WEBVTT - IS IT OK TO F**K YOUR FRIENDS?

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<v Speaker 1>I want the fairy tale. I want the prince charming

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<v Speaker 1>she how.

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<v Speaker 2>Do I put this? Isn't a fan of my kissing style?

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<v Speaker 1>Boyfriend and girlfriend for about twelve hours. He's in a

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<v Speaker 1>trash bin. He's non recyclable, catching her mu.

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<v Speaker 2>I love being love, I love love.

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<v Speaker 3>On today's episode of Where's Your Head Out, we are

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<v Speaker 3>discussing if we have ever been in a friends with

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<v Speaker 3>benefits type of relationship. We will also be deciding the

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<v Speaker 3>best way to navigate being in a fuck buddy position.

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<v Speaker 2>Stay tuned to hear if Anna and I have been

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<v Speaker 2>friends with benefits or we're just friends.

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<v Speaker 3>Where's Your Head Out is a podcast that talks all

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<v Speaker 3>things relationships, breakups, reality TV, trending shows, and everything in between.

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<v Speaker 2>This is your new go to destination for laughs, gossip,

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<v Speaker 2>intimate details, advice, and much more.

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<v Speaker 1>Hello Matt, Hello Anna? How are you today? I'm good.

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<v Speaker 1>Do you notice anything different? We're in a new studio.

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<v Speaker 1>How is this?

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<v Speaker 3>We are in a new studio. It's looking very speaking,

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<v Speaker 3>stand and fresh. But that's not the new thing that

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<v Speaker 3>I was asking you about.

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<v Speaker 2>Do you have a new a new laptop?

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<v Speaker 1>I'm kidding. Your hair looks amazing.

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<v Speaker 3>I love how he went from good and halfway through

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<v Speaker 3>the sentence he went straight to amazing because he knew

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<v Speaker 3>that he needed to be nice.

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<v Speaker 2>I know I've seen around for long enough to understand

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<v Speaker 2>how to talk to women.

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<v Speaker 3>Okay, well, nah, I've heard that people have been messaging

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<v Speaker 3>you on your Instagram because they've seen you with drinks

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<v Speaker 3>like beers, cocktails, whatever. And you told everyone on this

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<v Speaker 3>podcast that you had liver issues and you weren't drinking anymore,

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<v Speaker 3>and everyone has been catching you out drinking.

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<v Speaker 1>Do you want to give us an update on that?

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<v Speaker 2>Yeah, So for everyone that's messaged me, even to the

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<v Speaker 2>girl came up to me at the Corner hotel and

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<v Speaker 2>asked me why I was drinking. I'm going to explain now. Okay,

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<v Speaker 2>So obviously there's a bit of time between podcast episodes.

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<v Speaker 2>I had since after that episode was recorded, gone to

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<v Speaker 2>the doctors, had a further test, got a second opinion,

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<v Speaker 2>and it was okay, I can drink.

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<v Speaker 1>There was enoughing to stress about, So you got the

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<v Speaker 1>all clear. I got the all clear.

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<v Speaker 2>I'm sorry if I left our audience on an absolute

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<v Speaker 2>cliff hanger and everyone was concerned, and I appreciate everyone

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<v Speaker 2>for being concerned. I do like. It means a lot,

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<v Speaker 2>but I'm fine. So if you want to come have

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<v Speaker 2>a drink with me, I will be out come and

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<v Speaker 2>join me for a beer.

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<v Speaker 3>Matt's officially back on the alcohol. It didn't last long.

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<v Speaker 3>How long did it last?

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<v Speaker 2>It was probably two nights, and one of those nights

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<v Speaker 2>I did have a beer. You're so bad, I know.

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<v Speaker 2>I know. Well my roommate Murph, he gets three beers

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<v Speaker 2>through his job, so there was a new beer to taste,

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<v Speaker 2>and I was like, you know what, I'm going to

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<v Speaker 2>try this before anyone else can would be rude, not

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<v Speaker 2>too I'm only human, aren't I.

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<v Speaker 3>The other night, Matt and I were texting just about

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<v Speaker 3>random things and it was so weird.

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<v Speaker 1>We were both watching a movie. What were you watching? Map?

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<v Speaker 2>So I was watching No Strings Attached with Ashton Kutcher

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<v Speaker 2>and Natalie Portman. Have you seen that?

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<v Speaker 1>I have seen it?

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<v Speaker 3>And I was watching Friends with Benefits with Mila Kunis

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<v Speaker 3>and Justin Timberlake, and we were like, that's so weird

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<v Speaker 3>that we're both watching such a similar.

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<v Speaker 1>It was wild.

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<v Speaker 2>It's unheard of, unheard of. It was weird eyes. So

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<v Speaker 2>we were like, well, let's talk about it. Then on

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<v Speaker 2>a podcast episode.

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<v Speaker 1>Let's talk about fuck buddies.

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<v Speaker 2>Okay, before we get into this fuck buddy episode, Anna,

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<v Speaker 2>what is a fuck buddy?

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<v Speaker 3>Through friendship or mutual fondness, two people engage in sexual

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<v Speaker 3>gratification with one another. The aim of a fuck buddy

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<v Speaker 3>is to receive all the benefits of a relationship with

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<v Speaker 3>another person, but not actually having to deal with any

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<v Speaker 3>of the downsides of a relationship, so things like commitment,

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<v Speaker 3>listening to their feelings, actually caring for them.

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<v Speaker 2>So essentially it's like getting your cake and eating it exactly.

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<v Speaker 1>So, Matt, have you had a fuck buddy before? Yes?

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<v Speaker 1>I have.

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<v Speaker 2>Actually I had one for probably from eighteen till twenty two.

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<v Speaker 1>Okay, do you want to give us a bit of

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<v Speaker 1>insight into that.

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<v Speaker 2>I mean, essentially, it was like just would catch up

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<v Speaker 2>once a week, do the deed, and then if on

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<v Speaker 2>the weekend neither I was pulled, would send a message

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<v Speaker 2>to each other and say, hey, what are you doing?

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<v Speaker 2>Most of the time sending that message.

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<v Speaker 1>But on the last so it was the last minute resort.

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<v Speaker 2>Well, no, sometimes I would send a message before I

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<v Speaker 2>went out if I knew that I was going somewhere

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<v Speaker 2>and I wasn't in the mood for talking to girls

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<v Speaker 2>or doing that sort of stuff, So I'd send a

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<v Speaker 2>message and say, hey, what are you doing tonight?

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<v Speaker 1>Just feelers out?

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<v Speaker 3>You know, did you catch feelings for this fuck buddy?

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<v Speaker 1>Yes?

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<v Speaker 2>We ended up dating for two years. Wow, we broke

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<v Speaker 2>the fuck buddy law essentially.

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<v Speaker 3>Yeah, you totally abolished the law. That's not what you're

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<v Speaker 3>supposed to do. Do you think that those feelings slowly

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<v Speaker 3>started to creep in or did you start treating her

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<v Speaker 3>like your girlfriend?

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<v Speaker 1>And that's kind of why that happened.

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<v Speaker 2>So essentially, I think what happened was we would always

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<v Speaker 2>catch up, obviously in like fuck buddies can't do what

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<v Speaker 2>fuck buddies do, but then we yeah, and then one

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<v Speaker 2>of the times that transaction did not happen.

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<v Speaker 1>So it was I had a cut off. Yeah, it

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<v Speaker 1>was more or less like a sleepover.

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<v Speaker 2>And I remember like the next day being like, Wow,

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<v Speaker 2>what's this, what's going on here? Hope? She even told

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<v Speaker 2>her friends about it, and then it went from there

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<v Speaker 2>to like she came around, then, she was meeting my family,

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<v Speaker 2>she was staying for movie night, and it just grew

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<v Speaker 2>into something to the point where we were still doing

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<v Speaker 2>the fuck buddy situation, but it grew to the point.

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<v Speaker 1>Where it was basically a relationship. Yeah, it was.

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<v Speaker 2>Either like this is over or we have to take

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<v Speaker 2>it to the next step, you know what I mean, Like,

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<v Speaker 2>it's either we go to the next step or we

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<v Speaker 2>just stop seeing each other completely.

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<v Speaker 1>I mean, I reckon this is a unique situations.

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<v Speaker 3>I don't really think that a lot of fuck buddy

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<v Speaker 3>or friends with benefits situations lead to a relationship.

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<v Speaker 1>Am I right in saying that?

