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Speaker 1: I get a team at Harp's big surprise. I know. So.

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Speaker 1: Tiffany and Cook aka tiff Cook aka Cookie has a

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Speaker 1: podcast called Cool Roll with the Punches, Cool Roll with

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Speaker 1: the Punches. I can say the name of this show. No,

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Speaker 1: it's not the project. It's Roll with the Punches. It's

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Speaker 1: her very own show. And every now and then I

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Speaker 1: Melissa gives me a leave pass to walk out of

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Speaker 1: typ Central and to meander over to gracefully. Of course

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Speaker 1: you should see meander me miander. Fucking beautiful. It is

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Speaker 1: to Roll with the Punches. HQ and did that recently.

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Speaker 1: Tiff and I had beautiful chats about the human experience

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Speaker 1: as we do. I quite enjoyed this. I hope you

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Speaker 1: enjoy it as well. It's a bit of everything. It's

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Speaker 1: a little bit of a conversational pop puree or a

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Speaker 1: conversational small gas board. Anyway, Tiffany and Cook me on

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Speaker 1: her show now over here doing a co share. That's

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Speaker 1: two co shares this week. So either they were brilliant

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Speaker 1: conversations or of a bit lazy. No, they were good.

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Speaker 1: It was good.

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Speaker 2: Enjoykray Anthony Haffner, can I please have your attention the

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Speaker 2: start of the show.

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Speaker 1: Shit shit, all right, I'm ready ready. I feel I

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Speaker 1: should have dressed up. Also, i'd have known that it

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Speaker 1: was happening.

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Speaker 2: It's very fancy when you come on my show, very

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Speaker 2: fancy over here with head quarters.

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Speaker 1: Well, if anyone was watching what happened over the last

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Speaker 1: ten minutes, they would have thought with the most technically

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Speaker 1: inept motherfucker's on the planet, because me, who knows nothing,

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Speaker 1: you who knows relatively everything. Between us, we couldn't get

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Speaker 1: the echo to echo to echo to stop to stop.

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Speaker 2: Very clever of you. I'm using a new platform. And yes,

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Speaker 2: I've should have known that if anyone was going to

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Speaker 2: come in and be problematic.

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Speaker 1: It'd be you're You're welcome.

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Speaker 2: I've got yeah, I've got big hopes and dreams for

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Speaker 2: this episode. I wanted to I wanted to have a

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Speaker 2: chat with you. So are you ready? Are you ready

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Speaker 2: to bring your best? Well?

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Speaker 1: I don't know, like people might think we're making this up,

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Speaker 1: I actually don't know at all what we're talking about.

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Speaker 1: We haven't spoken one bit about the content. You've just

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Speaker 1: been yelling at me to wear my headphones and then

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Speaker 1: telling me, telling me that my background looks shit. My

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Speaker 1: office looks shit and can you get one of those

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Speaker 1: fake background I mean, firstly, I'm not getting paid for that.

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Speaker 1: I'm not getting paid. I'm definitely not getting paid for

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Speaker 1: the abuse that I take. I'm old, you need to

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Speaker 1: be delicate with me. I'm a precious little thing.

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Speaker 2: Can now I am a bit bossy.

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Speaker 1: I feel like this is elderly abuse. That's what it's like.

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Speaker 1: That's what I don't I mean, it could be a

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Speaker 1: cry for help everyone. I'm not sure. We'll see how

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Speaker 1: it goes. I'll let you go, let the audience monitor

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Speaker 1: see whether or not there needs to be an intervention.

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Speaker 2: All right, Well, I'm sure they'll let us know. Hey,

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Speaker 2: we we had a coffee the other day and we

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Speaker 2: were having a chat and I was I've been thinking

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Speaker 2: about it for the last couple of days, yes, and

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Speaker 2: thought that it would make any And it's not something

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Speaker 2: that we haven't talked about before, but I don't think

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Speaker 2: we've talked about it in depth. And I think it's

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Speaker 2: one of those things that evolves and it just it's

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Speaker 2: just been playing on my mind, so I wanted to

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Speaker 2: talk about it. Do you remember what we were talking about?

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Speaker 1: Well, we didn't. We spend an hour together. I don't

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Speaker 1: know which bit when we were talking about your presentation

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Speaker 1: and and no.

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Speaker 2: Not that, not that specifically we were talking so I

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Speaker 2: know it ended up because because we have talked about

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Speaker 2: this stuff before, I was like, we'll have a bit

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Speaker 2: of a riff. But I also spent some time writing

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Speaker 2: down some questions, so I might we're gonna have a chat,

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Speaker 2: and then I might refer to some of these questions

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Speaker 2: and just you can just riff on them. It was

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Speaker 2: about that idea. It's the concept for me of the

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Speaker 2: space between who we are and who we want to

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Speaker 2: be and the experience of being emotional beings in the

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Speaker 2: middle of that, trying to put it all together and

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Speaker 2: have perspective. So we were talking about times when we

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Speaker 2: I you, I know I have. I'm saying there's been

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Speaker 2: times when I have had emotional responses to situations that

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Speaker 2: aren't in alignment with how I want to support people

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Speaker 2: or how I want to feel. But despite that desire

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Speaker 2: and that sense of self in a moment, sometimes I

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Speaker 2: emotionally react differently.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, well, I mean the idea of you know, when

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Speaker 1: we think about personal development and human behavior and psychology

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Speaker 1: and self help and all of the stuff that's in

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Speaker 1: your wheelhouse and my wheelhouse. We're talking like right now,

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Speaker 1: you know, methodically and logically, and you know, we're exploring

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Speaker 1: these concepts and constructs with our brain, and we're you know,

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Speaker 1: we're trying to in a way understand things, solve problems, plan, strategize.

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Speaker 1: You know, who I want to be and how I

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Speaker 1: want to be moving forward is very much a cognitive process.

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Speaker 1: I want to be leaner or I want to be healthier.

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Speaker 1: I want to be less reactive. I want to be

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Speaker 1: more calm, I want to be more empathetic, more aware.

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Speaker 1: I want to be a kind of human. I want

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Speaker 1: to you know, be a values driven person. I want

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Speaker 1: to walk my talk. I want to live in alignment.

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Speaker 1: Blah blah blah. All of these are ideas and concepts

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Speaker 1: and intentions. None of those things are emotions. But the

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Speaker 1: problem with us is we are We're very logical when

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Speaker 1: we're planning and strategizing and timelining and building a protocol

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Speaker 1: and an operating system, and then the kaka hits the

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Speaker 1: fan and we're emotional idiots. We're like, all the fucking

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Speaker 1: reason and logic and planning and intentions and strategies and

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Speaker 1: structure and who I am and who I want to

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Speaker 1: be and over the next twelve months, I'm going to

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Speaker 1: do this and do that. And that's good. But quite

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Speaker 1: often we default too who we've been and how we've

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Speaker 1: been rather than who we want to be and how

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Speaker 1: we want to be. So it's trying to be really practical.

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Speaker 1: Am I an emotional creature? Yes I am, because we

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Speaker 1: all are. That doesn't mean that you're having a breakdown

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Speaker 1: or crying every day. It could be different emotions that

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Speaker 1: drive you. But you know, the logic and the kind

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Speaker 1: of intention of how I want to be moving forward

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Speaker 1: isn't a natural byproduct in the future just because I

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Speaker 1: want it. We need to do the work. And like

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Speaker 1: I think I said to you the other day, something

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Speaker 1: like like you and I ll full disclosure. You can

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Speaker 1: edit this if you want, but I'm not going to

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Speaker 1: say anything that's not true. So you and I had,

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Speaker 1: let's call it a moment, We had a moment about

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Speaker 1: a month or two ago where there was just some

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Speaker 1: shit that went down that wasn't nothing, you know, dark

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Speaker 1: or sinister, but and it was really a lack of

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Speaker 1: communication and misunderstanding and maybe both of us assuming things

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Speaker 1: that weren't true, right, And then in the middle, now

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Speaker 1: both of us were pretty emotional, you know, not yelling

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Speaker 1: and screaming, but it was just like, but just and

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Speaker 1: even you know me, who does what I do and

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Speaker 1: I teach all this stuff and I talk about it

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Speaker 1: and I write about it and I'm doing a doctorate

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Speaker 1: in it and all that stuff. Underneath all of you know,

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Speaker 1: the knowledge and awareness and whatever academic bullshit, I'm still

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Speaker 1: an emotional human, you know. And it's trying to regulate

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Speaker 1: and manage and navigate emotions moving forward, which I think

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Speaker 1: quite often is the biggest determinant. It's like everyone's a

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Speaker 1: theoretical champion, But let me see how you do all

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Speaker 1: this stuff when you are emotional, when you are angry,

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Speaker 1: when you are depressed, when you are and I'm not

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Speaker 1: saying it's easy, by the way, but in the middle

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Speaker 1: of the emotional turmoil and shitfest that is just day

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Speaker 1: to day for most of us at times, trying to

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Speaker 1: be that thing that you want to become. That's where

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Speaker 1: the rubber hits the road, and that's where it's just

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Speaker 1: sets and wraps. It's just repetition. It's just like up, yep,

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Speaker 1: fucked up. You know, fuck up, step up, fuck up,

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Speaker 1: step up, you know, fuck up less, step up more,

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Speaker 1: fuck up less, step up more, and eventually there might

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Speaker 1: be you know, that thing that used to trigger you

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Speaker 1: doesn't trigger you, or it doesn't trigger you as much.

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Speaker 1: Or that feeling that you used to have when someone

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Speaker 1: did that thing or said that thing. That's not a

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Speaker 1: nine out of ten, that's a three out of ten.

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Speaker 1: Now that's not because the stimulus is different or what

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Speaker 1: they're saying is different. It's that you are now different

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Speaker 1: because you've done the work. You know. It's real personal

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Speaker 1: to growth. Real personal growth is it's tough. It's not

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Speaker 1: an idea, and it's not a book, and it's not

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Speaker 1: a workshop, and it's not a podcast, and it's not

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Speaker 1: a conversation between harps and tip. It's a fucking roll

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Speaker 1: your sleeves up, get uncomfortable, stay uncomfortable, get back up, repeat.

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Speaker 1: You know that's it for. It doesn't mean that it's

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Speaker 1: you know, it's this perpetual bag of misery. It's not.

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Speaker 1: But you know, real growth, real resilience, real development, real adaptation,

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Speaker 1: real evolution does not happen in comfort or fun.

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Speaker 2: I know, when with the surface level, when I think

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Speaker 2: back to surface level stuff and I and I've known

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Speaker 2: this for a long time and been mindful of it,

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Speaker 2: that I had this great ability, which I think most

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Speaker 2: people do, of making decisions and then justifying them and

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Speaker 2: believing them afterwards to a version that it's so, why

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Speaker 2: didn't I Why didn't I finish that thing? Why didn't

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Speaker 2: I keep going in that direction? Why did I give up?

