1 00:00:09,680 --> 00:00:14,000 Speaker 1: Everyone, it's Carlie Taylor here for another Moto Monday. So 2 00:00:14,280 --> 00:00:17,239 Speaker 1: today we are going to dive into something that we 3 00:00:17,400 --> 00:00:21,120 Speaker 1: all seem to want more of, and that is self esteem. 4 00:00:21,880 --> 00:00:24,880 Speaker 1: So we often talk about self esteem as if it's 5 00:00:25,040 --> 00:00:28,800 Speaker 1: a requirement to live a full life. So it's often 6 00:00:28,840 --> 00:00:32,000 Speaker 1: a lack of self esteem that is the reason why 7 00:00:32,040 --> 00:00:34,320 Speaker 1: some of us don't do the things that we could 8 00:00:34,440 --> 00:00:36,520 Speaker 1: do or do the things that we want to do. 9 00:00:37,200 --> 00:00:40,760 Speaker 1: It's like self esteem is part of almost like a 10 00:00:40,840 --> 00:00:45,400 Speaker 1: recipe for life, but it actually isn't. So after all 11 00:00:45,440 --> 00:00:48,879 Speaker 1: the work that I have done, after the many years 12 00:00:49,280 --> 00:00:52,720 Speaker 1: living on this planet, my self esteem is often low. 13 00:00:53,159 --> 00:00:56,360 Speaker 1: And it's not always low, but depending on what's going 14 00:00:56,400 --> 00:01:00,600 Speaker 1: on around me or the events in my life, self 15 00:01:00,720 --> 00:01:05,760 Speaker 1: esteem gremlin can pipe up to remind me that I'm 16 00:01:05,800 --> 00:01:08,480 Speaker 1: not good enough, or I'm gonna be judged, or I'm 17 00:01:08,560 --> 00:01:12,000 Speaker 1: boring or you know what I'm talking about. Because I 18 00:01:12,040 --> 00:01:15,720 Speaker 1: think we've all got that voice in our heads. But 19 00:01:16,240 --> 00:01:20,360 Speaker 1: there's a butt. There's a butt. I've developed an attitude 20 00:01:20,640 --> 00:01:25,000 Speaker 1: of allowing that voice to come and go, and every 21 00:01:25,040 --> 00:01:27,440 Speaker 1: now and then I might get tangled up in its web, 22 00:01:27,480 --> 00:01:30,720 Speaker 1: But more often than not, I don't give into it, 23 00:01:31,360 --> 00:01:34,680 Speaker 1: and it can be so rewarding because you find out 24 00:01:34,720 --> 00:01:37,680 Speaker 1: that you actually can do these things that this voice 25 00:01:37,720 --> 00:01:40,960 Speaker 1: tells you that you can't do. And it's a really 26 00:01:41,040 --> 00:01:44,680 Speaker 1: great feeling because when you do move through that and 27 00:01:44,720 --> 00:01:47,080 Speaker 1: you do these things that will release it's dopamine, and 28 00:01:47,120 --> 00:01:50,200 Speaker 1: it motivates you for next time, and it motivates you 29 00:01:50,680 --> 00:01:54,040 Speaker 1: to be able to take a few risks. So we're 30 00:01:54,080 --> 00:01:58,600 Speaker 1: going to explore how we can shift from striving for 31 00:01:58,800 --> 00:02:01,880 Speaker 1: feeling good enough, which often stops us from taking action 32 00:02:02,080 --> 00:02:06,600 Speaker 1: to doing things that are important to us. So self esteem, 33 00:02:06,600 --> 00:02:09,000 Speaker 1: what is it, Well, it boils down to how you 34 00:02:09,040 --> 00:02:12,000 Speaker 1: feel about yourself and what you tell yourself, and it's 35 00:02:12,040 --> 00:02:15,520 Speaker 1: a measure of your self worth and confidence and your 36 00:02:15,520 --> 00:02:19,880 Speaker 1: ability and your attributes. And having what they call a 37 00:02:20,040 --> 00:02:23,880 Speaker 1: healthy self esteem means that you're generally okay with the 38 00:02:23,880 --> 00:02:27,280 Speaker 1: fact that you make mistakes and that you can't do 39 00:02:27,360 --> 00:02:31,040 Speaker 1: everything at one hundred percent. There's no perfection when it 40 00:02:31,080 --> 00:02:35,800 Speaker 1: comes to having high self esteem. And it also this 41 00:02:35,960 --> 00:02:38,560 Speaker 1: sort of acceptance that others are better at you than 42 