Angellica Bell: Hello. I'm Angellica Bell and welcome to Rewirement from Legal &
Angellica Bell: General. The podcast where I'm talking to the experts about
Angellica Bell: how to make later life the best time of life.
Angellica Bell: I'm hearing from inspiring people who are making retirement work
Angellica Bell: for them. Your dreams are as individual as you are,
Angellica Bell: so I'm on a mission to help you make them
Angellica Bell: happen. This time we're tackling the topic of relationships in
Angellica Bell: later life. For many, age and experience might bring relationship
Angellica Bell: breakdowns and new partnerships. Maybe you've been divorced or bereaved
Angellica Bell: and have found love again? Perhaps you and your new partner
Angellica Bell: have children from your previous relationships? If so, the complexities
Angellica Bell: of navigating extended families can bring plenty of questions. I'm going
Angellica Bell: to be finding out how you can set yourself up
Angellica Bell: for success if you're bringing a new person into your
Angellica Bell: family. And if you're already happily settled, I'll be joined
Angellica Bell: by psychologist, Jo Hemmings, and Legal & General's Sara MacLeish, to
Angellica Bell: talk about how you can communicate your financial plans effectively
Angellica Bell: with each other and with your families. But first let's
Angellica Bell: hear from Jane. Jane found love in retirement, 35 years
Angellica Bell: after she and her old flame had first met and
Angellica Bell: gone their separate ways. Jane was living with her third
Angellica Bell: husband in Egypt when she and John reconnected as friends.
Angellica Bell: When that relationship ended, Jane was in a bad place,
Angellica Bell: but her pen pal offered her hope.
Jane: I'd first met him in the City of London. We
Jane: sort of had a very brief, but very happy relationship,
Jane: but then we'd split up and lost touch with each
Jane: other. And I thought about him no end. I thought, "
Jane: I wonder what he's doing? I wonder where he is?
Jane: What is happening?" So I got a couple of old
Jane: pictures and as much detail as I could remember, and
Jane: I put a blog post up. And four years later,
Jane: he saw it and sent me an email, and we
Jane: emailed backwards and forwards 400 emails.
Angellica Bell: Oh, my, goodness. So Jane, when you left Egypt, would
Angellica Bell: you say that you left your financial security behind?
Jane: Yes, totally.
Angellica Bell: I mean, that's quite scary.
Jane: Yes, it is. Unfortunately my relationship had come to an
Jane: end and the only way I could get out was with
Jane: two suitcases and me crochet hooks. That's how I landed
Jane: on my daughter's doorstep with me two suitcases.
Angellica Bell: And was John in the picture at this point, was
Angellica Bell: he a catalyst?
Jane: No, no.
Angellica Bell: Okay.
Jane: Well, he was a catalyst because I'd had the email.
Jane: So he sent me a bit of music, Foo Fighters.
Jane: Is someone getting the Best of You? And I thought, "
Jane: Wow, nobody's getting the best of me, I've got so
Jane: much to offer and I'm just dying here."
Angellica Bell: And that takes a lot of courage to walk away
Angellica Bell: from something. Stability-
Jane: Well, I think a lot of ladies have had to
Jane: do it and it's not easy. It's not easy at
Jane: all. But once I'd been back in this country a
Jane: few months, I was so much happier. I can't believe
Jane: that I can be lucky enough at 66 to find
Jane: romance again. Actually, it was quite good going back to
Jane: someone I'd known so many years before when I was
Jane: sort of young and believed in fairy stories.
Angellica Bell: Well, you're with John now. You've been married before. Were
Angellica Bell: you wary about starting something new?
Jane: Oh, very wary. It started off with just being friends
Jane: and going for a drink together and stuff like that.
Jane: But after we reconnected again, it probably wasn't until lockdown
Jane: that we started getting romantic. We took it very slowly
Jane: because we wanted to find each other's background and everything.
