Speaker 1: I want the fairy tale. I want the prince charming
Speaker 1: she how.
Speaker 2: Do I put this? Isn't a fan of my kissing style?
Speaker 1: Boyfriend and girlfriend for about twelve hours. He's in a
Speaker 1: trash bin. He's non recyclable, catching her mu.
Speaker 2: I love being love, I love love.
Speaker 3: On today's episode of Where's Your Head Out, we are
Speaker 3: discussing if we have ever been in a friends with
Speaker 3: benefits type of relationship. We will also be deciding the
Speaker 3: best way to navigate being in a fuck buddy position.
Speaker 2: Stay tuned to hear if Anna and I have been
Speaker 2: friends with benefits or we're just friends.
Speaker 3: Where's Your Head Out is a podcast that talks all
Speaker 3: things relationships, breakups, reality TV, trending shows, and everything in between.
Speaker 2: This is your new go to destination for laughs, gossip,
Speaker 2: intimate details, advice, and much more.
Speaker 1: Hello Matt, Hello Anna? How are you today? I'm good.
Speaker 1: Do you notice anything different? We're in a new studio.
Speaker 1: How is this?
Speaker 3: We are in a new studio. It's looking very speaking,
Speaker 3: stand and fresh. But that's not the new thing that
Speaker 3: I was asking you about.
Speaker 2: Do you have a new a new laptop?
Speaker 1: I'm kidding. Your hair looks amazing.
Speaker 3: I love how he went from good and halfway through
Speaker 3: the sentence he went straight to amazing because he knew
Speaker 3: that he needed to be nice.
Speaker 2: I know I've seen around for long enough to understand
Speaker 2: how to talk to women.
Speaker 3: Okay, well, nah, I've heard that people have been messaging
Speaker 3: you on your Instagram because they've seen you with drinks
Speaker 3: like beers, cocktails, whatever. And you told everyone on this
Speaker 3: podcast that you had liver issues and you weren't drinking anymore,
Speaker 3: and everyone has been catching you out drinking.
Speaker 1: Do you want to give us an update on that?
Speaker 2: Yeah, So for everyone that's messaged me, even to the
Speaker 2: girl came up to me at the Corner hotel and
Speaker 2: asked me why I was drinking. I'm going to explain now. Okay,
Speaker 2: So obviously there's a bit of time between podcast episodes.
Speaker 2: I had since after that episode was recorded, gone to
Speaker 2: the doctors, had a further test, got a second opinion,
Speaker 2: and it was okay, I can drink.
Speaker 1: There was enoughing to stress about, So you got the
Speaker 1: all clear. I got the all clear.
Speaker 2: I'm sorry if I left our audience on an absolute
Speaker 2: cliff hanger and everyone was concerned, and I appreciate everyone
Speaker 2: for being concerned. I do like. It means a lot,
Speaker 2: but I'm fine. So if you want to come have
Speaker 2: a drink with me, I will be out come and
Speaker 2: join me for a beer.
Speaker 3: Matt's officially back on the alcohol. It didn't last long.
Speaker 3: How long did it last?
Speaker 2: It was probably two nights, and one of those nights
Speaker 2: I did have a beer. You're so bad, I know.
Speaker 2: I know. Well my roommate Murph, he gets three beers
Speaker 2: through his job, so there was a new beer to taste,
Speaker 2: and I was like, you know what, I'm going to
Speaker 2: try this before anyone else can would be rude, not
Speaker 2: too I'm only human, aren't I.
Speaker 3: The other night, Matt and I were texting just about
Speaker 3: random things and it was so weird.
Speaker 1: We were both watching a movie. What were you watching? Map?
Speaker 2: So I was watching No Strings Attached with Ashton Kutcher
Speaker 2: and Natalie Portman. Have you seen that?
Speaker 1: I have seen it?
Speaker 3: And I was watching Friends with Benefits with Mila Kunis
Speaker 3: and Justin Timberlake, and we were like, that's so weird
Speaker 3: that we're both watching such a similar.
Speaker 1: It was wild.
Speaker 2: It's unheard of, unheard of. It was weird eyes. So
Speaker 2: we were like, well, let's talk about it. Then on
Speaker 2: a podcast episode.
Speaker 1: Let's talk about fuck buddies.
Speaker 2: Okay, before we get into this fuck buddy episode, Anna,
Speaker 2: what is a fuck buddy?
Speaker 3: Through friendship or mutual fondness, two people engage in sexual
Speaker 3: gratification with one another. The aim of a fuck buddy
Speaker 3: is to receive all the benefits of a relationship with
Speaker 3: another person, but not actually having to deal with any
Speaker 3: of the downsides of a relationship, so things like commitment,
Speaker 3: listening to their feelings, actually caring for them.
Speaker 2: So essentially it's like getting your cake and eating it exactly.
Speaker 1: So, Matt, have you had a fuck buddy before? Yes?
Speaker 1: I have.
Speaker 2: Actually I had one for probably from eighteen till twenty two.
Speaker 1: Okay, do you want to give us a bit of
Speaker 1: insight into that.
