Speaker 1: Good a groovers. Hope you're bloody terrific, welcome back. So
Speaker 1: yesterday I kicked off the kind of how to get
Speaker 1: unstuck conversation, how to get out of your own way,
Speaker 1: how to stop self sabotaging, overthinking, how to stop being
Speaker 1: held ransom to your own emotions, and all those things.
Speaker 1: I think this is a really important conversation. I enjoyed it.
Speaker 1: This is the completion of that. Here is part two,
Speaker 1: number four on my how to get unstuck list is
Speaker 1: choose to do what scares you. That is the thing
Speaker 1: that you need to do to create the outcome you want.
Speaker 1: I'm not just talking about what scares you running in
Speaker 1: front of a truck do that, and no, of course not.
Speaker 1: I'm talking about strategic, intelligent, purpose driven facing your fear.
Speaker 1: Be courageous. Your goal is not to be fearless. Your
Speaker 1: goal is not to eradicate all self doubt. Your goal is,
Speaker 1: despite your fear, despite your overthinking, despite your self doubt,
Speaker 1: despite your insecurity, do something really fucking brave because you can.
Speaker 1: Because you can. I know you don't want to sometimes,
Speaker 1: I know that you doubt yourself. At the very least,
Speaker 1: you're going to have an experience. You might fuck up,
Speaker 1: you might fall down metaphorically, you might get it wrong,
Speaker 1: and then at the end of that you have a
Speaker 1: challenge by the way. You might get it right, might
Speaker 1: be fucking great. Whatever the outcome is, you're going to
Speaker 1: learn something. You're going to learn something. I've spent years
Speaker 1: doing things that didn't work. In fact, most of the
Speaker 1: things that I tried, at least initially didn't work or
Speaker 1: I got a four out of ten, not a ten
Speaker 1: out of ten outcome, sometimes a minus two out of ten.
Speaker 1: And that is because I knew. I knew that well,
Speaker 1: I didn't know. Actually, I thought that I could probably
Speaker 1: do this thing eventually. But in the moment, at the start,
Speaker 1: I knew that I wouldn't win, that I wouldn't get
Speaker 1: it right. I knew that it wouldn't be perfect. I
Speaker 1: knew that it would be flawed. But I also knew
Speaker 1: that that imperfection and that flaw and that three or
Speaker 1: two out of ten result was a pathway. It was
Speaker 1: a conduit to understanding and skill and development and growth
Speaker 1: and better outcomes. It's in the middle of doing the
Speaker 1: things that scare me that I get better. It's in
Speaker 1: the middle of doing the things that I'm uncomfortable with,
Speaker 1: that I'm unfamiliar with, around which there is little or
Speaker 1: no certainty. It's in the middle of that that I
Speaker 1: become the best version of me. It's in the middle
Speaker 1: of letting fear control me that I become the worst
Speaker 1: version of me, because if I don't manage my fear,
Speaker 1: it will manage me. And I do want to not
Speaker 1: be a prisoner in my own emotions, and neither do you.
Speaker 1: Number five is practical, not sexy, not mind blowing. Number
Speaker 1: five is write yourself for to do list. And that
Speaker 1: might just be two things, that might be two hundred things.
Speaker 1: Let's probably not go with two hundred. Right yourself a
Speaker 1: to do list and fully commit to it, like fully,
Speaker 1: this is me, now, this is what I do. Now,
Speaker 1: remove the escape clause and the safety net, take away
Speaker 1: the get out a jail card. Tell somebody else, perhaps,
Speaker 1: so that now you've got a level of accountability. Take
Speaker 1: the emotion whatever it is that you feel, the thing
Speaker 1: that you want to do, that you're excited about but
Speaker 1: scared to do. And then with that emotion, that excitement,
Speaker 1: that goal, that vision, that dream, that thing that you
Speaker 1: want to change, that thing that you are moved to
Speaker 1: change or do, or be or create. Take that emotion
Speaker 1: and wrap it in a strategy. Wrap it in a plan,
Speaker 1: Wrap it in logic, Wrap it in accountability, wrap it
Speaker 1: in wrap it. I'm not saying rabid wrap wrap, wrap
Speaker 1: it in something which is almost impossible for you to
Speaker 1: not operationalize. In other words, do so many people set
Speaker 1: themselves kind of a goal or write themselves a to
Speaker 1: do list, but they're on no level committed. Like if
Speaker 1: I'm fully committed to something, fully committed I mean mentally, emotionally, behaviorally,
Speaker 1: one boots and all. Then on the days when I
Speaker 1: don't feel disciplined, I'm not. I'm not you know, inspired,
Speaker 1: I'm not motivated, I'm not feeling it, I'm not loving it.
