1 00:00:29,059 --> 00:00:33,729 Robert: October 22nd, 2023. Hi, everybody. I'm Suze's producer, Robert and 2 00:00:33,740 --> 00:00:36,970 Robert: welcome to the Women and Money podcast and everyone's smart 3 00:00:36,979 --> 00:00:37,729 Robert: enough to listen. 4 00:00:38,389 --> 00:00:41,509 Robert: As Suze told you on the last episode, she and 5 00:00:41,520 --> 00:00:44,259 Robert: KT are right now on their way up to New 6 00:00:44,270 --> 00:00:47,669 Robert: York City for the special appearances, Suze is making this 7 00:00:47,680 --> 00:00:48,529 Robert: coming week. 8 00:00:49,340 --> 00:00:50,919 Robert: So today is a best of show, 9 00:00:51,799 --> 00:00:54,180 Robert: you know, the other day, I was having a conversation 10 00:00:54,189 --> 00:00:56,659 Robert: with a friend who was going through a particularly rough 11 00:00:56,669 --> 00:00:59,689 Robert: time and they, um, they're just not happy in their 12 00:00:59,700 --> 00:01:02,020 Robert: life and they felt like if they, they have money, 13 00:01:02,029 --> 00:01:04,419 Robert: but if they have more money, they would be happier 14 00:01:05,300 --> 00:01:08,379 Robert: and uh sort of kind of went on from there. 15 00:01:08,389 --> 00:01:12,230 Robert: But as I'll often do when talking to friends and 16 00:01:12,239 --> 00:01:18,149 Robert: being asked for advice, I will recommend Suze's Podcast. And 17 00:01:18,160 --> 00:01:21,139 Robert: an episode from the early days of the show came 18 00:01:21,150 --> 00:01:22,879 Robert: to mind. So I sent him the link 19 00:01:23,989 --> 00:01:26,250 Robert: and then after I did that, I realized that. Well, 20 00:01:26,260 --> 00:01:28,849 Robert: part of that episode that I sent to my friend 21 00:01:29,760 --> 00:01:33,419 Robert: is really worth bringing back to the top of your feed. 22 00:01:33,709 --> 00:01:39,410 Robert: So today, please enjoy highlights from money. Can never make 23 00:01:39,419 --> 00:01:43,099 Robert: you happy. And this is from November of 2019 24 00:01:44,400 --> 00:01:47,970 Suze: In today's podcast. I wanna talk with you 25 00:01:48,809 --> 00:01:50,980 Suze: about the question. 26 00:01:51,819 --> 00:01:57,720 Suze: If you had money, would you be happy 27 00:01:58,470 --> 00:02:02,000 Suze: if you had money? Would you be in a relationship? 28 00:02:02,010 --> 00:02:02,930 Suze: That was great 29 00:02:03,690 --> 00:02:08,990 Suze: If you had money, how would your life change for 30 00:02:09,000 --> 00:02:11,478 Suze: the better? You know, when I was growing up, when 31 00:02:11,490 --> 00:02:15,429 Suze: I was really young, I really, really believed that the 32 00:02:15,440 --> 00:02:20,029 Suze: reason that my parents were so unhappy was that they 33 00:02:20,038 --> 00:02:21,550 Suze: didn't have any money. 34 00:02:22,320 --> 00:02:25,820 Suze: So I grew up thinking, oh, if I just had 35 00:02:25,830 --> 00:02:29,100 Suze: a lot of money, I would be happy, 36 00:02:29,758 --> 00:02:33,270 Suze: then what a shocker to find out when I'm finally 37 00:02:33,279 --> 00:02:36,500 Suze: a financial advisor and I'm having more money than I've 38 00:02:36,508 --> 00:02:37,979 Suze: ever thought possible. 39 00:02:38,949 --> 00:02:40,799 Suze: And I'm still not happy 40 00:02:41,800 --> 00:02:44,309 Suze: and I've told you this before. So if money isn't 41 00:02:44,320 --> 00:02:47,258 Suze: the key to happiness, what is? And that's when I 42 00:02:47,270 --> 00:02:52,910 Suze: started on a journey to look within, to see why 43 00:02:52,919 --> 00:02:59,000 Suze: I personally was doing without, without what, without happiness, without security, 44 00:02:59,008 --> 00:03:00,630 Suze: without strength. 