1 00:00:08,310 --> 00:00:11,529 Robert: November 30th, 2025. Welcome to the Women in Money podcast 2 00:00:11,529 --> 00:00:13,890 Robert: as well as everyone smart enough to listen. Hi, everybody, 3 00:00:13,949 --> 00:00:16,909 Robert: I'm Robert, the producer, and we hope you are enjoying 4 00:00:17,069 --> 00:00:19,909 Robert: the long Thanksgiving weekend. And if you are able to, 5 00:00:20,549 --> 00:00:23,649 Robert: seeing friends and family and most importantly, getting some rest. 6 00:00:23,790 --> 00:00:25,950 Robert: In fact, we're doing the exact same thing here at 7 00:00:25,950 --> 00:00:29,209 Robert: the Women and Money Podcast, seeing friends and family, and today, 8 00:00:29,549 --> 00:00:30,569 Robert: getting some rest. 9 00:00:31,379 --> 00:00:33,580 Robert: Now, just because we don't have a brand new episode 10 00:00:33,580 --> 00:00:35,458 Robert: for you, doesn't mean that you don't get to hear 11 00:00:35,459 --> 00:00:39,129 Robert: Suze and KT on this last day of November 2025. 12 00:00:39,659 --> 00:00:41,580 Robert: We're gonna play for you part of an episode that 13 00:00:41,580 --> 00:00:46,049 Robert: we released last Thanksgiving, because the core message inside is 14 00:00:46,049 --> 00:00:49,540 Robert: really important and it's something that we feel should be 15 00:00:49,540 --> 00:00:52,259 Robert: at the top of your feed, especially as we head 16 00:00:52,259 --> 00:00:57,299 Robert: into the next batch of year-end holidays. And now, here's Suze. 17 00:00:58,880 --> 00:01:02,400 Suze: Now today we're gonna do something that we did before 18 00:01:02,400 --> 00:01:05,980 Suze: but we're gonna do it again. It's going to be 19 00:01:06,160 --> 00:01:11,000 Suze: a conversation. Recently I got an email because I read 20 00:01:11,000 --> 00:01:12,559 Suze: the emails along with KT. 21 00:01:13,080 --> 00:01:14,500 KT: It's about family. 22 00:01:14,900 --> 00:01:18,830 KT: And it's about the awkward and the difficult and the 23 00:01:18,830 --> 00:01:23,870 KT: sadder side of what families may experience or go through, 24 00:01:23,949 --> 00:01:26,628 KT: especially the child with the parent. 25 00:01:26,629 --> 00:01:28,870 Suze: When it comes to money. 26 00:01:28,949 --> 00:01:31,400 KT: Oh, absolutely that's why we're here, Suze. 27 00:01:31,449 --> 00:01:35,309 Suze: So sit down with us, relax, and I want you 28 00:01:35,309 --> 00:01:40,050 Suze: to participate in this conversation as well. I want you 29 00:01:40,050 --> 00:01:43,910 Suze: to ask yourselves the question, how would you answer it? 30 00:01:44,129 --> 00:01:45,730 Suze: How do you feel about it? 31 00:01:46,080 --> 00:01:49,180 Suze: And maybe it can give you some insight to also 32 00:01:49,180 --> 00:01:53,650 Suze: open up a conversation with your entire family and see 33 00:01:53,650 --> 00:01:57,860 Suze: how they feel about it on the reverse side as well. 34 00:01:57,930 --> 00:01:58,889 Suze: All right, KT? 35 00:01:59,050 --> 00:02:03,690 KT: So this is from Cecilia, a daughter. She wrote, Dear 36 00:02:03,690 --> 00:02:07,610 KT: Suze and KT, your guidance is a blessing, and I'm 37 00:02:07,610 --> 00:02:11,509 KT: so thankful you are a channel for good in the world. 38 00:02:11,869 --> 00:02:16,948 KT: You often address parental questions around how to wisely act 39 00:02:16,949 --> 00:02:22,109 KT: for future generations, but what about family situations in which 40 00:02:22,110 --> 00:02:28,309 KT: the parents are financially irresponsible? Is there a financial obligation 41 00:02:28,309 --> 00:02:32,470 KT: of the child towards the parent, or is it primarily 42 00:02:32,470 --> 00:02:34,389 KT: the parent towards the child? 43 00:02:34,910 --> 00:02:39,788 KT: My parents have been in debt and financially irresponsible my 44 00:02:39,788 --> 00:02:43,750 KT: entire life, even needing to borrow money from me in 45 00:02:43,750 --> 00:02:47,410 KT: my youth. Now listen to this, everyone, and think about this. 46 00:02:47,710 --> 00:02:51,850 KT: I still remember at age 6 my little yet precious 47 00:02:51,850 --> 00:02:53,289 KT: savings taken. 48 00:02:54,199 --> 00:02:58,419 KT: I've had to in many ways raise myself and teach 49 00:02:58,419 --> 00:03:02,769 KT: myself how to be responsible with money. 