Speaker 1: It doesn't matter because I'm fully committed, So barring sickness
Speaker 1: or injury or some unavoidable reason, but barring that, I'm
Speaker 1: doing it. And the reason that I'm doing it is
Speaker 1: because I am fully invested and fully committed to this
Speaker 1: process to create the thing I want to create. And
Speaker 1: we need to get our head around the idea that
Speaker 1: this won't be fun, quick, easy, or painless. And not
Speaker 1: only is that okay, it's fucking great because in the
Speaker 1: middle of all of that, I'm still gonna I'm going
Speaker 1: to create better results anyway because I'm doing the workhead down,
Speaker 1: bum up, I'm focused. But also the bonus and maybe
Speaker 1: even the real gift in the middle of all of this,
Speaker 1: is that I'm becoming better. I am making me a
Speaker 1: stronger me, a better me, a more resilient me, a
Speaker 1: more capable me, a more resourceful creative me, and hopefully
Speaker 1: a better me for others, a better leader, a better communicator,
Speaker 1: a better dad, a better mum, a better sister, a
Speaker 1: better brother, a better friend, a better problem solver, a
Speaker 1: better career. Like this is kind of the refiner's fire,
Speaker 1: where we put ourselves in the fire of that challenge
Speaker 1: and we come out the other side. Ah. So that
Speaker 1: was five and six. Number seven is extricate yourself from
Speaker 1: people who perpetuate your stuckness. Oh, I'll say that again.
Speaker 1: Extricate yourself from the people who from people who perpetuate
Speaker 1: your stuckness. In other words, as much as possible. And
Speaker 1: I know there are a lot of variables around this.
Speaker 1: You say, yeah, cool, Craig, but what if one of
Speaker 1: those people is my partner or my brother, or my
Speaker 1: sister or my barcelma. I get it. And so that's
Speaker 1: why this is global, That's why this is broad and general.
Speaker 1: But as much as possible. When you realize that there
Speaker 1: is a personal person's on planet, you that and we're
Speaker 1: not blaming them, but we realize that perhaps they are
Speaker 1: a contributor. Then either if possible, if possible and appropriate,
Speaker 1: we extricate ourselves from that relationship or that environment, or
Speaker 1: we perhaps change the dynamic, that is, we maybe see
Speaker 1: them less, we maybe realize there are certain conversations we
Speaker 1: don't have with them. There are people in my life
Speaker 1: virtue of situation and circumstance who over my journey have
Speaker 1: not been encouraging or supportive, and that's okay, have not
Speaker 1: had faith in me or confidence in me, and have
Speaker 1: at times undermined, questioned, and done a whole lot of
Speaker 1: things that really did not help me to move forward
Speaker 1: to grow to a vole. In fact, if I had
Speaker 1: paid too much attention, and I did pay too much attention,
Speaker 1: but if I hadn't have been able to extricate myself
Speaker 1: from that influence, I would not have done a lot
Speaker 1: of the things I've done. And definitely no high watermark
Speaker 1: for success or post a boyd for success. But I've
Speaker 1: done some really cool things and I'm very happy and
Speaker 1: proud of that. But I realize that there are certain
Speaker 1: people that, although I may have to have a relationship
Speaker 1: with them courtesy of just my life or situation, there
Speaker 1: are certain people that I won't have particular conversations with,
Speaker 1: I won't open certain doors. And that doesn't mean I
Speaker 1: hate those people, are dislike them. It doesn't mean that
Speaker 1: at all. It just means it just means that there
Speaker 1: are there will always be people who don't understand you,
Speaker 1: or your potential, or your possibilities or your vision. And
Speaker 1: that's okay. We're not about hating on people. We're just
Speaker 1: about realizing, okay, I need to And by the way,
Speaker 1: we're not just looking for people who tell us what
Speaker 1: we want to hear. That's the opposite of what we need.
