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Speaker 1: Apoga Production. Welcome to the She Rises Podcast. I'm Ashley

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Speaker 1: and I'm Tiana.

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Speaker 2: This podcast is about female empowerment and encouraging you to

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Speaker 2: be your biggest, boldest, and most authentic version of yourself.

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Speaker 1: We help you shed the shame, grow to a new level.

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Speaker 1: We're gonna laugh, cry, and talk about the topics everyone

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Speaker 1: else is too afraid to talk about.

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Speaker 2: Get ready for your next level of self Welcome back

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Speaker 2: to another episode of She Rises. Today, we are diving

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Speaker 2: deep into the motherhood wound.

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Speaker 1: Now, if you're listening and you're like, what the fuck

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Speaker 1: is that, don't worry. I'm also very curious on it,

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Speaker 1: and we were going to have a conversation about this

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Speaker 1: because I do know little bits and pieces. But then

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Speaker 1: just before we hit record, I was like, Oh, do

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Speaker 1: you mind if we completely switch this up and I

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Speaker 1: actually ask you a bunch of questions because I feel

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Speaker 1: like I don't have a deep enough understanding to teach it.

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Speaker 1: So I'm going to ask Tiana a bunch of questions

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Speaker 1: just to help anyone listening and myself have a full

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Speaker 1: understanding about what this is and how it can impact

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Speaker 1: our life, our relationship with our mom, with our daughters,

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Speaker 1: with our sisters, with our friends. So let's get straight

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Speaker 1: into it in your own definition, what is the mother wound?

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Speaker 2: Before I get into the definition of what the mother

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Speaker 2: wound is, I just wanted to say, anyone out there

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Speaker 2: who is listening, think about a time where you didn't

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Speaker 2: trust a woman. We can all put our hand up

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Speaker 2: putting my hand up right, this is the mother wond

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Speaker 2: So we often, and as women especially, there's this thing

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Speaker 2: in society where we don't trust other women. Think about

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Speaker 2: all the times that you got along with other men

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Speaker 2: better because you're like, oh, I just want to hang

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Speaker 2: out with the boys.

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Speaker 1: It's so much easier.

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Speaker 2: There's less drama, it feels nicer. They don't have any

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Speaker 2: ulterior motives or they don't have anything. You know, I'm

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Speaker 2: not in competition with these women. This relationship that we

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Speaker 2: have with the feminine starts with the mother, and so

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Speaker 2: essentially what the mother wound is, it's having a relationship

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Speaker 2: with your mother that it was either unsafe, untrusting where

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Speaker 2: you were disappointed, but potentially there was abandonment where there

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Speaker 2: was rejection happening. And so what it does it creates

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Speaker 2: an unsafe relationship with the feminine in general, where you

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Speaker 2: feel that you are unsafe in their presence. Thanks so much,

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Speaker 2: sim right, So you know, let's say, for example, you

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Speaker 2: had a relationship with your mum and growing up, she

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Speaker 2: wasn't around a lot, and she was working all the time,

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Speaker 2: and for you, her absence was really triggering, right, her

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Speaker 2: absence was really loud in your story. That's going to

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Speaker 2: create a mother wound that the mother wasn't there for.

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Speaker 1: You, right.

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Speaker 2: Or maybe when you were growing up you got dismissed

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Speaker 2: a lot and you were told to shut up, or

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Speaker 2: you were told that you know, to be quiet and

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Speaker 2: sit down and be a good girl, and all of

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Speaker 2: these things that can create on you a relationship with

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Speaker 2: yourself that you can't speak up, that you're not worthy

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Speaker 2: of being heard, and that you in everyday life will

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Speaker 2: be dismissed by not only just her, but every other

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Speaker 2: woman in your life, because that relationship is the one

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Speaker 2: relationship that models every other relationship in your life. So, however,

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Speaker 2: your foundation is with your mother, that's the relationship they

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Speaker 2: are going to cultivate with every other woman in your life.

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Speaker 1: Oh that makes so much sense, And I suppose it's cool.

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Speaker 1: Everyone listening. You'll be able to trace back and really

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Speaker 1: unpack your relationship with your mum. Maybe I'll share my

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Speaker 1: journey with my mum and you can help unpack that.

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Speaker 1: And my mum listens and she's very open, and we

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Speaker 1: have come a long way with our journey together. And yes,

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Speaker 1: there's been some pretty rocky times with my stepfather, and

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Speaker 1: I've spoken about that, but I did write down some

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Speaker 1: notes around this, so I'm just going to kill yeah. Absolutely,

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Speaker 1: So growing up with my mom, I think deep down

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Speaker 1: she tried really really hard to be there for us

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Speaker 1: and to make a living and keep a roof over

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Speaker 1: her head whilst being in an abusive relationship with my stepdad.

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Speaker 1: She was in survival mode. She was not around a

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Speaker 1: lot because she was working such long hours. Like I

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Speaker 1: literally remember my mom would leave at five or six

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Speaker 1: in the morning and not get home till six at night.

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Speaker 1: From the travel distance and just working really long hours

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Speaker 1: emotionally and physically, it would have been so hard for

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Speaker 1: her to be there for us. She also had a

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Speaker 1: very DISREGI related nervous systems, so I didn't feel safe

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Speaker 1: to go to her, and I think as a kid,

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Speaker 1: I didn't want to add any extra stress as I could,

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Speaker 1: since she wasn't coping with our stepdad and the load

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Speaker 1: that she had to carry of keeping a roof over

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Speaker 1: our heads financially. This I think has affected my relationship

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Speaker 1: with women and never really feeling safe. But it's so

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Speaker 1: beautiful to see how this wound can heal with time, consistency, forgiveness,

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Speaker 1: and open conversations about both of our experiences. I do

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Speaker 1: feel like so healed with my mum. We've had to

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Speaker 1: have a lot of hard conversations to talk about both

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Speaker 1: of our experiences in my childhood years, my teenage years,

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Speaker 1: I had no idea the abuse that she was copying

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Speaker 1: for my stepdad. I thought I was the only one

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Speaker 1: getting abused. I didn't see it for my brothers. I

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Speaker 1: didn't see it with her like I knew he yelled

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Speaker 1: and was not nice to any of us. But the

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Speaker 1: stories my mum's told me now and how fucking frightened

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Speaker 1: she was, I had no idea. So it just it's

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Speaker 1: been so nice for us to heal that wound, I suppose,

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Speaker 1: But now the way you've explained it, I can see

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Speaker 1: how that has affected acted my trust and sense of

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Speaker 1: safety around feminine energies. Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's so interesting.

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Speaker 2: Even just like hearing that, Like, what my mind goes

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Speaker 2: to is your mum having a dysregulated nervous system. What

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Speaker 2: that could potentially lead to is her not having a

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Speaker 2: capacity for your emotionals and is also not having the

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Speaker 2: capacity for your big emotions or even just patients. Yeah right,

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Speaker 2: because if her nervous system is so triggered, that's a

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Speaker 2: ripple effect.

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Speaker 1: Of her behavior.

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Speaker 2: How she's going to be able to show up for

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Speaker 2: you emotionally, her being there for you physically, like her

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Speaker 2: being able to hold you in whatever it is you're

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Speaker 2: going through. So what I've noticed happens in the women

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Speaker 2: that I've coached is a projection of like, women can't

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Speaker 2: hold me in my emotions. Yes, right, women aren't safe

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Speaker 2: for me emotionally. I can't come to them because they're

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Speaker 2: dealing with their own things that they don't have space

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Speaker 2: for me. So it comes out in the way that

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Speaker 2: we behave and interact with other women. But we will

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Speaker 2: see it most in those relationships.