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Speaker 2: Why do I self sabotage and realizing that I talk

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Speaker 2: a bit of bullshit and then I believe it, Like

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Speaker 2: I make decisions based on emotion and then I come

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Speaker 2: up with a comfortable story and I don't even analyze that.

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Speaker 2: And I think these days I see that now that

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Speaker 2: plays out in a way more maybe more detrimental way

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Speaker 2: in relationships because they're more emotional and then they involve

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Speaker 2: other people. Yeah, interactions, they're not just facts. They're not

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Speaker 2: just oh I did this thing. It's oh, there's my

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Speaker 2: side of the story and my experience in my version

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Speaker 2: of what I've put together, because I had a feeling

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Speaker 2: and an emotion about a thing that I mightn't even

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Speaker 2: be consciously aware of.

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Speaker 1: Yes, well, what you're talking about is really high level

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Speaker 1: self awareness, which is it's a challenge, you know, it's

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Speaker 1: and you know, we don't like being wrong. We don't

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Speaker 1: like going, hey, look there's some shit going on and

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Speaker 1: I'm the problem. How many people say that? How many

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Speaker 1: people have come to me over the years and spoken

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Speaker 1: to me about a problematic relationship but with their mom,

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Speaker 1: or with their partner, or with their boss, or with

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Speaker 1: their next door neighbor or whoever, and gone, ah, there's

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Speaker 1: all this shit going on with such and such, and

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Speaker 1: I'm the problem. Like nobody says that. Nobody says that

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Speaker 1: because they don't want to be the problem. But you know,

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Speaker 1: and there are, of course, there are a time when

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Speaker 1: the person you are talking to actually isn't the problem

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Speaker 1: at all. But it is tough to realize that. You know,

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Speaker 1: for most of us, we're going to be at least

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Speaker 1: part of the problem most of the time. And that's

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Speaker 1: you know, there's that almost like that four step step

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Speaker 1: self awareness process, which is a step one is self reflection,

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Speaker 1: is where you really deeply just ponder and consider like

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Speaker 1: what's going on, and then your role in that and

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Speaker 1: your part in that, and you know, there's the event

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Speaker 1: as you spoke about, or the thing that happens, then

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Speaker 1: your response to it. So this is really in the

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Speaker 1: self reflection phase where you're trying to without i mean

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Speaker 1: easier said than done, but without too much emotion, just

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Speaker 1: reflect on what's happening. And then the next step of

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Speaker 1: that is when you go, oh, well, this is what's happening,

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Speaker 1: this is what I'm doing and not doing, which is

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Speaker 1: self awareness. And then step three of that is self

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Speaker 1: regulation and now where you realize a thing you need

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Speaker 1: to try and manage or regulate yourself, your behavior, your emotions,

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Speaker 1: your words, your actions and reactions, your outcomes differently. And

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Speaker 1: then the fourth step of that is self actualization, where oh,

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Speaker 1: you are becoming the person you want to become. You are,

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Speaker 1: you are, how you want to be and who you

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Speaker 1: want to be. And so for people who want to

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Speaker 1: take notes, I'll say it again, So like self reflection,

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Speaker 1: that's the part where you're just like as objective as

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Speaker 1: you can or objectively as you can, which is easier

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Speaker 1: said than done always, but try to just go okay,

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Speaker 1: and what is really going on? Is this about tif?

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Speaker 1: Is this about me? Is this about both of us?

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Speaker 1: Did that thing that she was she really the problem was,

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Speaker 1: you know whatever? So we're just trying to consider the

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Speaker 1: thing that's going on and our role in the thing

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Speaker 1: that's going on. And then once we can acknowledge or

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Speaker 1: have that level of awareness, now we're in self awareness,

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Speaker 1: which is good, and that level of self awareness opens

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Speaker 1: a door for us to be able to try to

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Speaker 1: change around that, you know, which is self regulation. And

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Speaker 1: then through that process, then we become over time, with

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Speaker 1: that humility and that awareness and that process and that work,

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Speaker 1: we become different, which is, you know, a form of

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Speaker 1: self actualization where you're becoming who you want to be

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Speaker 1: and how you want to be. So even if all

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Speaker 1: the stimuli around you are similar or identical, or the

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Speaker 1: situation or the circumstance or the people or the job

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Speaker 1: or the task or the challenge is kind of the same.

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Speaker 1: Now because you've done the work, you're different, and so

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Speaker 1: the experience for you is different, and also the experience

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Speaker 1: of you for others is different.

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Speaker 2: How do you deal with when we like, feelings of

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Speaker 2: jealousy or insecurity or the stuff that pops up, how

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Speaker 2: do you acknowledge the those feelings and separate them or

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Speaker 2: manage them around the behavior that you want to exhibit.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, so that's a really good question. So let's go

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Speaker 1: for me, or not for me necessarily, but for anyone.

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Speaker 1: I'm just trying to think of some of those so

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Speaker 1: jealousy insecurity, resentment, fear, which is more global than just

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Speaker 1: a negative, but it's a disempowering belief anyway or state

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Speaker 1: or feeling. So fear, resentment, jealousy insecurity, I reckon even

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Speaker 1: like indifferent sometimes, But I think the way that in

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Speaker 1: the context of this kind of awareness conversation, I try

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Speaker 1: to treat it with curiosity. I'm like, oh, that's interesting.

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Speaker 1: I think I told you the other day about the

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Speaker 1: dude that would show me motorbike out the front of

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Speaker 1: the cafe, you know, And so I'll tell our listeners,

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Speaker 1: your listeners. So a guy was, you know, a newbie

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Speaker 1: to motorbikes, and he had a new motorbike, good little motorbike.

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Speaker 1: It was little. It was a two point fifty, which,

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Speaker 1: if you know anything about motorbikes is pretty small engine

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Speaker 1: and all that. But great. He was excited and I

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Speaker 1: looked at the bike. I walked out and I went,

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Speaker 1: nice bike, you know, because I knew it was new,

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Speaker 1: and he looked like a learner, and I said, is

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Speaker 1: it new? He said, oh, yeah, like three months or whatever.

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Speaker 1: I was just talking to him and I said, well done,

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Speaker 1: you know. And the funny thing is I kind of

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Speaker 1: realized a couple of seconds after this encounter. I wanted

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Speaker 1: him to go, oh, wow, you know, are you into motorbikes?

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Speaker 1: Because I wanted to tell him about my motorbikes. Right,

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Speaker 1: So I was in this moment looking for approval, which

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Speaker 1: is not insecure at all, because and then maybe maybe

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Speaker 1: even I don't think think so, but look, maybe even

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Speaker 1: just assert a little bit of superiority. Oh well you've

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Speaker 1: got that, I've got these, but he didn't ask. And

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Speaker 1: then I'm like, oh fuck, this is hilarious. But I'm

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Speaker 1: pretty sure in the moment I became aware of what. Firstly,

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Speaker 1: I did want to make him feel good, and I

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Speaker 1: did want to acknowledge his bike and say, hey, you know,

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Speaker 1: it's a jungle out there, ride safe and all that

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Speaker 1: stuff that I always say to new writers. But I

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Speaker 1: also wanted him to know that the shit that I

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Speaker 1: had in my garage right, because that's good for my ego.

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Speaker 1: And the funny thing was he didn't. He wasn't at

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Speaker 1: all interested, and yeah, that's just that where and after that,

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Speaker 1: I'm like, oh, that is fucking hilarious at myself. I'm like,

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Speaker 1: you are hilarious. Look at you. You want to get

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Speaker 1: the approval and recognition of some person you've never met

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Speaker 1: on Hampton Street. You want them to be impressed by you, Like,

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Speaker 1: what the fuck is wrong with you? Mister fucking human behavior?

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Speaker 1: You know all that, But this is what we do,

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Speaker 1: you know. And the challenge with this is you are

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Speaker 1: always going to fuck up because you're human. We are

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Speaker 1: always going to be you know. It's like I wrote

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Speaker 1: a thing yesterday about being scared, or maybe it was

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Speaker 1: this morning, I don't know, but you know, you're always

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Speaker 1: going to be a bit scared of something. Being scared

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Speaker 1: is not weakness, like being insecure or resenting someone or

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Speaker 1: being a bit jealous doesn't mean you're a horrible person.

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Speaker 1: It means that you're human. But the challenge is in

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Speaker 1: the middle of our humanity to try to recognize what's

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Speaker 1: going on, maybe have a laugh at ourselves and go hey, harps,

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Speaker 1: come on, do better. You don't need this, Like it's

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Speaker 1: actually mister hay have a purpose bigger than you. Just

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Speaker 1: make him feel great and fuck off, Like make him

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Speaker 1: feel great and get the fuck out of the way,

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Speaker 1: so you don't need to take your ego for a run,

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Speaker 1: you know, and like all of that goes on in

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Speaker 1: my head, you know, in thirty seconds. It's great when

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Speaker 1: you lean into your own behavior and you start to

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Speaker 1: really you know, metacognition that open that metacognitive door of

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Speaker 1: thinking about why you think this way and why you

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Speaker 1: talk this way, and metacognition even spills into emotions and well,

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Speaker 1: why I respond this way? You know, these are great

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Speaker 1: things to ask if you are on the journey of

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Speaker 1: I want to be better than I currently am.

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Speaker 2: Do you get curious about or do you think what

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Speaker 2: do you think feeds into those maybe reoccurring experiences we

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Speaker 2: might that we might have, and what can we explore

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Speaker 2: to start getting a better understanding of what we might

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Speaker 2: need out of running into them. If it's something that

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Speaker 2: happens all the time, like if that's a repetitive thing,

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Speaker 2: because the first thing it normally happens is with no

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Speaker 2: self awareness, we do that, we have that conversation, we

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Speaker 2: walked away like he was a bit of a dick. Yeah,

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Speaker 2: And we don't even think about why we decide he's

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Speaker 2: a bit of a dick. We just go he was

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Speaker 2: a bit of a dick.

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Speaker 1: Right, So I think some of the things, not all

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Speaker 1: the things that some of the things that drive my

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Speaker 1: ah less these days, but still, you know, it lingers

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Speaker 1: my need for people to like me or think I'm good,

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Speaker 1: or you know, to belong or to be accepted, or

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Speaker 1: is from being the kid who wasn't accepted and didn't

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Speaker 1: belong and all of that shit. Right, And you know,

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Speaker 1: you can have all the knowledge you can get, the whatever,

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Speaker 1: all the qualifications, all the knowledge or the understanding, all

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Speaker 1: the insight, it doesn't change who you are at your core.

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Speaker 1: It just changes what you know. It just changes your skills,

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Speaker 1: It just changes perhaps your awareness, but you're still you.