00:02:38,800 --> 00:02:43,000 Speaker 1: a lot of things. They may be stronger, or better looking, 43 00:02:43,080 --> 00:02:46,320 Speaker 1: or more successful or whatever it is, and you're okay 44 00:02:46,360 --> 00:02:50,480 Speaker 1: with that. So it really is linked to self acceptance, 45 00:02:51,320 --> 00:02:55,560 Speaker 1: and that means acknowledging where you're at right now, so 46 00:02:55,680 --> 00:02:59,079 Speaker 1: your strengths and your weaknesses, all the things that make 47 00:02:59,520 --> 00:03:02,760 Speaker 1: you who you are, and at the same time being 48 00:03:02,840 --> 00:03:07,200 Speaker 1: compassionate with yourself. And that's not fluffy. I'm not talking 49 00:03:07,280 --> 00:03:11,240 Speaker 1: about giving myself a big hug. I don't do that. 50 00:03:11,320 --> 00:03:14,480 Speaker 1: I don't whenever I've been in a situation when somebody's 51 00:03:14,520 --> 00:03:17,040 Speaker 1: asked me to hug myself, it always just kind of 52 00:03:17,160 --> 00:03:20,919 Speaker 1: eeks me. But anyway, it's fine. If it works, it works, 53 00:03:20,960 --> 00:03:24,839 Speaker 1: but not for me, but for me self. Compassion can 54 00:03:24,880 --> 00:03:29,920 Speaker 1: be about acknowledging my imperfections, acknowledging that my past, with 55 00:03:30,080 --> 00:03:32,680 Speaker 1: all its ups and downs and with all the choices 56 00:03:32,720 --> 00:03:35,680 Speaker 1: that I've made, has brought me to where I am 57 00:03:35,840 --> 00:03:40,440 Speaker 1: right now, and just acknowledging that without putting so much 58 00:03:40,480 --> 00:03:45,280 Speaker 1: attention on this self critical voice that is in our minds, 59 00:03:45,840 --> 00:03:50,080 Speaker 1: is all a part of that self compassion. So I've 60 00:03:50,120 --> 00:03:53,120 Speaker 1: said this before, You are not your thoughts, and this 61 00:03:53,280 --> 00:03:56,840 Speaker 1: is really critical to keep going back to because we 62 00:03:56,920 --> 00:04:00,360 Speaker 1: can get so entangled up in our thoughts that we 63 00:04:00,440 --> 00:04:05,240 Speaker 1: can easily become really stuck and our thoughts tell us stories, 64 00:04:05,280 --> 00:04:08,720 Speaker 1: and we believe the stories to be true, and emotions 65 00:04:08,720 --> 00:04:12,120 Speaker 1: show up based on that story. So we often just 66 00:04:12,280 --> 00:04:16,320 Speaker 1: obey whatever our mind tells us. Our thoughts are just 67 00:04:16,560 --> 00:04:19,960 Speaker 1: words in our minds, but we then put so much 68 00:04:20,040 --> 00:04:23,680 Speaker 1: meaning on those words that can become very, very powerful. 69 00:04:24,480 --> 00:04:27,359 Speaker 1: And this narrative we have in our minds, it is 70 00:04:27,440 --> 00:04:31,760 Speaker 1: based on our experiences from birth right up until now, 71 00:04:32,440 --> 00:04:35,960 Speaker 1: and our mind just wants us to protect us from 72 00:04:36,040 --> 00:04:40,920 Speaker 1: what is perceived as dangerous, perceived danger based on our 73 00:04:40,960 --> 00:04:44,600 Speaker 1: past experience. And of course this can be really helpful 74 00:04:45,520 --> 00:04:48,760 Speaker 1: in certain situations, but in the context of what we're 75 00:04:48,800 --> 00:04:52,600 Speaker 1: talking about, it can be really unhelpful and not useful. 