WEBVTT - Can Money Make or Break Your Relationship? 0:00:00.270 --> 0:00:03.329 This series is brought to you by L& G, helping you build a 0:00:03.330 --> 0:00:04.980 future that's a little bit richer. 0:00:06.780 --> 0:00:09.270 Hello and welcome to A Little Bit Richer with me, 0:00:09.270 --> 0:00:12.630 Iona Bain, brought to you by L& G. Now, money 0:00:12.630 --> 0:00:16.980 can be an awkward discussion in any relationship, particularly with 0:00:16.980 --> 0:00:20.250 your other half. So when relationships transition from the fun 0:00:20.250 --> 0:00:22.709 and frolics of dating to saving and budgeting for a 0:00:22.710 --> 0:00:26.910 future together, it's important to get the fundamentals right. Friend 0:00:26.910 --> 0:00:29.610 of the show, Bola Sol is back with some helpful 0:00:29.610 --> 0:00:32.190 ways that couples can manage their money in a way 0:00:32.250 --> 0:00:35.729 that suits them. Financial advisor, Bola, is also a money 0:00:35.729 --> 0:00:38.849 columnist and author of Your Money Life and How To Save 0:00:38.850 --> 0:00:42.090 It. You might have seen her videos online on red 0:00:42.090 --> 0:00:45.750 financial flags in relationships. So, there really is nobody better 0:00:45.960 --> 0:00:49.951 to chat about this thorny subject. Welcome back, Bola. 0:00:49.951 --> 0:00:51.960 Hi Iona. Thanks for having me. 0:00:52.110 --> 0:00:55.590 So relationships are not all about the money, obviously. 0:00:55.590 --> 0:00:56.220 Of course not. 0:00:56.490 --> 0:01:00.540 But why do your finances matter when you are in 0:01:00.540 --> 0:01:01.680 a relationship with someone? 0:01:01.800 --> 0:01:04.410 Because money is a tool that we all have to 0:01:04.410 --> 0:01:08.850 use, and if we don't figure out how we're aligned 0:01:08.940 --> 0:01:12.869 on our finances, there can be a lot of mismatches in 0:01:13.470 --> 0:01:17.130 the relationship. And those mismatches can come in the form 0:01:17.190 --> 0:01:20.160 of the type of house you may want together, the 0:01:20.160 --> 0:01:21.959 type of future you may want together, if you do 0:01:21.959 --> 0:01:24.810 want children, the type of lifestyle that you want for 0:01:24.810 --> 0:01:28.530 those children, how you plan to retire, and what's important 0:01:28.530 --> 0:01:31.830 to you. So finance is a very big part of relationships, 0:01:31.830 --> 0:01:34.530 and there are definitely some stats that show it's one 0:01:34.530 --> 0:01:36.840 of the top five reasons people do get divorced. 0:01:37.230 --> 0:01:39.510 And is this an issue that you come across a 0:01:39.510 --> 0:01:41.819 lot in the work that you do? Do people come 0:01:41.819 --> 0:01:47.370 to you with differing approaches to finances within their relationships, 0:01:47.370 --> 0:01:48.660 and does that cause tension? 0:01:48.780 --> 0:01:52.950 Yes, it does. I would say there's some circumstances that 0:01:52.950 --> 0:01:56.040 stick out to me where some people are suffering in 0:01:56.040 --> 0:01:59.670 silence financially, they're having to take charge of a lot 0:01:59.670 --> 0:02:04.740 of costs, and they feel quite guilty about expressing that. 0:02:05.130 --> 0:02:07.320 And that's quite sad, because then it now means they 0:02:07.320 --> 0:02:10.650 have to confront their partner and say, " I don't feel 0:02:10.650 --> 0:02:12.720 supported here. I need you to support me more." And 0:02:12.720 --> 0:02:15.780 sometimes the response that they get, it could just be, " 0:02:15.780 --> 0:02:18.000 Well, you've been dealing with it so far, keep dealing 0:02:18.000 --> 0:02:20.760 with it," and that can cause so much tension in 0:02:20.760 --> 0:02:21.780 any relationship. 