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Speaker 1: Like there's part of me that's still the fat fourteen

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Speaker 1: year old insecure. Please love me, please pick me, please

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Speaker 1: let me belong to your group, please notice me. There's

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Speaker 1: part of me that and I know that it doesn't

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Speaker 1: run my life and it doesn't control me. But I

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Speaker 1: feel like with our psychological and emotional issues and even

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Speaker 1: mental health issues, at times, I don't know that I

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Speaker 1: don't know that we have evidence that we truly, ever,

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Speaker 1: one hundred percent overcome them. I think what is more

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Speaker 1: likely is that meta turning it into a metaphor. Let's

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Speaker 1: say that we turn down the volume on it and

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Speaker 1: it hasn't less of an influence on us, and we

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Speaker 1: kind of coexist with it. Like I've said this many

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Speaker 1: times to you, I can get up to do corporate

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Speaker 1: gig to a thousand people where I'm getting paid lots

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Speaker 1: of dough, I'm in a great, big room, and there's

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Speaker 1: like it would absolutely fill most people with terror, But

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Speaker 1: I'm relatively confident and comfortable because I've done it a lot.

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Speaker 1: But also at the same time, I can still be

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Speaker 1: feeling not good enough and insecure, but I just recognize

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Speaker 1: that feeling for what it is. You know, it's an

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Speaker 1: idea or it's a something that's a byproduct of, you know,

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Speaker 1: lots of years of not being the guy up there

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Speaker 1: that was accepted or whatever. So yeah, I think to it.

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Speaker 1: It's like I was talking with Dr Jody about anxiety

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Speaker 1: and the funny thing or one of the interesting things

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Speaker 1: about anxiety is and panic attacks, for example, is you

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Speaker 1: know when someone's in the middle of a panic attack,

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Speaker 1: you feel like you're going to die, You feel like

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Speaker 1: your heart's going to stop, you like it's the worst

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Speaker 1: feeling of all time. But when you know, like I've

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Speaker 1: been around quite a few people having panic attacks and

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Speaker 1: usually I'll say something like how many times do you

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Speaker 1: reckon you've been through a panic attack? And they'll often

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Speaker 1: say hundreds, and I'll go and statistically, you didn't die

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Speaker 1: any of those times. I go, well that's good, and

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Speaker 1: they laugh a bit. I go, so, look, chances are

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Speaker 1: I mean, I'm not a guru in this space, but look,

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Speaker 1: probably not going to die and they laugh. Right, But

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Speaker 1: here's the truth, Like we know, as horrible as this feels,

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Speaker 1: that's the emotion, that's the feeling, that's the physiology. The

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Speaker 1: knowledge is the awareness is the logic is I'll get

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Speaker 1: through this, do you know what I mean? So I

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Speaker 1: think the human experience is, you know, in the one

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Speaker 1: human is this collaboration and conflict and coexistence of what

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Speaker 1: we know and what we feel. And I think that's

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Speaker 1: every day all the time.

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Speaker 2: Do you feel like when you have moments of like

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Speaker 2: friction or fuck ups in this type of space, do

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Speaker 2: you feel like you go to a place of like broke,

404
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Speaker 2: like seeing that is where you're broken, or do you

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Speaker 2: go to a place of I'm a I'm at the

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Speaker 2: edge of a breakthrough. I'm about to learn something.

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Speaker 1: Yeah. Or the other option or another option, which is

408
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Speaker 1: more me is when I do something and this is

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Speaker 1: a bad thing that I do. This is I'm not

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Speaker 1: proud of this, but I get really angry at myself

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Speaker 1: for not doing good work. Like if I go and

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Speaker 1: I do a gig, I do a speaking giga workshop,

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Speaker 1: a keynodor and this got zero to do with the

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Speaker 1: money or the commercial viability of this or that. It's

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Speaker 1: just yeah, and I when I make a mistake or

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Speaker 1: I don't think I've delivered what I could. Yeah, I'm

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Speaker 1: very hard on myself. Like I beat myself up, which

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Speaker 1: I shouldn't. But at the same time, yeah, like these things,

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Speaker 1: but I try to learn through that. I try to

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Speaker 1: go all right, well, what is that about? Like I

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Speaker 1: told you before we started, right, and your listeners maybe

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Speaker 1: don't know, but I've got a thing called you station

423
00:25:32,800 --> 00:25:36,760
Speaker 1: tube dysfunction, which is ETD, And like right now, my

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00:25:36,880 --> 00:25:42,359
Speaker 1: left ear is blocked and there's no sympathy required or

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00:25:42,359 --> 00:25:46,439
Speaker 1: anything like that, but it's this conversation is fifty percent

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Speaker 1: harder right now than a normal conversation for me because

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Speaker 1: my voice is echoing in my head right, so my

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00:25:54,840 --> 00:25:57,000
Speaker 1: left ear is totally blocked. I can't hear out of

429
00:25:57,040 --> 00:25:59,800
Speaker 1: my left ear. And this just happens on and off.

430
00:26:00,080 --> 00:26:02,800
Speaker 1: Listeners comes, it goes, and there's no rhyme or reason,

431
00:26:05,200 --> 00:26:08,199
Speaker 1: but it's been happening a lot. I probably need to

432
00:26:08,200 --> 00:26:12,040
Speaker 1: go have an operation, but I can't, you know, I

433
00:26:12,119 --> 00:26:15,520
Speaker 1: just go, well, it's here. I just need to be

434
00:26:15,640 --> 00:26:19,000
Speaker 1: as present and as focused and as competent as I can,

435
00:26:20,000 --> 00:26:22,359
Speaker 1: because I this is the funny thing with me. I

436
00:26:22,359 --> 00:26:24,880
Speaker 1: could do a thirty or forty minute podcast with you

437
00:26:26,119 --> 00:26:28,600
Speaker 1: where ten people listen, and I know a lot more

438
00:26:28,640 --> 00:26:30,720
Speaker 1: people listen than that, but where ten people listen and

439
00:26:30,760 --> 00:26:34,159
Speaker 1: it's you and me, and I care as much about

440
00:26:34,200 --> 00:26:38,360
Speaker 1: this being good as I do a highly paid corporate

441
00:26:38,359 --> 00:26:43,000
Speaker 1: gig to a thousand people, because for me, like talking

442
00:26:43,040 --> 00:26:48,000
Speaker 1: to an audience where I'm sharing you know, whatever thoughts,

443
00:26:48,000 --> 00:26:53,320
Speaker 1: ideas knowledge, information, inspiration where you might impact one person

444
00:26:53,400 --> 00:26:58,480
Speaker 1: or more like, it's a real responsibility and a privilege.

445
00:26:59,119 --> 00:27:01,080
Speaker 1: So even though you know me sitting right here in

446
00:27:01,160 --> 00:27:03,119
Speaker 1: my office and you and your office and me with

447
00:27:03,240 --> 00:27:06,120
Speaker 1: my ear blocked, and it's a Saturday AVO and it's

448
00:27:06,160 --> 00:27:09,679
Speaker 1: all a bit whatever, I still care a lot. So

449
00:27:09,960 --> 00:27:14,880
Speaker 1: I when I'm doing my thing, I every single time

450
00:27:14,920 --> 00:27:17,040
Speaker 1: I try and bring the best version of me to that.

451
00:27:18,040 --> 00:27:22,119
Speaker 2: MT. What what about you and self compassion?

452
00:27:24,280 --> 00:27:27,320
Speaker 1: Yeah?

453
00:27:27,400 --> 00:27:33,920
Speaker 2: Next, Yeah, I thought that must be a tough one. Yeah,

454
00:27:34,400 --> 00:27:37,960
Speaker 2: I feel like you're really I feel like you're really

455
00:27:38,000 --> 00:27:42,040
Speaker 2: self aware, and I think I feel like you care deeply.

456
00:27:42,880 --> 00:27:46,000
Speaker 2: But I also think I get a sense that you

457
00:27:46,119 --> 00:27:51,760
Speaker 2: have a lot of boundaries around your own Yeah. I

458
00:27:51,760 --> 00:27:54,240
Speaker 2: don't know if you're I don't know how you are

459
00:27:54,280 --> 00:27:55,760
Speaker 2: with self compassion. I'm interested.

460
00:27:56,000 --> 00:27:58,160
Speaker 1: Yeah, I'm not great at it. I mean, I don't

461
00:27:58,160 --> 00:28:01,399
Speaker 1: beat myself up. I don't. Well that's not true. I

462
00:28:01,480 --> 00:28:04,400
Speaker 1: just said sometimes I do, but engen like I don't

463
00:28:04,440 --> 00:28:06,680
Speaker 1: sit at home going you're a useless piece of shit.

464
00:28:06,800 --> 00:28:12,000
Speaker 1: I hate myself. You know, there's none of that. But look,

465
00:28:12,040 --> 00:28:15,600
Speaker 1: I mean this is you know, this is one of

466
00:28:15,600 --> 00:28:17,880
Speaker 1: those moments when you're on a podcast and you think, fuck,

467
00:28:17,920 --> 00:28:19,879
Speaker 1: do I keep opening the door or do I just

468
00:28:19,920 --> 00:28:27,679
Speaker 1: pull it a bit closed? Yeah? All right, So I

469
00:28:27,960 --> 00:28:32,119
Speaker 1: don't this does sound like self loathing. It isn't. I

470
00:28:32,200 --> 00:28:37,040
Speaker 1: don't think highly of me like I think at my

471
00:28:37,280 --> 00:28:41,840
Speaker 1: core I'm a good person, which is a very cheesy,

472
00:28:41,920 --> 00:28:45,720
Speaker 1: cliche thing to say, but in terms of my talent

473
00:28:45,840 --> 00:28:53,280
Speaker 1: and skills and yeah, I I yeah, I you know,

474
00:28:53,440 --> 00:28:58,360
Speaker 1: have been I was gonna say riddled with that sounds overwhelming,

475
00:28:58,400 --> 00:29:02,440
Speaker 1: but like by self doubt my whole life, right, So

476
00:29:02,560 --> 00:29:07,160
Speaker 1: I think, And I think because a lot of you know,

477
00:29:07,240 --> 00:29:09,760
Speaker 1: most kids grow up and they're really talented at something.

