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Speaker 1: I've never once in the time that I was pregnant

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Speaker 1: or once Olivia Kane thought to myself, I wish somebody

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Speaker 1: else was doing this with me. Do I want another

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Speaker 1: pair of hands? Yes? I do. Do I want a partner?

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Speaker 1: No I don't. I've never ever thought that that would

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Speaker 1: be the better option. And maybe it is because of

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Speaker 1: my upbringing, and you know, I've seen what it is

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Speaker 1: to have somebody go into a relationship that is not healthy,

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Speaker 1: not okay, and have no option to leave.

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Speaker 2: Hello, and welcome to the heart of it. We would

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Speaker 2: like to acknowledge the Gadigal people of the Urination, the

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Speaker 2: traditional custodience of this land, and pay our respects to

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Speaker 2: the elders, both past and present. My name's Ali Datto.

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Speaker 3: Well, I'm can Data. Hi, How I am? Okay?

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Speaker 2: Yeah? Good, We've just I'm still kind of ruminating on

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Speaker 2: the podcast that we had with our lovely Rachel and

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Speaker 2: how beautiful that was.

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Speaker 3: Yes, were joined in the studio earlier by our boss.

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Speaker 3: Yeah yeah, our boss. Rachel Corbett's title here at Nova

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Speaker 3: is head of Podcasts and Digital Content, but not so

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Speaker 3: many of us. No executive Rachel.

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Speaker 2: Well, we know her as the Weekend host of the

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Speaker 2: Project on Channel ten, which she's worked on for over

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Speaker 2: a decade, right in some other Channel ten shows as well.

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Speaker 3: Yep.

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Speaker 2: I don't know where she finds the time, Like, she's

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Speaker 2: just got so much going and stuff that we find

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Speaker 2: out also everything else, Yeah.

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Speaker 3: Because she's really generous in creating educational podcasts about how

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Speaker 3: to be a better podcaster, how to get your ideas

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Speaker 3: onto the airwaves. Yep. And she is a podcaster herself.

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Speaker 2: Correct. And she's got a new one called Me and

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Speaker 2: My Tiny Human. How cute is that where she is

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Speaker 2: taking us on the journey of solo motherhood.

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Speaker 3: Our chat with Rachel, she was talking about, well, she

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Speaker 3: takes us on quite a journey. She shot us a

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Speaker 3: bit where she's in the hospital having given birth to

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Speaker 3: Olivia and it's night two, yeah, and how that was

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Speaker 3: for her and what the night nurs sent.

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Speaker 2: Oh it's a bit tough, Yeah, relatable, I'm sure to

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Speaker 2: a lot of a lot of mums out there. It

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Speaker 2: gets very emotional, I think for all three of us.

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Speaker 2: We talk about the passing of Rachel's mom and you know,

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Speaker 2: the inspiration that her mum still brings to her today actually,

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Speaker 2: and what she learned from her childhood and how she's

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Speaker 2: shifted that and parenting from a from a whole other place.

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Speaker 3: Yes, and speaking a whole other places. She takes us

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Speaker 3: to Greece on a Greek fishing goal.

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Speaker 2: Oh now that's a story.

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Speaker 1: Yoh.

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Speaker 2: Yeah. Well we're getting to the heart of things with

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Speaker 2: Rachel Corbett and really hope you enjoy the chat.

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Speaker 3: Hey, welcome Rach to the heart of it.

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Speaker 1: You got a new name, you got to get hit around.

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Speaker 3: We're out of there now, I know.

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Speaker 2: You're almost getting in the bathroom. Where's no longer.

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Speaker 3: No, we're not there. We're not there.

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Speaker 2: To the heart of it.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, And we normally start with how did you two meet,

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Speaker 3: but we're clearly well we know, yeah.

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Speaker 2: Exactly he came out my son Rufe is how we

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Speaker 2: are actually, which is we have to like been our

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Speaker 2: best behavior. I feel like for this one because Rachel

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Speaker 2: is basically our boss' boss. So if you don't get

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Speaker 2: this right, the boss what okay?

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Speaker 3: So let's start here then, as you're the boss, right,

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Speaker 3: so not many people, A lot of people know you

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Speaker 3: in different ways. So take us through just a week

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Speaker 3: in the life of Rachel Corbett. What do you I

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Speaker 3: mean You've got so many hats.

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Speaker 1: I work and over. Obviously I run the network here

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Speaker 1: and then I'm also on the project on a Sunday,

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Speaker 1: and then I'm now a solo mum. And I also

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Speaker 1: have a business which is a podcasting course, and I

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Speaker 1: have two podcasts.

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Speaker 2: What even I didn't know all of that.

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Speaker 1: So I do a lot outside the hours of my job,

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Speaker 1: and a lot where my kid is asleep. And I honestly,

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Speaker 1: I've always been like that, even before I had a kid.

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Speaker 1: But it does add a different level of exhaustion to

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Speaker 1: the whole process. But I'm not quite sure how to

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Speaker 1: shake that me. Yeah, yeah, I feel like I don't

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Speaker 1: know that I want to either. Yeah, I just kind

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Speaker 1: of want to try and do everything. But I am

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Speaker 1: conscious that now it's a lot more responsibility effort time

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Speaker 1: when I'm with my daughter than it was before those

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Speaker 1: hours and are taken up by something that can be

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Speaker 1: very rewarding but to be honest, very draining.

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Speaker 2: Oh yeah, you.

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Speaker 1: Know, so I don't have a lot left in the tank.

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Speaker 1: So I don't know. That's the juggle for me. I've

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Speaker 1: always been the type of person that's taken more onto

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Speaker 1: my plate than I could probably manage. But I'm conscious

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Speaker 1: that I'm I have to recognize I'm a bit of

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Speaker 1: a different person now, So I'm going to get my

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Speaker 1: mind into how I navigate that.

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Speaker 2: I mean, clearly, you're not adverse to taking on incredibly

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Speaker 2: wonderful challenges. Did that? Where is that from where you?

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Speaker 2: Is that something that you were raised by doing that?

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Speaker 2: It was mum and dad like that? Or where does

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Speaker 2: that come from for you?

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Speaker 1: I think, honestly it was kind of my upbringing, but

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Speaker 1: not necessarily the way my mum and dad were so

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Speaker 1: much as you know, I'm a kid of divorce, that

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Speaker 1: classic kind of life changes. Everything shifts when that happens,

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Speaker 1: and then you find yourself in a new reality that

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Speaker 1: you have to navigate. And I don't know that I've

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Speaker 1: met many kids who've had a good experience of that.

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Speaker 1: Divorced thirteen. So yeah, my memory of life before that,

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Speaker 1: I don't have any negative memories, you know. Interesting, even

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Speaker 1: though my parents obviously weren't in a great relationship, I

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Speaker 1: didn't feel like that was terribly evident to me. My

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Speaker 1: dad was also away a lot because he traveled for

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Speaker 1: business a lot. I don't remember feeling like he wasn't

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Speaker 1: there as a kid, so that's kind of interesting too.

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Speaker 1: But then once my parents split up, it just everything

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Speaker 1: went to shit, okay, you know, And so I would

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Speaker 1: say probably for a period from thirteen to I mean,

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Speaker 1: I would say probably my early thirties, it was pretty

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Speaker 1: hard going. You know. I was still getting stuff done,

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Speaker 1: I was still accomplishing, managing whatever. But in terms of

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Speaker 1: the emotional stuff in my life, there was a lot

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Speaker 1: going on, and I ended up having both my parents

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Speaker 1: had forms of dementia. My mom had Alzheimer's and my

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Speaker 1: father had Louis body dementia. You know, the Alzheimer's with

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Speaker 1: my mother was really terrible. My father, I ended up

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Speaker 1: being sole care for him basically, And so it was

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Speaker 1: this very very long period that was kind of into

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Speaker 1: my forty so in terms of like just getting things done,

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Speaker 1: it's just always been since that kind of moment, the

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Speaker 1: sort of DeVault position. Really.

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Speaker 3: Wow, you're very practiced multitasking, yes, yeah, and.

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Speaker 2: Of caring and taking the load on of caring as well.

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Speaker 1: Yeah wow. And that was a big thing for me

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Speaker 1: to you know, it took me a long time to

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Speaker 1: have a kid. You know, I was forty two when

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Speaker 1: I had my daughter, part of that was I did

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Speaker 1: it by myself. So you need some time to get

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Speaker 1: your head right in your mind, like your emotions right,

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Speaker 1: your finances right, all that kind of stuff to do.

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Speaker 1: That's a big decision to do on your own. But

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Speaker 1: also I'd come out of over ten years of looking

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Speaker 1: after parents and sick parents. I was like, I just

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Speaker 1: can't look after anybody else. Yeah right now? Yeah, So

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Speaker 1: that was a big thing for me at that point

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Speaker 1: in time.

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Speaker 3: And was that like a to be a mum after

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Speaker 3: being a care of your folks? Was that just like,

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Speaker 3: I mean, that's just an instinctual things like I want

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Speaker 3: to be a mother. Yeah.

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Speaker 1: I've always since I was little, thought I want to

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Speaker 1: be a mum. I've always felt like, even when i

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Speaker 1: was sort of in those twenties where I'm just like

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Speaker 1: what am I doing? Am I any good at anything? Like?

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Speaker 1: Where am I going? All that kind of stuff in

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Speaker 1: the back of my mind, even though I didn't want

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Speaker 1: to do it then, I just felt like, I think

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Speaker 1: the only thing I'm really going to be good at

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Speaker 1: is being a mum. I've just always felt like that

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Speaker 1: would be something that I would be good at, and

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Speaker 1: so I've wanted to do it forever, but I haven't

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Speaker 1: wanted to do it at that time for a long time,

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Speaker 1: so I would often think, like when I got to

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Speaker 1: late thirties, I came out of a long term relationship,

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Speaker 1: I realized, I don't have much time to meet somebody

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Speaker 1: now and get to the level with somebody that I

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Speaker 1: want to get to toe secure and safe enough to

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Speaker 1: have a child, because once I have a child with someone,

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Speaker 1: I'm stuck with them for the rest of that's right. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: so I didn't feel like I had enough time, But

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Speaker 1: I was also conscious that my biological clock is ticking,

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Speaker 1: and I'm thinking myself, I've wanted to do this since

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Speaker 1: I can remember, but I'm still not ready. I'm still

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Speaker 1: not at that point where I'm like and why. I

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Speaker 1: know that I want to do this, But it took

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Speaker 1: me a long time, I think obviously because I was

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Speaker 1: on my own as well. It did take me a

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Speaker 1: long time to get my self into the right space,

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Speaker 1: even though it's something I've wanted to do forever.

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Speaker 2: Yeah. Yeah, I'm I exactly the same as you. You know,

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Speaker 2: I can't remember a time that I haven't wanted to

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Speaker 2: be a mom, and I knew even when I was

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Speaker 2: younger that whether I had a partner or not, I

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Speaker 2: was going to have a baby. It just it was

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Speaker 2: that was my absolute dream destiny. And yeah, it was like,

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Speaker 2: if I'm whatever age and I still don't have someone,

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Speaker 2: I will still have a child.

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Speaker 1: That's interesting because I thought a similar thing. Yeah, And

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Speaker 1: I often wonder do you, I mean, it's different for you.

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Speaker 1: You ended up in a great relationship and had kids,

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Speaker 1: and I did end up on my own. And and

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Speaker 1: I thought to myself, did I will this into existence

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Speaker 1: or did I just know myself so well that I

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Speaker 1: knew if this is where I ended up, I would

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Speaker 1: do this. Because in my probably in my thirties, before

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Speaker 1: I met my last partner, I would often say to myself,

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Speaker 1: I think I'll be a solo mom. I used to say,

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Speaker 1: I think I'll be a solo mum and somebody's second wife.

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Speaker 2: Okay, I don't.

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Speaker 1: Know why I thought that. I thought I've probably met

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Speaker 1: somebody that's divorced. Later. Ye, you know, exactly exactly.

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Speaker 3: Exactly, listener.