0:02:22.050 --> 0:02:26.280 And are there aspects of modern dating that can exacerbate 0:02:26.280 --> 0:02:31.049 these issues? For instance, when you're dating online, perhaps you 0:02:31.110 --> 0:02:34.139 see someone present a lifestyle that's actually quite different to 0:02:34.139 --> 0:02:36.840 how they manage their finances and maybe you don't get 0:02:36.840 --> 0:02:40.860 to find out what their financial situation is until quite 0:02:40.860 --> 0:02:42.810 a bit later on in the relationship. 0:02:42.870 --> 0:02:46.139 Yeah, and that's why communication's important, because there's only so 0:02:46.139 --> 0:02:50.700 much you can see online and take from someone's lifestyle, 0:02:50.940 --> 0:02:53.280 which is why you can't just take everything at face 0:02:53.280 --> 0:02:55.860 value. So I think it is key that you are 0:02:55.860 --> 0:02:58.740 having those discussions about maybe where are you right now 0:02:58.770 --> 0:03:00.780 when it comes to your financial priorities? 0:03:01.320 --> 0:03:05.940 And do people change their attitudes towards money once they 0:03:05.940 --> 0:03:10.470 get into relationships? Do they sometimes shift and adapt and 0:03:10.470 --> 0:03:14.190 evolve because there is someone now significant in their life 0:03:14.190 --> 0:03:16.980 that they want to share goals with, or is it 0:03:16.980 --> 0:03:19.200 a mistake to assume that will automatically happen? 0:03:19.950 --> 0:03:24.120 I think it varies person to person. So, when I 0:03:24.300 --> 0:03:28.919 got into my relationship now, I've felt a sense of 0:03:28.919 --> 0:03:32.668 accountability about my decisions, about my spending and my why, 0:03:32.970 --> 0:03:36.600 because we're planning to share life together. So that just 0:03:36.600 --> 0:03:38.790 means I can't just make decisions on my own. And 0:03:38.790 --> 0:03:42.510 I have seen some people start to absolve themselves of 0:03:42.510 --> 0:03:46.410 responsibility when they get into relationships. So it becomes, " I 0:03:46.410 --> 0:03:49.590 don't have to think about this." And that is also 0:03:49.590 --> 0:03:52.620 irresponsible because it puts a lot of pressure on one 0:03:52.620 --> 0:03:55.200 person to essentially be the adult in the relationship when 0:03:55.200 --> 0:03:56.370 both of you are adults. 0:03:56.910 --> 0:04:00.720 How can we avoid slipping into those roles within our 0:04:00.720 --> 0:04:04.440 relationships, and maybe stepping up and becoming a bit more equal 0:04:04.440 --> 0:04:05.490 in how we manage things? 0:04:05.580 --> 0:04:07.620 I think you used an important term there, which is 0:04:07.620 --> 0:04:10.619 part of the solution, which is stepping up. Even if 0:04:10.830 --> 0:04:13.860 some people they don't feel very confident about finances, it's 0:04:13.860 --> 0:04:17.400 still worth asking questions and also potentially saying, " What can 0:04:17.400 --> 0:04:19.920 I do to help in the situation?" And then potentially, 0:04:19.920 --> 0:04:23.729 over time, they could take on certain responsibilities. That could 0:04:23.730 --> 0:04:27.839 be being the one who initiates the conversation about the 0:04:27.839 --> 0:04:31.650 budget. It could also be taking on particular bills and 0:04:31.860 --> 0:04:33.719 ensuring that that's covered every single month. 