Speaker 1: But we're talking about people who people who genuinely love
Speaker 1: us and care about us and will support us but
Speaker 1: also give us intelligent, critical feedback, you know, when required.
Speaker 1: So we don't need the haters, and we don't need
Speaker 1: the over the top, gushy, backslapping, you know support group.
Speaker 1: We don't need that because that can create problems of itself.
Speaker 1: But just realize that who you hang around with matters.
Speaker 1: In other words, hang out with people who drag you up,
Speaker 1: so that I kind of meshed seven and eight there.
Speaker 1: So number nine is this, do new things again? What
Speaker 1: are we talking about? We're talking about getting unstuck. Do
Speaker 1: new things, step into unfamiliar territory. I know that when
Speaker 1: I do new things with new people in new environments,
Speaker 1: I expose myself to new ideas. I expose myself to
Speaker 1: even different cultures and conversations and people when I do
Speaker 1: something unme all of a sudden, I'm doing something new
Speaker 1: in a way that I've never done it, perhaps different place,
Speaker 1: different experiences, and it opens my brain. It makes me
Speaker 1: realize that I've been living in a corridor or an
Speaker 1: echo chamber. At times, when we have new experiences, it
Speaker 1: exposes us to things that we are generally not exposed
Speaker 1: to in our day to day. Sometimes it builds or
Speaker 1: arouses curiosity. Sometimes it creates awareness or insights. Sometimes it
Speaker 1: gives us a different understanding. Sometimes it creates momentum. You know,
Speaker 1: for example, the amount of people that I have worked
Speaker 1: with over the years that have done something physical which
Speaker 1: was a challenge for the first time, and I coached
Speaker 1: them towards that. They did the work, they did the event,
Speaker 1: they got the outcome, not me, but I supported and
Speaker 1: coached them towards that. So somebody who'd never run in
Speaker 1: their life, never run one kilometer, always considered themselves unfit, unhealthy,
Speaker 1: a complete non athlete. People love trained up to eventually
Speaker 1: do marathons, but even say a ten k or a
Speaker 1: five k fun run, when something amazing happens, when people
Speaker 1: do shit that they never thought they could do and
Speaker 1: they get unstuck, they get unstuck, they get out of
Speaker 1: the groundhog danus of overthinking to an extent anyway, But
Speaker 1: what it does is it opens It opens new doors.
Speaker 1: It opens possibilities and understanding of possibilities and understanding of potential.
Speaker 1: Because when people do something that they never thought they
Speaker 1: could do, instantly they have a new belief or the
Speaker 1: belief is I can run a marathon. I know because
Speaker 1: I just ran one, or a half marathon. The belief
Speaker 1: is like, oh wow, I actually have more capacity and
Speaker 1: more potential than I believed. I got it wrong? What
Speaker 1: else did I get wrong? If I can do this,
Speaker 1: what else can I do if I can get out
Speaker 1: of my own way and run a marathon, or register
Speaker 1: a business, or build a business, or do a degree,
Speaker 1: or lose thirty kilos or menda relationship or overcome a
Speaker 1: distractive habit. If I can do that, what else can
Speaker 1: I do? And it's in the doing of especially new
Speaker 1: things that we've never tried, that we change and that
Speaker 1: we open new doors and we create momentum. You know,
Speaker 1: it seems I'm kind of weird perhaps that I say
Speaker 1: I'm not particularly academic, But I'm not particularly academic. That's
Speaker 1: just the truth. But I'm in the middle of this
Speaker 1: academic journey right now. And apart from the you know,
Speaker 1: the work and hopefully we'll see, hopefully the outcome of
Speaker 1: a PhD and all of that stuff, which is, you know, interesting,
Speaker 1: and I guess the good achievement and all that, But
Speaker 1: you know what's really interesting for me is I just
Speaker 1: know so much different stuff now. I just have a
Speaker 1: different insight. And I'm not a better person than I was,
Speaker 1: but I've had in the last four years of my
Speaker 1: PhD journey, so many new experiences, new conversations, new insights
Speaker 1: in new environments, being exposed to new ideas, and just
Speaker 1: so much stuff that is so different from the rest
Speaker 1: of my life that it's fucking mind blowing. And it
Speaker 1: just and honestly like, what are we now do I'm
Speaker 1: sixty next month, which is fucking ridiculous. But I've never
Speaker 1: been maybe I've been this excited, but I've never been
Speaker 1: more excited. I don't think I've never been more curious,
Speaker 1: like to do, to keep learning, to keep evolving, to
Speaker 1: keep optimizing everything from my body to my brain, to
Speaker 1: my knowledge, to my performance, to my emotional state, to
Speaker 1: my outcomes, to my relifeationships, to my business and brand
Speaker 1: and all of those things. I'm so fucking excited because
Speaker 1: my life is well. Fortunately, yeah, fortunately, I'm very blessed
Speaker 1: and very lucky. I acknowledge that. But at the same time,
Speaker 1: I've worked like a motherfucker for forty years. I've born
Speaker 1: in a great country with great parents, and so I
Speaker 1: had lots of I had a running start, as most
Speaker 1: of us who were born in Australia did not all.