478
00:29:10,000 --> 00:29:14,040
Speaker 1: They're either really creative, or they can fucking run fast

479
00:29:14,120 --> 00:29:16,480
Speaker 1: or jump hile, or they can dance, or they're brilliant

480
00:29:16,480 --> 00:29:19,920
Speaker 1: at maths, or they can write incredibly or there. I

481
00:29:19,920 --> 00:29:22,080
Speaker 1: don't know, like a lot of kids seem to have

482
00:29:22,240 --> 00:29:26,480
Speaker 1: something that they're just really naturally inherently great at, which

483
00:29:26,640 --> 00:29:29,440
Speaker 1: kind of becomes almost like a social badge or a

484
00:29:29,480 --> 00:29:33,760
Speaker 1: stepping stone to I wasn't at anything, and I'm like,

485
00:29:34,840 --> 00:29:37,080
Speaker 1: maybe the only thing I was kind of good at

486
00:29:37,120 --> 00:29:41,600
Speaker 1: because I had to be was communication, you know, was

487
00:29:41,680 --> 00:29:44,080
Speaker 1: like chatting was like I always had kind of the

488
00:29:44,120 --> 00:29:46,760
Speaker 1: gift to the gap and that, you know, And I

489
00:29:46,800 --> 00:29:50,000
Speaker 1: literally got in trouble at school for that and literally

490
00:29:50,000 --> 00:29:53,800
Speaker 1: got told by more than one teacher, you know, pull

491
00:29:53,800 --> 00:29:55,800
Speaker 1: your head in. Nobody's ever going to pay to listen

492
00:29:55,840 --> 00:29:58,680
Speaker 1: to you speak, so you should do some work so

493
00:29:58,720 --> 00:30:01,560
Speaker 1: you can get a job. And they weren't even trying

494
00:30:01,600 --> 00:30:05,160
Speaker 1: to be They're like, hey, sure, shape, I know you're

495
00:30:05,160 --> 00:30:07,600
Speaker 1: great at talking, but that's not a job, so just

496
00:30:07,680 --> 00:30:11,360
Speaker 1: do your fucking maths, you know. And I'm like and

497
00:30:11,440 --> 00:30:14,800
Speaker 1: at the time I'm like, yeah, that makes sense. It

498
00:30:14,840 --> 00:30:22,000
Speaker 1: turns out not totally true. Yeah, but look, I don't like,

499
00:30:22,160 --> 00:30:25,080
Speaker 1: I'm relatively content with who I am and how I am,

500
00:30:25,960 --> 00:30:30,760
Speaker 1: but I'm always not in an anxious way, but I'm

501
00:30:31,080 --> 00:30:35,480
Speaker 1: I'm always kind of tweaking and pushing, and you know,

502
00:30:35,560 --> 00:30:40,240
Speaker 1: I'm really curious about broadly human potential, what we can

503
00:30:40,280 --> 00:30:45,200
Speaker 1: do be, create, change, learn, how we can evolve everything

504
00:30:45,240 --> 00:30:48,120
Speaker 1: from you know, can you do a PhD when you're

505
00:30:48,120 --> 00:30:50,760
Speaker 1: not very academic and you're in your sixties? There's that,

506
00:30:50,880 --> 00:30:53,920
Speaker 1: and then there's well, how fit and strong and healthy

507
00:30:53,920 --> 00:30:57,520
Speaker 1: and functional can I be when I should be on

508
00:30:57,640 --> 00:31:04,040
Speaker 1: the slide? Or you know, it's like, how can I

509
00:31:04,080 --> 00:31:06,600
Speaker 1: start a new business when I'm sixty? Can I learn

510
00:31:06,640 --> 00:31:09,480
Speaker 1: new things? Can I can I get? You know? And

511
00:31:09,520 --> 00:31:12,680
Speaker 1: then like with other people that I've worked with, the

512
00:31:12,800 --> 00:31:17,560
Speaker 1: same thing, I'm like, oh, wow, this person has has

513
00:31:17,840 --> 00:31:21,160
Speaker 1: never been to university or they've never had a job

514
00:31:21,200 --> 00:31:24,000
Speaker 1: for more than six months, or they've never by the way,

515
00:31:24,000 --> 00:31:26,200
Speaker 1: it doesn't matter if you go to university or they've

516
00:31:26,200 --> 00:31:30,960
Speaker 1: never been whatever it is. And sometimes just helping people

517
00:31:31,120 --> 00:31:35,760
Speaker 1: unpack their own possibilities is so awesome, you know, to go, oh,

518
00:31:35,800 --> 00:31:40,080
Speaker 1: I know you've never done that thing, but that doesn't

519
00:31:40,120 --> 00:31:42,200
Speaker 1: mean you can't do the thing, you know, And the

520
00:31:42,280 --> 00:31:45,800
Speaker 1: thing could be own a pet, do you know what

521
00:31:45,880 --> 00:31:48,240
Speaker 1: I mean. It doesn't need to be cure cancer or

522
00:31:48,360 --> 00:31:53,640
Speaker 1: join the space program. It could be you know. I

523
00:31:53,680 --> 00:31:57,480
Speaker 1: spoke to a lady recently who's a hoarder and she's

524
00:31:57,680 --> 00:32:01,760
Speaker 1: just for the last year gotten over that and her,

525
00:32:02,000 --> 00:32:05,000
Speaker 1: you know, it's still it's like an addiction kind of,

526
00:32:06,520 --> 00:32:09,000
Speaker 1: and I was just talking to her about that. I'm like,

527
00:32:09,080 --> 00:32:13,120
Speaker 1: that is so interesting, and she feels amazing now because

528
00:32:13,120 --> 00:32:18,920
Speaker 1: she feels just liberated. But she still has this same compulsion,

529
00:32:19,000 --> 00:32:22,480
Speaker 1: although the volume's gone down, to just buy more stuff

530
00:32:22,520 --> 00:32:24,960
Speaker 1: and keep more stuff and not throw anything out. But

531
00:32:25,160 --> 00:32:27,880
Speaker 1: she's kind of got someone who helps her and a

532
00:32:27,920 --> 00:32:30,000
Speaker 1: bit of a plan in place. And you know, so

533
00:32:30,040 --> 00:32:32,320
Speaker 1: it might be that it might be overcoming an addiction

534
00:32:32,480 --> 00:32:35,760
Speaker 1: or you know, but I just think that people are

535
00:32:37,840 --> 00:32:43,000
Speaker 1: I think people inherently underestimate what they can do, and

536
00:32:43,040 --> 00:32:45,600
Speaker 1: not everyone can do everything, and not everyone can run

537
00:32:45,600 --> 00:32:49,800
Speaker 1: a marathon, and not everyone can you know, build an

538
00:32:49,840 --> 00:32:53,320
Speaker 1: amazing brand, and not everyone can sing beautifully, of course,

539
00:32:53,400 --> 00:32:56,480
Speaker 1: But I think that for most of us what gets

540
00:32:56,480 --> 00:33:01,200
Speaker 1: in the way is not so much our innate ability,

541
00:33:01,480 --> 00:33:07,080
Speaker 1: or our genetics, or our IQ or our you know,

542
00:33:07,240 --> 00:33:11,920
Speaker 1: overall potential, but rather how we think about all of

543
00:33:11,960 --> 00:33:14,320
Speaker 1: that stuff, and the way that our mind and our

544
00:33:14,400 --> 00:33:17,560
Speaker 1: fear gets in the way of all of that stuff

545
00:33:19,160 --> 00:33:22,320
Speaker 1: because we're scared of failure. We're scared of embarrassment, We're

546
00:33:22,320 --> 00:33:26,320
Speaker 1: scared of looking silly, We're scared of being the odd

547
00:33:26,360 --> 00:33:28,600
Speaker 1: one out where you know, we so want to belong

548
00:33:28,920 --> 00:33:31,320
Speaker 1: that we'll just compromise a shit out of ourselves to

549
00:33:31,400 --> 00:33:36,520
Speaker 1: fit in. But in all the fitting in, sometimes we

550
00:33:36,560 --> 00:33:40,520
Speaker 1: lose ourselves because now there's no me. There's just the

551
00:33:40,600 --> 00:33:43,760
Speaker 1: member of this group to which I belong. So I'm

552
00:33:43,880 --> 00:33:46,240
Speaker 1: just a part of a whole that we call the

553
00:33:47,000 --> 00:33:50,080
Speaker 1: the whatever group. You know. And if you, by the way,

554
00:33:50,120 --> 00:33:53,160
Speaker 1: if you ask any questions or you doubt, or you conflict,

555
00:33:54,240 --> 00:33:56,040
Speaker 1: you know, you're out of the group. And well then

556
00:33:56,080 --> 00:33:58,160
Speaker 1: I better not ask anything because I need to be

557
00:33:58,200 --> 00:34:01,800
Speaker 1: in a group. So yeah, it's and we're emotional and

558
00:34:01,840 --> 00:34:04,600
Speaker 1: social creatures who want to belong. So it's a dichotomy.

559
00:34:06,800 --> 00:34:10,200
Speaker 2: How do you manage or have you had to manage

560
00:34:10,880 --> 00:34:16,400
Speaker 2: the tension between self improvement wanting to improve yourself and

561
00:34:16,560 --> 00:34:20,839
Speaker 2: be better and do better, but also accepting yourself as

562
00:34:20,880 --> 00:34:23,640
Speaker 2: you are in the moment. Has that been a journey

563
00:34:23,640 --> 00:34:26,440
Speaker 2: for you and is it still That's a great question.

564
00:34:27,520 --> 00:34:33,439
Speaker 1: Yeah, that's a really clever question. Yeah, so I say

565
00:34:33,480 --> 00:34:38,120
Speaker 1: all the time, like I think the answer, like the

566
00:34:38,120 --> 00:34:41,719
Speaker 1: the way the juxtaposition between those two concepts that you

567
00:34:41,960 --> 00:34:46,680
Speaker 1: just spoke of, the kind of the antidote to wrap

568
00:34:46,719 --> 00:34:53,800
Speaker 1: around that is gratitude. Whereas I know that I'm very fortunate,

569
00:34:53,960 --> 00:34:57,000
Speaker 1: very blessed. I grew up in a great country with

570
00:34:57,200 --> 00:35:00,439
Speaker 1: great parents. I didn't grow up in poverty. I didn't

571
00:35:00,440 --> 00:35:04,240
Speaker 1: grow up in a war zone. I have a button

572
00:35:04,280 --> 00:35:07,040
Speaker 1: that I can press and my room gets cooler or warmer.

573
00:35:07,120 --> 00:35:09,759
Speaker 1: I have a tap that I can turn on and

574
00:35:09,960 --> 00:35:12,360
Speaker 1: cold fresh water comes out. I have a bed to

575
00:35:12,440 --> 00:35:15,040
Speaker 1: sleep in. I'm not broke. You know all of these

576
00:35:15,080 --> 00:35:21,719
Speaker 1: amazing things. So it is it is a it is

577
00:35:21,760 --> 00:35:28,280
Speaker 1: a challenge sometimes to be both ambitious, But I don't

578
00:35:28,320 --> 00:35:31,839
Speaker 1: mean ambitious in necessarily a commercial sense. I just mean

579
00:35:31,880 --> 00:35:36,040
Speaker 1: in wanting to keep learning, growing, evolving sense, but also

580
00:35:36,120 --> 00:35:39,919
Speaker 1: to be content. That is a real They almost think,

581
00:35:40,120 --> 00:35:45,600
Speaker 1: they almost seem inconsistent those two things. So I can

582
00:35:45,640 --> 00:35:48,640
Speaker 1: tell you that if right now is the best my

583
00:35:48,719 --> 00:35:53,879
Speaker 1: life will ever be, I'm extremely happy and grateful right

584
00:35:53,960 --> 00:35:57,120
Speaker 1: So I'm glad with that. But I also know, well,

585
00:35:59,400 --> 00:36:01,960
Speaker 1: I've still got energy. My brain still works, my body

586
00:36:02,000 --> 00:36:04,520
Speaker 1: still works, I can still learn, I can still help people.

