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Speaker 1: Apolgie production.

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Speaker 2: I need your advice.

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Speaker 1: Are you okay? What happened?

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Speaker 2: Promise it won't be too much.

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Speaker 1: Bring it in.

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Speaker 2: Welcome to our Bestie segment. This is the place for you.

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Speaker 3: Welcome back to She Rises with Ashy and Tiana. You

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Speaker 3: are joining us for our Bestie segment today. Now, if

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Speaker 3: you haven't listened to our Bestie segment before, this is

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Speaker 3: where all of you write in your anonymous submissions and

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Speaker 3: share with us the things that maybe you don't have

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Speaker 3: anyone to turn to. It's the questions, the advice that

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Speaker 3: you need, the advice that you really are needing some

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Speaker 3: support on but just don't feel comfortable sharing it with

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Speaker 3: anybody in your life, or maybe you don't want anybody's

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Speaker 3: biased opinion to cloud your judgment. So this is where

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Speaker 3: you get to turn to us and we get to

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Speaker 3: share advice with you as if we are speaking to ourselves,

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Speaker 3: and as if you know one of us has come

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Speaker 3: to us with this problem. Yeah is so take it away, Ashly,

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Speaker 3: What have you got for us?

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Speaker 1: All? Right? The time that all of today's episode is

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Speaker 1: when you want more but feel stuck. Where do I

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Speaker 1: even start? Okay, Hi, girls, I'm after some besty advice.

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Speaker 1: I feel like I'm ready to jump into my era.

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Speaker 1: Long story short, I've been out of my abusive marriage

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Speaker 1: for two and a half years now. I'm a single

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Speaker 1: mum and I work full time, but I want more

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Speaker 1: from life. I would love to run my own business,

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Speaker 1: which hopefully would mean I can buy my own house

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Speaker 1: one day. I guess I'm just lacking the support to

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Speaker 1: encourage me to go and get it. I have countless ideas,

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Speaker 1: but also struggling with how do I work full time,

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Speaker 1: parent full time, and make it all work. I'm in

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Speaker 1: my early forties and really worried about not having a

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Speaker 1: house or a retirement plan. I don't have anyone who

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Speaker 1: can help me look after my daughter on a regular basis,

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Speaker 1: and that makes it slightly harder to get going. She

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Speaker 1: has to come with me. This is not a problem

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Speaker 1: because she is amazing. I guess my question is, do

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Speaker 1: you have any advice on where to start leveling up

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Speaker 1: my game? Sorry if this is vague. I hear you

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Speaker 1: both talk about self growth a lot. Could you dive

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Speaker 1: deeper into that. I don't have to spare money for

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Speaker 1: a life coach, but I do love your podcast and

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Speaker 1: often have a lot of questions.

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Speaker 3: First of all, just it must have been really hard

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Speaker 3: to come out of an abuse relationship. I think that

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Speaker 3: in itself is such a challenging thing for a woman

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Speaker 3: to have to go through.

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Speaker 2: So the fact that you are on the other.

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Speaker 3: Side of that, like, I just commend you on that,

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Speaker 3: and being able to get yourself out and get yourself

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Speaker 3: protected and safe and into a safer environment, I think

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Speaker 3: that's the biggest thing.

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Speaker 1: And then going through the grieving process and like the

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Speaker 1: rebuild that is right, that's just so much energy, time, money,

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Speaker 1: all of it, and it's like you're doing incredible job.

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Speaker 3: I think no one really talks about the aftermath of

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Speaker 3: that as well, the aftermath of all of the things

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Speaker 3: that you have to learn when you're coming out of

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Speaker 3: an abusive relationship. Like I've watched people very very close

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Speaker 3: to me in my life come out of very abusive relationships,

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Speaker 3: and the aftermath is often the hardest thing. So I

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Speaker 3: just I want to let you know that I see

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Speaker 3: you in that, and I can imagine how much you're

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Speaker 3: holding right.

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Speaker 1: Now whilst trying to be a good math.

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Speaker 3: Whilst trying to be a good mom so and trying

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Speaker 3: to figure out the finances sort of things.