Speaker 1: But it's for me a lifetime of doing new things
Speaker 1: and to stepping into unfamiliar territory, to exposing myself to
Speaker 1: new things, hard things, difficult, unfamiliar things. For me, that's
Speaker 1: what's kept me unstuck, opening businesses, building, helping build an industry,
Speaker 1: personal training, writing the first course, writing books, getting books
Speaker 1: published and distributed, working on the radio, working in television,
Speaker 1: going back to or start doing my first degree at
Speaker 1: thirty six years of age, going back at fifty six,
Speaker 1: you know, for another crack, just this capacity that we
Speaker 1: all have to just keep doing new things, having new experiences,
Speaker 1: that we might keep growing and learning and evolving. Number
Speaker 1: ten is a bit deep and philosophical, but that's me
Speaker 1: tap into you. Number ten is tap into your internal
Speaker 1: sat Nab. And if you know me, you've heard this
Speaker 1: term many times. Your internal sat Nab is that kind
Speaker 1: of knowing, that wisdom, that insight, that intelligence that comes
Speaker 1: from I don't know where. Maybe it's instinct, maybe it's intuition,
Speaker 1: maybe it's divine. I don't know what it is. I
Speaker 1: really do not know what it is. But I do
Speaker 1: know that I have that you have. That we all
Speaker 1: have a knowledge, a knowing, and an understanding and a
Speaker 1: level of wisdom and insight that is innate. I'm not
Speaker 1: talking about things that we got taught or things that
Speaker 1: we got told, or I'm not talking about acquired knowledge.
Speaker 1: I'm not talking about that. I'm talking about in the
Speaker 1: middle of the bullshit. There's always this still quiet voice.
Speaker 1: There's always this deep seated knowing of what we should
Speaker 1: do and shouldn't do. And sometimes we just drowned that
Speaker 1: out with noise and with chaos and with busyness and
Speaker 1: booze and drugs and lack of focus and attention. But
Speaker 1: when we can be still, where we can hit the
Speaker 1: pause button, when we can find some space and some
Speaker 1: time and some quiet, then we can realize and come
Speaker 1: to see and understand things that we don't when we're
Speaker 1: in our head, when we're trapped in our head, when
Speaker 1: we're trapped in the momentum and the chaos of life.
Speaker 1: And this requires again, discipline, This requires some time. This
Speaker 1: is not something that you can do in the middle
Speaker 1: of the bullshit. This is something that requires you. Maybe
Speaker 1: it means that five minutes, you know you have fourteen
Speaker 1: hundred and forty minutes a day. Maybe it means five
Speaker 1: minutes you sit somewhere and you try to switch off
Speaker 1: and you just see what comes up for you. You
Speaker 1: just feel what you feel, and maybe you get out
Speaker 1: of your head and maybe you get into your heart.
Speaker 1: Maybe you see what's going on in there. Number eleven,
Speaker 1: we've got three more to go. Number eleven is keep trying.
