker 2: What do you mean?

480
00:19:00,761 --> 00:19:03,201
Speaker 1: What that means is that divorce? Is that children? What's

481
00:19:03,281 --> 00:19:06,840
Speaker 1: your level of baggage? Because you're your perception on baggage

482
00:19:07,241 --> 00:19:10,321
Speaker 1: could be someone else's absolute treasure of gold. Oh my gosh,

483
00:19:10,360 --> 00:19:10,960
Speaker 1: they have children.

484
00:19:11,001 --> 00:19:11,441
Speaker 2: Beautiful.

485
00:19:11,441 --> 00:19:11,881
Speaker 1: I love kids.

486
00:19:11,880 --> 00:19:12,761
Speaker 2: I always wanted to be a step mom.

487
00:19:12,840 --> 00:19:14,561
Speaker 1: I've always want to be a stepmum. Like my girlfriend Chais,

488
00:19:14,640 --> 00:19:16,961
Speaker 1: she would take one hundred kids. She would never view

489
00:19:17,001 --> 00:19:18,921
Speaker 1: that as baggage. She'd be like, oh my gosh, beautiful.

490
00:19:18,961 --> 00:19:20,801
Speaker 2: This man loves children. I love children.

491
00:19:20,880 --> 00:19:22,241
Speaker 1: How cool I have blended family.

492
00:19:22,441 --> 00:19:22,641
Speaker 2: Yes.

493
00:19:22,681 --> 00:19:24,681
Speaker 1: So it's like, just be careful of what you're attaching

494
00:19:24,801 --> 00:19:27,161
Speaker 1: yourself to and the meaning that you're putting on each

495
00:19:27,160 --> 00:19:29,441
Speaker 1: of those stories, because it can be really negative.

496
00:19:29,801 --> 00:19:31,961
Speaker 2: Something that you said spark something for me. A friend

497
00:19:32,001 --> 00:19:34,801
Speaker 2: of mine who has a friend of his, Yes, and

498
00:19:34,961 --> 00:19:37,521
Speaker 2: he's telling me about how she's, you know, forty, and

499
00:19:37,640 --> 00:19:39,721
Speaker 2: she's kind of dating at the moment, but she was

500
00:19:39,721 --> 00:19:42,200
Speaker 2: single for a little while and then apparently she was

501
00:19:42,281 --> 00:19:46,001
Speaker 2: still attracting even at the age of forty, attracting men

502
00:19:46,120 --> 00:19:49,240
Speaker 2: in his forties who were still drinking, doing drugs, partying,

503
00:19:49,681 --> 00:19:52,160
Speaker 2: you know, still that very much in the ego type energy.

504
00:19:52,441 --> 00:19:54,721
Speaker 2: And I just found it really interesting because he was

505
00:19:54,761 --> 00:19:56,841
Speaker 2: saying like, oh, wow, she's still attracting this, and I'm like, yeah,

506
00:19:56,880 --> 00:19:59,480
Speaker 2: but that's what she's entertaining. Yes, that must be her

507
00:19:59,561 --> 00:20:02,481
Speaker 2: beliefs around men. And you know, because it's in her field,

508
00:20:03,041 --> 00:20:05,801
Speaker 2: that's all that she keeps experiencing, because her beliefs about

509
00:20:05,840 --> 00:20:07,801
Speaker 2: men are still the same. Yes, you know, I think

510
00:20:07,840 --> 00:20:10,481
Speaker 2: it's doesn't believe there's something else that's right. And also

511
00:20:10,640 --> 00:20:13,600
Speaker 2: you get what you entertain. So even if you are

512
00:20:13,681 --> 00:20:15,561
Speaker 2: experiencing a quality of man or a type of man

513
00:20:15,640 --> 00:20:18,760
Speaker 2: that you don't want to be experiencing, then that's your

514
00:20:18,801 --> 00:20:21,080
Speaker 2: responsibility to start saying no to those things. It is.

515
00:20:21,360 --> 00:20:22,801
Speaker 2: And it's not saying that they're not good enough or

516
00:20:22,840 --> 00:20:24,680
Speaker 2: they're not worthy or none of those things. It's just

517
00:20:24,761 --> 00:20:25,441
Speaker 2: not your preference.

518
00:20:25,681 --> 00:20:28,080
Speaker 1: It's like when people say, oh, the same thing keeps happening,

519
00:20:28,080 --> 00:20:29,120
Speaker 1: it's always going to happen to me.

520
00:20:29,640 --> 00:20:30,041
Speaker 2: That's on you.

521
00:20:30,561 --> 00:20:32,761
Speaker 1: What are you allowing to keep happening? Yes, what doesn't

522
00:20:32,840 --> 00:20:34,160
Speaker 1: change doesn't change.

523
00:20:34,041 --> 00:20:36,720
Speaker 2: Even that story, right, Yeah, oh keeps happening to me. Oh,

524
00:20:36,761 --> 00:20:38,280
Speaker 2: it'sertainly going to keep happening to you if you tell

525
00:20:38,321 --> 00:20:39,001
Speaker 2: yourself that there's a.

526
00:20:39,041 --> 00:20:41,360
Speaker 1: Lesson in there. I feel like a lesson keeps getting

527
00:20:41,400 --> 00:20:42,880
Speaker 1: repeated until you actually learn it.

528
00:20:43,041 --> 00:20:44,160
Speaker 2: Yeah. I believe that too.