30 years later, 50 00:03:02,839 --> 00:03:06,630 KT: I'm now an adult, and they still just want to take. 51 00:03:07,000 --> 00:03:11,740 KT: So Cecilia's obviously referencing her parents. She said, I've tried 52 00:03:11,740 --> 00:03:16,360 KT: to guide them, even recommending your podcast, Suze, but they 53 00:03:16,360 --> 00:03:20,678 KT: cannot improve and apply any knowledge for change. 54 00:03:20,889 --> 00:03:25,490 KT: So Cecilia has a problem, right, Suze, she said. Our 55 00:03:25,490 --> 00:03:29,949 KT: relationship has grown ever distant as they judge all my 56 00:03:29,949 --> 00:03:36,009 KT: actions with a monetary mindset. Their competitive nature is incessantly 57 00:03:36,009 --> 00:03:39,729 KT: sizing me up and seeing how they could benefit, even 58 00:03:39,729 --> 00:03:43,330 KT: if I wasn't in a position truly able to give. 59 00:03:43,529 --> 00:03:46,610 KT: They see all of my actions as having so much 60 00:03:46,610 --> 00:03:49,910 KT: more than them because they are in such a place 61 00:03:49,910 --> 00:03:50,729 KT: of lack. 62 00:03:51,580 --> 00:03:57,130 KT: So, that's a very awkward place for Cecilia to be in. So, Suze, 63 00:03:57,179 --> 00:03:59,779 KT: how can I balance giving while not playing the role 64 00:03:59,779 --> 00:04:04,259 KT: of the parent as your mantra starts with: people first. 65 00:04:04,940 --> 00:04:07,429 KT: If I don't give, I can feel guilty, and if 66 00:04:07,429 --> 00:04:10,990 KT: I do give, then I feel taken advantage of and 67 00:04:10,990 --> 00:04:15,389 KT: like I'm perpetuating an endless cycle. I understand there's a 68 00:04:15,389 --> 00:04:20,109 KT: financial obligation parents have towards their children, having brought them 69 00:04:20,109 --> 00:04:22,678 KT: into this world, but is there any 70 00:04:22,765 --> 00:04:27,765 KT: reverse obligation or can I feel free of their expectations 71 00:04:27,765 --> 00:04:32,885 KT: towards me? I especially find myself concerned as they inch 72 00:04:32,885 --> 00:04:36,743 KT: closer to retirement ages and don't have much of any 73 00:04:36,744 --> 00:04:41,844 KT: sufficient nest for all those years to come. Suze, thank 74 00:04:41,845 --> 00:04:45,125 KT: you for your care and help. Please tell me what 75 00:04:45,125 --> 00:04:46,755 KT: to do, Cecilia. 76 00:04:47,204 --> 00:04:50,984 Suze: So, KT, you just read that letter. 77 00:04:52,420 --> 00:04:56,299 Suze: We're not answering her questions yet. I'm curious as to 78 00:04:56,299 --> 00:05:01,100 Suze: how it made you personally feel. What did it bring 79 00:05:01,100 --> 00:05:02,600 Suze: up for you? 80 00:05:03,178 --> 00:05:08,519 KT: Wow, Suz e, it made me feel so lucky, privileged, loved, 81 00:05:08,940 --> 00:05:12,769 KT: cared for. It made me feel as opposite to what 82 00:05:12,769 --> 00:05:16,000 KT: Cecilia has experienced throughout her life. 83 00:05:16,350 --> 00:05:16,693 Suze: And loved by who? 84 00:05:16,693 --> 00:05:21,140 KT: My parents, my family, my siblings, so supportive. 85 00:05:21,670 --> 00:05:25,070 KT: My parents so did without in order to take care 86 00:05:25,070 --> 00:05:27,869 KT: of six children, and I didn't... 87 00:05:28,570 --> 00:05:28,874 Suze: But they were responsible. 88 00:05:28,874 --> 00:05:32,790 KT: Totally responsible, but I didn't know how much they actually 89 00:05:32,790 --> 00:05:35,988 KT: gave up till I became an adult. I did not 90 00:05:35,988 --> 00:05:38,709 KT: really understand that. Why? Because I think kids are young 91 00:05:38,709 --> 00:05:39,420 KT: and selfish. 92 00:05:39,549 --> 00:05:42,489 Suze: All right. And the reason that I ask you that, KT, 93 00:05:43,230 --> 00:05:47,630 Suze: is that even more than me, truthfully, obviously I spent 94 00:05:47,630 --> 00:05:49,809 Suze: a lot of money on my mother and everything. 95 00:05:50,170 --> 00:05:53,260 Suze: But it was a very different thing with me and 96 00:05:53,260 --> 00:05:53,959 Suze: my mother. 97 00:05:56,769 --> 00:06:00,829 Suze: You loved that you could help your mother. You wanted, 98 00:06:01,529 --> 00:06:06,049 Suze: you wanted to help your mother and father. Now was 99 00:06:06,049 --> 00:06:09,970 Suze: it your responsibility to do so, or was it your 100 00:06:09,970 --> 00:06:12,970 Suze: desire to do so because of how they took care 101 00:06:12,970 --> 00:06:18,450 Suze: of you and how responsible they were financially growing up? 102 00:06:18,809 --> 00:06:22,829 KT: We never any of us felt that we were responsible. 