Speaker 2: I mean, essentially, it was like just would catch up
Speaker 2: once a week, do the deed, and then if on
Speaker 2: the weekend neither I was pulled, would send a message
Speaker 2: to each other and say, hey, what are you doing?
Speaker 2: Most of the time sending that message.
Speaker 1: But on the last so it was the last minute resort.
Speaker 2: Well, no, sometimes I would send a message before I
Speaker 2: went out if I knew that I was going somewhere
Speaker 2: and I wasn't in the mood for talking to girls
Speaker 2: or doing that sort of stuff, So I'd send a
Speaker 2: message and say, hey, what are you doing tonight?
Speaker 1: Just feelers out?
Speaker 3: You know, did you catch feelings for this fuck buddy?
Speaker 1: Yes?
Speaker 2: We ended up dating for two years. Wow, we broke
Speaker 2: the fuck buddy law essentially.
Speaker 3: Yeah, you totally abolished the law. That's not what you're
Speaker 3: supposed to do. Do you think that those feelings slowly
Speaker 3: started to creep in or did you start treating her
Speaker 3: like your girlfriend?
Speaker 1: And that's kind of why that happened.
Speaker 2: So essentially, I think what happened was we would always
Speaker 2: catch up, obviously in like fuck buddies can't do what
Speaker 2: fuck buddies do, but then we yeah, and then one
Speaker 2: of the times that transaction did not happen.
Speaker 1: So it was I had a cut off. Yeah, it
Speaker 1: was more or less like a sleepover.
Speaker 2: And I remember like the next day being like, Wow,
Speaker 2: what's this, what's going on here? Hope? She even told
Speaker 2: her friends about it, and then it went from there
Speaker 2: to like she came around, then, she was meeting my family,
Speaker 2: she was staying for movie night, and it just grew
Speaker 2: into something to the point where we were still doing
Speaker 2: the fuck buddy situation, but it grew to the point.
Speaker 1: Where it was basically a relationship. Yeah, it was.
Speaker 2: Either like this is over or we have to take
Speaker 2: it to the next step, you know what I mean, Like,
Speaker 2: it's either we go to the next step or we
Speaker 2: just stop seeing each other completely.
Speaker 1: I mean, I reckon this is a unique situations.
Speaker 3: I don't really think that a lot of fuck buddy
Speaker 3: or friends with benefits situations lead to a relationship.
Speaker 1: Am I right in saying that?
Speaker 2: I'm not sure. I haven't really asked any of my friends,
Speaker 2: but I know a lot of people only bail once
Speaker 2: the feelings happen. Once they catch the feels or the
Speaker 2: other one catches the fields, they normally like, well they
Speaker 2: take a step back.
Speaker 1: Yeah.
Speaker 3: So I've only ever had one situation where I had
Speaker 3: a fuck buddy or friends with benefits, And I guess
Speaker 3: the reason why I decided that, like I wanted to
Speaker 3: do it with this specific guy was because I felt
Speaker 3: like I didn't really like him in that way. I
Speaker 3: didn't want a relationship with him, and I knew that
Speaker 3: one hundred percent.
Speaker 2: Well, that's essentially how a fuck buddy starts. You see
Speaker 2: them as an attractive person, you want to continue to
Speaker 2: have sex with them, but there's just something there that spark,
Speaker 2: isn't there to He's not quite right. Yeah, that's one
Speaker 2: you don't want to date them.
Speaker 3: Yeah, And I think that's exactly what happened with me
Speaker 3: and my only experience of this. But the problem is
Speaker 3: is then he started catching feelings.
Speaker 2: Oh naturally, Anna, what do you mean.
Speaker 3: I feel like most fuck buddies are like, Okay, I'm
Speaker 3: not gonna catch feelings.
Speaker 1: I'm just gonna do the deed and go.
Speaker 3: But the problem is is I think that I'm so
Speaker 3: used to being in a relationship that I was kind
Speaker 3: of treating him a little bit, not meaning to, like.
Speaker 1: My boyfriend, would you text him all day? Not all day?
Speaker 1: But I'd send him a message being like, hope you
Speaker 1: had a nice day, or.
Speaker 2: He messaged me, you're breaking the fuck buddy rules.
Speaker 1: I didn't know about the code. Here's a code, right.
Speaker 2: There is a code, and we'll touch on that later,
Speaker 2: because don't make the mistakes that Anna and I have.
Speaker 2: If you want to keep that fuck buddy in the
Speaker 2: friend zone.
Speaker 3: I reckon that I would never, ever, ever, ever agree
Speaker 3: to being friends with benefits with someone who I actually
Speaker 3: had feelings for or I actually liked, Like, the only
Speaker 3: way I would agree to it is if I knew
Speaker 3: for one hundred percent I didn't want to be in
Speaker 3: a relationship with them.
Speaker 2: Is that why you've only had the one? Then?
Speaker 1: Correct?
Speaker 2: Really in thirty years, I've only had this one fuck buddy?
Speaker 1: How you said in twentieth and then you're like, oh no,
Speaker 1: she's thirty.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I actually twenty nine, And I was like, oh no,
Speaker 2: we've had your thirtieth, thirtieth, yeah.