529
00:20:44,241 --> 00:20:46,000
Speaker 1: Yeah, which is a hard pill to swallow. Like I've

530
00:20:46,041 --> 00:20:48,041
Speaker 1: definitely had to go through that a lot of times.

531
00:20:48,281 --> 00:20:50,760
Speaker 1: I'll be like, why is this third time this has happened?

532
00:20:50,840 --> 00:20:53,281
Speaker 1: Or why does this keep happening to me? And it's like, Okay,

533
00:20:53,360 --> 00:20:53,761
Speaker 1: why is it?

534
00:20:53,880 --> 00:20:56,521
Speaker 2: Then? What's your belief around it? What are you entertaining?

535
00:20:56,561 --> 00:21:00,481
Speaker 2: What are you allowing? What you're not change? Choosing? Yes, yeah,

536
00:21:00,640 --> 00:21:03,001
Speaker 2: so potent because it's so true. It really applies to

537
00:21:03,080 --> 00:21:03,921
Speaker 2: this area of life.

538
00:21:04,640 --> 00:21:05,881
Speaker 1: Yeah, such a good conversation.

539
00:21:05,961 --> 00:21:07,241
Speaker 2: But you're not changing, You're choosing.

540
00:21:07,521 --> 00:21:08,481
Speaker 1: Such a good quote, isn't it.

541
00:21:08,640 --> 00:21:09,441
Speaker 2: Yeah, it's so good.

542
00:21:09,640 --> 00:21:11,880
Speaker 1: We'd love to continue this conversation though. If you have

543
00:21:11,961 --> 00:21:14,521
Speaker 1: any thoughts around this or stories or anything, jump into

544
00:21:14,561 --> 00:21:17,600
Speaker 1: our Facebook forum because it's such an important conversation I

545
00:21:17,640 --> 00:21:19,200
Speaker 1: think we should be having more of. Like I've never

546
00:21:19,241 --> 00:21:20,960
Speaker 1: heard anyone talk about the beliefs around men.

547
00:21:21,080 --> 00:21:22,080
Speaker 2: Yeah, I don't think so either.

548
00:21:22,921 --> 00:21:23,561
Speaker 1: Powerful question.

549
00:21:23,961 --> 00:21:25,561
Speaker 2: I just think it's so important. I think men need

550
00:21:25,640 --> 00:21:28,561
Speaker 2: to be celebrated more. And I think as women for

551
00:21:28,761 --> 00:21:31,681
Speaker 2: what we want out of men, I think it's important

552
00:21:31,761 --> 00:21:34,840
Speaker 2: for us to be willing to meet them halfway. We

553
00:21:34,921 --> 00:21:36,880
Speaker 2: can't expect men to fully come to us, just like

554
00:21:36,921 --> 00:21:38,640
Speaker 2: they can't expect us to fully go to them. And

555
00:21:38,681 --> 00:21:41,680
Speaker 2: they don't put in any work. It's a collaboration, and

556
00:21:41,921 --> 00:21:43,640
Speaker 2: we have to celebrate them as much as we want

557
00:21:43,681 --> 00:21:45,761
Speaker 2: them to celebrate us. And I think that's what I've

558
00:21:45,801 --> 00:21:48,761
Speaker 2: taught myself more recently, is how do I want my

559
00:21:48,880 --> 00:21:51,481
Speaker 2: partner to meet me? What do I want him to

560
00:21:51,561 --> 00:21:54,281
Speaker 2: come into me with? The beliefs about women? How do

561
00:21:54,360 --> 00:21:55,641
Speaker 2: I want him to see me? How do I want

562
00:21:55,681 --> 00:21:57,160
Speaker 2: him to treat his mum? How do I want him

563
00:21:57,201 --> 00:21:59,761
Speaker 2: to treat other women? Yes, all of those things in

564
00:21:59,801 --> 00:22:01,840
Speaker 2: the standard I want him to come into me with.

565
00:22:02,400 --> 00:22:03,680
Speaker 2: I have to meet him in the middle.

566
00:22:03,801 --> 00:22:04,720
Speaker 1: You have to do you know what I mean.

567
00:22:05,080 --> 00:22:06,841
Speaker 2: You're just simply not going to attract that type.

568
00:22:06,681 --> 00:22:09,640
Speaker 1: Of man vibrationally. You will attract what you're being, what

569
00:22:09,721 --> 00:22:11,521
Speaker 1: you're thinking or you're putting out there.

570
00:22:11,481 --> 00:22:13,801
Speaker 2: And how much would that heal to collected if men

571
00:22:13,840 --> 00:22:16,281
Speaker 2: and women consciously came together like that to be able

572
00:22:16,321 --> 00:22:19,241
Speaker 2: to create a new way of being. Psycho logic magic,

573
00:22:19,441 --> 00:22:21,041
Speaker 2: the goal everything.

574
00:22:21,441 --> 00:22:23,360
Speaker 1: Thanks for joining us, guys. I hope you enjoyed this episode,

575
00:22:23,360 --> 00:22:25,321
Speaker 1: and if you're not in our Facebook forum, head over

576
00:22:25,400 --> 00:22:27,761
Speaker 1: to Facebook just type in she rises It's cool. Where

577
00:22:27,761 --> 00:22:30,481
Speaker 1: can extend these conversations out? Thanks guys, Bye,