587
00:36:04,960 --> 00:36:08,640
Speaker 1: I can still unlearn. So I'm going to keep doing that.

588
00:36:08,800 --> 00:36:11,040
Speaker 1: And when I reach my threshold, it's like there are

589
00:36:11,080 --> 00:36:13,759
Speaker 1: things I can't do now. I can't bench press like

590
00:36:13,800 --> 00:36:15,680
Speaker 1: I used to. I can't run as fast as I

591
00:36:15,760 --> 00:36:19,600
Speaker 1: used to. You know, I saw a photo of me

592
00:36:19,680 --> 00:36:22,200
Speaker 1: the other day that sent someone sent me, In fact,

593
00:36:22,200 --> 00:36:25,160
Speaker 1: Patrick sent me a photo of me, and I'm like,

594
00:36:25,520 --> 00:36:27,680
Speaker 1: fucking hell, I was Brad Pitt when I was thirty.

595
00:36:28,040 --> 00:36:32,839
Speaker 1: I wasn't really, but compared to now, when I look

596
00:36:32,920 --> 00:36:35,840
Speaker 1: like a fucking desert boot with a fucking flannel shirt on,

597
00:36:36,680 --> 00:36:39,719
Speaker 1: I look like somebody's granddad. I'm like, fucking hell, I'm

598
00:36:39,719 --> 00:36:44,000
Speaker 1: so old. I'm so you know, and I just go, yeah,

599
00:36:44,000 --> 00:36:46,239
Speaker 1: of course I am. I'm sixty one. Well, of course

600
00:36:46,280 --> 00:36:48,880
Speaker 1: you look like that. Of course your hairs gray. Of

601
00:36:48,880 --> 00:36:51,960
Speaker 1: course you've got renkles. Of course you don't look how

602
00:36:52,000 --> 00:36:55,160
Speaker 1: you once looked. And guess what that's okay, you know,

603
00:36:55,360 --> 00:36:58,399
Speaker 1: it's like it's all good. And in a minute I'll

604
00:36:58,440 --> 00:37:02,239
Speaker 1: be seventy or a'll we sixty five, and what will

605
00:37:02,280 --> 00:37:06,239
Speaker 1: be will be? You know, I think it's about I

606
00:37:06,280 --> 00:37:12,239
Speaker 1: don't think getting older means doesn't need to mean decline,

607
00:37:12,640 --> 00:37:18,160
Speaker 1: but I think in our culture it's really associated, you know,

608
00:37:18,239 --> 00:37:20,600
Speaker 1: while still being practical and realizing, of course I'm going

609
00:37:20,680 --> 00:37:22,080
Speaker 1: to die one day. Of course I'm going to get

610
00:37:22,080 --> 00:37:24,279
Speaker 1: sick one day. Of course my brain's not going to

611
00:37:24,360 --> 00:37:27,080
Speaker 1: work like it currently does one day, of course, but

612
00:37:27,120 --> 00:37:30,839
Speaker 1: that's not now, that's not today. So I'll just keep going.

613
00:37:31,960 --> 00:37:36,480
Speaker 2: What do you like with stillness? Are you ever still?

614
00:37:37,200 --> 00:37:42,200
Speaker 1: Yeah? I'm surprisingly good. My mind is not like trying

615
00:37:42,200 --> 00:37:44,600
Speaker 1: to fucking turn off. My mind is but me just

616
00:37:44,640 --> 00:37:47,240
Speaker 1: hanging out by myself, me lying on my bed, watching

617
00:37:47,280 --> 00:37:50,120
Speaker 1: something me. You know, this morning, I was up at

618
00:37:50,160 --> 00:37:53,400
Speaker 1: quarter past five. I was walking around the streets of

619
00:37:53,440 --> 00:37:57,640
Speaker 1: Hampton's very still very quiet. Saw nobody spoke to nobody.

620
00:37:58,320 --> 00:38:02,400
Speaker 1: I'm just out moving like a fucking urban ninja.

621
00:38:03,440 --> 00:38:05,480
Speaker 2: In the darkness.

622
00:38:06,680 --> 00:38:10,080
Speaker 1: Yeah, getting lat cramps, getting a double lat cramp from

623
00:38:10,080 --> 00:38:14,520
Speaker 1: doing heavy one arms in the cold morning. You know. Yeah,

624
00:38:14,920 --> 00:38:18,600
Speaker 1: I'm okay that the thing, Like my mind is busy,

625
00:38:19,360 --> 00:38:26,400
Speaker 1: but more creative busy than fear busy, you know, anxiety, busy, overthinking,

626
00:38:27,239 --> 00:38:31,360
Speaker 1: Like I think a lot, but I don't overthink, you know,

627
00:38:31,560 --> 00:38:35,359
Speaker 1: overthinking gen Well, for me, overthinking is about worry, it's

628
00:38:35,400 --> 00:38:39,239
Speaker 1: about fear, it's about anxiety, don't I don't generally have that.

629
00:38:40,400 --> 00:38:48,160
Speaker 1: But like I am constantly thinking about how do I

630
00:38:48,200 --> 00:38:52,040
Speaker 1: share the stuff that I know, stuff that I'm learning

631
00:38:52,080 --> 00:38:54,919
Speaker 1: that I'm experiencing. You know, since I was eighteen years

632
00:38:54,920 --> 00:38:57,320
Speaker 1: old till now forty three years of life and work

633
00:38:57,320 --> 00:39:00,760
Speaker 1: and working with people and study and research and fucking

634
00:39:00,840 --> 00:39:03,040
Speaker 1: up and getting up and falling down and getting back

635
00:39:03,120 --> 00:39:06,239
Speaker 1: up and getting things wrong and getting things right. And

636
00:39:06,480 --> 00:39:10,720
Speaker 1: I look around the world and I don't see people

637
00:39:10,719 --> 00:39:14,440
Speaker 1: getting better. I see more anxiety. I see more mental

638
00:39:14,480 --> 00:39:18,680
Speaker 1: health issues. I see more isolation and loneliness and disconnection

639
00:39:18,800 --> 00:39:22,360
Speaker 1: and confusion. And maybe it's just what I'm seeing. Maybe

640
00:39:22,400 --> 00:39:25,080
Speaker 1: that's not true. Maybe that's just my truth, but it

641
00:39:25,200 --> 00:39:29,920
Speaker 1: seems to me that the issues are not going away.

642
00:39:30,200 --> 00:39:34,759
Speaker 1: There maybe escalating. And so I think, while totally acknowledging,

643
00:39:34,880 --> 00:39:38,319
Speaker 1: I'm not the solution to anything or for anyone, but

644
00:39:38,560 --> 00:39:43,080
Speaker 1: maybe I could be a valuable servant to people. I

645
00:39:43,160 --> 00:39:48,000
Speaker 1: could be a resource for people. Somebody could bump into

646
00:39:48,040 --> 00:39:53,279
Speaker 1: me metaphorically and take away an idea of a thought

647
00:39:53,360 --> 00:39:57,520
Speaker 1: or a strategy or some encouragement that makes one percent

648
00:39:57,600 --> 00:40:01,160
Speaker 1: different difference, you know, And and that's what I want

649
00:40:01,200 --> 00:40:03,319
Speaker 1: to do. And even when you know I've said this

650
00:40:03,400 --> 00:40:05,359
Speaker 1: many times, even when people come to me and say,

651
00:40:06,800 --> 00:40:08,439
Speaker 1: you know, I came to an event or I read

652
00:40:08,440 --> 00:40:10,200
Speaker 1: your book, or I did this or I did that,

653
00:40:10,360 --> 00:40:15,640
Speaker 1: and you changed my life, which you know, I don't

654
00:40:15,640 --> 00:40:17,879
Speaker 1: get that every day, that's for sure, but people say

655
00:40:17,880 --> 00:40:21,440
Speaker 1: that reasonably regularly, and every single time I reject that idea,

656
00:40:21,520 --> 00:40:24,000
Speaker 1: and I tell them, and I'm not being falsely humble,

657
00:40:24,040 --> 00:40:27,160
Speaker 1: I go, you changed your life like I might have.

658
00:40:28,120 --> 00:40:30,440
Speaker 1: I might have had an impact or an influence on you,

659
00:40:30,520 --> 00:40:33,360
Speaker 1: but ultimately, you did the work, You made the decision,

660
00:40:33,400 --> 00:40:36,759
Speaker 1: you found, the resilience, you found, the courage you kept

661
00:40:36,760 --> 00:40:40,080
Speaker 1: going when you couldn't be bothered, you know. And so

662
00:40:40,320 --> 00:40:42,960
Speaker 1: I love that I can be that influence on people

663
00:40:43,080 --> 00:40:52,000
Speaker 1: and hopefully help people understand their personal power, which I

664
00:40:52,040 --> 00:40:55,239
Speaker 1: know sounds cliche, but it's like, I know all the

665
00:40:55,280 --> 00:40:57,600
Speaker 1: stuff that I've done, and if you told me when

666
00:40:57,600 --> 00:40:59,319
Speaker 1: I was eighteen years old that I would, you know,

667
00:40:59,400 --> 00:41:01,239
Speaker 1: I would work on tell you I would work in radio.

668
00:41:01,280 --> 00:41:04,160
Speaker 1: I would have one of, you know, the biggest podcasts

669
00:41:04,160 --> 00:41:06,040
Speaker 1: in Australia. I'd write lots of books. I'd go to

670
00:41:06,160 --> 00:41:09,279
Speaker 1: university a couple of times. I do like and there's

671
00:41:09,320 --> 00:41:12,400
Speaker 1: no bragging in that, because I'm still fucking amazed. If

672
00:41:12,440 --> 00:41:14,840
Speaker 1: you had to told me that, I absolutely wouldn't have

673
00:41:14,880 --> 00:41:17,520
Speaker 1: believed it. And I say I wouldn't have believed it

674
00:41:17,560 --> 00:41:24,239
Speaker 1: because I know how gifted I'm not. And that's not

675
00:41:24,440 --> 00:41:28,120
Speaker 1: me hating on me, that's just me. That's just me

676
00:41:28,239 --> 00:41:32,440
Speaker 1: being honest. And I say that one because it's two true,

677
00:41:32,480 --> 00:41:36,080
Speaker 1: and two because I want to encourage other people. It's like,

678
00:41:36,239 --> 00:41:38,719
Speaker 1: here's what goes on in the world. We love to

679
00:41:38,760 --> 00:41:42,040
Speaker 1: tell everyone, Oh, you're specially, you're amazing, you're unique, you're this,

680
00:41:42,320 --> 00:41:46,799
Speaker 1: you're that. You know, maybe you're not though, like and

681
00:41:46,840 --> 00:41:49,440
Speaker 1: that's okay that you're not like I'm not. Maybe you're average.

682
00:41:49,440 --> 00:41:52,480
Speaker 1: Maybe average is fine. Maybe it's some things you're pretty good.