Jane: Because it's 35 years, a lot had happened. When I
Jane: came back to this country, I was connecting with a lot of people
Jane: that I knew in the 80s. It was just lovely
Jane: to be able to share all those memories again and
Jane: have a bit of a laugh about our younger selves.
Angellica Bell: Yeah. So you have that something in common that you
Angellica Bell: can build upon. And so it can be just friends and
Angellica Bell: you're saying, " Who knows, it might turn into something more
Angellica Bell: romantic?" But at the end of the day, it's about
Angellica Bell: building that best friend foundation first?
Jane: Yeah, I think so. I think nearly all relationship should
Jane: start from a basis of friendship because otherwise what are you
Jane: going to do when you're having an argument?
Angellica Bell: Was it more financial reasons why you decided to move
Angellica Bell: in together?
Jane: Yeah. Do you know the TV program Golden Girls?
Angellica Bell: Oh yes.
Jane: We thought we would be a bit like Golden Girls,
Jane: sharing a house together. He can kill spiders and I
Jane: can sew tapestry cushions. It's just nice to have someone,
Jane: especially with lockdown, to have somebody in the house to
Jane: talk to. And one of the things we love doing
Jane: is on a Monday night it's University Challenge, Mastermind and
Jane: Only Connect. And we have a little friendly competition about
Jane: who can get the most answers right.
Angellica Bell: I know there's some people who are very comfortable being
Angellica Bell: single in retirement. And that's fantastic, but like you say,
Angellica Bell: there are some people who need that companionship and want
Angellica Bell: to share their retirement with someone, share those memories. Which
Angellica Bell: is totally understandable. So what advice would you give to
Angellica Bell: someone who is meeting their new partner's family? Because both
Angellica Bell: you and John have had your own lives, experienced different
Angellica Bell: things, and all of a sudden you're coming together at a
Angellica Bell: time where it's about you. How did they react and
Angellica Bell: how did you navigate that situation?
Jane: My daughter, hadn't been very keen on my previous husband.
Jane: And so she was quite glad that I had got
Jane: involved with somebody that she could respect. He's great with
Jane: her children, my grandchildren. It's really cute to see him
Jane: sort of cuddling the baby and being all goo goo gaga.
Angellica Bell: And then how do you sort out your finances together?
Jane: Oh, we don't. We don't. We keep them totally separate.
Angellica Bell: And although you and John keep your finances separate, you're
Angellica Bell: with somebody who's got their pension sorted and their finances
Angellica Bell: sorted, so you're both feeling confident for the future?
Jane: Yeah. Being able to split the bills and split the
Jane: rent and stuff like that means you've got more disposable
Jane: income. I wish I had ploughed more into my private
Jane: pension back in the day. I really do. I've got
Jane: a minuscule private pension, and it would be lovely to
Jane: have a little bit more. But I am totally thankful
Jane: that I paid all my stamps and I've got the
Jane: full state pension. So that's sort of something that not everybody
Jane: has, especially females. So I think women should check their
Jane: national insurance records. You can do it all online. That's
Jane: what I did.
Angellica Bell: So what about your plan them for the future for care,
Angellica Bell: if you need support on your health, how are you
Angellica Bell: going to deal with that together?
Jane: Well, I think we're taking it one day at a time. You
Jane: just don't know what's going to happen. I mean, when
Jane: I first came back in the country, I was 17
Jane: and a half stone and diabetic. Now, John knew about
Jane: reversing your diabetes and gave me advice about that. And I
Jane: researched it and spoke to my doctor, lost four stone.
Jane: Now I'm on no insulin, no diabetes medication, nothing. But
Jane: who knows what's going to happen? You could suddenly get
Jane: dementia or something like that. I think you just have
Jane: to seize the day and live life for this day
Jane: and have a good time.
Angellica Bell: You give a lot of hope for people who are
Angellica Bell: still looking for love in their latter years, which is lovely.
