Speaker 1: Hi everyone, Carlie Taller here for this week's Mojo Monday.
Speaker 1: So I'm going to start with a question, how much
Speaker 1: do you worry what other people think of you? And
Speaker 1: how much does what other people think of you affect
Speaker 1: what you do or don't do. So the second question
Speaker 1: is important because so often we will make a choice
Speaker 1: based on what other people's judgment of us is, or
Speaker 1: at least the perceived judgment, which is totally normal, but
Speaker 1: also it can become the thing that stops you from
Speaker 1: doing what matters to you. It stops you from living
Speaker 1: your life to the fullest, It stops you from reaching
Speaker 1: your potential, and it stops you from doing the things
Speaker 1: that deep down you really want to do. And it
Speaker 1: can become a fault for so many people, not realizing
Speaker 1: that they are basing their choices on what other people
Speaker 1: may think. So we're all wired to want connection and
Speaker 1: belonging and that is not a weakness, that's biology. But
Speaker 1: sometimes that healthy desire for connection turns into people pleasing
Speaker 1: or what we'll call self silencing, where we can make
Speaker 1: ourselves small. And the problem is that we think we
Speaker 1: know what other people are thinking, but at the end
Speaker 1: of the day, we don't because there's no crystal ball,
Speaker 1: there's no mind reading. There's just our assumptions, and they're
Speaker 1: usually shaped by self doubt or past experiences. But here's
Speaker 1: something to consider. Not everybody's feedback or not everybody's judgment
Speaker 1: of us is equal.
Speaker 2: So there are people.
Speaker 1: Whose opinions or thoughts about our actually do matter to us,
Speaker 1: and then there are opinions of people who don't really matter,
Speaker 1: but for some reason, our minds make it out that
Speaker 1: it does matter.
Speaker 2: And I think it's really important to get clear on that.
Speaker 1: And there's this Bob Dylan quote in a song which
Speaker 1: I really love, and I will admit that I am
Speaker 1: a bit of a worrier what people think of me.
Speaker 1: And when I have spoken to or talked to Paul,
Speaker 1: my husband about it and host of this podcast, he
Speaker 1: will often quote this line to me, so's it doesn't
Speaker 1: mean that much to me to mean that much to you.
Speaker 1: So I'll say that again, it doesn't mean that much
Speaker 1: to me to mean that much to you.
Speaker 2: So maybe that's a question.
Speaker 1: To ask ourselves, does the judgment of this person mean
Speaker 1: anything to me? And here's another perspective on this. What
Speaker 1: if the discomfort you're feeling about being judged by this
Speaker 1: person is actually an opportunity, an opportunity to develop a
Speaker 1: really powerful life skill, and that is focusing rather than
Speaker 1: focusing on what they're thinking and worrying about what someone
Speaker 1: else is thinking, you focus on what actually matters to you,
Speaker 1: and you commit to what matters to you. You do
Speaker 1: what's important to you despite those noisy thoughts, despite what
Speaker 1: others may or may not be thinking about you. And
Speaker 1: that's a real skill to keep moving forward even when
Speaker 1: that worry shows up, because it's so easy to retreat
Speaker 1: back and go, oh, no, that person's thinking this of me.
Speaker 2: I can't do that.
Speaker 1: So that's where the real work is, not getting rid
Speaker 1: of those thoughts and not going into battle with them,
Speaker 1: but learning to walk alongside them and still move in the.
Speaker 2: Direction that matters to you.
Speaker 1: And the thing is is you actually get to choose
Speaker 1: whose opinion matters. And I think that's where where we
Speaker 1: can take a step back and look at this just
Speaker 1: from a bit of a distance, because if the person
Speaker 1: you are worrying about actually does share your values or
Speaker 1: is on a similar path to you, or somebody that
Speaker 1: you admire, then maybe your perception of their judgment or
Speaker 1: what they're thinking of you is actually going to be helpful.
Speaker 1: So let those possible opinions guide you, so you can
Speaker 1: ask yourself, if they were thinking these things, is that
Speaker 1: helpful to me? Is there anything that I can do
Speaker 1: in response to that? So don't be guided by the
Speaker 1: random critic in your head of people whose opinions are
Speaker 1: actually not relevant to you unless you choose.
Speaker 2: To make them relevant.
Speaker 1: So for me, it does matter to me what my
Speaker 1: friends think of me and I approach this is feedback,
Speaker 1: and that's often helpful for growth and improvement. But at
Speaker 1: the end of the day, unless they are telling you
Speaker 1: outright what they are thinking, you don't really know.
Speaker 2: It's all just in your head. It's not reality.
Speaker 1: But the thoughts in your head they could be helpful.
Speaker 1: They may or may not be helpful, but there could
Speaker 1: be a message there. And there's no harm in reflecting
Speaker 1: on the choices that you're making right now and whether
Speaker 1: there are alternative choices. So here are the takeaways from this.
Speaker 1: You can't control what people think, but you can choose
Speaker 1: what you focus on and what actions you take, So
Speaker 1: don't let the perceived judgment.
Speaker 2: Of others stop you in your tracks.
Speaker 1: You can move through it and focus.
Speaker 2: On what you need to do.
Speaker 1: And you can also approach these worried thoughts as whether
Speaker 1: they're helpful to you or not helpful, and if they
Speaker 1: are helpful, then you can do some problem solving there,
Speaker 1: but if they're not helpful, then you put your attention
Speaker 1: onto what matters and worrying about the judgment of others.
Speaker 1: It isn't a floor, so there's no need to fight it.
Speaker 1: It's a moment to practice living more in alignment with
Speaker 1: what really matters to you, and you can take that
Speaker 1: worry discomfort along for the ride.
Speaker 2: So that's all for this week.
Speaker 1: Thank you for tuning in again and as always, keeps
Speaker 1: showing up for yourself even when they're in a credit
Speaker 1: is allowed, or even when you're unsure of what others
Speaker 1: may or may not be thinking. I will catch you
Speaker 1: next week. See ya,