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Speaker 1: It's stressful, it's a lot for you to hold on

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Speaker 1: your nervous system.

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Speaker 3: I think with the season that you're in now, I

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Speaker 3: think would be really good for you to get clear

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Speaker 3: on what it is that you want to do, Yeah,

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Speaker 3: what it is, what direction you want to go in,

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Speaker 3: where you want to be, what fulfills you, the things

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Speaker 3: that you love to do, and then learn learning how

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Speaker 3: to monetize that. Yeah, I think that's going to be

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Speaker 3: the biggest thing. Yeah.

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Speaker 1: And I think the fact you're working full time and

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Speaker 1: you're a parent. It's already a lot. But I think

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Speaker 1: people have a false perception on running a business, thinking

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Speaker 1: it will give you more freedom and more time. It doesn't, Yeah,

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Speaker 1: especially in the growth phase, which is normally the first

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Speaker 1: three years. I know when I first started my business,

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Speaker 1: I was working three jobs as well as building my business.

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Speaker 1: In your situation, if you have something that you really

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Speaker 1: want to make happen and build a business, it's probably

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Speaker 1: gonna be when your daughter goes to bed. Yeah, it's

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Speaker 1: probably going to require you to get up a little

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Speaker 1: bit earlier each day, in like sacrificing time and fitting

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Speaker 1: it in whenever you can, and resourcing learning all yourself.

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Speaker 1: So you're going to turn to YouTube literally anything. How

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Speaker 1: do I make you propify website? How do I use Canva?

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Speaker 1: How to create graphics? How can I build my social media? Like?

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Speaker 1: Whatever it is that you need to learn, it's all online.

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Speaker 1: We are so lucky, all the resources at our fingertips,

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Speaker 1: and you're going to have to be the jack of

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Speaker 1: all trades and doing all yourself. When Steve and I

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Speaker 1: first started, we were doing literally everything and not great

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Speaker 1: at it. Yeah, as soon as we could afford to,

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Speaker 1: we would hire, but at the start, we need to

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Speaker 1: do it all, and we were both so tired. We

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Speaker 1: did have children back then either, So it's like it's

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Speaker 1: a lot. But if that's something you really want to do,

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Speaker 1: then you're probably gonna have to sacrifice a lot of

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Speaker 1: your time and energy for the next couple of years

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Speaker 1: to build that because business are not built overnight. And

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Speaker 1: if I was you too, I would really start to

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Speaker 1: share your journey online. A lot of the things these

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Speaker 1: days are personal branding. There's so many products that are

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Speaker 1: all the same thing. But it's like the people that

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Speaker 1: are doing well, I have a personal brand, they're sharing

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Speaker 1: their journey, they're sharing it.

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Speaker 2: The ups and downs.

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Speaker 1: They're sharing behind the scenes, and people are buying to

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Speaker 1: support that person, not the product. Yeah, you know, Like

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Speaker 1: it's like, let's just say period Undies for example, there's Libra,

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Speaker 1: there's Moody Body, there's all these other brands. But then

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Speaker 1: there's this girl and TikTok who is a single mum

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Speaker 1: and she's started this period Undee brand and she's sharing

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Speaker 1: her journey. Like, who am I going to support? I'm

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Speaker 1: going to go and support that mumm. Yeah, because I

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Speaker 1: can see what she's going through and I can feel

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Speaker 1: and I want to help her, and I want to

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Speaker 1: support her and I need period Undies anyway. I'd rather

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Speaker 1: support her than a massive corporation. Yes, that doesn't notice

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Speaker 1: another number coming in that makes so start sharing your journey.

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Speaker 1: Share if you're open to it. There'd be so many

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Speaker 1: other moms that are going through what you're going through.