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Speaker 1: Yes, but at this point I'm just like, actually that bit,

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Speaker 1: I don't even I don't want anymore because I can't

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Speaker 1: even imagine I think like being into somebody anymore. That

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Speaker 1: might seem really weird, but I just feel like I

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Speaker 1: cannot imagine being interested in someone wanting somebody a part

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Speaker 1: of my life, Like what's happened to me? Yeah, I

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Speaker 1: just really have no interest. And I don't know whether

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Speaker 1: that's just because I'm in the think of it. My

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Speaker 1: kid isn't too yet, you know, I'm still in the

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Speaker 1: sort of think of it, and maybe once there she's

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Speaker 1: a little more independent, I'll change that. But I just

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Speaker 1: I can't imagine. What is your daughter's name, Olivia?

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Speaker 3: Olivia? You read the books? Olivia books? No, so good,

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Speaker 3: so good? Your laugh is a classic? Yeah, yeah, yeah,

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Speaker 3: that's got such a personality.

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Speaker 2: I mean, there's so many things I want to get into.

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Speaker 2: Has there been it? What's been your strangest or funniest

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Speaker 2: reaction from people that when you've said that you're a

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Speaker 2: solo mom and you've decided to do it all on

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Speaker 2: your own.

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Speaker 1: Well, the strangest is I took a trip to Greece

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Speaker 1: when I was pregnant. I was three months pregnant. I thought,

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Speaker 1: I'm not going to be able to get on a

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Speaker 1: long whole flight for a long time, but I always

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Speaker 1: wanted to go to Greece. So I went over there.

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Speaker 1: Some friends of mine were going and went along and

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Speaker 1: we were out on this boat one day with this

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Speaker 1: old school you know, he's a fisherman and we're out

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Speaker 1: in the boat. Kept offering me wine all day, kept

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Speaker 1: saying no, no, no, I don't know. And then eventually I say, look,

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Speaker 1: I'm pregnant. Oh you're pregnant. Congratulations, and he sort of

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Speaker 1: in this broken English, starts asking me about the father

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Speaker 1: above said there's no man, just you know, I mean,

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Speaker 1: he was next level, like could not believe it, to

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Speaker 1: the point where the actual sort of escalation of his

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Speaker 1: reaction was when he hurled himself out of the boat

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Speaker 1: to express his shock and horror at what I was doing,

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Speaker 1: and was at me all day long on this boat,

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Speaker 1: to the point where my mates and all of the

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Speaker 1: people that were on the boat were just like, are

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Speaker 1: you okay, Like this is a lot in my mind.

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Speaker 1: I'm like, this is really confirming my life choices, you know,

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Speaker 1: like this is actually making me feel like I went down.

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Speaker 1: But it was just so over the top. And then

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Speaker 1: at the end he pulled me aside to he put

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Speaker 1: into Google Translate that he apologized and could you please

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Speaker 1: let me a good trip Advisor review. So I was like,

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Speaker 1: always thinking about the customers. But yeah, I do often

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Speaker 1: get some very strange reactions. I think one of the

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Speaker 1: more subtle reactions that I noticed a lot, and part

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Speaker 1: of the reason why I wanted to kind of start

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Speaker 1: a podcast about this and kind of talk about it

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Speaker 1: a bit more publicly, was that people would ask me, oh, my,

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Speaker 1: I see you're pregnant, and I would say they'd ask

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Speaker 1: me kind of not even sort of who's your partner,

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Speaker 1: but they'd ask me something in that vein that would

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Speaker 1: make me go, actually, I did it myself, And that

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Speaker 1: split second reaction that I could see that showed me

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Speaker 1: they were like, oh god, I shouldn't have asked like that.

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Speaker 1: This is probably a touchy subject, Like they assumed that

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Speaker 1: it was a bit of a consolation prize for me.

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Speaker 1: I didn't want to upset my Obviously, you've tried to

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Speaker 1: find the man, it didn't work, You're stuck with this option.

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Speaker 1: And so I just really didn't like that response and

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Speaker 1: felt like I always had to get ahead of it

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Speaker 1: to be like I chose to do this, like I'm

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Speaker 1: really happy to do it. I did it by myself

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Speaker 1: because there was this real sense even from men and women,

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Speaker 1: oh your poor thing. I'm like, I don't feel that

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Speaker 1: way at all, Like I actually feel like this is

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Speaker 1: the best possible way that I could have done it.

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Speaker 1: I've never once in the time that I was pregnant

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Speaker 1: or once Olivia Kane, thought to myself, I wish somebody

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Speaker 1: else was doing this with me. Do I want another

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Speaker 1: pair of hands, Yes I do. Do I want a partner, No,

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Speaker 1: I don't. I've never ever thought that that would be

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Speaker 1: the better option. And maybe it is because of my upbringing,

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Speaker 1: and you know, I've seen what it is to have

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Speaker 1: somebody go into a relationship that is not healthy, not okay,

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Speaker 1: and have no option to leave, you know, And so

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Speaker 1: I think growing up in that environment and seeing what

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Speaker 1: that was like, I really recognized and almost kind of

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Speaker 1: sunk into my bones in a way that like, I

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Speaker 1: want to be independent, like able to do my own thing.

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Speaker 1: And maybe that's kind of made me go as far

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Speaker 1: to that extreme as possible. But I found it a

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Speaker 1: very powerful, exciting, great way to do things. But I

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Speaker 1: did notice that a lot of people thought, oh, this

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Speaker 1: would be a bit this must be a bit.

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Speaker 3: Sad for you, well, okay, so that's a misconception. Are

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Speaker 3: there other misconceptions around it? And what what do you

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Speaker 3: wish people knew more about?

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Speaker 1: So I think you have absolutely no idea. And I

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Speaker 1: don't say this saying like you know a lot. I

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Speaker 1: think sometimes people can get a bit angry at other

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Speaker 1: people for having partners, and it's like, this is a

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Speaker 1: decision you made, like it's tough, but you're on your

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Speaker 1: own and you made that choice, right. So but sometimes

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Speaker 1: I don't think you can have any idea of like

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Speaker 1: what it actually is about unless you've done it on

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Speaker 1: your own. Even if you've you know, sometimes I talk

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Speaker 1: to parents like, oh, yeah, I like my partner went

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Speaker 1: away for a week, and I'm like, yeah, but you

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Speaker 1: still had somebody to call every time you had a

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Speaker 1: drama and say, hey, this has happened. Can you troubleshoot?

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Speaker 2: This is right?

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Speaker 1: It is And if they're not physically there, they're coming back,

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Speaker 1: you know. So it's it's a very different situation. And

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Speaker 1: it's just like there's no one to call. It's me.

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Speaker 1: I'm in this and I'm in there twenty four to seven.

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Speaker 1: There ain't no tap out at five pm when someone

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Speaker 1: comes home with me the tap out. You know, so

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Speaker 1: I think I don't like I don't think you should

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Speaker 1: have any sympathy for that. This is a choice. I'm

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Speaker 1: really happy I made the choice. But I think in

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Speaker 1: some situations, and more and more women are doing this,

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Speaker 1: I think the default position of you must have done

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Speaker 1: this with a partner or I don't know. I just

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Speaker 1: think that that's the kind of approach that a lot

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Speaker 1: of people haven't. Even when I was in hospital, I

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Speaker 1: found that at the end of my time there, I

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Speaker 1: had a bit of a moment with the nurses because

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Speaker 1: one of them came in to me and said, I

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Speaker 1: don't think you're doing as well as we thought you

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Speaker 1: might be in here, and I was like, I just

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Speaker 1: really hit the skids because I was on my own

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Speaker 1: for six days and I had stayed. I had gone

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Speaker 1: into a private hospital because I thought, I don't have

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Speaker 1: anybody at home, so I will have staff there, people helping,

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Speaker 1: people telling me what to do. And the hospital was

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Speaker 1: in overflow at the time, so they had more people

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Speaker 1: than they had beds, and I just completely got forgotten.

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Speaker 1: Nobody showed me how to change an happy Batha baby.

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Speaker 1: You know. I turned up to a lactation class because

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Speaker 1: I'd had a really bad night on that night two

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Speaker 1: cluster feed where they're sort of trying to feed they

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Speaker 1: and there's nothing coming out. And the midwife came in

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Speaker 1: and I was asking for help and she just turned

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Speaker 1: to me and said, well, this is what night two

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Speaker 1: is like. And I was like okay, and I'd almost

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Speaker 1: dropped her like three times. I was just this is

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Speaker 1: just the worst. And so I turn up to this

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Speaker 1: lactation class and the first thing the lady said to

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Speaker 1: me everybody's there and partners and I would never care

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Speaker 1: about that, wouldn't even register. Yeah, but the first thing

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Speaker 1: she said to me is where's your partner? And I

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Speaker 1: just thought, could we assume that not everybody has one

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Speaker 1: like that? And that I don't have to in this

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Speaker 1: totally broken I've had no sleep and I'm not myself moment.

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Speaker 1: I don't want to explain my life choices to you. Sure,

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Speaker 1: I'd just like you to assume that this could be

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Speaker 1: one of the options on the list of options and

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Speaker 1: just go you're here, great to see you, Let's take

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Speaker 1: you through the class.

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Speaker 2: I mean, who knows what other options? I mean, there's

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Speaker 2: other options that why you're single you know, single parenting

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Speaker 2: as well. If you came in on your own, that

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Speaker 2: father might have passed away for God forbid. Totally, there's

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Speaker 2: one night's stat I mean, there's so many other options

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Speaker 2: that could have brought a massive amount of shame to

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Speaker 2: that woman. I mean, yeah, to not have the wherewithal

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Speaker 2: to sort of have that understanding is how you do

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Speaker 2: it is a missing link.

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Speaker 1: I was just I mean, I just said nothing. Honestly,

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Speaker 1: my usual reaction would be that I would probably have

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Speaker 1: the ability to turn around go well, I'm lucky enough

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Speaker 1: not to have one. But in that moment, I was

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Speaker 1: just I just leave me alone, Just go away, tell

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Speaker 1: me what to.

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Speaker 2: Do, because I am just actually in our cry.

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Speaker 1: Right now, and I do not want to cry in

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Speaker 1: this room full of people. I just want you to

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Speaker 1: tell me what to do so I can get out

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Speaker 1: of here. And so I was, yeah, I essentially just

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Speaker 1: hit in my room for six days. And so, of course,

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Speaker 1: at the end of six days, when you haven't left

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Speaker 1: the room and you've been doing the whole baby thing

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Speaker 1: by yourself, and you've had a c section and you're

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Speaker 1: trying to deal with that, you're not gonna be too

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Speaker 1: well on the other side of that, And when I

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Speaker 1: had the conversation with this nurse, she sort of said,

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Speaker 1: I actually don't think we're set up here to help

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Speaker 1: people who are on their own, Okay, Like I think

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Speaker 1: we always assume there's somebody in there. If the door

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Speaker 1: is shut, there's someone in there, because that's what happens

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Speaker 1: with everybody, you know. So it's like it's probably been

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Speaker 1: a good learning for us that we just weren't equipped with,

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Speaker 1: but somebody being there by themselves. And that day she

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Speaker 1: sort of took my baby and just did her rounds

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Speaker 1: with her so I could have a shower, and that

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Speaker 1: was like, I mean, I think I've got fifth day

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Speaker 1: minutes to myself, and I thought it was just the

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Speaker 1: best day I've ever had in my life. It was

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Speaker 1: just like there's no break, you know, so you because

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Speaker 1: you can't have this kid off. So I think now

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Speaker 1: one of the things that I've noticed actually sort of

399
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Speaker 1: speaking about it more publicly, is I actually didn't realize

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Speaker 1: how many women are doing it like this, But from

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Speaker 1: the contact that I've had, I'm like, Wow, there are

402
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Speaker 1: a lot, and there are a lot that want to

403
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Speaker 1: do it as well. And so I think often the

404
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Speaker 1: assumption is I couldn't do that by myself. There's no

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Speaker 1: way I could do this by myself. And I want

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Speaker 1: women to feel like, yeah you could, Yeah you totally could.

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Speaker 3: Does the system allow is it easy to for you

408
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Speaker 3: to do it?

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Speaker 1: Is in terms of the process that we're doing it

410
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Speaker 1: and stuff?

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Speaker 3: I mean, I mean, obviously you need some money. I've

412
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Speaker 3: heard I know about that. Yes, though is it is

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Speaker 3: it a doable thing for most single women to do?