Jane: You never know what's going to happen. I've constantly been
Jane: surprised all through my life. And I never would have
Jane: expected this to happen. Yeah, It's a bit special.
Angellica Bell: It just goes to show that you can't predict the
Angellica Bell: path that life will take. But being open to opportunities
Angellica Bell: and reconnecting with old friends can lead to wonderful things.
Angellica Bell: It can be hard to make big changes when you're
Angellica Bell: settled in life. Jane's bravery has truly paid off and
Angellica Bell: I love her adventurous spirit. She's now considering a PhD
Angellica Bell: with the little extra cash she's saving each month by
Angellica Bell: living with her long, lost love. Another side to developing
Angellica Bell: new relationships later in life can be the impact this
Angellica Bell: has upon your lifestyle and relationships with others. If you've
Angellica Bell: got children and your own assets, it can feel complicated
Angellica Bell: to broach the subject with your families. And yet there
Angellica Bell: are hundreds of thousands of blended families and step- families
Angellica Bell: in the UK. What's more, even when your children have
Angellica Bell: grown up and left home, you may re- partner after
Angellica Bell: a divorce or the death of a partner. So what
Angellica Bell: happens when you've both got big families and maybe even
Angellica Bell: grandchildren? Christine is a psychotherapist who's continuing to work in
Angellica Bell: her retirement. She's just relocated to the coast to be
Angellica Bell: near her children. She's told me how she and her
Angellica Bell: husband navigated marriage with seven children between them.
Christine: I'd been married for 21 years to my first husband. I
Christine: had five children. At the point where we divorced three
Christine: of them were in their early 20s. So when I moved,
Christine: I moved with my two youngest children who are seven
Christine: and nine.
Angellica Bell: That's quite a big gap, wasn't it?
Christine: Yeah. It was a big gap. I had three and then I had a big
Christine: gap and then I had two more. So when I
Christine: moved... Well, I was on my own with my two
Christine: youngest kids. And then when I remarried, my husband had
Christine: two children who were also in their early 20s. So
Christine: similar ages to my other three kids. So our blended
Christine: family, if you like, was me and my new husband
Christine: and my two youngest kids with the others kind of
Christine: gradually, very gradually visiting and just adjusting to this whole
Christine: change of situation. I mean it's never easy. What children
Christine: really want is for their parents to stay together, hopefully.
Christine: I mean, we understand that really. And it was difficult
Christine: for them I think, But because they were all in
Christine: there in their early 20s, they got on like a
Christine: house on fire after a while.
Angellica Bell: Your family setup changed quite dramatically with the amount of children that you had in the home and
Angellica Bell: stuff. Tell me how you adapted to that and how
Angellica Bell: obviously when you meet someone new, when you've lived your
Angellica Bell: life, how their financial outlook can impact you?
Christine: I suppose, financially, that's an interesting one. Because it took
Christine: two years for my divorce to go through, quite complicated.
Christine: I didn't really have any money of my own at
Christine: that point. Well, I mean a bit, but not much.
Christine: And I remember I borrowed money off my dad just
Christine: after we separated. My husband wasn't in much of a
Christine: better position than me. He'd been through a divorce and
Christine: he took nothing from the divorce. And I think at
Christine: that point there was quite a lot of fun. It
Christine: was all new. It was new relationship, new circumstances, and
Christine: there was a lot of really good times. And I
Christine: think in those kinds of times, I wasn't too financially
Christine: aware of maybe planning for my future. I was 40, 41
Christine: I wasn't really that bothered about that. I paid my
Christine: pension every month, and I think I just trusted that
Christine: things would be fine.
Angellica Bell: Was Alex like that? Was he quite laid back about
Angellica Bell: money or have you both had to change and adjust?
Christine: I probably didn't know this at the time we got
Christine: together. If I had to describe us now, I'd say
Christine: that I was the one that was more savvy with
Christine: money and more careful. Alex has, and he still has
Christine: this attitude a little bit, even though he's 74 now.