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Speaker 1: I've gone through what you're going through. And your story

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Speaker 1: is your superpower, your authenticity that is so powerful. And

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Speaker 1: then you can blend that into like growing your business

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Speaker 1: whatever it is that you create, and I guarantee you'll

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Speaker 1: sell a lot more on your launch day if you've

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Speaker 1: got a little fan base and a community that you've

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Speaker 1: built and start now like jump on and literally do

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Speaker 1: a video and be like, Hi, I'm a single mom

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Speaker 1: to a beautiful eight year old girl. I've just come

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Speaker 1: out of an abusive relationship. Come with me as I

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Speaker 1: rebuild my life and start my business. Oh I love that,

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Speaker 1: you know, and daily vlog it and yes, once again,

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Speaker 1: that's work, that's effort. But if this is something you

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Speaker 1: truly want to do, and it's also okay if you

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Speaker 1: don't like even hear that, if you're like, holy shit,

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Speaker 1: I don't have the energy for that. And it's also

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Speaker 1: okay for you to distain in a full time job.

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Speaker 1: Running a business isn't for everyone. It's glorified online for sure,

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Speaker 1: but as we know, there's a lot like even Tiana

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Speaker 1: and I are coming into business. I had a really

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Speaker 1: big conversation with Tiana. I said, look, I'm ten years

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Speaker 1: older than you and I've done a lot of businesses,

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Speaker 1: and if we're going to growcy Rises and do all

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Speaker 1: the things we want to do, I'm so down for it.

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Speaker 1: But there's certain roles and things I'm not prepared to

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Speaker 1: do anymore because it'll take away from my kids. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: I'm not sacrificing that time with my children. When I

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Speaker 1: go home, I'm with my kids, and I'm like so

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Speaker 1: strong on that, and she was like, cool, well I

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Speaker 1: want to do this. Yeah, this is what I want

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Speaker 1: to learn. Like I'm in this house stage and it

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Speaker 1: just works really well. So just be really clear and

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Speaker 1: honest with yourself. Just know that you're going to have

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Speaker 1: to put a lot of time, energy, sacrifice into this

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Speaker 1: and at what cost and is that worth it? Because

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Speaker 1: even running a business, that doesn't mean you're going to

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Speaker 1: be able to buy a house faster. So I tell

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Speaker 1: you what, for the first couple of years, you're going

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Speaker 1: to be putting every solar you earn. It's back into

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Speaker 1: the business.

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Speaker 2: It really is.

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Speaker 1: It's more ads, it's more product, it's more storage. It's

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Speaker 1: like yeah, and it's money up front as well.

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Speaker 2: It's a lot of money upfront depending on what it

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Speaker 2: is that you do. Yeah, and you know what, there's

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Speaker 2: opportunity and everything. Yeah, there is everything.

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Speaker 3: But it is like what you said, It's like, is

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Speaker 3: it what you want to do? Don't just want to

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Speaker 3: run a business for the sake of it being thing

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Speaker 3: that all everybody else is doing it.

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Speaker 2: That's what I should do.

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Speaker 3: It's checking with you, Yeah, what feels good for you,

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Speaker 3: what you want to do, how you want to live

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Speaker 3: your life, and your intention behind that, because that's going

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Speaker 3: to be the most important thing.

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Speaker 1: Yeah.

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Speaker 2: I hope it didn't sound like negative Nancy there. I

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Speaker 2: just know you not at all.

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Speaker 1: I almost wish and back when I started Instagram was

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Speaker 1: only just beginning and there wasn't people talking on camera.

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Speaker 1: I wouldn't do it differently, but I wish there was

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Speaker 1: people that could have told me what it was really like. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: and I just appreciate honest advice.

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Speaker 2: See.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, I don't like things to be sugarcoated, and it

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Speaker 1: makes me reflect. We spoke about this in a previous episode.

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Speaker 1: It was like when someone's successful and we get jealous

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Speaker 1: and triggered, It's like I have moments of that and

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Speaker 1: I'm like, oh, but then do I really want that?

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Speaker 1: Because I know what I'm gonna have to do to.

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Speaker 2: Get that and what they have to get there, what

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Speaker 2: they sacrifice.

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Speaker 1: And it's time, it's money, it's energy, it's time away

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Speaker 1: from their family, it's a lot. Yeah, I'm like, I

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Speaker 1: don't actually want that that badly.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, And that's the thing, no matter what it is

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Speaker 2: that you create.

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Speaker 3: I think sometimes there can be this perception that something can,

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Speaker 3: for the most part, run on its own without you

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Speaker 3: having to put any time and effort once it's built.