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Speaker 1: I think so? Like, I actually felt really positive about

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Speaker 1: the whole process. I know that a lot of people

416
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Speaker 1: go through it and they find a lot of the

417
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Speaker 1: stuff confronting, like the injections and all that kind of stuff,

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Speaker 1: But I sort of found that stuff just part of

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Speaker 1: the process to get to where you want to go,

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Speaker 1: you know. So I actually thought to myself, Thank goodness,

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Speaker 1: I'm a woman because I have the oven. Yeah, you know,

422
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Speaker 1: all I need to do is have the money to

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Speaker 1: get some sperm. And if I've got the eggs there,

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Speaker 1: I mean even then I could get some eggs from

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Speaker 1: somebody else and like cook it myself. But being a

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Speaker 1: man who wants to do this, trying to find a

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Speaker 1: woman to actually give you their uterus, like that's a

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Speaker 1: big ass.

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Speaker 2: That's a big ask. It's a bigger and it's and

430
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Speaker 2: it's and you can't, like in America you can pay

431
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Speaker 2: someone yess RAIGHTA. It has to be voluntary. So I

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Speaker 2: thought about that. I was like, imagine the flip side of.

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Speaker 3: I was going to ask you about this.

434
00:21:31,440 --> 00:21:34,280
Speaker 2: I had a conversation desperate to be a dad?

435
00:21:34,760 --> 00:21:37,520
Speaker 3: What is he? The conversation I had with a fellow

436
00:21:37,640 --> 00:21:44,680
Speaker 3: the other day who's probably forty five. He is completely desolate,

437
00:21:45,400 --> 00:21:50,040
Speaker 3: emotionally devoid, an upset, he's cranky at the world because

438
00:21:50,040 --> 00:21:52,520
Speaker 3: he's like his girlfriend that he had, that he had

439
00:21:52,560 --> 00:21:55,280
Speaker 3: plans with, she took off with somebody else. And he

440
00:21:55,400 --> 00:21:57,879
Speaker 3: wants to be a dad. And he said to me,

441
00:21:58,640 --> 00:22:01,879
Speaker 3: he goes, you will never run. Understand the feeling that

442
00:22:02,000 --> 00:22:04,320
Speaker 3: I have of emptiness, that I will never be a dad.

443
00:22:04,960 --> 00:22:07,280
Speaker 3: And then when I knew we were going to be talking,

444
00:22:07,840 --> 00:22:10,639
Speaker 3: I thought, I need to ask you about your thoughts

445
00:22:10,680 --> 00:22:13,760
Speaker 3: about he wants. I mean, I want to go back

446
00:22:13,800 --> 00:22:15,879
Speaker 3: and fix him and go of course you can be

447
00:22:15,920 --> 00:22:17,920
Speaker 3: his dad, you can adopt someone, you can do them.

448
00:22:17,920 --> 00:22:19,760
Speaker 3: But it's like, nah, this isn't the place to do that.

449
00:22:20,240 --> 00:22:22,040
Speaker 3: He doesn't want to be that. I'll just you know,

450
00:22:22,200 --> 00:22:24,600
Speaker 3: let him have whatever he's do, what he's doing, and

451
00:22:24,680 --> 00:22:26,520
Speaker 3: then I'll be there in an other way for him,

452
00:22:26,560 --> 00:22:32,359
Speaker 3: but to yeah, to have that dream, and he's just like, nah,

453
00:22:32,400 --> 00:22:34,320
Speaker 3: it's just never going to happen for me to be

454
00:22:34,359 --> 00:22:35,040
Speaker 3: a single.

455
00:22:34,840 --> 00:22:37,920
Speaker 1: Dad, and that is heartbreaking, honestly. In the process of

456
00:22:38,000 --> 00:22:39,440
Speaker 1: kind of getting ready for this, I would talk a

457
00:22:39,480 --> 00:22:41,520
Speaker 1: lot to my therapist because I was saying to her, like,

458
00:22:41,640 --> 00:22:43,480
Speaker 1: I want to do this, but I just my mind's

459
00:22:43,520 --> 00:22:46,680
Speaker 1: not kicking in a gear. And I know, and she'd

460
00:22:46,720 --> 00:22:48,720
Speaker 1: been I've been seeing her a long time. I'm like,

461
00:22:48,800 --> 00:22:50,920
Speaker 1: you know, I'll come to things in the right time,

462
00:22:51,320 --> 00:22:53,880
Speaker 1: but I'm also aware it's taken me a little too long,

463
00:22:54,000 --> 00:22:56,240
Speaker 1: you know, but I know I'll get there eventually. I

464
00:22:56,440 --> 00:23:00,520
Speaker 1: just am trying to kick over into that. And she said, Look,

465
00:23:01,160 --> 00:23:03,600
Speaker 1: one of the things that I see that is like

466
00:23:04,000 --> 00:23:07,600
Speaker 1: I can't fix in my business is people who've wanted

467
00:23:07,640 --> 00:23:11,119
Speaker 1: to haven't done it, and are later in life like

468
00:23:11,200 --> 00:23:16,240
Speaker 1: that feeling of loss of regret. You know, you can't

469
00:23:16,240 --> 00:23:18,520
Speaker 1: fix that. So I would just say to you, like

470
00:23:19,240 --> 00:23:21,639
Speaker 1: that is if you really know you want to do that,

471
00:23:22,200 --> 00:23:24,399
Speaker 1: if you don't do it like, that's kind of something

472
00:23:24,400 --> 00:23:26,800
Speaker 1: that I see a lot. And a great exercise she

473
00:23:26,840 --> 00:23:29,120
Speaker 1: got me to do was she said, you know, go

474
00:23:29,200 --> 00:23:32,359
Speaker 1: home and write on two pieces of paper the best

475
00:23:32,480 --> 00:23:34,920
Speaker 1: version of your life with kids and the best version

476
00:23:34,960 --> 00:23:37,400
Speaker 1: of your life without kids, and then weigh those two

477
00:23:37,440 --> 00:23:41,359
Speaker 1: things up. And I could not even write the one

478
00:23:41,680 --> 00:23:43,800
Speaker 1: that was the best version of my life without kids

479
00:23:44,119 --> 00:23:48,119
Speaker 1: because it didn't exist. So that for me was like,

480
00:23:48,160 --> 00:23:50,760
Speaker 1: I'm like, there's no version. I don't even know what

481
00:23:50,760 --> 00:23:53,800
Speaker 1: i'd put on that to say that's the best version

482
00:23:53,800 --> 00:23:57,040
Speaker 1: of my life, like a travel that's not enough for me,

483
00:23:57,520 --> 00:23:59,960
Speaker 1: you know. So that was a really good exercise for

484
00:24:00,160 --> 00:24:01,919
Speaker 1: when getting my mind in. I think that was a

485
00:24:01,920 --> 00:24:06,679
Speaker 1: real trigger forgetting me moving in terms of realizing, Okay,

486
00:24:06,720 --> 00:24:08,879
Speaker 1: you might be taking a while, but you really do

487
00:24:08,960 --> 00:24:11,680
Speaker 1: want this. Yeah, this is the best version of your life,

488
00:24:11,680 --> 00:24:12,560
Speaker 1: so you've got to give it a go.

489
00:24:12,800 --> 00:24:16,159
Speaker 2: You know. I'm going to quote you on something that

490
00:24:16,240 --> 00:24:19,960
Speaker 2: you've said in a previous article. You talk about your

491
00:24:20,080 --> 00:24:23,600
Speaker 2: mom who passed away in twenty fifteen, and how proud

492
00:24:23,880 --> 00:24:26,520
Speaker 2: she would have been of you for doing this on

493
00:24:26,560 --> 00:24:30,760
Speaker 2: your own. My mom passed away in twenty fifteen, and

494
00:24:30,800 --> 00:24:33,359
Speaker 2: she would have been proud of me doing this on

495
00:24:33,400 --> 00:24:35,959
Speaker 2: my own. When I went through the process of finding

496
00:24:35,960 --> 00:24:38,000
Speaker 2: the donor, I spoke to the clinic and they said,

497
00:24:38,040 --> 00:24:41,399
Speaker 2: start your injections tomorrow. And you looked at your diary

498
00:24:41,400 --> 00:24:44,639
Speaker 2: and it was like, my god, it's my mom's birthday tomorrow.

499
00:24:44,920 --> 00:24:48,920
Speaker 2: I know, I know. Yeah, And you had so many

500
00:24:48,920 --> 00:24:52,000
Speaker 2: of those moments once you started that made you feel,

501
00:24:52,119 --> 00:24:54,560
Speaker 2: this is the time. I have goosebumps all over my body.

502
00:24:54,800 --> 00:24:57,639
Speaker 2: It's happening at the right time. Even when your daughter arrived,

503
00:24:57,680 --> 00:25:01,800
Speaker 2: seeing her and her mannerisms, personality traits that are coming out,

504
00:25:01,920 --> 00:25:04,359
Speaker 2: you were like, you are my person. You are the

505
00:25:04,400 --> 00:25:08,520
Speaker 2: person that was supposed to come to me. Yeah, it's

506
00:25:08,640 --> 00:25:09,480
Speaker 2: so beautiful.

507
00:25:09,840 --> 00:25:11,960
Speaker 1: And then all of a sudden you're like, I did

508
00:25:12,000 --> 00:25:14,040
Speaker 1: come to it in the right time. Yeah, you know,

509
00:25:14,200 --> 00:25:16,840
Speaker 1: it took me a long time. And I think one thing,

510
00:25:16,880 --> 00:25:19,879
Speaker 1: when you're late thirties, early forties, I mean, there's no

511
00:25:19,960 --> 00:25:21,800
Speaker 1: shortage of people that are happy to tell you that

512
00:25:21,880 --> 00:25:25,440
Speaker 1: you are running out of time, and that is something

513
00:25:25,520 --> 00:25:29,639
Speaker 1: that you are always painstakingly aware of. You know, I

514
00:25:29,680 --> 00:25:33,760
Speaker 1: had frozen my eggs twice in my thirties because I

515
00:25:33,880 --> 00:25:36,520
Speaker 1: knew that career was very important to me. I knew

516
00:25:36,560 --> 00:25:38,040
Speaker 1: that I wanted to achieve a lot and try and

517
00:25:38,040 --> 00:25:39,480
Speaker 1: get to a point where I felt like I could

518
00:25:39,520 --> 00:25:41,840
Speaker 1: take time and I didn't feel like I could take

519
00:25:41,880 --> 00:25:44,119
Speaker 1: time out until really I did it. So that was

520
00:25:44,200 --> 00:25:47,320
Speaker 1: kind of important to me. But I doubted myself that

521
00:25:47,400 --> 00:25:49,480
Speaker 1: whole time of like, I knew myself well enough to

522
00:25:49,520 --> 00:25:51,240
Speaker 1: know I do come to things in the right time.

523
00:25:51,480 --> 00:25:54,320
Speaker 1: But this everything tells me that this is that I'm

524
00:25:54,359 --> 00:25:57,040
Speaker 1: taking too long. Every bit of science telling me, every

525
00:25:57,080 --> 00:26:01,399
Speaker 1: bit of any conversation, Yeah, I'm taken too long here.

526
00:26:01,800 --> 00:26:04,600
Speaker 1: So when all of that stuff happened, I was just like,

527
00:26:05,119 --> 00:26:07,440
Speaker 1: I did it at the right time for me. And

528
00:26:08,359 --> 00:26:14,159
Speaker 1: you know, my mom that watching her as a kid

529
00:26:14,720 --> 00:26:21,040
Speaker 1: have no real independence at all, have no option really

530
00:26:21,600 --> 00:26:24,840
Speaker 1: to do what she wanted to do in life. It

531
00:26:25,119 --> 00:26:29,080
Speaker 1: just I know she would have been so happy for

532
00:26:29,160 --> 00:26:32,119
Speaker 1: me to do this because I think she would have

533
00:26:32,160 --> 00:26:34,439
Speaker 1: wished that she would have had that option too, you know,

534
00:26:34,680 --> 00:26:37,920
Speaker 1: and it just wasn't available even for people not too

535
00:26:37,960 --> 00:26:39,720
Speaker 1: long ago. And it wasn't too long ago that you

536
00:26:39,760 --> 00:26:42,240
Speaker 1: could like only freeze your eggs if you were going

537
00:26:42,280 --> 00:26:44,320
Speaker 1: if you're a cancer patient or you know, all of

538
00:26:44,359 --> 00:26:47,120
Speaker 1: this technology has moved along to the point where actually

539
00:26:47,160 --> 00:26:50,119
Speaker 1: we can choose to do this and do it on

540
00:26:50,200 --> 00:26:53,240
Speaker 1: our own, and that option just wasn't a possibility for

541
00:26:53,320 --> 00:26:56,080
Speaker 1: my mother. And that's only you know, my mother's generation.