Christine: He has this attitude of, " Oh, it's just money. It's
Christine: all right." He has a much more laid back attitude than
Christine: I do. I don't think it caused much conflict. It
Christine: has at times. Mainly my frustration. Maybe because I'm a
Christine: bit jealous because I really wish that I could be
Christine: like that sometimes. And I was a bit like that
Christine: before my first divorce, but a difficult divorce and the
Christine: financial outcomes of that, have changed my view of money.
Christine: And when there was just me and the two younger
Christine: kids, I felt that I just had to be very
Christine: sensible. I changed really.
Angellica Bell: Well with that in mind and you saying that, do
Angellica Bell: you keep your finances separate?
Christine: We do. Yeah, we always have. For me, I think
Christine: just because of everything that happened through that first divorce,
Christine: I was a little bit anxious about it and I
Christine: just needed to know that I was in control of
Christine: my finances. And so it was like that. And it
Christine: just didn't change. I'm just more comfortable with it. Having
Christine: said that, we have discussions about finances. We know what
Christine: we're going to spend, where the money's going to come
Christine: from and how are we going to do it. We
Christine: discuss that, but we still have things separate.
Angellica Bell: And I can see why, because you've both got separate
Angellica Bell: sets of children as well.
Christine: Yes.
Angellica Bell: So you're probably wanting to protect them as well and make
Angellica Bell: sure that they're set up.
Christine: My side of the financial situation is more complex than
Christine: Alex's. His is quite straightforward. He has his two children.
Christine: We have this house between us that we live in
Christine: now. And his ex- wife, she's still alive so she
Christine: has her own house. So they're inheritance line is quite
Christine: straightforward. Mine is more complicated. I've got a trust fund
Christine: from my dad who died 20 years ago. And the
Christine: person that my dad lived with, when she dies, then
Christine: the trust fund will be released between me and her
Christine: son. Basically it's the house that she lives in. So that's
Christine: quite complicated. And if I don't get that before I
Christine: die, then that needs to be passed straight down to
Christine: my children. So there's all those arrangements.
Angellica Bell: I see where you're coming from. And you want in
Angellica Bell: a way, in such a complex situation, some clarity. And
Angellica Bell: then as a psychotherapist as well, I'm thinking you must
Angellica Bell: have your own insights in to how people behave with
Angellica Bell: money, how people perceive things, inheritance and stuff?
Christine: I can work with clients as a counselor and psychotherapist.
Christine: And I can really support people and keep communications going
Christine: in terms of any subject that they want to bring
Christine: into the session in a balanced way. But when it
Christine: comes to your own family and your own children, then
Christine: a lot of that goes out the window. I have
Christine: five children who are very different personalities, no shrinking violets
Christine: with my children. Everything's always been on the table for
Christine: discussion with my kids. I've always been like that with
Christine: them, from when they were very young. That, I think it's
Christine: a very positive thing. But it can be quite challenging
Christine: and difficult. If you get five of them together and
Christine: they're quite, can be quite opinionated then that's not an
Christine: easy thing to do. I have different relationships with all
Christine: of them. I would open those conversations at a completely
Christine: different place with each of them. Which you might would
Christine: do with clients as you get to know them. So
Christine: there's that similarity. Money is a very difficult thing to
Christine: talk about. What I might be doing with my money
Christine: or what my views might be in terms of how
Christine: I'm planning for them, might not be what they think
Christine: is right. And I know that my kids often, so
Christine: you don't want to do that, you want to do
Christine: this. And I have to say, " Well, actually I don't
Christine: want to do that. I know what I want to
Christine: do." And it's quite hard that. And the more kids you
Christine: got, I think the harder it gets. You've got to make
Christine: the space for all those different conversations.