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<v Speaker 2>I'm not sure. I haven't really asked any of my friends,

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<v Speaker 2>but I know a lot of people only bail once

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<v Speaker 2>the feelings happen. Once they catch the feels or the

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<v Speaker 2>other one catches the fields, they normally like, well they

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<v Speaker 2>take a step back.

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<v Speaker 1>Yeah.

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<v Speaker 3>So I've only ever had one situation where I had

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<v Speaker 3>a fuck buddy or friends with benefits, And I guess

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<v Speaker 3>the reason why I decided that, like I wanted to

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<v Speaker 3>do it with this specific guy was because I felt

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<v Speaker 3>like I didn't really like him in that way. I

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<v Speaker 3>didn't want a relationship with him, and I knew that

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<v Speaker 3>one hundred percent.

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<v Speaker 2>Well, that's essentially how a fuck buddy starts. You see

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<v Speaker 2>them as an attractive person, you want to continue to

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<v Speaker 2>have sex with them, but there's just something there that spark,

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<v Speaker 2>isn't there to He's not quite right. Yeah, that's one

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<v Speaker 2>you don't want to date them.

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<v Speaker 3>Yeah, And I think that's exactly what happened with me

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<v Speaker 3>and my only experience of this. But the problem is

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<v Speaker 3>is then he started catching feelings.

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<v Speaker 2>Oh naturally, Anna, what do you mean.

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<v Speaker 3>I feel like most fuck buddies are like, Okay, I'm

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<v Speaker 3>not gonna catch feelings.

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<v Speaker 1>I'm just gonna do the deed and go.

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<v Speaker 3>But the problem is is I think that I'm so

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<v Speaker 3>used to being in a relationship that I was kind

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<v Speaker 3>of treating him a little bit, not meaning to, like.

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<v Speaker 1>My boyfriend, would you text him all day? Not all day?

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<v Speaker 1>But I'd send him a message being like, hope you

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<v Speaker 1>had a nice day, or.

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<v Speaker 2>He messaged me, you're breaking the fuck buddy rules.

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<v Speaker 1>I didn't know about the code. Here's a code, right.

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<v Speaker 2>There is a code, and we'll touch on that later,

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<v Speaker 2>because don't make the mistakes that Anna and I have.

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<v Speaker 2>If you want to keep that fuck buddy in the

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<v Speaker 2>friend zone.

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<v Speaker 3>I reckon that I would never, ever, ever, ever agree

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<v Speaker 3>to being friends with benefits with someone who I actually

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<v Speaker 3>had feelings for or I actually liked, Like, the only

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<v Speaker 3>way I would agree to it is if I knew

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<v Speaker 3>for one hundred percent I didn't want to be in

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<v Speaker 3>a relationship with them.

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<v Speaker 2>Is that why you've only had the one? Then?

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<v Speaker 1>Correct?

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<v Speaker 2>Really in thirty years, I've only had this one fuck buddy?

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<v Speaker 1>How you said in twentieth and then you're like, oh no,

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<v Speaker 1>she's thirty.

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<v Speaker 2>Yeah, I actually twenty nine, And I was like, oh no,

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<v Speaker 2>we've had your thirtieth, thirtieth, yeah.

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<v Speaker 1>Yeah, one, that's it.

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<v Speaker 3>Although I hate to admit it, I am kind of

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<v Speaker 3>like a relationship type of person. So I reckon that

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<v Speaker 3>I fell into the trap of being like, okay, like

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<v Speaker 3>we've had the conversation, he's my fuck buddy, and now

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<v Speaker 3>I can kind of like get a little bit of

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<v Speaker 3>emotional support from him, and I think that's probably why.

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<v Speaker 1>He caught the feels. Yeah, And then I felt really guilty.

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<v Speaker 2>Did you set up boundaries and the expectations early or

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<v Speaker 2>you just left them? Like? How did you have the

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<v Speaker 2>conversation that we're going to be friends with benefits?

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<v Speaker 3>So I kind of knew that I either was going

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<v Speaker 3>to have to like move on, So how did it

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<v Speaker 3>start then, Yeah.

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<v Speaker 1>So like we were like seeing each other.

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<v Speaker 3>We went on a few dates and then I was

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<v Speaker 3>kind of like I was trying to like wean him

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<v Speaker 3>off a little bit, text them a little bit l

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<v Speaker 3>and then I remember we went out, we went home

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<v Speaker 3>the next morning. I was like, I'm really not looking

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<v Speaker 3>for a relationship.

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<v Speaker 1>I said this too. I was like, I'm not really.

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<v Speaker 3>Looking for a relationship, Like I'm pretty sure you said

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<v Speaker 3>to me before that you're not either.

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<v Speaker 1>Maybe we should just be friends with benefits. And then

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<v Speaker 1>he was like, okay, we can be You.

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<v Speaker 2>Know what man would turn that offer down Anna McAvoy

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<v Speaker 2>asking to be a friend with benefits? The guy would

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<v Speaker 2>have to be stupid, wouldn't he.

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<v Speaker 3>But anyway, it didn't work out. I think I didn't

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<v Speaker 3>set up enough boundaries. So we need to talk about

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<v Speaker 3>the boundaries that you need to set up.

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<v Speaker 1>I guess when you do have a fuck buddy, Matt.

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<v Speaker 2>All right, let's get into that next.

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<v Speaker 3>Okay, Matt, let's talk about the rules of having a

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<v Speaker 3>friends with benefits situation. There is a lot of rules

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<v Speaker 3>and boundaries that you need to set up in order

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<v Speaker 3>for this to work. And that's why we both had

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<v Speaker 3>ailed friends with benefits situations.

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<v Speaker 2>I wouldn't say mine was failed.

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<v Speaker 1>I mean probably the premise of it.

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<v Speaker 3>Pa. Yes, okay, So the first one is you can't

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<v Speaker 3>have an emotional attachment to that person.

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<v Speaker 1>So if you are setting up friends.

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<v Speaker 3>With benefits situation, make sure you start off not having

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<v Speaker 3>an emotional attachment.

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<v Speaker 2>That is a very important rule, as well as being

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<v Speaker 2>friends is critical. Like, you don't want to be sleeping

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<v Speaker 2>with someone that you just don't get along with. You're

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<v Speaker 2>just like, oh, they're hot, but you know, there's more

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<v Speaker 2>than just going and having sex.

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<v Speaker 1>There's obviously the chat.

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<v Speaker 3>They have to be nice, Like I wouldn't if someone

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<v Speaker 3>was hot and they were a dick.

0:10:40.080 --> 0:10:40.960
<v Speaker 1>They're not getting laid.

0:10:41.080 --> 0:10:43.040
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, exactly, Like you have to be friends with them

0:10:43.040 --> 0:10:44.640
<v Speaker 2>at the point where like you're gonna have to chat

0:10:44.679 --> 0:10:47.920
<v Speaker 2>to them. I mean, there could be a really hot

0:10:47.960 --> 0:10:50.600
<v Speaker 2>situation where you're just walking in and getting straight to

0:10:50.640 --> 0:10:52.920
<v Speaker 2>the deed and leaving, And if you're doing.

0:10:52.720 --> 0:10:55.160
<v Speaker 1>That, that's a pretty good setup. I reckon. If you

0:10:55.200 --> 0:10:56.360
<v Speaker 1>ask me this is some.

0:10:56.600 --> 0:10:59.959
<v Speaker 3>Sick sexual fantasy, then that Scott, I think I've seen

0:11:00.160 --> 0:11:00.880
<v Speaker 3>this in a movie.

0:11:00.960 --> 0:11:02.400
<v Speaker 1>This is like sparking my mind.

0:11:02.480 --> 0:11:07.319
<v Speaker 2>Anything pornharm dot com.

0:11:07.520 --> 0:11:10.520
<v Speaker 1>It just knocked on the door and came in and

0:11:10.559 --> 0:11:13.400
<v Speaker 1>got the deep before. Yeah. Okay.

0:11:13.440 --> 0:11:16.960
<v Speaker 3>The next one is, let's set up some clear expectations,

0:11:17.000 --> 0:11:18.920
<v Speaker 3>like this is what I want, this is what I'm

0:11:18.920 --> 0:11:19.560
<v Speaker 3>looking for.

0:11:19.679 --> 0:11:21.520
<v Speaker 2>If you did have that chat early on.

0:11:21.520 --> 0:11:24.840
<v Speaker 1>Right at the chat early on. We always say this, Matt,

0:11:24.880 --> 0:11:25.880
<v Speaker 1>but here it.