Speaker 1: Yeah, one, that's it.
Speaker 3: Although I hate to admit it, I am kind of
Speaker 3: like a relationship type of person. So I reckon that
Speaker 3: I fell into the trap of being like, okay, like
Speaker 3: we've had the conversation, he's my fuck buddy, and now
Speaker 3: I can kind of like get a little bit of
Speaker 3: emotional support from him, and I think that's probably why.
Speaker 1: He caught the feels. Yeah, And then I felt really guilty.
Speaker 2: Did you set up boundaries and the expectations early or
Speaker 2: you just left them? Like? How did you have the
Speaker 2: conversation that we're going to be friends with benefits?
Speaker 3: So I kind of knew that I either was going
Speaker 3: to have to like move on, So how did it
Speaker 3: start then, Yeah.
Speaker 1: So like we were like seeing each other.
Speaker 3: We went on a few dates and then I was
Speaker 3: kind of like I was trying to like wean him
Speaker 3: off a little bit, text them a little bit l
Speaker 3: and then I remember we went out, we went home
Speaker 3: the next morning. I was like, I'm really not looking
Speaker 3: for a relationship.
Speaker 1: I said this too. I was like, I'm not really.
Speaker 3: Looking for a relationship, Like I'm pretty sure you said
Speaker 3: to me before that you're not either.
Speaker 1: Maybe we should just be friends with benefits. And then
Speaker 1: he was like, okay, we can be You.
Speaker 2: Know what man would turn that offer down Anna McAvoy
Speaker 2: asking to be a friend with benefits? The guy would
Speaker 2: have to be stupid, wouldn't he.
Speaker 3: But anyway, it didn't work out. I think I didn't
Speaker 3: set up enough boundaries. So we need to talk about
Speaker 3: the boundaries that you need to set up.
Speaker 1: I guess when you do have a fuck buddy, Matt.
Speaker 2: All right, let's get into that next.
Speaker 3: Okay, Matt, let's talk about the rules of having a
Speaker 3: friends with benefits situation. There is a lot of rules
Speaker 3: and boundaries that you need to set up in order
Speaker 3: for this to work. And that's why we both had
Speaker 3: ailed friends with benefits situations.
Speaker 2: I wouldn't say mine was failed.
Speaker 1: I mean probably the premise of it.
Speaker 3: Pa. Yes, okay, So the first one is you can't
Speaker 3: have an emotional attachment to that person.
Speaker 1: So if you are setting up friends.
Speaker 3: With benefits situation, make sure you start off not having
Speaker 3: an emotional attachment.
Speaker 2: That is a very important rule, as well as being
Speaker 2: friends is critical. Like, you don't want to be sleeping
Speaker 2: with someone that you just don't get along with. You're
Speaker 2: just like, oh, they're hot, but you know, there's more
Speaker 2: than just going and having sex.
Speaker 1: There's obviously the chat.
Speaker 3: They have to be nice, Like I wouldn't if someone
Speaker 3: was hot and they were a dick.
Speaker 1: They're not getting laid.
Speaker 2: Yeah, exactly, Like you have to be friends with them
Speaker 2: at the point where like you're gonna have to chat
Speaker 2: to them. I mean, there could be a really hot
Speaker 2: situation where you're just walking in and getting straight to
Speaker 2: the deed and leaving, And if you're doing.
Speaker 1: That, that's a pretty good setup. I reckon. If you
Speaker 1: ask me this is some.
Speaker 3: Sick sexual fantasy, then that Scott, I think I've seen
Speaker 3: this in a movie.
Speaker 1: This is like sparking my mind.
Speaker 2: Anything pornharm dot com.
Speaker 1: It just knocked on the door and came in and
Speaker 1: got the deep before. Yeah. Okay.
Speaker 3: The next one is, let's set up some clear expectations,
Speaker 3: like this is what I want, this is what I'm
Speaker 3: looking for.
Speaker 2: If you did have that chat early on.
Speaker 1: Right at the chat early on. We always say this, Matt,
Speaker 1: but here it.
Speaker 2: Where's your head out? We encourage safe sex, so always
Speaker 2: use protection.
Speaker 3: Always use protection. You don't know if they're sleeping with
Speaker 3: other people.
Speaker 2: They also have the right to you're just friends with benefits.
Speaker 1: Yeah, but like do they like?
Speaker 3: I feel like if you are sleeping with someone regularly enough,
Speaker 3: you could be like, well, you could ask them to
Speaker 3: use a condom with other people.
Speaker 2: Oh, that's that's a good point.
Speaker 1: But you could.
Speaker 3: You could all but if you're having sex like three
Speaker 3: times a week, you could be like like in the
Speaker 3: other people, well exactly, like, let's not be it's not
Speaker 3: get off too much in one way.
Speaker 2: Yeah, geez, be selective with who you choose. Stay away
Speaker 2: from work colleagues. People may ruin your close friendships with
Speaker 2: It might make things awkward down the track, you know,
Speaker 2: if it doesn't work out, or if it even does
Speaker 2: work out, you have to see them all the time.