Angellica Bell: Well, at least you're aware of it and you've got
Angellica Bell: a plan. But what advice would you give to anyone
Angellica Bell: who is looking ahead to retirement, but wants to make
Angellica Bell: sure they've communicated with their partner and families about their
Angellica Bell: wishes and plans?
Christine: To keep lines of communication open. In terms of the
Christine: earlier you're thinking about things, if it feels right, then
Christine: to say something. Whatever it might be to just open
Christine: those lines of communication. The hardest thing in the world
Christine: I think, is to go and talk to somebody about a
Christine: really difficult subject, but not have the smaller conversations beforehand,
Christine: the more generalized conversations and it comes out the blue.
Christine: And I mean, I think that is actually probably good
Christine: advice for a lot of difficult situations. If you're planning
Christine: it and people start to know what you're planning as
Christine: you go forward it's an extension of that conversation rather
Christine: than just another thing plucked out of ether and coming
Christine: as a shock. And I guess the other thing is
Christine: that's really important is to listen because whatever I'm planning
Christine: affects all my children. And although I'm quite secure in
Christine: my sense of doing what I think is right, and
Christine: quite committed to that, they still have an opinion. All
Christine: your family have an opinion. And I think it's really
Christine: important to listen to it. And even if you don't agree
Christine: with it, to kind of acknowledge it and validate it
Christine: because people are coming from different places.
Angellica Bell: Wise, wise words from Christine. It sounds like she's communicating
Angellica Bell: and having those essential conversations with her children, but it's
Angellica Bell: not always easy to talk about money. Everyone has a
Angellica Bell: different situation and individual concerns. It's important to communicate with
Angellica Bell: your partner about your financial situation in later life, but
Angellica Bell: also vital to make sure everyone who might be affected
Angellica Bell: by the change is on the same page. So how
Angellica Bell: do you do that sensitively? I'm joined by psychologist, Jo
Angellica Bell: Hemmings and Legal & General's Sara MacLeish to find out. Well,
Angellica Bell: talking about love and relationships in retirement fills my heart
Angellica Bell: with joy. Jo, let's start by talking about who can
Angellica Bell: be affected if you find love in later life.
Jo Hemmings: Yeah. It can be difficult. I think sometimes your friends
Jo Hemmings: or close family, they're not aware that you're even looking for love.
Jo Hemmings: I think that's one of the issues. So when you find
Jo Hemmings: somebody that comes as a real shock, because they thought you
Jo Hemmings: were perfectly settled and happy as you were. Then when you
Jo Hemmings: meet someone who's significant, I think if you're dating a
Jo Hemmings: bit, which you can do when you get older, but haven't found anybody
Jo Hemmings: of major importance, you don't need to do anything about
Jo Hemmings: it at this point. But when you find someone who does
Jo Hemmings: feel like they'll have some significance in your life, then
Jo Hemmings: I think definitely introduce them in that way. I mean,
Jo Hemmings: be honest about it. I do know, I have heard of people saying, "
Jo Hemmings: Oh, this is my friend." That's all right when you've
Jo Hemmings: got little kids, but I mean, most older members of
Jo Hemmings: your family will probably recognize that they're probably not quite
Jo Hemmings: just a friend.
Angellica Bell: Well, how would you introduce a new person or people into your family?
Jo Hemmings: I think I'd tell them. " I met someone. I've met
Jo Hemmings: someone who I feel I really connect with, get on
Jo Hemmings: well with. We've been out going out for a while. We've
Jo Hemmings: got a lot in common. He makes me feel good about
Jo Hemmings: myself." Just those kinds of explaining. You don't have to
Jo Hemmings: justify yourself, but you do I think to an extent,
Jo Hemmings: I have to explain the importance of it, why it
Jo Hemmings: matters to you and how you feel about it. And
Jo Hemmings: just be very upfront rather than trying to dress it
Jo Hemmings: up as something isn't because has every chance of getting
Jo Hemmings: yourself into sort of tangles that are quite hard to
Jo Hemmings: get out of.