103 00:06:23,529 --> 00:06:26,869 KT: Because they never put us in that position ever. 104 00:06:27,730 --> 00:06:28,919 Suze: So then it was a joy for you to give 105 00:06:28,919 --> 00:06:28,920 Suze: to them. 106 00:06:29,529 --> 00:06:32,250 KT: Oh my God, it was something that not only we 107 00:06:32,250 --> 00:06:35,409 KT: looked forward to, but I worked really hard because I 108 00:06:35,410 --> 00:06:39,329 KT: wanted to give them something special or 109 00:06:39,545 --> 00:06:41,863 KT: thank them in a way that I knew they could 110 00:06:41,863 --> 00:06:44,565 KT: never have for themselves. 111 00:06:44,785 --> 00:06:50,224 Suze: And then because they were so responsible with money as 112 00:06:50,225 --> 00:06:52,583 Suze: they got older and they got sick and your father 113 00:06:52,584 --> 00:06:55,424 Suze: had a stroke, all these things that happened, right. 114 00:06:56,500 --> 00:06:59,578 Suze: One of the happiest things in your life was being 115 00:06:59,579 --> 00:07:02,919 Suze: able to get your mommy a home, make sure she 116 00:07:02,920 --> 00:07:07,059 Suze: had a private aid, do all these things for her. 117 00:07:08,869 --> 00:07:12,239 Suze: And that was like because I remember the day she 118 00:07:12,239 --> 00:07:16,600 Suze: died you were so thrilled that we did such a 119 00:07:16,600 --> 00:07:20,880 Suze: good job that she still had $60,000 left so that 120 00:07:20,880 --> 00:07:24,839 Suze: all the kids, not you, but could get $15,000 each 121 00:07:24,839 --> 00:07:27,890 Suze: immediately because she had a will and a trust in everything. 122 00:07:28,029 --> 00:07:30,078 Suze: Do you remember that feeling? All right. 123 00:07:30,859 --> 00:07:34,649 Suze: Cecilia, did you just hear that? 124 00:07:35,339 --> 00:07:41,059 Suze: Obviously, it is a parent's responsibility, bar none. 125 00:07:41,790 --> 00:07:46,720 Suze: To take care of their children, nourish their children, educate 126 00:07:46,720 --> 00:07:49,459 Suze: their children so that they can grow up and learn 127 00:07:49,459 --> 00:07:52,480 Suze: how to thrive in this world of ours. It is 128 00:07:52,480 --> 00:07:55,119 Suze: their responsibility to do so. 129 00:07:56,929 --> 00:08:01,109 Suze: It seems like they did a pretty good job with you. 130 00:08:01,489 --> 00:08:06,549 Suze: And why is that? Because you saw by their behavior 131 00:08:06,890 --> 00:08:10,609 Suze: how you did not want to do that. I just 132 00:08:10,609 --> 00:08:12,290 Suze: want you to all put a pin in that for 133 00:08:12,290 --> 00:08:15,329 Suze: a second. You said something in this email that I 134 00:08:15,329 --> 00:08:19,010 Suze: found so fascinating, and I don't know if you remember this, KT. 135 00:08:19,910 --> 00:08:22,869 Suze: I have a thing with the 9 Steps to Financial Freedom, 136 00:08:22,910 --> 00:08:26,070 Suze: which was the best book I've ever written, bar none, 137 00:08:27,760 --> 00:08:31,950 Suze: and the whole book's premise to begin with is your 138 00:08:31,950 --> 00:08:37,770 Suze: first childhood money memory determines what happens to you in life. 139 00:08:38,429 --> 00:08:42,589 Suze: I went around and I started to ask a question, 140 00:08:42,820 --> 00:08:47,848 Suze: not to 10 people, not to 50 people, thousands of people. 141 00:08:48,859 --> 00:08:50,929 Suze: Could they ever remember 142 00:08:51,780 --> 00:08:56,880 Suze: mommy or daddy taking money from your piggy bank and 143 00:08:56,880 --> 00:08:58,780 Suze: not paying you back. 144 00:08:59,429 --> 00:08:59,439 Suze: Well... 145 00:09:02,239 --> 00:09:06,609 Suze: Everybody, even if they're incredibly wealthy today, whatever, that one 146 00:09:06,609 --> 00:09:10,650 Suze: action of taking money from a piggy bank. 147 00:09:11,450 --> 00:09:16,700 Suze: And not replacing it scarred them, but it did, KT, right? 148 00:09:17,729 --> 00:09:21,969 Suze: But it was that one memory that also spurred all 149 00:09:21,969 --> 00:09:25,510 Suze: those people to go and save money on their own 150 00:09:25,510 --> 00:09:29,169 Suze: and be responsible for it on their own. So even 151 00:09:29,169 --> 00:09:33,468 Suze: though that's a hurtful action and memory that you have, 152 00:09:34,010 --> 00:09:36,770 Suze: I would almost guarantee you that it is that one 153 00:09:36,770 --> 00:09:38,570 Suze: action plus many after that. 154 00:09:39,039 --> 00:09:43,820 Suze: That has made you the successful woman you are today. 