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Speaker 1: I'm guessing that's exactly the same with the father wound. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: because I've always thought like men are not trustworthy, many

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Speaker 1: unsafe men are abusive men yell, and then when I

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Speaker 1: met Steve, and he did none of that. I always

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Speaker 1: like questioned everything. I was like waiting for him to yell,

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Speaker 1: waiting for him to not hit me or anything, but

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Speaker 1: like waiting for what I'd grown up with and what

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Speaker 1: I had seen as a normal way to be treated. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: you know, and I had such beautiful evidence that that's

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Speaker 1: healed that for me as well.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, well absolutely what you just said is so true.

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Speaker 2: Like if you were to see that growing up, you'd

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Speaker 2: be in a relationship, and then you would then project

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Speaker 2: that behavior onto the partner of like, oh, wow, you're

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Speaker 2: going to show up in this way, You're going to

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Speaker 2: do this, You're going to be this your intention and

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Speaker 2: not do that.

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Speaker 1: That's what men do.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, your intention is this, because this is what the

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Speaker 2: relationship I had with the father.

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Speaker 1: Let's talk more about the mother wounds. So if someone's

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Speaker 1: still listening being like, oh, I'm just not sure if

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Speaker 1: I've got a mother wound, is there other signs that

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Speaker 1: you could talk about that would help them go, oh yeah,

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Speaker 1: that feels real for me.

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Speaker 2: I think the easiest way to kind of figure out

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Speaker 2: if you do experiences, if you do how this and

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Speaker 2: most of us do in our own way is to

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Speaker 2: look at the relationships you have in your life, because

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Speaker 2: the way that you project onto the people of the

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Speaker 2: same sex is often the wound that you're dealing with

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Speaker 2: with the parental figure. Yes, right, so if you could

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Speaker 2: look at your relationships in your life and go, Okay,

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Speaker 2: what's the common theme of me thinking and feeling that

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Speaker 2: women as a whole are unsafe, Women as a whole

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Speaker 2: are untrusting, Women as a whole want to compete with me,

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Speaker 2: Women as a whole are dismissive, have ulterior motives, a sneaky,

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Speaker 2: all of the things. Yes, so you want to look

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Speaker 2: for the way that you kind of lump women in

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Speaker 2: general as a generalization and go, okay, what's the story

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Speaker 2: I'm telling myself because that story stems from the experience

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Speaker 2: that you've had back in the day with the parental figure,

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Speaker 2: And that's a way that you can kind of go

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Speaker 2: looking for it.

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Speaker 1: Okay, Yeah, And then my next thing from my experience,

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Speaker 1: I think I healed my motherhood wound by healing that

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Speaker 1: with my mum. What if that is an option. What

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Speaker 1: if they don't have contact with their mum, What if

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Speaker 1: their mom's past, what if their mum gaslights them and

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Speaker 1: tells them that nowether that happened and it's.

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Speaker 2: Not true, women a slight, that's a good one.

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Speaker 1: But if they can't go to their mom for this healing,

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Speaker 1: how do you heal that within yourself? Because my mom

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Speaker 1: helped me heal that. Yes, I'd love to hear your

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Speaker 1: opinion on how to do it by yourself.

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Speaker 2: That's a really beautiful thing that you guys got to

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Speaker 2: be able to heal that together because a lot of

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Speaker 2: people don't have that option. Right, It's so true, and

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Speaker 2: I think what's really powerful at least what has been

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Speaker 2: powerful for me in my own experience with my relationship

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Speaker 2: with my mom has been if there's ever anything that

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Speaker 2: I feel I need to work through that she's unable

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Speaker 2: to potentially meet me in that just for her own

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Speaker 2: capacity reasons and you know what I expect from her

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Speaker 2: and all the things. What has that relationship and what

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Speaker 2: that journey has been like has been acceptance of who

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Speaker 2: she is.

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Speaker 1: Right.

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Speaker 2: So, a lot of the times we get very disappointed

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Speaker 2: because we wish that a parent could be something that

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Speaker 2: we didn't receive or that we think that we didn't

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Speaker 2: receive based on their own experience, Right, we know that

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Speaker 2: they meant well, and they did the best that they could.

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Speaker 2: But in those moments we get disappointed because our expectation

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Speaker 2: is up here, but where they're capacit city is down here.

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Speaker 2: So what's a really important part of the journey is

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Speaker 2: acceptance of who they currently are. That's one point, right,

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Speaker 2: because who were we to say that how somebody is

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Speaker 2: living their life isn't good enough? Yeah?

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Speaker 1: So true? Right?

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Speaker 2: Who were we to say that the way that they're

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Speaker 2: showing up for us isn't good enough when they're doing

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Speaker 2: the best that they can. So I think acceptance is one.

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Speaker 2: It's a really more challenging step, right, because we don't

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Speaker 2: want to let go of that. We feel disappointed, right,

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Speaker 2: we feel we're hurting from that. But when you can

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Speaker 2: accept who they are, you can start to appreciate them

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Speaker 2: for who they are. Right, But you have to be

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Speaker 2: able to accept first before you can step into appreciation

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Speaker 2: and receive them for what they can give you and

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Speaker 2: then start going, Okay, what is the thing that I

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Speaker 2: think I need from them? And how can I give

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Speaker 2: that to myself?

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Speaker 1: Right's off any more emotional support.

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Speaker 2: Just as an example with my own experience, so a

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Speaker 2: fair few years ago, my mom's mom passed away and

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Speaker 2: it was a really really hard time for my mom

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Speaker 2: and she went through the whole grieving process and it

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Speaker 2: was really really challenging and hard for her. Within that timeframe,

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Speaker 2: my own se needs like what I needed from her,

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Speaker 2: I felt like I wasn't able to get emotionally because

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Speaker 2: I felt like she was quite shut off emotionally because

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Speaker 2: she was dealing with her grief. Yeah, she needed to

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Speaker 2: take care of herself in that time. And so within

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Speaker 2: that timeframe, I remember thinking and feeling that disappointment and

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Speaker 2: expectation of like, you should still show up for me

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Speaker 2: kind of thing. Is selfishly wanting that from her, not

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Speaker 2: you know, being able to honor her grief in that moment.

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Speaker 2: And what that became about for me was, I know

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Speaker 2: that I feel like I need it from her right now,

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Speaker 2: but I can give that to myself. So in terms

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Speaker 2: of what I wanted from her was nurturing emotional support,

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Speaker 2: emotional safety for her to be the nurturing mother in

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Speaker 2: that moment, like with love and cuddles and this and that.

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Speaker 2: So what it became about for me in that moment

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Speaker 2: was giving myself words of affirmation, the words that I

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Speaker 2: wanted to hear from my mom. I'm so proud of you.

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Speaker 2: You're such a good woman. You're da da da da,

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Speaker 2: Like you're so loved, you're so safe. I started to

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Speaker 2: relay those things to myself nice and it became about

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Speaker 2: did you believe them though in the beginning no, yeah,

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Speaker 2: but it became about the practice.

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Speaker 1: Okay.

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Speaker 2: It's not about like the doing in the beginning. It's

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Speaker 2: about the practice. Yeah. It's about going, hey, like reminding

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Speaker 2: myself like even though I don't feel it right now,

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Speaker 2: it's about like reparenting yourself in that moment and going

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Speaker 2: you are safe.

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Speaker 1: Reparenting for yeah at work? Yeah, right, you are safe.

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Speaker 2: You are okay, Like you can give yourself those things

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Speaker 2: that you're wanting and craving from somebody else when you

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Speaker 2: just give them to yourself. I know it's easier said

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Speaker 2: than done, but the practice is what's important.