Angellica Bell: No. Exactly. And I suppose as well, when people are older,
Angellica Bell: they've got maybe older children, people who've known them their
Angellica Bell: whole lives and then to bring somebody else in can
Angellica Bell: be unsettling for other people. So maybe just being honest and
Angellica Bell: straight is the best thing.
Jo Hemmings: I think so, and I think do it gently if
Jo Hemmings: you need to. Maybe do it out of the home.
Jo Hemmings: So you have a meal out somewhere. You just want
Jo Hemmings: it to be as relaxed an experience as you can.
Jo Hemmings: And obviously you want them to like them, but try
Jo Hemmings: and let it be natural rather than talking for them.
Jo Hemmings: I think that's what some people do.
Angellica Bell: Well, Sara, in terms of the financial side, divorces can
Angellica Bell: have an impact on your situation in later life. What's
Angellica Bell: your advice for revisiting retirement finances after a divorce?
Sara MacLeish: Yeah, well, I mean, as we've heard from both Christine
Sara MacLeish: and Jane, divorce and separation is a really very costly
Sara MacLeish: and complicated process and it's very rare that people come
Sara MacLeish: out of a divorce or a separation better off. In fact,
Sara MacLeish: most come away facing retirement with far less income to
Sara MacLeish: live off. Especially women who typically have significantly lower pension
Sara MacLeish: provision than men. We also know that this is becoming a
Sara MacLeish: bigger and bigger issue in middle- age and later life.
Sara MacLeish: So the statistics are showing us now that one in
Sara MacLeish: four divorces takes place over the age of 50 in
Sara MacLeish: the UK today. I mean the critical thing here, Angellica,
Sara MacLeish: is to get advice and to understand where you stand
Sara MacLeish: in these matters. We conducted some research recently at L&
Sara MacLeish: G and were staggered to see that only 3% of people
Sara MacLeish: going through a divorce take financial advice, only 3%.
Angellica Bell: No, only 3%?
Sara MacLeish: Yeah. Now, if you can afford financial advice, if you
Sara MacLeish: can access a financial advisor, then obviously that's going to
Sara MacLeish: be incredibly valuable in making sure that you've received expert
Sara MacLeish: advice, professional advice, and that it's tailored to your circumstances.
Sara MacLeish: But if that option is not available to you, then
Sara MacLeish: I still would advise people to make sure that they're
Sara MacLeish: looking for those online resources, those telephone resources that are
Sara MacLeish: free of charge to everyone. Things like PensionWise can be really,
Sara MacLeish: really powerful in helping you understand your retirement options.
Angellica Bell: Well, like you said, Christine has a plan for how
Angellica Bell: she'd like her children to inherit her money and is
Angellica Bell: already having those sort of conversations, very upfront, open, and
Angellica Bell: I think that's really refreshing. But what matters should you
Angellica Bell: get clear on before sharing that information?
Sara MacLeish: Think as Christine says, having those small conversations early is
Sara MacLeish: fantastic advice rather than having a big conversation and potentially
Sara MacLeish: a quite a traumatic conversation forced upon you by events.
Sara MacLeish: Things to get clear on beforehand, make sure that you
Sara MacLeish: have a will, a decent will written. And also one
Sara MacLeish: thing people often forget, make sure that it's stored somewhere
Sara MacLeish: securely so that it does still form a reliable legal
Sara MacLeish: document when the time comes. Also, make sure that you've nominated
Sara MacLeish: executors to that will and make them aware that you've
Sara MacLeish: nominated them as such. Ideally your executors should be somebody
Sara MacLeish: who knows you well, understand your wishes, but also has
Sara MacLeish: say has some degree of independence, even if that's just
Sara MacLeish: mental and philosophical independence from your family so that they
Sara MacLeish: can manage some of the more sensitive topics. And obviously
Sara MacLeish: in blended families, like Christine's, a will becomes even more
Sara MacLeish: important because there are just so many different scenarios that
Sara MacLeish: could play out in that kind of family situation. I'd
Sara MacLeish: also say it's really important to think carefully about gifting.