155 00:09:44,280 --> 00:09:47,169 Suze: So sometimes when we look in our past. 156 00:09:48,590 --> 00:09:52,329 Suze: You have to not dwell in the sadness of your past. 157 00:09:53,039 --> 00:09:56,590 Suze: You have to dwell in the happiness of who you 158 00:09:56,590 --> 00:09:58,599 Suze: are right now. 159 00:09:59,309 --> 00:10:04,030 Suze: And how you feel about yourself right now. So that 160 00:10:04,030 --> 00:10:08,429 Suze: was for you, Cecilia. KT, with that said, I just 161 00:10:08,429 --> 00:10:09,750 Suze: have to go back again, 162 00:10:10,750 --> 00:10:15,809 Suze: to answer Cecilia's number one question, is it the responsibility 163 00:10:15,809 --> 00:10:20,590 Suze: of a child to take care of their parents if 164 00:10:20,590 --> 00:10:25,150 Suze: the parents have been totally irresponsible with money and doing 165 00:10:25,150 --> 00:10:28,020 Suze: things with it, that's like throwing it out? Is it? 166 00:10:28,150 --> 00:10:28,510 KT: No. 167 00:10:28,950 --> 00:10:30,909 Suze: There you go, I agree with that. 168 00:10:32,260 --> 00:10:33,929 Suze: Would it be any different? 169 00:10:34,780 --> 00:10:38,099 Suze: If your parents were drug addicts, because I've gone through 170 00:10:38,099 --> 00:10:42,200 Suze: this many times with people, they're drug addicts, they're alcoholics, 171 00:10:42,380 --> 00:10:46,940 Suze: they're gamblers, and they have no money, and they always 172 00:10:46,940 --> 00:10:49,659 Suze: want the money from the kids so they can go 173 00:10:49,659 --> 00:10:53,500 Suze: back to the gambling. They have nothing, nothing. 174 00:10:54,609 --> 00:10:56,189 Suze: Would you give them the money then? 175 00:10:56,729 --> 00:11:00,010 KT: I would give them intervention, but I would not give 176 00:11:00,010 --> 00:11:04,270 KT: them money. I'd give them intervention. That's a responsibility. 177 00:11:04,489 --> 00:11:05,609 Suze: But Cecilia. 178 00:11:06,609 --> 00:11:12,270 Suze: Would you feel guilty not giving them money if that 179 00:11:12,270 --> 00:11:18,699 Suze: money was leading to the destruction of who they are drugs, alcohol, gambling? 180 00:11:18,809 --> 00:11:21,608 Suze: I want you to seriously think about that. I think 181 00:11:21,609 --> 00:11:25,729 Suze: it would be a lot easier, KT, for Cecilia to go, Mom, 182 00:11:25,809 --> 00:11:28,049 Suze: I'm not giving you the money for you to go 183 00:11:28,049 --> 00:11:29,340 Suze: drink yourself to death. 184 00:11:30,030 --> 00:11:34,549 Suze: It's she could rationalize that, right? It's very hard to 185 00:11:34,549 --> 00:11:41,549 Suze: rationalize not giving when when they're just irresponsible, which means 186 00:11:41,549 --> 00:11:44,229 Suze: they spend money they don't invest it, they don't take 187 00:11:44,229 --> 00:11:45,359 Suze: care of themselves. 188 00:11:47,390 --> 00:11:48,229 Suze: Do you agree with that? 189 00:11:48,510 --> 00:11:50,789 KT: Yeah, I do agree with it. I, that's why I'm 190 00:11:50,789 --> 00:11:55,390 KT: saying I think that Cecilia's difficulty here, Suze, is that 191 00:11:55,390 --> 00:11:59,349 KT: it looks like she's the only source. She's the only 192 00:11:59,349 --> 00:11:59,650 KT: money pit. 193 00:11:59,750 --> 00:12:01,119 Suze: I have a feeling she's the only child. 194 00:12:01,219 --> 00:12:03,630 KT: Yeah, I think she's the only money pit, which is 195 00:12:03,630 --> 00:12:07,419 KT: why she's really in turmoil about how do I do this. 196 00:12:07,469 --> 00:12:11,030 Suze: All right, so, obviously you see where this is going, Cecilia. 197 00:12:11,150 --> 00:12:13,309 Suze: Number one, we're gonna hopefully talk you off 198 00:12:13,434 --> 00:12:16,835 Suze: the wall of guilt. We're gonna talk you off the 199 00:12:16,835 --> 00:12:20,684 Suze: wall of feeling that it's your responsibility and we're gonna 200 00:12:20,684 --> 00:12:24,324 Suze: talk to you on the wall of putting people first, 201 00:12:24,335 --> 00:12:26,843 Suze: then money, then things because the first thing I have 202 00:12:26,844 --> 00:12:31,544 Suze: to straighten out is this when I say people first, 203 00:12:31,684 --> 00:12:34,604 Suze: I do not mean other people. I do not mean 204 00:12:34,604 --> 00:12:37,325 Suze: go out and take care of the world. I mean 205 00:12:37,325 --> 00:12:40,265 Suze: you have got to take care of yourself. 