45 00:03:01,199 --> 00:03:06,020 Suze: And what I find is that so many times you 46 00:03:06,029 --> 00:03:10,839 Suze: make the mistake thinking that money is the key to happiness. 47 00:03:10,850 --> 00:03:15,899 Suze: If you just had money, you wouldn't be miserable, everything 48 00:03:15,910 --> 00:03:19,149 Suze: would be ok. And for how many years on the 49 00:03:19,160 --> 00:03:23,049 Suze: Suze Orman Show did I always say you can never 50 00:03:23,070 --> 00:03:27,220 Suze: fix a financial problem with money. 51 00:03:28,500 --> 00:03:31,929 Suze: And to day, a very good friend of ours has 52 00:03:31,940 --> 00:03:35,570 Suze: come to stay with us for about a week and 53 00:03:35,580 --> 00:03:39,039 Suze: he just needed to get away. 54 00:03:40,240 --> 00:03:44,259 Suze: He needed to get away from what his life 55 00:03:45,429 --> 00:03:49,919 Suze: when I first got to know this person, very, very 56 00:03:49,929 --> 00:03:53,570 Suze: successful trader on the floor of a stock exchange 57 00:03:54,399 --> 00:03:57,279 Suze: and he was making money and he was great and 58 00:03:57,289 --> 00:04:00,660 Suze: he had a great house, a great car. Everything was 59 00:04:00,669 --> 00:04:03,259 Suze: great except his relationship. 60 00:04:04,169 --> 00:04:07,429 Suze: And I remember looking at his relationship going well, this 61 00:04:07,440 --> 00:04:11,529 Suze: is really not a good relationship. They really don't even 62 00:04:11,539 --> 00:04:14,149 Suze: like each other, let alone love each other. 63 00:04:16,100 --> 00:04:18,880 Suze: And I remember talking to him about it, but no, 64 00:04:18,890 --> 00:04:22,320 Suze: he was gonna stick in there because he had kids 65 00:04:22,709 --> 00:04:27,089 Suze: and he had faith and little by little things started 66 00:04:27,100 --> 00:04:29,200 Suze: to change in his life. 67 00:04:30,630 --> 00:04:35,459 Suze: Trading on the floor changed. So he had to leave 68 00:04:35,470 --> 00:04:35,929 Suze: that 69 00:04:36,738 --> 00:04:39,868 Suze: and then he tried something else and that didn't work out. 70 00:04:39,880 --> 00:04:42,040 Suze: And before you knew it, he had to sell the 71 00:04:42,049 --> 00:04:44,559 Suze: house that they owned and they had to move into 72 00:04:44,570 --> 00:04:45,420 Suze: an apartment 73 00:04:46,339 --> 00:04:49,170 Suze: and then he was trying something else and that wasn't 74 00:04:49,178 --> 00:04:52,678 Suze: working out and no matter what he was trying, it 75 00:04:52,690 --> 00:04:56,200 Suze: just wasn't working and little by little, he went from 76 00:04:56,209 --> 00:05:00,130 Suze: having money in his bank accounts, no credit card debt 77 00:05:00,399 --> 00:05:02,920 Suze: to no money in his bank accounts. A lot of 78 00:05:02,928 --> 00:05:05,709 Suze: credit card debt, no money whatsoever. 