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Speaker 1: Yes, that's beautiful. What about someone that has a mother

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Speaker 1: wound around abandonment because their mother did abandon them, maybe

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Speaker 1: they still don't have a relationship. How would you advise

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Speaker 1: to self soothe and that or heal that wound.

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Speaker 2: Ah, there's two parts to this that I really want

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Speaker 2: to speak to with the abandonment with a parent.

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Speaker 1: It's really the core of it.

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Speaker 2: To simplify it is learning to process the emotion first,

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Speaker 2: because a lot of the times when we feel abandonment,

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Speaker 2: we don't even know that we feel it right. We

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Speaker 2: just were going day to day life, and then we

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Speaker 2: just have this underlying feeling that everyone will eventually leave.

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Speaker 1: Yes.

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Speaker 2: And so the way that you work through that is

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Speaker 2: to actually give yourself the time and space to be

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Speaker 2: able to.

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Speaker 1: Feel through those emotions.

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Speaker 2: You know, put our time on your phone or twenty

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Speaker 2: minutes or thirty minutes, listen to some music, shake the

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Speaker 2: emotion out of your body, allow the emotion to come up.

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Speaker 2: Think about the time that you felt abandoned, what it

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Speaker 2: meant to you, what you made it mean, what you

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Speaker 2: made it mean about you, and about how whether you're

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Speaker 2: unwhether you are of love. Processing those emotions, but then

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Speaker 2: also that acceptance side of it too right, accepted that

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Speaker 2: you had to do that, or just acceptance that the

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Speaker 2: experience of what you're going through is the way that

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Speaker 2: it is right. Because the only time that we don't

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Speaker 2: ever fully accept something is because we feel that it's

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Speaker 2: unfair or we feel that it shouldn't have happened. Yeah,

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Speaker 2: we find ourselves being a victim of it. And so

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Speaker 2: the only way that we can move through it is

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Speaker 2: to one feel the emotion, because when you feel the emotion,

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Speaker 2: you will step into the acceptance part of it. Right,

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Speaker 2: and then the next phase to that is to no

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Speaker 2: longer abandon yourself.

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Speaker 1: Oh so it's like a three part to the abandonment.

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Speaker 1: That makes so much sense. And by not abandoning yourself,

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Speaker 1: can you go dive deeper into that? How do you

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Speaker 1: not abandon yourself?

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Speaker 2: Well, because what happens is when we get abandoned by

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Speaker 2: a parent, we see this behavior and a pattern from

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Speaker 2: them for so long. But then when we become an adult,

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Speaker 2: we pick up and we pass on the baton from

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Speaker 2: our parents to ourselves and we continue that behavior on.

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Speaker 2: So we perpetuate the feeling of abandonment of the people

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Speaker 2: that we love through self abandonment. So actually, the core

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Speaker 2: and the key to be able to heal abandonment from

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Speaker 2: a mother, a father, a lost relationship, a friend is

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Speaker 2: to no longer abandon yourself in the way that you

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Speaker 2: need and what you need love that it's so powerful.

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Speaker 1: If you cannot abandon yourself, it's.

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Speaker 2: The key and self abandonment can look like not speaking

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Speaker 2: up to the things that you actually believe in. Right

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Speaker 2: if you're people pleasing, Right, if you're in a relationship

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Speaker 2: and you say that you want to have sex, but really.

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Speaker 1: You feel really unsafe.

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Speaker 2: If you're in a friendship and you know that friendship

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Speaker 2: is that person is being really disrespectful to you, and

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Speaker 2: you're not standing up for yourself, just allowing it.

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Speaker 1: You're just allowing it to happen. Right, self abandonment.

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Speaker 2: We're teaching ourselves that we ourselves are not safe, and

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Speaker 2: then we then project that onto the people we initially

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Speaker 2: felt abandoned by, and we go, why these people continuing

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Speaker 2: to abandon us? But really what the core is is

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Speaker 2: self abandonment. Yeah, because we pick up the baton from

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Speaker 2: the parents and we continue on that behavior, not even

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Speaker 2: realizing that that's how we're doing that what we're doing

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Speaker 2: and how we're treating ourselves.

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Speaker 1: Gosh, you're almost what everyone's listening to. Make a promise

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Speaker 1: to yourself that you don't abandon yourself and like literally

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Speaker 1: use that language more. I'm not going to abandon myself

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Speaker 1: just to make you happy. I'm sorry, Oh, I'm not

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Speaker 1: going to abandon my body just to have sex with

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Speaker 1: you because you're horny.

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Speaker 2: And you know what, you know, we will stop fearing

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Speaker 2: abandonment of others when we stop abandoning ourselves.

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Speaker 1: Yes, we don't need them to be there and to.

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Speaker 2: Not abandon us because we know that we are solid

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Speaker 2: within ourselves. Yes, but if we have a rocky foundation

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Speaker 2: and we aren't there for ourselves, of course we're going

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Speaker 2: to be terrified that they're going to abandon us because

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Speaker 2: we've got nothing else. Yeah, there's no other foundation that

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Speaker 2: we have because we don't have ourselves.

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Speaker 1: The one strong foundation you need is with yourself. That's

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Speaker 1: so cool.

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Speaker 2: So it's really just no matter what it is the

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Speaker 2: mother warned, sisterhood, we're in the father warned, abandonment wound,

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Speaker 2: whatever it is, the way that you heal that is

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Speaker 2: through the relationship with yourself so important.

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Speaker 1: It's it's so important to spend time with yourself too,

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Speaker 1: oh so much like allow everything to come up, to

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Speaker 1: see where you're at, to see what stories you've attached

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Speaker 1: to the situations that have happened to you, to see

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Speaker 1: where you're playing victim, to see where you're blaming. Yeap,

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Speaker 1: you can really help strengthen that bond with yourself. Well,

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Speaker 1: it's getting to know.

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Speaker 2: If we had this conversation the other day, we always think, oh,

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Speaker 2: I really want to love myself. Okay, cool, Well, in

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Speaker 2: order to love yourself, you need to like yourself. Cool, Okay,

360
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Speaker 2: what does it take in order to like yourself? You

361
00:15:55,921 --> 00:15:58,281
Speaker 2: need to know yourself? And what does it take to

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Speaker 2: know yourself?

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Speaker 1: Self exploration literally, like you use the example of when

364
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Speaker 1: you are dating, you ask someone their favorite color, what

365
00:16:04,721 --> 00:16:07,281
Speaker 1: they joy to eat, they're dislike, they're triggers, they're child

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Speaker 1: or trauma. Like you ask this question to get to

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Speaker 1: know them to then decide if you want to be

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Speaker 1: with that person. But you have to know all of

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Speaker 1: those things about yourself one hundred percent, and if you

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Speaker 1: don't like them, you actually have choice to change.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, that's the whole point of life in the journey.

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Speaker 1: Like we are such detectives.

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Speaker 2: We're like, tell me your childhood trauma, tell me what

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Speaker 2: happened when you were six, Like you don't tell me

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Speaker 2: your funniest memory. Yea. We just will go above and

376
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Speaker 2: beyond to get to know everyone around us except for ourselves,

377
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Speaker 2: except for the person we spend the most time with.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, Wow, that's so powerful. So you spoke a little

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Speaker 1: bit about sisterhood wounds. I'm interested to know more about

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Speaker 1: that is a sign of like being triggered in a

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Speaker 1: group setting, a sign that you have a sisterhood or

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Speaker 1: mother wound.