542
00:26:56,240 --> 00:26:59,160
Speaker 1: So I'm so grateful for the fact that I could

543
00:26:59,160 --> 00:27:00,959
Speaker 1: do it. And I think, you know, one of my

544
00:27:01,000 --> 00:27:03,040
Speaker 1: great memories of her when I was younger, and I

545
00:27:03,040 --> 00:27:05,280
Speaker 1: don't even think that this was after my dad and

546
00:27:05,320 --> 00:27:08,000
Speaker 1: her got divorced. I think this was during their marriage.

547
00:27:08,119 --> 00:27:11,399
Speaker 1: Anytime we would drive past a wedding, she would scream

548
00:27:11,440 --> 00:27:16,560
Speaker 1: out the car window, don't go it. And at the time,

549
00:27:16,600 --> 00:27:19,480
Speaker 1: I remember thinking to myself, I think this is psychologically

550
00:27:19,480 --> 00:27:23,639
Speaker 1: good for anyone. You me, my sister, But you're getting

551
00:27:23,640 --> 00:27:26,679
Speaker 1: married people getting married. I mean it's humorous, but kind

552
00:27:26,720 --> 00:27:30,000
Speaker 1: of in a hinged way, you know. So she I

553
00:27:30,119 --> 00:27:33,399
Speaker 1: just know she would have been so excited about me

554
00:27:33,440 --> 00:27:35,520
Speaker 1: going down this path. And even my dad. I never

555
00:27:35,560 --> 00:27:38,280
Speaker 1: had parents that said to me, where's your partner? When

556
00:27:38,280 --> 00:27:40,480
Speaker 1: are you going to find somebody? I never had that,

557
00:27:40,600 --> 00:27:44,639
Speaker 1: And my dad was really proud of me for doing

558
00:27:44,680 --> 00:27:47,439
Speaker 1: it on my own, because I think he saw that

559
00:27:47,520 --> 00:27:50,320
Speaker 1: as a very kind of powerful thing to do. So

560
00:27:50,359 --> 00:27:52,200
Speaker 1: that why I was lucky in that regard to because

561
00:27:52,200 --> 00:27:54,640
Speaker 1: I do know a lot of people who I've spoken

562
00:27:54,680 --> 00:27:59,280
Speaker 1: to whose parental pressure is massive in terms of their decision,

563
00:27:59,359 --> 00:28:01,880
Speaker 1: impacting the decision to do it on their own because

564
00:28:02,080 --> 00:28:03,760
Speaker 1: their parents aren't happy about that option.

565
00:28:04,040 --> 00:28:04,200
Speaker 4: Yeah.

566
00:28:04,280 --> 00:28:07,960
Speaker 1: Yeah, it's hard to have to take on board. We have.

567
00:28:09,359 --> 00:28:14,359
Speaker 2: Friends back in America and she was forty two and

568
00:28:15,000 --> 00:28:19,359
Speaker 2: so wanted a child and her partner did not, and

569
00:28:20,240 --> 00:28:23,119
Speaker 2: they talked about it. She's actually a therapist, actually talked

570
00:28:23,119 --> 00:28:25,280
Speaker 2: about it. Blew in the face and he said, I'm

571
00:28:25,280 --> 00:28:28,240
Speaker 2: giving you one shot. I'm giving you one shot. We're

572
00:28:28,240 --> 00:28:31,080
Speaker 2: going to Mexico one shot for you get pregnant. If

573
00:28:31,119 --> 00:28:33,560
Speaker 2: you don't get pregnant after this time, I don't want

574
00:28:33,560 --> 00:28:38,560
Speaker 2: to hear it again. Yeah, I know. And that one

575
00:28:38,600 --> 00:28:46,120
Speaker 2: shot on just another thing. However, however, she got pregnant

576
00:28:46,200 --> 00:28:49,880
Speaker 2: on her one shot at forty two, had a baby. Girl.

577
00:28:50,400 --> 00:28:53,240
Speaker 2: You also, which I go, well, I was meant to be.

578
00:28:53,360 --> 00:28:56,960
Speaker 2: This baby was right there hanging over her going come on, mom,

579
00:28:57,560 --> 00:28:59,800
Speaker 2: come on. And I feel it's the same for you

580
00:28:59,880 --> 00:29:04,960
Speaker 2: because you were pregnant really fast, right, and just it

581
00:29:05,000 --> 00:29:07,680
Speaker 2: was the pregnancy easy hard? How was that? Yeah?

582
00:29:07,720 --> 00:29:10,480
Speaker 1: I was very lucky. I mean, I had so I

583
00:29:10,520 --> 00:29:12,840
Speaker 1: had gotten to a point where I had enough eggs

584
00:29:12,840 --> 00:29:15,080
Speaker 1: on ice that I was like, I've got the insurance

585
00:29:15,080 --> 00:29:17,640
Speaker 1: policy I need. I spoke to every fertility specialist is like,

586
00:29:17,680 --> 00:29:19,520
Speaker 1: there's a high chances of baby in there in terms

587
00:29:19,560 --> 00:29:21,840
Speaker 1: you know, So that's great. I'm like, fantastic. So then

588
00:29:21,880 --> 00:29:23,120
Speaker 1: I go in and I'm like, okay, I'm going to

589
00:29:23,160 --> 00:29:25,560
Speaker 1: start this process. I don't want to use my insurance

590
00:29:25,560 --> 00:29:27,680
Speaker 1: policy straight away. I know that it might not work

591
00:29:27,720 --> 00:29:29,560
Speaker 1: with my fresh eggs. I'm going to try with my

592
00:29:29,560 --> 00:29:31,760
Speaker 1: fresh eggs so I don't waste any of them, and

593
00:29:31,800 --> 00:29:34,080
Speaker 1: then once I've moved through those, then I'll start to

594
00:29:34,080 --> 00:29:36,320
Speaker 1: go into the insurance policy. So I'm thinking to myself,

595
00:29:36,400 --> 00:29:39,400
Speaker 1: I'm probably got two three years of this kind of process.

596
00:29:39,440 --> 00:29:41,640
Speaker 1: That's what the fertility specialist was saying to me, the

597
00:29:41,720 --> 00:29:44,480
Speaker 1: chances of me getting pregnant low, having a kid low

598
00:29:44,720 --> 00:29:47,440
Speaker 1: at my age. But I felt like all the insurance

599
00:29:47,480 --> 00:29:51,440
Speaker 1: policies were there. And then thirteen weeks later, after getting

600
00:29:51,480 --> 00:29:54,200
Speaker 1: the thing implanted, I'm sitting down with my boss saying,

601
00:29:54,800 --> 00:29:56,440
Speaker 1: I actually thought I would be talking to you about

602
00:29:56,480 --> 00:29:59,400
Speaker 1: this in two years, but I'm pregnant and I'm having

603
00:29:59,400 --> 00:30:03,440
Speaker 1: a baby. So it was literally first embryo, first go

604
00:30:04,360 --> 00:30:08,200
Speaker 1: for Like, the pregnancy was totally fine. I just it

605
00:30:08,400 --> 00:30:11,280
Speaker 1: all felt to me like this is happening in a

606
00:30:11,320 --> 00:30:13,120
Speaker 1: way that just makes me feel like this is right

607
00:30:13,360 --> 00:30:15,960
Speaker 1: and even you know, sometimes I feel like you're not

608
00:30:15,960 --> 00:30:18,280
Speaker 1: allowed to tell people you have a good pregnancy because

609
00:30:18,280 --> 00:30:20,479
Speaker 1: some people are like, Oh, it's good for some, isn't it.

610
00:30:20,560 --> 00:30:22,760
Speaker 1: You know, some of it gets so easy, and I

611
00:30:22,800 --> 00:30:24,920
Speaker 1: just think if I hear from a woman who's pregnant

612
00:30:24,920 --> 00:30:27,360
Speaker 1: who's having a great time, but I'm like, that's fantastic. Yes.

613
00:30:27,640 --> 00:30:31,040
Speaker 1: But honestly, in my case, I thought if I was

614
00:30:31,080 --> 00:30:34,120
Speaker 1: going through this process on my own and I was

615
00:30:34,200 --> 00:30:36,760
Speaker 1: sick as a dog and I'm running out of meetings

616
00:30:36,800 --> 00:30:39,360
Speaker 1: to spew in a bucket and I can't, but I

617
00:30:39,400 --> 00:30:42,800
Speaker 1: would honestly have seriously doubted my decision to do this

618
00:30:42,840 --> 00:30:45,640
Speaker 1: because it would have felt overwhelming and too much by myself.

619
00:30:46,120 --> 00:30:48,880
Speaker 1: But the fact that I had a great pregnancy and

620
00:30:48,920 --> 00:30:51,720
Speaker 1: a great lead up, I really felt by the time

621
00:30:51,760 --> 00:30:53,040
Speaker 1: it was time I have a kid, I can do this.

622
00:30:53,640 --> 00:30:55,600
Speaker 1: I'm capable of it, and I think you need that

623
00:30:55,840 --> 00:30:58,440
Speaker 1: energy to go into your life at that point, which

624
00:30:58,520 --> 00:31:00,800
Speaker 1: changes fundamentally. If you go in they're broken and like,

625
00:31:00,840 --> 00:31:03,400
Speaker 1: I don't want to do this. That's a strong climb out,

626
00:31:04,200 --> 00:31:07,480
Speaker 1: you know. So I was really grateful for that process

627
00:31:07,480 --> 00:31:09,320
Speaker 1: because I felt like it gave me the strength to

628
00:31:09,360 --> 00:31:11,160
Speaker 1: then do the rest of it on my own.

629
00:31:16,600 --> 00:31:22,880
Speaker 3: So now Olivia's almost two has being a parent. Now,

630
00:31:23,200 --> 00:31:25,440
Speaker 3: how has that changed you?

631
00:31:26,280 --> 00:31:33,560
Speaker 1: I guess I think about myself differently, Like, it really

632
00:31:33,600 --> 00:31:37,400
Speaker 1: forces you to reflect a lot, which I like to do.

633
00:31:38,840 --> 00:31:40,640
Speaker 1: As someone who spent a lot of money in therapy,

634
00:31:40,800 --> 00:31:44,960
Speaker 1: I like to do the work. So I really enjoy

635
00:31:45,000 --> 00:31:48,520
Speaker 1: the process of this, even though it is so flipping

636
00:31:48,920 --> 00:31:52,800
Speaker 1: hard and some days I genuinely don't know how I

637
00:31:52,840 --> 00:31:56,920
Speaker 1: get through it. But I'm really proud of myself because

638
00:31:56,960 --> 00:32:00,479
Speaker 1: I can see I am really trying to do what

639
00:32:00,560 --> 00:32:03,720
Speaker 1: she needs. So for example, at the moment, it's taking

640
00:32:03,800 --> 00:32:08,320
Speaker 1: us forty five minutes to move to millimeters, and when

641
00:32:08,360 --> 00:32:12,440
Speaker 1: I'm in the process of that, internally my brain is

642
00:32:12,480 --> 00:32:18,520
Speaker 1: on fire. Yes, I am ready to throw multiple items

643
00:32:18,520 --> 00:32:21,960
Speaker 1: of furniture in my house out the window, but she

644
00:32:22,640 --> 00:32:27,320
Speaker 1: knows none of that. What she's getting is patience and

645
00:32:27,400 --> 00:32:30,440
Speaker 1: me just waiting and taking my time with her and

646
00:32:30,480 --> 00:32:34,520
Speaker 1: being conscious inside what I want to do is bend

647
00:32:34,560 --> 00:32:40,280
Speaker 1: down to her face and say you're an asshole, but

648
00:32:40,400 --> 00:32:44,440
Speaker 1: I don't. I keep my cool. And when that is

649
00:32:44,520 --> 00:32:47,840
Speaker 1: done and when we're wherever we need to do, I

650
00:32:47,880 --> 00:32:51,920
Speaker 1: feel very proud of myself. Yet so you shit, And

651
00:32:52,160 --> 00:32:54,400
Speaker 1: those moments, I think I found the same thing when

652
00:32:54,440 --> 00:32:56,600
Speaker 1: I looked after my dad or when my mam is seen.