79 00:05:06,850 --> 00:05:10,130 Suze: His spouse really wasn't working. She didn't feel, I guess 80 00:05:10,140 --> 00:05:11,160 Suze: that she needed to, 81 00:05:12,070 --> 00:05:16,109 Suze: but nothing was going right. And then it started to 82 00:05:16,119 --> 00:05:19,558 Suze: go so wrong that his spouse had to go out 83 00:05:19,570 --> 00:05:22,078 Suze: and get a job. But even then there wasn't enough 84 00:05:22,089 --> 00:05:25,059 Suze: money and they had a self furniture. They had to 85 00:05:25,070 --> 00:05:29,769 Suze: do this and for years they were not getting along 86 00:05:29,790 --> 00:05:30,690 Suze: at all. 87 00:05:31,619 --> 00:05:34,368 Suze: He was sleeping on the couch, she was sleeping in 88 00:05:34,380 --> 00:05:37,410 Suze: the bedroom. Everybody thought everything was great. But the truth 89 00:05:37,420 --> 00:05:40,250 Suze: of the matter is it really wasn't. 90 00:05:41,428 --> 00:05:45,630 Suze: And today we were sitting and he's such a great guy. 91 00:05:45,640 --> 00:05:49,049 Suze: I'd love this guy. He says to me, Susie, do 92 00:05:49,059 --> 00:05:52,709 Suze: you think if we had had money, if, if I 93 00:05:52,720 --> 00:05:57,089 Suze: had had money that I could have saved this relationship? 94 00:05:58,470 --> 00:06:00,549 Suze: And I looked at him and I said, oh, sweetheart, 95 00:06:00,559 --> 00:06:08,089 Suze: don't you understand? You don't have money because you were broken, 96 00:06:08,640 --> 00:06:10,130 Suze: you're not broke 97 00:06:11,260 --> 00:06:12,899 Suze: because you were great. 98 00:06:13,589 --> 00:06:16,970 Suze: You're broke because you were broken. 99 00:06:17,690 --> 00:06:20,390 Suze: But this was so interesting to me because this man 100 00:06:20,399 --> 00:06:22,950 Suze: is so smart financially speaking, 101 00:06:23,630 --> 00:06:26,809 Suze: but yet not a penny to his name 102 00:06:27,559 --> 00:06:31,690 Suze: and no matter what he tries, it just doesn't work. 103 00:06:33,000 --> 00:06:34,399 Suze: Can you relate to that at all? 104 00:06:35,049 --> 00:06:38,910 Suze: Can you relate and you still maybe are thinking, oh, 105 00:06:39,559 --> 00:06:43,700 Suze: if I just could make money, everything would be ok. Again, 106 00:06:45,200 --> 00:06:47,619 Suze: one of the goals of the women and Money podcast 107 00:06:47,630 --> 00:06:51,220 Suze: is to make sure that you understand the role that 108 00:06:51,230 --> 00:06:56,459 Suze: money needs to play in your life. And it is 109 00:06:56,470 --> 00:07:00,519 Suze: a teaching role. It is the professor of life because 110 00:07:00,529 --> 00:07:05,299 Suze: nothing will slap you down faster in life than money. 111 00:07:05,309 --> 00:07:07,459 Suze: Lack of it, even a lot of it, 112 00:07:08,100 --> 00:07:12,079 Suze: it will teach you what you need to know about 113 00:07:12,089 --> 00:07:14,290 Suze: who you are. 114 00:07:15,380 --> 00:07:19,290 Suze: And so we went on to talk about every aspect 115 00:07:19,299 --> 00:07:22,940 Suze: of his life over the past 15, some odd years. 116 00:07:23,200 --> 00:07:27,299 Suze: And I said to him, why did you stay? And 117 00:07:27,309 --> 00:07:30,500 Suze: he gave me the typical answer that every parent seems 118 00:07:30,510 --> 00:07:33,829 Suze: to give me, I stayed for the kids. I waited 119 00:07:33,839 --> 00:07:35,959 Suze: till the kids were out of the house and that 120 00:07:35,970 --> 00:07:37,220 Suze: they were in college 121 00:07:38,000 --> 00:07:41,619 Suze: because I didn't want to break up the family. And 122 00:07:41,630 --> 00:07:44,839 Suze: I said, really, you don't think that your kids really 123 00:07:44,850 --> 00:07:48,079 Suze: knew how miserable you both were. And I said so 124 00:07:48,089 --> 00:07:51,359 Suze: funny that you said that to me, Suze the other day, 125 00:07:51,839 --> 00:07:53,600 Suze: I was picking up my daughter 126 00:07:54,609 --> 00:07:58,130 Suze: and we were just talking about things and she was 127 00:07:58,140 --> 00:08:04,429 Suze: talking about how jealous she was of her best friend. 