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Speaker 2: Well, I would say, like, yeah, the mother we'rened, the

384
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Speaker 2: sisterhood wound. It's the root of like not feeling comfortable

385
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Speaker 2: around women. Right when you aren't surrounded by women all

386
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Speaker 2: the time, and one you don't trust women. You have

387
00:16:59,201 --> 00:17:01,841
Speaker 2: a rocky foundation of the relationship you have with women,

388
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Speaker 2: You're not gonna feel safe around them, and it's gonna

389
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Speaker 2: be super triggering, which is why women tend to lean

390
00:17:06,641 --> 00:17:11,041
Speaker 2: towards male friendships because one, men don't trigger them. Two

391
00:17:11,041 --> 00:17:13,640
Speaker 2: men give them attention. Three they're the center of attention.

392
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Speaker 2: Whereas women, all of your wounds will come up, Like

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Speaker 2: so all of your mother wounds will come up. Say,

394
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Speaker 2: for example, you're in a room full of five beautiful women.

395
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Speaker 2: The first thing that you think of is, I'm in

396
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Speaker 2: competition with all these women. Okay, that's a wound. Where

397
00:17:26,761 --> 00:17:29,120
Speaker 2: did that stem from? Where have you ever felt like

398
00:17:29,160 --> 00:17:30,640
Speaker 2: you've been in competition? You know?

399
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Speaker 1: Right? Or all these women are just going to be

400
00:17:32,400 --> 00:17:33,840
Speaker 1: bitchy because women are bit chey.

401
00:17:33,921 --> 00:17:36,680
Speaker 2: Yes, or I'm going to be dismissed in my opinion

402
00:17:36,801 --> 00:17:37,681
Speaker 2: is not going to be heard in here.

403
00:17:37,681 --> 00:17:39,161
Speaker 1: Okay, where did that come from? Yeah?

404
00:17:39,481 --> 00:17:41,440
Speaker 2: Or if I speak up, I'm going to get in

405
00:17:41,481 --> 00:17:43,360
Speaker 2: trouble for speaking up, and I'm going to get cold

406
00:17:43,400 --> 00:17:44,840
Speaker 2: treatment or the silent treatment.

407
00:17:44,961 --> 00:17:46,441
Speaker 1: How their mum would have treated when they were younger.

408
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Speaker 1: If Fay spoke up and had a voice, the mom

409
00:17:48,080 --> 00:17:50,401
Speaker 1: then silence them and withdrew love.

410
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Speaker 2: And so essentially being with the same sex. So being

411
00:17:53,201 --> 00:17:55,920
Speaker 2: with women as a woman is going to be so

412
00:17:56,120 --> 00:17:59,241
Speaker 2: triggering for your mother wound because it's going to bring

413
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Speaker 2: up all the things that you haven't been looking at

414
00:18:01,681 --> 00:18:03,281
Speaker 2: whilst you've been hanging up with a lot of men

415
00:18:03,400 --> 00:18:07,480
Speaker 2: or isolating yourself away from people. It's holding up a mirror, going,

416
00:18:07,801 --> 00:18:10,160
Speaker 2: this is a wound for you because you were distrusting

417
00:18:10,160 --> 00:18:13,360
Speaker 2: of women, You feel unsafe with women, you feel abandoned

418
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Speaker 2: by women, you feel like they have an ulterior motive. Okay,

419
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Speaker 2: And it gives you an opportunity to look at that.

420
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Speaker 2: And so the way that I would recommend, like actually

421
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Speaker 2: healing this wound and starting to look at this and

422
00:18:23,961 --> 00:18:26,281
Speaker 2: work through this wound. At least for me, this is

423
00:18:26,281 --> 00:18:29,761
Speaker 2: what worked for me was learning to put myself out

424
00:18:29,801 --> 00:18:34,761
Speaker 2: there with other women, so like creating friendships sisterhood even

425
00:18:34,801 --> 00:18:38,001
Speaker 2: though I felt unsafe and it was super triggering. Being

426
00:18:38,041 --> 00:18:41,761
Speaker 2: willing to be vulnerable first, being willing to have hard conversations,

427
00:18:41,801 --> 00:18:44,801
Speaker 2: being willing to put myself out there, being open about

428
00:18:44,801 --> 00:18:47,521
Speaker 2: my triggers so that that person could then hold me

429
00:18:47,600 --> 00:18:49,920
Speaker 2: in it. And then what happens is when you are

430
00:18:50,001 --> 00:18:53,041
Speaker 2: vulnerable and that person meets you, you just take that

431
00:18:53,080 --> 00:18:55,761
Speaker 2: friendship to the next level. So you create like a

432
00:18:55,801 --> 00:18:58,241
Speaker 2: foundation of safety, and then you go, Okay, cool, I'm

433
00:18:58,241 --> 00:18:59,920
Speaker 2: going to test the waters again, and then you go

434
00:18:59,961 --> 00:19:02,281
Speaker 2: down again together. And as long as that person meets you,

435
00:19:03,001 --> 00:19:05,240
Speaker 2: what will happen is that mother wound will start to

436
00:19:05,321 --> 00:19:08,801
Speaker 2: unravel and the stories you tell yourself around that wound

437
00:19:09,120 --> 00:19:12,761
Speaker 2: will start to dissolve because through creating new healing friendships

438
00:19:12,761 --> 00:19:17,360
Speaker 2: and relationships, you're creating new evidence that, oh my god,

439
00:19:17,400 --> 00:19:18,080
Speaker 2: women are safe.

440
00:19:18,201 --> 00:19:18,921
Speaker 1: That's so cool.

441
00:19:19,001 --> 00:19:21,201
Speaker 2: Oh my god, women have my back. Oh my god,

442
00:19:21,281 --> 00:19:23,521
Speaker 2: she would never do anything to hurt me. Oh my god,

443
00:19:23,561 --> 00:19:26,801
Speaker 2: she's my ride or die. And you start to create

444
00:19:27,041 --> 00:19:31,080
Speaker 2: and format this new narrative around women in general, which

445
00:19:31,120 --> 00:19:33,241
Speaker 2: then helps you heal that initial mother wound.

446
00:19:33,281 --> 00:19:36,481
Speaker 1: It's so beautiful for me personally hearing all of this

447
00:19:36,600 --> 00:19:38,400
Speaker 1: when I'm in a group of women, I don't feel

448
00:19:38,721 --> 00:19:42,001
Speaker 1: the competition, the jealousy. Would you say that I've healed

449
00:19:42,001 --> 00:19:44,201
Speaker 1: my mother wound then, because I don't did feel much

450
00:19:44,241 --> 00:19:46,440
Speaker 1: of that. I used to when I was younger. I

451
00:19:46,481 --> 00:19:48,600
Speaker 1: thought everyone was better than me, and no one liked me,

452
00:19:48,640 --> 00:19:51,521
Speaker 1: and I was too loud all those things, which obviously

453
00:19:51,640 --> 00:19:54,241
Speaker 1: was my childhood. But now I really don't feel that.

454
00:19:54,801 --> 00:19:56,920
Speaker 1: So would you say that I've healed my mother wound?

455
00:19:57,360 --> 00:19:58,041
Speaker 1: I would say that.

456
00:19:58,001 --> 00:20:01,241
Speaker 2: There's never like fully healed and unhealed, okay, black and white?

457
00:20:01,521 --> 00:20:05,640
Speaker 1: Yeah, like I've done to say that.

458
00:20:05,840 --> 00:20:08,080
Speaker 2: God, No, I think it's a forever journey. Yes, you

459
00:20:08,080 --> 00:20:10,240
Speaker 2: know how beautiful that you and your mum have been

460
00:20:10,281 --> 00:20:13,080
Speaker 2: able to create such a beautiful relationship together and to

461
00:20:13,120 --> 00:20:15,880
Speaker 2: be able to heal through what you guys had between you.

462
00:20:16,681 --> 00:20:19,400
Speaker 2: And also maybe the competition thing wasn't a specific wound

463
00:20:19,481 --> 00:20:22,521
Speaker 2: for you, right, So for me, competition was for me,

464
00:20:22,681 --> 00:20:22,961
Speaker 2: but that.