Speaker 3: Yeah, this is a huge one, Like, don't have sex
Speaker 3: with people as a friends with benefits who you're going
Speaker 3: to see in your circle, Like you don't want to
Speaker 3: be walking past them.
Speaker 1: You don't want to be.
Speaker 3: Going to dinner with your friends and then they're rocking
Speaker 3: up or it's a bad situation.
Speaker 2: Well then if you do get a partner in the future,
Speaker 2: you can't it's going to be awkward if you bring
Speaker 2: your partner and they're there at a party or an
Speaker 2: event or something like that. I always say, and always
Speaker 2: have not shitted where I eat. It just makes for
Speaker 2: awkward things down the track.
Speaker 3: Where do you get these sayings like I swear to God,
Speaker 3: Oh yes, they just come to me. Okay, this one
Speaker 3: is one which you know. I think this is a
Speaker 3: really good point. Just say the point and then we
Speaker 3: can talk about it later. Stay away from the green
Speaker 3: eyed monster. If either of you start getting jealous, it's
Speaker 3: best to end things before someone gets too hurt. And
Speaker 3: I mean, look me and that giving you that advice,
Speaker 3: as the two most jealous people on the planet.
Speaker 2: I mean, we should probably take our own advice for
Speaker 2: this one. But we learn from our mistakes and we know,
Speaker 2: and that's why we're here to inform the people and
Speaker 2: let them know that being jealous is gonna lead to
Speaker 2: obviously not working and make it.
Speaker 1: Very awkward and very hard for yourself.
Speaker 3: Did you get jealous when you had your friends with
Speaker 3: benefit situation knowing that she could potentially be seeing someone else?
Speaker 2: I mean, isn't ignorance bliss at this point?
Speaker 1: Do you know what?
Speaker 3: Like, I don't believe the ignorance is bliss in relationships
Speaker 3: at all.
Speaker 1: Like I'm totally against it.
Speaker 3: I think honesty is the best policy, but when it
Speaker 3: comes to friends with benefits, ignorance can maybe be bliss
Speaker 3: as long as it's not like affecting you, Like you're
Speaker 3: not gonna get an STD from that if they're sleeping
Speaker 3: with someone else and like they might not tell you,
Speaker 3: Like maybe.
Speaker 1: That is better.
Speaker 2: It is better. I remember I saw one time her
Speaker 2: talking to someone in a nightclub and I literally was
Speaker 2: just on that like a rash, didn't let her move
Speaker 2: for the rest of the night.
Speaker 1: Same thing happened to me.
Speaker 3: So my friend's is benefit situation, So I was seeing
Speaker 3: him for a bit with friends with benefits, and then
Speaker 3: it kind of like fizzled out because I was sick
Speaker 3: of it. And then I saw him at the club
Speaker 3: like three weeks later. He was talking to this girl
Speaker 3: and I was like, oh, hell no, you're.
Speaker 2: Yeah, you're coming home, let's go. You didn't even want
Speaker 2: to at this point. You were just like, there's no
Speaker 2: way you're excusing or touching her.
Speaker 3: And then I woke up in the morning and I
Speaker 3: was like, oh, I think Soper moved was right.
Speaker 1: I think we're going to steer away from this again.
Speaker 1: This is toxic.
Speaker 3: Yeah, we shouldn't admit to being this toxic realisticly.
Speaker 2: I mean, it's all in the past, isn't it. Anna
Speaker 2: all right, so don't get too comfortable with the routine,
Speaker 2: so you don't want to close yourself off to meeting
Speaker 2: new people. So that also means, though, what happens if
Speaker 2: they're on the roster they are a Wednesday night or
Speaker 2: Thursday night? Like, does that mean switch that night up
Speaker 2: or what? How does that work?
Speaker 3: Oh, they've gone from like a friends with benefits. We're
Speaker 3: thinking you've got like one little friend with benefits. Now
Speaker 3: you're talking about a full blown roster of them.
Speaker 2: Well, you know, isn't that a routine? You love routine.
Speaker 1: Look, I think it is good to kind of mix
Speaker 1: it up.
Speaker 3: You don't want to get too comfortable in a situation
Speaker 3: I reckon, Like when you get too comfortable and you
Speaker 3: expect to see them on a Monday and then all
Speaker 3: of a sudden, you know, maybe they're not there. It's
Speaker 3: a good reminder that they're not your boyfriend, they're not
Speaker 3: your girlfriend, they're not your partner.
Speaker 2: Exactly. Keep communication going, so keep checking in with the
Speaker 2: other one. If they're on the same page you they
Speaker 2: haven't caught feelings yet, they won't keep going. Just if
Speaker 2: they're not good at like you're not good at reading
Speaker 2: the room, and they're not good at giving off what
Speaker 2: they want, just ask them. Keep that communication going.
Speaker 1: Yeah.
Speaker 2: Communication is key to any relationship, anna, isn't it.