0:11:25.840 --> 0:11:29.280
<v Speaker 2>Where's your head out? We encourage safe sex, so always

0:11:29.400 --> 0:11:30.040
<v Speaker 2>use protection.

0:11:30.200 --> 0:11:33.560
<v Speaker 3>Always use protection. You don't know if they're sleeping with

0:11:33.640 --> 0:11:34.200
<v Speaker 3>other people.

0:11:34.520 --> 0:11:36.760
<v Speaker 2>They also have the right to you're just friends with benefits.

0:11:37.200 --> 0:11:38.920
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, but like do they like?

0:11:39.080 --> 0:11:43.280
<v Speaker 3>I feel like if you are sleeping with someone regularly enough,

0:11:43.400 --> 0:11:45.840
<v Speaker 3>you could be like, well, you could ask them to

0:11:45.920 --> 0:11:47.160
<v Speaker 3>use a condom with other people.

0:11:47.640 --> 0:11:49.719
<v Speaker 2>Oh, that's that's a good point.

0:11:49.240 --> 0:11:49.840
<v Speaker 1>But you could.

0:11:53.120 --> 0:11:56.600
<v Speaker 3>You could all but if you're having sex like three

0:11:56.679 --> 0:12:00.400
<v Speaker 3>times a week, you could be like like in the

0:12:00.440 --> 0:12:03.959
<v Speaker 3>other people, well exactly, like, let's not be it's not

0:12:04.080 --> 0:12:05.439
<v Speaker 3>get off too much in one way.

0:12:05.640 --> 0:12:09.480
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, geez, be selective with who you choose. Stay away

0:12:09.520 --> 0:12:12.920
<v Speaker 2>from work colleagues. People may ruin your close friendships with

0:12:13.760 --> 0:12:15.760
<v Speaker 2>It might make things awkward down the track, you know,

0:12:15.880 --> 0:12:17.800
<v Speaker 2>if it doesn't work out, or if it even does

0:12:17.840 --> 0:12:19.720
<v Speaker 2>work out, you have to see them all the time.

0:12:19.840 --> 0:12:23.280
<v Speaker 3>Yeah, this is a huge one, Like, don't have sex

0:12:23.320 --> 0:12:26.160
<v Speaker 3>with people as a friends with benefits who you're going

0:12:26.240 --> 0:12:28.439
<v Speaker 3>to see in your circle, Like you don't want to

0:12:28.480 --> 0:12:29.480
<v Speaker 3>be walking past them.

0:12:29.520 --> 0:12:30.240
<v Speaker 1>You don't want to be.

0:12:30.360 --> 0:12:32.600
<v Speaker 3>Going to dinner with your friends and then they're rocking

0:12:32.679 --> 0:12:34.080
<v Speaker 3>up or it's a bad situation.

0:12:34.200 --> 0:12:36.040
<v Speaker 2>Well then if you do get a partner in the future,

0:12:36.160 --> 0:12:37.800
<v Speaker 2>you can't it's going to be awkward if you bring

0:12:37.840 --> 0:12:39.800
<v Speaker 2>your partner and they're there at a party or an

0:12:39.840 --> 0:12:42.560
<v Speaker 2>event or something like that. I always say, and always

0:12:42.559 --> 0:12:46.680
<v Speaker 2>have not shitted where I eat. It just makes for

0:12:46.720 --> 0:12:47.960
<v Speaker 2>awkward things down the track.

0:12:50.160 --> 0:12:53.000
<v Speaker 3>Where do you get these sayings like I swear to God,

0:12:53.120 --> 0:12:55.680
<v Speaker 3>Oh yes, they just come to me. Okay, this one

0:12:55.760 --> 0:12:58.400
<v Speaker 3>is one which you know. I think this is a

0:12:58.440 --> 0:13:00.959
<v Speaker 3>really good point. Just say the point and then we

0:13:01.000 --> 0:13:03.720
<v Speaker 3>can talk about it later. Stay away from the green

0:13:03.880 --> 0:13:07.400
<v Speaker 3>eyed monster. If either of you start getting jealous, it's

0:13:07.480 --> 0:13:11.000
<v Speaker 3>best to end things before someone gets too hurt. And

0:13:11.040 --> 0:13:13.720
<v Speaker 3>I mean, look me and that giving you that advice,

0:13:13.760 --> 0:13:15.760
<v Speaker 3>as the two most jealous people on the planet.

0:13:16.200 --> 0:13:18.320
<v Speaker 2>I mean, we should probably take our own advice for

0:13:18.360 --> 0:13:21.360
<v Speaker 2>this one. But we learn from our mistakes and we know,

0:13:21.480 --> 0:13:23.560
<v Speaker 2>and that's why we're here to inform the people and

0:13:23.640 --> 0:13:26.000
<v Speaker 2>let them know that being jealous is gonna lead to

0:13:26.520 --> 0:13:29.199
<v Speaker 2>obviously not working and make it.

0:13:29.240 --> 0:13:30.920
<v Speaker 1>Very awkward and very hard for yourself.

0:13:30.960 --> 0:13:33.000
<v Speaker 3>Did you get jealous when you had your friends with

0:13:33.040 --> 0:13:37.720
<v Speaker 3>benefit situation knowing that she could potentially be seeing someone else?

0:13:38.240 --> 0:13:40.319
<v Speaker 2>I mean, isn't ignorance bliss at this point?

0:13:41.160 --> 0:13:41.680
<v Speaker 1>Do you know what?

0:13:41.960 --> 0:13:45.280
<v Speaker 3>Like, I don't believe the ignorance is bliss in relationships

0:13:45.360 --> 0:13:45.679
<v Speaker 3>at all.

0:13:45.760 --> 0:13:46.960
<v Speaker 1>Like I'm totally against it.

0:13:47.000 --> 0:13:49.920
<v Speaker 3>I think honesty is the best policy, but when it

0:13:49.960 --> 0:13:54.040
<v Speaker 3>comes to friends with benefits, ignorance can maybe be bliss

0:13:54.120 --> 0:13:56.679
<v Speaker 3>as long as it's not like affecting you, Like you're

0:13:56.720 --> 0:13:58.960
<v Speaker 3>not gonna get an STD from that if they're sleeping

0:13:58.960 --> 0:14:01.080
<v Speaker 3>with someone else and like they might not tell you,

0:14:01.120 --> 0:14:02.080
<v Speaker 3>Like maybe.

0:14:01.720 --> 0:14:02.400
<v Speaker 1>That is better.

0:14:02.520 --> 0:14:05.080
<v Speaker 2>It is better. I remember I saw one time her

0:14:05.160 --> 0:14:07.840
<v Speaker 2>talking to someone in a nightclub and I literally was

0:14:07.920 --> 0:14:09.839
<v Speaker 2>just on that like a rash, didn't let her move

0:14:09.880 --> 0:14:10.719
<v Speaker 2>for the rest of the night.

0:14:10.960 --> 0:14:12.480
<v Speaker 1>Same thing happened to me.

0:14:14.160 --> 0:14:16.959
<v Speaker 3>So my friend's is benefit situation, So I was seeing

0:14:17.000 --> 0:14:18.800
<v Speaker 3>him for a bit with friends with benefits, and then

0:14:18.840 --> 0:14:20.640
<v Speaker 3>it kind of like fizzled out because I was sick

0:14:20.680 --> 0:14:22.360
<v Speaker 3>of it. And then I saw him at the club

0:14:22.480 --> 0:14:25.160
<v Speaker 3>like three weeks later. He was talking to this girl

0:14:25.200 --> 0:14:27.560
<v Speaker 3>and I was like, oh, hell no, you're.

0:14:28.520 --> 0:14:31.440
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, you're coming home, let's go. You didn't even want

0:14:31.480 --> 0:14:32.800
<v Speaker 2>to at this point. You were just like, there's no

0:14:32.880 --> 0:14:34.600
<v Speaker 2>way you're excusing or touching her.

0:14:34.920 --> 0:14:36.320
<v Speaker 3>And then I woke up in the morning and I

0:14:36.360 --> 0:14:38.320
<v Speaker 3>was like, oh, I think Soper moved was right.

0:14:38.360 --> 0:14:40.040
<v Speaker 1>I think we're going to steer away from this again.

0:14:41.120 --> 0:14:42.080
<v Speaker 1>This is toxic.

0:14:42.320 --> 0:14:45.040
<v Speaker 3>Yeah, we shouldn't admit to being this toxic realisticly.