128 00:08:04,820 --> 00:08:06,630 Suze: And I said, well, what are you jealous of? 129 00:08:07,940 --> 00:08:12,760 Suze: And she said, well, her parents finally got a divorce 130 00:08:13,170 --> 00:08:17,049 Suze: so now everybody can be happy and I'm jealous that 131 00:08:17,059 --> 00:08:18,679 Suze: they're going to have a happy life. 132 00:08:19,500 --> 00:08:22,459 Suze: And he's sitting there thinking to himself, is that what 133 00:08:22,470 --> 00:08:25,679 Suze: my daughter just said to me? Is she telling me 134 00:08:25,690 --> 00:08:28,989 Suze: that she's jealous of her friend? Because her friend's parents 135 00:08:29,000 --> 00:08:31,950 Suze: are getting a divorce. So now everybody can be happy 136 00:08:32,450 --> 00:08:34,359 Suze: because they're no longer together. 137 00:08:35,969 --> 00:08:39,819 Suze: And he said, Suze, do you think I stayed for 138 00:08:39,830 --> 00:08:41,349 Suze: the wrong reasons? 139 00:08:42,130 --> 00:08:44,260 Suze: And I looked at him. I said, yeah, you bet you, 140 00:08:44,270 --> 00:08:46,989 Suze: you stayed for the wrong reasons. There's only one reason 141 00:08:47,000 --> 00:08:50,809 Suze: you should ever stay in a relationship. And that's because 142 00:08:50,820 --> 00:08:53,348 Suze: you love and like the person that you're with 143 00:08:54,200 --> 00:08:58,590 Suze: and that you're thriving with that person. You don't stay 144 00:08:58,599 --> 00:09:02,940 Suze: in that relationship for somebody else's good because they feel 145 00:09:02,950 --> 00:09:05,579 Suze: they know what you're doing. They can feel it. They 146 00:09:05,590 --> 00:09:08,700 Suze: want out as much as you want out. Your kids 147 00:09:08,710 --> 00:09:11,799 Suze: love you. You think your kids wanna see you be miserable. 148 00:09:13,219 --> 00:09:17,359 Suze: So the reason I wanted to talk about this is 149 00:09:17,369 --> 00:09:21,069 Suze: because it is essential that you understand 150 00:09:22,280 --> 00:09:26,619 Suze: why money is not the key to happiness that you 151 00:09:26,630 --> 00:09:32,080 Suze: understand that you and who you are are the key 152 00:09:32,090 --> 00:09:35,630 Suze: to having a lot of money and then you have 153 00:09:35,640 --> 00:09:38,830 Suze: it all and then you're happy because a life where 154 00:09:38,840 --> 00:09:40,979 Suze: you really love yourself, but you have no money is 155 00:09:40,989 --> 00:09:43,059 Suze: also a miserable life. It can be 156 00:09:43,440 --> 00:09:46,238 Suze: a life where you have money but you don't have 157 00:09:46,250 --> 00:09:49,099 Suze: who you are can also be a miserable life and 158 00:09:49,109 --> 00:09:51,559 Suze: it tends that when you are miserable, the money tends 159 00:09:51,570 --> 00:09:53,848 Suze: to go or you don't have as much as you 160 00:09:53,859 --> 00:09:57,098 Suze: wish you had or you're really miserable because you can't 161 00:09:57,109 --> 00:09:59,319 Suze: figure it out. Oh, my God, I have all this money. 162 00:09:59,330 --> 00:10:00,559 Suze: I'm still miserable. 163 00:10:01,750 --> 00:10:02,369 Suze: So 164 00:10:03,140 --> 00:10:07,650 Suze: you want to have it all? Or at least I 165 00:10:07,659 --> 00:10:10,669 Suze: want you to have it all. I want you to 166 00:10:10,679 --> 00:10:13,830 Suze: have a life where you're happy, 167 00:10:14,739 --> 00:10:20,890 Suze: healthy, wealthy and wise. That's what I want for you. 168 00:10:21,179 --> 00:10:23,590 Suze: I want you to be able to make wise decisions 169 00:10:23,599 --> 00:10:27,280 Suze: with your health, with your money, with everything that you have. 170 00:10:27,849 --> 00:10:32,000 Suze: But to do so you have to have a moment 171 00:10:32,229 --> 00:10:35,359 Suze: where you stand in the truth. 