76 00:04:53,040 --> 00:04:56,560 Speaker 1: And we need to decide which thoughts are helping us 77 00:04:56,600 --> 00:05:00,120 Speaker 1: and which thoughts are hindering us. So I ask thank 78 00:05:00,160 --> 00:05:05,920 Speaker 1: you this, what thoughts are holding you back? Can you 79 00:05:06,080 --> 00:05:12,039 Speaker 1: actually identify those thoughts? Can you tell the difference between 80 00:05:12,080 --> 00:05:16,840 Speaker 1: a helpful thought or an unhelpful thought? Because often when 81 00:05:16,880 --> 00:05:21,000 Speaker 1: we're stuck, we become victims of ourselves without consciously being 82 00:05:21,080 --> 00:05:26,000 Speaker 1: aware of that. So you are the observing self. It's 83 00:05:26,080 --> 00:05:28,400 Speaker 1: like sitting on the bank of a river and watching 84 00:05:28,440 --> 00:05:31,720 Speaker 1: your thoughts float past on the leaves. You can be 85 00:05:31,960 --> 00:05:35,960 Speaker 1: curious about those thoughts, excepting that they're there, but not 86 00:05:36,120 --> 00:05:40,320 Speaker 1: allowing them to control you, because you are in charge 87 00:05:40,320 --> 00:05:44,599 Speaker 1: of what you do, not your thoughts. So how do 88 00:05:44,680 --> 00:05:48,800 Speaker 1: we observe our thoughts? Well, I've got a technique that 89 00:05:49,320 --> 00:05:52,479 Speaker 1: is really simple but really effective that comes from act 90 00:05:52,560 --> 00:05:58,279 Speaker 1: or acceptance commitment therapy. So rather than saying I'm thinking 91 00:05:58,680 --> 00:06:02,800 Speaker 1: like I'm thinking I'm a loser or I'm thinking I'm fat, 92 00:06:03,560 --> 00:06:07,480 Speaker 1: you say to yourself, I notice I'm having the thought 93 00:06:08,160 --> 00:06:11,200 Speaker 1: that I'm a loser. Because what that does is it 94 00:06:11,360 --> 00:06:16,160 Speaker 1: separates you from the thought because you are now becoming 95 00:06:16,200 --> 00:06:20,440 Speaker 1: the noticer of the thought, not the thoughts themselves. And 96 00:06:20,560 --> 00:06:24,440 Speaker 1: a metaphor that I heard recently which I really love 97 00:06:24,720 --> 00:06:28,640 Speaker 1: is to imagine that you're at a stushi train. And 98 00:06:28,680 --> 00:06:30,719 Speaker 1: I think I love this one because my son Oscar 99 00:06:30,760 --> 00:06:34,080 Speaker 1: absolutely loves sushi train. We're always going there for lunch. 100 00:06:34,120 --> 00:06:36,359 Speaker 1: It's kind of our special time together. So yeah, I 101 00:06:36,400 --> 00:06:39,680 Speaker 1: really love this metaphor. So imagine you're an at a 102 00:06:39,680 --> 00:06:42,800 Speaker 1: stishy train and all the plates of food are your thoughts. 103 00:06:43,440 --> 00:06:46,240 Speaker 1: So some of them are your favorites, some of them 104 00:06:46,240 --> 00:06:48,560 Speaker 1: are just yeah, yeah, okay, Yeah, I'll take it if 105 00:06:48,600 --> 00:06:51,880 Speaker 1: you want it, and some there is no way you'd 106 00:06:51,880 --> 00:06:54,960 Speaker 1: take it, like eel, Like I just would never pick 107 00:06:55,040 --> 00:06:59,000 Speaker 1: up any plate that says that it's eel sushi. No 108 00:06:59,040 --> 00:07:01,760 Speaker 1: offense to the people that love ill, but yeah, it 109 00:07:01,839 --> 00:07:05,120 Speaker 1: just wouldn't be my choice. So the chef keeps on 110 00:07:05,320 --> 00:07:08,839 Speaker 1: placing plates of food on the conveyor belt. So the 111 00:07:09,000 --> 00:07:12,520 Speaker 1: chef is like your automatic thoughts. You don't have a 112 00:07:12,680 --> 00:07:17,360 Speaker 1: choice which thoughts keep appearing, and these plates they keep 113 00:07:17,360 --> 00:07:20,160 Speaker 1: on coming. But you are able to watch the thoughts, 114 00:07:20,760 --> 00:07:24,200 Speaker 1: watch the sushi as it goes by, and choose which 115 00:07:24,240 --> 00:07:27,400 Speaker 1: thoughts you want and which thoughts you can let pass 116 00:07:27,440 --> 00:07:31,280 Speaker 1: you by. So those thoughts that aren't helpful, like you're 117 00:07:31,280 --> 00:07:33,360 Speaker 1: an idiot, or you're not good enough, or you're boring, 118 00:07:33,440 --> 00:07:37,200 Speaker 1: or you're unlovable, they're the sushi plate that you don't 119 00:07:37,240 --> 00:07:40,320 Speaker 1: pick up. And so this is what you can develop. 