Sara MacLeish: So good inheritance planning isn't just about what you leave
Sara MacLeish: behind. For a lot of people it can make far
Sara MacLeish: more sense from a tax perspective, if nothing else to
Sara MacLeish: give money while you're still alive. So make sure that
Sara MacLeish: you understand the options there. Lots and lots of our
Sara MacLeish: customers prefer watching their loved ones benefit from what we
Sara MacLeish: call a living inheritance. And these early inheritances can also
Sara MacLeish: mean that the children and the benefactors receive their gift
Sara MacLeish: at points in their life when they need it the
Sara MacLeish: most and benefit from it the most. For example, when
Sara MacLeish: they're trying to get onto the property ladder. So again,
Sara MacLeish: financial advice can be really helpful for those that can
Sara MacLeish: access and afford it, but do have a look at
Sara MacLeish: those early inheritances.
Angellica Bell: Some really good advice there, Sara. Jo, I want to
Angellica Bell: come back to you, in both our stories we heard
Angellica Bell: how people are choosing to keep their finances separate when
Angellica Bell: meeting later in life. But every couple will have their
Angellica Bell: own approach. Why is communication over such things so important,
Angellica Bell: especially when discussing matters with children or people who are
Angellica Bell: set to inherit things like what, what Christine has done?
Jo Hemmings: I think as Sara says, one is a notoriously difficult
Jo Hemmings: subject to raise. What can happen if you don't raise
Jo Hemmings: it is that children particularly may resent your partner, may
Jo Hemmings: feel that they're a gold digger or just be suspicious
Jo Hemmings: in some way. I think being honest with your own
Jo Hemmings: children and being honest with your partner is very important.
Jo Hemmings: And the truth is when you're younger and you do
Jo Hemmings: perhaps have a joint bank account you're looking towards your
Jo Hemmings: future, you're looking to having children, to perhaps buying your
Jo Hemmings: first home together, whatever it may be. That necessity isn't
Jo Hemmings: really there. And not that I think it's necessarily something you
Jo Hemmings: should be doing when you're young, but you definitely don't
Jo Hemmings: need to be doing it as you get older. And
Jo Hemmings: it shouldn't be a taboo subject. And I think the other thing
Jo Hemmings: is you know somebody. So when you're in a couple, you
Jo Hemmings: pick up quite quickly on their attitude to money. So
Jo Hemmings: are you dating or having a relationship with a spender
Jo Hemmings: or a saver? What are they like when you're going
Jo Hemmings: out for dinner, how they look at the menu, what
Jo Hemmings: they do when the bill arrives? So you get a
Jo Hemmings: sense of the kind of person they are. They might be quite different from
Jo Hemmings: you, but you're old and wise enough to be able
Jo Hemmings: to have that conversation say, " Listen, we have two different
Jo Hemmings: approaches. Mine is very much the saving. I want to
Jo Hemmings: keep financially independent." I mean, just have it. It's just a good
Jo Hemmings: conversation to have because you cannot guarantee you're going to
Jo Hemmings: be with someone who thinks the same way as you.
Jo Hemmings: And also say to your children, " Look just because I've
Jo Hemmings: fallen in love. And I'm very, very happy. It's not
Jo Hemmings: going to affect your inheritance in any way." Reassure them
Jo Hemmings: that you know this person well enough.
Angellica Bell: Okay. Well, Sara, there are different laws, as we know
Angellica Bell: for couples who are married and co- habiting, how can
Angellica Bell: this affect your living situation if a partner dies?
Sara MacLeish: Yeah, so the laws are different if you're married rather
Sara MacLeish: than co- habiting. So it's really important to make sure
Sara MacLeish: you've considered this and how it could affect your home.