206 00:12:40,950 --> 00:12:44,819 Suze: Maybe I need to change that to you first, then money, 207 00:12:45,070 --> 00:12:49,228 Suze: then things, but Cecilia, the people I'm talking about in 208 00:12:49,229 --> 00:12:51,669 Suze: that phrase is you. 209 00:12:52,679 --> 00:12:58,239 Suze: So you have to put yourself before money. You have 210 00:12:58,239 --> 00:13:03,010 Suze: to put yourself into a situation where you feel good 211 00:13:03,010 --> 00:13:09,400 Suze: about every action that you take. That's number one. Number two, again, 212 00:13:09,440 --> 00:13:12,679 Suze: I go back to this. How many years have I 213 00:13:12,679 --> 00:13:17,500 Suze: been saying that you and your money are one? If 214 00:13:17,500 --> 00:13:21,179 Suze: you give your money away. 215 00:13:21,780 --> 00:13:25,419 Suze: To somebody who wastes it, what you are doing is 216 00:13:25,419 --> 00:13:31,309 Suze: you are giving a part of yourself away to your parents. 217 00:13:32,599 --> 00:13:36,960 Suze: Not money, that's true, that's the vehicle, but you and 218 00:13:36,960 --> 00:13:40,569 Suze: your money are one. Money is a physical manifestation of 219 00:13:40,570 --> 00:13:41,718 Suze: who you are. 220 00:13:42,580 --> 00:13:45,260 Suze: So the reason that you feel so bad about this, 221 00:13:45,340 --> 00:13:50,919 Suze: in my opinion, is that you are disrespecting yourself. 222 00:13:52,210 --> 00:13:56,689 Suze: You are giving a part of yourself away which actually 223 00:13:56,690 --> 00:13:59,859 Suze: hurts more than giving money. 224 00:14:00,969 --> 00:14:03,380 Suze: If that made sense, did that make sense to you, KT? 225 00:14:03,539 --> 00:14:05,669 KT: Yeah, I think it does make a whole lot of 226 00:14:05,669 --> 00:14:09,260 KT: sense to me, but I want the listeners to really 227 00:14:09,260 --> 00:14:12,358 KT: understand what you're trying to do to help her. 228 00:14:12,780 --> 00:14:14,539 Suze: All right, so now I will get to that. 229 00:14:15,640 --> 00:14:19,239 Suze: Hopefully we have answered the question. 230 00:14:20,109 --> 00:14:24,869 Suze: Parents need and must be responsible for their children. 231 00:14:25,830 --> 00:14:29,929 Suze: In my opinion, in KT's opinion, some of you may disagree, 232 00:14:30,150 --> 00:14:35,590 Suze: there is no mandate that a child is responsible for 233 00:14:35,590 --> 00:14:41,989 Suze: a parent who is absolutely disrespectful of money, only loves 234 00:14:41,989 --> 00:14:44,929 Suze: me for money, any of those things now. 235 00:14:45,760 --> 00:14:51,479 Suze: When a parent gets old, they've been respectful, they've loved you, 236 00:14:51,679 --> 00:14:55,440 Suze: they've honored their money, they've done everything they can that's 237 00:14:55,440 --> 00:14:58,200 Suze: another story, you know what's funny, KT, what I'm thinking 238 00:14:58,200 --> 00:15:02,760 Suze: of as I say this how many parents, even if 239 00:15:02,760 --> 00:15:06,119 Suze: they're grandparents now, they're old and they still have their 240 00:15:06,119 --> 00:15:08,700 Suze: children alive, right, say. 241 00:15:09,460 --> 00:15:11,460 Suze: I don't want to be a burden on my family. 242 00:15:11,570 --> 00:15:13,140 KT: Oh, many. They all do. 243 00:15:13,260 --> 00:15:16,739 Suze: Think about it, everybody. Do any of you want to 244 00:15:16,739 --> 00:15:21,849 Suze: be a burden on your children? And I can tell you, 245 00:15:21,859 --> 00:15:25,739 Suze: if you love your children, the answer to that is no. 246 00:15:26,320 --> 00:15:28,530 Suze: A lot of times I talk to people and I go, 247 00:15:28,890 --> 00:15:31,289 Suze: why don't you just take a little vacation? Why can't 248 00:15:31,289 --> 00:15:33,809 Suze: you just get a little bit newer car so it 249 00:15:33,809 --> 00:15:36,650 Suze: doesn't break down on you in the middle of the 250 00:15:36,650 --> 00:15:39,369 Suze: night or whatever it is? And they say, no, I'm 251 00:15:39,369 --> 00:15:43,549 Suze: saving every penny for my kids. I want my kids 252 00:15:43,609 --> 00:15:45,049 Suze: to have everything. 