653
00:32:57,040 --> 00:33:00,520
Speaker 1: Those moments I think were fundamental in change the way

654
00:33:00,560 --> 00:33:03,880
Speaker 1: that I felt about myself, my internal happiness, my sense

655
00:33:03,920 --> 00:33:08,240
Speaker 1: of contentment. My life changed dramatically when my parents were sick,

656
00:33:08,800 --> 00:33:11,640
Speaker 1: because there is something about being there for somebody else

657
00:33:11,880 --> 00:33:16,960
Speaker 1: and making them feel good and safe and cared for

658
00:33:17,520 --> 00:33:21,440
Speaker 1: that makes you then think about yourself in a different way.

659
00:33:21,680 --> 00:33:24,200
Speaker 1: You process yourself like I, this is a good thing

660
00:33:24,240 --> 00:33:26,880
Speaker 1: to be doing for another person. And so I really

661
00:33:26,920 --> 00:33:29,560
Speaker 1: appreciated all of that time that I had with my parents,

662
00:33:29,560 --> 00:33:31,880
Speaker 1: and I feel like it's a different type of way

663
00:33:31,920 --> 00:33:35,360
Speaker 1: of doing that. But I'm getting those same cues back

664
00:33:35,480 --> 00:33:38,640
Speaker 1: when I do it right. But then some days you

665
00:33:38,720 --> 00:33:42,800
Speaker 1: lose your top and I will beat myself up about it,

666
00:33:43,360 --> 00:33:45,320
Speaker 1: and then but I get up and I try and

667
00:33:45,360 --> 00:33:47,760
Speaker 1: do better the next day. And I really do try.

668
00:33:47,800 --> 00:33:49,600
Speaker 1: And I will say to her. I remember one night

669
00:33:49,680 --> 00:33:51,720
Speaker 1: I really lost it because I was just like, like,

670
00:33:51,800 --> 00:33:56,480
Speaker 1: this is just a lot, it's too much. But the

671
00:33:56,480 --> 00:33:59,240
Speaker 1: next day she woke up and I said to her, like,

672
00:33:59,320 --> 00:34:01,360
Speaker 1: she has no idea what happened yesterday, But I'm just like,

673
00:34:01,600 --> 00:34:04,000
Speaker 1: Mummy wants you to know. I'm really sorry for the

674
00:34:04,000 --> 00:34:06,800
Speaker 1: way I was yesterday. You know. I know I got

675
00:34:06,840 --> 00:34:09,480
Speaker 1: angry and that's not okay. And I'm going to try

676
00:34:09,680 --> 00:34:12,319
Speaker 1: much harder today, you know. And I just am like,

677
00:34:12,360 --> 00:34:14,319
Speaker 1: I'm just going to keep you along with me on

678
00:34:14,360 --> 00:34:17,359
Speaker 1: the journey because we can't meet perfect all the time.

679
00:34:17,520 --> 00:34:19,399
Speaker 3: How do you respond to her when she says that to.

680
00:34:19,360 --> 00:34:23,440
Speaker 1: You, I wish, I wish.

681
00:34:23,560 --> 00:34:26,319
Speaker 3: It's like, oh, it's right. You can imagine. It's a

682
00:34:26,400 --> 00:34:27,960
Speaker 3: year old going.

683
00:34:28,040 --> 00:34:29,759
Speaker 1: She'll have her podcast next year.

684
00:34:29,920 --> 00:34:32,320
Speaker 2: She'll be like, come on, kids, come on the podcast.

685
00:34:32,360 --> 00:34:35,080
Speaker 1: She started to say. I say to her of nighttime,

686
00:34:35,080 --> 00:34:36,480
Speaker 1: I love you. You know how much I love you?

687
00:34:36,560 --> 00:34:36,719
Speaker 2: Yes?

688
00:34:36,760 --> 00:34:38,560
Speaker 1: She goes yes, and I'm like, you know, and then

689
00:34:38,560 --> 00:34:39,640
Speaker 1: she goes, thank you, mummy.

690
00:34:41,080 --> 00:34:41,360
Speaker 2: You know.

691
00:34:41,680 --> 00:34:43,719
Speaker 1: You know it's like those little moments where you're just like,

692
00:34:43,800 --> 00:34:47,040
Speaker 1: I want to be somebody who makes a safe environment

693
00:34:47,200 --> 00:34:50,480
Speaker 1: for a person, and I think I didn't really feel

694
00:34:50,520 --> 00:34:53,080
Speaker 1: like I had that as a kid, And I think

695
00:34:53,239 --> 00:34:57,000
Speaker 1: I spent so much of my twenties and thirties trying

696
00:34:57,000 --> 00:35:02,680
Speaker 1: to work it out because I hadn't had that early on.

697
00:35:03,280 --> 00:35:05,520
Speaker 1: And I don't want her to have those lost years

698
00:35:05,520 --> 00:35:07,360
Speaker 1: that I had where I'm like trying to figure it

699
00:35:07,360 --> 00:35:09,680
Speaker 1: out how to feel like crap, I'm depressed and whatever.

700
00:35:10,200 --> 00:35:12,640
Speaker 1: You know, I'm sure like this happens even with the

701
00:35:12,640 --> 00:35:14,800
Speaker 1: best late intentions, I know that it still might happen.

702
00:35:15,040 --> 00:35:17,239
Speaker 1: But I want to give her the foundations to be like,

703
00:35:17,280 --> 00:35:20,640
Speaker 1: I'm safe. I know I can always come back to you.

704
00:35:20,760 --> 00:35:23,799
Speaker 1: I know you'll always be there, and I can be

705
00:35:23,920 --> 00:35:27,279
Speaker 1: safe and free to explore whoever I am, knowing I

706
00:35:27,280 --> 00:35:31,600
Speaker 1: will always be loved and chrome is there's nothing more.

707
00:35:31,960 --> 00:35:35,120
Speaker 2: I mean, that's everything that we want, we need, is

708
00:35:35,520 --> 00:35:37,920
Speaker 2: you know, just as a human being, let alone a baby.

709
00:35:38,800 --> 00:35:40,759
Speaker 1: So you know, that's that sort of weird thing. I

710
00:35:40,800 --> 00:35:43,719
Speaker 1: wonder about how we parent differently to our parents, and

711
00:35:43,760 --> 00:35:46,400
Speaker 1: how like our parents they got along with it. They

712
00:35:46,440 --> 00:35:49,919
Speaker 1: got away with just some nonchalance, you know what I mean.

713
00:35:50,239 --> 00:35:53,319
Speaker 1: It was all pretty much like, well, you're here, you've

714
00:35:53,360 --> 00:35:55,759
Speaker 1: got food in your face, you go on to school,

715
00:35:56,120 --> 00:35:58,759
Speaker 1: You've got to bed. That's it. That'll do. You know,

716
00:35:58,880 --> 00:36:01,680
Speaker 1: you work the rest of it out, Whereas now where

717
00:36:01,680 --> 00:36:04,400
Speaker 1: it's so conscious of like how do I hold this person?

718
00:36:04,680 --> 00:36:06,319
Speaker 1: How do I give them the safness?

719
00:36:06,360 --> 00:36:08,120
Speaker 3: Did you get too much now or do you think

720
00:36:08,160 --> 00:36:12,360
Speaker 3: there's some balance between seventies and eighties parents as to

721
00:36:12,480 --> 00:36:14,480
Speaker 3: what's happening now in the two thousands.

722
00:36:14,560 --> 00:36:16,200
Speaker 1: I think you've got to get a good balance of

723
00:36:16,200 --> 00:36:18,320
Speaker 1: it because I think I do think we need to

724
00:36:18,360 --> 00:36:25,080
Speaker 1: be more about letting that person grow in our care. Yeah,

725
00:36:25,120 --> 00:36:26,719
Speaker 1: you know, and I don't think there was much of

726
00:36:26,719 --> 00:36:28,640
Speaker 1: that going on for a while there, So I do

727
00:36:28,680 --> 00:36:31,080
Speaker 1: think there's a lot of benefit to that. But I

728
00:36:31,120 --> 00:36:36,200
Speaker 1: think the sort of cotton woolness that we've gotten to

729
00:36:36,280 --> 00:36:38,640
Speaker 1: a little, I'm like, that's why we've got some pretty

730
00:36:38,920 --> 00:36:43,839
Speaker 1: non resilient people floating around, you know. And resilience is

731
00:36:43,920 --> 00:36:48,160
Speaker 1: truly the most important thing that you can develop, because

732
00:36:48,200 --> 00:36:50,319
Speaker 1: then nothing's going to keep you down.

733
00:36:50,560 --> 00:36:53,080
Speaker 2: You know, you are the queen of resilience.

734
00:36:52,640 --> 00:36:54,520
Speaker 1: From what you've shared with us.

735
00:36:55,239 --> 00:36:57,840
Speaker 2: I know your daughter will have it in space for sure.

736
00:36:58,360 --> 00:37:02,440
Speaker 2: I completely agree with that. Having spent many years as

737
00:37:02,480 --> 00:37:06,640
Speaker 2: a teacher now being in the school yard and it's yeah,

738
00:37:06,680 --> 00:37:10,040
Speaker 2: we have swung to this place where, you know, where

739
00:37:10,120 --> 00:37:12,719
Speaker 2: one piece of playground equipment and a kid falls off

740
00:37:12,760 --> 00:37:15,320
Speaker 2: and breaks the arm, that that equipment is removed immediately.

741
00:37:15,400 --> 00:37:17,680
Speaker 2: I'm like, wait, wait, hang on a minute. Kids are

742
00:37:17,680 --> 00:37:19,960
Speaker 2: going to break their arms if they're on a tree,

743
00:37:20,320 --> 00:37:23,080
Speaker 2: if they're just tripping on the curb. You can't stop

744
00:37:23,120 --> 00:37:26,240
Speaker 2: them from you know. And I know there's all these laws,

745
00:37:26,480 --> 00:37:28,400
Speaker 2: constant laws, you know, and of course we want to

746
00:37:28,480 --> 00:37:32,239
Speaker 2: keep the kids safe, but get them dirty, take them out, like,

747
00:37:32,360 --> 00:37:35,680
Speaker 2: get them hot and bothered and come back and.

748
00:37:35,120 --> 00:37:37,880
Speaker 1: And if the monkey bars don't sue the school. And

749
00:37:38,120 --> 00:37:40,520
Speaker 1: that's why the monkey bars are no longer there anyway,

750
00:37:41,120 --> 00:37:43,960
Speaker 1: you know, because it's like they're straight to the lawyer's office.

751
00:37:44,160 --> 00:37:45,920
Speaker 1: They're right on the number of that you know, have

752
00:37:46,000 --> 00:37:47,719
Speaker 1: you had an accident. They've heard that ad on the

753
00:37:47,800 --> 00:37:49,879
Speaker 1: radio and they're like, yeah, we've had an accident. Give

754
00:37:49,880 --> 00:37:50,480
Speaker 1: me some money.

755
00:37:50,560 --> 00:37:52,000
Speaker 2: Yeah, you car.

756
00:37:51,760 --> 00:37:52,240
Speaker 1: In the office.

757
00:37:52,239 --> 00:37:54,759
Speaker 3: Every one of our houses with first thing I did

758
00:37:54,920 --> 00:37:58,399
Speaker 3: was build a sandpit and monkey bars for our kids. Yeah,

759
00:37:58,440 --> 00:38:02,239
Speaker 3: it was the best. All had counses all the way

760
00:38:02,280 --> 00:38:04,520
Speaker 3: to the middle of their palms, you know. And it

761
00:38:04,560 --> 00:38:06,080
Speaker 3: was just monkey bar city.

762
00:38:05,960 --> 00:38:06,120
Speaker 4: You know.

763
00:38:06,400 --> 00:38:09,680
Speaker 1: And it's a good exercise as parents because I get

764
00:38:09,719 --> 00:38:13,280
Speaker 1: scared about seeing my kid do dangerous stuff. And by dangerous,

765
00:38:13,320 --> 00:38:15,000
Speaker 1: I just mean at this point it's like, you know,

766
00:38:15,239 --> 00:38:17,000
Speaker 1: am I going to try and walk down the last

767
00:38:17,000 --> 00:38:20,600
Speaker 1: stair of the staircase by myself without holding your hand? Yeah,

768
00:38:20,640 --> 00:38:22,480
Speaker 1: but it's a good lesson for me to be like,

769
00:38:22,840 --> 00:38:25,000
Speaker 1: you can do it, and if you call, I'll pick

770
00:38:25,040 --> 00:38:27,240
Speaker 1: you up. If I end up in the emergency department,

771
00:38:27,440 --> 00:38:29,439
Speaker 1: I just got to deal with it. Yeah, Like that's

772
00:38:29,480 --> 00:38:31,319
Speaker 1: just part of it. So I can't spend my life

773
00:38:31,480 --> 00:38:34,960
Speaker 1: trying to avoid the trauma of the emergency department. I

774
00:38:35,040 --> 00:38:37,839
Speaker 1: just got to let you be. Yeah, Yeah, that's exactly right.