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Speaker 2: But that's the thing. Like business is.

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Speaker 3: An ongoing thing, it's an ongoing thing that you have

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Speaker 3: to continuously pour into. And this is why it's important

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Speaker 3: to get clear on what you want, because if you

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Speaker 3: are passionate about something, it is so much easier to

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Speaker 3: go for the long haul. If you're in it just

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Speaker 3: to make money, sometimes it's a lot more clunkier and

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Speaker 3: you will feel a lot more rider, which is why

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Speaker 3: the fact that you're in a full time job is

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Speaker 3: actually a good thing because you have a sense of stability,

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Speaker 3: and especially as a mum, you have some form of

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Speaker 3: stability from this full time job that allows you to

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Speaker 3: have income without worrying about building a business and wondering

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Speaker 3: where your next dollar is going to come from. That's

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Speaker 3: actually a powerful thing for you to have. But what

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Speaker 3: that does require if you do want something different, like

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Speaker 3: what Ashy was saying, your mornings and your nights are

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Speaker 3: going to look very different, and you know what, it's

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Speaker 3: accepting the season that you're in, like buying a house

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Speaker 3: right now not your priority, do you know what I mean?

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Speaker 3: And it seems like the thing that you should do

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Speaker 3: because you're a parent and you know you want stability.

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Speaker 3: But like stability doesn't come from things, it comes from you,

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Speaker 3: it does. Stability comes from the feeling you have within

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Speaker 3: you to create stability for yourself. So maybe in this season,

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Speaker 3: you're in your hustle season and you are taking a

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Speaker 3: little bit less time to be the best parent that

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Speaker 3: you can be because you have to pull a little

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Speaker 3: bit of time away from your daughter so that you know,

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Speaker 3: when you put it down to bed, you know you're working,

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Speaker 3: and then in the mornings, you're not playing. In the mornings,

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Speaker 3: you're spending an hour extra working and then getting ready

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Speaker 3: for school and then going to work. You know, it's

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Speaker 3: really just acknowledging the season you're in and knowing that

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Speaker 3: it won't always be like this, but if you put

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Speaker 3: your head down now, you can create that for yourself.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, just getting really clear on what those goals are.

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Speaker 1: And we've spoken about and joining the journey to but

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Speaker 1: it's so important, Like even for me running Hideaway, I

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Speaker 1: don't run it. I can't say I run it. Steve

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Speaker 1: runs it. Yeah, and I look at what he does

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Speaker 1: and I'm like, absolutely fucking not the analytical brain. Like

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Speaker 1: even when he opens up his ad account, I'm like, no,

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Speaker 1: I didn't even want to learn all of that. And

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Speaker 1: if you are going to start a business, I think

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Speaker 1: you need to be someone that is a gross seekers

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Speaker 1: some that loves learning. You want to learn all of it.

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Speaker 1: You're adaptable, you're flexible, you're determined. Like when Steve has

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Speaker 1: to learn something, like he is so laser focused and

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Speaker 1: he will not stop watching YouTube and listen to podcast

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Speaker 1: until he fucking knows it through and through enough that

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Speaker 1: he could teach it. Yeah, whereas me, I look at

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Speaker 1: the ad account and I'm like, oh, I don't want

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Speaker 1: to learn that. Yes, it's not for me. My brain

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Speaker 1: doesn't work like that. I'm not going to interest in it. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: I couldn't run high away. These are really serious things

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Speaker 1: you've got to think about.

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Speaker 3: Absolutely, And sometimes, you know, you see a lot of

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Speaker 3: people online who are like really enjoying their journey, but

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Speaker 3: like they're also in a very different position. Yeah, you know,

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Speaker 3: like you see somebody online they're like, I'm gonna love

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Speaker 3: what I do and it's so first freedom and this

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Speaker 3: is that blah blah blah. But sometimes you have to

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Speaker 3: go through seasons of life where you have to do

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Speaker 3: things you don't want to do for a season to

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Speaker 3: get ahead. You know, even if that's like you creating,

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Speaker 3: you doing what feels really hard right now that you

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Speaker 3: don't want to do for a season, so you can

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Speaker 3: get yourself a kiddy.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, you can get like an oh shit fund behind you.