0:14:45.160 --> 0:14:47.800
<v Speaker 2>I mean, it's all in the past, isn't it. Anna

0:14:49.240 --> 0:14:51.880
<v Speaker 2>all right, so don't get too comfortable with the routine,

0:14:52.000 --> 0:14:53.920
<v Speaker 2>so you don't want to close yourself off to meeting

0:14:53.960 --> 0:14:57.320
<v Speaker 2>new people. So that also means, though, what happens if

0:14:57.360 --> 0:14:59.800
<v Speaker 2>they're on the roster they are a Wednesday night or

0:15:00.040 --> 0:15:02.440
<v Speaker 2>Thursday night? Like, does that mean switch that night up

0:15:02.640 --> 0:15:04.080
<v Speaker 2>or what? How does that work?

0:15:04.840 --> 0:15:07.520
<v Speaker 3>Oh, they've gone from like a friends with benefits. We're

0:15:07.520 --> 0:15:10.120
<v Speaker 3>thinking you've got like one little friend with benefits. Now

0:15:10.120 --> 0:15:12.480
<v Speaker 3>you're talking about a full blown roster of them.

0:15:13.080 --> 0:15:15.440
<v Speaker 2>Well, you know, isn't that a routine? You love routine.

0:15:15.760 --> 0:15:18.000
<v Speaker 1>Look, I think it is good to kind of mix

0:15:18.040 --> 0:15:18.240
<v Speaker 1>it up.

0:15:18.320 --> 0:15:20.320
<v Speaker 3>You don't want to get too comfortable in a situation

0:15:20.640 --> 0:15:22.760
<v Speaker 3>I reckon, Like when you get too comfortable and you

0:15:22.840 --> 0:15:25.000
<v Speaker 3>expect to see them on a Monday and then all

0:15:25.040 --> 0:15:28.080
<v Speaker 3>of a sudden, you know, maybe they're not there. It's

0:15:28.120 --> 0:15:31.080
<v Speaker 3>a good reminder that they're not your boyfriend, they're not

0:15:31.120 --> 0:15:32.480
<v Speaker 3>your girlfriend, they're not your partner.

0:15:32.760 --> 0:15:36.200
<v Speaker 2>Exactly. Keep communication going, so keep checking in with the

0:15:36.240 --> 0:15:38.560
<v Speaker 2>other one. If they're on the same page you they

0:15:38.560 --> 0:15:41.840
<v Speaker 2>haven't caught feelings yet, they won't keep going. Just if

0:15:41.840 --> 0:15:43.880
<v Speaker 2>they're not good at like you're not good at reading

0:15:43.880 --> 0:15:45.600
<v Speaker 2>the room, and they're not good at giving off what

0:15:45.680 --> 0:15:47.880
<v Speaker 2>they want, just ask them. Keep that communication going.

0:15:48.040 --> 0:15:48.280
<v Speaker 1>Yeah.

0:15:48.320 --> 0:15:50.600
<v Speaker 2>Communication is key to any relationship, anna, isn't it.

0:15:50.720 --> 0:15:52.760
<v Speaker 3>Yeah, that's a good rule though, Like if you are

0:15:52.920 --> 0:15:55.040
<v Speaker 3>in a friends with benefits situation or if you have

0:15:55.080 --> 0:15:57.080
<v Speaker 3>a fuck buddy, you both need to just lay it

0:15:57.160 --> 0:15:59.280
<v Speaker 3>on the table and just say the moment you catch

0:15:59.320 --> 0:16:01.880
<v Speaker 3>feelings for me or I catch feelings for you, I'm

0:16:01.920 --> 0:16:04.440
<v Speaker 3>going to be really transparent and honest about it, because

0:16:05.040 --> 0:16:08.480
<v Speaker 3>I guess then a bigger conversation needs to happen and

0:16:08.520 --> 0:16:11.840
<v Speaker 3>that conversation is, Hey, I'm starting to like you. How

0:16:11.880 --> 0:16:14.200
<v Speaker 3>are you feeling, and like it could go one of

0:16:14.240 --> 0:16:15.080
<v Speaker 3>two ways.

0:16:15.080 --> 0:16:16.480
<v Speaker 1>Probably not going to go the way you want.

0:16:16.520 --> 0:16:19.080
<v Speaker 3>Yeah, you know, who knows what could happen.

0:16:19.560 --> 0:16:20.680
<v Speaker 1>Set a list of rules.

0:16:20.760 --> 0:16:23.960
<v Speaker 2>So I watched an episode of Seinfeld a couple of

0:16:24.040 --> 0:16:26.320
<v Speaker 2>days ago and it was called the Deal, and they

0:16:26.360 --> 0:16:28.280
<v Speaker 2>made a deal when they were going to sleep together.

0:16:28.320 --> 0:16:29.760
<v Speaker 2>So they had a list of rules that they would

0:16:29.760 --> 0:16:31.960
<v Speaker 2>abide by. So one of them was no sleepovers.

0:16:32.440 --> 0:16:34.120
<v Speaker 3>I don't know if I could do that, Like if

0:16:34.160 --> 0:16:36.440
<v Speaker 3>I had a friends with benefits and they were like, oh,

0:16:36.600 --> 0:16:39.080
<v Speaker 3>we have sex and then you basically fuck off.

0:16:39.880 --> 0:16:41.800
<v Speaker 2>Really you love the cuddle after, even with a friend

0:16:41.840 --> 0:16:42.480
<v Speaker 2>with benefits.

0:16:43.960 --> 0:16:45.680
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, is that wrong?

0:16:46.400 --> 0:16:48.680
<v Speaker 2>I mean that's everyone's each of their own. I was

0:16:48.680 --> 0:16:51.080
<v Speaker 2>putting my underwear on and walking in. No I went,

0:16:51.520 --> 0:16:54.840
<v Speaker 2>so it had a strict routine talk deed, me crying,

0:16:55.040 --> 0:17:01.640
<v Speaker 2>me getting dressed, leaving. Sometimes they'd be a dart in

0:17:01.680 --> 0:17:02.840
<v Speaker 2>there afterwards.

0:17:02.320 --> 0:17:05.320
<v Speaker 1>But I love it that you've added me crying in there.

0:17:06.080 --> 0:17:08.280
<v Speaker 2>Okay. The last one is don't be afraid to use

0:17:08.320 --> 0:17:10.119
<v Speaker 2>this time to figure out what you like and what

0:17:10.160 --> 0:17:12.080
<v Speaker 2>you don't like in the bedroom. So this is a

0:17:12.080 --> 0:17:15.680
<v Speaker 2>perfect time to experiment, like trying new things, new positions,

0:17:16.320 --> 0:17:18.359
<v Speaker 2>new places. If you're feeling kinky.

0:17:18.280 --> 0:17:21.159
<v Speaker 3>Maybe to teach them some things as well, like guys

0:17:21.200 --> 0:17:23.439
<v Speaker 3>sometimes aren't the best at going down on girls, so

0:17:23.600 --> 0:17:26.520
<v Speaker 3>like in a fuck buddy situation, you could like learn

0:17:26.560 --> 0:17:27.200
<v Speaker 3>some pointers.

0:17:27.359 --> 0:17:29.880
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, and you can also try like new outfits out

0:17:29.920 --> 0:17:33.000
<v Speaker 2>you know, you have a position essentially you're practicing for

0:17:33.280 --> 0:17:34.560
<v Speaker 2>when you do find that one.

0:17:34.800 --> 0:17:37.520
<v Speaker 1>Okay, Matt, interesting fact for you.

0:17:37.600 --> 0:17:40.959
<v Speaker 3>Did you know that fifty two percent of men become

0:17:41.080 --> 0:17:45.280
<v Speaker 3>emotionally attached in a friends with benefits set up compared

0:17:45.320 --> 0:17:47.480
<v Speaker 3>to just forty four percent of women.

0:17:48.119 --> 0:17:51.560
<v Speaker 2>That really surprises me. But then again, I'm not surprised. Like,

0:17:52.119 --> 0:17:54.639
<v Speaker 2>I mean, a man that's constantly getting sex is going

0:17:54.720 --> 0:17:57.120
<v Speaker 2>to be like, oh, this is good, I like her,

0:17:57.160 --> 0:17:57.760
<v Speaker 2>you know what I mean.

0:17:57.800 --> 0:18:00.159
<v Speaker 1>It's like, do you reckon? I feel like that?