253 00:15:46,690 --> 00:15:51,159 Suze: Cecilia, that's how loving parents think. They don't look at 254 00:15:51,159 --> 00:15:54,359 Suze: their kids as a money ticket. They don't make their 255 00:15:54,359 --> 00:15:55,880 Suze: kids feel bad. 256 00:15:56,989 --> 00:15:59,030 Suze: So, if you choose 257 00:16:00,010 --> 00:16:05,609 Suze: to give money away, right? You cannot feel like you 258 00:16:05,609 --> 00:16:08,849 Suze: are being taken advantage of them, and I'm quoting your 259 00:16:08,849 --> 00:16:09,729 Suze: email right now. 260 00:16:10,559 --> 00:16:16,179 Suze: You have to feel like you are disrespecting yourself. 261 00:16:17,929 --> 00:16:21,570 Suze: Did you hear what I just said, Cecilia? This isn't 262 00:16:21,570 --> 00:16:24,409 Suze: about they have so much power that they could take 263 00:16:24,409 --> 00:16:26,349 Suze: advantage of you, so you give them money. 264 00:16:27,299 --> 00:16:30,570 Suze: Only you have the power to make a decision what 265 00:16:30,570 --> 00:16:33,750 Suze: you do with money, what you do with your life. 266 00:16:34,630 --> 00:16:38,760 Suze: So, number one, you have got to get this concept 267 00:16:38,760 --> 00:16:42,109 Suze: of they're taking advantage of you if you give them 268 00:16:42,109 --> 00:16:47,309 Suze: money out of your mind. What else would I tell 269 00:16:47,309 --> 00:16:48,510 Suze: you to do? 270 00:16:49,500 --> 00:16:51,419 Suze: The first thing I would tell you to do, believe 271 00:16:51,419 --> 00:16:54,049 Suze: it or not, is I would go see them. I 272 00:16:54,049 --> 00:16:55,190 Suze: would sit down with them. 273 00:16:55,869 --> 00:16:58,880 Suze: And I would look them right in the eye, and 274 00:16:58,880 --> 00:17:01,520 Suze: maybe you tell them to listen to this podcast or 275 00:17:01,520 --> 00:17:04,160 Suze: that you want to play this podcast for them. 276 00:17:05,010 --> 00:17:09,149 Suze: Sit with them and let them listen to this podcast. 277 00:17:09,729 --> 00:17:13,069 Suze: They don't want to find no problem. You go over 278 00:17:13,069 --> 00:17:16,689 Suze: and you sit with them and you say, Mom and Dad, 279 00:17:17,000 --> 00:17:21,810 Suze: I love you very much. However, I am letting you 280 00:17:21,810 --> 00:17:27,119 Suze: know from this day on I am not giving you 281 00:17:27,119 --> 00:17:29,410 Suze: any more money. 282 00:17:30,430 --> 00:17:33,349 Suze: If you need food, I'll go get food for you 283 00:17:33,349 --> 00:17:34,390 Suze: and give you food. 284 00:17:35,489 --> 00:17:40,270 Suze: But make it clear to them that the Bank of 285 00:17:40,270 --> 00:17:45,780 Suze: Cecilia is closed no matter what they say, no matter 286 00:17:45,780 --> 00:17:49,219 Suze: how bad off they get, you have to be strong 287 00:17:49,219 --> 00:17:54,339 Suze: enough to let them hit rock bottom, cause I have 288 00:17:54,339 --> 00:17:58,660 Suze: found over my 40 years of doing this change doesn't 289 00:17:58,660 --> 00:17:59,619 Suze: come easy. 290 00:18:00,589 --> 00:18:06,609 Suze: And change normally comes financially speaking when the people have 291 00:18:06,609 --> 00:18:11,169 Suze: hit rock bottom they have no more credit lines, they 292 00:18:11,170 --> 00:18:14,609 Suze: have nobody to go to to ask for money every 293 00:18:14,609 --> 00:18:19,448 Suze: avenue of that financial river has been dammed up and 294 00:18:19,459 --> 00:18:22,510 Suze: they are bone dry. 295 00:18:23,920 --> 00:18:24,439 Suze: So... 296 00:18:25,410 --> 00:18:28,129 Suze: That's what you have to do and you have to 297 00:18:28,130 --> 00:18:31,239 Suze: be strong enough to do that. 298 00:18:31,810 --> 00:18:34,369 KT: So, Suze, I agree with all of that, but I 299 00:18:34,369 --> 00:18:39,050 KT: would have a slightly different approach. I would talk to 300 00:18:39,050 --> 00:18:42,069 KT: my parents and I would let them know clearly that 301 00:18:42,410 --> 00:18:45,449 KT: I don't feel good. I've been feeling very sad and 302 00:18:45,449 --> 00:18:48,530 KT: very depressed and they say, why honey? I say, because 303 00:18:48,530 --> 00:18:52,219 KT: I feel that you only want me around for my money. 