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Speaker 3: And that's what I like to call it, and fund right,

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Speaker 3: so when things get wrong or you need money or whatever,

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Speaker 3: you feel security. And then once you've got that, then

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Speaker 3: from that place you can then go, Okay, what's the

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Speaker 3: next step from here? How can I then continue to

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Speaker 3: create so that I can get to that point of

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Speaker 3: freedom if that is your value.

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Speaker 1: And you've got to be prepared also to I hate

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Speaker 1: that it sounds so negative on this, but you have

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Speaker 1: to be prepared to like fall on your arm and

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Speaker 1: fail a lot throughout business, because that's how you learn

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Speaker 1: your biggest lessons. If we didn't fail and fall over

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Speaker 1: and take huge risks and them not work out, like hidh,

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Speaker 1: I wouldn't be where it is today because of those

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Speaker 1: times that we've lost and been like oh my gosh,

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Speaker 1: what the fuck do we do?

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Speaker 2: It's made us dig deep and it's made us learn.

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Speaker 1: But I didn't fully quit all my jobs until I

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Speaker 1: felt like I was in a financial position that I

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Speaker 1: could afford to take those risks. So it's great you've

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Speaker 1: got a full time job, but yeah, you do. You

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Speaker 1: could stay up later and get up early and spend

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Speaker 1: your weekends working like that is a choice. Is that

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Speaker 1: what you really want? Yeah? Or could you be happy

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Speaker 1: in your full time job and having this beautiful time

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Speaker 1: with your daughter and both were okay, Yeah, whatever you decide,

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Speaker 1: there's no judgment here. Clarity is important, It's really important,

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Speaker 1: and it will just help you understand what direction to

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Speaker 1: move in, because when we don't have clarity, or we

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Speaker 1: don't have direction, it makes it much harder to know

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Speaker 1: which steps to take because there's so many different avenues

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Speaker 1: and all of them work. It's figuring out what specifically

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Speaker 1: aligns for you. And then the next thing I think

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Speaker 1: would be the most important thing is like you making

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Speaker 1: sure that you're taking care of your mental health. So yes,

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Speaker 1: you might not right now have the funds for a

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Speaker 1: life coach, but talk to chat your BT, right, do

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Speaker 1: you know what I mean, like, you've got resources, you've

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Speaker 1: got YouTube, you've got every second thing on Instagram is

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Speaker 1: about personal growth. Yeah, you know, there are definitely different

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Speaker 1: ways that you can learn. You can read books, for

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Speaker 1: God's sake, Like, there are so many things that you

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Speaker 1: can do right now that will benefit you so much

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Speaker 1: without you needing to get a life coach right now. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: but the biggest thing is making sure that you stay

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Speaker 1: as regulated as possible. Yeah, making sure that you get sleep,

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Speaker 1: You've got your food on track, you're drinking enough, You've

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Speaker 1: got a little bit of movement. You're still pouring into

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Speaker 1: yourself and I know right now you probably don't feel

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Speaker 1: like you have a lot of time for that, but

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Speaker 1: even thirty minutes a day, the more that you take

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Speaker 1: care of yourself, the more it's going to allow you

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Speaker 1: to hold more. And if you're going to be working

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Speaker 1: full time and being a full time mum and start

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Speaker 1: a business, you have to stretch your capacity. You've got

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Speaker 1: to hold a lot, a lot of stress, a lot

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Speaker 1: of time.

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Speaker 3: It is a lot a lot of pressure, a lot

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Speaker 3: of responsib feel pressure. Yeah, you've got to learn how

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Speaker 3: to be that stable support system, not only for your daughter,

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Speaker 3: but for yourself and foremost.

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Speaker 1: A lot of stress. So the little micro things you

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Speaker 1: do each day to take care of yourself will have

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Speaker 1: big impact.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, really good advice.

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Speaker 1: Yeah.

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Speaker 3: I think it's just so important, you know, because it's

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Speaker 3: like people think you don't think it matters. No, even

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Speaker 3: for me though, when I'm like, as soon as I

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Speaker 3: haven't or you know, I feel really stressed and that

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Speaker 3: I don't eat as much food immediately it impacts my mood. Yeah.