0:04:33.990 --> 0:04:38.400 And what are your thoughts on maintaining your own independence 0:04:38.400 --> 0:04:43.620 in a relationship versus joining your finances with someone else? 0:04:43.920 --> 0:04:48.419 Because lots of couples might feel like they should have 0:04:48.420 --> 0:04:51.029 a joint account because that means that they can have 0:04:51.029 --> 0:04:54.810 transparency, that can make joint planning a lot easier. But 0:04:54.810 --> 0:04:58.290 on the other hand, having your own financial account means 0:04:58.290 --> 0:05:02.219 having some independence and some privacy. What are your thoughts 0:05:02.220 --> 0:05:03.659 there on achieving the right balance? 0:05:04.170 --> 0:05:07.650 I think the right balance comes from having four accounts, 0:05:07.950 --> 0:05:12.120 which is joint savings, a joint current account for bills, 0:05:12.570 --> 0:05:16.620 and then individual savings and an individual current. 0:05:16.770 --> 0:05:19.470 Okay, so not just having a joint account but also 0:05:19.470 --> 0:05:21.450 having a joint savings account as well? 0:05:21.480 --> 0:05:24.420 Yeah, absolutely. Absolutely. It's up to you, really, as a 0:05:24.450 --> 0:05:28.650 couple. Do you want to do all of your savings 0:05:28.650 --> 0:05:32.370 together, and if so, what does that look like? So 0:05:32.370 --> 0:05:35.010 are there any T's and C's that are part of 0:05:35.010 --> 0:05:38.219 that? So for example, if you plan to take out 0:05:38.220 --> 0:05:40.890 a certain amount of money, the other partner needs to 0:05:40.890 --> 0:05:42.839 be very aware of that. And maybe you need joint 0:05:42.839 --> 0:05:45.210 signatures, so I think that some things need to be 0:05:45.210 --> 0:05:48.150 put in place, because I have heard of circumstances where 0:05:48.600 --> 0:05:51.930 money has been taken from joint savings and used in 0:05:51.930 --> 0:05:54.659 ways in which it wasn't agreed on. So you do 0:05:54.660 --> 0:05:56.130 have to find a way to make that work. 0:05:56.250 --> 0:05:59.460 You've brought up a really important point there. How can 0:05:59.460 --> 0:06:03.089 you protect yourself? Because unfortunately, sometimes you might end up 0:06:03.089 --> 0:06:06.330 in a relationship where that other person isn't what they 0:06:06.330 --> 0:06:11.250 seem, and we know unfortunately financial and economic abuse can 0:06:11.250 --> 0:06:13.980 and does happen. What can you do to protect yourself 0:06:13.980 --> 0:06:15.750 against anything like that happening? 0:06:16.170 --> 0:06:19.170 Be careful about the decisions you make, and don't feel 0:06:19.170 --> 0:06:21.360 like you have to make them under duress or very 0:06:21.360 --> 0:06:26.490 quickly. At times when you are in a relationship, emotions 0:06:26.490 --> 0:06:28.680 are such a big part of that. It's very easy 0:06:28.680 --> 0:06:32.160 for someone to potentially try to pressure you to make 0:06:32.160 --> 0:06:35.160 a decision, but it's okay to say, " I'm going to 0:06:35.160 --> 0:06:37.529 come back to you on that," and do what's in 0:06:37.529 --> 0:06:41.520 your best interest, not because of you fear anything. Also, 0:06:41.520 --> 0:06:44.430 wherever possible, I'd say speak to someone that you are 0:06:44.430 --> 0:06:47.640 close with and you trust who knows you, because at times, 0:06:47.730 --> 0:06:51.779 a way financial abuse or economic abuse can start is 0:06:51.779 --> 0:06:55.500 through isolation. If you can just have that one person, that 0:06:55.500 --> 0:06:59.160 confidant who you can tell who can maybe, where you 0:06:59.160 --> 0:07:02.970 see fit, give you some advice to ensure that you 0:07:02.970 --> 0:07:07.680 are not now on the borderline of being financially abused, 0:07:07.680 --> 0:07:09.150 because some people don't see it coming. 