775
00:38:38,280 --> 00:38:40,280
Speaker 3: Our kids. It was like, you're a really good climber.

776
00:38:41,200 --> 00:38:42,160
Speaker 3: Good at those monkey bars.

777
00:38:42,760 --> 00:38:42,920
Speaker 1: Wow.

778
00:38:43,120 --> 00:38:45,480
Speaker 2: Son would climb to fifty foot up a tree and

779
00:38:45,520 --> 00:38:49,960
Speaker 2: I'd be like, you're really strong, honey, you are so

780
00:38:50,120 --> 00:38:51,319
Speaker 2: strong and safe up there.

781
00:38:51,719 --> 00:38:54,080
Speaker 1: Oh God, get down.

782
00:38:56,200 --> 00:38:58,520
Speaker 2: I've got chocolate at the bottom if you come down.

783
00:38:58,600 --> 00:38:59,120
Speaker 3: Now.

784
00:39:01,200 --> 00:39:01,520
Speaker 1: It's a.

785
00:39:03,600 --> 00:39:06,720
Speaker 3: It is And the visuals, I mean, so I loved

786
00:39:06,719 --> 00:39:09,239
Speaker 3: about it. Was sending this because it works so many

787
00:39:09,239 --> 00:39:12,560
Speaker 3: different places in our lives in terms of what we're thinking.

788
00:39:12,960 --> 00:39:16,239
Speaker 3: People pick up psychically, so you can actually send a

789
00:39:16,360 --> 00:39:18,799
Speaker 3: visual and you practice it with your kids and you're

790
00:39:18,800 --> 00:39:22,520
Speaker 3: just like, there's, as Ali said, river is miles up

791
00:39:22,520 --> 00:39:25,800
Speaker 3: a tree and it's like there's nothing underneath him, and

792
00:39:25,840 --> 00:39:27,920
Speaker 3: it's like, God's gotta sending the visual.

793
00:39:28,160 --> 00:39:32,319
Speaker 4: You're really you're really good. You know, that's really good. Yeah,

794
00:39:32,360 --> 00:39:34,880
Speaker 4: where's the next branch here? It is, Dad, Okay, you

795
00:39:35,080 --> 00:39:39,320
Speaker 4: do that, grab that one. That's it, and just whatever.

796
00:39:39,560 --> 00:39:42,680
Speaker 3: But it was the visuals of sending, sending the idea,

797
00:39:43,120 --> 00:39:46,839
Speaker 3: you know, to someone, And it's a great practice with

798
00:39:46,840 --> 00:39:49,520
Speaker 3: with our kids because they can they there's the little

799
00:39:49,560 --> 00:39:55,480
Speaker 3: sensory little buttons.

800
00:39:53,640 --> 00:39:57,479
Speaker 1: Who also just quickly who is saying, God, you missed

801
00:39:57,480 --> 00:40:04,759
Speaker 1: the newborn phase? What moren misses the newborn face? Is

802
00:40:04,800 --> 00:40:06,440
Speaker 1: that something that happens when you have more than one?

803
00:40:06,440 --> 00:40:07,759
Speaker 1: Because I can tell you what, I don't want to

804
00:40:07,760 --> 00:40:09,279
Speaker 1: go have another newborn in my life ever.

805
00:40:09,320 --> 00:40:09,560
Speaker 2: Again.

806
00:40:10,360 --> 00:40:15,160
Speaker 1: They're a nightmare. It's so hard, you.

807
00:40:15,120 --> 00:40:18,640
Speaker 3: Know, I think a solo mom doing number two or

808
00:40:18,680 --> 00:40:20,359
Speaker 3: three would be really tough because a least you can

809
00:40:20,440 --> 00:40:24,919
Speaker 3: palm off Olivia onto oh mate, so you go take her.

810
00:40:25,600 --> 00:40:27,720
Speaker 1: No, I'm not going to be outnumbered. Oh yeah, yeah,

811
00:40:28,120 --> 00:40:30,600
Speaker 1: it done, did you.

812
00:40:30,760 --> 00:40:34,279
Speaker 2: I remember the first time our eldest. It was such

813
00:40:34,320 --> 00:40:37,040
Speaker 2: a simple thing, but it's so vivid. I'd given her,

814
00:40:38,040 --> 00:40:41,600
Speaker 2: I'd given her amandain to eat, and I remember she

815
00:40:41,760 --> 00:40:44,839
Speaker 2: sat there and she started appealing like the tiny little

816
00:40:44,840 --> 00:40:47,880
Speaker 2: bits of white sort of pith off and I remember

817
00:40:47,960 --> 00:40:51,480
Speaker 2: just going, oh, this is her personality, Like that's something

818
00:40:51,600 --> 00:40:54,920
Speaker 2: I didn't do. She's not seen anyone else do She's

819
00:40:54,960 --> 00:40:57,319
Speaker 2: come to that herself. And it was this moment of like,

820
00:40:58,160 --> 00:41:00,759
Speaker 2: that's her personality. This is so cute. I mean I

821
00:41:00,800 --> 00:41:04,080
Speaker 2: just thought everything was adorable. What are you seeing with Olivia?

822
00:41:04,280 --> 00:41:06,399
Speaker 2: That's her personality? What's coming through?

823
00:41:06,920 --> 00:41:09,480
Speaker 1: I saw the very first couple of days because I

824
00:41:09,480 --> 00:41:11,719
Speaker 1: had a c section. You know, she wasn't squeezed out,

825
00:41:11,719 --> 00:41:13,840
Speaker 1: so you know they're full of mucus. Isn't that delightful?

826
00:41:15,239 --> 00:41:17,400
Speaker 1: So she was, you know, coughing and spluttering for the

827
00:41:17,480 --> 00:41:19,439
Speaker 1: first couple of days while she's getting all that out.

828
00:41:19,440 --> 00:41:21,719
Speaker 1: And I remember I thought it must have my an

829
00:41:21,800 --> 00:41:24,400
Speaker 1: idiot for thinking this, But she would be coughing, spluttering,

830
00:41:24,480 --> 00:41:26,359
Speaker 1: It would be quite confronting. Because I'm like, you seem

831
00:41:26,360 --> 00:41:29,399
Speaker 1: like you can't really breathe. But she would never get

832
00:41:29,480 --> 00:41:31,400
Speaker 1: upset about She'd just be looking at me with this

833
00:41:31,440 --> 00:41:33,439
Speaker 1: look of like I'm going to cough this stuff out

834
00:41:33,840 --> 00:41:35,840
Speaker 1: and then we're going to get on with this, right,

835
00:41:35,920 --> 00:41:37,600
Speaker 1: And she would do that every single time, and I

836
00:41:37,640 --> 00:41:40,360
Speaker 1: would think, I can see resilience in this baby, Like

837
00:41:40,440 --> 00:41:42,000
Speaker 1: I can see that this is a kid that just

838
00:41:42,040 --> 00:41:44,439
Speaker 1: does it and get it done. And that has been

839
00:41:44,520 --> 00:41:49,160
Speaker 1: true every single step of the way. Like she's just

840
00:41:49,280 --> 00:41:52,000
Speaker 1: so when we fall down, we get back up, you know.

841
00:41:52,280 --> 00:41:54,480
Speaker 1: So I felt like I saw that right in the

842
00:41:54,600 --> 00:41:57,799
Speaker 1: very beginning. The other thing that I see that I'm

843
00:41:57,840 --> 00:42:02,000
Speaker 1: interested in is what rates will be the donors. I

844
00:42:02,040 --> 00:42:06,480
Speaker 1: don't know him. Yeah, so it's like I'm interested to see,

845
00:42:06,480 --> 00:42:08,000
Speaker 1: like what things are going to come out that are

846
00:42:08,000 --> 00:42:10,040
Speaker 1: going to be like, oh, that's not really like me.

847
00:42:10,600 --> 00:42:14,759
Speaker 1: And one thing she has been doing, she's very like

848
00:42:14,800 --> 00:42:17,719
Speaker 1: we have this like a pool at the apartment that

849
00:42:17,760 --> 00:42:19,440
Speaker 1: I live at, and there's often people down there, and

850
00:42:19,440 --> 00:42:21,480
Speaker 1: every time we park the car my garage is next

851
00:42:21,520 --> 00:42:23,719
Speaker 1: to the pool. She's like, go say hi, Go say hi.

852
00:42:24,040 --> 00:42:25,520
Speaker 1: I'm like, yeah, you can go say hi. So she

853
00:42:25,560 --> 00:42:27,960
Speaker 1: goes down to the pool to see if anybody's down there,

854
00:42:27,960 --> 00:42:30,359
Speaker 1: and she looks around. If somebody's down there, she does

855
00:42:30,400 --> 00:42:33,279
Speaker 1: her chat, which is bit cold today, and then that's

856
00:42:33,320 --> 00:42:35,200
Speaker 1: the only chat she scott. But she just goes around

857
00:42:35,239 --> 00:42:39,759
Speaker 1: everyone bit cold today, bit cold today. And I'm like,

858
00:42:40,080 --> 00:42:42,920
Speaker 1: that's not me. I don't go up to random strangers

859
00:42:43,000 --> 00:42:44,520
Speaker 1: like I'll have a chat with you all day long,

860
00:42:44,719 --> 00:42:47,800
Speaker 1: and I want to have a real, honest, open conversation.

861
00:42:48,080 --> 00:42:49,680
Speaker 1: But I want to have small talk with people I

862
00:42:49,680 --> 00:42:52,520
Speaker 1: don't know. No, I do not. So if you set

863
00:42:52,560 --> 00:42:54,920
Speaker 1: me adrift in a party where I know nothing, that

864
00:42:55,200 --> 00:42:58,560
Speaker 1: is my hell, where I know nobody, I don't know.

865
00:42:58,760 --> 00:43:02,080
Speaker 1: I would to be a waiter there because I have

866
00:43:02,200 --> 00:43:05,120
Speaker 1: a use. I know, I know. My purpose in the

867
00:43:05,200 --> 00:43:08,040
Speaker 1: room is I'm serving the people drinks. I'm very comfortable

868
00:43:08,080 --> 00:43:10,120
Speaker 1: in that space. But you just send me out to

869
00:43:10,239 --> 00:43:12,960
Speaker 1: network or meet people that I don't know. No, thank

870
00:43:13,000 --> 00:43:16,000
Speaker 1: you very much. And so I see this in her,

871
00:43:16,360 --> 00:43:18,600
Speaker 1: I'm like, well, that ain't me. That must be him.

872
00:43:19,280 --> 00:43:21,759
Speaker 3: That's mister Hachat exactly.

873
00:43:22,120 --> 00:43:24,799
Speaker 1: So it's interesting those little things that are coming out

874
00:43:24,880 --> 00:43:26,440
Speaker 1: that I'm just like, oh, what are the bits that

875
00:43:26,480 --> 00:43:28,399
Speaker 1: are going to be him because I don't know him

876
00:43:28,400 --> 00:43:28,680
Speaker 1: at all.

877
00:43:29,160 --> 00:43:32,400
Speaker 2: Do you get like medical history and you get.

878
00:43:32,280 --> 00:43:34,319
Speaker 1: A lot of information. Actually I went, I ended up

879
00:43:34,320 --> 00:43:36,600
Speaker 1: going with a clinic who in Australia, but they have

880
00:43:36,680 --> 00:43:40,200
Speaker 1: an American donor bank, so there was a lot more option.