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Speaker 3: If I'm not getting enough sleep, I'm so emotional the

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Speaker 3: next day. Try to work anything else, let alone working

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Speaker 3: a full job, trying to build a side hustle, trying

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Speaker 3: to parent as we Obviously I don't I can't speak

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Speaker 3: in that area, but I imagine how much harder that

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Speaker 3: would be. Yeah, when your emotions are so inconsistent all

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Speaker 3: the time. So if there's one thing that you can do,

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Speaker 3: try to keep yourself as consistent emotionally as possible, keep

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Speaker 3: your nervousystem regulated, keep yourself well fed and well slept.

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Speaker 2: It'll make it easier on the journey.

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Speaker 1: And hopefully just listen to this. It just you can

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Speaker 1: maybe do a journaling session and ask yourself to get clarity,

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Speaker 1: to ask what's really important, what you're wanting, what you're

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Speaker 1: prepared to sacrifice? Are you in this little long term?

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Speaker 1: I know you said you've got lots of ideas floating around,

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Speaker 1: but like, what stands out to you? What is so

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Speaker 1: true to you right now? Is it something that makes impact?

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Speaker 1: Is it a product that you just feel like there's

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Speaker 1: a missing gap in the market. Where are your strengths

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Speaker 1: at leaning on those where your weakness is at earn those.

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Speaker 3: Leaning on your strength? Yeah, and you know what, ideas

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Speaker 3: are all good and well, but pick one and action it. Yeah,

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Speaker 3: because all of the ideas are amazing. Yeah, it doesn't

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Speaker 3: matter which one you fucking do consistent. Pick one and

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Speaker 3: stick with it and then both it into existence. Yeah,

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Speaker 3: because the moment you start acting on that idea, it

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Speaker 3: actually becomes real. Whereas right now all the ideas are

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Speaker 3: floating around in your head or in your note section

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Speaker 3: on your phone for the last six months.

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Speaker 2: It's like you have an action any of them.

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Speaker 3: Pick one, see it through, and run with it.

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Speaker 1: And it's cool. With TikTok. The algorithm is so wild.

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Speaker 1: It's like free marketing. This wasn't around when I first

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Speaker 1: started a business. You had to pay for things to

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Speaker 1: be seen. You can obviously paid ads now, but on

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Speaker 1: TikTok you could have one video that goes viral, grows

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Speaker 1: your following, and sell out your product, which is so

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Speaker 1: freaking cool. Yeah that's from one video. So that's why

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Speaker 1: I said, like personal brand, share your journey, share your story,

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Speaker 1: because you could build a mass following for a year

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Speaker 1: before your product's even ready, and the when it's time

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Speaker 1: to launch, you've got them ready to go.

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Speaker 3: Yeah.

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Speaker 1: Build your email list, build your phone number list, build

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Speaker 1: up your social media, and you're ten steps ahead already.

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Speaker 2: Oh I love it, And that's free.

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Speaker 1: That's just your time.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, it's just your time.

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Speaker 1: You don't have to get a business coach. There's so

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Speaker 1: much online, but I think that's something anyone starting a

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Speaker 1: business these days. It will just put you in front.

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Speaker 1: I feel like you're ten sets behind if you're not

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Speaker 1: building a personal brand, having like a face of someone

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Speaker 1: to connect with, you know.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, absolutely, alright e man, I hope you enjoyed this.

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Speaker 1: Hope it helps. Yeah, good luck. Let us know how

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Speaker 1: you go. Yeah, what you decide to do, we'd love

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Speaker 1: to hear about it. We've got any more questions as well.

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Speaker 1: You can slide into our DMS. We're always happy to

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Speaker 1: have a voice message chat or bring it in here again. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: and honestly, like you've got this. Yeah, it's not you

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Speaker 1: verse anyone else. It's U versus you and this and

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Speaker 1: look what you've come through. You've done so many hard things.

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Speaker 1: You can do more hard things, right. Yeah, we believe

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Speaker 1: in you. We do.

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Speaker 2: We will see you on the next one. Bye bye.