0:07:09.330 --> 0:07:13.410 No. And being aware of the practical risks as well, of 0:07:13.890 --> 0:07:16.890 having a joint account with someone, or taking out a 0:07:16.890 --> 0:07:19.980 credit card or a mortgage with them. Many people might 0:07:19.980 --> 0:07:22.560 not realize that by doing that, they're also then potentially 0:07:22.560 --> 0:07:24.990 taking on their partner's debt. Just tell me a little 0:07:24.990 --> 0:07:27.390 bit about why we need to be cautious if we 0:07:27.390 --> 0:07:30.450 borrow money or we join up our finances with someone. 0:07:30.510 --> 0:07:34.380 Yeah. So, if there's a legal civil partnership or you are 0:07:34.380 --> 0:07:36.900 married, and even if you get a joint account and 0:07:36.900 --> 0:07:39.930 you're not married, sometimes your credit scores can be joined 0:07:39.930 --> 0:07:43.770 together. And what it means, is that maybe a debt 0:07:43.830 --> 0:07:45.930 that has been taken on by one party means that 0:07:45.930 --> 0:07:47.490 if anything is to happen to that debt that you 0:07:47.490 --> 0:07:50.970 have to take care of it. Or essentially, now your 0:07:50.970 --> 0:07:53.460 credit score can change as a result of that. So 0:07:53.460 --> 0:07:56.490 I think what's really key is that you're having discussions 0:07:56.490 --> 0:08:00.000 about how you use and manage credit as well. And 0:08:00.000 --> 0:08:02.700 I think it's so key that we don't let emotions 0:08:03.090 --> 0:08:03.930 get in the way. 0:08:04.170 --> 0:08:06.930 It's so difficult though, because apart from anything in our 0:08:06.930 --> 0:08:11.820 culture, we are encouraged to buy into romance and to 0:08:11.820 --> 0:08:14.850 let the romance sweep us off our feet. And if 0:08:14.850 --> 0:08:18.900 we fall in love, it's intoxicating, and common sense can 0:08:18.900 --> 0:08:21.360 kind of go out of the window, and it can 0:08:21.360 --> 0:08:25.500 feel deeply unromantic and deeply unsexy to have any kind 0:08:25.500 --> 0:08:28.620 of conversation about money. Have you got any advice about 0:08:28.620 --> 0:08:31.830 how we can get over that feeling of, " It'll spoil 0:08:31.830 --> 0:08:34.020 the romance if I bring any of this up"? 0:08:34.170 --> 0:08:36.689 I think you have to think about the long- term 0:08:36.690 --> 0:08:40.110 effects of not bringing it up. So often people go 0:08:40.110 --> 0:08:42.390 into things and then it's a sense of regret, " Oh, 0:08:42.390 --> 0:08:44.520 I wish I did bring this up earlier." So I 0:08:44.520 --> 0:08:46.470 just say bring it up now, because you also get 0:08:46.470 --> 0:08:51.210 to see how your partner responds to those things, and 0:08:51.210 --> 0:08:54.360 their response is incredibly important. So, when you bring up 0:08:54.360 --> 0:08:57.689 finances, are they short with you? Are they snappy? You 0:08:57.690 --> 0:08:59.490 have to look at all those things. Are they avoidant 0:08:59.880 --> 0:09:02.550 or do they communicate with you and say, " Okay, I 0:09:02.550 --> 0:09:04.800 can do this next week and so on and so on"? 