Speaker 3: Yeah, that's a good rule though, Like if you are
Speaker 3: in a friends with benefits situation or if you have
Speaker 3: a fuck buddy, you both need to just lay it
Speaker 3: on the table and just say the moment you catch
Speaker 3: feelings for me or I catch feelings for you, I'm
Speaker 3: going to be really transparent and honest about it, because
Speaker 3: I guess then a bigger conversation needs to happen and
Speaker 3: that conversation is, Hey, I'm starting to like you. How
Speaker 3: are you feeling, and like it could go one of
Speaker 3: two ways.
Speaker 1: Probably not going to go the way you want.
Speaker 3: Yeah, you know, who knows what could happen.
Speaker 1: Set a list of rules.
Speaker 2: So I watched an episode of Seinfeld a couple of
Speaker 2: days ago and it was called the Deal, and they
Speaker 2: made a deal when they were going to sleep together.
Speaker 2: So they had a list of rules that they would
Speaker 2: abide by. So one of them was no sleepovers.
Speaker 3: I don't know if I could do that, Like if
Speaker 3: I had a friends with benefits and they were like, oh,
Speaker 3: we have sex and then you basically fuck off.
Speaker 2: Really you love the cuddle after, even with a friend
Speaker 2: with benefits.
Speaker 1: Yeah, is that wrong?
Speaker 2: I mean that's everyone's each of their own. I was
Speaker 2: putting my underwear on and walking in. No I went,
Speaker 2: so it had a strict routine talk deed, me crying,
Speaker 2: me getting dressed, leaving. Sometimes they'd be a dart in
Speaker 2: there afterwards.
Speaker 1: But I love it that you've added me crying in there.
Speaker 2: Okay. The last one is don't be afraid to use
Speaker 2: this time to figure out what you like and what
Speaker 2: you don't like in the bedroom. So this is a
Speaker 2: perfect time to experiment, like trying new things, new positions,
Speaker 2: new places. If you're feeling kinky.
Speaker 3: Maybe to teach them some things as well, like guys
Speaker 3: sometimes aren't the best at going down on girls, so
Speaker 3: like in a fuck buddy situation, you could like learn
Speaker 3: some pointers.
Speaker 2: Yeah, and you can also try like new outfits out
Speaker 2: you know, you have a position essentially you're practicing for
Speaker 2: when you do find that one.
Speaker 1: Okay, Matt, interesting fact for you.
Speaker 3: Did you know that fifty two percent of men become
Speaker 3: emotionally attached in a friends with benefits set up compared
Speaker 3: to just forty four percent of women.
Speaker 2: That really surprises me. But then again, I'm not surprised. Like,
Speaker 2: I mean, a man that's constantly getting sex is going
Speaker 2: to be like, oh, this is good, I like her,
Speaker 2: you know what I mean.
Speaker 1: It's like, do you reckon? I feel like that?
Speaker 3: Yeah, well, I mean look at our situations. You ended
Speaker 3: up with your girlfriend and I ended up GHO seeing him.
Speaker 2: Yeah, well, yeah, exactly. I'm not surprised by that at all.
Speaker 2: I think there is a lot of truth behind that,
Speaker 2: because I guess men are pretty simple minded, aren't they.
Speaker 2: At the end of the day just once. They just
Speaker 2: lack sex. So we're we're not that too complicated. So
Speaker 2: if you're constantly getting it from someone, you're going I
Speaker 2: get to catch the fields.
Speaker 3: Yeah, Like I guess if you're having sex with someone
Speaker 3: they're a cool person, you start to get to know
Speaker 3: them on a deeper level. It's kind of like feels
Speaker 3: like a natural progression, even although like you're not supposed to.
Speaker 3: And then I reckon the reason why girls don't catch
Speaker 3: the feels as much is because girls have their guard up,
Speaker 3: Like we've been fucked over by so many different guys.
Speaker 3: We're like our wolves are higher than the empire state building,
Speaker 3: and you know we don't let anyone in, especially in
Speaker 3: a friends with benefits situation.
Speaker 2: Also, girls can probably compartmentalize what's actually going on.
Speaker 1: You don't think guys can. I think guys are the
Speaker 1: best at that.
Speaker 2: Maybe I'm just more of a sensitive self.
Speaker 3: You are a.
Speaker 1: Sensitive We do love that.
Speaker 3: Okay, let's talk about why being friends with benefits is great, Matt.
Speaker 2: Like I said before, you get to explore your sexuality
Speaker 2: and try new things and see what you can and
Speaker 2: can't do and what you like to do.
Speaker 1: Yeah, the thing I like about it.
Speaker 3: The most is there's less game playing, so you can
Speaker 3: both relax. You don't really have to impress one another.
Speaker 2: Also, there's less responsibilities. You don't have to go to
Speaker 2: family events with them, you don't have to do like
Speaker 2: pick them up from the airport, you don't have to
Speaker 2: do all that sort of stuff. You don't have to
Speaker 2: cook him dinner, and you can just literally have a
Speaker 2: relationship the good part of a relationship. Yeah, no arguments.
Speaker 1: Well I was.
Speaker 3: About to say, yeah, I mean I've definitely had arguments
Speaker 3: with my friends with benefits situation.