Speaker 1: And that's one of those things you think, well, you
Speaker 1: wouldn't have to say that, But the truth is people
Speaker 1: don't keep trying. The truth is people try and then
Speaker 1: they stop. But if they kept trying, and they kept trying,
Speaker 1: and they improvised and adapted, you know, and overcame and
Speaker 1: survived and just figured it out and fell down and
Speaker 1: got up and fell down and got up and you know,
Speaker 1: fucked up and got back up, and you know, sometimes
Speaker 1: it just comes down to not giving up. That's not set,
Speaker 1: that doesn't require three HDS. You didn't need to pay
Speaker 1: for that. But some people just don't give up, and
Speaker 1: they're not, you know, and they outperformed people with more
Speaker 1: talent and skill and a higher IQ and better genetics.
Speaker 1: And I think part of the reason I've done okay
Speaker 1: is that, like and for me, I've said this before,
Speaker 1: because I wasn't the naturally gifted, talented, genetically blessed kid,
Speaker 1: I always had to work harder for everything. I had
Speaker 1: to work harder to get in shape and harder to
Speaker 1: make sporting teams, and harder to get academic results, and
Speaker 1: harder to even fit in socially because I wasn't the
Speaker 1: naturally charming, charismatic, gifted kid. I wasn't that, and so
Speaker 1: my mediocrity in some ways for me was a gift.
Speaker 1: And it was the gift that turned into resilience. It
Speaker 1: was the gift that turned into the capacity that I
Speaker 1: have to keep going to not give up, to be
Speaker 1: able to deal with what many people would call I
Speaker 1: will generally call them insight into you know what's working
Speaker 1: and what's not. Fall down, Get up, Fall down six times,
Speaker 1: get up seven. Number twelve. This is an interesting one. Actually,
Speaker 1: now I'm going to do that one last number, so
Speaker 1: we'll call this one number twelve. You don't know what
Speaker 1: I'm talking about, but I just switched my own list around.
Speaker 1: Number twelve is build a new relationship with discomfort. I
Speaker 1: talk about this too much, probably, but I'm saying this
Speaker 1: for those of you who are relatively new and haven't
Speaker 1: heard much of me. I'm going to tell you that
Speaker 1: our capacity to be able to deal with discomfort and
Speaker 1: do things that we don't want to do and things
Speaker 1: that are not fun, quick, easy, or painless, that is
Speaker 1: a superpower that is a personal development superpower because when
Speaker 1: we can, when we can lean into the discomfort, when
Speaker 1: we can when we can embrace the hard thing, when
Speaker 1: we can choose to physically, mentally, emotionally work against resistance,
Speaker 1: just like we go to the gym, we work against resistance.
Speaker 1: The byproduct is strength. The byproduct is we build resilience
Speaker 1: and capacity and insight. We do a hard thing and
Speaker 1: we develop. And when we are prepared to change our
Speaker 1: relationship with discomfort, that is, we are prepared to lean
Speaker 1: into the pain in an intelligent, strategic, not a reckless
Speaker 1: or silly way, but prepared to embrace pain on a
Speaker 1: daily basis sometimes or embrace discomfort, then we accelerate our growth,
Speaker 1: We accelerate our learning, we accelerate our resilience. Every day
Speaker 1: in my life, I do things that I don't want
Speaker 1: to do, things that are uncomfortable, but things that I
Speaker 1: need to do to live my best life. Every day,
Speaker 1: every day, I do things that if it was just
Speaker 1: up to my comfort level or what I would like
Speaker 1: to do or what is fun or what is convenient,
Speaker 1: there's shit that I would absolutely not do. But because
Speaker 1: of my commitment to being the best version of me.
Speaker 1: I do that stuff on autopilot. I don't overthink it
Speaker 1: because I realize that's the commitment, that's the price that
Speaker 1: I need to invest every day. That's the emotional, physical,
Speaker 1: mental investment that I need to make every day to
Speaker 1: create the outcomes I want to create. And the last one,
Speaker 1: Number thirteen is is is deep. Number thirteen is don't
Speaker 1: ask me why thirteen. I just came up with thirteen points.