0:09:05.070 --> 0:09:07.679 Sometimes you have to talk about the hard things and 0:09:07.679 --> 0:09:10.500 do the hard things. That's how long- term relationships work. 0:09:10.710 --> 0:09:13.110 So, I just say just see finance as one part 0:09:13.110 --> 0:09:15.089 of that as opposed to all of it. 0:09:15.960 --> 0:09:21.390 Every relationship is different, but are there solid foundations that 0:09:21.809 --> 0:09:24.870 we can build on when it comes to sharing our 0:09:24.870 --> 0:09:28.020 finances and doing it in a way that feels healthy 0:09:28.080 --> 0:09:29.040 and equal? 0:09:29.220 --> 0:09:34.590 I think if every month or so you are both 0:09:34.679 --> 0:09:39.210 able to talk about your finances, I think that's great. 0:09:39.360 --> 0:09:43.260 Whether it's a thing where you're talking about income or 0:09:43.260 --> 0:09:47.040 you're talking about outgoings, for example, I think that's an 0:09:47.040 --> 0:09:51.719 important conversation to have. Also, just having someone as a soundboard, " 0:09:52.170 --> 0:09:53.579 What do you think of this?" I'd like to do 0:09:53.580 --> 0:09:55.620 this but this isn't making sense," and so on. 0:09:56.370 --> 0:09:58.349 Because if you're wanting to share your life with that 0:09:58.350 --> 0:10:01.380 person, you need to be able to talk about as 0:10:01.380 --> 0:10:04.140 much of your life as possible, and that includes your 0:10:04.140 --> 0:10:07.230 finances. So to have it as a kind of blind 0:10:07.230 --> 0:10:09.390 spot, as something that you just don't discuss in a 0:10:09.390 --> 0:10:13.140 relationship as a no- go zone, that doesn't feel sustainable long-term. 0:10:13.620 --> 0:10:15.719 I agree. I think we have to be able to 0:10:15.720 --> 0:10:18.420 be vulnerable with each other in so many different ways. 0:10:19.500 --> 0:10:21.630 What if you get into a relationship with somebody who 0:10:21.630 --> 0:10:24.599 is maybe not as good with their finances as you 0:10:24.600 --> 0:10:27.150 are with yours? Or maybe they're doing better with their 0:10:27.150 --> 0:10:29.220 finances than you are and there is a bit of 0:10:29.880 --> 0:10:34.380 a gap there, how can one partner help the other 0:10:34.770 --> 0:10:36.030 get to a better place? 0:10:36.270 --> 0:10:39.780 I would say maybe have couple planning meetings, and also 0:10:39.780 --> 0:10:44.490 try to provide a sense of support to them. Okay, 0:10:44.490 --> 0:10:47.040 maybe you've got a credit card debt. Have you looked 0:10:47.040 --> 0:10:49.650 at the options? Have you looked at a 0% balance 0:10:49.650 --> 0:10:52.590 transfer card, for example? So it could be helping them 0:10:52.590 --> 0:10:55.140 with that, but it also could be bringing up the conversation 0:10:55.440 --> 0:10:57.510 in a very gentle way as a way to keep 0:10:57.510 --> 0:11:00.600 them accountable, whether that is paying off debt or whether 0:11:00.600 --> 0:11:03.000 that's savings. I think showing that you are involved and 0:11:03.000 --> 0:11:04.260 you care is so important. 0:11:04.350 --> 0:11:06.150 And then when it comes to whether you should split 0:11:06.150 --> 0:11:09.120 your finances 50- 50 or if it should be based on 0:11:09.210 --> 0:11:11.070 income, what's your view on that? 0:11:11.250 --> 0:11:14.790 I think it's really important for you to decide what's 0:11:14.790 --> 0:11:18.150 fair to each other, and you have to ask yourself 0:11:18.179 --> 0:11:21.540 if the roles were reversed, how would you like things 0:11:21.540 --> 0:11:24.510 to be handled? So let's say, for example, you are in 0:11:24.630 --> 0:11:27.510 the position where you are earning more money, what do 0:11:27.510 --> 0:11:30.900 you do if you're not in the position where you're 0:11:30.900 --> 0:11:32.820 earning more money? How would you like to be treated 0:11:32.820 --> 0:11:36.090 by that partner if things were to change and it 0:11:36.090 --> 0:11:38.490 was the other way around? Would you say, " I still 0:11:38.490 --> 0:11:39.329 feel like that's fair"? 