881
00:43:40,280 --> 00:43:42,840
Speaker 1: In Australia. You don't get paid, and honestly, it's like,

882
00:43:44,040 --> 00:43:46,640
Speaker 1: you know what, people come on very rarely and then

883
00:43:46,680 --> 00:43:49,319
Speaker 1: everyone's like, oh no, sharks to the fish kind of

884
00:43:49,760 --> 00:43:52,200
Speaker 1: there's not a whole bunch of people going, whereas in

885
00:43:52,239 --> 00:43:55,040
Speaker 1: America you can. You know, I had friends of mine

886
00:43:55,080 --> 00:43:58,000
Speaker 1: who were like a gay couple and they wanted one

887
00:43:58,000 --> 00:44:00,200
Speaker 1: of the partner that wasn't carrying the kid to look

888
00:44:00,200 --> 00:44:01,480
Speaker 1: a bit like it. So it's like, can we find

889
00:44:01,480 --> 00:44:03,319
Speaker 1: someone with blonde hair because we want to find the

890
00:44:03,360 --> 00:44:05,960
Speaker 1: characteristics that make it feel like that person is also

891
00:44:06,000 --> 00:44:07,719
Speaker 1: that kid. So you can do a bit more of

892
00:44:07,719 --> 00:44:09,719
Speaker 1: that when the bank is a little bit bigger. So

893
00:44:09,760 --> 00:44:12,400
Speaker 1: the information that they gave you also was a lot bigger.

894
00:44:12,440 --> 00:44:15,280
Speaker 1: So we had all medical history, medical history of their family.

895
00:44:15,680 --> 00:44:18,000
Speaker 1: They write you sort of a little you know, answer

896
00:44:18,000 --> 00:44:20,040
Speaker 1: a bunch of questions. There was also some audio that

897
00:44:20,080 --> 00:44:22,439
Speaker 1: you can hear them talk, so that was really nice

898
00:44:22,440 --> 00:44:25,400
Speaker 1: to hear them talk. But I mean, the delightful nurses

899
00:44:25,400 --> 00:44:28,680
Speaker 1: are not Michael Parkinson. So they're asking some things like

900
00:44:28,800 --> 00:44:32,600
Speaker 1: what's your favorite food. I'm not choosing this person whether

901
00:44:32,640 --> 00:44:41,120
Speaker 1: they like spaghetti bollinettes. Actually, it's definitely not what I

902
00:44:41,160 --> 00:44:41,520
Speaker 1: need to know.

903
00:44:42,360 --> 00:44:45,360
Speaker 3: Did say, it's a bit cold today.

904
00:44:45,400 --> 00:44:47,399
Speaker 1: Exactly cold today, but the.

905
00:44:47,400 --> 00:44:48,760
Speaker 2: For you a serial killer?

906
00:44:50,800 --> 00:44:52,520
Speaker 3: I smashed my fruit loops in the morning.

907
00:44:52,760 --> 00:44:55,120
Speaker 1: Yeah, but I was really worried that I wouldn't be

908
00:44:55,160 --> 00:44:57,640
Speaker 1: able to get a sense of whether this person was

909
00:44:57,680 --> 00:44:59,680
Speaker 1: good and kind. I didn't really care about I mean,

910
00:44:59,719 --> 00:45:01,759
Speaker 1: I did care about the medical history, but a lot

911
00:45:01,760 --> 00:45:03,560
Speaker 1: of people were like, oh, just get the good medical history.

912
00:45:03,640 --> 00:45:05,319
Speaker 1: The rest is nurture, and I'm like, no, no, no, I

913
00:45:05,360 --> 00:45:08,400
Speaker 1: do want to know that this person is a good person.

914
00:45:08,840 --> 00:45:10,520
Speaker 1: And for a while looking through the things, I'm like,

915
00:45:10,520 --> 00:45:12,040
Speaker 1: I don't know whether I'm going to be able to

916
00:45:12,040 --> 00:45:14,720
Speaker 1: find that. But what I settled on when I found

917
00:45:14,920 --> 00:45:17,680
Speaker 1: this doner is there was a little section where it's

918
00:45:17,719 --> 00:45:20,400
Speaker 1: like a create your express yourself it's called and so

919
00:45:20,440 --> 00:45:23,759
Speaker 1: some people draw right a palm like whatever, and he

920
00:45:23,920 --> 00:45:27,759
Speaker 1: had written about something that he was really drawn to

921
00:45:27,840 --> 00:45:30,040
Speaker 1: as a kid, and the essence of what he had

922
00:45:30,040 --> 00:45:33,480
Speaker 1: written was that he said that he feels like being

923
00:45:33,719 --> 00:45:37,560
Speaker 1: unself consciously drawn to something, even if it is embarrassing,

924
00:45:37,600 --> 00:45:39,440
Speaker 1: is one of the most blissful things in the world.

925
00:45:40,520 --> 00:45:44,880
Speaker 1: And I thought that is a not something a not

926
00:45:44,960 --> 00:45:48,399
Speaker 1: good person, right, you know, that kind of idea of

927
00:45:48,600 --> 00:45:52,000
Speaker 1: liking something even if it's silly, or that's the quality

928
00:45:52,040 --> 00:45:53,400
Speaker 1: I want my daughter to have. I don't want her

929
00:45:53,440 --> 00:45:55,080
Speaker 1: to feel like she has to be cool or you know,

930
00:45:55,719 --> 00:45:56,920
Speaker 1: all of that kind of stuff. I want her to

931
00:45:56,920 --> 00:45:58,640
Speaker 1: feel like I can really find joy and the things

932
00:45:58,640 --> 00:46:00,440
Speaker 1: that find me join them at a house there and

933
00:46:00,440 --> 00:46:01,759
Speaker 1: I could be proud of that, and I need to

934
00:46:01,760 --> 00:46:05,600
Speaker 1: feel self conscious about that. So that was the thing

935
00:46:05,640 --> 00:46:08,399
Speaker 1: that made me choose him, and I was like, I

936
00:46:08,440 --> 00:46:12,320
Speaker 1: was really excited once I made the choice about the choice,

937
00:46:12,360 --> 00:46:14,280
Speaker 1: which I didn't think I would get to because essentially

938
00:46:14,280 --> 00:46:16,840
Speaker 1: you're reading medical records and like a dossier about sperm,

939
00:46:16,960 --> 00:46:18,960
Speaker 1: So yeah, can I get to a point where I'm

940
00:46:18,960 --> 00:46:21,120
Speaker 1: excited about doing that? But once I sort of saw

941
00:46:21,160 --> 00:46:23,719
Speaker 1: those qualities and read his things, I was like, no, no, no,

942
00:46:23,760 --> 00:46:25,640
Speaker 1: these are good qualities and I want to bring that

943
00:46:25,680 --> 00:46:26,200
Speaker 1: into the world.

944
00:46:26,280 --> 00:46:28,120
Speaker 2: And you see you see a photo of.

945
00:46:28,680 --> 00:46:33,440
Speaker 1: When they're kids, Oh, when they're adults. Oh yeah, so

946
00:46:33,480 --> 00:46:35,640
Speaker 1: you can see and I think that's actually quite good

947
00:46:35,719 --> 00:46:38,279
Speaker 1: because you can't identify them right, so you can't see

948
00:46:38,280 --> 00:46:40,920
Speaker 1: them as an adult. But when you see their photos

949
00:46:40,960 --> 00:46:43,000
Speaker 1: as a kid, like you can see the light behind

950
00:46:43,000 --> 00:46:46,719
Speaker 1: the kids. Sure, you know, you can see something in

951
00:46:46,760 --> 00:46:49,160
Speaker 1: them that makes you go, oh that's a that's a

952
00:46:49,200 --> 00:46:51,759
Speaker 1: good kid. Yeah, you know, so I thought that was

953
00:46:51,800 --> 00:46:53,759
Speaker 1: really cool. I actually pulled the photos out the other

954
00:46:53,840 --> 00:46:55,120
Speaker 1: day because I was like, I wonder if she looks

955
00:46:55,160 --> 00:46:57,000
Speaker 1: like him, but actually she looks like more like me

956
00:46:57,040 --> 00:46:59,960
Speaker 1: as a kid. Yeah, but she does have really curly hair,

957
00:47:00,040 --> 00:47:03,040
Speaker 1: which he has. So it's interesting as she grows up

958
00:47:03,080 --> 00:47:05,160
Speaker 1: to kind of bring those things out and see, oh

959
00:47:05,239 --> 00:47:06,760
Speaker 1: how much of that is this person?

960
00:47:06,800 --> 00:47:09,760
Speaker 2: You know, what an amazing process. I mean, I'm sure

961
00:47:09,800 --> 00:47:13,880
Speaker 2: many women might be feeling or thinking, I wish I

962
00:47:13,920 --> 00:47:17,040
Speaker 2: did that. I wish I hadn't taken the opportunity. But

963
00:47:17,920 --> 00:47:20,920
Speaker 2: what do you feel holds those women.

964
00:47:20,719 --> 00:47:26,839
Speaker 1: Back the society? Yeah, you know, like the pressure, it's

965
00:47:26,920 --> 00:47:29,319
Speaker 1: a lot, you know, I think back to that man

966
00:47:29,360 --> 00:47:31,640
Speaker 1: on the boat in Greece. There's a lot of women

967
00:47:31,840 --> 00:47:34,600
Speaker 1: that would have felt embarrassed and gone like, you know what,

968
00:47:34,880 --> 00:47:37,960
Speaker 1: this kind of thing makes me feel like this isn't

969
00:47:37,960 --> 00:47:40,600
Speaker 1: something that the world thinks is great. Yeah right, you know,

970
00:47:40,920 --> 00:47:42,919
Speaker 1: And I think we get those messages all the time.

971
00:47:43,040 --> 00:47:44,960
Speaker 1: Maybe not as extreme as leaping out of boat in

972
00:47:44,960 --> 00:47:47,719
Speaker 1: the middle of Greece, but we still get those messages

973
00:47:47,760 --> 00:47:50,160
Speaker 1: of like, that's not what we do here.

974
00:47:50,719 --> 00:47:51,080
Speaker 3: You know.

975
00:47:51,920 --> 00:47:55,160
Speaker 1: And it is hard as a person to stand up

976
00:47:55,160 --> 00:47:58,319
Speaker 1: against those things and to say, well, actually, it is

977
00:47:58,360 --> 00:48:00,880
Speaker 1: what we do here, and to still get up and

978
00:48:00,960 --> 00:48:04,000
Speaker 1: feel every day like you are this is a powerful

979
00:48:04,000 --> 00:48:05,520
Speaker 1: thing to do and an impressive thing to do and

980
00:48:05,560 --> 00:48:08,000
Speaker 1: a positive thing to do. And you know, to still

981
00:48:08,040 --> 00:48:10,400
Speaker 1: be told, you know, or it is to still be

982
00:48:10,480 --> 00:48:12,960
Speaker 1: looked at when somebody asks you if you're doing something

983
00:48:13,000 --> 00:48:15,520
Speaker 1: and you tell them you're doing it by themselves, like

984
00:48:15,600 --> 00:48:18,399
Speaker 1: that's a bit sad. You know. You have to get

985
00:48:18,400 --> 00:48:20,840
Speaker 1: in your own head and be like this ain't the

986
00:48:20,920 --> 00:48:23,960
Speaker 1: right thing, Like you're wrong, I'm right, this is this

987
00:48:24,120 --> 00:48:25,960
Speaker 1: is a good thing to do. Now. I would say

988
00:48:25,960 --> 00:48:28,360
Speaker 1: that therapy is help me massively with that, you know,

989
00:48:29,600 --> 00:48:31,839
Speaker 1: But it is hard. It's hard work, and I can

990
00:48:31,920 --> 00:48:35,439
Speaker 1: understand how it's just easier sometimes to go, I don't

991
00:48:35,440 --> 00:48:36,680
Speaker 1: want to keep explaining myself.

992
00:48:36,840 --> 00:48:41,400
Speaker 2: Yeah enough, you've got onto your podcast. It's called Me

993
00:48:41,480 --> 00:48:45,120
Speaker 2: and My Tiny Human. I can't imagine what inspired there's

994
00:48:46,760 --> 00:48:47,759
Speaker 2: but tell us about that.