465
00:20:22,961 --> 00:20:24,121
Speaker 1: Stemmed from my sisters.

466
00:20:24,360 --> 00:20:27,481
Speaker 2: Oh yeah, and like having my sisters be around having

467
00:20:27,481 --> 00:20:29,480
Speaker 2: to fight for attention all the time and fight for

468
00:20:29,600 --> 00:20:33,160
Speaker 2: like my parents' attention, and like I idolized them. So

469
00:20:33,201 --> 00:20:34,920
Speaker 2: it was like I felt like I was in competition

470
00:20:35,001 --> 00:20:37,080
Speaker 2: with them because I had to be as good as them,

471
00:20:37,201 --> 00:20:39,201
Speaker 2: you know. And so that showed up in my friendships

472
00:20:39,201 --> 00:20:41,920
Speaker 2: and my relationships. So that was also something for me

473
00:20:42,041 --> 00:20:42,400
Speaker 2: to heal.

474
00:20:42,561 --> 00:20:44,001
Speaker 1: Okay, I'm going to ask you to call me out

475
00:20:44,561 --> 00:20:47,120
Speaker 1: knowing me so well, what would you say, my mother

476
00:20:47,281 --> 00:20:50,840
Speaker 1: or sisterhood wound is in my life right now? Because

477
00:20:50,880 --> 00:20:54,001
Speaker 1: here I am on my high horse thinking motherhood wounds.

478
00:20:54,241 --> 00:20:56,281
Speaker 1: Here I feel pretty good, babe.

479
00:20:56,281 --> 00:21:00,281
Speaker 2: Okay, Okay, I preach yourself. Yeah, I'm like logo. I

480
00:21:00,321 --> 00:21:03,281
Speaker 2: would say, what I see is that there's a part

481
00:21:03,360 --> 00:21:07,801
Speaker 2: of you that feels undeserving of good friendships. And I've

482
00:21:07,840 --> 00:21:09,761
Speaker 2: just seen it in just like a couple of conversations

483
00:21:09,801 --> 00:21:12,920
Speaker 2: that we've had and just holding you through hard moments

484
00:21:12,961 --> 00:21:15,321
Speaker 2: in your life and in relation to friendships and stuff

485
00:21:15,360 --> 00:21:19,120
Speaker 2: like that, I see sometimes this language of maybe pedestaling

486
00:21:19,201 --> 00:21:21,961
Speaker 2: other people other friendships, of seeing them in such a highlight,

487
00:21:22,001 --> 00:21:25,001
Speaker 2: but then maybe not fully seeing yourself as the equivalent

488
00:21:25,041 --> 00:21:26,600
Speaker 2: of h So true.

489
00:21:26,321 --> 00:21:28,001
Speaker 1: My friend Alex picked me up on it the other day,

490
00:21:28,001 --> 00:21:30,680
Speaker 1: even with you. I'm really like, yeah, he was crushing it,

491
00:21:30,721 --> 00:21:33,281
Speaker 1: and I was like, oh, you fucking love her. She's amazing.

492
00:21:33,360 --> 00:21:36,241
Speaker 1: And he's like, you're doing that thing. You're pedestaling her.

493
00:21:36,681 --> 00:21:38,921
Speaker 1: He's like, we don't do that, and I was like why,

494
00:21:38,961 --> 00:21:40,641
Speaker 1: but she is. He's like, yeah, but you're not any

495
00:21:40,721 --> 00:21:42,880
Speaker 1: less than her. Yes. I was like, but she's so

496
00:21:42,921 --> 00:21:45,160
Speaker 1: smart and she's this and she's that. He's like, you

497
00:21:45,241 --> 00:21:47,480
Speaker 1: are too. Yeah, He's like, don't do that, You're equal.

498
00:21:47,761 --> 00:21:49,761
Speaker 1: I do do that. That is one hundred percent tury

499
00:21:49,761 --> 00:21:52,480
Speaker 1: for me. And I have moments of like, yeah, I

500
00:21:52,481 --> 00:21:54,441
Speaker 1: don't think I deserve it, like why do I get

501
00:21:54,441 --> 00:21:55,921
Speaker 1: these amazing people in my life?

502
00:21:55,961 --> 00:21:57,640
Speaker 2: The way that my mind kind of strings yet, and

503
00:21:57,681 --> 00:21:59,360
Speaker 2: this is a very logical way to look at things.

504
00:21:59,400 --> 00:22:01,481
Speaker 2: I'm just pissing it together. Is like what I just

505
00:22:01,561 --> 00:22:04,281
Speaker 2: shared around like potentially not feeling fully deserving of those

506
00:22:04,360 --> 00:22:07,041
Speaker 2: and then also, okay, then it's thinking worst case scenario,

507
00:22:07,041 --> 00:22:09,160
Speaker 2: which is eventually that will be too good for me

508
00:22:09,201 --> 00:22:11,400
Speaker 2: and then they'll just leave. So it's the abandonment and

509
00:22:11,400 --> 00:22:14,961
Speaker 2: it's like, okay, feeling undeserving of good things okay, cool,

510
00:22:15,001 --> 00:22:16,840
Speaker 2: And then we relate back to your childhood of like

511
00:22:17,160 --> 00:22:18,920
Speaker 2: the experience that you had of like, you know, it

512
00:22:18,961 --> 00:22:21,161
Speaker 2: wasn't kind, it wasn't sweet, it wasn't people going out

513
00:22:21,160 --> 00:22:23,241
Speaker 2: of their way for you and doing all these things

514
00:22:23,241 --> 00:22:25,801
Speaker 2: for you. So when it comes, it's still unfamiliar, right,

515
00:22:25,961 --> 00:22:28,041
Speaker 2: It's still like, holy shit, this is not the familiar

516
00:22:28,120 --> 00:22:30,801
Speaker 2: territory that I had. So what does feel familiar is

517
00:22:30,801 --> 00:22:34,440
Speaker 2: the chaos, is the breakdowns, is that people leaving, is

518
00:22:34,840 --> 00:22:36,120
Speaker 2: things blowing up in smoke.

519
00:22:36,321 --> 00:22:38,880
Speaker 1: So do you think I somewhat attract that then? Because

520
00:22:38,880 --> 00:22:41,480
Speaker 1: I haven't healed it. No, I don't necessarily think you

521
00:22:41,640 --> 00:22:42,401
Speaker 1: attract it.

522
00:22:42,481 --> 00:22:45,240
Speaker 2: But I definitely think that there's like potential patterns in

523
00:22:45,281 --> 00:22:48,680
Speaker 2: behavior that we get to look at, of like other people,

524
00:22:48,880 --> 00:22:51,200
Speaker 2: and then looking at how we respond to other people

525
00:22:51,400 --> 00:22:53,200
Speaker 2: and going okay, where am I doing the same thing

526
00:22:53,201 --> 00:22:55,521
Speaker 2: that I've done before, you know, and then go okay, well,

527
00:22:55,521 --> 00:22:57,761
Speaker 2: what's the new way that I want to do things here?