Speaker 2: Did you No, we just kept it minimal. There was
Speaker 2: nothing really to argue about.
Speaker 1: Yeah.
Speaker 3: I think we started arguing when he started to catch
Speaker 3: the fields more and was getting a bit like what
Speaker 3: are you doing?
Speaker 1: And I was like, we're friends, that you can't ask.
Speaker 2: You that that green eyed monster slipped in and took
Speaker 2: over and did it.
Speaker 3: You can also keep yourself open to meeting the right one.
Speaker 3: So I guess if you're being satisfied physically, then you
Speaker 3: can kind of talk and become more open to new
Speaker 3: people and meet new people and like see what you're
Speaker 3: looking for out there.
Speaker 2: I find as well, for it is safer to have
Speaker 2: a fuck buddy in the situation of going home just
Speaker 2: random people all the time, you know what I mean,
Speaker 2: who knows where you're going, who knows what could happen.
Speaker 2: There's an element of risk to that involved, and there's
Speaker 2: obviously a level of familiarity with that person that you
Speaker 2: keep sleeping with.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I couldn't agree more.
Speaker 3: I watch a lot of true crime and I have
Speaker 3: not had a one night stand for that reason because
Speaker 3: I would be terrified to go home with a stranger.
Speaker 3: So having a fuck buddy is definitely a better option.
Speaker 2: Having regular sex will also eliminate any desperate vibes that
Speaker 2: you're giving off in the club, because if you're out
Speaker 2: there at the bar or the nightclub and you know
Speaker 2: that you have someone that you're going to sleep with
Speaker 2: that night, you're going to come across way.
Speaker 1: Less can look a lot cooler. Yeah you are.
Speaker 2: You're going to be like this one's essentially for the guys,
Speaker 2: like you're going to not give up that desperate vibe
Speaker 2: when you're talking to girls. You're gonna know that you're
Speaker 2: you know, I reckon. It's both You're a bit more
Speaker 2: like I'm going home to get a shag. I don't. Okay,
Speaker 2: So that was all the positive reasons of having a
Speaker 2: fuck buddy, Anna, But let's touch on the cons all right.
Speaker 2: So the first one would be if things turn sour,
Speaker 2: you're gonna lose a friendship.
Speaker 1: Yeah.
Speaker 3: The thing is is like, how do friends with benefits
Speaker 3: situation start. Do you start as two friends who then
Speaker 3: kind of just like toy with the idea, do you
Speaker 3: start dating and then you realize it's not going to
Speaker 3: work because I guess yeah, if you're friends and then
Speaker 3: you add an element of sex to it.
Speaker 2: It could also be two people that had a one
Speaker 2: night stand and they realized the sex is really good
Speaker 2: and they got along, but this isn't going.
Speaker 1: To be anything serious, anything serious.
Speaker 2: So essentially, to have a fuck buddy, like we said before,
Speaker 2: you have to get along with them, like you have
Speaker 2: to be friends. So if the relationship ends, you're losing
Speaker 2: a friend and that could be heartbreaking. Out the same time, you.
Speaker 3: Don't get any of the other benefits of a relationship,
Speaker 3: like the support, the emotional connection, and the exclusivity which
Speaker 3: sometimes we don't realize we want but we probably might
Speaker 3: actually need.
Speaker 2: As that can be a pro, it can also be
Speaker 2: a con. So that's really a double edged sword. It
Speaker 2: depends on what way you look at it, but it can.
Speaker 3: Yeah, and I reckon that's the reason why I've only
Speaker 3: had one because I just need that emotional connection. Like
Speaker 3: I can't really have sex with someone unless I feel
Speaker 3: something for them.
Speaker 2: I've said it before. Sex is a massive transfer of energy,
Speaker 2: So you're giving them your energy, you're taking their energy.
Speaker 2: You need to be able to get along with them.
Speaker 2: You have to be prepared for when they drop you,
Speaker 2: because they might find a new relationship. That's how a
Speaker 2: lot of them do end as well. Anna, a lot
Speaker 2: of friends with benefit situation end because well one of
Speaker 2: them's found someone that they're going to date and they
Speaker 2: have to, you know, ditch the roster. And you could
Speaker 2: have been on that roster. Sorry girls, look my formal apology.
Speaker 3: No.
Speaker 1: I think that's really heartbreaking.
Speaker 3: Like if you are getting into like a bit of
Speaker 3: a rhythm with someone and like sometimes you might set
Speaker 3: up boundaries, but you might just let your guard down
Speaker 3: a little bit. Like the more you get to know someone,
Speaker 3: the more comfortable you get, and if you get ditched,
Speaker 3: that can be really heartbreaking, and like you don't want
Speaker 3: to end up having to go through like a feeling
Speaker 3: of being broken up with when you weren't even in
Speaker 3: a relationship. Like, as we've said before in this podcast,
Speaker 3: some of those breakups are harder than actual like six
Speaker 3: year relationship breakups.
Speaker 2: Right, Yeah, I was just thinking of some of those
Speaker 2: messages I've had in the past. Fuck, they're funny.
Speaker 1: What messages when you're like.