0:18:00.280 --> 0:18:02.960
<v Speaker 3>Yeah, well, I mean look at our situations. You ended

0:18:03.040 --> 0:18:05.840
<v Speaker 3>up with your girlfriend and I ended up GHO seeing him.

0:18:05.960 --> 0:18:09.640
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, well, yeah, exactly. I'm not surprised by that at all.

0:18:09.720 --> 0:18:11.400
<v Speaker 2>I think there is a lot of truth behind that,

0:18:11.440 --> 0:18:14.280
<v Speaker 2>because I guess men are pretty simple minded, aren't they.

0:18:14.280 --> 0:18:16.280
<v Speaker 2>At the end of the day just once. They just

0:18:16.359 --> 0:18:20.320
<v Speaker 2>lack sex. So we're we're not that too complicated. So

0:18:20.320 --> 0:18:23.080
<v Speaker 2>if you're constantly getting it from someone, you're going I

0:18:23.119 --> 0:18:24.240
<v Speaker 2>get to catch the fields.

0:18:24.359 --> 0:18:26.080
<v Speaker 3>Yeah, Like I guess if you're having sex with someone

0:18:26.160 --> 0:18:28.000
<v Speaker 3>they're a cool person, you start to get to know

0:18:28.080 --> 0:18:30.960
<v Speaker 3>them on a deeper level. It's kind of like feels

0:18:31.080 --> 0:18:34.639
<v Speaker 3>like a natural progression, even although like you're not supposed to.

0:18:34.800 --> 0:18:38.280
<v Speaker 3>And then I reckon the reason why girls don't catch

0:18:38.320 --> 0:18:40.879
<v Speaker 3>the feels as much is because girls have their guard up,

0:18:41.040 --> 0:18:43.600
<v Speaker 3>Like we've been fucked over by so many different guys.

0:18:43.680 --> 0:18:46.760
<v Speaker 3>We're like our wolves are higher than the empire state building,

0:18:46.960 --> 0:18:50.959
<v Speaker 3>and you know we don't let anyone in, especially in

0:18:50.960 --> 0:18:52.280
<v Speaker 3>a friends with benefits situation.

0:18:52.320 --> 0:18:55.200
<v Speaker 2>Also, girls can probably compartmentalize what's actually going on.

0:18:55.800 --> 0:18:57.399
<v Speaker 1>You don't think guys can. I think guys are the

0:18:57.400 --> 0:18:57.959
<v Speaker 1>best at that.

0:18:58.560 --> 0:18:59.960
<v Speaker 2>Maybe I'm just more of a sensitive self.

0:19:00.200 --> 0:19:00.640
<v Speaker 3>You are a.

0:19:00.600 --> 0:19:03.399
<v Speaker 1>Sensitive We do love that.

0:19:07.280 --> 0:19:11.800
<v Speaker 3>Okay, let's talk about why being friends with benefits is great, Matt.

0:19:12.440 --> 0:19:15.360
<v Speaker 2>Like I said before, you get to explore your sexuality

0:19:15.400 --> 0:19:18.080
<v Speaker 2>and try new things and see what you can and

0:19:18.160 --> 0:19:19.520
<v Speaker 2>can't do and what you like to do.

0:19:19.680 --> 0:19:20.960
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, the thing I like about it.

0:19:21.000 --> 0:19:23.440
<v Speaker 3>The most is there's less game playing, so you can

0:19:23.480 --> 0:19:26.080
<v Speaker 3>both relax. You don't really have to impress one another.

0:19:26.280 --> 0:19:28.639
<v Speaker 2>Also, there's less responsibilities. You don't have to go to

0:19:28.720 --> 0:19:31.359
<v Speaker 2>family events with them, you don't have to do like

0:19:31.480 --> 0:19:33.520
<v Speaker 2>pick them up from the airport, you don't have to

0:19:33.520 --> 0:19:34.639
<v Speaker 2>do all that sort of stuff. You don't have to

0:19:34.640 --> 0:19:36.639
<v Speaker 2>cook him dinner, and you can just literally have a

0:19:36.680 --> 0:19:40.240
<v Speaker 2>relationship the good part of a relationship. Yeah, no arguments.

0:19:40.880 --> 0:19:41.960
<v Speaker 1>Well I was.

0:19:41.920 --> 0:19:45.360
<v Speaker 3>About to say, yeah, I mean I've definitely had arguments

0:19:45.359 --> 0:19:47.360
<v Speaker 3>with my friends with benefits situation.

0:19:47.119 --> 0:19:49.800
<v Speaker 2>Did you No, we just kept it minimal. There was

0:19:49.840 --> 0:19:51.080
<v Speaker 2>nothing really to argue about.

0:19:51.440 --> 0:19:51.960
<v Speaker 1>Yeah.

0:19:52.400 --> 0:19:54.880
<v Speaker 3>I think we started arguing when he started to catch

0:19:54.920 --> 0:19:57.399
<v Speaker 3>the fields more and was getting a bit like what

0:19:57.440 --> 0:19:57.920
<v Speaker 3>are you doing?

0:19:58.720 --> 0:20:01.000
<v Speaker 1>And I was like, we're friends, that you can't ask.

0:20:00.920 --> 0:20:03.240
<v Speaker 2>You that that green eyed monster slipped in and took

0:20:03.320 --> 0:20:04.040
<v Speaker 2>over and did it.

0:20:04.440 --> 0:20:08.440
<v Speaker 3>You can also keep yourself open to meeting the right one.

0:20:08.520 --> 0:20:12.600
<v Speaker 3>So I guess if you're being satisfied physically, then you

0:20:12.640 --> 0:20:15.800
<v Speaker 3>can kind of talk and become more open to new

0:20:15.840 --> 0:20:18.320
<v Speaker 3>people and meet new people and like see what you're

0:20:18.359 --> 0:20:19.280
<v Speaker 3>looking for out there.

0:20:19.440 --> 0:20:21.719
<v Speaker 2>I find as well, for it is safer to have

0:20:21.760 --> 0:20:24.240
<v Speaker 2>a fuck buddy in the situation of going home just

0:20:24.320 --> 0:20:26.120
<v Speaker 2>random people all the time, you know what I mean,

0:20:26.520 --> 0:20:28.480
<v Speaker 2>who knows where you're going, who knows what could happen.

0:20:28.480 --> 0:20:31.280
<v Speaker 2>There's an element of risk to that involved, and there's

0:20:31.280 --> 0:20:34.240
<v Speaker 2>obviously a level of familiarity with that person that you

0:20:34.359 --> 0:20:35.080
<v Speaker 2>keep sleeping with.

0:20:35.280 --> 0:20:36.320
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, I couldn't agree more.

0:20:36.359 --> 0:20:38.800
<v Speaker 3>I watch a lot of true crime and I have

0:20:38.960 --> 0:20:41.120
<v Speaker 3>not had a one night stand for that reason because

0:20:41.160 --> 0:20:43.360
<v Speaker 3>I would be terrified to go home with a stranger.

0:20:43.760 --> 0:20:46.480
<v Speaker 3>So having a fuck buddy is definitely a better option.

0:20:47.160 --> 0:20:50.280
<v Speaker 2>Having regular sex will also eliminate any desperate vibes that

0:20:50.320 --> 0:20:52.440
<v Speaker 2>you're giving off in the club, because if you're out

0:20:52.520 --> 0:20:55.000
<v Speaker 2>there at the bar or the nightclub and you know

0:20:55.080 --> 0:20:57.280
<v Speaker 2>that you have someone that you're going to sleep with

0:20:57.280 --> 0:20:59.520
<v Speaker 2>that night, you're going to come across way.

0:20:59.320 --> 0:21:02.479
<v Speaker 1>Less can look a lot cooler. Yeah you are.

0:21:02.560 --> 0:21:05.439
<v Speaker 2>You're going to be like this one's essentially for the guys,

0:21:05.560 --> 0:21:07.320
<v Speaker 2>like you're going to not give up that desperate vibe

0:21:07.320 --> 0:21:09.320
<v Speaker 2>when you're talking to girls. You're gonna know that you're

0:21:09.680 --> 0:21:11.600
<v Speaker 2>you know, I reckon. It's both You're a bit more

0:21:11.640 --> 0:21:15.560
<v Speaker 2>like I'm going home to get a shag. I don't. Okay,

0:21:15.600 --> 0:21:17.480
<v Speaker 2>So that was all the positive reasons of having a

0:21:17.480 --> 0:21:20.760
<v Speaker 2>fuck buddy, Anna, But let's touch on the cons all right.