683
00:41:52,560 --> 00:41:55,759
Speaker 1: Maybe it's some things you suck that's cool. Maybe you

684
00:41:55,840 --> 00:41:58,040
Speaker 1: are gifted and if you are well done, but that's

685
00:41:59,160 --> 00:42:01,879
Speaker 1: nothing that you earned. That's what you were born with.

686
00:42:02,680 --> 00:42:06,280
Speaker 1: You know, you might earn skill, you might develop skill,

687
00:42:06,400 --> 00:42:10,040
Speaker 1: you might develop confidence, you might build courage and resilience,

688
00:42:10,120 --> 00:42:13,600
Speaker 1: and you might create bigger and better results. You should

689
00:42:13,600 --> 00:42:16,440
Speaker 1: be proud of all of that. But if you were

690
00:42:16,480 --> 00:42:21,840
Speaker 1: born with incredible genetics, then pride is not the right emotion.

691
00:42:22,120 --> 00:42:25,399
Speaker 1: Gratitude is the right emotion. If you can run fast,

692
00:42:25,480 --> 00:42:28,560
Speaker 1: jump high, or you're beautiful, or you're you're a genius,

693
00:42:28,680 --> 00:42:33,120
Speaker 1: or just be grateful, don't be proud, be grateful, be

694
00:42:33,200 --> 00:42:35,640
Speaker 1: proud of the shit that you achieve and do and

695
00:42:35,680 --> 00:42:37,760
Speaker 1: the people that you help with those gifts.

696
00:42:38,960 --> 00:42:39,960
Speaker 2: Did you find thee.

697
00:42:40,000 --> 00:42:42,040
Speaker 1: I feel like I just turned into the Delli Lama

698
00:42:42,160 --> 00:42:43,080
Speaker 1: for three minutes.

699
00:42:42,840 --> 00:42:46,920
Speaker 2: Says no, it's good. Do you feel like your perception

700
00:42:47,200 --> 00:42:51,640
Speaker 2: of the things that you have achieved your perception of

701
00:42:51,719 --> 00:42:55,359
Speaker 2: them changed when they became your achievement and did you

702
00:42:55,440 --> 00:43:01,120
Speaker 2: have to deliberately acknowledge them. Did they shift? Did having

703
00:43:01,480 --> 00:43:04,120
Speaker 2: you know, one of the biggest podcasts in Australia all

704
00:43:04,120 --> 00:43:07,440
Speaker 2: of a sudden I not become a big deal because

705
00:43:07,480 --> 00:43:09,440
Speaker 2: now all of a sudden it's you and you're like,

706
00:43:09,520 --> 00:43:12,080
Speaker 2: well this, like yeah, tell me about that experience.

707
00:43:12,840 --> 00:43:16,880
Speaker 1: Yeah, that's interesting because I think I think we have

708
00:43:17,040 --> 00:43:20,399
Speaker 1: this thing that a lot of us do. And if

709
00:43:20,400 --> 00:43:24,080
Speaker 1: this isn't you listener, I apologize, But I think we

710
00:43:24,200 --> 00:43:27,240
Speaker 1: grow up and you've heard me say this too many times,

711
00:43:27,239 --> 00:43:30,479
Speaker 1: but I think we grow up in this mindset that says, tiff,

712
00:43:30,560 --> 00:43:32,600
Speaker 1: when you have this, or own that, or achieve that

713
00:43:33,400 --> 00:43:36,759
Speaker 1: you know, or do that or be that or look

714
00:43:36,840 --> 00:43:39,000
Speaker 1: like that, or get this many listeners or get this

715
00:43:39,080 --> 00:43:43,279
Speaker 1: many followers or get this much attention, or then that's success.

716
00:43:43,840 --> 00:43:47,680
Speaker 1: And I think we think that, Well, when I have

717
00:43:47,840 --> 00:43:50,319
Speaker 1: and own and earn and look like then I'm going

718
00:43:50,400 --> 00:43:53,279
Speaker 1: to be happy or I'm going to be fulfilled, or

719
00:43:53,280 --> 00:43:55,880
Speaker 1: the anxiety is going to go away, or the self

720
00:43:55,920 --> 00:43:59,240
Speaker 1: doubt will be gone, or my life will be ace

721
00:43:59,560 --> 00:44:01,879
Speaker 1: or I'll be ace in the middle of my life.

722
00:44:02,600 --> 00:44:06,400
Speaker 1: But the guy who was you know had five businesses

723
00:44:06,400 --> 00:44:08,560
Speaker 1: in his early thirties and one hundred and staff and

724
00:44:08,600 --> 00:44:12,880
Speaker 1: all of that, who was probably more mentally and emotionally

725
00:44:12,920 --> 00:44:17,080
Speaker 1: fucked up than ten years before. I'm like, oh, one

726
00:44:17,160 --> 00:44:22,440
Speaker 1: doesn't equal the other necessarily. So I think there's the

727
00:44:22,640 --> 00:44:24,960
Speaker 1: and this is my what I call and other people

728
00:44:25,000 --> 00:44:26,919
Speaker 1: call it different things, but I call it my two

729
00:44:26,920 --> 00:44:30,520
Speaker 1: world theory, where you know, there's our physical world, which

730
00:44:30,600 --> 00:44:35,560
Speaker 1: is seen, its practical, it's observable by others, it's three dimensional.

731
00:44:36,120 --> 00:44:38,960
Speaker 1: And then there's the other world, you know, the unseen,

732
00:44:39,200 --> 00:44:43,839
Speaker 1: the invisible, the emotional, psychological, the creative, you know. And

733
00:44:44,640 --> 00:44:47,680
Speaker 1: while we do life in the physical, three dimensional world,

734
00:44:47,760 --> 00:44:51,920
Speaker 1: we do living in the internal world. And so but

735
00:44:52,080 --> 00:44:55,840
Speaker 1: when we talk about success in our culture, tiffany An Kok,

736
00:44:55,960 --> 00:44:59,799
Speaker 1: invariably we talk about all the stuff that people can

737
00:44:59,840 --> 00:45:04,200
Speaker 1: s see, right, But what happens when you know It's

738
00:45:04,239 --> 00:45:08,759
Speaker 1: like I was talking to you this morning, and at

739
00:45:08,760 --> 00:45:11,000
Speaker 1: the moment, in the last thirty days, I've got seven

740
00:45:11,040 --> 00:45:16,640
Speaker 1: point one million bloody views on my Instagram, and I'm like,

741
00:45:17,640 --> 00:45:20,160
Speaker 1: it's funny. It doesn't make me at all happier than

742
00:45:20,200 --> 00:45:22,040
Speaker 1: when I got one. In fact, I think I was

743
00:45:22,080 --> 00:45:25,440
Speaker 1: happier when I had one, not that I'm unhappy or

744
00:45:25,480 --> 00:45:32,040
Speaker 1: disc or discontented or like, it's just like, oh, so

745
00:45:32,239 --> 00:45:34,640
Speaker 1: when I had one when I woke up one day

746
00:45:34,680 --> 00:45:36,279
Speaker 1: and I looked at my Instagram and it said, you've

747
00:45:36,280 --> 00:45:41,080
Speaker 1: had one million views in the last thirty days. All right,

748
00:45:41,239 --> 00:45:44,680
Speaker 1: So we had a little moment, little tech because TIFF's

749
00:45:44,680 --> 00:45:47,319
Speaker 1: got gone, you know, rogue, and she's using some other

750
00:45:47,320 --> 00:45:52,520
Speaker 1: platform which clearly is inferior. That's right. Yeah, So I

751
00:45:52,560 --> 00:45:56,799
Speaker 1: was talking about, yeah, like this essentially, I was talking

752
00:45:56,800 --> 00:45:58,479
Speaker 1: about how, you know, when I got a million views

753
00:45:58,480 --> 00:46:00,600
Speaker 1: in a month, I'm like, this fucking credible and I

754
00:46:00,640 --> 00:46:03,719
Speaker 1: felt good, and you know, not that it wasn't a goal.

755
00:46:03,880 --> 00:46:06,280
Speaker 1: I just saw it. I was surprised and I went wow,

756
00:46:07,120 --> 00:46:09,160
Speaker 1: and then I went how much can I get? Or

757
00:46:09,200 --> 00:46:11,680
Speaker 1: you know, wow, and then I started just paying attention

758
00:46:11,800 --> 00:46:15,200
Speaker 1: to it. And today it's like, I said, seven point

759
00:46:15,200 --> 00:46:18,000
Speaker 1: one million, which is but it's funny. The way that

760
00:46:18,120 --> 00:46:21,520
Speaker 1: it makes me feel now in terms of my emotional

761
00:46:21,600 --> 00:46:24,279
Speaker 1: and or psychological response is different. And it's like, it's

762
00:46:24,320 --> 00:46:28,880
Speaker 1: so funny because you know, things only in this context,

763
00:46:28,920 --> 00:46:31,480
Speaker 1: with this conversation about this kind of stuff, they only

764
00:46:31,520 --> 00:46:34,200
Speaker 1: have the meaning that you give them. And if you go, oh,

765
00:46:34,239 --> 00:46:37,960
Speaker 1: one million is incredible, and you believe it's incredible, you

766
00:46:38,000 --> 00:46:40,200
Speaker 1: believe it's a great achievement, or it's a good outcome,

767
00:46:40,280 --> 00:46:46,399
Speaker 1: or it's whatever. Then you have a correlated experience. You

768
00:46:46,440 --> 00:46:52,000
Speaker 1: have that psychological and emotional response. But if your story

769
00:46:52,120 --> 00:46:55,360
Speaker 1: is seven point one million, is shit. I can do better.

770
00:46:56,360 --> 00:47:00,399
Speaker 1: Despite the fact that the numbers have seven xt your

771
00:47:00,440 --> 00:47:04,680
Speaker 1: experience is negative or is at the very least not

772
00:47:05,200 --> 00:47:09,280
Speaker 1: what it once was at the million. So what's my point.

773
00:47:09,320 --> 00:47:12,000
Speaker 1: My point is we're always creating results and outcomes. There's

774
00:47:12,000 --> 00:47:16,880
Speaker 1: always stuff happening in our world, you know, conversation, situation, circumstances,

775
00:47:17,239 --> 00:47:20,359
Speaker 1: you know whatever. And then in the middle of all

776
00:47:20,400 --> 00:47:27,440
Speaker 1: of that external, measurable, observable stuff is Tiff, who interprets

777
00:47:27,480 --> 00:47:30,239
Speaker 1: it all, who tells herself a story about it. This

778
00:47:30,360 --> 00:47:32,840
Speaker 1: is good, this is bad, this is this is positive,

779
00:47:32,880 --> 00:47:36,640
Speaker 1: this is negative. He's scary, he's nice, she's a witch,

780
00:47:36,840 --> 00:47:41,160
Speaker 1: she's an angel. This podcast's going shit. This podcasts going like.