528
00:22:57,961 --> 00:23:00,441
Speaker 1: That's a good example because I felt like in some

529
00:23:00,521 --> 00:23:06,080
Speaker 1: past friendships I haven't felt deserving, so I've overcompensated with

530
00:23:06,681 --> 00:23:10,160
Speaker 1: generosity or money or shouting the out on social media

531
00:23:10,241 --> 00:23:12,080
Speaker 1: and doing all these things because I felt like they

532
00:23:12,080 --> 00:23:15,600
Speaker 1: won't love me unless I do that, And consciously going

533
00:23:15,640 --> 00:23:19,120
Speaker 1: into our friendship and this business relationship, I did a

534
00:23:19,160 --> 00:23:23,480
Speaker 1: whole breakdown session with Taylor about that. In my friendships now,

535
00:23:23,961 --> 00:23:25,801
Speaker 1: I don't feel like I have to bring anything to

536
00:23:25,840 --> 00:23:29,840
Speaker 1: the table. I've had twenty odd years evidence from the

537
00:23:29,840 --> 00:23:32,200
Speaker 1: friends that I've got that I don't need to do that.

538
00:23:32,840 --> 00:23:36,240
Speaker 1: It just feels different. But I'm also consciously choosing to

539
00:23:36,241 --> 00:23:38,840
Speaker 1: show up differently. Yeah, that's a pattern of mine to

540
00:23:39,001 --> 00:23:41,920
Speaker 1: overcomslate and overgive in fear. It's from a place of

541
00:23:41,961 --> 00:23:44,640
Speaker 1: fear and wanting to be loved. And I'm fully aware

542
00:23:44,681 --> 00:23:47,281
Speaker 1: of that. If I get anxious, I can feel myself

543
00:23:47,281 --> 00:23:49,600
Speaker 1: wanting to do that. Yeah, wanting to overgive and do

544
00:23:49,681 --> 00:23:52,000
Speaker 1: this and do that and buy this and whatever. I

545
00:23:52,041 --> 00:23:53,920
Speaker 1: know when I'm doing that, so I consciously have to

546
00:23:53,921 --> 00:23:56,360
Speaker 1: be like, oh, hang on a second, let's take a breath.

547
00:23:56,761 --> 00:23:59,561
Speaker 1: Why are you doing that? What's your intention behind tagging

548
00:23:59,681 --> 00:24:02,721
Speaker 1: or buying or doing Is it just added pure love?

549
00:24:03,241 --> 00:24:06,120
Speaker 1: Or is there a fear behind it or anxiousness behind it?

550
00:24:06,241 --> 00:24:06,481
Speaker 2: Yeah?

551
00:24:06,481 --> 00:24:08,881
Speaker 1: Like what place does it come from? Yeah? And yeah,

552
00:24:08,880 --> 00:24:11,360
Speaker 1: you're right In every single role in dynamic. There's two

553
00:24:11,360 --> 00:24:14,200
Speaker 1: people and you're going to respond so differently depending on

554
00:24:14,400 --> 00:24:18,681
Speaker 1: your upbringing, your wounds, their wounds, their behavior, your behavior.

555
00:24:18,961 --> 00:24:21,360
Speaker 1: It's like never just one person, hey, No, both play

556
00:24:21,360 --> 00:24:22,161
Speaker 1: their equal role.

557
00:24:23,281 --> 00:24:26,440
Speaker 2: And also it's well, it's looking at the belief underneath

558
00:24:26,880 --> 00:24:29,640
Speaker 2: the need to do those things or maybe I'm not

559
00:24:29,840 --> 00:24:32,481
Speaker 2: enough as is, you know, So then what it becomes about,

560
00:24:32,521 --> 00:24:35,001
Speaker 2: and what it gets to be about, is removing all

561
00:24:35,041 --> 00:24:37,680
Speaker 2: the clutches that you use to feel good enough and

562
00:24:37,721 --> 00:24:40,161
Speaker 2: then going, let me just put myself out here raw,

563
00:24:40,521 --> 00:24:43,281
Speaker 2: rare fucking naked fully for this person to love me,

564
00:24:43,761 --> 00:24:46,121
Speaker 2: and then see how receptive they are to you, which

565
00:24:46,120 --> 00:24:47,601
Speaker 2: I feel like is what we've done in our friendship.

566
00:24:49,001 --> 00:24:50,840
Speaker 2: I think we did have that conversation. No, I remember

567
00:24:50,880 --> 00:24:52,521
Speaker 2: saying this to you. Actually, I was like, baby, don't

568
00:24:52,521 --> 00:24:54,281
Speaker 2: need to post. If you never posted me on social.

569
00:24:54,120 --> 00:24:56,721
Speaker 1: Media, like I'd still be here like the podcast. You're like,

570
00:24:56,721 --> 00:24:58,600
Speaker 1: I don't care if you don't ever tag me again. No,

571
00:24:58,801 --> 00:25:01,720
Speaker 1: I'm still here, oh babe, Like you know. Yeah, And

572
00:25:01,761 --> 00:25:03,481
Speaker 1: that was nice for a new friendship for me to

573
00:25:03,521 --> 00:25:06,681
Speaker 1: feel that, and it made me reflect on the girlfriends

574
00:25:06,721 --> 00:25:08,961
Speaker 1: I've had since my teenage years. I was like, Wow,

575
00:25:09,041 --> 00:25:10,961
Speaker 1: They've never actually even asked me to do any of that.

576
00:25:11,321 --> 00:25:13,920
Speaker 1: They've never needed me to do that. They loved me

577
00:25:13,961 --> 00:25:17,200
Speaker 1: when I was insecure, just meeting Steve, like, never done

578
00:25:17,241 --> 00:25:19,921
Speaker 1: any work with myself, had no fucking money. They loved

579
00:25:19,961 --> 00:25:22,481
Speaker 1: me equally just as much there as to the peak

580
00:25:22,521 --> 00:25:24,561
Speaker 1: of my career when I had so much money and

581
00:25:24,600 --> 00:25:26,961
Speaker 1: could buy and do whatever. Yeah, to like how I'm

582
00:25:27,001 --> 00:25:28,760
Speaker 1: living now, It is kind of in between. You know.

583
00:25:28,880 --> 00:25:32,041
Speaker 1: They haven't loved me any differently or ever expected or

584
00:25:32,080 --> 00:25:34,880
Speaker 1: wanted anything different of me except for my time and me.

585
00:25:35,120 --> 00:25:37,280
Speaker 1: They just want you. Yeah, it's been cool to have that,

586
00:25:37,321 --> 00:25:39,080
Speaker 1: but it's different from a long term friendship to like

587
00:25:39,080 --> 00:25:41,601
Speaker 1: a new one. Those fears definitely came up within me.

588
00:25:41,561 --> 00:25:44,281
Speaker 2: One hundred percent so valid as well. And it's cool

589
00:25:44,281 --> 00:25:47,801
Speaker 2: as well in terms of identity because what I find

590
00:25:47,840 --> 00:25:49,480
Speaker 2: and what I've seen in women that I've coached and

591
00:25:49,481 --> 00:25:51,680
Speaker 2: also my own journey as well, is like I could

592
00:25:51,721 --> 00:25:54,600
Speaker 2: do all the personal development work, but if I don't

593
00:25:54,761 --> 00:25:57,801
Speaker 2: change the way I see myself, Yes, I end up

594
00:25:57,801 --> 00:26:00,760
Speaker 2: going back to that behavior because I tell myself I'm this,

595
00:26:00,880 --> 00:26:02,840
Speaker 2: I'm that, and it's on unconscious of course, like we

596
00:26:02,880 --> 00:26:04,561
Speaker 2: don't really like sit there and go I'm fucking.

597
00:26:05,880 --> 00:26:06,120
Speaker 1: You know.