995
00:48:48,440 --> 00:48:51,200
Speaker 1: Yeah. So this is just a show that was born

996
00:48:51,239 --> 00:48:53,359
Speaker 1: out of all of these conversations that I'd had with

997
00:48:53,400 --> 00:48:59,040
Speaker 1: people and the sort of reactions and the feeling that

998
00:48:59,080 --> 00:49:02,640
Speaker 1: I just wanted to put out a version of this

999
00:49:02,680 --> 00:49:05,319
Speaker 1: life into the world that was like, this is a

1000
00:49:05,360 --> 00:49:07,239
Speaker 1: really good option if you want to do it. And

1001
00:49:07,280 --> 00:49:09,640
Speaker 1: here's all the highs and the lows and the crap

1002
00:49:09,680 --> 00:49:11,359
Speaker 1: bits and the bits where you'd be ready to tear

1003
00:49:11,360 --> 00:49:13,320
Speaker 1: your hair out and throw the furniture out the door,

1004
00:49:13,760 --> 00:49:16,239
Speaker 1: but it ain't unmanageable to the point where you're like,

1005
00:49:16,280 --> 00:49:18,680
Speaker 1: I shouldn't have done this, Like, not one day have

1006
00:49:18,800 --> 00:49:21,600
Speaker 1: I ever thought, gush, I shouldn't have done this. Yeah, never,

1007
00:49:21,960 --> 00:49:25,160
Speaker 1: you know, even when it's just been at the absolute

1008
00:49:25,160 --> 00:49:28,319
Speaker 1: pinnacle of what I can put up with. So it's,

1009
00:49:28,680 --> 00:49:33,680
Speaker 1: you know, I think the way that I think about it,

1010
00:49:33,440 --> 00:49:37,200
Speaker 1: it's it's different to what I've heard other people talk

1011
00:49:37,239 --> 00:49:39,160
Speaker 1: about it, you know, in terms of it feeling like

1012
00:49:39,200 --> 00:49:42,239
Speaker 1: a very powerful option and not a consolation price, you know.

1013
00:49:42,320 --> 00:49:44,640
Speaker 1: And so that is the thing with this podcast is

1014
00:49:44,680 --> 00:49:47,680
Speaker 1: I want people to listen to it and feel like, wow,

1015
00:49:47,840 --> 00:49:51,200
Speaker 1: I could do this, Like this is actually cool that

1016
00:49:51,400 --> 00:49:54,160
Speaker 1: it isn't like some the reaction that I get from

1017
00:49:54,200 --> 00:49:57,640
Speaker 1: other people. This is actually something really like a really

1018
00:49:57,640 --> 00:49:59,319
Speaker 1: great option for me, you know. And I think I've

1019
00:49:59,360 --> 00:50:01,680
Speaker 1: had a lot of con attach from women who have

1020
00:50:01,800 --> 00:50:03,920
Speaker 1: done it by themselves or really want to do it

1021
00:50:03,960 --> 00:50:05,520
Speaker 1: by themselves, a lot of people that are like going

1022
00:50:05,560 --> 00:50:07,799
Speaker 1: through the process and have found the podcast and like,

1023
00:50:07,880 --> 00:50:09,759
Speaker 1: oh my gosh, I'm like literally at the beginning of

1024
00:50:09,760 --> 00:50:11,520
Speaker 1: this and it's so good to hear that, like it's

1025
00:50:11,520 --> 00:50:13,399
Speaker 1: going to be okay, I am going to be fine,

1026
00:50:13,440 --> 00:50:15,080
Speaker 1: Like I am making the right choice, because I think

1027
00:50:15,120 --> 00:50:18,600
Speaker 1: we all doubt ourselves through that process. So that was

1028
00:50:18,640 --> 00:50:20,719
Speaker 1: really what the show was about for me to kind

1029
00:50:20,719 --> 00:50:22,600
Speaker 1: of share that message, make people feel like.

1030
00:50:22,760 --> 00:50:26,440
Speaker 3: I can do this And is it a weekly offering?

1031
00:50:26,640 --> 00:50:27,759
Speaker 1: Yeah, do you have.

1032
00:50:27,680 --> 00:50:29,840
Speaker 3: A time limit on it or would you take us

1033
00:50:29,840 --> 00:50:30,680
Speaker 3: through the old journey.

1034
00:50:31,280 --> 00:50:34,080
Speaker 1: When my friend of mine who knew it was coming out,

1035
00:50:34,280 --> 00:50:36,320
Speaker 1: thought it was going to be just like five episodes,

1036
00:50:36,360 --> 00:50:39,239
Speaker 1: and then she's like, you're doing this every week? You're

1037
00:50:39,320 --> 00:50:41,880
Speaker 1: like I could, and I mean I'm working podcasting. I know,

1038
00:50:41,960 --> 00:50:43,480
Speaker 1: you want to keep these things alive. They go to

1039
00:50:43,560 --> 00:50:46,400
Speaker 1: keep going. Yeah, you know this too. You can't just

1040
00:50:46,440 --> 00:50:49,080
Speaker 1: stop it. So yeah, the plan is to keep it

1041
00:50:49,120 --> 00:50:51,320
Speaker 1: alive until like a collapse.

1042
00:50:54,520 --> 00:50:58,200
Speaker 3: When she's fifteen and she's found the found the kid,

1043
00:50:58,320 --> 00:51:00,839
Speaker 3: you know, and there's the pimply face kid rocking up

1044
00:51:00,840 --> 00:51:01,680
Speaker 3: to the front door.

1045
00:51:01,680 --> 00:51:01,880
Speaker 2: You know.

1046
00:51:02,200 --> 00:51:06,560
Speaker 1: Yeah, Olivia, I know all this stuff to look forward to, right,

1047
00:51:06,560 --> 00:51:08,320
Speaker 1: It's all different challenges.

1048
00:51:08,160 --> 00:51:11,359
Speaker 2: Yeah, different phases. I mean where you know, even our

1049
00:51:11,400 --> 00:51:15,239
Speaker 2: eldest's twenty eight, you're still we're still parenting, but in

1050
00:51:15,280 --> 00:51:17,880
Speaker 2: it's a whole different way, which is really it's a

1051
00:51:17,920 --> 00:51:18,760
Speaker 2: whole other phase.

1052
00:51:18,840 --> 00:51:20,600
Speaker 3: But it never stopped. My mum and dad are in

1053
00:51:20,640 --> 00:51:24,160
Speaker 3: their eighties and and I'm so glad they are still parenting.

1054
00:51:24,600 --> 00:51:25,160
Speaker 1: That's cool.

1055
00:51:25,239 --> 00:51:27,480
Speaker 3: They're still there, you know, and I still look for

1056
00:51:27,560 --> 00:51:28,120
Speaker 3: their wisdom.

1057
00:51:28,280 --> 00:51:31,799
Speaker 1: That's cool. Yeah, And that's I think what I desperately

1058
00:51:31,840 --> 00:51:34,640
Speaker 1: hope for, you know, I hope Olivia still looks to

1059
00:51:34,680 --> 00:51:37,640
Speaker 1: me at that time, because I do think having that

1060
00:51:37,960 --> 00:51:41,200
Speaker 1: anchor and that's, you know, that someone to come back to,

1061
00:51:41,360 --> 00:51:45,400
Speaker 1: and I think it's just amazing so that's really cool.

1062
00:51:45,640 --> 00:51:48,479
Speaker 3: This one question that's just gnawing on my brain going

1063
00:51:48,600 --> 00:51:50,960
Speaker 3: just to ask it. Do you do you feel like

1064
00:51:51,200 --> 00:51:57,520
Speaker 3: your capacity to love has grown as a result of

1065
00:51:58,040 --> 00:51:58,920
Speaker 3: becoming a mum.

1066
00:51:59,160 --> 00:52:02,160
Speaker 1: I don't know that it's grown so much as she's

1067
00:52:02,200 --> 00:52:04,600
Speaker 1: filled the bits that weren't full before, So it just

1068
00:52:04,719 --> 00:52:08,080
Speaker 1: feels fuller, you know. I think the capacity was always there,

1069
00:52:08,960 --> 00:52:12,160
Speaker 1: but I've never been loved like this in a relationship.

1070
00:52:12,320 --> 00:52:12,560
Speaker 2: Yeah.

1071
00:52:13,080 --> 00:52:16,480
Speaker 1: Never, you know, I don't even I don't even feel

1072
00:52:16,480 --> 00:52:19,160
Speaker 1: like I felt love like this for my parents. Y yeah,

1073
00:52:19,200 --> 00:52:24,600
Speaker 1: you know, so this is the first feeling of that

1074
00:52:24,640 --> 00:52:29,560
Speaker 1: capacity and that feels pretty effing cool.

1075
00:52:29,760 --> 00:52:30,759
Speaker 2: Yeah, you know what.

1076
00:52:30,800 --> 00:52:34,720
Speaker 1: I mean, I'm like, this is really and I'm sure

1077
00:52:34,920 --> 00:52:39,440
Speaker 1: you can I don't think that's only available in a

1078
00:52:39,480 --> 00:52:42,600
Speaker 1: parent kid relationship. I think I'm sure there's you know,

1079
00:52:42,719 --> 00:52:46,040
Speaker 1: relationships that do that parent like people with their relationship

1080
00:52:46,080 --> 00:52:48,560
Speaker 1: with their parents or people with their romantic partner. But

1081
00:52:48,640 --> 00:52:51,720
Speaker 1: I've just never experienced that. So this is a really

1082
00:52:51,840 --> 00:52:54,799
Speaker 1: cool feeling of my cup. Yeah.

1083
00:52:55,480 --> 00:53:00,719
Speaker 2: Yeah. The unconditional love that that parenting brings, I just

1084
00:53:00,760 --> 00:53:04,000
Speaker 2: think is there is I don't think there's anything like

1085
00:53:04,160 --> 00:53:08,040
Speaker 2: that kind of love that parent child love I think

1086
00:53:08,160 --> 00:53:12,920
Speaker 2: is it really is in a category of its own. Yeah,

1087
00:53:13,040 --> 00:53:13,359
Speaker 2: and a.

1088
00:53:13,320 --> 00:53:15,919
Speaker 1: Responsibility that comes with that. Like you see a lot

1089
00:53:15,960 --> 00:53:18,880
Speaker 1: of people who have not been great to their kids,

1090
00:53:18,920 --> 00:53:21,280
Speaker 1: and all those kids want is love from their parents.

1091
00:53:21,920 --> 00:53:24,520
Speaker 1: You could do all manner things to your kids and

1092
00:53:24,560 --> 00:53:27,520
Speaker 1: they would still just want you to love them. That's right.

1093
00:53:27,680 --> 00:53:30,279
Speaker 1: So I feel like, when you know you can get

1094
00:53:30,320 --> 00:53:34,480
Speaker 1: away with some pretty crap stuff, you've got a responsibility

1095
00:53:34,880 --> 00:53:38,520
Speaker 1: to really respect that love that that kid has for

1096
00:53:38,560 --> 00:53:42,200
Speaker 1: you and actually give it what it deserves, you know,

1097
00:53:42,719 --> 00:53:45,759
Speaker 1: because that's a pretty powerful love coming your way.

1098
00:53:46,040 --> 00:53:51,319
Speaker 3: A great well, boss, the boss of all us a lot,

1099
00:53:51,320 --> 00:53:55,360
Speaker 3: and we're not going to hold any against you negotiation

1100
00:54:00,200 --> 00:54:03,640
Speaker 3: based on this. Don't go watching Succession how they deal.

1101
00:54:03,520 --> 00:54:07,640
Speaker 1: With yeah children, ye oh my gosh, hideous things that

1102
00:54:08,840 --> 00:54:10,000
Speaker 1: it doesn't turn out like that for me.

1103
00:54:12,000 --> 00:54:15,640
Speaker 3: We're deep in it. We're late to the succession party.

1104
00:54:15,640 --> 00:54:18,000
Speaker 3: But I'm just watching that going. The kids will still

1105
00:54:18,040 --> 00:54:22,279
Speaker 3: love their parents even though the parents are absolutely I know.

1106
00:54:22,880 --> 00:54:24,680
Speaker 2: I want to approve all still one.

1107
00:54:24,880 --> 00:54:27,040
Speaker 1: Yeah, it's such a plexity.

1108
00:54:28,000 --> 00:54:31,960
Speaker 3: Great, thanks so much for coming on and getting to

1109
00:54:32,040 --> 00:54:32,719
Speaker 3: the heart of us.

1110
00:54:33,120 --> 00:54:34,239
Speaker 1: Yes, good job.

1111
00:54:37,280 --> 00:54:40,919
Speaker 2: And I think Olivia is a very very lucky girl

1112
00:54:41,000 --> 00:54:42,640
Speaker 2: to have you. I really do

1113
00:54:45,040 --> 00:54:45,360
Speaker 3: Again