Speaker 2: Sort of seeing someone like in that way could be
Speaker 2: a fuck with buddy situation and they send you a
Speaker 2: message saying that they've met someone and this can't happen anymore,
Speaker 2: and you're like, what fuck you, I'll go meet someone then.
Speaker 3: And the final one is you might actually fall in
Speaker 3: love with them.
Speaker 1: Look you've done this though.
Speaker 2: Yeah, Look it can be a con also can be
Speaker 2: a pro. It's a double edged short again. You you know,
Speaker 2: you might not be looking for something, but who knows?
Speaker 2: Like if for me, you can find love in the
Speaker 2: weirdest places, and it can be that person that you
Speaker 2: rely on pretty heavily.
Speaker 3: What do they say you find love when you're least
Speaker 3: accepting it. And I guess if your fuck buddies is
Speaker 3: someone you're probably not expecting things to turn into something
Speaker 3: more obviously, Okay, Matt let's just say there's a friends
Speaker 3: with benefits situation happening. You start to get feelings. You
Speaker 3: have a feeling that they also could be getting feelings.
Speaker 3: Let's talk about times when it might be okay to
Speaker 3: actually progress into something more with a fuck buddy.
Speaker 2: Okay, there is chemistry and attraction in the relationships, so
Speaker 2: you both are really feeling that and the chemistry's there,
Speaker 2: you guys are laughing, you've got good ban tak. Yeah,
Speaker 2: you both think the other one's hot like this friends
Speaker 2: with benefit relationship could be going for a year, like
Speaker 2: case four, and you still find each other attractive. So
Speaker 2: that's a promising sign.
Speaker 3: Yeah, it's wild that you had a friends with benefit
Speaker 3: relationship for four years. Like that just blows my mind
Speaker 3: every time you say because I think I forget, but
Speaker 3: it's actually wild. Another one is you do milestone activities together,
Speaker 3: so you might go away for the weekend.
Speaker 1: You might. That means you're practically dating.
Speaker 2: If if that's happening, you guys should definitely be you
Speaker 2: know what, it would be nice to travel with a
Speaker 2: friend with benefits, you know, you get that nice like,
Speaker 2: you know, like a little staycation.
Speaker 1: Get a bit of company. If it is sex on
Speaker 1: this have a nice hotel.
Speaker 3: But I mean, look, that's kind of when it's starting
Speaker 3: to obviously turn into more. You say things like I
Speaker 3: miss you. I've made this mistake with mine. I was
Speaker 3: feeling a bit needy.
Speaker 1: I'm needy at on the.
Speaker 3: Best of days, and I said I miss you, And
Speaker 3: you know, I think when that's starting to happen, you
Speaker 3: have to reassess.
Speaker 2: Okay, so this guy, no wonder who got feelings for you.
Speaker 2: I don't know if you're messaging him saying I miss you,
Speaker 2: he probably thinks this is going somewhere. He probably thought
Speaker 2: you guys were actually genuinely going to be boyfriend and girlfriend.
Speaker 1: I feel bad.
Speaker 2: You spend the entire weekends together, so that saying like,
Speaker 2: if you're spending a lot of time with someone, that
Speaker 2: means they're the right one for you. I guess yeah.
Speaker 3: You start having deep chats not only about their life
Speaker 3: but about their romantic past, so you start to kind
Speaker 3: of open up and let them in. I feel like
Speaker 3: that's when the guards starts to come down and the
Speaker 3: feels start to bubble up to the surface.
Speaker 2: And another one is when you hang out, you don't
Speaker 2: always have sex. This is a massive alert if this happens,
Speaker 2: because they are your fuck buddy. So if you're not
Speaker 2: fucking I guess what are they? Yeah, your buddy.
Speaker 3: What happens if like you go out on a night
Speaker 3: out and you just, you know, you just CEBF, like
Speaker 3: sometimes you do CBF with having sex and just god
Speaker 3: you don't, but I know, I find most of the
Speaker 3: rest of the population does.
Speaker 2: Yeah, so you just go and just what cuddle them.
Speaker 2: Yeah that's very romantic, Anna.
Speaker 3: Yeah, but like you're still friends with benefits, Like you're
Speaker 3: not boyfriend and girlfriend. You've both established the boundaries and like,
Speaker 3: you know, one night you could just be like I'm
Speaker 3: not really feeling it, but like maybe we'll fuck the
Speaker 3: next time I see.
Speaker 2: Or in the morning or in the morning. You try
Speaker 2: dating other people, but you always end up wishing you
Speaker 2: with them.
Speaker 3: Huge one, huge one that friends with benefit situation is
Speaker 3: becoming more I think as well when they're just like
Speaker 3: plaguing your mind, Like you just keep thinking about them.
Speaker 3: Little things that you like a tree will make you
Speaker 3: think about them because once they talked about a tree.
Speaker 1: Like random things.
Speaker 2: Also, if you're like love languages, gift giving and you
Speaker 2: start buying a lot of gifts. Yeah, you're not sleeping
Speaker 2: with anyone else. Yeah, you're not even open to sleeping
Speaker 2: with other people. You just want to sleep with them.