0:11:39.570 --> 0:11:41.760 And do you have any advice for how you can 0:11:41.760 --> 0:11:48.270 manage differing attitudes to spending within relationships? Let's say one partner 0:11:48.720 --> 0:11:50.760 still wants to go on lots of holidays and still 0:11:50.760 --> 0:11:55.770 wants to live a lavish lifestyle, but you both have 0:11:55.770 --> 0:11:58.679 goals that you want to save for. How can you talk 0:11:58.679 --> 0:12:01.020 about that in a way that doesn't feel confrontational, that's 0:12:01.020 --> 0:12:02.189 not going to create tension? 0:12:02.429 --> 0:12:05.160 If one person differs from the other and they want 0:12:05.160 --> 0:12:08.040 to maybe live more lavishly, yeah, I think it's important 0:12:08.040 --> 0:12:09.510 to ask, does it get in the way of your 0:12:09.510 --> 0:12:12.600 priorities and the joint goals that you have together? And 0:12:12.600 --> 0:12:16.200 if so, then it's maybe time to sacrifice some of 0:12:16.200 --> 0:12:17.910 them for what you're building. 0:12:18.330 --> 0:12:22.410 Because I do think you will have different spending habits 0:12:22.410 --> 0:12:25.110 if you are single compared to if you're in a 0:12:25.200 --> 0:12:29.280 serious long- term relationship, and your finances are a pretty 0:12:29.280 --> 0:12:32.940 unforgiving mirror of what's important to you. So once you 0:12:32.940 --> 0:12:35.880 are in that relationship, if you're still spending like you're 0:12:36.090 --> 0:12:39.599 single, then maybe there is that mismatch there and you're 0:12:39.600 --> 0:12:43.320 not quite ready for that commitment. And that's why finances 0:12:43.320 --> 0:12:46.199 actually are a really important area for us to look 0:12:46.200 --> 0:12:49.050 at. They're a barometer, maybe, of the health of our relationship 0:12:49.050 --> 0:12:51.240 in many ways, even if we don't like to admit it. 0:12:51.360 --> 0:12:53.309 Yeah, I couldn't agree more with that. 0:12:53.970 --> 0:12:56.880 Are there any particular red flags that we should be 0:12:56.880 --> 0:12:59.370 mindful of or when it comes to our partners and 0:12:59.370 --> 0:13:00.179 their finances? 0:13:00.390 --> 0:13:03.929 Yes. So, I'd say the first red flag is complete 0:13:03.929 --> 0:13:07.950 avoidance of talking about money. I don't agree with that at all, and 0:13:07.950 --> 0:13:10.349 I think that is enough of a red flag for 0:13:10.350 --> 0:13:13.590 you to question the relationship entirely. And you get to 0:13:13.590 --> 0:13:16.020 choose how you'd move on from that because you're going 0:13:16.020 --> 0:13:18.179 to have to make so many joint decisions where money 0:13:18.179 --> 0:13:18.929 is involved. 0:13:19.050 --> 0:13:21.870 So in a way, if you have that conversation early 0:13:21.870 --> 0:13:25.020 on and they tell you, " I haven't always been great 0:13:25.020 --> 0:13:27.540 with my finances and I still have these issues that I 0:13:27.540 --> 0:13:31.439 really want to get over," that's better than them saying, " 0:13:31.500 --> 0:13:32.760 I don't want to talk about this at all"? 