598
00:26:06,521 --> 00:26:08,920
Speaker 2: But when you change the way that you start to

599
00:26:09,001 --> 00:26:10,881
Speaker 2: think and feel, and you look at all of those

600
00:26:10,921 --> 00:26:13,880
Speaker 2: deep wounds in those stories and you start to rewrite them,

601
00:26:14,160 --> 00:26:16,601
Speaker 2: you can take pride in the fact that people that

602
00:26:16,640 --> 00:26:21,120
Speaker 2: you pedestal also want to spend time with you also

603
00:26:21,400 --> 00:26:24,680
Speaker 2: pedestal you also value you. So it's like just a

604
00:26:24,681 --> 00:26:26,920
Speaker 2: cool little way to reframe of going oh shit. Instead

605
00:26:26,921 --> 00:26:28,880
Speaker 2: of me going oh fuck, I'm like not feeling deserving.

606
00:26:28,921 --> 00:26:30,681
Speaker 2: It's like, no, I can take pride in the fact

607
00:26:30,681 --> 00:26:32,041
Speaker 2: that they fucking love me just as much.

608
00:26:33,721 --> 00:26:37,160
Speaker 1: That deserving word is one that I have used to

609
00:26:37,481 --> 00:26:41,080
Speaker 1: rewire the way I think about friendships. I think Steve's

610
00:26:41,080 --> 00:26:42,721
Speaker 1: helped me a lot in that whenever I felt like

611
00:26:42,880 --> 00:26:44,721
Speaker 1: I don't deserve my friends and I don't recry to

612
00:26:44,801 --> 00:26:47,681
Speaker 1: him about it, he was always just like, why from

613
00:26:47,681 --> 00:26:49,801
Speaker 1: an outsider, you're the fucking best friend in the world.

614
00:26:49,880 --> 00:26:51,920
Speaker 1: You are you will literally do anything for your friends,

615
00:26:51,921 --> 00:26:54,601
Speaker 1: and you do that all the time. He could never

616
00:26:54,721 --> 00:26:57,201
Speaker 1: understand why I had that fear of not being enough.

617
00:26:57,441 --> 00:26:59,321
Speaker 1: But once again, it's like you have to appeel the

618
00:26:59,400 --> 00:27:01,761
Speaker 1: layers back to your childhood and that wound, it goes

619
00:27:01,801 --> 00:27:03,841
Speaker 1: so much deeper than that. I would love to know.

620
00:27:05,160 --> 00:27:10,600
Speaker 2: Your thoughts on me, Oh, if there's any motherhood or

621
00:27:10,640 --> 00:27:13,961
Speaker 2: sisterhood wounds or anything that you might see maybe playing

622
00:27:14,001 --> 00:27:15,041
Speaker 2: out for me at the moment.

623
00:27:15,561 --> 00:27:18,201
Speaker 1: Even if a wound comes up, you're hyper aware of it,

624
00:27:18,721 --> 00:27:21,161
Speaker 1: so you will literally say to me, oh, like, I've

625
00:27:21,160 --> 00:27:23,920
Speaker 1: got this story about this. I know this is a

626
00:27:23,921 --> 00:27:25,521
Speaker 1: wound of mine, Like, I know this is my thing,

627
00:27:26,001 --> 00:27:27,681
Speaker 1: and I'm going to take some time to think about it.

628
00:27:28,120 --> 00:27:30,400
Speaker 1: I think there's abandonment wounds if I was put my

629
00:27:30,481 --> 00:27:32,721
Speaker 1: finger on any of them. I think there's abandonment wounds

630
00:27:32,721 --> 00:27:36,281
Speaker 1: of people leaving yeah, yeah, and people not being trust

631
00:27:36,441 --> 00:27:39,041
Speaker 1: and now they're coming out lay them out.

632
00:27:39,281 --> 00:27:41,161
Speaker 2: You're like, wait, we spoke about this last week.

633
00:27:41,360 --> 00:27:44,440
Speaker 1: I think there's some abandonment and trusting. I think you

634
00:27:44,521 --> 00:27:47,441
Speaker 1: find it hard to trust people and to really let

635
00:27:47,441 --> 00:27:49,321
Speaker 1: people see the real you. And I think that's even

636
00:27:49,360 --> 00:27:52,321
Speaker 1: been such a big leap, like for people listening and

637
00:27:52,321 --> 00:27:54,200
Speaker 1: watching you look so comfortable on camera, but I know

638
00:27:54,241 --> 00:27:55,840
Speaker 1: that's actually been quite a big edge for you to

639
00:27:56,001 --> 00:27:58,441
Speaker 1: be so open and let people into your life. Yeah,

640
00:27:58,481 --> 00:28:03,041
Speaker 1: talk about things that have happened, so I think trust, yeah, yeah,

641
00:28:03,600 --> 00:28:06,120
Speaker 1: and you have admitted this competition. I don't see a

642
00:28:06,120 --> 00:28:08,160
Speaker 1: lot in that in you because I don't feel that

643
00:28:08,201 --> 00:28:10,801
Speaker 1: with you at all, but yeah, the other ones do

644
00:28:10,961 --> 00:28:11,321
Speaker 1: come up.

645
00:28:11,400 --> 00:28:13,201
Speaker 2: Yeah, I don't feel that with you, And I think

646
00:28:13,241 --> 00:28:14,880
Speaker 2: it was something that came up for me more maybe

647
00:28:14,880 --> 00:28:17,680
Speaker 2: like around two years ago, in the past friendships that

648
00:28:17,721 --> 00:28:19,640
Speaker 2: I've been in, But I wouldn't say that it feels

649
00:28:19,721 --> 00:28:21,761
Speaker 2: very present for me now. It's like I've kind of

650
00:28:21,921 --> 00:28:23,920
Speaker 2: worked through those to the degree that I needed to

651
00:28:23,961 --> 00:28:26,281
Speaker 2: work through them, and then until it triggers me again,

652
00:28:26,400 --> 00:28:28,601
Speaker 2: like I feel pretty good. But I would say you've

653
00:28:28,600 --> 00:28:31,120
Speaker 2: definitely on the money with the abandonment stuff and also

654
00:28:31,321 --> 00:28:34,481
Speaker 2: the trusting thing. That's a harder thing for me to do,

655
00:28:34,600 --> 00:28:36,680
Speaker 2: I think, especially because of like the sex tape and

656
00:28:36,721 --> 00:28:38,720
Speaker 2: stuff like that. I think I've had, I assume that come

657
00:28:38,801 --> 00:28:41,921
Speaker 2: up quite a lot. Actually now I'm reflecting, especially in relationships,

658
00:28:41,961 --> 00:28:45,281
Speaker 2: like especially in intimate relationships, I find it much harder

659
00:28:45,321 --> 00:28:48,001
Speaker 2: to trust men now than I do with women. But

660
00:28:48,041 --> 00:28:51,761
Speaker 2: I've done more work on my sisterhood and female relationships

661
00:28:51,961 --> 00:28:55,241
Speaker 2: than I have in an intimate relationship. Yeah, So like say,

662
00:28:55,241 --> 00:28:58,001
Speaker 2: for example, in every relationship that I've been in, I've

663
00:28:58,041 --> 00:29:00,161
Speaker 2: had a fear of my partner cheating on me because

664
00:29:00,201 --> 00:29:02,481
Speaker 2: my first ever relationship, when I first fell in love,

665
00:29:02,721 --> 00:29:04,601
Speaker 2: cheated on me the whole time and I didn't find

666
00:29:04,601 --> 00:29:06,561
Speaker 2: out too after the fact, so I had to like

667
00:29:06,801 --> 00:29:08,481
Speaker 2: adjust to making.

668
00:29:08,241 --> 00:29:09,761
Speaker 1: Sense of all that so much sense, you know.

669
00:29:09,801 --> 00:29:11,601
Speaker 2: And then he released a fucking sex tape of us

670
00:29:11,641 --> 00:29:14,041
Speaker 2: without my consent, So then there was like, everyone's going

671
00:29:14,121 --> 00:29:17,001
Speaker 2: to deceive me, everyone's got ulterior motives, everyone's going to

672
00:29:17,081 --> 00:29:17,401
Speaker 2: do something.