Speaker 2: I mean some people that's why they do have a
Speaker 2: friend with benefit, just so they could sleep with the
Speaker 2: one person. But a lot of people are always open
Speaker 2: and we said to be open for other people.
Speaker 3: But if they're not, then I guess every situation is different,
Speaker 3: and obviously there's different boundaries. I mean, I know in
Speaker 3: my case, like I wasn't sleeping with anyone else, but
Speaker 3: that's because I'm kind of like a mangal.
Speaker 1: At a time. Yeah.
Speaker 3: And the final one is you know everything about the
Speaker 3: other person and hang out with their friends. Like if
Speaker 3: you're getting introduced to the friends, it could be going somewhere.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 3: And like I think as well, like sometimes guys like
Speaker 3: introduce you to their friends or like maybe a sibling
Speaker 3: to be like, hey, like what do you.
Speaker 1: Think of this girl? Like do you think they're cool?
Speaker 3: If that's happening, I feel like that could be a
Speaker 3: sign that things could be progressing. Uh huh, Okay, Matt,
Speaker 3: it's our favorite time of the show.
Speaker 1: It's time to hear where our heads are at.
Speaker 3: Okay, So the first one from our listener says, I'm
Speaker 3: thinking of getting a fuck buddy as I usually only
Speaker 3: sleep with people who I am dating, but I'm actually
Speaker 3: scared to get attached. What are some ways I can
Speaker 3: train myself to see them merely as a fuck buddy
Speaker 3: and nothing else.
Speaker 2: Look, I think the best thing to do is is
Speaker 2: to go in there. You can't really train yourself, can
Speaker 2: you anna.
Speaker 1: You just have to like make sure you set up
Speaker 1: clear boundaries.
Speaker 2: And I think, but then if you do fall from,
Speaker 2: you fall from Is that the worst thing that could happen?
Speaker 1: Like, Yeah, you can be heartbroken and traumatized.
Speaker 2: Is it better to have loved and lost than to
Speaker 2: never have loved at all?
Speaker 1: Yeah? I think so.
Speaker 3: Look, I think you have to choose your fuck buddies
Speaker 3: very carefully. I think that there's specific people who are
Speaker 3: right for that role, and there's some people who might
Speaker 3: not be. Like, if you meet someone and you can
Speaker 3: tell that they're really into you, they're probably not the
Speaker 3: best can today to be your fuck buddy because you
Speaker 3: know that their feelings are probably just going to grow.
Speaker 3: And I think the scariest part of the whole fuck
Speaker 3: buddy situation is when you give someone the power who
Speaker 3: doesn't like you as much because I guess with that
Speaker 3: power then they kind of just control you in a way,
Speaker 3: which is, in my opinion, terrifying.
Speaker 2: Also, another good tip for you is to go watch
Speaker 2: No Strings Attached for Friends with Benefits. Yeah, they teach
Speaker 2: you how to navigate around fuck buddy situation.
Speaker 3: I actually learned a lot from that movie, to be honest,
Speaker 3: I thought it was super interesting. Like, the reason why
Speaker 3: people want to have a fuck buddy is because they
Speaker 3: just don't want to deal with the emotional baggage that
Speaker 3: relationships bring. They just want to have like they don't
Speaker 3: want to have to deal with it. They've got busy
Speaker 3: lives and they just like.
Speaker 1: Want to root in a boot. I told you that,
Speaker 1: repea and repeat repeat.
Speaker 2: Okay, So another question comes in from our listener. I
Speaker 2: am sleeping with this girl at the moment, and I
Speaker 2: wanted to just be a friends of benefit situation. However,
Speaker 2: she seems to be getting a little too attached. I
Speaker 2: like what we have, but she gets jealous if I
Speaker 2: speak to another girl and then doesn't speak to me
Speaker 2: until I apologize and give her more attention. Help in
Speaker 2: caps lock, Jesus look, mate, if I have to give
Speaker 2: you any tips, it would be that she obviously isn't
Speaker 2: the one to be a friend with benefit with. She
Speaker 2: is obviously more attached and she has feelings for you,
Speaker 2: and you need to have the discussion with her if
Speaker 2: she wants to continue sleeping with you or to end it,
Speaker 2: because I feel that you're only going to break her
Speaker 2: heart and if you're a good guy, you would see that.
Speaker 1: Yeap, I totally agree.
Speaker 3: I think the best thing for him to do would
Speaker 3: be to end the situation.
Speaker 1: I think the moment that someone.
Speaker 3: Starts to get feelings, it's no longer a friends with
Speaker 3: benefits situation.
Speaker 1: The best thing to do is to end it.
Speaker 2: There's always another friends of benefit situation out there. Just
Speaker 2: get back out there and see what there is.
Speaker 3: Okay, guys, that's all we have time for. As always,
Speaker 3: make sure you stay on top of our socials. That's
Speaker 3: where's your head at pod on Instagram and TikTok, and
Speaker 3: make sure you give us a five star review.
Speaker 1: It really helps grow
Speaker 3: Our podcasts at Until next time, Bye bye,