781
00:47:41,840 --> 00:47:46,120
Speaker 1: We are constantly creating our own reality while not at

782
00:47:46,160 --> 00:47:50,200
Speaker 1: all thinking we're creating our own reality because the window

783
00:47:50,280 --> 00:47:53,040
Speaker 1: through which we view the world, process the world, give

784
00:47:53,120 --> 00:47:56,759
Speaker 1: meaning to the world. In the moment we don't see it.

785
00:47:56,800 --> 00:48:00,839
Speaker 1: We don't experience it, So we think that our reality,

786
00:48:01,040 --> 00:48:05,680
Speaker 1: our subjective reality, which we all have one, is the

787
00:48:05,800 --> 00:48:10,720
Speaker 1: objective reality. But also then when you do a deeper

788
00:48:10,760 --> 00:48:15,160
Speaker 1: dive and you go, okay, so what is the What

789
00:48:15,320 --> 00:48:19,120
Speaker 1: is the kind of success that I'm looking for internally?

790
00:48:19,400 --> 00:48:21,640
Speaker 1: Is what is like we all want to be successful? Cool?

791
00:48:22,239 --> 00:48:26,319
Speaker 1: What does that mean as an emotional state? What does

792
00:48:26,400 --> 00:48:29,920
Speaker 1: success mean in terms of my psychology? What does success

793
00:48:30,000 --> 00:48:33,560
Speaker 1: mean in terms of my spiritual bank account? What the

794
00:48:33,560 --> 00:48:37,279
Speaker 1: fuck is a spiritual bank account? You know, all of that, Like,

795
00:48:38,840 --> 00:48:40,480
Speaker 1: you know. What opened the door on this for me

796
00:48:40,760 --> 00:48:43,880
Speaker 1: was being a young personal trainer. And I mean twenty

797
00:48:43,880 --> 00:48:46,520
Speaker 1: two twenty three, so twenty three was nine and eighty

798
00:48:46,560 --> 00:48:49,160
Speaker 1: six for me, twenty four, nine and eighty seven and

799
00:48:49,160 --> 00:48:55,799
Speaker 1: so on. I remember having several clients and I mean

800
00:48:56,160 --> 00:49:00,600
Speaker 1: five six seven at this stage who were multimillion Now

801
00:49:00,640 --> 00:49:03,359
Speaker 1: this is back when a million dollars was like like

802
00:49:04,000 --> 00:49:06,120
Speaker 1: very few people had a million dollars, Like the average

803
00:49:06,120 --> 00:49:08,600
Speaker 1: home was I don't know, one hundred grand, right so

804
00:49:08,680 --> 00:49:11,560
Speaker 1: to be. And I had client who are multimillionaires, and

805
00:49:11,600 --> 00:49:14,560
Speaker 1: I'm training them, and you know, as the more that

806
00:49:14,600 --> 00:49:16,520
Speaker 1: I got to know them and not all of them,

807
00:49:16,560 --> 00:49:20,000
Speaker 1: but often I'm like, oh wow, I'm a twenty three

808
00:49:20,120 --> 00:49:23,160
Speaker 1: year old, four year old personal trainer driving an orange

809
00:49:23,160 --> 00:49:26,920
Speaker 1: Cortina station wagon which is a piece of shit, and

810
00:49:26,960 --> 00:49:29,839
Speaker 1: I'm renting a house and I've got a motorbike which

811
00:49:29,920 --> 00:49:33,680
Speaker 1: is pretty much ready to fall apart, and I've got

812
00:49:33,719 --> 00:49:38,200
Speaker 1: fucking six friends, and I'm way happier than you. I'm like,

813
00:49:38,280 --> 00:49:42,680
Speaker 1: what is that about? And I'm way less insecure than you,

814
00:49:42,760 --> 00:49:45,560
Speaker 1: and I was pretty insecure, but I'm like, oh wow.

815
00:49:46,320 --> 00:49:49,040
Speaker 1: And so for me, that wasn't a judgment of them,

816
00:49:49,080 --> 00:49:53,680
Speaker 1: but rather an experience of them and an awareness. And

817
00:49:53,719 --> 00:49:57,120
Speaker 1: I'm like, oh, it was great for me because I

818
00:49:57,480 --> 00:50:01,799
Speaker 1: somehow in my subconscious assumed that once I had a

819
00:50:01,800 --> 00:50:06,440
Speaker 1: lot more stuff and a lot better stuff, that I

820
00:50:06,480 --> 00:50:10,560
Speaker 1: almost definitely would be happier. I'd be less stressed, I'd

821
00:50:10,560 --> 00:50:14,480
Speaker 1: be less anxious, you know, not that I was miserable,

822
00:50:14,480 --> 00:50:18,320
Speaker 1: but I just thought more stuff and better stuff equals

823
00:50:19,040 --> 00:50:22,799
Speaker 1: a better experience for me. And while that seems to

824
00:50:22,840 --> 00:50:26,880
Speaker 1: make sense, and it does make sense for certain people

825
00:50:27,000 --> 00:50:30,040
Speaker 1: up to a certain financial level. Obviously, if you're really

826
00:50:30,080 --> 00:50:33,960
Speaker 1: really struggling to pay for your kids kids school fees

827
00:50:34,040 --> 00:50:36,279
Speaker 1: or feed the kids, or feed yourself for bioshoes. Well,

828
00:50:36,320 --> 00:50:41,520
Speaker 1: of course, then money, money can really impact psychological emotional states,

829
00:50:41,560 --> 00:50:45,680
Speaker 1: of course, But beyond a certain point, it's like there's

830
00:50:45,760 --> 00:50:52,160
Speaker 1: no necessarily, there's no positive correlation, you know. So then

831
00:50:52,239 --> 00:50:56,560
Speaker 1: you just start to think about, you know, what actually

832
00:50:56,680 --> 00:51:00,880
Speaker 1: is success for me? Not what is everybody say it is? Not?

833
00:51:00,920 --> 00:51:03,759
Speaker 1: What is culture and media and social media say it is.

834
00:51:04,360 --> 00:51:06,680
Speaker 1: But away from the idea and the sales pitch and

835
00:51:06,719 --> 00:51:10,840
Speaker 1: the marketing, what truly is it for me? What truly

836
00:51:10,960 --> 00:51:13,759
Speaker 1: matters to me? I'll shut up after this, when I

837
00:51:13,840 --> 00:51:16,960
Speaker 1: sit down in the stillness that you just spoke about,

838
00:51:18,160 --> 00:51:20,880
Speaker 1: and I go, Okay, no one's looking, no one's listening.

839
00:51:20,920 --> 00:51:23,439
Speaker 1: There's no fucking fanfare. I'm not on a podcast. I'm

840
00:51:23,440 --> 00:51:26,920
Speaker 1: not writing this for social media. I'm not I'm not

841
00:51:26,960 --> 00:51:31,320
Speaker 1: looking for attention or accolades or approval. What really matters

842
00:51:31,320 --> 00:51:34,920
Speaker 1: to me, you know, what really matters, and what really

843
00:51:35,040 --> 00:51:37,279
Speaker 1: doesn't matter to me is how many people look at

844
00:51:37,280 --> 00:51:42,400
Speaker 1: my Instagram. It's like, that's not a core value. It's nice,

845
00:51:42,880 --> 00:51:45,000
Speaker 1: But what really matters to me is that my mum

846
00:51:45,040 --> 00:51:53,000
Speaker 1: and dad are okay, that my dad's cognitive decline, you know,

847
00:51:53,080 --> 00:51:55,400
Speaker 1: which is normal. He's not, you know, but it's like

848
00:51:55,520 --> 00:51:58,880
Speaker 1: that he's okay. You know that. What matters to me

849
00:51:59,040 --> 00:52:02,399
Speaker 1: is that the people that I love are okay. What

850
00:52:02,480 --> 00:52:05,879
Speaker 1: matters to me is that I don't do dumb shit

851
00:52:05,960 --> 00:52:09,080
Speaker 1: to my body, that I this thing that I can't replace,

852
00:52:09,160 --> 00:52:12,600
Speaker 1: this gift that God or the universe or whatever your

853
00:52:12,600 --> 00:52:17,520
Speaker 1: belief system is bestowed on me, that it works as

854
00:52:17,560 --> 00:52:20,680
Speaker 1: well as it can. That's a value for me, you know.

855
00:52:20,719 --> 00:52:23,399
Speaker 1: And then once you know what those values are, then

856
00:52:23,440 --> 00:52:26,000
Speaker 1: you kind of know where to go. You kind of

857
00:52:26,040 --> 00:52:28,600
Speaker 1: know which path to take. And yeah, you can do

858
00:52:28,680 --> 00:52:31,759
Speaker 1: some bullshit along the way. You know, you can get

859
00:52:31,800 --> 00:52:34,200
Speaker 1: lots of listeners and followers and by yourself some shit.

860
00:52:34,239 --> 00:52:36,799
Speaker 1: There's nothing wrong with that. But none of that is

861
00:52:36,800 --> 00:52:39,520
Speaker 1: your purpose. None of those things are your values.

862
00:52:42,680 --> 00:52:46,160
Speaker 2: I love that, all right. So, last question or last

863
00:52:46,160 --> 00:52:49,759
Speaker 2: bit of advice for people listening that are feeling that

864
00:52:49,800 --> 00:52:54,520
Speaker 2: they feel misaligned and exhausted and stuck on autopilot, maybe

865
00:52:54,560 --> 00:52:58,800
Speaker 2: behaving or reacting out of alignment to who they really

866
00:52:58,840 --> 00:53:04,520
Speaker 2: want to be. What's the first brave move they can make?

867
00:53:06,080 --> 00:53:07,920
Speaker 1: All right? So I'm going to give you three things.

868
00:53:07,920 --> 00:53:09,640
Speaker 1: Hang on, let me just write them down before I

869
00:53:09,800 --> 00:53:18,480
Speaker 1: forget them. So one is a treasure hunt, two is values,

870
00:53:19,440 --> 00:53:22,520
Speaker 1: and three is current behaviors. So let's go backwards. So

871
00:53:22,600 --> 00:53:29,439
Speaker 1: current behaviors. So do a stock take easier said than done,

872
00:53:29,440 --> 00:53:31,319
Speaker 1: but do a stock take on all the shit you

873
00:53:31,360 --> 00:53:36,520
Speaker 1: currently do that's done, Like, how are you currently self sabotaging?

874
00:53:36,640 --> 00:53:40,319
Speaker 1: How are you currently getting in your own way? And

875
00:53:40,640 --> 00:53:44,600
Speaker 1: let me give you an example. You might hold these

876
00:53:44,640 --> 00:53:48,120
Speaker 1: two opposing things. They might be true for you. Truth

877
00:53:48,200 --> 00:53:52,160
Speaker 1: number one is I want to be the best version

878
00:53:52,160 --> 00:53:54,440
Speaker 1: of me physically. I you know, I don't want to

879
00:53:54,480 --> 00:53:58,000
Speaker 1: run a marathon necessarily. I don't want to be a

880
00:53:58,000 --> 00:54:01,200
Speaker 1: mister or miss World. But I want to be the

881
00:54:01,200 --> 00:54:03,600
Speaker 1: best shape that I can be for my genetic potential

882
00:54:03,600 --> 00:54:06,279
Speaker 1: at my age. That's truth number one. Truth number two

883
00:54:06,360 --> 00:54:11,680
Speaker 1: is I eat shit every day. Right, They're both true.