304 00:18:52,680 --> 00:18:57,359 KT: So therefore I need to feel that you love me 305 00:18:57,359 --> 00:19:00,438 KT: for who I am. From this day forward, I'm gonna 306 00:19:00,439 --> 00:19:04,229 KT: stop financing you or giving you money or bailing you out. 307 00:19:04,400 --> 00:19:08,819 Suze: All right, you've, let's role play. You're Cecilia. I'm Mom. 308 00:19:09,439 --> 00:19:11,359 Suze: You came to me and you just said that. 309 00:19:11,920 --> 00:19:15,020 Suze: And I say that is not true. We love you 310 00:19:15,020 --> 00:19:18,130 Suze: for who you are. We've never loved you for your money. 311 00:19:18,329 --> 00:19:20,889 Suze: We've da da da da da because you have to understand, KT, 312 00:19:21,010 --> 00:19:24,770 Suze: parents like this are in total denial anyway. You come 313 00:19:24,770 --> 00:19:28,250 Suze: from a place because you are so sweet, so sweet, 314 00:19:28,290 --> 00:19:31,550 Suze: and you actually don't know anything other than love. 315 00:19:32,839 --> 00:19:37,119 Suze: So just remember KT comes from a family. She has 316 00:19:37,119 --> 00:19:39,400 Suze: never experienced anything 317 00:19:40,180 --> 00:19:43,780 Suze: but love in her life. How fabulous is that right? 318 00:19:43,910 --> 00:19:47,310 KT: I know, very fabulous. That's what I'm always thankful for 319 00:19:47,310 --> 00:19:51,310 KT: every day. So what I would do, mom, alright, you're 320 00:19:51,310 --> 00:19:52,069 KT: my mom, right? 321 00:19:52,500 --> 00:19:53,420 KT: I, I'm Cecilia. 322 00:19:53,430 --> 00:19:56,300 Suze: I'm, I've, I've never felt that way about you. Why 323 00:19:56,300 --> 00:19:58,159 Suze: do you say that? You're wrong. 324 00:19:58,500 --> 00:20:02,420 KT: If you mean that, Mom, then starting today, I don't 325 00:20:02,420 --> 00:20:05,459 KT: want you to ask for money. I'm not going to 326 00:20:05,459 --> 00:20:08,579 KT: give you or Daddy any more money, but I did 327 00:20:08,579 --> 00:20:11,760 KT: come up with a couple ideas for you to help 328 00:20:11,760 --> 00:20:14,089 KT: you when you get in those jams or to make 329 00:20:14,089 --> 00:20:14,899 KT: ends meet. 330 00:20:15,209 --> 00:20:17,609 KT: I think that you can do a couple of things 331 00:20:17,609 --> 00:20:21,030 KT: to make money or to find money other than calling 332 00:20:21,030 --> 00:20:23,050 KT: me for it. One is just... 333 00:20:23,170 --> 00:20:27,290 Suze: Like what, Cecilia, look at this house. I have nothing here. 334 00:20:27,449 --> 00:20:28,729 Suze: Look at everything around me. 335 00:20:29,000 --> 00:20:31,129 KT: You have a lot of things and you can sell 336 00:20:31,130 --> 00:20:33,170 KT: things you don't use or need anymore. 337 00:20:33,469 --> 00:20:35,290 Suze: Who would want to buy this junk? 338 00:20:35,910 --> 00:20:37,829 KT: Well, a lot of people, you have a yard sale 339 00:20:37,829 --> 00:20:40,150 KT: and you give it a shot. You can probably make 340 00:20:40,150 --> 00:20:45,589 KT: about $50 100 dollars, who knows, but start with that, mom. Second, 341 00:20:45,709 --> 00:20:48,750 KT: you may want to downsize and live in a smaller, 342 00:20:48,839 --> 00:20:53,429 KT: more affordable place. And then there's the jobs. There's always 343 00:20:53,430 --> 00:20:57,709 KT: part-time work and jobs and opportunities that you can do 344 00:20:57,709 --> 00:21:01,310 KT: on the side to try to make those ends meet. 345 00:21:01,869 --> 00:21:05,680 KT: The only thing mom that and dad that I'm absolutely 346 00:21:05,680 --> 00:21:08,780 KT: always gonna be there for you is to make sure 347 00:21:09,000 --> 00:21:13,639 KT: that you're eating healthy and I can always assist you 348 00:21:13,640 --> 00:21:16,959 KT: in providing a hot meal or maybe even come and 349 00:21:16,959 --> 00:21:18,319 KT: cook for you once a month. 350 00:21:18,479 --> 00:21:20,339 Suze: KT that was actually great. 351 00:21:21,469 --> 00:21:26,089 Suze: But Cecilia, did you see how that went? Don't go 352 00:21:26,150 --> 00:21:29,510 Suze: in there when you sit down expecting that your mother 353 00:21:29,510 --> 00:21:31,550 Suze: and father are going to, for the first time in 354 00:21:31,550 --> 00:21:36,550 Suze: your life, understand anything that you are saying. Yeah, they're gonna, 355 00:21:36,709 --> 00:21:38,069 Suze: they won't embrace you with love. 356 00:21:38,150 --> 00:21:41,739 KT: They're gonna probably get really mad. So, but here is 357 00:21:41,739 --> 00:21:42,130 KT: be ready. 