120 00:07:40,480 --> 00:07:44,080 Speaker 1: You can choose which thoughts to pay attention to and 121 00:07:44,120 --> 00:07:47,640 Speaker 1: which thoughts are not useful. So just like choosing which 122 00:07:47,680 --> 00:07:50,280 Speaker 1: sushi you love or which ones you think are okay, 123 00:07:50,960 --> 00:07:55,080 Speaker 1: and which ones you'd leave. So that's the thing what 124 00:07:55,160 --> 00:07:58,400 Speaker 1: this is teaching us is it's this skill to be 125 00:07:58,440 --> 00:08:01,680 Speaker 1: able to notice our thoughts and to be able to 126 00:08:01,800 --> 00:08:04,440 Speaker 1: accept them that they come and they go because they're 127 00:08:04,520 --> 00:08:08,320 Speaker 1: just automatic, because we're all human. But as being the 128 00:08:08,360 --> 00:08:12,760 Speaker 1: observer of our thoughts, we can identify which thoughts are 129 00:08:12,800 --> 00:08:16,560 Speaker 1: helpful to us and which ones aren't, and then allow 130 00:08:16,600 --> 00:08:18,760 Speaker 1: the others just to be there. They might hang around 131 00:08:18,800 --> 00:08:22,720 Speaker 1: for a bit, but otherwise they will gently pass over time, 132 00:08:24,120 --> 00:08:27,360 Speaker 1: and then you take action. Even knowing the automatic thoughts 133 00:08:27,440 --> 00:08:30,080 Speaker 1: may appear at any moment, you make a choice to 134 00:08:30,120 --> 00:08:34,920 Speaker 1: act today that aligns with your core values. So maybe, 135 00:08:35,080 --> 00:08:38,640 Speaker 1: for example, you choose to have alcohol free days because 136 00:08:38,679 --> 00:08:41,720 Speaker 1: you value your energy levels for the next day. Maybe 137 00:08:41,720 --> 00:08:44,600 Speaker 1: you spend some quality time with your family or your pet, 138 00:08:45,320 --> 00:08:48,360 Speaker 1: or even have quality me time. Or maybe you hit 139 00:08:48,400 --> 00:08:52,120 Speaker 1: the gym even though your mind tells you you feel 140 00:08:52,120 --> 00:08:54,679 Speaker 1: out of place there, or you're too tired or you're 141 00:08:54,679 --> 00:08:59,640 Speaker 1: too fat. You go anyway. Namel Robins said in one 142 00:08:59,679 --> 00:09:02,680 Speaker 1: of her podcast episodes, we don't need to wait for 143 00:09:02,720 --> 00:09:07,160 Speaker 1: the confidence fairy to arrive. It's about living consistently with 144 00:09:07,280 --> 00:09:10,559 Speaker 1: who we want to be, and it means your self 145 00:09:10,679 --> 00:09:15,679 Speaker 1: esteem doesn't dictate how you live your life. And I 146 00:09:15,720 --> 00:09:20,120 Speaker 1: have talked on previous Mojo Monday sessions about letting go 147 00:09:20,200 --> 00:09:24,400 Speaker 1: of how life should be. Or there's another episode I 148 00:09:24,440 --> 00:09:28,079 Speaker 1: did on untangling from your Inner Critic, which is very 149 00:09:28,080 --> 00:09:30,640 Speaker 1: similar to this one. So what we're doing is we're 150 00:09:30,720 --> 00:09:36,240 Speaker 1: building on these skills of being able to observe our thoughts, 151 00:09:37,000 --> 00:09:40,760 Speaker 1: notice our emotions, become the noticer, and then take action 152 00:09:41,559 --> 00:09:45,840 Speaker 1: using our values as a compass rather than always using 153 00:09:45,920 --> 00:09:50,760 Speaker 1: our thoughts and emotions. So that's it for this Mojo Monday. 154 00:09:51,120 --> 00:09:53,719 Speaker 1: Thank you for spending this time with me. I really 155 00:09:53,800 --> 00:09:58,120 Speaker 1: appreciate it. So remember, self esteem isn't going to magically appear. 156 00:09:58,640 --> 00:10:02,200 Speaker 1: It comes throuughe action. No matter what your mind is 157 00:10:02,240 --> 00:10:05,480 Speaker 1: telling you, you do the things that are important to you, 158 00:10:06,280 --> 00:10:09,200 Speaker 1: and that way your self esteem builds. So have a 159 00:10:09,200 --> 00:10:20,239 Speaker 1: great week everybody, and I will catch you next week. 160 00:10:12,040 --> 00:10:12,120 Speaker 1: Se