172 00:10:36,559 --> 00:10:40,020 Suze: As I continued to talk to this friend of mine, 173 00:10:40,559 --> 00:10:44,340 Suze: he said, you know what? I realize, Suze, I realize 174 00:10:44,580 --> 00:10:48,780 Suze: that I'm so happy. Now when my friends want to 175 00:10:48,789 --> 00:10:50,700 Suze: go out to dinner with me, 176 00:10:51,489 --> 00:10:56,500 Suze: I simply say I can't afford it. I don't pretend 177 00:10:56,510 --> 00:11:00,159 Suze: like I can't anymore. I just simply tell them I 178 00:11:00,169 --> 00:11:03,799 Suze: can't afford it. And then they always say to me, well, 179 00:11:03,809 --> 00:11:06,819 Suze: we'll treat you, just come with us. But I don't 180 00:11:06,830 --> 00:11:09,199 Suze: want to go with them, Suze. I don't want them 181 00:11:09,210 --> 00:11:12,939 Suze: to waste their money either. I wanna go home. I 182 00:11:12,950 --> 00:11:15,199 Suze: want to make myself dinner and then I want to 183 00:11:15,210 --> 00:11:16,119 Suze: join them 184 00:11:16,640 --> 00:11:20,200 Suze: for a conversation, but I don't want them to spend 185 00:11:20,210 --> 00:11:25,630 Suze: their money on me either. But I'm proud. The one 186 00:11:25,640 --> 00:11:27,858 Suze: thing out of everything that I've got going in my 187 00:11:27,869 --> 00:11:30,429 Suze: life right now is I'm proud to be able to 188 00:11:30,440 --> 00:11:32,968 Suze: say I can't afford it. 189 00:11:34,039 --> 00:11:37,330 Suze: I'm thinking, whoa, we're making headway here because that's a 190 00:11:37,340 --> 00:11:40,909 Suze: big thing. Because none of us stand in our truth. 191 00:11:41,150 --> 00:11:45,179 Suze: And it's just so hard, it is so hard for 192 00:11:45,190 --> 00:11:49,789 Suze: you to just simply say the words I can't afford it. 193 00:11:50,799 --> 00:11:53,750 Suze: So I also tell you this because there is no 194 00:11:53,760 --> 00:11:58,858 Suze: shame that you have debt. You are not a bad person. 195 00:11:58,869 --> 00:12:02,159 Suze: If you have credit card debt, you are simply a 196 00:12:02,169 --> 00:12:05,659 Suze: person who's managed your money poorly. That's all. 197 00:12:06,330 --> 00:12:10,309 Suze: But you're not a poor person. And if you think 198 00:12:10,320 --> 00:12:12,900 Suze: of yourself as a poor person, you'll always be a 199 00:12:12,909 --> 00:12:17,299 Suze: poor person. Because remember your thoughts create your destiny. Be very, 200 00:12:17,309 --> 00:12:20,789 Suze: very careful about what you think. Because what you think 201 00:12:20,799 --> 00:12:24,489 Suze: you say, what you say, you do, your actions become 202 00:12:24,500 --> 00:12:27,949 Suze: your habits and your habits become your destiny. Every time 203 00:12:27,960 --> 00:12:31,799 Suze: somebody says something like oh poor you or I hear 204 00:12:31,809 --> 00:12:33,819 Suze: them say poor. So and so I go stop. 205 00:12:34,770 --> 00:12:40,108 Suze: Don't say that, don't call somebody poor. Don't make your 206 00:12:40,119 --> 00:12:44,190 Suze: words become thoughts, become actions, become somebody's destiny. 