884
00:54:12,880 --> 00:54:18,400
Speaker 1: Those things are simultaneously true. They are simultaneously representative of you,

885
00:54:19,680 --> 00:54:25,600
Speaker 1: but they are inconsistent with your values. Right, So the

886
00:54:25,640 --> 00:54:28,879
Speaker 1: behavior is completely out of alignment with who you want

887
00:54:28,880 --> 00:54:30,719
Speaker 1: to be and how you want to be. So you're

888
00:54:30,760 --> 00:54:34,120
Speaker 1: basically shooting yourself in the foot with your choices, with

889
00:54:34,160 --> 00:54:37,000
Speaker 1: your behavior, with your lifestyle and so on. So that's

890
00:54:37,080 --> 00:54:40,960
Speaker 1: number one. Get real, don't beat yourself up. Remember self reflection,

891
00:54:41,080 --> 00:54:46,040
Speaker 1: self awareness, self regulation, self actualization. That nowhere in that

892
00:54:46,080 --> 00:54:49,920
Speaker 1: list is self loathing. Right, Just be honest, be brave. Right.

893
00:54:50,400 --> 00:54:52,319
Speaker 1: So number one is just do a stock take on

894
00:54:52,640 --> 00:54:55,600
Speaker 1: all the shit that you're currently doing that doesn't serve you.

895
00:54:58,080 --> 00:55:03,880
Speaker 1: Number two is values. Is what we just spoke about,

896
00:55:04,160 --> 00:55:08,680
Speaker 1: So get clear about what matters to you. And the

897
00:55:08,680 --> 00:55:13,640
Speaker 1: beauty about identifying your values is that can become moving

898
00:55:13,719 --> 00:55:16,319
Speaker 1: forward from today if you like, that can become your

899
00:55:16,320 --> 00:55:19,560
Speaker 1: sat NAV, that can become your like, oh what should

900
00:55:19,600 --> 00:55:21,960
Speaker 1: I do here? Or what do your values say? What

901
00:55:22,040 --> 00:55:25,120
Speaker 1: aligns with your values? You know? It's like if TIF

902
00:55:25,760 --> 00:55:28,719
Speaker 1: you got an opportunity for a sponsor on your podcast

903
00:55:29,520 --> 00:55:32,120
Speaker 1: and it was with a product that you wouldn't use,

904
00:55:32,280 --> 00:55:37,280
Speaker 1: that you didn't like, that didn't represent your philosophy around

905
00:55:37,320 --> 00:55:41,799
Speaker 1: health or whatever. I'm pretty sure you wouldn't sell it

906
00:55:41,880 --> 00:55:43,480
Speaker 1: even if they went TIF, we're going to give you

907
00:55:43,520 --> 00:55:47,160
Speaker 1: twenty grand it's a two month sponsorship deal. Da da da.

908
00:55:47,200 --> 00:55:49,719
Speaker 1: I'm pretty sure you would go fuck. I would love

909
00:55:49,760 --> 00:55:53,400
Speaker 1: the dough, but I can't sell that because I wouldn't

910
00:55:53,520 --> 00:55:55,799
Speaker 1: use it and I wouldn't want my friends to use

911
00:55:55,840 --> 00:55:59,400
Speaker 1: it right, So that's when we make values driven decision

912
00:55:59,840 --> 00:56:05,040
Speaker 1: and embrace values driven behaviors. What was the third thing

913
00:56:05,080 --> 00:56:05,520
Speaker 1: I said?

914
00:56:06,600 --> 00:56:09,560
Speaker 2: I jotted treasure Hunt, treasure Hunt, treasure.

915
00:56:09,320 --> 00:56:14,080
Speaker 1: Hunt, thank you, And that just means yeah, like on

916
00:56:14,120 --> 00:56:16,520
Speaker 1: top of the stock take about what we're doing that

917
00:56:16,560 --> 00:56:20,440
Speaker 1: we need to change. Also hit the pause button and

918
00:56:21,360 --> 00:56:23,600
Speaker 1: close your eyes and go what's great about my life?

919
00:56:24,080 --> 00:56:29,560
Speaker 1: And I I'm not big on encouraging people to compare

920
00:56:29,600 --> 00:56:35,080
Speaker 1: themselves to anyone, However, for this little activity, it doesn't hurt,

921
00:56:35,200 --> 00:56:40,120
Speaker 1: you know. I compare myself to people who can't get

922
00:56:40,320 --> 00:56:43,440
Speaker 1: out of a chair. I compare myself to people who

923
00:56:44,120 --> 00:56:47,600
Speaker 1: don't have anyone that loves them or I don't compare,

924
00:56:47,640 --> 00:56:51,960
Speaker 1: but I have that awareness that not everyone like me

925
00:56:52,160 --> 00:56:54,320
Speaker 1: can get out of my chair, walk down the stairs,

926
00:56:55,040 --> 00:56:57,879
Speaker 1: make myself a cup of tea. I'm so grateful for that.

927
00:56:58,239 --> 00:57:02,680
Speaker 1: I'm so grateful that few people love me unconditionally. I'm

928
00:57:02,719 --> 00:57:05,719
Speaker 1: so grateful for that. I'm so grateful that I get

929
00:57:05,760 --> 00:57:08,240
Speaker 1: an opportunity to do this with you. And that sounds

930
00:57:08,280 --> 00:57:12,400
Speaker 1: cheesy and bullshit, but I'm grateful. Like if I wasn't grateful,

931
00:57:13,400 --> 00:57:16,760
Speaker 1: I wouldn't be talking for over an hour. You know,

932
00:57:17,080 --> 00:57:19,720
Speaker 1: it's like, because this is a good opportunity maybe to

933
00:57:19,800 --> 00:57:23,640
Speaker 1: help a few people. You know, I'm grateful that I

934
00:57:23,720 --> 00:57:26,880
Speaker 1: get paid to do shit that I love to do,

935
00:57:27,000 --> 00:57:29,000
Speaker 1: to go and talk to people. It's like I would

936
00:57:29,000 --> 00:57:29,640
Speaker 1: do it for free.

937
00:57:30,440 --> 00:57:33,240
Speaker 2: It's like this shoes don't tell them.

938
00:57:33,960 --> 00:57:38,480
Speaker 1: Well, in the context of my business, I order it. Yeah, well,

939
00:57:38,600 --> 00:57:41,360
Speaker 1: you know they're not getting it for free. But you know,

940
00:57:41,560 --> 00:57:46,000
Speaker 1: I would say, you know, thirty percent of the work

941
00:57:46,200 --> 00:57:48,560
Speaker 1: in inverted commas that I do I don't get paid for.

942
00:57:48,680 --> 00:57:51,280
Speaker 1: And I happily don't you know if and I can't

943
00:57:51,280 --> 00:57:54,680
Speaker 1: do everything for everyone. But you know, I love helping people.

944
00:57:54,880 --> 00:57:58,480
Speaker 1: And I don't love helping people because it's financially viable.

945
00:57:59,240 --> 00:58:02,080
Speaker 1: I just love helping people, you know. And that's like

946
00:58:02,240 --> 00:58:07,240
Speaker 1: that is and I know that sounds cheesy, yeah, but anyway,

947
00:58:07,440 --> 00:58:11,160
Speaker 1: So they're my three things. They're my thoughts, they're my suggestions.

948
00:58:11,520 --> 00:58:14,479
Speaker 2: I love that. Thank you. What are you? What's coming

949
00:58:14,520 --> 00:58:17,560
Speaker 2: up in the world of harps and typ that everyone

950
00:58:17,560 --> 00:58:21,040
Speaker 2: can get around. I know there's a little bit what's that.

951
00:58:21,480 --> 00:58:23,200
Speaker 2: I know there's a little bit happening soon.

952
00:58:24,160 --> 00:58:27,280
Speaker 1: We're launching some live events and we're going to I

953
00:58:27,280 --> 00:58:30,040
Speaker 1: think we're going to Sydney and bris Vegas or maybe

954
00:58:30,120 --> 00:58:35,040
Speaker 1: the Sunshine Coast or Goldie, not sure, Perth Adelaide, Melbs.

955
00:58:35,080 --> 00:58:38,160
Speaker 1: Of course, I'm I'm doing a workshop and new workshop

956
00:58:38,200 --> 00:58:43,320
Speaker 1: which is called the You Experiment, the You Experiment, which

957
00:58:43,360 --> 00:58:48,080
Speaker 1: is essentially talking about it's around the idea that different

958
00:58:48,120 --> 00:58:50,680
Speaker 1: things work for different people. You know, there's not one

959
00:58:50,720 --> 00:58:54,480
Speaker 1: set protocol that suits everybody to create the same outcome,

960
00:58:55,080 --> 00:58:57,439
Speaker 1: and so we're talking about trying to understand how we

961
00:58:57,480 --> 00:59:01,880
Speaker 1: work mentally, emotionally, physiologically, personally, professionally, all that stuff. We

962
00:59:02,000 --> 00:59:05,920
Speaker 1: just lean into that. And of course you might be

963
00:59:06,000 --> 00:59:09,720
Speaker 1: talking about the fact that we're doing a retreat in Queensland.

964
00:59:10,920 --> 00:59:13,720
Speaker 1: Can't announce all of that yet, but because we haven't

965
00:59:13,760 --> 00:59:17,720
Speaker 1: locked in the dates. But I'm doing what will probably

966
00:59:17,840 --> 00:59:27,800
Speaker 1: be a four night, five day extravaganza in a change

967
00:59:27,800 --> 00:59:33,000
Speaker 1: of life extravaganza up in the Sunshine States. So that'll

968
00:59:33,040 --> 00:59:38,120
Speaker 1: be announced very soon all the details. And yeah, I'm excited,

969
00:59:38,200 --> 00:59:41,120
Speaker 1: Like my life is good. I'm lucky, you know, I'm

970
00:59:41,120 --> 00:59:44,880
Speaker 1: stumbling towards the finish line and my PhD. Even in

971
00:59:44,920 --> 00:59:47,200
Speaker 1: that it is like I bitch about it a little bit,

972
00:59:47,240 --> 00:59:52,800
Speaker 1: but truly it's it's been a real growth experience and like.

973
00:59:52,800 --> 00:59:55,000
Speaker 2: I think, at least you don't call your friends every

974
00:59:55,080 --> 00:59:56,920
Speaker 2: day and go I fucking hate school.

975
00:59:58,080 --> 01:00:01,040
Speaker 1: Yeah there's that. There's that. Yeah I know someone who

976
01:00:01,080 --> 01:00:03,640
Speaker 1: does that. All right, well done you

977
01:00:04,080 --> 01:00:06,840
Speaker 2: Carry on, Thanks Harps, Thanks everyone,