Sara MacLeish: The situation can be even more complicated if you have
Sara MacLeish: children on both sides who are benefactors from their parent's
Sara MacLeish: estate. So questions to ask yourself, " If you are sharing
Sara MacLeish: a home, will there be enough money to cover the
Sara MacLeish: cost of that home if one of you passes away?
Sara MacLeish: And also if you own that home together, how will
Sara MacLeish: the estate be shared out in the event of one
Sara MacLeish: of your deaths?"
Angellica Bell: And what if you or your partner needs extra care in later life? What can be done then?
Sara MacLeish: Well, yeah, I mean, on the theme of difficult conversations,
Sara MacLeish: this is probably the hardest one of all, discussing your
Sara MacLeish: wishes for your care and your money if you get
Sara MacLeish: to the point where you're unable to make those decisions
Sara MacLeish: for yourself. So really, really important to be thinking about
Sara MacLeish: nominating a Lasting Power of Attorney and making sure that
Sara MacLeish: Lasting Power of Attorney understands what your wishes are when
Sara MacLeish: the time comes.
Angellica Bell: Okay. And Jo, one final question, and it's an important
Angellica Bell: one. If anyone has been inspired to look for love
Angellica Bell: as a result of hearing Jane's story, what advice would
Angellica Bell: you give them to help them make sure it's a
Angellica Bell: great experience?
Jo Hemmings: Yeah, it's an interesting one with Jane isn't it? Because I guess she
Jo Hemmings: probably wasn't really looking for love, she sort of found
Jo Hemmings: it. And that's in an opportunistic way or it just happened to
Jo Hemmings: her. So there are people that have prepared for it, that
Jo Hemmings: know that they're out there looking for somebody. And then
Jo Hemmings: there are people who just come across it and it changes their
Jo Hemmings: life. Again, don't get swept away by... And it can
Jo Hemmings: feel like that. Emotionally you can feel so in love and
Jo Hemmings: so happy and so good for perhaps the first time in a very long
Jo Hemmings: time that we forget all the practical issues that are
Jo Hemmings: there. So I think remind yourself, there are things to
Jo Hemmings: be sorted, just get all your ducks in a row
Jo Hemmings: financially so that you can relax. Once it's done, it's
Jo Hemmings: done. And then you can have this great romance late
Jo Hemmings: in life and it's brilliant. But just get the underpinning,
Jo Hemmings: whether that's relationships with people in either the blended families
Jo Hemmings: or financial, get those to a good place so that
Jo Hemmings: you feel secure. It's a good anchor from which to
Jo Hemmings: set off on your love journey or however you want to describe it.
Angellica Bell: Well, thank you both for your advice, Jo, Sara, been
Angellica Bell: brilliant. Thank you. It sounds like communication is the name of the
Angellica Bell: game. If you're bringing someone new and special into your
Angellica Bell: life later on. Whether you're introducing them to your children
Angellica Bell: and grandchildren or just making sure you're on the same
Angellica Bell: page about each other's financial decisions, talking about it is
Angellica Bell: the first step to harmony. What's more, if you have
Angellica Bell: a blended family, it's fair to make sure everyone is
Angellica Bell: listened to and communicated with sensitively when you're sharing your
Angellica Bell: financial decisions for inheritance. You can find out more about
Angellica Bell: retirement planning as well as links to those websites we've mentioned @ legalandgeneral. com/
Angellica Bell: retirement. In our final episode for the series, I'll be
Angellica Bell: hearing from amazing individuals who are finding ways to balance
Angellica Bell: care needs with happy and independent lives in later life.
Speaker 6: Being a sole carer, I appreciate more than ever the
Speaker 6: need to prepare for retirement for your older years.
Angellica Bell: I'm Angellica Bell, follow Rewirement on your favorite platform and
Angellica Bell: I'll catch you next time.