358 00:21:42,469 --> 00:21:45,449 Suze: But here is why I want you to do it. 359 00:21:46,020 --> 00:21:47,629 Suze: You aren't doing this for them. 360 00:21:48,599 --> 00:21:52,739 Suze: You are doing this for yourself. You are doing this 361 00:21:52,920 --> 00:21:54,599 Suze: so that you can be clear. 362 00:21:55,209 --> 00:21:58,290 Suze: That you have set boundaries. You've said what you wanted 363 00:21:58,290 --> 00:22:03,319 Suze: to say, that's that. You do it for yourself. If 364 00:22:03,319 --> 00:22:06,510 Suze: they hear you fine. If they don't hear you, fine. 365 00:22:08,369 --> 00:22:12,688 Suze: All that matters is you have a voice and you 366 00:22:12,689 --> 00:22:17,510 Suze: said it. Remember I've said, your voice is your power, 367 00:22:17,729 --> 00:22:21,209 Suze: and you need to switch from guilty... 368 00:22:22,199 --> 00:22:27,000 Suze: to not guilty you need to switch from feeling taken 369 00:22:27,000 --> 00:22:31,439 Suze: advantage of to knowing you're not being taken advantage of. 370 00:22:31,760 --> 00:22:35,119 Suze: You cannot give out a guilt. If you give out 371 00:22:35,119 --> 00:22:39,319 Suze: a guilt, then you have totally disrespected yourself as well. 372 00:22:39,439 --> 00:22:43,879 Suze: So you are going to have to become far stronger 373 00:22:43,880 --> 00:22:47,510 Suze: than you have ever been. And why do I say that? 374 00:22:47,839 --> 00:22:50,260 Suze: You have given to them out of weakness. 375 00:22:50,849 --> 00:22:54,479 Suze: Not strength. You have given to them out of the 376 00:22:54,479 --> 00:22:58,069 Suze: wrong reasons cause it's easier to give than to say no. 377 00:23:00,109 --> 00:23:03,150 Suze: You now have to say no out of love for 378 00:23:03,150 --> 00:23:05,969 Suze: yourself versus yes out of fear. 379 00:23:07,010 --> 00:23:09,719 Suze: That they're not gonna like you, they're not gonna do this. Oh, please, 380 00:23:09,859 --> 00:23:14,000 Suze: look at your relationship already. That would be our advice 381 00:23:14,180 --> 00:23:14,939 Suze: to you. 382 00:23:15,949 --> 00:23:19,439 Suze: Our advice where you stand in the truth of your 383 00:23:19,439 --> 00:23:25,739 Suze: own self respect, your own love, and your own thankfulness 384 00:23:25,920 --> 00:23:30,599 Suze: for giving yourself a life where you are financially pretty 385 00:23:30,599 --> 00:23:34,199 Suze: much independent, you are doing things exactly how you want 386 00:23:34,199 --> 00:23:39,239 Suze: in your own life, and be thankful as well that 387 00:23:39,239 --> 00:23:41,010 Suze: you have parents like that. 388 00:23:41,609 --> 00:23:44,729 Suze: Because that's what you have, so you might as well 389 00:23:44,729 --> 00:23:49,270 Suze: be thankful because look at the gifts they gave you, 390 00:23:49,810 --> 00:23:56,849 Suze: and the gifts that they gave you are gifts of self-independence. 391 00:23:57,859 --> 00:24:00,579 Suze: So that brings us to the end of this Suze 392 00:24:00,579 --> 00:24:03,599 Suze: and KT conversation. Did you enjoy that, KT? 393 00:24:03,739 --> 00:24:05,900 KT: I did, but it's a little depressing. 394 00:24:06,219 --> 00:24:09,000 Suze: It's not depressing. It actually.. 395 00:24:09,000 --> 00:24:10,390 KT: It's actually liberating, isn't it? 396 00:24:10,469 --> 00:24:14,609 Suze: It's liberating, but it's standing in your truth, and I 397 00:24:14,609 --> 00:24:17,140 Suze: have to tell you, KT, this is not just one 398 00:24:17,140 --> 00:24:21,380 Suze: person having this problem. There are hundreds of thousands of 399 00:24:21,380 --> 00:24:25,060 Suze: people out there, maybe millions, which is why I chose 400 00:24:25,060 --> 00:24:26,119 Suze: it for today. 401 00:24:26,859 --> 00:24:31,640 Suze: Because I know that more of you will relate to 402 00:24:31,640 --> 00:24:36,880 Suze: this than less of you, believe it or not. So therefore, 403 00:24:37,050 --> 00:24:40,800 Suze: people first, and remember when I say that I mean you, 404 00:24:41,089 --> 00:24:42,089 Suze: then what KT? 405 00:24:42,089 --> 00:24:43,010 KT: Then money. 406 00:24:43,369 --> 00:24:48,849 Suze: Then things and if you do that, stay healthy, stay safe, 407 00:24:49,209 --> 00:24:53,550 Suze: we promise you you will be unstoppable.