0:13:32.820 --> 0:13:35.460 Absolutely, because they are still communicating with you. 0:13:35.490 --> 0:13:39.390 So, I'm keen to ask as well about how much 0:13:39.390 --> 0:13:42.780 people are maybe looking to relationships as a way to 0:13:43.740 --> 0:13:46.770 shore up their financial position, which is very understandable at 0:13:46.770 --> 0:13:49.080 the moment, because we are in a tough economic climate 0:13:49.110 --> 0:13:53.280 and life is easier when you can share your expenses 0:13:53.340 --> 0:13:56.490 with someone else. But are there dangers there, that we 0:13:56.490 --> 0:13:59.850 maybe seek out other people, really, more for the financial 0:13:59.850 --> 0:14:03.630 security that they offer, rather than all the other good 0:14:03.630 --> 0:14:06.689 things that we should be able to get from a relationship? 0:14:06.750 --> 0:14:10.140 Yeah. You have to be honest with yourself. And I 0:14:10.140 --> 0:14:13.110 say that because maybe no one will question you, but 0:14:13.110 --> 0:14:16.050 you have to be able to question yourself. And some 0:14:16.050 --> 0:14:18.780 people may come out and say, " Look, right now, the 0:14:18.780 --> 0:14:21.630 financial stability is important," but you have to rank it. 0:14:22.080 --> 0:14:24.120 One of the things that I do, and I've done this 0:14:24.120 --> 0:14:26.850 with my partner, is I know I would share a 0:14:26.850 --> 0:14:29.460 shed or a mansion with him. And that's enough for 0:14:29.460 --> 0:14:31.800 me to know, " Okay, this is my person." 0:14:31.860 --> 0:14:34.140 It really is a case for richer or poorer? 0:14:34.170 --> 0:14:37.500 Yeah, exactly. If the person you get with tomorrow, based 0:14:37.500 --> 0:14:39.750 on their cash flow, no longer has that money, do 0:14:39.750 --> 0:14:43.020 you still like them? It's incredibly important. And that's why 0:14:43.020 --> 0:14:46.380 I always say character over cash flow. Cash flow can 0:14:46.380 --> 0:14:50.580 change. And when it does, are you still really riding 0:14:50.580 --> 0:14:52.650 with that person or is it kind of like, " Oh, 0:14:52.650 --> 0:14:54.090 this doesn't work for me anymore"? 0:14:54.180 --> 0:14:57.000 Well, that's why Pride and Prejudice works. It would not 0:14:57.000 --> 0:14:59.729 work if Elizabeth Bennet at the end turned around and said, " 0:14:59.730 --> 0:15:01.860 Well, I still don't like Mr. Darcy, but he's worth 0:15:01.860 --> 0:15:02.370 a few bob." 0:15:02.400 --> 0:15:05.820 Yeah, exactly. Exactly. Things can go up or down, and 0:15:05.820 --> 0:15:08.910 that goes for either of you. Sometimes you are able 0:15:08.910 --> 0:15:12.510 to give more and then other times you give less, 0:15:12.510 --> 0:15:14.190 and you kind of take it in turns. 0:15:14.460 --> 0:15:18.480 Absolutely. So, how can we talk about money and not 0:15:18.480 --> 0:15:21.900 let it affect our relationship? How can we continue to 0:15:22.140 --> 0:15:25.979 have fun with one another and still be able to 0:15:26.400 --> 0:15:28.680 keep our eye on those important goals? 0:15:28.830 --> 0:15:31.320 I would say make sure that there's a time and 0:15:31.320 --> 0:15:33.480 a place that you speak about it so that no 0:15:33.480 --> 0:15:36.210 one feels like they're caught off guard. Also, make sure 0:15:36.210 --> 0:15:39.450 the timing is right. If someone has a long day 0:15:39.450 --> 0:15:45.480 and things like that, read those signs and potentially just ask, " 0:15:45.570 --> 0:15:47.250 Do you want to do this another day?" But don't 0:15:47.250 --> 0:15:49.770 keep putting it off. That's the thing. Still have the 0:15:49.770 --> 0:15:53.340 hard conversations. And I'd say talk about the intricacies of 0:15:53.340 --> 0:15:59.280 finances. So, talk about life insurance, talk about legal powers 0:15:59.280 --> 0:16:03.870 of attorney and future income, where you want to be, investments, " 0:16:04.110 --> 0:16:07.080 Are we making those together?" Talk about pensions. Where are 0:16:07.080 --> 0:16:09.570 you both from a pension perspective? And then of course, 0:16:09.570 --> 0:16:12.810 there's the everyday budgeting and having your financial goals. 