Speaker 1: Number thirteen is consiting or mortality. One of the things
Speaker 1: I think about is where I am now, Not in
Speaker 1: a morbid way or a dark way, but where I
Speaker 1: am now in the totality of Craig Harper's life. I
Speaker 1: think about nine am sixty three, and I think about
Speaker 1: twenty twenty three, So nineteen sixty three September. I was
Speaker 1: born September twenty eight, So next month, September twenty eight,
Speaker 1: I'll be sixty And I go, wow, if I'm a
Speaker 1: typical Australian male, whatever that is, but I'm going to
Speaker 1: live if I'm typical to around eighty might be eighty
Speaker 1: one or eighty two, but let's just round it out
Speaker 1: to eighty. So if you go, well, Craig, if you're typical,
Speaker 1: your three quarters done. If I'm typical, let's hope I'm not.
Speaker 1: Let's hope I have a few more years than that.
Speaker 1: But if I'm typical, I have about twenty years to live. Now,
Speaker 1: I know that you might go, oh, that's fucking sad
Speaker 1: or dark or also real. Also potentially that's my reality. Potentially,
Speaker 1: like I said, hopefully I can live longer and better.
Speaker 1: But who knows? And so I think sometimes it's good to,
Speaker 1: albeit somewhat uncomfortable and scary, to think about where am
Speaker 1: I on my journey, on my human journey? How much
Speaker 1: longer on my human journey am I going to wait?
Speaker 1: How much longer am I going to feed myself bullshit,
Speaker 1: either cognitively, emotionally or literally eating shit crap food? How
Speaker 1: much longer am I going to waste my time, my talent,
Speaker 1: my potential? Am I going to do it till I'm seventy?
Speaker 1: Am I going to do it till I just dropped dead?
Speaker 1: One day? Like? What? In the context of what really
Speaker 1: matters to me, in the context of the totality of
Speaker 1: my life? This is my only life. I can't get
Speaker 1: another one, I can't get another body. And so for me,
Speaker 1: who looks at the you know, just I once drew
Speaker 1: a dot on the left hand side of my white board,
Speaker 1: a dot on the right, and then I kind of
Speaker 1: I've figured out my timeline where I was at, and
Speaker 1: I looked at the context of the totality of my
Speaker 1: life based on eighty years, and you know that that
Speaker 1: line was three quarters complete. I'm like, wow. And of
Speaker 1: course there are a few variables that hopefully I can
Speaker 1: influence and control about doing the next twenty years or longer,
Speaker 1: perhaps better. But this is great, sometimes as uncomfortable as
Speaker 1: it might be, but it is great to step back
Speaker 1: and go, fuck my life, my life, what am I doing? Like,
Speaker 1: where am I at? What's going on with my job
Speaker 1: and me and my relationships and my body and my staff,
Speaker 1: and my happiness and my purpose and my reason and
Speaker 1: my spiritual life and my religion norm whatever it is
Speaker 1: that matters to you, Like one day, you and I
Speaker 1: we ain't going to be here, yeah, and we need
Speaker 1: to think about well, we don't need to do anything,
Speaker 1: but I'm keen on figuring out, Okay, what am I
Speaker 1: going to do? Be? Create? Change? What am I going
Speaker 1: to do in the next twenty or thirty years? And
Speaker 1: it's not all about ticking boxes and achieving, and it's
Speaker 1: not all about that. I also want to have I
Speaker 1: also want to laugh. I also want joy. I also
Speaker 1: want to watch Netflix and ride motorbikes and fucking hang
Speaker 1: out with friends. But at the same time, I want
Speaker 1: to be the best version of me. I want to
Speaker 1: live as long as I can optimally. I want to
Speaker 1: eat great food. I want to live in a great body.
Speaker 1: I want to I want to have a great, healthy mind.
Speaker 1: I want a healthy brain. I want healthy relationships. I
Speaker 1: want to do shit that's rewarding, fulfilling, and fun. I
Speaker 1: don't want to let father time or mother nature take
Speaker 1: a hold. There are things that I can do to
Speaker 1: self regulate and self manage, which means I can live
Speaker 1: longer for better if I do certain things well. I
Speaker 1: feel like that was worth sharing. I'm not sure if
Speaker 1: it was worth listening to. I enjoyed sharing it with you.
Speaker 1: I love your collective guts is enjoy day, over and out.