0:21:20.840 --> 0:21:23.439
<v Speaker 2>So the first one would be if things turn sour,

0:21:23.600 --> 0:21:24.840
<v Speaker 2>you're gonna lose a friendship.

0:21:25.240 --> 0:21:25.960
<v Speaker 1>Yeah.

0:21:26.080 --> 0:21:28.480
<v Speaker 3>The thing is is like, how do friends with benefits

0:21:28.640 --> 0:21:31.800
<v Speaker 3>situation start. Do you start as two friends who then

0:21:31.920 --> 0:21:34.560
<v Speaker 3>kind of just like toy with the idea, do you

0:21:34.640 --> 0:21:37.080
<v Speaker 3>start dating and then you realize it's not going to

0:21:37.200 --> 0:21:39.680
<v Speaker 3>work because I guess yeah, if you're friends and then

0:21:39.720 --> 0:21:42.600
<v Speaker 3>you add an element of sex to it.

0:21:42.600 --> 0:21:44.119
<v Speaker 2>It could also be two people that had a one

0:21:44.240 --> 0:21:46.320
<v Speaker 2>night stand and they realized the sex is really good

0:21:46.359 --> 0:21:48.760
<v Speaker 2>and they got along, but this isn't going.

0:21:48.520 --> 0:21:50.960
<v Speaker 1>To be anything serious, anything serious.

0:21:51.000 --> 0:21:53.200
<v Speaker 2>So essentially, to have a fuck buddy, like we said before,

0:21:53.200 --> 0:21:54.959
<v Speaker 2>you have to get along with them, like you have

0:21:55.000 --> 0:21:58.040
<v Speaker 2>to be friends. So if the relationship ends, you're losing

0:21:58.080 --> 0:22:01.120
<v Speaker 2>a friend and that could be heartbreaking. Out the same time, you.

0:22:01.040 --> 0:22:03.960
<v Speaker 3>Don't get any of the other benefits of a relationship,

0:22:04.040 --> 0:22:08.040
<v Speaker 3>like the support, the emotional connection, and the exclusivity which

0:22:08.320 --> 0:22:11.960
<v Speaker 3>sometimes we don't realize we want but we probably might

0:22:12.280 --> 0:22:13.399
<v Speaker 3>actually need.

0:22:13.680 --> 0:22:16.359
<v Speaker 2>As that can be a pro, it can also be

0:22:16.480 --> 0:22:18.639
<v Speaker 2>a con. So that's really a double edged sword. It

0:22:18.640 --> 0:22:20.680
<v Speaker 2>depends on what way you look at it, but it can.

0:22:20.840 --> 0:22:23.000
<v Speaker 3>Yeah, and I reckon that's the reason why I've only

0:22:23.080 --> 0:22:26.840
<v Speaker 3>had one because I just need that emotional connection. Like

0:22:27.200 --> 0:22:30.000
<v Speaker 3>I can't really have sex with someone unless I feel

0:22:30.119 --> 0:22:31.520
<v Speaker 3>something for them.

0:22:31.600 --> 0:22:34.359
<v Speaker 2>I've said it before. Sex is a massive transfer of energy,

0:22:34.520 --> 0:22:37.160
<v Speaker 2>So you're giving them your energy, you're taking their energy.

0:22:37.760 --> 0:22:39.280
<v Speaker 2>You need to be able to get along with them.

0:22:39.880 --> 0:22:41.760
<v Speaker 2>You have to be prepared for when they drop you,

0:22:41.840 --> 0:22:44.520
<v Speaker 2>because they might find a new relationship. That's how a

0:22:44.560 --> 0:22:46.080
<v Speaker 2>lot of them do end as well. Anna, a lot

0:22:46.119 --> 0:22:48.680
<v Speaker 2>of friends with benefit situation end because well one of

0:22:48.720 --> 0:22:50.400
<v Speaker 2>them's found someone that they're going to date and they

0:22:50.480 --> 0:22:52.640
<v Speaker 2>have to, you know, ditch the roster. And you could

0:22:52.640 --> 0:23:01.520
<v Speaker 2>have been on that roster. Sorry girls, look my formal apology.

0:23:02.920 --> 0:23:03.120
<v Speaker 3>No.

0:23:03.240 --> 0:23:04.760
<v Speaker 1>I think that's really heartbreaking.

0:23:04.880 --> 0:23:07.080
<v Speaker 3>Like if you are getting into like a bit of

0:23:07.080 --> 0:23:10.320
<v Speaker 3>a rhythm with someone and like sometimes you might set

0:23:10.400 --> 0:23:12.680
<v Speaker 3>up boundaries, but you might just let your guard down

0:23:12.680 --> 0:23:14.359
<v Speaker 3>a little bit. Like the more you get to know someone,

0:23:14.359 --> 0:23:17.000
<v Speaker 3>the more comfortable you get, and if you get ditched,

0:23:17.040 --> 0:23:19.720
<v Speaker 3>that can be really heartbreaking, and like you don't want

0:23:19.760 --> 0:23:22.399
<v Speaker 3>to end up having to go through like a feeling

0:23:22.440 --> 0:23:24.879
<v Speaker 3>of being broken up with when you weren't even in

0:23:24.880 --> 0:23:27.360
<v Speaker 3>a relationship. Like, as we've said before in this podcast,

0:23:27.400 --> 0:23:30.280
<v Speaker 3>some of those breakups are harder than actual like six

0:23:30.400 --> 0:23:31.720
<v Speaker 3>year relationship breakups.

0:23:31.840 --> 0:23:34.000
<v Speaker 2>Right, Yeah, I was just thinking of some of those

0:23:34.000 --> 0:23:36.080
<v Speaker 2>messages I've had in the past. Fuck, they're funny.

0:23:36.320 --> 0:23:38.320
<v Speaker 1>What messages when you're like.

0:23:38.280 --> 0:23:40.600
<v Speaker 2>Sort of seeing someone like in that way could be

0:23:40.600 --> 0:23:42.680
<v Speaker 2>a fuck with buddy situation and they send you a

0:23:42.760 --> 0:23:46.000
<v Speaker 2>message saying that they've met someone and this can't happen anymore,

0:23:46.000 --> 0:23:50.000
<v Speaker 2>and you're like, what fuck you, I'll go meet someone then.

0:23:51.240 --> 0:23:54.880
<v Speaker 3>And the final one is you might actually fall in

0:23:54.920 --> 0:23:55.640
<v Speaker 3>love with them.

0:23:56.359 --> 0:23:57.920
<v Speaker 1>Look you've done this though.

0:23:58.160 --> 0:24:00.480
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, Look it can be a con also can be

0:24:00.520 --> 0:24:03.320
<v Speaker 2>a pro. It's a double edged short again. You you know,

0:24:03.359 --> 0:24:05.359
<v Speaker 2>you might not be looking for something, but who knows?

0:24:05.400 --> 0:24:07.600
<v Speaker 2>Like if for me, you can find love in the

0:24:07.640 --> 0:24:09.840
<v Speaker 2>weirdest places, and it can be that person that you

0:24:09.880 --> 0:24:10.919
<v Speaker 2>rely on pretty heavily.

0:24:11.080 --> 0:24:13.640
<v Speaker 3>What do they say you find love when you're least

0:24:13.640 --> 0:24:15.760
<v Speaker 3>accepting it. And I guess if your fuck buddies is

0:24:15.840 --> 0:24:19.320
<v Speaker 3>someone you're probably not expecting things to turn into something

0:24:19.359 --> 0:24:23.000
<v Speaker 3>more obviously, Okay, Matt let's just say there's a friends

0:24:23.000 --> 0:24:28.040
<v Speaker 3>with benefits situation happening. You start to get feelings. You

0:24:28.160 --> 0:24:32.359
<v Speaker 3>have a feeling that they also could be getting feelings.

0:24:33.080 --> 0:24:37.040
<v Speaker 3>Let's talk about times when it might be okay to

0:24:37.200 --> 0:24:40.679
<v Speaker 3>actually progress into something more with a fuck buddy.