0:16:13.140 --> 0:16:16.050 So we've ranged over so much there. It can be 0:16:16.050 --> 0:16:19.620 difficult to boil this down to three tips for managing 0:16:19.620 --> 0:16:23.370 your finances with a partner, but what would your top 0:16:23.370 --> 0:16:24.240 three tips be? 0:16:24.480 --> 0:16:27.330 Make sure you speak about it regularly. It could be 0:16:27.330 --> 0:16:29.520 once a month, it could be once every two months, 0:16:29.520 --> 0:16:33.960 but don't let too much time pass. So consistency is 0:16:33.960 --> 0:16:39.780 important. Number two, always, always speak with love. I can't 0:16:39.780 --> 0:16:42.840 say that enough. Never speak with an accusatory tone or, " 0:16:43.080 --> 0:16:46.230 I'm better at you than finances" and so on. And 0:16:46.500 --> 0:16:49.800 with number three, and this is more on the basis 0:16:49.800 --> 0:16:54.450 of marriage and long- term futures, ensure you understand that 0:16:54.690 --> 0:16:57.690 essentially it's kind of like one income. If you're not 0:16:57.690 --> 0:17:00.060 planning to do this life alone, there is no point 0:17:00.210 --> 0:17:03.390 you saying, " Oh, I make 6k and they make 2, 0:17:03.660 --> 0:17:06.359 you make 8k. And that's just an example. It can 0:17:06.359 --> 0:17:09.060 be a different number. That's something that's important for everyone 0:17:09.060 --> 0:17:11.880 to learn, because the moment you get into, " This is 0:17:11.880 --> 0:17:14.070 my money and this is their money," I think that's 0:17:14.070 --> 0:17:16.500 very dangerous territory. Eventually, you have to see it as, " 0:17:16.500 --> 0:17:17.850 This is our money, what are we going to do 0:17:17.850 --> 0:17:18.180 with it?" 0:17:18.570 --> 0:17:22.920 Because ultimately, 8k is better than 6k or 2k. 0:17:22.920 --> 0:17:23.700 Exactly. 0:17:23.730 --> 0:17:26.850 But it's about understanding what you can do together with 0:17:26.850 --> 0:17:29.160 that money, and making sure you're both on the same 0:17:29.160 --> 0:17:30.210 page and happy with it. 0:17:30.359 --> 0:17:30.600 Yeah. 0:17:31.170 --> 0:17:34.650 Brilliant. Bola Sol, this has been so, so helpful. Thank you. 0:17:37.109 --> 0:17:37.381 Thank you. 0:17:37.381 --> 0:17:40.470 Thank you so much, Bola. We've got so many ideas there 0:17:40.470 --> 0:17:43.320 for how we can plan our financial futures. Brilliant stuff. 0:17:43.859 --> 0:17:46.409 Next time, L& G's Paula Llewellyn will be here to 0:17:46.410 --> 0:17:48.960 tell us what might be changing with your workplace pension 0:17:49.230 --> 0:17:51.810 and why it matters. I'd love it if you could 0:17:51.810 --> 0:17:54.540 follow the podcast, leave us a review and help others 0:17:54.540 --> 0:17:57.179 get a little bit richer, too. You can keep up 0:17:57.180 --> 0:18:01.380 with the show on TikTok and Instagram @ legalandgeneral, where we'll be sharing loads 0:18:01.380 --> 0:18:03.900 of behind the scenes content. And you can catch our 0:18:03.900 --> 0:18:07.859 full video episodes on YouTube. Thanks for listening. Until next 0:18:07.859 --> 0:18:09.119 time, see you soon.