207 00:12:45,460 --> 00:12:50,130 Suze: So all of this is about what money can teach you. 208 00:12:50,400 --> 00:12:53,299 Suze: How you have to think great thoughts, how you have 209 00:12:53,309 --> 00:12:54,880 Suze: to say great words, 210 00:12:55,619 --> 00:12:58,080 Suze: how you have to stand in your truth, how you 211 00:12:58,090 --> 00:13:00,939 Suze: have to be proud that you don't have any money 212 00:13:01,450 --> 00:13:03,590 Suze: so that you can't afford to go out and do 213 00:13:03,599 --> 00:13:08,250 Suze: something who cares and you can't just make it that 214 00:13:08,260 --> 00:13:11,590 Suze: here you are. And you say to your kids, oh honey, 215 00:13:11,599 --> 00:13:13,849 Suze: I can't afford it. And you say it to them 216 00:13:13,859 --> 00:13:16,270 Suze: in such a way that's so pitiful. So, of course, 217 00:13:16,280 --> 00:13:18,909 Suze: they feel bad. You have to have joy in your 218 00:13:18,919 --> 00:13:22,479 Suze: voice that when you say something, it's not that big 219 00:13:22,489 --> 00:13:24,700 Suze: of a deal. No, we don't get to buy that 220 00:13:24,710 --> 00:13:28,229 Suze: right now. Isn't that great? No, can't afford it. But 221 00:13:28,239 --> 00:13:30,669 Suze: guess what? I love you more than all the money 222 00:13:30,679 --> 00:13:31,299 Suze: can buy. 223 00:13:32,419 --> 00:13:35,039 Suze: So, I get that this podcast is all over the 224 00:13:35,049 --> 00:13:40,429 Suze: place because why you're all over the place. You have 225 00:13:40,440 --> 00:13:44,200 Suze: it wrong on so many levels. You stay in a 226 00:13:44,210 --> 00:13:46,080 Suze: relationship for the wrong reason. 227 00:13:47,030 --> 00:13:51,049 Suze: You don't admit the truth because you're ashamed of what 228 00:13:51,059 --> 00:13:54,530 Suze: you don't have. You have got to understand that you 229 00:13:54,539 --> 00:14:00,039 Suze: have got to turn your entire life upside down. 230 00:14:01,039 --> 00:14:05,789 Suze: You have to understand that what you have will never 231 00:14:05,799 --> 00:14:07,179 Suze: define who you are, 232 00:14:08,059 --> 00:14:14,210 Suze: that you define everything that you have. You define the 233 00:14:14,219 --> 00:14:18,679 Suze: things around you, you define your clothes, you must never 234 00:14:18,690 --> 00:14:19,679 Suze: forget that 235 00:14:20,940 --> 00:14:24,450 Suze: I want you to turn everything upside down so that 236 00:14:24,460 --> 00:14:29,440 Suze: you have the right thoughts, the right feelings, the right 237 00:14:29,450 --> 00:14:33,530 Suze: actions and what are they? What is a right thought, 238 00:14:33,539 --> 00:14:35,599 Suze: a right feeling and a right action. 239 00:14:36,549 --> 00:14:41,130 Suze: It's a feeling and an action and a thought that 240 00:14:41,140 --> 00:14:44,950 Suze: always has to pass the three gatekeepers. Is it kind, 241 00:14:45,020 --> 00:14:47,530 Suze: is it necessary? And is it true? 242 00:14:48,630 --> 00:14:51,530 Suze: So this all comes back to my friend 243 00:14:52,469 --> 00:14:56,570 Suze: and little by little, I can see the life come 244 00:14:56,580 --> 00:15:01,530 Suze: back into his eyes. The life of just being able 245 00:15:01,539 --> 00:15:05,520 Suze: to have a voice to tell somebody what he has 246 00:15:05,530 --> 00:15:12,479 Suze: been going through. Emotionally speaking for the past 15 years. 247 00:15:13,039 --> 00:15:14,919 Suze: I'm encouraging you 248 00:15:16,260 --> 00:15:20,289 Suze: to really try to open up and be vulnerable. You 249 00:15:20,299 --> 00:15:24,239 Suze: don't have to be strong and carry the entire weight 250 00:15:24,250 --> 00:15:26,599 Suze: of the world on your shoulders.