0:24:41.480 --> 0:24:44.199
<v Speaker 2>Okay, there is chemistry and attraction in the relationships, so

0:24:44.280 --> 0:24:47.240
<v Speaker 2>you both are really feeling that and the chemistry's there,

0:24:47.320 --> 0:24:49.640
<v Speaker 2>you guys are laughing, you've got good ban tak. Yeah,

0:24:49.680 --> 0:24:51.480
<v Speaker 2>you both think the other one's hot like this friends

0:24:51.480 --> 0:24:54.439
<v Speaker 2>with benefit relationship could be going for a year, like

0:24:54.560 --> 0:24:56.679
<v Speaker 2>case four, and you still find each other attractive. So

0:24:56.720 --> 0:24:57.800
<v Speaker 2>that's a promising sign.

0:24:58.080 --> 0:24:59.959
<v Speaker 3>Yeah, it's wild that you had a friends with benefit

0:25:00.359 --> 0:25:03.200
<v Speaker 3>relationship for four years. Like that just blows my mind

0:25:03.200 --> 0:25:05.199
<v Speaker 3>every time you say because I think I forget, but

0:25:05.280 --> 0:25:09.959
<v Speaker 3>it's actually wild. Another one is you do milestone activities together,

0:25:10.119 --> 0:25:11.760
<v Speaker 3>so you might go away for the weekend.

0:25:11.880 --> 0:25:13.840
<v Speaker 1>You might. That means you're practically dating.

0:25:13.920 --> 0:25:18.000
<v Speaker 2>If if that's happening, you guys should definitely be you

0:25:18.000 --> 0:25:19.680
<v Speaker 2>know what, it would be nice to travel with a

0:25:19.720 --> 0:25:22.240
<v Speaker 2>friend with benefits, you know, you get that nice like,

0:25:22.320 --> 0:25:24.000
<v Speaker 2>you know, like a little staycation.

0:25:23.880 --> 0:25:25.399
<v Speaker 1>Get a bit of company. If it is sex on

0:25:25.440 --> 0:25:27.080
<v Speaker 1>this have a nice hotel.

0:25:27.880 --> 0:25:29.760
<v Speaker 3>But I mean, look, that's kind of when it's starting

0:25:29.800 --> 0:25:33.840
<v Speaker 3>to obviously turn into more. You say things like I

0:25:34.040 --> 0:25:38.080
<v Speaker 3>miss you. I've made this mistake with mine. I was

0:25:38.080 --> 0:25:39.119
<v Speaker 3>feeling a bit needy.

0:25:39.800 --> 0:25:41.120
<v Speaker 1>I'm needy at on the.

0:25:41.040 --> 0:25:43.600
<v Speaker 3>Best of days, and I said I miss you, And

0:25:43.960 --> 0:25:46.960
<v Speaker 3>you know, I think when that's starting to happen, you

0:25:47.040 --> 0:25:47.840
<v Speaker 3>have to reassess.

0:25:48.119 --> 0:25:50.720
<v Speaker 2>Okay, so this guy, no wonder who got feelings for you.

0:25:50.760 --> 0:25:52.800
<v Speaker 2>I don't know if you're messaging him saying I miss you,

0:25:53.160 --> 0:25:55.160
<v Speaker 2>he probably thinks this is going somewhere. He probably thought

0:25:55.160 --> 0:25:57.840
<v Speaker 2>you guys were actually genuinely going to be boyfriend and girlfriend.

0:25:58.640 --> 0:25:59.240
<v Speaker 1>I feel bad.

0:26:00.119 --> 0:26:04.040
<v Speaker 2>You spend the entire weekends together, so that saying like,

0:26:04.080 --> 0:26:05.800
<v Speaker 2>if you're spending a lot of time with someone, that

0:26:05.800 --> 0:26:08.120
<v Speaker 2>means they're the right one for you. I guess yeah.

0:26:08.680 --> 0:26:12.160
<v Speaker 3>You start having deep chats not only about their life

0:26:12.200 --> 0:26:14.840
<v Speaker 3>but about their romantic past, so you start to kind

0:26:14.880 --> 0:26:16.760
<v Speaker 3>of open up and let them in. I feel like

0:26:17.080 --> 0:26:19.800
<v Speaker 3>that's when the guards starts to come down and the

0:26:19.880 --> 0:26:22.800
<v Speaker 3>feels start to bubble up to the surface.

0:26:23.000 --> 0:26:26.040
<v Speaker 2>And another one is when you hang out, you don't

0:26:26.040 --> 0:26:29.520
<v Speaker 2>always have sex. This is a massive alert if this happens,

0:26:29.720 --> 0:26:32.040
<v Speaker 2>because they are your fuck buddy. So if you're not

0:26:32.359 --> 0:26:35.639
<v Speaker 2>fucking I guess what are they? Yeah, your buddy.

0:26:35.880 --> 0:26:37.680
<v Speaker 3>What happens if like you go out on a night

0:26:37.720 --> 0:26:40.520
<v Speaker 3>out and you just, you know, you just CEBF, like

0:26:40.600 --> 0:26:43.439
<v Speaker 3>sometimes you do CBF with having sex and just god

0:26:43.920 --> 0:26:45.919
<v Speaker 3>you don't, but I know, I find most of the

0:26:45.960 --> 0:26:47.560
<v Speaker 3>rest of the population does.

0:26:49.280 --> 0:26:51.280
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, so you just go and just what cuddle them.

0:26:51.560 --> 0:26:53.320
<v Speaker 2>Yeah that's very romantic, Anna.

0:26:53.520 --> 0:26:55.960
<v Speaker 3>Yeah, but like you're still friends with benefits, Like you're

0:26:55.960 --> 0:26:59.199
<v Speaker 3>not boyfriend and girlfriend. You've both established the boundaries and like,

0:26:59.240 --> 0:27:01.320
<v Speaker 3>you know, one night you could just be like I'm

0:27:01.320 --> 0:27:04.040
<v Speaker 3>not really feeling it, but like maybe we'll fuck the

0:27:04.040 --> 0:27:04.960
<v Speaker 3>next time I see.

0:27:05.000 --> 0:27:09.600
<v Speaker 2>Or in the morning or in the morning. You try

0:27:09.760 --> 0:27:12.159
<v Speaker 2>dating other people, but you always end up wishing you

0:27:12.400 --> 0:27:12.840
<v Speaker 2>with them.

0:27:13.480 --> 0:27:16.800
<v Speaker 3>Huge one, huge one that friends with benefit situation is

0:27:16.840 --> 0:27:19.520
<v Speaker 3>becoming more I think as well when they're just like

0:27:19.560 --> 0:27:22.680
<v Speaker 3>plaguing your mind, Like you just keep thinking about them.

0:27:22.800 --> 0:27:24.960
<v Speaker 3>Little things that you like a tree will make you

0:27:25.000 --> 0:27:28.040
<v Speaker 3>think about them because once they talked about a tree.

0:27:28.080 --> 0:27:29.280
<v Speaker 1>Like random things.

0:27:29.480 --> 0:27:32.119
<v Speaker 2>Also, if you're like love languages, gift giving and you

0:27:32.119 --> 0:27:35.520
<v Speaker 2>start buying a lot of gifts. Yeah, you're not sleeping

0:27:35.520 --> 0:27:38.840
<v Speaker 2>with anyone else. Yeah, you're not even open to sleeping

0:27:38.840 --> 0:27:40.680
<v Speaker 2>with other people. You just want to sleep with them.

0:27:41.080 --> 0:27:42.879
<v Speaker 2>I mean some people that's why they do have a

0:27:42.920 --> 0:27:44.720
<v Speaker 2>friend with benefit, just so they could sleep with the

0:27:44.760 --> 0:27:47.040
<v Speaker 2>one person. But a lot of people are always open

0:27:47.119 --> 0:27:49.600
<v Speaker 2>and we said to be open for other people.

0:27:49.640 --> 0:27:52.679
<v Speaker 3>But if they're not, then I guess every situation is different,

0:27:52.680 --> 0:27:55.719
<v Speaker 3>and obviously there's different boundaries. I mean, I know in

0:27:55.760 --> 0:27:58.040
<v Speaker 3>my case, like I wasn't sleeping with anyone else, but

0:27:58.080 --> 0:28:01.000
<v Speaker 3>that's because I'm kind of like a mangal.

0:28:01.080 --> 0:28:02.360
<v Speaker 1>At a time. Yeah.

0:28:02.440 --> 0:28:05.320
<v Speaker 3>And the final one is you know everything about the

0:28:05.359 --> 0:28:08.359
<v Speaker 3>other person and hang out with their friends. Like if

0:28:08.400 --> 0:28:11.560
<v Speaker 3>you're getting introduced to the friends, it could be going somewhere.

0:28:11.680 --> 0:28:11.960
<v Speaker 2>Yeah.