673
00:29:18,001 --> 00:29:20,121
Speaker 1: Trust another man with me again, and that.

674
00:29:20,041 --> 00:29:22,200
Speaker 2: I can honestly say that that's really come up in

675
00:29:22,201 --> 00:29:24,961
Speaker 2: my relationship at the moment. Like it's definitely been something

676
00:29:24,961 --> 00:29:27,241
Speaker 2: that's been super triggering for me, but he's been there

677
00:29:27,241 --> 00:29:30,081
Speaker 2: to reassure me. And also I've been like, Okay, what's

678
00:29:30,121 --> 00:29:32,081
Speaker 2: my baggage, what's real, what's not?

679
00:29:32,441 --> 00:29:35,001
Speaker 1: You know, It's just yeah. That was similar with Steve

680
00:29:35,001 --> 00:29:37,081
Speaker 1: when I first got with him, he'd had past relationships

681
00:29:37,081 --> 00:29:39,521
Speaker 1: that a cheat on him. God, I was so determined

682
00:29:39,561 --> 00:29:41,641
Speaker 1: to like give him the evidence that there is loyal

683
00:29:41,641 --> 00:29:43,561
Speaker 1: women and there's women that will not do that. How

684
00:29:43,641 --> 00:29:45,401
Speaker 1: beautiful is that? I remember he said to me at

685
00:29:45,441 --> 00:29:48,281
Speaker 1: the start We spoke so openly about our triggers and

686
00:29:48,321 --> 00:29:49,521
Speaker 1: things that came up for me, and I was like,

687
00:29:49,521 --> 00:29:52,401
Speaker 1: I'm very jealous of ex partners and yeah, that's cool.

688
00:29:52,481 --> 00:29:55,041
Speaker 1: I was like, I'm just jealous and insecure because I've

689
00:29:55,041 --> 00:29:57,361
Speaker 1: been cheated and I really struggle to trust. And from

690
00:29:57,361 --> 00:29:59,041
Speaker 1: that moment, I was like, I can't wait for this

691
00:29:59,121 --> 00:30:01,601
Speaker 1: man to fully trust in me and women again, because

692
00:30:01,641 --> 00:30:04,561
Speaker 1: I'm going to show him that not all women do that. Yeah,

693
00:30:04,601 --> 00:30:07,201
Speaker 1: because it happened so many times to him, he really

694
00:30:07,201 --> 00:30:09,200
Speaker 1: felt like that and I would too. I've never been

695
00:30:09,281 --> 00:30:11,281
Speaker 1: cheated on, but if I did, Oh, I don't know

696
00:30:11,321 --> 00:30:14,081
Speaker 1: how I'd handle. That'd be so hard. You can see

697
00:30:14,081 --> 00:30:16,280
Speaker 1: why people don't want to trust again. That must be

698
00:30:16,361 --> 00:30:17,241
Speaker 1: so painful.

699
00:30:17,401 --> 00:30:18,641
Speaker 2: It's a part of the work, though, isn't it. And

700
00:30:18,681 --> 00:30:20,440
Speaker 2: it's like that's my work to do. It's like, Okay,

701
00:30:20,441 --> 00:30:22,361
Speaker 2: I've been burnt once before. How many times am I

702
00:30:22,361 --> 00:30:23,601
Speaker 2: going to let that impact.

703
00:30:23,321 --> 00:30:26,121
Speaker 1: Way I get to build now? It's so true. Yeah, Oh,

704
00:30:26,161 --> 00:30:29,000
Speaker 1: this is such a factiful conversation. Thank you being so

705
00:30:29,081 --> 00:30:31,121
Speaker 1: open and also inform me. I feel like I really

706
00:30:31,641 --> 00:30:34,121
Speaker 1: understand it now and it will help me in future

707
00:30:34,161 --> 00:30:36,801
Speaker 1: when I get triggered or things come up around women,

708
00:30:37,081 --> 00:30:39,201
Speaker 1: I'll be able to trace that back and be like, oh,

709
00:30:39,441 --> 00:30:41,721
Speaker 1: I remember the little girl this happened. Yeah, okay, cool,

710
00:30:41,801 --> 00:30:43,601
Speaker 1: what's true? What do I do with that? Yes, it

711
00:30:43,641 --> 00:30:46,241
Speaker 1: doesn't have to be the truth or my story. Okay,

712
00:30:46,281 --> 00:30:47,921
Speaker 1: I'm going to sit with that and like, yeah, make

713
00:30:47,961 --> 00:30:49,001
Speaker 1: different choices. Yeah.

714
00:30:49,081 --> 00:30:51,401
Speaker 2: I feel like sometimes people can get stuck in the

715
00:30:51,441 --> 00:30:54,081
Speaker 2: why of things as well, of like why do I

716
00:30:54,161 --> 00:30:56,121
Speaker 2: do this? And why am I like this? And where

717
00:30:56,121 --> 00:30:57,761
Speaker 2: did this come from? And trying to find the why.

718
00:30:57,801 --> 00:30:59,960
Speaker 2: But I think awareness is such an important part of

719
00:30:59,961 --> 00:31:01,561
Speaker 2: the journey, Like what you just said. It's a really

720
00:31:01,561 --> 00:31:04,361
Speaker 2: beautiful thing to be able to trace back and it

721
00:31:04,481 --> 00:31:07,401
Speaker 2: really helped you propel forward as long as you're not

722
00:31:07,401 --> 00:31:09,841
Speaker 2: getting stuck there, you know, because it's like, oh, why

723
00:31:09,881 --> 00:31:10,481
Speaker 2: did this happen?

724
00:31:10,521 --> 00:31:12,281
Speaker 1: And why am I here? And why am I like this?

725
00:31:12,361 --> 00:31:15,361
Speaker 2: It's like sometimes just for the people who may potentially

726
00:31:15,361 --> 00:31:18,361
Speaker 2: feel stuck in the why, just know that sometimes the

727
00:31:18,401 --> 00:31:19,321
Speaker 2: why is not important.

728
00:31:19,521 --> 00:31:21,961
Speaker 1: Ye use it as a tool to.

729
00:31:22,001 --> 00:31:24,961
Speaker 2: Go Okay, this is awareness, this is where it's come from. Okay, cool,

730
00:31:24,961 --> 00:31:26,521
Speaker 2: what do I want to do moving forward? Like what

731
00:31:26,601 --> 00:31:28,720
Speaker 2: actually just said? And then if you're getting stuck in

732
00:31:28,761 --> 00:31:31,961
Speaker 2: it for you specifically, just know that the why doesn't matter.

733
00:31:31,961 --> 00:31:33,241
Speaker 2: All you need to do is focus on what you

734
00:31:33,281 --> 00:31:34,121
Speaker 2: want to do moving forward.

735
00:31:34,281 --> 00:31:36,001
Speaker 1: I love that so much. Thank you so much for

736
00:31:36,001 --> 00:31:38,641
Speaker 1: sharing all of that. If you're in our Facebook forum,

737
00:31:38,681 --> 00:31:41,240
Speaker 1: please let us know if there's any other questions around this.

738
00:31:41,321 --> 00:31:44,041
Speaker 1: We would love to dive deep into conversation, which is

739
00:31:44,081 --> 00:31:45,960
Speaker 1: what our forums forwards, because I have to extend what

740
00:31:46,001 --> 00:31:48,401
Speaker 1: we've spoken about. A few girls to chat and connect

741
00:31:48,481 --> 00:31:52,161
Speaker 1: on that, and we'll see you on Friday. Sounds good

742
00:31:52,441 --> 00:31:53,521
Speaker 1: bye bye,