0:28:12.000 --> 0:28:14.080
<v Speaker 3>And like I think as well, like sometimes guys like

0:28:14.160 --> 0:28:17.080
<v Speaker 3>introduce you to their friends or like maybe a sibling

0:28:17.160 --> 0:28:18.440
<v Speaker 3>to be like, hey, like what do you.

0:28:18.359 --> 0:28:20.640
<v Speaker 1>Think of this girl? Like do you think they're cool?

0:28:20.840 --> 0:28:22.720
<v Speaker 3>If that's happening, I feel like that could be a

0:28:22.760 --> 0:28:26.320
<v Speaker 3>sign that things could be progressing. Uh huh, Okay, Matt,

0:28:26.400 --> 0:28:28.320
<v Speaker 3>it's our favorite time of the show.

0:28:28.359 --> 0:28:31.119
<v Speaker 1>It's time to hear where our heads are at.

0:28:34.359 --> 0:28:38.520
<v Speaker 3>Okay, So the first one from our listener says, I'm

0:28:38.560 --> 0:28:41.000
<v Speaker 3>thinking of getting a fuck buddy as I usually only

0:28:41.040 --> 0:28:44.360
<v Speaker 3>sleep with people who I am dating, but I'm actually

0:28:44.400 --> 0:28:47.960
<v Speaker 3>scared to get attached. What are some ways I can

0:28:48.040 --> 0:28:51.480
<v Speaker 3>train myself to see them merely as a fuck buddy

0:28:51.560 --> 0:28:52.760
<v Speaker 3>and nothing else.

0:28:54.120 --> 0:28:56.320
<v Speaker 2>Look, I think the best thing to do is is

0:28:56.360 --> 0:28:58.920
<v Speaker 2>to go in there. You can't really train yourself, can

0:28:58.960 --> 0:28:59.960
<v Speaker 2>you anna.

0:28:59.800 --> 0:29:01.960
<v Speaker 1>You just have to like make sure you set up

0:29:02.000 --> 0:29:02.840
<v Speaker 1>clear boundaries.

0:29:02.880 --> 0:29:04.760
<v Speaker 2>And I think, but then if you do fall from,

0:29:04.800 --> 0:29:06.840
<v Speaker 2>you fall from Is that the worst thing that could happen?

0:29:07.760 --> 0:29:10.680
<v Speaker 1>Like, Yeah, you can be heartbroken and traumatized.

0:29:11.800 --> 0:29:13.480
<v Speaker 2>Is it better to have loved and lost than to

0:29:13.560 --> 0:29:14.400
<v Speaker 2>never have loved at all?

0:29:15.400 --> 0:29:16.280
<v Speaker 1>Yeah? I think so.

0:29:16.880 --> 0:29:19.920
<v Speaker 3>Look, I think you have to choose your fuck buddies

0:29:20.400 --> 0:29:24.120
<v Speaker 3>very carefully. I think that there's specific people who are

0:29:24.200 --> 0:29:26.680
<v Speaker 3>right for that role, and there's some people who might

0:29:26.760 --> 0:29:29.240
<v Speaker 3>not be. Like, if you meet someone and you can

0:29:29.240 --> 0:29:31.800
<v Speaker 3>tell that they're really into you, they're probably not the

0:29:31.840 --> 0:29:34.960
<v Speaker 3>best can today to be your fuck buddy because you

0:29:35.000 --> 0:29:36.960
<v Speaker 3>know that their feelings are probably just going to grow.

0:29:37.000 --> 0:29:40.680
<v Speaker 3>And I think the scariest part of the whole fuck

0:29:40.760 --> 0:29:44.880
<v Speaker 3>buddy situation is when you give someone the power who

0:29:44.920 --> 0:29:48.120
<v Speaker 3>doesn't like you as much because I guess with that

0:29:48.280 --> 0:29:51.520
<v Speaker 3>power then they kind of just control you in a way,

0:29:51.640 --> 0:29:53.720
<v Speaker 3>which is, in my opinion, terrifying.

0:29:54.080 --> 0:29:56.160
<v Speaker 2>Also, another good tip for you is to go watch

0:29:56.240 --> 0:29:59.680
<v Speaker 2>No Strings Attached for Friends with Benefits. Yeah, they teach

0:29:59.720 --> 0:30:02.920
<v Speaker 2>you how to navigate around fuck buddy situation.

0:30:03.080 --> 0:30:05.280
<v Speaker 3>I actually learned a lot from that movie, to be honest,

0:30:05.360 --> 0:30:07.680
<v Speaker 3>I thought it was super interesting. Like, the reason why

0:30:07.720 --> 0:30:09.840
<v Speaker 3>people want to have a fuck buddy is because they

0:30:09.880 --> 0:30:11.920
<v Speaker 3>just don't want to deal with the emotional baggage that

0:30:12.160 --> 0:30:15.160
<v Speaker 3>relationships bring. They just want to have like they don't

0:30:15.160 --> 0:30:16.760
<v Speaker 3>want to have to deal with it. They've got busy

0:30:16.840 --> 0:30:18.040
<v Speaker 3>lives and they just like.

0:30:18.320 --> 0:30:21.160
<v Speaker 1>Want to root in a boot. I told you that,

0:30:21.200 --> 0:30:22.760
<v Speaker 1>repea and repeat repeat.

0:30:23.560 --> 0:30:26.320
<v Speaker 2>Okay, So another question comes in from our listener. I

0:30:26.360 --> 0:30:28.560
<v Speaker 2>am sleeping with this girl at the moment, and I

0:30:28.600 --> 0:30:31.640
<v Speaker 2>wanted to just be a friends of benefit situation. However,

0:30:31.680 --> 0:30:34.200
<v Speaker 2>she seems to be getting a little too attached. I

0:30:34.320 --> 0:30:36.320
<v Speaker 2>like what we have, but she gets jealous if I

0:30:36.320 --> 0:30:38.400
<v Speaker 2>speak to another girl and then doesn't speak to me

0:30:38.480 --> 0:30:41.840
<v Speaker 2>until I apologize and give her more attention. Help in

0:30:41.920 --> 0:30:46.120
<v Speaker 2>caps lock, Jesus look, mate, if I have to give

0:30:46.120 --> 0:30:50.080
<v Speaker 2>you any tips, it would be that she obviously isn't

0:30:50.120 --> 0:30:52.040
<v Speaker 2>the one to be a friend with benefit with. She

0:30:52.400 --> 0:30:54.920
<v Speaker 2>is obviously more attached and she has feelings for you,

0:30:55.080 --> 0:30:57.040
<v Speaker 2>and you need to have the discussion with her if

0:30:57.040 --> 0:31:00.000
<v Speaker 2>she wants to continue sleeping with you or to end it,

0:31:00.080 --> 0:31:02.480
<v Speaker 2>because I feel that you're only going to break her

0:31:02.520 --> 0:31:04.160
<v Speaker 2>heart and if you're a good guy, you would see that.

0:31:04.560 --> 0:31:06.000
<v Speaker 1>Yeap, I totally agree.

0:31:06.080 --> 0:31:08.400
<v Speaker 3>I think the best thing for him to do would

0:31:08.440 --> 0:31:10.320
<v Speaker 3>be to end the situation.

0:31:10.680 --> 0:31:12.520
<v Speaker 1>I think the moment that someone.

0:31:12.360 --> 0:31:15.240
<v Speaker 3>Starts to get feelings, it's no longer a friends with

0:31:15.280 --> 0:31:16.280
<v Speaker 3>benefits situation.

0:31:16.520 --> 0:31:18.240
<v Speaker 1>The best thing to do is to end it.

0:31:18.560 --> 0:31:21.200
<v Speaker 2>There's always another friends of benefit situation out there. Just

0:31:21.320 --> 0:31:23.440
<v Speaker 2>get back out there and see what there is.

0:31:24.040 --> 0:31:27.600
<v Speaker 3>Okay, guys, that's all we have time for. As always,

0:31:27.760 --> 0:31:30.200
<v Speaker 3>make sure you stay on top of our socials. That's

0:31:30.240 --> 0:31:33.160
<v Speaker 3>where's your head at pod on Instagram and TikTok, and

0:31:33.200 --> 0:31:35.120
<v Speaker 3>make sure you give us a five star review.

0:31:35.800 --> 0:31:37.320
<v Speaker 1>It really helps grow

0:31:37.520 --> 0:31:45.240
<v Speaker 3>Our podcasts at Until next time, Bye bye,